Interview with Lance Winery, plus May Day and MTV Awards talk

Okay, so Burning Man has kind of a code. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Will you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Okay. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Brant Thoman. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. Right on time. You are right on time for Grand Theft Audio Radio. This is Jake Belcher. And I'm Brant Thoman. And we thank you for tuning in for another exciting episode of Grand Theft Audio. SkidRowStudios.com here in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. It's going to be an awesome show for you guys today. We have a lot of things to kick off our new month here. We start in May. We're now starting into our second month, technically, at Skid Row Studios. That's pretty exciting. And it is May Day. May Day. May Day. The first day of May. And it's kind of a gray May Day here in Los Angeles. Yeah. It is definitely a overcast May Day. Indeed. I guess it'll probably be like this for a couple of days, but then we're going to get into the time of the year that I hate the most. I hate that summer. It just makes me feel like I want to melt every second of every day. Indeed. And never gets cool enough to sleep at night. Can't stand it. So I shall enjoy this overcast, pretty cool morning. Yes. I guess other people who will enjoy being out there today, we have a, I guess there's a lot of like protests and strikes. Lots of marches. There's several marches, both the Occupy LA march is going on and then the May Day marches themselves, which are usually have to do with the local economy, especially with jobs and finding people who are asking for help with finding work. And I mean, in a sense, it's like trying, this is the, this is the, the usual May Day marches when you get, you know, 10 to 30,000 people out there marching the streets of downtown Los Angeles, just kind of making people aware that, you know, there are still people who are out there, you know, hurting economically right now. Yeah, definitely are. But there's also a bunch of piggybackers on this too. People who decided that they're going to take it on as like their cause and their day. There was a, like the big immigration rallies have traditionally been here on May 1st. Yep. They're asking, I know that there's a lot of signs out there in regards to like the DREAM Act, asking President Obama to once again, try to push that through Congress and get that made into a law. But what is your stance on the, on the DREAM Act where, you know, illegal immigrants who have come here, but serve time in the military or get a master's degree in college, earn their citizenship with that? Those seem like the type of people we want to have in our country. I would agree. The people who are opposed to it seem to think that, these are people who would then wind up taking jobs away from Americans. But they become Americans. They have more time in our military than they already have. So you're a little bit too late on that one. Right. They're taking the jobs that we don't want. Yeah, that's true. I don't want to go in the army. Yeah, me either. You know what? At this point, the army, I don't think, no longer wants me. I don't know what the cutoff age is for it. I think it's like 37. I'm finally past that. Now I can. No, excuse me, 34. 34. We've been past it for a couple of years. 34 is the oldest you can get. That's only the Marines. The Marines are the, the last ones that'll let you in. If you're really dumb, ready to kill yourself, 37, I guess you can still join the Marines. Okay, but yeah, we are into May here. And I do get kind of pissed off that they take this, the May Day, which is supposed to be for, like, doing things for your neighbors, looking out for your fellow dudes, and for them to take these on as like their own personal crusade days, because Occupy is going to do a bunch of their protests today. Started off just in Pasadena on my way over here. Yeah, on my way over here. Yeah, on my way over here. On my way over here. On my way over here on the Gold Line at the Lake Station. There were a good 20 people standing there with banners and signs saying we are the one, we are the 99%. It just seems weird that, like, this is a day where there's already a big rally usually scheduled. Yeah. And who do they think they're going to, like, get away from that rally to come join theirs? There's only so much news coverage in a day. It just makes sense to me, like, May 2nd. Right. Why not just do it on the day after? Well, from what I understand, they're headed down to the financial district. Because they want to try and shut down the financial district by 3 o'clock. What time is our bus out of downtown LA today? No, we're a ways away from it. It's going to be down Broadway between Temple and Olympic is the main thoroughfare. Sure, a few blocks away, that's pretty far away. Yeah. I mean, it's closer than Tucson. Right, right. And it's, it won't affect, getting out of here, we shouldn't have a problem. The trains, I don't think, are going to be affected by the march because they're all going to be up on the ground. And then we're going to be coming into LA. Right, and we're going out out of it. Okay, so, you know, we're talking about May Day. There are a lot of other events that are supposed to be celebrated this month, this week, and this day. So, this is a list of events that are celebrated in May. So, holidays and like, both national and awareness months, heritage months. Okay. Because everybody knows that Black History Month is February. But, I don't think that everybody knows that Asian American Heritage Month is May. I did not know that. You don't see a lot of coverage on that. Here's something that I could probably use this morning. It's Better Hearing and Speech Month. Okay. How about Borderline Personality Disorder Month? Wow. Brain Tumor Awareness Month? Well, I am aware that there are brain tumors out there. Okay. Good. I'm aware. I'm already celebrating the month properly. We also have one that's not good around me, Clean Air Month. You will get some smoke in the air when I'm around. Yeah. We have Creative Beginnings Month, which this is almost being celebrated right now. Exactly. This is a creative beginning month, creative beginning to this month for us. We have Family Wellness Month, which I guess is probably a good thing. Wow. Okay, now. Okay, now that's just the beginning. Now, maybe we'll get into a couple more of these. Are these nationally recognized months? Yes. Okay. Jesus. Dude, we're not even halfway through it. I mean, we are probably about 30 to 40 away from what sounds wonderful to me. This is also National Hamburger Month. I want to celebrate every day. Having a hamburger. Yeah. Some place different. I can eat a hamburger every day at a different restaurant. Maybe that's the one that I'm going to take on and adopt as my own. Okay, so for like weeks, there are a couple of them that start up today. This is Bread Pudding Recipe Exchange Week. Hey, Brant, would you like my bread pudding recipe? Sure, dude, and I will find mine and exchange it with you. When you get bread pudding, throw it in the garbage. I don't like it. Really? That is my bread pudding recipe exchange. All you have to do is add hefty sack. Okay. Okay. We've also got, for those people out there who hate your jobs, we have Update Your References Week. Interesting. You know, you got to be ready for when your boss comes over and he wants to tell you one more time, like, you better stay late this week, Johnson. I know that you have a wife and kids, but to support someone to treat you like crap. We're going to need you to work this weekend. Yeah. Yeah, nobody wants that. No. There's a whole bunch of them that start later in the week. I mean, we'll kind of throw these out every couple of days. Okay. Okay, now there's, these are the events that are only celebrated on this day. Okay. We know we started off with May Day. Right. We also have some of the more well-known ones, like today is Loyalty Day, where you're supposed to show your loyalty to your friends, and that one makes some sense to me. It is also, um, Batman Day. Sweet. So that's pretty awesome. Yeah, it is pretty awesome. Uh, is it Amtrak Day? Hey, we, we, we go by Union Station every day, and there's lots of Amtrak. And this one, uh, doesn't make anybody happy. Childhood Depression Awareness Day. That is, that's, that's, wow, way to bring down the day. I know, man. Everything else has been so positive. I should have had Batman afterwards. We would have bounced back. Well, I don't know. It just certainly seems like, why would anyone want to, with all those awesome days for this day already? To, to make this Childhood Depression Day. Okay, it's also, uh, Keep Kids Alive Day. That's a good one. So, I mean, those kind of balance, balance each other out. Keep those depressed kids alive day. How about, um, Global Love Day, man? Sweet. I totally dig that. Another of the more well-known ones is today is Law Day. It's the day that you're encouraged to, um, Break the law? To look into what laws have recently been passed in your area, to brush yourself up on, um, what you are allowed and what you're not allowed to do. Uh, it's also Lay Day. Like Hawaiian lays? Yeah. Like, you should drive, go around and get some flowers on your chest. Uh, we have, um, Mother Goose Day. Okay. Which is not all that exciting. How about, uh, National Dance Day? Okay. That's not as, as exciting to you? Meh. I don't dance. Yeah, that's true. I, I don't, yeah, it's rare that I've seen you dance. It, it does not happen. Uh, we have, um, New Homeowners Day, which, which I'm probably never gonna get to celebrate. We have, uh, School Principal Day. All right. I have no idea what the Silver Star is today. I kind of want to find out just because who doesn't love silver stars? Uh, so, uh, the last two for the, for, uh, that are only celebrated today are, um, World Asthma Day. Okay. Which sounds awful. Yeah. Until you realize what the last one is. It is Stepmother's Day. Right on. Yeah. I, I'm sure that most people would say, oh, no, I'd rather have a, a stepmother than asthma. Hey, you know what? This doesn't even make any sense. I think we should, okay, we won't do it today. Maybe we'll find some time in the next couple of episodes to figure out how to tell people what the day is, like, tomorrow so that they can prepare adequately. Right. So tomorrow being the second, yeah, we'll have to look up and then we'll be able to, to, uh, uh, tell people what, what the next day is going to be. What we're gonna, what Awareness Day that is. Here's what we can do. We can tell them what tomorrow's is and then remind them what today's is. It's, we're, we should probably start today. Okay. Because there's only two of them for tomorrow. It makes it nice and easy. Right. Tomorrow we have Robert's Rules of Order Day. So that's when you're supposed to, um, look at, like, the proper way of treating people and the right way of, um, of conducting your business and your life and you should look into your, um, like, the order that you keep in your life. Mm. Uh, the other part of tomorrow is the Great American Grump Out. Now, what is that? Okay, I would think that based upon, um, um, grumping out, it's like, um, the grump out, okay, here, here's, here's our official site and what they say that you need to do. The grump out asks for all you sourpusses to suck it up and refrain from getting your grump on for 24 hours. This includes no grumping, no frowning, no grousing, complaining, punching, slapping, hitting, or killing for one whole day. I like the idea of no killing for one whole day. All the rest sound good too, but that's, that's a really good one. But what if, like, the only thing that makes me happy is killing? You can't suck it up for one day? Mmm, well, I might have to grouse or complain. Mmm, see, but you can't. You gotta, you gotta keep your, you gotta keep your grump off. Okay. Not get your grump on. There is no way that, um, we could actually maintain our way through that entire day, like, without grousing and complaining about something. I mean, being on the air, like, you can't just agree with everything that comes up. Well, I don't think that's bringing our grump, though. I don't think we're being grumpy about it. We're just being, or we could grouse about it. Yeah. I mean, tomorrow, one of our guests is, um, Max Hardcore, who's a legendary porn dude. Yeah. I can't imagine him coming in here and being like, um, oh, yeah, um, I'm banging all these teenies and I feel like, well, whatever he's gonna talk about, and we just sit there the whole time like, yeah, buddy, like, this, I think, I'm just gonna be happy and not complain about anything that you say. Well, you're probably gonna enjoy the interview very much. Yeah, I think it'll be fun. Yeah. Um, do you think you could make it the whole day? Oh, hell no, not in my industry. As soon as, like, somebody asks for extra coffee? No, no, no, dude, it's, it's, it's never like that. It's, it's the, it's the double timing stuff where people will ask for something, uh, and you, you bring it to the table and then, then the, the other person who wanted the exact same thing but didn't think about it until it had arrived the first time asks for it, so I gotta go back and do it again. I mean, a lot of my time is wasted because I feel I have to constantly go back and forth for tables because they know what they want. Just tell me what you want and I'll make sure I bring it, but I can't read your mind on everything. So when you're gonna ask for a side of salsa to go with your breakfast, ask for it when you're ordering it so I can make sure it's on the plate, boom, and I don't have to go back and get it for you. Yeah, in fairness to that person, sometimes I go someplace and salsa automatically comes. Like, how do I know if you're a restaurant? Okay, I'm not, I'm not a Mexican, I don't work at a Mexican restaurant, so it doesn't automatically come with anything other than a couple of dishes, yes, but those are, it specifies that on the menu. I'm just saying, read your menu. If you see something and look, when I go and look at a menu, I look at everything there so if I see something that looks good off of one dish, I can potentially put it on another. If I see that there's a dressing that I'm gonna like better on a salad. You are insufferable to go to a restaurant with. I know, I know I am. You are meticulous, you go after every little detail in the place. What is the big pet peeve that really always throws you off when you see it at another restaurant? Let's see, biggest pet peeve at other restaurants. I've only gone to a couple restaurants in the last couple of months, honestly. Is it because it's just so unpleasant for you to go to them and have to like, in your mind, like, okay, so when I threw parties, every party I went to, I would be like, oh man, they're doing that wrong, they're doing that wrong. That's unfortunately, I think what I wind up doing is I'm too critical because I have my own standards that I try to abide by but at the same time, I always, I also try to make it as easy on the server that I'm going to be taking care of by knowing exactly what I want. Is there some like, professional pride that servers take amongst how they treat other servers? Like, I'm going to tell this guy everything in one shot and he doesn't even have to come back. I think it's just something that we're used to doing. I think that most servers do when they go out try to make sure that they, ideally, when you're going out to eat, you want to be disturbed by the server. And I say disturbed like, you might be in the middle of a conversation and they want to just make sure that the food's okay. That's not disturbing but it's interrupting. You want to have as few interruptions in your meal with your friends as possible. But that becomes more and more difficult as people are asking for more and more stuff. I just feel it's like when I go out, I want that server to be here to take my order, drop off stuff, bring the food. If there's anything else we need when he checks back at one point, great, and come back 20 minutes later just in case there's anything else, at the very least. So, I mean, that's how I try to handle my tables. But, you know, it's just, I don't know. I know I'm insufferable to be with at a restaurant. I'm very critical of the service that I get. It's crazy. I mean, you just, because for most people, a restaurant is a place you go to get away from like your stuff and like that's where your relaxation time is. And you don't have to do any of the cooking or any of the BS yourself. It's why I like going to like more hole-in-the-wall places these days. Like I went down to, you know, last night I got to go down to the doghouse on Hill. I've heard of it. How was it? It was amazing. They use Hawaiian rolls. This is Hill and Pasadena, right? Yeah, Hill and Pasadena. I believe it's just near Union. I don't remember if it's right on Union or, but it's right by there. And I had this spectacular chili cheese dog with Frito, crunched, crackled Fritos on top of it. Regular Fritos or chili cheese Fritos? Regular. Okay. Just delicious, still delicious as it was. And then it, they use Hawaiian rolls as their buns. So they're soft and warm and that little sweetness with everything. That does sound good. It was absolutely wonderful. So, you know, it was the first time I had a chance to go there. Is it like a sit down restaurant with like a service? Well, you go up and you order it and you sit down at a, at a, like at a table and they'll bring it out to you. You know, you walk up and order at a counter and they'll bring it out to you. It's kind of like, almost like going to a Sizzler where you go up there and order everything and then they bring it to your table. So, but better than Sizzler, much better. Delicious. It's better than Sizzler? Yes. Incredible. Okay, one thing that we also wanted to make sure that we celebrate, we made a special stop this morning because we saw a sign that we could not resist. Yes. At 7-Eleven, Tuesdays are Taquito Tuesdays. Oh shit, what does Taquito Tuesday mean? That means all taquitos are just one dollar. One dollar? One dollar. Well, I couldn't resist. I couldn't either. I got myself the potato, bacon, and cheese taquito which now is cold because it's been 25 minutes and wow, we'll see how it is. Mmm. Hot, it would be delicious. It barely looks like a taquito to me. It does not have the crunchiness that you would expect from a taquito. Mm-hmm. Like that fried corn tortilla shell. Well, dude, I got one of those too because they did look irresistible to, you know, the skit. Well, the sign, especially if you're going to sell them for a buck, I'm willing to try, give you a buck to try something like this once. I don't, I don't know if I'll go back. I may have to have it when it's like right off that rolling griddle. Well, I'm going to save mine for our first musical break of the day. This is our musician, oh, hold on, uh-oh. Oh, good, thanks. You cut that for me? Thank you. I got to find the stupid file that's in there. There we go. So anyways, stop it. This is our band of the week called The Future in 1989 and they will be in on Thursday for an interview and to premiere a brand new song that they've remixed. Dig it. We'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.!!! Go on. I question the existence of God and curse him in his son's name. Jesus Christ. That's right. Can there be no relief from life's daily struggles for someone like me? It seems doubtful. All I need is one reason not to slice my wrists and donate my body to necrophiliacs. Ah, the old commit suicide and donate your body to the sex perverts dilemma. We have all been there. Have we? Sure we have. I have hope for you, stranger. Let me tell you my tale. Okay. Not too long ago I was a mess. No direction in life. Casually working my way across Vegas eating dirty diapers found in one trash can or another, shooting Drano into my veins for a cheap high, masturbating with bags of thumbtacks. Bags of thumbtacks? Yes. I just needed to see if I could still feel. I heard a voice in my head. It told me to go to Los Angeles and find something really, really tall to jump off of and end my life. Splat. Was it the voice of God? Probably. Anyways, I had to give 18 BJs to hitchhike from Vegas to LA. No friends, no family, no loved ones, just me and the belief that I would end it all by killing myself by jumping off a bridge. Suicide, just like me. Except for the fact that I was a little bit scared. I was scared for the thumbtacks part. Yes, except for the thumbtacks. As I stood on the bridge looking down at the 300-foot plunge that would bring death's sweet relief, I heard other words flood my brain. Was it the voice of God? No, no, no. It was from a car radio speeding past me. What did you hear? I heard the voices of three friends that I knew could pull me through to happiness and fulfillment. I heard the radio show Grand Theft Audio. Grand Theft Audio Radio? Yes. What was it? It was a radio show. It was a radio show. With the kings of internet radio, Jake, Brent and Carl. Ever since they first entered my ears they have changed my life. I am happy now. Even though I know that not one single soul on this planet cares for me, I know that for at least a few hours a week I can pretend that I have friends. Sounds magical. And they have friends. Celebrity friends. Like Cheech and Chong, Mike Maron, Paul F. Tompkins. Wow, amazing. But, I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. I don't know what they're doing. Bobcat Goldwaite, Bret Ernst, Matt Walsh, Russ Gutin. Wow, even Uncle Russ? Yes, even Uncle Russ. But that's not it. So many other stars too and they were always there for me to hang out with. Sounds pretty expensive. No. These men are like angels, slutty angels, just giving it away for free. Free? Even I can afford that? Yes, we all can. So how do I find this life-altering happiness? Go to girls grandtheftaudioradio.com and listen anytime. New shows, old shows, and how to thank them for being so generous with their jokes and companionship. I will do it. I will go to grandtheftaudioradio.com and start truly living today. Would you first like to try my bag of thumbtacks? No. Come on, it really makes you feel like you are alive. Pass. I think I will just go to grandtheftaudioradio.com and see how that works out for me. Your loss, more thumbtack loving for me. I have to go now. You are freaking me out. I understand. The world looks down on a man who can't kick his spiky metal love addiction. May Grand Theft Audio Radio be with you, my friend. May Grand Theft Audio Radio also be with you, friend. May Grand Theft Audio. but it's always fun to listen to. It's my favorite promo piece. There's no doubt. Especially when we have a shorter track for our break but I can't wait to get those guys in studio on Thursday. Yeah, it'll be great. It should be badass. I want to apologize to our listeners and to you, Jake. I'm not the chipper person I usually am because I am suffering from a pretty severe toothache at this point and it doesn't help that my soda is unfun because it does not have enough of this flavorful syrup that makes Mountain Dew what it is. That is the clearest Mountain Dew I've ever seen. Yeah, it's a big disappointment. So, it's just, you know, I'm not getting the caffeine I need. I'm not getting the sugar I need. And, you know, those help with the pain in the tooth that I've got. So, I'm going to have to get that taken care of. Lucky me. Yeah, Western Daniel, my friend. No, I've had some friends who've had some very bad. You'll break your teeth out for very little. Yeah, I guess if it's for an extraction, you're probably right. Just want to rip it out of your head. Yeah, just get it out and make it stop, please. Hey, have you seen this bloody stump that came out of your mouth? Hey. Hey, I can keep it with the other ones I have. Well, you got a collection going, do you? When I had my wisdom teeth extracted, they were actually able to just extract them. They didn't have to smash them and blow them out. And you kept them? I asked if I could. I said, do you guys still have them? He's like, yeah. Do you want them? I said, yeah, I want my wisdom teeth. That's awesome. Did they, like, clean them up for you? No, they were washed off. And, I mean, they're teeth that just never grew in. So, I mean, it was minor surgery. Are they all gnarly looking? No, not at all. They look like really large molars. Like, larger than the ones I have in my mouth currently. They're very, I guess, long. And I don't mean, like, in, like, sharpness or anything. Just in, like, the length of them. The surface area. I guess I've seen them, but mine are still in my head, so I feel lucky. I mean, not that there's any damage. Have they grown? Did they ever grow in, or are they still just? I think they're just kind of hanging out. Okay, cool. Relaxing. Lucky you. They'll probably jump up someday. I've had to have multiple teeth extracted. When I got my braces years ago, they had to take out four teeth. That was not fun. 13 years old and waking up with your mouth just in a tremendous amount of pain and filled with gauze to absorb all the blood. It was just one of the most unhappy days of my life. I'm really sorry to hear that, man. But, hey, that was, like, 25 years ago now. So, thank God it was back then. Now just get this one gone. Anyway, let's get on to something a little more fun. You posted a story for us to go over. Oh, yeah, that's right. So, useless award season is... In full effect. It never ends, right? There's always a kid's choice. It means nothing. There's always a Spike's golden god. There's the SBs. There's the Golden Globes. One of the bastards that started off all of that was the MTV Movie Awards. Yes. I mean, that definitely was, like, the precursor to every second rate, third rate, no rate at all cable station putting out their own awards. Yep. But, you know what? 21 years ago when this thing first started, it kind of was a big deal to be recognized by MTV because they were actually more relevant in pop culture. I mean, they were playing music. They were playing music videos. It was actually a music television station. And they were also, at that point, just beginning to experiment with reality TV. So, it was a hot thing when it got started. Now it just seems like it's just another people's choice for kids. It is a people's choice award anyway. The fans are the ones who vote. So, it's just another... People's choice award. Whoop-de-doo. But it used to me, to me, be a much cooler award. Now the award to me is like the MTV Movie Awards or the MTV shit I'm going to avoid and never watch awards. Yeah. All these things that are up for all these things. I'm never going to see them. I'm not going to see the Twilight movies. There's just no way. No. Never going to happen. You know, I have rarely seen any of the Harry Potters. I think I've seen three of the eight of them. And both of those were just because I thought I was going to get laid. But at the end of the night, it wasn't because I really... Right. Oh, my God. I have to see the Harry Potters. Those are things that mean nothing to me. I guess the help was one that I should probably be browbeaten into seeing. Maybe. You should be a more sensitive person if you see the help and then you know what their struggle is. Yeah. Because I think that's what the point of that film is, right? Maybe. I don't know. I really didn't show any interest in seeing the film in the first place. I didn't read the book. Sorry. Okay. Not enough action. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Our big award is movie of the year. Of course. You got Bridesmaids. Nice. The Hunger Games. Okay. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. Yes. The final chapter and all of that. And both the aforementioned The Help and Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1. Awesome. Part 1. There's only one movie in there that I would even see. And I already saw it and it sucked. These choices are awful. Certainly sounds like it. I mean, what would you vote for in there if you had to vote for it? I would vote for one of those. I really like Deathly Hallows 2. This was, you're right, this is Deathly Hallows 2. So that would be your vote? I think so. Of the ones that you mentioned there. I mean, Bridesmaids was funny. But again, it's what I liked about, you know, I read all the Harry Potter books and I have seen all the movies. And I really liked the way they finish it off. They did the book pretty good justice. There were very few little minor omissions that I was disappointed, that never kind of come out of the book. I think it's a good book. I think it's a good book. I think it's a good book. I think it's a good book. I think it's a good book. I think it's a good book. But there's no doubt in my mind that at some point, Harry Potter will be back and we'll see them all again. But like, how? Because they're out of books and they should just die. She said that she's not going to. She's pretty old, right? I don't think so. I think she's only in her late twenties. her early 50s at the most. Dang. But there's too much money to be made. How did you not write a Harry Potter sequel 10 years from now when the boys are grown up and they're about to graduate from school and there's a new evil wizard who's coming out after you? I know she said she's not going to write anymore. This is an evil wizard from the streets. Yeah, he's an evil wizard from the streets. From America, yo. We finally got our first American wizard. Yeah, we could use him. Not those ones on Waverly Place. That stuff sucks. I don't know. It's just a kid's TV show on Disney that I see advertised way too often. I've never really tried to actually force myself to watch it. Okay, so female performer of the year. Okay. You have Emma Stone from Crazy Stupid Love. Okay. Emma Watson from the Harry Potter. Okay. Jennifer Lawrence from The Hunger Games. Uh-huh. Kristen Wiig from Bridesmaids. Uh-huh. And Rooney Mara from The Girl with the Dragon. Well, I haven't seen The Girl with the Dragon tattoo, so I don't exactly know if I could... I don't know. I'll go with the first Emma. I don't... Emma number one, could you please step out? It's Emma Stone from Crazy Stupid Love. There we go. Something I've never heard of and I'm never going to see, but I don't know. I'm just not going to happen. Male performance, Channing Tatum from The Vow. Ooh. Whoa, whoa. No. Wait. Does that happen every time I say Channing Tatum? Channing Tatum? Channing Tatum? Ooh. Yeah, there you go. See, it happens when anyone says it. Amazing. Daniel Radcliffe from the Harry Potter. Right. Joseph Gordon-Levitt from Fitty Fitty. Which one's 50-50? The cancer one with... Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's going to be him. Josh Hutcherson from The Hunger Games. Mm-hmm. And Ryan... Gosling from Drive. No, the one from 50-50. 50-50? Yeah. The story of half of an half. I don't know. Okay, we got... Then they get their dumb categories. Yeah, let's go through some of the really ridiculous categories. Okay. Best Kiss. Oh, goody. Okay. Once again, Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams from The Vow. Okay. Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson from The Hunger Games. Uh-huh. Which I really... It is growing on me the more I see how much MTV has respect for in every category. It's amazing. I think they've been nominated in everything I've seen so far. You have Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart from The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1. Mm-hmm. And Rupert Grint and Emma Watson from Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. Well, I think... You don't even know those two got together. That's a spoiler for me, man. Yeah. The ginger... Gross. The muggle. Gross. I don't... A muggle's okay. Like, I'm down with the muggles, but I am not down with the gingers. The last in that category is Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. Jesus. And look, once again, Harry Potter. I think Harry Potter's been in every single one of the ones we've done so far, too. How about gut-wrenching performance? Yeah, let's hear that one. Jonah Hill and Rob Riggle from... From 21 Jump Street. Okay. All the chicks from Bridesmaids. I'm not going to list them off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the chicks. I mean, this show's only two hours long. Ryan Gosling from Drive. Bryce Dallas Howard from The Help. The Help! And Tom Cruise from Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. It's going to be Tom Cruise because everyone's going to hope that he'll come out to accept the award at the show. Yeah, that makes sense. And his... Stunt was... Stunt and that was pretty badass on the side of the building. And he's got, I think, got another movie coming out this summer, too. So all the more reason to help promote that. How about your on-screen dirt bag? All right, who's the dirt bag? You have, once again, Bryce Dallas Howard from The Help. Okay. You have Colin Farrell from Horrible Bosses. Okay. Okay. Jennifer Aniston from Horrible Bosses. Okay. Jon Hamm from Bridesmaids. Okay. And Oliver Cooper from Project X. There's actually some pretty good choices in there. Which one was Project X? Project X. I'm trying to... That was the one with the... That was the block party. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't know. Colin Farrell was awesome in Horrible Bosses. Yeah. I actually was flipping through channels and landed on that at one of the scenes with him and it was just like, Jesus, he takes this role so fucking... He does it so well. I was just so... I was like, man, he is just such a dirt bag. I don't think he can be... Okay, here's the problem with the Jennifer Aniston Horrible Boss idea for me is that she's just a nympho who wants to bang her employees. She wants to be whenever she wants to. That's not a horrible boss, especially if your boss is Jennifer Aniston. Grant, have you ever found love? No. Because the horrible part of it is that he's being forced into cheating on his wife and that's terrible. Oh, I didn't know he was married. I just... Well, it's fiance and they're about to get married and it's terrible. Terrible. It's... I just can't see her as a dirt bag. It doesn't work. Well, she's probably not going to win. No. I think that we'll probably go to... Colin Farrell. He's the biggest name in the category and that's how they like to do things. Yeah. I agree. Any other ridiculous... They have music and... Put on MTV? I don't care. Yeah, it's not going to happen. They're not going to play the songs. You also have Best Fight. Okay. Let's hear those. Best Fight. Because you know what? There are some pretty good action sequences that have gone on this last year. Let's see what they put up. Fight. Okay. Channing Tatum. And Jim Hill versus Kid Game. Okay. Daniel Radcliffe versus Ralph Fiennes and Harry Potter. Okay. Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutchinson versus Alexander Ludwig in The Hunger Games. Okay. Tom Cruise versus Michael Nyquil. No, it's not Nyquil. It's Nyquist. And Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. Okay. And Tom Hardy versus Joel Edgerton in Warrior. Which everybody says was badass, but I somehow managed to miss it. Okay. I'm sure we'll see it before June 3rd when they have the MTV Movie Awards. I'm marking my calendar. You know that. Are you peeing on that square and being like, I'm marking my territory? No, I'm making sure that I remember so I can go home and set it on my DVR because I know I can't miss such stimulating television. Such amazery. I don't even know who's hosting it this year. I don't think it's even been announced yet. They're saving that in case they can find someone who's good. Yeah. Because nobody has any appeal anymore. Okay. The last category I would say that we should do is best on-screen transformation. Like biggest change in character from I guess who they are. Oh, okay. Okay. So I guess like the most actory. Yes. Because like they transformed so much. They must be really actory. The most thespianism. Okay. Yeah. Let's go with that. For most thespianism this year, we've got Colin Farrell. Once again, in Horrible Bosses. Okay. Elizabeth Banks in The Hunger Games. Okay. Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Did you even know he was in there? He did do a cameo apparently. Michelle Williams in My Week with Marilyn. Okay. And Rooney Mara in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It'll go to Johnny Depp. Because he's famous. Because you want to get him on there too. Come pick up your award. Yeah. Because he's got the Lone Ranger he's got to promote. Absolutely right. Maybe he'll come out and find a way of putting the award in his head, in his hair. And as a hat. That'd be funny. That would totally make sense. And that's the MTV Music Award. The Movie Awards. I'm not going to watch them. I like the Music Awards better. Oh, yeah. Because that's one of the few times of the year where you actually get to see music on MTV. Just a little bit. A little bit. Some performances. They'll cut them down. A little bit here, a little bit there. They put it all together. Really nice. We're going to go to a real quick break. And we're going to come back on the other side with our guest for today. A gentleman who is a writer on the rules of engagement. We'll be back with Lance Weinering. We forgot to look. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row. Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Will you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Our musical group of the week. This is Maybe Nothing. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. Back in two minutes. We've been talking about a lot of the... We're going to... You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Grant Thoman, and... And some other guy. Hey, this is Grand Theft Audio. This is Jake Belcher. And I'm Grant Thoman, and we're here at Skid Row Studios.com. And super excited to be bringing on our first guest of the show, a gentleman who is a writer on Rules of Engagement, and I believe that tonight is the first episode that he's been the main writer on. We'll find out when we get into it. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lance Winnery. Thank you, guys. I appreciate being here. We appreciate you coming in, man. So, was I correct in that intro? You were kind of correct. This is my first episode this season. It's actually Thursday. So, Rules of Engagement airs Thursdays at 8.30. That's good to hear. They moved you off that Friday slot. We've been all over, I think, throughout our... We've been just about every day. I just always find, unfortunately, when things move to Friday, that means that they're not long for leaving. And it's a very, very funny show. I love Patrick Warburton. That's a nice thing to say. No, no, no. I'm really glad to see that they've moved it to a better time slot. That means that people are watching and people are enjoying what is really a very funny show. Patrick Warburton and David Spade, I love their chemistry. I've been a big Patrick Warburton fan for a long time anyway. He, to this day, everyone's like, oh, Putty from Seinfeld. Yeah. I know that. I always think of him as the tick. When I saw him take on that live action movie, or TV series, it was just so funny. He was so perfect for that role. Yeah, he's great. And he's so much fun. And he just, he has that dry delivery that everyone loves. He always nails it. And Spade is a pro. Spade is absolutely, just comes in, boom, boom, boom, does his thing. Everything he's ever been in, I've enjoyed. I mean, he was in The Eight Simple Rules. He came in after John Ritter passed away really funny in that. Loved him in Just Shoot Me. I mean, such a great little part for him. And if you like Spade, this show is probably the most Spade. It's kind of like he's just allowing us to film him be himself, because he's basically that same guy. Coming in and picking up on women and drinking and being relatively snarky. Right. Which he's so very good at. And that's his thing. And that's what we love to write for. What else was I partially right in the intro? Well, this is my, I've written three episodes for them. But this is the first one I've done this season. So, and then that airs Thursday at 8.30. But it's a great show. And you know what? It's been so much fun. And we were on a little bit earlier, then we were off. And they tried another mid-season in our spot. And then we've been back on now for a few weeks. So, I always just worry that people don't even know when the show is on. It seems like every time our show gets a little bit of traction, then it gets pulled. And then they try something else on. And then it doesn't do the ratings that Rules of Engagement has had. And then they put us back on. And they're like, sorry, we'll give you another try. Well, at least they're willing to keep giving you guys tries. Because it really is a fun show. I'm glad to know that it's going to be on Thursday at 8.30. So, I can make sure to tune in. Because I haven't seen it in a couple weeks. I didn't realize it had been taken off for a mid-season. I don't even know what it was replaced by. Because CBS does such a great job of telling me. Yeah, yeah. Rob Schneider had our spot for a little bit. That's right. He had that new show of his. Okay. So, that's what dropped in there. I didn't catch a single episode of that. But, you know, we're back. Big Bang Theory is our lead-in. That'll be huge. That always helps bring in some people. And traditionally, like, Thursday night has been a great night for comedies and for blocks of comedies. So, that seems like an awesome place to be. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I love it. I mean, 30 Rock is another great show on Thursdays, which sucks. But why am I promoting another show that isn't? That show stinks! We hate it. We actually hate it even when you're not here. For some reason, it drives all of us crazy. Okay. So, I was watching some of your things you had up on YouTube. I love these little short films. Oh, cool. Thanks so much. The Hitchhiker is great. Yeah. One thing about watching you in it, you have a similarity to a slightly more connected to reality Norm Macdonald. You have a very funny persona. I get Norm Macdonald a lot. I'm sure you do. Uh, we... I used to do stand-up, too, and people would always be like, hey, man, you're like Norm, man. And, uh, I used to... I've actually worked with Norm on a couple different projects. I worked with him on a special he had called Back to Norm a few years ago. And he would always joke, yeah, yeah, you should play my, uh, my, like, evil twin there guy. You know? He said stuff like that, yeah. But, uh, yeah, he was so much fun. Interesting dude. All he would like to do is just smoke and gamble and just play. I'd stay up until 4.30 in the morning and, uh, I said, Norm, I don't have any money. We'll just open up a bag of Skittles and just, uh, everyone gets a hundred Skittles and we just play. Wow. That is, uh, somewhat sad, but somewhat awesome at the same time. Is it Texas Hold'em you guys sit around and play? Yeah, we would do a lot of Hold'em and, uh, and he didn't care. He would have a photo shoot at 8 in the morning the next day and he would come in and he'd been at Hollywood Park Casino until 5 in the morning and he was just like, eh, whatever. But, uh. So how did you end up getting in, like, the writing direction for TV? I imagine making the step from the stand-up world? Yeah, you know, I started coming out here, I came out here basically to get into that kind of stuff and I went to college out here and, uh. I'm sorry, where were you before here? I'm from San Luis Obispo, which is about three hours north of here. And I came out here, I went to college and ideally I was, I wanted to go to film schools. Oh, you know, I'll be a director or something. I was going to shoot some short films. And then I realized that that took a lot of money to do, to make films. But writing I could do being super broke and just, you know, write in my apartment. And then make paying for it someone else's job. Yeah, exactly. Catching that paycheck is much easier than having to, you know, put that paycheck into the production. And I, I, uh, I wrote a play and that helped get me a job and I wrote some stuff for Nickelodeon. You know, children's things and everything. But I wanted to get into more adult mainstream stuff and so I started doing stand-up and that was a ton of fun. And then I ended up getting a job, what's called a script coordinator position, which is kind of like a junior writer spot where you work on shows and you're like the guy in the room with the writers and you're typing up the notes and you can pitch jokes and contribute and everything like that but your job is kind of putting out the script. And every season I would get on a show that was either in its last year or would get cancelled within five episodes. And it was just constant just not trying to you know, not being able to move forward to get the next step and showrunners would be like, hey, we love you, it's great, but we're out the door so clean up your office and we'll talk about it next season. So there was a lot of that. A lot of uncertainty. Yeah, so I would start to do stand-up instead and just try to figure out how to kind of make my own breaks. I started shooting these little short films and then I finally got on Rules and then that had a little bit of traction and then they liked me and I was pitching jokes and they said well let's get this guy's script and see what happens. And then that was one of the highest rated episodes. So I was at that season. Awesome, dude. So they said, well, let's give him another script and see what happens. And then they liked that and they said, alright, let's just bring him on staff. Let's just do that. Excellent. Yeah, and that was like my breakthrough. But there's no, you know, people ask me all the time, how do you get into TV? And it seems like every single person has a different way of how they did it and it's impossible. I have no idea how anyone breaks in or how anyone does anything. Have they got you booked for another episode after this one for this season or possibly next? We actually, in this episode that we, that I shot, that we just shot, happened around like November. So that's how far ahead that we were. So this season's winding down and then we will find out at Upfronts, CBS Upfronts, where they announced their schedule I think May 14th or something and then they'll tell us where we're going to be on season this season. And then I will go back and do some more. I mean, how do you even like start with the concept of writing a whole episode? Do you just like sit back and think of like some fun ideas of what happened? Where do you start with it? You know what? That's a question I get asked a lot of times and people always are curious to just how does this writer's room work and just what is your daily routine and everything. And it is such a collaborative business. It's really crazy. There's about 12 of us and the head guy, the guy who created the show is a guy named Tom Hertz and he's a genius and so funny. And we will all kind of sit around a table and half the time is just making fun of each other and talking about what happened the night before and someone got in a fight with their wife or this and that. And we're just goofing on each other and making fun and just having, you know, stories of your life. And then someone will say like, oh, you know, that'd be really funny if that happened to Patrick. And yeah, you know what? Instead we'll do this. And then the next thing you know, you find yourself talking about some sort of idea and everyone's contributing and everyone's throwing things up. And then you slowly start putting up the beats and getting on on a dry erase board. And breaking it down until you get to an outline form. And then and that'll take maybe a couple days. And then you send it off to the network. And then once they're on board, then one person will go off and write the first draft. And then it's considered like that person's episode. And then you bring it back and then everyone will collaborate and pitch jokes. And throughout the process, throughout the rehearsal process and everything. How long as a writer when you when it becomes your project, does it take for you to write that initial draft? You usually get about a week. Okay. And you know, we try to stay ahead of a little schedule. If you need more time, you can. But you know, you don't want to look like you're slacking and everything. So if you're taking longer than a week, then people assume that you've actually just went to Vegas and wasting time. Right. As a writer, is there enough time in your life to squeeze things like that into it? Or do you is your life busier now or than when you were a stand-up? I am so lucky that this show's hours are amazing because I've worked on a lot of shows and you're there till midnight every night. And this guy, Tom, he he's a lazy fellow. He does not like to work. He likes to be home with his kids. And that's the best. The worst thing you can do is get on a show where the showrunner is going through a divorce or something and they don't want to go home to their family. And so it's 10 at night and they say, let's break out some more stories. Let's talk stories. And then you want to, you know, then you want to just crawl into a hole and shoot yourself if you can. Yeah, but this show is not like that. We literally will start at around 1030 and be out the door by 530. Nice. Yeah. That sounds like a dream job. It is an absolute dream job. It's almost a regular job, but better because you don't have to work the full 40. Exactly. And it gets me back to my second job, which is sitting in happy hours and watching sports on TV. That must pay really, really well. You can do that second job while you also do like a job you used to have. Like, why do you not do stand-up anymore? Like, what got you out of that? I had a lot of fun doing stand-up and I did enjoy it, but it was time-consuming in the sense that, oh, I got to do a show in Pasadena. And so you drive down there. To the ice house? Yeah. And, you know, do a show at the ice house or something and you drive down there for an hour and a half to get through traffic and then you sit there and you wait and then you do your 15 minutes and then you drive back and you realize, I just spent six hours of my life for 15 minutes of stage time. Yeah, I mean, everybody says, like, stand-up, like, you only work like eight, ten minutes a day, but, no, there's a lot of preparation, like, looking through all your jokes and the time spent back and forth and constantly having to ask everybody, is that funny? I know. And such a common thing is you always want to go up there and do your best stuff, but then you also want to keep trying new stuff and it's yeah, it's a lot of anxiety. It seems like one of the biggest curses you can have as a comedian is people who actually come out and see you. Because then you have to, like, make new stuff up because you can't just keep showing those same people the same jokes over and over again. No, it's exactly true. I remember one comedian saying how if you go see a rock concert and they don't play their greatest hits, you're pissed off, but if you go see a comedian and they say a joke you've heard before it's just like, eh, I feel cheated. At the same time, they're like, I feel sad for some of these musicians. Hey, Paul McCartney, like, he's got an amazing place in the world. But every time he goes out someplace, he has to play Hey Jude. It doesn't matter, like, what else he has planned in his day. Like, he's got to set aside six minutes of everything he does because he has to get that song in there every time. Right. At least he's got a hundred thousand songs to choose from that are still hits, though. Think of your Rick Springfield. Oh, yeah. Who don't play Jesse's Girl. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, that's Paul McCartney. I mean, like, you start getting down to, like, Devo who's got three songs or something. You start getting down to, like, people who, um, the other Vanilli. I guess one of them is still alive. Really? He tries to still sing that song now, which is awful. I mean, that just sounds like such an awful existence. At least as a comedian, you do get to mix things up and film around. That's funny that you said Devo because I, uh, I snuck backstage to see Devo once at the Hollywood Park Casino. Nothing like sneaking. Yeah, and I've realized I have the odd ability to sneak into things and to, there was a period also where I was winning so many free tickets to radio contests. How does it happen? Just like, you're like the second person that I've met who, like, consistently wins radio contests. I don't know. I try to call in and it's always the busy signal. Would you, like, sit around in a room with, like, 12 radios on 12 different stations? No, it was just, it was pure luck. And there was a period where I was just, I was nailing it so often. I was going to so many different shows. And, uh, and then when I would go to a show, then I would always try to sneak in and do something, you know, dastardly to find a way backstage or something. And I think my greatest score was I had won tickets to Coachella and then I snuck backstage by convincing the security guy that I was a member of Blue Man Group without my makeup on. Whoa! You're the dummy. That's awesome. Yeah, I know. It was awesome. Because I had made some sort of a fake wristband that was a band wristband. He didn't recognize me from a band. And I'm like, I'm in Blue Man Group! I'm going to walk around with my skull cap on. Painted blue down. I played yesterday. And he's like, alright, whatever. Go ahead. Right on. I like people who like to push the bounds of what you're allowed to do. I do. That's a good trait. Yeah, well, you know, it beats paying for things. 100%. Oh, yeah. Paying is kind of for suckers. That's always been my thought. I feel like a sucker every day with everything I have to pay for. So do you ever, how do you find people writing for David's voice? Do the actors come into the writer's room and rip on things? I mean, how does that whole thing go? They don't. And, you know, the longer the show is on, the more the characters really start to take shape and it becomes a lot easier to write for them. Just because you've just come to know them. You know their characters. You know exactly what their characters are going to do. Spade's the best because it's just basically coming up with a lot of snarky insults. Then since we're insulting each other all day in the writer's room, it makes it the easiest for that. I figure that must be what happens because so many comedies are now just like a half hour string of insults back and forth. I mean, I don't even think, like, there's some shows on CBS, Mike and Molly. I'm not even sure. I'm not even sure that they have, like, a script. It's just, like, it's just a whole bunch of insults back and forth. Like, do you ever feel that, oh, I should take Hollywood in a different direction for comedy and make it about nice, funny things? No, no, we pretty much like to insult each other. I can dig it, yeah. I guess, like, to me, it seems like everything changed in that direction with the Drew Carey show. I mean, beforehand, like, so many things were about, oh, Jimmy's got a broken backpack and now Daddy has to figure out a job to get more money for him. And then Drew Carey kind of became, like, oh, you're fat and you're dumb. Yeah, that show was especially wacky. They were doing all kinds of things on that show. Live, you know, improv episodes and things like that. Well, Spade's so great, too, because he'll just give you so much just in his looks and his mannerisms. And there'll be times we'll write a line and he'll say it and then the head writer will walk in there and be like, can you do it more Spade-like? And then he throws in his little Spade-isms. And he knows exactly what you want when you say that. So he's perfect for that kind of stuff. And he doesn't like to be the star of the show. He likes just to come in and do the comedy bits. He'll come in with his script and if one of his speeches has more than four lines in it, he's just like, eh, can this be shorter? Well, I mean, that's kind of the character he's always played. I've always appreciated that about him. It's like when he left Saturday Night Live, he didn't try to get a series that he was the star of. He was really great in all these little minor, like you said, snarky little one-liner or two-liner roles that he comes in there and he makes you laugh and then you move forward from it. Yeah, exactly. He knew how to do that and he knew how to maximize what he could do best. And he lets a lot of the other people take the big A-scene stories and everything. And yeah, he's great at it. So do you ever find that doing your writing now kind of makes you feel like, oh, I should be acting? Acting's fun and I tend to be in a lot of things that I write. I'll shoot a lot of short films and I like to be in them. But a lot of that comes from because I tend to write in my voice and so I figure that I can do my voice fairly reasonably accurate, you know? So it's easy for me to play me. Much like Woody Allen always played Woody Allen. He didn't do a lot of stretching and then tried to play Tom Lane. Very easy to write for, too. Yeah, exactly. Very easy to write for. You don't even really have to probably write it. You probably have it in your head as you're like, oh, this is me. Another key is when you play an actor yourself, it's one less actor you have to depend on. When you're shooting something and you're waiting to see if anyone actually shows up to be there. Does that really happen? Actors, I figure, would be the ones who are most likely to show up because it's their face that gets to be out there and be seen. I think it would be like craft services department. I've asked these guys to make sandwiches and I'm not sure they're coming, so let's make some sandwiches ourselves just in case. I always show up with at least 150 sandwiches with me just in case. That's a smart man. But I wrote a play last season that ran for six months. That was the drunk? Yeah, it was called Drunk Talk. It was me and a guy who directed and produced a show called Point Break Live, which was the longest running show in LA. Huge hit. Yeah, and it was so much. It was so much fun. And we did it at a place called the Dragonfly in Hollywood. And the play itself took place in a bar. And so we performed it in this actual bar. And it was this kind of interactive piece, so an audience member showing up to the bar was not just an audience member, they were a patron that was also there. And so the play was kind of taking place around them and everything. And so our actors like somebody would buy a shot for the house. And so then everyone in the bar would get a shot because they are in a sense patrons there. Yeah. And it was so much fun and just this zany kind of interactive back and forth piece. And that was a ton of fun. And then I played a character in that. And worked with some great actors, some really fun people that I wanted to stay in touch with. So that's when I started doing this Hitchhiker web series. And then I've been using a lot of those same actors. Well, the Hitchhiker web series is hilarious. The idea that you get in these cars and then you're kind of a clueless guy. I mean, someone who Not the brightest bulb. I couldn't tell in one if you were like really like if the character was trying to mess with the driver or if it just kind of went that way. But he's an annoying guy that you really don't want in the car with you. Yeah, what I like is that he's just kind of he doesn't even really care so much as to where he's going. I think he's just kind of floating around the country or whatever, the city and just whatever car he gets in, that's what that episode is going to be about. And just whatever zany conversation or crazy ride they end up having. And they're all short. They're all kind of a couple minutes long and they each can kind of stand alone. And sometimes the Hitchhiker is more of the antagonist character and sometimes the driver is a little more antagonist character and it's just a, you know, kind of fun idea you can have to get this guy in the car and what's going to happen. I liked your character when he was more on the defensive side. Because in the other ones, he seemed like he's kind of clueless, but when you're being defensive you have to have some intelligence to be able to get yourself out of it. So I felt like it kind of redeemed the more somewhat dim-witted E.E. Shorts. Yeah, you know, it is fun. Like, the one that I just finished is basically the two guys just listening to the song by The Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go? And it's having this very philosophical, serious conversation about the pros and cons of staying. They brought up really good points that the song does. Yeah, and at the end it's just like, it's a complex song. It is. It is very complex. A lot of It is. It is. It is. It is. There's layers to this song if you think about it. I dug it. I also really, I think that the other one that I saw, the gambler, the Phil Baxter professional internet gambler. That one's got some legs to it too. I think you can go a lot of directions with that. That one was really, was a popular one. I think a lot of people do a lot of searches for gambling and World Series of Poker and stuff like that. And I was a big poker player. I loved to play poker. And I think that everyone fancied themselves to be the greatest poker player out there. You know, and the line that the guy says in that film is, you know, I read that every year there's $87 billion are lost. You know, people lose $87 billion in gambling throughout the year. But that means if somebody's losing that, somebody must be winning it. It's out there to be taken. Hilarious. And then there's just this hapless gambler who's... I came into this with $2,000 in a dream. Yeah. Do you still have the $2,000? No, no, no. That's long gone. Awesome. Very funny. I really thought that they're sardonic. And I think they're something that can have a lot of appeal across a lot of different groups. I mean, everyone has seen Hitchhikers on the side of the road. There's so much interest now in the gambling with the, like you said, the World Series of Poker and all those things. I think they're good concepts. I like them both. Oh, thank you so much. And, you know, there's also one where I played a radio DJ. Which, you know, seeing you guys do it, it's so much fun, too. I was like, this is not... It's something that a lot of other DJs would be like, hey, man. Yeah, that cheesy... I get to put on my cheesy radio voice. Which we sometimes do just to be dicks. I mean, we don't really take ourselves that seriously like that. You see all these morning shows and there's always one guy who's definitely on cocaine. I was like, that's the one stereotype that your character, I don't think, really touched on. You guys seem to have a lot of fun here. I know you just started up in this new studios and everything. You did George Wint on here, right? Yeah, just last Friday. It was a blast getting a chance to talk with him. We got his cohort, John Rassenberg, scheduled for the week that The Brave comes out and Adam McKay and a whole bunch of other people coming through here. Going through the chairs lineup. That'd be great. Love to get Ted Denson in here. I think I'd be into Woody. Woody, too, yeah. Tell him that there's a pot dispensary downstairs and see how fast he comes in. He wouldn't make it in. He'd wind up stopping by there real quick and then just forget to come up. That is a good possibility. If he's listening now, he may be already on his way. Well, let's hope that he's listening. I'm really hoping he's listening now. That would be incredible. Well, we definitely appreciate you being able to come in here and tell our listeners more about the show and how they can find you. Do you tweet or any of that jazz? I just got on Twitter. I find that I'm a good five to six years behind any sort of technological breakthrough. So in like two years, you'll get yourself an iPad 1? Maybe. You should... What's your phone look like now? I'll show you. And this, I know, is great radio. Is it a flip phone? It does flip. Look at my old phone. This is the old crappy Samsung. I went in there last. They said, you can have a free Blackberry. I said, no, I do not want that. I want an old crappy flip phone. Okay, what's the reason? No internet, nothing. This can make and receive phone calls. But why? And I'm told taxes. But like why? I mean, there's so many nice things you can do with them now. How are you going to be able to tweet from that now that you've joined Twitter? I know. Believe me, I'm getting yelled at by all my friends to upgrade. It is... I don't know exactly why. I'm one of those people that I'm very paranoid and get scared of technology. I literally got my first credit card. You're really worried the machines are going to take over the world. I am. I am absolutely afraid of it. How long ago did you get your first credit card? I got, I think, in December. Wow. So I've had a credit card for less than three months in my entire life. Have you had the guts to swipe it through something yet? I'm really wary on using it. I don't care for it. Yeah, I had credit cards for the first like six years of my life. And I have not... Six years after I got out of high school. And I've not had one since that sixth year because I racked myself up $30,000 worth of debt. See? And it just... You know what? It's funny. In high school, they want you to learn economics. That's not what they need to be teaching kids. They need to teach kids how to handle their money and how like credit cards work because I got suckered in with all these deals like, oh, we're going to raise your balance up to $9,000. I'm like, $9,000? What can I do with that? I can spend 10 years paying it off. It took me 10 years to get rid of that $30,000 worth of debt that I racked up really in about two. Right. The way I look at it is I have managed my money so well that I have never needed to borrow money from somebody. But then if I wanted to go buy a house, I'd be the last person they would sell out. Right. Because you have no credit in their mind, but your finances are in perfect order. But to me, I have the greatest credit ever. But yeah. What do you know? But I did. I just got on the tweet machine just last week. So I'm brand new to it. Do you remember what your like username is? I do. It's Lance Winery at Lance said this with the underscore. So it's Lance underscore said. And underscore this. All right. We'll also put a link up on our guest page so that people can find you and follow you through there. Yeah. And I like to say goofy things and, you know, have fun and make funny little jokes. And then, yeah, all those web series and all those short films and everything can be found on YouTube with my name. And I definitely say they're worth checking out. I watched all five of them that I could find and really enjoyed them all and looking forward to being able to see more. Also looking forward to being able to check out my other videos. Can we check out your episode this Thursday night? Yeah, please do. 830 on CBS. 830 CBS after the Big Bang Theory. Heck of a leader. Yeah. That'll be awesome. I appreciate it, guys. Thanks so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you again for coming in. All right. And we'll be back on the other side with a look at more effed up holidays that are happening here in May. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Yes, yes, yes. We're listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Can you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Maybe. Okay. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Grant Thoman, and Carl Kozlowski. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. You are listening to Skid Row Studios. I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid of the outdoors. I'm afraid of the beach. I'm afraid of wearing sandals. I'm afraid of exposing my feet because I'm afraid of human stampedes. I'm afraid of technical warfare and zombie, fucking wall-toss breakouts. And then like maybe I'm wearing sandals that day and I've been exposed, my feet have been exposed during the human stampede. I'm afraid of the cut and I turn into a zombie. I'm not kidding. I am afraid of the rhythm and Gloria's step odds, the rhythm is going to get you. What am I doing? I'm afraid of the rhythm. I'm afraid of the rhythm. Oh, Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I just want a fucking knife! And I went with my wife to see the Hunger Games because I thought that I had killer instincts, you know? But then I said to myself, if it weren't for nature, I would totally win the Hunger Games. And then I didn't see any Jews in the Hunger Games, like, oh my god, which survival pack is gluten-free? Oh my god, does it have my food tank in the end? You can't be sniping people in trees when you're sniffling from the fucking pollen! Right? And then Jennifer Lawrence wanted to make out with me in the game. She'd be like, oh, hey, Russell. And I'd be like, oh yeah, Jennifer Lawrence, she went to this, she went to all this. Did they give you a tarp in your survival kit? Maybe you can lay it down? There's a lot of creepy crawlies there, I'm allergic, and, you know, you're raciotyping down here. I mean, I'm not kidding. Like, even if I got the bone, if I got the bone marrow, right? If I got the bone marrow, I'm a hypoplasmic. I'd be like, oh! Oh! Oh, I gotta call Dr. Lipshultz. Oh! I keep saying I'm gonna make the appointment, I don't make the appointment. Oh my god! Before I leave you all here tonight, you're having a good time here at Tommy's, you just got the Tommy's, what was that? Oh shit! Before I leave you all here tonight, the only other way I have to make money for this little piece of bagel, son of mine, is being an actor. Okay? Alright? But then, my old agent told me that maybe I should shave my beard so maybe I'd get some more high school roles. But then I found out that all high school roles are just for sexy vampires. Shh! You see, that's why he's a sexy vampire. Thank you for laughing. Okay, I'm never gonna get that part, right? Because I'm never gonna have, like, you know, a nemesis Woody Allen Jew vampire. I'm never gonna have the true blood diary sex-false sort of like, Dean and Dyer just discovered that German blood gives me cancer. Dean and Dyer, is that 401K set up for my profound immortality? Oh my god, so just this millennia was an excellent life. I turned my blind needs to man. Concern faced the moment time. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your popular life distraction buddy. Rock in there, everybody. Woo! He really liked that. Woo! Thank you. You are listening to Grand Theft Audio with the kings of internet radio, Jake Belcher, Grant Thelman, and the kings of the internet radio. This is Jake Belcher. And I am Grant Thelman. And we appreciate you all once again listening to Grand Theft Audio. We have a couple of funny news stories that deserve some attention from us. They caught our eye and we thought it would be really fun to bring up with you all. Here in California, up in San Francisco, a gentleman by the name of Henry Wolfe is suing BMW of America because while riding his 1993 motorcycle, he wound up having a constant erection that lasted for 20 months. And he is now suing them for emotional distress as well as the medical expenses that he's incurred while trying to apparently alleviate this 20-month boner. Dude, that's a long time to have a hard-on. Well, BMW is saying, well, you really can't come after us because you purchased an aftermarket seat that we didn't produce. You're riding on someone else's seat, so it's not our motorcycle that did it. It's the fact that the bike did this. And there was a doctor that was interviewed in the news. He was talking about how, you know, if you compress a certain area of that part of your body, I don't know where it was he's talking about, but down there, you can actually cause numbness to your groin area because, like, bicycle seats do it, motorcycle seats can do it. It all depends on how that section of your body is compressed. So that's what's caused this, is that there's a numbness down there that is keeping his genitalia constantly erect. I don't believe it. It sounds like BS to me. If there was a... If they're warning us that if you have an erection that lasts more than four hours that you need to seek medical attention, this guy's gone 20 months before he filed this lawsuit. After the first four hours, didn't you go to the doctor? You would figure he would, yeah. I would have. You don't sit on it for two years. No. Look, when you fall on hard times, you don't have to make them last that long. Exactly. And he claims that this erection doesn't allow him to actually have sex with his wife, so he's... That's where the emotional distress comes from. It's not being able to do that. It's very important that BMW fights this off because if other people... If they admit to this and other people come into court and they can sue him, like, where's my 24-year, 24-month boner? Yeah, they're gonna want that. If they don't get theirs. So, but, yeah, it's a wacky little story. I can't believe that somebody's gonna try and sue because a motorcycle gave him... Does it say, like, how much money he wants to get? You know what? I don't think it said the exact amount, unfortunately. No. I'm looking through here. No, there's no amount of money listed as to how much he's asking for. I mean, is, like, the jury gonna get to see any evidence of this in court? Yeah. Like, he stands in front with a boner, he's like, I had this for two years. Yeah, and... Or is his lawyer gonna bring out pictures? Well, this was month one, and this was obviously month two because you can look at the date stamp on it, you know, go through them that way, so you get to see the 20 months' worth of boners. Where's, like, the BMW Viagra addiction? Yeah, exactly. Painted with that nice blue, along this blue pinstriping on it. And maybe he was, uh... Maybe he's some sicko in the head. Maybe he was, like, sexually attracted to his bike, and that's what got him off and going. It's very possible. Well, what's amazing to me is that it's after just one ride that this occurred. And does that mean he hasn't ridden the motorcycle since then? Or is that his only means of transportation, so this constant erection is because he's constantly sitting on the seat and it's constantly causing him to get mad? Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know what's constantly causing it. Get off the motorcycle. Go jerk off. Does, uh... It'll shrink. So where's the bike? Is it for sale? No, it's not for sale. That'd be awesome. That'd be badass. I want to know how much he wants for it. I think that the amazing thing is that, um... somebody has finally found an extra that BMW doesn't charge for. You're absolutely right. Because those guys are bastards. I mean, they're going to take you for every ride. They're going to take everything that you've got. If they can. But that's what all companies like to do. Um, maybe BMW can stand for, like, um... Blood in my wang. I don't know, like, blood in my wang? BMW? Hmm. Yeah, okay, whatever. Okay, so I have... Boner Making Works. Boner Making Works. Instead of Bavarian Motor Works, it'll be Boner Making Works. You got it, dude. Okay, so, uh, another car story this weekend. Um... I was in Auburn, so I guess that would be... Man, I don't even know where that's at. That's retarded. Anyways, there was a guy who was in a hit-and-run accident, and somehow they tracked it back to him, and the guy's name? Obi-Wan Kenobi. Really? Yeah, he went and had his name legally changed in 1987 to Obi-Wan Kenobi when he was a young man, and now, um... He's been arrested for a hit-and-run. I don't know any Obi-Wan, but... I wonder if he means old Ben Kenobi out there in the desert. He actually changed it to, uh, win a radio contest so that he can get, uh, like, front-of-the-line tickets to Phantom Menace. Wait, wait, wait. The first one that came out. When they announced that they were coming out, they had a... Oh, so it was in 1997 that he did it? Yeah. Okay, I thought you said 87. I was like, wow. Oh, I'm sorry, 97. That's cool, 97. So when they announced that they were making the movies, a radio station had a contest for who could do the most things to win the movie. The most things to associate themselves with Star Wars. That'll work. So he went with Obi-Wan Kenobi. I think that's kind of cool. Yeah. Uh, of all the names in the movie, it probably isn't the one I would pick. No, you'd probably go with Han Solo. Yeah. Or Chewbacca. I'd have a tough time passing on Luke Skywalker. Yeah. That's a badass name. You know what? Maybe that's something we're gonna have to look up, is find out how many Han Solos and Luke Skywalkers there are. How many people have actually changed? Probably in Japan, there's quite a few Han Solos, because it seems like it's a... Han Solo? Yeah, like, it's a pretty normal name there. I wonder if they changed it. I wonder if Hope Solo's gonna name her first son Han. Very possible. That'd be pretty funny. But, uh... And then, uh, another story I picked up this week, uh, was about a German nymphomaniac who has now twice taken men back to her apartment and then held them hostage, uh, for sexual escapades. Uh, the last... Of all the nymphomaniacs to mess with, you do not want to mess with the German ones. No. They're the ones that really, really get going. They're very strong. The woman... The woman met her... The woman around the room. The woman met her... The woman met her most recent victim. He's a 31-year-old African man. He was on his way... She was on her way home from her sex addiction clinic in Munich, Germany. She has a clinic on it? There's a clinic that she goes to, to let it in. Not owned, right? No, no, no. It's from a sex addiction clinic, not hers. Okay. Uh, she invited him back to her place, and she kept him hostage for 36 hours, forcing him to satisfy her sexual demands. Eventually, he was able to break out after she had fallen asleep, and he was later found weeping on the street by police. He fought back tears to tell them, I met her on a bus. Hold on. Yes? I don't think we should have ran this story until we had... Hey, there, it's Vagina News. What you gonna learn in Vagina News? I said, hey, there, it's Vagina News. What you gonna learn in Vagina News? Vagina News! It certainly is Vagina News. You're right, we should have played that. I met her on a bus. She invited me back here. It was hell. I can't walk. Please help me. Uh... Dude, an infomaniac who rides on the bus, like, that is easy pickings. Because that bus... ...rumbles and shakes all the time. Yep. It's as bad as a BMW. And there's constantly guys getting on and off that bus, so she's gonna have her pick of the public transportation litter, I guess. But this is the second time she's done that. The last guy was held for about 36 hours as well. He also was able to escape. He was able to get a hold of his cell phone and call the police and tell them. He was quoted as saying, hold on, because this one was really pretty funny. Well, it's not here anymore. Never mind. But, okay, when they came to pick her up, this was the best part, though. When they came to... When the officers came to pick her up, and to question her, she invited the two officers to the bus. And they were like, what's going on? She invited the two officers to join her in bed for a quickie. Well, that's how they knew they had the right one. She's now... Yes, this one is the nymphomaniac. She's now under psychiatric evaluation at a hospital in Germany. We don't have to call them crazy. We have to call them, like, good women. There's no reason to call them crazy. Yeah. And, you know what? Here's the thing. You would think that the sex addiction clinic that's apparently in Munich would be a huge hangout spot for guys who are just trying to pick up on chicks. Well... Give it a week or two. Okay, so you're talking about how your tooth hurts. Yeah. There's a story that about a couple that had been dating for a couple of years. This is over in Poland. And the man and the woman break up, but he has a dental appointment scheduled with her because she was also his dentist and his girlfriend. Okay. And she had an appointment for a cleaning, and she goes in there, and she goes in there... So after breaking up with her... He decides, I'm gonna go get my teeth cleaned by her. By the same woman. Okay, great. By the same woman. Smart. So he goes there. She allegedly gives him a heavy dose of anesthesia, anesthetics, and she locked the door, and she began removing his teeth one at a time. She said that she tried to be professional and detach herself from her emotions, but when she saw him laying there, she just thought, what a bastard, and decided to take all of his teeth out. Damn. That's just insane. So he's quoted as saying, she told me my mouth was numb, and I wouldn't be able to feel anything for a while, and then the bandage was there to protect the gums, but I would need to see a specialist. I didn't have any reason to doubt her. I mean, I thought she was professional. Just messed up. That's just awesome. That is spectacular revenge for a breakup. I think that... I am never going to date a dentist. I got to say that four out of five dentists recommend not going to your recent ex for dental work. Yeah, I think so too. Four out of five Trident users probably would recommend that. Man, can you just see this crazy dentist bitch just like pulling one, he loves me, yank. He loves me not, yank. He loves me, yank. He loves me not, yank. And when she gets to the last one it is, he loves me not, and boom, she's just done. I mean, I hope that they, that there is at least someone who's out there who is investigating this lady for malpractice. Oh, I'm fairly certain there will be a lawsuit. They may make her have to like... He'll get a nice big fat settlement and get a brand new set of teeth. They'll just, you know, it'll be a full denture plate that'll be like in there and it'll be as if you've never lost your teeth, but you have. Well, he was going there for the cleaning. I got to say it's probably a good thing that he wasn't going there for a Brazilian waxing. Good point. Oh my. He laid out there like, I see all his balls and his dick laying there and I'm like, I just need to cut them off. I mean, it could have ended much worse. Dude, just the thought of the hot wax down there. Word. I don't need, cutting them off, pouring the hot wax and then yanking off every single pubic hair that's attached. Ugh. Hot wax into your pee hole. Ugh. Enjoy that. Okay, so our last news story of the day before we wrap up our Grand Theft Audio here is a sad one. I know that a lot of people didn't see this one. I know it's a big one coming, but announced about an hour ago is that Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have quit their E! television show. Oh. I mean, not only did he quit on the season, he also quit on his second season. They're still together. They're saying that they need to have some time off to be themselves around each other and not have cameras constantly around them. This seems exactly when you should be saying that a week after you signed your $40 million contract. Like, we need some time off. Yeah. They'll be back. More than likely. Six months to a year. They'll have some time to be able to be the couple that they are. He doesn't have basketball practice for a couple of months. They'll be back. There's just too much money to be made. They'll both probably take on bigger roles in the main show. Probably. Just because that one's actually doing well in the ratings. Everywhere. Everywhere. Well, this basically ends our episode of Grand Theft Audio today. We're going to kick off a new feature on the other side of our break here. That's going to be the end of our GTA programming window. But a slightly separate show that has a slightly different feel to it. So I hope you guys still stick around for it afterwards. Who else do we have on the rest of this week? I know tomorrow we have Rachel Butera from the Howard Stern Show. I'm unfortunately not going to be able to be there. I'm going to be in tomorrow because of work. And I'm going to try and set up an appointment to get this tooth taken care of. So that I can be back fresh and ready for Thursday's show. Because Thursday's show is going to be pretty great. We're going to have the future in 1989 in. We're also going to have the Black Twist with Stevie Mac. Yep. We tried to do that last week. Unfortunately, we weren't able to connect the dots. But this week we've got it pretty nailed down with him. So we're really looking forward to doing the Black Twist. And we also have live in studio that morning another comic named Jeb Caldwell. Oh, cool. We haven't seen him in a while. He'll be in our first hour. So that'll be very nice. Super excited for that. And then on Friday we have the return again of Rachel Butera and Luke Curry. I love Luke coming in. That's awesome he's going to be in. I can always dig that. Well, I hope that the rest of your day is good, man. Thank you. We should remind people to go out there and check out GrandTheftAudioRadio.com for future shows. And for... How can people find us on Facebook, Twitter? Twitter? Well, we're at Grand Theft Audio Radio and we have the Grand Theft Audio page on Facebook. We should probably update that to being Grand Theft Audio Radio just to kind of keep everything with one name. That is probably correct. But those are the two places you can check us out. Follow us on Twitter, please. That'd be great. And we're getting better at sending little zingers out there to laugh at, hopefully. Even if it's only slightly better, it is better. Yeah. So we're going to end off today with another track from the Future Sound in 1980... The Future in 1989. The Future in 1989. This is a track of theirs called Memory Bank. So for Brant and Jake, see you tomorrow. See you tomorrow. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Erase those names Erase those names From my memory banks Erase those names I wanna rock with you Dance you in today Rock with you Rock the night away Out on the floor There ain't no more to the bus Girl, when you dance There's a magic that must be love Just take it slow We got so far to go We got so, so far to go Erase those names From my memory banks Erase those names Erase those names Erase those names From my memory banks Erase those names That's right, ladies and gents Coke money, turn rap money, give it a rinse Next come the spin cycle The rims on that Benz get more spin than Michael I leave them holes with an eyeful Malice be the truth like the Bible Girl, blow your eyes Let that rhythm get in Turn it up to you Don't try to fight it There ain't nothing that you can do Relax your mind Play back and groove with mine You play back and groove with mine Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh yeah. Like, you just have to do that with the nubs of your fingers and stay there forever. Nobody wants that. One of the most important things about it is being able to play your favorite songs. We're not gonna take it. I mean, you have to be able to, like, hold your beat down. And if I had to do that with the nubs of my fingers, it would hurt for days. I just need to be able to appreciate fingernails for what they are. They let me open sodas. They let me scratch myself. And they let me, we're not gonna take it. These are the things that bounce around inside of my overstuffed, bandana-ed headphone, headbanded head. And I'm gonna do other things on here, too. I promise, like, every day it won't just be me rambling. But I just thought about doing this today on the way down here that, hey, what are the things that get stuck on my head? And that is most of them for today. I don't even know what to say on that one. I do say that I appreciate you guys listening to this. And if anybody out there is thinking about making a bear fight a horse happen and is looking for technical support and input and ways of really angering up the bears or taking those horses and teaching them how to fight to the front and to the side and not just from kicking from the back, I will say that I appreciate you guys listening to this. And I'll see you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. because I will think all day long about these little baby bears riding around on the back of big old horses. I think the bears get kind of disrespected by us. All we have is bear roo, bear floor, bear skin rugs, which are some of the grossest things in the world. There's not very many other animals that we treat like that where we're just like, hey, let's just rip his skin off and throw it on the ground. And throw ourselves on top of him in our underwear and feel good about ourselves. Yeah. A lot of people take the time to get on top of a bear skin rug. I have done it. It's one of those things that's awesome and disgusting at the same time. You want to like rest your head up on his back and be like, yeah, on the back of his skull and be like, yeah, I've conquered you bear. But you really haven't. Like some dude killed him and you paid like 200 bucks for it to feel like a real bear. You're a real man. How'd that work out for you? Didn't work out very well for the bear or for the horses and how I'm going to make him fight. It's a disease I've got stuck in my head today. Who knows what will be stuck in here tomorrow? I hope it'll be something about cats. Maybe like every Wednesday will be Katie's in a headband day, which brings me to the only plug I'll give on here. Head on out to CatDana. It's got the perfect choices for your cats. Headband needs. If you want them to look like a little sporty one, they got the stretchy terrycloth ones that NBA players wear. If you want to have them look like a little rock star with like the paisleys and stuff that you'd see on a dude from Poison or something, they got those. And if you just need to be gangsta, like I am gangsta, they have like the twist around bandana ones available there too. So I appreciate you guys listening. I want to remind you that, uh, on Grand Theft Audio Radio tomorrow, uh, we do have in, um, Max Hardcore, one of the most notorious dudes in porn. I mean, this guy has, uh, done them all and, um, been arrested for it. He has been out of jail now for just a couple of weeks. This is going to be his first in-studio recountment of why he got arrested and what type of adventures he had in jail. So that's going to be pretty awesome. As we announced earlier, there will be no Brant Thoman tomorrow, but, uh, I will be loved by the lovely, and vivacious, uh, Rachel Butera from the Howard Stern Show. So that's going to be awesome as heck. We do appreciate you guys tuning in today and listening to Lance Winery. If you guys get a chance, uh, please check out his show on Thursday night on CBS at 830. It is, uh, Rules of Engagement. It follows Big Bang Theory. And if his, uh, past episodes and his web shorts or any indication should be a great episode. So, uh, I'm Jake Belcher. Only for Jake Belcher. Everyone else can fuck themselves. Um, I love me and nobody else. Good night, everybody. Bye.