Norman's 30th birthday, erotic fiction, candy penises, bee truck accident

Are either of you homosexuals? No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn. Yeah, would they send us someplace special? Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose Get back the spark and light the fuse Yeah, yeah Everybody everywhere Come on, come on, come on Give a little, take a little Come on, come on, come on Give it all you gotta give Come on, come on, come on Oh, never you, never one Come on, come on Come on, come on Hello world, this is Chris Abalo's Podcast Experiment And I am Chris Abalo Welcome to the show Which is brought to you thanks to our friends at Audible.com The internet's leading provider of audiobooks With over 150,000 titles to choose from And for you, listeners, fans and friends Audible is offering you a free audiobook download And a free audio book download 30-day trial so you can try out their service So what you do is you go to audibletrial.com Slash cape Get yourself a free audiobook Free 30-day trial Try out their service I just finished last week So that happened by Jon Cryer Which was cool, because Jon Cryer narrates the book And he tells you all about Pretty in Pink And Two and a Half Men and Hot Shots Which is way underrated in the pantheon of parody movies It's a nice little alliteration But that I highly recommend Because it's Ducky Who doesn't want to know Ducky's life story? So once again, audibletrial.com Slash cape Get yourself a free audiobook Free 30-day trial And in the studio, once again As always, almost always Please welcome back of course Candace Feltz Hey Norman Trotter Hey girl What about the rest of us? Nah, forget it And Jon Karunas What's up? What's up? Welcome everybody Hey, thanks for having us Welcome to the show Thanks, audibletrial.com Always Thanks Yes, thank you, Audibletrial Norman's a fan of Audibletrial Are you still working on Outlander? I am Okay How's that going, all the sex? There's a lot of sex in that book Yes Audibletrial.com Slash cape Get yourself some Outlander Who doesn't love it? It's even better when you listen to it, right? Is it narrated by Are you on airplane mode? You should be No Wait, shut up Is it narrated by Jon Cryer as well? Hot, that's hot When they read the sex scenes, do they like drop it and like whisper? Or is it like John Cleese reading like, and he took his guff? The most comical porn of all time narrated by Jon Or Candace doing her John Cleese impression Right Which is basically the best I think we need to do that I'm going to do that John Cleese I'm nailing it Impressions are my number one Or we could have Michael Caine narrate No As said not No Here we go Hey, that was good That was a big hit People have asked me to do more impressions on the show actually You're doing good, Michael Caine Thanks, man I'll give you that I listened to it It's good I was like Were you thrown off? I mean, I wasn't thrown off because I saw your face But I heard it Oh, well you said you listened I was like Well, I also watched it Okay And I was like, all right, Abolo Okay Give us, you know, for the listeners Give us, sorry, Michael Caine Narrating an erotic novel I'm going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that I'm going to do that You're doing your own erotic novel Michael Caine You're doing your own erotic novel Okay I think normally the guests would do bits But just for the fuck of it Yeah That's all your You're stalling That's fine Do the thing I'm the stall Shh If I don't get turned on, I'm pissed Wait, so is he narrating a lesbian love scene? I don't give a shit Sure Yes, he is now Okay, yes, he is now Yes, he is now He's making it hot He's making it hot Okay Jeez It doesn't matter Jeez Just go for it You've lost me. Wow. Ready? Okay. Go. And that was only then that she unhooked her bra and released her luscious melons. That's right. I said melons. Michael Caine likes melons. That's right. What's wrong with me? Did I ever tell you how I met my wife Shakira? That's right. I was home one night watching TV. Now, she's from Brazil, right? She was in a coffee commercial. Now, had I gone to the pub that night, or had I gone out with some friends, like I normally would have, I would never have seen that commercial. I would never have met my wife Shakira. That's my erotic novel. That's all I got. That's the most romantic erotic novel of all time. If you guys will excuse me, I need to use the restroom. It was so gentle. Have you just flooded your panties? He's talking like Michael Caine. I gotta go. It was so... Michael Caine, such a gentle lover. Do you need a wet wipe for your tear? Tears of pain. I have a lot of tears. What am I... Never mind. Norman doesn't appreciate my impression. You know what? Concerning, especially this particular group, let me just mention, we've had some listener questions. Oh, geez. Well, no. Questions, requests, inquiries. Let's go with that. Inquiries. Ooh. About the show. As we've talked about before, among the four of us, after doing an hour, we still feel like there's more in the tank, and we can just keep going, frankly, for another half hour. People have asked, have you considered doing the show as like an hour and a half show? The answer is yes. Have you considered doing the show more than once a week? The answer is yes. The main reasons that come down to why it hasn't happened as of yet, money, basically. It costs money to produce the show, costs money for the studio time, and to do the live broadcast and everything else. Now, in part, you can, of course, support the show by going to... signing up for the free trial at Audible. Once again, audibletrial.com slash paypal. Just give us money. And, well, people have suggested, like, can we donate to the show? And I know a lot of shows have a donate button on, through PayPal, where people can donate or they can subscribe to do like a flat amount every month or every week, I believe. So that is an option that's being looked into. But basically, if the show is generating money, and that would be essentially paid for because the show, as of now, has been out of my pocket, which is fine, but that's also why it's one hour once a week. If the show, were to be generating money or an hour and a half show or a show twice a week were to pay for itself, I'd be all for it. And as I've said to everybody here, I'd be all for turning this essentially into a gig for everybody where we're doing the show as a regular, as some regular thing, as a group, or, you know, as just the show has been, sometimes a co-host, sometimes me and a guest, whatever. So, basically, support the show, spread the word, tell your friends, and that could happen, but the idea, we're open to it. Now, can't avoid the fact that today is April 20th, 420. Wait, that was it? That's it. It was all the questions? Well, people have asked about the show itself. I thought you were going to ask, like, people want to know, like, are you single? Are we supposed to be on a talk show? I'm into it. So, do people really want to know? Give us all the platform to talk about ourselves. Well, look, all right, I'll tell you what, we won't, since this is happening about once a month, we have yet to determine a date for May, when the four of us are getting together to do this again. If you want to ask questions to the four of us or to individuals, like Norman, who is social media absent, which is fine. Which means he's hiding something. Shut up. Seriously, the best way to do is email your questions to capethepodcast at gmail.com. And next month, we'll take some questions from you guys. But the answer is no, you cannot fist me in the ass. Yeah, that is, no, that was a one-time offer. Yeah, Greg, or Craig, Fred Craig. Fred Craig, Greg, Fred Craig. Tyler, or whatever their name was. Anyway, no. All I remember was Albuquerque. Not really, though. That was quirky. Quirky. Never forget. Can we just have a moment for... Hashtag. No, Albuquerque. No, we can't. Continue. God bless America. You know, there actually was a pretty incredible pun outside. No. Because... Don't, don't. I didn't do it. No. It's your fucking socks. Just sit back and relax. Wait, no, not even the socks. It's not me, it's you, it's about you. Yeah, actually, there was, and it's... It's true. Basically, we found out John's contagious because there was some question as to because the last time we planned this, you didn't make it, which was fine, completely beyond your control because LA traffic, everybody, believe it. And so, there was some question as we were walking in because we were all outside and you weren't here yet. And there was a question about Candace showing up, and I said, for myself, I said, can diss because you might end up dissing the show. But... It's awful. That's because of, yeah, that's because of, pretty much because of John. That was like, that was quite the setup for that. John was happy. Can diss. You guys are all a bunch of fuckers except me. No, he is too. I'm here. I'm here. I know you're here. You sons of bitches. It was one thing. It's true. Yeah, and I heard your stupid ass pun on that night. I heard you said you were going to do it tonight to can't diss. It was funny. No, it's stupid. It was good. Anyway, enough hating on me. I'm present and accounted for and on time. You're very irritable tonight. No, I'm not. Yes, you were upset about my lack of eroticism. Puns hurt people. Okay, I'm always upset about lack of eroticism, not just tonight. Touche. You say you're going to turn me on, do it. I made no promises. You did. You said you were going to do it. You said. You said. I was hot. Let's play it back. Let's find out. Or was Chris backed into a corner when someone said do an erotic novel as Michael Caine and Chris's improv skills being. Someone. It was a great idea. In theory. I'm going to actually absolutely second that. It was a fantastic idea. All right. You should have started it off though. You princes of Maine, kings of New England and then. You really dropped the ball on that one. Okay. That's true. It's a different story. I'm a professional and an amateur. I'm going to write from scratch an erotic novel like, in the voice of Michael Caine for you to, to narrate. Oh my God. And then it could go on audible.com. Done. Yes. Done. I'm all for it. Norman, do you want to do a cold reading of it? I'm going to redeem myself. I will read it cold. I wrote one one time. I'm just. I wrote an erotic novel as Michael Caine. It wasn't, it wasn't an erotic novel. I wrote like. Okay. I have a confession too. Just, okay. Wait a minute. Just, just tell me whether or not you understand what I'm talking about. If you've ever looked in like a hustler or a penthouse. No. First. No, I don't. Okay. So let's just. Go on. Theoretically speaking. John, I'm listening. Go on. I'm listening, John. Because I mean like I haven't either. So no, there's, there's a section where it's stories. How it's like people writing like this is the craziest thing that happened to me. And it's the most outlandish. Like there's no conceivable way that actually happened. And the, the analogies that they use and like the, the synonyms. It's just like the most ridiculous story. So one time when I was working, this was when I was on a cruise ship. We had a competition between a bunch of us. And I was like, okay, you all have to write your own basically like penthouse story. And then we had to present them in a room and it was a competition and it was one of the funniest contests ever. I think we should bring it back. What do we need to write erotic material? We have to read it on the show. Yes. Okay. But we're talking. But we have to exchange them. I'll read one as Michael Caine, but everybody needs to read each other's. But there has to be like a fair amount of warning that they can't really like. Oh, this is getting. Let's do it anonymously. And then people can pull in about who's the best. Right. Yes. And then the next time we do it. It must be. They must be tight. Let's make it like two paragraphs. Like not like, because we can't. Yeah, we're not going to get the whole hour. That's just weird. Just like two paragraphs. Like that's it. That'd be a pretty damn good show. I'm horrified. All right. Why are you horrified? You like erotic. Shut up. You have fantasies. I'm sorry. He's horrified because he's afraid of popping a boner in the middle of the show. Yeah. Who's the one who mentions porn at every and dirty, disgusting porn every possible. When you ask me. No, that is untrue. He's like, yeah, when you ask me, go ahead and ask me about porn. Have you ever written fan fiction? No. Did you ever write fan fiction? I can't say it. You obviously have. I absolutely wrote X-Files fan fiction. Oh. When I was like 14. So basically like a spec script? Yeah, pretty much. No, basically like Mulder and Scully doing it. Oh. You can submit it now that the show's coming back. Fan fiction. Oh God, it's long gone now. This could be a gateway. But I'm going to bring it back. I'm going to, I'm going to, mine will be fan fiction or something. More like the XXX Files. Oh, I guarantee that exists. Somebody made that in 97. You're probably right. I guarantee. We were like, things were so good. I'm still proud of myself. It was so good. And then, no. I don't know what you're talking about. Okay, but in real life, you're participating in this. Yeah, you are. Two paragraphs of something erotic. You can write, you can totally write something. Just write an anime. Yeah, write a, yeah, we. They have some sex in that shit. They do with tentacles. I know about it. So. Write some tentacle sex scenes. No. Yes. You have to. He's going to do it. Don't worry about it. We've all agreed on air that it's going to happen. We're doing it and people are going to vote. We just got to figure out what the winner gets. Uh. We'll figure. I will say dignity, but no. That won't be, that won't be there. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. Integrity and prowess. Sexual literature. We, you know, we have some more sex stuff to come back to. Fantastic. And a little bit. Awesome. Because not that, not that it's a planned thing, but we can't not address it. Um, but as I was saying before, today's 420, which it's not my thing, but a lot of people like it and I'm all for legalization. Just don't partake myself, which is fine. And, um, John's grinning. That's just funny because you're like, I mean, I think it's fine. I just, you know, I'm cool. I'm all for it. I never have, but I, honestly, I'm completely for legalization because I've never known any stoners who actually cause any trouble to anything. I mean, it's actually a very funny story that, um, well, that's what I mean. They'll, they'll kill a packet of Oreos, but not another person because they were loaded and went driving to an ex's house and shoot them compared to say, alcohol, which is very legal. So, frankly, I'm all for it. You've never smoked? Never. Me neither. No, it's not my thing. I know Norman hasn't. You know, nobody needs to cop to it if you did. This isn't a, we're not vetting this. John's born in, John's born in California. You're both, you're both grew up in California so it's redundant. Moving on. Yeah, moving on. Okay. Um, to correlate, Why are you so quick to move on? You know what I, because I want to hear what the man has to say. I think there's a story right there. There's no, there's no story. Is it like the roofie story? Is it? Is it? Then you have to move on because it's stupid. Let's, let's say it is. The roofie story was legendary but we're not going back there. For the sake of moving on. Yes. Continue. Um, I'm convinced and this isn't by coincidence that I didn't go there today but uh, last week I was at Taco Bell and now I, I've been a fan of Taco Bell for ages but I'm finally convinced and today I'm sure was nothing but trouble for them and it will be ongoing because they're open until 4 a.m. or so but uh, I'm convinced that Taco Bell's trying to kill us because not only did I see a sign for the chicken and biscuit taco which is basically a biscuit folded into a taco shape with a piece of fried chicken in the middle there is also the waffle taco which is a waffle folded into a taco shape with a bunch of stuff in it and I'm just wondering who at Taco Bell is convinced we're not fat enough because god damn now they're just turning anything any, any food you can find basically any other fast food joint into a taco shape and adding it to the menu don't get me wrong I like the Doritos tacos those are really good I don't have them on a, on a weekly basis because you know bikini season's coming up but I, I enjoy those regular soft tacos yeah but uh, that, that frightens me yeah that they're getting in on me those menu items like they, they terrify me yeah they terrify me I haven't, I haven't tried those I don't, I'm not that big a fan didn't we go to KFC one time when they were doing that um, chicken sandwich with the two chickens the, I know what you're talking about the two chickens were the bread with the bacon and the cheese we went there and I was like what, what the shit it was really small but like who, what instead, wait so it was two pieces of chicken instead of a bun two fried chickens instead of bread patties let's say presumably yeah because it's not really like it's not really chicken a portion of a chicken it's not really chicken patties right with, with bacon and cheese in the center served with like fries the coronary available for a limited time extra large Coca-Cola I was like that's ridiculous what's happening see that's what I mean what's happening people, people love it I mean I can't help but think but I don't think the Taco Bell menu begs for fried chicken it doesn't I'm pretty sure they're covered as far I mean it's not as if you can't get chicken there anyway but I'm just thinking like right now they have crispy chicken uh tacos and quesadillas and things like that and I'm like fried chicken not really what I think of when I think of Taco Bell I don't hear people crying out for this it's just frightening that they're like oh you know what we really need we need to add breading to stuff that's already fairly fatty because a flour tortilla is like I don't know 180 calories they probably came up with that idea on 420 I think so that's what it really is I think so I think what's more scary about the fact that they're creating things like that is that people are buying them yeah that's why they keep them do you know anyone who's actually ordered any of those things I know absolutely nobody I don't think I don't think I know people that go to uh that like do fast food for breakfast I don't feel like I know many people that do that not here no I take that back at work there's a lot of people that do that yeah on occasion I have had the um Taco Bell breakfast burrito a couple of times it's good it's filling but like in a pinch you know who has delicious breakfast burritos who Sonic oh there's like one Sonic even close to here I don't want to talk about it because this state is a monopoly and it's in the city of Duarte I know don't ask me why I know that I know that because I drive there on occasion I went there it's also there's one outside of uh Palm Springs Duarte's closer that's yeah is it okay well I don't know I don't have reference points but see in like out east Sonic's are like everywhere yeah oh yeah it's magnificent it's like the burger king but they have a A plus breakfast burrito I've eaten it like twice I'm pretty sure you can get it all hours too yeah you can so maybe we should that should be a post show trip sometime we'll just go to Sonic after the show not to Sonic man I don't need any convincing I think breakfast should be eaten all the time I think everywhere that serves breakfast should be if you can order food you can order breakfast apparently see I just heard about this is it just brunch like all the time don't start on brunch it's like dinner no oh you know what apparently apparently I've heard McDonald's is testing this in San Diego their breakfast menu all day long yeah like like all hours breakfast which what does it hurt why cut off breakfast at 11 or 10 30 or whatever time it is they gotta fill up room on the grill man barely I don't actually know that's my only justification but if they did like who are they upsetting at you know 10 36 who wants an egg McMuffin like is it really worth like what changes it's the same grill like I just think like stop hating on people that like breakfast for dinner what's the problem there's a lot of us but people also why can't I just eat waffles whenever I freaking want people also what do we want breakfast for dinner when do we want it all the time waffles but people also work odd shifts you know it's all it's 2015 it's not as if jobs are just 9 to 5 anymore people work all hours so it's not that weird that someone may want breakfast if they work overnight they may sleep till 6pm I used to work a 7pm to 7am shift and I'd wake up and I'd be like well shit what were you doing I was working at a hospital nice and I would just wake up all I ate was cereal like period because it's a habit I'd like wake up at you know 5 and it's morning for me basically so I'd eat a bowl of cereal because you can't get breakfast so that I can't and I'd eat cereal and then I'd eat cereal at work because it was like 2 o'clock in the morning and then I'd eat cereal when I go home because I didn't feel like cooking that's the one thing they do have right here I was really skinny they have Jack in the Box serves breakfast all day long and salmonella and well I'm sure it's working fine for them it's a good time right there it is it's a great time a little salmonella hey salmonella is part of a balanced breakfast you guys wasn't that where you went with the tacos thing yes that was we talked about it at the very beginning we need to rent a minivan and we need to find this guy if nothing else I want him to do commercials for this show yeah he's so good bumpers can you just get him to do an intro just do the intro hello you are listening to Chris Avalos podcast experiment so good anoche yeah I totally so good that's what I want what's so funny why haven't you been unusually quiet what's going on where's your head at man he's plotting his two paragraph sex story I bet he's up in yeah he's up in his brain right now figuring out no what's happening right now is Norman's like I just turned 30 I'm better than this let's talk about that shall we let's talk about Norman's birthday Norman is now 30 everybody which yeah that's right sexier than ever yes this hunk of man is now three decades old congratulations thanks everybody proud of you man yeah don't say anything to me yeah Norman's still pissed at you why Norman why are you upset with I invited you to my party where were you at you invited everybody to your party I invited a select few people I could invite more there's only 88 people Jesus all I know is that three of the four people in this room were at that party oh that's true right there are more people on the other side of the room oh gosh and one of the two of those was there too son of a bitch you sold me Carol for the name and where were you I was in a I was in a jacking off again no I was on a double date all right jacking off again well I gotta do it sometimes with double date with Pamela Anderson I really hope you were at a restaurant Pamela Anderson that's my friend's pun thank you Corey lefty and righty did you have a good time with she the love of your life are you gonna get married I don't foresee that happening because then fuck you that's the wrong I was like that's the wrong answer you're not saying the correct answer just say something else just say something else matter of fact I proposed to her Friday night and then fucking drop it and it's like so happy birthday bam I got engaged what up damn it I also just realized the fact that somehow in this equation I got the ring yeah I was gonna question that but I was just gonna let you roll and you know what I like the way that sounds it's a brand new era listen ABC Family what do you want like a princess cut oh my god yes princess cut with a halo like one and a half carrots what are the diamonds that go down the side I don't know what any of this means the halo and the cut with the shiny dude I've no it's got carrots or something always the bridesmaid never the bride I couldn't tell you you know I was a maid of honor one time wait it's a true story oh my god you mean like that Patrick Dempsey movie and I got that nickname a lot no shit what's up Patrick Dempsey like thanks for calling me beautiful appreciate that there better hang on there better be a story here it better not be like the roofies no it was for it was for my sister I was her maid of honor oh okay well that's nice that's cool it was cute anyway let's come back to the fact that you weren't at Norman's party mic drop yeah cause Norman Norman was actually fairly upset I mean he was way drunk but he was still that's an understatement he ooh stories I don't know how many yeah he doesn't remember them he doesn't no he really doesn't remember you can tell him for him I will tell you this this son of a bitch looks sexy as hell in the hottest jacket that's right it looks so good it was off by the time I got there that was my fault because he was like this and I was like stop it's probably at seven drinks in the first hour no actually that was before he had any drinks in him actually he was just really you had three drinks an hour at that average you had 15 drinks that's probably not far off that's actually a damn good birthday pretty accurate right yeah I think so well before you blacked out I didn't I didn't get to order Norman a drink till almost 1am because he always had a drink in his hand well we started off with the bartender just giving him a shot and a martini okay that tastes like cough syrup oh I tried it while you weren't looking with the martini or the shot oh god no not the shot the shot was delicious do you see the size difference between the two of us well it's not happening the shot smelled nice sorry but the bartender brought him too that's how we started it smelled delicious it looked delicious it tasted like evil the shot or the martini martini yeah it was not great no but it was free so whatever it was true and he accompanied it with whiskey so that's fine he made up for it somehow I did nice do you have any wisdom to impart as the only other person here in their 30s do you have any wisdom to impart now being older now the funny thing is most people I'd have joked with friends who have been concerned about turning 30 now granted Norman's birthday wasn't Friday we just went out Friday night and the easy joke is that I make to my friends like what do you expect you're going to wake up one day and your back's going to hurt all of a sudden funnily enough Norman's back was hurting Saturday because he was picking everybody up as they were leaving and he was like and giving them a frugging bear hug and he that's my tell that's my drunk tell and he well according to him I wasn't there when he woke up but he said his back was killing him and I said you were lifting everybody up that's why so there may have been a little moment where he thought oh shit I'm 30 I'm falling apart but no I thought I drunkenly fell on the ground or something I don't remember well that happened too but you were there how do you know with your fiance just go with the fact that you you're not there you have such brute strength you were just lifting you were lifting everybody up I was offended that I didn't get lifted up but I mean you don't even wait you don't it's intense like bone crushing is it did I give you no you didn't pick me up you weren't that far gone I wasn't drunk enough I mean you gave me one of your hugs but I'm used to that at this point Norman I didn't need to be there because you always lift me up oh god to kill you yeah in here thanks Josh Groban that's oh jeez oh jeez that was a heart attack that was pretty hot cat's play you two just that's all I got for you it was awesome I'm sure it was it was magnificent let's talk about birthdays specifically your guests well first John would you mind showing your socks to the audience if we can go to the I don't know if we can even get it can you Norman lean back lean back Norman so he doesn't like kick you in the face damn now there's the the anchor yeah give us a little more give us a little more leg there you go I don't even know if that can be seen right now if he farts well I think so that was fake hey it's live so anything can happen I don't know if I have one on here if you do that's close enough now that's a hell of wow check your asshole that was awful dad did you eat glass like yeah that was good god it's tearing my insides apart it's that jack in the box breakfast yeah oh shit if it if I hadn't eaten those two chicken patties with bacon and cheese in the middle oh! exactly yeah so the socks pretty hot Norman you got some socks as well and you wore them if you wouldn't mind giving a slow reveal can you get your are you limber enough to kind of get your leg up on the table he's plenty limber I won't kick you in the face okay now is that now do a slow reveal now they say sassy not sassy but as yeah as Norman's lifting up his pants leg to show them off off down John yeah just a little bit he gets to this part yeah she's SSY all I see is SSY I was like Norman did your socks say pussy like Norman's been fooling us all this whole time yeah these are my snatch socks Norman's like I live for pussy but he doesn't really Norman hates my impression of him by the way he lives from it it is like a fairy what is that about yeah I don't know what it is I don't understand you don't talk like that what yes I do all the time what that's totally Norman no I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna disagree with you alright yeah Chris you're stupid mine's better than John's yes you're probably I will say that I have two on John the ass and the Norman impression yeah damn it yeah although John's engaged so he's got that on me he's a really great guy anyway the sassy socks wait what what have um came courtesy of myself and Sherry Sherry Bass so you all know she's been on the show a couple of times Sherry hi girl we put together a whole basket of things well she put it together I just paid for half of it um would you mind showing everybody your somebody put them on the goddamn table I don't care who uh we we need to see this the gifts courtesy of yes now Papa Balo and Mama Sherry if for some reason you're watching this with a child for the for fuck's sake please turn this video off yeah right yes well I want to put them because look language isn't gonna do as much damage as what's in that basket so it's a rainbow children it's the rainbow to end all rainbows all right let's do it let's see it Norman well should I go small first save the best for last should I go big always go big well first I must say my favorite kind of chocolate is white chocolate so I have a yeah it is tiny shot of white chocolate dicks yeah can you Candice put those up up in the camera please so we get a good I haven't let them melt in my mouth yet I don't even know well there we go white cocklet nice that is you know what I'm on fire right now out of your it's not your birthday anymore can we shut off John's mic John's gonna he's gonna sidle up next to me and use this mic you can't stop me end the pain you can't stop me um they actually do but hang on now this has nothing to do with John but at the Hustler store we got to Hustler Hollywood the much talked about Hustler Hollywood for the last month we've been talking a lot about that um they actually do have red candy called dickerish at the Hustler Hollywood store and that's right out of the John Carunas playbook so I dig that he yeah he had nothing to do with it but don't help him white cocklet is right in line with anyway what else what else you get you helped him patent bending yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah really closely like oh they're circumcised and I have a a margarita flavored penis because I do like margarita I don't know if you like margaritas and penis it's true it's a win it's true guys when you eat this pretty hot what crack it open now I just want to smell it what it smells like you can open it it smells like I'm saying dick cheese yeah Yeah, dick cheese. That's disgusting. It's a real thing. That's not a mother. Wait, this explains a lot about you. It's like, wait, dick cheese. I can't deal with it. I worked in medicine. No, I know you did. Totally joking. Wait, hang on. That was funny. I worked in medicine. So dick cheese is a real thing and it stinks. Smegma. It's a thing. Moving on. Go on. Do your thing. I appreciate you, Candace. You're welcome. I love you as well. Dick cheese. Oh, it's real. Can I watch you eat this? You can eat it now. Listen, you can forfeit your two paragraph story if you eat this sensually in front of me. Do you feel like being in a dark room with velvet chairs? I concur. Just the two of us. Because I would like that. Okay. Wait, no. This has to happen on the show. We're talking about show content. You don't have a dark room with velvet chairs. He eats a dick on the show or he writes porn. Those are your options. The choice is yours. I tried to help you. You're supposed to be helping me. I tried to help you. I tried to help you. No. Can I bring up the magic cocktick rainbow penis? Well, that was too good to resist. Is that like a lollipop? Yes. Nice. I like to think if I had a penis, that's what it would look like. Take a look. It's probably delicious. You're probably like, wow. Like if I saw it every morning, I'd be like, yes. Try it on. Try it on. Now it's tainted. I didn't. Get it? Oh. You're going to go there. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. You said it. What is this even made of? It's made of magic and dick. Yes. It's made of sugar and sugary goodness. Yeah. It is a lollipop. It's like a drag. Now, that's the funny part because a friend of mine who will remain nameless for the sake of guys not running screaming away from her did actually suck the head right off of that thing. Like it popped off. I want to be extremely inappropriate. Be careful. In like what? 20 seconds? She's wowed. I don't know how long it took, but that's the reason she is remaining nameless because I don't want to. Sounds like she needs to work on her technique. Or maybe not. So realistic. Or. Yeah. That's a game changer. I hope it has like a gooey center. As long as it's not like squirted in my face. Well, something needs to be eaten on the show. I realize that makes me sound vaguely gay, but you know, something obviously needs to be. You got to crack open something. Is that all? That's all? That's it. Just eat a tiny dick chocolate. I'll eat one with you. I do want to try this actually. Well, go ahead. In the meantime, Sean and I are going to talk about something else. In the meantime. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Double.com. Yes. Boy, are they going to appreciate. They're right. Having this. There have to be worse shows that they sponsor. How dick would be okay? Do you want to. Let's commit cheers or dicks. Oh my God. Yes. Okay. But like sword. Wait. Please do. Or like the head. No, like sword fighting. Like sword fighting? Like. Cheers. You kids have a good time now. Go ahead. I'll wait. Like. Let me smell it first. He washed up. Is it okay? It smells like white chocolate. I bet. You don't know. He had a dick in your mouth before. So stupid. You've got me there. Do you see how differently we both ate that? I bit the head off. Well, I sucked it. Matt hit her. He put his hands behind his back while eating it. And Candace was like. Gently. It was good. What? Hmm. It's not a bad dick. It's because it's made of candy. One of the better ones I've had in my life. How many is that in total now? She's like, well, one candy. No. Okay. Two candy. For the record, I'm not a gold star. Not a gold star. What's a gold star? I'm a gold star. Yes, you are. Yay. What does that mean? A gold star. Yeah. A gold star. No, we want to know. A gold star game is a gay who's only ever been with a member of the same sex. Oh, it's like perfect attendance. Sure. Sure. Nice. Perfect gay attendance. You've only shown up for the same gender. Congratulations. So then if a gold star means like you've only been with your kind exclusively. Yeah, monkeys. Monkeys. Well. You're a monster. No, I'm talking about like a T-Rex. I'm a T-Rex. A T-Rex isn't going to like bang a stegosaurus. Like T-Rex is go T-Rex. That's a gold star T-Rex, you know? That's what I'm saying. Mm-hmm. Norman's a gold star, so he's never been with a woman. Okay. You're a gold star too? No. You're not. So what does that make you? Like a muggle? Bisexual. Nice. I didn't know. We were talking in terms of like stickers. Gold star. What's that? Silver or bronze? Yeah. No. There's not a thing. There's not a thing. You're a gold star. You're not. So it's just gold star. You're not. Gold star. You're not. You're just gold star. You're not. You're just gold star. You're not. Gold star is the only- Yeah. Okay. That's why it's a gold star. A bronze? I don't know. Like the Olympics. Yeah. Like, oh, I touched you. Oh, I'm just a building. This is not a sporting event. You suck. It's always a game. Oh, God. I'm going to slap you with this dick. Hey, that's a colorful penis. This thing is not a- If you have to get slapped by one, John, that may be the one. Did you- John, check it out. It's a pretty- Give it here. Let me see this thing. It's a legitimate- Come on, let him- Yes. Great. Let him see this. Can I see your rainbow penis, Norman, please? Whip out your real dick. You know what? I'm done with this. Whip out your real dick. I don't know. I'm going to sample that. I'm pretty sure. All right. It's so firm in my hand. Close your hand. Slowly. Follow the YouTube link at chrisabob.com to check out the video, folks. But this is going to be pretty cool. John, you're looking at this very, very intently. I am because it's anatomically correct. It's even got- It has the flick. It has the flick. The little fold and the cut in on the bottom. First of all, this is a circumcised candy penis. And I know that. Yes. Okay. It is. Congratulations. There's no sweater on that penis. This thing is 98% of your total carbohydrates. It's also made of food coloring and sugar. Jeez. That's true. This candy is really giving you the shaft. I'm done. I'm going to show myself now. That's enough. I'm going to show myself now. I'm not even going to take credit. That was bad. I'm done. I'm not even going to take credit. That was bad. Thank you. That's a new one. That's a new one. That was an awesome one. God bless it. That's enough. That was awesome. I'll give more bad ones just to hear that reaction. Sweet. I want to know who that is. I've never hit that one before. Oh, wait. Hang on. There's one that might be applicable. Hey, Dick. Frequency Dick. What's that from? That's Will Ferrell. That's Will Ferrell. Inker Man? Do it again? No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Hey, Derrick. Frequency Dick. Oh, that's Step Brothers. Oh, is this Step Brothers? Oh. Oh. Okay. I never saw that one. Step Brothers. That was pretty funny. You missed out. That's one of the best Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. The Catalina Wine Mixer. It's the Catalina fucking Wine Mixer. The fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. John, run. Bees. Bees. Bees. Is that what that is? I like that card in Cards Against Humanity. What's that? Bee? Bees? That's a card you can play. Bees? Yeah, I know that one. I love Cards Against Humanity. That one is like a question mark. Like bees? Yeah. Like it's a question. You don't play Cards Against Humanity? That's how you ask a... Bees? We should play that on here. It's Carrie's favorite card. Oh my God. I don't know if anyone wants to watch people play Cards Against Humanity though. It's like... People pay money to watch other people play video games. That's okay. Point taken. That is weird. Point taken. I think in the realm of like Cards Against Humanity versus us reading auto... I mean erotic fiction we've written. Sorry. I figured... Now, wait. I would like to modify. It's like a hard left. That's not the first hard left taken tonight. Sorry, I read something earlier about auto erotic asphyxiation. Yeah. Oh my God. We went real dark real fast. Let's not play that. I actually did. I was reading about a serial killer. Anyway. Let's not... I don't want to go that far. Except for Johnny can do it if he wants to. I know. Chris is mad at us. No, I'm not mad. I get to just sit back when you guys are here. It's great. You guys... You guys are like I get to go on autopilot. I just want Candace to explain more. About auto erotic asphyxiation. Okay, listen. I was bored. So I was looking at... Wait. Movies that are getting released this weekend. And one of them was about one of the women that that guy Ariel Castro kidnapped. And I forgot who he was. So I googled him and read about him. And he died. He hanged himself in his jail cell. And they initially... They ruled it a suicide. And then somebody was like, no, it was auto erotic asphyxiation. And then the coroner came back and was like, no, it's a suicide. Oh. And that's what happened. I wasn't reading about it. Like, I didn't plan on... Likely story. Wow. That's what everybody says when they accidentally mention auto erotic asphyxiation. Fifty shades of Candace. End in murder? I guess. You've met me. Man. We went there. Yeah, we did. We definitely did. It's because we switched seats. So we took a hard left. Hey, Chris, can you and I do a show where we just do an entire show of playing ridiculous? We have. You know, it's funny. People have said that. Are you going to play more stuff from your phone? Because that's... That did come in pretty handy with the show that just Norman and I did, actually. We played quite a few. I played a couple of songs. And it happened with you and I. Were you drunk? I'd be fine with it. No, he wasn't. Actually, he asked if he should be drunk. And I said, no, please be sober. I do have a news story that was sent to me, by the way. And once again, fans, you can also send news stories and email stuff in. If you want to hear his banter about it. I'm capethepodcast at gmail.com. A news? News story. Thank you. Okay. Well, it's one of the things. What, nude story, you thought I said? I thought you said news story. Oh, no, news. This comes from Seattle Times. A semi-truck rolled Friday morning, spilling a load of bees worth $92,000 on Interstate 5 at the Interstate 4 fire and change near Linwood. Brace yourself, John. You can see the fear in his eyes. Look at him. That's not okay with me. A semi-truck rolled early Friday, spilling a load of honeybees on the Interstate 4 fire and change near Linwood. That's not okay with me. That's not okay with me. That's not okay with me. Interstate 5 medium at the Interstate 4 or 5 interchange near Linwood. The driver of the truck was not injured in the crash. Beekeepers were on site within an hour of the 3.30 a.m. wreck to round up the honeybees, according to the Washington State Department of Transportation. As temperatures warmed and the bees became more agitated, firefighters sprayed a mixture of foam and water on the hives to slow down or kill some of the bees. Television reporters swatted at swarms of insects around their cameras and clumps of bee carcasses littered the roadway. Everybody's been stung, said Sergeant Ben Lewis of the State Patrol. This is a first. No shit. It doesn't say that in the article. That's me commenting. A towing company was able to right the truck and pull it away. Loose of the truck was exiting. Doesn't matter whether speed was an issue. The over-tuned truck held 448 hives with as many as 14 million bees, Leary said. That's crazy. 14 million bees. 14 million bees. I have two things. First of all, I just want to congratulate, like, the most capable, general of all time. Like, imagining all of these bees flying around and somebody's like, General, any comment? Like, everybody's getting stung. What a statement. Yeah, an astute observation. And this is the first time in my life I didn't know bees got transported like prisoners. I didn't know you could have, like, a truck of bees. Like, what are you hauling back there? Uh, bees. Like, I didn't know that was a thing. I had no, I just learned so much. But you're all for it. Now that you know this. This is how they're. But they killed some of the bees. Everybody's getting stung. Honeybees aren't getting stung. I don't want to hear that accent either, but. Honeybees aren't getting stung. He said it so upset. That's a great name for this episode. Everybody's getting stung. I'm imagining him ending with, like, over here. Like, everybody's getting stung over here. Or it's like that infamous scene with Nicolas Cage and Wicker Man. The bees. Not the bees. The bees. Bam, that sucks, man. We saved 120 hives before the sun came up and it got too nice. Leary said an excavator. And dumb. A truck. We needed to remove the beehives from the roadway. The wreck was cleared early Friday afternoon, he said, noting that he had about six bees in his patrol car. The tractor was totaled, according to the news released on the State Patrol. Its trailer suffered about $750 in damage. This sounds like the beginning of Jumanji 2. Yeah. Emmerich said about 70% of commercial beekeepers bring their hives down to California to pollinate almonds. Uh-oh. They were heading here. Aren't you happy they got overturned in Seattle? California's a large state. This is my fundamental conflict. They, they frighten me. Okay? But, whoop, I lost it. But they're so incredibly necessary. Like this world doesn't exist without them. Totally. But they've just historically just been such assholes to me. And like individually. Bees and I don't care for each other. But it's like, I understand your presence is needed here. However, if- I get that. I get that. If that happens. And then the bees come out after that. This is a great late night show, by the way. Of your asshole? What? What? What? That was the fart noise earlier. So the bees came out of your asshole. No, the glass. Was the other one like more harsh? There was like an explosion and going. Yeah. It sounded like somebody dropped like a tray of glasses in a restaurant. What? I read an article the other day about, my mom told me about this story. I didn't hear about it. Apparently some dude caught, stole a horse and then took off running on the horse and the cops chased him down on horseback. And then they ended up beating the shit out of him after he was like already cuffed or whatever. That, whatever. Like it was kind of a mess, right? Okay. So the cops, they stole and I'm reading this article and it's like going into all this detail and how it's like the cops, you know, abusing power, blah, blah, blah. And in the article, there's a sentence that said, the horse stood idly by. Well, okay. What? And then there's a video attached to it and sure as shit, this guy's getting just the life beat out of him by all these cops. And there's the horse. Standing idly by. Fucking idly as shit, standing by. Did it have like vexing sounds? Yeah. Yeah. He was just like, he was just like this. And a cop came over and was like, you know, pet it like, you know, on his shoulder or whatever. And the fucking, the guys just get the shit beat out of him and there's the horse. But I'm like, who wrote that? And also who approved it? Hey, guy gets the shit beat out of him by 14 cops as a horse stood idly by doing nothing. Well, it's well written, but it's, yeah. Right? It's very proper grammar. Great job. So first of all, it's like, you wrote that pretty well. I got another good, I got another, another quote for you. Go. And the horse stood idly by. That's another good name for this. This is going to be a tough one to name. Walter Shepherd, a professor of entomology at Washington State University. Bugs, studying bugs. Here's what he said. Break it down for everybody. I couldn't. Got you. Well done. Because the, the paragraph four that is honeybees rarely sting people unless you disturb them or they feel the need to defend their colony. If a honeybee stings, it'll die. I couldn't imagine it being a public health menace, but it's a big nuisance, said Shepherd. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. 40 million bees is a big nuisance. Well, she was pretty annoying. You know, everybody's getting stung. That's what people in Seattle talk. Apparently they talk like New York cops. Hey, everybody's getting stung over here. It's a bunch of transplants. What the fuck? Right? Yeah. One day I'm going to throw bees at you. That's a whole bunch of. You're going to throw bees at me. A whole bunch of dead ones if you want to. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead ones. A bunch of dead bees. That's a lot of bees. I just imagine you like Scott Pilgrim. You're going to throw bees at me. Like able to like get. Right? Like it's his specialty move. Like get the bees to go directly in his eyes. Like, and then it goes boom. And then they just kind of like create their own like cloud around my head. Bees in your eyes. Ant-Man's going to scare the shit out of John. He's not going to go see that. That's not going to be cool. But I mean the fact that you have the ability to do that, that'll be cool. I'll be like, that's awesome guys. You run for cover. Yeah. Put on a goldie mask. Oh, the eyes are open. And it's raining spiders in Brazil. Really? Yeah. You haven't seen that? No. Dude, look that up when you're done here. All right. It's, it's this, it's, I don't know. I don't remember where, but there's a whole article about like, it's just, it's just raining spiders somewhere. It sounds like we need to burn Brazil down. For more reasons than one. Just like gasoline. Like, sorry guys. No. Yeah. And there's a video and it's in a house. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's just spiders everywhere. It's like a scene out of arachnophobia, dude. It's crazy. It's like the rapture is coming. I'm imagining Godzilla right now. People running around screaming. Godzilla was a lizard. That would be my reaction. Spiders. That's what I would probably do. And like spiders don't scare me, but to see them falling out of the sky, different ball game. Pretty scary. I think there's like a level of like, blah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, when you say it like that, well, if they're like falling from the sky, you throw up, run, faint, wake up, repeat the process. No, stop. I don't wanna talk about it. We go underground. Wait, this is 2013. I'm finding stories in 2013. I'm not finding. Maybe, maybe it's the video of the house. There, there is a video of the house. That's what's new, I think, or is that from 2013 too? It's in February, 2013. So basically what's happened is John's brought a story that's two years old to the table. Oh, nice going, John. 2013, damn it. You ruined everything. The bees were... I've only recently seen it, so I thought it was a new thing. Okay, that's fair. Are you going to play it? It has only recently come to my attention. God damn it. I'm going to play it. It's on my monitor, Cheyenne. I'm going to freak out. Can we pipe it in from this computer or not? I'm going to hold you. Yeah? Okay. Oh, well, it's coming through the... Technical difficulties. Just to see the video. Is it possible? There's some things. There's no spiders. This is good. It's fine. And then there's a ton of snakes. Oh, it's not going to come on the screen? Okay, dry. See, snakes, I'm okay. Like, spiders, I'm really okay. But to see them in mass, like, quantities, not cool. Like, anything. Anything in mass quantities. Yeah, I was going to say, like, anything in mass. Are these all? That's... French fries? Lollipop penises? That's bad news. Bring them. For me? Oh, wow, this is pretty crazy. Okay, I have the video right out. We'll do everyone a favor. Look for the Cape 46 post on chrisabal.com, and I will post this video that reigning spiders in Brazil. If you haven't seen it already, which 1,137,000 if you have. And I apologize, because I thought it was a new thing. I didn't know it was two years old. No, no, everything is 2017. Not accepted. And then instead of donating money to Cape, you can send your therapy bills to Chris Abalo. No, no, no. After you watch that video. It's completely voluntary. Completely voluntary. I will not watch this video. You'll see it. You don't. It's so bad. I've seen it. It's really, like... They don't love it. They look like scary spiders, but the fact that there are just millions of them is like... Have you seen? There's a video on the internet. I don't know how old it is. It's like... It looks like a hairball, almost. It's about yay big. It's out of a golf ball. Somebody goes and pokes it with a stick, and literally thousands of spiders just come crawling out. It's called a flamboyant. It's literally like something outside of... Kill it with fire. It's like the birds. We're just going to call John Goodman like they did in arachnophobia. He's going to save the day. John Goodman. John Goodman saves the day pretty much all the time. In flight, he saved the day by bringing drugs. I didn't see that yet. Ah, well... Shaves the day in Argo. There you go. Wow. Spoiler. You don't know how. Flight's a good movie. Flight with Denzel. It's on Netflix, I think. It is, yeah. I'll watch that. Maybe tonight. Check it out. There you go. Saddle up with some Jameson. Because you've had so much coffee. You'll be up for it. Actually, you will be. Did you finish that coffee that you had? I did. Nice. See, but I can do that. I can have coffee, and then I can go to bed. You drink a craft of coffee and just go to sleep. Pretty much, yeah. But you can drink a bottle of wine. Yeah. Yeah. There's not much I can drink. Okay, so that's another challenge. Okay. Next month. I'm not going to play in that one. I'm going to sit that one out. All right. You can coach. I cannot drink a bottle of wine. I don't. I don't know. You can. You just choose not to. I mean, I can. The power is within you, Candice. I'll barf. There can only be one Highlander. I'll barf. Yeah, I probably can't drink that much either. I just... I mean, I could. I just don't want to. Physically, could I? I probably wouldn't. Don't you dare talk to me like that. I was at your birthday party. You were. And you are twice the size of me. This is very true. That's true. Then, you know, I guess... I could drink half a bottle of wine. That's the equivalent. I know. That's the moral of the story. It's just... I'm a bad guy. Just fuck John, guys. Yeah. That's what it is. Get your rainbow dick. Yeah. I've been drooling with my pants up. All right. I deserve it. Oh. Now, that's a... I don't miss number birds. There's the erotic novel. You can read in Michael Caine's book. Okay. No, I want to raise the stakes for that. I think everybody needs to do a character. I will... Oh, no. I'm so bad at that. No. Does anybody do impressions other than me? No. No. You guys haven't done it? It's not on demand. No? They just... They kind of like... They happen sometimes. Oh, okay. I'm going to have some more impressions. That is a weak spot. What do you want to up the stakes, though? No. That's everybody reads it in character. If I'm going to read it in Michael Caine, I thought everybody could, but it's not everybody. You don't have to read it in Michael Caine. Yeah, but who wouldn't want to hear that? Okay. Can you just read the dirty words in Michael Caine's voice? That's all right. Yeah. Okay. Like, you can go like... Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Michael Caine. That's fine. Like, the sentences that are like, you know... Like, calk. Yeah. Yeah. Girth. Girth. Which, you're not going to write any of that in yours. Or maybe you will. You don't know. Maybe you will. You might surprise us. Why? Because I'm marrying a lady. I don't get to have... Fantasies about penis? Gee, I can't imagine why that... In my thing. In my thing. I'm not saying... Why did that cross my mind? I'm not saying I have fantasies about it. I'm just saying, why can't I write erotic fiction that involves a man? You can write erotic fiction. That's why it's called fiction. That's why it's called fiction. It's free country. I wouldn't have thought that would have been what you were going for. But if you choose to, sure. Maybe it's a strap-on. Ah. Bye. And Candace wins this week's show, everybody. Well, that's that. That's it. Actually, it is it. Did we learn anything? What did we learn? What did we learn this week? Norman's 30 and beautiful. John's an asshole. It's true. It's true. He's a John to being a dick. Surprise. Candace is wonderful. I'm not a gold star. Yeah. Yeah, you're a muggle. You're a muggle. Vagina muggle. This is how John farts. Run for your lives, people. I think I got a glass shard in my eye. Yeah. That's horrible. I'm like, why are you like five minutes delayed on that? I'm like, I got a shark in my eye. He's like. There was there was some drum music. Damn it. I can. I've never found that again. I think it's been removed. Yeah. When I was doing the the anime is Michael Caine. It's gone. Oh, that Japanese drum thing, which is. That's how it was late. No, I thought you were talking about that song that you played. I really. Which one? Oh, Ancient Forest of Elves. Yes. Can we go out on that? God. I really am into that. So what, John, what did you learn this week? Let's go one at a time. Uh, I didn't. I already knew Norman hates me. Oh, I learned that you transport bees in trucks. Oh, very good. You learned a legit thing. Like prisoners. I really did. Are you more at ease knowing that they're they're basically sent in an armored car, that they're transported? I mean, with the exception of when they jackknife. These things can all be. They can also tip over spilling out a quote unquote 14 million. So no, I'm not more at ease about that. Because that happens. Everybody's getting stung. Yeah, right? Everybody's getting stung. That's what I learned. Norman, what did you learn this week? I learned I can hire a man to drive bees to John's apartment. Good luck finding that. A semi-truck. A townhouse filled with bees. Good. Candace, what did you learn? That apparently my friend Norman's a murderer. He might not die. Okay. He could die. He could live. I don't know. Wait, are you allergic? I don't remember if we talked about that. You know what I was? I haven't been stung since I was a kid, so I don't know if I've grown out of it or not. Oh, okay. I think that, you know, like every seven years your body chemistry changes. What's so hilarious? Screw you, man. I don't know if I am anymore. I think it's because he doesn't know. You know, that fear is still there. I've never tested like man. It's been a long time. You should probably get an EpiPen just in case. Yeah. I don't know. Keep one on you at all times because Norman is going to. I don't believe I am anymore, but I don't have any like empirical evidence. You better watch your back. Yeah. Whatever. He's dead to me. What did you learn, Chris Apollo? You might be dead to him though. I guess. If this bee action happens. I learned that I need to brush up on my improv skills because I cannot improvise an erotic fiction. Go now. Off the top of my, I can't. I stumbled through the anime as Michael Caine. Erotic, kind of weird. Yeah. Can't exactly do it. It's okay. It's something to work on. It is something to work on. You did. You did. It's the only time I've ever seen you stumble. Yeah. Which is weird. I'm normally not at a loss for words, but it just all of a sudden, it could be the fact that my sister's sitting in mission control. Maybe that made it at least slightly weird. No. She's an adult. She is an adult. She's fine. She's like, yeah. But maybe now that I'm thinking on it, maybe that was part, maybe she's part of the problem. You guys are going to jump to her defense though. So that's not going to work. That's very rude and you're not part of the problem. That's not rude. I get it. You don't want to talk about dirty things. No. I'm just saying, you're right. I blanked. I actually was at a loss at the moment. Can't believe it. She's writing a fiction too. Are you? Do you want to say something? Do you want to address the past? Did you learn anything this week as an observer? Cheyenne, pipe her in. Can you? Let's hear it. Did you learn anything this week? Carol, my sister, who's been on the show, Cape 31, everybody. What's that? What did you learn this week? Anything? Anything at all? You say nothing because that would be sprung. Well, actually, I'm surprised you were kind of stumped by the lack of Michael Caine-ism too. It's weird, right? Apparently that's my fault now. No, not at all. I'm not saying it's your fault, but I mean, as much as you've known me, it's kind of weird that I just had nothing. That's rare. That was surprising. That's rare, I got to say. All right, thanks. You can shut her off now, Cheyenne. Thanks. That's enough. I look forward to your fiction, Carol. She's not writing a fiction. Not for this show. She can get her own goddamn show if she wants fiction. I'm a terrible brother and friend because all I did was buy my gay friend penises for his birthday. No jewelry whatsoever. No jewelry. Not a princess cut diamond or whatever the hell it was. I was going, I'm married and shit. Congratulations on your nuptials, by the way. Yeah, congratulations. Thank you so much. Once again, everybody, you can follow the show on Twitter and Instagram at CapePod. Follow me at Chris Abalo on Twitter. Chris sells out on Instagram. Candice at Lishark26 on Twitter and Instagram. Norman, you can't follow anywhere except to the bar if you're going to buy him drinks. John, you can follow only if you have a beehive with you, apparently. But on Instagram, you can follow remotely. Hey, it's John K. On, once again, Instagram at audibletrial.com slash cape. Once again, if you guys help us to make longer shows or more frequent shows happen, it could happen. So please spread the word. Subscribe on iTunes. Subscribe on YouTube. And all your links are at chrisabalo.com. So until next time, for John Karunas, Norman Trotter, and Candice Felt, this is Chris Abalo. And this was yet another experiment. See you next week. Come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on. Oh, come on, come on. Yeah, come on, come on. There's something wrong with us. Something very, very wrong with us. Something seriously wrong with us.