Confessions, dildo stories, Robbie Ravenwood interview

Hello, hello. How the hell are you, listener land? Welcome to another edition of Registered Ear Offenders. Chris Zee in the captain's chair today. With me, as always, is my number one, Sal Rodriguez. Hello, everybody. I enjoyed that too short intro. I haven't heard the word skeezer in a while. Whatever happened to too short? I don't know. I think he's just living in some mansion in Oaktown, I think. God, what a way to do it, man. One hit wonder and then just blow the money. You know, just blow the money on coke and skeezers. He's a skeezer, not an Ebeneezer. Oh, my God, dude. Sal and I were just talking about this on the way here. You know, what we would do if we had ridiculous money. Like Bill Gates' money or what's that? The richest telecommunications tycoon in Mexico. Oh, yeah. He's a Latin dude. He owns, I think, Univision. Yeah. Yeah, that dude. I mean, I would literally become like Nero or something. You know what I mean? I would ride around on a chariot with horses and I'd have a bullwhip and people to amuse me. Dance for me. I would ride around. On a human. I would ride on a human's back is what I would do. I always like when you see, like, they have the half-naked man servants for no good reason, you know? Is that what you would have? Yeah, even though it has no sexual appeal to me. It just fits the image. I would have them there just to lift furniture if I needed it. Like, hey, move that couch over there just because. I always loved this scene in the movie Caligula. Have you ever seen Caligula? No, I've heard of it, but I've never seen it. Well, there's this one scene where just to show you how to pray, how depraved he was and how much enjoyment he derived from, you know, being so depraved. He has sex with a man's wife before he can, like on the night of the wedding, just because it's his, like, his privilege as the emperor to do that. So on the guy's wedding night, Caligula has sex with the guy's wife before he gets a chance to. Yeah, yeah, if I'm not mistaken. It's been a long time since I saw it, but I believe that's, yeah, I think that's one of the scenes from the film. But, you know, that actually used to be a king's privilege. That's where F-U-C-K comes from. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No way. That's an urban legend. I don't know. Maybe it is, but that's what I've always heard, that you had to get kind of the king's blessing, because technically a female was the king's property. So for you to marry her, you had to supplicate or, you know, almost like be granted permission to marry, because you, well, men as well, were also property of the king. What I never understood about royalty is why people went along with it. Yeah. I mean, people just agreed to it. Like, yeah, okay, they're the king, they're better than us. Even today, I mean, today, people make a fuss, over the royal family. Why? Why? Why should they be any different than anybody else? Yeah, and if you know the, I mean, the volume of tax money that goes to fund their lavish lifestyle when there's, you know, certain people in certain neighborhoods who don't have enough to eat, whatever, you know. But I mean, we're not the first people to point this out. Correct me if I'm wrong. Certain punk rock icons have, you know, that's one of the things that they lambasted the monarchy for is, you know, you've got people here who need money just to survive and you're spending money on crowns and palaces. It's such an antiquated thing. But of course, we as Americans, we love to criticize. We love to judge other people when we have, you know, parallels here in our own home. I mean, look at the churches. We have people here who barely scrape by and give 10, tithe 10% of their income to churches, to these mega churches. Some of these pastors drive nicer cars than they do. Why a pastor is supposed to be a man of God. Shouldn't he be living kind of below your means? You know what I mean? He's supposed to be doing the Lord's work, not living. He's supposed to be living better than the average person. What do mega churches have to do with the teachings of Jesus? That's what I'd like to know. Yeah, no kidding, man. Haven't you ever seen some of them? And they don't pay any tax money. Yeah, and meanwhile, they're telling their congregation to vote for them. That's right. And they violate that. And they know they're not supposed to align themselves behind political candidates and they do it anyway. In fact, at the last election, some of them made it a point to flaunt that because they were specifically told, I don't remember who by, but I think it was the IRS being told, hey, you know, you're restricted in backing candidates. There's a reason you have a tax-free exam. You have to pay exemption. I'd stay out of politics. I hope we tax them to death. And I really do. In fact, that's the ultimate business then. If you and I wanted to go into business together, aside from this wonderful venture, we should go into founding a church. Absolutely. I mean, we would get rich. Hey, where's Nick today? We had Jeremy running the show. Where's Nick today, Jeremy? Nick had his toes operated on. Oh, did he have to get a toe amputation? Something like that. I don't know. Well, there goes his sex life. I understand Nick likes to toe girls. He likes to toe girls. He likes to toe them. He's a toer. He caught something from towing a hooker? That might have happened. I don't know. How does a guy of Nick's physical appearance know when something's wrong with his body? Oh. I mean, he looks gravely ill at all times. I'm not trying to be funny here. I'm just stating a fact. Oh, Nick. Our Nick. Nick, if you're listening, we love you. Just a joke. Yeah, we hope you get better, man. And we hope you come in with one of those funny-looking shoes so we can make fun of you. How are we doing on time, Sam? We got started a little late now, so we got to add six minutes to everything we do. It threw off my entire format. I don't know where the hell we are. Correct me if I'm wrong. I think we're actually right on time, though. I have no idea. Oh, okay. I adjusted your time appropriately. Okay, so we'll have the full hour then. All right, cool. That's good to know. I'm real excited to be here, man. Let me tell you something. I'm just recovering from this porn movie I saw last night. A guy gets... One man has sex with five women. I mean, really, my sexual fantasies don't involve a place or a person. It involves volume. I've been watching hardcore pornography regularly for 19 years, so it's very rare that I encounter something that I find memorable. Last night was so memorable because this was... I mean, it would be arguably every man's fantasy. I mean, it was one man and five women, and they were like these evil nymphs. They were just writhing and moaning and just doing whatever he wanted at any given second. Yeah, that's the amazing thing. I mean, I don't care how big a deal you are. In real life, you're never going to get women to be that kind of... That's what I think is the most appealing thing about porn. is that the women appear to enjoy being subservient no matter what that entails. You know, the man's just like, you know, I want to spit in your face. I love it. They're open to everything. I don't think that's ever going to happen in real life. I don't care how much money you have unless the girl is specifically being paid to, you know, help you indulge that fantasy. Well, going back to royalty, let's say Prince William. You don't think Prince William could approach five girls, maybe like five college girls, and say, hey, look, I'm Prince William. Let me have sex with all of you at once. You don't think that they'll go for it? I think he could, but there's a very gross... Brave kind of cultural movement in progress as we speak, and that's this new thing where hookers can't keep their goddamn mouth shut. I know, I hate that. And I do believe that in the future that will dissuade guys like you and us from really living our lives to the fullest. I like how you're so angry about that. They keep their goddamn mouth shut. That's their job. No, it really does make me mad because for me, it's a violation of a business contract like any other. I mean, for instance, I have done some work for Wolfgang Puck as an independent. I'm an independent contractor, and I've had to sign forms stating that I will... I could get fired on the spot for even pulling my cell phone out. And they even tell you, wear a watch, because don't tell us that you pulled your cell phone out to look at the time. We don't care. You want to know what time it is? Wear a watch, look at a wall clock. Well, the good news is the hookers on Sepulveda in victory, you don't have to worry about them telling anybody. I don't think most of them have verbal skills enough to communicate what they saw to the press. Hey, listen, I just want to warn some of our listeners. You know, some people, they tune into, they tune into the show. This is a show for mature audiences. I just want to preface that. I want to make a disclaimer, because some people are surprised. They're surprised by the content. They're surprised by the language. The name of our show is Registered Ear Offenders for Mature Audiences Only. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that both Sal and I are stand-up comedians. We're performers, but we both work clean. So you could see how some people would be maybe caught off guard. I do. And listen, man, what's on our show today? Who do we got? We got a big show ahead of us, Sal. We got Confessions, which I do believe is the first bit we ever conceived. I think it is. First bit we ever did. We just had to get some things off our chest. It's almost a sad reflection of us, a sad statement on us that we continue to have Confessions to divulge nearly four months out of the gate. We also got What If, which is kind of a newer segment, very funny, where Sal and I kind of contemplate, what if we'd done this instead of that? What if we, you know, zigged instead of zagged? Theoretically, where would we be now? We've also got Robbie Ravenwood. This is kind of cool, man. This is the first time for us. He's a musical comedian. He's a singer-songwriter, social satirist. He performs in the sardonic tradition of Tom Lehrer, Randy Newman, and Dan Hicks. Plays piano, keyboards. Really talented individual with a very unique kind of act and certainly not anything we've had on this show before, so I'm looking forward to that. And speaking of not had on this show before, he is our first openly gay guest. I don't say our first gay guest because who the hell knows? He is our first openly gay guest on Registered Ear Offenders. I'm excited about that. I know. I'm looking forward to asking him all kinds of really dopey questions. Like, what's it like to be gay? Like, just really heavy-handed myopic questions. Are glory holes real? Do you have a glory hole in your house? We've, oh my God, he just gave me a hand signal indicating that he has, in fact, three of them. So now I'm curious if he did it himself or he hired an outside contractor. He got some workers from Home Depot to come to his house and make a glory hole. Some guy with carpentry skills. And it'd be funny if that, the guy who makes the glory holes isn't gay. And he's like, hey man, I'm here. I'm here on business. Quit clowning around. I don't want to hear any filthy talk. I just want to know what, guy takes out a tape. You know, he does it all professional. Oh, hey, don't forget. We've also got Chris's Corner and Sal's Weekly Rant, which are now mainstays. We do them every week. Sal and I kind of get personal, give you a personal glimpse on, you know, how we feel on certain issues. Could be anything, but you won't find out unless you stick around and listen to the whole show. By the way, you're welcome to give us a call if you'd like 800-893-9562. That is 800-893-9562. And we'll be here for another 45 minutes or so if you want to go ahead and give us a call. Well, with that said, Sal, I guess we just kick off the show, right? Let's do it, man. I say, let's get into our first segment, which is confessions and check out this cool intro. I love it, man. Big shout out to Sal Rodriguez here who's not only my co-host of my sound tech. What would you call that? I don't know. Am I? Yeah, yeah. Jeremy's the audio engineer. So what does that make you? You produce all the bits we do. I do at home, but I got to say, let me tell you something. I try to find whispers online, free MP3s of whispers, and they were all scary. Like, it sounded like a demon, like, it's like, no, it's not the Halloween show. So we don't want people tuning in thinking we're conducting an exorcism on air. No, that's a side of these are confessions. And again, a brief rundown. In case you're just joining us, confessions are Sal and I coming clean about, we're basically cleaning, in and out of closets. And we do have the option to amend. That's another thing that is kind of a more recent development. Sal and I have decided that if we do feel bad about what it is that we're confessing, if we feel we've done wrong, we apologize to those individuals in the hopes that maybe they're listening. Yeah. All right, cool. Let's play that intro one more time. And then Chris, you go first. I knew it was too good to be true. You didn't tell me you were going to do that. Do what? So what do you do? You threw it away. You threw it away. He put it in the recycling bin, our intro, as soon as he played it. Jeremy thought it was a one-shot deal. He's like, I deleted the whole thing. Confessions, confessions, confessions, confessions. Hi, it's me, Chris. Confessions, confessions, I'm going to tell you confessions. All right, guys, here's the deal. Here's my confession. Sal and I have mentioned that both of us have been on previous USO tours. That is, we've gone overseas to entertain the troops with our stand-up acts. During one such tour, we were on a trip to the U.S. and we were on a trip to the U.S. I was accompanied by no less than Sal Rodriguez and my then-girlfriend at the time. It was a long-term relationship. We lived together. She was also a fellow entertainer and we traveled together. However, we had had a terrible sex life, an almost non-existent sex life from very early on in the relationship. And I had heard from firsthand from some of the sailors and whatnot that the hotel we were staying at, as nice as it was, became, what would you call that? A place where prostitutes congregate. Attractive Filipino girls, young girls, pretty girls, not streetwalkers. Basically, you'd be hanging out in the bar and about 9, 9.30, they would literally come out of the woodwork. They'd showed up, you know, dressed up nicely, you know, smelling good. And of course, I wanted to partake, but I wasn't able to because again, I was in my girlfriend's company. We were not only traveling together, but sharing a room together, performing together, et cetera. She was closing that night. That is, she was doing the headliner set about 45 minutes on stage. So I literally, the moment she took the stage, slipped out, ran out, ran upstairs to get the quote unquote massage. Now, I didn't have the guts to ask for it. I didn't know how to ask her. I didn't know if there was a code word or some hand signal. So I just got the massage. And sure enough, near the end, I'll never forget this lady goes, you want to massage this one? And she pointed to my penis. I said, one more time, you want to massage this one? And she pointed at my penis. I knew the game was up. The game was on. You were on your back at the time? I was. Did you have a sheet over you? No, no. And she had given me a good massage. I mean, it was, you know, totally legitimate, up until that point. And so I said, yeah, why not? And surprisingly, I wasn't the least bit nervous about it. I was very kind of perfunctory, if is that the right word, where I just felt like, you know, just like taking a dump like anything else. I was like, yeah, just, you know, banging out, get some of this juice out of me, you know? I like how you, when she goes, you want me to massage this one? You go, yeah, like you hadn't thought about it. No, I did. I did intentionally kind of do like, to make it appear that it hadn't occurred to me before. Wait, but she's, you're on your back. She's massaging. You're not covered by a sheet. You're not wearing any underwear. That's a clue right there that it's inappropriate. But I did, I will tell you that she, like she wasn't unattractive, but she wasn't, you know, what you would expect. You know, like here in LA, if I go into a place, I'll be amazed that the girl's over 22 years old, but this woman was at least well into her 30s, maybe 40 years old. And if you saw her on the street, you would not make that assumption about her. Anyway, so she offers it and she was very skilled with her hands. She brought out lotion. Did she wear a latex glove? No, I don't believe she wore any gloves, but here's the real case. Here's the real sticker. Near the end, she would take one hand and she was stroking with one hand and with the other hand, she was massaging my, what do you call it? The anus, I guess. I don't know. What do you call it, Chris? And I found it very pleasurable. Now what do you mean by massaging the anus? How do you massage the anus? Meaning that she would kind of go in up and down, up and downward strokes. Not in the anus? No, no. So again, with one hand, she was, you know, making the jacking motion and with the other hand, she was stroking my anus. And I did not object. In fact, I welcomed it. And here's the thing though. I guess she noticed how receptive I was to it and she took a little more liberty. And the next thing I know, she's about a knuckle deep. And again, I did not. I was, it was incredible. I never, though I have had somebody clown around with my butthole before. I've never had a finger. Clown around? What was this like in junior high? What are you talking about? She had a red nose on and she was making wonk, wonk sounds. But she surprised me though by continuing to kind of take it to the next level. And by the time- Was she wearing a glove? No. Wow. By the time it was over, she was, I'd say, knuckle, like third knuckle deep. So I guess as, you know, as deep as her fingers could go. And I'll say this. Have you, if you ever stretch, if you ever do like a really intense stretching regimen, like a intense yoga class, you know, that sensation where it's excruciating, it's almost painful, but it feels so unbelievably good at the same time. You know, your muscles feel like they're going to come apart, but at the same time, you're releasing all that tension. It was that sensation. You know what I mean? Where the good outweighed the bad by 1%. Yeah. Well, it sounds like all these idiots are doing yoga for nothing then. Yeah. Well, they should be out getting handies. But yeah, I dumped buckets. Now, wait, wait, slow down. Slow down. You dump buckets where? Where do you think? No, but I mean like all over her, all over yourself, all over the floor. I was laying on my back and so that the bulk of it, you know, landed on my, I don't know, my chest cavity. Your chest cavity. My pelvis. And, but she, you know, obviously she knew what she was doing. She immediately cleaned it up. And here's the thing though. At that point, it was cutting it kind of close. So I had to kind of jump out of the table and pay her and race downstairs. And in fact, I was cutting it so close that I didn't even have time to clean up. So I threw my shirt back on and for the rest of the evening, I was, I literally covered in baby oil from the neck down and thinking the whole time, God, if for some strange reason my girlfriend put her hand under my shirt, she would probably ask me, why the fuck are you covered in baby oil? So that's my confession. I'm sticking to it. And I, I don't typically advocate cheating. I don't typically advocate cheating on your girlfriend. I do believe that people, you know, should be as hedonistic as they want to, but they should do it in their free time. They should be open and honest about it. So I do have an amend to offer. Wow. For I do believe the first time on the show. I don't think you've ever made an amends after a confession. No, I was in a committed monogamous relationship. I should not have done that. However, I was desperate again and the sex was non-existent and she wasn't a perfect partner, but I don't think she would ever do that to me. And as far as I know, she never did. So I won't name her. She would never do that to you? Rip your ass and jack you off? No, no, no. I meant go get a handy. Okay. Probably because she didn't have a penis. I feel confident in that assumption that she would never do that. But no, I do make amends. And if, well, if you know who you are in DL, I do apologize from the bottom of my heart. So I'll take it away. All right, man. Well, mine, you know, I'll tell you, mine is not that far off of yours. After my breakup, I was engaged at one time. After the breakup, I dated here and there. I met this girl at the gym and she was a naughty girl. I mean, she liked naughty things. Well, we dated for a summer. We had a nice summer hot fling. Early on in the relationship, she says, we're passing by a sex shop or one of those, you know, porn stores. And she says, hey, let's go in there and get a dildo. So I said, yeah, cool. So we went in there and I helped her select two dildos. She said, I want one for my pussy and one for my ass. So she wanted two. So I said, fine. So we bought them, my treat. We went back to my place and part of our sex life was me dildoing her with both of these dildos. I mean, essentially, I felt like I was playing foosball. Like I was just, I was doing her with both the dildos, right? And she loved it. So that's what like part of our foreplay. And then after watching, okay, now I want to fuck. So then we would have sex. I threw the dildos aside. Well, we broke up at the end of the summer. She broke up with me because I wasn't Jewish and she was Jewish. She wanted someone to discuss the 613 mitzvahs and I was not the guy. So she breaks up with me. It was an amicable breakup. We even gave each other a party. We were having a party. We were having gifts. So we break up. But guess what? Her dildos are still at my apartment. So they were there and they're all cleaned up. She always was meticulous about cleaning them afterwards. So there they were in the back of my closet. So I thought, you know what? I wonder what this is like. So I took one of the dildos and I fucking, I tried it out. What kind of lubricants did you use? I think I used like, I don't even know what I used. I don't even know what I used. But I said, let me see, let me see what this is like to be a dildo. To be impaled. So, I mean, did you, you know, get just the head in and you were like, I'm done with this? Did you enjoy it? Well, I wanted to experience it. So there was some discomfort. It was weird. I'd never experienced that before. This was before I ever had a prostate exam. So I was just not used to it. But I thought, let me really experience this. So I think, did I put on some porn? I don't know what I did. No, I don't think I put on porn. No, I just, I rode this dildo and I said, let me see what this is like. And I tried it for a few days. All in one session? No, no, meaning like I tried it like another day and I tried another day. After like a week, I was like, eh, I wasn't into it. You know, it was kind of like, it was kind of like taking up golf and then after a few games, you go, eh, I don't really like golf. Yeah, the desire is simply not there. I have no qualms against anyone who does enjoy getting, you know, anally penetrated. I just don't happen to be that individual. Well, I thought, let me try this out. I tried it for a few days. After a while, I was like, eh, it didn't do much for me. So then I got rid of it. So my confession is that I impaled myself for a few days with the dildo that I used to use on an old love interest of mine. Now the amends, do I have an amends? I don't know. I think my cats walked in and that was, that was an uncomfortable moment. And that was when Fluffball started going gray. His hair turned gray like Moses, like Moses at Mount Sinai. Now you said you still have these dildos. No, no, I got rid of them. Oh, okay. I was going to say, what is your current girlfriend thing or do you ever worry about her? No, no, no, no. Once I had no more use for them, I mean, you don't take them to the goodwill, you know what I mean? Hey, I'm donating these dildos. So I just, I just threw them out and maybe the garbage guy took them away. I don't know. I threw them away. Yeah, the girlfriend that I just talked about when I moved in with her, I dumped the best of the best, a little pornography collection I had acquired over the, you know, the previous 16 years and I still regret it to this day. But hey, we're running behind, but we got to move on. We got, what if, and I guess I'll start that out. All right, man, hit it. This is the what if segment. Now typically Sal, when we do a what if, we isolate a certain incident, one particular, you know, moment in time. This time though, it's kind of an aggregate, a conglomerate of what ifs for me. I started looking back on my performance career. I don't know if you know this, but I started out when I was 19 years old, I decided I wanted to be a performer. I did a theater in college. I seemed to display an aptitude for it. I won a scholarship based on my first audition ever. But I've always, I've never once been in the right place, once when I got the hidden camera show. Other than that, I've never been in the right place at the right time. And I've often felt like if only one little thing here, one little thing there had happened, it might've helped kind of keep the momentum going or, you know, put some push behind me. But for example, I never got like a lead role, not even in a student film. And the one time I did get one, I had been out of work. The economy had tanked. I'd been out of work for I think about six months. And I came in and I just nailed this audition. And I don't nail them all, but I nailed this audition. I mean, from the moment I read it on paper, I said, I can do this. This is me. And the audition was fantastic. It was so quiet. You could hear pin drop. I knew that the audition was a smashing success. Sure enough, I got the role. The same weekend, I had to start work at a Mexican restaurant. And again, I'd been out of work for like six months, squeaking by on something like 200 a week in unemployment. And I had to take it. I had to turn down the lead role. And again, I think it would have been a fantastic showcase for my talents. It would have been a great piece that might've helped me procure management or show people that I am in fact competent as a performer. Now, couldn't you have used the sick grandma lie and postponed the job? It was training. It was the first weekend. It was too much to risk. Now, let me tell you this. I mean, I'd been waiting tables at the time since I was about 22 years old. This is maybe three, four years ago. And when I tell you that I couldn't get a job at a restaurant, I'm not kidding you, man. I went to one interview. It was an open call at Hamburger Mary's in West Hollywood. All right. I showed up 15 minutes early. I was 17 on the list. That's how bad the situation had gotten. You know, this is LA. When I first moved here eight years ago, I had more work than I knew what to do with. I was turning work down. But when the economy crashed, man, I mean, I felt that I was personally impacted by it. And, you know, I just- You know, Chris, I gotta say, man, this is another example of where your work, your own awesome work ethic bites yourself in the ass. You know, like the time, Chris, on another episode, he turned down hanging out and being friends and playing basketball with Larry the Cable Guy because he had to attend an open mic. So you wanted to go to the open mic and work on your career and you turned down hanging out with Larry the Cable Guy. In this instance, you were booked as a lead role. You turned it out to go take a job. Yeah. And I'm incredibly bitter. I always think it's funny that- We should have an amends. This what if could be an amends to yourself. But anyway, I'll save that for another time. But in addition to the lead role, here's another example. When I did get the job, I did a hidden camera show. I was on it for one season. It was a tremendously successful show. I don't know why they canceled it after one season, but I was never able to procure that footage. I called BET in Dallas. I called BET in New York, LA, and I couldn't get my calls returned. I finally tracked down the producer of the show and he told me, he said, you know, that's not my property. It's probably in a vault somewhere, never to be seen again. And I feel if I had had some of my work on film to show people, again, it might've helped me get, I could have been a manager. It might've helped me. I could put it up on the web. Just, it would have tested to my competency as a performer. In addition to that, one time I went on an audition, same thing, I nailed it. It was an all improv audition. I don't even heard about this group that does a point and break out of Vegas. Wait, is that the male strip thing? Or I'm thinking of Thunder Down Under. No, no, not Thunder Down Under, but this is a group of out of work actors who literally started reenacting the film Point and Break just for fun. Oh, that's the Patrick Swayze movie. Yeah, and I'm kind of doing this very low budget, very over the top version of the film. And they brought one here to LA and I auditioned for it. And when I tell you that I nailed it, man, I mean, I just nailed, I just went, you can usually tell who's been around for a while and who's not because actors, they don't know kind of when to let go. But in this audition, I knew they were looking for over the top and that's what I gave them. And I did it, I even did the Gary Vucey voice and I kind of did, I mean, I have his teeth for Christ's sakes. Wait, let me guess, you turned down the role because you were starting at an Italian restaurant the next day. No, no, no. I wish I at least had a, you know, a legitimate excuse. But as it happened, I got tremendously sick, like flu sick. So they said, we loved you, man. We loved you. We want you to come back this weekend and we're gonna have you, you know, do your callback and we're gonna have you work with some of the actors that we think are gonna, you know, we're gonna cast for the actual thing. And I told them, I said, I'm not kidding you guys, I'm that sick. Like I was the kind of sick that I was only leaving my bed for, you know, to go to the bathroom or have maybe something to drink. But I said, I can't physically, this was a very physical audition. It was all improv. You had to run around the stage, pretend to be shooting at people, pretend to be being shot at. And I just told myself, I'm just, I'm sorry. I just, I physically cannot do this. So your what if is, what if I were well, where would it have gone? Right. All these things. Again, even you mentioned basketball, Larry, the cable guy. If these things had worked out, I do believe that the, what do you call that? The sum of all those parts would have gone a long way towards helping me be recognized as a competent performer and maybe be in a better place than where I am now. Which is really a fucking nowhere. How can you say such things? You're the co-host of Registered Air Offenders. I take homage to that. But listen, I cannot meet your three what ifs. I take homage. I take umbrage. I take umbrage and homage. I cannot meet your three what ifs. I only have two, but my what ifs, the first one, and they're connected. I got my teenage girlfriend pregnant. You know, I'm a Mexican guy. That's what we do. So I got her pregnant and she wanted to have an abortion. She's like, oh, I'm only 16 or 17, whatever she was. And I was, you know, I pride myself on being Mr. Women's Lib and women's rights and all that. So I was just like, you know what? Whatever you want to do, I'll support you, whatever you want. Now, the truth is, I didn't want her to have an abortion. The truth is, I was like, okay, let's go ahead and have a baby, you know, because that's what we do. But she said, no, I want to have an abortion. So I supported her. I said, fine. I gave her a ride to Planned Parenthood and she had an abortion. So what if, because, a few years later, my early 20s, I got my early 20s girlfriend pregnant. And in the same exact way, well, the same exact way, of course, but the same exact thing, same way, the same thing where I said, she goes, I want to have an abortion. And I go, I'll support you whenever, whatever you want. I did not want her to have an abortion. I drove her to Planned Parenthood. I did not discover condoms to my mid 20s, Chris. That's what I'm saying as well. So I got two of my old girlfriends pregnant. They both had abortions. And the what if today is, what if they wouldn't have had abortions? Who would I be? Where would I be? What would I, what would I be doing? Theoretically, I'd have like a 20 year old son or daughter today if I would have had a child. wouldn't that be great? Maybe it would be great. You know what? Sometimes like, here's a quick example. One time I was doing a comedy show and it was a great show and there's a kid in the audience, a little kid in the audience. He was loving the show. His mom said, my son wants to be a standup comedian. And I thought, what if my whole role in life was just to inspire that kid? That's all I'm here for. To inspire that kid, he's going to be the next Seinfeld. So what if, what if I was here to give birth to the next success story? Meanwhile, I was just cock blocking my own offspring from being the next great person. Here's the other side of that coin. One of my mother's best friends since I was a toddler, since as far back as I can remember is a lady named Eileen. They lived a few blocks away in Sunrise as well, where I grew up. Their son is deranged, violent, suicidal tendencies, has destroyed property, loves, you know, white trash, anything filthy, anything, anything extreme is all that appeals to him. He's not terribly bright, but he's kind of crazy. So he doesn't realize he's not terribly bright. He's one of these people you can't make him understand that he needs help. So they sent him to a military academy and they thought that was, you know, like his own, basically his only hope. My dad who, you know, has a military background was acting as a sponsor, a mentor towards him. He would even drive up a couple hours to see him and talk to him once a week. Well, last I heard he'd gone AWOL. And now, you know, I think the police ended up having to arrest him and detain him in psychiatric ward. And he's decided now that when he gets out of the psychiatric ward, he's going to become an alligator catcher like the ones he sees on TV. This kid's 20 years old. He's not 13. Are you implying that this is what would have become of my son? I'm implying that there's a 80% chance that what he, what your son would have become would have been something along those lines versus what we all want to believe our son would. And I don't mean you in specific. I'm not saying anything derogatory towards you, but we all want to believe that our kid would be the valedictorian. There's a reason there's one valedictorian for every graduating high school class. Well, I think part of my- Well, console yourself with that. Well, part of my what if is I think I do have an inner longing to be the dad that I didn't have. That's why. I'm going to cry now. On that note, let's bring out our guest. Chris, who do we have in the studio today? We have Robbie Ravenwood, sorry, Robbie Ravenwood, singer, songwriter, stand-up comedian, social satirist, performs musical comedy, plays piano, keyboards, folk western lounge. His music combined with his ironic social commentary creates the unique musical stew he calls uneasy listening. He's open for Lily Tomlin and Paula Poundstone has hosted at all the major clubs in LA. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our guest, Robbie Ravenwood. Yeah, Robbie Ravenwood is in the studio at skidrowstudios.com. And I see you brought a friend with us. This is a band member of mine. This is Isaac Kim and he's going to play the musical Saw a little later on. Hello, hello, Mr. Kim. How are you? All right, get on the microphone. Guys, be sure to speak on the mic. Listen, right here, huh? You don't need, if you don't want the headphones, you don't have to have headphones. That's fine. It's up to you. It's up to you guys. You know, you know, the interesting thing I noticed is a lot of people we bring into the studio don't go for the headphones. I didn't want you to see my bald head. So that's why I have the hat. Look at, look who's talking, man. I look like this little skull thing that you gave me. Yeah, but you're Chicano, so it looks good. For me, it's like, how's chemo? Robbie Ravenwood, man, it's so good to have you here. Now, I understand that your, your father was a military man. Yes, a lifer. Does he know that, that you, I mean, was he alive to see your musical life take place? He saw me perform one time and that was it. My mother would go a lot and watch me. When you say that was it, do you mean he died immediately afterward? Kind of. Or he refused to ever do it again? Yeah, I died on stage and then he died. I don't know. You know, he, that's the whole, that's the whole thing. For him, me being gay was less of an issue than me wanting to be in show business, so. Now, Robbie, when I first saw you a few years back and first discovered Robbie Ravenwood, I believe you had more of a cowboy look to you. Yeah, I kind of, it was like, it was like heterosexuality. It was a phase I was going through. You went through a phase of heterosexuality? I did. Did you ever get a young Mexican girl pregnant? No, we never, I knew what rubbers were. I'm a white guy. They would teach us in the eighth grade. You know, I knew what that was. My mother said rubbers are for sinners. Yeah. That's not true. And Caucasians. Hey man, you got a, you and your buddy Isaac. Now what's, is this, is this your band? Is this your group? Is there anybody missing? Yeah, there's a couple guys missing. Well, where the hell are they? Well, one is a teacher and we're going to do a gig at the high school for the arts down the street and the high school is designed to support people in careers in the arts, but the teacher can't leave the campus. Nice. Hey, let me ask you something. Um, obviously the listeners can't, uh, can't see this for themselves. Um, your, your, uh, your cohort here. Yes. Uh, is it actually has a, what do you, what do you call that? Sound like a, that saw that type of saw. It's a saw. It's a regular saw. Right. It's, it's a long saw, maybe two, two feet long, at least, you know, teeth. And he plays a violin bow against this thing. How do you even find the guy who does, did you, I'm like a weirdo magnet. No offense, Isaac, but you know, I mean, no, you know, I met him at an open mic and I had been looking for, I don't know if you know what a theremin is. It's something the beach boys used and it's like, you know, and good vibration. So it was a theremin, which was very expensive or a musical saw. And I found a musical saw player, Isaac, who, uh, plays saw and also guitar. Is Isaac the world's only musical saw player? Are you? I think there's a saw festival, musical saw festival in New York that I know of. Every year in, uh, New York. Every year, every year in New York. They have a saw festival. Nice. Hey, listen, let's go ahead and hear their first song. Uh, yeah, let's go ahead and play a song. Robbie Ravenwood and Isaac, will you be accompanying him on this one? He's gonna be, he's whipping out the saw and the guitar. Ladies and gentlemen, this is a live performance by Robbie Ravenwood here on registered air offenders and Skid Row Studios. What song are you gonna do? I'm gonna do a song called Traffic Man that I wrote. It's a true story. It's about a, a homeless guy in my neighborhood and at least I think he was homeless. I'm not sure, but unlike a lot of homeless people that wash your windows to, uh, you know, make some kind of contribution for the money that they're trying to bum off you. This guy directed traffic. You know, you, you, you need that sometimes. And the weird part is most of the time there were no cars. So this is, this is Traffic Man. This is Traffic Man. It's twilight years in the twilight zone. Traffic Man flailing on, gesticulating. Traffic Man demarked the destination on a pointed street safety volunteer. Show me a signal, point the way that's clear. Tell me it's imperative. Can you get there from me? From here? Sal Rodriguez on Shaker. Everybody! Is he someone's grandpa and does he have a wife? Was he in the war? Where does he sleep at night? Should I offer him a burger or a home place to stay? Should I just drive away? Last time I saw him he was on the avenue. Hey, look out, under comes an SUV. I furtively inquired did it load up above? Would I be dealt those cards? Would that ever be me? Everybody! Traffic Man flailing on, gesticulating. Traffic Man demarked the destination on a pointed street safety volunteer. You let the cattle look back and made it perfectly clear. If I don't take my ginkgo below bar, well I could get there from here. Hey! Hey, thank you. Robbie Ravenwood. Yeah. That was hot stuff. Accompanied by Isaac Kim on the saw. I have to ask, now Isaac, when you strum that bow, do you know what sound is gonna come out? Yeah. Oh, I literally assume that he just kinda like, hey, whatever happens happens, but he really appeared to know what he was doing. He's got an incredible ear. I mean, we play songs together and he picks up the guitar and just starts playing along. It's one of those kind of people. Isaac, are you able to, if you could, just lift your bow and the saw for that camera right there. By the way, he did not make the glory holes with that saw. I just want you guys to know. That's funny. He's straight. Hey, I wanna ask you something real quick here, Robbie. I saw you wrote in your bio, for research purposes only, quote unquote, he worked a number of years at a Christian university. That is true. Now, let me ask you, how Christian is this Christian university? Well. How Christian were they? As I always like to say, is that where the devil can't go, he sends a gay guy. So this was actually a very liberal Christian university. They accepted all denominations. Ones, fives, tens, twenties, that type of thing. I don't wanna say where it is, but it's a local Christian university. There are liberal Christians. I'm glad that you mentioned that because we have such this idea that Christians have been associated now with the conservative movement, conservative Christians, but there are, and I grew up with some of them, liberal Christians. Absolutely. I think Jesus was probably the most liberal Christian. Yeah, yeah. You might have heard of one. His name was Jesus. About the biggest bleeding heart in the world you ever wanna meet in his life. Long hair and everything. I don't think so. I think he would have voted for Romney. I don't know. Well, let me ask you about that, Robbie. Coming out as gay to your family, how did that happen? Was there a time, like I had a friend who told me, oh, I'm gay. I was like, yeah, I knew already, dude. Yeah, I know I have friends that say, their mom told them or whatever, that type of thing. No, I just, I don't know what happened. I mean, I remember, I think I was in my twenties and I just had a conversation with my dad and my mom. I did it separately, which I don't think you should do, gay people out there. I think you should just, tell your parents or whatever. And a military dad. I mean, how was he? Well, he was fine actually. He was, like I said, he was a narcotics officer after the military and he was a military policeman for years. But my mother, I swear to God, honestly was a ballerina. So, I mean, you do the math, if you know what I'm saying. It's kind of like that. The genes are there. Yeah. No, she was a royal ballet. She did, had a lead in Swan Lake for the King and Queen of Slovenia, like in the forties or whatever. She had experience. She had a lot of experience. She had experience with gay guys. Well, she used to tell me that she couldn't believe that I was gay because I was so crass and crude. So, it's, you know, I was like not representing, I think. So, Robbie, what did your father do wrong to deserve a gay son? Thank you. I appreciate that. This is from the guy who has girls sticking fingers at his butt. Sorry, I was born and raised in Florida and sometimes it sneaks out. Florida, it looks like a giant dick. You know. Tell us about how your, I hate the term gay lifestyle. I really do. But how does your sexual orientation play into your life? Into your music and especially your lyrics? Well, you know what? I like to think that if I was not gay, I would just be another white bigoted asshole. So, I'm actually a gay white bigoted asshole. So, no, I think it gave me a perspective that I put in my songs. You know, social commentary. I think a lot of times people realize, a lot of gay people realize that, you know, because we're all colors, that's why the flag's the rainbow color or whatever, is that I think you have a little more empathy for, you know, Jewish people and Hispanic people and blacks and little people and, you know, I'm even nice to Republicans. I mean, I even, I have an open mic and I've had people rant about, you know, Republican stuff and I'm cool with that, you know. Yeah, Sal, I mean, I think it's really interesting that even in this day and age, obviously less of it out here, given, you know, where we are and given the times, but I've always wondered what it would be like to be a closeted homosexual because sometimes people, people take amazing liberties. In fact, just a week or so ago, I was in the car with another comedian who ironically does social, a lot of social issues and a lot of commentary and, you know, is the type to be pro-gay marriage and I said, I was talking about my roommate and I said, you know, one thing I can't stand about him, he's such a fucking slob. He goes, oh, I thought you were gonna say he's such a fucking fag. Now, I didn't, I don't think he meant it in a derogatory manner. I just think he was legitimately saying, I thought that's what you were gonna say. Why would he think that? That wouldn't occur to me to think that. I thought that was about the way I was about to deliver it. Who knows, maybe before we were talking about sex, it wasn't my intent and I don't know where it came from, but perhaps for whatever reason, that's what he thought and that's what he verbalized. I think straight men are slobs and gay men are messy. I think that's the difference. I will credit Mr. Robbie Ravenwood for being the first person to turn me on to the boycott chick-fil-A movement. Oh, thank you. Yeah. He turned me on to that. But yeah, anyway, so the point that I was making is, it just, you know, surprised me because I do believe, I don't know if you've heard of gay people in town or something where you would be very likely to hear those kind of comments just delivered offhandedly and I'm sure you have at some point. Oh, I hear them to this day, sometimes to my face too, so. I couldn't imagine that. I'm not gonna cry, but. No, I cannot even imagine that in this day and age. But you're talking about here in Los Angeles or other parts of the country? Sure, please, of course. In Long Beach? Yeah. Just some bigoted people. Bigoted people are everywhere, like gay people. They're everywhere. And you know, you have to remember, Robbie, that just like, I'm sure the average person, unless you live here, you don't know this, but you only have to drive an hour to get to Riverside, to get to a place that if you saw it, you know, it's meth country, you would think it's, you know, the furthest outskirt of Montana. Same thing with Florida. You know, I left South Florida. It was kind of a bit of a metropolis, not a huge one, not as big as this one, but when I went to school in Orlando, I drove three hours and I'll never forget, I was on the I-4 and there was a truck in front of me with a gun rack in the back. I'd never seen anything like that in my suburban upbringing. In Florida? Wow. But it woke me up that yes, this stuff exists. This stuff is probably the majority of what exists out there. Yeah. Well, when you look at this recent election, you see most of them, most of the states were red states. Yeah. Robbie, you were in the secret? Yes, I was. It's not a secret anymore. It's not a secret that you were in the secret. What did you do in the secret? Page 18, if anyone cares, or also on the DVD. I was, I used to be what I call a human potential bowel movement self-help junkie or something like that. A follower of Abraham? Well, no, not that so much. I mean, I did Est and I did this thing called Sedona and I've been doing a lot of meditation involved in that. Oh, the Sedona method? Sedona method. Yeah, I did that a long time ago. I didn't know anybody else that even knew about that. Well, because I vacationed in Sedona a lot. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah, well, I did that and I did NLP and I ended up doing this, I got this guy's meditation. His name is Bill Harris at Centerpoint. And how about that for a plug that I'm not, again, not getting anything monetarily for. But I was a student of his and then he, I guess, thought I was interesting and did, it was really strange because my partner and I were in San Diego and I had bought the DVD and I didn't even know yet that they were going to do a segment on me. But some other actor, maybe it was you, I don't know, there was an actor portraying me about this guy who was like harassing me and then all of a sudden I found out, you know, metaphysical voodoo stuff and, you know, everything became wonderful after that. Actually, you just refreshed my memory now. I think I remember that and I'm going to look at, because I think I have the DVD. I'm going to check it out again. Hey, let's hear another song. Let's hear one more song by Robbie Rainwood today and then we will be saying our goodbyes. Will you be, once again, joined by Isaac Kim? I will, except this time he'll be playing the guitar. This guy, Isaac Kim, is multi-talented. That's a quick setup, huh? Relatively? Live? Okay. This song, okay, this is a song, this is a song I wrote, it's a love song and it's about that one person in your life, that needle in a haystack, that person you can ride off into the sunset with and live happily ever after. Anybody here have that person? Yeah. You do? Okay, then you should go outside for a minute. So anyway, this is Why'd You Take Away My Blues? Ooh, wow, that's hard. Can I start over? Is this live? This is live, but you're welcome to start again. We had a little musical mishap. Your guitar strap broke. A wardrobe malfunction. And be light, if you see me talking about this, I'm not talking about the guitar strap. I'm talking about the guitar strap. I'm talking about the guitar strap. I'm talking about the guitar strap. And be light, if you see me on here, I am still listening. Okay, all right. You're not playing Sudoku or something like that? No, I'm not. I'm not playing words with friends. All right. I was happily sad You made me feel glad You took away my troubles And now I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad I'm mad Why did you take away my blues? I was hanging around, I had my neck in the noose But you came along and you cut me loose I was cooking along, I had my head in the oven You turned off the pilot light and then you turned on your lovin' Bitch The news of my depression went into recession Bummed out the mental health profession Baby, why did you take away my blues? Everyone Almost everyone Baby, why did you take away my blues? I was exhausted, green garden hose in the tailpipe You broke open the window, so baby you saved my miserable life I was having a blast, I had the gun in my mouth But unbeknownst to me previously you took away my magazine cartridges So now my brains can't fly sound I was happily sad, you made me feel glad You slipped me these tiny little tablets And suddenly I'm okay Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Prozac, why did you take away my... Isaac Kim on musical song guitar. And Robbie Ravenwood, ladies and gentlemen. Robbie, tell our audience where they can see you and where they can hear you. Well, my big, big, big show is... I'll be opening again for Paula Poundstone December 22nd at the newly... Thank you. Newly renovated Ernest Borgnine Theater in downtown Long Beach. And you can go to, I think it's artfulthinking.com to see that. And let's see. If you're in... Downtown LA and you want to follow us down to Wilshire Boulevard, we're going to be playing for the Los Angeles School of the Arts High School. We're going to do a Thanksgiving performance. And then on December 8th, I will be... My band and I will be playing at Agua Viento in Long Beach. And every first and third Thursday, I have an open mic with a guest star by the name of Sal Rodriguez, who's going to be there February 29th, I believe. And listeners can find all this information out on RobbieRavenwood.com as well. With a Y, not I-E. That's right. He yelled at me on Facebook once. It's Robbie with a Y. Yes. All right, ladies and gentlemen, Robbie Ravenwood, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Thank you. All right, we're going to breeze right along. We don't have much time. Chris, we're getting into the next segment, which is Chris's Corner. I met Trisha my senior year at UCF. Her teeth were perfect pearls. Her flawless West Indian flesh was caramel and Nutella. We arranged a date. After paying a check I couldn't afford at a restaurant I couldn't pronounce, I found myself in her room. My confidence bolstered by two beers, I confessed that I thought of little else since her, but her since we met. Heavy petting ensued. Garments were cast asunder. Her natural breasts were unnaturally big. I was psyching myself up for my first night of lovemaking when Trisha surprised me with the untimely question of how many sexual partners I'd had. I divulged the laughable sum and reciprocated and traded the query. None, she replied. I'm a virgin. Panic and elation struck. When a nude 19-year-old girl tells you that she's a virgin, one of two divergent statements can follow. I want you to be my first, or, and I mean to stay one until marriage. She chose the latter. I applied pressure to her head. She recoiled. I was lying nude with the most exotic nymph to ever acknowledge my existence and restricted to eighth grade sex acts. Oddly enough, grinding games, Oddly enough, grinding games, grinding against my pubic bone for sexual gratification grinding against my pubic bone for sexual gratification did not violate her arbitrary, ambiguous convictions. Alas, she offered me a consolation happy ending. I accepted. Dry, mechanical strokes ensued. Determined at climax, I encountered her. I encouraged her to stroke harder. She pumped my shaft like a frat boy trying to drain one last beer from an empty keg. I begged her to unhand my manhood. Red in the face and blue in the balls, I asked Trisha how she drew her absurd schema about what constituted evangelically acceptable sex. I asked Trisha how she drew her absurd schema about what constituted evangelically acceptable sex. I asked Trisha how she drew her absurd schema about what constituted evangelically acceptable sex. I asked Trisha how she drew her absurd schema about what constituted evangelically acceptable sex. She argued that certainly masturbation was not as big deal as oral sex make a deal as oral sex and therefore did not carry the same Christian karmic repercussions. I assured her that both constituted using one's genitals for pleasure rather than procreation. She grew sullen and turned her back to me. I drove home. I planned to bathe and collapse into a blissful slumber. I removed my briefs. My penis was swollen and Indian burned from the brutal beating her hands had administered. It looked like an angry chef had stomped an albino portobello mushroom. I am partially to blame. Experience should have warned me that her exceedingly soft-spoken, demure nature was a symptom of arrested emotional development and that the Bible, the only book on her bookshelf, was indicative of arrested intellectual development. At the risk of sounding mildly misanthropic, sex is a non-negotiable proviso when I enter into a quasi-marriage. If Tricia had boundaries that could not be crossed, she should have made that clear from the first kiss. See, I'm of the opinion that if I'm not having sex, I'm not in a romantic relationship. And the only platonic female I take crap from or buy crap for is my mother. That's Chris's Corner. Thanks for joining me. Chris's Corner, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we're going to move right along into the next segment, which is Sal's Weekly Rant. I hope you're hoarding and stockpiling. Because this is the end. Get ready, everyone. Just as the Mayans predicted, this is the end of plastic shopping bags. The city of Los Angeles is phasing out plastic shopping bags. By 2013, they should be gone. It's already started in some cities. I was at a Walmart in Santa Clarita, California, and it was BYOB, bring your own bags. Even at Toys R Us, the clerk said to me, I'm sorry, sir, because of the environment, we don't provide plastic bags anymore. Really? Toys R Us? Your whole damn store is plastic. What does this mean for you and me? It means we have to carry those lame-ass canvas bags in our cars everywhere we go, just in case we need to drop by the market unexpectedly. Or for you public transit people, it means you'll need to carry a bag to carry your bags. Some stores are using the Costco approach. They have a pile of boxes there for us to sift through. You get to test your organizing skills on the fly. Let's see, I've got milk, eggs and bananas. I think that ocean spray box would work. Oh, too late, that fat Persian guy grabbed it. With the demise of the plastic shopping bag is also the death of the bag boy or bag person. No one assists you in loading up your boxes. Just like at Costco, we're on our own. No more bags, no more bag person loading up our purchases. Add to that the self-serve checkouts. So let me get this straight. I'm checking myself out. I'm providing my own bags. I'm being my own bag person. This must mean I'm getting a discount, right? Wrong. Prices are getting higher. What about packaging and display boxes? Very wasteful. Grocery stores should have giant bins of everything. Silos of rice or beans, oil drums of juices, slabs of beef, hats of food, and even more. I'm buying a bag of beef hanging on a hook. You cut it, you buy it. Kegs of beer, BYOB, bring your own bottle. I get the point about the bags. They're bad for the environment. But so are a lot of other things. Every time I go get a to-go food order, I'm bombarded with containers, plastic and cardboard, or the dreaded styrofoam. To stay current with the environmental trend, shouldn't we provide our own containers? Yeah, I'd like the pad thai, shrimp dumplings, and the chicken sauté with peanut sauce. And here are my containers to put it all in. Plastic bags are but a speck of the damage humans do to the environment. You ever hear of e-waste? Idiots think they need a new computer or cell phone every year, so they buy another one, pushing more and more toxic plastic crap into landfills, seeping lead and other chemicals into the ground. Perhaps a new smartphone isn't so smart. Fine, I'll bring my own bags to the store. As soon as McDonald's pours Coca-Cola straight into my mouth, because I don't want to waste a cup. The Mayans were right. Sal's Weekly Rant, thank you. Sal's Weekly Rant, everybody. Thanks. Yeah, we are tight on time, man, and the clock doesn't appear to be working. I think we're officially off to the air. But hey, listen, everybody, we want to thank you for joining Registered Ear Offenders. We want to thank Robbie Ravenwood and his special counterpart, Isaac Kim. Like us on Facebook. Follow me on Twitter, ChrisZ34. Sal Los Angeles on Twitter. Want to thank Orange Dog Music, Jeremy Hansen, Skid Row Studios. Thank you for listening to Registered Ear Offenders. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I've got so much, so much to worry about. I am stepping up and never coming down. I have got so much, so much to worry about. I am stepping up and never coming down. I'm feeling so high, hypnotized all night looking at you. Cause you're so fine, hypnotized all night I'm looking at you.