Burlesque and horror guests with hula dancing

Welcome to my life. I can take a wild guess. You know what's crazy? What is this? Sushi means sex. What is going on on this show? It's the lighter side of the dark side. Oh, no, he didn't. What did you do? What did you do? Welcome to the lighter side of the dark side. It is the Dark Mark show. I am Dark Mark, the goth comedian. And back after a one-week hiatus where she was bending and stretching herself in all sorts of interesting yoga positions, it's our co-host Josie Katz. Hello, Dark Minions. Oh, Josie, we got a good one tonight. We do. Yes. I'm very excited. Yes, you came back in the right week and wore the right shirt. I have. I always have the right shirt. You don't always wear that shirt, which is specifically, I didn't notice the holes on the sleeve, so it must be an old shirt. But it is. They're made like that. Yeah, that's what they all say. You got that shirt in 1994. But anyway, we got some great guests. And, you know, the next week is our one-year anniversary. I know. Congratulations. Can you believe that? A year. I can believe it, actually. Well, it's my one-year anniversary. You came in a couple weeks later. But the two things that I... I'll take it. The two things I regret. As a year. I don't regret anything. I think we've had great shows. And just so many... Well, a couple weeks I kind of regret it. But for the most part, we've had some great shows. But two things that we really should have had more on, and we will have more in the... I said more on. We should have more things in the future. We should have more people from the horror community, the horror movie community. Oh, I would love that. And more burlesque dancers. I would love that. Well, we've had both. We've had both. We had the Wolfpack guys, Jared, and... Marvin. Marvin. And we've had... Anyway, we've had burlesque dances. We had burlesque dances. We had Lily Von Stoop. We had Sin Fisted. But tonight, which is what I was getting at, we have Miss Hollywood Burlesque, 2013, Sheila Starsiani. Howdy, y'all. And from the upcoming movie... Welcome, Sheila. And from the upcoming movie, Volcano Zombies, an upcoming movie about the Manson family, he played Captain Spaulding on the Rob Zombie, Great American Nightmare. Somebody that you met and you said, you have to have him on the show. And now we have him on the show. Our friend, Noel Jason Scott is here. Pleasure. Yay, finally. We've been trying to get you on the show for, seems like, a year now. Well, thank you. Well, it's funny, because I only met him in December, and you met him in November? Oh, no. We met a long time ago. We'll talk about that. First, I gotta say, the show's being brought to you by Audible.com. I love audiobooks. I love Audible.com. Since Sheila's here, I have to recommend... I'm sure you've read this, but I'm not sure if you've read it. I'm sure you've read this, but if you haven't, listen to the audiobook, because you get a free 30-day trial to Audible.com and a free audiobook. And this would be the one you should listen to in the car. You probably all know all this, but this is 12 hours and 16 minutes long called Behind the Burly Cue, The Story of Burlesque in America by Leslie Zemeckis. Have you read that? I do. I have. I haven't. I've read most of it, not all of it. Well, you can listen to the rest of it on Audible.com. It's 12 hours? 12 hours. It's a very big book. Wow. So, 12 hours narrated by Julia Farhat. Now, you've worked with Rob Zombie, Noel. Yep. If you go to Audible.com, people are like, oh, there's nothing that has to do with Rob Zombie. You can get the Lords of Salem audiobook, which I believe is 14 hours. It goes way beyond what the movie has, the Lords of Salem. You can get that at Audible.com. And, of course, Josie Kett loves vampires, and they have Bram Stoker's Dracula. Nice. The play with Tim Curry, Alan Cumming, and an all-star cast. Oh, cool. You can get that for free if you go to AudibleTrial.com forward slash Dark Mark Show, or easier than that, go to just www.darkmarkshow.com. It has all the links to our iTunes page, our YouTube page. It has past shows. It's a great place to go. Click on the Audible button right next to my smiling face. For a free 30-day trial, you can sign up with your Amazon.com membership. Easy. You can cancel within 30 days. You still keep the audiobook. You got nothing to lose. How many can you order for free? You can order one for free. One for free? One for free. But if you keep the membership, you get deep discounts on the books, like books that are like $24, like $24, $24, Dr. Sleep, the Stephen King sequel to The Shining. I think if you remember, it goes down to like $5 or $10. Oh, that's pretty cool. So that's what you want to do. So go to Audible.com. Go to darkmarkshow.com. Next week is going to be our one-year anniversary. I'm very excited. We got it booked. We have G. Tom Mack is going to be singing Cry Little Sister from the Lost Boys soundtrack live. We also have our good friend Sin Fisted, who last time shot sparks from her retirement. We have horror and burlesque. We have, we have, somewhat. Well, he's not horrible. He's actually, he's more. Lost Boys kind of. Well, but he's more, he's more than Lost Boys because he's actually worked with Roger Daltrey, produced Kiss. He's, he worked. He's a legend. He is. He worked with Jackson Brown, Carly Simon. The guy is very talented and he is going to be on the show. We're going to have Sin Fisted and Sin Fisted has promised all sorts of wacky hijinks. I believe it. Oh yeah, because, she's been on the show before. Last time she shot sparks from her vagina. She's tied up Melrose Larry Green in a straight jacket. And because, I know you like magic. I love magic. I know you love magic. We have a magician that's coming on. Yay! And I'm scouring, I'm trying to find his name right now. So silly of me because I don't, this is, this is so awkward. I do apologize. He's a guy that was recommended by Michael Vile, who's a great guy. Who did our theme song. And we're going to get to you guys. Don't worry about it. We're going to, we got, I've got so many interesting things to talk about. His name is Arthur Gomez. I've seen some of the stuff on YouTube. It's fantastic. This guy's good. So it's going to be a fun, fun show. And also, programming notes. If you tune in to Skid Row Studios right here on Sunday, I will be on Delia's Dark Side from 4 to 5 p.m. in the afternoon. Yes, there's another dark show on Skid Row Studios. There is? There is? There's, Delia's Dark Side. Delia Brockhout was a friend of mine. And there's two sex shows also. There's more than two sex shows. And I, I will also be on. Skid Row's getting edgy. Yes. Well, we came in and it's kind of, we turned it into our image. And then I will be on Sex and Dippity right afterwards with Dr. DeBoer. Oh, how fun. Who's been on our show. And, Marky Confer. Horror and Sex. What else do you need? Well, if you want Horrors and Sex, June 13th. Horrors and Sex. June 13th, I'll be doing my one man show. I laughed so hard, I cried. I cried. For a three week run at the Shepard Theater at the Complex. And I wish we had time for a Hollywood report, but we did run late. We did. Is there something you want to say, Josie? Is there a Hollywood something or other that you do want to promote? Ah, no. Real quick? Okay. I'll just say hi. Let's get to it. Okay. Sheila Starsiani, you are Miss Burlesque, Hollywood Burlesque, 2013. Yes. Now, first off, you're very beautiful, obviously. You're very excited. You are in a milf sandwich, by the way, Noel, just so you know. And I'm feeling very blessed. Yes. And trust me, I never thought- I don't know if I like that word. What, milfs? Blessed? Milfs, yeah. Milfs, moms I like to fuck? Yeah, it's just, ugh. Sheila, you like that word? It took me a long time to get to like it, and now I really own it. I love- Okay, you can keep it. Because you were telling me that you're- Open milf sandwich. Your son was embarrassed of you. He is. Yeah, but his son, his son's like, I don't want you to come in my room, my punk rock tattooed mother. I don't want you to- I don't want the kids to see me. His friends were coming over, and he said, stay in the bathroom until we get into my room. Yeah. Because I was getting ready to go out to Bar Sinister. Were you wearing that shirt? Because I think his friends wouldn't mind. I was wearing a lot less, trust me. I'll bet you were. I looked like a vampire hooker. Now, how old are your kids, Sheila? I didn't want to start off with that. I tried to ignore it. It's fine. It's fine. They're my life other than burlesque. My oldest is 14. Okay. And the baby turns three in May. So is your son and his friends, I'm sure his friends like you. Both girls. Oh, so the girls, yeah. Do they want to be burlesque dancers now? No. Well, the little one, she's kind of working on it. She knows a few of my routines. She's like a little massage on her. The older one, she loves it. I do it, but she's all about hip hop and capoeira, and she's, she's not very graceful at all. Did you see the YouTube of the three-year-old twerking? Oh, disturbing. Did you see it? It was insane. This three-year-old was just doing these moves that like, most women can't do. You got me distracted. Your youngest or your oldest, 14, does capoeira, has no rhythm? She has, no, she has no grace. Grace. She's not, she's not. Because I've done a little, I've done a little jenga myself. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, she's got great rhythm. No grace. She's very hard. Well, that, that leads me to the question I was going to ask you. You're very exotic looking, and I was doing a lot of research on you, looking at a lot of pages. A lot of research. I did a lot of research. A lot of research. A lot of research. And I couldn't figure out. None on you. No, I did a couple. I did a couple. I looked up Zion D.B. Page and stuff like that. And, and I couldn't figure out the ethnicity. I, whatever it is, it works. I like it. Thank you. I'm a mutt. I'm a woman of everything. I would say some island. Yes. I see island. Yeah. Very good. That was a down joke. So. My family, my, my family is, it's like way back. Every one of my ancestors said, ooh, you look different. Let's fuck. See how it goes. Wow. End up with a whole bunch of. Yeah. Sounds like my family. I like to be that. Your ancestors. Are you a, are you a Mutton? Yeah. What, what, what, what nationality are you? Scottish, English, Irish, German, French, Norwegian, and Polish. Okay. He liked to drink. We know that. We don't know all ourselves. Yeah. See, at least though, you can say I'm, if you, if someone wants to say, boil it down, you can say I'm European American. I'm frozen. I am. You're all over the world. Yeah. So, so break it down for you. You're Tahitian? Hawaiian, Filipino. Hawaiian, Filipino. That's what I was going to say. Native American. Native American. Yeah. Everyone's Native American though. Most, most. Here. Not everyone everywhere. I don't think I, I don't think I have any Native American in me whatsoever. No? Well, I don't, I'm not sure. I don't know. But I, I, it'd be cool if I, if I did, but I just, I have, I have the whitest features and not, it's not, it's not makeup. This is just the features. So, there's no, there's no, so Native American, Filipino, Filipino, and Hawaiian. Black. Black. Portuguese. Right. French. Irish. Turns out I've got more Irish blood in me than anything else. Nice. Indonesian. I'm very, very. So, so since you, since you're part African American, which I actually, I thought that was part of it. Well, we're going to see how African American you are. Why does every African American woman think I'm, I'm the most desirable man in the world? They all love me. I can't do no, I can do no wrong with, with, with, with black women, African American women. Why is that? I don't know. It's your booty. It's my booty? But I mean, are you, are you, are you attracted to me? Is that, is there like a, is there like a, you know, a soul vibe here? Something going on here? Maybe it's somewhere like deep down in your room. Okay. So, so you're, maybe it's somewhere. So you're like a one, definitely not deep down in his pants. Well, there's something going on down there, but it's like one 16th black, something like that. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So that, that explains it. We're going to get, we're going to get, we're going to get, that's a brother. We're going to get an appy tea back in here and she'll, she'll, she'll, she'll strain you. I remember she said it right away. She's like, yep. I don't forget what she said. So how did you get into burlesque? How did you get into burlesque? Uh, I was a stripper. Um, I've, I've danced my, pretty much my whole life. And I, when I was 18, I started stripping like on a pole, only not with the pole, kind of around the pole. Uh, and my mother thought that it would be a fantastic idea to bring my Grammy into the place that I was working at. Ooh. Did she, did she tip well? And, uh, I still get embarrassed thinking about it. Grammy's in the strip club. Yeah, Grammy's in the strip club. Did she make it rain? So she, she did with like giggles. It was raining giggles. Oh, okay. And so she was like, um, cause she talks like that. Yeah. So I was just, you're, you move so beautifully and you look, you're gorgeous up there, but, but you're, but you're naked. I'm naked. Well, it's nice to see grandma still has her eyesight. Right. It's like, yeah, Grammy, I'm naked. She's like, okay, well, why don't you come over this weekend and let me show you some stuff? So I learned then that my grandma, some clothes. Yeah. Wait, wait, we'll hear this. Cause I read this here. Uh, Grammy was a burlesque dancer. No, no. My Grammy was a, a show girl in a Vegas show girl and cabaret performer. She did not strip. Okay. But she, she, she did, uh, she did cabaret and like, so line the backup line dance, like, like, like a chorus line, chorus line dance, right. In the burlesque houses. And so she watched everyone else and she was like, well, if you're going to do this, then we need to get you kind of like, you know, just like 1940s, 1950s. No, no, no. She's, she's, she's young. Okay. 60s, 60s. Okay. So like, you know, so, but, so this was like a tail end of the, uh, the, the high burlesque era. And so, so the, the, you know, they still have the shows where the comedians would come on and they had the burlesque and all that. And it sort of faded away. And then when you came back in, that's when it came back. Yeah. It started back up again. Right. Uh, so I've been doing, I was stripping with a burlesque mind frame. Right. Um, and then doing burlesque without knowing anybody. We have this huge community and they're fantastic. And I didn't know that any of them existed just cause I am dorky and. Oh, stop it. You're Sheila Starr's Fiani. I don't think so. And so I, so I, I finally found a community like three years ago. So I've been doing, I've been doing burlesque at the Lily Von Stupp capacity. Right. Lily Von Stupp has been on our show. For two and a half years. Yeah. She gave me my first, um, my, my first break in that circuit. Monday night teas. And actually Josie was not here when she was on the show. And, and I don't know if it's a coincidence, but that's our number one, uh, downloaded YouTube show. But, uh, seriously, I'm not, I'm not kidding. I downloaded it twice. I'll bet you did. She did it. She did a tassel twirling demonstration. Oh, with Lily. Yeah. Yeah. She was, she was at our show at our old studio, which is, uh, some guy's house. Anyway. So no, no, uh, you are, you are, uh, so, uh, you, uh, Josie ran into you. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Yeah, we knew each other before that though. Um, when did you two meet? Um, we, we met on a movie set a while back. What movie was this? Some, I don't know, B, a terrible B movie. Don't tell me, don't tell me it was Tales. Well, it wasn't a trailer. Tales from the Crapper. It was 90210. I'm kidding. Well, I, I, I, I, I see that. So, so, and you're playing a cop in your next role, right? Um, in my last role. That was, that's the Manson family. I played a police officer. I actually got to capture Charlie Manson. Oh good. Yeah. Put him away. Yeah. Did he put up a fine? No, he's, he's quite scared. is this going to be on? Because I heard about this. Um, it's called House of Manson. Um, it's in post-production right now and I'm not exactly sure, but it'll be out this summer. So it's, It's a movie movie. It's a miniseries, isn't it? No, this is an actual film. Oh, because they're filming right now also a miniseries. Well, good for you to bring up the competing production to Knowles. No, it's not competing, actually. One can boost up the other. Yeah, this one's produced by Devaney Pim, and it's a great cast, awesome. Charlie's played by Ryan Kaiser, and he's quite scary. Made me break character. Really freaked me out. Really? Yeah. How did that happen? Like, he was that Manson-ish that you were sort of like, hey. Yeah, well, I was off camera, and I knew. I mean, he just does what he does, and he's excellent. Also, he's like one of these De Niro guys that, like, off the set, he's still Manson. No, he's on camera. The guy, he's amazing. Right. He's a great psychopath. Right. Off camera, he was? Super cool guy. Okay. He had no idea. So how did he get you to break character? That's what I'm trying to get at. All he did is smile. And that's it. Yeah. It's pretty intense. Well, actually, you know, Josie and Sheila smiled at me, and that made me a great character. But, you know, look at them. There's a reason. Look at those smiles. They just make me happy. Yeah. But how long have you been acting? Well, for about 20 years, except I took about 18 years off in the middle. Well, that's what I'm saying. You're kind of getting into it, and you're starting to get a lot of credits now. I didn't know. 20 years, were you in some movies that I might have seen? My first film I ever worked on was Airheads. Really? Yeah. Okay. What did you play in that? I was a rocker, dude. I was like, I had a feeling. It seems like everybody in the movie was a rocker. That's what they have. Sam, Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi. I got to see that again. But were you just one of those guys in the crowd, or did you actually have lines? I didn't have lines, but I got strategically placed right in front of Joe Mantegna and Michael McKeon, and they dubbed a voice on me. It was right in the beginning where the sun came out. They dubbed a voice on you? Yeah. Because they don't want to pay. Oh, is that what it was? Oh, okay. Yeah, because if you get a line, and you're non-union, then they have to pay you. Oh, yeah, they got to pay your union days. So I'm like this with the beer, but on the screen it's, rah. Rah? Cast us a line? Maybe he went, rah, rah. People sounded me on it. They told me, hey, I saw you, you went, rah. Now, you're a filth, because you have a kid too, right? I have two. Two kids, okay. A filth? You're a filth. That's actually pretty good, Mark. Oh, thanks. I got a million of them, but you're a filth. You've got two children of your own. Is that why you stopped acting for a while? No, I just... Because you actually got laid? Yeah, well, I was... Twice, apparently. Yeah, I actually did, yeah. No, it was something that I tried to do, but I just wasn't ready, and I got caught up with life, and, you know, actually my kids got me into, you know, acting again, because I would get... I went through a breakup with their mother, and I'd get a call from mom, like, you're making that face again. I'm like, what face are you talking about? And I looked at my face, and I got mad at myself in the mirror, and it was pretty scary. Can you give me the face? It's a pretty creepy face. I don't want to verbally sit on it. So your ex-wife is like... Well, no, my kids just kind of pointed out that I can be really scary when I'm mad. So I told them, don't make me mad. My dad was like that, too. I think we also had that same story. I know, I said, hey, Dad, you should be in a horror movie. That's just kind of what got me thinking. So we started doing charity zombie walks, and I was just kind of dabbling around with makeup. Is that where you met Josie? Because she does the zombie walks. No, we didn't. I told you. Everybody knows everybody. Oh, you were on the set of a non-trauma movie. And so you were doing zombie walks. So you've always done makeup and stuff? I mean, I know you work with Adrian... Marquetto. Marquetto, I'm sorry. I know so many Adrians. Adrian Marquetto. Adrian, who I've worked with. Yeah, he's a great guy. It's kind of a long story, but I'm a trained fine artist, but I just started dabbling with makeup, and it's just a different medium. So that kind of opened up some doors. Working at Rob Zombie's Great American Nightmare, I got to play Captain Spaulding. That's what I was going to get there. How did you get that gig? I auditioned. I had no idea. How many Captain Spauldings were there? Well, when I read the letter, it said, we're considering you to play the one and only Captain Spaulding. And there were four. Sure. But two of them were masked. One of them wasn't. Now, this was on the tour, or was this the haunted house? It was his haunted house last October. At Universal. It was so rad. Oh, it was at Pomona. Yeah. It was really cool. So it was part of the concert, and you were in the haunted house. Yeah, exactly. It was set up almost like there were vendor booths, and then there was a concert area, and then the maze. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, there was a lot to do. Every Thursday through Sunday, there was a different national act, or group of national acts playing. So it really brought a really diverse crowd. That's great. And how did you hear about the audition? I mean, how did... Do you have any weird, scary, bald guys around, and you sort of... They can make their face? No, actually, there's a... With all the zombie walks that I do, there's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a... There's a great little group online called Fright Zone Forum, and they're a group of my friends on Facebook. Okay. And there was a convention in downtown called Scare LA last summer. Okay. And it's for all the haunters, and they held the auditions there. So I just went in just to see if, you know... You learn a new word every day on the Dark March show. Haunters. Haunters. I saw your eyes light up on that one. There's haunters, and there's scaracters, and there's a huge... Haunters. Wait a second. Scaracters. What's the difference between a haunter and a scaracter? And there's spooks models. Well, we know about spooks models and fear leaders, but what are the difference between... What's the difference between haunters and spooksters? Or haunters and... Scaracters. And scaracters. Scaracters are, I believe, actors that get paid to scare people. Right. So you were a scaracter. Yeah, I was. And the haunters are just people that do... Haunters, I think anybody that just loves haunts. You know, there are people that go to every single one, and there's reviews on them. I mean... It doesn't really seem like there'd be that many, but in Los Angeles, there was like 12 or 15 pretty big ones. Well, yeah. Haunted hayride. People go crazy over them. Yeah. Did you go to any haunted houses, Sheila? I did. Yeah? Are you a haunter? I love it. Which ones did you go to? I went to the one on the Queen Mary and the haunted hayride, which was pretty fantastic. You like to be scared? I don't get scared. I did all the makeup for the haunted hayride. We gotta have Missy on the show. I know. I miss her. Yeah, she's great. So, but anyway, not to say that we don't have, you know, let's wait for a few weeks. We don't want her busting on this show. But yeah, so Sheila, so you were crowned Miss Burlesque, Miss Hollywood Burlesque. I keep missing up. Miss Hollywood Burlesque 2013. How did that come about? I don't freaking know. And how many years have they had that? This was their first year. I was gonna say, I haven't heard. Bobby Boylesque won the mail. Yes. Because I think... He's the only male. No, he's not. No, there's a lot of guys doing it. There's all now. Well, just... Tito Bonito. I didn't want to tell you, Josie, but I was second place. Yeah, right. Dark Mark was second place. And then, what was it? Bonito was his name? Tito Bonito. Tito Bonito. So, the thing is, I was disqualified because I'm straight. But, no, they're straight burlesque dancers. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Boylesque dancers. I like to call them surlesque dancers. Surlesque. Another new word. Surlesque dancers. Because they're straight. But there's more competition for the female than the male, I would imagine. Definitely. So, is this everybody that does Peep Show Banajery and Lily Von Stoop Show? Yeah. And then, there's a team of people who select who is actually going to compete. Right. So, there are a bunch of people who didn't make it into the festival. And Lily did something really interesting. Because there are festivals everywhere. Right. All across the... And Louis is... Yeah, yeah. Um... Huh? What? Huh? You said Louis did something? Oh, Lily. Lily. Lily. I thought you said Louis. Lily did something really interesting because she separated. So, there are actually two titles. Mm-hmm. There's Miss Hollywood Burlesque, which is me. And then, Miss Starlet, who was out of town. So, it was really weird because I was competing against my friends. Yeah, that's the thing. And... How was that? Well, I just knew that Jezebel Thunder, who's another fantastic performer... I've seen her. I just knew she was going to take the title. Right. And I was going for Most Erotic. That's all I wanted. When I applied, I was like, I don't expect to take the title. I want Most Erotic. That's what I want. That's how I'm going to build the rest of my classes. Because Nolan Josie, on her website, they describe her dancing as dripping with sex. Wow. Oh, amazing. Can you give us a sample? Leaving a pool on the ground. That is my best friend. And that is how she knows. Describes me forever and ever. Well, I posted a picture of you doing the From Dusk Till Dawn, putting your foot in the guy's face and pouring champagne down. I love that. I think, yeah, I think... In the guy's face? It's Quentin Tarantino's face. Yeah. But it's someone else. Oh, no, no, no. Well, she didn't do it. I would probably pass out if I got to stay in Quentin's. Well, there's a girl right behind the guy that she did it to. He likes feet. He's big on feet. Who's into feet? Oh, are you into feet too, Noel? Sure. No, Quentin is. Why not? Quentin's into feet. Which is interesting because you're going to be on a Tarantino theme show this weekend, right? Last weekend. It was last weekend? Okay. What did you play? Same one. From Dusk Till Dawn. Okay. And I'm sure that went over great. Yeah. Do you use a snake? Not a real one. No? I don't have a snake. So like one of those pop-up snakes that comes in the can? So, well, I was using, before I was using one that I actually use because smaller stages, his name is Lucius. And I use him for my Eve and the snake act. And so when Lily asked me to do the Selma Hayek dance, I've been using him. So last week, because this show last weekend was on a big stage, I actually made a large, like eight foot long yellow stuffed snake. Awesome. I bet that wasn't the only snake you made. It started off like 14 feet long and I was like, this is too long. A lot of trouser snakes popping. Yeah. Yeah. And you popped out that night too, I would imagine. There's a photo from that. And the guy, there's the guy whose mouth I was sticking my foot in. And then the guy behind him was kind of blurry. Like the look on his face, he's so concerned. And I really want to know. And I could hear him. Yeah. I could hear him like, ah, and I've just wanted him to still be there when I got off stage. So I could ask him if it was like a, ah, of horror or if it was like a, ah, of horror. And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I was like, if it was like a, ah, of horror or if he wished that he had stood there instead. You should have stuck your foot in his mouth too. It was like, oh, I'm making his face. All right. Make it. What? A face. No, do a scary face. No, was that a different face? Yes. You want to see the face? I want to see the face. Okay. Let's see the face. Yeah. Is that what it looked like? That's a good face. Yeah. Well, no, he's like with his... Just draw. No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm literally biting his nails. Six degrees of separation because you were in a From Dusk Till Dawn thing, which Danny Trejo was in From Dusk Till Dawn, and he was also in Volcano Zombies, which you're in, which I said you were the star of, but Danny Trejo's the star of. Absolutely. So when's that coming out? That'll be out later this year as well. Okay, so tell us what happens with Volcano Zombies. I'm really curious, especially since you're from the land of volcanoes and other islands too. What happens? Tell us about Volcano Zombies. Are they fast? Well, all I can say is that there's a volcano and there's zombies. The zombies come out of the volcano. You're going to have to watch the movie. So the lava transforms the people into zombies? We don't want to ruin the volcano zombie plot. All I can say is that I was told by producer Jeff Miller, there's volcanoes, there's zombies, and there's Danny Trejo, and there's Jeff Miller. Okay, did you do any scenes with Danny Trejo? You'll have to see the movie. Did you meet Danny Trejo? No. You'll have to see. I can't reveal anything. You can't say that if you met him? Oh, man. Well, when you see the movie, you'll see. But I had so much fun. Okay, I guess you met Danny Trejo then. I don't know. It doesn't spoil the movie to say you actually met him on set. I got to play a cannibal, a frontiersman cannibal, and beat the crap out of someone with a leg bone. Talk about typecasting. Yeah. What was the face you made? It was the angry one. Let's see the angry one again. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's good. But it's out of context. It was an amazing experience with an awesome cast, and I got to do some really, you know, well, obviously. But anything with the context of volcano and zombies is good. Yeah. And Danny. And Danny and Noel. And Noel. And let me just clarify. I guarantee it. You are Noel. You are Noel Jason Scott. Yep. Not Noel Scott, who apparently is a porn star. Yeah. I'm not that guy. I didn't know there was a porn star. Not anymore. I didn't know there was a porn star named Noel Scott. Because you disappeared. Maybe you were doing that for a while. Okay. No, he's a different Noel Scott. Really? There's actually a lot of Noel Scott's. You'd think that'd be an original name, but there's an artist back on the East Coast, a musician. Noel Scott? Yeah. Okay. So I'm Noel Jason Scott. My grandmother told me a long time ago, she said that she used to work for the electric company, and she said that the day that I was born, they had like a little ticker tape. The electric company, the TV show, or the actual electric company? The electric company in Milwaukee. Okay. And she said that they had like this ticker tape thing that went around the office, had news and stock reports and what have you, and she said that my grandma's name is a proud new grandmother to Noel Jason Scott. She said, I saw your name up in lights, and it just looked so beautiful. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right.. Thank you. And that's for Josie. What a charmer. Thank you. Look at this guy. Wow. I never get that reaction when I give flowers. Beautiful. Last time I gave a woman flowers, honestly. They're very spring and happy looking. The last time I gave a woman flowers was a year and a half. I gave flowers to my girlfriend because it was her birthday. And we had been going out for about two years. She broke up with me a month later. That's my experience with flowers. I gave a girl flowers once. A month later, so you blame it on the flowers. No, I hadn't given anybody flowers in 10 years. I gave the girl flowers at my work. I had them delivered. I said, I want, this is a Josie, somebody that I really want to have sex with. I want to have sex with me. So I said, I want to make it clear that I want to have sex with her, but that we're friends. I know, you're laughing because you know what's coming. So then I see she put 11 lavender roses with one red rose in the middle. I had it delivered to her. We both work together, which is, you know, I understand in hindsight. That's trouble. What a mistake. Everybody in the place swooned. Said, oh my God, except for her. And she. Is she like this? Oh my God. Yes. Yeah, she, yeah, exactly. So she, so then I finally, I finally. You outed her. I finally, no, I outed her. I liked her. And so then I finally cornered her and she's like, yeah, I hate when guys give me flowers because they always die. So that's, that's my experience with flowers. Oh. And then I carry up a potted plant and get it all over and have it leak all over the table. Right. Look, he has lipstick on his cheek. Yeah, I noticed that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, from you. And then on the other side, Sheila didn't kiss you that hard. Sheila. I think that's mine. Oh, is that yours? And then, yeah. Anyway, Sheila, geez, I told you this. Did I tell you this would go by fast? Uh-huh. Sheila, now before you did, now you teach pole dancing. Mm-hmm. And you also teach hula dancing and Tahitian dancing. Mm-hmm. Oh, you have to teach Mark how to hula dance. Mm-hmm. Hula. Can you give an example? Absolutely. Come on. Do we have some music? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Well, I don't know if we have music, but I'm going to turn the camera around. Jenny can pull something up real quick. Jenny, do you have any hula music? Or anything. Well, we're not going to have headphones on. You guys are going to have headphones. Yeah. I'm still with the listeners. If you can, if you can. We'll not have headphones. If you can teach us, teach me. Well, I was going to have you teach Josie some hula dancing, but. I think you need it more. Okay. Yeah, we want to see you more. There's a boy version and a girl version. Oh, wait. So you could teach both of us. Teach them the girl version. Okay. By accident. Well, first off, let me turn the camera around. Okay. Ah, there we go. Josie, you got to talk and let everybody know what's going on. Okay. Well, the camera's on you. Yes, but some people are listening on iTunes. They don't have to see this. Oh, okay. So, Mark's getting up and putting his grass skirt on. His coconuts. And his coconut bra. Do you want to help narrate? Help narrate. Get out there. Mark's adjusting the camera. And his thong. Oh, man. A little thong. Ooh. Mark, you really are white. Show's going to be over by the time we adjust the camera. He was strategically doing that on purpose. Hang on. Enjoy the beautiful music. Because it's much nicer than the travesty we're going to see in a minute here. There we go. All in the hips. Shake it. All in the hips. Come on, Mark. Shake that ass. He's wiggling his tush around in circles. Shake. Shake it. Shake it. Look at him go. Go. Come on. Move your hands. Watch. He's doing the robot. Watch. Ellie's going to have another earthquake. We have to mark the time and see if the Richter scales go off. Mark. Mark's got it down. He's moving his shoulders back and forth. It's all in the hips. All in the hips. Like a hula hoop. Have you ever tried a hula hoop? Have you tried a hula hoop before? When I was a kid, yeah. More of a big wheel kind of kid? Yeah, exactly. Big wheels were fun. I cracked my chin going off a ramp. Oh. I was more of a big wheel. I was more of a, I wore a cape when I was Batman. Ah, that's awesome. I was Evil Knievel. Yeah. Online. I'm sorry, we got sidetracked. We are. Woo! He's going around in circles, shaking that tush. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. There's a lot of booty shaking going on. There's a whole lot of booty. This is why the black girls love him. He's got the ghetto booty. Shake that room. She's serious about it. This is a hell of a workout. Yeah, they're doing like a hip hop type of thing. It works for video, but it's hard for radio. Yeah. Well, if it's the Greek comments, there it goes. Well, okay. I'm not the host. That's why I'm the co-host. Yay! That was very nice. She's doing Macarena. It's the hula Macarena. Bravo. Let's do one of each. He's all out of breath. Are you sweating? Okay. This is the girl. version, right? The boy version. This is the girl version. Woo! Very sexy. You see what they mean by dripping sex? Look at that. That's pretty cool. That's pretty milky right there. So all the arm movements they have meaning, right? Josie, Josie, you gotta do it. Come on over. Get a hula lesson. Come on. Okay, quickly. Quick hula lesson. Alright. Okay. For Josie, I'm gonna give you... Josie has some grace. She's in the band Pissant. She's in the band Carrera. She dances. I'm more of a punk rock. This is the punk rock, yes. Okay, now they're playing the nice hula music. Okay, well you wanna do a lesson, Josie? Come on. Okay. Okay. So, wow. She's a natural. Look at that. Look at those hips. Those hips are... Those hips don't lie. They're like... Look at that. That's total... Jenny's coming in to work the camera, I think, because my camera skills are horrible. But look at that. Look at that. Wait, wait. Josie was trying to improvise with some stripping moves there. That didn't quite work. I'm sorry, Jenny. Okay. But wait, I think you... Have you ever hula before, Josie? Yeah. Oh, now you tell me. Okay, now you tell me. Okay. Show her the boy hula. Okay. No, no. Do your thing. Do your thing. Do your thing. Don't let me distract you. Like that. That's a... Yeah. That's a lot of hips. I can see why they're saying... I gotta go to Hawaii. This is great. Is this Hawaiian or the Tahitian? You get some one-way tickets, Mark, right? If everybody's like this, yeah. I think so. Yeah. Wait, wait. Quit moving your shoulders. Okay. Okay. All right. Oh, thank you, Sheila. That's terrific. Now, do you work that into your burlesque? I do. I have an act that I do that's... Hula... It's a bass act, and I have a Tahitian one as well, but I don't do that one often. Okay. I'm scared of angering the tiki gods. Oh, that's right. Did you just... You're probably... Teaching me the hula dance probably angered the tiki gods out of magic. I literally do like... And we're gonna have a volcano suddenly come up in California. Yeah, no. You guys are... We have one here. Volcanoes. Zombies will come out. Mount St. Helen. All hell's gonna break loose. Yeah, zombies, volcanoes. Oh, my. What did I tell you two? Did I say this was gonna be so much fun and it was gonna go by real quick? Uh-huh. Oh, wait. We have 10 minutes. Forget it. I'm sorry. We got... Thanks, Jenny. We got... We got so much time. So, um... Yeah, I'm just... I'm just still... You're sweating. Well, you teach pole dancing, you teach hula, and you teach Tahitian dancing. And burlesque. And burlesque. And anything else that I can possibly teach. No, I... Trust me, there's a lot of things I could use lessons on, but, uh... That's for sure. Well, I mean, uh, so, uh, where do you teach and, uh, how's that going? Uh, it's okay. It's sporadic right now. Right. I teach... I live in Long Beach, so I try and stay in Long Beach, but I'm supposed to be linking up with Lily Von Stupp at some point to teach for the way... Uh, the... Yeah, she's got... The school for wayward girls. She's got her class. Are you gonna be, um, working ink and iron this year? I am not. I'm not that fancy. They don't ask me to do that. But you got tattoos. You got tattoos. Well, not everyone has tattoos. Well, they... A lot of the pole dancers and the last girls don't. Why are they at ink and iron, then? They're entertainment. Yeah. They don't have to have tattoos. Oh, okay. So I could actually go because I don't have any tattoos. Anybody could go. Because why mess with a good thing? But you have tattoos. You got the stars on your legs. Are there any other tattoos? Uh, yeah. I have this one. Ooh. Oh, there you go. My homage to the last unicorn, which, if any, you know, these people remember that they just got the answer. I get... I give away kisses to people if they can guess the reference. The last unicorn! No. Because usually people can't. Yeah. I never saw the last unicorn, but I... No? We got to cuddle and watch it. There's definitely a cuddle up and watch it. Oh, yeah. There you go. You're not talking about legend, are you? No, no. Oh, there's a movie called The... Yeah. Is it a cartoon, right? It is a cartoon. The last unicorn. The last unicorn. I thought you were up on all things 80s. Now, this guy... Because... And kids. Yeah. The filth... No, go ahead. You were going to say something. I mean... Oh, I forgot. Brain fart. Yeah, I was talking... I was talking to the filth, but you... Filth? Yeah. Because the one thing that you like even more than horror movies is 80s cheese metal, which is... Because I... You were bragging on... You were bragging on Facebook that you went to see Lynch Mob a few weeks ago. Yeah. And I had to explain to people who Lynch Mob is. And Sheila Lynch, there was a band in the 80s called Dot. Dot. Dot. Dot. Dot. Dot. That was kind of like big, but they weren't that big. But the guy that played guitar in Dot was in Lynch Mob. And I have Sirius now, so I get the hair metal station. And I think I heard a Lynch Mob song for the first time two weeks ago. So... But you... And we also saw you do Highway to Hell in karaoke. Now, you built yourself on your IMDb page as a singer as well. Oh, I'm more of a screamer. Yeah, but I mean, have you been in bands? That's my line. Yeah. Well, I'm sure he wouldn't mind you two screaming. I'm sure he wouldn't mind you two screaming together. No, it's just... That would be fun. It's something that... I have a lot of fun. No, I'm trying to hook you up. Sheila and I can leave the room. We'll hula in the other room if you guys want to scream in the studio. What? I'm sorry, I missed the reference. No, the reference is you and Josie have sex. You make her scream and then she makes you scream. Well, thank you. I think he's getting nervous. He's getting... Are you getting nervous? No, sitting between these two beautiful women, I can't, I can't be surprised. First off, I, you know, just... That's why you're on that side. Well, trust me, my eyes keep just going back and forth because, I mean, the breasts are mesmerizing tonight, especially now that they're glistening and they have a little sweat on them. And Sheila's just so beautiful. I don't know where to look except not at you, which I'm... No offense. I started off as, you know, cool and confident. Now I'm turning into Marty Feldman. And by the way, folks, Marty Feldman was an actor in the 70s. He was in Young Frankenstein. I got... Walk this way. Yes, he's very... That's a vintage horror comedy, you think. But you're into... But have you been in bands is what I'm asking. Because you did Highway to Hell on Rockstar Karaoke when we saw Society... Hell's Bells. Yeah, or Hell's Bell. You did Hell's Bells. Yeah, I pretty much... I tend to have a raspy voice and I love 80s metal. I do Guns N' Roses, ACDC. Was it just karaoke or have you actually been in a band or have you pursued singing? No, actually singing on stage with... Heaven Below. Those guys at Skinny's was pretty awesome. To be able to sing with a live band in front of you and not having the words. I mean, you gotta know. It's a tough crowd. No, you were good. I'm just saying, have your kids heard you sing like Lynch Mom around the house and say, you know, Dad, you really should be a singer because they were encouraging the acting? No, my daughter goes like this. Yeah. Hugs her ears. Not talking again. I mean, trust me, I understand. No more White Snake. Yeah. No, no, they... They get embarrassed and as soon as I start hearing, Dad, Dad, don't do that. I'm like, I start singing louder. I'm like, please put some zombie makeup on. Me and the kids were listening to One Direction. Get your zombie makeup on and yeah, I know how it is. And my daughter loves One Direction. So, I need to do a... Everybody's daughter loves One Direction. Does your daughter love One Direction? No? That's good. She's way cooler than that. My daughter's pretty cool. Oh. I know. It's just... His kids are way cool. The pictures that he posts on his Facebook, they're all... Yeah. They get into it. They're little zombies too and they have fun. Do you put makeup on your kids? Yeah, actually I do. We do a lot of zombie walks and we actually just worked on a zombie movie called Death Rides the Apocalypse. Oh, really? I didn't hear about this one. Yeah, it's a little independent film we're working on. Are you directing it? No, no, no, no. I'm just an actor in it. But I played a couple different zombies and got my kids in it. Were the kids in it too? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, how fun. But not only that. A family that zombies together stays together. Yeah. That was cool. Uh, yeah, but you were gonna be in a play. That's like your same Bela Lugosi in Brawn. No, no, but you're gonna be in a play. Yeah, I just got cast in the female odd couple. No, I'm not gonna be a girl. Okay. I was gonna say that could be the scariest costume of them all. I'm not shaving for nobody. I saw that. The female odd couple? Yeah. How was it? It's pretty cute. It's funny. Yeah, I'm gonna be playing the role of Manalo. Really? Yeah. Oh. I haven't read the script yet. That'll be fun. You've seen the odd couple movie, right? Yeah, well, this is the female odd couple. All the roles have been reversed. Yeah, but it's the same story. What theater? I'm at the Covina Center for the Performing Arts, the CCPA. And when does it open? I believe it opens up beginning of May. I'm not sure exactly. I just found out today. You better start turning those lines. You got a month. About an hour, two hours ago, I found out that I was cast. You know what you should do? Congratulations. Congrats. You know what you should do? Just to, apparently the elevator just opened. What you should do is you should show up in your Captain Spaulding makeup just for a go. And walk in. A zombie Captain Spaulding. Hey, Felix, who's this guy? Hi, welcome to Captain Spaulding's Museum of Monsters and Mad Men. Yeah, it's not gonna fly. Zip and rob and get mad. Oscar, you're so messy. I'm gonna kill you. Hey, try some of my tasty fried chicken. He's good at that. He's good at that. And Sheila, you're doing burlesque shows all the time. Yes. And when people want to get a hold of you, how do they get a hold of you? My website, SheilaStarBurlesque.com. Which is a website I highly recommend. I had hours and hours of pleasure looking at that website. I'm still working on it too, so you have more hours to come. There must be a lot of photos. There's a few photos. That's very nice. If you Google Sheila Starciani, there's a lot of... How do you spell your last name? S-I-A-N-I. Okay. And it's Sheila S... Spell it. Can you spell the whole website for us? S... How do I spell my name? S-H-E-I-L-A. I think you're contagious, Josie. S-H-E-I-L-A-S-T-A-R-R. Double R's there. And it's just burlesque, so the Siani's not on the website. Right. It's just Sheila Star Burlesque. And why do all these burlesque people spell star with two R's? I think it's mostly an homage to like Blade Star and some of the other And why does she do that? I don't know. I'll ask her that when I talk to her. When is your next show? When is your next show? Are you doing stuff this weekend? I am in Ventura tomorrow night at the Ventura Majestic. What's the theme of that show? There's no particular theme, but after that show, they switched to Rocky Horror. Oh, wow. Fun. Oh, burlesque and Rocky Horror. What was the routine that won you Miss Hollywood Burlesque before we go? My Thieves in the Temple. It's actually my Awaken the Kajira is the name of the act, but it's to Princess Thieves in the Temple. Right. And I'm a slave girl and I have a chain that my, a leash and collar that my grandmother gave me. Doesn't get much cooler than that. Seriously, she gave it to me first. the stories you had in that one? She gave it to me. My grandmother gave me a music box. Yours gave me a dog collar and a chain. Yeah. I opened it up as Mother's Day present. I'm like, Grammy, what am I going to do with this? Mother's Day present. Grammy. And she said, she's like, what? And I'm like, oh, and immediately because I was working on my Prince act and I was like, ah, that's what I'm doing. By the way, is Grammy single or is she still? Grammy is single. All right, we'll talk about that. Grammy is beautiful. I'll bet she is. She has this little 49 year old guy who's been chasing after her for like 20 years. Well, she needs to go younger. Noel, how do people get a hold of you? I'm just on Facebook and Noel Jason Scott. Find me on IMDB and Noel Jason Scott. Noel Jason Scott. You're on Instagram. You're on Twitter. I'm Vampire McTwit. Vampire McTwit. And how did that come out? I don't know. Just something ridiculous. You can follow me on my Twitter, Josie, J-O-S-I dot Kat, K-A-T. Facebook's no longer. For now, I have to do a public persona page because and my Instagram or you could go to FearLeaders.net. Okay. And for me, it's gothcomedian.net. I'm gothcomedian on Instagram, Twitter. Instagram. The elevator just closed. Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. And go to darkmarkshow.com. Go to our Tumblr. Go to our Twitter. We're all over the place. Next week, the one-year anniversary. Congratulations. And in June, I'll be doing the one-man show. You guys know about the Spank Train? What is it? Spank Train. We have a Spank Train. It's our, it's our, this is our tradition. Tradition. It started, it started not a year ago. April 15th, 2013. A year and two weeks. Yes, I remember. It was you, you and Gary Garver and you just had to slap that ass. So, we, basically what we do and you don't have to do it but it's fun. We, basically, we have a line and we spank everybody this way and then we, I spank you, you spank me and since we have a boy-girl-boy-girl thing, it works out. You guys up for it? Of course. Okay, you gonna play some of that Tahitian music again? Jenny, could you play that Tahitian music, that good Hulu music and we're gonna do the spank train. Or some metal, or some cheesy 80s metal. Oh, you got some, I don't wanna confuse her. If you have any docking, you can throw that out but anyway, everybody have a wonderfully creepy week. We're gonna do the spank train now. Next week, tune in, the one year anniversary. Woo! Yay. So, okay. So, so, so, you basically, everybody faces this way. Oh, we're gonna face, yeah, we'll face my way. We'll face my way. We'll face my way. We'll face my way. We'll face my way.