Last 2013 show, biggest stories review with callers and game

Take it off, take it in, take off all the thoughts of what we've been. Take a look, hesitate, take a picture you could never recreate. Write a song, make a note of a lump that sits inside my throat. My throat. Hey Chris! How's it going? My name is Justin Cross. I'm with Jake the Snake Craney. This is Sarcastic News Live. We've got Chris Cahill in the back. Fantastic psychic show. And also working hard in the back, Mindy for us. And I know Vic's coming up later. Skid Row Studios, I love it. It's right here, if you don't know, Skid Row Studios is right here in the heart of LA's acrylic nail district. And one of my favorite districts of LA. With me as usual, like I said, my colleague. My life partner. But not like that, Jake the Snake Craney. I am so glad to be here. I really feel great about tonight. I feel like it's going to be a top ten show. Top ten show. That we've ever done this week. Well, we've done no shows this week, so we should definitely, I like it though. I can't be wrong, I'm always right. When you set the bar low enough, you can always exceed above that. Never disappointed. Folks, we have a very special show for you tonight. This is our last one of 2013. The last Sarcastic News Live of 2013. And I think, no, it's not on, damn it. Oh, I wanted the crying baby. I know, I know, I know. Mindy, do we have, we got volume on this thing, right? I just want to make sure. Because I'm going to be playing sound clips like crazy. I'm not hearing it. I'm not hearing it. I'm jonesing for that crying baby. We got it coming up though. I don't think I've ever said that before in my life. Jonesing. I know, where did that come from? We are celebrating the last show of the year. Tonight, we're going to do something different on the Ring of Fire. We're going to do something different on the Ring of Fire. We're going to open up the phone lines. Because we usually close them down. But we're going to open up the phone lines. We want you to call in and tell us, what was the biggest story of 2013? So in just a few minutes between the 815 to 845 minutes and or hours, we want you guys to call in and tell us what it was. Maybe it was the Affordable Care Act. Maybe the Boston Marathon bombings. Or maybe it was the Video Music Awards, where Miley Cyrus could be seen humping Alan Thicke's son. Talk about some growth. Growing pains. Boom. Give us your thoughts in about 10 to 15 minutes from now. But before all of that, we begin, as we always do tonight, with the Sarcastic News Rundown. No. No, it's not playing any sound off here. I don't know. Maybe it's my fault. What do I... Okay. All right. I got to turn on the volume of mine. So we'll mess with that in a second. But let's get to it. Our top story tonight. You did not... You did not win $636 million. That's our top story. I understand that this may come as a bit of a shocker to you. I understand that you probably budgeted somewhere around $636 million into your Christmas shopping. But instead of a Rolls Royce December to remember, you may just have to buy your significant other, that Doberman calendar they always wanted. Okay, folks? I promise you, it's adorable. In other news, though, Washington has almost passed a budget. That's right. On the surface, it sounds like great news, but let's be honest. If there's one thing that Americans love, it's drama. We may say that we don't want crisis, but government is boring when things are not... Or when things are going well. Right? It's boring. I want Paul Ryan riding into the Capitol at midnight on a horse. Or Harry Reid giving a speech on the Senate floor where the man is so passionate that he is sweating profusely and in the process, throwing off articles of clothing. Actually, don't do that. That's a terrible image. But in all seriousness, it's good to see that the U.S. government is functioning like the U.S. government should. I mean, even though they may be statistically the least productive in our history, and they can't pass simple and popular bills like the one following the Newtown shooting, preventing the mentally handicapped from buying guns online, at least, at least, Mindy, they are not like the British House of Commons. I wish the shadow chancellor would occasionally shut up and listen to the odds. I don't know whether... I don't know whether... Am I? Am I? I don't know whether... Am I? I will try and come to... I don't know whether... Order! Order! Other members can now follow the prime minister's advice to the shadow chancellor. We need a bit of order. Yes, we need a little order. This is a place of biznatch. I'm sorry. That was my British accent, by the way. Was that the British House of Commons or a scene from live at the Apollo? Was that clip from the Palace of Westminster or the New York Friars Club? What was that? I think we have one more clip, right, Mindy? He can embarrass himself. He can disgrace his party. But what is intolerable is that he has cynically raised the hopes of hundreds and thousands of... Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Order! Order! Before we go any further, I must ask the Honorable Gentleman to withdraw the term that I think he used. I think I heard the term pipsqueak. I must withdraw that term. Have some common decency, pipsqueak! You fussy wankers! I can say, as a rather slight man myself, we prefer the term whippersnapper, okay? Maybe shrimp. Don't point that finger at me! Moving on, though, this past week, Fox News' Megyn Kelly made headlines when she declared that Santa Claus is white. For many, Kelly's statement about Santa being white wasn't as alarming as the affirmation that Fox News reporters wholeheartedly believe in things that are clearly made up. And just yesterday, a good friend of mine sent me an article from CNN.com, or as I like to refer to it, the most trusted name in crap that we want you to read in order to get hits on our website. Now, it's a working title. The title of this article, though, this is the actual title, Radio Preacher Who Predicted Doomsday Dies. Harold Camping first inaccurately predicted the end of the world back in 1994. Since then, he's predicted the end of the world about four or five times, and despite his poor track record, he did gather many followers. Some gave their homes their entire life savings and jobs because they believed that the world was going to, coming to an end. It just goes to show, though, that even though he couldn't predict the end of the world, he was one of the strongest leaders we've seen since cult religious leaders such as Reverend Jim Jones, Waco, Texas' own David Koresh, and of course, the popular 90s band Creed. And finally, in sports news, Old Man River made his return to the basketball court this week. I'm sorry, I read that wrong. It was Kobe Bryant made his return to the basketball court this week. If all goes well, he'll lead the Lakers to an eighth-place spot in an NBA playoff system that doesn't mean shit. And finally, one other thing in sports this week. I made it to the Super Bowl of my fantasy football league by beating Sarcastic News' own Jake the Snake Craney. Let me clear one thing up. Hold on, hold on, hold on, Jake. I don't have a punchline except for suck it, Snake. That's all I've got right there. I'd like to point out that you beat me because of one player. As a whole, my team was... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Excellent this week. And... Do we have a... His name was, I think, Jamal Charles. Jamal Charles decided to just score 48 touchdowns by himself. I think we have a... I think we'll have a clip that we'll play later in the show just to remind you of that. But, guys, we have a huge show for you tonight. It's something we've never done here. We're going to open up the phone lines. We close them off. We don't let people in here, into our room, into our world, our circle. Let me just see. I'm going to try one more time, see if we have the... No. No sound effects. I don't know. I turned the volume up. I turned it up. I don't know why. But we got a great show for you guys tonight. Call in. Tell us what the biggest news story of 2013 was. We want you to weigh in. Give us a call. Jake and I have come up with some of our own. So we've got that coming for you right here on Skid Row... Right here at Sarcastic News Live, and you're listening to Skid Row Studios. Call in 800-893-9562. 800-893-9562. My name is Justin Cross. We'll be right back here on Sarcastic News Live. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. Well, it's coming up. There it is. Doo-doo-doo. Offbeat clapping. Doo-doo-doo. It's on beat to me. Usually, I like it. She cut it because the Cash family was suing us. They knew the show's gotten out of hand. They didn't want us taking their music. This is a ring of fire where we like to discuss things in sort of a comedic fashion. Before we get going, what we've been asking people tonight and all day is what was the biggest story of 2013, and before Jake and I get to ours, I think we have a caller on the line. If we can pipe him through on the Jack in the Box hot mess phone line. Caller, state your name. Hello? Hello. Is that Moe from The Simpsons? No, this is Charles. Charles. All right. Yes. Charles. Hello? Hello, Charles. Charles, you're on Sarcastic News Live with Justin Cross and Jake the Snake Craney. Tell us. What was the biggest story of 2013? What was the biggest story of 2013, Charles? I've just got to say that the failed rollout of Obamacare in the hijacking of our government by that socialist was probably the biggest story. Hijacked twice in the failed rollout of Obamacare. All right. You've got to specify a little bit, though. What was the hijacking? What was the hijacking? Well, I mean, the second inauguration, the second coming of the anointed one, you, you were there. You know about it. I was there. I, well, you know, I'm in with the in crowd, Charles. I'm in with the in crowd. Let me ask you, sir. That was the biggest story. Why, why did it, why do you call him a socialist? Do you really believe he's a socialist, Charles? Absolutely. I got a mailer, a circular mailer. You're familiar with those? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, it was a DVD about his real father. Have you, have you seen that? I've not seen that. No. Well, you should check your mail. Uh, I hope I don't get anything from you. Uh, no offense, Charles. I just, I don't know. What, let me, so let me ask you. So you got a mailer. It said that he was, uh, he was not. His father is not his real father. Who's his father? Uh, his real father's a socialist. Well, you know what? I, uh, I, we appreciate the call, first of all. Um, and I want to just say that I, I'm sorry you feel that way. I, I happen to disagree with you. I don't think he's a socialist. Um, but. What do you think he is? I, I think he's a. Put him in a box. Put him in a box. I'm trying to think. I mean, if I had, I would say, what would you say, Jake? What would he, he's a. Fascist. Fascist, maybe. Um. Socialist. I'm just trying to read stuff that was on the bathroom wall last night. Nazi. Uh. Hitler. Homophobe, but also gay. Um. I don't know. That's pretty common. Well, Charles, we're, we're running out of time, my man, but we, we love the call. Um, we love you so much for calling in and I know you're a big Sarcastic News Live supporter. Where, where are you calling us from? I'm calling from Pasadena. The Dirty Dina. Pasadena, okay. Dirty Dina. That's right. There was an R.L. Stine book about our city once. What was it? Wait, like a Goosebumps book? Yeah. That guy. Love that guy. Love that guy. Charles, he's a great American. He was a great American. I mean, really, that was the highest my reading level ever went was with R.L. Stine. Mm-hmm. Uh, well, you know, thank you so much. It's not going to go any higher with Common Core, I'll tell you. Well, I, you know what, maybe I'll have to just start reading the pamphlets and literature that comes to me in the, in the, in the mailers. Absolutely. Heritage Foundation till I die. Goodbye. Thanks a lot, Charles. Charles from Pasadena, everybody. I don't know if that was Vic from the green room, but maybe. I like that. That was great. That started to get like, uh, I know what you did last summer voice there at the end. It was like, you better watch your mail. I didn't want to offend him, but I just didn't want to get a mailer from him. Uh, I think we got another call here on the Sarcastic News Hot, do we have another one? On the, uh, thank you for calling. State your name. You're calling the Jack in the Box Hot Mess phone line on Sarcastic News Live. Who are we talking to? This is Joe Clabby. Joe Clabby. Oh, Joe Clabby. Uh, we don't know you. What's up, guys? No, I told you to call in. Come on, this is all random. This is, uh, funny you call in on our last show of 2013, Joe. Tell us, first of all, what was the biggest, uh, news story of 2013 in your opinion? Well, I'll tell you guys. I don't follow, I'm not really up on the news too much, but there, every once in a while, there is a story or a story that I'll get interested in and follow. And two, that happened two times this year. Oh, yeah? Okay. All right. All right. The first one was that Snowden thing. Good, wow, I didn't think about that earlier. Okay, yeah, the Stone, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really got into that. I mean, it was like, you know, interesting as, uh, you know, whether he's a vigilante, like, which side of the line you're on, you know? Which side of the line are you? Is he a hero? Yeah, was he a hero for you or was he? Uh, I don't know. And then the story just kind of petered out. Yeah. Well, he's, I mean, he's in Costa Rica now or somewhere. I don't know. I think he just, I think he has a pro surfing. Yeah, he's got a pro surfing career. Uh, so did you, I mean, which side of the line did you fall on that one? You, you, you thought maybe he was a hero at, at first or? I don't think he's a hero. I think the guy kind of always struck me as a little bit bad news, you know? Yeah, yeah. But, who knows, you know, we'll never know the whole story. What was the other one that caught your attention? The other one that I got into and this one will probably not make anybody's list, but the, that sailing race where the USA came back. Oh yeah. Yeah, no, I think you're right. It's not going to make anybody's list. Maybe yours. I thought you were going to hit me with something like, oh, there's Snowden and then there's Snowden's stripper girlfriend. Like, I would have been like, yeah, that's a good follow up. That was a hell of a comeback though. You guys want an interesting story. No, we want the most boring shit you've got, Joe. Yeah, give us something crazy. That was a great comeback. It was one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. Absolutely. No, you're right. You're right. And I apologize for berating my caller. I don't really know. I'm a layman. I don't really know much about, you know, that kind of sailing, but it seemed pretty impressive, man. What was, what was the, what do you think we'll remember when we think about 2013? What's the story that, I mean, if there's one story you think about that happened, is it the Snowden story? Obamacare? Affordable Care Act? What is it exactly? Boston bombings? Um, uh, there's gotta be some tragedy. Is this world news? Kanye West. Did you just say Kanye West was the biggest story of the, Is this world news or U.S. news? Anything. What are we gonna remember 2013 for? Hmm. I'll probably remember it for, maybe, uh, is Hurricane Sandy last year? Yes, it was. It was last October. But there, that's late. That's late. That's late 2012. No, you're right, though. I think, you know what, that actually brings up a good point, because I think, Well, it could be the typhoon, though, in the Philippines, is, is what you might be thinking of globally. I was thinking just, I was trying to think of tragedy, because I felt like I would look like the least amount of a jerk if I just named the biggest tragedy, you know? No, but I think that's how a lot of people view, uh, tragedies and world events, too. They're like, well, it had to be somewhere, and it was somewhere after 2005, but before 2020, right? Yeah. What was, what was 9-11 again? Yeah, that should be, we should have the year on the end of that, 9-11-01. Yeah, just to, just to reference, people have to use mnemonic devices to remember. Um, well, Joe, What else, what else is up there? Uh, I mean, I think the Philippines, I think you've got, uh, you know, I think we, we said it earlier, but Miley Cyrus is twerking. Syrian conflict. Syrian conflict, the iPhone 5C, because it's in color now. The gold one. Okay. Um, You know, there's some stuff, there's some stuff happening in Korea or something. There are some fake threats. Dennis Rodman, I guess, really made a name for himself this year. Kim Jong-un, uh, executed his uncle. I heard, yeah. Kim Jong-un. He's my favorite of the Kim Jongs. Of the, of the Kim Jongs. Uh, one more time. Now, we should mention real quick, uh, we are, uh, we're going to probably take a, we're going to probably introduce our own topics, but, uh, Joe, I just want to say real quick, thank you for calling in. And, and Joe, if you don't know, we've got a lot of listeners listening to the show. I mean, very popular, what we do here. And, uh, Joe is a comedian in town. I know he's worked at, I don't mean to name drop, but he's a, you know, he was a, I think you were the executive producer of the Simpsons. Is that right? Right, right. Um, and climbing. You did, yeah. Uh, Joe, thank you so much for calling. We want you in studio sometime. Okay. Hey, I'd love to come by. Hey, we'll, we'll come on by. We're not holding you back. So, uh, good friend of the show. Uh, good man for calling in. Thanks so much for sharing. All right. Thanks guys. Joe Clappy, everybody. Uh, and, and that, uh, that's great. We've got two calls. We got, uh, we've got Charles and wherever the hell he was from. Phone lines are lighting up. I mean, this is just overload on the system here. We got another one calling in. I mean, look at this. Do we have another one? All right. Let's, let's bring in one more. And then Jake and I are going to share our, uh, caller. Where are you calling from? Hi, this is Jim Santa Fe Springs. Oh yeah. Yeah. Hold on. Let's see if we've got this for you. Hold on, Jim. No, I can't, I'm still not. I was going to do the sexy crowd share on my, my computer sound effect, but, uh, how are you doing Jimbo? Good. How are you guys? Good. Fantastic. Good man. Give us, give us the biggest story for you of 2013. Oh, you know, um, a personal story. My daughter loves seeing, uh, one direction. That was huge for her this year. I think they're a bunch of fruitcakes, but you know, we won't go there. You took, you took my biggest moment. You took it. that's what I was going to say. It's a good thing. The show isn't politically correct either. Jimbo. I'm sorry. Nothing. No, you were talking about like the Jimmy Buffett song, fruitcakes in paradise. Exactly. Exactly. Uh, and I think another story, since I'm a private pilot was that it, the Asian crash in, uh, so, you know, that always kind of, kind of riveted me a bit. And, you know, I, uh, uh, you know, felt bad because it was a loss of life, but there was another part that, maybe you might be interested since you, you're both in broadcasting is that story that the San Francisco television station broadcasted that the FAA gave them some information. They didn't even review it and they just aired it. I got a little soundbite here for you. Here you go. All right. Here we go. We have new information now. Also on the plane crash, KTV was just learned the names of the four pilots who were on board the flight. They are captain. Some thing long. We too low. Oh, Lee, Fook and bang, dang, ow. And the NTSB has confirmed. These are the names of the pilot board flight to 14 when it crashed. I know politically incorrect. I don't care. That was awesome. Keep it classy. Santa Fe Springs. Keep it classy. Classy with a K. You know, it was tragic. A lot to light, but the fact that, uh, that a television station didn't even read the script before and just broadcast it. That, that to me was, was, was kind of funny. Well, we, we do. You can't read, you can't read Asian names and not give it a laugh. If you have here in America, I'm just glad they said, holy Fook and not what was what most of us would have said. Uh, Jim, thank you so much for being a loyal listener. Uh, I like it. You're playing it a little loose tonight. I like that. That's 2013 interview. We're celebrating the year. So thanks for calling in Jimbo. All right, you guys tell the wife and daughter, say hello. Good year. Yeah. Yeah. You too. Thanks Jim. Jim. Bye bye. We'll see you in seven hours. Uh, man, the phone lines are light. No, we've got another call tonight. It's just soft dance off and we're going to pipe through another one on the Jack and the message. Jack in the box, hot mess phone line. You're calling sarcastic news live listener. Where are you calling from? And what's your name? Hey, I'm calling from Jacksonville, Florida. The name's Bob. Oh, when? Oh, Bob, Owen, never heard of you before. Glad you're calling in first time. Uh, first time, long time. I'm imagining long time. Listener. First time caller. Am I on the air right now? Yeah. Great to hear from you. You're live baby. You're live on sarcastic news live. Lord. Well, I had to think of a story real quick. So I turned on conservative talk radio and then NPR, you know, I think it could seem to agree on today was that the markets rebounded and went all time highs on the news that the fed will start tapering quantitative easing. So that's not good radio, but that's, that's, that's a good sign for the max. Yeah. Yeah. For economy. Come forward. Well, uh, whatever you just said is awesome. Um, and actually, you know what? Your call came in a perfect time after Jim, Jim from Santa Fe Springs called in and, uh, sort of made fun of Asians. Uh, no, but thank you so much. Uh, Bob, Owen for, for calling. Now, what does that mean? Now you seem like an expert on this. So what does that actually mean, uh, for the economy going in 2014? You know, I just spent a lot of time sitting in my car instead of actually going into work. But what it means is that the markets are now responding and saying that the fed can stop basically injecting money into the economy to buy up, you know, mortgage backed debt and bad bonds, and that the markets will continue to improve going forward as the fed continues its promises to stop printing money. Basically, when the fed goes out and buys these bonds, they have to print the money to buy them. And that's just, you know, mechanical mechanical mechanical! mechanical! may or may not be familiar with called Blackstone. Oh. Which I'm not sure if you're familiar with them. They were a heavy metal band during the 80s. But I think I'd love to get your opinion on them. But thank you so much. That's good news. Congratulations, guys. It's great. You're a long-time listener for real. First-time caller. You guys are awesome. Hey, great to hear from you, Bob. Thanks a lot, Bob. Thanks a lot. We definitely want you to call in in 2014. So thanks a lot again for calling in. Of course. All right. Have a good night. Bob Olin calling in from Jacksonville, Florida. God, they're lighting up tonight, guys. They're lighting up. We got another one. We're going to pipe them through. I mean, I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to play it this loose. But God damn it. I mean, this is what's, you know, the people want to speak on 2013. And I want to know, we've got a caller coming in. Yeah. All right. Caller, where are you calling from? And what's your name? On the Jack in the Box hotline. Hi. It's Kara from San Francisco. Kara from San Francisco. Hello, caller. Big fan of the show. She tweets us at Sarcastic News 1 all the time. We don't appreciate the hate mail, though. That's uncalled for. Seriously. I'll stop. Why did we just, literally, Jake, he brought it in today. He goes, look what we got from Kara in San Francisco. And it was literally just a Ziploc bag full of pubes. And I thought that was really unnecessary. So you didn't get the anthrax yet? Well, I didn't know. I thought that was dandruff. Oh. I thought, I snorted that. It's not the best idea. Kara, what was your biggest story of 2013? This was really hard. I was wavering between Kim Kardashian waxing her baby's eyebrows or the fact that we're now cloning stem cells. I don't know. You pick. I hadn't heard about the waxing the eyebrows thing. That is atrocious. Have you not listened to the news today? No, that is awful. Why would you wax a baby? They're already like, oh, my God. Clean and shiny. Especially their bottoms. Well. Yeah, I think this is actually a larger issue in our society. We should stop waxing babies. What are your thoughts on cloning stem cells? My thoughts on cloning stem cells. I think it's terrifying and that we're going to start cloning humans. I don't. That's about it. No, but don't you think that's good that they're able to do that in order to do more cancer research? And more, not just cancer research. Medical research in general. That's what they say they're going to do. But the people who are going to fund it are probably not the people who are interested in cancer research. They're probably going to be more interested in marketing it to the wealthy. And I think that what's going to happen is that it's going to be used for really silly purposes like choosing genetic makeup of our children and cloning them. So you think that stem cell, being able to clone stem cells is a matter of, is it going to be used for the rich basically being able to want to live longer, look more beautiful and not as medical research? Well, the people in Oregon who did it, they're claiming that it's for tissue, regenerating tissue and things like that. But there haven't been any regulations in the United States yet. And a lot of other countries have done that. So the fact that they've come out with this before those regulations does not bode well for what the researchers intended it to be used at, or I'm going to say intended in quotation marks, because they're not going to be able to do that. So I think that's going to be a big challenge. Because who knows where their funding came from. I didn't see your quotation marks, so I don't believe you. But no, no. Well, you know what? That's interesting. I guess what will, you know, in 2014, let me ask you this. In 2014, do you think it starts to get regulated and then, you know, it would be used for medical purposes? If regulation happens, it's very likely. But I'm not going to hold my breath until we see those regulations. Sometimes you got to put the cart before the horse. We should bring this up. We should bring this up as a topic for one of our shows in 2014, I think. It's a good call. It's a real hot button issue. What we're doing is we're actually just crowdsourcing our topics for our next show. I've got a list. Thank you. Well, Kara, thank you so much for your call and your dedication. I know you're a longtime listener, first-time caller here to Sarcastic News Live. I do this every Wednesday. Every Wednesday. She listens and she watches on the show. We love it. We love it. Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for calling in. Kara, if you could set up a webcam in your room, we'll watch you. Can you do that? I already do that. You want the address? Well, I think Charles, who called in our first caller, would love it. He'll send you a mailer and some other things. That was not a real person, was it? I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't put it past our listeners. Kara, thanks so much for calling in. Bye. Have a good night. That's great. Wow. Well, it's flown by. We only got 23 minutes left in the show. Do we have another call? Do we have another call? Mindy's just sitting there going, fuck. Am I going to get my turn? No. Okay, good. We have a break in calls. I mean, mine's been blowing up tonight. What do we do now? I think we play our own clips. Perfect. I mean, I was going to go to a break, but why not? Let's keep this rolling, baby. Let's just steamroll through this thing, yeah. It's like the Mississippi. Let's just keep it rolling. Rolling, rolling. Mindy. Mindy. Mindy. Do you have a, can you play our first Ring of Fire clip, actually? Okay. And I think this, Jake, this is one of yours. This is my story for 2013. This is your story. Biggest story of 2013, Jake the Snake Crane. Free at last. And I stand therefore before you humbled by your courage, with a heart full of love for all of you. So as you know, probably by now, that was me. My grandfather. My grandfather. That was me addressing. I was addressing a plate of fries that I was very fond of. Free at last. Free at last fries. No, so that was my biggest story of 2013. It was the passing of Nelson Mandela. And it wasn't the occurrence or the event itself. I think in many ways that might have actually been a relief. I mean, he's 94. Yeah. He had been very sick and probably in quite a bit of pain. But I think, I think the quote, biggest story is because, you know, it was a, it was a reminder that it gave the world of his impact. You know, he was a, he was a real global icon and he was the perfect example of the power of peace and goodwill. And now since there was absolutely nothing funny about that, I've, I'd like to add a second, I'd like to add a second clip if I may. I think there's a mandatory, we have to be funny. I'd like to just go ahead and play a second clip if you don't mind. Okay. Mindy, you got the second clip here from Jake the Snake Craney, I think. Now, I can't read it. There's no, there's no words on it. Okay. Ready? Sure. There's no words there. To play us out. What does that mean? To play us out. It's, it's, Sting is going to do, it's a video. Sting video. What is... For credits. I don't know what that means. To play us out. What does that mean? To end the show? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Go. Go. In five, four, three. That's tomorrow. And that is a... Okay. In five, four, three. That's tomorrow. And that is it for us today. And we will leave you with a... I can't do it. We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live. Fucking thing sucks. And if you were watching on Skid Row Studios.com, I was, the latter part of it, I was actually, I was actually reenacting some of it. That was actually, that's not... Some people think that's Bill O'Reilly. It's... That was actually me. And that was Jake the Snake Crane in the background trying to produce. Yeah. It went really wrong there. And I don't appreciate what you said. Well, I mean, listen. We're friends. You know, on and off the camera. Loosely. You know, tomatoes, tomatoes. All right. That was not from... It wasn't from 2013. But I wanted to add a little bit. I wanted to add a little bit of lightheartedness to the passing of Nelson Mandela. Because there's no real way to put a funny spin on this. And I'll say this too. Some people brought it up like, well, was that really a surprise? And Nelson Mandela passed away. I mean, he was 95 years old, right? Doesn't have to be a surprise. You're right. And I agree with that. I think that's one of the... He represented, obviously, everything he represented. His story was ridiculous. And ridiculously amazing. And I think we can all agree. To the average person, I think we've all realized that when you look at Mandela's life, none of us have done shit. So, not at all. Now, I had my own... Before we go to a quick break here, I had my own clip. Mindy, do you have that clip? Excellent. This is Michael. We'll be starting shortly. I've had enough. That's why I warned you guys yesterday. Be careful what you wrote. Okay? So, that's all I have to say for now. And the next thing, I want to call Mayor Britannia in Hamilton and tell him that we're going to have to spank the little tiger cats. Oh, and the last thing was... The Gondak. It says that I wanted to eat her pussy. The Gondak. I've never said that in my life tour. I would never do that. I'm happily married. I've got more than enough to eat at home. Thank you very much. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. Oh, my God. Can you hear me? We might be close to live. I love that guy. That's the best part. The boarders are just going like, ah, I can eat for a month now. No pun intended. That's, if you don't know, that's Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, who is still Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. God bless that guy. That man was... I think, I do think that may be one of the biggest stories. It's not that serious, but the fact that you have a mayor, like somebody who has a, you know, he's a mayor of Toronto. And he's just... Everything. Everything. The guy is like a... He's funnier than I could ever be. He's hilarious. And it's great because he's like, he's like, yeah, I did crack, but guys, it was in one of my alcoholic blackouts. Come on. Come on. We all have a mulligan, right? Come on. And before we, we have just a couple minutes here that I want to go to break. Mindy, what was your biggest, did you have a biggest story of 2013? No, but I was going to say what I feel like your guys' biggest story was. What's that? The first three weeks I did sound for you guys, your main story was Anthony Weiner. That's... Oh. Weiner jokes. That's a great... You know what? By week three, I was like, man, these guys like Weiner. And you're still saying that today. Yeah. Or you're just like, man, they have no material except Anthony Weiner jokes. Well, I mean, infinite Weiner jokes. You can't go... You're right. You can't run out. You can't go wrong. Yeah. That's a... You know what? That's actually... That was a great... That's a great one right there. Because I, you know, it's funny when you recall, you know, we should get a yearbook and just have everybody sign on our cracks. Because that's funny. I totally forgot about how amazing that man was. 2013 in review. The beef shredding days and the... Oh, yeah. The Syrian hamster days. Or guinea pig or hamster? Hamster. Yeah, that is my life. I get a feeling that we're all just going to get drunk and pass out right here as the kink show is going on around us. We're just going to pass it. They have... They're just going to let it roll this time. Oh, you know what happened last week after you left? No. What was it? What was that? Did you sanitize the table? Fizzing right where your face is. That camera? Yeah. Guess where that camera was. Oh, yeah. Take that, snake. Right after you left. Yeah. All saying line to you, my baby. And you wondered what that smell was. Are you serious? That really happened? Yeah. I got to film. I was very... You filmed? Yeah. Interesting. Well, I ran the video just like I do with your show. Here's why that's amazing. Because, well, okay, somebody got fisted. That's amazing. But the second part to that is I remember the first time I ever walked into Skid Row Studios and I go, hey, Jeremy, can we curse and maybe have a beer? And he goes, yeah, what are you talking about? People get high and a girl got fisted right over there in that corner. And so for the first four shows, I kind of would joke about it. And I haven't said anything since because people were like, Justin, you're getting carried away with the fisting jokes. And then it all comes full circle like it should. Mindy, can I ask you a question? Yeah. Is that why there's a 90% empty box of Kleenex sitting right next to me? It could. I don't remember if Kleenex is working. I will be bringing the Clorox wipes next week. Oh, man. Oh, great. I think I want to take a quick break and we got a little fun game. We're going to wrap up with Wait, Wait, I Have No Fucking Idea. If you guys want to call in at all, tell us what the biggest story of 2013 was. That was a great run we had in this Jack in the Box hot mess phone line right there. Lighting up. Lighting up. But 800-893-9562. If you're nervous, you're shy, give us a call. It's real easy. 800-893-9562. We got about 14 minutes left on the show, guys. If you want to do it, make it happen. You're listening to Sarcastic News Live. We'll be right back. I don't care what you say. I'm hiding in the valley. I'm hiding in the valley. Reflect in the night. Intent infinitely. Death of reason. Death of reason. Death of reason. If you look into the past. Face time. There's no front chance. We're back here on Sarcastic News Live. My name is Justin Cross. I'm with Jake the Snake Cranny. First of all, I want to issue an apology to Jim and Santa Fe Springs. My apologies. As you may know, if you listen to the show, I don't actually listen to what you guys say. Okay. Uh, Jim was not making fun of, and I apologize to any, anybody out there. He wasn't making fun of the Asian names. He was making fun of the news reporters, not reviewing the script, which had made up Asian names. My apologies. This is sarcastic news. And apparently I don't understand sarcasm very well. So my, my apologies to you guys in that. Uh, but moving on here, we have, uh, guys, I want to thank everybody's called in. We've had a, they've been lighting up tonight, uh, here on sarcastic news live. And we have our, our very popular game called wait, wait, I have no fucking idea. And with that, Jake, the snake cranny. Thank you so much. And, uh, as we reflect on 2013, we're going to have a little preview of 2014 with this game. Uh, so it's not going to be factual trivia game as always, but we're going to just kind of dive into some questions here. Are you ready? Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just you and me. Okay. Question one. In 2013, we saw six more States legalize gay marriage, bringing the total up to 16. By the end of 2014, how many total States? Well, we'll have legalized gay marriage. So what's less than 20 or more than 20. We're currently at 16. Oh, uh, Ooh. I know that Hawaii, Hawaii is not on, they haven't done it yet. Right. Didn't do that much research. I'm going to say I go, we'll break 20. I think we break 20. What do you say? I certainly hope so. Um, it's, it's going to be a lot tougher to get those Southern States. So once we, you know, it's going to start to slow down at some point, then there's going to be some sort of. Yeah. I think that's a tipping point, but also I'll go ahead and say we break 20. Let me ask you this follow up question. Uh, what state in the South, first state in the South to legalize gay marriage? First state in the South is going to have to be probably Florida. Florida. Yeah. There's just so much, there's so much, it's like a melting pot down there. Uh, I think, I think that, you know, the rest of the South is a little bit more uniform, especially Ocala. Oh, well that's a different kind of horses and, and, and white people and, and horses and white people. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. It's, it's. I don't know. So you think Florida. Okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. Uh, I mean. Unless it'll trickle down from the Northern part of the South. I don't know. One, name one other state in the South you think that does it. I just, I just. Would you consider like Virginia the South? Maybe North Carolina? Yeah. I'd say, I'd say, you're right. You're right. Somewhere in there. I don't know. Don't use logic on me. All right. I'm ready for your second question. Second question. Second question. 2013 was another year with plenty of political scandals, including San Diego, Mayor Bob Filner, Toronto crack mayor, Rob Ford, who we heard from earlier and Anthony Wiener showing girls his wiener. Uh, two questions here. How many of these three men will be serving in public office by the end of 2014? And how many political scandals like this do you expect in 2014? More or less than five. When you say political scandals like that, you mean sex scandals? Uh, yeah. Let's go with sex or drugs or like maybe an adult. Can we put rock and roll in there just to complete the trick? Can Mick Jagger get elected for something? Breaking news. Mitt Romney has a rock band and it sucks. And an erection that won't go away. Uh, so how many, I think the question was how many of them will still be in office? Bob Filner, Anthony Wiener. And Toronto mayor who's still in the office. Yeah. Well, they're having a special election on him. Uh, Wiener isn't in office. He's trying to get back in though. Like what office though? I don't know. Like a comptroller or something. I don't know. Like really? Like just an office? He's trying to get back in somewhere. Yeah. Like a casting couch office? Like what? Um, all right. And then who is it? Bob Filner? Is Bob Filner still? No. He got, he got tossed. I want to say zero, but let me just, I'll say one of them gets it. I think it's going to be Wiener. I think Wiener gets off. Okay. And how many fresh scandals do you expect in throughout the year? Fresh scandals. Five or more, five or less. More or less. Well, we had this, I feel like this year was a big year for sex scandals. A lot of scandals. Sex and drug scandals. Yeah. I say we cool off. It's, uh, I mean, we're starting to head into more of an election timeframe, you know, the election cycle. I'll go under five scandals. Okay. What about you? 17. 17 scandals. Well, I love, my favorite drug scandal was when they caught, I don't know if you know, they kept like a, they went to the, it was a Democratic Senator from like a, or Congressman maybe from like Louisiana. And he had, I think Jefferson was his name or something. He had like a, in his freezer, just, just. Just tons and tons of like cocaine, like just housed in there. I want, I. There's going to be something like that. Here's what I'm going to go with. I don't think it's qual, I don't think it's quantity. I think it's quality. Juiciness. I think it's going to be like, uh, somehow Alex Rodriguez is going to do a horse trade with a Senator and they're going to find, they're going to find like PEDs in some guy's refrigerator. Okay. Well, I thought. I look forward to that. All right. Last question. Last question. Moving. Moving on. In celebrity news, Miley Cyrus continually dominated headlines in 2013. Whatever the question is. Yes. Which, which teen star will dominate the headlines most in 2014? Melissa Joan Hart. She's like 30 now. Oh, really? Uh, so is it, will it be A, Miley Cyrus again? B, Justin Bieber? C, someone brand new to the scene that's going to shake things up? Or D, Justin Bieber? Justin Kross. Well, I'm not a teen, but then isn't, first of all, how old is Justin? Isn't he out of his teens by now? Oh, no. I think he's like 19. I think he's hanging in. He's got to be 20. I think he's hanging in the teens. Just being a real D-bag. I want to say, there's going to be a new one. New one. Okay. I mean, this is my boldest claim of the night. There's going to be a new celebrity star, a new celebrity teenage star that's going to rock the headlines. Okay. I don't think that, I think Miley will have her usual twerking. I don't think that she's going to rock the headlines. Or twerking, or she'll get pregnant, or something. Yeah. But I think there's going to be a completely different star on the scene. What do you think? Okay. I'm going to bet that Jonathan Taylor Thomas emerges, re-emerges. They're not teenagers. What's wrong with you? I was joking when I said Clarissa explains it all. Zachary Ty Bryan's going to come back on the scene as a fresh 16-year-old and do some shit. I still think that one of the Savage Brothers, there's another Savage Brother. A long-lost Savage Brother? Yeah. Like Mickey Savage? There's Ben Savage. There was Fred Savage. Yeah. Mickey Savage. The parents, they're Catholic. They decided to have a kid 10 years ago, 15 years ago. I don't know. I'm not sure what's going to ... Those are hard-hitting questions, OJ. You know what? I prepared. I prepared. I like that. I like that. Did you have a fourth one just in case we needed to fill it up? Because we may need them. I can throw another one at you. You ready for this? What else you got? So, this year, obviously, one of the ... One of the huge stories was the Obamacare rollout plan and the debacle that was the website. Yeah. So, what's going to happen to this in 2014? Will the website be fixed and Obamacare go into effect and be viewed positively? Yeah. Will the website continue to have problems and Obamacare will have a negative connotation? Mm-hmm. Will there be a major international conflict that will put healthcare on the back burner in the public eye or none of the above? What was B? This is like a normal ... Website continues to have problems and it's viewed very negatively. And A was like, hey, it's going to work out well, right? Yeah. I think it's going to be ... I'm going to say B. I think there's going to be ... I think it's going to be a combination of B and A. I don't know if I can do combinations, but I think it's going to be B and A. I think there's going to be ... The year will not define the Obamacare website. Basically, it's going to ... The first quarter to the first three to six months is going to be issues and backlash. And that kind of thing. People will get more used to it, but it will come back to be an issue as election year approaches. And you're going to start seeing people run. It's going to be something people run for or against, probably against if you're a Republican. They're going to ... I think it will grow in popularity, but there are going to be people who ... I think it's still going to have glitches. I think it's going to take some time. It's a big thing. It's a big thing. What do you think? I think it's all going to be overshadowed when Mark Paul Gosselaar, also known as Zach Morris, comes back onto the scene and he really kind of takes the public by storm. I like how you're using the year of 2013 to bring back all of your high school crushes. Oh, I mean, Zach Morris, come on, guys. Well, I'm noticing there's a pattern of dudes going on. There's Zachary Ty Bryant. I mean, it was literally like the TGIF lineup that you're going with. Kenan and Kel reference in there somewhere? I think I saw it the other night on ... I was like, John Stewart or Colbert or something. Somewhere. They had ... I had ... Who was the dad from Winslow? Oh, Reginald Vell-Johnson. Yeah. He was playing ... I was like, wow. That's amazing. That guy? He's still working. We could get him on our show, I think. Probably. Maybe that's our goal for 2014. Reginald Vell-Johnson, if you're listening, you are our goal for 2014. Guys, we just have a few minutes left here, and I want to take this time here to say, first of all, thank you for ... Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This was ... We started in late March, and I don't know ... How many shows have we done? Like 1,000? 2,000 strong. 2,000 strong. 2,000 shows. We've crammed a lot into a short time frame here. It's like me. Because I'm short. But we've really enjoyed our time, and I've really enjoyed Jeremy for helping us out and making it happen. and all the other shows are awesome. And Mindy, thanks so much. She's worked with us a lot. The late, great, who was that guy who used to do our show? You remember that one dude? Nick. Nick. I'm sure he's out there somewhere on a Greyhound bus. Not listening to this program. Not listening. But we've had a great time, and we want to give a special thanks to all of our loyal listeners. Some of them called in tonight, like Cara and Jim in Santa Fe Springs. And Jim, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you look bad. I was the one who looked bad. I'll take that one. Let's not forget Josh and Allison in Austin. Josh and Allison in Austin, and Matt's friend, and Baba Lynn. All the people calling in. I know Pat Miller. Pat Miller, he's from Jacksonville. He calls in. Bruce from Schenectady. We got a new guy named Charlie in Pasadena. I didn't know that guy was in the show. I like how he was the opening call. It was just like after that, we can't be scared anymore. Only where to go from there. It's just rough. It's rusty from Torrance. But we've had a great time. We've got a lot more coming for you in 2014. We do. We're going to get big, big name guests. I know we've had some awesome ones this year, and we want to thank all of them. A lot more in-studio performances coming your way. A lot more in-studio. Maybe some fisting. Who knows? It's a possibility. We'll see what happens. And we've got a lot. So check out sarcastic-news.com. We've got new content every day. In our Twitter feed, at sarcasticnews1, we have updates all the time, guys. All the time. Usually just promoting ourselves. But we have funny little feeds that go up all the time. And we've got more coming at you. So listen in. Watch us. Follow us. Do all that kind of stuff. And listen to all the shows on Skid Row Studios because they're pretty awesome. My name is Justin Cross. For Jake the Snake Craney. For our loyal Sarcastic News Crack Squad, Kareem the Dream. Kareem. Moonlit for us for a while. Hopefully he's listening somewhere. He'll be in hopefully at some point. Matt Sugar Mills. Kat Rowley. We've got a bunch of people who've joined us over the time. And we really appreciate it. So thanks a lot, guys. My name is Justin Cross. You've been listening to Sarcastic News Live. We'll see you next year. I've been here for 28 years. Palance red beneath these wheels. Tattooed lines beneath our skin. 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