Rich Sheldon performs songs, news rundown, Snake Game with Jordan Lycover

Take it off, take it in Take off all the thoughts of what we've been Take a look, hesitate Take a picture you could never recreate Write a song, make it known For the love that sits inside your heart Right on cue. You get farther and farther from the beat there. Right on cue, guys. Welcome to Sarcastic News Live. My name is Justin Cross. I'm coming at you live from the Skid Row Studios right here in the heart of L.A.'s Colt 45 Malt Liquor District. We've got a great show for you. We've got a full house tonight. A full house, a fun show for you. He's in the green room right now, warming up. He's in the bullpen right now. Actually, it is a green room. There's a lot of marijuana in there. In studio from the Rich Sheldon Band. Rich Sheldon. Sheldon will be in the house. Rich Sheldon, everybody. Standing in for Rich right now because he is warming up, though, is his girlfriend, Casey. And we're glad Casey, she didn't know she was going to be in the air. That's the beauty of it. That's the beauty of the Skid Row Studios. Impromptu. Have you ever been on a radio show before, Casey? I have never been on a radio show before. Actually, no, that's a lie. But I only played music on a radio show. Oh, you're a musician as well, huh? Yes, I perform with Rich sometimes. Oh, wow. Okay. He can stay out there for a while. Let's promote you. Let's promote you. No, we've got a great show. We've got a lot of fun guests, like a little audience in here. Sitting right next to me, a good friend of a friend of the show, Kevin. He's like Madonna, just one name. Kevin is with us. I look like Madonna as well. You and I both have feminine bone structure, so it's okay. In the catty corner over there, they call him the deputy. His friends call him the deputy. I'm not his friend, so I call him douchebag. JP is with us. JP. Pleasure to be here. That sounded creepy. So sincere. Pleasure to be here. Sitting right across the street, though, this man, he is, as everybody knows, he is the ambassador to Bangladesh. Jake the Snake Craney is with us. Jake the Snake. Just excited to be here, Justin. Very excited to be here. Yeah, you sound like it. It's coming right from your voice there. Enthusiastic. And this guy, I promise I will have his intro. Actually, I'm going to pull his intro up right now. Keeping our white guy quotient up as usual. Eric Feldstein is with us. Eric Feldstein. Thank you. And this is Eric's intro. It's a voicemail he left before his first show here. Hey, Justin. It's Eric. Listen, I'm not going to make it tonight. I sent you an email. I hate the podcast. I'm playing so early in the game, but I wasn't feeling too good today. I thought I could power through it, but in all honesty, I've been pissing out on my butt. That's a true story. Did you guys hear it fade away and go for the last two hours? Yeah, it hit me all of a sudden. It was really bizarre. Two hours. We played that probably four or five times now. Every time I play it, though, I find something new. That time was the two hours part. It's like reading a good book. Right. Right. But as we do it. We're at the top of every show, folks. It's time. It's time for the sarcastic news rundown. And Mindy, you got the music there? Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. There it is. Intrepid 1980s journalism music right there. Our top story, guys. You may have been following this. Good news somewhat for Ukrainians as the EU announced they're ready to offer $15 billion in aid. Ironically, this is the same story as the EU announced. This is the same dollar figure that was set to come from Russia prior to the ousting of Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych. Or as I call him, Viktor Smith. Because it's easier. The EU package foresees helping to modernize Ukraine's gas transit system and providing assistance ranging from judicial reform to preparing elections. While the Russian package for $15 billion would have gone to kick-ass Winter Olympics opening ceremonies and a huge production line of Vladimir Putin's new body shine product simply called Vlad. Now, the package also calls for steps to accelerate achieving visa-free travel for Ukrainians to the 28-nation bloc in Europe. That measure, if approved, would go down particularly bad in Moscow since Russia has sought visa-free travel to Europe for its citizens for years. Of course, most know that Russia is largely still state-run and will probably only allow for citizens to use, quote, the MasterCard. That was not my strongest joke. Okay. Keep rolling. In hot... In hot water about what she said, though, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has been explaining a comment that she made the other day that some are saying is a comparison from Russian President Vladimir Putin to Adolf Hitler. Now, on Tuesday, Clinton had made... Had said basically that Mr. Putin's incursion of Russia into the Crimean region of southern Ukraine was akin to Hitler, a move that he made in the years prior to World War II. Some media outlets have blasted Clinton for making the comparison. And furthermore... ...by using the dirty political tactic, very dirty political tactic called history. And this week, you guys heard this one. Pope Francis said in an interview with a European newspaper that he is offended. He is offended by his own myth and mystique that has been built up. Magazines, DVDs, commemorative coins. And now there's a weekly gossip magazine that have all been formed to celebrate and profit off of, quote, is what he's been called the super pope. Now, Francis said in a recent letter, quote, And I've got a ton of friends, so I don't keep in touch with enough. I'm sorry, Stephen Bryan. Work has just been really busy, and there's a lot going on at home, okay? I promise I've been following your Facebook feed, and I totally owe you a call. XOXO, the super pope. That's a direct letter. Um... The newspaper, though, this is true. It's called Il Mio Papa. Translates to My Pope. It hit newsstands this week. And the newspaper includes, among other things, get this, a centerfold with a different picture of the pope smiling. Don't get aroused over there, snake, all right? It also includes, though, advertisements for a weight loss cure, beauty cream, a hair care product, and a laxative. Wow. An editorial by its editor, Aldo Vitale, said, its purpose was, quote, not so much to celebrate the pope as it was to make a shit ton of money off of selling ad placement for weight loss cures, beauty cream, a hair care product, and a fucking laxative. I throw the fucking part in there. And in entertainment news, you guys probably watched the Oscars. You guys all watched the Oscars this week? Yes. What's the Oscars? It's a little award show. Oh. As many predicted, 12 Years a Slave won for Best Picture. Matthew McConaughey won for Best Picture. Kate Blanche has won for Best Actor. Kate Blanche has won for Best Actress. And Kid Rock took home the title for Best Supporting Actor. I'm sorry. That was a misprint. That was actually Jared Leto. They look alike. The event, hosted by Ellen DeGeneres, or as some say, me, at one point, I don't know if you guys caught this, called on a pizza delivery man to hand out slices of pizza to the crowd. This was a great moment for the West Hollywood-based pizza company, as it provided huge... huge publicity, along with a $1,000 tip, which is roughly 1 80th the price of an average Oscars dress. Okay. Although not in attendance at the event, musician Lady Gaga was quoted as saying, quote, if I had been there, I would have worn a pizza. She would have actually worn the pizza. Now, in sporting news, not much happened this week. Besides Tiger Woods, he decided to drop out of the Honda Classic in South Florida. LeBron James scored a game-high, like, 63 points while wearing a mask from a Marvel Comics movie. And a bunch of middle-aged men, my father, who aimlessly flipped between sports channels, became mildly entertained with pro bowling. So JP became mildly entertained with pro bowling. Folks, folks, that is the Sarcastic News Rundown. We got a great show for you tonight. Rich Sheldon from the Rich Sheldon Band is with us in studio. We've got all these folks. Eric, Kevin, Casey, JP, and Rich. Rich is going to be here in just a second. We want you guys to call in on our What's Happening in Your Neighborhood segment coming up next, where we get your local crazy, funny, stupid kind of stories. Call in at 800-893-9562. I actually have the wrong phone number listed here. I swear, I always screw up one number. You're going to make them call 1-800-DENTIST again. That's exactly true. That's exactly true. But we've got a great show for you. Coming up. And in just a moment here, we've got Rich Sheldon, who's going to be playing one of his songs. Now, I saw, just to give you a little bit of background, I was down at the Malibu Wines on a Sunday afternoon, like I do. I go down. I'm classy. And I was having a bottle of Pinot, just all to myself, because I'm a drunk. When you don't use a glass, that's not classy. Just straight from the bottle with you. I always thought, you know, the only rule of drinking wine is that when you go to buy it, the top should screw off, because it all tastes the damn same. You know? But not down at the Malibu Winery. They do it right. And Rich, just so... There we go. That's it. Here's why I love it. So I love, as you guys know, I listen to the Adult Alternative Station a lot on my Time Warner feed. And I love it. I love the full singer-songwriter. And all of a sudden, I'm sitting there, enjoying my bottle straight from the bottle, by myself, alone. And crying. And I actually had earbuds in. I was listening to Alanis Morissette. But I took the earbuds out, because I heard this man. I was like, he's awesome. He's amazing. And he sounds like one of the classic rock singers, folk rock singers that you would hear back in the 60s. At least to my untrained ear. But I thought it was pretty amazing. So, Rich, you are going to be playing what song for us right here? I'm going to do Destination Unknown. Here it is. Destination Unknown, everybody. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Here it is. We're flying through the cosmic emotions of your mind Missing all the people that you had to leave behind You can't remember But you thought you had to die And everyone was missing you The love you couldn't find It was everywhere around you Just opened up your eyes Luckily you didn't leave for Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Destination unknown Great song We're going to be talking a little bit more with Rich in just a little while But check out his website if you're listening right now RichSheldonMusic.com And learn more about him And where he's going to be playing out and all that But we're going to talk a little bit more about him We're going to talk with him a little bit more This segment coming up is taking over Taking the country by storm really Because it's about what's happening in your neighborhood It doesn't matter where you live It doesn't matter what you do It doesn't matter what weird weird types of Pornography Eric may be into It Bestiality But I didn't mean to give away too much It's true This segment, are you ready for this? This is called What's Happening in Your Neighborhood Here's our theme song Yeah It's like a gentle walk in the park It's nice You know, just in the neighborhood Soothing Hanging out Oh man We actually do The song itself The segment itself is just the song for about four minutes Taking the country by storm I know we've got some callers coming in here Do we have any callers yet? Or not yet? Okay, good Alright, so I want to start here with Mr. Eric Feldstein Actually, before I do this, I want to say Hold on, who is this segment brought to us by, Jake the Snake? I know we've got a new sponsor Very exciting We have sponsors just filing in the door for us And this particular segment here is brought to you by Gobstoppers Sugar-coated pebbles that'll break your teeth How are we still around? It's true How are they still? I almost bought them at the liquor store next door Because I was so hungry I was like, whatever I don't care I'll buy ten lotto tickets I don't care Just give me something, whatever Eric, what do you have for us? And what's happening in your neighborhood? I've got an interesting story According to the ASAPS This is the American Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery The ASAPS Yeah Get this, guys They do everything with urgency Yeah, that's true Yeah, so the number of cosmetic procedures for men Has increased by more than 106% between 1997 and 2012 Really? Further on the story Dr. Steinbrecht said that I don't know why I just found his name right there I wonder if he's Jewish He won plastic surgery for two reasons To look good and stay competitive in the job market And Wait, that's two reasons right there Right, yeah, hold on, let me I think I was paraphrasing Yeah, that is two reasons, yeah Look good, look good Stay competitive in the job market Just in the job market or like in the bar scene Or there's a lot of places you can stay competitively With some good plastic surgery, I feel like MILF market The MILF market? The MILF market, yeah Which apparently Mindy is also in that You're getting in that market too? I'm looking for MILFs I'm not a MILF yet Yeah, yeah No, I get you I hear you I know MILFs Yeah, M-I-L-F-F-M-I-L-F But the MILFs like the plastic surgery, right? Yeah, I mean, especially around here I mean, you know You see them all the time in the studio, so I see a lot of cosmetic surgery Plastic things here You do Eric, anything else with that story? Yeah, just that, you know, guys want a sharper jawline And nice abs You know, all standard stuff, we all know Let me ask the gentleman Since we have ten of them in the room right now I want to ask a couple of guys who are not Let's start here with Kevin Kevin's, he's a little quiet Yes, sir Would you ever get Would you ever get your jawline more defined? Or any plastic surgery for that matter? You know, if I had to get anything I would get larger hands I think I would have played NFL ball If that was the case Oh, you would want to get Johnny Manziel-like hands? Yes, that's exactly correct Okay And you know what they say about large hands, right? Well, they would be saying that I know what you Dude, these are These are very girlish Rich, would you get plastic surgery? And if so, what would you get? Yes, definitely Not your voice Yeah, really That's such a good rating I don't know, I always thought I'd want to get my nose fixed Because it's fucked up It's a little crooked Let me see, hold on We can get a side profile, hold on Actually, I had rhinoplasty on it when I was young Really? Yeah, for a car accident, a bone got pushed in And they had to go in and push the bone back out But they called that rhinoplasty Really? Yeah, so that's plastic surgery Wow Snake cranny had the same issue So your dreams have come true? I don't know, I already have it Casey, what would you What would you get done on Rich? On Rich? Oh, yeah Wow Oh my goodness What would you get done on Rich? I don't know I sort of like this larger hands motif we're going with Okay, okay Look at you started Wait, no, what was Tongue Oh, yeah Wow He's got a very short I have a short tongue Oh, man No, I wasn't going to say anything I was not going to say anything I noticed that when you first walked in I was like, can we The elephant in the room, really, you know And honestly, your nose isn't bad It's just a little It's just got this little thing there It's like you've just been lying a little bit You know, like you've got a little Pinocchio Just a slight Pinocchio That's it That's all JP, you're in the corner You look with your arms crossed And you look depressed I know you don't need a boob implant It would be the opposite Oh, yeah? A breast reduction Oh, a breast reduction for you He does have great boobs, guys Show us Show us Make him shake Make him shake for us It is Mardi Gras We'll give you some beads Yeah, we've got beads Someone get this man some beads We're going a little off track But I just want you to know This man can actually milk his breasts He told us That's yet to be determined You're going to do it on air, right? I'm not so sure Okay All right, all right Well, this is really clearly a new show What we're doing I just realized after five minutes of Aesthetic talk there Yeah Do we have any callers yet, Mindy? I just want to make sure that, you know, we People flood our gates to get in here and call us We do We have one All right, let's pipe them through Caller, you're on the Sarcastic News Live Jack in the Box hot mess phone line Tell us what's going on What's happening in your neighborhood? Hey, it's sugar The best is Anybody who's new to our show is just sitting there Wait, who's sitting there? Who's sugar? He sounds like a He sounds like an average white guy Not a porn star Like Not a stripper No, I'm calling in from the drag strip of West Hollywood Oh Well, I don't know It sounds like a bar Which is very trendy Drag strip No, no What's Tell us a little bit about what's happening in your Share us what was the biggest news story And or If you don't have any news stories for us Tell us what part of your body you would You would get some work done on What would I get some work done on? Um If there was somehow I could have a permanent six pack That's what I would do Okay Just not have to do any work Just It's just there It's just It's just there I mean, it can be spray painted on Okay They can just draw the lines That's okay Now, I know that you are You're a hairy man, sugar Yeah, that's true So, it would be hard Even if you had a great Greatly defined six pack For people to see it underneath your Your summer sweater Yeah, I would say that's okay I mean, if they could like De-Robin Williamize myself Yeah Then I guess that that would be okay Yeah Yeah Well, I think that's I mean, it's possible It's possible What happened this week That really caught your attention in the news, sugar? Oh, man We're Well, I don't know You know what? The Oscars Hard-hitting stuff Nobody cares about Ukraine right now So I don't know This crowd was laughing at my jokes So I think I think these guys know the references here But yeah, okay Okay, so the Oscars They got you They did Yes, I was very pleased What I thought What's that? No, wait What, any shockers? Any crazy You know what? You did a great job as host Oh, thank you There we go Yeah No, no shockers It was pretty predictable But you know what? I think this was a really good year for movies And everyone that won Was well deserving of it Who would have been your choice for best picture? Yeah, between that or Gravity I mean 12 Years a Slave was I think a really well-made And very impactful movie But Gravity at the same time was very cinematic And, you know Kind of showed you about the power of technology in cinema So Yeah But I was pleased I mean, they kind of split the big awards I feel like It was I feel like Medina's House of Pain 7 by Tyler Perry Was very underrated It got snubbed It got snubbed Yeah I know I'm already looking forward to next year When Single Moms Club is nominated for best picture I'm sorry, Tyler Perry I love Single Moms Club Tyler Perry's Single Moms Club Is that like the Babysitter's Club? What is that? Yeah, I don't I'm not up with the Tyler Perry I don't know I don't know what Perry movies But JP, I can tell you aren't either Over there, you're dying He's not a big fan of Well, Sugar, tell us real quick Where did you watch the Oscars? Did you have a party? Currently at my house No, I was just watching it at home Okay With some friends I had a couple people over And enjoyed the show Wow Good story That sounds really Yeah Well, Sugar Mills We got to have you down here sometime Okay? Yeah All right You know I'll be back Yeah, I know you'll be back That's Matt Sugar Mills He was an original member Of the Sarcastic News Live crack squad He was calling us from the drag strip In West Hollywood And we appreciate his call as always Now, Jake the Snake Do we have any Do you have a local news story? I do This one comes out of Ontario, Canada Where a man has been Constantly complaining for the past year Yeah To subcontracting a woman's life And he's been in a subway Because he found a dead cockroach In his turkey sub Oh, wow Now, this brings up a couple questions here Sure Just a couple First of all Subway You're standing there Watching your sandwich get made And they are staring at the sandwich As they're making it So how the hell does a cockroach slip in there? But more importantly here I have a question for the crack squad Yeah Have you ever found anything disturbing in your food? And if so What did you do about it? Spoiler alert This happened to me Just yesterday Wow Yeah Okay, well, first of all If you're listening right now And you want to tweet us At SNLive1 At SNLive1 Tweet us We will take You can make up You can lie to us Make up a great story Just make it up We will give you a $25 gift card To a place where you may very well find food In your Just in your food Red Lobster Or Nice I'll give you a choice Long John Silver We've yet to buy the gift certificate Is what I'm saying Wow At SNLive1 And yeah, so But real quick, Rich Have you found anything crazy in your food before? I mean, you know God, I'm not I can't think of anything right now But I just had this idea Of someone putting pubes Oh What was that movie? What was the movie where they did that? Wasn't that like Waiting? Yeah, yeah, yeah Just the pubes, yeah They actually did that in high school For a calculus teacher Who nobody liked Like, so a bunch of the IB kids They shaved their pubes And put them in a plastic bag Like, they did They grew them out Like, all, like, semester And then It was just, like, Kojak down there And they just fucking Put it right into a plastic bag And laid it on her desk Wow Which is Here's a bag of pubes Keeping it classy, Jacksonville Wow Classy with a K A redneck Riviera right there And what did you guys You guys find anything in your food? That's kind of gross, or? I would never know Because I just eat my food instantly I don't care what's in there As long as I'm eating I'm happy Yeah I Yeah, I No, I haven't got I haven't I can't remember I've gotten some hair in there Yeah, a little bit of hair Some of it could be mine Yeah But, I don't know I haven't really I like the curlies Oh, when I was in college How do you like that? When I was in college This lady I found curlies in there Ooh Curlies Get this in the curly fries I don't know Like, that's There you go Curly on curly crime right there Hair by itself Is really bad Like, you start to salivate And it gets weird But, hair Mixed with food You know, it's like It's tolerable This is a man who eats anything So Anything's really tolerable It's true It's true Well, that was fun That was a good little story And let me Let me just say Because, Rich Are you ready for a new song? Sure Okay Rich is like Sure Thanks for the warning, asshole While we're While he's getting Set up You can check him out At richsheldonmusic.com And we're gonna be Talking to him After the song And ask him some questions Rich, what song Are you gonna be Playing for us now? I'm gonna do A song called Where You Going It's like, kinda Hillbilly Bluegrass Hillbilly Bluegrass That's right I'm Jackson, Florida, baby Right up my alley Nice And, yeah We're shining the camera On Rich here So, here it is What is it? One more time? Where You Going Where You Going Right here Where You Going My sweet darling With your head Above the clouds When I told you That I loved you And I told you You left me Locked up in the pound Now I was just A lonely dog Walking down the road Well, you picked me up Outside your fence And brought me To your home And you loved me But you left me All alone And you left me To die So now you know Where you going, my sweet darling With your head above the clouds When I told you that I loved you Well, you left me locked up in the pound Now I was just a lonely doll walking down the road Yeah, you picked me up outside your fence and brought me to your home And you loved me, but you left me all alone There you go. Rich Sheldon from Rich Sheldon Music right there. From Rich Sheldon Music right there. Uh, Rich, now, you, um, like I said, people can catch you at richsheldonmusic.com And where else? On Twitter? On Facebook? YouTube. YouTube? Got some stuff. I put out some funny videos on YouTube before. What's your, what's, yeah, so you've been, you kind of mix comedy with music, right? Sometimes, yeah, definitely. Where does that come from? Are you just a... I love comedy. Yeah? Yeah. I mean, one of my biggest comedic heroes is Bill Hicks. Yeah. I love Bill Hicks. Yeah. Oh, he's great. And, uh, I wrote a song. I wrote a song about him once, but I cannot remember how to play it right now. Because you walked in here and you saw the Bill Hicks poster in the picture and you're like, wow. Yeah, and I got a chance to meet his brother and his mother and his friend, Kevin. And, uh, I was a huge fanatical fan. I even did like a Ouija board one time. Wow. Trying to summon Bill Hicks. Wow. That's intense. That's, that's creepy. That's dedication. Well, I'm just surprised that, that, uh, Bill Hicks has people who care about him. No, I'm kidding. No, he's great, but he's not the way he was. But, um, did you, no. He's sarcastic. He's very sarcastic. He was great, though. I loved his bit. He did this bit about if you work in marketing or advertising, go kill yourselves. And then they all laugh and he goes, no, seriously, go fucking kill yourself. Go do it. Shit. Um, the pride of Houston, Texas right there. Uh, let me ask you, did you, are you from Houston or where are you from originally? Oh, no, I'm from Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Yeah. Great city. But I lived in Florida for a little bit. Redneck Riviera. Yeah. Where's that? Florida State. Florida State. What? Did you go to Florida State? Yeah. Yes. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. This is why I don't read bios, because I enjoy the excitement of just learning. That's a great, that's a great surprise. We all went there. Yeah, no, we all, uh, three of us went there. Really? Yeah. That's awesome. Me, Jake, and, and the guy, the breasted guy in the corner. Do you know where the Players Club is? What's that? The Players Club in the apartment complex. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to, I used to live in there. Oh, wow. Wow. So do you, so you did music at like Potbelly's and all this? Well, I hung out at Potbelly's, but I went to, uh, I did music at this place called the West End Tavern, which is like down the street. It was like this old dive bar. Yeah. Down, just down the street, right near, uh, what is it? Publix. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Pub Club. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was fun. I had a great time in Florida. Yeah. Are you from, Casey, are you from there too? No. Very proud? I, uh, I'm from the Bay Area. Oh, okay. You're from the Bay Area. Yeah. And you play music as well, right? Very, very different. Um, I do. I sing with Rich mostly. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. You're, you're part of, uh, you're part of the band, right? I'm part of the Rich Sheldon band. The Rich Sheldon band. Um. The Missing Link. That's awesome. Now, um, Rich, I, I, first of all, this is kind of a question first for you and then a follow up with, uh, Casey. And by the way, if you, if you're, you're listening to Sarcastic News Live at the Skid Row Studios, and if you don't know, it's hot as balls in here right now. Yeah. I told, I told Casey before, and I'm like, you're wearing a leather jacket. That. I know. I'm, I'm contemplating the removal of things. Take it off. Yeah. I'll get cameras all in this place. Um, well, actually, before I get to you, we do have a caller, so I don't know if they're calling in yet about, about the, you guys ready to take this? You're calling the Sarcastic News Live, uh, hot mess, Jacket Locks hot mess phone line. Who am I talking to here? Justin. Yeah, that's my name. Yeah. Yeah. It's Jordan. Jordan. Oh, Jordan Lycover. Oh. Oh. Well, this comedian Jordan Lycover. Uh, Jordan. How you doing? Doing awesome. Doing awesome. Uh, he's going to be joining us for the snake game. Now, Jordan, if you can hold on just for a couple more minutes, uh, we're going to be, uh, we'll be right back and do the snake game. Um, so, uh, just, uh, you're, you, you, you got in a little early. You're premature. A little premature. That's my reputation. Uh, all right. So, so we're going to join, we're going to keep him on the line and then we'll come right back. I want to ask, uh, first of all, Rich, um, are you, or are you not? Be honest. Are you, are you not a better guitarist slash singer, songwriter slash lovemaker than John Mayer? Uh. In that order. I don't know. Casey, you may want to answer the latter part. That's a tall order. I, I don't know. I can't. He's a tall guy. He's, I, he's obviously, you know, he's better because he's, he's famous. He does like this thing with his face. Oh, yeah. When he sings. He does? Yeah. That doesn't bode well. Not good. Well, now, how did you, how did you get started in music? You started playing in Tallahassee, right? And did, were you playing? Were you playing in high school before that or was it? Not really. Just a little bit. It was like some, some guitar lessons, but I started to play a lot in, at Florida State. Yeah. Was where I picked it up and I got really into the Grateful Dead. That was like my favorite band at the time. And that was, at that time when I went to Florida State, that's when Dave Matthews band was becoming popular. So that kind of gives away my age a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, Blues Traveler and like all those bands were starting to get big. Oh, yeah. That's funny. That's the nineties, baby. The Spin Doctors. The Spin Doctors. Yeah. Yeah. Two princes. Wow. Well, you, you look like you're twenties. I'll take it. Thank you. That's, that's a, wow. That's a, wow. This is a good nineties era right there. I love it. And you play a lot of like singer songwriter stuff and you sound, you do sound a little bit like Bob Dylan. You sound like you've got that, that sound. I love Bob Dylan's music. Just maybe it's just me, but I don't know. No, I agree. And it's, uh, something that, that, that type of music I love. Do you get comparisons to those types of musicians at all? Sometimes. We have a friend that actually does a Bob Dylan act. He does a whole Bob Dylan act and Casey sings in that band and does the Joan Baez parts. Really? And I've played guitar in that band before. And we all three have a trio that we perform with. Oh yeah, we did a whole trio last year. We went to Nashville and we, we toured all around. We played on a radio station there and. That's the radio station from before. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Well, this is your first internet radio. Oh yeah. Which doesn't get bigger than that guys. Doesn't get better than that and bigger than that. Um, where do you get your. I told you guys earlier, I get my musical inspiration from the adult alternative station. I was thinking adult, something else. Oh yeah, that's where Eric gets his from. Um, where, where, where did you get your inspiration from? What'd you say? What, what kind of musicians do you look up to? Well, Bob Dylan for sure. Like he's amazing. And, uh, the Beatles, Bob Marley. Yeah. The Grateful Dead, Phish. I mean, it's a lot of. Wow. I like the older stuff than I do. I like the newer stuff. I don't, there's not, I don't really identify with it so much. Huh? Yeah. No, I, I, I feel like I'm the same. I, I stopped, literally my music stops. My music comprehension starts, stops at like 1998. Like that's it. You just named my favorite three bands. Like if you threw Counting Crows and Toad the Wet Sprocket in there, I may. Counting Crows are awesome. I may break up you guys and just date you. I mean, seriously. That's my kind of stuff right there. Um, now I want to come back. We're gonna do a couple more questions, but I know we have the Snake Game coming up soon. And, and do we have. Mindy, do we have the, the Snake Game theme song? Okay, let's go ahead and let's get hit this song and then we're going to bring in Jordan here. That's intrepid right there. And joining us via the Jack in the Box hot mess phone line for the Sarcastic News Live Snake Game. Jordan Lycover. Jordan, he's a comedian here in LA. Thanks so much for, for hanging on the line with us. Hey. Thanks for having me. Yeah, we're, we're glad that you're here with us. And we got a packed crowd in, uh, in the studio tonight. It is 90, 95 degrees, I'd say, in here. It's a little warm. Yeah, it sounds like you turn up the heat when there's a female guest in there so that they have to get naked. Is that what happens? That's purpose. That's on purpose, yeah. Well, we don't get many of them. And, uh, usually we're in here playing Limp Bizkit. So, like. Oh, no, no. Having, having a lady. We got a lady in the house. Lock the door. I mean, she's with a guy. It doesn't matter. We'll convince him. Um. I don't know. I sound like such a creep. Skid Row. Skid Row. Your guys are the least creepiest show when it comes to naked ladies in the studio. You hear that? Yeah. That's right. They usually. I was telling these guys. There ain't no fisting going on on sarcastic. No. Yet. Not yet. Not yet. Ginger Lynn is on our show next week. Really? Oh, I'm excited. She's a call-in, but. All right. We're, we're, we're getting away from it. We're playing it loose tonight. Yeah. Uh. By the way. Yeah. Usually. I told these guys. Usually this place is all just, it's just saran wrap all over the studio. So that way it's, it's sanitary. But, uh. Now the snake game. Take it away, snake. Yeah. So for those that are new to the snake game, it's very simple. I'm going to, uh. It's quotes from the week in news. I'm going to say a quote and then I'll give you two choices as to who said that quote. And let's decide here who we're playing for tonight. Snake. Let's real quick. Cause Mindy, I think we have one more caller. Can we pipe them? Can we do two callers here? I think we got. We'll have another comedian. We'll have. So Val will be, is joining us here. We're going to have to have you guys do teams. Yeah. We're gonna have to do teams. There's just too many to keep track of. I think we should go in studio versus out. Okay. Yeah. That's fair. That's fair. And we'll play for a charity here. Mindy, you got that or no? No. I'm trying, but it's not working as planned. Okay. All right. Well, we will. So Jordan, you're going to represent the out of studio folks. Everybody. Everybody against Jordan. I'll be on. I'll be on. I'll be on. I'll be on Jordan's team until we get, get web piped in here. So Jordan and I versus the in studio folks. So Jake, the snake, take it away. All right, let's do this. Quote number one from the week in news. You know, we got a rule about messing with people from Texas. Ooh. Was that a Texas Senator Ted Cruz after his success in the first primary or B a quote from the new movie Transformers four. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Um, that sounds like classic Michael Bay to me. That's Transformers. That's Transformers. All right. Yeah, I don't, I'm not going to take a hard line right now because I don't know for sure if it's Ted Cruz. I want to say it's the Cruz missile, but I'm not positive. So, yeah, I think that's a good call. We'll go, our team will go, you know, movie. All right. Team in studio, are you going to go with the Transformers or are you going to rock the boat here and go Ted Cruz? Ted Cruz. Ted Cruz. All right. First point. You guys don't get voices. Just nod. All right. That was a quote from the new Transformers. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't like over. It was too good to be true. It's comedic. I know my Michael Bay, god damn it. We let you have that one. But it very well could have been Ted Cruz. Yeah. Quote number two. You have to show me the fool that says dreams don't come true. Was that A? My father. Was that A? Absolutely. Was it A. Alan Iverson after having his jersey retired by the 76ers, or B. Lupita Nyong'o after winning an Oscar for 12 years a slave? You guys have honors because you are losers. I think it's the jersey guy. The male. The male. The male party of this double equation. Yeah. We're thinking Iverson on this one. I think it's AI. AI. Sounds good. All right. They're going to go basketball player, Jordan. What do you want to do here? Let's go with the Oscar winner Even though I didn't watch That sounds like an Oscar winner to me Alright, let's do it Okay, happy to announce We have a tie now That was Allen Iverson And I think since Since it's evenly split I think you brought it up We gotta play for charity Each time, guys, we play for charity And we usually donate beer So, Jordan Do you have a charitable foundation Everyone knows who I usually play for But do you have a charitable foundation You want to play for today? Yeah, I do I want to play for the society To keep air conditioning out of the sarcastic news studios Yeah, well you're doing a good job So far I have a lot of lower back sweat going on right now My brow is moist Alright, so we're going to be playing for the ACI As everyone knows Which, by the way Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh! Alright, so we're going to be playing for the ACI As everyone knows Which, by the way Uh Lady I met She told me recently That the Boys and Girls Club of Tijuana Which is the foundation I usually play for The Boys and Girls Club of Tijuana Is actually a real foundation Oh my god Oh no We're going to need to make a trip down there at some point They got Good kids They got a truckload of natty light going their way So Uh Who are you going to be playing for? guys playing for who are we playing for guys wow i mean the indecision club of america i thought it was uh okay all right you guys take we'll take the air conditioning you take the tijuana you guys have tijuana we'll take tijuana all right quote number three nobody said it looked terrible was that a lebron james on his black face mask or b julia roberts on her unflattering dress at the oscars oh wow was she wearing a meat dress she was wearing the pizza actually yeah she was wearing the pizza all right we get to go first because we're losers jordan what do you think can i say that it was julia roberts on her white face mask um i said it's lebron that i'll i'll i'll go i'll go lebron i'll go lebron what do you guys want to do julia or lebron lebron okay there it is ladies first ladies first consensus on lebron correct answer is lebron yeah all right we're all nodded we're all tied heading into the last quote here okay this is for this is for all the marvels i'm rooting for those boys and girls of tijuana they really deserve it they need it all right let's go here we go let's do it i was so nervous and uncomfortable was that a it could be anybody all right i know that's the point of the quote yeah was that a yeah mila kunis on working with her new fiance ashton kutcher or b british foreign secretary william haig on visiting kiev ukraine oh wow two very different answers uh what do you guys go you guys pick it kiev yeah it's gotta be kiev yeah yeah yeah i mean kiev kevin kevin said four words him and jp jp's just in the corner like he's in time out over there he's always just doing just shaking his tits back and forth like it's always been doing over there all right so they're going with uh ukraine jordan it's definitely kunis i mean it's definitely what kunis oh kunis ashton kutcher he's a prankster he did that punk show i feel like at some point he's going to turn out and announce that their entire engagement is a punk stunt wouldn't wouldn't be surprising all right let's go we're gonna go kunis all right correct answer mila kunis jordan thanks for uh carrying justin along there you have won won the game we will no longer have air conditioning but we didn't in the first place so really everyone loses there all right uh it's jordan like over uh la based comedian and you can catch jordan where jordan Where can people see you, watch you, find you? Let's talk you. I was at the Panini Garden tonight. I don't mean to brag. It's a coffee shop on Main Street. Nice. And that's your show, right? You host that one. No, he actually wasn't performing. He just got a panini and hanging out. I was just there for the panini and the garden. Yeah. Well, you can, Jordan's a very funny man. I saw him last night down at a pizza shop in Hermosa. So we've got that corner staked out right there. The coffee pizza combo. Jordan, thanks so much for joining us tonight. Yeah, thanks, guys. Jordan Lykover, L.A.-based comedian. And Wub, I'm sorry if we missed you, comedian Wub Savelle. We apologize. We're going to get you on next week. So he's a very funny man. Check him out at wubsavelle.com. I don't know. I'm guessing. We're going to get you on next week. We're coming down. We've got about eight minutes left. And I want to catch up a little bit more with Rich. But do you have one more song you can play us? Yeah, sure. Okay. So, yeah, we'll do a quick song here. And then we'll ask you a few more questions before you head out here. You guys are listening to Sarcastic News Live. Check us out at SNLive1 on Twitter, at SNLive1. We're up to about 7,500 Twitter followers. We've also got, yeah, we're over 7,500 now. And also, sarcasticnewslive.com. Fresh new content coming out. A lot of the bits that we do, the interviews, and the stuff that we do goes right onto the website, sarcasticnewslive.com. And check out Skid Row Studios. They've got a lot of fun shows, including mostly porn. So check that out. And our next song, Rich, what song is this called? You're Not Welcome Around Here. You're Not Welcome Around Here. That's straight up Tallahassee, Florida right there. Check them out, richsheldonmusic.com. Rich Sheldon from the Rich Sheldon Band. Here he is. You're not. What is it? You're not welcome. You're not welcome. You're not welcome around here. You're not welcome around here. Well, I'm sick of your shit. I don't want no more. You can show your ass out my front door with your two-faced ways. That's a fact. So won't you keep on walking and don't look back because you're not welcome around here. You're not welcome around here. You're not welcome around here. No more. Well, I gave you everything but the shirt off my back. But you took that, too, because you got no tack. Heard you've been hanging with my ex-friends. Will you turn your back on me? Well, I'm sick of your shit. Well, I'm sick of your shit. deserve each other till the bitter end and so you're not welcome around here you're not welcome around here no more well i hope someday that you see the light with your head in sand and your eyes closed tight well nothing can save you from your own damn self you're your worst enemy and nobody else but still i got to say you're not welcome around here you're not welcome around here no more that's when you know i ended it because i hit the guitar real hard it's over guys i don't know if you can tell it's fucking over uh that's rich sheldon from rich sheldon band and uh you can check them out richsheldonmusic.com and uh rich i just want to know first of all how did you guys because how did is it was it your band or was it just i mean you said you got started in tallahassee and then you came out here and everything did the band kind of form around you when you got here did it was it kind of an organic thing or was it one of those where you were looking for other people yeah well i had a we had a name for it before we call it you know i had i because i didn't want to use my name wanted to have a name but then after uh the band broke up then i was like you know hey this is rich sheldon from the so-and-so band so and i had to like go and re-establish all those contacts so i was like fuck it i'm just gonna just use my name because you know then my name's there and then i don't have to like say i'm somebody else if the band breaks up right so it was just a business move basically and it works you know yeah well it's it's is it just you know people ever do people ever ask you like oh is this like uh like the dave matthews band you know like it's the same kind of concept with like the rich sheldon but you know yeah i mean it is just song singer singer songwriter fronting a band and they just hold up a shot glass like class of 96 motherfuckers you know we're always thinking we're trying to always think of names the guys like they don't want to have that as a name and and i actually have like probably like you know rosters i have like three bands that you know because i play so much so it's one of the bands we call it the mutiny and uh another the other guys were just the rich sheldon band and the grumbling tummies oh really that's a band well that's what that's what the keyboard player he wants he wants to hatch he wants to uh call he's always wanted to call the band the grumbling tummies like that sounds kind of like the wiggles or what is that yeah well it's kind of adorable right there like positive positive feedback you should have i was gonna say you have small children with you but that's not true i don't have any children with me i don't have that would be weird um that would be that would be like my band um no what do you think of the casual encounters ah well you could just call it craigslist um that could be your other name right there uh no i i've well as somebody who's had a few of those off of craigslist um and you know what they're not that shady guys okay all right i mean backpage.com that shim's shady shit okay but i i know a little bit too much about these websites i'm gonna tell you right now uh i had this question for you if you could smoke pot with one musician from the 60s who would it be which band jim morrison that's pretty good right i did not expect that answer that's a damn good answer i don't even know i guess he smoked yeah he did definitely jim morrison definitely jim that's a good answer all right in new york or l.a which which uh because you know you have the grinch village scene or l.a okay venice beach venice beach yeah uh and and where can people go check and obviously we talked about your website um but where uh where can people actually go and watch you here in l.a or outside of l.a i'm playing all over the place usually if uh let's see this weekend i'm playing at the melody bar and patrick moore is doing two shows and on saturday oh wow uh four o'clock at patrick moore's in hermosa beach and then 10 o'clock at the melody bar which is right by l.a x on sepulveda boulevard and then uh i do uh the second wednesday of every month i do a songwriters night so if you know any songwriters and musicians that want to come down yeah i host that i only know people who like to cry a lot so very well they could be songwriting well have them come down so we need people down there so it's uh that's o'brien's pub on main street in santa monica oh nice i play at a lot of hennessy's you know where hennessy's is i was just gonna say you play like every white guy venue out there yeah someone told me that you play at a lot of hennessy's you know where hennessy's is like that once that i this this was back in the days of myspace i got like really pissed off with uh one of the bartenders this is one places i played so i went and i kind of like on the comments you know like the comment section of myspace it was like you could vent on there so i was like the bartender's a cunt so like nice so then they saw for some reason or another i was friends with one of the waitresses and she saw it and then she told the bar and like the bar was like you know one of the one of my band members called me and was like hey man what did you say about them on myspace because they're waiting for you to come down and i was like oh my god i'm gonna go to waiting down here for you to show up at this gig and i was like i was like oh i said the bartender's a cunt and so like and they're like well you better not come down here because they're all like want to kick your ass and so like i didn't go down that day and then um i don't even know why i fucking got into that story i'm glad you did man i'm glad you did uh we gotta get out of here guys but uh check him out at rich sheldon music.com rich sheldon from the rich sheldon band he uh he's gonna be all over the place this weekend down in hermosa and main street check out his website uh thank you so much for watching and i'll see you next time for joining us tonight we got uh for jake the snake cranny eric feldstein uh kevin casey the guy with the boobs in the corner jp thanks for joining us guys uh very much mini in the back have a good night you've been listening to sarcastic news live see i've been here for 28 years beneath these wheels tattooed lines beneath our skin no surrender my bobby jean