First dates, car wash date, and dating tips

what's up my friends this is melissa you are here on wednesday on oral stimulation on skidrow studios.com and xm165 i'm of course joined by my incredible co-host alex how's it going alex it is going dandy why'd you look at me like that i don't know because you were giggling can i get a side of chuckles please it's gonna be a good night okay i can tell you know how i can tell because the lakers are losing no because don't even watch the score all night okay i won't all right i know are you a lakers guy no i don't like the lakers you don't are you clippers no who are you i'm a knicks fan knicks probably a terrible team in the world right in the playoffs though yeah they are so i won't celebrate till they get out of the first round yeah i'm with the lakers and and uh they're losing right now what's the score oh my god mindy really this is important stuff live at skid row studios basketball is sexual melissa we have a caller what yes now can we get can we get back to business please to the color color are you there hi who's this this is adam hi adam how's it going it's going great what do you have to tell us tonight uh well your question was about um first dates and did you have a good one or a bad one and i recently run into your facebook page to let you know about mine that's good melissa's actually very popular on facebook i am very popular on facebook i'm very popular on facebook i'm very popular on briefly run into your Facebook page to let you know about mine. That's good. Melissa's actually very popular on Facebook. I am very popular on Facebook. So yes, our topic tonight, as you suggested, is first dates, best, worst, best last dates. So tell us. Tell us what you have. What happened? Well, it was a case of we were coworkers for about a year, and then I decided that I wanted to move into this work, but they're at date. Okay, from the get-go, that is a terrible idea. What, dating people from work? You don't shit where you eat, especially if you're in a career-type position. If it's the county fair, that's fine. Okay. What kind of job was it? It was at a bookstore. Okay. All right, so replaceable. So you decided to take it to the next level. Yes. And I absolutely... I got to Valentine's Day, and I was... No pressure. ...so nervous that I couldn't eat anything past the appetizer. So I'm watching her eat dinner, and she's describing, oh, this food is great. Like, I wish I could eat it. So you busted out, like, a full-on digestive problem from the beginning? I think it was just the idea that our friendly relationship was... was going to change, and if I... if I didn't get this right, you know, I'd be exploding what was. Okay, that makes sense. But, so did it go good? You had to explain that, right? Hey, you... Well, it ended well. Talk about getting comfortable really fast. It ended well. As I turned to leave, I wasn't quite sure on the first date, the kiss. She grabbed my forearm and looked me into the eye, and I could tell she was probably boring holes through my head. And then I finally realized, oh, yeah, a kisser's stupid. Oh, wow. And it was like setting off a Roman candle. That was amazing. Well, actually, let me ask you a question. At that point, I mean, would you mind if a girl was a little bit more aggressive and she went in for the kiss? I mean... That would have helped, but I think that little kind of, hey, don't run away just yet, dude. Yeah. On my forearm worked. See, I think a girl should never have to go in for the first kiss or the first hug or tell a guy to turn the car off and come around and make out with me. That's just me. Adam, thank you so much for calling in. I appreciate your call. Thanks, Adam. Have a good night. Have a good night. So, yeah, actually, he brings up a really good point. What's that? Do you ever get nervous and, like, you can't eat on a date because, you know, your stomach's going to be upset later? Yeah, you know what? There's certain girls I just get, I still get butterflies. Like, just prior to even meeting up with them, like, just even talking to them, like, my phone will ring or I see a text. I mean, I get a little anxious and the anxiety builds in, like, the butterflies or the warm fuzzies. You throw up your spaghetti like Eminem? Well, not exactly. But, I mean, no, there's sometimes you're right, like, I kind of, in his case, there's certain things, like, with me and spicy foods, anybody that knows me, I'm, like, running to the bathroom. Your favorite topic, of course, so at that point, I'm very careful on what I eat. Like, if I'm on a date, I mean, I'll be careful when I eat. It's funny because, you know, I'm, like, a fairly, like, good-sized guy and, like, a girl looking at me, like, you're not going to eat? Oh, no, I'm okay because later I don't want to be, like, running to the bathroom. You know what, though? That's so funny that guys do that, too, because the first while that I go out with a guy, I just cannot eat in front of them because I will get so sick and then you can't, like, you know, tell them all of that, like, oh, God, I feel like my stomach's going to explode. Yeah, you know what? Because you just have to sit there and pretend to hide it the whole rest of the night, just quietly dying inside. I mean, trust me, I'm not shy when it comes to eating at all. I mean, I could really enjoy a good meal. I mean, one of my things I really like, you know, like, good food, better company, and even better conversation. You know, that's always something that I always like to enjoy, whether it be, like, from the appetizer to the main course to the dessert. Yeah, but isn't it so much better when she's eating? She enjoys it with you. Hi, Austin. Yeah, no. No, I agree. I mean, that's what I'm saying. It's like, when it's something like that, I think it's really good because, like, you're in good company, like, good food, better company in the conversation. I mean, you get to bond. I mean, nowadays, a lot of people, when they get to where they eat, they're on their phones. You know what I mean? They're either checking in, which I'm guilty of, getting caught up on, like, social media, checking a Laker score like I am. Have you heard, though, what people do sometimes is they take all the food if you go out with a group of people. You stack your phone face down on the table and whoever is the first to grab their phone has to pay for the entire meal. Really? Would you do that? Yeah, I'd grab my phone every time. Yeah, but how long do you have to do it with that person? You don't care. You live in a castle, whatever. Yeah, well, I would be sweating it for a long time. But, I mean, I don't know. Like, stuff like that, it's usually when I'm doing stuff like that, if I'm on a date, I really like to pay extra attention to the girl. I try so hard. Well, I mean, if I like you. I try so hard to put my phone away. I mean, I think it's, for me, like, I notice if I really needed to, I'll run to the little boys' room. Oh, I gotta wash my hands. I'll go wash my hands, check my phone. They would think I had some kind of OCD hand-washing issue. Well, not constantly. Maybe, like, you know, I'll drink, like, a whole bunch of iced tea and I see, you know, I gotta go pee and then I'll run to the bathroom and check my phone. That's not a bad idea. But, I mean, I don't, usually, to the most part, I mean, I'm very attentive. I like to give, like, a lot of attention. Yeah, you are pretty good at that. I mean, just in general. Yeah, I mean, the little things, you know, it's always the little things that mean the most, I think. And especially if it's, like, we're talking about dating tonight, first date, so stuff like that. It's crucial. Yeah. If you have a first date story, good, bad, last date story, a great last date story, whatever, call in 800-893-9562. So, wait, I'm confused. We're talking about first dates, but sometimes the first date's the last date. Is that why you're in front? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. The first date can be the last date. That happens a lot? Um, yeah. But that sucks because, you know, making a first impression is huge, right? So, you never get an opportunity. Maybe the guy was, like, totally nervous and that's not really his style and then, like, he wants to meet up with you again and he's like, you know what? I totally failed. That really wasn't me. Can I get another shot? I mean, you're, like, done with that guy? Um, it depends. I mean, people do, crazy things sometimes. A friend of mine told me that she was out on a first date. The guy and her had downed two bottles of wine. She excused herself to the bathroom and then she decided it would be a good idea to trim her bangs in the bathroom and she came back and the guy... Didn't recognize her? The guy was like, you know what? I gotta go. And he cut it off really abruptly and she thought it was going really good up to that point. So... Your friend sounds crazy. Well, you know, she couldn't understand. But then she got home and she looked in the mirror and she realized she had little bits of hair all over her face. Why was she cutting her bangs? Yeah, I'm confused. Because she was drunk. I don't cut things when I'm drunk. Well, you know what? We're gonna find out tonight because actually Austin is our bartender tonight. I was pre-gaming all afternoon and we decided to keep it going for the show. So we've got... What is that? Amanda and vodka? Vodka. I want the vodka. Vodka. Prost. Okay. Thanks. So actually, we have another caller here. So let's see what our caller has to say. Hi, caller. What's your name? Hello? Hi, this is Steve. Hi, Steve. Where are you from? I'm from Santa Fe, New Mexico. Santa Fe, New Mexico. Is it hot out there right now? Well, it's hot whenever I'm listening to you. Oh, okay. I like the way you think. Do you have a story for us tonight? It gets a little bit cold in the evening. It gets a little bit cold in the evening. It does. You're right. It gets a little bit nippy out. Do you have someone to get cozy with? Not really. That's why I'm listening to you. Oh, okay. Well, I'll keep you warm tonight. So what story do you have for us? Well, I just wanted to know if you've ever not slept with someone on a first date. Well, it almost sounds like you know me, like you know my style. I imagine it. It's a yes. Answer no question, Melissa. Answer the question. I think we all want to know that. Of course. Of course there's been first dates I haven't slept with people. It wasn't necessarily my choice, but yeah. I have another question. Okay. I'm 18 and I'm a virgin. And several times when I've gone on dates with girls, I would like to have some oral sex. Sure. First dates? Any date. And every time I've tried, I usually, I'll do something to get her point to my groin. And like I'll say, look, and then I'll try and push her face towards my penis. And nothing ever happens. They usually get very upset. Well, don't poke their eyes out. Yeah, you have to save the head pushing and the donkey punching and things like that. And you can do that for later, later in the relationship. Okay. Because I've been told by, one of the girls said that what I did would be considered assault. No, I don't think it was assault. All I did was, I just had my head behind her, my hand behind her head. And I was just kind of pushing it towards me. And she, you know, when she said she wasn't interested, I stopped. But I don't understand. How do guys get, just ever got into them? Well, Alex, do you have an answer? How do you guys eventually get a girl to wrap their lips around? I get them drunk. You're drunk. Okay. Well, he's 18, so I can't endorse that. But I mean, I don't know. I would just, I'm trying to think back when I was 18. Yeah, what can you do when you're 18? Well, how about if a guy, like how about you from a girl's perspective? I mean, what would you want a guy to tell you? Like, hey, Melissa, I want you to suck my cock. You know what? The first time I was with a guy, I think I was, right around that age, 17 or 18. But I had been with him for a long time. So you really have to build up trust with someone. But see, now it's different. It's different from when I was that age to now because a lot of kids, kids, 18 year olds, say, you know, that oral sex isn't sex and it's no big deal. Some people say it's more intimate. So it really depends on the girl. But I don't think you should try to get it in before dessert. You know, I mean, what I've been trying to do, is throw out a lot of heavy, kind of fat, chunky girls in school. And I thought that, that I have a better shot with them. But the problem is, they're just more mean. Well, they're probably not used to your advances and your kindness. So you really have to build up that trust. You think I should go on a prostitute? Yeah. I would hire one. I'd pay the 50 bucks and do it. If that's what you're really in for. Yeah. I mean, if you just want to go down on a girl, just for the experience, why not? No, I think he wants a girl to go down on him. Oh. Well, maybe you should start by going down on him. There is a golden, I don't know the expression, but there's something positive in that. I can suck myself. Well, then what do you need a girl for? Just get yourself in a hammock and call it a day. I'm tired of the sword back and back. Hmm. Well, maybe, maybe, maybe that's why a lot of girls won't because you're pretty well endowed. I mean, maybe they're just like, they can't handle it. Are you well endowed or flexible? I'm kind of both. I mean, you know, I mean, the thing about closing the door, I was, I was in her room when it happened. Yeah, that's a problem. You should do it in your own room. Well, maybe they sleep in the same room. I don't think they do. It's New Mexico. So it is a studio. It is a studio. You're 18. Get your ass out of your parents' houses. Well, just me and my mom. Well, maybe he takes care of her, you know? No, it's time to go. It's time to go. Thank you so much for calling. We appreciate your call. Steve. Yeah, I'm doing good talking. Gentlemen, move out of your parents' houses. I hope he goes and gets head. Wait, wait, how long can you stay in your parents' house? I still live at home. Shout out to people that live at home. I'm not shy about it. Oh, you lucky bastard. Seriously. Why do us girls have to grow up and move across the country and take care of ourselves? But these guys can live in the castle of statues forever. We blindfold them. And it's totally fine. All I want is to pay for a car instead of rent. Yeah, see? I don't want to pay for a car or rent. I know, free. We deserve it, Melissa. Well, that is kind of how I live. Whatever. Anyway, forget it. Alex, do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? Do you have a best first date? I mean, something you were really into this girl, you were really building it up and you just absolutely blew her away with your creativity and your pizzazz. God, there's so many to think of. I don't know which one to pick. If I could just pick one first date. Here, how about this? So, I got a date coming up this weekend. You do? It's this girl named Myra. Yeah. She's actually really cute, but I really don't know what to do. As far as what? First date. I mean, I'm thinking I could go simple and it's like dinner and, you know, but that gets kind of boring. You can start with dinner, but it's got to be a great dinner place. Like what? There's this place in Hollywood. Is it magical? No, it is above any magical areas. Okay. It's called Yamashiro. Which is right above it. Yeah. I was in the right neighborhood. It's so beautiful. And you have to get in good with the people and they'll open up the garden for you. Okay. At night. Because there's a lot of spiders. They don't want just, you know, random people, but. The way you're talking, I feel like you got connections there. I mean, I may know people, but it's just beautiful. You go up there, you have a nice sushi dinner. Obviously you pay. Don't even let her reach for her wallet. It's a first date. Don't look at me like that. And then take her for a walk through the garden. The views are unmatched. Okay. What if it's like rainy, like it's overcast? Cancel the date. Tell her you're sick. Okay. So is that a. It's bad weather. Is that an acceptable answer? No, of course not. It's cloudy outside. If you stand her up that night, then no. All right. Figure something else out. Well, okay. So I want to hear Alex's best date because I want to get an idea of how good he did it to see if you like that. I want to ask Melissa actually a question. I'll take one step back and then five, five steps forward. Well, no. That's how you do it. You like that place, right, Melissa? I love that place. And I'm just hypothetically thinking you've probably gone on maybe, maybe 10 first dates with random 10 guys. I mean, if a guy took you there 10 times. If I didn't have to tell him that? Yeah. I mean, like at that point, are you like, oh, I've been here before? Or how do you deal with that? You know what I really love about a guy? What? I mean, one quality that I really find attractive in a guy is if they. Are Asian. Well, yeah. Yeah. Seriously. Duh. If they know what. Long finger. Shout out to long finger. Yeah. Shout out to long finger. Hey, long finger. I'll see you tomorrow. If they know where to go, if they know what to do. For example, one of my very good friends is like a walking Yelp. Okay. I told him, I was like, oh, it's such a beautiful night. I just want to go to Yamashiro. I just want to walk around. So he goes, come pick me up. And I had no idea what he had planned, but I went down to his house. He was. Already sitting in the driveway in his car, ready to go. I jumped in his car. He took me down to Dana Point, down to whatever it is. The, what's that place called? The montage. The montage. That's where I would go. And we walked around the garden and we walked down to the beach and it was amazing. And he's like, here's your garden. There you go. And he's just my friend. But like, I love when a guy knows where to go and there's not a whole lot of back and forth. He's just like, I'm just going to wow you. I'm just going to show you this. This is the place that I really like. And then I love it 10 times more because it's a special place for him. I know, but you guys are just friends at that point. I mean. Right. If a guy was like, wanted to like take a step further with you, like how does that like compare? At that point, I mean, I already like, gosh, I want to tell him my size of my ring. I mean, how do you go with that? I would never tell anyone my ring finger size. On the first date. Until when? On the first date. On the first date. No, not on the first date. Not until they ask. Really? No, you don't ask something like that. You just propose and then get it sized later. Figure it out from there. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Don't go too small though. Too big is okay. Too small is not okay. Well, what if it's on sale? Where do you buy your rings? I don't actually. I make them. I can customize. Really? Yeah. I know a jeweler. So do I. And then I just do it that way. It's tough. You know, you want to make something very unique because if it's, when I think about getting a ring, it's very unique for that certain person. We've just jumped a year and a half ahead. Actually, when, okay, if you were on an amazing first date. Yeah. Amazing. It blew you away. There was fireworks because it was the 4th of July. Would you ever, ever in your life, even consider proposing to a girl after a first date? No. That's just so completely out of your. I wouldn't. No, it's just not my style. What about after like a weekend? A weekend? No. No love at first sight? Nah. I just, I think that's a huge commitment. I have commitment issues to begin with. So something like that, I really need to think stuff out. Like I look at marriage. I mean, we're talking relationships now. I look at it like a business. I mean, you need to find like a business partner. Ew. What you know? Cause like say if something happens to me, you need someone that can handle taking care of the bills. Well, yeah, obviously you don't want an idiot, but why would you phrase it like a business thing? It's a truth. Cause at that point you file your taxes together. You're like dual incomes, with or without kids. I mean, it's literally a business. But haven't you noticed as people get older that they're more willing to jump to that marriage status much sooner than they would when they were younger? No, I'm much less willing now. I was pretty willing when I was 19 and now not so much. Not anymore, huh? Yeah. I'm waiting till I find the right guy to have the perfect wedding. Well, at least you probably learned. I mean, it's good to learn. Life is experiential. You have to learn, yeah. Oh yeah. I want to hear about this date. All right. So first date for me, a first date with Alex. Let me see. The first person that comes to mind is this girl named Kristen. Okay. Who I would probably take out on a first date. Who's probably listening. Have you taken her out before? No, actually. I've never taken her out. Where do you know her from? From high school, actually. All right. She's an old high school friend. And you keep in contact? Yes, we keep in contact. Were there sparks in high school? Which she told me there was. And I... You didn't know. I'm really bad at reading signs. And I... A boy-based guy. Yeah. I'm terrible. I mean, at that point, I'm worried about other stuff. I'm not really... I don't really think about like relationships or something. I was just more having fun. Okay. She's probably in bed listening to me right now. Shout out to Kristen. I love when people are in bed listening to us. We actually get that a lot. I wonder if she is. Anyways. Hi, Kristen. That's her little shout out. Anyway, tell us about your date. Come on. I don't know. You know what? I'm like a hopeless romantic. I mean, I don't think... I think you can't go wrong with that. Austin, you're going to take this girl out. Do you have any idea? I'm like a feeler, right? I like to do like a little pre-eval. Like what kind of foods do you like? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite flower? Random stuff. Your favorite color is blue. Okay. I didn't get the flower. Okay. She does actually say she does like Thai food. Okay. Thai food. So at that point... Am I going to Thai food? That's one of those things, like you said, the food you don't want to eat on a first date. Yeah. I mean, I think at that point, you kind of figure out which and what you want to do. So, you know, you kind of have something planned, right? At that point, you kind of figure out... Do you rehearse your lines? Rehearse my lines? Yeah. No. Do you like think in your head, like if she asks what's interesting about me? No, they just kind of come naturally. I don't... I've never really been one to go one way or the other. Okay. Sorry, keep going. So, for Austin's sake, I would get a feel. Obviously, the first thing I would do is obviously get a bouquet of flowers. I mean, that's just to help us romanticize. That's so sweet. Okay, but not roses, right? No. Like a mixed bouquet? I would get a mixed bouquet. Don't get carnations. Carnations are disgusting. Well, it could be mixed. I'm more of like a stargazer, maybe sunflower, daisies type thing. Yeah, no tulips. Yeah, and I'm that type. Okay. I mean, you could literally run to like a Ralph's or a Vaughn's. I mean, it doesn't have to be freaking something like you spend like a bunch of money on. Take the price tag off. Yeah, something like that. I mean, at that point, it's like, obviously, open the door for her. I think it's like the little things like that. Like, I'm all about like the little details. So, it's kind of classic. Yeah. So, stuff like that's huge. Obviously, if she doesn't know where we're going, you kind of get in the car and go, hey, we're going to go this. I mean, you have to have a backup plan in case I'm allergic to whatever food. I mean, unless you've done your homework and you kind of have an idea what kind of food they like, you know what I mean? Well, at first date, I don't know if she's allergic to shellfish yet. Yeah, at that point. you're totally doing it right though. But no, I mean, you have to have a backup plan. I mean, for me, if plan A doesn't come through, you have to have a backup. Like you, if you and I first met Melissa and like I didn't know you're a vegetarian, you told me, I'm fucked. No, that's not true. I love steaks. So, I would literally go to like a steak and like see if the place. we went to a steak place recently. What did I eat? You ate macaroni and cheese. I'm so accommodating. I so appreciate a guy that does a little, that puts some effort into it. Yeah, but I mean, at that point, we could figure out one way or the other. I've gone out with this guy twice and twice. He's, we've ended up with meat all over the table. And I was still totally into the guy. I thought it was sweet. It was a nice gesture. I didn't care. give options. But then the next time, knowing that I know that, like maybe I would take you to like a Thai or Indian place where it's, you know, vegetarian or something like that. You know, I mean, you have to be creative and the guys come out of his box. Right. So, obviously like the first impression is always important. Like awesome. Like obviously like the flowers, like a little note. You could get, keep it simple, get one daisy. I mean, if her favorite color is blue. Do not get a girl daisies. Ever. Why not? Even Talia told you that. Yeah. Well, no, I mean, I think it's cute because at that point you could totally do like the, she loves me, she loves me not. Or she's into me, she's into me not. Don't do that either. If I gave you a daisy, Melissa, how would you react? From you? I would think it was sweet, but that's you. That's not like a, a hot Asian guy showing up at my door to take me out for the first time. Wow. If it's a hot Asian guy named Alex, and he brings you a daisy. He needs to step it up a little bit. One sad daisy I'm on the level of a sad daisy. Did you catch that? No, actually, I was busy looking at my phone. It's okay for you, Austin, but not the hot guy. So, I mean, at that point, I mean, I think a flower, whatever, any flower you want to get, that's where you got to get a feel of what they're into. What if it came out of my own yard? That would be a problem. I've grabbed, I've honestly, I've would, on my way to a girl's house, I would literally, like as a joke, I'd maybe grab like a branch or like some weeds. I'm like, hey, I got, I got these for you. I would shut the door on you. Yeah, but that is, I know, like literally, that is not even, that's not even cute because you know what? When I was in like elementary school, I went to a birthday party and three of the girls got together and gave the birthday girl this box of like literally things they found under the couch and they were like, oh, that's a big job, but it's not a job. No, I know, but I'm just saying like, that's a terrible, terrible impression to make on a first date. Don't ever give a girl a fistful of weeds. Hey, I was just thinking about you. But hey, you know, when I saw these, I grabbed them, you know, it's a thought that counts. Okay, so how did she react when you gave her those? She thought it was sweet, even though they came from her garden. She did not. She did not think they were sweet. It's one of those. she might have been a really good actress, but there is no way that on your wedding day, she would be like, oh, you know what? Remember those cat tails you brought me on our first date? Let's have those as a centerpiece. you know what? She liked it because at that point, I literally, I cut myself. So I was bleeding. So at that point, she thought it was great that I actually cut myself. Yeah, she liked that you cut yourself because it's such a bad idea. No, but it's the thought process. See, you lose yourself in the romantic side of it. not a chance. Yeah, you're not a romantic. So anyways, you take her out to dinner. Austin, I think that one of the main things you have to do obviously is compliment her. Always compliment the girl. Yes. Like, I really like the outfit you're wearing. You know, your hair looks good. But don't be insincere. Only compliment her. Don't compliment the things you really like because if her hair is ugly and you compliment it, she's going to do it that way every time you guys go out and you're going to be like, oh my God, this girl doesn't even realize she's got a bird's nest for hair. Well, yeah, but, Jesus Christ. Sorry guys, I have like the most negative co-hosts in the world who can't even think of anything positive. Always looks for the negatives. Yes, on XM165 and skidreelstudios.com. So anyways, when you're dealing with like a negative Nancy like Melissa, Austin. And you really have to step up your game to impress me. Well, not really because you fuck on the first date. Not always. Only if you do magic tricks. That's it. Well, yeah, you can make something go in and out of you. That's a trick. Alex. What? You know what? I fucked on a first date one time. This week. One time in my life almost three years ago and that will follow me for freaking ever. I learned my lesson. Well, I'm glad you learned. Do not do that. I thought I would never see the guy again. I thought it was a one-off thing. And here we are. I don't even deal with that guy anymore. And you're giving me shit about it. Yeah, it'll come back to haunt you. People don't forget Melissa. You obviously didn't forget. Unbelievable. So anyways, Austin, compliment her. Maybe compliment her earrings. Or the color. That looks good on her. Are you impressed by all this, Melissa? If I did all this, would you be like, oh, you're swooning over me? If you were sincere about it. If you're Asian. But since you're not, you gotta work extra hard. No, if you were honestly sincere and you were like, if you showed a genuine interest and you know, because actually, I straighten my hair a lot. Yeah. But it takes me 10 times longer to curl my hair. Right? Okay. And I was with this guy at one time and he kind of mentioned, you know, I really like your hair when it's wavy. I make it a point to curl my hair anytime I see that guy now. Really? Because he was genuine about it. It wasn't like, oh, that color's good on you. It was like a sincere message. You know what, like for me, like I like simple girls. You know, like I always tell you, like I would rather see you like in jeans and like a wife beater or like a tank top or something. And you, when I tell you that, you don't believe me. I do, but. But you would still want to fix yourself up. I would still prefer to wear a prom dress. That's just who I am. That's why we'll never be together. Why? Because I like simple and you like flashy? Extravagant. Uh-huh. Extravagant. Wow. Okay. Yeah. I think it's important to dress up and to look your best and I don't know. No, I mean, I like simple. I mean, I'd rather have like no makeup. I'd rather have like simple makeup. You look better without makeup. Yeah. Yeah. Luckily, I don't wear makeup. What the heck is that supposed to mean? So, Austin, I don't even know if we've helped you in any way. Not yet. Just on the date with Myra. Okay, fine. So, you've got a fistful of weeds and you're telling this girl you like her t-shirt. All right. Then what? How about what not to do? Maybe you could tell me your worst date and. I think what not to do is to let her pay. I think that's. That's horrible. That's terrible. I think that's like no class at all. What if she asked me out? No. If she asked you, I would still fight to pay. Yeah, seriously. Even if she says, no, you know, if she's at the point where she goes, you know, I asked you out. She goes, and then even at that point, like you guys are literally like going to go like throw elbows at each other and start fighting. This is such an Asian thing. Do not let her pay on the first date ever. It is a test. At least at that point. It's a test. At that point, I would let her pay. Honestly, I would let her pay if we're literally we're going to fight over it. And then the next time I go look at, we're going to go out next time and I got it. Like, let me pick the place. Like, you're going to be that way, then fine. Nope. Pinky promise the next date. I will go to elbows with a guy and if he lets me pay, done. No, but on the first date. No, I'm just saying. No, I'm just saying if she was like adamant about paying, like at that point, like some girls are very adamant. They're like, they want to like, hey, you know, I'm independent. I can take care of myself. Why don't they take themselves out? No, but their thing was like, I wanted to take you out. They could take themselves out any other day. They make their own money. They're independent. They're on their own. They could do whatever the heck they want to do. But at that point, it's like, hey, look, I want to take you out. I want to enjoy some time with you. I want to spend time with you. I mean, it's just like a reverse role. Then, you know, at that point, I'm just straight up like, hey, look, next time we go out, I got this. But then isn't it a friend thing and it wouldn't count as a date anyway? Not necessarily. I mean, things could still end up, you know, you could be back on the couch fucking. I mean, at that point, it could be one way or the other. I mean, it doesn't happen. Then the next date, you already know. I mean, you could plan on where you want to go. You're taking McDonald's, Austin. You're from like Olive Garden to like McDonald's. That's not cool. Neither of those would be in my game plan. If you hook up with a girl early on, are you still going to take her out on dates or are you just going to be like, hey, we've already hooked up, so let's just hang out at your place and fuck? No, it depends on, wait, what? Hang out at your place and fuck? Well, no, if I hook up with her early in the relationship or early in the dating period, I mean, what determines if she's a keeper, like I've told you in the past, is she's a keeper or she's either got to ride a good dick or suck a dick. And if she could do either one of those, I mean, I'll keep her around. If she could do both. That's what your business relationship for marriage entails? Yeah. I mean, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with a guy that knows what he wants? So how do you go about finding your business partner? Or like, do you have a contract? No, there's no contract. The contract comes if you guys actually want to get married. Oh, yeah. That's later on. I wouldn't go jump into it right away. Would you put something crazy like you have to go down on me three times a week in order for us to stay married? See, that's the thing though. I wouldn't have to actually evoke that. It would just be done automatically. I mean, at that point, maybe I would. Because you just found the right girl that loves it. Well, yeah. I mean, if you're with a girl that's not like that sexually, then how is that going to work out? I mean, sex, I think, right? Well, yeah. I mean, some people are just compatible and they just have low sex drive. So they're just happy to, I don't know, sit there and look at each other. I don't know. I think at that point, I mean, I think sex is actually crucial in relationships. But you're still going to take a girl out. You're still going to woo her. You're still going to say, hey, let's go have dinner. Then we'll fuck. That will never stop. Build it up a little bit. Let's go fuck in the bathroom right now type of thing. I mean, I don't think you should lose any of that. I think that's something that should be carried on throughout. Yeah. For the rest of your life. Okay. I agree with you now. Now, it only took, what, a whole half hour? Yeah. To figure it out. So would you do, I mean, other than dinner, would you do something cheesy like go play Frisbee in the park or something? Frisbee in the park. Let me think about that. You mean like disc golf? Yeah. Disc golf. I think it depends. Well, let me ask you a question. Okay. If you're, you're like Miss Extravagant, elegant all the time. Yeah. Like I'm going to take you to take Frisbee. I'm going to take you to Frisbee golf. You know what I mean? That's not going to work. Obviously, if it's at night, you know, we're going to go out. Yeah. I don't want to go play Frisbee golf with you at 730 at night. I want to take you someplace where maybe. That'd be a cool date for me. At night? I like dates. I think the ideal first date is something where you can, like, it's always about eating. I like stuff where you have a good opportunity to have conversation, but then you can interact and do stuff together. Like, let's go to the zoo or for a hike. You know what? I went hiking with a guy. Really? Yeah. It was the best afternoon ever. I was sick as fuck the whole week before. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. Oh, man. But it was, but it was so nice. I mean, it was just great to just be out there and it was just us and I really got a good sense of his personality because there was no distraction. Yeah. Like with eat, I mean, I think movies are a horrible date. I agree. Oh, yeah. But like, like eating, you know, you're eating and eating sometimes awkward and stuff, but like, oh, let's go for a walk or go to a dog park or, you know. Without your dogs? Yeah. Just go pet other people's dogs? You know, like something you can do together. No, that's something that you actually could do. You could go to like a, like a, like a pound or like a, what are they? Rescue? Yeah, like a rescue type thing. Who brought that up before? I've heard this before. You could walk, go for a date, like walk the dogs and bring them back. To their death. See, that would be cool for me if someone was like, hey, let's go walk dogs or let's go to SeaWorld. But see, I think that's something where you have to get a feel like with Mindy. Obviously, I would get a feel prior to that. Like if that's something she wants to do, I would ask her and try to get that idea. And then at that point, then I'm being creative and doing something like that. Okay, I get that SeaWorld might work, but okay, so say you're in Los Angeles, you really want to ride in a car for that long a time? Oh yeah, well, Long Beach queer. Well, you know what I mean. Like something where like there's something to do if the conversation lags and it gets awkward, but there's enough free time to where you can have conversations. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So you're like hiking up to the Hollywood sign or something if you stay out here locally. That would be awesome. but if you run out of things to talk about, you know, you're hiking and there's a view so it's not like it's awkward silence. Like if you're like sitting in a quiet restaurant like staring at each other. Yeah. So you think on Friday I could maybe go to LACMA? Yeah, if she's in art. Okay. You know what I mean? Something like that, but I don't know what time they close at that point. What are you gonna do after? Get a drink. Go to a club. It's important, you know, tar pits. Tar pits are good too. It's important, you know, how to get through those awkward silent moments with someone. Yeah. Because some people you can be really comfortable and it's just. I always fall back on, I'm like, tell me a story when you were a little kid. I mean, at that point, they go to like either a good point in their life or a bad point. And at that point, you learn about them. In all honesty, you learn about them. It'll like get really heavy. It gets real serious. Serious. Yeah. How do you work that in? Well, it's just literally, literally random. It's like, okay, so it's awkward quietness, right? Like, you know, like then you just ask them, tell me a story when you were a kid. You know, this one time I was eating crayons. Okay. On that note, we are gonna go to a quick break. Is it because of the crayons? We're gonna finish up with this date. We are gonna get Austin on his way to a very successful date. You're listening to Melissa and Alex and Austin and Mindy. On oral stimulation on XM165 and skidrowstudios.com. Listen to Skidrow Studios. Skidrow Studios. Real internet radio. Hey everybody, this is Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z of Registered Ear Offenders. Be sure to call in live every Friday, 1 p.m. Pacific time or 4 p.m. Eastern Standard Time right here on skidrowstudios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Skidrow Studios.com. Ladies in a line saying me first. And keeping condoms in a purse. I'm the worst when it comes to talking dirty like a jerk. But I told you how I squirt. It all comes with the worst. The boys love my thick-ass Cuban thighs. Thirsty horse eyes. So I open wide, let it slide. Ah. Mmm. Ah. Ah. Tune into Oral Stimulation. Wednesdays, 9 p.m. Pacific. Skid Row Studios. Dot com. One and one. We're having some fun in the bedroom all day. And all of the night. Please join me, Wyme Russell, here live at skidrowstudios.com for the Devils in the Details radio show Fridays from 2 to 3 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. We cover everything from conspiracy theories to the truth movement. Please join us. Hi, this is Vic Cohen. What are you doing Wednesday nights at 10 o'clock Pacific Time? It's a fair question. Well, whatever you're doing, even if it's making love, I'd like to join you. May I? Hey, it's a fair question. Just go to skidrowstudios.com Wednesday nights at 10 p.m. Pacific Time for Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. I promise I'll be gentle. No man of the past could ever stop me. You are listening to Skid Row. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Can you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Baby. Okay. Is it love or lust? Jesus, Austin. Jesus Christo. Austin, I hate that thing. Can you fix it? You think you sound sexy. I know you do. I didn't do the second one. Who did it? I don't know. He made it up after we left. Austin hired a hooker to do a voiceover. Was that you, Austin? Give us your best. Yeah, do your best. Yeah, thank you. That's a very convincing. You sound like a fucking dying crow. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? A bunch of dying crows. Okay, guys. You know what I love? What I really genuinely love? Guys. Bring it back, gentlemen. Bring it back. I love. Love. Love. Love. Love when a guy cooks for me. Really? Yes. What is one dish that a guy has cooked for you that you were just like, holy cow. Okay. I want this guy to cook for me every day. It was very simple. Grilled cheese. No. Okay, good. What was it? We missed the grilled cheese invitational, by the way. Thanks. Thanks. Okay. So what did he cook? He made, it was a pot of boiling. A pot of boiling what? Water. And then he shut up. And then he added lettuce and these two different kinds of mushrooms. Okay. Shabu-shabu. Okay. And some tofu. Okay. LA all day. And then he put in ponzu sauce, like in a little bowl. And then he put it all in there. It was so good. It was so simple, but it was so good and it was healthy and it was perfect. And at that point you were like, oh my God. Is that even considered? Cooking? Yes. You had to turn on the stove. What date number is that? I don't know. I can't do that on the first date? Is that too intimate for the first date? Yeah. Don't invite someone to your house on the first date. What? No. Never? Ever. Yeah, I wouldn't do that either. Have sex in your car if you have to. Do not bring them into your house. I'm kidding. What? I'm mostly kidding. I like the couch, dude. I just, I don't know what it is. I like having a girl spread her legs. On top of you? No. Across like the armchairs on a love seat and just pounding it. Well, she's got to be like really into yoga to do that. Well, I've had flexible women. That's like a Bruce Lee kind of move. Hey. Right? You know what? And I test them out. Do you? I mean, okay. Obviously, she's going to be lower down on the couch with her legs spread. Okay, I'm sitting on the couch. Oh. And she's facing forward. Oh, well, that's different. Okay. I thought you were standing up. So there's an idea for the first date to get a feel. Take her to a yoga class. See how flexible she is. By now, how flexible she is. There you go, Austen. Get her loosened up for the rough ride after. So she could be disappointed in how unflexible I am. No, because she might think it's really charming that you're trying. Wait, Austen, actually, what's your goal for the first date? Guys go and they have to have a game plan. Like, for me, my game plan is to go to a second date. You sound like a player. Are you just trying to hook up? Or are you trying to late game? doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad doświad I am. No, because she might think it's really charming that you're trying. Wait, Austin, actually, what's your goal for the first date? Guys going, they have to have a game plan. Like for me, my game plan is to go to a second date. You sound like a player. Are you just trying to hook up or are you trying to like... Wait, me or Austin? You, because you're like game plan. Don't players have game plans? Yes. Don't hate the player, hate the game. Okay, everyone thinks he's such a sweet guy. Yeah, I wish I had like the girls to like follow me that I am a player. If a player, I mean, whatever. We know how you play. I think it's an illusion. No, I'd love to say that it's a matter of, you know, at a point in my life where I just want to get down, get crazy. You know, that's all I'm looking for. You're just going for the hookup? Does she know that? That's your goal? It sounds like he's saying that's not his goal. Thank you. Thank you, Mindy. It's more that I'm at a point in my life where I'd actually like to meet someone to have a serious relationship with. You're not going to drop that on her on the first date, are you? No. Okay. No way. Wait. How would I even do that? Hey, girl. What's your race size? I see you in five years. What are you doing in five years? That's terrible. Want to know where I see myself in five years? Where, Mindy? I want to know. Sitting on the couch miserable. Inside your vagina with three of our children next to us. Are they triplets? Is it in vitro? We need to know details. Twins and then a singlet. Okay. It's so awesome. Okay. For a first date, right? You want to like actually get to know each other. You want to know someone. So you're using the first date to get to know someone to see if they're even capable to being like a lifelong partner for you? That's correct. I mean, especially with what Mindy said so far. So far, it's been more about if you can take someone and present them, put them in a scenario that they're not necessarily used to, I might get the best results. But you don't want to show up to a girl's door and she's all dressed up in heels and a screen. You're like, I have a surprise for you. And then you take her to a yoga studio. Well, no, you have to give her a heads up. It's not like, hey, you. I mean, if I'm going on a date, I'm telling her straight out like, hey, dress comfortable. Or hey, we're going to go someplace, dress nice. I mean, you have to dictate at some point one another where you go. But that's just the alpha male in me. No, that's very courteous of you because I've dressed down before and then ended up surrounded by people in black dresses. And I'm like, thanks, D-bag. You could have given me a heads up. Yeah, I mean, at that point, I think that's effed up because you really need to give some kind of consideration. Especially, you know what? They're a reflection of me. If I'm going to someplace that's dressed up and they're dressed down, that's a reflection of both of us. That's a good point. You know what I mean? I want like if, like I would tell her straight out like, hey, we're going to this like, you know, this bougie thing. I want you ready and dressed to kill, like literally. And so the minute I pick her up and I'm in awe, my jaws drop down and I'm drooling. What does bougie even mean? Because I hear that a lot, but I don't think I've ever been anywhere bougie before. I don't know. I wish Mike Tai was listening because he would define bougie. Shout out to Mike Tai. Bring us a little bouge. 800. Mike Tai, call. 893-9562. Because he's big on classy. Being classy as opposed to swag. He's not swag. So that's why bougie seems like it's classy to me. I don't think it is though. Well, I think it's ghetto. I think it's like ghetto style. Bougie? I think it is. It could be a French word though. It is bourgeois. Austin. Bourgeoisie. Yeah, but I think it's been changed to like, like over the top, kind of like, you know, Russians with crystals all over themselves. The bourgeoisie back in the day were the people who were like, basically upper middle class. Oh, okay. But the thing is now it's more that you say bougie, you're thinking of the people who are ritzy or maybe even pretending to be ritzy even though they're not. Yeah, I gotcha. How do you feel about touching someone on a first date? Touching someone where? You've made it to the door. Okay. He's into your handful of weeds. Okay. He thinks it's cute. He? I said she. You guys made it through your first activity dinner, say, right? So you're mid-date. Either you have some kind of activity planned or you know what's going on. At that point, do you start touching her, grabbing her arm, putting your arm around her waist, maybe brushing her hair off her face? I take the initiative. I'll grab her hand. When we're rocking, I'll grab her hand. How do you feel about a girl taking the initiative? I'm like. On a first date? You know, if I'm not into her, I would kind of try to shy away from it. But if I'm into her, I would be okay with it. Well, I guess my question is normally it would seem that a woman will, she'll do that friendly touch or something to kind of indicate. Yeah, everything's really funny. Doesn't that come from the woman first before the man? You definitely have to look for the signals. I'm not really going to be like, ha ha ha, and touch her. Well, no, I mean, I think, I think something like that. Like, I think I'm aggressive as far as that goes. We're like, I'll open the door for her. Like if we're, you know what I mean? And the minute we get out of the car, I'm grabbing her hand like, hey, we're going to walk, you know, I'm going to lead her to the door. Stuff like that. What if she goes limp fish on you? Do you keep trying? Well, then I could, if she lets go or if you could tell there's no vibe, then maybe I'll let go or like, I'll maybe like go grab my phone or pretend like to grab my wallet to make sure I have everything in my pocket. Maybe I forgot my phone in the car. Maybe, maybe I left my wall in the car. So if she's not willing to grab my hand or if it's kind of awkward, I'll pretend like I'll like pat my pocket to see if. I forgot something. It's like, you know, like. You don't like that. He's being subtle. Yeah. So you invite her out of the car. Gosh, I sound like such a fucking professional. Nobody judge me, please. No one would ever think that you've got a list of girls or that you go on a lot of dates or anything like that. No one's judging you here, Alex. You're the only one that calls me out on the fucking text list. No one thinks that you've got this down to a science because of experience. So I'll open the car door. I'll make sure I take my hand out to kind of help her out of the car. As a gentleman. That's so sweet. When I'm a gentleman, you should always extend your hand out. If you wait, if you go over and help her out of the car. Okay. Opening the car door for a girl is sweet. But once you get somewhere and you open the car door for her, that's like shit. You mean like we drive somewhere, I get out of the car, come around and open the car door so she can get out. Yeah. That's like serious. What if there's a valet and the valet guy does that? Screw the valet guy. Knock him out of the way. Be there. Be there. Be there. Like the next opportunity would be for going into some place when I open the door for her. Grab her hand. Is that like I could touch her lower back? Yeah. I'm all about that because you're walking in, you're claiming her. You're like, dude, I'm proud this girl's by my side. Put your arm around her waist. Keep her close to you. And at that point, if she's distant, then she's setting that boundary with you. You know what you can or can't get away with. At that point, you're like, okay, the boundary's established. This isn't going to work out. Right? No, I think you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. Yeah. Because a girl. Thank you. You have, I know. You have to pay attention because a girl will ultimately lead the date. She'll make the decision. I think at some point the guy needs to lead because. Well, yeah, the guy has to have the activities planned, but she's going to decide halfway through the date if there's going to be a second date. Halfway through the date, you actually decide? Oh. Is it sooner than halfway? If not sooner, yeah. Well, then I'm always going to get some cheesecake because that thing is the bomb. Oh, that cheesecake, Alex. At that point, you leave. A lasting impression in their mouth, which is orgasmic. Wait, what are you talking about cheesecake? No, this amazing. It's not the factory. Cheesecake. No. Should we tell him where it is? No, Austin knows. He's frequently. We're going to tell you off air. Yeah, it's a secret. So that you can save it for this job. Yeah, no shameless plug on my cheesecake. So you can make a really. For people that know, that are listening, that I've taken that, they know. This cheesecake. I thought about this cheesecake for days. Really? I associated you with it. I sound like I might win with just a cheesecake. You might. You might. Surprisingly. I mean, if she's into sugar, like I'm into sugar. There's berries in it. You know what? This guy brought me a box of cake and donuts. And he's like, if you don't eat it, I'm just going to throw it away. I was like, don't you dare. What did you do? I was a little horrified. I was about to eat it all right there. So Austin, I mean. You give me all this like positive grace stuff. What should I not do? Like Melissa, what was the worst thing that you've seen someone do to you in a day? Don't go to the movies. Don't take her to the movies. No, I have a worse one than the movies. Okay. Movies would have been a step up from this terrible date. It was so bad. Okay. I can't wait to hear it. Oh, it's so bad. Okay. So I was a freshman in high school, right? You think a freshman knows what the fuck to do? This guy was a junior. All right. He had two more years to figure this shit out. And I was young in school. So he probably had three. Hey, if I was at a junior and I saw you at that, I would definitely try to hook up with you too. All right. Thank you. I like you now. Imagine you before. I was such a nerd. You don't even know. I. That's my style. I kind of want to know about that. I landed this guy. I landed this guy. Right. He was the drum major. So watch out. We're talking status. Thank you, Mindy. You understand. Mindy's the awesome drummer, by the way. So I'm like, hey, let's hang out. Of course, I had to initiate it because guys are lame. So I initiate it. He's like, yeah, I'll come pick you up on Friday. He was driving, guys. It was amazing. He comes and picks me up. He's got no plan. And he's like, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I don't know. And he's like, well, aren't you the guy? Shouldn't you know what to do? And he's like, well, I mean, I need to get my car washed. So I was like, let's go to the car wash. I'm just happy to be with you. Right. Because I'm sweet like that. I'm not going to call a guy out on a date. If that's his plan. Fine. I'm going to give him a chance. So we go through the car wash literally at the gas station. It's not even like a nice hand wash where we can like sit at a picnic table and discuss. No, this is like straight up drive through. Okay. And then he took me home. That was your date? That was the worst date of my whole entire life. Yes. And then we sat outside and kind of talked and it was, it was so awkward. I really hope that guy. I need a perspective from a girl, Melissa, because I'm not taking anyone on a car wash date. Okay. Yeah. Melissa just like killed it. She went back to her. Like teenager years. There's no worse date than a car wash. That's pretty bad. I'm not going to lie. That's pretty bad. Every date of my life has been a step up from that point. Hey girl, I got $10. Let's go to the car wash. Well, I don't know what else there is to do in Nebraska. If a guy doesn't have a plan, that's the worst. I mean, it can be the lamest thing and at least it's something. In all honesty, I think the plan is to make a lasting impression. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to impress them in one way or the other. Yeah. You're either impressing them with your cheapness or you're impressing them with your creativity. And that's why you have to ask kind of questions like, what are you into? What do you like? What don't you like? I think that's very important, Austin, because at that point you have to evaluate and assess what they're into. Is there any onus for her to impress me in any way? Absolutely. Well, she's already impressed you because you've asked her out. I think in some aspect, yeah. But if she could be like something nice to look at, but if she has no kind of like brain or knowledge, then. What if she busts? She busts out with like burping or farting on a date. Ooh. That's. You get it out of your way. Girls, listen. Do not do that ever. There's something to say about being comfortable in your own skin. No. Oh, man. I want to hear my like farting story. You'll love this. Of course we do. Play it on us, Mindy. So me and my wonderful current boyfriend, we hadn't been dating very long and he was like giving me a back massage. And then he thought we were in my apartment. And he thought he'd try cracking my back. And I totally like super farted. And we'd only been together like a month. Mindy, gross. He like cracked up. And then my roommate, I lived in an apartment with two guys and my roommate was in his room and all I had was sheet walls. So basically his roommate like totally hurt and he was like busting out laughing. He's like, oh my God, Mindy, no. That's horrible. It broke the ice though. And it made us more comfortable. No. Cause you know what? With my ex-husband. I remember. I remember the first and only time I ever farted in front of him and he was tickling me and it happened and it was the most embarrassing thing of my entire life. And I never have ever, ever, ever done anything disgusting in front of a guy since. See, I don't care. I'm not trying to impress my boyfriend anymore. He loves me. I know. But Mindy, you have to maintain that sense of like woman allure. I don't think I got much woman allure. I think you do. I got a vagina. I got some boobs. You've got some charm that you know how to work. More than you're giving yourself credit for. Melissa's living in some fucking fantasy world. You act like you don't poop. You want a girl to fart in front of you? So do you poop in front of your boyfriend, Melissa? Hell no. I don't poop at all. What are you talking about? You shut the door. Turn on the shower. Turn on the faucet. Turn on the fan. Turn on the glad candle. Turn on the fucking. There is nothing. There is nothing. There is a definite boundary. You've got to maintain a sense of dignity. Okay. Well. You don't think so? No. I'm just keeping it real, son. That doesn't even work out. That's entirely too real. Well, stuff happens. You know what I mean? No. I wouldn't even fart in front of you. Well, when you were asleep the other night. Shut up. Asleep? Asleep? Asleep? That's a totally different thing. Okay. You can't. You can't fight the forces of sleep. I'm going to record you next time we're sleeping next to each other. And I will let you know. Because that happens all the time. So here's what I've learned so far. I got to work to be unique. To leave an indelible impression. Absolutely. I got to give her some consideration. Give her a little bit of warning about what's going to happen. It's still a surprise. Just a little. But give her a little bit of a heads up. Yes. And I got to light a candle if I'm going to be farting. Yes. Or incense. Or maybe just have one of those like blade. Roll down the window. Next year or something. Don't ever fart in the car. Impress her by farting onto the candle and seeing how big of a flame you can get. No. I had a friend that did that. I had a friend that did that. His girlfriend went to the bathroom and he farted on the candle. And it burned his ass hairs. And there was a fucking smoke thing. It was freaking nuts. Holy shit. We're out of time. Freaking nuts. We are out of time. Oh my God. So soon. Okay. This has been Oral Stimulation XM 165. SkidGirlSeedos.com. You can find us on at Oral Stim on Twitter. Oral Stim at gmail.com. And my favorite, facebook.com slash Oral Stimulation Radio. Next week, we're going to bring on Chris Cahill. What? Yeah. She's going to talk about all kinds of cool stuff. It's going to be awesome. Thanks, guys. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, yeah. We'll be right back.