Episode

Welcome to the Sarcastic News Show. My name is Justin Cross. You guys are listening to the Sarcastic News Show, the most trusted name in bullshit, folks. We are live here at the Skid Row Studios, or as we like to call it, the Rat Cage. We do. We call it the Rat Cage because it's in Skid Row, and there are a lot of rats, and the rodent control is not so good. I'm here with my buddies here, Matt Sugar Mills. Hey, what's up? How you doing, Sugar? I'm doing great. Yeah? I'm really excited. Yeah. You look good tonight. You look really good. Well, yeah. It's just... I'm sorry. I'm blushing. No, I understand. You didn't expect that. We got now a guy who always expects compliments on his looks, Jake the Snake Rainey. Hey, how's it going, guys? Great to be here. Thanks for having me. I hate those... You know what? I hate that you have to wear the earphones because it covers up your sideburns. I know. That's your favorite part about me. Yeah. Not my intellect or anything I have to say, but my sideburns. What'd you say? Exactly. And special guest, our musician. Our house musician tonight from the band Ocelot Robot. Ocelot Robot. I'm going to get that right. There you go. Bassist, Mark Mutnanski. Hello. Oh, man. I love it. Mark is ready. I'm going to be bringing some energy. He also does voices for the Simpsons right there. Hello. Hello. Glad to have Mark in the studio. Thanks for having me. Guys, thank you for being here. He's going to be with us all show. And at the end, we're going to talk to him a little bit about Ocelot Robot. Caught some of their music last night. Caught their music video. Good stuff right there. Now, I want to, first of all, just as I mentioned before, we're in Skid Row, which according to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals, includes the official boundaries of 3rd and 7th Streets in downtown Los Angeles to the north and south, Alameda and Main Street to the east and west, and within half a mile, this is true, half a mile in any direction from over 12 different discount liquor stores. And also, it says on here, loose pit bulls. So. I don't know what it says. I am delighted to be here tonight. Top story of the week, tornadoes. Tornadoes. And as we all know, tornadoes, folks, tornadoes don't kill people. Okay? Collapsed buildings kill people. Tornadoes just make it a shit ton easier. All right? But should we ban tornadoes? That's the real question. Or, at the very least, make it a lot harder to buy tornadoes over the internet without a tornado license or over the counter at a convention for the Helen Hutt movie, Twister. I mean, that's really the question in this whole thing. I know. That was a little cold. That was a little cold. But I don't know. There's not much to say about it. It was a tragic, obviously a tragic event. But the teachers, the kids, first responders, and the whole state of Oklahoma, very, very brave and seemed to be handling it extremely well. There were a few other things that happened this week. Yahoo bought the microblog site Tumblr for $1.1 billion. Did you guys catch that? Oh, yeah. $1.1 billion. Yahoo PR was fairly discreet about it. It's a buyout, though. They didn't say much. They did, however, they made a blog post on Tumblr that included a racy photo of a company off-site meeting with a caption reading, We'll be getting some. Apparently, because that's apparently what the kids do on Tumblr. They do racy photos with short innuendo-style captions. I don't know. I'm not an old man. It's called Sexumbler. What is it? Instead of like sexed. Yeah, I don't know. Really? No, I don't. I want them to partner with Snapchat. That's what I want. Right. Do any of you guys, use Tumblr by chance for any blogs? How about Snapchat? No. My girlfriend loves Snapchat, though. Oh, man. Oh, Tumblr. Yes. I bet she does. No, no, no. I know that because I'm friends with her on it. Anybody can send a picture, and then six seconds later, it goes away. Is she on it, really? Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Does that make you, is there like a jealousy factor there? No. She's getting pictures of her friends' meatloaf sandwiches, and then it goes away. Okay. No, we had to go there, didn't we? Salad drop. I guess meatloaf sandwich wasn't the best food I could have named. That was kind of... Yeah. No, that's great innuendo right there. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Now, following a tough week, the Obama administration had a tough week last week. IRS scandal, AP scandal, Benghazi scandal, and it did come out that the Obama administration did in fact have prior knowledge of the inner workings of the Obama administration. And that's what we're talking about. The inner workings of the movie Hangover 3, starring Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, and Ed Helms. That's right. Even though Obama himself admitted to not having seen or wanting to see, he did not want to see. I know it comes out tomorrow. No, it's out now. Is it out now? Whatever. Last week, he said, I'm not going to see that movie. I don't want to see that movie. Because in his words, I think the American public gets it. They are middle-aged men who drink and get into wild and or crazy scenarios in a town that placates that type of behavior. Let's be honest. It's the blue-collar comedy. Tor has less predictable jokes. I didn't really say that. That's my Obama. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That sounded like, not only was that not a, that was like a racy clap right there. I was like, wow. That's like when Jerry and Elaine did it for the first time. It was like, wow. First kiss unsaved by the bell. That was. Now, Reuters and various other news sources are coming out with reports showing that last Saturday night, Obama administration officials actually went over to the West Wing to commemorate a historic week of fucking up. To celebrate, Obama officials drank heavily. They participated in cosmic bowling. The Secretary of Health and Human Services, Kathleen Sebelius, led a class in pole dancing. I'm sorry. That was actually Joe Biden. He actually did it in assless chaps too. And they all watched Hangover. That was a long. That makes your third consecutive Joe Biden in assless chaps. And I think that was, that was the longest joke. That was the longest way. That was the longest way to a Biden joke right there. And today, I don't know if you guys caught this. The president gave an hour long speech at the National Defense University regarding counterterrorism in light of recent news that four Americans have been accidentally killed and targeted drone attacks on potential terrorists. Now, during the speech, Obama was heckled throughout until he finally stopped. He turned to the heckler and he proclaimed, you want to be next? Actually, no, he didn't say that. He said, I don't come down. I'm going to your job at the DMV and knock the cocks out of your mouth. That's verbatim, guys. That's actually verbatim. Our live studio audience, no doubt. They are so delayed on their laughter. It takes them a second. These jokes are, you know, flying at a speed, you know, way above their heads. It's crazy. Yeah. And holy shit, that 80 year old guy just climbed Mount Everest news. An 80 year old guy climbed Mount Everest, guys. That's right. Japan's Uchira Miura set a Guinness world record by becoming the first person to do such a feat. Now, right after summoning the world's highest peak, this is true, Miura looked around at his fellow climbers, pointed at each one, and says, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you, fuck you. Then he cropped us at all of them and said, good night. Now, the best part, I have no, even if the joke is mild, I have no rhythm now. Yeah. The best part about this, though, this is true, that Miura is supposed to be challenged by Nepalese climber Meen Bahurda Shershon. That's true. He's 81 years old and next week he is supposed to try to climb and beat, I guess, beat this record. You know, he's supposed to climb the mountain. And this is true back in these two young guns, guys. They were battling in their mid-70s for the same record. And it just hit me. I was just like, holy shit, that's crazy to me because it's like, what happened to old people who would just tell stories about walking up miles in the snow? Like, you know when you, like you're an old person, you just, they're actually doing it now. Right. They're actually walking miles in the snow. They're not telling the stories, you know? And I don't know if you caught this today, the Boy Scouts of America ended its longstanding policy of forbidding openly gay youths to participate in activities or in its activities. Now, a step that its chief executive called, quote, compassionate, caring, and kind. Or as most Americans call it, logical, equitable, and kind. And not overly bigoted. Bigoted. Now, while this is great news for scouts and people who aren't homophobic, the policy put off a ruling to allow gay adult scout leaders within the organization's walls. And with that is another year where Matt Mills will have to find a new summer job. Where's your sound effect on that, Matt? Applause, applause. That's a sarcastic news rundown. All right. Matt Nasty, what is the sarcastic news? What is it? Jesus Christ. It's like a Gary Spooner show. Matt Nasty, give us the sarcastic news snap poll gut reaction survey. All right. Sarcastic news gut reaction snap survey for this week. What should bring our country together more? A terrorist attack or a natural disaster? So, of course, we've had one, but we've had each of those pretty recently. So, what should bring our country together more? Okay. And Mark and the panel here are going to weigh in on that in just a few minutes. We got the sarcastic news history game coming up with Jake the Snake Craney. Guys, call in on the poll. Call in on the history game at 800-893-9562. That's 800-893-9562. You can also follow along. We'll be talking to you on Twitter. That's at sarcasticnews1. We'll be right back here on the Sarcastic News Show. You take me out of my head Out of my head Into my body Now I don't feel so bad No, I don't feel so bad When you take me out of my head Out of my head Into my body Now I don't feel so bad No, I don't feel so bad The lights go down now They disappear Yeah, you pull me out of the mess I'm in I lose myself in you Can you please hold me down Until I come around Your hair in my face Now I can't escape Losing myself in you You take me out of my head Out of my head Into my body Now I don't feel so bad No, I don't feel so bad When you take me out of my head Out of my head Into my body Now I don't feel so bad No, I don't feel so bad Bigoted Bigoted Bigoted Bigoted Now I don't feel so bad bigoted bigoted bigoted bigoted I'm gonna get it right bigoted uh wow so um do it live I'll write it and we'll do it live keep going I like that one yeah no that's all that's all there is do it live fucking thing sucks you got the one you got the 40 year old oh man you know oh yeah I'm a man I'm 40 that's awesome uh special shout out to Josh and Austin right now Josh and Austin he's listening to the show turns 27 years old tonight wow Josh and Austin his life is over now it's done yeah well yeah the 27 club mhm and uh I know uh special shout out to Rebecca in New York Rebecca in New York uh she's got a voice for radio I have a face for radio um it's true she's a big fan of the show I think she's only missed one show and and I mean Jake you gotta admit this is gonna be one of our best uh I mean I'll I'll go out on a limb and say that it'll be one of the best uh let's say eight shows that we've done probably top eight yeah that's good cause you know we've done eight shows um I'm somebody on uh somebody on my Facebook here is posting a um it's a 2600 high capacity flash charger for an iPhone charge 70 the thing is does that not you can see it you can see it right now uh does that not look like this thing right here what does that look like to you right there mhm oh goodness definitely it's a yeah it's a that's a yeah that's um electronic cigarette I was that's a toothbrush holder guys come on come on now alright so uh let's go ahead and get get going here on the SN history game now if you wanna call in feel free to jump in call in uh 800-893-9562 I'm excited uh Jake the Snake what do you have for us um and before we start the the SN history game I also wanna give a special little shout out to Josh and Austin fan of the show friend of the show happy birthday and all of the music tonight is uh specifically for that viewer alright so viewer yes yeah no it's him staring at his computer of the stream there's no nothing happens alright our logo looks really great tonight yeah alright so guys this day in history I've got five questions on events that either did or did not happen on May 23rd throughout history so we'll do this one question at a time do it live do it live yeah okay so question one get your get your pens ready uh on this day in 1430 which of the following occurred A Joan of Arc was captured and sold to the English B Genghis Khan died and the Mongol Empire began to decline don't tease me I know I know or C the screwdriver was invented oh wait the drink or the tool the tool okay alright the drink was invented in my basement in like 1995 what year was this this was 1430 okay 1430 oh alright friend of the show Adam Reese was just a mere six year old funny he's old I'd also like to give a shout out you know I just remember it's my sister's birthday as well today my sister Jenny it's her birthday Jenny Mills hey Jenny yeah Mark do you have a shout out everyone's giving shout outs tonight God yeah can it just be somebody's birthday anybody's there's one special listener out there is it Jenny Mills this is for my little Chica Bonita out there this is my radio voice it's a really good NPR slash like 900 number voice Chica Bonita I know I know Chica Bonita I like that alright are we ready with our answers here guys yeah go ahead okay well what did you guys write down you guys told me your answers we're clearly trying to figure alright I had Joan of Arc you go first yeah Mac Mills says Joan of Arc Joan of Arc Cross what did you come up with I went with B you went with Genghis Khan and Mark what did you come up with I also guessed Joan of Arc that's my mother's name it sounds like a strong answer very good we've got an early leader the answer is A Joan of Arc was captured and sold to the English love you mom okay alright question two on this day in 1879 yeah the first US veterinary school was established was it established by A Colorado State University B Iowa State University or C the University of Virginia this was the first I always get those three mixed up so that's a tough one what was the first one did you listen to the question no no I'm trying to do you're checking Facebook stats right now no I don't have I know I know they're skyrocketing right now we're over 10 people is this a geography question it's sort of the first US veterinary school was established was it Colorado State Iowa State or the University of Virginia that established it North Florida the Ospreys I got it I know it okay cross what's your answer C you got C the University of Virginia Matt Sugar Mills C C Mark I don't know man Iowa you went with Iowa State correct answer Iowa State University damn it you know what I just always he's coming into our house he's coming into our house I and he's urinating on his side I feel like an R. Kelly victim right now I mean I just isn't the state motto Virginia is for animal lovers that's Matt Mills' motto right there alright Mark off to a 2-0 start perfect 2-0 start wow question 3 coming into our house on our turf and I feel like Mark might get this next one too question 3 good hair he does he does I wish I could pull that hair off his nose ring thanks Matt alright which of the following music events occurred on May 23rd now we're talking okay A what year what year you just finish the question and then we can I'm just so anxious I know you're amped up over there you know what happens he says a question and I ask it back because I'm not paying attention so don't worry about it you'll get it alright which of the following music events occurred on May 23rd A one of Sarcastic News' favorite albums The Sign by Ace of Bass was released in 1994 true B sponsor of the show Axl Rose had open heart surgery in 1983 love Axl Rose or C Tom Petty filed for bankruptcy in 1979 bullshit never would never happen talk amongst yourselves I'll go B Ross is gonna go Axl Rose I mean he must have Axl must have been like you know 8 when that happens I'll go with A actually no no no that's not true you already locked in A you already locked in B I'll go A come on I it's my show dammit alright Justin's gonna lock in Ace of Bass Matt Sugar Mills I think that Tom Petty filed for bankruptcy locking in Tom Petty Mark yeah I like Ace of Bass too but also yeah that's the winner okay Justin I called Justin Matt a few minutes ago I feel really stupid I noticed that but I was gonna kind of bring it back we swept over it this is Justin Cross from the Sarcastic News who should be more offended by that you should you should you saw how good that monologue was yeah correct answer on that by the way C Tom Petty filed for bankruptcy in 1979 I know my I know my bankruptcy filing history prove it so now we are tied at two and Cross I think you're 0 for 3 buddy I'm gonna beat you Greg so let's let's see if Cross can get on the board here we got two more questions question four on this day in 2003 what was the number one movie in America 2003 on the States 2003 I can tell you without even Titanic what is just what is it what do you think it is no no no can you give us can you give us a guess before I even give you the answer May 23rd 2003 was it was it X-Men 2 Matrix 2 not even close oh alright A oh no no no actually wait did somebody I think somebody else said it was the Matrix Reloaded let's just get through the answers and then we can select your your choices alright A the Matrix Reloaded alright B Bruce Almighty or C Daddy Daycare I'm going A I swear I didn't look at your paper by the way is everybody going A yes alright well I have some exciting news for you guys A is not the correct answer I said Daddy Daycare I said Daddy Daycare May 23rd 2003 number one movie in America Bruce Almighty Jim Carrey he's an animal yeah okay I swear I didn't look at your paper alright I believe you now so I'm 0 for 4 Cross is 0 for 4 last chance to get on the board here sorry question 5 final question of the evening we are deadlocked at a tie for first place here so this might this might get us a winner and by the way the winner wins an old pair of Justin Cross's boxer shorts that are here today not old but current they're not they're not we'll just say they're not clean let's just say that I'm not wearing underwear right now because I took them off because we needed a giveaway prize I own those yeah so good luck whoever gets this one right okay question 5 you smell like Ocelot Robot awesome very distinct smell which of the following is not true A May 23rd is Labor Day in Jamaica B May 23rd is World Turtle Day or C May 23rd is National Pancake Breakfast Day or C or M or M or M or M or M or M or M or M or M or M or M Stunned silence in the sarcastic news rat cage. I just started thinking some pancakes sound really good. They sure do. I know what it is. I'm going to go. I got a guess. I got a guess on this one. Are you going to get one right? Yeah, I got one. You guys go. I'll go first. I'll go first. Okay. Justin Cross, answer. I'll go National Turtle Day. Okay. Matt Sugar Mills? Pancake Day. Pancake Day. Mark? I was also going to choose Pancake Day. Uh-oh. And this one is, this costs the most, and this is like the most expensive one, right? This is the money one? Yeah. Oh, it is? It's like the jackpot. It's like we're playing. So one answer will ensure that I lose. So wait, you guys both said Pancake Day. Yes. Well, rip those boxers in half because you both win. It is National Pancake Day as Justin goes over five. Over five. Who wants them? Who wants them? I'm just going to toss them up. This is like catching the bouquet. It is. This is disgusting. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. That's weird that I tried. There was a cloud of dust flying off of those. Mark did, he had alligator arms. I tried really hard. Lucky for me, I wore my hazmat suit to the studio. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I really do own those underwear though. Do you? Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. I mean. We have so much in common. Jockeys. All right. We're going to be back in just a minute with our circle jerk session. With Mark, it should be good. I feel like he's a guy who enjoys the circle jerk. Nice big circle. Lots of options Real hard jerking Alright we'll be right back on the Sarcastic News Show Feel free to call in 800-893-9562 We'll be right back A couple of years and I'm a silhouette My halo is broken now And I'm all that's left I hate to disappoint But it's the way things went I was blind to the things I did And deaf to what was said Tie up these loosens Whose voices are calling Me out I've got the solution You can feed me to something That is leaving the cell Whoa I'm losing hope There's a hole in my heart That's been cut out of stone Whoa Jumps, jumps, jumps, jumps Could you fill this hole Cause I can't do it alone A couple of tears and I'm a broken mess The sadness has taken me far To deep in regret So sing me a song About something good And we're back on the Sarcastic News Show Jake the Snake did a little stretching at halftime right there I like that I did, my leg fell asleep I think I have diabetes Do you? Knock on wood Yeah, seriously All those monster energy drinks I like those Pepsi signs out there The new advertisement for Pepsi is Live for now I just think that's a great Like live for now Cause tomorrow you're probably gonna have diabetes Exactly You're pouring 38 grams of high fructose corn syrup per can into your body Anyway We are back here We got the Circle Jerk session coming up right now Feel free to call in Weigh in on the big issues I know Josh and Austin listening right now Rebecca in New York Loves the show Loves the Circle Jerk The Circle Jerk session that is on Sarcastic News where we ask poignant questions like Is there another term for Circle Jerk that I'm missing? I don't Well it's Listen, listen Basically Now I gotta give Matt Sugar Mills right there came up with that that name So I'm gonna give him That was his That was your contribution to the show right there I created a monster I know that My one contribution Yeah You really did And before we get going here Jake the Snake You can catch the music The Sarcastic News soundtrack if you will Yes On sarcastic-news.com Is that right? Yes Sarcastic-news.com and also Spotify Thanks to Josh making the playlists for us and they're all courtesy of groundsounds.com Really? Yes I just got a Twitter I have pics from Groundsounds I just got a Twitter update from looks like Rebecca in New York saying I will show you a circle jerk Ooh Yeah Yeah Yeah Nice Way to be on point I mean We have That's the interaction we have with our audience Alright guys Let's go and get going here First question This was our SN Snap Gut Reaction survey question Yeah And Matt Nassi It is What should bring our country together more? A terrorist attack or a nationalist? A national disaster Keep in mind we've had one of each happen recently with the tornadoes in Oklahoma and also with the Boston attack Right Right So with that said let's go ahead and start to my left Actually our guest of the night Let's start with Mark Mark what do you think about that? Well they're both they're both horrible obviously and They're both huge downers They're wah But you know as I saw in the movie Twister it brought Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton pretty close together and if you got a lasso to wrap around your belly I think you're gonna be pretty close with someone that you've been chasing for a while Oh man that's true that's true the thing about it to me is that there's no like when you have a natural disaster and that is actually I mean there's there's no way you can well there's I shouldn't say that we the politicians have a way to to kind of divide us still sometimes but it seems like that is one of those issues where you can't you're not gonna see a huge division on a natural disaster Now with that said Hurricane Katrina was not was not one of those there was a lot of political division there and in you know some would say for good reason but let's go to Matt Sugar Mills Matt what do you think about this? You know Boston the tornado issue or the tornado in Oklahoma out of those out of just those two situations which brings us together more which is you know or is that I don't know is that even a good way to look at it? You know I think it's you know I'm always encouraged by either I was thinking a lot about this on the way over here actually you know I think with a terrorist attack it can sometimes lead to people putting away their differences and it'll bring together more of a common bond and a commonality because at least there's also the other thing too is that there's maybe not a face I don't know if that's the right way but there's something that we can go after usually with a terrorist attack and with a natural disaster you know unfortunately a lot of people they say well you know I heard some people were saying this week oh well you know why did they live there in Oklahoma City? It was a place called Tornado Alley so that stuff's a little bit troubling to hear and I think a lot of people just think like oh that's really tough but you know what that's what they get for living there and but at least with a terrorist attack it's sort of it's more like we're gonna go get those guys and we're all in this together kind of thing. But I will say my final point I think with that is that usually you'll see a lot more people willing to donate or to help out and to support more to the cause than I think you would for a terrorist attack. Right. Jake and Snake you got any thoughts on this? Yeah I think they both should bring us together and I think they both do Matt was touching on earlier like a terrorist attack that we have a face that we can like get angry about and that'll call us to action I think it calls us to action. It calls us to action in different ways like a natural disaster there's nothing to be angry at. So it's just like we get sad and then compassion helps us but I don't know that I have a good answer to which should bring us together more. I think they both do and they both should and they're both awful. Yeah. And that's just I guess that's pretty much it. Well and I think the other thing too is with the natural disasters what you do is you have all of these pictures I mean I'm sure a lot of people have seen just you see the landscape of these towns that are completely leveled and that I think has more of an emotional reaction than let's say a building going down. I mean that might you know. It's such a bad reaction to be like oh well they shouldn't live in Oklahoma like yeah I wouldn't want to live in Oklahoma personally but like you say that and then LA has an earthquake or like where you're at has something happened to it. New Jersey is a great example with the hurricane and people who were living there didn't expect that level of Hurricane Sandy to cause that much trouble. Right. Yeah. Well there's a difference too like when people want to get involved and donate money or donate something you know in the instance of Boston you know people donate money to help out in any way they can but you don't really know where that's going. You don't really know I mean I would assume hospital bills and things but like my mom just called me today to see if she could get rid of like my sleeping bag and some other things in mind for the tornado because you know they lost everything. Yeah. You know little things like toothbrushes and Wow. Yeah. That's wild. Let me let's go and let's switch let's switch subjects real quick. We got oh we got a caller. Okay hold on one second. Let's go ahead and let's go and bring our caller in. Who do we have on the line here? Oh you got Dirty Jeff. Dirty Jeff. Dirty Jeff. Not to be confused with Dirty Marty Dirty Ralph and Dirty Jerry. Dirty Jeff go ahead and weigh in. We're talking here about we're talking about tornadoes versus sounds terrible but natural disasters versus terrorist attacks and which one brings our country together more. What are your thoughts? Well I would love to comment. I would like to propose something to the panel there the circle jerk panel about what about donations to killing some terrorists when something happens like that. Wait wait what do you mean? Donate Oh I'd like to you can donate like sponsor a drone strike like well how would how would that work? Would that bring people closer together if suddenly there were benefits to donating to the terrorism fund instead of the tornado fund? So basically raise money to try to kill somebody. Is that right? Or to like help the man? I mean yeah but we have we have a huge defense budget for that kind of thing. We have like a huge I mean we have police officers I mean that's why we pay taxes to a certain level. Would it bring people closer together though? I guess. Yeah it would make it would give them a personal feel to it like hey I am helping this. I remember being from the south when 9-11 happened and people drive around with like Osama stickers in their car and like that I guess in a way that was kind of a rallying cry like get him get him you know. Dead or alive. Yeah. But preferably dead. Dead or alive. You're either with us or against us. Now I have a question for you Dirty Jeff. I'm glad you're listening because you are truly one of the dirtiest men in the business. Now this is by the way this is Jeff Trastic. He's been a guest on the show in the band in the royal band. Royal band. Yeah he's I think the thing was he knew we had another musician on the show and he got a little jealous. Still limelight. A little jealous. Got a little jealous. You know He's just keeping your seat warm in here Trastic. You guys should form a super group. We'll do a rock a rock band competition. We can do that and I will be back. I will be back to circle jerk with the boy. Oh God I love it when you talk to him. What do I what never mind. Jeff is Jeff is in his studio apartment right now playing guitar. He's got a guitar in one hand a beer in the other hand and he's got us on speaker. We're sitting on speaker right now. I know what's going on. Actually exactly what's happening. Memorial Day marks the unofficial beginning of summer Jeff. Now when we look back on the summer of 2013 what are we going to remember? Well we're going to remember the sarcastic news show. I do know that. And the fact that you guys are getting real loose with the sound effect. I am enjoying that as well. Good. That actually wasn't a sound effect. I apologize. I love fart jokes. Oh man. Yeah. Are you dipping by the way Jeff? Are you dipping? Are you dipping right now? I currently do not have an enormous chew in right now. Okay. Oh. Jeff came on the show. He treated the Skid Row Studios the rat cage as we call it. He treated the rat cage like it was a dugout guys. He was spitting. Yeah. Sunflower seeds all over the place. Sunflower seeds. Cursing. He just urinated in the corner at one point. It was embarrassing. Yeah. You are dirty. Yeah. Well I learned from the best. I do. I listen to the show and thus you know I've been well educated. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we really do. We're more of a it's like outward bound sarcastic news. Any final thoughts for us Dirty Jeff? Any No. No. No final thoughts. Give your musician guests some love. I'm sure he's rad and I can't wait to see you fellas. Keep up the good work. Okay. And that's Jeff Trastic from Royal Band. You can catch Royal Band on iTunes. Royalband.com Royal Band Music. Royal Band Music.com. Right Jeff? Exactly. You guys take care and don't let Justin push you around too much. No. Yeah. Well I do. I rule with an iron fist over here. Jeff Trastic. A regular Bill O'Reilly over here. I really am. Do it live. Exactly. I'll write it and we'll do it live. Fuck it. Fucking dick sucks. All right Jeff. Thanks for listening. Keep listening. Okay. Keep listening. All right. We need you. We need you. Will do. I'm spreading the word. Specifically you. Well done. All right. Thank you. And I did want to ask you guys. Summer of 2013. What are we going to remember? We got Memorial Day the official start of summer. What are we going to think? Well if it's a good summer hopefully we won't remember much of it. Really? Oh yeah. You think it's going to be is there going to be like a movie that we want? Is Hangover 3 going to take the world by storm? I don't know about that. I've heard it's awful. Really? Yeah. Maybe Great Gatsby. I don't know. Maybe. Has anybody seen Great Gatsby yet? Our resident movie expert Michael Porter saw it and did not recommend it. Oh he didn't? No. Oh really? Okay. I haven't seen a movie since Good Will Hunting so I have no idea. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. I will say this though. I don't know what it's going to be remembered for but all I'll say is that I hope it's positive. I hope we look back and there's not like oh that was the summer that Yemen bombed us or like that some earthquake happened. I hope it's something positive and the headlines are somewhat optimistic. Okay. You would take an uneventful summer over and over again. Uneventful summer. If by eventful you mean. No, no, no. You don't get to pick whether it's positive or negative. You get an uneventful summer news wise or you get an eventful summer news wise and maybe you get a mixed bag. You don't know. News wise. Ooh. Well considering that the news headlines are generally overwhelmingly negative I will take an uneventful news headline summer. Yes. Okay. All right. Mark. Yeah I agree. Uneventful. Let's have a relaxing cool summer. Let's chill out man. Matt Nasty. You're clearly. You're interested in the show right now. You're. What are you doing? Are you sending dick pics? Like what's going on? What are you doing? Snapchatting with my girlfriend is what he's doing. Are you doing Snapchat? Tracy. No I think it's going to be. I think it's going to be an uneventful. Do I think it's going to be an uneventful summer? No. You are so. You're just. You're literally phoning this question in. No, no, no. This is what you asked. Is it going to be an uneventful summer? What's going to be for politics? Anything exciting do you see on the radar? Coming up here. Immigration bill gets passed. Yeah. You know I was going to be the boring guy and say it's going to be the summer of immigration which actually is going to be a big deal. The Canadians are coming. I think you know what? It's going to be uneventful. I think you're going to talk a lot. It's going to be. The right's going to try to push a lot of these fake scandals and it'll be interesting to see. You know you saw Obama come out today and said he was going to close Guantanamo and that he. Will he close Guantanamo by the end of the summer? I do. By the end of the summer I don't know. But I think that that's going to become a point of discussion for the summer. So we'll see. I'd actually like to take a moment and invite everybody to the Matt Mills Summer of Immigration barbecue. Yes. Yeah. It's going to be fun. It'll be catered by a fantastic Yeah, I was going to say. Bring your trucks. Crew. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, we're going to be back right now. We're going to be back in just a minute. We've got a Ocelot. Ocelot Robot. Nailed it. Basis Mark is joining us. Jake the Snake, what do you got for us? Yes, by the way, our new, our music break coming up now will be a brand new song by the band Ocelot Robot called Lost in L.A. Here it is. Doing it live. All right. We'll do it live. I'm a man. I'm 40. Oh, no. That was a different one. Do it right. Do it right one more time. You got that, Jeremy? Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live. All right. So we will be right back with Basis from Ocelot Robot Mark Butnatsky. Come on over the hill. Get what you want cause you don't have to pick up a bill. You could have anything. Come on over the hill. If they don't love you I'll find you somebody who will. Someone to take all the pain and make you go away. It's on the radio. It's on your stereo. It's on the TV show. And then never quit. It's just the latest scene. Filled with broken dreams. It's only everything. It's what you make it. We are lost in our layers. We are not going home. Come on over the hill. Get what you want. All you gotta do is swallow that. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. With that pill. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. This is the place to seem. Filled with broken dreams. It's on everything. But you make it. We're lost in a land. Lost in a land. Lost in a land. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. We're not going home. Tell us, first of all, how you guys formed. And I want to know what it's like to grow up in a town like this. Well, this group of guys, actually, everyone met. The guys all worked in a recording studio, actually, in Hollywood, Record Plant. They all worked together for years, and they all played instruments. They're all involved with music. And, you know, one day they're like, why are we recording everyone else's music? You play drums. You play guitar. You also play guitar and sing. Let's make a band. And they played their first show for a Halloween party. Yeah. At their own house. Mm-hmm. And then I joined them, like, two shows later. Awesome. Yeah. How long have you guys been together for? Coming up in, like, three years. Three years. Awesome. Yeah. And living in L.A. rules. Yeah? That's why I wrote that song about, we wrote that song about L.A. because we love living here. Did you write it? Or who? No, I didn't. No, I had zero percent in that. No, but was it, when you write songs, like, are they usually group collaborations, or is it just one person usually? It's funny you actually said that. It's like a big discussion with us. They start all differently. Sometimes, like, one person will bring it to the table as, like, a completely demoed-out song, you know? Yeah. All made, fake instruments, whatever. And then sometimes we write them all together. Mm-hmm. And I guess those are the only options, aren't they? But, yeah, most of the time, we like to sit together and figure it out as a band. Yeah. Cool. I mean, when I do this show, I write the whole thing, and these guys just show up, and he does fart noises with sound drops. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a prompter. He's got a prompter. He's going live. I'll write it, and we'll do it live. I mean, that's you. That's actually me. You're right. Exactly. So, Mark, now, I have no musical talent whatsoever, but I know about performing and doing stand-up. Now, when you guys perform, would you say that's the most fun part of doing music, is live performance, or do you like the recording aspect of it, the writing aspect? It's, for sure, playing live. That's definitely the best part. It's the part where we get to... interact with people and, you know, be silly and, and drink in public. You know, it's a lot better than drinking in a room with four guys and, you know, talking about how much fun we're having. It's a lot better to actually have that fun and party together. Oh, I thought you were talking about us for a second. In a dark room. We're not drinking. Yeah, with a disco ball going, maybe. And, and I, and you know, I'm glad you, you know, you came on Ground Sounds. Yeah. Take the snake craning. Absolutely. We did an interview for Ground Sounds with Hustle Hot Robot. Yeah. And, and, and, and, I mean, you guys, do you, you have them featured on, on, on the website and everything? On? Yeah, we actually have, we have them featured right now on the website. And when we get, when they, when they get their new tunes ready, we're going to, we're going to premiere one of their new songs as well. They've got something coming up in June, right, Mark? Yeah, we've got a whole album ready to, ready to go. We're just doing some final tweaks and it's going to be ready to go. We're really, really excited about it. Nice. What can we expect from that album? You know, lots of thongs, some bras, a few. I don't know. Perfect. I'm talking about maybe a few nipples. No, but Ground Sounds has been really great to us. We did a photo shoot with them recently, got some of their watches, their Ground Sound watches. Nice. They're awesome. That's great. Yeah. Now, do you guys, now when you, how long does it take to do an album like that? How long does it take to make an album like that? Like three years. Holy shit. Wow. That's like the joke with our band. It's been, some of the songs we're recording, it's kind of funny because we wrote them, we wrote them a year and a half ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we're finally now releasing them, but it just takes time, you know, it's a slow process and especially when you don't have much money to do it, it's expensive thing to do, even at home, even on your own. It's not, you know, it's not cheap. Yeah. Are you guys going to, are you guys going to be touring the album at all, like playing local shows or going on the road at all? We don't have any road plans yet. I know it's something we definitely want to do. I'm like from Arizona, so we know we want to go back to Tucson, Phoenix, probably do a couple of shows there, but we just want to get it out here in LA as much as we can in the next couple of months. So you're from Arizona? Yep, Tucson, Arizona. I'm a Wildcat. Is there a connection there with your girlfriend, Jake? Is that the Tucson cat? She's really great. As he liked to have been smoked. There's a drag from a cigarette right there. He just unbuttoned a button when he said that. I know, I know. It's getting hot in here. So how long have you been in LA for? I moved here almost five years ago. And has it been as tough as people say it is, in your opinion, to try to make it in LA? The grind of it all. Yeah, no, the grind's tough. We had to kind of adjust our attitude about being in a band because we just want to have fun because it can kill you out there if you're focused on making it your career. Not that we gave up on that or anything, but we just needed to settle down a little bit and start getting back to why we started a band, which was having fun. We were friends first. The band was secondary initially. It sounds like... It sounds like the theme there, and maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like the theme is a little bit enjoy the journey, you know? Yeah, no, definitely. You know, the end's going to come, whatever it is, so just have fun getting there, you know? Wow, we're getting deep here. Well, I can't wait till death. The end will come when we all die. 99 virgins. Oh, man. Well, I'm really delighted to have you on the show. Yeah, man, I really appreciate you having me. Thank you. We want to... When is the first... When does the album come out? It's in June? We don't have a date exactly yet, but we're going to have a release party in town when it comes out in the next month and a half, two months. You guys got to come by the show. I want you to come by. I'll bring some of the other gentlemen. It would be cool to have a live performance on the show. That would be awesome. Definitely do that. Absolutely. There was actually, before when Matt... Jeff Trastic's, you know, he's calling in. He's going to call in again. Dude, bring Dirty Jeff in. Oh, God. Dirty Jeff Trastic, man. He was a cool guy. We can get him on it. Maybe we can get you guys to... Like, kind of... Play different songs at the exact same time, just, like, over each other. That'd be fun. Yeah, let's do that. It'll be like listening to Nickelback live. You had to go there. Let me ask you real quick. That brings... Because, first of all, let me just say, we've had live... We have... When Matt and I first checked out the studio, Jeremy was actually telling us there was a live performance that happened in the studio. It wasn't music. A girl actually got fisted right over there in the corner. That's a true story, guys. It's a true story. Girl got fisted. No comment. Isn't that true, Jeremy? That is, in fact, true, yeah. Prove it. I like how he said it very much like a lawyer. He's like, that is, in fact, true. That is correct. Oh, man. And, wow. Well, we do need you to come by and do that. Have you guys ever done any live in-studio performances before? Any, like, radio shows, that kind of stuff? Yeah, we did play a live set for the USC radio station recently, KXSC. That was really fun. We played in between their show, and then we talked about it afterwards. Had a really good time. What is, real quick, I know, who was it? The guitarist in The Doors passed away? No, they're a Keys player. Keys player, I'm sorry. Were The Doors at all, like, were they, you know, talk about some of your influences. Were they influential at all, or were they just, you know, who do you guys, Ace of Bass, or what? No, really, actually, if you put, like, a Venn diagram of all of our interests together, you know, that one middle, it was definitely Huey Lewis and The News. Oh, really? You know, those small-town guy, yeah. Yeah. Really? And actually, the album Sports has celebrated its 30th anniversary this month. Really? That's the album. Wow. It's actually about a beautiful little bar in the marina called Sports Harbor. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's fantastic. Shout out to Sports Harbor. I've been there before. Our sponsor, Sports Harbor. Miguel. Finish, fantastic catfish sandwich. Jeremy, we're going to go to a quick, quick break, and we'll be right back. Mark, thank you very much for joining us. Thanks, you guys, so much. And join us throughout the show, and we will be right back here on the Sarcastic News Show. So don't wait, don't hesitate If you need me, just call me and stay up late I'll be waiting by your doorstep at a quarter to nine But I don't mind, no, I don't mind Cause I've waited all day No, it ain't too late Cause it's you I was always around And with you, only you My view is stuck to the ground And I could get a minute to write Then I'd write you a letter Send overnight And it'd say, be my strength Run away for one day I've been escaped Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm M! M M wearing it actually. And let me just say this. We actually had one listener in Florida. I'm not going to say his name, but he's a regular listener. And he actually did tweet into the show saying, this was the worst idea ever to try and have sex listening to sarcastic news. My girlfriend laughs too much and there's too much talk of circle jerks. I'm actually not sure his girlfriend is laughing because of the show. I think she's just laughing. Ooh, wow. Wow. Maybe she was looking at the photo of the portrait of Bea Arthur that we were promoting last week. The naked photo of Bea Arthur. That went for $1.9 million at auction. You know what? She had very pillowy breasts. I know. They're succulent in my opinion. Guys, yeah, no they were. There's a security camera. I wonder if the security camera was watching the fisting. You think? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. The most trusted name in bullshit. Sarcastic news. The most trusted name in bullshit. We want to give a big shout out to Jeremy in the back. He runs this operation here. Does a fantastic job. Skid Row Studios. Check out skidrowstudios.com. That's right. Golf clap. In the heart of LA's loose pit bull district. And I had the rat cage. That's what we call it here. The rat cage. And had a great time here. You can catch us. We have articles updated. Pretty much every day on sarcastic-news.com. Jake the Snake's a writer for that. I know Matt Nasty, again, he just plays sound drops. But we have that. Catch us out. Catch us on Twitter at sarcasticnews1. That's at... God damn it. At sarcasticnews1. And Ocelot Robot. Where can, Mark, where can people catch you guys online? We're everywhere. Ocelotrobot.com. That's our Twitter. At Ocelot Robot. Instagram. I take all the pictures. They're beautiful. Yeah. Check us out, guys. YouTube. We've got it all. We've got 11 music videos. Nice. Awesome. 11. I like that. They're all very entertaining too, by the way. Yeah. Which one? Okay. If people want to check your stuff out, what's another song? We have Lost in LA. Great, great music video, in my opinion. What's another one that people should listen to? Well, one of our popular classics is... No, actually, I want to say the new album. There's a lot of great stuff coming out on that. It's just not out yet, but on our website, we've got a new album. It's called Lost in LA. It's a great song. It's just, I want to say the new album. There's a lot of great stuff coming out on that. It's just not out yet, but on our website, we've got a few, like one called Again and Again. Okay. There's some good ones, but new ones. Ocelotrobot.com. Check it out, guys. Thank you for joining us here on the Sarcastic News Show. My name is Justin Cross, and we will be back next week, Thursday night, 7.30, 8.30 p.m. Pacific on Sarcastic News, the most trusted name in bullshit. See, I've been here for 28 years. Palance red beneath these wheels. Tattooed lines beneath our skin. I've been here for 28 years. Palance red beneath these wheels. Tattooed lines beneath our skin. No surrender, my Bobby G.