Episode

I ain't doing nothing but talking shit. Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along. Ow. I ain't doing nothing but talking shit. Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way motherfucking long. Make me say ow. Na-na-na-na. What's proper, y'all? The bigger dicker. The pancake flipper. The boom-stickity-boom-stickity-boom-stickity-sticker. The boogie flipper. The windshield wiper for your ear master. The cam crunch that will steal you from disaster. Yo, you got too many cracks on your wall, you need plaster. Get with the program, you drinking 30-year-old, you root beer shasta. You think I'm lying? Stop trying. Pay attention and you could go far if you stay tuned to the N, the P, and the motherfucking R. That's right. You know what I'm saying? That's right. That's right. That's right. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I'm your host, Nestor Rodriguez, a.k.a. Nestorius Nestorifico. Nester the P to the don't stop my motherfucking stereo. Know what I'm saying? Popping shit out your ear, put them on me, you asshole. Know what I mean? That's my co-host right there. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. The motherfuckin' cigar superstar. You know what I'm sayin'? The studio city baller. The shot caller. The boom-basticle. The boom-baller. The don't stop your sisters on the lala. You know what I mean? That's the S, the I, the M-O-N, also known as the Simon, the Simon, the Jewish friend. Know what I mean? Yo, I'm comin' to bring a little flavor for you. Little, you know, bring that, uh, you know, that, uh, West Coast, Seattle, Pacific Northwest, Jew-style cut of motherfucker from the gutter shit. You know what I'm sayin'? Bringin' some arroz con pollo. You know what I mean? Yo. Aguacate and all that shit. Yo, I dropped the hummus for all you motherfuckers. Yo, let's not forget my main man right there, the wigger jigger, the fuckin'... The redhead sniffer. The redhead flipper. You know what I'm sayin'? Yo, the red snapper rapper. You know, Rich Corbin. What's up, everybody? What's up, y'all? What's goin' on? I ain't got no rhymes cause I ain't got no time. I'll be busy on my iPad makin' it fly. You know what I'm sayin'? Word. Word. To your mother. Yeah, so I'm just, you know, I'm just gonna have a little fun here. We're gonna have a... Welcome to the Necessarious Public Radio Show. If you're a regular, we love you. You know what I'm sayin'? Big up to all you regulars and shit. You know what I mean? To all you subscribers and all that stuff. To all you regulars. Hey, man. Ya bomba Clyde, ya pussy Clyde, man. If you just stumble upon us, man, get some waxing, salt your ear, put them in your bong. You know what I'm sayin'? Exhale. You know what I'm sayin', man? Yeah, so if you're stumblin' on us for the first time because you saw the logo and you thought you were listenin' to the real national public radio, well, this is like national public radio, but from the ghetto. You know what I'm sayin'? We're bringin' the motherfuckin' street corner to your ear. Ear. Ear. Ear. Ear. Ear. Ear. You know what I'm sayin'? That's what we're doin' here. We just like to have fun and all that shit. If you're listenin' to us live, 1-800-893-9562 is the number to set your mind free. 1-800-893-9562. I know there might be one or two of you out there. And I just wanna say right off the top, if you're listenin' to the show and you like the show, go on iTunes if you're not already on iTunes. Subscribe to the shit. Let me break it down to you. Let me break it down. Yo, yo, break it down. Break it down. Yo, yo, yo, yo. Let me break it down to you. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit on the mic. Yo, show them how you gonna break it down, yo. I'm gonna break it down like this, right? So you gotta turn your iTunes joint on. You know what I mean? It's a program. It's on your computer. It might be even on your phone. Know what I mean? But what you need to do. Yo, you're a genius. Yo, yo, yo, check it, yo. Don't hold me back, yo. You're an Apple genius, bro. Yo, don't hold me back. Don't hold me back. I'm gonna get crazy on you. Show them what you do. Yo, I'm gonna go buck wild. I'm gonna go buck wild now. Can you imagine Nestor as like an Apple store technician in like the Bronx? Oh, excuse me. I'm a Columbia student. I have this, how do I subscribe to this podcast? Yo, what you gotta do. No, so seriously, so you go to your preferences. You go to your preferences on iTunes. A lot of people don't know this, right? You go to your preferences and you set automatically download new podcast. Yeah, automatic. Systematic. No, because a lot of people think that just because they subscribe that it's automatically. Well, I don't get the new podcast. And then just because you got that shit on automatic download new podcast, you got to remember to turn on your iTunes every once in a while. You know what I mean? You gotta listen to the podcast shit fucks. Yeah, once a week at least. Listen to the cock shotgun fucking podcast because we're trying to put stuff out there for you and if you don't listen, what the hell? The name was Hugo. We got juice. You know what I'm saying? Yo, we got juice for you. Yeah. Three's company too. Come and knock on my door. We've been waiting for you. Come and knock on my door. Come and knock on my door. Come and knock on my pillow. Pooley P3 is company too. We have Rich and Simon and Nestor in studio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was just thinking about this shit, Simon. I was thinking about this shit. When I was going up the elevator here, I was thinking how, A, we've been getting a little too serious on the Nestorius public radio show. Yeah. Just a little too. Imposible. You know, we're trying to find the balance. You know what I mean? Which is cool. We bring the balance to the force. A little too heady a little too serious. So I was thinking, you know, I want to bring some fruity flavor to this motherfucker. You know what I mean? Tonight. And, you know, blend it all in like a smoothie. You know what I mean? Like a smoothie. Like a 2% whole milk concoction. Right, right. Steam foamed frothy. Right, right. Fucking mixed in. Like a blueberry smoothie, mate. Yeah. Like three bananas, couple of points of blueberries, some protein powder, and a little smoothie. Yo, paraben free, non-GMO for all you motherfuckers, pimps and hoes. Anyway, so, I was thinking, seriously, how last week or the week before I had to urinate. We're on the street. And, you know, I have many different ways that if I have to urinate, I just take care of business. And I can do it in a very discreet and circumspect way while I'm on the street. Right. For instance, one of my go-to methods is I'll whip it out and just let it lay there in between the fully zipped slither in my pants. Right? Just let it there. The dick slot. The dick slot. The dick slot. And I won't touch my dick because obviously, you know, your dick will just hang there and it'll urinate wherever you let it to, right, if you're trained, right? So, with my other hand, I put the phone to my ear as if I'm having a conversation, right? Let's say my left hand is holding the ear, the phone to my ear. Then the right hand, mind you, I'm not touching the schwanker. No. Right? The right hand, I'm making motions like a Puerto Rican would if he was talking on the phone. So, they're looking up top. They're looking up top. And since this is not a pedestrian society, most cars will go right by. They won't even see you. Yeah. You know what I mean? They don't know that you're fucking taking care of business. Well, that's like a magic trick. That's a magic trick. That's an illusion. That's like, what is that? Distraction? Well, that's, what do they call it? Here's the other thing. Next on Nestor's Magic Tricks. Magic, magic tricks. I'm available to come to your birthday parties for you and your children. Next on Nestor's Magic Trick Kingdom. All right, boys and girls. Listen, kids. If you're having a problem with your parents, don't worry about it. Once they leave the room, you tune in and I'll show you how to get rid of them forever. Okay? So, so the other thing, the other thing is that so I, usually I have a cup or a bottle, right? Because usually if you fucking got to pee often, something, there's a culprit, right? It's usually a bottle of water or a cup. So I had a plastic cup last week and I said, yo, I got to pee. So I stood by a flower pot and I urinated because we're in downtown LA. A pedestrian, pedestrian community and I urinated in the plastic cup. But see, I'm an eco-friendly type of dude, right? Yeah. So I took the, the, the cup that was full with, you know, the wasted vitamins and minerals that I had ingested all day and I poured it into the planter but I didn't want to just throw out the plastic cup. I wanted to take the cup with me and Simon was driving and he turned all pussified on me. He's like, yo, dude, you can't come into my car with a plastic cup. You can't come with a plastic cup that you just urinated. Yo, dude. All right. I'm going to have to take his back on this one. You start, you start and then I'm going to come in. No, no, no. First of all, I'm going to have to back up Simon on this. First of all, I don't even want to think about anybody's urine. I don't like to think about if somebody has urine in their bladder sitting in my car. There's no urine. I don't like to think about that. There's no urine. All right, listen, bro. This ain't, this isn't the Congo. So you would lick the inside of the cup. Hold on. No one's talking about licking no cup. I was taking the cup fully in my hand, emptied. It was empty. There's no urine and I was going to go home. When I got home, I was going to take the cup and I was going to put it in the recycling bin. My, nothing was going to touch your fucking car. No, no, you're right. When you were in the Peace Corps when you were younger, that might have been a viable fucking thing that you could do is to save your pee cup so that you can piss during the monsoon and locust season. But right now, we're in motherfucking downtown Los Angeles. I drive a Honda Accord V6 with leather seats. I don't need your pissy cup in my goddamn car. You throw it. I don't care. You know what? I hope a fucking throw it. I hope a bird dies with your pissy cup and you feel better after that shit. That's Nestor's response. Nestor's response is in music. So check this out. So I'm going to flip the shit on you, all right? You want to muck? Oh, flip. Yo, you're going to flip it? I'm going to flip it. What? How are you going to flip that? No, no, no. So, so, so, so, fast forward four fucking nights later, this mama guevo comes to my motherfucking house and he's got to urinate, right? So he urinates in my motherfucking backyard because I got drains all over, strategically planned all over the place, but check it. You didn't let him use the bathroom? Well, the bathroom was occupied. There was another time. Oh, okay. He didn't let me use the bathroom. He didn't let me pee where I wanted to pee, by the bushes. Did he give you a cup? No, the wife was in the bathtub, dude, so she couldn't, yeah, it was not a, convenience time. Right, right, right. So his big thing was, his big thing was, yo, yo, yo, don't touch me, man. You touched that cup, it's got urine, don't touch me, man. So, what happens after he urinates in my backyard? What does he do? Shake your hand? He shakes my motherfucking hand. You're a douchebag, I just want to tell you that. I would say something. I would say something. No, because the next time you drive to LA, I'm not urinating in a cup. I'm going to wait until I get in your backseat and I'm going to whip my dick out and I'm going to I'm going to pee in between your fucking backseat slots. Let me tell you something. Let me ask you something. That's what I'm going to do. The dick a whipper. The dick a whipper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm going to do. Your backseat sipper. You know what I'm going to do? So you can just suck my cock. That's what I'm going to do. Let me ask you something. You think I want to shake your hand? You think that's like what I want to do when I'm around you? You think I'm like, oh, let me shake this fuck's hand? I don't really give a shit what you think, what you want to do. I'm just flipping it to you. That's all. Because you really, you turned into the wicked fucking jish. The wicked jish, because you're a Jew. The wicked jish of the West. Dude. Yeah, and you know what you do to get rid? That was a good one. You know how you kill a wicked jish or whatever the fuck? You know how you kill it? You urinate on him. You dump a cup of urine on him and then you're melting. You urinate on him. That's why he's so worried for his dad about piss. I'm trying to do things. It's a nice car. I don't need you bringing your urine cup. Yeah. You know, you fuck. It's a small size. He's got a lot of asparagus and he's fucking. Simon Kaufman, afraid of urine. How does he touch his own pecker when he needs to pee? Oh my God. I just needed to bring, I was just thinking about that. You know how you get recall? Like this had nothing to do with the show. Actually, none of this had none, but it was something that needed to be addressed. Am I wrong? Well, I think I pretty, pretty much handled it. Yeah, you handled it. You handled it. You're not driving, so it doesn't matter. So anyway, so we were discussing earlier today, this knucklehead, Cliven Bundy. You know who that guy is? Oh, he's my hero. Cliven Bundy. Oh, he's my hero. He's an interesting guy. No, he's an interesting guy. No, he's an interesting guy because when I first found out about him, I thought, huh, that's interesting, right? Like somebody saying, fuck you to the government. I'm not going to pay any taxes. This is, this is my land. This land is your land. This land is my land. From New York Island to the New York. I got a shotgun and you ain't got one. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I'm all for that. I'm interested in that stuff. But for those of you that don't know who he is, because I know some of our, I mean, some of our listeners may not be up on every fucking thing. That's why you're listening to NPR. That's right. Ladies and gentlemen, tuning in to NPR. The Nestorius Public Radio. What voice is that? Hi, little girl. If you're tuning in. Would you like some ice cream? If you're tuning in now, the reason you're tuning in is because you have space in your brain cavity, enough space to fill it with some knowledge. That's right, kids. Knowledge. So, drop, drop in science. So, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, drop. Me and Simon Simon going one on one. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, drop, don't, don't, what? Drop in science. That's a hip hop term. That's a hip hop reference. Most people won't know about that. Craig Mack. No, that wasn't Craig Mack. That's Craig G. Anyway, that's 1980s hip hop. Never mind. So, so, so what do you guys know about the Clive and Bundy? Besides the obvious, the man had like 300 cattle and he's been grazing. Not much because I mean, other than, you know, his family has been grazing the, the, the land, you know, forever. So they say, so they say. He's got some kind of eminent domain because of, but basically because of the history of, of, of all that. Right, right. Well, no way. It's in Nevada. It's in Nevada. So his argument is that Nevada does not belong to the government. Federal, the Nevada, is not federal government's property. Right. Right. I get that. But he says my family, you know, his, his whole point is when he, his rhetoric is my family has been grazing on this land since the 18, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's what he starts off with on that. So, you know, there isn't much about his private life or anything that, because they keep focusing on that and they're focusing on the stupid shit. He says, well, he was breaking the law. He was breaking the law. Right. Because the law says everybody's got to pay tax to the government. If you use their property. Yeah. The law says, go fuck yourself. Right. So he didn't want to deal with the law. He'd already lost court. For 20, for 20 years to collect for 20 years, for 20 years, pay the government for 20 years. Yeah. You know, if it was a white, you know, if it was a black dude, it'd be like, yo, that's the case. I'm going to stay paying taxes. Cause I, yo, nigga, you need to pay your motherfucking taxes. You know, unbelievable. He 20 years Puerto Rican. They would have pulled his motherfucking ass out off the farm, buy that. The hair fucking ran his face through all the shit from all the cows beat his ass. Yeah. So anyway, so let me read a couple of things that a couple of anecdotes that some of the reporters throughout the cyber waves of the, what do you call it? E-zines and whatnot have said and written. So it could have been a catastrophe because as you know, um, the federal government, the federal government went in there full regalia ready to shoot everybody. But then there was a standoff. Yeah. They, they, they, they forgot that rednecks have guns too. Yeah. And usually have better guns. Yeah. The people that they bring in. These are the second amendment, right? Fucking, you know, conservatives, right? Yeah. Yeah. Look, I agree. I mean, I have a gun. I think people should be able to bear arms. I think people should, should bear arms. I think people should just, I should have rifles. They should have, I think people should learn how to use their arms to write and fucking know what the fuck they're doing. They should, they should. But you know, that's just my, that's my point of view. Anyway, anyway, so it could have been a catastrophe. He said, Alex Altman in time.com, hundreds of heavily armed anti-government protesters took up sniper positions last week behind barricades and pointed their weapons at federal official officials who'd come to seize 400 cattle at an arid ranch in Bunkerville, Nevada. The armed rebels were nursing a seemingly, uh, bottomless grudge against the government with some vowing to use women as human shields. Yes. These brave, brave men, these Patriots, should a firefight break out. These tea party Patriots, these, right. You know, right. Valor men of valor. So to avert another Waco or Ruby Ridge, federal officials back down, right? Uh, which Fox news, uh, Tia, uh, uh, T Cliven Bundy, man of 68, an ornery desert, rancher who owes the federal government, uh, uh, hold on a second. I fucked that up. Um, oh, let's say, uh, yeah. So let me go back to that with, with the direct to avert another Waco or Ruby Ridge federal officials back down, which Fox news tea party leaders and, uh, some other conservatives celebrated as a great victory. Their hero is one Cliven Bundy, 68, an ornery desert rancher who owes the federal government $1 million. Uh, $1 million in unpaid fees, $1 million in unpaid fees and fines for grazing his cattle on public land over the last two decades. Now Bundy refuses to pay or surrender. So it's basically stealing. Bundy refuses to pay or surrender some cattle as compensation, despite losing multiple court challenges. How many fucking cattle can you fucking surrender? Yeah. To, to, to add up to $1 million. He's got a lot of cows. I mean, but I'm saying, do these cattle shoot out golden eggs or something? Can you fuck one of them? That was probably a thousand bucks, right? Wouldn't you think? I don't know. I have no idea. A thousand bucks. I think you think, I don't know. You can make a lot more money than, you know, you can make a lot more money off a cow. No, I don't think a cow. I'm going to find out how much a cow is. I'm going to find out. You guys go to eBay. I got five on it. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to go on Craigslist. Craigslist is a contest. We're going to have a better scope. Nestor is public radio cow. While you're doing that, let me continue what this guy says. Okay. He insists that the federal government has no authority over Nevada's land. Imagine if hundreds of black Panthers pointed guns at cops, trying to carry out a lawful, a lawful eviction in the inner city, said Timothy Egan in newyorktimes.com. Do you think right wing media would be cheering the outlaws? Something's seriously wrong. When conservatives cheer on, when, when conservatives cheer on the worst of the gun waving far, right? Well, yeah, I mean, they're so far gone. There's a, the problem, I mean, there's a segment of our government, they're just gone. They're just not, they're not there. There is just so divided. And, um, that's why I think we need a new reality show where we pit conservative against liberals like the hunger games and bikinis. No, no, no, no, no. No. I like the hunger games. You watch the hunger, hunger games. And we, yeah, I'm saying, I'm saying we're coming to a point in our society where fuck C-span. We need these guys to like fight like gladiator style, like Clive and Bundy's against like, you know, like we need to start picking these people and putting them in gearing them for real battles. Like, let's take these like rebels and put them up against, uh, who, who put them up against like, you know, like, These are new sound effects. Are you going to try them out on the sides? No, no. What, did you get a new Casio keyboard you're trying to play with? Let me just tell you. A cow? Yes. A cow, net income over the life of a cow, $2,582. $2,582? So he would have to, it's like this crazy calculation. Well, how much is it? Well, look, $910. If this was Price is Right, I would get the fucking thing. I said $910. I said $910, he was $1,000. I'm surprised. Yeah, dude. I'm saying a cow doesn't cost that much. I would totally win. You win some metrosexual water. Okay, so $900, let's call it $1,000. Okay, let's call it $1,000. Yo, I got some guys around the way, they're selling cows two for eight. How many head does he need? How many head of cattle does he need? I'm going to tell you right now. About what, $10,000? He's going to need 100,000 cows. 100,000. A man likes milk, now he owns a million cows. You know what? Just for that, I'm going to find that track, because that's a good track. Tell me that I'm dreaming. Hook it up. YouTube. Oh, you want me to find it? Yes, YouTube. Tell me that I'm dreaming. Was not was. Actually, you know what? I'll get it. Actually, I don't have internet over here. What's the internet? Skid Row Wireless? Yeah. What's the password? You want the password? Yeah. Devil lock. Oh, got it. Got it. So anybody who's listening. No, I got a new computer. I got a new computer. Now knows that if you want free Wi-Fi on the eighth floor. But they don't know where we are yet. Don't tell them. Exactly, exactly. They'll be wandering Skid Row. Oh, it's so tempting. Okay. All right. No, no. I don't know. This is what happens is sometimes things happen here while we're talking and I'll find it anyway. So, um, yeah. So, well, that's a hundred thousand. That's a hundred fucking thousand cows. That's a lot of cows. So, so how does the government, uh, uh, uh, expect this guy to pay in cows? Obviously the dude got no money. They're going to take cows because they were probably just trying to make a statement. Yeah. But how do they expect him to not like give up his cows? Like this guy, you're going to come take a 68 year old man, his cows. He's going to grab a gun. He's going to protect his cows. It makes sense. And then you take his cows away. Then he can't sell them. No cow left behind. Then he can't pay the million dollars. Okay. Here we go. No cow left behind. Here we go. Poped up version. Let me see. Original studio version. Let me see if this is going to happen. Oh, look at that. This thing is telling me, this thing is telling me missing plugin. Do I need a fucking plugin now for this shit? Yo, plug it in. Plug it out. I got a new fucking computer. What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Cocksucker. Here, take this. Find it. Was not was. These motherfucking cocksackers. Was not was. Was not was. Tell me that I'm dreaming. All right. That would have been perfect. Anyway, so let me read, let me read, let me read the last part of this. So Bundy's supporters may all be conservatives, said Travis Cavula in nationalreview.com, but all conservatives do not support him by refusing. And he's refusing to pay the grazing fees neighboring cattlemen pay without complaint. Bundy's essentially squatting on public land. He's nothing more than a right wing version. Here we go. Here we go. This is, this is Don was, was not was. Tell me that I'm dreaming. He goes, he samples, he samples Ronald Reagan. Did you just get, did she get that? She got it. Oh, she got it. That's my girl right there. That's Mindy. I just had to know what you were looking for. Thank you, sweetheart. I'm going to give you a big up. This time. This time. He goes, he goes, a man likes milk. Now he owns a million cows. Can you imagine all that milk? This is classic. Hopefully, hopefully the, uh, the, uh. Anyway. We're not going to wait for the, for the, uh, for the lyrics. You can play that in the background. You can play that in the background. As soon as it comes up, I'll, I'll give you the, uh, I'll give you the, uh. This is like a fucking remix back in the eighties. They, they never get to the song, right? Anyway. It is an eighties remix. 1982. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So that'll come, that'll come up as soon as you start singing. I'll, let me see. Here we go. I'll put your town salt to size. Say west and west. Tell me that I'm treated. Turned on the nowhere streets on another side. Drive in reverse. Or something like it. I tried to walk. But how? The rest of you were dancing. With white T-shirts on. Somebody pinched. hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt I like that bass line. The bass line is dope. The bass line is dope. He'll sample Ronald Reagan. Here we go. Members of the Congress, I have the high privilege and the distinct honor of presenting to you the President of the United States. This is very popular in the 80s. He goes, can we, who man the state, deny? That we are somewhat out of control. Out of control. We're committed to the milk. We're committed. That's what our listeners expect. They expect that commitment. Can we listen to the song? We're committed to the milk. We're committed to the milk. We're committed to the milk. Night watching at a bank. Made some pirates walk the plank. Oh, I must be dreaming. Tell me that I'm dreaming. Come on, come on, motherfucker. One man likes milk. Now he owns a million pounds. Can't do a match. All day long. Tell me that I'm dreaming. There you go. That's it. Out. A whole motherfucking four. But you know what? It's worth it. That was a long way to get that. But you know what? It's worth it. Because all you motherfuckers out there, you didn't even know the song existed. And that shit just came out of left field through process. Because of ADD, right? Yo, that's how we educate. And that's how we, you know, one by one. You didn't know that song, right, Mindy? I didn't. And now I won't be able to live till I learn the bass line. So there you go. Now I don't get to go to sleep tonight. Thank you. It's a great track. Don was, I mean, the group was Was Not Was. But Don Was is a very popular musician. I'm not sure if he played the drums or the bass. But Google him. I mean, you'll see who he is. I dig it. Yeah, I'm not that familiar with his musical background. But I know he's. He's up there. Anyway. She pulled that shit like Whippet Don't Stop. Yeah, man. Let me finish that last paragraph. And then. Let me finish that last paragraph. We're having so much motherfucking fun. You're going to be whistling Zippity Doo Dad out your ass hole. Yeah, Zippity Doo Dad. The blue bird came through ya. Yeah. All right. So Bundy supporters. May all be conservatives, said Travis Kavula in NationalReview.com. But all conservatives do not support. By refusing to pay the grazing fees neighboring cattlemen pay without complaint. Bundy's essentially squatting on public land. He's nothing more than a right wing version of the dreadlocked freegan who sets up living quarters in an abandoned building. Bundy may use the rhetoric of liberty set weekly standard in an editorial. But no conservative would pick and choose the laws he intends to obey, defy the rest, and challenge the rule of democracy with guns. The people who took up arms to defend. hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt hunt No. We're not going to take it. No. No, we're not going to take it anymore. Okay. I think this guy, I don't know, I think he got a little juice. He got a little juice with his whole head of cattle and thought he had everybody behind him. And then he started spouting out other things. He was okay up until a certain point. Well, exactly. And then he's like, oh, well, if you tea party conservatives, motherfuckers, like that. I'll tell you this. And he says, I'll quote him. I want to hear it. Here it goes. I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro. He says, Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public housing project in North Las Vegas. And in front of that government house, the door was usually open and the older people and the kids. And there's always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch. They didn't have nothing to do. They didn't have nothing for the kids to do. They didn't have nothing for the young girls to do. And because they were basically ungoverned. So now what do they do? He asked. They abort the young children. They put their young men in jail because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I've often wondered, are they better off as slaves picking cotton and having a family life and doing things? Or are they better off under government subsidy? What did you say, nigga? Government subsidy. Yeah. They didn't get no more freedom. They got less freedom. But you're the one on government subsidy, Cliven. You're the one taking the money. It's just kind of funny. He is because he's not paying his fucking share. No, but what you see what happens is that some of these guys, right, they sound initially like they're on the right page, right? Like they're on to something, right? And a lot of people wind up saying, you know what? We're tired of fucking government coming on our shit, telling us what to do, blah, blah, blah. So, you know, so it's for a certain point. That's a certain point. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cliven, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you get these other fucking retards that whip out their guns. And then the first thing you start hearing is we'll fucking shoot everybody, even if we have to use our wives as shields. Then you go, wait a fucking minute. You're a little fucking high. You know what I'm saying? They want a wife shot to save cattle. Right. OK, just because your wife's a fat cow doesn't mean you have to be able to make that distinction. Right, right, right. Number one. Wife, cattle. There's two different things. OK, one shoots milk. One milk shoots. You know what I'm saying? There's two different fucking things. Let me tell you about the United States of America. These colors don't run. So that's one thing. Right. Then you give the guy a contract for a fucking E! True Hollywood reality TV series. And he goes on. He goes off on a fucking Negro rampage. Well, here's what you do. I'm just saying. Here's what you do. You gave him a little spotlight. Maybe he could sit right there on. What is that? Duck Dynasty. Exactly. Exactly. They'd probably welcome. No, exactly. So you give him you give him five minutes of fame and then his true colors come out. Right. Yeah. He goes off on this. Right. I'm just a fucking, you know, Negroes are better off as slaves. Right. And then you want to go back to the eighteen hundreds. And then you realize. Ridiculous with this. And then you realize, dude, you're a fucking psycho. And you need. You know what? What I would do if I was the government and I was with him up to a certain point. I'm like, fuck him. Nevada's free. It's public land. His cows should graze wherever the fuck they want. At this point, the government should just take his fucking cows. You know what? We're not even asking you. We're taking your cows. Right. You go in there with fucking tanks. Ultrasonic cow removal devices. Just like you go in to like get, you know, hostages and get them out in the middle of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You airlift in. You airlift in. You grab the cows. You're out. Boom. Yeah. Like an in and out mission like Kandahar and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is how you this is how you trip up one of these conservatives. This is how you trip them up. You're in the middle of the interview. And what you say is. Mindy, go ahead. Continue. Mindy, look up Marley Marl. That's M-A-R-L-E-Y-M-A-R-L. Marley Marl one on one. So this is what you do. I'm going to hit you with that hook you want. Yeah. This is how you create a scandal. OK. This is how you create a scandal. While you're interviewing the one of these conservatives. Yeah. You have to say this to them. Yes. Oh, interesting. And. Right. And just get them fucking talking. Oh. Really? Interesting. And. And. Oh, yeah. And then. And they'll be talking about American values. And I think America. We got to teach the children. Oh, yeah. Interesting. And. Yeah. And, you know, we have to really. No, but seriously. No, no, listen. We have to come together as a country. Oh, really? And. And. And the reason for earthquakes is the gays. Whoa. Time. Whoa. Time out. Hold on. Then you find out who fucking PJ McGillicuddy really is. That's hilarious. It's just. Oh, interesting. And. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Until. Until that juice comes out. Until he squirts. He starts. He starts spewing the shit that he talks about around the dinner table. Just pretend what he's saying is like interesting and like. Yeah. And, you know, we have to fight. Yeah. For democracy. Yeah. And. And, you know. And the Negroes are contaminated. Yeah. Yeah. And the Japs have computer chips in their heads. Whoa. Whoa. Hold on. Too far. Call TMZ. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Anyway. Anyway. On a lighter note. On a lighter note. There's a condom shortage. There's a shortage. In Cuba. In Havana. Do you notice? You notice? So. Cubans are having trouble finding condoms. The shortage started in a central province last month. And has now spread to the suburbs of Havana. Including an area with a relatively high HIV rate. The price for a single condom has risen to $1.30. The average daily wage in Cuba. $1.30. That's the average daily wage. You know that? Wow. The state run wholesaler. And Sume. Blamed the shortage on the need to repackage 1 million condoms. That were wrongly labeled. As expiring in 2012. But are still good through 2014. Officials said they would allow pharmacies to sell the mislabeled condoms. Oh my God. See what I do is. When it's 2.30 in the morning. I'm leaving the bar. I'm drunk as hell. I just picked up a chick. We're driving home. We hit up Taco Bell. Yeah. Before we get to my apartment. We stop at 7-Eleven. Okay. The first thing I want to know. The first thing I want to know. At 3 o'clock in the morning. When I'm fucking. Can smell the gin coming out of my pores. Oh shit. These condoms. They're going to expire soon. Fuck. Who cares? No one's reading the expiration date on condoms. You got one in your wallet's been there for like seven years. You got one in your glove box. It's like been like heat. Like with the heat and the smeltering shit. That whole thing is retarded. Because. Because basically what they're trying to do. I mean, I know that they got the HIV issue that they got to contain, which is, you know, you don't want to have unprotected, unprotected sex, especially in some of these Caribbean places. We got good news and bad news, folks. The bad news. You do have AIDS now. Good news is your condoms will not expire until 2014. Play along. So keep fucking. Yeah. Golly molly. We'll rule the world. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. Who knows? Unbelievable. All right. Yeah. Condoms are expensive though, man. Please bring something. All right. So I was, I was listening to a radio show today. John and Ken. Bring something up. On that. But this was particularly funny. And this is how crazy and how shitty our, our fucking system is as far as like our government and shit. I forgot the name of the title of the song. That's all right. So, so listen. Sign installer cited for violating the sign he was putting up. Dan greeting was on the show today. Talk about his parking ticket. According to Dan greeting, he was contracted. To install a sign that posted the 75 minute time limit in Santa Barbara while he was posting the sign. However, our parking attendant came by and gave him a ticket for exceeding the time limit while he was putting up the signs greeting. It already installed three other signs and was on the last one, but it took a little longer because he had to drill into the concrete. And when he looked up, he was getting a ticket for being there too long. Dan greeting said, I didn't know what to say. I was dumbfounded. I said, I'm putting these signs up. And the officer says, huh? Then you should know you can't park here for more than 75 minutes. I said, well, I have to put this. No, he says, I, I, well, I haven't put the sign up yet. He was holding the sign in his hand. So you can't write me a ticket. And the officer said, yeah, the signs down there, this block, the signs down there say this block. So you're in violation. That's right. So in further, you know, right now what he did is he appealed it and he's wasting his fucking time though. He's wasting his energy. You told me the whole story. And I frankly, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying frankly, no, I'm saying frankly, it's a $48 sign. I would have paid the $48 sign. This is what I would have done. That's what you would have done. No, no, no, no. Rich is what I would have done. I would have paid the $48 sign. And this is what I would have done. I would have come at two in the morning with a fucking hacksaw and I would have hacksaw at every fucking sign for about two miles. That's what I would have done. And it would have cost the city of Santa Barbara a couple of million dollars because they already paid my contracting company to put all the signs up. See, why can't Clive and Bundy kill? They're all meter maids. Right, right. Why can't Clive and Bundy grab his band of Lone Rangers and, you know, and grab their fanny packs with the bullets and their AR-15s and blow the fuck up? We got your song. We got your song. The beat that you were looking for. Go ahead, man. Ha! I come down here on a Thursday night. MPR, yo, you know we get it up in your sight. We get it right because, yo, we fucking up. And we coming on the mic and then we showing you love. We love the flow, so I simply must brag about myself. The style that makes you vibrant. I keep driving until the song turns into a hip-hop giant. Me and Molly Moore, we're going one-on-one. For any sucker rapper that chooses to come. And for me, Craig G, a.k.a. The Kingpin. I drop signs. Can't you tell all I'm singing? I hate how I turn my mic on to a whip. That little beat there, that's what I was doing earlier. Anyway, yeah. Anyway, thanks, Mindy. Thank you. Thank you, Mindy. Thank you so much. Thank you very much. So, yeah, no, that's what I would have done. See? Yeah. See? You're going to waste your fucking time fighting a $48 ticket. I'm going to make it cost the fucking city of Santa Barbara at least $200,000 or $300,000. You can't do it directly. But when you're doing that. Why? How are those signs funded? How are they funded? By tax dollars. And who pays those tax dollars? Fuck it. Him. With $48 tickets. That's who pays those signs. Yeah, or. See, this is what I would do. Either that or I'd spray paint the signs white so that you can read them. That's what I'd do. Fuck them. Well, this guy was smart. He just went to the news stations and was like, yo, this is a funny story. So check this out. Did you know that. So he makes them look like fools. What's up? Did you know that cartoon mascots that appear on cereal boxes such as Cap'n Crunch. Lucky. And the Trix Rabbit are routinely designed so that their eyes tilt down by 9.6 degrees. The perfect angle to make eye contact with a child standing in the supermarket aisle. Could you imagine? Could you imagine that shit? They take that into consideration. They take that into. They know what. They know what the shelf is at. Look at the fucking. Look at the Cap'n Crunch eye right there. Look. The Cap'n Crunch eye. He's staring down like a pedophile. He's going. Don't you want those crispy, chewy, delicious corn syrup flavored crisps? Yeah. So there's another dude. This is. This is in India. I thought we'd take a little, you know, a serious subject and go back old school. You know what I'm saying? We got to take it back. Old school. NPR flavor. Don't stop. Your niggas is starving for some attention. So you come into me raw and I'm going to give you some retention. Now I'm saying I'm a flippity flip flappy. Don't stop. Coming at you. Hit you in the motherfucking head with a cap. Now I mean. Well, you're Captain Crunchberry molesting your little cherry. You come over and hang with your Uncle Harry. Yo. We look. And right down at you in the aisle. Smile, kid. We're going to take it from you. This is from your sister's ass. Because your sister's wearing too tight jeans. Your sister's jeans are too tight. Now I'm saying you're wiggling your ass down the aisle. Make it right. Because motherfucking chilling in and dealing with the elements coming down because you can't afford to pay your rent. Yo, just for the hell of it. Yo, silly rabbit. Rabbit tricks. Tricks are for kids. Tricks are for kids. Anyway. So. So gold. This one's called gold in the. Stomach. This is. This is straight up. So doctors in India were shocked to discover 12 gold bars. 12 fucking gold bars inside the stomach of a businessman who was admitted to the hospital complaining of gut pain. So the 63 year old told hospital staff that he he'd accidentally swallowed a bottle cap. But when doctors operated, they found almost one pound of ingots in his lower intestine. This is. This is the first time I have recovered gold from the stomach of a patient, said surgeon C.S. Ram Chandran. The man later confessed that he'd swallowed the gold bars valued at twenty thousand dollars during a recent trip to Singapore because he wanted to avoid India's sweep. India's steep import taxes. Yeah. That's when you're so in a retentive that your gas just turn. You can turn it to gold. Yeah. Like it's like such a deep. Dark cavern. Yeah. Yeah. That's like. That's like. That's just too many vitamins. Letting the gold. In India and putting gold in guts in your asshole. I want my gold now. You can take your shit later. To all your people that stand up for your rights. Stand up. Stand up for your rights. Block. Block. Stand up. Stand up. Eat your pussy right. Yeah. This shit is out of control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So. Let me see if I got some more. Some more nuggets over here. All right. Well, you know what? It's summertime, right? Coming up. Summertime all over the United States. Yeah. Summertime. Summertime. And in some other parts of the world. I got some people. You know, I got one of my listeners. He's from. Where's he from? He's from. He's from Europe. I forgot. Belgium. I think it is. God forgive me, man. He's one of my. He's one of my true and trusted listeners. And I bet I haven't been on Facebook, man. But this dude post stickers. I told you about him. He posts stickers on the entrance to his fucking city. My NPR stickers. Dude is out of control. Anyway, but I love him. I love him. That's my boy. And I'm kind of shot right now. So you got to forgive me. But. So. There's an article that pool water can be hazardous. Now, if you listen to. What was it? Episode 20. Was it the microbiome? The human microbiome project where we discuss the. The feces in the pool. How many grams in your crack? Well, the bacterial micro microorganisms in everybody's stomach and how every pool has. Every person carries. I don't know. Point three. No. One point six grams. One point six. Not grams. It was like milligrams. Milligrams. It was a milligram. It was of ass cheese particles. So when you go to the pool, that stuff's in the water. That was what that article was. But now there's another article that says, in addition to being a lazy and gross way to answer, uh, to answer to nature's call, peeing in the pool may pose an outright health hazard. A new study has determined that the uric acid found in the urine mixes with the chlorine in pools to produce two toxic byproducts. Trichloramine and cyanogen chlorine. I don't know what the fuck. When the urine of the young dragon mixes with the chlorine. Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! Choo! A young warrior would enter the pool unsuspecting. It's you! I took what I took! Beats you! Beep beep! In the pool! Ow! You broke your shit! Yo, I'm dropping blocks! Yow! Yow! Anyway, anyway, exposure to the former, meaning the cyanogen, what is cyanogen chloride, exposure to the former has been linked to respiratory problems, while the latter, oh, no, the former was the trichloramine, while the latter can harm the lungs, heart, and central nervous system. On average, a person leaves about 30 to 80 millimeters of urine in the pool each time they swim. Millimeters. Oh, excuse me, milliliters. Milliliters. Milliliters, motherfucker! Well, you see what I'm saying? I thought they were swimming in for like 23 minutes. I got a question. How many milliliters of piss do you think were on the walls of that cup you wanted to bring into my fucking car? Oh! Nice callback. Oh, shit! I got doo doo doo doo. I got doo doo doo doo. I need to sign this, I'm dropping one on one. I got doo doo doo doo. Anyway, um. How many milliliters? On average, a person leaves about 30 to 80 milliliters of urine in a pool each time they swim. That's a lot of fucking piss. It is, it is. How does it? Because. Because. Because. I'm going to tell you. But when lots of people. Because they're drunk, dude. But when lots. Who swims sober? But when lots of people are in the pool as at swim meets, the risks dramatically increase and athletes are notorious offenders. I guess people do swim sober. No, no, no. So what happens is this is the deal. So, especially men. So when you urinate, there's still some backup urine inside of your urethra all the way, you know. So, so, it's like this. It's like this. So when you pee. And you. And you. And you stop, right? What is that? What is that muscle? Next on Science Discovery with Nestor Rodriguez. Today we will talk to you about the urethra. Whoa, whoa, you have a muscle. So what you do is you stick it like this, right? No, so listen. So listen. So what you have is you have a muscle that controls the stoppage of the penis that makes the urine go and stop. Yo, they call it like the penis stoppage muscle. Yeah, the penis muscle. Don't you have urine in your wiener? Yeah. Try new. Try new. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a small plug you put in the tip of your penis. Yeah, I forgot what it's called, but basically it's the muscle that when you're peeing and you have to stop abruptly because the cops are chasing you, you stop the pee. That's the muscle. Okay? So when you stop the pee, the pee stops coming from the tip of your dick, right? But from the tip of your dick all the way back to that muscle, you got pee. So you jump in the pool, you get excited again, and some of that pee squirts out. Yeah. Okay? That's what I'm talking about. Oh. Support for NPR comes from Nestor's Science World, a new show teaching children all about science. When you got to pee, you got to pee. When you got to pee, you got to pee. You know, sometimes people... Sometimes people sample stupid shit I've said. I've gotten emails from people that fucking send me a link from like Love Asia Radio. There'll be like a stupid little sample out of nowhere. Of what? Just some stupid shit like right there, like when I just said, you got to pee, you got to pee. Those sample things you say? Yeah, stupid shit. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. What is it? It's crazy shit. Oh, is that the one I gave you like two weeks ago? I don't think so, dude. What are we having, a powwow? I think that's the one I gave you. There's a Hall's candy that I gave him two weeks ago on the show. It's still here. It's kind of dirty looking. Here's one. I wonder how dirty this one is. But if you're going to look for that, look for it in a way that doesn't... It's not really loud. Makes a lot of noise. That doesn't bounce. Bounce, baby. Bounce, baby. It doesn't bounce. Baby, bounce, baby. I'm trying to look at my boy. My boy's picture. Here he goes. Here he goes. Did you find him? There he is. That's my boy right there. Jaco Dajain. That's my boy from Gertrudenburg, the Netherlands. That's my boy right there. So I'll give him a big up because I wanted to say big up to you before. And basically what happened was I forgot the fucking town you were in. So I got to be like... I don't even know how to pronounce your name. Jaco Dajain. Big up. Big up. Big up. Big up. Big up. When you got to pee, man. You got to motherfucking pee. You know what I'm saying? It's as simple as that. You know what I mean? It's like that. And you can't beat that with a bat. It's like that, y'all. And you don't stop. You just rock to the beat with your cock in your hand. Don't stop, y'all. The body rock. It's like that, y'all. And you don't. And you don't. And you don't stop. Yo, rock the body rock. When your park is fine. It's hot. Yo. I got the sprinkle spray matter on your top to the tip top hip hop. You don't stop. Jiggleberries coming out from all the flavors. Clive and Bundy. All right. D. D. Clive and Bundy. D. Clive and Bundy. D. D. D. So here. I'm going to leave you with this joint. So you know that the 2014 World Cup... World Cup Soccer Championship is going to be in Rio de Janeiro this year, right? Now, you know that Rio de Janeiro is completely fucked up. Like, drug lord fucking people's heads get slashed and the whole nine yards. So I read this shit. Americans have bought more tickets for the 2014 World Cup Soccer Championship games in Rio de Janeiro than any other visiting nation. So far, 154,412 tickets have been sold. In the U.S. compared with 40,681 in Australia. Probably because we have ticket brokers. 38,043 in the U.K. And 33,126 in Colombia. So all you motherfuckers that are going to go to the World Soccer Championship, you better bring a gun. You know what I'm saying? Because I'm serious. I'm serious. Because you're going to get your tickets scalped. I'm serious. It's crazy. Bring condoms. There's going to be a shortage. You're going to get scalped and your tickets taken away from you. It's crazy. It's crazy. Anyway, listen. So that's going to wrap up this episode of Nestorius Public Radio. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. I just want to say, yo, thanks for tuning in, man. Make sure you go to Starbucks and steal some Wi-Fi signal and download your fucking episodes. You know what I mean? Make sure you subscribe to the show and you set your preferences to automatically download new episodes. And go to Starbucks, man. Steal a signal and download your shit. You know what I mean? Make sure you do your stuff. Go to Facebook.com forward slash Nestorius Public Radio. Like us. Because we're insecure. Like us on motherfucking Facebook and do your shit. You know what I mean? We out. It's me. It's me. It's me. It's me. I ain't doing nothing but talking shit. Y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along. Ow. I ain't doing nothing but talking shit So y'all gotta like, you know, encourage me the whole way along