Ginger Lynn interview, caller stories, sports bits

I was even late to that. Welcome to Sarcastic News Live, folks. My name is Justin Cross, and I am coming at you live from the Skid Row Studios right here in the heart of L.A.'s Metro PCS District. We got a great show for you. Our guest tonight, she's going to be calling in. She's the host of a very popular podcast right here in the Skid Row Studios called Blame It on Ginger. 1980s porn star extraordinaire. It doesn't get bigger than this. Ginger Lynn will be with us right here. Not in studio. I believe they prefer adult film star. Adult film star. Adult film star. Well, we'll ask her. We'll be able to ask her in just a little while. But in my head, I'll be fantasizing that she's going to be here just like I did as a small young boy jerking off in my parents' bedroom. Too much information. With me, as usual, though, right across the street, 6'3", weighing in around 200 pounds, give or take 20, based solely on how many Carl's Jr.'s cod sandwiches he's had this past week. And cod sandwich, that's your biggest thing. Yeah, it just came from having a filet of fish at McDonald's. You're right. I really did. So I'm being healthy with these tiny little waters. Well, hopefully the man. By the way, that's Jake the Snake Cranny. I never. Glad to be here. This is going to be what show, Jake? This is going to be. Oh, I'd say I'd say in the neighborhood of top 346. OK. Somewhere in there. For those who don't know, we've we've done about, I don't know, 55, 50 shows or something like that. I'm going to be correct. So you're going to be. Yeah, you can't be wrong there. Right next to him. The man. He's a graduate of James Madison University. And his flat. You went flat. You went stands alone. Give it up to Eric Feldstein. Everybody. Eric Feldstein in the house. We'll be playing his intro song in just a few minutes. Oh, no. Oh, he's got an intro song. That that voice in the corner. He's a he's a young man. I got upper management written all over him right out the gates. He goes by Joe. No, no last name. Just Joe. My parents didn't give me a last name. Actually, you're like Madonna. Exactly. Madonna. Joe. That's superstar. Joe's got some sports stories for us coming up in our next bit. But as we do at the top of every show, it is time for the sarcastic news live rundown. Stolen straight from ABC. Intrinsic. That's where that's from. No, I don't know. It was one of those where you just Google like free. Great openings. Yeah. Radio show. And I'm Ted Koppel. Now, I'm going to be honest, folks. This was a bit of a slow news week. So in order to dig really deep into what went on in the world, I visited the website of the most trusted name in news, CNN dot com. And and sure enough, I found a news section. It's a new news section that they have. It's called Read This. Watch that. And it's a section that gets down to the heart of the real issues that included headlines. This was this. All these headlines are exactly true. I'm not making them up. It included headlines such as, quote, What happened to the balloon boy? That was one of them. Big bang. Did it get renewed? Killer the boa swallowed what? What's in all caps, by the way? W.H.A.T. is in all caps. Now, on more of an animal theme, this section went the read this. Watch that section went, quote, boy and bear play. Follow the leader, which is, by the way, a gay porn that I was in. Another one here called Meet This Wine Loving Dog. And, quote, this is another one. Family calls 911 on crazed fat cat. Now, this is not a week. This next one's not an animal theme, but it's still grotesque. Tom Arnold shows off weight loss because it's hard enough to read that. Do we really need to watch it? And finally, two more headlines I thought you guys should hear that you never hear these headlines. Certainly never. We're in sort of like a trashy gossip magazine while standing in a grocery store line. How Bachelor went from stud to dud. And, of course, how to swim down like Jessica Simpson. Here's a hint, by the way. Have handlers constantly surrounding you whose living is based solely on the way you appear in front of a camera. Okay? That's a good way to slim down like Jessica Simpson. So suffice it to say, I had to look elsewhere for slightly more hard-hitting news stories. What I found today, though, you guys heard this probably. In East Harlem, a gas leak led to the explosion and collapse of a five-story apartment complex and a building right next to it. While this is, without doubt, truly tragic and unfortunate, it has spawned a charitable fundraising campaign for those affected. The new campaign is expected to go viral and be aptly named the Harlem Shake. That was too soon. I'm going to go to hell when I die. Now, the company Herbalife. I don't know if you guys heard. I don't know if you guys heard about this. It's under investigation by the Federal Trade Commission, FTC, for accusations that the multi-level marketing structure that they have in place is essentially called, it's a pyramid scheme. This is based on a year-long campaign by activist investor Bill Ackman, whose hedge fund, Pershing Square, made a $1 billion bet the company would fail. Ackman claims that many who distributed Herbalife's products never make a profit, but instead spend an exorbitant amount of time on Craigslist searching for work, only to get duped into a $25 billion... I'm going to go to hell. ...group interview where those conducting it seem almost disingenuously happy as selling health pills as those selling $80 yoga pants at Lululemon. Did I even say that right? Lululemon? Yeah, Lululemon. Trying to get through that. Interesting. In Alabama, a married lesbian couple trying to get divorced is having a tough time doing it because the state itself doesn't recognize same-sex marriage in the first place. Yeah. The lawyer for one of the ladies involved in the attempt to get divorced said that... ...the electronic filing done over a computer simply doesn't allow the gender boxes for the plaintiff and the defendant to be of the same sex. Many of those in the legal and non-legal world aren't too surprised about the dilemma as a box not being filled for a lesbian couple isn't really that uncommon. Now, just remember, kids, okay? If you're gay and you want to get married, don't move to Alabama. But if you're gay and you want to stay married, absolutely move to Alabama. And in the new Wall Street Journal and NBC poll released today, it showed a record low approval rating for President Obama. His approval rating is now down from 43% in January to 41% this month, which is still about 40% higher than that of Congress. I think the 1% is Congress themselves, actually. The reason, though, for the low approval rating includes pessimism over the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, a slow economy... ...and a lack of ...and a lack of ...and a lack of ...and a lack of He will be able to talk about how he acted in movies about killing people while Pistorius can actually talk about how he has killed people. So that's mean. Folks, that's the Sarcastic News Rundown. We've got a great show for you. Ginger Lynn right here. She's got a show 4 to 6 p.m. called Blame It on Ginger right here at the Skid Row Studios. We've got a very lovely lady in the back working the switchboard. Yeah, working the switchboard. What is it? And the cameras. There's all these cameras. How do you guys do the cameras? Like an air traffic controller back there. Yeah. How do you guys decide on the camera angles and everything? Is that just? Whatever I feel like putting up. All right. It's Jenny Guzman back there. She just does whatever the hell she wants. The more you say that, the less you're going to be on camera. That's true. Deliberate, though. That's right. Folks, we've got a What's Happening coming up. What's happening? I don't know if we're going to do What's Happening in Your Neighborhood or just What's Happening, but it's kind of free form. Call in. Don't tell us about your day. Please don't do it. We don't give a shit. But maybe What's Happening. What's Happening in Your Neighborhood, What's Happening, what stories are inspiring you or not inspiring you this week. 800-893-9562. Tell us your local crazy, funny, stupid stories. 800-893-9562. And we'll be right back here on Sarcastic News Live. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We're back here on Sarcastic News Live. It's funny. You get so used to doing it. I'll be driving in the car and I'll be like, Welcome to Sarcastic News Live. My name's Justin Cross. I'm coming at you from the five-cent hairstyle district. I'll just make up shit, you know, on the phone. So this is our new segment called What's Happening. And I think we've got some theme music for this. Yeah, it's kind of creepy. Yeah. It's kind of a walk. This is how I drive around. What's happening in this song? Whoa. It's a build-up joke, okay? All right? This is actually the song that I drive. I have a windowless van and I drive around elementary schools in the same song. That's creepy. Hey, do we have a caller already? All right. You're on Sarcastic News Live here in the Skid Row Studios calling via the Jack in the Box hot mess phone line. Who are we talking to? Talking to Matt Sugar Mills. Sugar Mills. Sugar! Sugar's a regular in the show. He used to be in studio, but he's gotten demoted because he won't. Wait. I'm not in studio right now? Where the hell am I? You're not in studio. We don't know where you are. Yeah. You may be in a studio apartment. I'm somewhere with a nicer toilet, I guess. Hey, it's not bad in here, you know? And by the way, the fact that you... I know before you weren't, you know, you wouldn't wear pants into the studio and it was kind of weird, but now half the shows you don't have to wear. You actually are required not to wear pants. So you'll fit right in. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Pants are firmly down. That's... I hope you just buy yourself Porky Piggin' it right now. I don't even know what that means. Shirt and no pants. Chris Bullock made that up. Hey, so tell us a little bit. What's going on? Tell us a story that is either inspiring or uninspiring to you this week. I mean, I've been... Right now, I'm even looking at the old Huffington posters. We call it in the know the Huff Poe. Yeah. They're always chock full of a lot of interesting stories. The ghost plane. Yeah. Yeah. The Chinese plane, right? Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's... For anyone who hasn't followed, I mean, a plane just kind of disappeared in thin air. They don't know where it is. There's the Malaysian Air. Yeah. There was about 200 people on board. These two guys who didn't have passports went on and they don't... So where is it at now? Do they have... Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Really? Yeah. I thought that there's satellites that kind of caught it. It's on an island with polar bears and a guy named Desmond. Well, I mean, the thing is... So I thought that... I saw satellite images that they found parts of it or something. They found it. I don't know. Maybe. I know they said a lot of those reports have been debunked. So they said they found a door, but that was not from the plane. Yeah. I mean, who knows what's going on? I was on CNN.com earlier. And I don't know if you caught the opening there, Matt, but they don't... I mean, their stories are serious. They're hard-hitting these days. I was too busy reading about Juan Pablo's awkward bachelor appearance. So that was what was on top of the banner. Yeah. But, I mean, I did go down to the sixth story, which was talking about Crimea and the ghost plane. So, you know. Wow. I mean, it's in the Huffington Post, not too far behind. Well, you had to filter. You had to filter Tom Arnold losing weight and how to slim down like Jessica Simpson. Yeah. And also how to clean your dildo correctly. Oh. Well, we'll be talking more on that in just a few minutes. I bet you will. Well, Matt Sugar Mills, thank you for calling. And hopefully we see you down here in studio sometime soon. Sugar! As always. That was a... That's actually a sound effect we have here. It's right next to the Wilford Brimley one. Hold on. I hope you have diabetes. That one. Matt Sugar Mills, thank you for calling in. Have a great night. You got it. All right. Matt Sugar Mills calling in with no pants on. We got another caller here. Let's bump them up here. Are they ready? No? Oh, it takes a second. That's right. I got to kill time for a second. Once I hear like trains passing in the background, that means they're on the line. I remember. You're calling in. Caller, thanks for calling in to Sarcastic News Live. You're on the Jack in the Box hot mess phone line here. Who am I talking to? And what story is inspiring? What's inspiring you this week? You're talking to Corey from San Francisco. Corey from San Francisco, another regular here on Sarcastic News Live, a member of the crack squad and soon to be editor-in-chief of SarcasticNewsLive.com. Corey, what's happening up in San Francisco? Tell us about a story coming up from up there. So let's say that rather than being like geographically in my neighborhood, this is in my neighborhood in spirit. Okay. Okay. It's like, okay. So police in central Texas say an intoxicated 22-year-old man has been arrested after knocking on the doors of strangers and demanding he be let in to sleep. Wow. Wow. That's pretty bold. It's bold. It's bold, but- Sounds like me after a bad night of drinking. I just want to get some sleep. It sounds like a fairly reasonable request, honestly, but he was charged with making a terroristic threat. Really? Because he threatened to get a gun and harm the residents of the home when they decided not to give him a bed. Are you kidding me? Nope. I mean, but it is central Texas, so it's not that surprising, but that's a terrorist act right there? He'll probably be executed. Oh, man. Wow. Texas, baby. Well, I know that South by Southwest is happening right now, so that's really ... I think all the focus is really there, and they just ... Anything that happens in Texas, it's kind of odd. They're probably just calling that a terrorist attack. They don't want anything to happen to South by Southwest is what I fear. They got to make sure all the beds are safe from trucking terrorists, apparently. Well, Corey, did you have anything else for us tonight? That was actually, considering I'm a professional journalist, the only story that I'm following right now. There's nothing else going on, Justin. They cry me a stuff. I don't really know of anything else happening in the world. It's more important than that. It's more important than that. Maybe you need to go to CNN.com and catch up on the read this, watch this section, okay? I'm sure it's something just like this. Dude, it's just YouTube videos of cats. That's all it is. And weight loss tips. That's it. CNN. Well, thanks for calling in. Hopefully, we get you next week as well, and look for more stuff from Corey on sarcasticnewslive.com coming up next week. Glad to be able to break the important stories for you. He's all over it. Corey Hill from San Francisco. Thanks again for calling in on the Jack in the Box. Have a good one. All right. Corey Hill calling in. And I know that, Eric, you have a story here. You have more on the cat issue. Yeah, I have a more in-depth breakdown. All right, talk to us a little bit about that. Yeah. So apparently, this cat, to start off with, it was 20 pounds. This was a big cat. And this was in Oregon, and the family had a toddler, and it was playing with the cat, and it pulled the cat's tail. Wow. So the cat, in return, started scratching the kid. And it was a couple scratches on the face. Nothing too serious. And the dad came in and kicked the cat in the keister, which is the butt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I didn't know if it was like a, was it a hard kick? Was it a, I mean. They didn't say the degree of the kick, but we might be able to figure it out. It's like a Chris Cluey punt. Yeah. This thing went like 60 yards. Was it with a boot? Like, was he wearing a sandal? They don't go into detail on his footwear, but they did say that it literally, quote unquote, made the cat go over the. The edge. Oh, man. And the cat went, I guess, AWOL. Was the cat tweaking beforehand? Like, was this the coming off a binge? Like, what was. I don't know, but they said that the animal then just went over the edge, leading Palmer and his girlfriend to barricade themselves and their baby and the family dog in the bedroom for safety. Wow. And in the 911 call, he said that the cat could be heard screeching in the background, as the owner says in a panicked voice. He's charging us. He's at our bedroom door. Like a mountain lion. Wow. Yeah. So I guess. Wow. What was it? Was it? What state was this in, by the way? Oregon. Oh. Oh, OK. Oregon. Wow. They're usually. That's a notorious problem in Oregon. That sounds. I hear cats holding people hostages. That's what they do. It sounds like something from like the. I mean, that's that's our neck of the woods. It sounds like they were just extremely high. He's charging us, man. He's charging us. He was just crawling towards. I guess. Moral of the story. You don't fucking kick a cat. Don't kick a cat. Wow. Have you guys ever been attacked by an animal? Well, I wouldn't run from a cat. Otherwise, I'd be called a pussy. Oh, thank you. No pun intended. Thank you, Jenny. Hold on. Hold on. For no reason. Love it. I love it. Wow. No, I've never been. I think I've been. I run a lot. So there's times when I pass dogs and they'll get. They'll charge. And so I'll run quicker. You know, I'll get a little. A little. Like, I'll get like Deion Sanders before he would score a touchdown. Like a high step. Prime time dance. Prime time. Yeah. Gotta do it. Yeah, a high step. I don't know. You guys been chased by anything? I've been attacked by a shark when I was in the ocean one time. Really? Yeah. Just got the whole. Wait, really? Yeah, I got the whole. My whole calf. Did you punch its face? I just tore my calf off of the bone. Oh, shut the fuck up. It was awful. It was a bloody scene. And I never quite recovered. I was going to ask you about your calf. It looked weird. What did I say? No, I've never been attacked by anything. One time I was running and I came across a deer. It was just in my way. And we just had a nice moment of silence staring at each other, just waiting for one person to move. And eventually I just backed away. Oh, yeah. And left. It's like a staring contest. It was a staring contest. That's awesome. And I lost. That's great. Joe, do you have any. I know you're a sports guy. Do you have any sports stories? Yeah. Well, we got some interesting issues. The NBA season's coming towards an end. And if anyone that knows the NBA or follows the NBA, they know that the NCAA draft class this year. It's going to be really good. You got Julius Randle, Japari Parker, all those great superstars to be. And so NBA Commissioner Adam Silver was talking about the subject of tanking today. And he actually said that he didn't think teams were tanking. He wanted to just call it rebuilding. He even went as far to call the tanking. He said the T word. He wouldn't even use the word tanking at all. Really? Which makes me question why he might be the NBA commissioner. But then in the next day, the 76ers, who are now 15. And 49. They've lost a record straight 18 in a row. They signed the Down Syndrome Kid from Philadelphia to a two-day contract. Really? Questioning how is tanking not really happening if you're going to sign a Down Syndrome Kid. Granted, great story. The kid, he got onto the court as he was the manager for his high school for four years straight. Gets out there and he scores 14 points. So I think he's going to be the leading scorer of the 76ers any day now. I was going to say. That's not a bad pickup for them. No, not at all. That's pretty good. And Jake the Snake, I know that, I don't know if you have a local news story, but we just did this because we were worried about running out of bits and whatnot. So Jake actually, we may do this just throughout the show. It's Jake the Snake Craney reading Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller. So if you could just read a quick excerpt, please. Absolutely. I always enjoy bringing the show to a grinding halt. Are they any worse than his son? Friends. When he brought them business, he was young. They were glad to see him. But now he's old. Friends, the old buyers loved him so and always found some order to hand him in a pinch. They're all dead. Retired. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Jake the Snake Craney. I don't think that accomplished anything, but yeah, there you go. I do have a story though, if we have time. We have a couple minutes. We have a couple minutes. Okay, great. My story comes from the great state of Minnesota tonight. Where State Representative Pat Garofalo had to apologize for a recent tweet in which he said, Wow. He then backtracked claiming that this was not a racist comment, but a shot at the NBA's high arrest rate. And after doing some checking, the NBA has an arrest rate of like 1%. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. And yeah, in the past couple of years. Who was the guy who brought the guns into the locker room a couple years ago? Was that J.R. Smith? No. Oh. Washington. Washington. Oh, Gilbert Arenas. Agent Zero. He's going to get you. So do you think this guy is extremely racist or just stupid or do you happen to agree with him? I think he's in Congress, right? Yes. Yeah, so he's in Congress. That's all. Yeah. There's a reason why they have a 1% approval rating. Yep. Because of shit like that. Wow. Wow. And he's from Minneapolis too, which as everybody knows is a very, very diverse state. Not so much. I mean, seriously though. So what's been the fallout for? Oh, he's just gotten slammed and it's causing him to have to apologize and stuff. But I think that kind of he apologized and then it's kind of working itself through the news cycle with Jessica Simpson's new diet or whatever. Don't gerrymander the district. It's fine. Yeah. Well, we're going to go to a quick break right now and we've got Ginger Lynn, ex-porn star, adult actress. Ginger Lynn will be with us. She does a show here in Skid Row Studios from 4 to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday called Blame It on Ginger. And we're going to ask her about a lot of things. I know that the gentleman over here, it's four dudes. I feel like we're about to play Limp Bizkit right now. So we've got that coming up. And I know Jeremy in the back and Jenny have seen some of the show. Yeah. A lot of her show and a lot to see on the show. So we may even bring them in here and there. So we've got that coming up next here on Sarcastic News Live right at the Skid Row Studios. Call in 800-893-9562 and we'll be right back. Aaron Sarcastic. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We never got to quit it, no we never got to quit it, no Now I'm running right away from the boys in the blue All of my customers like chocolate And now I think about what you do I think about what you say I think about how you think Poison play, poison play, poison Are we in the code? Nobody knows We're gonna be sitting under our pay codes No, we're never gonna quit it, no we're never gonna quit it, no Yeah, we're dressed in black Head to toe, we got guns Flying around our pay codes No, we're never gonna quit it, no we're never gonna quit it, no No you're never gonna quit it No you're never gonna quit it No you're never gonna quit it if you don't start smoking it That's what she said She said we're dressed in black Head to toe, with guns There you go We're never gonna quit, no, we're never gonna quit, no And now we're building up speed as we're approaching a hill Oh, my head smells like chocolate Even though you say you're gonna quit it, but you're never gonna quit it Go, get it, go, get it, go, get it, go, get it, go Play it cool Oh, you said we'd go, and now we're doing it We're gonna sit and learn a lot, there you go We're never gonna quit, no, we're never gonna quit, no We're back here on Sarcastic News Live. My name is Justin Cross. I'm joined with Jake the Snake Craney, Eric Feldstein, and Joe. Joe, a really hard-hitting story from the 76ers over there in the sports segment. I did just want to bring back real quick a couple things. First of all, I know Eric, he's got a question, but I think he's also got an erection, too. It's very possible. Going on under there. But also, Herbalife. We were talking about Herbalife at one of the breaks a few minutes ago, and not surprisingly, three out of the four of us, Eric will probably be down this route at some point, three out of the four of us have been to the Herbalife meetup, the group interview that they do that I referenced in the very opening here. And you guys, tell us quickly just about your experience while we're waiting to get Ginger on the line here. My first meeting was fantastic. They brought us into a room. There's about 30 or 40 of us, and they just paraded a line of their people up to speak. And most of them were like these super fit, like, hey, I really got lean, and now I'm selling like crazy. Yeah, yeah. And then there's the occasional guy that's just like in his mind, like he's reading. He's just like, I was very out of shape, and now I am in shape, and now I help people to help achieve their goals, and I make money, too. Thank you. Yeah. My... My experience was pretty much exactly how Jake's went. Yeah. Except we had a nice married couple in ours take over the seminar, and they showed us pictures of how they were fat. And they were completely Photoshopped, and you could tell. But not really. I mean, they were Photoshopped. Yeah, yeah. But you wanted them to be because they were so cheesy. And then after the seminar's over, they basically, they're saying, you know, free of charge the whole time through, and then they ask me if I want to sign up. Yeah. And I'm like, well, I mean, yeah, what's it to lose, I guess? And then they're just like, we'll bring your credit card over with you, and we'll get started. And I was just like, why do I have to bring my credit card over? And then that's when I left. Yeah, because they don't explain. You have questions, and they're like, oh, we'll get to that. Just, just, just, what are the last four? What are the last four? Last four. Social Security. Is that Visa or MasterCard or Amex? Like, yeah. The three-digit code. Give me that. Yeah, I did one of those myself, actually. And it was very similar to your guys' experiences where I wanted to cut my balls off. Like, the whole time. I was just like, really? Really? My one saving grace was that there was, like, a girl that was there that I got to talk to the whole time. Yeah. Attractive girl. That was the only thing that kept me there through the whole meeting. Otherwise, I would have, I probably would have got up. How did that go? Did you end up making any headway with the girl at all? Unfortunately, I went back to the second meeting because she said she was going to be there. Really? And she duped me. Really? Duped. She was working for Herbalife. She was. She was a secret agent. That's how I'd like to picture it. Did she have, like, a small badge on her belt that she, like, She concealed it. It was a concealed badge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just a little thing of pills that she. What do they sell, by the way? Is it just pills or is it, like? Oh, it's teas and shakes. Or is it a lifestyle? It's a lifestyle. We sell a lifestyle. I tried it. I didn't even understand. And that's where I was peeing out of my butt. That's how that voicemail came out. Wait, really? No, I'm kidding. But no, let's talk seriously. We'll just go right through you, I'm assuming. I would believe that. And one other thing I want to believe here is. No, no way. It's better if I don't. If I don't do that, Jenny. It's better if I actually play it. We've been doing this for a while now. And all I have to do. This is, so Joe was asking. You know, for the listeners, you guys know this already. But this was a message that came in from the 610. Which is the hard-hitting. Where is that? Like, Redding, Pennsylvania or something like that? It's a Landenburg. Landenburg. Landenburg. If you must know. They have a bar there. No, they don't. It's called the Stinky Pig. Free guys. The cow tipper. So I got a 610 number at the time. And I didn't have it plugged in my phone like I still don't. And, well, you know, who knows how long he's going to be here. Thanks a lot, man. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. You're eye candy for the listeners. You're the Jewish eye candy. He's the sideburn eye candy. So I call it. He's Bob Saget and then John Stamos right here. It works. We have like a full house going. But this is a message I got before I even knew Eric. He was supposed to come down the show. For the first time. Kind of meet us. Maybe be on the show a little bit. And tell us a little bit. You know, talk a little bit on the show. And he said, well, I'm going to let him talk for you. There we go. No, it's not working. Oh, hold on. Building suspense. Technology is great. It's Eric. Listen, I'm not going to make it tonight. I sent you an email. I hate to flake so early in the game. But I wasn't feeling too good today. I thought I could power through it. But in all honesty, I've been pissing out of my butt. For the past two hours. For the past two hours. I can shed some light on that. Because I actually live with this kid. And he was. He was in the bathroom screaming at the top of his lungs. And you could hear. We heard a stream. And we thought that was a standard piss. Why were you screaming? It was not. It's hurt. It helps with the excavation. Wow. You get it out sooner. The removal. Jesus. It's a full body affair. Like a Godzilla thing. Do we have. We don't have Ginger on the line yet. Okay. We're efforting to get Ginger from. So yeah, Jake, if you could. This is our safety bit right here. It's Jake the Snake Craney. Reading Death of a Salesman. Just excerpts from Death of a Salesman here. Here's one. Christmas time. $50. To fix the hot water. It costs $97.50. For five weeks, he's been on straight commission. Like a beginner. An unknown. Those ungrateful bastards. That is gold. That is gold right there. Hey, and for that, you get your baby crying. I love it. That's my reward for doing that. That's a play, right? That's a good stuff right there. We're also going to have Wubb Savelle calling in in just a few minutes. Oh, excellent. He's going to be with us on. Joining us, Jack the Mock's Hot Mess following for the Snake Game. Very popular. Swooping the nation by storm. But yeah, we are waiting on Ginger. Let's see. What else can I tell you about? We've got sarcasticnewslive.com. More content. Tons of content coming up next week. Corey, he is a professional editor up in San Francisco for a couple of non-profits. But he's going to be slumming it a little bit with Sarcastic News Live. Doing some dirty stuff. Some dirty editing. So we're going to have a bunch of content coming up for you next week on sarcasticnewslive.com. And check out the Twitter feed. Live tweets all day. All day long. Streaming in. That's at SNLive1. And we're going to have our own hashtag, by the way. Hashtag SNLive. Which we had our first hashtag today that came from me. But yeah. So we're still. All right. Are we still killing time? Jenny, tell us a little bit. While we're killing a second. Tell us. No. Oh, come on. Jenny's busy. Yeah. She's deliberate today. She's busy. She's got her stuff to do. She's sober. She's rare from a soundboard member. While we have a second, though, we do have an exciting new sponsor for the show tonight. Do you? Yeah. And this is huge. I mean, this is universal almost. You know, tonight's show as a whole is being brought to you by bumper stickers. Have you ever been searching for a way to let the world know you're a Steelers fan and you love Metallica? Bumper stickers. Perfect. Perfect. One of my favorite bumper stickers is the small kid peeing on a... He's always peeing on a truck. He's peeing on anything. It's just... It's just... Because he's from the South. Yeah. And that's what you do. Like, if you just walk into a gas station, like, where do I get that bit? Boy, pissing. Yeah. All that sticker. Like, apparently in the South, there's no such thing as public urination crime. You know, like, you can just do it anywhere. I'm actually from Virginia. We would just pee right in school in the hallways. It was no problem. They didn't even care. It's like, where in Virginia are you from? Franklin County. It's actually the movie Lawless. If you... You do remember that. The one with Shia LaBeouf. Oh. Yes. Goodness. That's about my hometown and the moonshine and all of that. Really? Yeah. I got caught up in the moonshine game. Straight up. Redneck right there. I like that. Oh, man. White lightning. So, when this guy came to town, what did you... Because he was... You were in Virginia, right? No. That's how I met this guy in college. At JMU. Yeah. Okay. All right. Harrisonburg is a small farm town a little bit north of Franklin County. I see. I see. Wow. Well, that was... Where did Jenny go? That's fine. Snake, are you... We may need to go ahead and queue up the game soon here. I am ready to rock with the game. All right. Let's do this. Let's do this. Let's go to a quick break here. And we'll do a quick break and then we'll come back. We got Snake game. We got Web Savelle. So, hopefully, we get Ginger Collin in here shortly. But if not, we'll have to just go straight to the Snake game. And you know what? That's how we do it here. We don't... Nothing can stop us. Nothing... Nothing can stop us now. I think that's a song. It is now. Point being is that, you know, you can't throw this crack squad. It is a crack squad. And we got the Snake game coming up. And we've got more. If nothing else, you will read the last 25 pages. Oh, I've got a whole book right here. So, we're going to go to a break. We'll be right back here on Sarcastic News Live. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. I fuck every day. I jog as often as possible. But what I really like is one-on-one contact. I don't need to touch my fans. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. In studio. Ginger Lynn. Wow. That was creative. That was sneaky. Eight fucking flights of stairs. Wow. Eight. Thank you for joining us. Wow. I've never, I'm surprised. I am, oh gosh, yes. For the folks that are homeless, there's a long embrace going on. I'm the only one without the erection just because I've been hosting. But these guys all. Sorry. I just want you to know this is, here, sit down. Here, sit down, yes. Let me get this out of the way here. I've got, now did you, five miles to get here. This is like your normal route, huh? I jog normally every morning. I do about two hours. Okay. Wow, that's awesome. Yeah. And I do. I do like hills, but I don't do flights of stairs. No. No, the guy downstairs, he's a big black guy, I gotta tell you. He goes, you scared? I'm like, yeah, baby, bring it on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. So I'm wiggling my front parts, my tushy, my whole thing. And he's got all these friends standing around doing nothing. So I turn around the back side. I'm like, okay, come on, baby. I need to get to the eighth floor now. Now. Now, baby, bring me to the eighth floor. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Look at the fucking stairs. Wow. Wow. I didn't know they had stairs here. I didn't either. I thought it was just an elevator. Well, I was going to surprise you. Sorry. You did. We didn't expect that. I was going to surprise you. Well, you sounded like you were, I mean, you sounded just based on, you know, what you do. I figured you were not running necessarily. And I have to say, out of all of the interviews I've done, first of all, I've never had somebody surprise me like that. But I've never, the other thing is, I did a lot of research, a lot of hard-hitting research. Okay. I do not look good. You look great on paper. No, no, no. You look much better in person. You look great on paper. I did, I did actually, what was it? I did about. Very colorful. I did four to five research sessions just today alone. So, it was, it was great. Stimulating. So, I was helpful. Thank you. You were. You were. Now, if people haven't. Now, wait. Before we go on. Okay. You are? I'm Justin. I'm Justin. Justin. Yeah, Justin. Okay. I've grabbed your crotch, your stuff, your pocket. My junk. Your junk. I should know your name. Small tree, big limb. Okay. That's what I tell them. Really, really nice. I will tell everyone right now, Justin has a really nice one. There it is. There you go. Yeah, baby. Put that up on everywhere. Our leader. The girlfriend will enjoy that. Yeah. No, let me ask you. Have you. Wait. Can I know who else I'm talking to? No. You can just call me Snake. Okay. All right. You guys over there. Go on, Justin. Okay. Well, this is Snake, Eric, and Joe. Snake, Eric, and Joe. She focused on Snake right away. I will never remember. That's okay. That's fine. But. I just want to. I just want to be polite. No. That's fine. I respect that. It was good. How does. Let me ask you this. How do relationships work with you? Do you. Do you have like. Like just one on one. I mean, you know. Have you just dated a guy monogamously ever? That's all I do. That's all I do. I am like the weirdest porn star ever. I cannot film and date at the same time. Yeah. I have had this ring on since December 11th, 2013. That's beautiful. That's amazing. My son and my boyfriend. Oh. Oh. I picked it out for me. Set it up for me. Got the whole thing going for me. And. I have not had another cock in me in almost six years. Really? Wow. Mazel tov. There we go. So when it comes to like guys, girls, boys, girls. That thing. I am a totally. I'm still out of breath. How fucking old am I? No. No. It's. It's hot. When it comes to guys. I'm really old fashioned. I'm totally one on one. I can't make a movie. I can't be with other people. Except. Other women. Other women. Really? That's a good exception. That's fine. Right? Yeah. That works. And the thing is. I have to pick her out. If my man makes any attempt. Any suggestion. Anything whatsoever. It's all over. It's done. Yeah. There's no more. I am. I'm not allowed back into the AMC. Bowling alley. No. I'm serious. I'm dead fucking serious. Who can tell? What's going on in the lucky strike? Wait. The bowling alley? I'm not. What did you do at the bowling alley? I'm not allowed back into the bowling alley. I'm not allowed back into the bowling alley. I'm not allowed back into the bowling alley. For six months. What the fuck did you do in the bowling alley? It was not my fault. Okay? So there's. Not according to the manager. Ted. Bob. I know. It was Bob. See you have not been there. So Bob. I'm an El Dorado lanes guy. Okay. That's fair. Oh. The girl. I was with my boyfriend. We're bowling. We're having a great time. We're flirting. We're dancing. Everything's great. And there's this really hot fucking waitress. That's smoking hot. Yeah. So. So. I start flirting. I start flirting with her. She flirts back. She flirts with my man. He flirts with her. We all flirt together. It's a free triangle. Everything is great. Yeah. It's perfect. Now. I've got my producer. My radio show with me. And the girl's coming on to me. She's all great. I look up. My boyfriend is at the. The bar. And she's giving him. A piece of paper. Yeah. I walk over. I grab the piece of paper. It's a phone number. I'm like. What the fuck is going on? And my natural instinct. I'm like. Boom. Yeah. I've got. What? You punched her? I have 22 years of martial arts. I will fuck you up. I will fuck you up. Boom. Boom. I'm going to be doing the show. So. My. My. My. My. My. Producer. Steps in the middle. I deck him. Oh. Poor guy. Took one for the team. He took one for the team. Now here's where it gets really good. So. I'm banned for six months. I'm not allowed in the bowling alley. Now. I drink. Long Island iced teas. They're not cheap. I drink a lot of them. I bowl. Yeah. After the fourth round. We would put the bumpers up. I'm bowling backwards. You know. I'm just there to have fun. I don't give a fuck if I bowl a three or a 300. I don't care. Yeah. So. I'm. I'm allowed back into the bowling alley. And. And there's this really fucking hot chicken she's wearing. It's like a referee shirt. Mm-hmm. And little shorts. She's really hot. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm flirting with her. And I'm hitting on her. And I'm going at her. She's pretty back. And I'm like. And I'm like. And I'm like. And I said. Maybe you shouldn't do this. Because you might get fired. The last girl that I hit on here got fired. She goes. Yeah. I know. It's my roommate. Oh. Wow. Oh my God. Wow. So. I. I tried to punch her roommate. I punched one of my best friends. In the face. Knocked him out. It was. It was. Here's. Hold on. Here's what I don't get. First of all. You were flirting with this girl. The one you punched. With the girl. Yes. So. You're. So. This seems like it's going well. It's going very well. Where did. So. Just. By the way. She was handing him a receipt. But. No. I saw it. I have it. It's a fucking phone number. Well. Here's the difference. You thought it was going to be just them two. No. It was the three of us. We were. I flirted with her. She flirted back. He came in. We all flirted together. It was a three way. You fuck with my man. I will fuck you up. You hear that? Shake the snake. Sounds like it. Don't. He likes to hit on. No. One star is men. If it's. If we're part of it. He likes to hit on men. If you're my man. And we see hot chicks. I will probably look before you do. I'm going to hit on her. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to be. I have no problem with that. Sounds like the perfect relationship. And I'm going to tell you. How fucking hot her ass is. Oh my God. Have you ever seen tits that nice? I'm going to be going for it. You can agree. Let's go. It's absolutely wonderful. If we're walking along. You see the girl and go. Is she hot? And I go. Yeah. That's still fine. Once you make the first move. You're going to punch me. I will fuck you up. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I will. But. I will never cheat on you. I will never bring. That erection went down real fast. I will never cheat on you. I'll never be with another man. I am your girl. But. When it comes to women. I will bring them to you. Yeah. No. This is. I. You need. We. You know. If I was. If I was single. I would. I would go. And you and I would kind of hang out. You know. I would need you as my wing woman. You know. At the bar. So I would help you pick up girls. Yeah. I mean. Let me ask you this. Now. You. Blame it on Ginger. 4 to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday. Here at Skid Row. And. You've been doing this for how long? The show? Five weeks. Five weeks. And it's huge. Jeremy was telling me. It. It. You just surpassed Dr. Drew. We hit. On day 12. We hit number two on iTunes. Knocking out Dr. Drew. Damn. In second place. And here's. This is just to Dr. Drew. You need. And then we get kicked off. Take your shirt off Dr. Drew. We're back on. Dr. Drew. Or watch out. You'll get punched. How. How is your show. How. How have you guys had that much success? You know. Is it been the dildos? No. No. I. I. I'm a nice girl. I really am. I'm a. I'm a nice girl. I look like a nice girl. I seem to be a nice girl. I'm a nasty fucking. Fucked up cunt. In the best way ever. Yeah. I am so twisted. In the right and the wrong direction. I look normal. I look normal. I look normal. I act normal. But I'm not normal at all. And I don't even know what normal means. And so what I do on my show is I myself. I take all the parts of me that. Let's say that you're a big old pie. And you've got your math part of your pie. And you've got your family part of your pie. And you've got your driving skills. And you've got your nastiness. And you've got your this and your that. You do a psychology show right? I'm just kidding. Yes. Yes I do. I am one great big. Beautiful pie. Yeah. And I have all of those pieces. All of those parts. All of those. Those. Those slices that are fabulous. But my biggest part of my pie is. Is my nasty. Wonderful. Sexuality. And when I do my show. I bring. My entire pie is my pussy. So it's one big lovely cream pie. One giant big cherry pie. Not a cream pie. Now I have a problem with cream pies. Why? What's wrong with cream pies? What's wrong with a good cream pie? They're sticky. To watch them? I watch them all fucking day long. I get off my pussy. It gets wet. I want to fuck you till you cream inside me. My pussy. And then I want you to eat it back out again. But my problem with them is that. He looks like he's on scared straight. Eric is just staring. He's about to pass out over here. Go on. My problem with cream pies. Cream pies is. They're. I love them. I love them. I want to watch them all day. Every day. I want it coming out of your ass. I want it coming out of your cunt. I want it coming out of your pussy. Out of your mouth. Out of your ears. Out of every. Your nose. Every hole you have. That is a problem. Well, I think. I love that you looked right at Eric when you said. I want it coming out of your pussy. Pussy. Well, I think we just found out how you guys have climbed the chart so fast. Well, the problem is. But then I'm honest. Yeah. And the thing is. I don't want to see any girl. Anybody. Having unprotected sex. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't. I just don't. We're talking to Ginger Lynn. She's the host of Blame It On Ginger. 4 to 6 p.m. Pacific on Skid Row Studios dot com. Now, you. When you started. When you started this show. Did you think it was going to have the success it's had? And by the way. Where did you get the name Blame It On Ginger? Where does it come from? Well, it starts with. I was in. The adult film industry. God, I'm going to date myself here. I began in December of 1983. And I signed. I was the first woman. The first person ever. To sign a one on one. Exclusive contract for. Adult movies. Yeah. So I signed the contract. And it was for one year. That was 1984. Made those 12 films. One movie a month. Second year. So I re-signed the contract. And I woke up one day. And rather than. And then saying. Yay. Today I'm going to lick this pussy. I'm going to suck this cock. I woke up and went. I so don't want to suck this fucking cock. I just don't. I had a nickel. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. And I woke up that day. And my whole attitude changed. Yeah. And I called up the owner of the company. I said. I'll tell you what. I've got two movies more. On this contract. I'm done. Yeah. I will fulfill my obligation. I will live up to my contract. I will do what I said. But I'm done. Yeah. And I flew to Fiji. Wow. You suck a little cock. You go to Fiji. Life is great. I left. And I flew to Fiji. And I shot box covers. I shot different things. I shot. Okay. This will be my last film. And I went back. And rather than walking on the set. And having that great attitude. That great. I want to do this. I walked on. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to do it. I made two of the best films. I've ever made in my life. Blame it on Ginger. Yeah. And the other one. I forget the name of it. But they were. They were such great. Best film ever. Fucking films I've ever made. No. But. But I just. I was done. And so. After that. It became. Every time. Anybody fucked up. Anybody did anything wrong. Here's the story. Okay. So Jamie Gillis is my leading man. I'm supposed to be sucking his dick. I've got this scene to do. I've been. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be there. I don't want to be there. And. The first time ever. I'll out myself on the air right now. I did drugs on a movie set. Okay. Wait. I. This is during the 80s right? Yes. And this was the first time you ever did drugs on a porn set? First time ever. I did not do. I love fucking sex. They used to pay comedians in coke. That's how they would. That was like. I love sex. It was like Bitcoin. Basically back then. No. I could buy more. I made enough money that I could buy any. All the amount of drugs I wanted. It was not about that. So. I did drugs for the first time on the movie set. Yeah. And I remember very vividly. Going to suck Jamie Gillis's cock. And. The moment I put the water in my mouth. The alcohol in my mouth. My mouth was had been so dry. I went down onto his cock thinking the water would make it better. And it just went. And it became a joke. That if you fuck up on the set. If your dick can't get hard. You blame it on ginger. Yeah. Okay. So. That's the blame it on ginger story. And I just went with that. That's fantastic. But we've got to go now. But Ginger Lynn. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Check her show out. Blame it on ginger. Four to six p.m. Pacific. Monday through Friday. And Twitter. You've got like 135,000 followers. So check that out. Right. It's a couple. Yeah. Wow. That's amazing. And it's Ginger Lynn. At Ginger Lynn. No. It's at blame it on ginger. Oh. At blame it on ginger. To the Skid Row folks guys. Thank you so much. We got to get out of here. Sarcastic News Live. At SN Live 1. We'll have the exclusive Ginger Lynn interview up. Sorry to wub. We couldn't get you on the air again. I owe you something. Thanks so much. Low job. Have a good night guys. See I've been here for 28 years. Pallet sweat beneath these wheels. Tattooed lines beneath our skin. No surrender my Bobby G. I'm Bobby G. Flying through time like you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you can see you