Interview with Annie Abbott about her one-woman show and life story

I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair quest, quest, question. Hello, this is Vic Cohen, and it is a fair question. I'm broadcasting once again live from Skid Row Studios in stunning, it is just a stunning night here in downtown Los Angeles. The name of the show is It's a Fair Question because on this show, every question is a fair question. There is absolutely no question that is ever too personal or ever off limits. And tonight, well, we have a very special woman as our guest. On February 16th of this year, my birthday, I saw her perform her one-woman show. Now, the person who took me said, Vic, you can go anywhere you want. You just tell me, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go? And I did research. I went online and I looked at everything going on in town. Los Angeles is a big city. It had lots of options. And I was reading everything going on and there was one particular show that piqued my interest. And I said to my friend, this is what I want to do. No. No. This is what I want to do for my special birthday. And I consider birthdays a big deal. They're a big deal in my life and I like to do something special. And I had a hunch that seeing this lady perform her one-woman show would be special. And it was. The name of the show is Giving Up is Hard to Do. And I was so touched by her story that I had to talk to her after the show. And now we are friends. And she is sitting across from me. And I am just so excited to have her here. I want to say hello to you. I was so touched. I have to say I don't know you that well. But from the experiences I've had with you, I can say you are truly a beautiful, sweet, and sensitive person. And I thank you so much for joining us. Annie Abbott, how are you? I'm good. I love hearing all that stuff about myself. I know. And it's all true. It really is. Thank you. Yeah. What a great show. I loved seeing you because you were so vulnerable. You were so vulnerable and so honest. And I think you addressed so many great issues that we're going to talk about in this hour. Okay. Okay. Now, Annie, you know, a lot of people out here do one-person shows. It's a popular thing. But Annie is also quite an accomplished film and TV actress. And so I don't want this interview to be about your credits. But I want people to know some of the work you've done because it is so important. It's so impressive. Californication, Ghost Whisperer, L.A. Law, Boston Legal, Strong Medicine, Everybody Loves Raymond, Seventh Heaven, ER, Mad About You, Dream On, The X-Files, Becker, Roseanne, Golden Girls. It's a lot of work. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always looking forward. Yeah? Yeah. So you don't look back at the credits and go, I'm done? Nah. Oh, no. Now, my first question to you, are you really that good an actress? Yes. Quick answer. Yes, right. Okay. Well, what makes you such a great actress, would you say? I'm very thorough. I mostly only have more questions. Okay. What does that mean as far as how would that show in your acting? Probably the depth of... Preparation? Yes. That's exactly it. So the questions are about who is this character that I'm playing? That kind of thing? Backstory? Yes, sometimes backstory. Sometimes I'll find something in the script that... Because I've often been told by casting people or by the director who's in the room or something like that, you know, no one's ever asked that question before. Let me think for a minute because I don't even know if I can answer you yet. You said that may be a problem in the writing. I'll get back to you. That's been said to me several times. This is during the audition? Yes. Yes. This is interesting to me because often in the audition process as an actor myself, I kind of like to feel that I've made those... I've answered those questions in my head already and that I'm in there to show the decisions I've made. Right. And I always thought, although there are no hard, you know, steadfast rules on this, that asking questions like that you seem to be asking would almost be an annoyance. But it's worked for you. Am I wrong? No. I would say it has worked for me. But I understand what you're saying. I think you have to... I think one would have to be really be able to deliver and that if you get an answer or if they give you the time to ask a question, it better be worth it. And it better reveal something to them, maybe a level to them that they didn't even realize was there. Tell me about your voice. I love it. I do too. I know. So how much part are you smoking a day? Be honest. Yes, right. Am I the only one laughing? I'm laughing right there with you. Oh, no. Do you smoke? No. What is it? Do you have like some kind of nad? Like, what are the nodules? No. No, it's just my voice. Even as a kid, I had this voice. Oh, wow. Yeah. It must have freaked people out. I guess so. It must have sounded a little younger. Yeah, but it always, I think it's, I think what it really belies is how serious I really am. It's a kind of intensity that I think is reflected in my voice. Do you do voiceover work? I do. Any films or TV shows we may know that I haven't listed? Oh, I don't know. Probably. Okay. Yeah, probably. Yeah, it's a great voice. Thank you. Now, I... Usually, I can't say I've ever asked a guest this, but I think it's relevant to what we're going to be talking about. Okay. So, I'm curious about your age. Oh, why? Do you... I think it's relevant. You don't have to answer. Okay. But I think it's relevant only in that your life story is so fascinating. Mm-hmm. And there's issues that I think address more of a senior person. Mm-hmm. So, would it be fair to say you're in your 60s? Yes. Okay. Yeah. And we'll get to why I think that's important later. Okay. But I also... Because I'm looking at you and not everyone is. And I think that part of who you are is what I'm looking at. You know, the physical. Right. And I want people to match the voice with what they might be imagining. The physicality of who you are. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay. I wasn't trying to get too personal. Ask me how old I am. How old are you? I play 35 to 45. And how old are you? I play 35 to 45. That's a fair question. I play 5'3 to 5'8. I play 130 pounds to 155 pounds. That's great. That's how I answer. Let's talk about your one-woman show. Okay. Title, Giving Up is Hard to Do. Where did you come up with the title and what does it mean? Oh, that's a good question. It's easier to say what it means to me rather than how I found it. It was many names. I would call Jules Wick, my director, every five minutes. I got another name. Unloading the baggage. I got another name. Packing up. I got another name. Packing the baggage. I got another name. Get your baggage all packed up. I got another name. And he kept saying no, Annie, no, no, no. And Ted, that guy inside. Ted is her man, her lover. Right. He's here. He accompanied her downtown. It's a very scary place downtown. I need him as my bodyguard too. He said to me, you know what you should do? You should think about a song title. He's very into music. And I said, yeah, Ted, yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Come up with some song titles. So he was going down titles. And one of them was Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. And I went, what? Giving Up Is Hard To Do? I said, what's the name of that? What? What? Was that Breaking Up Is Hard To Do or Giving Up Is Hard To Do? He said, Breaking Up. I said, no. My show, Giving Up Is Hard To Do. And then I wondered if I could do that. And I did it. I don't even know if I can do it. But I did it. Giving Up Is Hard To Do. And to me. When you say you did it, what are you, are you referring to the show itself? No, no. The title. If I could call it. Oh, Giving Up Is Hard To Do. Because I think some people have said to me, O'Neal Sedaka, Breaking Up Is Hard To Do. Okay. And I said, yes, but it's Giving Up Is Hard To Do. Should I keep going? No, you're, yes, you're doing great. And I, to me, I think. To me, the show is every woman. And it's what it takes to get through a life. Even if it's not the particulars that, that challenge, even if the particular challenges aren't the same. I think you're visited by many things and it's your job to deal with them and find a way to get back to yourself. So were there times in life. Were you thought of giving up, but you're too much of a fighter to do such? I couldn't even, it's not even, it, I don't work like, I don't, I don't work like that. It's not even, I'm not even in charge. I feel like it isn't charged. Is that a God? No, it's a nature. Nature. Nature. Is that your God or your like mother nature or your human nature? No, I think one's, I think people's natures take care, inform you who you are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. you who you are and take over when you whether you're lost or can't find your way in or out your nature guides you somehow that's a gut I guess I mean that's what I'm hearing some kind of inner voice I don't even think it's conscious I actually think it's unconscious I think it's undeniable I can't I think you can't deny your nature and it takes over and leads you what if you have a unhealthy nature or a negative one or one that leads you to poor choices what think that's a lovey yeah you just not lucky well I mean there's ways probably to deal with that too right and to acknowledge it right and then do something different right now in this play you talk about being single right now you were married correct right how many 32 years and when when did you get married I'm 32 years old right after college where'd you go to school Brooklyn College okay that's in New York I read that on Wikipedia that Brooklyn is in New York no I'm kidding okay so you graduate from college is this like a college sweetheart yes and you're madly in love yes and you were doing Broadway correct well I wasn't doing Broadway yet we were kind of doing off-broadway he was an actor as well Ronnie started out as an actor it's Ronnie Abbott and then he started out as an actor and then he was an actor and then he was an actor and you're fired up you're fired up you're fired up you're fired up you're fired up Became a stage manager, a very, very big stage manager on Broadway and at Lincoln Center. And he was there with Joe Papp at the time that Jeff Blechner was and Sam Shepard. He did one of Sam's plays. Wow. Yeah. Very good. Did it help you get roles? Did he or did they? That relationship? You know, it's interesting. Later on it did, but I never wanted to lean, kind of lean in on anyone else's, in terms of what they were doing. I thought there would be a natural intersection if there was supposed to be. And that's kind of the way we always did it. Now, you were, I imagine you're still very pretty, cute, young, little thing, so to speak. Yeah. Running around the theaters. Yeah. You're married. Were men ever inappropriate? Was there a casting couch or directors who you thought were crossing the line? Oh, that's a good question. I have to think. I think because I was always a character woman, even though I'm, in certain ways, I'm actually, I look better now than I did when I was younger. I think, I don't know. I just think I do. Okay. But was that, so it sounds like that was never an issue, really. I don't think so. You know, if it was. I probably. I probably wasn't even aware of it. I wasn't expecting it. So, I didn't relate to it. I think sometimes socially, Ronnie and I were asked to, I thought some couple was once asking us to swing. Oh, she's cute. Do you guys swing? I thought, you know, I'm not going to respond to this. I don't, I'm going to make believe I didn't hear this. So, you know, these people have children. We had children and. How many kids do you have? Two. Two. So, were you uncomfortable because it just made you feel awkward and embarrassed? That question? That and also, there was no way I could respond. It was, to me, the most impossible. I could never imagine Ronnie and I in that situation. So, I completely, I just, you know, I kind of distracted everybody with, oh, I love your couch or something. The best thing to do is pretend you did not hear it. Exactly. The mature way to deal with something, right? Right. That's great. So, you're doing Broadway and you have, you and Ronnie. We have a really great relationship. Of course, a normal one, probably with challenges at times. Right. And you and he eventually move out here to Los Angeles? Yes, but not until 86. And what happened to the marriage? How did it end? Ronnie died. Okay. Oh, I thought you knew that. Oh, Ronnie died. Well, they may not know listening. Oh, that's true. Oh, yes. I'm a lawyer. And I'm actually not quite sure because I don't remember if, I assumed that it was something like that and not divorce. Right. Because you would have talked about in the show. Right. But I didn't know 100%. What happened? Was it sudden? Yes, it was very sudden. He had had diabetes for a number of years and he started feeling a tightness in his chest and he was actually at a rehearsal one night. My daughter took him to the emergency room and they said it was gas and sent him home. And then two days later, after seeing friends, he complained of a tightness in his chest again. We went to the hospital and... They wanted to put a stent in. So, they put a stent in. Two days later, he was gone. Oh, my God. And the next day in the hospital, I saw that they were going to start to use some sort of liquid to help the stent. That it was important that the stent work better if there was liquid surrounding it, some sort of liquid. So, I think that was somehow there was some interference. It didn't settle well. So, in your mind, you and Ronnie were going to live the rest of your life. Together. Yes. And there was not a sense of he was in poor health and you were concerned of him passing away. So, you suddenly literally woke up one day a single woman. Kind of. Kind of. Actually, on Friday night, Saturday night, he had the tightness in his chest again and I took him to the emergency room and they put the stent in. But Friday night, he said to me, you know what? That stupid doctor I go to, he said I should stay in the hospital for the weekend. I said, what are you crazy? I work on Monday. It's important to have people to, you know, he had a business. And I went. What was his business? At that point, he was, he had his own computer business. Okay. Just curious. But let's get back to this. Okay. So, I went, oh my God. Oh my God. He's a dead man. That's what I said in my head. Because he left the hospital early? Yes. Because the doctor said stay in the hospital. And you were the one who was in the hospital? Yes. And you were the one who was in the hospital? Yes. And you were the one who encouraged him to leave? No, I didn't know it. He told me on Friday night at 10 o'clock. Okay. And I went, oh my God. He's a dead man. In my head. He died that evening? No, Saturday night. I mean, Saturday night, we had to go to the hospital. And that's when they said that. Oh, he was having a problem? Yeah. Well, on Friday night, you weren't thinking, let's just get him right back to the hospital? There was, we had, it was Cedars-Sinai. We couldn't get in touch with the doctor. We tried to get in touch with the doctor. We couldn't do it. It was, it seemed to me adorable. The door that had closed. Right. And that I was going to have to deal with what that doctor knew was going to happen over the weekend. So you had a premonition? Yes. So I'm sure that must have been a horrific, probably one of the worst moments of your life. Yes. He died at home. Okay. We were all there. The kids were there and everything. Okay. How many years ago was that? 14. So there's, there's obviously the natural grieving process. Yeah. How soon were you ready to? To reenter life in the sense of entertaining, having a potential another romantic partner? Maybe about eight, maybe about eight years. It took me a very long time because two things. One I'd met Ronnie when I was 19, so I'd never really been alone. I'd never been alone as an adult and I thought it was an important thing for me to know what it was like. And to be, to be independent in a different way, to be independent as an adult, as a woman who would never, I'd never been a young woman on my own. I'd always been with Ronnie. And this is a really, the reason this is so pertinent is because this kind of sets the stage where Annie's play begins. Right. Right. Annie is now single. You're I'm guessing in your fifties, early fifties, late forties. I don't know. I don't know. Somewhere in there. Late, um, uh, oh, eight years later. I don't know. I was married for 30 years. So it's eight years after whatever that is. So you're not, you're not, you're like more of what we call middle age than a young woman. Right. Exactly. Right. Um, not that middle age is old, but just to set where you are. Right. You've, you've had 30 some years with this man and now you are. And it's eight years after that. And eight years after that. So now we're close to like 40 years. Right. Exactly. And you're the first boyfriend. Yes. So you were a virgin when you met him. Yeah. So you had only had one lover. Right. Which has got to be scary too. Oh, it was horrifying. I didn't, I knew I could have a relationship. I didn't add a date. So I started, I read some books on dating. Dating for dummies? Kind of. Like those. You know, things like don't. Yeah, I say it's funny because dating for dummies, like you already are feeling awkward enough, right? Exactly. And you're going to buy a book. That feels bad. And then they have to call you a dummy. You're not feeling awkward enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're feeling great anyways about the whole thing, right? But anyways, what kind of books were you getting? I was getting books probably that geared women for relationships. Because I knew they would, that I had to take first steps because all those last steps I knew a lot about, but I had to learn about the first steps. Even conversations, conversations to have, subjects to bring up, subjects not to bring up. So. Also, I felt because I was an actress that kind of the world is your stage. I've always felt that I could say anything and get away with it because I could. That was kind of my job. I just... The world's a stage to me. But in the real world, I felt that I had to be more appropriate. I had to be... What does appropriate mean? Appropriate means... How would you be inappropriate? Well... I thought... Crying? I thought... single. No, I actually felt that I had to play a real woman. I had to appear as if I was a typical woman of my age when I felt anything but. Okay. Well, what does that mean exactly? Did you feel like a younger woman, but you felt you couldn't be that? No, it had nothing to do with age. It had to do with the life I had lived. I knew it would be different than the life that anyone I dated had lived. So I, I didn't even tell people at first that I was an actress. I told them I was a writer. But that's a little presumptuous to think others may not have lived the kind of life you've lived here in Los Angeles. There are many men who may have lived lives of, you know, a marriage that, that ended. Oh, I didn't mean that. I meant in terms of the work that I did. Okay. I knew that people had seen my work, but didn't necessarily. They could have been a lawyer and see my work. They could be a doctor and see my work. And you can love the theater and love art and stuff like that. But that doesn't mean that I wasn't ready to retire. I didn't want to be with anyone who was retired. I didn't want to, I didn't have to have good cars and, you know, I wasn't interested in anything like that. I didn't want to fur. I mean, these are all silly. You say fur, are you talking fur? Fur fur. Ferrari, right? No, you mean like you weren't, you're not materialistic. No, no. You're not a gold digger. Right. Were you a, what do they call that? A cougar? What does that mean? Cougar? Yeah. What does it mean? It's older women. Yeah. Who are into very young guys. Oh no, I don't like young guys. You're not a cougar. No. Okay. It's a fair question. No, it is. It's a fair question. As a matter of fact, most women got so excited when they heard I was dating because they thought I was dating younger men. I said, no, I'm not interested in younger men. I was, I've never been interested in younger men. Right. Really? Well, that's good. It'll keep you from getting arrested. I don't know what that means. So not even like who you are. I don't know why I said that. So you're, you decided to start going online. Is that right? That's correct. And you, you chose J-Date. I did. Okay. And the reason, you know, you talk about this new show and the other thing is I've been on J-Date and I was wondering if you ever tried to contact someone. Contact me. No. No. That was such a quick answer. A painful one. So we never did go out. No. Okay. I just wanted to make sure. So you go on J-Date and you were talking about, in your show, you talk about some of the kind of guys you're dating. Right. Now, this came up, this comes up in the show and I want to talk to you about your breast cancer. Right. And that's like a big what? If I'm listening, you know, if you're listening, you're like, what? Breast cancer? What? When did that happen? When did that happen? Um, that's a good question. It happened 25 years into our marriage. Okay. So that's whenever that was. It happened 25 years. How did you discover the breast cancer? Mammogram. Mammogram. Mammogram. Okay. So you, um, you have, one of your breasts had the breast cancer, correct? Right. No, they were cells, cancerous. Cells. Yes. You had the entire breast removed. Right. That was my choice. It was my choice. I didn't have to. Now in the, in the, your story, your play, you, um, mentioned you do not have reconstruction. No. Why? Uh, I felt it was a separate issue from the cancer. I was interested in not having a cancer anymore. So I dealt with the cancer. Ronnie and I went to one breast surgeon to, and he kept telling me what gorgeous breasts he could give me in the left one. He would lift and I'd lift them both that I'd cut here and I'd, and I, and it was, um, I'm talking about a purse, you know, or, um, or a sculptor or something. I mean, he was, he, it was art to him. And, uh, it seemed more serious to me. It did. Um, I kind of wasn't in the same place that he was to me. It was, um, it was cancer and how to deal with the cancer. And to him, it was, he was in a place that I just wasn't at all. So you kind of, it sounds like it, it felt. It felt like it undermined it, the serious nature of the cancer by playing dress up with the breast. Yeah. In a sense, like the gravity of the situation. Right. I couldn't, I couldn't go to the gorgeous pair he could make for me and the left one, look what he could do, the stuff here you could lift, you could, you know, I got, I have a perfect idea for you. So I said, Ronnie, let's get out of here. When, when you, um, as a woman lose a breast. Mm-hmm. How does that change your sense of self? It's a good question. Um, I, I, I still felt completely whole and I have a prosthetic. I still have it. There are times I forget to put it in. I feel completely whole. And I'm sure women who, whether they reconstruct or not, feel completely whole. I hope they do. But it doesn't, um, you just assume it's there. Well, a breast shouldn't define a woman. Uh. I don't believe. I don't know, but for me, I was very glad I breastfed my children. And that was, I know the night before I had the surgery and it's very, it's always scary. I don't like to be put out. Uh, that was the part that scared me the most. Um. I've had major surgery. I know that feeling. Yeah. It's terrifying, actually. It is. It's terrifying. That was the part that really scared me. And I did, I did kind of, um, I did have a moment of, of gratefulness for the years, um, that I had it. And for the joy it gave me and Ronnie. And, um, and I breastfed, so the comfort it gave me. Breastfed Ronnie? Just a little bit. Everyone wants to taste the milk. Hey, I, I've never been, I've never had a pregnant woman, but, um, you know, if I did, that would be something I would. Oh, no, you have to. I do. Oh, absolutely. And I forget what he said it tasted like, but it does. It's a very specific. You didn't say it tastes like chicken, I hope, because that's always like the fallback answer about anything. Oh, it tastes like chicken. Um, that's so horrible. I'm sure it was very nice. I don't know. I really forget. I know it's warm. I don't think, I probably tasted it, but I just forget. You know, cause, um, I imagine that as, as a young girl matures into a young woman, you know, that, and this is all my imagination, cause I didn't have sisters or I don't really know what it's like to be around. Oh, that's interesting. Someone maturing into a woman. Right. But I imagined like the, in my head, I imagine like they're constantly looking at their breasts in the mirror. Am I getting bigger? Right. You know, and then eventually they go, oh, it looks like something's happening. Right. And then they compare to their friends and then it's like, you know, what cup size, you know, and it becomes a kind of a milestone in the, in the mindset of what, moving into womanhood. Right. You got it right. So that's why I was curious what that loss was like, but it sounds like for you, it was, it was coming from a place of gratitude. Yes. In an interesting way. I also, yes. Also, I felt very lucky that I could do something about it and that these were cells. It hadn't become a growth or any kind of tumor. And it was my, there was, they found three sites of atypical cells. I knew by the language, it was interesting. He said, when he called me, he said, you know, there's something, we see something suspicious. I went, I got it. And he said, I don't know. I don't know. I told him, then when he told me, he said, there are three sites of atypical cells. And I remember on the phone, I said, so what do you think the chances are? What do you think the chances are? He said, well, two out of 10 women, he said, that's not great odds. Yeah. Because you're always looking for the upside. Well, the craziest part of that story for me is that you're talking about this on the phone. To me, this is a face-to-face kind of conversation one would want to have with their doctor. So I'm surprised. Unless you just... No, no, I did. Okay. The first conversation was on the phone. Then I said, Ronnie... You did a follow-up. Oh, my God. Yeah, we ran to his office. I said, Ronnie, we're leaving. I have cancer. And he was 10 minutes away. He was a good guy. I liked him a lot. Yeah. Because he was honest with me. He really was very direct. When he said, we see something suspicious, I went, I got it. Did you do chemotherapy or anything after that? No, I didn't have to do anything. Okay. Yeah. So that was the benefit, right? To me, it was a benefit. Yeah. And I also didn't have to... You know, you're never a virgin again, that I will say. Each time I go for my mammogram, I never think it's easy street that I dealt with it already. I always feel... You know, to me, once you've been visited, you understand the possibility remains. So you're obviously a strong woman. You get through the surgery and you're with your husband. You're getting better. And then now, move forward 10, 15 years later, you're single. And so not only are you dealing with the stresses of being a woman in the single world, but you have a bit of a secret. Yeah. I have a big secret. Because we don't put that... That's not usually in the profile, right? Oh, it's not. But I... Yes, but... The dating profile online. Yes, I know. I know what you're saying. But there was a woman I met who told me to put it right in the profile. She said it's the only thing I'd advertise. You know, she said, I would say... I already gave it the office. Huh. That's funny. Isn't that one right breast? I know. That's a funny line. She was a young woman. She was about... At that time, she was about probably 45 years old. And she was married to an older man. And she said, I'd put it right in there. That's funny. Yeah. It's easy for her to say, though, being married. Maybe. You know what I mean? It's a different experience when one is actually in the spot of out there. Yeah. To tell you the truth, I called all my closest friends. You're absolutely right. Because I called all the women. Women that, to me, were like really good guys, cool women. They all said, get another breast. Every single one of them said, have reconstruction now. Every single one of them. Right. But I just... Somehow, my nature, I didn't want to. I really felt... I still felt whole. And I understood that I was going to... That the person... That would want to be with me would understand that. Yeah. And that's great. You stayed to your nature. And we're going to... As we continue talking, sticking with your nature has worked out quite well. Yes. In the romance department. But we won't get there yet. Okay. So you're single. Right. You go on J-date. Right. Looking for a Jewish guy. Was Ronnie Jewish? Yes. You're Jewish? Yes. So you're out there looking. You're out there looking. And what was that like? I mean, you mentioned in the show that you had a... I think it was a 24-year-old? Yes. Looking out, trying to get together with you? I know. He said he loves older women. I'm sure he does. Yeah. When he says loves, I don't think he means in a... Romantic... I think he just maybe has a thing, like a fetish. Yeah. How'd that make you feel? Make me feel? Uh, I can't even describe. It was nothing. It was nothing I was interested in. I couldn't even address the... It's just never anything I've been interested in. Did it freak you out? Or do you just find it funny? Um, kind of just funny. I don't even know if I've emailed him back. Not interested, but thanks. You've got great taste. So there was... You didn't sleep with him. There was no sex with him. Oh, no. I'm just kidding. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. You're a single lady. Never know. If I don't ask, I don't know. Right? Right. So the 24-year-old... In the show, you say that you didn't have the energy. Yes, that he would require more energy than I was interested in. Now, did you mean sexual energy? Or did you mean tending to a 24-year-old? Just the maturity level? Nah, I meant sexual energy. Okay. Yeah. And so then you meet a guy named Sheldon. Right. Tell me about Sheldon. Sheldon was a couples therapist. A family therapist and a couples therapist. And Sheldon had been married for 42 years. And he was widowed. And lots of emails. Emails. Emails. For months. Emails. And then there were phone calls and phone calls and phone calls and phone calls. And, you know, so he was really setting the table for... He was going to be... He was very, very careful about who he was going to meet. Finally, he said, okay, let's meet. And by that time, it's almost you go, okay, we'll meet. Did you see pictures of him up to that point? Because I would be like, there's no way if I don't see a picture of this guy right away. Yes, I saw a picture. I think he had a picture up. It was fine. I mean, he looked like a good-looking guy. How freaked out were you suddenly dating online? I mean, Sheldon and others. I mean, were you just like, oh, my God, and calling your girlfriends? Like, I don't know what to do. Well, all the time. And there were some people that had no patience with me because I don't think they understood it. I actually... Some of the men, you mean? No, some of the people I was calling. A lot of my friends did that. Were you annoying to your friends? Well, of course. I mean, I was asking such stupid questions. Like what? How do I know if someone likes me? I mean, that seemed like a real question to me. How do I respond if someone wants to kiss me? Do I do it on the first date? Do I not? Does it mean anything? Does it mean nothing? What do you think? What's your answer? What did you come up with with that one? Well, I kind of did what I wanted to do. Go with your nature. I went with my nature. Yeah, but before any of this took place, I wanted answers or I wanted some kind of outline of boundaries or some kind of outline that I could follow. But you really kind of had to get in there. Right. And speak for yourself. Weren't you nervous about sex? Very nervous about it. Well, because... And I said to my sister, I said, Susie, when do I tell someone? And she said, when it's right. Tell someone about what? That I had one breast. How about the fact you've only had one lover? Oh. I think that's an interesting thing. Oh, that's interesting. Only one of the men knows I had one lover. Oh, okay. My second lover. And now anyone listening? Right. Which is... And the A.S. and Jeremy are produced. Yeah. But that's not a bad thing. Yeah. That's interesting. Do you ever look back and go, how did I only... How have I only had two lovers? Like, do you ever think like I've missed out on... No. I have such... I've had such wonderful men in my life. They're wonderful men. They're both wonderful men. I'm very fortunate. So, like, not just like the curiosity of like variety or... There's nothing to be curious. I mean, I feel like I've had it all and I feel like I have a tremendous amount today. Yeah. It's really about the love. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot about sex. Well, some guys... I'll talk about guys, you know, like Jeremy, for example, our producer. I won't put it on me, but you know, a lot of guys are like, you know, I would like to date an Asian woman. I'd like to have an African American woman. I'd like to have a threesome. I would like to have sex from, you know, the... I'm not going to... But I'm saying they want to do everything. That wasn't you. No. And because you... you don't have because that's just not how you're wired I don't know I like things that I like things that have the depth of meaning I mean I'm curious about about depth of meaning right so it's not just the sex the sex is great but it has to be something connected to that sex oh yeah right I mean to me that's the package and I think it's a very hard package to get I think yeah also when you're older I think you have to be willing to look foolish to be rejected I think that's true of any age by the way yes but it's when you're older I well there are certain things when you're older you can be rejected for things that aren't your fault well that's true when you younger too but I think if as you get older your body doesn't look as good maybe and there are things that nobody that everybody has seen secrets they have when they younger but when they're older they might even feel more are restrictive we're secrets about things that have happened in the past or not just a body image or yeah a lot of people have had illnesses then I tell you immediately and then I tell you if they don't have to well it's interesting you say that because I have Crohn's disease I don't know if you know what that is I do but there's you know there it's an intestinal disease my sister had colitis okay and Crohn's and colitis are very similar collides is more of the colon, Crohn's is more of this generally appears in the small intestine. And I, over the years, I've had a couple of surgeries and I'm very healthy today. Thank God. But being a single man, I have to share that at some point, not because it's a horrible thing, but it is as much a part of me as it's just part of me. But no one wants to present themselves as broken or diseased, sick. Exactly. And it is. I mean, that's, and then I always think, well, everyone's got something. Yeah, but- If they don't get hit by a bus before it happens. But I think what you're saying is that not everyone has Crohn's disease. And what a young man is going to say is not, usually is not going to be Crohn's disease. Well, when I discovered I had it when I was 17. So that was a different, at 17, not, you know, that wasn't the typical. No, not at all. Yeah. And I- I kept it quiet for a long time and I'm being much more open about it now because I just want to live in acceptance. Right. It's a, I'm, I know because of my sister, a certain amount. So it's, it's very smart of, it's very smart of you to tell me, to share it with me. But of course, then you're sharing it with a lot of people. And there's freedom in that, right? Yes, exactly. Yeah. Exactly. So I can relate to what that, Yeah. Yeah. In some ways, what that must have been like to kind of know you have a secret. That's right. About your breast cancer. And then you're going out with men and romancing. You, you're one of, we all want to be loved and liked and you meet certain guys. So, so getting back to Sheldon, the highlight in that is Sheldon, what did Sheldon tell you? Well, at the end, just before we were getting together, he said to me, Annie, he whispered, he said, Annie, He whispered on the phone. On the phone. Okay. Annie, I have to tell you, I'm really very big. And I went, oh my God, no. Oh, he's a, oh, he's a big man. I didn't want him to be a big man. I thought he was very heavy. And I said, oh, that's okay. We're all a little out of shape, you know? So we'll, I'll see you on Saturday at the blah, blah. I don't even remember the restaurant. So, um, when I got to the restaurant, he was already sitting down and I went, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And when he stood up, I went, oh, my God, now I know what he meant. He was huge. He was wearing these black jeans and his crotch, his penis, the package was standing straight and tall. And, you know, in the show I say he was saluting. It was saluting me. And, you know, you can't stop looking. All I could do was look. And he walked me to, I guess, my car. Was he bent over when he walked? Oh, no. No, I guess he had a lot of practice over the years. Or they were very loose pants. But I couldn't, they had to be loose. He needed a lot of room. Yeah. I couldn't believe how naive I was that I didn't understand that he meant he had a big penis. I thought he meant he was fat. Right. Well, that's a sweet story. Isn't it? In a certain way. That innocence is really great. I think Jeremy likes it. Yeah. He's got a big smile on his face. Right. Because it shows the innocence. Yes. And that's fun. You know, I think that when you're widowed and you're dating, it might be a different experience than when you've been divorced. Because it's not a choice you made. You didn't want it to end. It ended. No, it ended. So. I mean, divorce can be like that too, but it's different. I mean, you were in love. Yes. And he was in love. Right. And that's such a different story than even a divorce, obviously. Yeah, I think so. Yes. Yes. And that, when you're talking about the innocence, I felt that. I felt like, whatever I was, 58, whatever I was, I felt like I was, um, um, uh, like a 16-year-old, 58-year-old, that I had no experience in the world in which I had placed myself. And I didn't. I'd never dated anybody except for Ronnie. Well, you know, the other thing I can say is that, um, Sheldon, that just seems odd, you know, as a man. Um, if I'm aroused, um, it's not for public display. I mean, that's just odd. I mean, when you say he was large, I mean. He was huge. Like. I mean, I think he was huge. Like a foot? Two feet? I mean. Like. But it. I mean. It seemed enormous. It just surrounded. The whole front of his pants was just standing. Like a tent. Like a huge tent. Yeah. That's just crazy. Yeah. It never went down. I mean, I kept looking at it. I couldn't help it. It's still up. It's still up. How many years has it been? Uh, five and a half years ago or six years ago or something. He still can't get that thing down. So, did you, um, have a second date with him? I did not. No? I did not. Yeah. That's. And that's also odd. You know, it's funny because. It's. I love the story because men and women are often, uh, to me, they can do inappropriate things, say inappropriate things. Like you'd think a grown man married 40 some years. Yeah. He's so careful about, you know, being. Exactly. Seeing you at the right time. I know. And then out of nowhere, he whispers that he has a huge penis. Like where. That's so incongruous. I know. Right? Incongruent. Right. I think. What's the wrong word? Yeah. Or whatever. You know what we're saying. Yeah. Right. It's just so strange. And see, that's what I love about dating. Dating is the insanity. Uh-huh. You know, I'm, uh, before I go on a date. Okay. Especially if it's a blind date. It's much because I do standup comedy. And I do other things. And I don't know if you can relate to this, but a lot of people hate dating. I love it because I feel like I'm fully immersed in life and I don't know what's going to be behind that door. I, I, I, and I, I just relish that moment of, of fully living and, um, not knowing what's going to happen. It's just, to me. That is, and that's the same feeling I get before I go on stage doing standup. And I take a moment to take that in. Right. Because there are so few moments in life that are quite like that, where it could be the, an amazing experience or it could just be quite entertaining. Right. Because it's never bad for me. Uh-huh. It's just entertaining. That's interesting. Yeah. I love it. No, I was more scared than that. Well, also, and for good reason. I've, I've been dating a while. You were brand new to this. That's it? Yeah. Isn't that interesting? I had no legs when it came to dating. It was really, I had to, my first achievement was having a second date. And I remember saying, good, a second date. So you met, uh, someone else, right? You talk about in the show. Yes. Your one woman show. Um, Paul? It, it was Paul. The radiologist? That's right. Right. So tell me the highlight of that experience. Well, we had dated about five times the year before. And then, and he left. I never, he just. He just disappeared, which is fairly typical on dating online. But you had five dates. Yeah. Was that the longest you had dated someone? Probably. Okay. So that's monumental. Yeah. And it was over a period of time, you know, cause I think he was dating a lot of other people. I think almost all the men I was dating had lots of other women in all different ages. They were dating women in the thirties, forties. I was probably the top age that anyone was dating. I hear a lot of women get very angry when they see men's profile online who, who have their age range is so low. Like, you know. It's so narrow, you mean. Like there'd be a guy, let's say who's 60. Right. And he says he'll date 25 year olds to 39. Right. Now, were you getting angry at guys? Like when you'd read profiles like that? Nah. Just because I probably didn't contact and they didn't contact me. Okay. So it wasn't. I didn't contact them. All right. No, but they were, they were fairly open about it. I mean, I could kind of tell. Um, I could just kind of tell. They were. Yeah. Whether it's Cole playing the field or whatever that they were seeing more than me. Uh, but I guess you don't narrow it till. Well, I'm talking more about the age thing. There's some, some women who are, you know, forties, fifties, sixties. They, they meet these guys the exact same age who won't even date their age. I know that. Yeah. And they get incensed by that. Yeah. But it sounds like that wasn't your experience because you found enough guys. You just didn't really care. You're not, that's not your personality, I think. Well, I didn't then. I also, I'm, I really felt so strongly about it. I felt strongly about who I was, who I am that I thought I, it was clear to me, all these guys were interested. They really found me very interesting, but that doesn't mean that you, that doesn't mean that I was the place that they were going to stop. Right. I understood the value of being face to face with me, but it didn't mean that that was all that it was for them. If they wanted a younger woman, they were going to be with young woman anyway. Right. So were your children, um, involved in your dating? Like, mom, you need to get out, mom, you know, you need to. So, or was there a boundary there that you kept? Oh, I would ask them anything and what I have one daughter who's married and I say, Zoe, um, how do you, so what would you say if this guy said this to you? And then of course I told everyone about the guy who told me how big he was and everything and part of it, Zoe didn't want to know that much. She was now married with children. She didn't want to know that much, but my daughter, Erica, who lives in LA, she wanted to know much more. So I told her whatever I, you know. And she had, and she doesn't have the experience, of course, that I do, but I was surprised at, you can have some relevant information without having relevant experience. So that was interesting. Yeah, so she was helpful. Yes. And also she was on the J-date from time to time. You were fighting over the same men. Right. So Paul, though, was a monumental experience for you. Yes. And tell us about that. Okay, so a year later he contacts me. He says, this is after the five dates the year before, and he says, I don't know if you'd be interested, but, you know, I disappeared last year, but I'm still interested. If you would have dinner with me, I'll tell you why. I went, I really like the guy. I'd be happy to know why. So he told me why, and then we started dating again. And we were at my house, and we started making out, and all of a sudden his right hand, goes to my right breast, and I, actually, I think he actually touched it, and I went, oh, my God. He seems so shocked about that. That's what guys do. I know. They touch breasts. But he should have known it wasn't real, but I think. How would he not know? Well, first, I think guys know when it's a real breast. I don't know. I'm looking at you right now. I mean. No, no, no, if you touched it. How would he not know? First of all, he's a radiologist. Okay. He once said to me, that's all he did was look at breasts all day. He once said to me. And that was on his days off. Yeah. He once said to me, I saw, I see more breasts in one day than a guy should see in a lifetime. Wow, that's so, I'm sure that turned you on. Poor guy. Poor guy. He's got all the lines. So he started to touch my breasts, and I went, oh, my God. I forgot to tell you. I don't have a right breast. And I guess he took a minute, and then he said, oh, okay. And we started making out again. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is really cool. At the end of the evening, he says, I really like this. I had a really good time. I said, I did too. And he left, and I never heard from him again. That was very hard. Was that the kind of hard where you're crying and feeling broken? I think that one, yes. And I tried to think of an excuse to email him to say, oh, hi, I know you went to your sisters. How was it at your sisters? Or just blah, blah, blah, you know, just to try to get him. him to force him to acknowledge me in some way or to let me have my say, it's very hard to be rejected for any reason. There's a great saying. I don't know if you've ever heard this, Annie. It sounds a little religious or whatever, but I think it works. You know, that life's rejection is God's protection. Have you heard that? I have. Yeah. And that's like such a great example. Yeah. This guy wasn't for you. Right. Absolutely. So you met eventually someone special. Yes. And he actually came here to the studio with you. He did. Tonight. And you've been together now for four years. More. I think it's- Four and a half? No, I think it's close to five and a half. Five and a half. We've lived together for three and a half. Yeah, I think it's close to five and a half. You're living in sin? We're living in sin. I don't know if I approve of this. I know, but we can talk about that after the show. So when you revealed your- For what was clearly very private and personal, the breast. Right. Not being there, how did he respond? Well, he said, it's a non-issue. And I went, oh my God, he didn't hear me. I have to tell him again. I can't believe it. I said, Ted, I don't think you heard me. I only have one breast. And he said, I heard you hear me, non-issue. And- Yeah. And it kind of was like the Red Sea parting. It felt like I could begin. This was the beginning. We could have a beginning. We could begin. A real relationship could begin. Your eyes look like they're tearing up. Am I mistaken? Are you just tired? Is this an emotional story for you? Yeah. Because it seems like it probably, you still feel it no matter how many times you've told it or thought about it. I think that- What are the tears from? People who came to the show, and I've heard other people say it, in their own life, they'll say, because it's a non-issue. And it's a piece, it's offering, I guess it's in a way being grateful, understanding that they're, in terms of what's important in a relationship or in a, or when two people seek each other or want each other, there are things of value that, there are things of value and then there are things that aren't necessary. Yeah. What a great story. I'm so happy that we've had the chance to visit here. Yeah, me too. And there's good news for people who live in Los Angeles. If they would like to see your show, it's going to be Sunday, September 22nd. Now, is it just one show? One day? This one is one. Now, where can people find you if they go, wow, this Annie lady, she's really cool. I want to stay, somehow like communicate with her or- Okay. How do they do that? My email is A-N-N. You want to give your personal email? I shouldn't. Oh, go ahead. No, I think that's fine. Our listeners are pretty cool. They won't bother you. Okay, I won't give my personal email. Well, some people, you know, they just- They just get a little nervous about their own, you know, private. Do you have a Facebook page? I do. Why don't you use that? Great. Unless you feel comfortable using your email. I don't want to stop you. No, no, no, no. I don't know what I'm doing. Jeremy's saying, yeah, she doesn't know what she's doing. Okay, so what's your Facebook page where they could find you? It's A-N-N-I-E-A-B-B-O-T-T, right? Correct. You use your regular- My name on Facebook. That's it. Isn't that- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I suppose you're probably putting out information all the time. I am. About your show. Right. And again, that's going to be Sunday, September 22nd. It's at the Onion Church, if anyone knows that. It's a Unitarian Church, also a spiritual church. So they have a lot of different groups, different religions that come in. And it's 2 p.m. at the Onion Church in North Hills. And they're- And there's a number. Okay. You can give the number where you can get tickets and stuff. Yeah. For tickets, it would be 818-894-9251. Uh-huh. This is it. We're done. We're out of time. Yeah. Can you believe it? Yeah. I can't. That's a fair question. It is a fair question. Thank you for not letting me give my email address. Oh, hey. No problem. Yeah. But I want to- I just want to thank you so much for being here and being so open. Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's such a gift. Thank you. To share with your heart like that. Yeah. You know, and what Ted sees in you, I see in you, and the people who go and see your show see in you. Thank you. Yeah. And it's a real blessing that you've done this show because we only get to see a part of you. You know, I know you were a judge in L.A. Law for like nine years. And you can look her up and, you know, she's quite an accomplished actress, Annie. But we never get to hear this side of you. Thank you. Yeah. And this is really an important side of you. That affect people, change people. Yeah. It's beautiful. Thank you. I appreciate that you asked. Well, thank you again. This has been an amazing show. Great time with Annie Abbott. Find her on Facebook. And I hope to hear or see you again here. I'm not going to be hearing these people. I would have to have like- I'd have like a problem if I were hearing them. But hopefully you'll join us soon. We're going to have another great show coming up. And again, you've been listening to Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. It's a Fair Question. I'm Vic Cohen. And it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen. And it's a fair question. It's a fair... It's a fair... It's a fair... It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen. And it's a fair... It's a fair... It's a fair... It's a fair... Quest... Quest... Quest... Question... Quest... Quest... Question...