Sex toys, porn industry history, military banter

All right, we've got Ro Delacroix juggling her own titties here. Ginger Lynn juggling her own titties. We've got titties out. I always promise them to you within the first five seconds of the show. We have titties out. You know what? I'm getting a whole one out. I'm going to get two of them out. I feel like having titties out on a Wednesday. She does. Right at the start. Right at the start. Look how fun they are. That's why they call them fun bags because they just bounce. Is that not the coolest thing ever? Check them out. They're just cool. Yeah. You know, you're very lucky to have your boobs stay up and they're real. You know, I have been tit blessed. I have been tit blessed. You really have. Thank you. I'm serious. And I've had a kid and I breastfed. I know, yeah. Yeah. And you. I mean, you wear a good bra. What's the bra? You know what? Victoria's Secret. It is. Body by Victoria. That's my bra. I need to get another bra. You know, and that makes a big difference because I have any other bra that I put on. I shouldn't say any other. 90% of them. Yeah. My tits just look funny. There's just something weird about them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. Because if I don't wear a bra, my tits are great. Yeah. No, they hold up too. I know. I know. You really are lucky. I'm really lucky. Thank you so much. Would you like to touch them? No, I'm good. I admire them. No, I don't mean like to, you know, flirt or anything. No, I know. I'm just saying they're really nice tits. I've touched them before. So once is good enough for you. You don't need any more? I know where this leads to. See, I know where this leads to. No, I'm just, I'm, I'm just. Ginger always tries to get me. First it's a boob touch. You always. And then she's like, oh, look at my twats. It's in really good shape too. Oh, I know that. I've seen it. Oh, I had to go to the girl doctor. You know what? She said, I have a pristine cervix. You have a pristine. What the fuck is a pristine cervix? What does that mean? In good shape. You know what? I'm going to attribute that to, um, usually the more you have sex, the tighter your pussy is because it's a muscle and, and it works out just like any other muscle. So when you have an orgasm, when you tighten and, and. And contract. Yeah. That's tightening the muscle. So a lot of people, oh, porn stars, they must have the biggest pussies ever. You know what? They have the tightest fuck. They can take a lot. Pussies are very accommodating. Um, but they're, they're still, they're tighter than the average pussy because. Smarter than your average bear. Same thing. But you know, I find it works. You say tomato, I say tomato. Where it works differently. The anal gland. If you work it too much, it's going to be a little bit more tight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when you do an anal, she gets a little stretched out. The anal gland. Yeah. You know. Not the anal gland. The anal. The anus. The, your whole. The tunnel. The tunnel. Yeah. Your poop chute. I heard a story about a girl that I know. Who does a lot of anal. Who was married to a man. Okay. That loved anal sex, like really loved anal sex so much so that that's pretty much all that they had. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah. There was a lot of anal sex going on. That's a lot. Not just like, you know, I don't want you slamming my ass. When we're having anal, there's no- Gently. Yes. It's a slow, it's a process. They must have had to change their sheets a lot. Let's hope they did. But they were together, I don't know how many years, like a dozen years or something. And they just got divorced. And I guess her butt is falling out. Yeah. It happens. I can't really think of what it's called. I looked over like Cheyenne. Like Cheyenne. Cheyenne. Cheyenne, what's that called when your ass falls out? Rectal something. I have no idea. Rectal? Anal leakage? I don't know. No, no. It's like anal rupture or anal fallout. Want me to look it up? Can you Google it? It doesn't even have the anal in it. Yeah. What's it called when your rectum falls out? Rectal falling. Rectal. Stevie will know. I guarantee you. Where's Stevie when you need him? Well, Stevie is running an errand for me. On the way out the door. I'm- She's doing a no white diet right now. Oh, okay. So no carbs, no starches. When your rectum falls out? Yes. Okay. I'm sure if you Google it. I'm literally going to have a rectum fall out. Ginger's friend is going to come up under images. Oh, rectal prolapse? Oh, yes. Thank you. It's a prolapse. So now she's divorced and single and now she's got this rectal prolapse. She's got to put that on her profile. Are the pictures grosheying? I think you really- I think I have a definition here. Okay. Oh, tell us. Okay, hold on. Let me see. Anal sex with a guy for 12 years straight. Okay, one, two. Oh. Rectal prolapse is a condition- Literally means to fall out of place. To fall out. Prolapse is a condition where organs such as the uterus falls down or slips out of a place. It is used for organs protruding through the vagina or the rectum or the misalignment of the valves of the heart. Oh. So it could- Yeah. It means- It means a lot of different things. And it's called prolapse? Yes, prolapse. Prolapse. Pussy prolapse. So that- I think they both would be bad. I bet if you had a bunch of kids- You know, like there's that show 19 and Counting where they've got 19 fucking kids. I'm going, now that's got to be a big pussy. Does it say that they could- It says that it's a condition in which part of the wall of the entire wall of the rectum falls out of place. So it can be- Yeah. It's leakage of stool, bleeding, anal pain, itching, irritation. Yeah. It's like a radiation tissue that protrudes from the rectum. Yeah. It's falling out of the back of her butt. Oh, that is so gross. I know. And she's young. Imagine putting that on your OkCupid profile. She's like 35 or something, you know? She's- I have rectal problems. What's it? Medical conditions, please ask. Well, but the good news here- It's like under like gay profiles. HIV positive, please ask. No, no. There's no please ask. There's no please ask. There's no please ask. There's no please ask. There's no please ask. Are you supposed to say yes or no? My friend was on like Grindr and it says like under, or OkCupid, it says HIV positive, so please ask. No, no, no. Oh, no. No, no, no. That's going to be a yes for me. That's a yes. You know? Oh, I didn't even think of that. Because you go, oh, just ask. Well, it's a long story. Yeah, but you're positive. But the thing is, you have HIV. So let's just get- You told me the long story. If I say yes to a date. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, if you're HIV positive, do you date people that are HIV positive? But before we go on to that, I just want to say I'm very proud of you for having a pristine uterus. Thank you. Yeah. No. Cervix. Cervix. I'm sure your uterus is beautiful. Did you have questions about my cervix? No, I was going to say, did you know that there's dating websites for people with STDs? Yes. It's called STD Cupid. Really? No. Are you serious? Are you serious? Yeah. I've seen it. I think it's a brilliant idea. Yeah. I really do. I think it is because people who are emotionally damaged from having an STD pretty much think that no one's going to ever want them. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, I'll add it because a lot of women have HPV. I've had to deal with HPV. What's HPV? It's like- Human patholoma virus. Yes. And a lot of women under the age of, by the time they're 50, 80% of women have it because it's one of those things that could be any kind of form. It depends on how severe it is because it's in different types of things, but it could eventually cause- Like ovarian cancer and stuff like that? Yeah. Oh, that's what the big deal was. They were giving the shots out to the young girls. Yeah. I remember- It could also be a strain of genital warts. Yeah. It could be anything. So the thing is, sometimes if yours isn't as serious as something and you go on STD Cupid, you really got to- You really got to go, oh. Some things you do have to explain. If you have AIDS and I have like genital warts, we're not on the same page. No offense. Mine goes away. I'm not going to hit you up. Yours? It's pretty much there. Okay. So, sorry STD Cupid. This is so not funny. But it's true. I mean, no offense, but mine's not as bad. Like if you have chlamydia, you're not going to go- Oh, hey, herpes. Yeah. Yeah. Herpes should stay with herpes. Yeah. HIV should stay with HIV. I mean, no offense. I mean, I'm sounding very separate. What is it? I'm a separatist. No, you're an STDist. I'm an STDist. I'm an STD separatist. I believe that- I think for the health and well-being of all of those involved- They should have the same diseases. You should stay with your same disease. But wait, have you ever heard of these guys? There's actually a whole culture called bug chasers. Have you ever heard of them? Bug chasers? Yeah. Stevie would know. Oh, yeah. I know those. Okay. So, what it is, is like- It's not a group of- I mean, it is a group of guys. Not like specific ones, but these guys go out and they actually try and catch AIDS. What? Yeah. What? You've never heard of it? No. Oh, my God. It's crazy. Bug catchers? They're bug chasers. Bug chasers? So, it's like the whole- I was reading about it because I was fascinated. I was like, what? Yeah, yeah. This is not real. No, it's real. And what it is, is like they go out and they're- Because the way- Okay. Have you ever been in the gay and lesbian center? It's really nice. No, I have not. I have. But there's pamphlets for like HIV all over. Like, you sit there. You don't even have to be there for HIV, but you're like, what if I have HIV? Because there's like a surrounding you. Do you ever like- It's all- Yes, yes. Because you know what? To be honest, there is a lot. And unfortunately, there's a lot of like HIV and AIDS. And it's very treatable and everything. But, you know, not for nothing, the medical industry is like making a killing on the medicine. I mean, I just heard- Did you hear about this? Somebody was just telling me that my friend, Stone Rob, said that there's a pill that's cannabis form, right? Right. And you take it for like 30 days or 28 days and it will cure cancer. I believe it. It's like- I believe it. I've seen a couple of shows. There was one where there was a very young girl. It was growers in Northern California. And this little girl, she was four, maybe five years old. And she had seizures. And she might have even been younger than that. And- They had her on so many meds that she, you know, her whole developmental- Yeah. Growth was stunted. And so they- Gave her cannabis? They gave her cannabis. But what they did was- Like the pill? They made it in a liquid form. Yeah. And they made it specialized with a certain amount of, I don't know all the- I know there's THC. Yeah. And then there's- But there's a certain amount of this or that. But the medicinal part of it. And the parents were torn because it- Yeah. It's a- Yeah. It's a- It's illegal. And they've got this daughter that's literally having seizures 20 times a day. Oh, poor thing. You know, this poor little girl. And they decided to make this choice. And they gave her the droplets. Like for a few- And her seizures, done. Done. Wow. Gone. Crazy. And they actually were- They showed the parents and the child on the show. They showed pictures of her before and video of her when she was going through her seizures. Wow. And what it was like and the difference of her now. Of what she's like now. And these guys said, you know what? We normally- We wouldn't come on a show. And you know, this is what we do. And they could take us down any time now. But- Yeah. We felt so compelled- Compelled to go on. Yeah. To help this child. Because it's actually sometimes- You don't even need to take it forever. It's just like a 20- Like for these, it's like a 28 day pro- Like it's pretty incredible. Cannabis has a lot of- A lot of positive- Yeah. It's just been kind of- What's the word? Villainized? You know, it really has. It became because, you know, there's people that abuse anything and everything. Yeah, of course. And if you sit around and smoke pot all day, you're a stoner. You're not going to go anywhere. You're not going to do anything. You're going to eat a lot. You are. But here's what I don't understand about stoners. I see a lot of them. Yeah. You know, I have a teenager. I've seen a lot of stoners. Yeah, you've seen a lot of stoners. I've seen a lot of them. And they're all skinny as fuck. They're all skinny as fuck. My friend's a stoner and he is skinny. You're skinny. You're skinny. Well, he's pushing his- No, but most stoners that I know, they're like, they're skinny dudes. I agree. I totally agree. Yeah. WTF. Exactly. I'm so like, if I smoke pot- I'm eating. I'm eating. Okay. I smoked pot growing up and I hadn't smoked it in years and years. So I go up to San Francisco and I'm going up to the Mitchell Brothers Theater. The Mitchell Brothers are, they were Artie and, oh, Jimmy. They're both dead. That's why I forget. They're dead. Jimmy shot Artie. And they're dead. And Jimmy's dead. Anyway, so I went out to visit the dead brothers. They were alive at the time. One of them was. Okay. No, Artie was already dead. Sorry. Sorry to the family. It's very sad. So- Sorry. I went to visit them. And the one of them that's still alive. And the- The manager of their club, the, what's it called? The Mitchell Brothers Theater, the O'Farrell Theater. Is it the O'Farrell? It's the O'Farrell Theater. So I go up to their theater and they're up to their offices, which are above the theater. And the manager comes up and he goes, I've got a bud for you. And I hadn't smoked in like 10 years. Yeah. And I was up there by myself and I'm like, okay, I'll take it back to my room. So I'm back in my room and I'm looking at it. And then I'm going, this isn't like- We had dirt weed when I was growing up, you know? Yeah. This is fancy. Seeds and stems and actual dirt. Now they're like little Christmas trees. Exactly. They're pretty. They're lovely. There's no- I've never seen a seed. No. I can't remember the last time I saw a seed. I remember seeing like- It looked like a bag of oregano. It really did. You can't do that trick anymore now. You can't put catnip in it. Somebody's got to know. They're like little, wonderful little Christmas trees. Little Christmas trees. That's ginger. She's cutting out diet carbs. That's ginger. So she went straight to the- I'm going straight. Straight to the Jameson. What is that? Jameson? Jameson, yeah. I'll take a swig. You'll take a swig? Yep. This is my two hours a day where I run away from everybody. I don't drink at my house. There's something so nice about Jameson. I know. Isn't it? It's smooth and I almost like it better going down just simple on its own. So anyway, I take this weed back to my hotel room. And I'm like, how am I going to smoke it? I don't have a pipe. I don't smoke pipe. Isn't that nice? That's a cute little flask. I don't even- And the thing is, what's really bad is I don't know who it belongs to. I got to get you one that's like personalized. That would be- See, this one I just found. It sits in the studio. Really? When's your birthday again? We just stole a flask from it. Oh, I give it back every day. But it belongs to- Whose mouth's been on this? We don't know. I don't know. But ours has been on it now. You know, I don't know. So that's like I stole a coffee cup from somebody who left it in my house. It's like a reusable coffee cup. I love it because it says, don't tell me to keep calm. And it's perfect for me because I'm mad at the world. Oh my God. You should see me in traffic. Because I drive an hour and a half to get here every day. No, I know you do. And I would lose my mother effing mind. I was so annoyed today driving as I'm drinking from a flask. I was so fucking annoyed with these guys. I'm tired. How do you do it and come here and be in a good mood? I don't get it. Because I love what I do. I know. I have so much fun when I get here. And especially when I see you. And it's funny because I don't shower every day. You shower for me? But somehow it always turns out I shower on a Wednesday. And when I get out of the shower, when I dry off, I put on my R-O-postrophe-S rose garden. I could have find this garden. It's okay. And it's yours. And I've heard it's pristine. You know, not only was my cervix pristine, but my retinas. When I get my eye checked, he goes, those are 10 years younger. I go, can you call my agent? Put that on my resume. She could play 26. Oh, God. Oh, so back to my pot story. So I go back to the room. And being somebody that grew up in the 80s, I take all the toilet paper off the toilet paper roll. Yeah. I'm peeling. I'm peeling everything off. I get the little thing out of the middle. I've got the tube. I put a hole in it. I go into the candy bar. What do you call it? The mini bar? The mini bar. No, it's the candy bar. I go to the candy bar because that's what I like from there. What about an apple? Well, I didn't have an apple. Okay. But what I had was a Hershey. This is how long ago it was. I had a Hershey bar. And it was when they still had the tin foil that they were wrapped in. So I took the tin foil and I made a little bowl. And I put little holes in it. And the last I remember. Last I remember. I was sitting on the bed. Yeah. And I took a hit off the pipe. And the room started to spin. And I fell back in the bed. I woke up the next morning. And I had eaten the mini bar. I ate everything in the entire fucking mini bar. Okay. So this is why I could not be a stoner. I would be 3,000 pounds. And you didn't even remember it. And I didn't even remember it. That's the worst part. Because you don't even remember the high. And how good everything tasted. Oh, no. There was nothing. No. No. Was there any good snacks you ate? I don't remember. Like Cheetos? Oh, I ate. Yeah. I mean, it was a $300 bill. Oh, fuck. So I ate. They get you for that shit. Oh, Pringles. If you try. You eat the cashews. I think cashews are like $80. Yeah. I mean, really. It's like, what the fuck? The Hershey bar just so I could get the tin foil. If you took everything out of the mini bar and ate it up, it would come out to $25. But they charge you. Yes. They charge you $300. $300. That's incredible. Yes. That's like the biggest mafia scheme ever. Put in a little mini bar and charge $25 an item. You're like, what the fuck? I remember I went to Cancun and me and my girl, to my two girlfriends, and literally we go like this. Laura's like, I'm really hungry. I'm like, we're going to go out to eat, right? We're going to go out to eat. We just got to get, I think we, you know, it was something like somebody had like a ear infection or something. I think my ear couldn't pop. So my friend's like, look, when we get to Mexico, let's just go to some pharmacy and get something. Because I'm like, I'm going to go to a pharmacy. You can get anything in Mexico. And I remember like, it was like my ear, I must have had a cold or something, you know, and your ear doesn't pop. And we said to Laura, listen, listen to me. Don't touch the mini bar. We'll be right back. We'll go to Crush Street. We'll go out to dinner. If you have to tell that person, don't touch the mini bar. If they're the person you have to tell that, you know, they're going to touch it. We came back Pringles everywhere. Hershey bars, whatever it was. We're like, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. $80. And in Mexico, you know, it's a lot. Like $80. And you're like, fuck. That's, oh, wow. Yeah. So you guys got to go to the all-inclusive places. We stopped her before she got through the whole thing. Was she smoking pot? No. No. She was just like, I'm hungry. I have a surprise for you today. Oh, what? I have a couple of them. We have a great show scheduled for today. Oh, yeah. I have. Do we have porn stars coming in or just comedians? We have just comedians today. And everybody's fighting comedians and actors. Oh, yeah. What I have for you are five terrifying sex toys. Oh. Yeah? Have we seen any of them or any of our sponsors? I don't know. I don't know. Five of them that are terrifying. We're not going to do it until our comedians come in. Oh. Because what I've done is we're going to go through the list very quickly. Yeah. And then I have my own sex toys. These are my personal ones that I brought. And I just want to bring them out. And I want to know how terrifying they are, what you would do with them. We might try a few out. We're going to play a little game with our comedians. Yes. Monkey see, monkey do, monkey hear. So one of them will be blindfolded. One of them will be with their headphones on unplugged so they can't hear. And the other one, because your mouth shut doesn't really do anything, we're going to bind their wrists together. And then there'll be different things, different sounds, different smells, different touches, things that scare you. And it's all about sensory deprivation. So we're going to do something a little different today. But the terrifying sex toys, I'm going to try some things out on you. Oh, boy. It's good. Aren't you excited? Close on. Again? Yes. Still? Still? I thought you'd say. No one has ever made me beg for it. You think by October. Ever, except for you. Yeah, I know. We're coming up on a year now here. I'm teaching a seminar called Hard to Get. And if Ginger Lynn can't get you, you over Pat Allen. I'm telling you. Who the fuck is Pat Allen? She teaches about relationships. Oh. Are you teaching something here? I just missed that whole thing. Hard to get. Her hard to get. Oh, hard to get. Okay. I think she does a thing. My friends told me like she does a thing where she says you got to have a commitment in order to have sex with your partner. Like a ring, like a commitment ring. Are you fucking kidding me? I swear, yeah. Could you ever imagine marrying someone you hadn't had sex with? No, I can't. But actually she keeps it, I think to some of it, if you're in a relationship, getting a ring to commit. Like just the commitment part of it. No sex until you commit. Yeah. But what if you find out after you commit? But you don't have to get married. So let's say you commit, you get the ring and your lover, I mean you try, you really give it a good shot. You give it a six month time frame. You give it a year. And they suck. And they suck. You just give the ring back then? So it's basically it's... Then I should teach a seminar for it after. It kind of sounds like my mom used to say to me all the time, you know, if you give the milk away free, nobody's going to get it. If you give the milk for free, nobody's going to buy the cow. What were those sayings? Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Yeah. Yes. And... Somebody had one of those like, then same thing with men, like, why buy, why get attached to the pig for the little sausage? I don't know. Something like that. I don't know. So stupid. I say do what I've done, sleep around, find the right partner. Yeah. I took me a long time. I know. It took me a long, long time. It took me a while. To find... I mean, I'm in my longest relationship ever by far. Yeah. I'm well over six years. I've never... I haven't had another penis inside of me in over six years. And... I like how you said inside of me. It's like, it's been around me. Oh, no, I haven't had one. I haven't even had one. Well, yeah, they're always around me. Yeah, but you haven't had one like... I mean, I just... You missed Thursday's show. I sure did. We had a masturbation technique show. Really? With live demonstrations. Wow. It was fascinating. It was beautiful. It was... We had to put towels down. We had Daisy Ducati and we had... Oh, T-Real. And the two of them together, she's got... She's this beautiful redhead with just firecracker red hair. Yeah. And he's as black as they come and as beautiful as they come. And the two of them and her white... Yeah. That milky skin... Yeah. Against his big black... Oh, God, it was just stunning. Now, did they say bubble gum? No, they said bubble gum. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. could do it and you'll be really good at it. I was going to text you on Friday. I should have. I was going to take a picture of the diagram of the man and the gynecologist's office. It's all right. I was going to be like, Ginger, I'm studying. I was so tempted. Why did you not? I'm friendly with my gyno. It's not like if she came in and I was taking pictures of the wall. You're in the robe. I know she's about to feel my boob. I had that robe and it's a half robe and you're just like, I feel so... I made sure I shaved my leg. See, I went about a month ago myself and I go in and I get ready and I'm waiting for she comes in and she goes, you know you have to take your pants off for this. I've got my shirt off, the gown on, I'm wearing shorts and I've got my boots on and I'm in the stirrups and I just I didn't think it through. It just didn't... She didn't. I love it. It's like, um, something is askew here. She said to me, she goes, alright, assume the position. She's the only one I can say that. Now, what position did you get in? Well, I got to get in the stirrups. See, now I would have gotten doggy style. I know the drill. Alright, you know the drill. I like to get down there. You know, you got to scooch up. Do you get uncomfortable? No, I'm fine with it, you know, because I've... I've also been with her for a long time. She... See, okay. I have a bit that I do. The butter snatch bit, right? Yes. I had the guy know call me. It's like a whole story. The doctor Reese called me. He's like, I need you to call me back. Like the whole, oh my God. And he's like, it's high cholesterol. Now, let me tell you. I do this funny... I do the bit, I do the story. Well, I went back a year later and I told Miriam, my doctor, I said, Miriam, Dr. Reese called me last year, you know, and said this. And I told her I have a whole bit about it and I have the mugs and everything. And she goes, I don't know why you called. You can't tell cholesterol from like a pap. And I was like, I don't know why. And she's looking at my record. She goes, you don't have high cholesterol. I'm like, that is... Is that not a random call? God was calling. God called that day. Was that God calling? God called and said, tell her she has cholesterol out of her vagina. It'll be brilliant. She'll make a mug. I gotta give you a mug. Butter snatch. I need one. I need one. Where's... What's your website? Where can other people get one? Well, rodelagrazzi.com. R-O-D-E-L-L-E-G-R-A-Z-I-E.com. Now, here's what I've also been doing. Every week, if you go to my YouTube, I've been ranting about the restaurants. So I've been picking a place, like a subject. So I just went off on things you don't do at a restaurant. One is don't get a divorce there. Why? Because there's yelling. I know. I think it's brilliant. What a great place to do it. The guy was getting like serving papers. Because you're gonna be as dramatic as you've ever been. You're gonna be as dramatic as you've ever been. Oh, yeah. And you're gonna have an audience on top of it. I will never get married, but if I did, if I was gonna get divorced, I would do it. I'd do it in public. I would... Because I don't want to be stuck alone with you afterwards. Well, the thing is, I think he did it in public because he didn't want to get hit or killed because she was mad. We'll talk about that. I've got something for you right now. We'll talk more about that later. I've got something for Rodelagrazzi. This is called the Fingo. It's pink. This is not scary. No. No. This comes in... It comes in four, three different colors. I think pink, purple, and a turquoise. What it is, it's a vibrating... What do you call these things? Vibrator. It's a vibrating vibrator. It's a vibrating vibrator. And what you do, you put it on your finger, you turn it on. It's a bullet. But on top of the bullet, there is a piece of silicone that has little bumps so you can actually grind against it. I'm a big humper. I'm a big grinder. She is a big humper. And it's got four different speeds. There's speed one. Uh-huh. Yeah, now we're talking. Yep. Three. And here's my favorite. That's my favorite. I'll drink to that. Rumpelstiltskin. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. We'll be right back on Blame It on Ginger. Hi, it's me, Ginger Lynn. I want you to join me on Mound Mondays with the talented, the beautiful, the sexy, Miss Nina Hartley. You're going to get a little sex breakdown. You're going to get deep inside Nina Hartley. Nina's going to go over her BDSM checklist where she's going to tell you just how naughty to be, how to do it right, how not to get hurt, and how to make your lover beg for it. She's going to make me beg for it in her little game, called Forced Orgasms. And did you know, Nina's going to let you know anything and everything that you didn't know about sex and were afraid to ask. That's Mountain Mondays with Ginger Lynn and Nina Hartley. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Isn't that nice music? Doesn't that make you just want to grab a titty? Ah! Okay, move closer even though you're grabbing my booty. See, I got you. Normally, I start off grabbing my booty, and then I'm grabbing your titties at one point, and you fight me off every single time. Today, I didn't touch your titties at all, and I got you on the second break. You did. You did. But you know why? Because Cheyenne played that mood music. And it got you in the mood. No, no, it's the Jamison. It's the Jamison. Stop it. She loves it when it grabs her tits. Welcome back to Blanket on Ginger. She loves it. You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? You know what I'm trying to prove? not on OkCupid or STD Cupid. No, thank God I'm not. I'm really glad to hear that. You know, you can find my, um, I have a friend, her name's Lilac Trismoney. She's the arch nemesis of Jasmine Tridevil, the girl with three boobs. Why does a girl have three boobs? She did it because she said she wanted to be unattractive to men because she hates them and never wants to date them. Well, that makes perfect sense to me. Three boobs. That's what I did. Did you see that over there? That's going to make her more popular. Well, who else have we got here in the studio? Because I hear a voice over there. We've also got Stevie! And right next to Stevie we have Kathy Lane! Wait, where's all my good sound stuff? I can't find it. There we go. Awesome! There we go. All my fans! I put it on Facebook last night that I was going to be on and I put, I didn't know what radio station or if it were live or what, so what I did was I sent them to your website. Oh, perfect. Oh, did you? Oh my goodness, do you know what my website is? Oh no. Which one? Well, I sent them to www.gingerlyn.com Oh, okay. Is that the wrong one? No, that's all, and that's going to send you over to my auction site and my panty site and my used underwear site and the radio show. It's going to send you everywhere, but are your friends conservative? A lot of people, my friends, no. But anyway, not on Facebook. My friends, all of my friends, all said, oh, I want to come with you, I'm so jealous! That's so nice. I know. Didn't you feel all like warm and fuzzy? I did. I know. Do you want to grab my tit? No. No. I didn't think so. Welcome to the show, Camp Elaine! Yay! So good to have you here. I know, you know, we've got like a chick fest going on here. Right next to Camp Elaine, who do we have? Vicki Wagner's in the house today. Oh yeah, Vicki Wagner. Oh, wait a minute. Oh! We've got a whole different crowd! You know what that is? I love it. That's the sexy crowd cheer, and anytime anyone wears purple, you get the sexy crowd cheer. That's my favorite color, and you're wearing purple today, and I'm just going... I like the sexy crowd. I'll take it. I'll take it. Do you go blue in your comedy? I definitely do. You do. Definitely. There's no doubt. No doubt about it. No doubt about it. You know, I was... Where was I? Denver, Colorado, which is in the Mile High City, and it was a benefit for somebody, and I was there, and I had just finished doing a film called... I can't remember. I love that! That's my favorite movie ever. It's called The Independent, and it's with Ben Stiller, Jerry Stiller, Janine Garofalo. It's a comedy that I did with these people, and so Janine was there for the benefit as well, and we're in Denver, and she had drinks before she went up on the stage. She had one or two drinks, and when you're in that altitude, you get drunk a whole hell of a lot quicker. So she was up there, and they actually had to have her come off the stage after a little bit. Because she was too messed up? From the altitude. Last time I was in Denver, I performed a benefit there, too. She went way blue. She went all of a sudden. She went way too blue? She was brilliant. I'd never seen her in that form. You know Janine. She's very, you know, political and monotone, and got her whole thing going on. She always sounds depressing all the time. I know. This one she's like, Yeah, exactly. No, take her to Denver and give her two drinks, and she's brilliant. And a Vicodin. That'll help. I don't think you'd survive. I'd try it. The altitude messed you up, huh? Me? I don't remember. I had a great time when I was in Denver. As a matter of fact, I got to go to Scott Coors' house for dinner after our dinner. The owner of Coors Brewing Company? Oh, Scott Coors. Coors. Coors. His grandpa started Coors Brewing Company. Oh. Denver, Boulder, Colorado. Did you do him? No, he's gay. Oh. This is good to know. Now Stevie. Stevie got really excited about that one. You gotta go to Denver. I had a good time. So I drank a lot of Coors while I was there. He must have an amazing house. He has an amazing house, bro. Incredible. Like the best house I've, I mean I live in West Hollywood, right? Yeah. Next to Beverly Hills. I've been to a lot of benefits. His house blows away any house I've been to here in Hollywood. I was just like at a music industry party. It was like, you know, probably a 10,000 square foot house. His house trumps that. Because also you're in Denver, so you can actually get a lot more. A lot more bang for your buck. Right. Yeah. And it's gorgeous there. I got banged in Denver. He had his maid that lived across the street. Their house was nicer than any house I've seen here. Yeah, to me. I'm not kidding. I love it. And it's probably like a maid staff. You know, like she's got a maid, she's got a staff and there's a head maid. Does he drink anything other than Coors? I didn't ask. We were actually at his house. I think I was, I was pretty sure I was drinking Jack Daniels. Oh. So. Even better. He had a full bar. Yeah. Would you like a cocktail? We have Jameson. No, no, no, no, thanks. I've got to drive all the way back to West Hollywood for my show tonight. Oh. That's right. And what's your show? My show's Brash Babble with Vicki Wagner. It's in West Hollywood. As a matter of fact, I just had Ro on the show last week. Oh, fantastic. She was on last year. She's already been a guest twice. I wouldn't know. She never invites me to anything. It's a television show. It's a television show. She still never invites me to anything. It doesn't matter. I don't care if it's TV. I don't care if it's live performance. I don't care. Well, when we have our big party of whatever we're going to have, we'll invite you over. Well, you'll have to invite me because Ro won't because she'll be afraid that I'll grab her tail like this. Well, you guys can get somebody to donate some of those masks that this young... He was showing us bunny masks and stuff. Your friend didn't want to be seen, so I pulled the masks out. She said, well, if you don't want to be seen, we'll put a mask on you. My fiance's here. Oh, that's your fiance? Yes. Hello, pretty girl. Thank you. And he said, if you don't want to be seen, you can wear a mask. And he gave her an option of three different masks and one of them was like a bunny mask. Yeah, it's a bunny rabbit head. We have these really intricate like competitions. They were like bondage and domination masks These are really nice. Because you want to get really naughty and pull out your Vienna sausage and whip her with it or something. You know what? I might put the bunny rabbit ears on today. I think maybe if I'm going to do the Vienna sausage, it might be a good idea to do it in bunny ears. You should. Absolutely. You can't see, you can't breathe. Oh. I can't. Yes, you can see. Smells like chicken soup in here though. Wait. Guys, what are you eating, Stevie? I had, that's a gyro. Oh. A gyro. A gyro. A gyro. A gyro. I thought it was gyro. I thought it was gyro. It's gyro. Gyro. Okay. Gyro sounds better. I call it gyro. That's a gyro thing. Gyro too. Right? That's a New York thing. Long Island. Oh. Well, I'm from LA, but I thought it was gyro too. No, that's a total New York thing. They're called gyros. Okay, first of all, are gyros? They are gyros. Yes. Campoline is from LA. I'm from Chicago. I'm from Rockford. Okay, well, there you go. I used to live in Elgin. Oh my God, we're neighbors. We kind of are. We are. Here's my issue. And now we're here. Exactly. These two could be related. It's a small world. Oh, you have an issue already? No, I have an issue. Not with the fact that you're both calling it gyros. I'm saying that people from California have had this argument with Chris before. He's from California. He calls it a gyro. Yep. I'm from New York. Oh, still there. I call it a gyro. But Campoline's from LA and she calls it a gyro. So we need to know what people are calling it. I went to Greece. You know what? Give us a call. What do we call that one in the plaza? And it was called a gyro. I've been to Greece too. A gyro. In Greece. I was in Athens. Is that anything like gyro? I mean, doesn't it remind you of gyro and money? No. A gyro. That's a gyro. Like, you know. It's a gyro. No, because I always think of the gyro. Stevie, I was in Greece too. I was in Athens. I got it at the plaza. I was in Athens. I ordered it in the plaza. This is the Parthenon. If you have an opinion on this. If you're in Chicago, there's a lot of Greek people. I mean, every restaurant in Chicago is owned by a Greek guy. Yeah, they're everywhere. Trust me. Stevie was in Venice when he told that story. No, I flew. I flew to Greece and I cried because there was not like a Vons. Oh, no. Yeah, I need a supermarket. How old were you? I was just out of high school but there was no supermarket. I was just there six years ago. Yeah, I was upset because all the taxis were like Mercedeses. I was like, what? Mercedeses? Mercedeses. Mercedeses. And it looked like it had never rained there in Athens. Like all the buildings were dirty and really old and they had all these ruins. It's called history. Wait, wait. Speaking of that. Stevie was the cutest thing ever. Wait, you have to hear this. You will love this one. Some young girl wrote an article about Ray Quartz's show, the autograph show that we did that weekend. Oh, yes. Yes, yes. And she goes, oh, there were a bunch of old has-been actors in Athens. What do you call a memorabilia show? I mean. Oh, no. It's like going to an antique store and saying, oh, this furniture is old. Who are we talking about? That was a great segue from Euros. I don't know. Grease. Grease in the building. Grease old. Antique old. Old, yeah. That's what you could just call them. The ancients. Was it Marty Allen? No. Marty Allen. Marty Allen was there. Yes. Mariel Hemingway was there. She's stunning. I couldn't believe it. She's tall and gorgeous. You know what? There were celebrities. There were over 90 celebrities at this convention over the weekend. And Diane Cannon. Diane Cannon was there. None of them were Greek. None of them ate Euros. But. What about gyros? I don't think they ate those either. There was gyrating going on. Yes. What happened was all of us ended up just chatting with each other and making friends over the entire weekend. It was fun. It was a fabulous time. Somebody said that there were has-beens. Yeah. Like who? Me? Ginger Lynn. No. Ginger Lynn. No. Are you a has-been from what? I did porn back in the early 80s. Yeah. And I was known On VHS. No. I started I started on 35mm. Oh. I did my first thing on 8mm. Then my first real film was on 35mm. And I did that. I made 69 films total. 40 something were shot on 35mm. Then beta came out. Then video came out. And so I did it for two years and three months. And just I was at the right place. Wow. Two years. Two years. Two years. Two years. Two years. Two years. Two years. Two years. You did 69 films? That's more action than most people get in a lifetime, Ginger. Oh my God. No. Seriously? Not anymore. And it was illegal. And it was that was the best part. It was? It was illegal to shoot porn. I didn't know that. It was illegal to shoot it in LA County. And so well anywhere in California it was illegal to shoot. So my favorite story we were on a set we were up in Big Bear and there were locations that like there was one that we shot in Lancaster all the time where you're fucking and the bird's going whoo whoo whoo. The whole time they've got this big bird that never shuts up. But this location was up in Big Bear and we're off we're having an orgy scene there's like 20 people fucking and there's one of course plaid sofa in the room there's the one green fake plant there's the shag carpet this is the 80s you know? And everybody says we're just having a great time. Everybody there's nobody like today if you watch an orgy scene they go okay you two are together you three are together you're over here and then you're going to do this position that position you're going to swap and it would be choreographed and yeah which is not sexy at all. That's how it is now? No it is now that way. But before they just said have at it? Yeah so we're all They said do a couple lines of coke and have a free-for-all. Pretty much. No actually we didn't do coke before because first of all I don't want to fuck when I'm on coke I want to talk to you and I'm going to tell you about when I was three and then and guys can't get it up so they have cocaine cocks. I forgot about that you're right. No that was we were we partied after we filmed but not during it was just not conducive to good dick it just didn't work or wet pussy it just nothing worked. Cut. Who's been doing the cocaine? So we're all in this big pile everybody's doing you're over here for a while and then you move over there and you move over there and the cameras are just following you because everybody's into everybody and we're just having a really good time. Please open the door. For real? Really? And you've never seen 20 people in your life it was so funny everybody's butt ass naked you're sweaty you're covered in cum you've got covered in your own juices and everybody hid behind the one tree and the one sofa there was no place to run we all just ducked down and hid. What would happen? It was illegal. Go to jail. Who would turn you in? The police that came to the door someone had turned us in for filming up there. How would they even know though? Were they peeking in the window? No. You know the house was up for rent or it was being rented out maybe I don't know how anybody found out. I never got to that point. And they came in and you were all hiding? We were all hiding. Somebody and then the tree sneezed? No. Then well the camera crew and the director and those people didn't hide just all of us naked people because we're the ones that would have gone to jail and there was an exchange of words and some money and we finished filming. That was the key word. And we made the film The Ginger Effect. And cocaine. Afterwards, yeah. There's some money and cocaine. There's none left. Cops. That'll handle everything. We had nothing after we were done shooting. It was really sad. It was like the Great Depression kind of a thing. Yeah. They took everything we had. I love it. Our innocence. Party fares? No. No. I don't know what they did discuss things for a while and somehow they magically went away and we finished fucking we finished the movie and that's what happens when you slip money and cocaine to a cop's hand. Exactly. Exactly. That's what I've heard. And maybe a blowjob. Yeah. You know what? I wouldn't doubt if that went out at all. Yes. I'm sure it did. Wait. I have a question. Yes. Now that they make them use condoms they said that they've like the whole porn industry has left. Is that true? You know what's happened is there's it's the condom law. OSHA came in. There was a woman by the name of OSHA. Do you love it? Sharon Mitchell. OSHA. Occupational safety hazards. Yeah. But you know what? They fucked it up. Sharon Mitchell was a woman who was in porn for years and years and years made plenty of I made several films with her. I adored her. She started the AIM Foundation which is a place that made mandatory testing for adult performers. And so every 30 days you had to test and you had But don't you as a prior performer wouldn't you agree with that? I mean I would. Absolutely. Wouldn't you want to know that oh gee this guy I'm fucking has AIDS? I would want to test you more than once a month. Right. I would want to test that's no more than one day old. If I would I would never do porn again but and I can say never this time. If I did do it there's no way that I would work with anybody that I didn't have a test from that day or the day before. Yeah. There's no 30 days anymore. No because it used to be there were like 50 of us and that included the crew and the cast. It was a very very very small industry. We were friends before filming during filming after filming. Yeah. It was a whole different deal. But now it's like and now so with the new law they've got the condom cops and there are police that their job what they do is they know that there's certain people that rent out that job. Do you go to like police academy for that? Yeah. Like what kind of cops do I want to be? They teach how to roll it down. Oh condom cop. That's great. Yeah. Or it's like just assigned to you. It's like oh what do I have to be on today? Oh condom patrol. That's going to get a whole new meeting to the term. We're going to get going to roll some heads. Sign me up. Wait so do they do porn in California or is it gone? They do porn in California but what's happened is Vivid Entertainment is right in the valley. It's right around the corner but a lot of the companies there's a huge I'd say probably 30 to 40 percent have moved out. They're moving to Florida and to Phoenix and to Las Vegas. Wow. Because you can't okay what! What's happened now is with the condom laws the test there's no mandatory you still have to test and you have to give a test but it's kind of sketchy and people go to different places. OSHA came in AIM was put out of business. This was something that kept that for 15 years kept everybody regulated everybody knew everybody went there you knew that the tests were real. Then OSHA came in so now people are going to independent private doctors and different urgent care facilities they're forging documents they're looking at they're lying about shit. No OSHA fucked it all up so they are still filming here. People are doing it with and without condoms they hope they don't get caught. I imagine that what happens is when the knock comes on the door everybody's got like condoms like you know up their asshole they pull up put on their deodorant right away they're just got to back up. I have a good alright come on quick quick quick it's like a seatbelt law. You know I don't watch porn I'm a lesbian so I'm definitely not watching straight porn but I mean is there really a big difference between a guy that has a condom on and not? Yes. For me to watch it yes. Is there? I don't want to see I don't You watch it wrong? I want the reason I have watched it but I think if I was watching like it's about to get hot and heavy and he's like oh could you hold on a second I gotta put this on I'd be like buzzkill. They magically they magically appear oh editing you're right in editing yeah but how do you explain that? You don't it's porn no one's really paying attention to that part I would imagine that's my problem I want story I want to go you want to go on from it? I want to see how slick he is hey look or how about responsible porn hey I really want to do this that's what they should do when somebody ends up with warts at the end they're like oh fuck condoms and they're like oh I got these warts and then they take you through the whole thing and you gotta get them removed but you still have them and you go to meetings are we gonna be friends after this? I just didn't want to use a condom and they're like well you know see that's what I would be afraid of in porn you're free to make your choices but be ready to deal with the consequences I wouldn't you are but if if OSHA's gonna step into porn then I think that they should step into every bar in fucking Hollywood every you know there's much more promiscuity and unprotected sex and people who are out there fucking that are 18 to 25 to 40 that are 30 let's say let's be honest Ginger it's actually 15 years old that's why there's so many teenage pregnancies yeah yeah! absolutely you know and they're like they should honestly give them out in high schools see now I'm a huge believer I mean because they're gonna get it on whether we want them to or not oh absolutely I buy my son condoms and what I see I'm gonna have to be a hypocrite here because as far as my personal opinion is everybody should wear a fucking condom every time unless you are in a monogamous relationship yeah I just think that there's too much shit out there and it's too dangerous it is very dangerous it's very dangerous and you should always protect yourself I mean it's your life that's it is your life luckily for me because I'm gay I mean gay women have a like .000000.1 chance of ever contracting HIV I mean like the lowest ever so I mean and it's kinda hard for us to get you know sexually transmitted diseases even though they're still out there you know they exist and everything like you're saying so I mean I have a fear for like what you said you have a kid I had a brother that I used to give when he was 16 years old I started giving him condoms at the gay parade they throw out tons of condoms I scooped them all over the place and gave them like 50 of them I said look if you're doing it you're gonna do it I go but at least put one on I just started putting them in his room when he was about 14, 15 years old just put them in his drawer it's gonna happen we were just talking about this but on film I don't want to see a condom so that's why I'm saying I'm a hypocrite because not really what turns me on you know I wanna tell you everybody out there you know what don't be silly cover that fucking willy it's just the way to do it but if I'm watching porn yeah the performers are making the choice to have unprotected sex and I love it I love to see a fresh hard dick a sweet pussy I love to see two pussies I love to see dicks I love I love sex I just love it all and on that note we're gonna take a quick break here I want everyone to go to the screaming oh.com and look for the wrangler the wrangler is a wonderful stretchy vibrating cock ring the top part goes over your ball or over your around your cock there's a vibrator that sits at the base of your balls and then this stretches and goes underneath of your balls so you've got the whole thing there we go wait here's my balls where's your dick wow something's not working I've got great big balls yeah your balls are much bigger than her dick I've seen dicks like that if you put it on yeah I know there you go there you go okay your wiener gets big and hard and stays there forever if you use the wrangler from the screaming oh.com okay that's I had a child with a dick about that size anyway go to the screaming oh.com tell them ginger Lynn sent you put ginger g-i-n-g-e-r in the offer code we will be right back here on blame it on ginger woohoo no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. You were doing sports. Okay. And it was, everyone was saying, oh, well, I go, are you kidding? It was eye candy. You know, I mean, I was checking them out. Are you kidding me? Okay, go back to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That sounded like some interesting shit you just glossed over. What was everybody saying? Well, they were saying, oh, why didn't you say this or that to them? And I go, first of all, I want an interview, you know? So if you're going to start, like, telling them stories or whatever. I'm interviewing them, and they've got their tops on and no bottoms. Right. So wait, is that how it is right now? Like, every time we see an interview? Oh, my God, that's so fucking hot. I would have, my legs would have been sticking together. My pussy would have been dripping wet. That's a football play, actually. Oh. You know women are going to be in? Yeah. You go, 66 monster on two, ready, break. Oh. And they come out just for being. The monster's out. Now, did you put the balls? My pussy's wet thinking about it. I used a box. I was in the Marines. I used a box. They do that? I never knew this happened. And when I watched the news, they made me keep their towels on. I thought they kept their towel on. The luckiest girl ever. No, they will only put their towel on, like, I guess they were waiting for shock value or for me to say something, and I just went on with the interview. Did they have the shoulder pads? No, no, no, no. They were already showered. They were coming out of the shower. And so after the interviews, and they realized that I was not asking your typical questions that the media tells all the girls to ask, the guys and stuff like that, and that I actually cared and knew about football, and so then they would kind of grab their towel, and I was like, move that towel. Oh, good for you. Good for you. Move that towel. But, yeah, no, they usually dress from the top down. I don't know about now, but this was a long time ago. I would have not been able to do that job without touching a penis. I could do that job without touching a penis. I could. Are you sure, Vicki Wagner? I'm 100% sure, Ginger. Now, what about, you've got to appreciate, I know that you prefer women. That you're lesbian full on, but don't you appreciate, I go both ways. I'm 60-40 towards men, but what I do is I look at a beautiful woman, and I just go, oh, my God, look how beautiful. I look at a beautiful man. I look at somebody that just, there's something so beautiful, whatever it may be about them, and it makes me melt, and it doesn't matter if they're a man or a woman. So can you look at a man and go, that's a beautiful man? Of course I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can. But I don't just prefer women. I was actually born gay, so my orientation is totally lesbian. Is totally lesbian. Okay. But I, but I mean, we were talking earlier in the Green Room about, you know, Stevie's gay, I'm gay, my fiance, I've been with my girlfriend for six years. Yay! And thank you. Congratulations. I just recently got engaged. Appreciate that. Oh, wait, we've got to cheer for that. Yeah, cheer for that. Yes, that's amazing. Now, which one asked? I'm on lockdown. We are so happy for you. I was on. She asked me. And I'm basically, but of course we can look at a member of the opposite sex and say, oh my God, that is a good looking guy. And anybody that tells you otherwise is lying because you can't even be, if you're a hundred percent gay and you've never slept a gold star gay, if you've never slept with a member of the opposite sex. What's gold star gay? We were talking, me and Elaine and Stevie. I was one until I was 30. Because there's a lot of gay people who have never, ever slept with a member of the opposite sex. Ever. Yeah. They know they were born gay. They've known since they were three years old that they were gay. And they have no interest. Okay. So, but basically, even if you have somebody like that, they can still look at another human being and say, oh yeah, that's an attractive human being. Yeah. Because how could you not? Right. I mean, you're talking about being ugly, you know, girl, ugly girls. We can be like ugly, not ugly. Yeah. Same thing with guys. Ugly guy, not ugly guy. And even me as a lesbian, it's like, just cause I'm a lesbian, I certainly do not find all women attractive. As a matter of fact, I find very few women attractive. I know the difference between you, Shemar Moore and Jeff Ross. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. Don't shit. I mean, who's buzzing here? Somebody. It's you, but it's unknown. So I'm not answering it. Oh, okay. No, not right now. In other news. Probably one of my fans from my Facebook page. Probably. Our phone number here. If you want to give us a call, I dare you. 1-800-893-9562 is the phone number here on Blame It On Ginger. Now we've got a segment coming up. Yeah. Um, does anybody here, don't look scared, Jeff. It's not scary. It will be when he gets up. He's a Marine. Yeah, he was a Marine. All right. You're a Marine. Thank you, man. You're surrounded because I was in the Air Force. So you got military on both sides of you. Oh. You got the safest seat in the house right now. That is the safest seat. What do you mean? It's the Air Force. Wow. I'm going to come sit on your lap. Don't be a hater. Wow. Don't be a hater. I'm not a hater. I'm being real. I'm a murderer. There you are. I want to feel real. You bitches want to fight. You want to act up. No Laverne and Shirley. It was rough. It was rough. You know, when I used to be in the Air Force in Mississippi and all the other guys would come, Army and Navy and Air Force and Marines would come to Mississippi because there was a training base. Those guys would get into fights all the time. And I'm going to tell you right now, the Air Force guys could hold their own. Okay. That's all they're fighting about. I don't get it. I don't know, but it turns me on. The difference is they're stupid enough to join infantry. That's why you have to be the smartest to get into the Air Force. You have to have the highest IQ of all the military to actually get into the Air Force. Uh-oh. Now, why did you choose to get on the Air Force? Why did you choose to go to the Air Force? That's not so. This is Marie. Marines versus Air Force. No, wait a second. I went on the Air Force because you had to be the smartest to get in. That's not true. And I didn't want to be with a bunch of dumbasses. That's not true. No, but why did you choose to go into the military? It's 100% truth. Go into any recruiting center and ask. CVS. Google it. Stay in the. I had all five branches of the armed service on my porch kissing my ass to join. And I joined the Marines. I was avionics technician. Granted, there are idiots in the Marines, but there are idiots everywhere. Of course there is. Yeah, I know. I know. I know some dudes that would rather fuck a football. They're that fucking stupid. If you guys want to throw in. You probably missed them. Stevie. Those people that would rather fuck a football. Where in the football field? Stevie's in the ass Navy, aren't you? No, I'm not anywhere near any. The ass Navy? I grew up. Is there another kind? Yeah. That one's not that I've got. What about the Coast Guard? I grew up running around that whole gamut from Corpus Christi, Texas to Norfolk, Virginia. Depends on Colorado. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And. And to Point Magoo. So. I don't know. You were in the military? I was not. No, military brat? Yeah, I was a brat. So. Oh. I was like, we were. Oh, you went around. Picked up and moved around. Just in time to make friends and then it's time to move. And then you leave. I thought I would never do that. I would never, ever, ever. My friends would say that. We'd never have this life. We'll never go into the military. Don't. You get uprooted all the time. You can't have friends. You gotta move everywhere. Unless you want to travel. All my friends ended up doing it. There are other ways to travel. Make money to travel. But when you're a kid. If you're an adult, it's one thing. But if you bring kids into it, then it's a whole other story. Can I make a little public service announcement? Yeah. My dad's on deployment for six or eight months. Wait. Hold on. Attention young children who are sneaking and watching this show. Do not join the military because Sasha and Malia and Jenna don't have to go. There's a general idea that your flesh is worth less because your parents ain't rich. And that ain't the case. Fuck them. Don't go. This is Jeff Brown. Look at that. From the bottom of my heart. Don't fucking go. Yeah. A little PSA on that. This is on the line for the interest of rich people. Fuck that. Yeah. Thank you very much. Rich, fat old white guys. I think they should have to fight. I think we should have fat old white guys from this country and fat old whatever guys from whatever country meeting the rain. You know what? Get out. They're going to go soon anyway. My son just got, my son just turned 18 and we just got his draft. Shoot him in the foot. Shoot him yourself. And I'm going. Wait a minute. They still have to register? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You go to jail if you don't. Yeah. When you're 18, you have to. It's just selective service, right, Jeff? What's that? It's called selective service. Yeah, it's called selective service. You got to register for men in this country, not women. You have to register. At age 18, must register for selective service. Really? Yeah. And then who selects? If we go to war, they get selected. Yeah, you go. That's what happened in Vietnam. If we go to war, my son, he's 18, he's going. No, he's not. Not if you shoot him in the foot. Take him out in the back yard. You know what? All right. Now he can't claim he's gay anymore. He's pissing me off enough so much that it's so smack close. You think you're going to let him go? That's hilarious. You know what? I'm thinking, you know what? I'm thinking tough love. He can claim craziness. A little bit of tough love. A little tough love. Tell you, you know, how many times have I told you? Yeah. Boom. Yeah, I'm kind of tough at the house. And Ginger, it's too bad. He can't claim that he's gay anymore because now gay people can go in the military. That's it. That's it. You know, he tried that. He tried to claim he was and then he thought he wasn't. You got to claim crazy now. So the only thing less than being gay in this country is crazy. Oh, no. Yeah. Crazy. Now, if it's on paper already, then he's okay, right? If he's crazy, yeah. Send him to the psych ward. He's my son. One or two times. Those are the guys. Well, we haven't gotten there yet. I will show him up in a bunny mask and I'm sure they'll exempt him. Well, I'm just thinking all they have to do is go, wait a minute. Put the bunny mask on his penis. That's Ginger Lynn's son. That's, come on. He's been through enough. Yeah. Leave the poor boy alone. He'll start licking his nose. He'll start licking his tongue, work a nipple and pull it. Yeah. What do I sign? I'm going to sign. I'm going to give you DNA samples. Yeah. I performed over in Korea and Japan for the troops. Yeah. That's a great game. That's a great game. That's great. I feel sorry for the military. I mean, whenever people come to autograph signing shows, if they're in uniform and they'll look and they'll say, well, and I go, just pick a picture, you know, pick one and I'll sign it for you. You don't have to pay. Yeah. And I always give them free pictures. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's generous of you. Awesome. I do. Yeah. Well, good for you. Because I'm going to tell you what, they're your biggest fans. Well, I would never do it for anybody in Congress or politics. You know, I mean, I think they're the worst. They should have to go over there and really see what's going on. They know what's going on. They know what's going on. They should have to go over there and be the ones doing it. They don't give a fuck. They're the ones who like sign legislation. Let's get back to sex. We're way too political, baby. Let's get back to fucking. You know what? What's funny though is. Wait a minute. You're talking about politics. Who do you think is doing all the fucking duos? There you go. That was a good one. Very, very good. There was a point though. I was having lunch one time at like a taco stand or something. And a girl got hit by like a car. It was terrible. Right? Oh my God. At the taco stand. At the taco stand. What's that? I said, why did you almost slap you? Well, no. I said, because all of a sudden. Terrible. We had no idea what happened. And everybody runs over. But there was a guy in an army outfit that was right there helping her. Right? And you know. And we're like, wow, this guy. This guy's in. Army involved. Oh, yeah. He jumped into action. And then we're like, wait a second. There's an actor's studio over there. You could be Larry. He might be just a guy going to audition. You're doing an episode of ER. We don't know to this day. Or an episode of ER. If he was an actual army guy. Or I was like, look. I was just going straight to go to the audition. I was helping her out. Yeah, because how many army people are just wandering around in the uniform? Why are you around Studio City? You're like a Roma copish. It's hilarious. So I don't know to this day if it was an actual army person or a great actor. Yeah. Or just a heroic guy. It didn't matter. It was fun. There were other countries where I went to South Africa for four months back in 1986. And this was right when apartheid was going on. Yeah, I was about to say it was heavy there. Oh, my God. It was the most unbelievable, amazing, beautiful, ugly experience I've ever been through in my entire life. Yeah. Four months. Yeah. We went, I went, we, oh. Just extremes. It was just so extreme. Yeah. And the punishments for things. I'll just give you the example of my impression when I walked into Africa. And then I'll take away what I left with it. I walked in and we got to the hotel. And there were the yellow tape was blocking off everything. And there's a pool of blood in front of the elevators. Oh, wow. And everywhere you walk, everywhere you go. And welcome to South Africa. Which is like champagne. Everywhere. And they're on the street. This is what made me think of it was that were the men in uniform. And at 18, you don't sign that piece of paper. You enlist. You enroll. You are in the army. You're just at 18. That's what your job is. It's like it isn't in Israel. Happy birthday. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Happy birthday. Put this shit on. Yeah. You're an angel. You are in the army now. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. But I wanted to know, fuck what you wanted to do. You are doing this today. Yeah. Well, isn't that true in Israel too? That's what I just said. Two years. I just said that in Israel. Male and female. Two years. Yeah. Yeah. So I said, you know, there's police, there's guard. But they're walking the streets. They're everywhere. So I'm thinking everybody's there because of the incident at the hotel when I first got there. And I said, you know what happened? And somebody told me that there was a guy that used to work there. A maid was late with towels. A guy worked there. He got fired. He came back. He drunk and he was pissed off. He had a hammer. And they just machine gunned him down right there in the elevator, in the lobby, right there in front of the elevators. Just killed his ass right there. Now that you say that, I want to ask everybody a question. Because you guys all know that the lady who's the top of the Secret Service had to step down today, right? No. Yes. They blamed her because some idiot climbed over the fence of the White House. Oh, I knew that. Like it's her fault. So they had to pick somebody. They should have just driven. No, that's no picking somebody as they should. No, no, no. That's not even what I'm going to ask, Jeff. So step off for a minute. That's not even a question. The question I had to ask is, first of all, don't you guys think, number one, the fence around the White House should be a lot higher than the fence around the White House? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot higher than it is. And number two. Maybe it has like a little barbed wire and some electricity or something. No, he got over it. Shouldn't be any higher. The thing is, do you agree? He did not have a trampoline. I think in this country, if you jump over the fence of the White House, you should be shot. Absolutely. That is my... Oh, I do as well. What do you think after seeing what you saw in Africa? Absolutely. Why wasn't he shot though? Absolutely. He wasn't shot because everybody makes a big deal like, oh, you shot this person or that person and then everybody gets up in arms. But I think if you... He had a pocket knife in him and it doesn't matter what if he would have been armed. It doesn't matter what he had or what he was shot. You shouldn't be jumping over the damn fence of the White House. You should be shot. He wasn't shot. Why is our president in a White House? Because security has become so fucking lax. That's why. Well, also because of the public's outcry. That's why. So why? So the head of it because she's the one that's in charge of everybody below her? Yes. Well, that's how it is in any organization. The Secret Service has never given a fuck about what society has to say. They don't care. So it shouldn't matter if the guy that was on duty in that area, it should be that guy the head of... It is the head. It all works down. It starts at the head. It does work down. You're absolutely right. It's not the guy that's out here. It's the guy or the lady in this instance who is responsible for putting a shithead who would take a break or run somewhere with a stringer at his ass. Absolutely. We have a backup. We have a vice president. If he got the president, we have a backup. That's hilarious. There's another one. Who fucking cares? You're so bad. I care. I care. For real. You want President Obama to get taken out? I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't want him biking in as president. We'll get another one. Maybe he just wanted... They'll replace Kennedy. They'll replace Lincoln. They'll replace anybody and it'll be the same old shit. It's the same old shit. It'll be the same old shit every time. Who do you think really runs the country? Exactly. Bankers. Jump the fence. Jump the fence. The Koch brothers. Everything. The Koch brothers. K-O-C-H brothers run the country. The Kardashians. You know what? Koch is awful close to cock when it's spelled that way, which puts us back on the road to Let's go back to fucking again. You know what? I told you they keep fucking us. I can't tell you that. We're getting to the fucking... We've got sex toys, but we're going to take our break first. What about sex in the military? Wait, we got to... What is sex like in the Air Force versus sex in the Marines? Oh, Stevie. No. Yeah. Oh, that's going to be like huge. Yeah. We're going to go to... I want everybody... Nope, nope, nope. Cheyenne, you ready, baby? It's better in the Air Force. It's better in the Air Force. The girls are cuter. When we come back, I swear to God, we're getting sexy back here on Blame It On Ginger. Right now, please, everybody go to The Screaming Ops. ScreamingO.com. Tell them Ginger Lynn sent you. Type in Ginger. Ginger Lynn. G-I-N-G-E-R sent you. There you go. Get all your sexy toys there for the month of Halloween. We'll be right back. I love the sound effects. Is that a scream? I love the sound effects. I love the sound effects. I love the sound effects. She'd always been a wandering vine She grew up fast and filled out faster As she soon became the master of the finish line And while she lacked sophistication There would be no limitations To the lengths of deprivation in her prime She said, I'll be the bluest movie queen I'll live a life that's so divine Just sipping wine and blowing lines with Charlie Sheen I'll be in all the magazines They'll tell me no one's looked so fine in 69 Since Tracy Lord's was sweet 16 And she smiled like a child when she said I want to live a life of sin I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die La la dee, la la die Surrender to the force that lies within I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die Well she can take it like a champ I want to be that change you live You'll be the world's most famous tramp I want to be that change you live They'll put her picture on a stamp I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die I want to be that change you live La la dee, la la die I want to be that change you live I want to be that change you live Hi, Ginger Lynn here. Again, still, always. For everything naughty, for everything nice, for all of your porn stars, plus Ginger and Spice, go to gingerlynnauctions.com. Come play and take home a piece of Cassandra Cruz Nikki Delano, Maybe Penthouse Pet Jenna Rose, Naomi Banks, Nina Hartley, Cindy Starfall, Mia Gold, Imani Rose, Elizabeth Starr, Aubrey Adams, Jodi Taylor, Jackie Joy, Erica Loren, Trinity Ray, Hyapasha Lee, Carolyn Fox, Annie Cruz, Savannah Ginger, Nikki Hunter, Christy Canyon, Tia Cyrus, Randy Wright, Brandi Aniston, Jocelyn James, Sabrina Deep, Hikidair, Misty Stone, Roxy Giselle, Amber Che, Selma Sins, Little Skydiver Hope, Lucky Star, Sunshine Monroe, Kelly Nichols, Playboy Playmate, Shawna Sand, Cassandra Cruz, Kirsten Price, Nikki Phoenix, and more are all available for you at gingerlynnauctions.com. ¶¶ ¶¶ Welcome back to Blame It On Ginger. I am Ginger Lynn with... Ginger Lynn. Rojo Ratti. And... Stinny! And... And Jeff Brown. And touch those hooters again. No, she already did. State her name and move on. And Campy Lane. Campy Lane. You can find me on Facebook, Campy Lane. Friend me. I think I'm... I think I can still get friends because Facebook put me in Facebook prison for so long. Nobody can friend me. Oh, they'll do that. Go the next way, the other way next time. I'll do it the other way next time around. Vicki Wagner. You can find me at vickiwagner.com, vicki-wagner.com or thevickiwagner on Facebook or on Twitter at Vicki Wagner. Vicki Wagner. Why do I think that you're going to have an opinion? About sex toys. Me? I don't have any opinion about sex toys. I'm thinking that you're going to like some and love some. I might. I had actually on a show I used to do at the studios in Burbank, Joint Studios, had a lady come on. She gave all of the co-hosts of the show like sex toys. She had her own like site and she brought like 10 sex toys for all of us. I haven't even unwrapped some of them out of the package. Oh, that's fabulous. Christmas presents. We've got small little gifts. We don't have big, giant, wonderful toys for you to go, but we do have toys that we give everybody goes home with little toys. Oh, thank you. Good. A nice party gift. Nice. You can just go. Who doesn't need a new vibrator? And you can use it. Once you use it once, take pictures and you can post them at gingerlandauctions.com. Sell them. Is that right? And make money. You can sell my used vibrators. You can gift wrap them. Send them to somebody you don't like. A white elephant. And tell them to go fuck yourself. Or send them overseas. Oh, that would be a waste. Send them overseas to a troop. One of our troops. Fuck yourself. No, I wouldn't want to send that to a troop. You'd send it to somebody. You'd send it to somebody else. Go fuck yourself with a vibrator. No, not the... You better do that. No, no, no, no. He's talking about the toy that makes you feel good. He was talking too fast. I wouldn't get rid of a toy that... I think I'm going to come up with a vibrator called the go fuck yourself. There's a big one right there in the cabinet. Oh, you have no idea. No, I don't have anything that needs that. Oh, is that the dragon? It's a magic wand. I'm going to take this conversation over here for a second and get away from that one. Yes, baby. What's up? Gone the dragon. The best lube I've ever used is called gun oil. Is that right? Is that right? Is that right? Someone in the army, sorry, that... No army? Gun oil? That was using gun oil, mixing it with something else as lubricant for jerking off and it caught on. Okay. That's what I've heard. I mean, I don't know. Did you try it? No, no, no. I don't. I'm strictly... How about this other thing? I heard about... Suave lotion and baby oil. Really? Suave lotion and baby oil. That's what I use. Really? Yeah, just make it... Now, did you have suave lotion and baby oil with you when you were in the Marines? No, they're both... Well, they both were at the PX. They're cheap. Oh. Suave lotion and baby oil is just... Okay. All's gotta be a slick. It ain't got... Yeah, that's true. I don't need it eaten up. I don't need it flavored. Oh, I was wondering about that because they had this stuff called Stroke 29 and a guy is supposed to use it and he can't get the... 29? I've seen that. We've had them on the show. Same company. 29 strokes that you'll get off. Like that you must get off. There's the gun oil right there. Oh, there you go. You can take some home. It's real. It's been used. I told you. I've... Yeah. It's been used. They brought in that bottle. Oh, my God. What the hell? These are... Okay. We are back to terrifying sex toys. I don't even want to touch it. All right. The gun oil. It's like a roach's back. I've used many times. Now, what? Jeff Brown is holding it. If you can fit that inside of you. And Camp Elaine is looking at... Yeah, you got some mileage on your thing. This was a gift. You can put that in there. This was a gift. It has not been used. Somebody gave you? Yes, they did. We can't. Nobody's used it because they can't. I can't. No. Who's going to be able to use that? It looks like... What do you think it is? A candle. It's beautiful. The color is... It's purple and blue and pink. It looks like a candle to me. It's very pretty. It's got a wick on the top. It's an unsurprised candle. It looks like a reptile. Yeah. Yeah. See that? Does it have warts on it? No, it doesn't. No. Now, when I tell you what it is, it's going to make complete sense. It's their pleasure bumps. It's a dragon penis. A dragon penis? A dragon penis? It's a dragon penis. Get the fuck out of here. That's Puff the Magic Dragon's happy... That's Puff the Magic Dragon's penis. Okay. Do you not think of their tails? That's Falkor's dick. And... Look at you. That's a great insult, you dragon dick motherfucker. It's the most... I would think a dragon would have a bigger penis than that, though. That's kind of small for a dragon. Yeah. I mean, think about a whale. You ever see a big whale penis? No, I don't. Okay, I think they're trying to sell it to people that will actually try and fuck it. I don't know. In all honesty, I've thought about it many times. There's a sick twist, a turn-on factor. I'm going, okay, it's an unreal animal. Yeah. What about the furries? Totally, I'm totally into it. Can we scoot it over a little bit? I'm thinking about this. Bring it over here, baby. Bring it over here. You don't want that big penis? Pick it up. Pick it up and pass it on over. Oh, my God. It is heavy. I don't want to touch it. Stevie, where's the camera? Wow. It is heavy. It is heavy. Jeff was passing me the giant... I was trying. ...penis. I was trying. And you, what are you doing over there? I got it already. I want to put it in front of me. Did you get Jeff handing it to me? I don't want to touch it. Not to you. No, all right. It's not that wide of an angle. I'll take the penis now. The girls will take it. I don't want to touch that penis. Give me that. That was a bag. That's a crochet bag from the 70s. That's a crochet bag. It looks like a hot pad to me. Oh, no. You take from my phone. She ain't doing so much. She don't even want to touch a fake dick. No. No, I don't want to touch it. I don't know. You don't really. Not even a fake dragon penis. Oh, my God. How do I know who's touched that? What is someone trying? Everybody's trying. You don't know who touched the donut. No one is, I swear in my son's life. You don't know who touched the donut. No one. You don't know who touched the hot sauce packets in Del Taco. That number eight on the building. You had to push the elevator button to come up there. No one's used it. No one's tried it. It's ridiculous. You don't know that somebody didn't sneak out and try to slip it in, Jeff. Okay. You know what? If you don't put it in. Don't touch it. If you're that old. I do not care. What do you want me to do? Oh, look. It's so gross. I just want everybody else to be comfortable. What the hell? It's a paperweight. Oh, my God. It must weigh. It weighs a lot. Ten pounds. At least. Yeah. But isn't there. You should put it on a pile. Yeah. Ginger. Yeah, baby. Wait. You got to be careful. It matches the dragon. I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear. Did y'all hear about Ginger? What happened? She paralyzed. What happened? Dragon dick fell. A baby dragon. A baby dragon. I'm not going to try. I'm not going to try it. The reason I was concerned. Look, it's uncircumcised. It's really fucking cool. And the thing. These things are like three, four hundred dollars. What? Yeah. Really? They're. Fucked. Shit expensive. Wow. I don't know. The reason I'm concerned, people, is because the gun oil happens to be in front of me and it's three fourths of the way used. So somebody is using this gun oil. Oh, I use it all the time. It's a used bottle of lube. She just told you she used it all the time. But it's my bottle of lube. I know when it's been used every time. It's I've never had sex in the studio or any other studio. It's used for when I say sex, like scissoring. That's not sex. Monica and low job. Sex. Not sex. Hand job. Not sex. So you consider sex only penetration? No, that's for other people. For me. I'm what do we just we gave it a name. I am penile monogamous. What's that mean? That means that I have one dick, only one dick, but I can't see any woman that I know. I have one thing I keep going on seven years. Oh, really? Yes. I'm a man, but I need a woman. And so I sleep with different women. Lucky bastard. What's his name? Your boyfriend's a son of a bitch. And his name is Nick. And he does reap the benefits of it. Oh, my God. Sometimes he's included. Sometimes he's not. No guy gives a damn about that. Sometimes he's not. So if a woman came to you and went, baby, look. Here's what I need. I will stay with just you for the penis. But I have to fuck women. No dudes go, that's a deal breaker. Can I tape it? Can I just shoot? I just want to watch. Every guy that's, oh, my God. I know some people that they, my girlfriend, a guy at work, he, his wife wanted to have a three way and then he actually fell in love with the other wife. I mean the other neighbor. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. I know a man whose wife's a bitch. Oh no, I pick them all fine. They're all fine. But I give my boyfriend, we have eye signals. There's yes, there's no, there's the baby fucker now. What's an eye signal? Give us a demonstration into your camera so that the viewers can see it too. You know what? Eye signal was that. Yeah. The eye signal was like. That's what it is. What's a no look like? Yeah, what's a no? There is no no. There is no no. There's, you know, the no is. Okay. Where do you find these random women every day? I mean, I'm a lesbian. I couldn't even fuck a different woman every day, even if I was single. We don't do it every day. No, we're about once to twice every six months. Oh, well, that's easy. Yeah. Okay, that's easy. I have to admit, you know, honestly, I'm 51 years old. You know, I'm not out there running around picking up chicks. I don't go to clubs. I don't go to bars. It's women that I know from the porn industry and guests that I have. I'm a show and people that I meet when I do conventions. They have apps now, Ginger, for that. Yeah, but I don't want to. I, to me, what's beautiful is you is a person is who that I, who I, I see things differently than other people do. You identify with life. I don't want it. I don't want an app for that. I want to meet you. I want to go, you know what, baby? This is the, yeah. This is what's up. But what about when you're traveling? So you're traveling, you're meeting girls on the road and you're going to places where girls like $2. $2, $3, no more than five. You know, it's like, well, how does that change? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Get back to the money. I didn't get that. Wait. I am not. Where do you think he's going? Thailand? Yeah, you end up going places and these girls are, you know, you're in a third world country. Oh, how much it costs for buying? I'm not rich enough to buy a pussy. What's the, what's the date? And then you have to pay $3 for it. Hell no. Hell no. Not that I can just talk you out of it. Hell no. I'm not going. I'm from Chicago. I'll talk you out your pants. Wait. Okay. You are both from Chicago. Yeah. And I'm from Rockford. You know my brother's from Chicago? I'm where the leftovers from Chicago went. Yeah, where people with warrants. Uh-huh. Rockford is full of people from Chicago with warrants. I've, that's exactly. You go right to rock. I grew up there, baby. Yeah. Me and she tricked. I would only buy a pussy if I was super rich. You would? Yeah, that's the only way I would get it. Why? But. Because when you, in the words of Charlie Sheen, I'm not buying pussy, I'm paying you to leave. When I buy a pussy and I'm rich, I don't have to hear I'm late and it's your baby. I don't have to, there's none. I'm late. And it's your baby. I don't have to hear none of that. I gave you three grand. If I give you three grand, I can shit in your mouth if I want to. That's just what the money's for. But you're traveling, so it's not like you have to worry if she misses her period. You're still moving around. You're still moving around. No, no, not if you're rich. You obviously have never had a lot of money. I'm talking about in the service. Do you get a lot when you're. I'm talking about service time. You get a lot when you're moving around. Do I get, oh, nobody gets more pussy than road comics, except rock stars. Rock stars and road comics. Seriously? Oh my God. Oh, the chuckle stuff? Think about it. For 45, for an hour, I get to show you why I'm an alpha male. The same thing it takes dudes months, weeks to do, I'm going to do in 45 minutes. I'm going to make you laugh till you piss your pants. I'm going to be sharp as hell. In the words of Billy Crystal in Mr. Saturday Night, every guy wants to be your best friend and every girl wants to fuck you. If you do your job as a stand-up comedian. I don't know how that works for ladies. Every girl wants to fuck me, yeah. Yes. We're all sexy. Yes, they do. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. We're all sexy. If I was married, Ro could get the business. If I was not married, Ro would have to tell me no. She'd have to go, you know what, is he out there again? He's out there again. Are you married? Yes, I'm married. Very happy. And you still get it on the road? Very happy. No. I don't really even hit the road. That's why I try to tell my wife. I lost count at 200. I have fucked out. It's done. I'm done. It's over. I'm done. You know, but you had a good time. So you're like Ginger. It was good. It was good. What did you call that? Monogamous penis? A penis. What was it? A penis. A penis monogamy. So you have a, you got a pussy monogamy. No, monogamy is monogamy. Okay. If I can't do it in front of my wife, then I shouldn't be doing it. That's the way I think. Oh, because for you, you're just a penis monogamous. Her just penis. Well, no, I shouldn't do that. I would never sleep with another woman without my man there either. See? That's cool. No, I would never. No. So you're a penis. She grows. Once you get grown, you get to a place where it means more. This belongs to my man. Yeah. And anything he says no. Then it's not mine. No. I get those same looks. I get that same feeling. I get that, you know, no baby. Why would he say no? I'm just curious. What? Kissing. Oh, he doesn't want you to kiss another woman? No. Because it's intimate. No, it's very intimate. It's too intimate. He's seen it. The first time he saw me kiss someone, we were dating for maybe three, four months. We went to a strip club and we went in the back room with this girl and she's just making out with me. She's pulling her skirt up, putting my hand in her pussy, didn't mind at all that she's trying. She's trying to make me finger fuck her. But the kissing, we got, that's what I was into. I was like, I was totally into the kissing. See, I don't have a whole lot of that. That's why lesbians could never have. I will kiss. I will kiss. You're right, Stevie. That's why lesbians could never have a three-way because it'd be a big argument right after the first move. They fight. They box. Lesbians box. We don't box. Really? But they shut the bar down. Like, we're at the bar I go to. What bar do you go to? Fight. Because all the lesbians I know are lipstick lesbians that are way better looking than most straight people I've ever seen. Yeah. How do we get the gangster lesbians that come in? Wait, what bar do you go to? Lipstick lesbians count. What? Do lipstick lesbians count? Tonight's a Wednesday night. Go to the Abbey. It's a lesbian night at the Abbey. Every woman there will be drop-dead gorgeous and every guy will be there jacking off in the back hoping they can fuck these girls because that's what happens every Wednesday night at the Abbey. They have the hot strippers there that come. They dance. Yep. It's in West Hollywood. Wednesday night is girl bar night. I've been there on Wednesday night. Ah. There's a hot dancer. Sandy Sacks, a girl bar runner. It's a different type of dude. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm not boxing anybody. It's a different type of dude. It's not that. You're like brainwashed from the real L word because the girls they brought from the real L word are from San Francisco and they're scuzzy, scummy, disgusting, tattooed lesbians with dreadlocks. What about the days? Have you ever been to Peanuts? No. No. I didn't live here. I don't remember that. The Peanuts was awesome. Yeah. I've heard it. And they had- A fire pit, right? A fire pit. They had lesbian night. I can't remember what they called it. Wait, was it next to- It was in the 80s. Pleasure Chats. Pleasure Chats. It's right in the Pleasure Chats. I've heard stories, Ginger. A 79, 69 club. It was an amazing place to go. When did they close? 10 years ago. 15. I think they're still there. They change every night, but it's something different. You're talking about right now. It used to be for a while, be a black club and it was called Michelle's Triple X used to be there. Were you? Yes. It's right next to Pleasure Chats in the French market. It's French market. That's how I was thinking of it. Right now it's a high end- Strip club. No, it's not. Isn't it? It's a high end straight nightclub. It's a high end straight nightclub. Oh, really? You have to be guest list. The line's out. I live two blocks from there. Oh, wow. Their business cards, I went there and I met the guy who's the manager. Their business cards are velvet. Velvet? I don't remember. That even might be the name, but it's a high end Hollywood nightclub now for straight people. No stripping. That's really sad. They redid the entire inside. It was back in the day when I, being a bisexual woman, could go out and not be a lipstick lesbian. I went out. I went out looking for, I went out meeting somebody that made me feel, that made me smile, that made me feel good. And I used to find that at this bar called Peanuts on those nights. And there was also a place called The Girl Bar. Right. Which was the same thing. Although, all the girls I tried to pick up never were interested in me, ever. Really? No, no. Because I don't want anybody that looks like me. Oh, okay. I don't want- Right, right. You can get it. You know what? Anything that doesn't look like me. I went when it was cinematic. I was sitting there and then something was hitting me on the head. And it was a dick. And I looked up. No. It was that big dragon dick, bro. It was a wing. It was a wing. Hanging from this guy's balls. What? That he had stretched his balls down and he was- Well, what were your- He was hitting me with the log. How could it be on his head? Were you laying on the ground? What? Wasn't it one of those master logs? I was you? Wait a minute. The master log? How did he climb up? That's what I'm saying. Were you laying on the ground? I was sitting there quietly. Wait a second. Dude, were you sitting in a hole? I mean, okay. I was sitting in a booth with my friends. How long was his balls? They were long balls. The thing had been- What the hell? What happens with long balls? They hit you in the head. I know, but are they usually anymore? I am so happy not to have a point of reference right now. Well, I'm saying- Anybody? Anybody? You want to stretch your balls out with a wing. I actually- One time I did him a comedy show and the comic that came before me, it was a straight white guy. And all he talked about was his- His balls were so long like that that they dipped into the toilet bowl. But he was doing- I was sitting him on the head. He was like 45 maybe? He had like old goat's balls. Okay, wait a second. Hang him down. He was wearing a weight on him? He had a lock, a master lock. You know, like you used to lock your locker with? No, but they were hooked through his balls or just hooked through his balls? Are you sure that was a nut? That wasn't one that he didn't have it on his ding ding? I mean, if he was going to stretch something. No, he was cut. He had cut in half. So he was in the process. A man can dream. He was in the process of cutting it in half. So his penis, the head was cut in half. Oh, I don't want to talk. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't say that again. Yeah. You're a Marine. You can take it. No, I'm not cutting my dick in half. Wait, he wanted two dicks? Some of those guys, they wanted to be like a serpent. I've read of that. I don't know what he wanted to be. Remember we were talking about fetishes? Yeah. Like they wanted to be some bullies. You're giving gay people bad names. These were years ago. I was 18. All right. We've got more disgusting products here. What is something years ago? Let's go back. Okay. Yeah, because we only got a few minutes. Back to the happy sex. We've got nothing. Master law. Did we ever get to happy sex today? No, we didn't. You know what? Fuck what they say on the chart. I have a couple things I'd like to use on Ro. Oh, no, no, no. There you go. I'm scared. No, we're not. She took her headset off. That's the whole damn reason I came down here. Nothing crazy. Let's talk about household items that can be used for sex. Now, the first one, Ro, I'm going to ask you. A broom? To do nothing but- Ro can be a household. Close your eyes. No way. No way. No way. And trust me. No way. You're going to touch something. I will not touch you. She's got the gun oil on her. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look at me in the eye. Are you going to touch- I'm going to touch the back of your neck. Okay, fine. With that big dragon penis. Well, that doesn't scare me as much as I don't know what's in there. No, I promise you that's- I promise you- She's going to touch your Jeff's penis. Bro, stop acting like you're not freaky. Stop. Cut it out. I'm not freaky in the studio. Whatever. Close your eyes. Whatever. Close your eyes. Oh, no. You got to put a blindfold on. Put the potholder on her. I saw your very first performance. It was very funny. Oh, thank you. It was very funny. Josh, you just opened her eyes. I did, but I didn't see it. I don't know what- Are you going to zap me with the fly thing? No. That's a little different. That's a little different. Now, that is a household item. Yeah, that's a- I don't have that item in my house. I don't know who nasty ass house that's in. Ew. Is it real, Ginger? It's like an ass. Hell no. Okay, well, I didn't know. Oh, is that your fox tail? No. No, it's a little different. You closed, though. Is it like that dead rat that we had? Who would use that? Is it a duster? Ah! Gross. It is gross. Oh, Jesus. I don't endorse this in any way. This is the- Oh, no. Oh, no. Is it dead? Is it- It's not real. Touch her with the feet. Oh, it's that rat. It's that weird looking gross rat. Am I right? I knew it. I had to give it away. It is the dead rat. But is it a stuffed animal? That's not a sex toy, is it? It's all fake. No, I don't want to touch it. Gross. Here, you take it, Jeff. Why would I not? No, it's a special sex. Because my mind's eye is bigger than my regular eye. So I know that this is not real fur. This is just latex. So it's not really a rat. But it's still gross. So I'm not going to get the plague. I'm not going to get any rat feces on me. No, it's not. I like it. Because it's not a fucking rat. But do you know how many times I've been scared the fuck shit out of with that thing? And I know I own it. I would do it. It looks real. I have had it thrown at me. I've had it found. We threw it in between the guests. It's like lifted up the toilet seat. It's been in the toilet seat. That rat looks real. It looks so real. We scared the shit out of people. I have been scared. And I own the thing. There are some fast food joints that shall remain nameless that I would not touch before. I'm thinking, where do you hang out? I'm at the house smoking weed mostly. We talked about that earlier. You should answer. That's not my phone. Oh, your phone? That's your phone. That's my phone. Do they have these in Chicago? Let's see who it is. What? Do you have these in Chicago? Are you referencing me as lesbian now? Fair enough. Hold on. This is a lesbian rat. How do you know it's a woman and not a man? How do you know it's a lesbian? I said I have balls. What? I said you don't have balls. Because it was a lesbian? It was a lab rat. It was a woman. It was a woman. It was a woman. It was a woman. But they sniffed them off. That's a start. I don't know any lesbians with ... It's such an odd show. It's just so odd. Was I the catalyst for this oddness today? Did I bring it? You know what it is? Mercury is almost in retrograde. We're two days away. It's going in. It's going to get scary. Yeah, yeah. Watch the ... But what I've decided ... Emergency room's full. ... is it's been so scary lately. The last two weeks have been like Mercury retrograde times a thousand. You have no idea. But what I've decided is ... Emergency room's full. ... is it's been so scary lately. The last two weeks have been like Mercury retrograde times a thousand. You have no idea. two weeks have been like mercury retrograde times a thousand you have no idea that i'm thinking when we go into mercury retrograde this time it's going to be good for everyone it's it's it's just a balance change it's a shift yeah it doesn't have to be negative if you think it is or if you let everything freak you out and you get all and that's easy to do but you don't have to that's right so i'm people get but don't you think it's just like don't you think it's just like an excuse like blame it on ginger i mean mercury's in retrograde yes yes it's just an excuse i mean does that even mean mercury's in retrograde everybody says that but i don't even know what the hell that means retrograde let's look it up mercury is aligned in a different position that went with the earth and the sun and the moon and somehow mercury is the planet that that makes the seas and the everything move so this it actually changes the planet the seas rise and fall differently the tides are higher and lower and the sun is higher and the moon is higher and lower they're more extreme so there are better surf days than others you know and since the human being is 80 percent water you are as affected by gravity and other forces as anything so we're being sucked up by gravity right now that's what you're saying down no gravity is changing and you you can gravitate any way you want to go you know but i'm a pisces so i'm a hundred percent water okay and we're you know what and we're and we get along so well which is funny because i'm sagittarius which is a hundred percent fire oh i'm a leo what's your birthday oh you're nice to everybody i got a sagittarius rising loves you that oh and then you're sexy and and and shy i'm a kid you think i'm shy this is a great time to bring this up i'm actually speak i'm actually seven years cancer free i'm sorry i'm a taurus i'm a bull i'm cancer two cancers and a pisces and you know we have a we've got to move on it's been a fabulous show i want to thank everyone are we done yes we have a good time we're going around the room one more time vicky wagner where can we find you thank you very much at vicky wagner and on facebook the vicky wagner w-a-g-n how do you spell that yeah w-a-v-i-c-k-i w-a-g-n-e-r n-e-r okay thank you so much for coming in thank you so much for having us it's been interesting it was a different show right i was ready for the boobs okay the last five seconds of the show they started and then we ended now i gotta move on campy lane you can find me on facebook at campy lane and um on twitter try here's hoping but it's h-e-r-i-s-h-o-p-i-n-g or um to campy lane or for campy lane because the campy lane campy lane and um one other one again campy lane all got shut down by twitter because they thought i was advertising we've got all the good stuff so just go well because i just kept putting where do we go where's the one where we really go go to facebook um campy lane facebook and then you can also find my uh fan page of um fan page campy lane fan page thank you so much jeff brown uh if you see the sun you have permission to succeed uh go to uh itunes look up jeff brown wrong ass shit that is my album and get yourself some ignorant ringtones from itunes yeah you're awesome thank you so much for coming in mercury retrograde is a live album actually by jesse may malin stevie brown no you're not stevie brown no that's jeff brown you're now stevie brown now you're stevie brown check me out at steviebrown.com all right bro delgrazi thanks for listening we'll see you tomorrow on blame it on ginger bye i want to live a life i want to be like ginger you you