Dating books, herpes disclosure, foot fetish talk

Straight up now tell me do you really want to love me forever or is it just a hit and run? We got a good day. What's up my friends? We are back again on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with TalkXM165. If you want to call in 1-800-893-9562. Of course I am Melissa and I am joined by the out of control, over the top, off the chain, amazing Alex. How's it going tonight Alex? Dude I'm doing absolutely amazing after that intro. I feel like saying two chains. We have a very special guest with us for this episode as well. We are joined by our Northeasterner. Normally off air Twitter guy who's also pretty incredible. We couldn't do it without him. Hi Austin. How's it going over there? Hi Melissa. How you doing tonight? Thank you so much for joining us. You're welcome. Austin does a lot of our behind the scenes kind of prep work. He's behind us all the way. Behind you maybe. Yeah. I don't want him behind me. Why? I'll be behind him. He's been here behind me a lot. He is. He's behind Mindy too. I heard actually later. In the show Mindy has a good story to share with us too. Yeah. I got something interesting going down this week. I'm very excited to hear about this one. But. I think everyone's got a story to tell this week. Oh yeah. You've got a Vegas story. Everyone's got a story to tell. I think it'll be kind of interesting. Oh man. I feel so left out like I've gotten nothing. Well I mean this is kind of a story. I've been putting off telling it because it's kind of it doesn't make me happy. I like to focus on the good things but. As you should. I feel like a book. Ruined my life. A book ruined your life. Yes. Is it the Bible? No. No. No. No you hater. No. What was it? What's the book called? Well you know I do a lot of online shopping. Actually one of my favorite websites to go to is AdamandEve.com. Why? Because if you type in Skid Row you get a discount and I'm all about the online discounts. But this book was sent to me. My mom bought it online and shipped it straight to me. And I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. I'm like oh my gosh. It was sent to me. My mom bought it online and shipped it straight to me. It's called The Rules. The full title is The Rules Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. It's by Ellen Fine and Sherry Schneider. It's been around for a while. It's so old it doesn't actually even address current things like online dating and texting. But there's some pretty strict rules in this book. I'm sure a lot of that has changed though. I mean. There's got to be some rules that have to be kind of modified in some way, right? Well, there's, I mean, there's two ways of thinking about it. You can think about it like times evolve and change and you have to update your expectations with it. But you can also think about it like there's a lot more divorce now and basic things like courtship and wanting to be treated with respect and maybe a little bit of the chase hasn't changed. Well, that brings up a good point. I mean, you said like now there's a lot of divorce. You think back when that book was maybe written, I mean, do you think, I mean, it wasn't as bad. So maybe the book actually has some strong foundation to like long lasting relationships. Well, this book is actually based in the advice that the writers were given by their grandmothers and they said they passed it around. Grandmother advice? Yes. And when it finally made it back across the country to them where they were hearing the advice from third parties. They were like, hey, let's talk about this. Hey, let's write a book. Let's capitalize on this. So is this book for old ladies? No, it's written towards any girl that wants to get a decent date. Like, no, I'm sorry. It's written for the woman who's marriage minded. Okay. So at any point in your time, I mean, you could be marriage minded. I mean, how would you know when you really meet the right one? Oh, because this list of ridiculous rules. Basically what it boils down to is that you're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. You're married. And that's one argument. Not literally beat him, but. But then there's the other argument of, does a girl ignore a guy long enough? Is he going to give up? Are you going to lose out on something because you sent him bad signals? Well, at that point, would you want a guy that would give up on you or would you want a guy that would fight for you? See, you're just like the writers of this book. No, I'm asking you. Well, of course you want a guy that will fight for you. But if you're constantly sending a guy a message, you know, go away. I'm not really interested. Maybe someday. I don't care. Do you want a guy who's so crazy that he's going to just go on and on and on and not get the message? Well, you have to throw a dog a bone. I mean, you have to give him some kind of signal you're interested. Do they tell you like to literally blow him off? Yes. Did you read this book? No, I've never read the book. Oh, come on. This is our book club book here. No, basically what it says is. Ignore guys. Ignore all guys. Don't make eye contact. Don't start any kind of conversation. Just go through life with tunnel vision of not talking to guys because you never know which one is going to be the one that's going to suddenly fall in love with you and start to chase you. And if you initiated any kind of contact first, you're always going to question in the back of your head whether the guy actually noticed you or whether he noticed you because you noticed him. So you're going to start a conversation with him first. I mean, that just blows me away. I mean, I think if a guy is interested, I think he would approach you point blank. So you agree. Don't make any contact with any guys ever whatsoever. Well, I think instinctively, a lot of people are, they fear rejection. They don't, they're scared of being rejected. So if I look at you, you look away, I'm going to think twice about approaching you. But if I really have the confidence, like I don't care, like if I'm not interested in you. I'm going to think twice about approaching you. I get their point. I mean, I would really go out of my way to really like get your attention. It sounds like you're a big fan of the book. Well, I haven't read it. I actually might join this book club you have. No, it's true. Because, you know, I was in Vegas a while back and there was this girl. And from far, I just saw her from the back, right? She had a nice ass. And she was wearing this tight little dress, green skirt. And I, I mean, green dress. I look at her and I'm like, damn, she has a nice ass. I wait for her to turn around. She has a beautiful smile and hoop earrings. Oh, man. I was hoping you were going to say it was a dude. No. What the fuck? Okay. Keep going. Hoop earrings. But then I look at her face. The girl's like 50 something. Well, maybe 40 something. So I'm like thinking twice. I'm like, holy shit. So I'm sitting there like eye fucking her. I'm like staring at her because she's, she's, she's decent. She's decent. I mean, I don't think she's like the best looking. You could tell she's a little weathered. But she has hoop earrings and I smile and an ass. And I'm sitting there like eye fucking her because I'm a little like tipsy at this point because my friend Austin kept buying me drinks. She's weathered. Bought him a few drinks. And then at that point, I go up to her. See, that's a huge no. I go up to her, right? And I'm like, you know what? I don't, if I was disrespectful or rude, I apologize. I told her straight up, I go, but you have three qualities that I look for in a woman. I go, you have a nice ass. You're wearing hoop earrings and I love your smile. When all these guys. Guys are trying to talk to her and they gave her no time of day. And I mean, she gave him no time of day. And she just looked at me and said, well, thank you. And I complimented her. And literally that was that. I mean, whether I got rejected or not, I just wanted to let her know that I thought she was beautiful. And that was it? Yeah. I mean, we didn't, I didn't ask for a number. Well, not that I wanted her number. But I mean, at that point I could like, I had a nice view. I had admired it. She, I mean, I could compliment her. If she was younger, would you have asked for her number? I probably would try to fuck her. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. That's cold. Why? Well, I'm already 30. And I haven't tried to fuck you. Oh, that's even colder. I wasn't even going there. Damn. We're off to a great start. So see, I'm totally breaking the rules because I did ask you to join me on this show. Now, if you, well, see, I was on your, on your text list for a while. And now you don't even call me anymore. I don't know. I don't even know your life anymore. I don't phone bang as much as I used to. It's really depressing. Phone banging? To be honest with you. Yeah. Or not getting me or getting my texts. I miss you. You see me once a week. That's more than a lot of girls. Are you listening to this bullshit, Austin? He's just running game on you. I don't want this game. See, if some, if some guy was that cocky to me, forget it. I don't want this game. I don't want this game. I don't want this game. I don't want this game. I don't want this game. So it's over. But actually, speaking of game, that's why we brought you into the show today, because you are the expert on this book, The Game. Austin is like Yoda. Yeah, he is. I try to be Yoda. Well, it's basically the flip side of what you're presenting with the rules. What is a guy supposed to do to get his ideal woman? And I'm really interested to hear, because I'm guessing that a lot of the advice is, you know, play coy, don't act too excited, be a little standoffish. So if the girls are being told to ignore the guys and the guys are being told to stay back from the girls, that's why everybody goes to Craigslist. Well, the focus, it was written by Neil Strauss, and it's actually a pretty funny book, because if you go to buy it at the store, it looks like a Bible. So it's supposed to be the thing guys are supposed to turn to so they know how to actually proceed and get women. The big hush hush on the bedside table. That's correct. Okay. Now, it's not so much about being coy. It's about presenting a greater version of yourself than you might even be. So I could be a guy who doesn't make much money, but to you, I'm going to look like I'm a champ. For example, one of the games I like to play without giving away too much is if you go to the ATM, look for old banker seats. Find one that has a lot of money in the checking account. That's the one you give to a girl with your number on it. What? That's smooth. Can I write this down? Ew. Are you serious? Dude, she's going to know right away when you take her to Carl's Jr. for your first date. You never end up at Carl's Jr. Where do you end up? Oh, you never make it to Carl's Jr. Is that what you're saying? That's absolutely correct. Oh, okay. But the girls are told, don't hook up with a guy. Don't have him kiss a guy before the third date. Make him pick you up. Make him pay for dinner. And that works? Look, chronically single over here has no idea what works. Well, actually, let me ask you a question. Out of the guys you kind of dated, has anybody kind of fit that role? Like even with, I know you were married, your ex-husband or guys you've dated from here and there. I mean, has any guy been like a total true gentleman? I mean, do those... Do those guys exist? I don't know. This book brainwashes you so much to hold out for that though. And that's why I'm saying it ruined my life. Should I just get into that with you guys right now? Should I tell you what happened? Well, if you want to share, I don't want to force you. I've been holding off because I'm trying to just process it all in my head. But I'll tell you guys. When you're ready, I mean... Well, no, I'm ready now. Let's do this. Oh, then tell me. I want to hear. You can either be listening to us on Skid Row Studios or on our website, Skid Row Studios.com. Or Extreme Talk XM 165. But I'm about to spill the beans on what's been happening in the past few weeks. And if you have an opinion on this, call in 1-800-893-9562. So I met this guy and things were going really well. Like really well. We were seeing each other every day. I was at his house. He was at my house. He was saying really sweet things. Like I don't even know if you're real. In a good way. Like you're too good to be true. Yeah. I've been told that before. And it was like... Things were just going so good. But he went out of town for a couple weeks. Okay. And then I started reading this book. And I was like, man, I'm so into this guy. I want to do everything right. I don't want to mess it up. So I'm going to get a little advice. What's a girl to do? To keep this guy interested. To keep this going. Okay. So the first thing is never call a guy. And when you do, when he calls you, it's because he's ready and he has time to give you the best part of himself. But limit the call to 10 minutes or less. Set a timer if you have to. Get the hell off the phone. Okay. Are you kidding me? No, I'm serious. Okay. That's really specific. So yeah. They said set an egg timer. Okay. I'm surprised this book. This book wasn't packaged with an egg timer. They talk about it so much. But it's like, get off the phone. Don't, you know, act busy. Right? Which is good. You know, you don't want somebody who's got endless amounts of free time. I understand that. But so this guy calls every once in a while. And then it was every in a while. And he's calling less and less. And I'm trying to employ these rules of get off the phone. But I really wanted to hear his voice and just talk to him and be sweet to him. Like as if he was, you know, there like he was a few weeks ago. So I'm getting off the phone and I'm not calling him. And I'm barely responding to his text, you know, not right away. And it gets to the point where he's been gone for a few weeks and we're going to meet up in another city. Okay. And then drive back home together. Immediately, it's not as good as it was when we first got together before he left. Like when you guys saw each other, you could just tell, it was a little awkward. It was okay. And he's just kind of that type of person. He's not really touchy feely. But you're more of like, hey, I missed you. I am. I'm very warm, very hands on. I want that in a relationship. I know. I love that about you. Aw. So I'm like, okay, it's just the first day. Maybe he's tired. And then the second day comes and I'm trying to, these bitches are talking about these rules are the holy grail of what to do to keep a guy. And I really like this guy. So I'm really going to try. These rules. So I'm not telling him I missed him. I'm not being warm and cuddly to him because he's supposed to bring that to me, right? If this guy really cares, he's going to bring it. And he's not bringing it. And I'm wondering now if it's because I was that way. Now I'm not that way. And he's playing off me or if I'm playing off him or what's going on. Well, you know the way to solve that, right? What? By just asking him. You can't ask because that's one of the rules. The rule that's in the book is you don't want to give away all your emotional vulnerability because then he's just going to think you're a mess. Well, I think for me, when somebody shows vulnerability, I think that allows them to trust you. I definitely agree. I mean, I think, you know, usually when you kind of disclose stuff about yourself and stuff like that, when you allow yourself to be vulnerable towards someone, I mean, you let your guard down. And I think when, like say if you and I were hypothetically dating and I told you one of my deepest, darkest secrets, I mean, I think that would, you would look at me in a different light, right? You would have a special connection with me, right? Depends what your secrets are. Well, I don't know. Or what color that light would be. Well, I think one of my secrets is I wear these things in my shoes that make me look taller, like platforms. Who are you, Tom Cruise? Yeah. I'd rather be Prince. I could get away with heels. But right, I mean, when you allow yourself to be like vulnerable like that, it's key. So if you just straight up asked him like, hey, you know what? Like, I miss you. Or like, you know, you were gone when you came back. Things weren't the same. Does that, I mean, did you try that approach? No. Or just because the book told you not to do it, you didn't do it? The book told me not to. And the book said I was going to find my husband this way. So let me ask you a question. And so now apparently this isn't the guy, even though things were really good beforehand. Okay. So maybe you could just have like a transitional relationship, but maybe he's not husband material. Because this is ideally for like a husband. I mean, did you see him as that, in the light of being a husband? I mean, from the glimpse that I got, yeah. So you would, I mean, you're already picked out your dress, you're at the end of the aisle, ready to do it. Yeah. I mean, I was looking at locations, but that's the thing. So then the book says- Dude, that's a red flag for me. So then the book says- I'm like, bitch is crazy. Okay. I'm out of this. He's not the guy. It's like, I'm out of this. Okay. Well, way to catch yourself, book. Well, it's good because why would you invest more time and effort into something that it's not going to be what you would want? Like say if you felt like you wanted to be married. Because it was what I wanted before I started doing the stupid techniques in this book. Yeah. But wouldn't you rather know that that's not what you wanted now? I mean, what if you invested like six months of your time and then realize like he's not some guy you would marry or he's not like the marriage type or like, I mean, you would want to marry him because you thought that, but in the end he's not. I mean, if he won't sacrifice a time to like call you or whatever, like text or whatever the case was. I mean, if the chemistry wasn't like what it was. You know what he said to me? We were driving back from Vegas and we were like maybe 20 minutes into the trip. And I was like, hey, you know, it's quiet. Talk to me. And he looks at me and he says, I don't really talk a lot. That's just, that's who I am. What? You talk for a living. That's your job. You get up on stage and talk to people. And it was three and a half hours of silence after that. I would have text him. I go, well, since you don't talk, I'm gonna text your ass. And so. You text while you drive anyway. I know. Which is super illegal. Whatever. And dangerous. It's less dangerous than talking on the phone. So, because I have a keyboard. I got a keyboard on my phone for that very reason. But now since we've been back in LA, he hasn't called me once. What? And I'm thinking, okay, maybe it's a stupid book. So I'm gonna try to go back to unbook ways. And I've called him like every other night. And he never answers the phone. He leaves a message. And then he just texts me, hi. And then I try to wait a little bit and respond. And then he doesn't answer back. And then he left again. And so now it's like, clearly he has no interest in me. But I think this book ruined my life. Because I can't get it out of my head. Now, anytime, anyone tries to talk to me or look at me or whatever, I'm like, not being myself. And trying to ignore them. Okay. And it all operates on the premise of, quit laughing at me. It all operates on the premise of guys like the chase. So, go for the guy that chases you the longest. But, you know what? It's different. I think, well, I mean, I mentioned this in past shows. Like when I went to New York, it wasn't about the chase. It was straight up like, you know, like we passed each other, like walking down the street. Say you're walking in one direction. I was walking in the other. We kind of like turned and look at each other. Like, obviously they're kind of like vibing or there's like a little feel towards each other. And at that point it's like, Hey, I'm feeling you. What's up? Like, what's your name? There's no like, okay, I'm gonna call you later. It's like, Hey, do you want to go grab a bite? Let's go. At that point, it's like straight up. I mean, I think just more like a West Coast thing where there's like that game. I think people like to play. I mean, that's cool. If you're like a boy, I mean, you need a man in your life that knows what he wants. Oh yeah. This book on when to date guys is so specific. Do not accept a date from a guy less than three days notice. Less than three days. Yeah. If he wants to go out with you on Saturday, you have to train him to call you Monday or Tuesday. To set it up. Uh huh. How do you train him? You don't go out with him. You ignore him. So it's like, um, I'm only available on Saturday. No, no, no, no. You can't even lead a guy onto that. You just say no until he gets it right. So Melissa, do you want to go out Tuesday? No. Melissa, I know you're busy on Tuesday. What about Wednesday? Nope. Can't do it. Um, I really want to see you. I miss you so much. Can I please see you Thursday? Sorry. I'm really busy. This is terrible. I don't want to be with you anymore. What about Friday? Thank you. Exactly. Right there. There you go. Well, can I at least like fuck you before I dump you on Friday? Every guy I have asked about this has said, if a girl doesn't show interest, I'm going to walk away. And I'm like, but what if it's the love of your life? And he goes, how am I going to know if it's the love of my life? If she's showing zero interest in me and doesn't even give me the chance to entertain that thought. See, I think that makes it hard to kind of, get to know someone. I think that's more mainly based on, um, more of like a physical thing or sexual. Like if I, if I just barely met you and I can't communicate with you, I don't feel like I really know you. I'm more attracted to you like physically. Yeah. You're not supposed to know me because you're supposed to work for years to get to know me. Yeah. But I mean, if working for years, that's a lot of work. I mean, years is, I mean, that's, that's a lot of time. Oh, and the book says you're supposed to get a proposal within, 18 months. A proposal? Uh huh. Like a promise ring? No. Are we talking like? Engagement, date, ring, location, flowers. 18 months and then years you're supposed to know someone. I'm confused on this. This is very confusing. Thank you. So this book isn't for hopeless romantics. No. This book is for marriage minded women. And you are listening to Oral Stimulation on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with Extreme Talk XM. 165. And I'm angry about this book because I feel like it ruined my life or at least it ruined my chances with this guy. But you guys are saying that maybe it just wasn't meant to be with the guy. I mean, maybe something happened. Maybe, um, he, you know, the time away, he really thought about like, maybe he wasn't into you as much. Or maybe he felt like, um, well, I mean, clearly something happened because he stopped calling me. Well, I mean, I don't know. Maybe like something happened or he don't, he realized he didn't like you as much as you like him or maybe vice versa. I mean, because the reality of it, people don't want to get hurt or they don't want to hurt other people. I mean, maybe he, maybe you could appreciate that at the end. What do you know about the things he's done? So he's just stopped texting, stopped calling. That's it. Yeah. So if you say, hey, do you want to grab dinner sometime? He won't respond. Really? Yeah. He's an idiot. What if he's got someone else? He probably does. Maybe he doesn't. I don't know. The guy's got a lot of other things going on, but it's like, I don't know. Be tactful and say something. Don't let me sit here and go over and over and over in my head. Well, the hard part about that is like, you know, the communications where it's important. Like, I mean, we've always talked about that, like how it's important. I mean, you can't read someone else's mind. You have to actually like verbalize it. Even like nonverbally, I could have my arms crossed and you might think I'm mad, but I could just be cold. You know, my air conditioning might be blasted or I might just be freezing. That doesn't necessarily mean I'm mad or angry or I don't want to talk to you. Yeah, but it's deeper than that. I don't know. Austin, what does your book say about when you're not interested in a girl? How do you get rid of her? Well, getting rid of her. Just don't call. Yeah, if you're not interested, you're not going for her at all. Leave town and the only time you say anything is when you're on your way to the airport. Well, you wouldn't necessarily leave town, but if that girl is no longer on your list of people to be connecting with. You're stable. You're stable. That's correct. Gross. You're going to let her go. That's what they call it. You're going to put that horse down. Oh, gross. Well, for me, I always say one of the lines I use is like, you know, we have a lot of fun together. So you do say something, though. I mean, you cut it off. You don't let it go on. Or, you know, the whole like, it's not you, it's me. You know what? If I were him, I would at least have the courtesy because you say he's like always busy. Like, hey, you know what? I need to focus on my career. I need to focus on school. I mean, there's a million and one excuses that guys could use. But if he's not even a gentleman to even just like tell you that or give you the closure and just like ignore you, blow you off completely. Well, he did send me a picture and then I tried to still employ these stupid rules. And I wrote back. You sent you a picture of what? This beautiful beach. Like recently, like after the fact. Yeah. So was that like yesterday? Was it like a, I wish you were here type thing? No. Or is it like throwing in your face? Hey, look at this is what I get to look at. You're at home. It was probably more like that. But then I took a really long, I waited like four hours to respond and I was just like, oh, that's really pretty. Thanks. And then he goes, oh, that took a long time. I thought you were mad at me. And I said, why? And then you respond, girls are crazy. And I just responded, and? And then I didn't hear from him again. Who plays these head games so well? He's doing it because he knows it'll get to you. Clearly. It's working. Yeah. He's mind fucking the shit out of you. It's awesome. Shut up. Well, because look at you're thinking about him more than you. He doesn't even want me to think about him. That's what you think. That's what you think. No. Well, I'm not going to think about him. Look, if he were to call you tonight, say, I want you to come over, what would happen? Well, he's out of town right now. Well, if he was in town, hypothetically. Okay. So you guys are getting me all stressed out. So you would do it. No, I wouldn't because the rules say not to. I wouldn't. Honestly, I wouldn't because I'm just, this is why I didn't even want to bring it up because I'm so a little bit hurt, a lot confused. This has happened before, believe it or not. Guys have gone on vacation. And then they just are weird afterwards. Well, I think usually when I go on vacation, it gives me time to think like where I'm at in my life, like where I want to be, stuff like that. And usually like you have to give the other person the gift of missing you, like your presence. Yeah. So at some point, like, like if you're away, you're like, well, I really do miss her or I really don't on my end. And you think you really didn't? How often do people really do that though? To go on vacation or to actually think about significant others or people you date? If you're in a long-term relationship and you're going away, chances are you're trying to get away. Well, yeah, that's true. Two and a half years. And then he goes to Hawaii on my birthday. I'm not going to forget that. That one hurts. No, if I'm in a long-term relationship, I'm going on vacation with my girlfriend or my wife at that point. I'm not getting away. I'm talking about like if you're dating, you know, at that point, it's still fresh. I mean, I don't think I, you're right. If I'm in a situation where if it's like for work, I'm looking forward to that, to getting away. If I want to get away from my wife and kids for just to have a bed to myself or whatever the case is. I mean, that's another story. Yeah, right. But if I'm dating someone, you know, then I start thinking like, I go through like a checklist in my head. Like, yes, I like this about her. She doesn't have this. I mean, then I do little goals like, okay, in the next three months, ideally, she does this. She's on the, we're on the right track. Because if you're not together, I mean, you want to kind of, I think after a few years, you come to a crossroads. You either grow together, you grow apart, right? So at that point, you kind of run through those scenarios through your head to figure it out. But you're talking about these goals. How does she even know what she's supposed to stack up against? Well, I think that's the thing though. It's, that's brought up through conversation, through communication. At that point, it's like, like say if she's, I really want to finish school. Well, what's holding you back from finishing school? You know what I mean? You would kind of encourage that. Well, you know, give her a couple of years to finish. If she doesn't finish, then she's going to be flipping birds. But we're not even talking about five years in or two years in or, I'm talking about like three weeks. Wait, how long did you know this guy before you dated him? What do you mean? How long did you know this guy before you dated him? I mean, I knew of him. I knew of him. I know, but like, how much did you actually really know each other? A lot less than I thought I knew. How many dates has it been? What? Since first date to now. Well, I mean, when we just started hanging out, we were together like every day. Every day for a week? Like maybe a month and a half. That's pretty intense. I know. And I liked it that way. Most guys don't like that though. It's hard to keep that going that long. I don't know. Cause I was just as in love with my ex-boyfriend when I broke up with him as I was when I first met him. I was just as crazy about him. Yeah, but you can't really compare the two. You go to being in love. No, but I'm just saying when I'm in a relationship, I like to bring a lot of intensity and passion to it. And what if it's not reciprocated? How do you deal with that? Well then. Do you do next time and move on? I sit here on air and vent to- You read a book about rules and try to- I try to change the way you play the game. Yeah. What does your book say to do? Well, in terms of a guy dealing with a girl, especially if it is at the beginning, for men it's supposed to be about presenting themselves again, as something more than they are. So there's also another tactic they use called peacocking where- Peacock? Yeah, peacock. You know, beautiful birds, feathers, colors. So the idea is- Yeah. The idea is you give yourself that one extra thing that lets you stand out from everyone else in the crowd. And again, this is going after that woman that you actually want and desire, a bit of what your rules is talking about. But it's not to the extent that you're pursuing relentlessly. I don't think any guy has the ability to do that to the end that this book, The Rules, is talking about. I mean, won't you always end up being dissatisfied with their level of pursuit? Because the minute they stop, the first thing they do is they're like, oh, wait, they're not doing this for me anymore. That's true. That's a really good point. I don't know. We're going to go to break. I'm just going to sit here and wallow in my broken heart. Well, actually, I think I have a sadder story, if you could believe that. Okay. When we come back, your sadder story, Mindy's pretty hot story. We will talk to you soon. Smartphone. Skid Row Studios. Real Internet Radio. Sad news. Nora Ephron died this week. It was the first thing she's done in a while that wasn't funny. And Katie Holmes is finally finishing her five-year search for a good divorce lawyer. She and I can finally go out in public. It was like he studied for the part of you're a heterosexual in love and then went out and completely played it wrong. That's interesting because I was going to say that that marriage was less believable than Katie Holmes in Batman. But that's... And the weekly wrap-up every Sunday, 7 o'clock Eastern, 4 o'clock Pacific Time at skidrowstudios.com. Tune into the Love Byte where all your kinky desires come true. Sundays, 3 to 4 p.m. Pacific Time at skidrowstudios.com. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Skid Row Studios. Man, it's smoky in here. It's like a fucking hot box. I can barely see my own face. I can barely see your face. That's because, uh... We are in the hot box, actually. And we're going to be in the hot box every Tuesday from 9 p.m. Pacific time to 10 p.m. Pacific time at www.skidrowstudios.com. Yeah. Please come get high with us. You're listening to skidrowstudios.com. This is Keith Coogan. Tune in to The Call Sheet Saturday nights, 8 to 9 p.m. And I promise to sound like I'm always on Quaaludes. Yes. Listen to... Skidrow Studios. Anytime. Anywhere. With the Skidrow app on your smartphone. Skidrow Studios. Real radio on the internet. You know what? I love that Keith Coogan promo. I actually looked up what Quaaludes were. Sounds like a good time. You're listening to Oral Simulation on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with Extreme Talk XM165. I'm joined by Alex and Austin. Shout out to Austin. Shout out to Austin. I'm trying to change my mood here. I'm getting over my short-term heartbreak. It happens to everyone, right? I'll find that guy who's going to pursue me relentlessly. You know what the cool thing about that is, Melissa? What? To stay positive is you can find a nice guy to rebound off of that. I feel like my whole life is a rebound. Well, you ready to bounce? Yeah. Let's do it. Okay. Me and you? Yeah. Ooh. But wait. I heard you have kind of a... Yeah. Yeah. I heard you have kind of a devastating Vegas story, and I'm not sure if I want to bounce with you. Actually, we were in Vegas for a friend's birthday, right? And we go out to like a nightclub, and obviously there's like a ton of people, you know, there. There's like a lot of beautiful women. There's a lot of good-looking guys. There's a lot of alcohol involved. There's a lot of music. Sounds like a lot of excess going on here. And there's a lot of... There's a lot of pumping. There's a lot of elbows. There's a lot of drum and bass. And obviously you can't help but, you know, connect with certain people. Obviously you make eye contact. You did a little elevator eyes, a little eye fucking. Actually, you know, you have a girl grinding in front of you, right? So at that point, it's like, hey, can I buy you a drink? What are you drinking? Blah, blah, blah. One thing turns into another. You guys have a connection. You start making out. You sound so bored. Oh, no, no. This is where I get... I'm sorry. Bring a little intensity. Do you want me to like go play by play? So we got that connection. And then I got a drink. I guess we started making out. This is like every story you've ever told about me. So the hard part about this thing is, okay, at the end of the night, we'll obviously reconnect the whole thing. It's like... Where do you go from there, right? It's like your place or mine practically, right? And at that point, she looked at me... He sounds like a non-rules whore. It's Vegas. Okay. Your ambitions will get loose. Oh, okay. Keep going. So at that point, it's like my place or yours. And she looked at me. She's like, you know what? You're a really cool guy. Like, I like you. I go, we just met. Like, I mean, like, you know, I'm feeling you too, right? And she's like, I have to tell you something. I go, okay. You're on your period, right? That's when I told her. She goes... She goes, no, I have herpes. Wow. And I go... Ew. Props to her for telling you. How many people would just try to turn off the light and hope you don't notice? Well, no. That's the thing, though. She looked at me redemptively. She's like, you know what? I really like you. Like, I need to tell you something. I'm like, okay. And like... And she goes, I have herpes. You know what the first thing comes out of my mouth? Me too. No. That's terrible. No, I said... You do now. How many opinions do you have? Or did you get... How many what? Opinions? Did you get like a second opinion? A third opinion? Was it just... Wow. She's all, I'm pretty sure I have it. I'm all, are you on a breakout right now? And she goes... This is walking out of the club. Yeah. I think... Because I think, you know, we had a good chemistry. I thought, you know, everything was working out well. And then at that point, it's like, I totally respected her for telling me that. Were you hard a little bit? No, I went straight down at that point. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And she was a very... Very, very beautiful girl. Well, how do you think she got the herpes? I don't know. I should have asked her. It was by hooking up with somebody else who had herpes. Oh. I thought you meant like, like maybe she got it from her dad. Maybe she was molested or something. What? I don't know. Where are you going with that? Where are you bringing that in? Oh my God. I don't know. Where were you going with that? Of course somebody had it. She got it from somebody else. You got the herpes? Where'd you get them? From your dad? Yeah. What the fuck? Oh my God, Alex. Obvious answer number one. Yeah, right. It is way too hot in the studio right now. Steamy in here. It's so hot. So, I mean, at that point, I mean, I was actually... Considering it? No, I honestly, I mean, as a guy, knowing that, I was obviously turned off and I just gave her like a hug. You know, it was like... Was it like a pat on the back? No, I gave her like an embrace. I'm still kind of like nice about it. It wasn't like a... Okay, high five. Nice talking to you. But you made out with her. Yeah. Did she have mouth herpes? No, her lips were clear. Because what I have to do, she told me that all I could do is say... Oh, that's so gross that you have to do like an exam on people. This is why, this is just another reason why I want to be in a relationship so that I could just be with one disease-free person. Okay, let me ask you a question. Ask me. When you start dating a guy... Why are you pointing at me like that? Pointing at you? I already feel guilty. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. I can see. You know, when you're in a relationship, when would you even disclose that? Like, this girl was actually cool to tell me... Well, clearly, before you get in a relationship, I mean, I was in a situation where a guy cheated on me and got some karma on his dick. Karma? Is that a disease? No. They call it genital warts, but I called it karma. Oh, man. But as soon as he knew, he told me, thankfully. And then we broke up shortly thereafter, but... I mean, yeah, you do have to... So right after that, you broke up and you were done with the guy? Well, I mean, he acted crazy, too. There was other factors involved. I would have still... I was willing to work through that with him. It wasn't a deal breaker for me. Because there's always around it. Well, what's usually a deal breaker for you as a woman? I know living at home is like a huge thing for you. Yeah. Living at home is a big one. Guys who are too cocky. I don't like that. Yeah. White guys. I'm sorry. Are a deal breaker for me. Isn't that cocky guy the same guy who's pursuing you relentlessly? Not always. Sometimes I'm on the list and then I drop off the list and then he's still cocky. Which is gross. Well, I mean, okay, so directly, I mean, you wouldn't even... Obviously, you don't have any diseases. I mean, your STDs are pretty... Yeah, I've been tested. So at that point, I mean... Everyone out there should get tested. That's just sage advice from oral stimulation on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with XM165. Skidrow Studios is pro... Getting tested. STD test. Pro testing. In fact, we're going to offer free STD testing here in the studio. Oh, what? Second Saturday of every month starting in July. Are you serious right now? So serious. Jeremy didn't tell you? No. No. No. Can you see my underwear right now? No, but I see some inner thigh. We should take them off so we could all see them. Just a little... What color are they? I know, black. Black. Is there a meaning behind that? Yeah, there is. What is it? That means they're like granny panties, which is terrible. No, they're not. Show me then. I will show you. Oh, it's a thong. Holy shit. I just saw her ass cheek. Oh, man. I never wear thongs. I can't do it. What do you wear? Granny panties? No, like just a hip hugging bikini panties, I guess. I don't know. I'm sure you got a cute ass. Boy shorts type things? No, not boy shorts. I like bikini underwear. Nice. I just don't like the thing up my butt. You get used to it. I never got used to it. Austin did. What? Got used to what now? Stuff up your butt. Wearing man thongs. I love man thongs. Oh, man. I like to see men in man thongs. Remember in the last episode, I was talking about that fan we had in Michigan? Yes. I was talking to him and he made a joke about his man thong and then I was, you know, Facebook stalking his pictures and he was not kidding. There's a picture of him in the snow with a man thong. What color is it? Red. Red. Yeah. Interesting. That was hot so he could get away with it, but I'm just saying that's not always a joke. No, I think the only time I wore them was when I wore my tear-away pants. What? Yeah. You play a little party boy music and I'm like... There's so much I don't know about you. Are you saying you're a stripper? No. Like you did a male strip where you like rip off the pants and it's just the thong? No, it was before I played a game. Why you gotta look at me like that? We would play this thing called... Wait, what's the one with the colors? Oh my God. Twister. Twister. We would play Twister, but with thongs. Is that weird? Do you remember what we were talking about the other day? No, but I have a feeling you're gonna remind me because I'm getting old and I forget. Cock jousting. Cock jousting? What? Okay. This goes with this game called Gay Chicken that we talked about. Yeah. Like rubbing... Rubbing the mushroom tips together? Moans from the waiting room out there. Because I always lose. Who are you playing Twister with? Me? It's a drunk game that we play. Is it females or females? Yeah. Well, it's mixed. Okay, so like your butt in the thong could end up near the face of some other dude? Oh, yeah. Oh. Did you hear the way he said, oh, yeah? You know what? Speaking of two, dudes, I heard you have a story for us. Oh, yeah. So evidently, I watch enough gay porn that... We all know you love porn. I do. You're not shy about that at all. And I'm cool with the gay porn. I do enjoy... I like watching like a big fat hairy bear pounding a little twink in the butt or whatever. At gay porn, I'm thinking two chicks, but... Yeah, I forgot. No, that's lesbian porn. I forgot. I forgot guys do that stuff. Bear for bear, man. So yeah, but anyway. Is it usually like an older guy with a younger guy or is it? Yeah, that's a bear and a twink. The whole bear society. The twinks are like... Sorry, I don't know. Don't you know? A twink is like you're like barely 18 girl. It's like the little boys with no hair. And then the bears are the big guys where they're all about chest hair and their dating profiles are just like their stomachs. Like who's got that beer belly I want? Nice. Well, anyway. My boyfriend has a gay coworker that he's friends with. And evidently my boyfriend tells him like stories about me enough to where this dude wants to meet me. So the other night I was doing laundry. I was so gross. I looked horrible. I was in like crappy, crappy clothes. And he brought home his gay coworker to meet me and like smoke a bowl and chill or whatever. But evidently my boyfriend was like telling him that I really like gay people. And told him that I like gay porn. What would you classify this guy as? Was he a bear or a... Oh, he would be like the twink. He was very effeminate. Like almost to where like you didn't know what he actually identifies as. Like he had short hair and he kind of looked like a really soft dude but with a really high pitch voice. But he was nice and stuff. But I'm just trying to picture this conversation. Like they're meeting each other. My boyfriend Manny and this dude. And the dude's like, yeah, I'm gay. And Manny's like, what a coincidence. You've got to meet my girlfriend. My girlfriend loves gay porn. Why don't you come over? Like, uh... So he was cool though. You guys hung out? Yeah, he was cool. It was all cool. And like, he's my boyfriend's friend and they played like video games and we all smoked weed and stuff. Man, I love gay people. No porn watching together. I can't picture my boyfriend ever looking at gay porn. I've tried. Well, maybe if he's got a friend there to loosen him up. I... I totally thought this was going to go into a threesome situation. He won't let me enter anywhere in the anal areas. So... Because he thinks it makes him gay if I put a finger up. But have you tried something small? Like maybe a drumstick? I actually have in my personal past, but not with this boyfriend. See? And you got away with it. So maybe... That's small? The tip. Just the tip, guys. Drumsticks? Sounds painful already. You've never had anything in your life? It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's like taking a shit backwards. And trust me, you shit bigger than a little old drumstick. That's true. What have you had in your ass, Alex? Fingers. Whose fingers? One of my exes. Yeah, for tongues. Well, yeah. I mean, I haven't had anything else. Did you ever stick your tongue in somebody's ass? Yeah. I love doing that. How was it? It was yummy. It was yummy? It was yummy. Did they use some flavored ass wipes before you did it? I made sure, yes. Did you eat the flavored ass wipes? Butt juice and poop just kind of taste like vomit anyway, so it's not like... I think I just threw up. I think everybody just threw up a little. Minnie, what's your favorite poop? Jeez. I like the kind that kind of have a little bit of the green tint to it. It kind of has that sour apple flavor that I'm on. Oh, Mindy. Mindy. I'm joking with you guys. You know what? Minnie and I have the same taste. I'll back her up on that one. That's my favorite, too. Why does it always go to poop with you guys? Oh, man. Be glad you're... Oh, wait. You are coming on the hot box. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait till I get you guys on my show. What day is that? What day are we coming on? Well, we'll talk about this after the show. Either like the 12th, maybe. The 12th, maybe. We can't do the 5th because Jeremy's out of town and he needs to be here to see this. That sounds like a for sure. So you're going to be able to hear the oral stimulation crew again on the hot box on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with XM165. Should we go on Adam and Eve and, you know, bring some toys? Come prepared? Yeah. Go like... What's that promo code? We can go get us like a couple of like discounted dildos. Yes. Dildos. Skidrow at the checkout. How could I forget Skidrow? Skidrow. The discount code for adamandeve.com. Perfect. Yeah. I'm coming prepared. Boom. Boom like that. So, Austin, going back to your book, if you could give us like three solid pieces of advice that you got from this man Bible, what would you get? What would you give us? Well, the strongest, most important part is actually just to better yourself. That sounds completely backwards because it's supposed to be a man Bible about just picking up the hottest chicks you can find. Just faking it, right? Just faking it. But in reality, if you watch the progression that Neil, the author, goes through, he ends up learning a lot about who he is and how the women he ends up attracting are actually the women he wants because he's made himself a better person. Yeah. Now, if it's just about playing the game, tricks, different things, make yourself stand out. Specifically, tricks. Magic tricks. Learn magic. Amazingly enough, magic tricks will get you kind of far. Now. That's Melissa's weakness. Yeah. But. And if you have a sense of humor on top of it. Oh, yeah. Watch out. Some sort of Asian with an accent, maybe bald, tall. You know my type. Yeah. You know, I had a shaved head before. And you know magic. Yes. I just can't sing. I'll make love to you when you want me to. You know what? Oh, those Common Kings. Common Kings. Yeah. Maybe you can sing like them. No, I wish I had his voice. He actually sings really well. He's got a beautiful voice. He does. I'm going to find them. Wait, who's this? What are you talking about? Common Kings. Yeah. What is that? It's a band from Orange County, actually. And they sing that beautiful island music. And they're just, they're my new boys to men. They actually, they're really, I've seen them live like a handful of times. I'm so jealous. They're great. They sound amazing. But back to the magic, guys. The advice to learn magic is actually, it's kind of controversial. Some people say do it. Some people say don't do it. Having dated a magician, I think it's great. But if you're not like professional, like going to Vegas, to perform kind of magician, it's ridiculous. Don't do it. Oh, there's got to be a little bit of subtlety to it. You can't just whip out a deck of cards and say, I think I know which card you have. Oh yeah, pick a card. Don't do card tricks. Well, I do like, I'll make like a rose out of a napkin and give it to a girl. Is that like magic or is that more of like origami type stuff? Why are you not paying attention? Why are you folding napkins and not paying attention to the girl? Because I'm trying to consider if it, no, it's one of those things. It's like, hey, here's a rose, but my phone number's on the rose. So she has to unfold the rose to get to your number? No, I write it on the outside. It's creative. You got to admit, that's kind of smooth. I mean. Oh, you're more of a tulip girl or a daisy girl? He's a smooth operator. I was trying to figure out if it, it's like, look at you, you get a rose and you, like a napkin rose and you get my phone number. I mean, I would, listen. You want to get out of here? You know, I'm like the cheesiest girl ever. Yeah, because you love grilled cheese? Yeah. But I mean, I love when guys do cheesy, cute things like that. That's really reaching my threshold. So that's like cheesy isn't good or cheesy isn't bad? It's in, I don't know. It would depend on the rest of the night. I mean, if you gave me a phone number rose and did a card trick. I could make a ring out of a dollar. I'm probably not calling you. We all know it's how good looking the guy is. Yeah. He could do whatever he needs. He could freaking fall off the edge of a cliff and he'd be like, you know what? He's still hot. Yeah. If you look like that promoter in Vegas, oh, he could get away with anything. Or some guy you interviewed with. Oh yeah. Don't even talk about that guy. I think you just dropped the puddle. You're right. Man, if you want to know how to blow a job interview or an audition, you just call me 800-893-9562. I will set you on the wrong path. It was a blow job interview? No. It wasn't. I didn't expect it to be an interview. I didn't expect it to be an interview. So what happened? Oh, Mindy. How did the interview work out? It's sneaky. Well, it was an interview for a personal assistant job and the guy was really cute. And I tried to just slip it in there and be subtle, but then he totally caught on. Wait, slip it in there? What do you mean? Like, hey, I want to suck your dick? No. Then what? I'm confused. I just slip in there like, oh, hey, whatever. You're cute. And he picked up on it and he totally like, oh, yeah, thank you. And he like made it obvious. And then I just, I couldn't be smooth anymore because I was exposed. So then the whole interview just devolved into me flirting with him for like a half hour. So the interview went out the door. Did he even ask for your number or anything? He already had my number, but it totally, he cut it off like right at a half hour. He's like, well, I gotta go. So I'm pretty sure that job is not mine. So what if he calls you back? I'd be totally happy. You would be? Yeah. I told him I wanted to see him again, even if I didn't get the job. And well, maybe he won't hire you, but maybe you could do, be his personal assistant. Was he married at all? Did he ever ring? No, he was previously married. So you actually interviewed him or he interviewed you? Well, it's hard to say. I love me some Sade. Is that who this is? Yeah. Sade? Because you guys are smooth operators. Oh, we do what we can in here. I'm just trying to take notes on how to knock out an interview. Don't ask me. I blow every interview. That's awesome. I don't blow the interviewer. Oh. Sorry. That might get you further. I'm going to try that next time. What? Like whip it out. I'm going to suck your dick? Yeah. Oh, shit. If he's cute. Do you want to practice? Pretend that I'm interviewing you. Oh, yeah. So, um, where are you from? How about I just unzip? Those pants, Alex. I like this. Where are we going with that? My next interview isn't for 15 minutes. Let's see what you keep doing 10. What's for the position? What's the position for? You want your knees and your mouth on my dick? Oh, yeah. I think that's the one I applied for. She's great, isn't she? Are you sure you've never done this before? I mean, I may have seen a casting couch or two in my life. Or two? How about like 15? No. What? I don't have any jobs. But you know how to give them. Hand jobs, blow jobs, skittles. Foot jobs. Foot jobs? Yeah. You know what? I know a guy who's totally, he's got this huge foot fetish. And every time I talk to him, he talks about getting fucked. Like between my feet. Getting fucked? Well, yeah. Or he wants to fuck your feet. Yeah. He wants to stick his cock between my feet. So, I do a lot of yoga. And I'm thinking the best way to go about this is to be sitting with my legs. You know, so my feet are touching. Right? And then... Are you on your back or you're sitting down like... I'm sitting down like I am right now. And then I just have, I'll show you. You know, I have my feet like this. Okay. Right? And then stick his cock between my feet. And then bend down and suck his cock. While it's between my feet. Can we try this? Yeah. I'd like to try it actually. I just thought you would be like lying down on your back and you would stick your feet up in the air. Put them together and he'd be fucking them. I mean, yeah, that's a pretty lazy whore thing to do. And it sounds like something I would do. Sounds like someone I know. You could maybe try it live at the next episode. I'm sure there's not a listener that would complain. That's not a bad idea. I don't know. Are we going to do this next show? How does Alex feel about it? I'm going to man shit. I'm going to man negate myself. For the next show. Just in case. You're shaving and... Yeah, I want to be cleaned up. Use that man perfume. Do you have like a foot fetish at all? No. Austin? I mean, I've sucked some toes in my lifetime, but I'm not like big on like... You can't complain about the feet. Oh, you do like it. Really? Do you like them big? Yeah. Do you like big feet or do you like tiny feet? How do my feet compare? Your feet look wonderful. Ooh. I think Austin got a chubby. Austin's a little excited. Almost 30 seconds left. All right, guys. This has been a mess of an episode, but I don't feel so hard. I don't feel so heartbroken anymore. Thank you so much to our special guest, Austin. Thank you for having me. Thank you, of course, my lovely co-host, Alex. I can't wait to fuck your feet later. Find us on Twitter at Oral Stim, Facebook.com slash Oral Stimulation Radio, Gmail, Oral Stim at Gmail.com. Thank you. Straight up now, tell me, do you really want to love me forever? Oh, oh, oh. Or is it just a hit and run? Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.