Toby Morisano and Russ Guten in studio

But not Los Dinos. I don't know them that well. Fuck those guys. Fuck that. Will you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Okay. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Brant Thoman. We are right on time. This is Grand Theft Audio Radio. I'm Jake Belcher. And I'm Brant Thoman. And we appreciate you tuning in this fine Thursday morning to Skid Row Studios here in downtown Los Angeles, just off of Skid Row. It totally can't tell today whether it wants to be a rainy day or if it wants to be a sunny day. If it wants to turn into another hot day or what it wants to do. I mean, it was coming down pretty heavy last night. I remember waking up at about four and hearing it really pour. And I'm like, shit, man. I'm not looking forward to the trek out to the studio because of all the rain. And by the time it was time to go, blue skies above Altadena. Yeah, then we get in the train and come down here and it's raining again. It's raining again. It's a jerkwad of a day. Yeah. I guess it's supposed to completely dissipate by this afternoon. It's actually supposed to get near 70 degrees. Oh, nice. Like yesterday, it was bod-ugly awful for me because we came down and it was raining. It was cold in the morning, so I wore a nice-sized jacket to keep myself warm. By the time I got back to Pasadena, it was 75 degrees in Pasadena and it was muggy as all get out. So the jacket was not overly appreciated after that. It was a grody, grody day. But hey, we're into a new one. Right. Start it off grody and hopefully it'll clean up and look real nice by the time we're done. Actually, I gotta say, by the weekend, it's supposed to look really nice. It's supposed to be gorgeous for this weekend. You're supposed to have like 88 in Pasadena. Mm-hmm. Which, yeah, it makes it too warm for some people. So it'll be busy for me over the weekend at the restaurant. I can dig it. Today's episode is a very special episode. I think that we're gonna learn about periods or something like that. Nice. Wait, no, not that type of special episode, but we do have two bad-ass guests coming in. First hour, we have international touring headlining comedian, Mr. Toby Morisano. He's been on our show a couple of times. And I believe he's done one live show for us. That is correct. So we're looking forward to having him in, because it's been a while since we've had a chance to catch up. Then in hour two, we have King of the Jews, Mr. Russ Gutten, our comedian of the week. I totally can't wait to get him back in here. I talked to him last night. He had a great set out at Flappers, and he's heading down to San Diego tonight. Yeah, I guess it's tonight, not Saturday, like we had thought for a second. Hey, look, I'm not good at reading. He sent me the note when that show was, and I was like, yeah, Saturday. You know, it's not Thursday. But it'll be tomorrow night. Yeah. Down in San Diego. I think it's tonight. Oh, it's tonight. So he's leaving. That's right. He's leaving tonight. Today. Today, after the show, to be able to go down there and do that. That's right. All right. He invited me to go down there with him, but then... Getting back here in time for the show. I do not want to miss tomorrow's episode either. No. I mean, not at all. I cannot believe that we're getting this gentleman live in studio with us. I agree. Mr. Carl Kozlowski. Yes, I'm so stoked that he's coming back to join us. It's going to be amazing. He's going to be a guest co-host with us for tomorrow's show, it seems. I guess we have a couple of other suckers coming in. Some guy named George Wendt. Yeah. He did some TV show back in the 80s with like Ted Danson and a couple of other people, but... I forget what it's called. Yeah. It's a place where everybody knows your name. That's the only thing I remember is that theme song. And apparently his director of that is also like a big 1980s kind of schlocky horror film director. He did Dolls and a bunch of other scary things that I... When they were popular, I just didn't have the balls to watch them. For a while when I was younger, I was afraid of scary movies. I mean, now I cannot be scared in a movie. It's impossible. Right. I can be disgusted. Yeah. And there are times where a really good director can get you really like amped up with suspense. But I can't recall the last time I was actually like scared in a movie theater. There were things that have startled me for sure. Like when I first saw the first Final Destination movie, when they were doing... When that girl steps off into the crosswalk and gets smashed by the bus. That startled me. That actually kind of, you know, it didn't scare me, but it definitely put it in the back of my mind that I got to be a little careful along the sidewalks because I don't want that to happen to me. I do not want to get hit by a bus like that. That just doesn't seem like a very pleasant way to go. I don't think there's any real pleasant way to go. In your sleep. But that only happens to old people, right? Yeah, predominantly. And babies, which is unfortunate. Oh my God. Old people. Those babies. Yeah, SIDS. It's a shame. But I can't think of other pleasant ways to go. I mean, if it's the way you choose, like let's say you're dying of a terminal illness and you want to end your own life. I've never been opposed to a person who is in extreme pain, wanting to end that pain and be able to move on to the next level, whatever that may be. Even then, it can't be like a pleasant choice and like a way of doing it. Pills? Yeah. Lots of sleeping pills. You fall asleep and you're done. Oh, that's no fun. I mean, you want to jump off of something high. I mean, you want to get like... So you're going to have the heart attack on your way down before you hit the ground? That's awesome. But it also leaves a really ugly corpse. And if you want an open casket and you want your friends to be able to remember you... Which you don't have the concerns with because you want to get all burned up, right? Well, I... That would be the... I would like to have like the funeral where I would be maybe in a casket for a wake and then my remains would be incinerated. I don't know if they do both. I believe they do. I know you can do wakes. It's just a separate thing. You would have... I would... I have seen people who have had that where they'll have a wake with an open casket so everyone can, you know, pay their respects one final time and then the body is then transported to the incinerator. Isn't there something like where they kind of take out your insides and fill you up with some sawdust or something? For the incineration? No. No. Embalming possibly, but I believe they can do that without it being an issue when it comes to the cremation. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know if I'm going to have an open casket. Granted, I don't have to worry about it, but, you know, if you jumped off a building and you hit the ground, say it's a... I'm not going to hit the ground. I'm aiming for a person. Okay. So you want to take somebody with you? I wouldn't mind. Is there someone in particular that you're hoping will be there or... I'll probably put out invitations to like... To stand on the X? Probably like to like a NAMBLA convention or something or the North American Manor Boy Love Association. Yeah, I know what NAMBLA is. I know what NAMBLA is. But bring them out and just aim from the top of a building and try to take out as many of them as I could. I get that, but wouldn't you be worried that maybe the news reporters would assume that you might have been part of this group and that you were so distraught after having been a boy lover? I'm going to yell, I'm not a boy lover! As you're falling. As you're falling. To hell with NAMBLA! As you're plummeting to the earth. Okay, well, again, not a pretty corpse, so it'll be a nice photo of you next to a casket that's closed and locked so people can't look in it. They can't look in it and see what happened to you. There are some pretty pictures of me out there. So we can choose any of the thousands. I've never taken a bad picture ever. I'm a beautiful, beautiful man. Okay, so I'd like to get into some kind of weird stories today before we get into our guests. One of my favorite stories from the last couple of years is there is a restaurant called the Heart Attack Grill. Yeah, I've heard of it. They have now induced their fourth actual heart attack with one of their double bypass burgers. I gotta say, I look at this picture and it looks so good. I mean, it's massive. Is it like a Hawkins burger? Very similar to the Hawkins. It's got the multiple patties. It's got three half-pound patties. So it's a pound and a half of beef. Yeah. Twelve slices of bacon. Okay. Six slices of cheese. Awesome. An entire grilled onion. Wow. That's a lot of onion. But it just gobs off the side. It's gotta be. Is it multiple levels of onion in there? Oh, yeah. It's between every patty and underneath and on top, too. Oh, it's covered in melted cheese and hot beef patties. And 12 slices of bacon. And these are like the tiny little slices of bacon. No, they're full-sized bacon. You got a pound and a half of beef. You got a pound of bacon. Half a pound of cheese. Maybe a little less. But you said 12 slices of cheese or six slices of cheese? Six slices. Okay, so maybe a quarter. You're looking at a good three-pound, including the bun. And what other toppings are there? Then you can start getting into the extra things you want like chili and eggs and all the extra stuff that can really clog the arteries. But the double bypass is just that. Yeah. The 12 strips of bacon, six pieces of cheese, three half-pound patties, and a bun. Here's why I think this restaurant is awesome. They offer free meals to any customer who weighs over 350 pounds. I mean, that's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah? Does it make you want to balloon up to 300? 350 pounds for a free burger? I could throw another 75, 80 pounds on me and get myself in there. It'd almost be worth it. Almost. They also sell butterfat milkshakes, non-filtered cigarettes. I mean, just like every bad thing you could possibly want. And it all comes with that meal. Is that like their happy meal kind of thing? Their value meal where you'll get the buttermilk shake and the, what did you say? Buttermilk or butterfat? Butterfat. Butterfat. Butterfat milkshake. Milkshake. And a pack of unfiltered cigarettes and you have to finish all of them to get your name on the wall and a t-shirt. I would do it. You know I can't resist the eating challenge where they take your picture and they... Hey, and if you can smoke afterwards, you're all for that too. And it just seems like it's a... Okay, if you get heart attacks at the Heart Attack Grill, I want to go eat at BJ's. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. That is where I would eat every meal that I would want to consume if that is their policy as well. I think that's a brilliant plan. I'm going to do it. Yeah. So where's my free... After you finish your meal. So I finished the meal. So where's my BJ? See how that works. I probably won't go over as well at the North Hollywood restaurant as it does at the ones I want to go to. Never mind. It doesn't matter. Okay. So it's food story number two of the day. We've got a man who's had a slashed throat. Somebody came up to him on the street and they just attacked him. Right. Slashed his throat. Slashed his throat. And he decided to... The only thing he had that can save him was by taking his kebab sandwich and shoving it in his throat to stop the massive blood loss. So he walked to a hospital at that point? No, he collapsed to the ground and he was in a hospital. And people came around him and then they called the paramedics and paramedics came and got him. But it did actually stop the pints of blood that were just rushing out of his neck. That's absolutely well had. Hey, how can food save you? And kebabs are gross. Yeah. It's one of the most disgusting flavored foods. You're not a big fan of like beef kebabs and such? No, do not like it. They're always spiced with something that I can't tell what it is. Right. I agree. If they're traditional kebabs, they definitely have a different taste to them. Like growing up, my dad liked to make kebabs skewers with beef and onions and tomatoes and mushrooms and stuff and then grill it up. There's one item in there like beef. Like barbecued... With grilled onions that would be on there so that you'd have that nice cooked onion. The outside gets good but the inside always still sucks on them. Because it's still too crunchy. Don't like it. Yeah, and the tomatoes and mushrooms, you're right, I'm not big on. I mean, that's what I would eat. I would eat the meat and occasionally I'd have a little piece of the onion. I'd have a little piece of the onion to go with it but I'd always leave the vegetables behind. Yeah. But those were good because they didn't have that magical spice that they like to use in the restaurants. Yeah, I don't know what that flavor is. I mean, obviously I'm not Persian or wherever that comes from. Middle East, yeah. But it is a gross ass flavor. Yeah. It is not for me. Hey, we're talking... You know, I do have a... I have kind of a food story. Oh, great. We talked about it a couple of days ago but not on the air. A woman in New Zealand passed away a couple of weeks ago and the coroner, not the coroner, but the medical examiner said that the cause of her death was... What contributed to her cause of death was her two gallons of Coca-Cola that she drank every day. Does it even come in gallon size? That's four two-liter bottles. Wow. That's four two-liter bottles in a day. That means at no point was she actually putting anything other than... I mean, aside maybe the food that's accompanying the drink, but there's no water that's being in the drink. There's nothing that's actually good for you. I mean, that's just nothing but sugar and lots of other wonderful chemicals. Sure, we do love to drink on occasion, but I don't think... Even you at your height of Coca-Cola drinking, you weren't putting down two gallons. You were putting down maybe a two-liter bottle a day. Even that, like one bottle a day is still a lot. That's a lot. It really is. And was it take like two two-liters to make a gallon basically? Yeah. So she's drinking four, two-liter bottles a day? A day. Dang, that's crazy. Yeah. Not a very good spokesperson for Coca-Cola either since she up and died because of it. They said that her potassium levels were like literally non-existent. She was severely malnourished and... And probably dehydrated. Oh, and absolutely. They had the severe dehydration because there was just... Our bodies do process a certain amount of water more. So our scientists in the last five years have found that we actually process more water out of sodas than we initially thought. We initially thought that... No water was coming through them. It was just going through our system. There wasn't anything good. That's not true. They, after doing some long research, they found that sodas do have some water that we absorb. But if you're drinking nothing but Coca-Cola, you're not getting enough water. So she passed on and I don't see them suing the Coca-Cola company for it because that's her personal decision. But Jesus Christ. I mean, all the time you've spent in restaurants and stuff, have you ever seen somebody have an issue with food like choking or... I've seen one person in... that I can recall in the last five years who started to have... started to choke, but the people that they were with, one of them knew how to do the Heimlich maneuver. They just got behind the person and forced it up. Have you ever had a restaurant that like gives people training in that? Like... No. No. That would seem like a pretty natural thing. All servers in the state of California now, actually anybody who works in the restaurant industry, whether you're a host or a dishwasher or a busboy, everyone, now has to carry what's called a certified food handler's card. You don't have to have it on you, but it has to be on record in the restaurant. It's basically going through and making sure you understand the basics of food handling and, you know, cleanliness, sanitation, what to do... Wash your hands after you dump. Hopefully more often than that. I mean, I wash my hands three to four times per shift. Just because at some point I'm going to be carrying food and I'm going to get something on my hands, I don't want to transplant that onto any other food. You don't know what people's allergies are, so, you know, you have to wash your hands on a more consistent basis. That's not something that's an issue for me. It goes through, you know, properly labeling food in regards to the date that it was prepared so that you're not using stuff that is a week old and could have turned. It's a two-hour process that, I mean, I had been through the training before, but the cards only last for four years. But nothing about how to, like, save someone if they're choking? Nope. Nope. Well, I think they should throw that in there. It just seems like, it's almost like a first line of defense in some way that these are the people who are around you when you're eating. Yeah. Well, I mean, I know the basics of the high-milk maneuver. I know where to put my hands and how to... Always with ladies on the boobie here. Right. It's a good place to grip them. Yeah, that's the best. Yeah, grab them there and then pull hard. That'll, it'll shock them enough to make them shoot it out. And with guys, with guys, you just punch them in the nuts and that usually shoots it right out. That's my high-milk maneuver. I don't like you thinking about guys, licks... Choking. ...and nuts at the same time. I didn't say lick. I said kicking them in the nuts. Oh, I thought you said it was your high-milk maneuver. Oh, I see. Yes. Yes. Very funny. Thank you. I'll be here for the next one hour, 41 minutes, and 17 seconds. Pretty much. Maybe even a little longer. I doubt it. We were given a wonderful gift before we came on the air today. Yeah. I totally want to get myself out of here and... And enjoy. And enjoy. We won't actually say what it is. We'll just allude to it. Indeed. So, what'd you do last night, man? What'd you watch? Let's see. I was trying to catch up on some TV shows that were on my DVR. So, last night, I watched episode four of Game of Thrones. Everyone says that's good. I haven't gotten into it yet. You know what? To be honest, the first three episodes of season two have not been that good. Again, it's... The problem I had with the first season is all the characters you kind of get, get into, get killed. Okay, so now you're dealing with their kids and their younger generation. Now they're developing these characters and that's what these first three episodes have been. It's just kind of showing where everyone's wound up in regards to who wants to become king. There's a war that's about to really get started between the different kingdoms that are around. And I am... One thing that I was told that my mother is reading the books and she said, the interesting thing about the books is that they kill everybody. Like, throughout, there's no character that really sticks around for too terribly long. At some point, they get killed. So, fingers crossed that King Joffrey takes it soon because I am... I am so sick of this kid. He's such a... It's not that he's a bad actor. I don't like the character that much and he plays it so well that I want that character gone. Well, it sounds like he's doing a great job then. Absolutely. Absolutely. But at the same time, again, it's not hatred towards the actor. It's hatred towards the character. And the actor has done a great job of helping facilitate my anger towards him. Uh-huh. So, it's... It's getting better. And then, I got to watch the first... I think I stayed up for about the first 15-20 minutes before I kind of fell asleep on the couch of this week's Mad Men. So, I don't want to talk about it too much because I haven't seen the whole thing and I want to see where it goes. But after last week's episode, I can only see this season getting better and better. I ended up watching the American Idol last night, which, you know, I'm usually fairly into. Right. But they had one of the worst performances I've ever seen on the show. It probably doesn't help that I love the group that they covered last night. They covered Queen. Okay. So, they bring Queen on at the beginning of the show to play with these six people who are mostly untalented. Um, listen to this. Oh, you're gonna take me home tonight. Oh, oh, oh, oh, down beside that red firelight. Oh, you're gonna let it all hang out that bottom, girls, you make the rockin' world go wild. Hey, not bad so far. Actually, kind of like the opening with the multiple part harmony. Not awful, but then it starts breaking off into like the individual voices of people. Uh-oh. Here's where it goes down the shitter. Here's where it goes down the shitter. Uh-oh. Oh, let's go. Back up daily down the street. Bimbo, we don't know. Ain't no sound but the sound of a speed. Machine guns ready to go. So you have like this, um. Was that two, there were two different voices there? That was two different girls there. So they each get a line. You basically get like one line in each one of these little medleys to like make yourself stand out and seem like you're awesome. And usually they try to start off with like their strongest voices because you want people to be like, yeah! Right, but this time they didn't. Oh, no, no. Those are their stronger voices. Oh, no. Oh, oh, no. Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat? Out the doorway the bullet's written off to the sound of the beat. It's just, um, it's just, I feel so embarrassed for Queen that they have to come up here with these, let's be fucking honest, these are nobodies. I mean, these are bottom of the barrel nobody reality stars. Right. Who will, after this is all over, get to go on a nice nationwide tour to show off their musical abilities. Who do clowns? Yeah, exactly. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm not, this is not a thing I'm going to be rushing out to go and see if it hits the Los Angeles area. I don't even know that they know what the words to this is. Doesn't it sound like they said, another one's bites the duds? Yes. Like, what are they, Swedish? Crazy Swedish version. Another one bites the dust and another one gone and another one gone another one bites the dust. Yeah, I'm gonna get you too. Another one bites the dust and another one bites the dust. Okay, and not only like, they have to deal with these people who are really butchering up their song. Right. These guys have all gotten so old now, it's crazy. Like, it's hard to even recognize them from what I, like, they are in my mind from like Live Aid and all those other giant shows they did. Yeah, and even after Freddie's passing, the other members still, I remember seeing stuff on MTV with them a couple years, like probably close to seven or eight years ago. Definitely looks a lot younger than they do now. Agreed. So. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. Another one bites the dust. And then when they say another one bites the dust, are they talking about me not wanting to buy their albums anymore? Yes. Like, because I, I am biting the dust on contributing money towards these American Idol nobodies. Yeah, you're watching. I gotta say, one of the reasons I watch is it's a very agreeable thing for both my wife and I to be able to watch. Like, neither one of us hate it so much that we can't stand it. Right. Neither one of us likes it so much we're like, oh my God, American Idol's on tonight. But we can kind of get along and spend some time and watch it. Right. They try to fake this. She tries to put that, this is just this tiny little Asian girl. She tries to put that, that growl in her voice like, man. She's ready to get that. I'm from the street. I'm from the street, yo. I'm burning on your face, your big disgrace. Kicking your head all over the place. Oh, yeah. Do you not know anything about timing? It's just, it sounds awful. We will, we will rock you. We will, we will rock you. Not so far, you haven't. Do they do rock you? Do they mean bore the shit out of you? I think that's exactly what that means. Hey, I'll show you. Sing it now. Sing it now. We will, we will rock you. Turn it up one more time. We will, we will rock you. Oh, we will rock you. Do you hear this hissing in the background? Yeah. Somehow, they put the fog machine so close to the microphones that it is an entire instrument of its own. We couldn't someone, okay, that was about a 30 second fog machine solo. Couldn't somebody in the production office realize, oh my God, it's coming from like that microphone. Let's just cut that microphone. Let's just cut that microphone off so we don't have to pick that up anymore. Well, they obviously don't have a sound engineer like we do. We like notice that and go, oh, we got to turn that off. That's right. We got a professional. Now, how many girls and how many guys are left right now on this show? We're down to the final six, right? Eight boobies, four testicles. Okay. What does that tell you? It gives me a good number. Okay. I've done my sentence but committed no crime. Sounds like Sting trying to sing Queen. It's like Sting and Dave Matthews jerked off into a test tube together and made this funky little Philip, Philip baby. And bad mistake. The mistake is thinking that you have harmony together. I've made a few. I've made a few. By my count, we're up to about 15 so far and we're about three minutes in. And it's just one song. I've had my share of sin peaked in my face but I'll come through. Oh my God, this is just going to fucking break my soul. Do you want to mute your headphones for a second? Turn down the volume so you don't have to hear it. They're just in mine so you can listen. Great. We are the champions. My friends. And we'll keep on fighting. Fight all you want. Just stop singing until the end. Boy, you watch this, man. And the dudes from Queen's Faces are so embarrassed. We are the champions. Now, is the band singing along behind them now? Uh, no. To try and make up for it? No. No. Neither of these two members of Queen actually sing. Oh, okay. We are the champions. No time for losers. Too late. Cause we are the champions. I mean, technically, this is five losers. Cause only one of them is going to cancel. One of them will be the champion. You're right. Are the words of the champions. Listen to that note in there. It's so awful. Can they not even hold one note? It's so flat and awful. Okay, I got to make this. That's fine. That's fine. I cannot take any more. Are there still eight boobs and four testicles or did someone get voted off yesterday? Someone will get voted off tonight. Tonight. So they went through and they all had their own individual queen song that they had to do. Everyone got two songs. They got to do their one song that they chose and they all had to do a medley here. Was there one of the individuals that stood out? Okay, I can give you a really bad one. There's this girl. She's kind of the favorite in it. Her name is Jessica Sanchez. This is 16-year-old. Shut up. 16-year-old dirty Jessica Sanchez. And she has an amazing voice. So they give her a bohemian rhapsody. Yeah. Well, no, that's what she chose, right? You're right. She did choose from their songbook to do this. Mama just killed a man. I think her voice is pleasant. Put a gun against his head. Put my trigger now he's dead. So, you know, she keeps up with it. She's pretty light and bright and everything. But they start to change the arrangement around and that's when I just can't stand it. I didn't mean to make you cry But I'm not back again this time tomorrow Carry on, carry on Cause I'm nothing really matter Now the song picks up into like the place that everybody actually likes, right? Yes. Yes. No, no, they should have cut out the entire harvesting section. Just try to sing goddamn hard. Don't do this to me, baby. Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right outta here. Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters much to me. Is that word even in there? Much. Much. Much. Much. Much. Much. Much. Much. Much. Yeah. No. But the best part of the song they took out. Yeah. The best part. I mean, have you seen that Las Vegas commercial where they use that song? Yes. I think that commercial's freaking awesome. The first time I saw it, I was like, this is really quite cool. And the fact that they take that right out of the middle of this great song for this young 16-year-old girl. Oh, well, this is why I'm glad I don't watch American Idol. There's only one person on it that I actually liked, and I hate country music. I fucking hate country music. It is just the worst. The bane of the musical world. But there is one girl on here who's actually pretty good. Her name is Skylar Lane. If I had to vote for somebody, I would probably vote for her. She took on The Show Must Go On last night. Okay. I guess we know the score. On and on. Does anybody know what we are looking for? Another year. She's pretty nice. Yeah. This is actually the first pleasant song I've heard so far from American Idol today. I mean, I would choose to vote for her. Now, there were some people who were, let's just be kind. It's crazy. And call them over the top. Okay. Trill and Dec. Sounds like the song he just came out with. Yeah. He just, he's way over the top. All right. Let's skip this one then. Everything that he does. Not digging it. This girl is my least favorite. Okay. It's the 1980 hit, Save Me, coming to you from Holly Cavanaugh. Here we go, Holly. Here we go. And I'm far from home Save me, save me, save me I can't face this life It's just, you know what, it just comes down to it. These songs and these people are just not for me. I'm not a 14-year-old boy anymore that can totally think this is awesome. Right. You haven't been a 14-year-old boy for a very long time at this point, man. Hey. I'm sorry. You don't need to point that out. It's almost 25 years since you've been a 14-year-old boy. Let's not point that out. Okay. We're going to take our first break of the day. We're going to bring you... Our comedian of the week. Oh, I brought up the wrong one. So give me two seconds. Okay. I get the right clip up. But yeah, Russ Gooten will be in here in the second hour. But we're going to play another track of his. This is one of my favorites, man. It's somebody who loves to cap on their brother all the time. Right. Russ has this brother. He's got this brother that is... He just takes it. I think we heard a little bit of it yesterday where he kind of made reference to his brother, which was really fucking funny. He did make reference to him. But this is like when he actually... Like really... Goes after him. Awesome. So we'll be back right after this. However, ladies and gentlemen, also here tonight, I've already introduced to you my four on the retard scale brother, Jonathan, is here tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Let's give it up to Jonathan. Now, Jonathan. Jonathan, have a seat here. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I know I told you about this about five minutes ago, but ladies and gentlemen, tonight is the impromptu roast of Jonathan Gooden. Let's give it up for him. Let's give it up for him. Good evening, Jonathan. Now, Jonathan, this is in the industry what we like to call a roast. And it is an honor for me to make fun of you here in public and get all these people that are trying to laugh at you and ridicule you. It is the nicest thing I can do for you as a brother. So you're welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let's give it up for Jonathan. He's here tonight. Now, Jonathan, God knows that you're only good for two things, which is smoking weed and asking me for money and cigarettes. And all three of us need to have this tonight. And God bless your heart. And let's give it up for Jonathan. He flew in here all the way tonight from Cherry Hill, New Jersey. And by flew here. And by flew. And by flew here. I mean, he bumped a ride off of Tom Dugan over here, ladies and gentlemen. And he did not contribute gas money. And he did bump two of Tommy's Polar Light and had him buy him a vodka tonic. Which is what friendship is all about with you, Jonathan. So, Jonathan, my God, look at your hair. My God. I think Osama bin Laden's hiding in there. Look, there he is. And there's his dialysis machine. Now, Jonathan, I want you to know. That all of your problems are not, you know, totally your fault. And I'm not perfect, okay? Everybody knows who went to high school with me here. That I did every drug under the sun from the time I was 14 until I was 16 except heroin, okay? This is true, Jonathan. I tried ecstasy when it was called, Here, Russ, try this. Let me know if anything weird happens. So, there you let go. And I did every drug but heroin, Jonathan. I remember the first time I saw somebody doing heroin right in front of me. I was like, man, I will never do heroin, man. That shit is for fucking idiots, bro. Oh, my God. Is it right here? No, my God. Is it right here? So, I'm not perfect, Jonathan. And I know, ladies and gentlemen, that I used to torture little Jonathan a little bit, okay? Isn't that right, Jonathan? Remember the time that I tied you with the hose and I tied it tight enough that you couldn't get out? But I tied it loose enough so that I put the spigot right up in your face and you were like... You're welcome. You would have thought you had it for me. I was like, I'm going to give you a confirmation about a bomb. You know, and I would keep reciting it like, where's the bomb? Where's the bomb? America, patriots. That was hilarious. And then I wanted to be a baseball pitcher, remember? And I tied you to the tree and I told you that whenever I hit you in the belly button, it was a strike. And I told you to let me know. But I have to apologize right now because my strike to balls ratio was a little questionable. And I think you might be sterile, okay? Which is probably best for everybody involved. This is big, Jonathan. This is bigger than your bar mitzvah, man. This is awesome. And do you guys remember that game on American Gladiators where the gladiator had the tennis ball gun and the competitor would run up those things and hide behind the things and the gladiator would shoot the gun at him? Oh, me and Jonathan played that game all the time, except there was nothing for Jonathan to hide behind. It was amazing. I would just have him run up the field. I would peg him with baseballs. And if I ran out of stuff, you know, a wrench or a hammer. And you got really good at it. You were quick after a while. You didn't want any more bruises. So, Jonathan, it's not all your fault. It's not all your fault because, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to half apologize tonight because Jonathan's retardation is not all my fault. It's not all my parents' fault. It's not all genetics' fault. Because one time, I did stick Jonathan in the dryer. Now, I know what you're thinking. My God, that's brilliant. And I agree. And I agree. And it was amazing, Jonathan. It was my brainchild, okay? I thought of it. But then, you know, my plan had one fundamental flaw. I didn't know how to turn on the dryer. But our other brother, he said, don't worry. I watched Mom. So, I opened the door and I had Jonathan standing in front of the door. I said, hey, Jonathan, you want to do something nobody's ever done before? He's like, oh, yeah. Will I be an astronaut? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like an astronaut. Will I get an orange suit? Sure, sure. You can have whatever you want, whatever you want. You know, so I get him in there and I'm like, good luck, Captain Jonathan! And I slammed the door, you know, in our older brother. And all you hear, Jonathan, is And now listen, everybody I did not know at the time That any second now Searing hot gas was going to come out And melt Jonathan's skin off I did not know I was creating My own little personal octopus In Iris' laundry room Fight this way to the joy, Jonathan Nothing bad will happen to you Okay, so I didn't know that, Jonathan And then Mom was upstairs, and she was cooking I don't know what she was cooking, Big Mike But let's just go with munchball soup, it's a stereotype You know what I'm talking about And she's cooking munchball soup, and she's like Oh my god, my Jonathan's in trouble My Jonathan's in trouble And she comes running up the stairs like Xena the Warrior Princess, like And she comes down And all she sees is I poke out of my hot spot, Eric pokes out of his hot spot And then all you see in the center of the shot Is the dryer convulsing With the death cries of her youngest boy And in one full swoop She's like, boom, boom Chokes, throats, she's like I'm killing you, Jonathan I'm killing you, Jonathan I'm killing you, Jonathan And my mother choked her eyes She looks at me and my older brother And there's that really long, awkward pause And my older brother goes, Russell did it He didn't take his Ritalin And he skips out And my mother's like Oh, yeah So, Jonathan, I want you to know That your retardation is not all my fault It's also partially Mom and Dad's fault So if anyone here Has any complaints about what they've heard tonight Please address all your complaints To Iris and Maddie Gooden in Cherry Hill, New Jersey You don't need the address Because trust me, the authorities know where those psychopaths live Ladies and gentlemen I'm Russ Gooden That's my time Thank you for coming out Everybody, we need a process Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in Come in You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Yes, yes, yes. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Will you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Okay. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Brant Thoman. And some other guy who's not with us. Hey, welcome back. This is Jake Belcher. And I'm Brant Thoman. And we want to introduce our first guest of the day. This gentleman has been on our live shows before and on our podcast before, but he even has bigger credits than that, believe it or not. He's been an internationally touring comedian, and we think he's a hilarious dude. So, super stoked to have him. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Toby Morisano. Thank you very much. Thanks for being here. Remember the applause from last time. Sorry, I would have chimed in myself, you know, and increased the applause that much greater. Do you want to try it again? Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Toby Morisano. Hooray! That was much better. Wow, look at that. The crowd just got up for that. Wow. They were really into it that time. How are you doing today? I'm doing all right. A little tired, but I'm doing all right. Oh, yeah? You have a late night last night? Or? Yeah, I was up to like five or so. Five? Yeah. And you still came into our show. That's really awesome of you. That's crazy. That would be a good reason to call us and say, dude, I didn't get into bed until five o'clock. I don't think I'm going to make it. All right, we'll get by. But thanks for coming in. Oh, no problem. Not to be your mother, but what were you doing until five in the morning last night? I was working. So, I feel like a little bit proud of that. Although, I was only working that late because I started working at about 2.30 in the morning, which I probably should have done like, you know, at 2.30 in the afternoon. Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, one thing about a lot of the comic life is the kind of things happen on your own schedule whenever you want them to, right? Yeah, exactly. And I guess part of my brain didn't process that I actually had to be somewhere at an hour that most people are usually up, you know, being 9, 9.30. A plenty reasonable time for like civilized people. Exactly. But you're used to just like staying up however late you want, sleeping out late, however late you want. And then, you know, you don't have to be anywhere until eight o'clock the next night. So. Yeah. The comic life is pretty awesome. I mean, really have like 20 minutes a day that's real work. I mean, the rest of it is kind of like, is this funny? Is that funny? Yeah. And then getting to wherever it is, you're going to be funny. That's the other half of the work. That's about it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Putting it in the groundwork. But I mean, honestly, well, the flip side is you only have to work 20 minutes a day, but then you also only get paid to work 20 minutes a day. Yeah. That is a BF-er. There's no doubt. Yeah. Kind of the unfortunate thing, but you may do. So, um, how do you spend most of your like free time? Are you a, um, like an active person who likes to go out and, um, like do things? Are you more of a homebody who likes to watch TV and play video games or? I'm kind of the, the lame type of person. I mean, I started out in engineering and stuff like that. And I always have like a million projects going on that I'm actively procrastinating. Like went to school for engineering? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Did your parents take it well when you're like, oh, I don't want to be an engineer anymore. I want to do some jokes. Um, they took it. They took it as well as you could hope. I mean, my mom will still forward me like articles about Google hiring and my dad will drop hints at grad school or something like that. But, um. They haven't given up on that dream yet. Not totally. But I mean, I guess the fact that I haven't asked them for money, I think is a big part of it. Oh, that's a big one. Yeah. Yeah. Now it's interesting. Your mom sends you the articles about how Google's hiring. Have you guys ever seen like the, the questions that they put on their application? Like there's some, some tough, like. Like thought provoking questions that you have to figure. Example? Yeah. Uh, let's see. You have, okay. I'm trying to remember how it works. You have to time out seven minutes, uh, with two different, um, hourglasses. One that has, one that goes for four minutes and one that goes for one minute. I believe that's how it worked. And it took me like four or five hours for me to finally figure out which one are you turning at what point so that you don't, that you know exactly when it's been seven minutes, but not going over and not being short. And it was just a matter of. Do you remember the answer to that? Cause I don't have it in my head. If that's correct. I just used the, the one minute one seven times. It might, it might've been something different. No, actually, you know what? I think it was, I think it was like a, I think it was like a four minute. Jake, you're hired. Thank you. I think it was a four minute and a seven and a three minute one. And so you're flipping back and forth so that. If for seven minutes, then I go flip and I just flip. Okay. I don't remember. Okay. Dude, I don't remember the question. Thanks for. No, no, it's okay. It's awesome. You're not writing these questions. No, I'm not writing these questions. I'm trying to remember the question. So I'm sorry that I can't remember it properly. So we'll just skip that and go on to anything else. Are you really being a little bitch ass turd over this? No, I'm not. Yeah. I'm being a bitch ass turd. Well, it kind of seems like it. Okay, dude. His face is getting a little red. I got it. I got to be an impartial observer. I'm getting a little pissed. Yeah. Um, wow. I'm sorry. I was, you asked, well, you asked me what the question is and I'm trying to remember what the question is. I didn't know. I gave you an answer like that totally worked. Yeah. You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. And you're hired. Congratulations. Go to work for Google. Thank you. You got a job. Okay. So your parents haven't given up on the dream. Have they ever come out and seen you perform? Um, uh, yeah, they have. I delayed it for the longest time because I was just did not want to deal with that. I eventually, I just showed a mom a video the first time she saw me before. I was like, here, I'm doing well on this. I don't have to worry about it. You know, it's clean and everything goes well. And then eventually, um, she came to one or two other shows. Uh, she actually, she taught at the school I went to. So she like found out what my shows were and stuff. I'm like, it's not good. Do you, do you use much of like your family in your act? Like, um, did you have anything you couldn't say? Like not blue stuff, but like, um, you were like embarrassed to say like, oh, when I was raised or. Well, um, you know, I do have a joke about being raised by a single mom, which my dad doesn't like. Yeah. I'm sure that's not a good, good, uh, fit for him. Yeah. Well, it's, it's based on it. Well, my dad, my parents split when I was very young. So it's like based on that, but yeah, I don't know. It's always a little bit awkward. Yeah. I had the, uh, first experience of doing standup in front of a family member last month. And, um, my sister, cause most of my family is either crazy or they, um, they live far away. So I never get to be in front of them. My sister came out and I'm like, oh, I don't really want to tell this joke about the family or that joke about the family. You have to strike kind of a delicate balance like that. Yeah. Actually the first time my dad came out to see me. Um, he's very like. You know, he's got the sense of humor of most dads really. And, uh, I just, for whatever reason, it's like one of those things where you, you try not to think of a purple cow. So you think of a purple cow. And I just like, for some reason I just went into all this dirty material that I didn't want to do. And it was a long, awkward car ride back. Well, they can't complain too much. Like you get to tell them that you, you've been in many places around the world doing standup, correct? Uh, yeah. Yeah. I've been in 10 countries now and I'm going to add a few more in the next month or two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's gotta be a good feeling to go to mom to say, Hey mom, I just got booked to play in. Well, Romania was the last place, which is actually where my, my dad's family is from. So I've always wanted to go. So that's, that's pretty exciting. How did you, um, your stuff go over in Romania? Oh, I haven't been there yet. I'm going there. And, uh, you know, uh, the end of May for all of your Romanian listeners. Are you planning any like specific jokes because you're going there? I am actually. I've, uh, I have a friend who's Romanian and she's taught me like some phrases in Romania, and, uh, you know, I've, I've started, started, started to write. Um, but haven't like, haven't like built my set for you. Let's see if I was doing something about Romania. What do I know about Romania? I know, um, crazy, um, gymnastic judges. Yes. That's right. One of the big things. That's right. She came from there. What? Nadia Comaneci. Oh, okay. She, she's the first, uh, gymnast to ever score a perfect 10 in the Olympics. Nice. That is about all I know about. That's the only thing. I was trying to think of Romania. And when you said gymnastics, like, oh yes, I do know one point. Gymnastics and Dracula is the other big thing. Oh, that's right. That's where, uh. Yeah. Transylvania. Transylvania and Vlad the Impaler live. Oh, so Transylvania is in Romania? Yeah. I always thought it was like its own country. No, no. It's a, it's a, it's kind of like a county, I guess. Yeah. It looks like a province. Providence. Yeah. A province. A province. And it really exists and you can go to it? Yeah. Are you going to go when you're there? I'm going to try. It's a, it's a fairly large country and I'm only there for like three days. So we'll see. I actually have to go to, um, uh. So how many comedy clubs are you going to be performing at in those three days? Um, just one, but three shows. Three shows. Yeah. But I couldn't imagine going that close to it and then not getting myself over to it. Yeah. I really want to. Um, I tried to get the flights in and out of the country because they book them for you. I tried to get them in and out for a little longer range that have a little extra time, but no. I mean, how does someone even in Romania find out about you? Like did, was it an out of the blue call or is it something that you're like, I really want to play there. Let's put out some feelers. Well, it's a, it's a booking agency basically that books a lot of stuff in England, which is where I mostly perform in Europe. And then, uh, uh, some stuff there also had booked me for Croatia and Czech Republic. And I think that's it this time around. But, um, they also book stuff in like Poland and all over the place. Uh, what has been the, um, to you, the. I mean, I'm not sure if you've been to any of the places that you've performed in the past. Um, I performed in a converted movie theater in Israel. Um, I've done, uh, let's see. I did, uh, when I did, uh, I did Slovakia and the Czech Republic last time and including like the back of like an ex Soviet era bar, which is like dilapidated and rusted. And I got to do that last time. Um, I'm also performing in South Africa. Where are you headed next? You said in the next couple of months, you're going to hit a couple more countries. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. I'm going to England. Hey, they'll understand you there. Yeah. That's the silver lining. That's the, that's the, that's the, what I look for. Uh, most of the other gigs are for expats or people who are like, you know, sophisticated enough that they speak fluent English anyway, because most people do. Um. I didn't think you were fluent in Romanian and I don't know how Romanian comedians fare in Romania. I just use that, uh, you know, Alta Vista babble fish and just live translate. It's an impressive little service. With the world that we live in now, like you almost don't even have to know anything yourself. Like if you just have a computer with you at all, you can figure out anything now. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's really like all of the stuff that we had to spend years learning or, or anything you can just find in a YouTube video or. It's almost like you're dumb now for learning anything. It's like, are you bothered learning that? I mean, I feel like kids these days are like that. Like kids will think that they know everything because Google knows everything. And like, but now it's going to be at the point where everyone knows how to use Google. So then you have to. Well, it makes me wonder like. More than that, hopefully. When we went to high school. We would have to do like term papers. And we, we didn't have Google or Wikipedia to go to. We had to look it up in encyclopedias and do actual research. And now it makes me wonder. I know that Wikipedia is edited like crazy and that it's probably what you're going to read there is 99% true. But I wonder if, if students are allowed to use that as a reference source in these term papers that they're making now. They're typically not. Like I've got a little sister who's in high school. There you go. They're always like, you know, you can't use Wikipedia as a source because you can write it and then write your paper. Right. And you're perfect. I had heard that Wikipedia was having some type of a problem. Like they weren't getting. The number of editors has drastically reduced. Really? Yeah. They equate it with the people who were doing it have kind of grown up now. And these areas of interest that they have in which they wanted to make sure that the subject they were writing about was correct. That they know the stuff there is now correct. And there's nothing else they want. Right. Huh. So it's they've seen like hundreds of hundreds of the editors that they had that were just going in there and adding stuff and removing stuff have stopped doing so. Just because there's no new information to put in there or to take out. That's interesting. Well, I guess, I mean, at some respect, that's a good problem to have because then it means your stuff is accurate and complete. Right. But at the same time. But since it can be edited by anybody. Yeah. They can put stuff in there. You're still going to need an editor who's going to go in there and go, well, wait, that's that line's not true. Right. Right. That's not true. That's not. That's that's false. Yeah. And taking that stuff out. So, I mean, there's still thousands of people who do it, but they've just seen a big reduction in the number of people spending time editing Wikipedia. Interesting. I've done it a few times. You have. Was it a subject you really knew very well or. It was mostly the stuff that. OK, so one, I did write the article on hack comedy on Wikipedia. Oh, really? The original one. Yes. Which has since been like, you know, redone and I've been in like arguments and I don't really look at it too much. But it's now. That's like that. Yeah. It's like a six page article or something ridiculous. Wow. And you started off with what? Like a paragraph? Yeah. Six pages? Yeah. Why did you decide that you had that you had to write it? Like, what was the burning reason inside of you? You know what it was? It was so I could put my friend's photo on the on the entry for hack comedy and then send it to him on Christmas. Hilarious. That's a great little gift. That's a gift that keeps on giving. That's very nice. I don't think I've ever. No, that's not true. Have you edited? I have edited one page. I edited a pro wrestling page for. Pro wrestling gorilla. There was some wrong information up on there. Right on. Well, good. Have you ever done it? I have. I don't. I have honestly only gone to Wikipedia a handful of times myself. Period. Really? It's if I type in something in Google and Wikipedia comes up and that's the first one, I'll click on that and see what it is. But I've never like found the need to edit anything. I trust the stuff that's being written down there. And if there was something that I knew to be a true fallacy, then maybe I would do something about it. I would say that I look at Wikipedia every day. I mean. Somehow like something comes up that I don't really know something that I need. It is great for comedians just to be able to go one spot, pull up what you need and get what you want that way. Yeah. Just the idle curiosity or, you know, yeah, when I'm writing a joke or something and I want to be like, hey, you know, who, what are the top grossing movies of all time? Or like what references could I make to movies that so-and-so has been in or something? I search for them and it's almost always the first result. Yeah. And so I just end up clicking on that. And then once I'm on there, I always just get distracted by clicking on different links. If they're entertainers, I find that IMDB winds up just above Wikipedia. Yeah. And that's about the only difference I ever see in regards to what you're saying. But yeah, I've never done any editing to it. But I don't think I've ever found a subject that was so necessary for me to read up on and go, oh, wait, this is a lie. Well, sometimes what I'll do is I'll be searching like different articles like that, but they're related. And I'll notice discrepancies between them. So I'll correct those. Wow. I guess that's the engineer's brain. Yeah. Because I'll just go through it. I'll be like, ah. Someone's going to get some wrong info. Who gives a shit? That's what it is. It's like when you see stuff that's out of order, there's this instinct to just correct it. It's not OCD, but it's like, you know, you just want everything to be proper and sorted. Strike the proper balance with the universe. Exactly. Make sure that someone's not out there giving off some BS. Yeah. I couldn't dig it. Okay. So I did find the question that Google asked. Oh, right. Let's see if I can actually come up with the answer without being a dickhead this time. No, no, no. That's all right. I understand. You were trying to be funny. It just kind of pissed me off because I was trying to remember it so hard and I wasn't able to. So with using a three-minute and a, let me double check it. I'm making sure I'm saying this right because I know it's a seven-minute hourglass and a four-minute hourglass. Time out nine minutes with those by using them, by flipping them and time out nine minutes exactly. This is a much more complicated question than I was given before. I know. I know. Exactly. Because the first one I gave you was like, just turn the three-minute over one and the four-minute over. No problem. You got your seven minutes. You're right. This is way more complicated. It actually really isn't. Once you see what the answer is, it just took me. Give us the question one more time. Okay. I'm sure Toby's going to slay it. Yeah. You can't pose this question and have me not instantly start trying to work on it. Using a four-minute hourglass and a seven-minute hourglass, measure nine minutes without the process taking longer than nine minutes. Okay. And now I'm on the spot, I feel like. No, no, no. I mean, it's something to think about. Because they also give the answer right at the site too. Well, it's going to be something like you turn them over both at the same time. Mm-hmm. And then, you know, as one runs out, you redo it. You redo it or something. And then, you know, that's what gives you that extra increment of like a minute or two minutes. Exactly. Basically, what you do is you flip them both over. When the four-minute runs out, you have your four minutes. You flip it back over again. Let me read it here. Sorry. Start with the hourglasses at zero minutes. Flip over the four-minute glass when it runs out at four minutes. Ditto for the seven-minute glass with the four. When the four-minute glass runs out the second time at eight minutes, the seven-minute glass will then have one minute of sand in the bottom so that you can flip it back over and there's your ninth minute. Okay. So, it's a... I don't think I would have gotten that. Google is not going to hire me. It took... I had a much longer one where I had to flip them back and forth a couple of times to get it. Yeah. This is a much simpler explanation, but I was able to finally figure it out because I was sitting there. I mean, I'm at work and fortunately, it was an early shift, so we weren't terribly busy. So, I'm sitting here trying to like... I'm writing it out going, okay, if I flip this one and I get this one and finally, at one point, I thought I had it. Oh, I've got it right here. And I looked and I was like, no, it's going to only give me eight minutes. How do I figure out that last freaking minute? I screwed this up. But, I mean, that's just one of the many like mind-challenging questions that they ask on their... Dude, I'm never even going to forget that question now. Those things get stuck in my brain. I just think about them and think about them. Like, do you guys remember Die Hard 4, I think, with Samuel Jackson? Speaking of mind benders. There was like this one scene when they're... They're at like a park and he has these two... The water jugs, right? The water jugs. I think about that. And they never tell you how they wind up figuring it out. Never tell you. That's what was so frustrating is like they're going through the process and that's what I want to see is like, okay, they're given these two jugs. They got to fill it up with water and they have to get the exact poundage or the exact gallon amount, right, just to disarm the bomb. But they never go through the process of figuring it out. Very frustrating. It's been stuck in my brain for again 10 years now. Because they cut away to the bad guys for a couple minutes and then you come back to them and they're like, oh, we've got it. And they set it down and the bomb disarms. Like... How the fuck did you do it? Very frustrating. That's got to have been filmed but left on the cutting room floor. I'm sure of it. Yeah, but at the same time, that's the type of thing that's, you know... How is that bad for movies? If it makes you think just a little bit, a little bit harder than what the story is asking you to do... I don't remember anything else from that movie. I don't remember a single scene. I remember nothing except for that one trick that they don't bother fucking explaining. Right. There had to be some director like, no, you can't put a math problem in a movie. America won't deal with it. We have some notes for you on your film. We'd like you to cut... Cut the section with the math question because that's just going to confuse our audience. It does take you out completely because as soon as I hear a question like that, I mean, you just start working on it. You're trying to figure it all out. You're trying to get it together and then just get no payoff at all. Yeah, because it was like... I'm still angry at them. It was like a five-gallon jug and a three-gallon jug and you had to be able to get four gallons in the one jug and be able to set it down on the plate. And it's just like... So now Jake is solving it. Oh, you just pour one gallon into the gallon jug. Yes, but they're at a fountain. So how do you know what exactly one gallon... What the hell in that jug is going to be? Ah, right, right, right. So... It's ridiculous. It is. It was so... And then to leave us hanging like that. I mean, I agree with you. That's one of those things that you sit there and you go, when you think back, why didn't they ever explain? That's really funny. I wish they did that more in movies. It's like, oh, we've got a canoe and a horse and two guys and how are we going to... Oh, we're here. We've got three chickens and three foxes and you have to get them back across on the other side. They just don't bother explaining it. They set up the story and they're like, oh, we're done. Yeah. Yeah. They cut away for 30 seconds and then the foxes are on the other side and the chickens are on the other side. Like, hey, we did it. What? These guys are geniuses. Actually, a lot of movies could use a lot more stuff like that because you see some of the stuff that's coming out this summer and I'm like, how are they expecting me to believe this? Have you guys seen Men in Black? Three, yes. Yes, yes. This summer. And you have James... Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin is going to be young Kay in the past. How are they going to explain it? Like, he's younger than... than Will Smith is and the whole thing. I don't know. Just... I don't know who Josh Brolin is, but I mean, I check him on Wikipedia. He was on No Country for Old Men. He was the guy who the... that wound up... wasn't the killer, but he was like protecting his wife and winds up getting killed near the end of it. I didn't see that either. Did you see Goonies? Yes. He was the older brother. Oh, okay. Cool. There you go. Josh Brolin for you. It all goes back to Goonies. It always does. Goonies is the best. Have you been paying attention much? To the movies coming... the new stuff coming out this summer? Not really. Not really, unfortunately. No Avengers on your list of movies you got to go see? Nah. Nah. I've been... I'm more of a TV guy, I guess. I've been watching like Game of Thrones. You know, I've gone through... It's like the first series that I've been actually like up to date on watching. What are your thoughts on the second season so far? You know, I don't think it's quite as compelling as the first season, but it's still pretty good. This last episode, which I just watched last night, finally it starts to feel like it's getting good again. Yeah. Like with... First season, that very first episode, I was like, ooh. Yeah. This is awesome. I can't wait to watch more. And I was lucky enough to have it on demand so I was able to just watch all the episodes back to back. Uh-huh. So... Yeah, well, the first season, it was like every single episode was like, oh, that can't happen. And it did. And they're like... They're just swinging and taking shots and making drastic changes like one after the other. And so many people die. Yeah, so many people die. And then this one where it's like, all of a sudden, like no one really major dies for two or three episodes. You're like, what? This is like a little slower. Right. But not... Yeah, I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it's normal, but... I've mentioned this to many of our guests. There's a Netflix series that's on. I don't know if you have Netflix. I do, we do. Are you streaming? Yeah. Okay. It's called Lillehammer with Gus Van Sant. Uh-huh. He plays an American... American-Italian mafia guy who turns evidence and decides to move to Lillehammer, Norway to live to... Oh. And... I saw that. It's... Dude, you watch the first episode, you'll be in for all eight. Awesome. I guarantee you it is... I mean, I didn't expect it to be that great. Watched it and was like, I can't wait to see what's happening next because it's all about the little ties that he makes with people and the kind of that... He still has that mafia kind of mentality on how to work with people. Like, he tries to go and bribe one of the local officials. Yeah. He's like, are you trying to bribe me? Do I need to call the police? And he's like, no, no, no. Look, look. Obviously, this is a misunderstanding. I'll take your classes. And then later on, he winds up with blackmail information on the guy. Mm-hmm. So he's like, okay. So when he's blackmailing, he's like, so is the financial part still available? He's like, no, I think I'll just hold on to these and puts the pictures back in his pocket. It's just like... It's really... One of the other things I like about it is that in Norway, they speak English and Norwegian. Yeah. English is the second language that they learn. And so he speaks in English the entire time, but they all speak in Norwegian back. But he is learning Norwegian, so he understands what they're saying, but he only knows how to respond in English. Right. So half the time you're reading, Subtitles. Subtitles, and the other half you're listening to him respond to the subtitle questions. That's so interesting. That's a really cool way to film a show. I think you'll, if you get a chance to watch it, it is all filmed in Norway too, which they start off in winter, so it's nothing but snow, but as they go into spring and summer, really get to show some of the beauty of that country. So I would highly recommend it to you and to all of our listeners. Have you had a chance to stream it yet and watch it? I have not. I've been too busy watching other things. Yep. Hey, I gotta go to a quick break here. We're going to play another clip from Russ Gutten's Live in Philly. This is chapter one, Philly opening, and Vic Grandma. Toby, you have time to stick around with our next guest coming in? Sure thing. All right. Awesome. We'll be back right after this. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. It's gonna be home. It's gonna be home. As they said, I'm originally from Cherry Hill, New Jersey, right outside of Philadelphia. Cherry Hill, Philadelphia, to the layman. Now, just like all of you, I am a diehard, bleak, green, Philadelphia Eagles fan. Go, Bards. Go, Bards. Go, Bards. Now, listen, though. I want to get this out of the way right at the top, okay? I was as shocked as all the rest of you were that the Philadelphia Eagles recruited the airfuerher of the dog-a-hoss, Michael Vick, to the Philadelphia Eagles. Okay? Now, listen, sir. I do slash do not approve of this acquisition, okay? I do approve of this acquisition because I love black quarterbacks. I love touchdowns. Love the big man. Love the wildcat formation, okay? Love the touchdowns, sir. But, ma'am, I slash do not approve of this acquisition, okay? Because as a person, for what he did, I still think that Michael Vick should be put in the middle of a dogfight with a steak around his neck, his cock wrapped in bologna, his balls dipped in bacon, and grease, and we'll see what hand Carmen deals out that night, ladies and gentlemen. So, just to review, want him to die, still hoping his black ass scores a lot of touchdowns, okay? Because I would literally punch my own grandmother in the face for an Eagles Super Bowl victory, okay? I would knock that quick pitch out. I would lick that quick pitch out. And, Grandma, I know you're here tonight. You know I'm a half-kid, and you know I love you, Grandma. You know I love you, Grandma. But, listen, Grandma, I'm just letting you know in front of all these... Where is she? Where's Grandma? No, Grandma, Grandma, I just want you to know in front of all these people, so they're my witness. I'm just letting you know right now, if a genie comes out of a cheesesteak, tells me I punched you in the face, Eagles win the Super Bowl, this is a family. You gotta make sacrifices, Grandma. I'm coming at you full force. No remorse, Grandma. The whole city's counting on me. All right, you're gonna have to take one for the team. All right, I hope you've been doing your Pilates. I hope you got a strong core, Grandma. I'm coming at you with everything I've got. But, Grandma, you look great, Grandma. You don't look a day over 33, which is also the last time your hair moved. I don't know what you use, Grandma, but they should build the wall between America and Mexico, I don't know, whatever that is. In penitentiaries. Go, Marys. To hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair you are listening to grand theft audio with the kings of internet radio and some other guy hey this is jake belcher i'm brand thoman and we're still here with toby maurishanu uh totally excited to uh be bringing in our second guest of the hour of the show um you've been listening to him all week long here on skid row studios he's been our uh featured comedian of the week i can't believe that he's back here in la it seems like you uh just left yesterday but it was like uh also feels like you're gone six months ladies and gentlemen mr russ guten oh thank you so much oh god i feel like i feel like sean bean on game of thrones episode four i am the hand of the king because you are the kings of the internet radio that's right and i am the hand of the king um that doesn't i wouldn't want to be the hand yes i would imagine the hand of the king pleasures itself all the time that's what the king uses to pleasure himself but the king is no no i think the king is wherever he wants he's the king you know he's gonna like i have my hand or i could have seven wenches i'll take the seven but i just kept picturing that big fat king and then he kept saying sean bean you are the hand of the king and i was like that guy is want to pleasure himself with the hand of the king i keep sorry every time i think about um like royalty and dicks i always think of um coming to america prince charles royal penis is clean sir yes the royal penis that's the best you know i won't lie um you know becoming a comedian was something i always wanted to be and uh even when i was in elementary school um some some of the you know the black dudes i went to school with like chuck and clill and every everybody they would always make me do every fucking scene from that movie all the time like this is lovely what is this but like i just killed it lunch time is prime time for kids man yes that that is the big stage right there no it's true even in junior high school i would cut my class after lunch so i could do the 12 30 show because i i mean i didn't really have a purpose to be there you know academically anyway so i like to think i was in hey i just uh i'm sorry i just started went on a rant um it's great to see you guys thanks for having me nice to have you back here in la man yeah it's great to i'm surprised to be here as well um no uh first of all 7-eleven blueberry coffee the second best blueberry coffee of a major chain disgusting gross bread in the world the greatest blueberry coffee in the world duncan donuts america runs on motherfucking duncan i did try a sip of that i hate coffee but that blueberry coffee was actually pretty tasty that fucking this fucking i even saw jason alexander tweet about this fucking coffee i hate coffee but that blueberry coffee was actually pretty good i even have a second chance i have a second chance i have a second chance i have a second chance fucking 7-Eleven blueberry coffee. Really? But I read everybody's Twitter as them. So he's like, I don't really do an impression of him, but it's like, the 7-Eleven blueberry coffee, not everyone has it, and the ones that do, don't have it every day. Delicious. That's a pretty good impression for someone who doesn't do it. That's a terrible Jason Alexander, but it was like, in my head, it sounded perfectly like him, and I was like, musket, blueberry, Jason Alexander. No, I'm surprised to be here. I was going to be here. Anyway, I was in that Clorox last comic sending thing, and I appreciate you guys giving the shout out for it on the air, and I came close to the final, and dog and pony answer, I want to congratulate all the other contestants. I feel really good for them. This isn't rustling lit. I'm really happy for them, and no, but they're all great comics that I worked with, and I think Justin is going to win, so I'm going to the finale on Friday. Awesome. And so that's one of the reasons I was here, and then I ended up, able to sneak on to some gigs, and blah, blah, blah, so here I am. How was Flappers last night? Flappers was awesome last night. Comedy unibrow, Dustin Kaufman was hosting it. He's kind of like a Muppet meets Batman with a Jew afro from the middle of America. Wow. He's very funny. Put together a great lineup. Dinah Leffert was great, and Luke Curry just, you know, punched it in the, you know, punched comedy in the face. As much as Luke said that Maddie had a great set, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. He had a killer set. That's one of the best I've heard him yet. He's the truth. He's so much stronger. Brother Luke is the truth. He just is. Actually, the last time I saw Jake, you were helping me move out of my apartment because we moved really suddenly a few months ago with the baby back east, and so it was Jake, me, and Luke in charge of packing up the rest of me and my wife's shit. It was not pretty. No, no. How much stuff ended up broken into the back of the truck? Oh, my God. We had to pack it into, my wife got us this pod, but it wasn't the pod that you see on TV. It was like the other brand of the pod. I don't even remember what it is. It's the generic brand of the pod. Yeah, it's like the CVS brand of the pod. And we're expecting this like, you know, room size fucking thing to be dropped off. It's the size of a walk-in closet in a small apartment in New York. So it's like a locker. It was like a personal locker. Yeah, it was not very big. And also, like, you literally had like not three astrophysicists, the opposite of three. The three of you getting plenty stoned beforehand. How are we going to fit this all in here? I mean, Jake was a big help. Your wife was a big help. Big shout out to the wifey on the air, man. And it was so clear when Dara was unpacking what she packed and what we packed. It was so, and I told them about it when they got the pod. I was like, guys, when you open that. You're going to want to construct some kind of pulley system and be about 30 feet back. Because that thing is coming at you like fucking Jumanji. You know, that we stuffed that so fucking tight. How was the actual drive across country? That was awesome. Luke came with me. We got pulled over in Amarillo, Texas. For what? For nothing. For a Jew and a black man riding in a car together. It's Amarillo, Texas. Well, now listen. I did smoke a joint earlier on that stretch of road. But then we were in Amarillo, Texas. And Luke was wearing this tiger hat where it looks like the head of a tiger. And then it's got this too, like, long tail. So black guy, tiger hat, driving the Scion because I needed to sleep for a little bit. I'm sitting there. I had recently, you know, flicked out the joint. And they pulled us over. And we're like, this is it. Like this. There's no. There's no good ending to this story. You know, there's my cousin Vinny. This is what's going to happen. Like, you know, like. And so they're really nice. And I always take the truthful approach with officers. I'll expungiate on that in a minute. And so I just said, officer, we're comedians. This is my favorite comic, Luke Curry. I'm Russ Gutten, a Jew. Thank you. You're welcome. I love it here in Texas. I said, we're driving home. I'm moving home. That's why I got all my shit. And how are you today, officer? And he's like, oh, no, you know, no problem. It's good to see you boys around here. Oh, you're comedians? Do you like Ron White? Like, not even a heartbeat of a second. Y'all like Ron White? And I was like, I fucking do. Pardon my cussing, sir, but I fucking do. Where I come from, they call me Tater Salad. Yeah, I fucking do. All right? I fucking do. All right? And I became a cable guy just because I love Larry. And then I became. And they're really super nice. So we're like, me and Luke at one point sneak a look like, hey, maybe the world's not such a dark, empty place here in Amarillo, Texas. And then they're like, and everything's good. We're just going to ask Luke you to come with us a second. And we're just going to check things out. Just come out with us. Will you step out of the vehicle, please, sir? Thanks. No problem. Just step out the vehicle, sir. And I was like, okay. Okay. This took a. Luke is getting beaten. This is it. This is taking an Oliver Stone. Your turn. Poor fuck. Jennifer Lopez is going to be there. It's not going to be as awesome as you thought it was. At any time. At any second, you were expecting a pickup truck with a Confederate flag. Front license plate pulling up with like eight white guys and a rope going. Hey, Russ. How y'all doing? Yeah. Yeah. And all of a sudden, the A-teams, they're like, get out of here, Russ. We'll cover you. Do it. Do it. And so all of a sudden, I'm like, what's going on? What's going on? Because the one guy who looked kind of like a real cop, he was on the driver's side of the car. But I had his like, you know, rookie, rookie rotund, you know, roly poly sidekick like, hey, Cliff, I'll do whatever you say. And so he's just talking to me about stand up. And he's like, we once went to see Don Rickles. And I was like, okay. And did you set him on fire? Because I'm feeling pretty flammable right about now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the back and i was i like didn't get it at first and then i was like they put you in the squad guard he goes yeah they have kleenex near the dashboard in case you break down crying they got everything oh my god it's like horrified i was like oh luke first i asked you to help me move out of my apartment then i asked you to drive cross country with me and now you've seen the cleanest squad car in amarillo texas hey he should he should thank you like not everyone gets that experience congratulations luke i think what jake is trying to say is congratulations uh that was the friendliest racial profiling that you will ever experience in your life sounds like it sounds like eddie murphy from from beverly hills cop where they where he gets picked up in the back of the car this is the cleanest car i've ever seen yeah it's exactly like that hey so when i was walking in i i know uh you can't uh obviously you can't partake in here but when i was walking in you said russell do you have a pipe that is what i asked yes but uh what's so funny is when you ask me that is that i'm traveling so i don't live here anymore but you know that i'm like the boy scout of weed okay because i was kicked out of cub we actually had this conversation before you came in we're like we should ask russell he has a pipe i'm like he he flew here i mean there's no way that he brought a pipe no i brought what is known as money uh and uh i still have my prescription greenie leaf around the world as currency uh it's uh traded for services uh as we were talking about the king's hand or good you he knows all about mine in here of course i always have a second joint i of course smoked one standing out on the street while drinking my blueberry coffee as if nothing was awry at all that is 100 the way to do it you don't look like you're doing anything wrong and no one's gonna think that but i'm not i have a prescription i have a prescription it's decriminalized to smoke a joint in the street like that's the way to do it you don't look like you're doing anything wrong you know although they just they just raided uh they just raided a place in oakland though yeah i mean it's really like bipolar but i just don't feel like um i don't feel like anybody's gonna come after me yeah they're not looking for you they're looking for big time runners but then i was like do i have a pipe weed kit wow so like so when you arrive what i want to today on uncle russ's uh weed kit tips okay when you arrive in los angeles never fly with weed okay don't be an asshole you know don't feel like you're going to oklahoma and it's gonna be hard to find yeah don't put your fucking sons at life at risk man okay you're flying to los angeles okay you might still have your prescription your buddy has this prescription you bring money you go to the store you buy papers you buy their five dollar grinder okay you go to the store you buy a brand new pipe why a it's clean b it's brand new c they give it to you in bubble wrap you can wrap it in whatever you're traveling with okay so as you can see it's already been used pretty nice it's already changed the pipe color we're gonna call it captain america because of its coloring the red white and blue like that very nice yeah i like it we're gonna call it steve rogers okay yeah but um i don't know about putting my mouth on steve rogers so i'm gonna rethink that name do i really want to suck on steve rogers no thank you now listen of course you're gonna have uh i believe that this strain is called day walker because when you look at me you think hey that guy resembles wesley snipe or a man who would not pay a proper amount of taxes off of some of his b action movies that were released straight to dvd and only available exclusively at blockbuster video you buy rolling papers now i myself as i've explained on the show before cannot roll a joint to save my life if this were 24 and jack bauer had you know a gun to my head and was like you need to roll this joint or america is going to get you know blown up all right i you you would all be dead i just want you to you know be prepared for that scenario because i can't duly notice but did you buy the little roller thing that you can the little the little machine no that thing does not work that does not roll weatherproof joints that does not roll windproof joints do not be fooled at home kids well so how did you get that joint that you smoked outside well you get somebody who knows how to roll it's like another comedian who you're like i know this knows how to roll joints here i'll give you some of this weed and i'll buy you a order of french fries because i know you haven't eaten in several days all right so and after you smoke this you're really gonna want those french fries so you know i was talking about a comedian being two steps above a mime a comedian you've never heard of is really because my magician comedian kardashian former railroad road challenge contestant dude i don't know kardashian with that new 40 million dollar contract like you might have to push him up a couple of spots well yes i think they might actually out bump snooki's fetus which is already i don't know if you know this getting 22 000 to appear in a nightclub and drink one red bull and vodka so that's twenty two thousand dollars for what is really a six hour gig they fly there they the he's he's the busiest fetus in show business i don't know if it's a guy but even if it's a girl let's face it it's kind of it's snooki's kid so even if it's a girl yes even if it's a girl but um like i tell people uh audiences ever since i found out she gets pregnant um do not get snooki wet after midnight like that kid gianni did okay she will she will multiply gross there's so many people on tv right now that they have no business being there they're just disgusting individuals who would be at the top of your list okay i know who's at the top of my list right now there's so many of those people those girls from the uh the housewives of different cities like that are just yeah there's not even a need to give them a name it's just uh that real that's a real housewife you don't even have to know their name you just like uh like my wife watches all that though so i'm not gonna lie to you i have a working knowledge of every single city of housewives and you know what you're not gonna lie to me you're not gonna lie to me you're not gonna lie to me you're not gonna lie to me you're not gonna lie to me you know i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i is we have to explain to you what season of a reality show she was on. And she was on a reality show because she was a no one. And then she's on it for a couple episodes and then she's a celebrity and she can go on other reality shows. And I think other comics can speak to this too. A lot of people who are in reality television, right? All of a sudden they're appearing at standup clubs and they're just like, oh, I'm going to do comedy because they get a manager and they go, you know what you should do? Standup. You should try standup. It's fucking so easy. Yeah, I got you this Mad Libs book and I had to do standup book and then I Wikipedia'd the word standup, you know, or whatever. Because the fact of the matter is they know that they get appearance fees anyway already to just drink a Red Bull and vodka. So they know that there's, you know, money. Have you actually ran into this situation where you see these people out at clubs? Yeah, absolutely. And I also just watched the charts of like the clubs in middle America. They all appear places where, you know, they don't want you to know about it, but they're doing it, you know? And I was, watching Real Housewives of Orange County, season seven, okay, or whatever it is. Seven years. With my wife. And with my wife, of course. I was not watching it by myself. I did not DVR Real Housewives episode six. Yeah, right. And- You can't hear a wink on the radio. Okay, and you know what? And it's just, Vicky just says what she feels. You know, I'm just tired of, anyway, the point is, I was watching it and that guy Slade, who's one of those sort of real, like not even a husband. The one who's like, worked the entire circle. Right, he's like, he's banged every single housewife. Apparently has, literally like, a handicapped, like autistic kid, from another marriage, that like, he's been sued over. He's like a real, he looks like he's covered in grease. Like when you look at him. He's such a dirt ball. He looks like he just came out of like, the fryer at Carl's Jr. You know, like, you know, like swapping. And he turns to, the girl that he's with, now the camera right now, the young one, Gretchen, the young one. Okay. And he says, oh, I'm gonna appear at the improv. I'm gonna do stand up. Ah, and right. And me and my wife are like, because it's one of those days where it was hard, you know, where like, you're not getting calls back. You don't have everything lined up. You want, and then you're like, oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? Oh, my God. Really? Right. But then, I want you to know that there was a glimmer of hope, because that little fucking debut, tard, all of a sudden turns to him and goes, Slate, you can't just do stand up comedy. People work their whole lives for that. It takes a whole life's work to do something like that. You can't just up and do it. Oh, that was good. Good. I love that girl. I'm not gonna lie to you. I can't even, I was like, oh, my God. In the darkest moments of reality television, somewhere, somehow, one of them recognized that I am just slightly above reality star. Thank you. Gretchen on real. I'm Slate. Way to go. Way to go. But I swear me and my wife were like, there is hope. You know, it was like Starlight Express, you know, like a really gay musical. There is a lot at the end of the tunnel. You know, it's like a fucking black choir came out on roller skates. I was just, I never felt so hopeful in my life, and I owe it all to a real housewife of Orange County. Okay, when you walked in here, Russ, Toby, you're wearing the shirt here that says Maccabee beer. Yeah, Russ, you freaked out about it. Toby, what is the shirt? And then Russ, tell me why you freaked out. It's just a shirt I got in Israel. It's the one of the big beers over there. Oh, so you've been to the mother, the mother. You've been to your home. Did you go on your birthright? I did. That's what I said. Yeah, you fucking you, Julie, motherfucker. I know. I know. Oh my goodness. You know, I tried to go on the March of the Living when I was younger. I applied for it. It's more intense. Well, yeah, I mean, it's why I wanted to do something that is so upsetting. The March of the Living is where you, basically, go on the most upsetting walk any Jew could ever go on. You walk through all the concentration camps. Yeah, all that. Yeah. I mean, it's just the worst. It's just the worst thing you could ever. It's like, hey, would you like to take the worst, most upsetting hike ever? And I was like, yes, I would like to apply for that. Mm hmm. But obviously I was, you know, already like, you know, a disciplinary, you know, no, I could. So I wasn't going to get in. Okay, my grades were not qualified. I know. There's no way I was going to get in. But then a few years ago, my friends like, well, you fucking go do your fucking birthright. You're fucking alive. You should go do your birthright. And I was like, explain this to me. And he explained it to me. And I was like, I'd like to know. Yeah, explain it to us. Yeah, well, I'm going to have him explain. I want you to sort of because I don't think I could. I like traveling, getting my weed kit and doing little stand up gigs. But explain what what the birthright is. If if you're a Jew, they fly you to Israel. That's there and back. So here, the way it works is, you apply it. Actually, I had to apply like two or three times before I got in. And well, you didn't even do it on a whim. Like I was willing to do it on a web like birthright. And to feel like I'm going to get it. This is my year. It's kind of random. Like, it's not like you submit a, you know, a headshot and a resume or something like that. Eight by ten. You're Jew eight by ten. It's you. It's you with, you know, your bar best with your tallest like, hello, you need a recommendation from your mother. Yes. He's a very good boy. He thinks of his mother and he cleans up after himself. So basically, yeah, it's you go on like groups of like, maybe 20 people and there's different trip organizers. Like there's some that are like outdoor themed in the sun that are like religious. And there's a most of them are, I guess the one I did was just secular kind of mainstream. All right. And basically they fly in. They tore you around Israel for like 10 days. Okay, and then they fly out. And that was actually the first time I got to go to perform comedy in Europe because you can take the trip back. Like they want you to like move the trip back to paid flight change for it's like a hundred bucks and you can get it from whatever. So they want people to stay in Israel and find themselves there. All right, but I just, you know, pissed off and went to England. All right, cool. Stand up and then flew back to Israel and flew back to England. Wow. Where did you do stand up in England? In London. In London. And since then I've we were talking about the story, but I've performed a bunch of places in Europe. No, that's awesome. Well, when I saw it, is it, is it Maccabee beer or Maccabi beer? Yeah, Maccabi beer. Is it pronounced? I think it's Maccabi. Okay, cool. Well, the Maccabees are the baddest Jew army of all time. They're like the Jew 300. Yeah, they're like, you know, we are Spartan Berg and people don't realize they Hanukkah. You're welcome. Maccabees, you know, it was like kind of like a 300. It was a war holiday. Oh yeah, the oil is just like a sideshow to this. Well, Mel Gibson wants to make the fucking movie. That son of a bitch. Oh my God, make the Maccabee. Movie and we just talked about this last week. The rant he went off with the with the writer and how the thing wasn't done and we didn't know what the Maccabees was about. Now that makes now that they get they circle. Yeah, we only had enough oil for this amount of time. They were like, hey, Maccabees, you're gonna have to fucking, you know, go in fucking wreck house. Like when I was in Hebrew school as a kid, I went as a Maccabee soldier to whatever the fucking Hanukkah shit we had to do for our parents was, you know, and we had a song like, thumb, Maccabees, thumb, Maccabees. We are here. We are here. We are here to stay. It's very catchy. That was their jingle. I guess it was on Maccabee radio. Back then. They were the kings of the internet radio. All right, and they only had enough internet radio. The last of the internet radio, but Mel Gibson wants to make fucking the back of the movie. And I've been saying this for years. Ever since. We found out that obviously is like, there's fucking Jews and I could kiss my ass. Right? So ever since I found that out, I was like, wow, that explains all of his motivations during Braveheart. You know what I mean? Where he's like, all right, in this scene, I want you all to picture the English as a bunch of blood sucking Jews. All right, and then I want you to be like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why is that guy wanting to make? That fucking movie? Also, the Jews win. And the only reason he because he needs to kiss Al Jews asses so that he doesn't look like he's so that he can get back and get back on movies. I mean, I'm sorry, the Jews still control Hollywood in the sense of who was a good idea. Jodie Jodie Foster was the one who booked him. She wanted to get him on that. That movie. I saw a full film. Oh, it's really bad. Yeah, it's bad. It's awful. What movie? The Beaver. The Beaver. It's not what you think. Jodie Foster, the Beaver. It's not about. It's not about her sexual rep. Like a midlife crisis and then starts like communicating through two people through this puppet Beaver that he has on his hand. Yes, it's yes. Wow. It's a lot like a real Beaver except it's on its hand and it's a puppet. So right. So basically Jodie Foster's solution for Mel Gibson's comeback was for him to figure ass bag a Beaver and look like a crazy person. I mean, because he didn't even look like it. That's easy. That's easy for him. Well, it must be like, I mean, it sounds like a stoner comedy is what it sounds like. Yes, like if they had put Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg in that I would have watched comedy. It is a downer of a sad-ass film. I mean, there's there's no there barely any humor in it at all. Yeah, then it gets really sad. I remember. I mean, I only remember because I was watching it not only ironically but angrily. So I was being ironically angry while I was watching it. I mean, how do you actually feel about Mel Gibson? Like, jokes aside. I mean, do you feel that like I will tell you the truth absolute truth right here. Jew Jew and me. Okay, telling you the truth. I can watch Lethal Weapon one and two over and over again for the rest of my life and be a happy guy. Braveheart's one of the greatest movies anyone will ever watch in their motherfucking lives. Okay, so I want to thank Mel Gibson for that. Did you ever see? Otherwise, I'll fucking I will fucking kill you in the night. No, that's him. I will watch your movies over your fucking corpse. I mean, I can't all I can't say any ill about a lot of the movies. Yeah, I loved I love Braveheart. It was always one of my favorite movies, you know, I mean, he's a great movie star from our generation. I mean, I loved everything like if he did it, I was like fucking Mel Gibson and it must be good. Yeah, but like listen, you know, the classics are the class. I mean, what woman want I could just watch that. It's all the day. Oh, of course. I mean, I remember when you were like, hey, rush, you want to come over and watch what women want together? It's here on Netflix. And I was like, do I? Um, but no, I mean, like seriously, like I mean, some of his movies are so fucking good and like you'll never no one will ever top. Gary Busey, Mel Gibson, fire hydrant, fucking man to man, hand to hand brawl, front lawn, Danny Glover, his place. No one will ever top that. Even in that fucking Thor movie, which I, you know, I'm, you know, I'm a super nerd. I see Avengers signs. I almost get in a fucking accident because it's fucking I am in the whole class together because your friends, you know, like I just, I'm still like an 11 year old like, hey, you can write. I mean, I was super, super duper fucking nerd about that shit. But um, what was I saying? You're talking, we're talking about Mel Gibson and movies that you could. Actually, um, like about him. I'm sorry. Well, it was just what we think about Mel Gibson. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think about Mel Gibson? I fuck. I forgot what I was saying about the, the nerd movie. That was one. Yeah. I mean, I think he's a piece of crap. I mean, he's, he's awful person, but he makes good movies. And I mean, there's so many artists that are like, oh, that's what I was going to say. That Thor movie where at one point he's fighting in the rain in the mud with that big black dude. They should have fucking sent Gary Busey and fucking Mel Gibson and Richard fucking Donner a goddamn. Residual check every, every time that I rip off. Yeah, because I mean that those movies like with the weapon wanted to just set the template for like every, you know, that diehard one set the template for like every action movie we've seen since actually buddy cop films. I mean, it really is your, your blueprint. If you want to have a successful buddy cop film, watch those and just tweak it a little bit. You'll be fine. Although apparently Kevin Smith wasn't able to do that with cop out. No. And actually I was reading that section of his book where he's talking about Bruce Willis and how he was really difficult and he really thrashed and Kevin Smith said, I never really worked with a movie star before. Don't tell Ben Affleck. I think was the line, but like you said, he goes, even those guys were people that I came up with. And then when I was working with some of those independent actors, they were like, they were big, but they weren't movie stars like Bruce Willis, like is a movie star. You can buy and sell your entire family, you know, or whatever. And he said that I mean, you know, he really like Bruce Willis talked to him. Like a little fucking bitch. What good? I was gonna say like if Bruce Willis told me right now to like go in the middle of the 101 highway and 250 push-ups like right at the center of it, I would probably do it out of pure fear and respect. Because it's funny. We got to see Kevin Smith at the Orphan Theatre about a year and a half ago now. Oh cool. And it was one of his live shows where he's talking about that. And and he did mention how it's like Bruce Willis, those superstar actors when they're, on set, there's no directing them. They know what they're there to do and they're going to do it their way. And if you don't like it too bad, this is the guy you hired. And I mean he talked about how he did multiple takes to get just a simple look from Bruce Willis in that movie. And like after the fourth take he finally does it and as he's walking off the set because he's not going to do any more takes. He's like that was for you Kev and walked away and it's just like wow. I mean, I can see that like guys like Schwarzenegger, Stallone. These are guys who they're such big names. There's really no directing them. There's you can see why Stallone wants his own wheelhouse. Now. He's like look, I'm going to make this shitty movies. So if I'm going to make this shitty movies, I might as well make them. That's an exact translation and you know, but like with the Expendables and everything, but when you hire those people, that's why people are I will watch that movie because Bruce Willis is in it. I will fucking be at GI Joe 2 on opening. Fucking day. Because Bruce Willis is in it. I didn't even know. I didn't know that either. I went and saw surrogates with Carl just because Bruce Willis was in it. I was like, oh Bruce Willis like sci-fi action film sounds awesome. I can't wait to see it. He tried to beat the shit out of the director on that movie. I heard he I heard he hated the director and almost refused to do press entirely for that movie. Well, it wasn't very good. Well, check this out. Speaking of Bruce Willis. Okay. I was in that shitty movie surf school. Remember you guys have seen it. It was my first movie. I booked in Los Angeles and you'll you'll love this surf school is a fantastic tale where I played the gay Costa Rican surf announcer of the surf competition in the shitty surf movie. As you totally come across as Costa Rica. Of course, when you look at me, you think gay Costa Rican surf announcer. Okay. And the funny thing is my agents at the time sent me in to be the evil surf. Good-looking villain surf champion. Okay. Wow. So like I come in and I'm like, you know, hey losers, you're not winning the surf surf off this year loser, you know, like that's this is not going to work, but I was trying to make fun of it, I guess and he's like, I'll read this read this and then I sort of improv this gay Spanish thing with the announcer thing and I got into the movie. So they fly you to Costa Rica. I shoot the movie. The directors of fucking what was that? I have no idea. What did you break Russ? I didn't do it man. Director. No, we're going to get kicked out of the studio. No, no, it's your phone on the ground. Oh, it's my phone. Jake. I blame Jake. So the director is a total dick, right? We all have war stories from Sursco. I'm not going to get into all of those. Okay. And even though the movie was not successful here in America, it is on Netflix and it made a lot of money in Japan because there was a Japanese pop star in it. Okay. So in Japan, I am a wildly popular gay Latino act. Okay, a lot of work waiting for me. A lot of work over there. I'll get my own sitcom like, oh my God, man. I'm not on that. Okay. So the director is a total dick. So at one point before Sursco, he had made a movie called Supermodels Must Die, which is another terrible movie. Okay, but kidding. That sounds like it would be an awesome movie. How did I not see that? How did you miss that? And Brooke Burke was in it and Bruce Willis used to hit that. Yeah. Okay. Used to fucking put his John and her McClane, you know what I'm saying? With the vengeance. Samuel Jackson's there like Zeus motherfucker. And and so word of mouth. So word of mouth. So word of mouth. So word of mouth. So word on the street is he was a real dick to Brooke Burke. Okay. And one day he's at his house in Santa Monica and there's a knock on the door and he opens the fucking door. And there's John fucking McClane standing at the door. Just like hey, I heard about how you talking to my, you know, girlfriend and that's not going to work for me. And apparently like just grabbed him by his fucking, you know, and just fucking in Bruce Willis Whisper was like, I'm never going to let you come to Planet Hollywood ever again. You will not be allowed. So like, but I mean, apparently like, you know, scared the fuck. I mean, what would you do? Hey, you know that you've done something that is deserving of Bruce Willis showing up at your house. It's not like, what have I done to upset Bruce Willis? You know what I mean? Like, you know what you've done? You've opened the door and it's John McClane. And don't say, don't think you didn't use the people to see who it was out there. And you're like, oh my God, Bruce Willis open the door. And then you're like, oh shit, it's Bruce Willis. You do. Imagine if you look at the people and in that like fish eyelids is Bruce Willis. Like, you know, like fucking, you know, fucking looking at his fucking locket with a picture of civil shepherd. And I don't know, you know, like I would fuck. I swear to God, I would open the door and I would just be like, will you sign my Blu ray of dark? So like I, I mean, but it was like somebody told me that like years after I'd had the problem with that director, and it was like the most satisfying story. Cause I was like, you know what? John McClane, he delivers justice wherever it's needed. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I hit the mic. I would sort of be expecting like while he was at my door, just like the SWAT team to come crashing through the windows on repel ropes. Yeah. Like Kevin Spacey's in the helicopter negotiator and you know, James Gandolfini is like the rugged police chief. Like I'm sick of your shit. McClane, you know, I don't know. Like I just, I'm excited actually about die hard five. They cast somebody as his son. And do you know what the title is? No. And I'm curious as to who they cast as the son. It's a good day to die hard. Nice. Oh, Brent. Don't Brent. Your look of sadness is almost for some reason. I have a feeling. It's going to be somebody like Zac Efron is going to wind up playing. No, no, no, no. It's a, I forget who it is, but like a teenager star, or is he actually like an adult and he's just been like some good movies. I don't know. Somebody Google that shit. I forget his fucking name, but it's not me. The point is, it's not me. It's not you. Okay. So we're not okay. We're not totally see you playing Bruce Willis's son. I'm sorry. I don't understand why they didn't cast you. When you look at me, you think surf, surf champion. Indeed. You think gay, Costa Rican. You think, I don't know. Dancing with the stars one day. You know, every time I think a soldier, soldier. Thank you. And, and in case you don't remember our popular Maccabee jingle, it's the Mac, uh, bees, the Mac, uh, bees. We are here. We are here. We are here to stay. You're welcome. You're welcome. Every time I think of rescue, I think so rapable. Is that the clip you were playing? It has been on this week. Yes. Michael Jackson. So right. Cause I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, convinced. I'm convinced I was so adorable that if Michael Jackson had met me, he would have been like, hey, Russ, do you like the movie E.T.? Why don't you come over and watch it? You know, like, so rapable. I was so adorable. That is what always comes into my brain. Thank you. I think, I don't even remember if that's how the bit goes, but I mean, that's really where I knew the bit came from, but thank you. That's live in Philly. I really, I have to tell you, I still get notes about that DVD. We shot it in 2009 and it was one of those things, like, you know, one take and... We played a clip of it today. We played when you brought your brother Jonathan up on the stage. Oh my God. That's my favorite chapter for me. Oh my God. Making fun of my little brother was, like, when I started doing stand-up when I was 19 in 1999, so a lot of my material, even though it's evolved back to being about my family and my real life, it really started about my family and about my little brother, because my little brother is kind of like a... It's kind of like twins. Like, I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger and he's like, you know, Danny DeVito, you know, and that's bad. If I'm the Arnold Schwarzenegger, okay, so... And Jake has met my brother. He is a character wrapped in an enigma, you know, wrapped in a David Lynch, you know, hairdo. It's a sight to be seen and, you know, talks kind of like this and listens to hip-hop and he's like, yo, where the ladies at? Where the bitches in this? You know, Jay Gutten in here like a... Like a boss, you know, and so even back in the day, like, I had a whole, you know, whole routine about him, sticking him in the dryer when I was a kid, because I used to torture him. I used to torture him. And I've told the dryer story on here, and I know that was in that clip. And, you know, I've been with my brother quite a bit lately, because I moved home. And it's just so funny how you revert back to exactly how he was, because, like, he was always protective of, like, his shampoo. He's always like, hey, Russell, don't touch my herbal essence shampoo. It's my herbal essence shampoo. I bought that shampoo. It's mine. You know, and I know it sounds a little like Cartman, but that's how it sounded. And so I was staying at my parents' house, and all of a sudden my phone rings. I go, hey, John, what's up? And he goes, hey, Russ, you staying at mom's house tonight? And I was like, yeah, why? Don't touch my ex. Body lotion. Okay? It's my ex body lotion. It's my ex body wash. I like to smell a certain way. I don't like people to smell like me, you know, or whatever. And I was like, what? Did I just take the time machine back to 1997? Holy shit. And also, do you think that I would use the ex body wash? I'm married. Okay? What married guy is like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, the wife prefers me in the ex body body wash. So I could smell like a douchey nightclub guy getting a donut after not getting any. Like this. No. Okay, so I found out the guy who was cast as the son in the new Die Harder, his name is Jai Courtney. Right, and what was he just in? He's the star of that show Spartacus? Yes. Okay. Yes. I think he's really, I mean, he's really good. He's really good casting. He's, you know, he's that show is pretty badass. I mean, it's a shame what happened to the original star passed away. But they did a really good job of transitioning the show and everything. So whoever that showrunner is, somebody get that motherfucking guy a fucking soy-free latte or whatever the fuck because he fucking deserves it. So what else are you doing here in Southern California, man? I understand you got a trip down to San Diego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to San Diego tonight. I don't know if you've heard about there's a grant, brand new, shiny, brand new custom-built comedy club right in the Gaslamp Quarter in downtown San Diego called the American Comedy Company. And a buddy of mine I know from back in Jersey is also one of the people that helped got it started. And it's just obviously in the best location known to man in San Diego because the stadium is built into there. All the restaurants and bars there are just killer. Like, if you can't find a kind of beer in the Gaslamp Quarter with all those micro-brews, then you are fucking doing it wrong because literally every beer on the earth... Then you don't like beer. Yes, well, I'm allergic to it, but I'm... Everyone I go with, you know, you know, is like, you know, they're like, you got an IPA, you got a... made with berries, you know, like all this fucking beer shit. I mean, so I love the Gaslamp Quarter. I've gone down there to see Philly's Padres weekend, and it's just the best. So I'm at the American Comedy Company tonight at 8 o'clock. So if you're in San Diego, it's 10 bucks tonight. It's usually, I think, 20 on the weekends or depending on who the headliner is. I know this weekend is Drew Carey all weekend. So they already have really great headliners, so I'm really lucky to sort of sneak in there tonight. I called them like, you know, hey guys, I'm coming to town. This is, you know, can I get in tonight? And then Friday, I'm going to that Clorox finale. And over the weekend, my buddy Clark, Dr. Clark Parkhurst, who is the co-host, co-host of my podcast, Allergic to Guten, Allergic to Guten, which you guys have been really supportive of. We are going to do a season two. We promise. But it's kind of like a Ricky Gervais thing where we just do it once in a while because we're never able to get into the same place. But his band, Fancy Mansion, is playing on Saturday. We're going to that. And I'm working on this really cool writing gig I was telling you about off the air that I'm going to come on and plug as soon as everything is online next month. So that's also keeping me busy. We're shooting that pilot on Monday. So I'm really busy. And then I'm right back to it on the East Coast. I'm going to be performing in New York on May 12th at Coyote Average, which is a really great showcase in New York. And, you know, just... And also, I guess, the other thing I would tell you about, Mr. Jake, because you guys have been supportive of Gangsta Pella, which is my other... That's coming along. My other persona, Russ Double Time Guten, the leader and founder of Gangsta Pella, the world's first gangsta rap acapella group of all white people in one Asian samurai beatbox, who formed the Fellowship of the Bling, okay, and defeat Osama Ben Affleck and the Elf Kayeda Network to save New Jersey, hip-hop, the tri-state area, and planet Earth, in that order, okay, from the haters. All right? And we live in my mom's basement in Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and Fort Lee, New Jersey. We have been rehearsing again. I'm really excited about all the new stuff we're doing. I'll send you an audio clip of the last take of rehearsal. Dude, the last thing you played for me was pretty badass. I'm really, really excited. We're doing a really cool song. That song by Flo Rida, Good Feeling. But, really, the band will be on stage. We get in an argument, and the one character, Frederico, who just has an amazing voice, played by Joe Trombino, who's the lead singer of this great band in the New York City. The Great Apes. He comes out and basically explains that the first time he got the good feeling in his pants was for Florida, J.J. Walker's mama, on Good Times. So, we break into that Flo Rida song, and it's all about all the TV moms we wanted to bone, and then Elemental Pleasure, the bassist of the group, he does this whole part like, let's get him. And he's this really hefty guy, and he really does this pelvis, I mean, it's a really, it's gonna be really detrimental to children and families. So, that's why I really love doing Gangstapella, because stand-up, we can work clean, we can work dirty, but it's kind of our own wheelhouse. With Gangstapella, I get to sort of go totally hard R, you know, say whatever I want, and sing the word fuck and bitches and hoes in perfect six-part harmony. So, we're gonna be... Yeah, so you can go to gangstapella.tumblr.com, and you can see a preview of what the newer arrangements are gonna be in some older videos, and then our first appearance will be May, June in New York, and then we hope to come to LA in the fall. So, just Russ Gutten and Gangstapella are, you know, hitting the bricks hard, you know, because my son Rocco's at home, and I just want to take this one last moment, because I see the countdown, to say I really appreciate everything Grand Theft Audio has done, you know, for me and my career, and especially Mr. Belcher and his wife for helping me and my wife get out of that apartment sound safe and quickly, because we had like a 72-hour window to get all of it done, and to pack up our life of eight years into this tiny closet-sized space. So, I just, I cannot thank you enough. Well, speaking for the show, I don't think we can ever do enough for you. I mean, I hold you in the highest of esteem, dude, and we really appreciate you spending some of your time down and hanging out with us. Really love it when you do get back here, and hopefully the next time you're back in, we'll have you back in here, too. Oh, absolutely, and I hope that we get to do the live thing next time. I hope that the schedule works out that way, and I'll try to plan it with you guys, and me and Brother Luke can come through. Hurricane Curry can touch down, and then it could be followed by, you know, I don't know, Hurricane Guten. Hurricane's, what's the... Typhoon Lagoon? Yeah, Typhoon Guten. Tropical Storm Guten. And Toby, any appearances we can tout for you? I'm running a show on Friday at Rock Paper Coffee on Sunset Boulevard. Oh, cool. Nice. And then I'll be at the Comedy Store in London on May 10th. Really? Oh, sweet, man. I really can't wait to go to London. You know, just some great comics have come through there. And also, and through the Comedy Store, like Cole Parker. Do you know Cole Parker? No, I don't. All right. Well, he's a funny, funny bloke. We all have to mate. All right. Where can people, like, learn more about you? Do you tweet or any of that jazz? Yeah, I do all that stuff. TobyTheComic.com. It's got my Twitter and all that. Everything you can find through there. All right. Excellent. I refuse. You refuse? I refuse. No, I will follow you. I will follow you because you wear a Maccabee beer shirt. No, and also, obviously, www.R-U-S-G-U-T-I-N.com RussGuten.com Big shout out to Johnny Stash, Jesse Palmer, Blaze the Blade, for letting me email him in the middle of the night and update it all the time. And RussGuten, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr. We also want to remind people to go out to facebook.com forward slash GrandTheftAudio. Follow us on there. Check out upcoming guests. We know we have a badass one tomorrow. Brent, who do we have in? Tomorrow, in the second hour, we're going to have George Wendt, Norm from Cheers. Whoa! Really? So that'll be pretty awesome. Oh, my God. I'm looking forward to it. I'm a Cheers maniac. Cheers maniac. Well, you'll be coming back from San Diego, so I don't think you'll get a chance to meet him. If you get here by 10 o'clock, you can. I will be here by 10 o'clock. Hey, also, big shout out to Skid Row Studios. Really nice place, isn't it? Holy shit. Bill Hicks on the walls and all the great paintings. To you, I love you. Sonia? I think she's been listening to you all week. I know you have at least one new fan. She sent me a great message yesterday, and I just want a big shout out to you. It always makes my day, and you do a great job. This is a fucking killer studio. All right, so this is Jake Belcher. I'm Brant Thoman. Along with our guests. Russ.