Rehearsal debate on marijuana with callers

so that we can just be like wrapping it up. No, I want us to actually do a little bit of the live show is what I mean. So I want us to get a tiny feel of what it really would be like. And then honestly, I don't think it'll seem real if we just fucking start pretending like everything's awesome. Is that okay? Just a tiny bit of the show. Yay. You lead the way. Okay. Yeah, dude. I don't think it's a secret that me and Riley enjoy weed. Is that the thing that you do? I like weed. I mean, you enjoy it, right? That just means you people. We actually have an amazing show for you tonight. We actually brought the host of a rival show. I think it's fair to say that we hate you. Is that right, Nick? We don't all hate him. We don't. Not all of us hate him. Well, Riley wants to marry you. You have to hate me, huh? She wants you to put a baby in her stomach. A Republican baby. Right. Well, anyways, I think that most people would just be open to some other kind of opinions other than their own. And so sometimes debating issues is a good idea. There's some past history with me and Riley, but I love her. Okay. So why don't you introduce our buddy over there and I'll take care of the devil over here. Is that right? Yeah. We got Jay coming to the mic, our longtime friend and first time on our show. First time. And he's going to debate the issue of marijuana, smoking it and legalizing it and everything like that. And on this side, we have Nick. You know him, or you probably don't because you don't listen, from his show, Fiscal Conservative Bullshit. So Nick, why don't we actually just go? Okay. Okay. We're going to fast forward. Just give me one point debate, one counter, and then I'll be a caller and that's it. Sounds good to me. And we'll let Jay, why don't you... I'll start it off. First of all, we should be legal because it makes you feel good. Alcohol make you feel good. Coffee make you feel good. Too much coffee is bad for you. Too much alcohol is bad for you. But adults know how to make proper decisions with their usage. I think an adult should have the option to use marijuana if he choose. I didn't mean to get Jesse Jackson on you. Oh, no, you didn't. There you go. You just laid it down. Okay, counter. Counterpoint before. We got a caller coming in, but we'll let you get a counter in. Okay, well, one of the major things that I generally think about when it comes to marijuana is that it never usually goes by itself. There's always something like, yeah, marijuana, you're going to have some weed, you're going to have some alcohol, or maybe you're going to have something else. Maybe you'll actually do some crack. I don't know. It's kind of like maybe the idea of, I'm going to do some drugs now doesn't necessarily keep you from only doing marijuana. It probably leads to other things. And then your judgment is impaired, so maybe that judgment would lead you to make wrong decisions as well. Could be you thought you were going to stay in and have a good time smoking marijuana, but hey, no, you needed to actually leave your apartment and go to the bathroom. You know, you can go get some snacks for the munchies, and then something, you know, happens on your way outside. You know, just impaired judgment is definitely not something that you, you know, I believe is a good thing. All right, well, let's see if the callers have anything to say. We started off on a bang. Who gives a shit what the callers have to say? Ho, ho, ho, ho. Now, listen, listen. We could go back and forth on this debate. Well, the whole thing is it's a debate. We want to see what people think, and who among you has bigger cojones? Go ahead, Riley. Why don't you take our fake first call? Let me get deeper. That's fine. Yeah, so I was just wondering, you say that, you know, people will be impaired with their senses and everything, but won't the same thing happen with alcohol? I mean, isn't alcohol really the first gateway drug? Because alcohol, you know, you have that, and then you go get a tattoo, or then you go and you smoke crack, or like whatever. Alcohol is just the first gateway drug, wouldn't you say? Interesting. Why is it that legal? And marijuana shouldn't be. So, just so I, before I let you go, great point, thank you for listening. Where are you calling from? I'm calling from your ass. Okay, I love your ass. Cincinnati. I'm calling from Cincinnati. Before I let you go, because we are actually trying to hold a contest, so to speak, who do you think so far is winning? Are you for Nick or are you for Jay? Well, I mean, I'm a little biased to begin with because I smoke the marijuana all the time, but I would be more biased towards Jay because I just don't see why it should be illegal. Okay, well, we love you calling in, but it is an hour show, so we appreciate that. Thank you so much for calling in. All right, so that's one person for Jay. Oh, we got another caller. I want to say this is the first time in the history of this show, Riley. Holy shit, we're getting callers. Okay, fast forward. We have doubled your numbers. We just had six callers in a row. Nobody called for Nick, and it's over. Fuck. And see. Dude, we had callers. Yeah, that was great. Callers are awesome. In your face. In your face. In your face. I'm not surprised. Whatever, it's not a very luxurious opinion that I have. Yo, what? Stars for the L. So at this point, you literally don't waste any time. You want to get the fuck out of here. Sweet, awesome. You're going with it. Well, Nick, wouldn't you say that it was a great show, and the show was great. Yeah. Spirit of debate was the real winner here. I am the real winner tonight. Shoot. Had you not seen the show, I'm amazing. Hey. I'm inspired by me. Uh-oh, you're amazing? I'm amazing. I'm inspired by me. So that's why I'm saying, we're going to get a feel for it. Show ends. We're over. You're leaving. You say something on your way out, which is, I don't give a shit, this exercise of futility. You want to literally stop him just like you did. Wait, great show, Nick. That was awesome. I mean, honestly, there's no loser. There's no loser. Blah, blah, blah. And then he's gone. And then that's when we're done. Oh, and then that's when we'll be like, what? Shit. The spirit of debate. Woman, I am the winner tonight. It's us. It's our little stupid team. We win. Yeah. I believe in me. OK. And this is, you guys are having your little banter, and nobody even notices that I'm out of it. OK. So pick up for In Your Face. Woo. In your face. In your face. Shoot. I'm the greatest. I believe I can fly. Hey. What sauce were the ale? No, no, no. And rounds were loose. Hey. No. Nick. Nick. I'm sorry. It's quick, but not that quick. So a beat, if you get up and you stop there, just to give him enough time to say his line. I'm going to call you a loser. He's going to call a loser. I'm going to call you a loser. And then she's going to stop you to say the whole, the spirit of debate. You have to run over to him to kind of just try to shake his hand. So I should still be sitting here when he's finishing it, and I shouldn't be standing up. Yeah, whatever timing works. But the only thing I care about is he has to be able to get his whole thing out. Yeah, exactly. And then I'd be like, OK. And then she has to be able to stop you. Let me listen for a minute and then kind of, all right. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. I just don't want you to linger because you hate our guts. That's all. Yeah. OK. Do you have to? All right. I don't need to. I'm conservative. It doesn't mean I hate people. It just means I have an opinion. Oh, that's sweet. Ooh. I understand. And it may be contrary to yours, but it doesn't mean that I hate you. Method actor. I like it. Right on. Holy shit, that was pretty impressive. We actually had callers. Wow. Not related to us. That's really good. Woo. Yeah. Woo. So now you get the winter shimmy on. Woo. In your face. Ooh, that's good. That feels good. I'm the greatest. I feel like Ali. I'm the greatest. I'm the greatest. I believe I can fly. Hey, hey. What rhymes with loser and starts with an L? No, no. She's talking about. What rhymes with L starts with a loser? Loser. You are a loser. Yes. Well, I have wasted enough time on this. No. Nick. I'm not. Thank you. Nick, it was a great show. And you have to admit that the spirit of the day. Really was the winner tonight. Hey, what? No, shoot. I am the. I'm the winner tonight. The spirit of debate. All right. Yes. You won. You won. Yes. You won. You are awesome. And you rock. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And you got us callers. That's right. That we finally had. I'm amazing. I'm inspired by me. Shoot. You okay, Samara? I'm supposed to like that. Woo. You in the bathroom at one point when you guys finished? Yeah. I don't know. You guys do your thing. Yeah. And you don't have to go to the bathroom. I just want to have all the dialogue. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to just start from you guys are doing the whole I'm the real winner, blah, blah, blah. And then, hey, you both noticed that I'm being quiet. Right. Right. Right. You want to take it from what? Woman? Woman. The real night of the. She is the real one. The real one of the night. Me. You know, I'm amazing. I'm inspired by me. You okay? You are awesome. Woo. That feels good. You also. Got us callers. That's smoking. Thank you. Thank you. I'm here. Are you okay? I'm here. What? Yeah. Fine. Yo, you know what? Sam Riley, I know I won. Please don't treat me any different. Okay. Don't act like I'm a god or nothing. Woo. What? Okay. Something's wrong, Sam. I can tell. Seriously. What? Okay. Seriously. Nothing. I'm happy. Yay. We proved our point. We won. Captain Douche lost. We won. No. I won. Okay. How about this? The slightly lesser Captain Douche won. I'm happy. Happy. Yay. Go us. No. I have seen. I've seen Jeremy show more. Jeremy. I'm sure. Yeah. Like. Jeremy. Okay. How about this? I'm not happy. No. Really? You don't say. Shut the fuck up. Oh, shoot. I would have never guessed. I would have guessed that. Okay. Okay. Here's why I'm not happy. Nick is right. It doesn't matter that he didn't win the debate. Dude, we are high all the time. And maybe, maybe that's why the show's not taking off. Oh, well, I'm sorry. I was a little out. Where'd you say that again? Oh, no. This is where you say, what does us have to do? Oh, that's right. I jumped my line. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. You want to take it from, I've seen Jeremy show more and more shows? Yeah. No. No. I've seen Jeremy show more genuine emotion. Jeremy. Okay. Fine. I'm not happy. What? No. For real? I would have, I wouldn't have guessed. I didn't. Okay. Nick's right. He lost the debate, but he should have won. We are high all the time. Do you think maybe that's why the show's not taking off? Wait, what, what does, what difference does it make? Like, why, why do we care? What difference does it make when we smoke weed all the time? Because you were 10 minutes late today. Riley never even gave Jeremy the sound. She was supposed to. And you know what? It wouldn't have mattered if she gave it to Jeremy. Because you know what? He was high too. He missed the cue. He missed his cues all the time. Because we're high. All the time. Sorry. Just say that one more time. Because I was a little high. Okay. So I, I wanted to be, so you know how we finally got the, um, because I kept messing up on the one sheep and it worked when I said one sheep and you said, or a thousand sheep and you said one sheep. Okay. For this, if I, I have to slow down because I want it to be like, because we are, we are high all the time. And you do exactly that. Like, you're like, yes, I get it. I'm on you. I get it. And then you're like, I'm sorry. Can you slow down? Yeah. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. Because it's like, the reason I'm doing it slowly is you're acting like you're saying, you're listening intently. Yeah. I'm with you. All the high. So I'm sorry. Can you start that whole thing over? Wait, one more. Yeah, slow down. Exactly. So, so you want to say, what does that smell like? Yeah. Dude, what, what is, what does that smell? What do we have to do with anything? What does it have to do with anything? You were 10 minutes late to the whole debate that you were supposed to be a part of. And Riley, you never even gave the sound cue to Jeremy, which wouldn't have mattered anyway because guess what? He misses sound cues all the time because he's high. Because we are all high all the time. Uh-huh. Wait, just say that one more time. Because I'm a little high right now. So yeah, do you mind, I'll just say, pretend like I said it real slow. Just. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So because. Because. Because. We. Are. Yes. High. High. All. The. Time. Time. Excuse me. Let's say that again because I'm a little high right now. Can you say that a little slower? Yeah. Oh, hey. Because. Because. We. Are. Are. All. All. High. High. All. All. The time. The time. Okay. Okay. Um, I'm sorry. Could you. Could you say that again? That's actually a kick ass. That's awesome. A little. A little. And if you do the same. Right now. Because you know I was being, I was being a little bit like talking down to you right now. Right. And doing these hand gestures as if you're mentally handicapped. Right. Right. You could give that back to me. Right. Can you make up sign language? Okay. Okay. So then we're past that. So. Okay. Right. So. You're slower. Um. Past that. So let's fast forward to. Let's say speaking slower. You are so. Yeah. That's what I was gonna say. If you can say speak slower. Okay. How about this? You're really hilarious. Here's the thing guys. I don't want anybody on the show if they're high. I don't want anybody here if they're smoking. I don't want anybody here if they're drinking. If you're not 100% on point, I don't want you on the show. And that includes me. Wow. Um. I think it's my line. Yeah. That's what I'm just gonna say. Are you serious right now? Why not? No. I'm just sitting on my line. I'm just sitting on my line. That's the best. That's the best. That's the best. That's the best. That's the best. I'm just sitting on my line. I'm just sitting on my line. That's the one I didn't learn. Wait. Are you being serious right now? Okay. Because you guys have been joking. Yeah. And that's the only way this will work. So just basically the whole first half of it, you guys are just not taking me seriously at all. It's like you're high off the winning. You're fucking laughing, making fun of me. And now I'm like, okay, hilarious. Here's the thing. And then when I drop it, you guys are like, wait. You're not. We're not having fun here. Whoa. Whoa. This is not fun anymore. So you want to up it? We'll exaggerate the right. So just in terms of. So we'll be real. We'll be really energetic. Actually. So just to finish up the end and then we'll do it again. It was really energetic. So you guys are fucking laughing hysterically up until that point. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Even if it looked like I was depressed, you weren't even. Right. Okay. So try speaking. You want to take it from try speaking. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Okay. So try to speak. Wait. Did you try to speak more slowly? So it's like, I'm not even trying to. I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Right. Slowly. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't want anybody uncomfortably numb. Guys. Yeah. What? I don't want anybody uncomfortably numb if they're not 100% on point. I'm saying no drinking, no weed, including me. If you're not 100% on point, I don't want you on the show. Okay. So what's the difference between the two? So if you're on the show, you're on the show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, are you being serious? Yeah, I am. You can do whatever you want Monday to Friday on Sunday. Give me one day. Give me one day where you guys are not fucking happy. And then it's gonna end with you guys looking at each other and literally in your head, whatever it takes to trigger somebody just said you have to choose one of your kids from the ground. That's as big of a deal as it is to you. You're like, yeah. Like, and then I'm gonna do a, a sound bite will be like, sound bite would be like dun dun. I don't know if that expression quite fits the, choosing a child, but that's- Dude, I'm not, why, it's not, I'm not actually at the line choosing the child. It's like you, before you go and choose the child, I'm telling you right now, you must choose a child. I'm like, oh, wrong. So, do you wanna? Yeah. So we'll just do from the- Let's just do it again. No more, we don't have to do the improv part. It'll just be from picking up. So then the only beats is if we end the show, you say right away, yeah. Yeah, in your face. I'll hit it. You're the antithesis of a graceful winner. Okay. Okay. Nice. We actually had college. In your face. Woo, I'm the greatest. I'm the greatest. I believe I can fly. Dude, yo, what rhymes with L and starts with a loser? I don't know. Loser. You are loser. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Loser. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasted my time. Jimmy. Wait, wait. I'm out. Come on. Nick, thank you for being on the show. I have to say, it was really great. Woo. And the spirit of debate was the real winner. What are you talking about? Thank you very much. The real winner tonight is me. See, I'm the greatest. Woo. Come on now. Give it up, give it up. You know that was real. All right, I know. It was really good. I know. And we had callers. It was good. Yeah, come on. Good stuff. It feels good to just be a winner and stuff there. You know? We're about to ask you to ask. Can I add one line real quick? Yeah. So whenever she says the real winner is the spirit of debate, when you go to shake his hand, can you just literally walk past your hand? So you're going to say, I think we both can agree, the spirit of debate was the real winner. And he's just going to walk right through your hand. Damn. And then the only thing is, when you say your line. I'm going to? Yeah, so whenever you're going to give her the time to get it out of her system. But she's in love with you is the thing. The back story is, she's literally in love with you and always finding something correct to save you. And you're just loving you so much. And there, my love. I was hoping you would get that. I know. I was hoping you would get that. And you did. And that makes me happy. You're actually, I like you too. And there's no such thing as a bad guy. It's just to make you a part of your life. Right. I agree. I'm sorry. I'm just in a real . I just got it in the brain. Jay? Like, I'm . So the only thing is, so when she says the spirit of winner, right, or the, yeah, the spirit of debate, you have to add that line. You said the first part perfectly, but the I'm a mate, I'm inspired by me. I'm inspired by me. Right. Because the only reason is, it's almost like I said, I'm inspired by you. But your answer is, so you have to say it as if somebody said it about you. I'm inspired by me. OK. That's all. OK. It sounds stupid, but I think that if we act like somebody else said it, but it came from you, it would be hilarious. Great. OK. So nice. All right. All right. We actually have good callers. Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I am a winner. Yes. I see your face. Woo. I am the greatest. Woo. Oh, man, I believe I can fly. Yo, yo, what starts with an L and rhymes with loser? Loser. Ha, ha. You are loser. Bang. Bang, baby. Bang, baby. Yeah. Ha, ha. You know what I'm saying? Come on, man. OK, well, thank you. I've had enough of this exercise and the utility. Thank you. I'm out. It's too hard for me to get by. OK. It's totally awkward. OK, so how about you get out for a short break? You could get up before that. Get up as soon as the show's over. As soon as he gets up, if you get up at the same time. OK. That's why I want us to work the timing out now. Great. Right. Is there some busy work I could do over there? Whatever you want to invent to make it ready so that you could do that. Anything under the sun. Do you want him to maybe just be as big as he can be without getting up? Or? Is he getting in the way? Is that why? Well, no, he should do whatever he is going to do. OK. So let's just see. Let's make it so that you either stay there a little longer. You could be affected by him a little longer. Yeah, yeah. I'll take my time. No, I'll just get up. I'll just get up earlier. OK. I'll just get up earlier. Sounds like you're getting up early for work. I like that. OK. And by the way, I know that you're going to say, who gives a shit? That was the best of, I wish I could clone what you just did there. Great. Like, fucking awesome. Great. I'll hang out there. When you did this, when you were like, hmm, wait, what? That's exactly what it was when I wrote it. Like, you're trying to think about the L. You're like, damn. Oh, OK. Great. Yeah, I get it. I get it. I get it. OK. And holy shit, we had callers. We did. I didn't even know what to do. Oh, it feels good. Oh, it feels good. Eat your face. It does feel good. Eat your face. Woo, I'm the greatest. I'm the greatest. I'm the greatest. Yo, yo, I believe I can fly. Yeah. Oh, woo. Hey, what's wrong with the L? What's wrong with a loser? It starts with a L. Loser? Oh, you a loser? You a whole loser. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've had enough of this futility. Get your hand out. No, great show, Nick. I think we have to agree that the spirit of debate was the real winner here. Well, Nick, please. The winner of the night is me. Shoot, I am the, I am amazing. Girl, I'm impressed by me. Oh, you are. OK. OK. OK. OK. Good. I'm impressed by you, too. Woo, that feel good. So, Mira, what's going on? Woo, child. I need a cigarette. How you feeling? What? Woo. I'm fine. What? What line is this? What? What? So, after you guys say, hey, you notice I'm quiet. Oh, yeah, I'm fine. No, it is my line. Yeah, but the only thing I'm saying is that was awesome. Even when you notice I'm upset, your energy stays up here. Oh, OK. You know what I'm saying? Right, right, right. I get it. I get it. OK. So then you say. What's the next line, then? You give me one second of your time. Here. Oh. Here it is. And you say to me, only for that one second, Riley, you say to me, wait, are you OK? And when I say yes, even though it's obviously I'm not, you guys go right back to, Riley, don't treat me any different. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? That's my line. I've got my line. That's all. That's all. All you guys say is, don't treat me different. Don't call me. I'm just a man. Because I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm still here with you. Right. So I'll just pick it up from your. He's already gone. And he says, I'm inspired by me. Woo. Woo, shoot. Woo, child. She goes for what? Let me not sit down. I'm going to be a winner. Let me not sit down. I'm the winner tonight, OK? I'm amazing. Shit, I'm inspired by me. Hello. Good. Ow. How about you, Samira? You OK? Yeah, I'm good. Hey, Sam, listen, listen, Sam. Yo, Riley, Sam, Riley, please, please. Don't treat me any different, all right? I'm just a man. I'll try not to. I'm just a man, girl. I'm not like a god or nothing. Oh, jeez. You feel good. Are we done now? It feels good. It feels good. Oh, my god. OK, Riley, something, or, you know, Samira, something is wrong. I can tell. What? Seriously, nothing. I'm happy. We proved our point. Captain Douche lost. We won. I'm fine. I have seen Jeremy show more dignity in a movie. No, this is where you're like, I won. I won. Because I say we won. Oh, you said that one. I won. I didn't. Oh. Oh, wait. I won. No, no. So go back to Sam, Riley. Please don't treat me. So actually, can you go back to Sam? Are you OK? Sam? Sam. Uh, no, seriously, something's wrong. I can tell. No, right back. No, before that? So just the first time you notice. That's all. Oh, the first time. Because I want to see it to the point where you guys don't die down. You give me a second, and then you go back to celebrating. OK. So you go. Get over here. Oh, my bad. So you say, actually, I won't move from here. You say, hey, Samira, are you OK? So just so we get it in our heads, the plot, the plot. Right. You say, great, great show, Nick, blah, blah, blah. You say, I'm the real winner. So it picks up on each word. She says, the real winner. Spirited debate. You pick up on that and say, no, I'm the real winner. Gotcha. You always, you're what, I'm setting the precedent just like the weed. You're just this guy who like fucking, if everything we say isn't on point, you pick up on it. Do you know what I'm saying? OK. So you say it with the weed. It has to be what you want. She says, the spirited debate. No, I'm the real winner. OK. So spirited debate, real winner. And then that's the first time you notice something's wrong. OK. I say, I'm fine. You guys go right back to, oh, my god, I'm fucking awesome. And then you ask me again what's wrong. That's it. So we'll pick up from, pretend like you said to him the spirited debate. You don't have to go over there. Just say it. Spirited debate is the real winner. Yeah, but it's good for the timing. OK. So, spirited debate is the real winner. And then he brushes the time. What? I am the real winner. OK? I'm amazing. I'm impressed by me. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, how about you, Samira? You OK? What? Take it down. Yeah. Yeah. I'm good. Yo, look. Look. Sam. Sorry to have you moved. Oh, no, no. You're all good. Yeah, yeah. I'm just going to run around and take photos. Don't treat me any different. You say it to both of us. No, no. I'm just, I'm, yeah. OK. So. Don't treat me any different. OK. I'm still a man. Right? I'm not like a god or anything like that. Right? Right? Yeah. Yeah. OK. What is going on, Samira? Seriously. Seriously. Nothing is going on. I'm happy. We proved our point. We won. Captain Douche lost. No, no, no. I won. OK? OK. The slightly less Captain Douche won. I'm happy. OK? I'm happy. Happy, happy. Go us. I'm fucking happy. Wow. I have seen Jeremy show more genuine emotion. Jeremy. OK. Fine. I'm not, I'm not happy. Oh, I didn't, I couldn't tell at all. You know how you guys set a point like a symphony? So go back for, I'll say, seriously, nothing. OK? I'm happy. Yeah. We proved our point. Captain Douche lost. We won. No, I won. OK? The slightly less Captain Douche won. OK? I'm happy. Happy. Go us. Happy. Wow. I have seen Jeremy show more genuine emotion. Like, Jeremy. OK. Fine. I'm not, I'm not happy. What? Oh, you don't say. Oh, shut the front door. Oh, my goodness. I would never have guessed. She should be an actress. Guys should be actress. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Look. Honestly, Nick should have won. He lost, but he should have won. He's right. We are high all the time. Dude, seriously, maybe that's why the show sucks. Wow. You asked. So then you're like, what does this have to do? Yeah, I keep dropping that line. That's right. So that's why I liked you when we went through the points. So right now, you go, oh, my god, you guys are shocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's when I laugh. Yeah. Yeah. Because you guys are trying to make me laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why you're acting like that. I laugh at that. And right after that, I'm saying the whole, maybe that's why the show sucks. And that's when you get serious for another second. All right. Because you're like, wait a minute now. All right. OK. I have it now. Why is he smoking weed after doing it? This is why you talk through scenes. OK, go. OK. So I'm going to go from, seriously, nothing. I'm happy. Captain Douche lost. We won. No, no. I won. The slightly less Captain Douche won. I'm happy. Good point. Happy, happy. Go us. I'm happy. Wow. I have seen Jeremy show emotion. You're an emotion. OK, Jeremy. Oh, yeah. OK, fine. I'm not happy. What? You don't say. Oh, I would never have said that. Oh, girl, tell the truth now. Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful. Really? You're not happy? Yeah, OK. Look. Nick should have won. He should have won. He's right. We're high all the time. Yeah. Maybe that's why the show sucks. Oh. Oh. What does us being stoned have to be? What does us being stoned have to do with anything? You were 10 minutes late to the show you were going to debate about weed on. Riley, you were so high you never even gave the sound key to Jeremy. And it wouldn't have mattered because Jeremy was too fucking high. And he missed his cues all the time. Dude, we are high all the time. Wow. Could you repeat that? Because we, I'm a little, I'm a little stuck. Can I add a line? Because I think now I understand why this is all for, and I think it will feel better for us. So I'm going to say we are high all the time. And you're going to be like, what are you trying to say? We are. OK. Great, great, great, great. OK. So I'll say that. Dude, you were 10 minutes late to the show, OK? We were doing the whole show for you. Riley, you didn't even give the sound cue to Jeremy. And it wouldn't have mattered because you know what? Jeremy doesn't pick up on cues anyway because he's what? High all the time. We are all high all the time. Wait, really? No, that's when you're like, what are you trying to say? Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, that's the right answer. OK. So we are high all the time. Dude, what are you trying to say? Oh my god. We are high all the time. Oh, gee. I'm sorry. Could you say that again? Because I'm a little stoned right now. OK. You guys are hilarious. I will admit that. But OK. I don't want to say this. OK. This is really hard for me to say. I love you guys. But I don't want you on the show if you're high. Anybody, including me, if you're not 100% on point, and I'm saying no drinking, no weed, don't come to the show. Wait, are you serious right now? I am. It's not too much to ask you to give me one day. Do whatever you guys want, Monday to Friday, Sunday. I don't care. Can you give me one day? And if you're not, honestly, one day. Or don't come. That's where I'm at. I'm serious, guys. That'd be all right. And then that's that look. And then that look. All right. So yo. That's not where. It's like a soap opera. And I want him to focus on your faces. You know how in soap operas, they focus on your faces for too long? And you're like, exactly. Right, right. I just have to write that in the script. Do you know what? That'd be great, actually. I know this is stupid. But if you picked up, do we have water one of you could drink just to do a spit take? Like he takes the time. He goes one minute. He puts his glasses on. He takes some water. And then he does a spit take. And then he spits. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. and you want to get killed, take a walk downtown to the SCUMMAR! A convenient location for some ghost fornication, go get fucked downtown at the SCUMMAR! There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls, stick a knife in your pussy at the SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! There was no Happy New Year in 1959, 1959, SCUMMAR! For the 39 people that lost their lives, lost their lives, SCUMMAR! There was no Happy New Year in 1959, 1959, SCUMMAR! For the 39 people that lost their lives, lost their lives, SCUMMAR! If you're looking for a thrill and you want to get killed, take a walk downtown to the SCUMMAR! A convenient location for some ghost fornication, go get fucked downtown at the SCUMMAR! There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls, stick a knife in your pussy at the SCUMMAR! A convenient location for some ghost fornication, go get fucked downtown at the SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop I'm beating myself every day, every night. Power plug. I'm beating myself every day, every night. Power plug. Power plug. Power plug. Power plug. Power plug. We got wizards. We got warlocks. We got goblins. We got roosters. We got Coke cold bottles. And we got McDonald's McNuggets. I got something in my hand that needs to get on fire. And you got something in your ears that needs to be inspired. So I'm here not tired because I've been up all night, up all day, and rocking and rolling in every way. Power plug. Power plug. You don't know anything about kids. When you take an eight-year-old's cock and you shove it down your mouth, because it's only eight-year-old cock, and you shove it down your mouth, and you suck on that eight-year-old cock, you suck on that eight-year-old cock, you suck on that eight-year-old cock until it gets all sticky and gooey in your mouth, and then you swallow, and then you swallow. You didn't know an eight-year-old could do that to you, but he did. That's the deal. He's only eight years old, and the sweet deal, is when you slick his hair back, he looks like he's about six, and he's ready for more cock. He's ready for more cock, and you make his anus hurt, and you make his anus hurt, because he's ready for some more cock, because he's only eight years old. He's only eight years old, and he's so, so ready for your lips around his two-inch cock. Are you jealous because his cock's bigger than yours? Because I wouldn't be that jealous because it all tastes the same. It don't matter. Put some peanut butter on it. He'll lick it. He likes it just fine. He's only eight years old, and he's got a cock. He's got a cock. He's got a cock. He's got a cock. I I I I sexy makes me think of yesterday so carefree thinking about killing the whole town everybody loves to kill it's romantic you know what I'm talking about having sex with knives it's so sexy makes me think of yesterday so carefree thinking about killing the whole town the giant bomb maybe I'll do it tomorrow I said or the next day it never happened but a girl can dream can't she everybody's gonna die you know you love it you know it's just like puppies and kittens and hugs from your mom murder so wonderful so special the most wonderful thing in the world I can't think of anything better it's every girl's dream to commit her first murder you can't think about marriage or prom that first murder you commit is a milestone you'll know you get because it's murder so special so wonderful like your dad gave you away on your wedding day there's blood everywhere blood everywhere blood on the flowers and the fields and the puppies and the cables there's murder we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we Suck your baby in a tube. It's alright cause they use lube. Now I'm thinking about your great boobs. Have an abortion. What? Toe hangers and it's free. How easy can it be? Don't wait long till it bleeds. Get an abortion. Send your infant straight to hell. Instead of throwing it down a well. You're better off you know damn well. Get an abortion. Abortions are fun. They are cool. Preppy girls do it at school. Baby meat just makes me drool. So I'm having an abortion. I like abortions very much. They are really like to crunch. In that baby's head it is. Get an abortion. Baby meat? Stop that shit. Ohh yeah. Delicious. Nutritious. Oh yes, I would like to take this time to point out the nutritional value of eating your aborted fetus. Oh yeah, lots of iron, lots of protein, the next thing you know, they're gonna make it a slim f-!! Stop that thing Stop that thing Stop that thing Stop that thing and woggin' a home. He's only 27 years old. I remember World War II. Germany was winning too. A hero of a man. His face on a statue. Lips cranking the night. The night goes in. To morning, what was in my pants? Nothing left of Paris, France. Looking in your eyes, I saw my Fuhrer. I never realized how horny you made me, oh Hitler. Well, you're a hero, but you're a hero. You came and you made me so hard. And I knew I was gay, oh Hitler. Like we're pimpin'. I mean, just, say no. Can I talk about Capco? Whatever you want. It's your song. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Cause he's fucking shit up. Towns are destroyed. Doma is poisoned. Why are the two guys on top still alive? Kevka, you're fucking shit up. Everyone's dead except for 13 people. Everybody's dead except for 13 people. And a giant snow monster, giant snow monster. Living in the caves, eating the berries. Kevka, you're fucking shit up. Fucking shit up. Fucking shit up. You're so weird. Yo, yo, yo. Yo, yo, yo. We can't get this shit started. Oh, yeah. We can get bitches up here. Where am I? In contact. Yo, what it do? What it do? Smoking some weed up in this shit. Smoking the blunts? Man, motherfucker, we fucking. Oh, yeah. We fucking. Oh, yeah. Oh. You hear that beat? Oh. You hear that beat? Oh. Damn. Damn. What's going on with this? Oh, yeah. Holy shit. I need a pookie. Oh, yeah. I need a pussy. Oh, yeah. I need a pussy. Where's the pussy? Where's the pussy? Where's the pussy? Ah. I need a pussy-licking chick. Bitch. Ah. Suck on my clit. Ah. I need a pussy-licking chick. Bitch. Suck on my clit. What's a bitch? Wow. I smoke the blunts. What? Why? All the time. I lick the cunts. Whoa. And all the bitches know I'm the number one hoe. A bad motherfucker. Yo, yo. Where you at, bitch? Ah. Can't get enough of this gangster shit. I need a pussy-licking chick. Bitch. Suck on my clit. I need a pussy-licking chick. Bitch. Suck on my clit. Suck on my clit. Suck it, bitch. Suck it, girl. I'm shoving my big fat blunts up the hoes bitches' cunts. Smoking them when they dry. It makes me extra high. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah. I smoke all the fucking weed. Shooting my big bunt. Gun. Banging the bitches. Uh. And smoking weed when I'm done. Smoking the weed when I'm done. Yo. Can't get enough of this gangster shit. Can't get enough of that gangsta shit. I got two big glocks and I use them as cocks. Where you at, hoe? Get your fucking pussy up here on my fucking gun and if you're lucky, I won't shoot you when I'm done. Jiggle your tongue on my pink sock! That's how I roll bitch! Blunts and cunts and pussy lickin' pink socks! Damn! Word! Greetings and thanks for calling. I will tell you right now, no one ever checks this voicemail, so don't bother leaving. I'm leaving a message. If you're a telemarketer, please remove my name from your list. And if you're calling because you think that this is Darth Vader's house, well, you really need to get yourself a license. Think about how you're spending your time dialing random numbers of movie characters. So, yeah, anyway. And if you're calling me... Everybody has it. Everybody loves to kill. It's romantic. I can't get a ba- Was this the name of the jam? Knock it out! In the dark! I need to run! I need to get out! Way too long! I need to run! I need to get out! Way too long! You hear your fucking dial! You hear your fucking dial! I can hear your dial! I can hear your dial! Walk in some loud! Spread some peanut butter on you! To a fish! You lick and lick! And I'll fuck it out! You call me a nice and full head dinner dish! Knock it out! You play it down! We're gonna record it now, so sing it loud. Pussy disease Fungus like cheese Pussy disease Fungus like cheese Pussy disease Pussy disease Pussy disease Pussy disease What I learned from the local scene How to use my cock and keep it clean Stay away from the girls with the stinky cheese All the girls downstairs with the STDs Want to get up on me Give me HIV Oh it burns when I pee Get these bumps off of me Get these bumps off of me Gave me the crabs Gave me lots of scabs Gave me the crabs Gave me lots of scabs Put your mouth on my dick I'll put my herpes on your clit I work at the local pizzeria My gonorrhea goes drip drip drip like diarrhea My gonorrhea goes drip drip drip like diarrhea My gonorrhea goes drip drip drip like diarrhea Oh yeah I don't use a condom Duh When I fuck you see There's nothing new You don't have to Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop 10. Yep. I strangle kids, getting on my nerves all the time. All they fucking do is cry, piss, and whine. Shitting in their pants and pissing me off. Sitting at a table acting like it's a trough. They piss me off. I hate those little brats. Chop them into feet pieces, feed them to the rats. Color me a picture, can't stay in the lines. Stupid little fucks draw me out of my mind. I strangle kids. Call me a bitch if you wanna, but I don't have one. And I'm never gonna, cause they're loud, annoying, and they smell really bad. When I hear a dead baby, it just makes me glad I strangle kids. And bitch, I don't give a fuck. Cause every little brat on this earth fucking sucks. I want him dead. Oh fuck, it's Kirstie, Ali, Joe Ross. I don't know how to cook it. Make me a sandwich, bitch. I don't know how to cook it. Put some cheese on that sandwich. Put some cheese on that sandwich. Maybe some tomatoes. Maybe some tomatoes. Come over to my church. It's a full-bread motion. I don't go to church. I just go to the Gap. Get some $60 pants. Get some $60 pins. Just go to church and bring a sandwich. Joe Ross, Kirstie, Ali, Joe Ross, Kirstie. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Stop that nonsense. Victor Newman, Jack Abbott, Tainted Face Cream, Genoa City, Gloria, Slipping with Jeffrey. What are we gonna do? Everyone is gonna go to jail. Go to jail! Go to jail, go to jail, go to jail. Go to jail, go to jail, go to jail. It's a man, it's a man, it's a man. And Jack Abbott. Jack Abbott. Yeah. And broken. And broken. Shadows of a dream. Shadows, shadows. Motion weeeee! I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. I want some cream. This one's for you fucking Canada. This one's for you fucking Canada. A convenient location for some ghost fornication. Go get fucked downtown at the There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls. Stick a knife in your pussy at the There was no Happy New Year 1959, 1959. For the 39 people that lost their lives, lost their lives. There was no Happy New Year 1959, 1959. For the 39 people that lost their lives, lost their lives. If you're looking for a thrill and you want to get killed, take a walk downtown to the A convenient location for some ghost fornication. Go get fucked downtown at the There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls. Stick a knife in your pussy at the There was no Happy New Year 1959, 1959. Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop and get killed, take a walk downtown to the SCUMMAR! A convenient location for some ghost fornication, go get fucked downtown at the SCUMMAR! There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls stick a knife in your pussy at the SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! There was no Happy New Year 1959, 1959 SCUMMAR! For the 39 people that lost their lives, lost their lives SCUMMAR! There was no Happy New Year 1959, 1959 SCUMMAR! For the 39 people that lost their lives lost their lives SCUMMAR! If you're looking for a thrill and you want to get killed take a walk downtown to the SCUMMAR! A convenient location for some ghost fornication, go get fucked downtown at the SCUMMAR! There's blood-covered walls and it's torture chamber halls stick a knife in your pussy at the SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! SCUMMAR! This song's about something that's very very important in everybody's life, something we all desire to do. but we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we we and make her choke on turkey. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. I don't even like you. I just wanna fuck you. I could never date you. I just wanna rape you. Feed that bitch some turkey. Lots and lots of turkey. Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Rape. Rape. Into her room you will creep. Wait until she's fast asleep. Quietly take off her clothes. Stick it in now here you go. Rape! Rape, rape, rape, rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape. Rape that bitch. She is a stupid bitch. Rape that stupid bitch. She is just a stupid bitch. Rape, rape, rape. Rape. Rape. Yep. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. I don't even like you. I just wanna fuck you. I could never date you. I just wanna rape you. Be that bitch in Turkey. Lots and lots of turkey. Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey. Feed that bitch some turkey. Lots and lots of turkey. Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Rape that fucking bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. Stop that bitch. I just wanna fuck you. I could never date you. I just wanna rape you. Feed that bitch some turkey. Lots and lots of turkey. Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. I don't even like you. I just wanna fuck you. I could never date you. I just wanna rape you. Feed that bitch some turkey. Lots and lots of turkey. Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Date rape. Rape. Rape. Into her room you will creep. Wait until... Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Rape that stupid bitch! Raape! Raper, Raper, Raper, Raper! Raape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape! Raaaape! Raape! Yep! Date rape! Date rape! Date rape! Date rape! I don't even like you, I just wanna fuck you I could never date you, I just wanna rape you Feed that bitch some turkey, lots and lots of turkey Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey Feed that bitch some turkey, lots and lots of turkey Shove that turkey down her throat and make her choke on turkey Date rape Date rape Date rape Date rape Rape that fucking bitch Everybody has it Everybody loves to kill It's romantic You know what I'm talking about Having sex with knives It's so sexy Makes me think of yesterday I'm so carefree Frolicking through the fields Thinking about killing The whole town With a giant bomb Maybe I'll do it tomorrow, I said Or the next day It never happened But a girl can dream, can't she? Everybody's gonna die It's so romantic I'm so careful You know you love it Hey Winnipeg You guys are fucking high right now listening to this shit With kittens and hugs from your mom Murder So wonderful So special The most wonderful thing in the world I can't think of anything better It's every girl's dream to commit her first murder Think about marriage A prom My first marriage And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so sorry It's a milestone you'll never forget Cause it's murder It's so special It's so wonderful Like your dad gave you away on your wedding day There's blood everywhere Blood everywhere Blood on the flowers And the fields And the puppies And the cables Murder It's murder I wanna marry murder I wanna have sex with murder Murder, come back Murder Murder, where are you? I miss you so much I just wanna murder one more time, I swear Just one more time It's so special It makes you feel so good It's better than anything It's so special It's better than anything It's so special It's so special Just one more dead person, please Please, I swear, just one more dead person Please You don't know how good it feels to murder It's the best feeling in the world Better than sex Better than pizza Better than anything you can imagine Dead body On the floor Governed in blood and knives It's like getting married on the street Every day killing someone That's murder Murder Murder at prom Murder every wedding day Murder at the grocery store Murder at the bakery Murdering everyone Everybody deserves to be murdered Except me But everybody else in there is murdered It's like giving a gift to God It's like giving a gift to God It's like giving a gift to God It's like giving a gift to God It's like giving a gift to God Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop Stop It's my gift to you. Death. Murder. Everybody has it. Everybody loves to kill. It's romantic. You know what I'm talking about. Everybody has it. Everybody loves to kill. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. It's my gift to you. Oh somebody, somebody save my child! My house is collapsing! So what? He's gonna die! I don't care. Go to hell! Go to hell! I don't wanna live with somebody else. There's a man on the other side of town. It's empty. Just him. Living by himself.