June 16th show promo, sports talk, and comedian clips

But it's weird though because there's like That's the way it goes Can you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios Maybe You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio With Jake Belcher and Grant Thoman On top On top On top On top On top On top On top On top On top You are right on time for another Grand Theft Audio Radio This is Jake Belcher and I'm Grant Thoman And we're super stoked to be bringing here Another week of Live entertainment for your ear holes And your listening pleasure Please enjoy On Skid Row Studios Dot com Which I guess most people if they're listening to us live probably know that's true Yes, if they're listening live I guess it's the people who are the connoisseurs of the podcast Later on that get it from iTunes Are like, oh we know Grand Theft Audio But where can we hear it live every day? Well you can hear it live every day here on Skid Row Studios dot com And always bringing you The best in live Radio We've got some awesome guests lined up over the next two weeks Oh yeah We're gonna be bringing in some pretty badass people I can't wait to Really put out our whole schedule And let people know who's coming in Yeah I know that the one I'm most excited about is David Koechner coming in Yeah, that's gonna be awesome Piranha 3DD baby Which I think the double D is for boobs Yes, I believe so I don't think there's another dimension If there was another dimension I would imagine it to be 4D You would think so But 3DD is where we're headed I know the first Piranha Set a record for the most amount of breasts ever in 3D Nice Coming right at your face Right It's coming right for us But um I can't wait to see the new one Cause they're gonna be in 3DD Uh yeah And I think they're gonna try to break their previous record I bet they are Cause um That's all movies try to do now is break records I don't even think they try to be good anymore I think they just try to What record can we break And let's try and convince a production studio to fund us Yep That is the whole goal Haha Yeah Yeah It's worked well for these guys Uh yeah Hollywood is making money There's no doubt Yeah Exactly Big weekend at the box office So anyway How was your weekend It was pretty good man Our show on Saturday night We gotta thank everyone for coming out there Yeah that was a blast Biggest live crowd we've gotten of people so far It was awesome to have people coming up saying Hey we're here to see the Grand Theft Audio show So um Thanks listeners Cause you're the only ones that we told about it So thank you very much We appreciate it We got next month's lineup all ready to go Mmhmm So um We got um J. Chris Newberg And Karen Kilgareff And Michael Gelbart And um Whole bunch of others We're gonna be um Bringing those people in over the next couple of weeks The Walsh Brothers are gonna be back Which is awesome They're the best They are so much fun to watch Uh Okay So recently we've had the LA Weekly That came out And they were talking about Interesting people in Los Angeles Those are two guys That I'm surprised weren't Like Recognized Because every time I see their show There's something fresh There's something new And it's always funny I loved the magician act That they did at our Um Show what Four or six months ago now Yeah Um With the With the masked guy underneath the Yeah that was crazy Oh my god It was just so awesome So I think the reason they didn't get written up in that one Is because they had gotten written up Just a few weeks before in the weekly Uh As being one of the top ten acts To catch live in America Oh awesome Well Well then Nevermind That's even better I'd much rather have that title One of the other people Who got written up in that Is uh Nick Rutherford Mmhmm Also be joining us at our next show So we're having Two of The top ten acts To catch in America On the next Grand Theft Audio Live If you don't think that's badass Suck my dick Yep Tickets are only ten bucks And you can start get You can start ordering them today They are available today On westsidecomedy.com And um What's the date again? I don't I forget June 16th The 16th of June Yeah It's uh The day before Father's Day So um You know We're a A um A family friendly For adults and stuff show I mean We don't want little kids Unfortunately we have to We only cater to an 21 plus crowd Because of the theater That we're at And they serve alcohol So hey you know If your dad likes beer I mean they got the three dollar Schlitz And it's the Schlitz Tallboys I know dude That was a good deal That was That was a very good deal It was pretty tasty And uh Lots of other really great beers I mean they They really have done a nice job Of having some Inexpensive cheap beers For those who just want to Come in and have a beer or two While they're watching the show And also some really top end Uh Like crafted beers So uh Nice little place So not only are we going to have Those But we're finally going to have The live story version Of the Billy Cook Gas passing and feces clause Excellent Which is one of the Um Craziest stories From the history of my life That I can't wait To do live with The dude who actually Did it on stage Yeah So So he's confirmed as well For the 16th He has promised me That he will not chicken out This time So he did So he admitted to chickening out Chickening out A little bit Well That's the word I used Okay So he didn't say chickening out But he said that he Promised he would do it Next time Awesome So I can totally dig that Also watched some of Did you watch any of the eclipse? No I don't think you did I think that when I went To your house yesterday You had no idea That it was going on then Should I have told you Hey the eclipse is going on Right now Probably I vaguely remember Something last week Being said about There would be an eclipse That we'd be able to Partially see here In Southern California I didn't even think about it Yesterday It was pretty awesome It was Hey man This was a long weekend for me I worked every single day And they were all long shifts Plus we had the live show On Sunday Saturday Which was Yeah You know Those are always Just a little taxing Especially after a long Early shift So I probably would have said Hey oh great And probably would have Gone back in And closed my eyes Like I did So It was pretty cool I got to see Probably about 75% blockage Oh And I think at the peak It was 80 So It moved really quick Yeah It's not something That lasts very long I mean It just got dark At about 6 o'clock For 10 Seconds Or something Yeah You know what I think I did Like notice it Like looking out my window I was like Huh It's kind of gotten darker Earlier than I anticipated But it just didn't Like actually hit me That that's what Was going on Yeah Well I thought it was Pretty awesome man Okay so we usually Like to start off our week With what are your holidays And things that you Should be celebrating Start of the week So what week is it? Is this a specific week? These are We got a couple Of specific weeks All of them Are Kind of funky One of them Actually is kind of cool That I probably Will try to celebrate Okay Okay so this is Recreational water illness And injury prevention week Okay So I guess You know Be careful on your Slipping slides out there Yeah Probably that chick Who went ziplining And then swimming Who's lost her legs And hands Oh man That story's just awful And it just gets worse Every time I hear it Like Because there's Constantly updates Oh now they're gonna Have to do this to her Like what? At what point Is she not gonna get to say Okay look This thing is eating me alive Can I just Say goodbye I'm done son I'm done Yep I can't take it anymore It is also National medical Transcription week So I guess that means Go out and get your Your medical Transcriptions Be happy that they Transcribe what your Medical issues are Yeah thank god for that Right Yes The one I actually Will probably celebrate Because I love Spending time there This is National backyard Games week So you know Croquet and Badminton Whistle ball Yeah all the things You like to play In your backyard Those are the three Weeks that we are Celebrating this week Not that many Compared to the way It usually is Yeah Yeah Now what is today? We are on the 21st of May So what is May 21st? Well There have been a lot of People who predicted That today Was the rapture Oh really? So it's It's an unofficial Rapture day It is end of the world Or rapture party day Awesome It's also I need a patch For that day I need a patch? Yeah For that Yeah I'm not exactly sure Like what I need a patch For that Means It makes me think Like there's something Specific and special That you're good at And you want to have A patch that you can put On like a vest or something And wear around And say hey look I have a patch for that This weekend was National endangered Species weekend But today is the actual National endangered Species day Three day weekend I know For the endangered animals I hardly ever get A three day weekend What the hell We get one next week though Yeah Memorial day Nice And hey Control room Just letting you guys know That we are taking Next Monday off We're not coming in here For the holiday Yeah Nobody should have to Yeah we're not coming in In fact why don't you guys Take the day off too Yeah you know Come out to the parade In Macanada Yes That's always a fun way To spend some time I hope I can find Some vuvuzelas for sale Holy shit Brent What's up Today is your fucking day What is my day? National wait staff day Did you know that? I had no idea Well I'm looking forward To going to work today I'm going to wish everybody A happy national wait staff day Yeah like you should Let your customers know for sure Oh yeah I mean that's very Very important The Got a couple more We have Victoria day Which is really for Canada Yeah World day for Cultural diversity For dialogue and development Okay Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah! And hope that something new happens? I don't think that's what that means. I mean, International Day for Biological Diversity. Yes. So we're supposed to appreciate the fact that we're different than the dolphins, not that we need to go and squeeze a little bit of cum out of them and try to create a new species. I think we should do it. We're not God, man. I think we should do it. All right. Well, you catch the dolphin and I'll help them. It's also National Maritime Day. So we can celebrate both of those at the same time. Hey, it's boats. So the other ones coming up this week that you need to know about, we won't tell you what day it is, but we'll talk about them. But this is a taffy day this week, Brothers Day, International Tierra Day. Ooh, I have a tiara that I can wear. Is it an international tiara? You know, I'll put like a Mexican flag on it or something. There you go. That'll add a little international flavor. And it's also the birthday this week of an American icon. He is so much so that he even has his own day. This is the week that we celebrate cooking. Monster's birthday. Sweet. I don't know how we'll do that, but I will figure out some way of making sure. We'll have cookies in studio. You know, he's not a big cookie eater anymore. I know. They put him on a diet. Dude, how can they do that, but they can't actually officially make Bert nerdy gay? I mean, those dudes are homosexuals. Well, they don't share the same bed, so they can continue to hold on to that farce that they're... A lot of couples don't share the same bed. Yeah, I guess you're right. You don't have to have sex with each other to be a couple. I guess so. They're just a gay couple. I see what you're saying. It happens, man. Okay, so that's a holiday, Bert. Okay, so box office. We're talking on the way down here. Yep. About the Avengers. Can anything stop the Avengers? Three weeks in a row, number one. But did it make a lot of money this week? It made 55. That's a lot. That's a lot. I mean, granted, that's more than... And it's a little bit more than 50% of what they made last week. And so the week... So next week... They'll make 25 million. And then the week after that, they'll make 12. And I think by the end of July, they'll be down to where the lucky one is. That wound up at number nine with $1.8 million over the weekend. Okay, so we said that I would try to guess what the rest of the top five was. Now, they made $55 million in first place for the Avengers. Yes. I'm going to guess they probably did 45 for Battleship. No. Lower. Lower than 45. Lower than 45. 40. Much lower. Much lower. Yes. 30. Lower. Wow. 28. Little bit... Well, lower. 26. Lower. Wow, 25. 25 million. That's embarrassing. For a $200 million budgeted production, yeah, that's flopperoony territory right there. That's like up there with John Carter. Mm-hmm. So can you guess what number three was? Wait, now, didn't that star the same guy who starred in John Carter? John Carter? I think you're right. The guy who played the lead in Battleship. That's right. The same one that did John Carter. Oh, man. Geez. No one is banking on him right now. Next one down. Let's see what else. Should I go with Dark Shadows or What to Expect When You're Expecting? Those are in the top five. Uh-huh. But there's another one. Came in number three. It had an earlier release last week. The Dictator. Yes. Number three. It's $17.4 million. So that's not bad. That didn't make very good money either. I don't know what it cost. You know what? I imagine that the production cost is not nearly what Battleship was. I would probably imagine this to probably be about $30 to $40 million. Uh-huh. So I don't think it's that bad. I mean, because of the long weekend, because it opened up on Wednesday, it did $24.5 million. So it did just over a million less than Battleship did over three days. They did it in five days. I don't think that's that bad for a Sacha Baron Cohen. You know, it's an R-rated film as well. So it's not going after that PG-13 rating where everybody can go and see it. Now, you told me. You told me that the next two, at least, I don't know what order they're in. You don't know their order. I'm going to say that Dark Shadows probably outperformed What to Expect While You're Expecting. It did. It pulled in just under $13 million. And then, obviously, What to Expect When You're Expecting rounded out the top five with 10.5. There was one film that wound up in the number six spot that actually had an increase in revenue over its previous week's release. Actually, two weeks' release. That's pretty rare. Yeah. The Best Exotic Marigold. Marigold Hotel, which I think we only touched on briefly last Friday. Just as that title sounds awful, I would never go out of my way to see something that just sounds so pretentious and awful. But here's the gap. From five to six, it goes from five with What to Expect was 10.5 million. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, 3.3 million. Shit, we almost made that at our GTA show this weekend. I wish. That's terrible. Number seven, The Hunger Games with $3 million. That one has grossed nearly $400 million. Just here alone, that's not a bad little bit of money. I saw the chick who stars in that in another movie this weekend. Yeah. I watched X-Men First Class, I guess from a couple years ago. And boy, she's not a very charismatic girl. No. I was not impressed. Just with the character, though, because you were saying you enjoyed that. Yeah, I liked the movie, but her... I hear you. Think Like a Man was number eight with 2.7. The lucky one. Was number nine at 1.8. And then The Pirate's Band of Misfits, 1.5. That's still making some money. Yeah. Comparatively. Comparatively. I mean, it's grossed in 24 days what Battleship grossed in one weekend. Well, that shows you... It's going to do a lot better once it hits the DVD route, Netflix and all that. It'll pick up some steam, I think, in sales there. That one person's disappointing numbers is another person's extraordinary numbers. Exactly. It is all relative. And you never really know what something's going to make. I guess everyone expected this Avengers movie to do very well, but... Yeah. I mean, it's got to be... At this point, I'm guessing probably two weeks out from hitting a billion bucks. With both nationwide and international sales. I haven't seen what their tally internationally is recently, but I am curious. I'm probably going to look it up tomorrow or for today and for tomorrow. Because they've got to be close to a billion dollars at this point. Probably having lost... They've lost a couple of billion dollars already this morning. Facebook is not doing too good this morning. They are down 525 on the day. So it's actually at $33, which was one of the thoughts of what the initial public offering was going to be at. So, hey guys, all you guys who got in on that IPO, good for you. Hey, state of California, are we going to get that 1.5 billion? Probably not. I was pretty surprised to see that California, a couple of cities this week, decided that they would give back to Google and to Amazon anything... What's the term? Any state taxes that are brought in by selling things through their town. So, okay, when you buy something on the internet, unless it's coming from California, you basically don't pay state taxes on it. Right. To lose... To keep that business from leaving... To keep that business from leaving California. There's a town called Pleasanton. Pleasanton is offering all these internet companies to come in there, move their warehouses there, and that they would give them back any money that they lost to state taxes. They're just that desperate to have any jobs in their community that they don't care if they give back what is the state's take. I mean, that's what the state's supposed to do. So then the city's just like, oh, we'll just pay you back and it'll be cool. Yeah, we'll give it back to you. Tax incentives, tax breaks. Just keep jobs here in California because we're taxing the crap out of everybody. It's crazy. Yeah. I know a lot of business owners, we're getting to that age where we have those friends, and they just want out of the state because they're just getting just over-regulated and over-taxed. I mean, you can set up a Nevada corporation where you don't pay any income tax there. It's just ridiculous. I mean, that's where I'd go. But, uh... It's just... I don't know. We're so backwards here in California. There's always... I mean, the gridlock up in Sacramento is worse than it is on Capitol Hill in Washington. I mean, nobody wants to cross any lines. No one's willing... I guess to be a Republican in California, you have to kind of agree to... There's never going to be any tax increases, no new taxes in California if you want to be a Republican. And there are a few Republicans who are sitting there going, we're not going to get ourselves out of this problem unless we do something. So we have to kind of cross these party lines. And negotiate. But it doesn't seem like that's going to happen either. It doesn't seem to be what anyone is good at doing for sure. I mean, everybody's just so... They want what they want. And that's just the way it's going to be. Yeah. It's kind of sad, actually. Indeed. You know, so... All these people have now... There's billions of dollars in losses to Facebook. And I think that Mark Zuckerberg is a genius again. Yeah. He got married this weekend. Mm-hmm. He decided that... The day after he made these billions upon billions of dollars, that now was the time to get married. Yeah. I think that's just so that he can prenup it like anything he now makes together with her. Right. Then great. She's got a shot at that stuff. But anything that was... Do you think there is a prenup? Of course there's got to be, dude. Is he retarded? Hey, dude, when you're thinking with the wrong head, yeah, you become retarded. Have you seen her? Yeah, I've seen a picture of her. I think she's ugly as shit. Well, he's not the most handsome guy in the world either, so... But he's one of the richest. At that point, that becomes beauty. Come on, dude. To ladies, that shit becomes beauty. Okay. You got $20 billion and you can't get someone hotter than this girl? Yeah. She looks a lot like... Well, they're a longtime couple as well. They've been dating for several years. And she's... Well, congratulations to her on graduating from medical school. Okay, great. Which she's never going to... Yeah, she's never going to need... Well, no, she'll go on and get... I'm sure she'll go in and do her... Yeah. Internship and become a doctor, an actual medical doctor. You think so? Yes. Yes. She's Asian. Her family... No, her family has already shoved it into her brain that you have to do this. You have to become a doctor for our family, for us. Who cares if you go and marry a billionaire? That's on top of that. A 20 billionaire. Okay, that's fine. That's just a really fat cherry on top of that. I am almost positive. Just because of the young woman that we went to high school with whose families were so strict about education and there were no extracurriculars unless it was something for education that, you know, you've got to become a lawyer, you've got to become a doctor. That's in her brain. It's been in her brain for 20 some odd years. I will bet you... You don't think she's going to get her MD? No. Okay. I don't think she'll ever be like a practicing doctor where she actually... Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying she's going to become a practicing doctor, but she had to be able to get that MD and PhD. So you think she'll just go to school, but she's never going to actually... Well, she's finished school. You don't think she's going to do an internship? No. I think she will. Well, I mean, what's up with that? What's the point? I mean... You have to hone your medical skills so that when, as you grow older, because, you know, okay, what happens if they do wind up getting divorced in 10 years? Granted, she's going to have billions of dollars. I mean, unless it is pre-nuped in where she's only going to get a percentage of whatever comes in for that. But at that point, it's also possible in 10 years that Facebook will be defunct. It's also possible that he's now worth $200 million. Yeah. It's now $360 a share. Yeah. Exactly. It's... I think she will do this. I think she'll... She wants to get her doctorate and she has to do all these things to become... So to actually become a doctor. So I have no doubt in my mind that she will. I don't... I think you're right. I don't think she'll become a practicing doctor. Well, she'll open a practice, but she will have some hands-on medical training. She works in pediatrics. So she's obviously also a little baby hungry. Women who go into that, they love babies and they're going to want to have babies and they want to heal babies. So I have a strong feeling that she's going to be all about practicing at least for a couple of years. Just as, like I said, as an intern and maybe as a resident. And then she can go on to do charity work and stuff because at some point he's going to either buy up the world or she'll get divorced. So... Hold on. I got too many things. Thank you, everyone. Thank you. I'm glad everyone appreciated my statement there in regards to her. I'm trying out a new thing here in the studio. And how bad is that coming across in your mic? It's done. Okay, cool. Anyways, we actually... I'm breaking things up. We actually go into our first break of the day. We have one of our headliners from our next live show has graciously allowed us to play some of his clips. Awesome. So, ladies and gentlemen, check out Michael Gelbart and we'll be back right after this. Hello, comedy lovers. Here come some of my greatest smashes. Here's smash number one. You know, I'm at a... I'm at a point in my life where all my friends have, like, two and three-year-old kids, right? And some of them are putting their kid on the outgoing message on the voicemail. And they all think it sounds super adorable. But to me, it sounds like a hostage tape. No one can come to the phone right now. No one can come to the phone right now. Leave a message. Leave a message. Leave a message. And we'll get back to you. And we'll get back to you. Beep. Smash. I was driving down the street the other day and I saw a used car lot, right? But it doesn't say used cars anywhere, right? It says pre-owned vehicles, right? There's no such thing as pre-owned. It's used, right? You never hear a woman go, Oh, my God, that guy totally came over and pre-owned me last night. That's a smash. Yeah, I'll take the applause, sure. But, man, I got one friend. He can't pre-own anyone, right? This guy gets no girls, right? I'll give you an example of how little game this guy has. A tie hooker once said to him, Me like you. Only as a friend. Long time. But a lot of people, they go to clubs to meet the ladies, you know? And I don't like the clubs. I don't like to raise the roof or anything like that, you know? But you ever hear the DJ who's so desperate to make sure you're having fun, they're screaming out questions while everyone's dancing? Like, do you want to party? Do you like it loud? There's never a question that requires any thought. Should we commence sanctions against Korea? You find five dollars on the floor, but you saw who dropped it. Do you give it back or do you keep it? The other thing is guys brag to women at these places, you know? I was at a club recently. Some guy was bragging to women that he's not a fan of the club. He said he's a male stripper. Now, I understand that, but why does he have to mention that he's male? Like, the woman's gonna go, Oh, you're a stripper. What gender would that be? Let's check this out quickly. I want an honest response from the guys here. Of the guys with their wives or girlfriends, clap if you like to go see strippers sometimes. Anyone? Okay. Not as many guys as I thought there'd be. Let's check the difference now. Honestly, ladies, would you ever like to go see strippers sometimes? See that? More women responded than men, because women know they can say whatever the hell they want and still have sex at the end of the night. That's right. Women can say whatever they want. No guy's gonna be at home later going, . You get your damn hands off me! And women, women don't even like male strippers, right? They like female strippers also. Male strippers are disgusting, right? You know? Male strippers, like, here comes the doctor of love. Cowboy Bill, yee-haw! Bang, bangity-bang. Bangity-bang. You don't need that when women are stripping. We're content with our sex. We're content with our life. Welcome to the stage, another naked woman. You guys are amazing. Thank you, comedy lovers. Good night. Thank you. Good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. And good night. Ain't New York City cold and it's damp And all the people dressed like monkeys Let's leave Chicago to the Eskimo That town's a little bit too rugged For you and me, you bad girl Rolling down Boy, what a weekend it's been for L.A. sports. This has been incredible. It's a... One of those magical weeks where just everything breaks your right way. We are killing it and dominating it in all these games and sports. And it's been badass. That's what you would have said a week ago. I haven't opened the results yet from this weekend. Oh, you haven't? We've really, really been doing great. Yes. And a week ago, we were celebrating how awesome it was to have teams that are making such a good run in playoffs, both in basketball and in hockey. I'm very proud of everyone. Yes. Very proud of them. The only thing I really don't like are Clippers fans. They're so sure they're going to last. They're going to last longer than the Lakers this year and that they're going to go farther. And, man, I hope that somehow the Lakers can continue on to the next round so they can match the Clippers level of awesomeness and intensity. Yes, absolutely. Okay, so what happened with the games this weekend? Well, let's see. The Clippers, to start off with, well, Clippers fans are just going to have an offseason that they can look forward to. Yes, they're done. They were swept by the San Antonio Spurs last night. Oh, that's nice. God, I hate them. I just hate all those people. People were like, oh, it's a Clippers town now. Like, the Lakers are done, son. The Lakers are done. Okay, look, maybe they don't look great, but they fucking lasted longer than the Clippers did. That's right. So Clippers fans can what? Suck my dick. Because you're all a bunch of idiot losers who are just the fucking liars. I mean, oh, we got these great players here now, so I'm going to pretend that I'm a Clippers fan. Bullshit, you're a Clippers fan. How many Clippers flags have you seen flying on cars on the freeway? I've seen actually a couple. I've seen a couple, but not nearly the number of Laker flags that I continue to see. Daily. If the Clippers had actually gone on and won and done what the Lakers have done, we would have been bombarded with that stuff. So I'm just glad it didn't happen. Yeah. So they're done. Fans of the show, friends of the show, like Sam Tripoli, Sam Tripoli can suck it. Yeah. I don't believe he's a Clippers fan. I believe that idiots like the poor man, you know, that washed up shitty DJ that nobody gives a dick ass shit about. I'm sure that he actually, he likes the Clippers because they're losers like he is. Yep. It makes complete sense. It just works. Well, unfortunately, the Lakers aren't doing nearly as well, are just a little bit better than the Clippers did. They won one of their two games on their back-to-back homestand. So we're down 3-1, headed back to Oklahoma City for tonight's game five. It is a must win for the Lakers. And it looks like the Kings are going to go back on the road, head out to Phoenix. To face off against them because they weren't able to pull off the sweep last night. They still lead the series 3-1, and they only lost 2-0 last night, so that's good for them. They only lost 2-0? Well, I mean... They only got shut out? They've shut out how many teams in the postseason this? Probably two. Yeah. A couple of post... Hey, man. It's part of the game. They wanted to go back to Phoenix. They want to go back there and play. Okay, so I have a friend... I don't know why, but they want to. I have a friend who was in Phoenix this weekend where it was like 115 or something. I have to question their sanity because that is a miserable-ass place to go. Their hockey rink must be like underground in a bunker. At 115 degrees, I don't think water will even remotely stay frozen even if you tried to force it. I think the pool was like 90 degrees. And that was a nice cool-off from what was out and about. Yeah, that's right because if you are in that 115 degrees and you get something that's 25 degrees cooler, that's a big difference. Yep. But it's still just... Sounds like it's a effing nightmare. A whole buttload of awful. Yep. Do not want that in any way. No, thank you. Palm Springs is about as hot as I can let it get. And even then in the summer, that's nearly unbearable. That's... My wife went out of town this weekend to head on out there and it was way too hot. So I'm glad that I didn't go because I didn't get to go because of our show, you know. Of course, of course. We had our awesome live show on Saturday. Had to hunker down and... Oh, what's that? White trash guy say, get her done. Gotta get her done? Gotta get her done. Do it to it? Yeah, that too. Do it to it. We're doing it everywhere in every way. Yep. That's how we roll. Okay, so there's bigger sports news outside of LA. Of course, of course. Some of the biggest stuff was that there was a record set this weekend for the most expensive piece of sports memorabilia ever. So just sports completely, sports completely. Not just a specific sport like basketball or football. Yeah. It's in all of sports, okay? The previous record had been a basketball. The original rules that Dr. James Naismith had written down to convey how to play basketball previously auctioned off for $4.3 million. Wow. I mean, for just like some handwritten notes, that's pretty expensive. Yeah, that's pretty amazing. The thing that beat it was a Babe Ruth game-worn jersey. Wow. For $4.4 million. Wow. Does it say who purchased it or was it an anonymous buyer? Anonymous buyer. Go in their collection. Lucky them. Yeah. I'm sure Cooperstown has plenty of those anyway. Oh, I'm sure. How could they not, right? Right. Dude, that's a lot of money. I mean, you really, really... For a throwback jersey. I'll just go spend the $200 on a throwback jersey that says Babe Ruth on it. That looks exactly like it, but isn't the one that was worn. That's fine. It'll last longer. Well, they are expecting there is a piece of memorabilia that is not going to break the record, but it is going to break a type of record. They're expecting this to be the most expensive bat ever sold. Okay. Was it a Babe Ruth used bat? It's a piece of American history. I'll give it that. Okay. It is a 25-inch ornately detailed bat with gold leaf vines wrapped around the mid-barrel portion, meaning a six-inch bat. It has a silver metal scroll at the handle. Pretty nice looking from a distance. Yeah. Schnazzy. On the scroll, it is engraved, R. Huff Fulton, Missouri, 1936, Klu Klux Klan. It is a silver-colored metal wrap around the handle with a knob that appears to be 12 ivory circles, which is part of the Klan's symbols and stuff. On the end of the bat is a knob, which is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver. It is a silver cross with KKK engraved in it. They are expecting this bat to sell this weekend for $1.8 million. Are you having a problem with your... Yeah, my cough button has gotten stuck, so I am just going to... Oh, well, all right. ...on this. I hope this is coming through right now. Yeah, I totally hear you on there. Okay, cool, cool. But, man, who in their right mind is going to go out and pay $1.8 million for a KKK bat? I mean, that is just... Rich members of the KKK. I am sure they are out there, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there has got to be a bunch of rich, hate-filled honkies. Yeah. They got to get up. That little group has to pay for stuff somehow, so there has got to be somebody giving them money. Wish they would stop, but... But it is not likely to just happen. Yeah, not likely at all. A couple of other sports news things this weekend. You know, I am a member of the Rose Bowl. The Tournament of Roses. The Tournament of Roses. We throw the Rose Bowl and we throw the Rose Parade. There is a kind of a shot across the bow from across the country to the KKK. And there is a shot across the country to the KKK. Bulls dominance in the postseason college bowl season. Right. There has now been an agreement made between the SEC and the Big 12 to always match their champions up against each other. Like the Pac-10 and the Big 10 do with the Rose Bowl. Right. Okay. But you could make a case here that the SEC is bigger than the Pac-10 and the Big 10. Certainly in the last seven or eight years, they've been just dominant in the field. Oh, yeah. Oh, it'll be. That's practically a championship game right there. So there's, they haven't agreed on the location for it yet, but anybody who has any brains in their head knows that this is going to Dallas and that new stadium that Jerry Jones has built. Yeah. The palace that he built out there. So the cool thing about it is this will not get in the way of doing an eventual college playoffs. No, there's still, there's more and more talk of that these days now more than ever. I mean, they're really trying to figure out how they can create a bowl system that would be a playoff system, but still be able to keep the integrity of those four major bowls, especially the Rose Bowl. And well, that's the granddaddy of them all. All the rest kind of. That's what is important. They all, they all, they all follow. Corn, sugar, cotton. I mean, they're all important, but none of them are as important as the Rose Bowl. Fiesta forever. Come on, baby. Fiesta bowl forever. All night long. All night. Man, I'm going to give that song a second. I'm going to hit you, Dick. Hey, good. We'll get rid of that. Get rid of the I love it here in America song that we have. Earlier. There we go. Yeah, that totally got stuck in my brain. We did have another piece of little sporting news. The Preakness Stakes was held over on Saturday. Did you watch some of it? I watched the, I was actually at work when the race itself commenced, but I did see the highlights. Do you guys have TVs there? We don't have TVs in the house. I didn't think so. You're a classy place. Exactly. But here's how bad it is. I don't even know the name of the horse that won it because I know it won. He won the. He won the Kentucky Derby two weeks ago, but I am completely blanking on his name, on the horse's name right now. But what an amazing come from behind. I mean. The horse is called I'll Have Another. I'll Have Another. That's right. And I think what I liked the most about it, I mean, the race was exciting because I'll Have Another came from several lengths back to win it. But the announcer for that, man, I honestly, he was so anti. I could tell that he was standing up in his seat with the microphone to his mouth. I mean, he was just. He couldn't believe that I'll Have Another's coming from behind. Oh, my God. He was so excited. I expected that horse to kick a goal and hear the Mexican guy next to him who's broadcasting screaming goal. But no, it was still an amazing race, though. It was pretty exciting. I will say that that horse was down really far. And for it to come back, I was pretty surprised. I thought it was. I thought it was lost. I did, too. I thought it was. Nope. Wrong audio file on that one. Okay. I was trying to find the, your, I'll Have Another announcer. But no. He wasn't there, man. He was really far back. I didn't think he was going to catch up. But in those last, I guess they're called furlongs. Yeah, the last furlong. It's just amazing. Just all of a sudden, just ate up ground beneath him to catch. The place horse. Well, it definitely makes it more exciting when there is a triple crown possible. Oh, yeah. It's definitely going to make more people watch the Belmont Stakes in three weeks. I mean, good for them. Yeah, good for them. I don't know any part of it, but good for them. Right. I mean, I'm sorry. Those are probably the three races a year that I pay attention to. And even then, I only pay attention if there's one that wins the first two. The third one doesn't even matter to me if there isn't one that's won the first two. Makes sense to me. Yeah. Well, I'm just not a big horse man. The last sports story that we have is the most expensive championship ever bought. There is a Russian oil tycoon who, over the last nine years, has spent an incredible $2.8 billion trying to track down the one trophy that he's wanted his team to win. He has bought Chelsea from the Champions League. Uh-huh. And they finally got their first Championship League victory. Yeah. Yeah. They'd won many, many before he picked them up. Right. But he has spent $2.8 billion. Just on salaries for players? The purchase of the club. Okay. And players. The purchase of the club was $1.8. So he has spent a billion dollars in player contracts to pick up this championship. That's crazy. I mean, that is nuts, man. Well, now his collection is complete. Yeah. Decided that you want to win a championship with... The Galaxy or something. Yeah. Start pumping that money in here, buddy. Yeah. I mean, hey, it's nice that this is the one he really wants to win, but what about all those great American championships? Why don't you come here and buy American, sir? Please. Stop buying English. Come buy an American. Unless you buy a non-LA team, then fuck yourself. Well, I mean, unless he's going to bring an LA football team to us. Okay. I'd be into that. But as long as he... No, I just don't want him to buy a non-LA team. Oh, you want him in LA? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't want him going to some other town and winning championships for there. No, absolutely. Absolutely. I want him coming... I want him here with a football team. I guess they've been talking for a while about how the Vikings were going to potentially move down to Los Angeles. Yeah. Because Minnesota just couldn't really afford, I guess, to have a team. But they have, I guess, recently passed bond measures to be able to fix the stadium. The team's going to have to shell out a little bit of money to do so, but the Vikings aren't going anywhere. So we need our own team. Or, again, my brilliant idea, build the ESPN stadium and host Monday Night Live. Monday Night Football every Monday from Los Angeles. Neutral ground. Got nothing but transplants in this city. It'd be huge. But then we'd still have no team here. We would just have... That's fine. ...other people's teams. I love being able to watch football all day because I don't have to worry about a blackout because my hometown team didn't sell out. Yeah, that's great. So I... Monday Night Football will sell out every week here in Los Angeles. There's no doubt in my mind. And ESPN already has a huge presence in the area, especially since the... ESPN already owns them and they're just in Burbank. You know, you wouldn't have to... The savings alone on not having to truck all of that stuff to every city every week for all those weeks is a huge cost-cutting measure right there that saves you all that money and localizes it right here. It's a beautiful town. As much as they like to show as many games as possible, you can do one on the road, bouncing around game, and one in L.A. game every week. You can have two Monday Night Football games every week. That'd be great. That would work for me. Okay, so the last story that we have, for this block, isn't really sports, but it's pretty close. I mean, it's really nitpicking when you say it is or not. I was talking to my wife about it earlier, trying to look at things. She's like, that's not really a sports story. I'm like, I think it is. Okay. The Olympic flame. That's a sports story. It's about the Olympics. Yeah. And part of that tradition is the flame, of course. It went out yesterday. Yes. As it has done many times. But this is the first time it's made it out. This is actually the longest they've gone from the initial lighting, which is the first time they've made it out. This is actually the longest they've gone from the initial lighting, to the flame going out. In Greece and the running so far. So the distance that it's covered without going out is thus far the farthest. The longest they've gone so far. So good job there, Olympians. Absolutely. I got to see it get dropped and go out once. Here in LA when it was here in 84? Yeah, in 84. I didn't see it get dropped. I just remember seeing, you know, there was the whoever got it for that one mile. I was like, oh, hey, hooray. It's a guy with a torch. And that's what we stood out here for the last two hours, mom and dad, for. It's hot. Can we go home now? Yeah, I went down to like Whittier to catch it. One of my best friends, his mom was like teaching in the Whittier school district. So they were all doing like a viewing party down there together. But right as it got in front of us, I mean, probably not right when it got in front of us, it was probably 30 yards, like still down the road. Right, coming towards you. Is when the guy kind of stumbled a little bit, dropped the flame, the flame goes out. And we were just horrified. Like as you're a little kid, like that you don't know that there's a car driving right behind it. Right. It has what they call the mother flame. Yeah, it's a flame that's lit at the same torch. The real flame? Yeah, it really is. It's what's all like, I'm sure that that torch that they carry, when it's time to, for whoever's running it to say goodnight, they probably extinguish it because the flame is still burning within the little lantern that they have. So they just relight that and keep going. But yes, the mother flame. The mother flame. The mother flame. And you can actually like buy the torch that you carry if you're part of the relay. I remember a couple of years ago when I first heard about it, the price was like $1,700, $2,000, somewhere in that range. Right. The price now to be able to hold onto your torch is $25,000. What do they do with all of them? Do they give them as gifts to like people who've like done a lot for the Olympic Games, I'm guessing? Yeah. I'm sure one will go to a museum or a couple will go to some museums. And I guess the hosting country probably disperses them as they feel. Yeah, probably like rich CEOs and stuff. $25,000. I'm sorry. I mean, it's a huge honor to be asked to run it. But at the same time, what do you mean I got to buy this thing? I'm running this thing a mile for you. You guys invited me to do so. This is mine. That's a huge burden. I'm going to keep running with this thing. You ain't getting it back. You don't want to look like somebody who like doesn't respect it enough to buy into it and want to have one hold onto it. Like $2,500. Okay. That I see is doable. I would totally do that. I don't care what I had to make happen to be able to hold onto my own Olympic torch for $2,500, I would do it. But $25,000 is absolutely preposterous. It's offensive. I mean, is the thing made out of solid gold and encrusted with jewels? It does have like silver inlays and stuff to it. Actually, this year's, in my opinion, kind of looks a little bit shitty. It's almost like a long wooden stick that has a gas flame thing on top of it to be able to come out. It looks like a hobo's lunch stick that has been caught on fire. It's not pretty. No. It is not a good looking one. I don't know. Oh, so it's that long of a torch? Yeah. It's ridiculous. I don't think you can come around and see it on the side, but it looks like a hillbilly lunch stick that has been lit on fire. Not good. But I'll tell you what is good. It looks like a stick that they found on the ground and they stuck it in some tar and lit it on fire. $25,000 for a stick? Yeah. I don't think it's a real stick. I think it's just designed to look like... Yes, of course. Like it's a stick. Because, actually, utilizing a real stick and then putting something on top of that, that's just asinine. Asinine. Then you can charge them $25 to keep their damn torch. Word. You're paying $25 for a stick we found in the woods and lit on fire. You are correct, sir. Hey, you know what? Those things would be perfect, though, for when it's time to attack the monster's castle. Yeah. It does have that look. It definitely has that look. I'll tell you who else who has that look. That look? The Walsh brothers. Indeed. And I'm going to play one of their bits from their coming up on our upcoming show. The 16th of June? At Westside Comedy Theater. Just $10. The lineup is incredible. So check this out and enjoy. Please give a big round of applause for half of the Walsh brothers, Chris Walsh! How are you guys? Good to see you. Proud out there. A lot of people. Nice. Very nice. Are we laughing? I don't like that. I was informed. I know this is Top Story Weekly, and I'm supposed to be doing topical humor. I don't own a TV. And the extent of my internet surfing is Miami Vice right now on Hulu. So every once in a while, I'll just tell you how great Miami Vice is. If we could just make it. If we could just find that pack together, I'd be... You would really be making my Christmas season with this guy. Driving is obviously big out here, and I really enjoy driving. One of the things I like to do when I drive, one of the reasons why I really like to drive, and I think I piss a lot of people off behind me, is let people go. Mainly because I like this motion right here. I like to do that while I'm driving. But I usually do a big flourish, and go... I'm just gonna go. As if I'm presenting the rest of their lives to them. Go! And bear fruit! Which I say, but they can't hear, because there's two panes of glass... metal between us. And then usually people don't go, because they're like, look at that fruitcake. What's gonna happen if I pull in front of this guy? Fun. Fun will happen. I guarantee it. I had a moment where I was letting a woman on the sidewalk go, and I stopped, and I wanted to watch her reaction, where I was like... And she did one of these. She just did a, no, you go. She gave me a, like, you go. And I was like, you are not winning this fight. And then I started like doing, like, walking across the street. It was on Melrose. It was just this huge crosswalk, which I was like gonna wait for, and then finally she gave in, she... I will go. And she started to go, and that's when I drove over her. And that's how I met your mother. I have other fun games I like to play when I drive. I hit my blinker sometimes. I fake left and then go right. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy? I also, at red lights and stop signs, I like to bump the person in front of me. I give them a nice little, nice little, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I get them a nice little, nice little tap, just enough to make their head go, I call it the love tap, because people love it. They always want to get out of their car, and give me a hug, they get out and they go, I get out to hug them, and they put me in their nuts. I gotta stop, I gotta learn that lesson. I was at a, I was at a stop sign once, oh, by the way, the fifth episode of Miami Vice, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Really, I can't say enough about it. They're on a boat. It's great. I was at a stop sign once, and there was a woman. We were both at a stop sign, and a guy went out and around me, cut me off in a beamer, of course. Cut out in front of me and in front of her. And we were just both sort of stunned, and I was sort of smiling. And she looked at me very angrily, just very pissed off, just angry. And I looked at her, and I agreed, and I threw my window. I looked at her, and I was like, yeah, I want to cheer. And then she looked at me as though my yes was agreeing with that guy or something. But she got even angrier. Like, what the fuck are you yes-ing? She gets angry, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to get out of it. So I just gave myself the finger. Double-barreled, I did, like, triller trash part. Man, sorry I'm laying at nose. This is a little rusty here. But, uh... Oh. What was I gonna say? Shit. I, uh... Oh, oh, I want to tell you guys this. I fight dogs now. I never used to fight dogs. Now I fight them. I was jogging. I was jogging not too long ago. And a guy, as I was running, I was by, like, Larchmont. And I'm running, and there's a little tiny Doberman Pinscher. It was, like, this big. It was tiny. It was just... They're still pretty scary-looking. But they're really tiny and small. You know, enough where you can carry them around. And so, as I was running by him... He was, kind of, jumped at me. And I, kind of, made, like, a fake, like, Oh! Scary! You know, like, he's gonna do anything to me. And then the guy whose dog it was thought it would be funny to let him go. So, I started to run. And I was jogging. And I saw behind me this little dog growling and fucking snapping. A miniature Doberman Pinscher. Tiny. And yet, coming after me. And scary nonetheless. So, I jogged. And I started to pick up... I started to pick up speed. Because I'm like, this fucking dog is now attacking me. Because this guy thought it would be funny because I made a joke. And as I'm running, I get about a block. And I'm flying. And the dog is flying behind me. We go a block away. And then I was just like, why am I running from this fucking tiny animal? Why am I running from that thing? Like, an alligator knows, like, it won't attack something that's bigger than it. You know what I mean? It just judges. And it's like, eh, no. I'll probably lose that one. It's instinctual. And I was like, fuck this. I wheeled on him. I just turned around. I just waited for him. I was like, fuck, come on. Right? And he jumped at me. Like, he was running. It was great. Little tiny, tiny dog who runs and jumps at me. And when he jumps, I catch him. Right here. And he's trying to snap at me. But he can't do anything. Because he can't get my hands. And we're face to face. And I was like, I got you now. I just started looking at him. And then I was thinking, like, I could have done anything with him. I really could have done... I could have thrown him on top of a building. It would have been really easy just to... The guy wouldn't have caught me. Maybe. Descriptions of pictures of a guy who threw a dog on top of a building. But I'm like, I'm not going to really hurt a dog. But I squeezed him just a little. Just to show him. Just to show him that I... I was like, I own you. And then I turned him around. And I sent him back on his way. And then he came back and bit me. And I was like, fuck. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. I'm going to get you. But I fight dogs now. Anyway, thank you. Wrap up. Let me wrap up nicely. So the pilot. Don't underestimate the pilot of Miami Vice. Either. It's an hour and a half. It's great. You would think that Crockett is more interested in tubs. Not true. Really, he does a Jamaican accent. It's fucking awesome. I just briefly want to say that I love whenever a karate chop is employed in a fight. It's always surprising. Always. And I've seen it more than you would think. I'm not even going to get into that, but I wanted to. All right. So I'll end on this thing really quickly. My friend got me, I don't know if, is anyone in here, does anyone like the Wu-Tang Clan by any chance? We got some Wu fans. Wu members, shoot your guns in the air. Watch it down there. There are people sitting up there. But my friend got me the new Recon album. And I fucking, I can't. Oh, it's so good. And it brings me back to when I was in high school. And I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. And I'm just in love with the Wu. And I want to tell you briefly why I really loved the Wu-Tang. And it's not just the music. And I really liked how they brought all of their friends along. And being like, everyone in this room now has a record deal. And there was nine of them and there was a hundred thousand killer bees and just, it was a storm. And I'm being awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and It was ridiculous, right? So they carry guns like regular rappers do. But then they carry... knives, swords, and sharp metal teeth. So if you get past all the other ordnance, they'll just bite your face off with their killer teeth. And then, almost every song, when they first came out, was all about not fucking with the Wu-Tang Clan. Like, you better not fuck with us, man! Don't screw with the Wu-Wu-Wu! We'll kill you! And I'm like, who's fucking with the Wu-Tang Clan? I personally like to imagine it's a little old white guy in middle America somewhere, making crank phone calls in the middle of the night. Hello, Wu-Tang Clan! Yeah, who's this? You're all a bunch of bitches! Or he's playing Ding Dong Ditch at the Wu-Manor. And you're like, Ding Dong! Oh, who is it? Oh my, he did it again! Man, we gots to get into the studio and cut another album! Just to let him know to stop fucking with us! A flaming bang! Alright, you guys have been fantastic. Thank you very much. And I'll see you in the next episode. And don't forget to subscribe to our channel and You are listening to Grand Theft Audio Radio with Jake Belcher and Brant Thoman. The King of Internet Radio. All right. So that was the Walsh Brothers. And like we said, they're going to be part of our lineup for our June 16th show at the West Side Comedy Theater. So come on out, everybody, for what we're calling. Okay. So June is all about dads and grads. Yes. So we're calling it Congrandulations. Congrandulations? Yeah. Like they put that word grad in the middle of congratulations. Yeah. Congradulations. Or Congrandulations. Congrandulations. Okay. Congrandulations. Congrandulations. So that's what we're calling it. That's what our. Our June show is called Congrandulations at the West Side Comedy Theater, June 16th. Come out and check it out. We're going to be playing more people that you're going to be seeing on that show throughout the next couple of weeks building up to it. Indeed. Hope you guys dig them all. Okay. So it's entertainment news, entertainment news, the kind of news that's supposed to entertain you. Indeed. Woo. Entertainment news. Yeah. It'll be our worst bump ever. Okay. Let's start off with some ones that mean nothing to me. How about Jack? Jackie Chan has decided to never do an action film again. I don't believe that. It seems pretty unlikely. I mean, I can see him not wanting to take on a leading role in such a thing, but he can do cameos for the next 25 years and make a very nice chunk of money doing one stunt that he doesn't even have to like work out himself. He just like goes in and does it. And everyone's like, oh my God, Jackie Chan did this awesome cameo. So I believe that he's not going to make like be the star in one where it's all. It's all about him. But I can't believe he's 58 years old. I know, man. He's gotten up there pretty quick, probably because he was already somewhat old by the time he broke in America. I mean, he'd already had such a long career in China for him to then come over here after that. You know, he didn't get to do that in no time. 58. How long ago would you say we went and saw? Rumble in the Bronx? Yeah. Let's see. It's got to be a 15, 16 years ago now. So he was, he was already in his probably late thirties, early forties when. I first like came to really know him. I'd seen him other stuff like they still call me Bruce. I believe he was the star in that. And I remember that from years ago. I don't know why. The one scene I remember from that movie is where the cops come over. They see him carrying a pair of nunchucks and this might actually be from the first. I'm not sure. Like, oh no, these aren't nunchucks. These are, these are chopsticks. And he uses the nunchucks to like pick up a piece of chicken, like their chopsticks and eat that. I remember that. So. It was actually, it came out. Um, here in America in, um, 96. 96. So, um. 16 years ago. 16 years ago. So he was in his four, he was in his forties when he, when, when he really broke for us. 42. So, um, I, I really don't believe he's going to do it. His goal now is to become the Chinese Robert De Niro. That is his spoken stated goal. Well, he looks at Robert De Niro and thinks that Robert De Niro can do anything. So, um. Well, if you think about it, like with De Niro, what he's doing with the, uh, Tribeca Film Festival. Maybe what he's thinking is like, because film industries are, the film industry is so huge in China at this point, like, you know, doing the same thing, film festivals in China for Chinese people and with featuring American and Chinese movies. But, uh. I mean, when that's what you do and that's the only thing people really like about you. I mean, no one hears his voice and is like, wow, this guy is a great, um, spoken word voice actor. He's really difficult to understand. And what's the chance that we're not going to get him together with like, um, Steven Seagal and Charles Bronson and make, uh, Expendables 3? There you go. I mean, I would actually like to see that. You get Chow Yun-Fat and Jet Li and you can actually do an Asian version of the Expendables. I mean, I'm glad that he is deciding to do it on his own and it's not like one of those crazy accidents that has hurt him because he's always been known as somebody who does his own acts, his own, um, stunts. And has gotten injured on them countless times. It's almost like if he makes a movie without breaking a bone, are you sure he really makes a movie? Right. Right. Because he just, um, gets messed up every time. And, um, this is sad. I mean, this would be like no more Rush Hour movies. I like the Rush Hour movies. I thought those were very good. Me too. Always enjoyed those. They'll, dude, they'll rehash that. They'll, they'll put two, they'll put a black and an Asian cop together and they'll, they'll rehash it somehow. It'll probably, probably be an Indian guy next. Probably. Because there's more people there now. So if you want to go with the place where it really is a rush hour everywhere you go. I mean, I, I guess he's probably one of the biggest worldwide movie stars of all time. I think he's, he's internationally known. Oh yeah, absolutely. And, um. I mean, when, when you have a billion or two billion people who know you in China just from what you've done there without even coming to the United States, that's bigger than some of our, our, our born bred American and Canadian stars that are down here. People in China don't even know who these people are. No doubt. So. And people who are big here, like how many people in China do you think know who Michael J. Fox is? Fox is? Fox is. I think, I think probably more than, than some, some maybe lesser names that you could put out there. I mean, he's somebody that's a big name in America. Yeah. But he hasn't done anything that's counted since Back to the Future 3. I mean, how many people there really know who Michael J. Fox is? Good point. I just don't, I just don't see it as. Exactly. As the market penetration happening there for, for, um, shaky McShakes a lot or whatever he's going by now. I mean, good guy. As far as I know, he's never had like, um. Um, a domestic violence or a DUI against him. Like. Right. And that is almost rarer than anything else these days. Yeah. So, uh. That's actually, that's actually rarer than his Parkinson's being diagnosed at 39. Uh, they are closely tied in time together. Um, okay. So we've got another, uh, star, star piece of news that to me it's like, uh, I feel, I understand why he did it. Uh, I don't understand, um, the reaction to it. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, I don't understand. Uh, this weekend, uh, Will Smith was on a press junket for, um, um. Men in Black. Men in Black 3, which I think actually has a chance of taking down the Avengers next week. Oh, oh, it probably will. It probably will. It should. I mean, if, if the Avengers only pulled in 55 million this, this week, I think Men in Black 3 will surpass it next week. It'll, it'll drop to two. The Avengers will still make a boatload, another boatload of money, but. This is probably the weekend to go see the Avengers now. Yeah. Because the people who hate the lines and the crowds and all that other stuff, maybe it's starting to thin out a bit now and you can actually have a seat next to you that's open. Right. But, um, he was out on, um, Will Smith was out on a press junket and he's working the red carpet, going down the line and, um. Get his photos taken, smiling, saying hi. When some guy definitely took it a little bit too far and started trying to like kiss him on each one of his cheeks. Mm-hmm. But then Will didn't really turn his head the right way and a second kiss ended up right on his lips. Uh-huh. And he, uh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. He did not take that very well. No. He actually, um, slapped the dude in the face. Yeah. Like bitch slapped him, right? Uh, yeah. With the back of the hand. He's like the pimp slap. Yeah. The pimp slap. That's right. The pimp slap. Uh, he, he, um, and he's caught on camera. He knows that there's hundreds of cameras staring at him. What would your reaction be? Dude, if, I don't think of it this way, is like he was able to get away fast enough that the, you know, if a guy tries to plant a kiss on me, I'm probably going to smack him across the face or, you know, use some kind of force to get him off of me. I think that as he was able to get away and he got a backhand, I was like, hey dude, don't you be trying that with me. That's, I, I don't have any, he was assaulted first. Guy was putting his face up on him. This is true. So. I think it's the funniest thing that Will Smith has done in years though. He hasn't done anything good to me also. I mean, like, seems like these stars, they can find these great roles and things work out really well for them and then they just start making weird choices on films that you just, um. Well, you get to choose what you want to do once you've made it. I mean, what was that? Seven? Towns? Seven. Like where he had the debt he felt he owed the city and he was trying to go around and make things better for people. Yeah, that one. That Don Cheadle one, um, where he was like, it was after, oh, was it Don Cheadle? I don't even remember. There's just so many of them that are just crap to me that I don't generally go out of my way to see Will Smith stuff, but I will go see this one. Yeah. It's not even really for Will Smith that I'm seeing it though. I mean, I'm seeing it because I want to see the update to. A storyline that I enjoyed when I was a kid. Right, exactly. And that's the thing is I think we're going to go see it because we want to see if there's still that chemistry that we hearken back to when we were younger that we saw between Tommy Lee Jones and him. Hopefully we'll see that between him and with Josh Brolin playing a younger agent K or whatever. Sounds like fun. J. Did you actually see the video though of Will Smith slapping this guy? Yes. That was a pretty girly little slap. I think, again, I don't think he like maliciously went to like attack him, but he was kind of like, dude. You don't do that. Not in front of my wife. Yeah. It's exactly what it was. It was. It wasn't gangster. No, he didn't. He didn't like slap it. And he didn't go and slap him so hard. He's going to knock him the fuck out. It was kind of like backhanded. I'm walking away from you. And here you go. Here's a little taste of right across the face. Not even that hard. Is it? Well, it was a bitch slap. It was a bitch version of a slap. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. True. Yeah. We would. Apparently, though, this reporter, this is his shtick. I mean, he tries to kiss people inappropriately. So in that case, you kind of get what you get. If someone decides it's time to slap you in the face, that's a big bag of too bad. Too bad. These people know you. Not everyone's going to know what your shtick is. I don't think Will Smith knew who this guy was. He does now. He does now. You probably will never get that close to him again. No. But he does know who he is at least. Other entertainment news from this weekend, did you happen to watch the season finale of Saturday Night Live? No, I did not. So Saturday Night Live, it's been pretty effing awful for years to me. Everyone's all sad because this is supposedly the last episode for Kristen Wiig on SNL. Okay. And they did a big going away party at the end where they pretended that she was a high school senior who was graduating from school. And they came out and they did a dance at the end of the show where all the men and women who've been on the show with her for the last couple of years have come out and done a three-second little dance with her that kind of built into this bigger thing where Lorne Michaels came out and was dancing with her and Steve Martin and all these other people that she's worked with for all this time. And I see people writing on Facebook like, oh, it was so touching and so sad. I can't believe that Kristen Wiig is done. I mean, she hasn't officially said this is the end, but everybody knows this is the end. Right. And by doing this, you've kind of confirmed it with all of us that this is the end. All I can say is thank God she's leaving. The show has been unwatchable. There hasn't been any great skit that has come out of it in the last seven or eight years. And she's done great in films. Hopefully that's what she'll continue to go on and do. And the things that have worked at SNL, I don't believe she had any part in doing with them when she's been there. The Lonely Island Boys. Dick in the Box. I mean, all the things that have actually gotten any type of traction in American culture and have actually been funny. I don't think she's had anything to do with there. Not on Saturday Night Live. So, man. Not in that viral way. I'd like to see them bring in like someone funny who actually knows what jokes are supposed to be. Like she just does visually impaired sight gags. Have you ever seen anyone else get this kind of a send off? No, not even close. I mean, there are bigger names who have, who have, cast bigger shadows in that place and have brought the funny every time they've gone out on stage more. I'm not saying that she doesn't go out there and give 100%. I think she's a very funny woman. I think she's very intelligent. I think she's gonna have a huge career. And Saturday Night Live was just one of those stepping stones. Yeah. I agree with you. I don't think she had a lot to do with either side. She played, either the sketches she wrote and did, they got on because the rest of the cast thought it was funny enough. And she kind of honed that skill for a little bit. But I don't think she ever had anything that like, there is no character she did that sticks out. And the only ones that do stick out, they stick out for the wrong reasons. Right. She did this character with like these singing sisters. And one of them was like this deformed sister who had these fucked up hands and facial features. And it was just like making fun of people who were born with birth defects. Right. Like where's the joke there? Yeah. It was non-existent. Goodbye, Kristen Wiig. Hopefully SNL becomes, it becomes watchable again. And I don't have to worry about these goofy ass send-offs for people who, for people who don't even deserve it. You were a girl who was the first one to have the head writing position on SNL. Congratulations. Wait. I thought Tina Fey had that. She was never head writer. I can pull it up. No, no. I for some reason thought I remember seeing Tina Fey is listed as head writer. I think that she was like, was listed as like one of the writers for the news segment. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe she was the head writer for the news, for the Saturday Night Live news. So, but you're right. I've never seen, I've never seen this whole big goodbye. I remember when Will Ferrell left last episode, they did nothing. I thought they would do something at the end. You would think that something, some kind of big sketch that they could all kind of get in on and send him off on. It's just. I mean, when he came back, they treated him like a conquering hero. Oh yeah. Which is understandable because he went and he did way bigger things than he ever did in SNL. I mean, not that he wasn't always involved in massive ways during the projects that were going on there. You had like Night of the Roxbury and you had that superstar where he was like the. Yeah. Yeah. With Shannon. Molly Shannon. Molly Shannon. Yeah. So, I mean, he always had big roles in these SNL films. Yeah. But then he's just obviously gone on to so much more. Oh yeah. I mean, he's the name you're going to see before the name, before the movie's title. Yeah, that's right. Pretty badass. He's gotten that point. And he should be treated as such. He was also such, he left such an impression with so many different characters. Very much like, there are some SNL cast members that will always have like one person that you'll always remember him for. Like Phil Hartman, you'll always remember as Bill Clinton. Undoubtedly. And then, but Farrell had, he had his GW, but he also had so much more on top of that whenever he brought any other sketch out there that you remembered, those characters. Now granted, GW was the one he was able to then take on and become a one man show. So I think that sticks out the most. But I mean, The cheerleaders. The cheerleaders, the lovers in the hot tub, in the hot tub. Yeah. And even just the Robert Goulet impersonation. And Trebek. Oh, of course. Of course. I mean, Hammond's going to always be remembered for, for I think two characters. He'll be remembered for his, his version of Bill Clinton in the second, uh, half of the administration. And then also as, um, oh, why am I blanking on the character's name all of a sudden? As, um, Sean Connery. Sorry. I was trying to remember who, uh, who he played on all those wonderful Jeopardy's. They were hilarious. Yeah. There was no doubt. And these guys got no kind of send off. Tim Meadows, who was on for like 13 years and was funny and all the stuff that he ever did. Nothing. I guess they bowed out gracefully and quietly. Uh, good luck getting a woman to do that. Yeah. It's just, no, we have to have a big goodbye going away party for me. I mean, I'm writing the show, so let's give me some, the shine at the end of the season. I mean, sure. You've got Mick Jagger and you've got the Foo Fighters and you've got Steve Martin. You've got huge name after huge name that we could use in the segment, but, uh, it should be like a dance for me. Yeah, should be. And then it was weird to see, um, Mick Jagger standing there while some kind of crappy house band that I've never seen before. I don't know who runs the band anymore. I know it's not, it's not G.E. Smith like it was during all the years I was really watching it. But now they've got some kind of doughy white dude that kind of looks like maybe he's the leader. So they're standing there playing, um, Ruby Tuesday, the Stone song, while Mick Jagger is just standing there next to the song going on. So it's weird to see somebody who writes a song. Having it performed by somebody else. And then not participating in any way. Right. Like he played the, the, um, headmaster of the school in the segment. It would have been fine. It would have been fine. For him to do his little thing and then go over in front of the band and sing her off. Hell yeah. I mean, at least then I would have probably thought that was cool. But as it was. Well, good luck, Kristen Wiig. You've got plenty of other things you got, uh, headed, headed up for you. That is true. Uh, before we finish off our entertainment segment of this week, though, we, I would like to talk about two passings from 1970s stars. And, um, I guess we should probably go with them in the order that they happened, even though order of importance, I would probably switch it. Uh, Donna Summers, who was the queen of disco. I mean, she did all, if it was a, a female singing in the seventies, it was probably Donna Summers. Right. Uh, unfortunately, uh, she passed away on Friday. Right. And, um, passed away from cancer. Um, she was sure that the cancer that she got was from living downtown, uh, during nine 11. And then she thinks that all the stuff that was in the air after, the buildings coming down is what gave her cancer. Now, a lot of her friends try to point out that, um, you know, Donnie, you smoke three packs of cigarettes a day. Do you think it has anything to do with that? And she was absolutely convinced that it had nothing to do with the, with the 60 cigarettes she had every day. No, it had to do completely with being, uh, downtown, um, after nine 11, even though there's been no like correlation, there has been no big rush of people who are like, Oh yeah, I got cancer. Then also I got cancer. And then also, so, um, especially since it's now 10 years past, you would imagine that someone might come forward other than Donna Summers. It could have been her first. You never know. I don't know. Who knows how long it takes for nine 11 cancer to develop. Well, they'll do an autopsy and they'll find out. She probably had probably has it in her will saying that after I, if I die of this, I want to find out if it's, please find out if this, if it was caused by the nine 11 disaster. But I, I, I don't believe that to be possible. It's, it's probably unlikely, but you never, you never know. Um, she did. They had the, the billboard music awards last night. Right. And they meant to do a big, um, Sarah, like a big remembrance of her. And somehow with the passing of Barry Gibbs, their timing got a little bit off. So about a minute into their musical tribute to Donna Summers, they got kicked off to a commercial. So it really pissed people off that you would start a tribute to someone and then use, uh, then just go instantly into commercials. I mean, that's pretty crazy. That's really just, I can imagine why a lot of people would be upset by that, especially friends and family and fans who really wanted to see this, this tribute because it happened just before the awards. Yeah. And Donna Summer was a, um, was a usually an influential person. I mean, she had just so many huge hits that, um, you knew it was going to take them a while to cycle through enough of her songs to do what you would think is her, is a tribute to her, but they only got into one of them. Apparently during the commercials, that's when they got into, um, they started off with, um, a love to love you, baby, which is, um, you know, love to love you, baby, uh, but they had, um, uh, hot stuff in it during the commercial break. They had, um, um, Oh, what were the other big ones that she did? I don't have the list in front of me at the moment. I'm doing this off of memory. They just missed most of her songs during the preview. So that sucks. Well, also they want to cut some commercials. So we have no idea if they were even played at that point. Uh, yeah, that's true. Who knows? I mean, once the lights go down, like, do you keep the show going? I would imagine it's probably still going. You're still got an audience there. Yeah. The other big, uh, passing was, um, uh, yesterday with, um, uh, Barry Gibb of the Bee Gees, uh, another hugely influential disco star in the seventies. Um, some of the biggest songs, uh, of that era easily. I mean, the only person that would rival what they were doing with Donna Summer. Exactly. Especially for disco. So, I mean, back head to head for these two to pass at the same time. It is weird the way things get connected. And linked up in the world like that. So you remember them together, but I mean, they did, um, how deep is your love? Which I found out this morning through all these tributes I was watching has nothing to do with vagina depth. In my mind, there's always been like, um, a vagina. How deep is your love? Yeah. That's the way I always took that song. And like, I, I just thought it was like some, you know, fruited up, happy way of asking that question. But I, then I found out that I guess most people don't care what the depth is. But it was, I don't know. It's okay. Look, it might be a little offensive, but that is what I always thought of it. I also had a staying alive, which was a huge song. There's, I mean, I still, it's hard for me to walk down any street, any sidewalk that has like those lines in it. Um, without that song going through my head, it's, it's almost impossible. Of course it's imprinted on, um, male psyches DNA. I don't think ladies think about that song when they're walking around. No, there's something, there's something that's in the music. That only guys I think have when they start walking and that song, it's in their head. There is a walk that goes with it. There is a strut. I've only, I've either got that song or I've got Billie Jean. Oh yeah. Oh, of course. With the light up sidewalk. Yeah. I mean, do you ever walk down the street thinking that the, they should light up underneath them when you step on them? I wish they would. But have you ever like had that fantasy walking around? Like I said, I wish that they would. That'd be awesome. I get it all the time. Want to be able to spin around, touch another square and have it light up and then spin back and keep walking. Yeah. I do. That'd be awesome. Instead, I just walk around and nothing lights up. Except for these cool LA gear shoes I've got. Yeah. In the heel, they go, they blink. They blink. Cool. You remember those shoes? I do. Those are awesome. Dude, they're still out there for kids. Love them. It pisses me off. I mean, fuck kids, man. Like they get the best stuff. Like, you know how hard it is to find a pair of adult size wheelies? I imagine very difficult. Dude, I can't find any 13 wheelies, heelies. I mean, I want those so bad just to be able to, you know, walk around and. Just push yourself down the street. Yeah. And just like roll. Yeah. Instead of walking. I'm always jealous of the kids I see sitting there doing that. I was like, I want a pair. I've got a good balance. I mean, is that why you're doing it? Because you're afraid that as you get older, your balance gets worse. No, it gets better. Well, I guess a guy wearing a size 13 shoe though, it might be a big guy. Yeah. And that might put too much pressure on it. They haven't developed one that's strong enough. Maybe a stronger wheel. Well, I'm saying maybe they haven't developed one that's strong enough to support you. Do you see size 10 ones around? Or 10 and a half? What do you wear? Size 11. And no, but I don't think I've ever actively searched them out. I want them. I want the light up heels. I know. I want all the cool. Well, the reason the light up heels went away for like adults, I think is because the NBA kind of got rid of them. And that's where you're going to market shoes to adults, especially kind of high tops like that, that are going to light up, but can't have those light. They're too distracting for the players, apparently. Yeah. The NBA holds a lot of sway. There's no doubt. Well, especially I think in shoe traffic, aimed, man, and men in general. Yep. That's true. So, uh, sorry to see you go there, uh, Billy. Sorry to see you go, Barry. Sorry to see you go. Barry and Donna. Yeah. I guess we have another passing this week too. It's not as big of a deal, but I think it needs to be talked about. so long that he's made an impact recently. A lot of people maybe didn't like his, like his stuff. They kind of liked some of his earlier stuff more, but, I guess it's time for us to say goodbye to fat Jonah Hill, to thin Jonah Hill. Thin Jonah Hill is gone again. He's gone. I mean, he's decided that it's time to put the weight back on, become a fatty, fatty ding dong, because he needs to show that, um, that he, because fat guys are funny. Yes. Fat guys are inherently funny. How do I know? Because I've seen fat guys who are funny. Mm-hmm. Now, when was the last time you saw a really sad fat guy? Friday. Really? Okay. Well, no, I was just joking. I'm not going to, Mark and Carl. He's a funny guy. Oh, you think he was sad on Friday? No, no, no, no, no, but, but, okay, well. When was the last time I, when was the last time I, I saw a funny guy that wasn't happy? A fat guy that wasn't happy? Not, not a funny guy. not funny, not funny. Not, not funny fat guy. That's what I was saying. Okay. I got it. No, yeah. Lost it when I explained it. It happens. Um, it's just like, uh, but yes, usually they're funny. Yeah. And he is a comedic actor and I, I didn't take him that serious in these new thin down roles. I'm like, where'd Jonah Hill go? Right. Who are you? Are you Jonah Hill's younger brother or something? And if, is there some weird thing where we only accept people's looks the way that we first see them? Because every time I look at him when he was thin, I'm like, oh, you fake son of a bitch or, uh, you don't look as good as you did when you're fat. You don't look as good as you did when you were fat. I mean, how does that even make any sense? If he'd come up at this weight and then gain that weight and be like, you look like shit. Why are you, why did you get so fat? Yeah. But instead, um, Oh, that's how, that's how we fell in love with him was as the chubby little super bad kid. Yeah. And everything else he was in. But now you look at him and you just see that he thinks he's like this leading man dude and that he's going to have the love interest in the films. And it's just like, um, no dude, you, you, you look scary. Let's put it this way. You look like Screech to me. Not yet. Not yet. And don't forget, even, uh, uh, Screech. Screech. And, and even, uh, um, the big guys, the fat guys who, who are in movies, they still get a love interest. Hell, you get a TV series where you're going to have a, it's always the overweight guy with the smoking hot wife. That, that has been played a lot. It is proportionately played a lot. I'm just, uh, I just feel bad for the guy. Like if he went and put the weight back on because he felt that people didn't like him and respect him the same way, then that is kind of a sad commentary on our society. Yeah. And it does make you feel a little bit bad for the fact that it's happened. Now, if he's doing it because he himself feels better at that weight and fell and feels more like himself, then maybe it's a healthy conscious decision. I guess, um, he's just like everybody else. You gain weight, you lose weight, you gain weight, you lose weight. He was in the mood for in and out. Hmm. A hundred by a hundred. Yep. That does sound good. Okay, fine. I can have a hundred by a hundred. Can I get four? Can I get 25, four by fours, please do the same math. Come on. I'll just start stacking them up myself. Delightful. I would enjoy that all day. Um, probably a couple of days. That's a lot of me. Maybe his wife went out of town for the weekend or a little bit longer. You can all say that mine went out of town this weekend and I ate like shit. Like, uh, the worst possible stuff for you. It's just the things that I can't eat when she's around because she's just such a more, such a healthier eater than I am. I mean, she, she, she eats vegetables. I mean, that's not all she eats, but I mean, she does eat them. Mm-hmm. And I do not, uh, I've never been like, oh yeah, let's make this broccoli to go with this. Like without being encouraged by someone else. Right. Hey, listen, Dick, we need a vegetable. Jake, we have to have a vegetable with dinner tonight. All right, fine. Can of peas. I mean, I've lost weight in the time that we've been married. Um, I know I have because like some of the shirts that I even took were brand new for our honeymoon that didn't really button. I had to wear open. Like they actually button now. They fit now. Nice. So I mean, that's pretty nice. And. You definitely said your pant size is down. You said you got shorts. You have to put away because they're your fat guy shorts. Yeah. So I'm losing some weight. It's entirely because she eats healthier than I do. Mm-hmm. So this weekend I was a big bag of fuck that. I feel like, yeah. I, let me guess, chili cheese, chili cheese fries from Pink's? Uh, chili cheese, chili cheese fries twice this weekend. Nice. I mean, I had, um, one from, um, the place up in Altadena, Jim's Burgers. Mm-hmm. Because it was close. And I was like, yeah, I totally want that. How was theirs? I've never had theirs. Uh, they had, we're both connoisseurs of the chili. They have beans in their chili. Loser. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's a, that's a big strike against it. That never wins. Beans in the chili, uh, I've already, I've already got enough with the, with the French fries. Yeah. I don't need any more, you know, that texture from the bean. Bean and potato don't taste good together. Mm-mm. I mean, it's a bad combination. Uh, but the, I did do Tommy's. Mm-hmm. With, uh, an extra slice of cheese. Of course. And, amazingly good. And, I found out that, Tommy's has a new burger. Really? It's with a bigger patty, and with chilies diced into it. Into the meat? Into the meat. Mm. So, it's really crazy spicy. Did you try one? I did. And? I did not like it. Yeah, I don't think, see, here's the thing, if it was, if diced chilies, it's like put on top, fine, no chilies. Great, I could scrape it off. Right, but if it's, if it's in the, uh, burger, no thanks. Not good. I did not enjoy it. It was way too spicy. I do not understand the fascination. I'm concerned with people not enjoying the, the taste of food, as it's prepared. Yeah, I like the flavor of meat. Mm-hmm. And, and, if you feel the need to add seasoning, it's after you've at least tried it the way the person's prepared it for you. Okay, now that is one thing, is, as I said that, um, my wife does eat vegetables and stuff. Um, she virtually will not taste food before she puts salt on it. Wow. I mean, what, I see people do that all the time. Just try it. I mean, just like, take a bite, like, I've been cooking for a long time. Um, I know how to make things, like, try a bite first, and then tell me that you want to put some salt on it. If you do, I have no offense to that. Right. Great, you'll enjoy it more. Like, enjoy it the way you want it, but just try, like, one bite first. Lick the fucking spoon that you served it with. Like, just get an idea as to what the flavor's like. You don't have to just instantly salt things. Yeah. So, it's give a little, take a little. Yeah, when I see people who just like, can I get the hot sauce, and the food hits there, and even before they've taken a bite of it, there's hot sauce going on in the sandwich, and it's possible that they've had the sandwich before, and that's the way they like it, but at the same time, it's like when you see them, that's the first thing that they grab, and that's just got to go over everything. You can just give them cardboard, and it doesn't even matter, because. warmed up cardboard with the tapatio, and they're happy. You kind of boil up some cardboard, so it's soft enough to bite through and eat. Most people would not even know the difference, because of the bullshit that they put on their food. Mm-hmm. But, yeah, no thank you to the chilies in the new Tommy Burger. Yeah, no thanks to the Tommy Burger. I am jealous of the Tommy Burger chili, chili cheese fries. I'm going to have to get those sometime soon. So good. So I guess it's also so long to Van Halen's summer tour. They have what they're calling postponed, 31 upcoming dates. Bullshit. Like, you guys are, I doubt that they're going to come back off of this. Because they're right back to where you guys left off, being pissed off at each other, because something rubs each of you wrong. So, give it up. Give it up. Give them back their money. Yeah. I mean, just get out of here. Don't even, tempt us again. Don't come around saying that you're going to be here, and then not come all the way through, because. Because they've already had shows that they've had to postpone, to begin with, and now they've, then they're playing sparsely. It's like, really? You guys, you didn't get a hint when you postponed a couple of them to begin with. So. Not impressed, suckos. Yeah. You can't even get a good string of them going without having a postponement. We're like, well, let's say somebody got injured on stage or something, and so they're going to postpone it until he can get back up on his feet. It's almost like, you become so big and famous, that you feel that everyone should just, kiss your ass all the time, and everything just works out the way you want it to, and if things aren't perfect, then you're not going to do it. And that seems like what's happening here with Van Halen. Yeah. I mean, when you've been on the road a long time, you're very famous, things like that happen to you. When you're a brand new band, that's just getting started, and you don't really know, like, what size of a band you're going to be, it's too early for ego. You get things like you had this weekend with a band called, Here We Go Magic. They were traveling through Ohio, in their van, and they came, across a hitchhiker on the side of the road. Okay. The hitchhiker on the side of the road, looks suspiciously like legendary film director, John Walters. Okay. They all looked at each other, and like, you know what? That can't really have been him, right? Let's just turn around, and drive past him again, and look over and see. And they turned around, and it was definitely John Walters. So they pick him up, and they take him on the road with them, for the next seven hours, where he tries to teach him all the insight in his career, and things he's done to help other bands, get up, and go on and started. But still just the idea that John Walters is out there, hitchhiking on the side of the road, is crazy to me. What a fun thing to do in your 60s? He is, I had the age here. He is 68 years old. He's almost 70 years old, and he's out hitchhiking. It's kind of awesome that he's able to do that, and feel comfortable enough to. He says it's a great way to just meet people. He just likes to get out on the road, and, um, and meet random people, and learn from their stories, and see what he can write about. I mean, this is an American original. This is the guy who made, um, Pink Flamingos, and, um, Cry Baby, and Hairspray, and Cecil B. Demented, and just some of the weirdest, most outlandish comedy. I'd say they're comedies. Yeah, comedies and cult films, for sure. That, um, have ever been made. And for him to just be standing there on the side of the road, waiting for anybody to pick him up, like, uh, that is so dangerous. Mm-hmm. As we had Jeb in here before. Yeah, exactly. I was just thinking, hearkening back, and I mean, Jeb talks about it himself, how it's a great way to get stories, for, to write, or, or to make fun of. I guess Waters was riding around with a hat that said, Scum of the Earth on it. Trying to, um, make himself, He saw, he saw it at a rest stop, and said, I had to have it. Yeah, that's probably about where you get that. I mean, you're not picking that up at Neiman Marcus, or, um, Nordstrom's, or, or, Buffums, or. Although it could be an original from some style, from some up-and-coming fashion designer, for all we know. It just seems like, uh, hitchhiking is so dangerous, man. Like, I am not someone that you think, oh yeah, like, you're probably gonna rape that guy. But I'd still be scared to death, if that's what was gonna happen to me, when I went in there. I mean, I'm not into that. I mean, that's pretty awesome. I mean, there's a difference between awesome, and fucking awesome. That's fucking awesome. that is fucking awesome. Totally, uh, can't believe that I'm jealous of a stupid band. Yeah, well, this could be the thing that really kickstarts their career. So, uh, I guess, um, you have John Waters, who, um, may have gone missing, if things had gone wrong. Right. To a follow-up from one of our stories from last week. Glad to hear this one, when I saw it this morning in our postings. Uh, Nick Stahl, the actor from Terminator 3, who, um, was rumored to have been missing in, uh, Skid Row. Since May 9th. Which, uh, is a good amount of time now. Yeah, we're now talking 12 days. Almost two full weeks he's been gone. Apparently, on, um, Sunday, he reached out to some friends, um, about 10 p.m. and let them know that he is all right, and entering rehab. The, uh, quote from his wife that starts off the story is amazing. I'm a, I'm a, I'm relieved Nick's wife, Rose Stahl, told the magazine, but I'm also very skeptical that he is actually in rehab. Wow. I mean, like, it's, if that's what your wife is telling the press, that is not good. Maybe it's motivational. I'm skeptical. I'm not going to know until I get to the, uh, Palisades, whatever, super duper, you know, two, $200,000 for 30 days rehab. He's, uh, was, he's in, in his email. He said that he would make arrangements for someone to be able to come by and pick up some clothes. So he has like clothes to wear in rehab. And, uh, it, but if your wife is not believing that's where you is going on, um, I mean, who says that this is even real? I mean, she wasn't even the recipient of the email. She could have logged into her. Was it an email or a Facebook post? It was an email. Okay. Um, and so yeah, it could like, she could have logged into her husband's email and like sent off this email to his friends. Then his friends told her about it. And it kind of seems like maybe both of them are lying. Cause that's, that, yeah, that's a, a weird one to just say, like is so disbelieving of the person that's supposed to be your partner in the world. And you know that the world is looking for them. At the, at the same time, she's probably had to go through some shit, uh, in the past that makes, it difficult for her to believe that he's actually doing this. It's quite possible that he's had stints in rehab before and he hasn't followed through. So, but Hey, you know what? Next all glad to hear you're still alive. At least maybe he's trying. Hopefully. Maybe his wife, speculation, speculation, baseless speculation. Maybe his wife had him killed or something, you know? Yeah. And like this whole thing is just a, a ruse. A ruse you say? A ruse. Shenanigans. Yes. Evil shenanigans. One of my favorite shenanigans. One of my favorite shenanigans. One of my favorite words also. Um, one last thing on this. Maybe he is a big Robert Downey Jr. fan and felt that he had to take the same fuck up direction that Robert Downey Jr. did so that he can, um, make a comeback. Yeah. Don't call it a comeback. Don't call it a comeback. He's been here for years. So good job next all. Glad you're back. Hopefully you are in rehab and you're getting better. Hopefully. Uh, what do you think the over under is on him actually being, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to still stick it with the, uh, with the, I'm going to push. I'm gonna go 50, 50, just like I did when he, when we first heard that he was missing here down in Skid Row. So I was like, Hmm. Okay. Very last piece of entertainment news before we wrap it up with you for today. Uh, did you get a chance to see Brittany? No, excuse me. Um, she's just starting to look as horny as she does. Um, Miley Cyrus at the billboard music awards last night. No, I didn't watch the billboard. I don't watch award shows. Do you believe that a Miley Cyrus is like a good looking girl? Hmm. Um, when she's Hannah Montana, sure. Okay. You have to come around to this side of the screen. We'll share the same mic for a second. Tell me what you think of, uh, Miley Cyrus is, Oh, you son of a bitch. I of course just clicked off the power. There you go. Um, yeah, that is, uh, her last night at the billboard music awards where apparently she was wearing just the top half of the suit. No insides of it. Like no shirt or no pants. I would like to see that outfit on, on several other young ladies rather than her. And I, she doesn't look like she's aging very well. Her, her hair and her makeup make her look, she looks like she's a late forties in this. Yes. That was exactly what I was thinking when I looked at it as like, wow, that is just not, I mean, I, I appreciate, I appreciate the V neckline and you know, she's the deep plunging almost to the navel, almost to the navel. And it was just the jacket, right? That, or does she have a little skirt on? There's a little skirt. That is her skirt. That is her skirt. That's nice. Good stuff. Indeed. All right, man. Hey, so we're going to lose you for the rest of the show today. Right. I'm back tomorrow morning, nine o'clock with you. Dig it. And you're here all day with me tomorrow, right? Oh yeah. Dig it. Oh yeah. Then we're going to go to a little bit of standup. This is a Josh Nassar who we're going to have in studio, I believe on Thursday. Awesome. Previewing this guy for you guys. And we'll be back right after this, or I'll be back. You will be right after. Next to me, guys, headlines all over the country, guys. He's a favorite here. Star clap or not for Josh Nassar. Let him hear it. Let him hear it. How you guys doing? You guys good? Hey, black ladies, I like you. What's going on? Okay, guys, what's going on? I don't know what's up. Fuck yeah, dude. Two Armenian girls. You guys like this shit? I don't give a shit. You know what I mean? Watch this. I'll fucking move that shit around. I don't give a shit. Now watch this. You know what? These girls don't want to do me time. I'll show you a camel toe. Look at that. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. It's hard not to look at that game, guys. You know what I mean? It's like a fucking little, it's just like mesmerizing. You know what I mean? I do this stuff in the gym. People want to fight me. I immediately turn gay. I'm like, stop it. You guys, stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Stop. That's funny. I didn't communicate weatherman. Wouldn't you watch every night? Hey, welcome to the channel. Seven news live in HD. Let's see what's going on. Another. It's going to be sunshine and rainbows. This cloud right here is wet. Anyway, let's take a look at the ride home. It's going to be long, hard. Community college. There's instruction that you're going to take. That's the only time. What? See, I think I'm in a good mood. I'm actually in a bad mood. You guys look at this. My fiance three years dummy. I have a tattoo on my leg of her fucking name. Look at that, right? Fuck. She's dating a guy who's six, seven, 237 pounds black. I'm not Jewish with a small penis. You know what I mean? My penis is in the corner. Why? I went on her life. I came on him home. My friends felt bad for me. They set me up on a blind date. They didn't tell me she was a hooker. I caught more crabs in Deadly's catch. In my mouth. Yeah. Wow. And I'm being awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward and awkward I wanna date a seven year old woman, follow me on this here, I wanna date a seven year old woman, you know what I mean? That's bragging rights, you know what I mean? My one buddy's like, I fuck chicks with no condom. I'm like, really? I fuck chicks with no uterus. Fuck you. I'm making wheelchairs rain, motherfucker, you know what I mean? I'm taking a break from sex. I stopped masturbating. And Ralphs. I thought it was weird in the other section. I'm so embarrassed. Okay guys, I'm horny. You know you're horny when you go to a sushi restaurant and you're like, I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. And I'm horny. God's making them get the bottle, sir, so they drink right away and they get angry. Did you just throw up on yourself, sir? This guy's awesome. I like big fat girls, you know what I mean? I love the big, big girls. They're awesome. They always say, there's more of me to love. There's more of me to feed, you know what I mean? I'm a plus size model. Plus what, four other models, you know what I mean? I go next door, next door to a Taco Bell, you know what I mean, a buffet. And I love when fat girls get really drunk, you know what I mean? They start dancing, their skirt rides up, it looks like a headband for their fupa, you know what I mean? Their camel tail weighs five pounds away, you know what I mean? Look at all the ladies here crossing their legs, protecting their womb, look at that. My man with the tattoos, you ever laid wide open ready for a homestay? I can't believe you guys are high maintenance, you guys are. You should have a tattoo on your lower back that says, this morning gave me, they have serious side effects that include having to buy highlights, low legs, bangs, makeup, roots, blush, eyelashes, eye line, eye shadow, the front of the body, the front of the head, the earrings, nose, roots, tonics, no wings, the body, the neck, the face, the neck, the shape, the arm, shape, the leg, shape, fupa, which by the way, the rocks, panties, butchers, blue, steel, lingerie, neck, jeans, scratch, wedding, stockings, leggings, girls, clutch, hair, diapers, perfume, ice cream. And so we've got to know how to do it. And if you're cutting good queue and cover up and say good good to me, I'll be there to protect you. And I'll say good good to me. And I'll say good good to me. We're gonna ask my friends, my staff, my panel, my official, my white collar, stand next to me, skirt, tie, high knees, high guard, my one piece, two feet, fur, these two slaps, five for me, Botox, wrestling, juvenile, white teeth, douche, and glitter. All right, everybody, I'm Josh. Thank you. Let's have a nice time. It's time for your favorite part of the week, ladies and gentlemen. It's Jake Belcher's Headband Radio. Hey, what's this music, man? This is awful. This is like a... Uh... This music would be so inappropriate in so many places. If you were sitting around listening to this on your iPod, where you're watching children play in the park, I mean, like, that guy may have a sickness in his brain. It's really bad. It's, um... I'd say this is clown sexual assault music, but clowns have more dignity than this. Hey, everyone, this is Jake Belcher. Welcome to Headband Radio, where I talk about, uh, whatever things are bouncing around in my brain, which is wrapped up in my headband, which is actually a bandana. But I haven't figured out a way of calling it Jake's bandana, because even though that makes a lot more sense, because everybody knows that I wear my bandana everywhere. And I really do mean everywhere. I mean, I wore it at my wedding. I wore it... I wear it... I wear it everywhere. My wife couldn't believe it. Like, we'd given the whole nuptials and the yes, and then, like, everything's going good, and then I just... Hold on one second. I could pull out of my pocket my bandana, and I throw it across my front, and I start rolling it up, and I put it on, and I tie it around my head, and you can hear people going like, oh, my God, I can't believe he's doing this. But my wife, being the amazing woman she is, she totally understands, because it's just who I am. I'm just the dude who loves to wear his bandana. So if anybody out there has a suggestion on how you can make the word bandana fit into Jake's radio show, let me know. Instead, right now, it's just going to be Jake's bandana. Jake's headband. So, uh, what's going on today is I've got a... five stories that are, um, ridiculous in their own way. I mean, each one of these stories is bad enough on its own, but there's just something that has happened in each one of them that I just can't believe people and the way that they deal with the world that's going on around them. Okay, let's start off with a story that everybody knows. Tanning Mom. That lady who, um, was down in New Jersey who was arrested for taking her young daughter tanning with her, allegedly. I mean, there's no proof. They don't have any video. All they know is that, um, the daughter came out, tanned her, then she went in, and the mom claims that she didn't actually do anything. But, uh, in defense to the mother, the girl doesn't look nearly as bad as the mom does. The mom is like a Krispy Kreme donut. She just looks incredibly awful. She apparently is not somebody who goes on the internet very often, and she had no idea that there was this huge swirl of controversy around her that people were caught up and laughing at what she looks like and caught up and laughing at, um, the way that, um, that she just... um, presents herself. I mean, it's just so disgusting. So she's up one day at 3 a.m., and she wants to make sure that all of her wash is done when the Today Show comes on, and she sees that, oh, my God, these people are making fun of me. Why? So she tells her friends, like, they're making fun of me on the news. And her friends are like, yeah, they've been making fun of you everywhere. Like, all these websites are, are doing awful things about you. They've made a doll of you that, um, is a, um, I guess it's probably, like, an Indian doll because it has, like, the thin color of an Indian, but the colored hair of, like, a fake-ass Barbie that looks like shit. And, uh, she's really, uh, offended now. She had no idea. Like, she never went on, she never went on the Internet at all. She had no idea that these things were happening out there. Uh, she's, um, she said just the dumbest thing. Like, I hate this term. She says, I'm sorry. I like to get tan. I just love to be tan. It feels good. I really think, I think all these moms need to step off. Step off? I mean, who in their right mind uses that term? Like, step off, I'm pretty sure, died in 79, 80. I mean, that is a term that has not been relevant in at least 30 years now. And if that's what you're using as your big defense, like, um, I hope now that you hear that someone is making fun of the words you use to defend yourself, you creepy goblin of a bitch. I mean, you're just disgusting. You are top 10 grossest woman in America. And I salute you in no way possible. Okay, next. One of my, um, favorite dudes, not for what he says, but just for the way that, um, he goes about his business. I have been a big Glenn Beck fan for a while. His new idea is a little bit wacky to me. He wants to have a June 13th be a national bake sale and lemonade stand, um, to encourage kids to work without the government's approval. Apparently there's another city in New Jersey that has decided that kids cannot have a, um, a lemonade or bake sale unless they go and they get a permit from the city. And, uh, come on, man. What kid's going to do that? Like the whole idea is when you have one of these bake sales or like a lemonade stand is to teach kids that they can make their own money. When they come up to you like, hey dad, or hey uncle Jake, or hey old man, you probably have some money in your pocket. Give me a dollar. You're like, you can say, oh no kid, go out and make a lemonade stand. Go out and make your own money. But, uh, now that is being taken away from kids. So I can totally understand where he's going from on that idea. But the fact that it's to disobey our government, um, I mean, fight what you don't like. Don't go out and cause people to break the law. Like go out and try to change the law. It just seems like it's the wrong way of handling a, uh, an issue that you have a problem with. Not a, not a big fan of this particular one, Glenn Beck. Okay. Next story. You've got a Desmond Hatchet. This is a dude who has 30 kids. Uh, he has managed to make 30 kids over the last, um, 14 years. So he averages about two a year, but he did have one bad year where he had 11 children in one year. I mean, that is insane. He has asked the court to please take mercy on him and give him a break on his child support payments because he is getting, he's getting fleeced. I mean, there is one woman who makes $1.49 a month off of him in child support. Can you fucking believe that? I mean, you could get, um, six McNuggets for that. I mean, does any kid need to eat that much? Does any kid need to have like money for shoes and things like that? No, like doesn't he realize he could just go out and the little kid can go out and make money. I mean, he could just go out and make more kids so he can get a bigger welfare check. I mean, this guy should be the national poster of why uncontrolled human breeding in America needs to be licensed and regulated because people can't just go out and make all these kids they want. It should be something like if you have this many kids, we should be able to force you to be able to go and get a vasectomy or something. I mean, that is a huge, tremendous burden. And the whole idea that you are managing to give each of these 11 women that you have children with a dollar forty-five forty-nine a month in child support, that is offensive. It's crazy. I would suspect that if he volunteered to have a vasectomy that people would contribute to the cost. I mean, it's going to be cheaper for us to be able to pay for that procedure than it is for him to make another 30 kids, which he can totally do. He could probably have that done by lunch. This guy is, I'm going to call him, he's from Miami. I'm going to call this guy the Miami fuck machine because the Miami fuck machine just makes babies all goddamn day. And we need to make sure that we find a way to stop this. I mean, can we find some hot dude to trick him into going gay? Can we find like a goat that's really good at sucking things? I mean, we have to figure out, I would rather have this guy having bestiality in the streets than being able to make another 30 children. I know that's just my opinion, but that's where I'm at with it. I bet this guy couldn't even afford to buy condoms. I mean, if all he can do is give a dollar forty-nine a month, like how could he even afford to make it so he doesn't make more children? Just disgusting. Just an idiotic. It's more dumbness. I mean, you know what else would be dumb? Anybody out there who decides that they're going to take Mitt Romney up on the offer of being his running mate. Do you know what the percentage of people who have lost in a vice presidential candidate and a vice presidential election have gone on to win a presidential election? It's pretty high up there. It's a total of zero percent. And that's about the percentage chance I give of Republicans winning this election. So anybody who signs on to be his vice president, you may as well just say to yourself, I never want to be president because I have no interest in it. I mean, once you go and you lose, you just don't have a chance to come back. I mean, here are the people, the most recent, the most recent people that have shown how they've done in previous elections. You have Tom Eagleton from 1972 Democratic Convention. He went and he ran on in 76, got thrashed. Bob Dole ran in 76, came back in 94, got thrashed. Geraldine Ferrer ran in 84, came back in 88, got thrashed. Lloyd Benson ran in 88, came back in 92, got thrashed. Jack Kemp in 1996, came back in 2000, got thrashed. Joe Lieberman in 2000, came back in 2004, got thrashed. John Edwards, 2004, comes back 2008, got thrashed. Sarah Palin in 2008, she wasn't even in the discussion this time of people that you even think are like legitimate candidates. She's lost. She's never going to be somebody who counts or matters on a national scale like that. So, I mean, look at, if your name is Tim Pawlenty, if your name is, any of these people who are in a real position of being the vice president, presidential candidate, say no if you ever want to have a chance because Marco Rubio, it means you're never going to be able to win. Rob Portman means you're never going to be able to win. Don't do it. Like make him run on his own. Find somebody who has no long-term political aspirations and let them lead the way towards the upcoming loss. Okay, two last stories and then I'm out of here. First one, there is a, I read the story at first and I felt really bad. I felt really bad for these girls. A lesbian couple who said that they had been victims of a hate crime. There's these two girls in Parker, Colorado who had a sprayed on their garage door. Someone had sprayed kill the gays and it just pissed me off so much. Like I even wrote about it on Facebook when I first heard about it. It's just that type of intolerance just makes you sad. I mean, especially for wanting to eat vagina. I mean, God, like it's one of the most beautiful things in the world. And that's what these people are getting told that they're going to, they should be killed over. It's just disgusting to me. Turns out though, that one of their neighbors who was out walking their dogs early in the morning looked over and saw the crime happening. She was able to identify the perpetrator of this. It turns out it was the two lesbian women, themselves. They staged their own hate crime on their own house so that they could get people to feel sorry for them and people to give them donations and trying to make it so they can go on talk shows and being able to tell their story. And so Amy Witt Church and Christian Conklin, I wish you the worst thing I can wish upon a lesbian. I hope that you wake up in the morning and you want dick so bad that you decide you can't be a lesbian anymore. That's what I wish upon you. Last story. The first story of the day got the first town in the world that has decided to Wikipedia itself. They have gone to every landmark, every bridge, every building, every street, every fire hydrant they can and they have put a little ceramic plaque just saying what it is. So like I'll say, this is a church. It was built in this time. It was all done like that. And they also have the unique CR code so you can just take a picture of it and it brings up a page about it. I think that's pretty awesome. So Monmouth, Wales, congratulations. Hey, this is Jake Belcher for Headband Radio saying listen tomorrow and the rest of the day.