Domestic violence survivor stories and education

Nothing's possible. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Like I said, Miss Bubbles, Miss Spring, Lady Slick, Pudds, and Mary the Therapist. Sisters working against gang violence. V, V, V, V, V. Good afternoon and welcome to Swag Talk. Before we do anything, I'd like to give all thanks and honor to my wife, my daughter, and my son, and honor to God. So I'm going to ask L.S. to lead us in a prayer. Amen. Dear Heavenly Father, I would like to thank you for giving us an opportunity to be here. Thank you for allowing us to be here another day, Lord, and I ask you to please watch over us as we do our show today on domestic violence. And just lead us with the Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen. Amen. Okay. Today's topic is domestic violence. And I felt in my spirit that this was something that we so desperately needed to speak on because I've been getting a lot of phone calls from young ladies that have been beaten and hit. And I feel like I've been hit by men that they are in relationships with. I, too, suffered at the hands of an abuser. So this is something old, but something new that people are starting to pay attention to. So first, I would like to welcome our special, and to me she's a super special guest, Ms. Kelly Dillon. Kelly, well, I'm going to let Kelly tell her story, but she, too, was an abused woman, and she got tired of it. She defended herself, and it ended in a lengthy prison term. So welcome, Kelly. Thank you for having me, you guys. Sisters Working Against Gang Violence. Man, I'm so proud of you guys and what you guys are doing out there in the community and in your neighborhoods and trying to bring that education. And to especially the Los Angeles area, as well as back into your community. So it's a blessing to be here. Thank you. Unfortunately, I had another guest that was supposed to be here, and her seat is empty. I, before the show is over, want to take a moment of silence so we could say a little quick prayer for her. Andrea Bryant. Her mom was a battered. She was a battered woman, and she killed her husband, which was Andrea's father. And Andrea, too, ended up in an abusive relationship. And unfortunately, she left one abusive relationship to go into another one, and those are the reasons she's not here today. So I'm sorry, but I'm quite sure there's going to be a second part to this, so we'll see her. So come in the door soon. We always have women in here, but at the last minute, we have someone flying in from New York. He should be here momentarily. So we're going to get the show started. So, Kelly, I don't want to tell your story. I normally ask questions, but I kind of wanted you to just tell how was it for you? How did it start? And basically, what would you tell kids that are going through it? You know, just however you want to put it out there, put it out there, because I know it's just valuable information that girls need to know. And I, too, need to know a lot, but nobody has went through what you have went through, at least not nobody in here. We went through some of the stuff, but not all of it. So we want to start with you. Is my caller on the line? Okay. Okay. I'm here. We also have a calling guest. She's another person. I'll let her give you her name. She was battered, abused with the relationship with a man, also at the hands of her mom. She has a grandmother that truly loves her and that prayed for her, as all of us have those praying mothers and praying grandmothers by the grace of God in our lives and on our side. So, I'm gonna take it from there. So, I'm gonna take it from there. So, I'm gonna take it from there. So, I'm gonna take it from there. So, I'm gonna take it from there. So, I'm gonna take it from there. And she, after being abused, started abusing herself. Now, I'll cut right there because I don't know if that's something that she wants to share. But I'll just let the Holy Spirit guide you guys as you see fit. So, Kelly. Thank you. Well, when you said, you asked the question, like, when did I start being abused or when did it start? And a lot of times as a young woman or a young man, we feel like the abuse starts with the hit or the push. As I took a look back and I asked myself that question, like, man, how did I get here? How did I get to a place where I'm allowing another individual to put their hands on me, but not just put their hands on me, that I'm going back to this individual after an assault has happened. But even with... And I'm going to go in a little bit about how it leads up to the pushing and the pulling, you know, and the hitting and the fighting and the police being called, whatever. I actually had to take a look as to what opened me up to feel like this was okay. And that... So, you asked me when did it start. It started way back before I even got into a relationship. Okay. Mm-hmm. So, with your husband. With my husband. So, we're going to go up the years. Mm-hmm. Because I think for... I was in an abusive household, too, but to me, I thought it was normal. Right. See, like, my thing is that I... For me, it didn't come out of, like, abusive home. Like, my mom and dad wasn't fighting and scrapping all over the house. For me, which is what I teach on, is the connection between domestic violence and gang violence. Right. You guys, your sisters are working against gang violence. For me, me being acceptable... Acceptable and susceptible to violence started with my gang banging. It started with the violent mentality that I have. Understanding that even in my relationship, a lot of times when we think about domestic violence, we think about a victim... I mean, you do have a victim and you have a perpetrator, but for the most part, you're looking at there's somebody that's scared and cowered in the corner that's getting abused. Well, at the same time, even though I was being victimized in my own home and in my relationship, that wasn't always totally the case. Right. And that's why I'm here today. I'm here today to talk about domestic violence. Mind you, I have been fighting in the streets, fighting with other females, fighting with other dudes, by me being in a gang culture. Right. By me being in a violent culture. I had accepted violence when I stepped into the gang world. I had accepted violence at the age of nine. So with that, mind you, I have been fighting my whole life, fighting my family, fighting the folks in my hood. Right. And the thing about that, like, you know, in the hood, it's a... Your family is your... That's domestic right there. Exactly. Exactly. People say, well, we fight. We fight. We fight. We fight. We fight. We fight. People say, well, we finna take that fade or I'm finna... You know, people getting DP. You got about 4 or 5 people jumping on you for the sake of saying that they love you. And at the end of the day, everybody go get high and we straight and we cool again... ... and we rollin' all in the car again. So that's domestic violence in itself. For real. That's domestic violence in itself. I got the homeboys beating on me, holding me down or whatever situation it may be, but they my brothers and they say they love me and we straight at the end of the day. So there was a lot of situations, like I said, that led up to it. Right. Right. So... up to it. So getting to the point where my husband, my husband was, he was, he come from a violent and gang background, right? I come from a violent and gang background. The funny thing about me and my husband is that, you know, sometimes when you in the hood, like you, it's, you know, you have this Bonnie and Clyde type, you know, mentality, like we gonna roll together, we gonna fight together. And you listening to these music and they saying like, we fight, but we make up and then we gonna do this and this is what I do. You gonna find me with a broad and, but that's okay. Cause I'm coming home to you. All this old garbage, all this old garbage that we be biting into at 16, 17, 18 years old. You get what I'm saying? So, um, when I met my husband, I was like only like 17, about 17 years old. He was about 20. He was about three years older than me. When we got together, what we said was, Hey, look, I'm gonna stop doing my thing. I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to stop gangbanging. You stop gangbanging. We gonna get together. We gonna, we gonna do what's right. He had been to the pen. He had been to solid at an early age. I hadn't been arrested at that time, but at the same time, we just mainly try to, um, try to do it, like make, make it work. Right. But what happened for us is that because we had no social skills, we had no life skills, we had no recovery. We had no training, no, no awareness to what we were stepping out of while we was trying to create this home. I got married at 18. When my husband decided to stop robbing, stop, um, doing drive-by, stop doing those things. And I said, I'm gonna stop, you know, serving in the hood. I'm gonna stop, you know, fighting and whatever I'm doing. What we did, we stopped doing what we was doing in the community, but somehow because it was still in us, it entered into our home. Right. It entered into our relationship. So all the tactics, the hood tactics, the street tactics that we use on other people that work for us on, on, on the other side now was in our homes. And it was the same tactics that we was using. Cause understanding that for those, just as an education, education moment right here, this is, um, domestic violence. Any form of violence is always about power and control, right? It's always, I know it's always about power control and it's not always physical, but it's always about power control. So when you coming from a violent background, when you coming from a violent history, when you coming from gang history, it's about pushing the line. So what happens is that you either push a line in the hood and when you ain't got no line to push in the hood, you come home and push that line. You know what I'm saying? Pretty much. So we was pushing lines in the living room. Okay. So Kelly, after it, the, you start pushing lines at home. Yeah. When did you say enough was enough? Right. I mean, I, I, I know sometimes, well, the law calls it. It's premeditated, right? Mm-hmm. But I know when I used to get beat, I would think of ways like, you know, how can, how can I kill him and not get caught? Mm-hmm. But that was just hearing your story and knowing about your story. To me, I know I was just talking. Mm-hmm. Cause I, I wouldn't have done nothing. I, I, I mean, I did end up shooting at him, but I don't think I was shooting to kill. I think I just wanted him to get away from me and not beat my ass that day. Excuse my language. I don't know your language, but when was enough enough for you? Right. Right. Well, just to speed it up. Um, one day I took a look at the bru, like I had took a look at a mirror and I realized I had, by this time I had a cut mark on my eye. I had a burn mark on my, I had burns all over my chest, over my hands and my arm. Um, I had a cut on my lip, an open cut on my lip. And I was saying to him, you know, I'm not gonna kill you. Okay. And I was saying to myself like, dang, like this dude is killing me. Like it just was that realization. Like this dude is killing, like he, he killing me. And, and I, and I had, I'm glad that God for me brought it back to a street mentality, which is that this is the way I look is how I would do an enemy. Right. I would want to put them same scars at the time when I was living that life. This is the type of scars that I would want to leave on my enemy. And I'm sitting up here and then that's when it hit me like, dang, I'm sleeping with the enemy. For real. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. It's, um, I'm gonna bring, um, Mary Jane. I hate calling her that. Okay. This is one of my play daughters. And for some reason, I know, well, I know the reasons why I said I'm not going to mention her name. It's because you can't tell your story to everybody. And, you know, some people, well, they might detect the voice or. What have you, but, you know, they don't know who it is. You know, you just can't trust everything, everybody, because she's still young and she's going through Kelly, what you went through. So I'm going to let her cut in a little bit. And then other questions, I'm gonna kind of go back and forth with you guys to ask both of you guys. So I want you to hear her story, Kelly. And I know I could tell her, I could tell her what Mama B could tell her. But you could really tell her. Cause you've been there. You've been there. You've done that and you paid the price for it. So come on, baby girl. Hi, everybody. Thank you for having me on this show. And I would just like to say God is very good. And I would like to start this with I grew up in a home with violence. Very violent. My mom, she would beat me. She would get drunk. She would beat me and she would try to like, I mean, she sent me the other week, to be honest. And she would just she would violate me so bad. So I went out in the street. And I tried to find love. I did find love. I was in a relationship for five years. The first three years. Yeah, I was good. Very good. But the last two years, it was horrible. Like, I got punched in my mouth one day for nothing. Mind you, I said sorry, because I felt like I was wrong. I felt I made him mad. So I felt I deserved to get punched, you know. And as I thought about it, like I stayed with him. I stayed with him. And one night, like he punched me in my mouth. He slammed me on the floor. He kicked me. He spit on me. He disrespected me in so many ways. And I still felt like I was wrong. So it's like I felt I needed to cut myself. I would always say I would prefer physical pain than emotional pain. You know, so I would start cutting myself. And I would show him. I'd be like, this is what you want. This is what you like to see. And it's like, you call me crazy. And then he'll hit me himself. Like, it's like how like and I stayed, you know. And one day, like he came home and he was under the influence. And he wanted to fight with me. He wanted to fight. All he wanted to do was fight. And mind you, I loved him. I sacrificed my whole life for him. I'm a convicted felon now for him. And mind you, I'm only 21 years old. 21. And one night, he wanted to come home and fight with me. He pulled my hair. He threw me on the floor, everything. But that night, I was like, nah, I'm not with this. Mind you, I got into the word. I had my boiling point. And I fought back. But this time, instead of staying, I found self-respect. I found the Lord. And I found peace within myself. Oh, man. So I fought back and I left. I called my grandma. That mama be telling you that I love so much. It was 630 in the morning. And I told her, I said, Grandma, come get me. I'm not dealing with this no more. And she said, is this going to be one of those things that you just go back? Because mind you, I've involved my grandma and my whole family into it before. And I always believed I would go back to him. And I would tell him I love him. Y'all don't understand. Y'all don't understand. But at the end of the day, when I found the Lord, I realized love doesn't hurt. So it's like, while we're fighting, we're going to fight. And I'm like, I'm going to fight. So it's like, why would I continue to go back to that? And like my grandma, she she tells me she would always tell me she was like, you don't deserve this. You don't deserve this. And I would even tell my grandma, Grandma, you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know what you're talking about. And there was one more time I went back and mind you, I got choked so hard. I would walk into my family and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I would walk into my colleagues and I so hard until one of my vocal cords got fractured. You guys could probably hear it in my throat a little bit. My vocal cord got fractured. And I would call Mama B. I would call everybody just trying to figure out stuff. One day I was even mean to Mama B. And I could say that as a woman. But I called her back and I told her I apologized. Because at the end of the day, I knew she only wanted what's right for me. You know? And I still, I kept leading myself into that path, into destruction. You know, I have a little sister that she looks up to me. You know, but I'm still young. And I don't, like, I don't understand certain things. I'm still, I'm still trying to find answers myself. You know? And, like, he, I don't know. It's just, I'm kind of, I kind of want to cry right now. But I'm not going to cry. It's okay. You don't need to cry. Yeah, it's okay. I found peace. I found happiness. I know I'm loved. That's right. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was looking for love in the wrong spot. I'm back with my family now. And I feel so, like, I'm sorry. Hold on. It's okay. Those are survivor tears, sweetie. And at one point, it's like, because I understand the love. Because so many times I thought that I loved someone, too. But, you know, I think some people, and I can't just say guys, because some girls are violent, too. And they mistreat the good things that they have. And some people. Some people have hidden motives. And it just gets to the point sometimes when I ask, like, you know, why am I around? If this is all you want to do is just hit and fight. Right. So. You know what? I'm going back on what she said. She said something about, she said she was a victim of domestic violence, of child abuse, actually. That's child abuse. She was a victim of child abuse, a survivor. I mean, I don't use the word victim. I'm a survivor. Right. Of child abuse. And she said what she did was she left that situation and she went out into the streets to find love. Right. And it's funny how we will leave a dysfunctional situation to run right to another dysfunctional situation. You know? And what's crazy to me is that it was something that I always ask is why do we choose to just run away, leave? Like, I'm not having this when it's going on in our home. But yet still, we'll make a choice to stay. We'll make a choice to stay with a stranger who is doing us worse. Right. And that has always been something that I always try to figure out. But when it comes, just like I said, listening to your story, it was a buildup. So I want to, not only do I want to talk about, you know, what me and this young lady have been through as survivors, but at the same time, I want to educate while I'm here. There's, when it comes to domestic violence, there's this, there's this model called, you know, the power and control wheel. And on the power and control wheel, it talks about the different forms of abuse and the tactics that are used in order to get a person to stay. The physical may not happen that often as opposed to everything else that may be happening. So, like, when she said she ran home and then her grandma was like, OK, baby, are you going to go back? So many women go back. But it's not because people say that, oh, you must love it. They say these things like, oh, you must love, you must like the way he treats you or she. She's with that. It's not that. There's a brainwashing. There's an intimidation. There's a threat. There's a brainwashing that goes back, that goes on with women who leave. In my situation, when I would run back or run to my house, my husband would, may he rest in peace, he would try to, he would tell me that he would either kidnap the kids or he would do something to my elderly parents. And so there's a protection. You feel like you already feel guilty. You already feel ashamed that you're allowing these things to happen. And you don't want these things to happen to your other people. So therefore, you will go back. There's different situations involved as to the reason why a young lady or a young man will go back into a domestic violence situation. Whether it's benefiting the kids, she's scared that something's going to happen to the kids, or either she cannot take care of the kids herself because there's been an economic dependency and an abuse that has happened with her. There's an emotional abuse, meaning that there's a beatdown that goes on at a daily basis, verbally, that makes a woman or a male feel like they cannot move forward. Or pass the person that they're with. And then there's also different situations like coercion, threats, using the children, sexual, even sexual. Sometimes they get beat down sexually in different types of ways. Whether it's that I don't want to have sex with you until you lose weight. Ain't nobody going to want you but me. You know, ain't nobody going to love you like I love you. Who will want you? Things like that that go on on a daily basis that get a person to become a prisoner in their relationship. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. And this happens across the board, whether if it's a teenager. And the thing about it is that as I began, because I teach victims. I teach for victims, survivors of domestic violence education. But I also, most of the work I've been doing for the last year or so now has been with the batterers. And so what I found out that most of the batterers, 90% of them that come through my door are victims. You understand what I'm saying? And so the reason why people... I keep using tactics is because it works. See, the thing about it is that they go about trying to do a right thing the wrong way. If they know that this works, I'm going to keep doing the same thing because it's working. You understand what I'm saying? That's the cold thing about the domestic violence is that sometimes the person themselves is just caught up as the victim is. You get what I'm saying? Can I say something? Mm-hmm. Okay. I'm also a survivor of domestic violence. Mm-hmm. My oldest kid, my 18 and 19-year-old, their father was murdered. Mm-hmm. And I didn't date anybody for over two years. And at that point, when I did decide to date, I was vulnerable because I wasn't ready. Mm-hmm. But I did get into a relationship. And this relationship was really good for like the two years and all, you know. And so I started dating them, and then the abuse started. Mm-hmm. And then it just like, oh, you fat this, you this, you that. I'm like, wow. You know, I said, I never... I never had nobody speak to me like that. I already come from a biracial family where I ran to the hood to be with people like me. Mm-hmm. You know, so that was already out the question. I ran away from my family for five years because I was getting beat. I was getting beat. I couldn't tell nobody. I was embarrassed. And I had to look at myself like, is this really going on? You know, he bust my eye, broke my teeth out of my mouth, bust my nose. And I'm like, before he kill me in front of my kids, I'm like, I'm going to kill him. So every day I would watch 48 hours to see how people get away with murders and just try to find a way to kill him. Right. But then also when I look back, I had, you know, I say, he comes from the same type of family I come from. Right. His mother doesn't care about him. When he goes to jail, I'm the only one there for him. Nobody cared about him. I said, so he needs somebody to love him. Right. But he needs to love himself first. Right. But I prayed every day. But I wanted to... I really did. I dreamed of the penitentiary every night. Right. Every night I would get up and I look like, how could I kill him? Right. Right. I'm going to kill him today. Right. I said, before this man kills me in front of my... And my kids bury me, I'm going to kill this man. Right. The difference between now and where we were at that time is that the resources, the accessibility and the availability of resources. Although we come from a community where we don't call the police. Right. That was me. You don't snitch. That was me. I wasn't going to snitch. Yeah, you ain't going to snitch. I'm not going to... You know? Right. And the thing about it is that... And it's a trip because even with me... I'm getting the understanding now, having more knowledge, having more education towards that snitching policy. It's like I realize that it's embedded in me. Right. Because I still don't want to deal with the police whatsoever. Right. But at the same time, it's a way that it keeps us oppressed to where we cannot access the safety or the resources that's needed to get out of a life and death situation. I used to go to work with black eyes. Right. I worked for public transportation. Right. So... And that... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And then... And I used to be like, this can't happen. I said, is he beating on me because we from two different hoods? Mm-hmm. You know, he was from my enemy hood and I'm from this hood. Is this what this man... Right. You know, putting hands on me like this? You know, what do I need to do? Right. And the trip thing about it is like you said before, at the end of the day, the police is going to get involved one way or another. Either they're going to get involved because the neighbors call, either they're going to get involved because you just couldn't take it no more and you call, or they're going to get involved because you're going to end up like me, which is being handcuffed... handcuffed all the way for about 15 years of your life and then and you're gonna have to talk to him every day anyway my neighbors used to call all the time and i would deny no no everything is okay everything is okay but deep down inside of me i was hurt i was dying you know but finally i got away from it right and i said karma i believe in karma because now he's back in prison for beating up on his kid's mother right so i said what i didn't do somebody else did i said it just you know just and the thing about it is that both both parties need help you know it's something like i am about the family right even with the violence going on i'm still about the family because i feel like it is a lack of healing it's a lack of recovery it's a lack of education and resources that's needed the one thing that is necessary is that number one we have to remove the person that is being victimized first you of course you got to move that person to safety but after we move her to safety we make sure the kids is always i mean okay then we do have to deal with whoever that or he or she we do have to deal with that perpetrator or the one who is who is the more more aggressive out of the two because the family is going to do nothing but perpetuate the violence perpetuate the brokenness perpetuate whatever if we don't get both um both parties educated and healed okay and and and what what our other special guest just walked in um but before we go to him i just wanted to to ask you kelly okay the the night of the incident when when your husband was murdered um just to catch up because we don't have that much time left and i do want to go to him and and ls um the question is what is the most important thing that you think about when you're talking about the murder of your child and the murder of your child and the murder of your child and the questions i wanted to ask you that that so many people really need to know is like once we decide to take that step and defend ourselves and it goes to that limit where someone is killed right for you being a woman and taken away to prison it has an effect on your children yeah how did you feel leaving your kid in the hands of someone else i mean was there still a relationship was they there see and you know i know that's hurtful in the self to be a mother i'm not a mother but i have you know right right right you know what and that's the one thing i do i'm glad that you brought that up because while we're fighting in this relationship why me and faso is sitting up here fighting one another in this relationship and yelling and screaming there are innocent parties involved that are watching the whole situation go down and whatever the outcome is they're going to be more greatly affected by it than us right even though i the children have the amazing ability to bounce back and to to move forward but yet still they are they still are victims and and of the situation of watching the whole thing go now when i when i walked away from my children that night that night when i said and understanding that i felt like i was backed into a corner i didn't trust the police uh i didn't um have any true support out there people to truly stand behind me and stand with me lined up but have my back say hey check this out enough is enough now i have my homeboys to say hey you know what we gonna do to them so it was like a catch you know like we we can take care of them but do you do you this is what we can offer and he was offering it out of love but you love him and you don't want them to do that yeah yeah you know i'm saying that right but i felt like you know and my thing was it's my problem it's my problem it's my issue i'll take care of it and so when i was when i left my when i walked when i when the police came and got me and my children washed the police handcuffs so were your children in the home when the incident no i took my kids to my grandma i mean to their grandma house which is my mom and i went back at the situation because by that time i'm in i'm in street mode survival had kicked in for me it's like we go through ptsd when you right when you from the street and so i had snapped you know what i'm saying i had snapped and i went through like hood mode like okay i gotta do this like whatever you know i i just changed my whole gear what i had on it was crazy like i just i gotta either get away from him get whatever or it's got to end it was just crazy so much going through but when i walked away i mean when police handcuffed me and my sons um came to get me i mean my son the police came to give me my sons watched me and i hugged them and i kissed them i knew that at that point i would not see them if not for the rest of their lives or for a very long time so when i went to prison my motherhood was touching me and i was like i'm gonna go to prison i'm gonna go to prison i'm gonna go to prison and i realized that that bond between me and my children was was was separated um i didn't walk back into my children's life again i left my child not having have one day in school by the time i made it back home he was going to his grad night wow yes and i'm saying so i have missed all of that behind a relationship behind a relationship yes and i'm saying i was 19 and when i left when came out, I was 34. So I was a teenager myself, and I came home at 34. Half my life at that time was gone behind a relationship and a lack of knowledge. Right. That's right there. Right. So it's good we have a man in here because it's always girl talk in here. We could talk. We want to hear from a man's point of view. So I'm not going to assume anything, but you, in relationships you've dealt with, how do you, or being a man, how do men think, how do you deal with abusiveness within a relationship? Because it doesn't have to be physical. It could be verbal. But it could go both ways. Sometimes women are abusive to men without even knowing it. Verbally. Sometimes a lot of women... Okay, so have you been in any situations or how would if women were like that with you, if they were verbally abusive or if they put their hands on you, just how would you handle it? And if it's not the right way, then you could tell me how should you handle it because I know you know better. Yeah, I'm better. It could go both ways though. Me, myself. Like you said, we in a relationship. You put your hands on me. The first one on me, I'm like, yo, go ahead. I'm going to just really try to hold you off. You know what I mean? Restrain you so you can't do much to me. But if you keep going on, then I have to defend myself. You know what I mean? Because you have some women that are like men and you have to slow that down. You know what I mean? But why you got to defend yourself? Why you just can't walk away? I mean, you do that too, but a lot of women don't know how to walk away. I've been in a situation like where I've been dealing with a woman and she's not even built like that. First of all, she's not even a street woman. There's nothing street about her. She's sucker soft. You understand? But when it comes to me being in a relationship with her, I'm the only person she's tough with. She talk hella shit to me. You know what I mean? It's kind of hard to explain, but it's like, all right, go ahead. I'm that dude in the street. They respect me. How do you think you're getting away with this? It's become a pride thing. But that's the mentality. Right. It's become a pride thing. But eventually, like you said, as a man, you got to walk away. Because me, my motto is, if we in a relationship, I'm going to beat you. I don't need you. Right. We got to fight all the time. I'm trying to get away from that. I don't need that. I mean, that's too much. That's too much. But not every man think like that. And then you got also, you have some women that they need that beating sometimes to feel love. No. Okay, Mary Jane. Here you go. Is she still on the line? I'm still here. Okay. Let's talk about that. That is not no love. Now, do you want to chime in on that? I agree with you. It's not love. But you have some that believe that. She has a mentality. Okay, so if you're saying they believe in that, so you going to help them out to believe it? Like, and keep it on? Not me personally, but you got some women that make up for it. She's the best woman in the world with that smack. You know what I mean? It's crazy, but it's real. Sometimes you got some women that's a little mentally challenged where she do things to get that. Because if he don't smack her, she don't feel love. He don't care about me. You understand? You do have people like that. You got men. Don't get me wrong. You got men. I believe you. That do stuff for attention. I mean, so you feel like his women really care. But you don't have to give them that kind of attention. Instead of hitting them, just walk out the door and go get them a dozen of roses. And then eventually. No, you need to leave her alone. No roses. Get away from her. Exactly. Because it's not going to stop there. Amen. If you're buying her some roses, that should be goodbye, baby. Okay. This is great. Great. Maybe we should just be friends. Right. Right. Right. But he said exactly what I said at the beginning of the show, which is that you have people that think that this is what she wants or this is what she loves or she needs. Her herself might not understand that it is a dysfunctional cycle of abuse that she puts herself in. Right. Not understanding like how. And then she'll sit up there and say, well, how do I get this? How do I go from one relationship to another? Perpetuating the violence. It's like I'm a cheater. I need him to smack me. I don't feel like he care no more. Right. Right. And if he don't beef, it's like, oh, he really don't care. Now she go extra. She do extra until she get the smack. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Mary Jane, do you have anything to say? Love doesn't suppose to hurt one. I disagree with everything that he said personally. Women's liberty. Women's liberty. We woke up like this. Right. Okay. So finishing with, we're going to begin to wrap it up, I believe. I want to ask you a question. I ain't got my glasses on. Okay. I'll ask you a question. Okay. So I just want you to be honest, brother. Okay. Please be honest with me. Of course. Of course. I want to know, have you been, not beside the young, you said I like to talk a little mess with you. Have you ever been in a relationship with a young lady that you had to get a little physical with every now and then, or it gets a little bit wild? And then even though you like, man, she just check crazy, but you stay with her continuously after that? I've been in that situation, man. Okay. Okay. What made you stay? So that's my question. So that's my question. What made you stay? Because sometimes love make you stupid. I mean, point blank. Derek all that love. Sometimes you love people. You want to put up with certain things, believing that it's going to change. Right. It comes that time, you just got to see for what it is. All right, she's not changing. She's crazy. Either she's going to stab me or I'm going to kill her. So I got to get out of here. It comes that time, but like I said, love make you believe things that ain't really what it is. You know what I'm saying? Love make you dumb all the time. All of us are doing some dumb stuff, you know what I mean, behind really believing we love somebody that really don't care about us. Right. Right. Right. And I think that's the magic word. Like, everybody think it's love. Like, I thought it was love. Right. After I got the first black eye. He ain't going to do it again. But then when you find love, you really don't know anymore because you don't know if that situation is going to end up that way. You know. Right. Because you trust now. Yeah. Because you've been in that palace where you don't trust nobody. Exactly. That's why I had to learn to forgive, you know, in order to have peace and be able to find somebody to love me. And understanding that, like you said, is it going to end up that way? I know that. When my husband, rest in peace, when he first got with me, I know he couldn't have possibly had thought it in his mind that I would be the last person that he would ever see on this earth or be with. You understand what I'm saying? We think that we can handle a situation. Like you said, the lady wasn't here. You said a moment of silence because she's not here right now. And then on top of that, you know, this chair is empty. What I want to say is that that chair being empty represents everyone who has died in the midst of this. In the midst of their DV relationship. Right. Everybody don't make it out. This is now, usually we look at towards the women being killed, shot, stabbed, choked to death, whatever. But like she said, her dad was murdered behind this situation, even though it was a life and death situation for her mother. Right. But the men don't make it out either. And men are more, the men are the rate for men being murdered in a relationship, DV relationship, because women are either fighting back or feeling like it's the last resort. Right. That number is climbing. Yeah. You understand what I'm saying? It's climbing. Right. I know more guys that have been assaulted by women than women have been assaulted by men. Mm. I know some guys that done beat some girls up, but I know, I got some homies that done got shot in the face by these women while they were asleep or whatever. And I mean, I know some serious situations that make you really scared to cheat. Right. Oh, they threw that in. They threw that in at the end, scared to cheat. Well, you know how to solve that problem, though. Cheat. Right. Right. Right. I'll be honest. At some point, enough is definitely enough. LS, do you want to add anything? I'm just thankful to be here, just listening to Kelly speak. Right. And just listening to Miss Mary Jane. Mm-hmm. I'm glad that I'm still here. Two years ago, oh, two years ago, I wouldn't be here. I remember going to second call. That week, we found our locals. Mm-hmm. My daughters dead. That could have been my vigil, my candlelight. Right. You know, my ex, over a simple question, led to a physical altercation, which ended with him pulling out a gun. And I didn't even know I had the gun print on my temple until someone, when we were doing the gang girl pilot and stuff. I didn't even realize I was walking around with that. So, you know, thank God I was still here. But my mind was like, okay, now you try to take my life away. Now it's my turn. And I'm going to succeed. Right. To the point where I was at his house the whole week after. You're not nowhere to be found. I was driving around to where he be nowhere to be found. Right. And then when I did see him, it was in traffic chasing him down Normandy. Mm-hmm. And, you know, he got away. Well, that's by the grace of God. Yeah. And, you know, God doesn't like ugly. He's in jail. Mm-hmm. You know, and. But it saved you, too. Right. Yeah, it did. Right. You could have listened to him. Right. Right. Right. Right. You could have been in jail. It did. And. And. I'm going to send you, too. I'm thankful. And then, you know, as I'm listening to you, it just made me think about how we're caught up in this cycle of violence. Every. I got to get you back. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's like. Her hood. Her mentality. The culture of violence. Her PTSD. What she has learned to survive. And so she uses those survival tactics towards in a relationship. We're bringing these war tactics into a love. Yeah. Supposedly supposed to be like our loving relationship. But we represent those girls that are not a pretty package. OK. That's what I was about to say. I was going to say, because first of all, you got to be like New York, L.A. That's totally different from the door. First of all. And like in L.A., women frontlining like men. Right. That's that's how it's done. Right. I'm not going to sleep on you because you bust your shit like I bust mine. I mean. That's why he was staying away from me. And he knew that. And that's why I couldn't. I couldn't find him. So that's my point. I like to stay in there. I like to stay in there pretty much. You done bust a few off with me. And I heard about some other boys you done put in. So you know what I mean? So, of course, we've been a precaution as like she said, become a survival, a survival tactic. So it become war mode. Like you're my lady. I love you. But now you put the hammer too. So at the end of the day, I'm going to sleep with this guy. I got to protect me. And I mean, I mean, that war tactic become into the relationship. Like she said. I mean, it's like I said, it's different because in New York, it's not really a lot of women frontlining. I mean, you got some women that. They play that role. You got some women that's really bought that role. But most likely out there in the whole different. I mean, that's I mean, it's really it's really the men this out there that's acting out. Right. And you know what? And let me just say this, too, is that I wanted to mention about the same sex relationships. Is that in the same sex relationships, a lot of times we don't see it as domestic violence either because you got two men that's fighting. I look like that's a mutual combat. And you got two ladies fighting. You look like it's a catfight. Right. Understanding that when it comes to same sex. Relationships, especially in the women, the lesbian relationships, the numbers for domestic violence is higher. It's higher. Because what I've seen, like, when you got same sex relationship, when it kind of like females like the age to me, like the more aggressive relationship, they worse than men. Yeah. Yeah. I don't see them a little worse than men. Right. I mean, it makes me wonder sometimes, like, why do you even want her? Like, that's worse than me. That's worse than what a nigga wants. That's worse than what a nigga wants. That's worse than what a nigga wants. That's a good giving right there. Right. Right. And I think that, and let me just say this, for those women that are aggressive and carry themselves in that manner, I think that because I used to live that lifestyle. Right. So, and I had an aggressive female, but I think what it is is that that female is trying to emulate what she think her idea of man or manliness or manhood is. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.... has stated when I was posting the post, you know, on Facebook, that she prayed her way through and she wrote songs. And I was wondering if you wanted to read us the lyrics, write the lyrics. But before we do this, because this is really, really important, if anybody is listening or if anybody has watched this show, there's a number if you're going through domestic violence and we want you to get help. We want you to get out of that relationship as soon as possible because we don't want you to go through anything that any of these people in this room has gone through. The number to call is 888-799-SAFE. That's 7233. The number again is 888-799-7233. And always know that help is on the way. Yes. But you got to make the first step. And the first step is calling that number. Okay. Mary Jane. Hi, Mama V. Do you want to read your lyrics or you want to sing your lyrics? I'm going to have to read them all. I'm going to just give you guys everything that I have off the top of my head. I'm sitting in the car. I'm sitting in the car and my voice is a little bad. My vocal cord is messed up. Like God has my back. And you got like two minutes. Okay. It's called I Know My God Is Good. Written by the infamous Mary Jane. Okay. It says, I know my God is good. I know my God is good. You took the pain away so there are no rain days. I know my God is good. I know my God is good. I always praise and shout because I have no doubt. I know my God is good. I know my God is good. Just like in Psalm 23, he's going to restore me. I know. My God is good. I know my God is good. I know he's proud of me because I left this street. I know my God is good. Oh my gosh. I don't want to go on anymore. But thank you guys for listening to me. Thank you for singing this to me. Well, I think that was the devil because in the song, no, she sung it to me. In the song, she had a lot of scripture. And I mean, I'm telling you, it was tight. And you really do need to hook up with Fatso. Because he's the music man. Brand Money Music. So we're advertising for Brand Money Music today. I want to have everybody's email that's on the radio show and especially Mrs. Kelly. She's awesome. She is. She's awesome. Most definitely. Hopefully, we're going to be able to keep Kelly around for a while because she's going to have to mentor some of us, even my old self. Oh, man. Kelly got some sense on her. Yes. Good looking out. Okay. Well, this is the end of the show. And so hopefully, prayerfully, by the grace of God, we will be back in two weeks. Thank you and have a blessed, blessed evening. God first. Without him, nothing's possible. Binky Mac on the track. Iceberg the great. Mr. Los Angeles. I'm here with the sister that's working against gang violence. You got Ms. Bubbles. Ms. Spring. Ms. Spring. Lady Slick. Puts. And married a therapist. And Ms. Married a Therapist, man. She got that guy for you. She wants you to sit down and tell her about how you feel. She makes sure you walk around feeling good about yourself. I mean, I need all the G's. YG's. OG's. WG's. Triple OG's. Watch out. We can't make it happen, man. This is our community. I'm here. This is our community. This is our community. This is our community. TV for the elite gang intervention training. Special shout out to skip Townsend for opening the door. Like I said, these ladies are here to help. They're here for gang intervention, domestic violence. Shout out to those who support us. They're here for the mothers who lose their son. To jail and or death. So if you with the movement, please check these sisters out. Like I said, Ms. Bubbles, Ms. Spring, Lady Slick, Puddy, and Mary the Therapist. V. Sisters working against gang violence. V. Sisters working against gang violence. V. V. V. V.