Casual multi-host discussion on teacher discipline, celebrity deaths, and comedy industry

I made it, sex, labor, come on. I fought the law and I won. I fought the law and I won. A lot of new shoes, we got the last brand. The pilot's called to run. Trinches are the best things I ever had. Good evening, folks. Welcome to On Burger Podcast. How are you guys doing this evening? Yeah. Joined by... Megan Rice, got Preston Blaine, Ryan Talmo, April O'Connor. And in the sixth seat, we have... Oh, wait, we don't have Ryan Broms. He's AWOL, he went AWOL from us and the military. No, guys, guys. He's a ghoul. He was always a figment of our imagination. Should we just all hop a seat over? The worst figment of anyone's imagination. I'm going to say this, okay? There was a transgender person on the radio show earlier. Ryan Broms had some major problems. With transgender people, he may have been killed. Oh. So I don't want to say like, oh, he didn't show up. Let's just hope he's dead and there's a good reason. Yes. He hasn't posted any pictures of the pool. A girl can dream. Right? Right? Anyway, so hopefully Ryan Broms is okay. If not, it'll be good news. Hopefully we get the scoop. Andy flew down from Seattle and she killed him. Andy was the transgender person, right? Well, I think... Was he trans or was he... I don't remember. I think so. I'm drunk on these shows. He was a drunk. Impossible. And we have no live tweeting tonight, but we do have the call-in number 800. What is it? 800. Glad you asked, Megan. 800-893-9562. Again, 800-893-9562. That's toll-free. I mean, you know... I mean, you're literally losing money if you don't call in. If this was 82, this would be toll-free, right? Yeah. They could actually make money if they over-call us. Exactly. Keep up the lies. So, okay. So... As everyone knows, or if you don't know, I was a special education teacher for 10 years. I taught in South Central LA. It was public school, so I didn't do anything. But still, I did. I showed up. And now, there's a teacher in the news right now. Big story going on. A teacher tackles a student who's dealing drugs in the class, even though it was marijuana. We know it's an easy... Dealing drugs in class. Santa Monica High School. Tackles. Tackles. Well, well. Now, wait. Now, the story goes... Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. Emma. was tackle the student at the legs. This is a wrestling coach and a big guy who probably could have slaughtered this student, merely brought him down while he was being attacked by the student who was dealing drugs in the class. Here's the thing. The superintendent, something, something, cunt face, suspends him immediately, but comes out and says that what he did was horrible, he was wrong, without ever knowing anything. Suspends the teacher. Okay, this is what I'll say about this, and this is entirely because everyone has a camera phone now. That's the only reason this happened. I will not say what high school I went to, and I will only say that my math teacher, and a good friend of mine this happened to, my math teacher in high school was also the wrestling coach because they do a lot in high school because they can't afford to pay two people to do two different things. So they have them do the same thing. So the wrestling coach, he was more of a wrestling coach than a math teacher, but whatever, he did both. And the wrestling mats were in the back of the class, and if kids didn't listen, and he was cool with them, he'd fuck them up. Like he wouldn't hurt them. He wouldn't start wrestling them in the middle of math class? No, he wouldn't bring out the mats, but a good friend of mine was picked up by this teacher, picked up on his shoulders, and he threw him in between the mats. Oh, those were the days. And it was hilarious. That was the 90s. I'm not that old. For me, it was the 70s, but go on. But regardless, but he did worse than this teacher did, and on a pretty regular basis. But it was just funny, and nobody gave a shit because no student was recording and put, if any parents probably saw that, it would have been a whole other thing. Oh, yeah. And by parents, I mean not parents of that student because they'd be like, yeah, my kid's shitty. Do that. Yeah. But other parents, they'd be like, that's terrible. Well, I don't know. Nowadays, they're probably like, well, my, my, kid gets participation awards all the time, so he's great. Well, that's the thing. Exactly. Everyone's kid's an honor student, and this is the thing is, Black, the teacher, who was caught up in all this, he's, like I said, he's been suspended. He's put on paid leave, but he's put in one of those places where the people who molest children and attack children are put, and this is not okay because, again, I'm very against teachers touching children. If a teacher hit my kid, I would go and fuck that teacher up. Yeah. Yeah. However, I raise children that don't have issues. I mean, I know there's a lot of parents out there, and I'm curious, if there's any parents out there, it's, again, 800-893-9562. How would you feel if your kid was dealing drugs and he swung it and hit a teacher in the face and the teacher brought your kid down? Would you be one of these cunt hole pieces of shit who's like, oh, my kid's perfect? Or would you be like, I apologize. My kid's a piece of shit. I'm not raising him right, and I need to fix it. Yeah. Well, what happened to the kid? The kid had to have gotten suspended, too, right? Not suspended yet. None of them suspended yet. What? Just the teacher. Selling drugs in class. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. If you're feeding kids cum on cookies, well, then you'll be transferred. Yeah. But if you bring down a drug-dealing participant in the public school system, well, they're going to suspend you. But, again, I feel like it's because everything is so out there and everyone can record everything because a mere 10 years ago, a teacher, a teacher shoved a child in the middle of maths because he didn't do his math homework. She's really angry about this. I like that. This guy needs to come down. What it really has to do with, it has to do with PR and them not wanting to get sued. Exactly. And that's all it really is because, obviously, you know that if somebody punches you in the face, you better fucking take them down. Well, I mean, that's your normal human being's reaction. where 10 years ago, that didn't exist. 10 years ago, there wasn't a cell phone video. Exactly. Of that on the internet as it happened. And the kid shows up. Is that what happened? That the videos got out or something? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the videos went viral. Because it's proof right there that it happened. And the kid shows up next week in a neck brace and then the family sues the school district. Well, but they're not going to be able to. That's the beautiful thing is because there's so much. Because he got up and hit the teacher. Well, there's so much public outcry against this. There's parents picketing the school and students protesting that they want this teacher back and this is not going to happen. And they're not going to be able to do that. And they're not going to be able to do that. This is America now, guys. If you're a piece of garbage, you can swing by. If you do the right thing that doesn't go with the norm, you're out. Yeah. You know? It's true. And it's what's going on in America. Nobody wants to call anything out. No one wants to say, hey, you loser parents. Yeah. Raise your kids. Stop sending them to school to sell drugs. Yeah, because back in the day. Wait, were they sending them to school? You used to get. There were nuns in Catholic schools that would whoop your ass. Oh, they'll whip you. Whoop the shit out of you. With the ruler. Yeah. No problem. I mean, I was. It's not even back in the day. I mean, it's. I remember the change. I remember not Catholic school, but public school. Yeah. When we could be spanked and then we no longer could be spanked. And I remember. Oh, you're part of that. Yeah. I remember that change and it was a good day because I got a lot of freaking trouble. I was in karate as a kid and they, the sensei taught the kids. I can't take you seriously. I was in karate. I can't take him seriously. He's a karate. That's the kind of karate where you can't use it against anyone. I know. But basically he. Okay. This happened to me though. I was like 11 or 12. I wasn't learning my moves. Okay. Whatever it was. I didn't get past a certain belt and I was. He was going for a brown belt which is the second level. It was actually. I never passed the first belt. No. Which was the spanking belt. Which is weird. That is. The guy's sensei, he told six of the students to kick me. But not pass it. They just. They did. They just. They just started kicking me. Oh, that's great. It hurt. I'm like, what the fuck? Now you're a comic. Yeah. Yeah. I think we can blame him. They kicked it into him. Yeah. No, but I mean. But you know what though? It's. That's the thing. It's that fine line between hitting. Like beating the shit out of a kid. Yeah. Or smacking a kid in the head and going straight and fuck up. But it's a very fine line that people aren't getting. And we can't seem to find how to sit on that line. We have to be on one side or the other. Either we're beating the shit out of our kids or we're babying them. Do you spank your kids? I, um, for fun. I, um. I do. Spanking is always good. No, you know. He puts those videos on YouTube. Yeah, I know. You know what it is? In all honesty, being a teacher for so many years, I've worked with juveniles. I've worked with in different situations. Yeah, and special needs, of course. Yeah, and just. And all the kids I've worked with have been behavior problems. My first two children are absolute. Just perfect. They do nothing. Blah, blah, blah. They don't even try me. You know, they're just amazing. My daughter's president of civics. You know, my son deals drugs at Santa Monica High. No. I know. But he can fuck up a teacher. My son's amazing. He can fuck up a teacher. Football players, straight A's. You know, like all this stuff. My youngest daughter, who's my most trying one, will once in a great while say no. But that's because I've planted so many seeds. I've done so much work. And as much of a fuck up as I am, I know how to raise kids and I know how to teach kids and I know how to work with kids. And what a lot of people don't get is it's real easy if you just straightforward, if you just do what you do. Yeah. And you can raise your kids, but people need to take responsibility. They're having kids like they're pets. You know, and that's the thing. You know, your dog shits on my lawn. That's a problem. Your kid robs my house. That's a fucking nightmare. That's like... Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know, and so we got a bunch of shitty kids. There's also a difference between spanking your kids and being the shit out of your kids. Like, my parents would spank me every once in a while, but the thing that made me never talk back to my father was he hit my brother. And when I saw that, I was like, okay, I'm never gonna let that happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't. Like, as, you know, 13 years old, hit him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And after that, I was, oh. Nope, not going there. I learned from my older brother once that happened. And there's something to it. But you're still so shitty. Yeah. Well, no, but you know what? That's your opinion. No, but you know what it is? It's an aggression thing because, like, with me, I only got spanked a few times, really, but... Me too. But they were serious. I got hit with a wire cord. I got thrown through a dining room table. Like, my dad, my dad was killed for being, for being involved in mob stuff and this and that. And so one time, I went off on him. My dad was 6'2", 350. And so I was a little kid and I'm telling him, you know, I was probably, like, maybe 12, 13. Oh, big mistake. Oh, no, I'm telling him, hey, fuck you, fat ass. Fuck you. I'm calling the IRS. I'm calling the FBI and telling them where you are and all this shit, right? And we were kind of hiding at the time in Anaheim, in Anaheim Hills in this mini mansion that my dad rents and then re-rents 50 times to, like, 50 different people and we keep all the money. But, you know, so he'd run these scams all the time. So we were in a mini mansion in Anaheim Hills. A true capitalist. Oh, he was amazing. And so, anyway, so the sweetest guy in the world. But, you know, and he never hit us really, nothing. And so I was telling him, like, I'm calling the FBI. I'm calling the IRS. Fuck you, fat ass. And I stop and he was, like, kind of shaking. I stop and I'm, like, kind of what up and he just grabbed me and threw me, like, a toy on me and right through a dining room glass table and I just... But, you know, but I was an asshole. Like, I was always that kid. I was the guy who I got in trouble at, like, Skateland for fighting and they were, like, we're cops. Like, show me your badge. Yeah. So everyone else got to leave except me. Everyone always got to leave except me because I had... See, but I do, I do, this is so, like, personality related as far as, like, how you are as a kid and how you fuck up. Yeah. Because my thing as a kid, like, I remember my mom spanking me when I was little and my mom crying. Yeah. And I just thought, I can't do this to my mom again. Like, that was, like, by, like, I was, like, oh. Because this makes her feel so bad. And that's why, like, I could never be as big of a drug addict as I wanted to be deep down because I didn't want to hurt my mom's feelings. Wait, you wanted to be even more of a drug addict? Oh, yeah. Okay, you have no idea. I got a, my mom used to slap me, you know, when I'd run my mouth when I was a kid, obviously, but she never, sometimes she'd even be, like, the wood spoon. Oh, the wood spoon. Yeah. But my, uh, my uncle was, like, super Christian. He made her this paddle. Ha. Ha. Oh. Like a, like a fraternity. Like, like, fraternity paddle? Like, like, April deserves this. Like, like the one, like, from, like, that says, fuck you, that old Banyan had and, yeah, and Daisy, yeah. Yeah. I, he, he made my mom a paddle like this big. That's amazing. Your kid is more or less like your kid's a piece of shady trouble. Here, take this. You know how long that lasted in my, uh, house for? Mm. Maybe 24 hours because then I threw that thing in the woods. I want to know what the O'Connor crest was that you got. It was the paddle. It was two, two blunts crossed and then a bottle of bullet bourbon. No, no, I'm guessing April's mom is pretty straight, right? Yeah, she's pretty straight. Yeah, April always reminds me of someone who comes from a good family. April's mom is a, is a, is a, is a lady. Yeah. And a god against women. Yeah, my mom was a whore. My mom, no, my mom's a sweetheart. She's my angel. My dad's a really bad drug addict. Well, no. We have, we have to get another show. That is another show. Is he really bad or really good? No, he's really bad. Okay. But really good at being a drug addict. He's really good at being a drug addict. He's bad at being a human but great at doing drugs. Yeah. He's good. He can, he can procure drugs for you. He's really good at that. He might take a little bit of it. Was he posing as a high school student down there? Hey, everybody, look who's here. It's going to be all of the ridiculous. What? We're going to sneak in and out. Cameo. Cameo. She slipped right in. Was it a ghost? There's no sneaking. Second ghost of the evening. She tells me on the thing, she goes, I'm going to try and sneak in. I'm going to sneak in real quick and just grab my sweater. I'm like, no, you're not. You need your sweater? Do you got air conditioning in there? No ninja work. No. No? Yeah, because it's fucking 400 degrees. I've literally, I've lost five pounds and I really don't have it. I was going to say, Burger doesn't have five pounds I don't fucking have five pounds. I've gotten to an age where I'm like, holy shit, I look Holocaust thin. That'll be all dick weight but you can't lose dick weight. Right? Yeah, hopefully. You can lose dick size. I swear to God, my first wife took a, fucking half inch of my dick. Oh God. It's true. I swear, people can do that. Nobody gets that. Women can shorten your dick. Instead of full Lorena Bobbitt, she just took like a cheese grater to the tip of it. She just dressed it down. That sounds horrible. She just left as part of his manhood. What side of the cheese grater? You know why I'll never leave my wife? I'll never leave my wife because she now, this is the first woman since I got divorced and even during then, of course, that I get fucking fully hard for because that was the thing. After the first divorce, it was like, yeah, why try? It's going to be horrible, you know? And it was like, my dick knew. This is a bad idea. By the way, ladies, what you always want to hear from a man, I get fully hard for her. I do. Hey, you know what was the greatest thing ever? I wasn't being, I wasn't joking. I wasn't joking. You guys know Jen Murphy, right? I love Jen Murphy, yeah. Okay, so one of the things since she went on stage and said, which was funny because I told her one time, I go, you know, you make me want to get, you make me want to get less stoned, right? And she said that, she goes, you know, I realize that my life isn't going that great when the guy I'm dating tells me, hey, you make me want to get less stoned. And I thought, you're right, bitch. Oh, God. Yeah, but so anyway. That's kind of charming, though, is the compliment. I love you so much you make me want to be sober sometimes. Sometimes. That means I can be, I can be sober around you. Right, right. That's a compliment. That's a great, that is a great compliment. I've gotten that. I mean, I've dated some terrible men, so that's not all that bad. Ryan, I don't want to get shit-faced every time I see you anymore. She does, because every girl I've dated, we just get fucked up. Why not? Yeah. Yeah, every time, and they just break up with me because, because they're like, all we do is we get fucked up. Yeah. Like, we got to do something else. Like, no. No, why talk? Why? You got to ruin everything. I can talk drunk. Yeah. Yeah, it's the whole thing. I literally, I swear to God, how many times have I been in here that I was going to divorce my wife? Yeah. Right? Almost every other show. It's, it's a recurring episode. She's a fucking nut, but I love her. You know what I realized with my wife now? I, I've probably slept with a ridiculous, I've slept with a ridiculous amount of women, but I've been with a lot of women. Here's the thing. I just, I never got why guys got all like, where they were into women. I finally get why guys or a girl would be so in love with someone, you know? Right. And I, I finally, I understand that like, love, it can be so strong that it can pull you through everything else. If my wife cheated on me, I'd leave that bitch and kill her. I mean, but, but, but I get why other people, but I get why other people would stay. Like, I mean, other people, if you're a weaker person, you might stay like, Oh, I'm so in love. Fuck that. I'll kill you, bitch. And find a whore. And I won't know love anymore. So what? I, I know, I know love. And I will, I will show my love later tonight when me and Megan both get munch boxes and eat it in bed. They've been talking about this for like an hour and a half now. Once we get the Jag in the Box munch box special. You get a munch box? Right on. No, he doesn't do that. No, I don't know why. He doesn't do that. You don't, you don't go down? Hold on. She always gives me shit about not doing it enough. Oh no, you know why? You know what you gotta do? You, you don't, first of all, someone told me, you don't fucking lick. You suck. I do. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to say something. But when I do, I'm good, right? Sure, babe. Okay, that's not, yeah. No, here's my thing. This is my issue. I don't fucking like it. I really, honestly, I'd rather get fucked. Just, hand to God, I don't, I don't care. It's a nice sentiment. It's just a nice, yes. So you don't come? You don't come when someone goes down on you? No. Really? Never. A lot of women I've been with, the easiest way they come is that. In my entire life. I think if I get that shit out of them, get out of the way, and get to me, fuck yeah. It kind of depends on who's doing it. It's true. Just, you know. I mean, Preston's the first man that's ever done it to me. I'm sure. Really? No, of course not. Have you heard her backstory? Of course not. Jesus Christ. No, it just, it depends. Different people have different skill sets. She was getting her box eaten at the fucking Santa Monica Pier. I don't know. I wanted to say something. Wait, what? What happened? No, it's like a new TV. You hear your boxing? Santa Monica Pier? It's the Redondo Pier. The Redondo Pier. Like a lady. Like a lady. Like a salty lady. You know what's funny? I'll tell you this, is because I want to jump into this, and I don't want to miss it. It's been, what's been crazy right now is everybody died at once. Oh, threes. It always happens in threes. And it happened in threes this week. Yeah. So first one dead? Was it Pinyet? John Pinyet. John Pinyet. Yeah. John Pinyet. Which he's hilarious. He's 500 pounds overweight though, wasn't he? He's surprised. Frankly, yeah. As soon as I saw that, I was like, wait, he was one of those guys that you're like, oh, he's still alive? All of the greats, the great fat comics all have to pass away, like at an early age. Well, you know what it is? Well, Pinyet, I'll say this, is I like Pinyet, but he wasn't what I consider a great, great comic. He was very funny. Very funny. Very funny. Very descriptive. Very descriptive. I will say as a child, I remember him as a child though. As a kid. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I remember him from when I was a kid. He was kind of like the fat comic who didn't really get in. Yeah. You know, like he didn't hit as big as the other fat comic. He was pre-Ralphie May. Yeah. He was very humble too, I heard. Oh, great. I heard he's a great guy. Yeah. Seems like a really nice guy. And I'll tell you this is, one of the wildest things is, you know, like that's the thing, Candy, all these guys, all these heavy set comics. Oh, John Candy. Who died young. Love John Candy. But who died young. Because Farley. Because Farley. Farley was different because it was a drug addiction. Yeah. Farley wasn't because of his weight. Farley was all drugs. Well, no. But. Well, a little bit of weight. I guarantee you. He was a fat ass who did a bunch of drugs. Yeah. Yeah. That doesn't help. He was just like John Belushi who had the same bra. If Ralphie May's drug of choice was coke instead of weed, he would have been dead 15 years ago. Yeah, exactly. Farley didn't die from a fucking speedball. He died from coke. Yeah. Right. I mean, well, was that what it was? I thought it was a speedball. It wasn't a speedball? No, I'm glad it was coke because if it was a speedball, I think what a hack. See, that was. You know, you're just doing Belushi. Yeah, right. You're just doing Belushi and that's all. It's kind of hacky. It's, you know. When Farley died, it was the same time when Phil Hartman got shot in the head. Oh, God. I told you guys about that, right? How Rogan did that. What? Joe Rogan killed fucking Phil Hartman. What? Oh, yeah. A lot of people don't know. Okay. I heard it was Andy Dick. I heard it was Andy Dick. Andy Dick last night at the After Hours. Of course he did. Well, here's the thing. Here's how it worked. Andy Dick was on the show, radio, whatever it was. News radio. Yeah, news radio. Okay, news radio. Okay, with Phil Hartman, Joe Rogan. Yeah. Joe Rogan used to bully this guy so badly, like literally pick on him so badly. Who, Hartman and Hartman? On Dick. Yeah. On Andy Dick. Oh, okay. He used to beat Andy Dick off the set. No, he used to, but he used to pick on Andy Dick all the fucking time. He used to beat him off on set. Yeah, he used to beat him off on set. And he'd beat him off on set and so. Oh, hey. Oh. Anyway, so he would pick on him nonstop. He would bully him. He'd pick on him. He'd treat him like shit. He became a drug addict. Andy Dick became a drug addict because of the abuse. Oh, fuck off. Andy Dick then in turn got Phil Hartman's wife back on cocaine. Phil Hartman's wife killed Phil Hartman. She was all fucked up. Joe Rogan then killed Phil Hartman is all I'm saying. I love Joe Rogan. I think he's one of the funniest comics around. He's a genius. And I just love him. But that's my seven degrees. I still stick with the magical. That is seven degrees. I still enjoy the magical story of after that happened, John Lovitz. Oh, they brought John Lovitz to news radio? No. What did he do? Well, the story I've heard is that Lovitz saw Andy Dick at the comedy store. Okay. And it was right after Hartman died. Oh, yeah. Lovitz was like choking him or something. And he beat his face into the fucking bar. Yeah. John Lovitz can fight? Well, if it's Andy Dick and he just killed his best friend. Okay. Fair enough. You know Andy Dick's got a son who does comedy. He can fight better than Andy Dick. Well, you know Andy Dick has a son who does comedy. Yeah. Lucas. Lucas. Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be the shit. Dana Carvey's kid was at a mic I was at last year. Lucas worked at a mic shop. You know what? I didn't see him. I wanted to see him. He moved down from San Francisco. I was very interested in seeing him. He seemed like a really nice guy. He was a really nice guy. One of the nice things is I think when your dad does something like comedy and things like that and then you can then follow- It'd be a hard thing to follow, obviously. But when you follow in the footsteps and you do the thing your dad did, you know what I'm saying? He became really popular at it and everything else and then you jump in. I think that's fucking stealing a comic spot. You fuck. Go live off your money. Go have fun. Go be a missionary. Go do charity work. Your parents got money. Who's money? Fucking Eddie Murphy's kids. Pryor's kids. All these people. Although, Rain Pryor I love and she never really got any money from them. Exactly. But the ones who did. There's some that don't. This is my thing. There's a difference between someone using a name and actually being like, this is a thing I want to do. Yeah. Well, Rain Pryor, I will say, Rain Pryor is a true comic like Shantae Wayans. Shantae Wayans is a real comic. She's very funny. They're very creative. Rain Pryor, I think, is really a funny comic and she, in her own light, is very strong. But she's one of the few that I've ever found who's somebody's kid who's creative. I think there's a big difference between when you go up and, I'm this guy's kid. I'm Brando Murphy. How do you know what's good? Honestly. Danny Carvey's kid was at shit open mic that I was at last night. Exactly. Danny Carvey's kid? He could. He didn't come in and say, I'm Dana Carvey's son. Some people are very humble about that. Exactly. Danny Carvey's kid could walk into the fucking comedy store and be like, my dad's Dana Carvey and get a fucking spot. He could walk in with Dana Carvey and Dana Carvey would be like, this is my kid. Give him spots. Yeah, but you know what he can't do? Yeah, but he's not. You know what he can't do? He can't tell the audience he's Dana Carvey's kid and make them laugh. No, and I don't think he would ever do that. But no, no, but this is the thing. This is the- Which then that happens is what? Are you going to change your name? You could maybe do a name change or something. You know how many people do that shit though? I mean, that's the thing. D'Elia showed up when I first saw him showing up. Like he was some poor kid struggling with his ripped jeans and his bullshit, acting all poor. But you know, then it came out right away. Like this is the fucking one of the richest dudes in Hollywood's kid. Yeah, Law and Order producer or something. Oh, every, no. Not Law and Order. CSI. No, LA Law. LA Law. LA Law. And you know, but- He produced the- It's a bullshit interview. The one with the- The one with Robin Williams? The one that just came out? Yeah, it's a bullshit interview. Yeah, that great show. That was canceled. That got canceled. What? It was so good. The crazy ones. Did you see the first episode where it was a McDonald's commercial? The amazing pilot that got picked up. We saw that in my house. Right? And I'm going to tell you this. Fuck that piece of shit herpes giving fuck. Okay? That dude goes around giving people, gay people herpes. Robin Williams? Yeah. Got sued for giving girls herpes. Who? Robin Williams. Not telling people he had herpes. Got sued for it. All kinds of shit. This is the thing. This is the thing. He finally paid Steve Pearl for the fucking jokes he stole. Like that's what I'm saying. The problem with this whole world- He stole so many jokes. So wait. The problem with- He paid somebody for stealing jokes so that's like admitting- 20 years later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no. Everyone knew this motherfucker was a thief. Admitting guilt but he's already worth $50 million. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing about this fucking world. I just did a show with that Dean Del Rey fuck and that's the thing. Is this little monopoly looking man- Dean Del Rey. Dean Del Rey. He's got all his money trying to look like a biker, trying to look like a crazy guy but he's just some piece of shit. The clothes I go up in are the real clothes I wear. I just went for an audition as a fucking biker. Everyone showed up Hollywood biker in their leathers and all this shit with these boots that had no scuff marks. How do you have boots that have no scuff marks if you're a biker? Because you're a gentleman. Because you're not a biker. Because you're a gentleman. You still got to put your feet down. Yeah, exactly. Brand new scuff roots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.! I had three steel-toed boots from fucking Doc Martens. I had those when I was 14. That's the thing. You know who they kept? You know who they kept? Me. You know why? I showed up in my actual motorcycle jacket, not a leather jacket. It was a fucking one of those vinyl whatever the windbreaker type shit. A windbreaker. A t-shirt and jeans and my Doc boots that I wear every day and that's the thing. I have to say, Burger. They said, you look like a real biker. You booked it? You booked it? You booked it? Yeah. They called me back. You don't want to find out. You look just like the six guys that stabbed those people at the Rolling Stones concert at Los Angeles in 1968. I was. I was. Yeah. I mean, but that's the thing. But you know- Just like all six of them. But that's what people don't get is like- Mission to one. There's a reality to being poor and it doesn't look like anyone in Hollywood and it doesn't look like all these people want it to look. And you know, that's the thing. You know what it is? It comes down to this being so creative. We've had so many deaths. Mickey Rooney. So we talk about Mickey Rooney. There's somebody who just lived his life. This crazy ass, fucked up- Broke. Married eight times. Died broke. Robbed as a kid. Died broke. Yeah. Robbed as a kid. Wasn't he the reason for, or part of the reason? He was one of them. He was one of them. Yeah. It was, what's the guy's name? Goddammit. Old actor who got fucked out of all his money. Yeah. And was the reason for the thing. And then why they don't, why they put the money in trusts. Oh, so he was like the original Macaulay Culkin. He was one of them. Boy, he was totally fucked over. Oh no, this is like back in the 30s. Yeah. Yeah. He was totally fucked over by his parents who were vaudeville entertainers. Kid actors, you know, they still get fucked, but it's a lot harder to do it because- Judy Garland too. Yeah. Big time. Oh man. Yeah. She was, since she was a kid, her parents were giving her speed and downers. Speed to perform during the day and then downers at night. And then when she went, not knowing that, then when she went to start to work for the studios- Then they wanted to do it even more. Then they were giving her drugs too. Oh yeah. It was like a weight issue. So then they gave her more amphetamines. Yeah. She had to fit into those ruby slippers. Yeah, that's after, but still like she's- Yeah. Like that, Hollywood killed her. Nobody talks about that type of stuff though. It happened in the 30s and 40s when everyone thinks that's the greatest time, everything was clean. Who's Amanda Bynes? That's why this whole city is haunted. All these old hotels are where all the crazy shit went down. Well, who knows Amanda Bynes? Talking about ghosts again. Yeah, we all know Amanda Bynes. Is she dead yet? I grew up watching all that. I know who Amanda Bynes is. Okay, so I don't really know who this girl is, but I know she's like this whacked out drug addict, bipolar freak- She's nasty, right? Who's been a kid actor her whole life. But what nobody's getting is this kid was molested. So many of these kids are molested, going through Hollywood. They get fucked by these- I don't know about that. This is what goes on. They get fucked by these producers. Yeah. They get passed around. Zac Efron, we talked about before. All this shit, right? Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Why do you think all that? I don't know. I'm just so angry. Here's the thing. Oh, yeah. First of all, from what I understand, and this is just hair say, I don't want to get sued for this out of my $5. You will. But, you know, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. I like how you did a disclaimer now, but you didn't do a disclaimer before you said Joe Rogan killed Phil. Hey! He fucking killed him! Okay, so- Joe Rogan personally put the gun to Phil. I love Rogan. Bullies hurt. Here's the thing. But no, no, no. But this is the thing. It's true. Everyone's been hurt. It's true. It's true. It's true. Everyone's fucked up. But- He needs sound effects. Right? I suck at sound effects. Bring the sound effects. You want me? I'll try it. Fuck it. Here's the thing. So, what was I saying? We spoke a lot of- Amanda Bynes. Amanda Bynes. Okay. So, this is the thing, though. You know, people get passed around. They're getting all this shit going on. They do. Nobody's talking about it. Chris Brown, that's what I was saying. Chris Brown, okay, is in jail right now. Here's the thing. Yeah. He's fucked. Finally. What? Chris Brown's in jail? What? He's fucking with Rihanna. Yet, there's this on, I think it was crack.com or one of these crazy sites talking about how Rihanna gave Chris Brown herpes. Now, do you notice how Rihanna got back together with Chris Brown and did all this thing to make it look like, oh, it wasn't that big a deal? Why would she do that unless that bitch gave him herpes? Now, this is the thing. If this- Wait, wait, wait. Did anybody see the pictures of her on TMZ today? No. Did she look like she had herpes? With her ass in the air? Ass up. See what? Okay, so, but this is the thing. No pants on. This is what I'm saying, though. But it's supposed or suggested that this girl has herpes. Okay, it also was said that she gave Chris Brown herpes. If some girl gave me herpes that I was dating, I'm going to bite her fucking ear off. Now, if Chris Brown came out and said, hey, I fucked her up. I did all this shit. It's wrong. I get it. She gave me herpes. I think everyone would go, oh, oh, oh. Fine. Okay, you shouldn't hit a woman, but fuck, I guess if the bitch gave you herpes. Also, Chris Brown could just be a piece of shit. He is, he is. Like, let's fucking get down on that. We know that dude was passed around like a toy. That's why he's got to be all tough. You wouldn't have to be that tough. Or he's just a piece of shit. Oh, no, he is. Like, how valid was that wherever you read that? Was it on World Story? I mean, I got it. Calm, motherfucker. This came from the world. No, crack.com is a great thing. Chris Brown is not invalid. I've met plenty of pieces of shit. Maybe they were fucked or not. Oh, yeah. But they're still pieces of shit. Oh, totally. Chris Brown, I doubt, got fucked. Oh, I think he did. I feel like. Yeah. What about the Corys? He's pretty. He's very pretty. Wait, who? The Corys. We know about the Corys were passed around all through Hollywood. Back to the Corys. That was a joke. That was a joke amongst producers about the Corys. Back to the dead people. Back to the dead people. But, I mean, but these pieces. One's dead one time. These pieces of shit. One's dead. Yeah, one's career's dead, one's dead. But Corys are dead. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm going to tell you this, though, is those guys were passed around like crazy. It was a joke in Hollywood. And that's a sad thing. It's not funny. These are human beings. That definitely happens. But there's also something to young money. I mean, I don't like Justin Bieber. I think he's a huge douchebag. I don't think he was fucked. But Jesus Christ, if I was worth $200 million when I was 19, doing the exact same shit he was doing. And you're nothing else. If my dad was a piece of shit, if my mom was a piece of shit, and everyone was trying to sell me, yeah, yeah, I hear you. It's just like Macaulay Culkin. He was the same way. He got poured out. But put yourself in this situation. If you're 19 years old and you are worth hundreds of millions of dollars and you have a fucking Ferrari, of course you're going to drive it fast through your fucking neighborhood, through your gated community. Is the number not working? Because nobody can get through. We're getting texts. Oh, texts about calls? Preston, Preston, if you see me press the fucking button when I talk to the people inside the window, you're not supposed to bring it up. It makes us look unprofessional. Oh, by the way, that's what makes us look unprofessional? It's not the fact that we're chugging and rolling around. I can't find anything wrong. Maybe, yeah, the 16 bottles laying around. Okay, because we have a couple people saying that they're trying to call, but the number's not working. Who else? Who else? Who else, guys? No, this is actually. The big thing, if you guys can. Kurt Cobain? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Bigger, bigger. Kurt Cobain is dead? I'm going to tell you what. Can I say one thing? Can I lead into this? Yes. When I was 15 and a half, I was living with this girl who was 26, and her mom flipped out, blah, blah, blah. I had to move out, all this shit. We ended up fucking in hotels. I would, in the middle of having sex with her, watch WrestleMania, and I would rush sex so I didn't miss. That's the main event. Yeah. I swear to God, and that's what made her a pedophile. Is it? Is that, yeah. A pedophile. I wanted more so to watch WrestleMania. I loved WrestleMania. And the main event had Ultimate Warrior. Ultimate Warrior! We're going to cue some Ultimate Warrior music here. Yeah! There's a shame. There it is. And you used to come out and just like, I would come right now just to not miss it. You would just shake the ropes. I want to know. How much fucking coke did the Ultimate Warrior do before every single match he had? Ultimate Warrior. He was one of my favorite wrestlers. Wait, the biggest thing, he was on fucking Raw on Monday, and he died Tuesday morning. Okay, wait, but how close was that? He was dead. It's amazing what he said. He had an amazing speech. If we had the speech, we'd be amazing. Do we need to do a script for the speech? Not where we're at. We're not there yet. Honestly, I was a little sad when I watched his speech. Because he looked like he was in bad shape. Did he? I thought he looked... Okay. I thought he looked old. He was trying to get really hyped up and excited, but he couldn't do it. Like, I think his heart was giving out while he was doing it, and he knew. He was like, I can't go to that next level. Because my heart's going to give out. I thought I literally... Do you think that's what it was? What? That he was coked out? I don't know. I've just... Years of doing cocaine will definitely weaken your heart. From 1984 to 1996, he was coked out of his mind. Was he? Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. Okay, isn't that crazy, though? All the wrestlers. Well, you know, coke and steroids, those were the one challenge. You know what ran rampant? Your heart's a muscle. Where you say cocaine? It exhausts over time. Is them also... Is the homosexual sex going on within wrestling? That was great. And nobody's ever dealt with that. Is that the callback of how they all got fucked? I go back to... Because you know what? They all got fucked. You know what I realized? Like, as human beings, we're all feminine or masculine. Mm-hmm. That's all. Just feminine or masculine. Well... Because who was it? Some or both, man. Well, who just went to the Prince party? What the fuck is his name? The little black comic. Prince party? No, he was on 30 Rock. Tracy Morgan? Tracy Morgan. Okay. Tracy Morgan. Donald's lover? Is Tracy Morgan little? Is he little? That's why I was like... He's short. He's like three foot two. Donald's really grown on that. No, I don't know. He's like tiny. Yeah, Tracy Morgan's tiny. He always seemed fat to me. He just went to the Prince thing on... Well, he made me short. He was like, you know, under some code name, right? But he had come out about his son being gay. You know, if his son was a faggot, he'd flip out and all that shit, right? Right, yeah. And the whole thing happened. Okay, but this motherfucker does like women and voices and dresses up and does all this shit. Like... Tracy Morgan does? Well, yeah. Yeah, he does all these different... Yeah. All this shit. Yeah. But it's like... Star Jones. Just being careful. It's like, that's not in... Like, here's the thing. Okay, I see what you're saying. I can suck him off. I can fuck a dude and this and that. I couldn't hold a guy's hand. Yeah, but you'd suck that dick like a real man though, right? That's the thing. I mean, literally, like in that sense, you know, it's like, yeah, I couldn't hold a guy's hand and skip. Oh, it's way too intimate. You know, it was a scene in a movie I loved. I forget the movie, but it was where... God damn it, great actor too. But they were cuddling or the guy went to cuddle with him and he goes, hey, what the fuck, dude? Don't... Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. Back Mountain, you're talking about? No, no, no. It was... What? Fuck, it was a violent movie, but I forget. It's a violent movie? No, no. Tracy Morgan's 5'10". Last week when... No, he's not. Last week when Andrew... I'm a friend. I stood next to him. He's not 5'10". Last week when Andrew called in, he's the guy who I touched balls with. I would touch balls with him again when I was drunk. I would never hold his hand. Yeah, right? Never do that. Right? That's the thing. Way too intimate to hold his hand. That is a lot of information. Or like spoon with him or something. It would be gay. Touching balls is like, hey, let's touch balls, bro. Hey, let me smash your ass. So what? Yeah, exactly. So what? Let me come inside of your colon. Whatever. Cool. Hey. Whatever. Hey, hey. It's a fraternity thing. I don't think I'd want to see my dude touch balls. As long as you don't hold hands during it. But was into it. Yes, exactly. As long as you don't hold hands. I mean, I'm like into it. While we were touching. Nothing gay. Nothing gay. I thought it was funny. This is the thing. But you know what, though? That's why two biker dudes don't fuck each other. Right. They're not going to walk through the park together. They're going to go fucking rob somebody together. Yeah. Because that's who they are. You know, that's the thing is sex is sex. They'll rob somebody, but they won't hold hands while they're robbing. Ever. That's gay. I wasn't like into it. So with the Ultimate Warrior, it's the best tangent ever for the Ultimate Warrior going into, you know, sex. Gay sex. Gay sex. It's wrestling. But mainly for the... No problem. For the... I'm not going to say it's gay. I'm not going to say it's gay. I'm just going to say it's gay. But those people calling in, just so you know, the people right there, if you can see them, they fucked this whole thing up. They're pieces of shit. They don't have the phone lines working. Giant steaming sacks of shit. I want you to know this. These motherfuckers right there. Look at them with their dumb faces. That's why nobody likes white people. Just like, ah, what? We've got to do stuff. No one likes white people. Me? When are we getting a new producer? You're sweet. Do you have licorice in there? Is there licorice? I wish. Why? Right, right. We're about to see. This is a... This is a... This is a... This is the reason you can't call in today. Now, we're not blaming Jeremy because he's looking for the wizard. He's the wizard. He's helping Dorothy. He's helping Dorothy. He's the wizard. He is the wizard. So, Jeremy, what's that noise? AC in the producer's room. Yeah. Because they're only... We've got a fan in here. Oh! You have a fan or a jet? That's the sound of comfort. The sound of comfort. You have a fan or a jet? They've got first class in there. Yeah, because I'm sweating my nuts off. We've got Coach back here. Jesus Christ. Wait. Wait. Let's talk about it. I see frost on the glass. Ultimate warrior. Ultimate warrior. It's titty grease. Yeah! Wow. Titty grease. I like you. Get through that. So, yeah. Dude, he passed away the day... He is like the icon of my childhood because like... He's the reason why I stopped watching wrestling because he's wearing a spandex wrestling suit. Oh, I love this story. I was like 12. No, you saw him like in 1996 and he was wearing fake muscles. Yeah, fake muscles. That's how you knew. When? They were fake muscles? This is how Talmo knew wrestling was fake because Ultimate Warrior came out and he was a little saggy. He was getting into his old age and he was wearing like one of those skin... Spandex. Fuck yeah. And then they have like the abs drawn on like they did in 300. Ultimate Warrior had that and Talmo realized, oh, wrestling's fake at this point. It killed... It hurt me. I'm like, this is all fake. Talmo was 34. By the way... I'm like, yeah, yeah. No, this was two weeks ago in Redondo when he saw Ultimate Warrior. Do you know that? Do you know that? I went to see a WrestleMania years ago when I was... It's like Santa Claus. Right, when you find out. It is. It's just like that. But no, I went to see WrestleMania like years... This is going 20 some years ago or more than that. It was probably like 30 years ago. You see it live. It's all different. I know that. And so I go to this WrestleMania thing and it's me. I'm like 15 at the time. I'm going with these older guys. And this one guy, Nigel... And this one guy, Nigel from Panama doesn't get that it's not real. He's the only one of us that doesn't know it's not real. And he's yelling at the ref, you know, turn around, you fucking moron. What are you doing, you fool? And he's yelling at this guy and he's screaming. That sounded more Irish than Panamanian. Same. That was what was weird about him. That was what was weird about him. He was an Irish Panamanian. Panamanian guy, Irish accent, fucking weird dude. So, but yeah, he was... He... Grown man totally thought it was real. And I'm at this thing. And they're buying... They're buying me drinks and I'm drinking black Russians and getting drunk. And we're laughing at this guy because he's so psyched out about this thing. And then that's when I realized there's some people that really think this shit is real. Oh, yeah. I thought as a kid, I really thought it was real. I never did. And then it just broke my heart. I'm like, all right. I never did. We're done. I'm done. It was... Did you see Beyond the Mat? Huh? Oh, great. I saw Beyond the Mat. It's a great documentary movie. What was the guy's name? What was the guy's name? Jake the Snake smoking crack? No, no, no, not him. But yeah, Jake the Snake was great. It was Jake the Snake. But going before then, going way back before then, it was the guy who smacked the newscaster because the newscaster said wrestling is fake. He goes, really? Is this fake? And he punches him. Oh, that might have been Jesse Ventura. It wasn't Ventura, but I know... Jerry Lawler? Lawler! You are so right! Jerry Lawler, Jerry the King, he had the feud with Andy Kaufman. He slapped Kaufman on the... But he also hit the news producer who said that wrestling was fake. Yes. And it turns out it was fake except for the time he hit the news producer. But with Lawler and Kaufman was all set up anyways. Lawler and Kaufman was awesome. It was so set up. That's how beautiful... That's why Kaufman is one of the greatest... Everything he did was set up. Yeah. And everyone fell for it. Yeah. But the guys, all these deaths going on. Crazy. There we go. I'm sorry. Tom will die. I know. When I die, you guys will not miss me. No one will miss me. I will miss you, Tomo. Aw, babe. Little baby man. I don't think people will miss you, Tomo. Okay. We got to do a show where we get Tomo laid. Yeah. I think that should be a whole show. It's been a couple months. I don't have that much money, Berger. Good God. What have we got? What if we had... It's fine to be a Filipino chick. Wait. What if we had a show where Tomo had sex in the bathroom with somebody? And we just... We fed the sound in. Tomo. I don't want to hear that sound. Tomo. Yeah. Would you be willing to have sex in the bathroom? Absolutely. This bathroom here. Sure. Okay. It's clean. Okay. Hey, Nightmay was here. I'm going to try and get the time smell with that urinal cake here. Okay. So yeah. Okay. So Tomo... Thanks for ruining my cue on the prize for us. Hey guys. We're making another cue on the prize. No, no. Here's the thing. What's our I'm Berger podcast Facebook thing? Is it just I'm Berger podcast? Yeah. Okay. So it's Facebook slash I'm Berger podcast. Yeah. Okay. Go to there. Any women willing to have sex with Ryan Tomo in the bathroom... I'll give you a high five. I've heard. No, I've heard. He's got a huge dick. I do. I've heard. Oh. I'm going to die about it. Skinny guys are all dicks. It's true. It's a snake in the grass. You know. This person hung like a horse. Huge brown dick. It's brown for a weird reason. I can't explain it. Wow. It's very big and very brown. I don't know why it's really brown. Okay. I like that. I've been with a lot of white men and a lot of brown men and his dick is browner than a lot of brown men. I can see it. I like that. Someone in my ancestry a hundred years ago fucked a Puerto Rican. Right? Somewhere. Somewhere. No, because it would be purple. And I've... Exactly. I've fucked a Puerto Rican. Your dick is more brown than a Puerto Rican. Maybe it's Panamanian. Guys. Maybe it's Panamanian. Just to say, this actually goes into the 90s. Hopefully they cue it. The ace... I mean, I don't want to give away the music. Oh, wait. Is it Ace of Base? Yeah. Of course. Don't even. Don't even. Don't even. Because see, here's the problem. I'll make them play the entire Ace of Base. Look here. This week in the 90s with Ryan Talmo. Ryan Talmo. There it is. Guys. And night's ruined. I'm so sad. Preston got his car back. And this guy. This guy actually... This guy. This sweet, sweet gentleman. A huge hero of all of us. One of the greatest, greatest... Legend. Music... Musicians ever. In our time and beyond that. Kurt Cobain actually... What does this music have to do with Kurt Cobain? Nothing. Everything. He's been playing Don't Stop. The 90s. Kurt Cobain died April 5th, 1994. Killed. Killed. Killed 20 years ago. By Courtney Love. Courtney Love that found the Malaysian... I'm sorry. Courtney Love killed that motherfucker. Yeah. Courtney Love killed that motherfucker. Because nobody dies on heroin. Francis Dean is legal. Yeah. No one dies on heroin by a shotgun blast. Because you can't fucking kill yourself on heroin. Not really. And Kurt Cobain. I miss... We miss you. We love you. Kurt Cobain. He's listening, guys. Your music sucks. He's listening. Your music sucks. What the fuck is a music song? Do we love you? Wait. Did you just boo on Kurt Cobain? No. I said yay. He's one of my musical instruments. Oh, okay. I thought you were just... Yeah, but couldn't he agree he's not listening right now? Like, we don't need to... Hey, Kurt, glad you're listening to the podcast. Thanks a bunch, man. You know what I want to know? You're so mean. He's just mad about that I just said Francis Dean is legal. You know what I want to know? She's hot. Who the fuck's our cunt of the week, Rich? Cunt of the week? Who is the cunt of the week? Dun, dun, dun. Let's go to that fucking music. I know. Keep it going. Literally forever. Dun, dun, dun. Literally play that song constantly during this podcast from now on. I would be so happy. Oh, just... Cunt of the week. Cunt of the week. We've got six minutes. Preston's favorite song too. The cunt of the week, real quick, the cunt of the week this week is the city of Los Angeles. Okay. I'll tell you, it's for several reasons. One thing, front license plates. No fucking need for front license plates. I have the... I do get a ticket. I have a... Yeah, you could... I have two tickets. I have two tickets. We're not even front license plates. Non-stop. It's the only way they make money. Who the fuck is ever, when someone steals a car, like, oh, what's the license plate number? You don't get it from the front fucking bullshit. No. It's retarded. Back plate. You have to pay extra. I paid $147 to get my fucking tags renewed. Really? Fuck. Fuck LA. Seriously? I've stayed in California. I've stayed in a lot more than that. No reason why LA is stupid. I was at the bank today. Some fucking dumb whore brought her dog into the bank, not with a leash. Didn't have... It didn't have a vest on. It didn't... It didn't have a vest of a service dog. Not even trying to protect... But how cute was it? But how cute was it? It was fucking stupid. I almost ran over with my stupid fucking car. It's a goddamn wild animal. Also, another reason why Los Angeles is the cunt of the week. If you own a pet, you're a fucking slave owner. Sorry for that. Lock it, hide it, keep it. Go fuck yourself, city of Los Angeles police department. Protect me. Protect me, you fucks. Lock it, hide it, keep it. If I go into a fucking store, I should be able to have my laptop in my bag and not have to worry about it being stolen. Do your fucking job. Thank you. I pay taxes. They're putting up posters on the fucking free... On the subway saying, don't pull your iPhone out on the subway. Okay. Do your fucking job, cops. Thank you. I love Los Angeles, but God damn it, you are a... Highest taxes in the fucking country. Preston's rich. No. No way. Hey, fuck that. He gets it. Preston gets it. I like him. Los Angeles was a moist, smelly cunt this week. I like Preston. He gets it. So fuck the moist, smelly cunt. Who else though, Preston? You got a text today. Yeah, you got a text. Real quick. I'm gonna put ten minutes on this motherfucker. Let's hit it. And I'm not even gonna say the name. Matt Taylor is the cunt of the week. I'll say the name. You cunt for... Fuck LA. Three times I said stop sending me text messages about your bullshit fucking bringer shows. Everyone has said stop sending me. Hey, I have a show in eight hours. Can you get 25 people to come to your show? I'll let you do... I will give you the privilege of doing five minutes to my stupid fucking bullshit show material. He gets paid for every one of his shows. When 20 comics who are at the show... When 20 comics who are actually actors... What did he tell you though? What did he... Didn't he say to you though for every referral you'll get a guest spot? I get a guest spot for every referral. So if you get ten... If you get ten referrals, do you get ten guest spots? I'll read it verbatim. I'll read it verbatim. I'll read it verbatim. I'll read it verbatim. Let's do like a four minute... Fucking cunt Matt Taylor is... Hey man, this is Matt Taylor. Piece of shit. I need... And this is... I mean, Jesus Christ, this is a cunt strictly for comics and he's already a cunt to comics. Roll it, roll it. Tell us. I have a show for industry in theory tomorrow. In theory? 8 PM, main room. Do you know any comics who can promote? Oh. Oh. And I can give you one guest spot per referral. Thank you. You fucking cunt. What a piece of shit. So every comic I hand him that will do his... You're a fucking promoter. Do your job. I'm a comic. I'm not supposed to promote. Every 16 year old girl... He's got a formula and it works for him. Yeah, every 16 year old girl... He's making money. If you fall for it, that's your fucking problem. Exactly. You're smart enough. Somebody else... Luckily somebody said to me, hey, don't ever do a bringer show. Ever. Ever. And I've never had to. Do one. Do one. Have fun. Pretend like you got an audience. One time. I'll bring people if I feel like it. Not Matt Taylor's. Not a requirement. There's decent bringer comics. Not when I'm gonna put money in somebody else's pocket. My issue with him is good for him. He found his niche. Unless it's a club that's supporting me. But bro, don't fucking send shit to comics that are actually... That's how he does it. The real comics. But it's not a lot. He has people that work in... He has minions. Minions. What they are are little minions. He gets everything off Craigslist. Well, Facebook told me he's... If anyone out there needs an internship. Yes, he's doing internships. He needs an intern. That's right. Yes. He's looking for interns. He's like Kramer. Oh my God. He's like Kramer from Seinfeld. He's a fucking moron. He's a Kramer of comedy. All these people are pieces of shit in comedy. He has a formula and it works for him. If you're stupid enough to fall for it, that's your fucking problem. Exactly. I think I honestly, with Matt... Good for him, man. And you know what? Some people have friends... Fuck him. Fuck him. No, dude. Good for him. Some people, you know what? If you... Okay. If you are not making money off comedy by getting booked and touring, then you find another way to make money off comedy. Totally. But not off the souls of people. I agree with you. Off of lies. That's the thing. It's lies. I agree with you, but you can't not to hustle. Exactly. It's the formula and it works. The only reason why he's doing that is because he can't do comedy. But I'm with April 100%. You know what? He wanted to be a comic so bad, but he can't do it. Here's the thing. No, dude. It fucking works. That's all I gotta say. If you push comedy, if you promote, if you decide to promote Brian Monarch. Brian Monarch, I don't know what the fuck he does, but you know what? He does a bunch of shows. He makes people bring, blah, blah, blah, whatever. He doesn't tell people there's industry. He doesn't tell people they're gonna become famous. So fine. Do what you gotta do. Do your thing. If you're not creative and original, do your thing. But don't lie to people. Don't steal their soul. Don't tell people it's something it isn't. Blow smoke up their ass. Yeah. If you haven't had at least a fucking giant smokestack's worth of smoke blown up your ass, then you really haven't dove into Hollywood yet. Oh God. I'll tell you. I've had... Well, that was... I paid for it. Like I'm a human butt. I'm a human butt. Like I've fucking been smoked. Well, you know, that's the thing. So okay. So I think we learned tonight, the ultimate warrior, Jon Panett and Mickey Rooney should have fucking kept their eyes open. This is a very depressing show. Yeah. No, you know what? This is depressing. Next week's like close to 420. Yeah. We're going to do a big weed thing. We're going to all smoke out. Everybody's getting high at Talmo. I'll smoke. Everyone's getting high. I'll smoke tomorrow night. Yeah. We're getting high. We're all getting high. Tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Let's do this. Let's go around. Guys, I'm going to tell you real quick. I'm going to be a performer under the influence. I'm going to be at Flappers on the 23rd. I'll be in Fresno on the 24th. I'm going to be performing as well as everyone else in this room. So let's just say that tomorrow night. I'll be performing at the I'm going to be performing at the Hollywood Hotel, PUI. Everyone's going to be there. This Saturday, I will also be at Flappers. Preston. Yeah. Preston-Blaine.squarespace.com. I'm going to be at Flappers in the YouHoo Room at 930 on Saturday night. Rick Shapiro's headlining. It's going to be a great show. Is he alive? He's fucking. You're still alive. No shit. Yeah, he's still kicking. He is. Whoa. Yeah. Barely, but yes. PUI and then all you cats actually because you guys are all on the show. I'm going to be performing at the Hollywood Hotel, PUI. I'm going to be performing at the Hollywood Hotel, PUI. Everyone's going to be there. Rick Shapiro's headlining. He's fucking. He is. Whoa. Barely, but yes. Yeah. PUI and then all you cats actually because you guys are all on the 900 Comics on Monday. Yeah. Oh, that too. Shit. Oh, yeah. I'm going to be at the Park Bar next Thursday, the 17th. I'm going to be at Universal Bar and Grill next Tuesday and then Flappers April 25th. Yeah. Thank you guys. I'm Burger Podcast. We'll see you next week. Hopefully, the phones will be working. Peace. Peace. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Oh, producers. Boy and every girl.