Comedian's edition with Jeremy Long and Tim Omayoun discussing celebrity questions

I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair quest, quest, quest. Hello there, this is Vic Cohen. It is the comedian's edition of Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. We have two really awesome, funny guys. You're gonna love them as much as I do. Our first comic is, well, I would say If Tom Green made love to Tom Green, this is what his love child would look like. Comedian, Jerry, Jeremy Long. You should have seen his face. Welcome to the show. Great to see you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And our other guest, before being a comedian, he actually made us living as a Hillary Swank lookalike from Boys Don't Cry. Tim, yes, congratulations on that. Actually, that was his joke and I had to use it. It was very good. Tim, homie you. Thank you. Yes. Are you Asian or is it just the name? Close enough. That's great. You said that was your stage name, which I thought, again, I'm using your jokes, but at least I'm giving you credit. It's great to see you. Same here. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And thank you. What did I call you, Jerry at first? Yeah, I loved your face. I'm not the subway guy. Oh, that's right. He's in prison, right? He's disguising with the beard now. Right. He got beat up recently. Yeah. I don't like to talk about it. Yeah, I know. It brings back memories. So what we're going to do here today is a little different. The show's really taken off. Vic Cohn's It's a Fair Question. A lot of A-list celebrities, people very high profile have heard about the show. And they've decided that they wanted to call in or write in because it is called It's a Fair Question. They have a lot of questions that they would like us to answer. All right? Seems reasonable. Yeah, it makes sense. Doesn't it, Tim? Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Well, why don't we jump right in? I think this is really important, this first question, and I love it. Hillary, I'm really bad with names today, aren't I? This one comes. I'm just going to read you the question. Dear Vic, love the show. Just wondering what you and your guests think of the nude pic that I Instagrammed of myself, Therese Witherspoon, for her 40th birthday. Let's take a look at that. Chelsea right there. Chelsea Handler. Can we put that back up there, Jeremy? Oh, there it is. Okay. For those of you with the video of her, she's totally naked. What do you think, guys? I think I should put my hands below the table. Anyway. Jeremy, away from Jeremy. What do you think of that? I think it's... It's... It's good. I think it's... Yeah, that's all I got to say. I think it's good. What do you think? I think she took that picture in my apartment, so I've already seen it live. You were the one who took it? Yeah. You know what? I love her body because it's a real woman's body. You see that she has done nothing to herself to be enhanced in any way. She's got naturally beautiful breasts. And her belly has got a little bit of a... I guess you'd say a capucci kind of thing. I like a woman who's real. Yeah. You know? She's not made up. She's not all Hollywood. You know what's great? She's also a comedian, so a funny naked woman. That's a top of the line for you, right? You know what? You're right. She should do a special naked. True. You know what? That's a great idea. Highest ratings. Yeah. I usually would watch her show naked. Yeah. So it would work out perfectly. That's so not true. You know, I've always said that I like women who are 100% real. Like, you know, with porn, they often will have these women all airbrushed. You know, a pimple on the ass. That's real. It's just a braille starting point. Yeah. I would actually... I would... You know, there's probably a porn site that's called Pimple on the Ass. You think so? Yeah. If not, you should start it. You know, I don't know if I really want to invest my time in it, but I would actually visit it. No, but I like a real woman. Are you guys more into the airbrushed plastic surgery? I like real... In fact, I've always had a crush on Chelsea Handler. Really? Have you ever... This is news to me, so now I know what I'm doing tonight. What? What are you doing tonight? Well, I don't like to talk about it. Well, also, she's really, you know, she's getting a little older, and I don't think of her as old, but she's kind of in that MILF area. Yeah. And a lot of guys have fantasies about the MILF. Yeah, my ex-wife was five years older. So I had, you know... Now I'm dating someone younger, but for a little bit, I had that little... I like older women. Really? Five years is enough? Yeah, now I'm older. I'm like, now I'll go with the young. You know what? But back then... That's my... You know, I'm into BILFs. Those are bubbies. It's a Jewish thing. You know, if you're like over 70... Yeah. And you still got, like me, your ankles. Sexy. I don't even know what that means. It's your ankles. If you can walk without a walker. Actually, a walker could be fun. That's like a... You mean if your boobs touch your ankles? No, I wasn't... Like a quadruple stripper pole. Yeah, that's never thought of that. So there is... And I also like that she just looked like she rolled out of bed. Like that or... You know, like that's what she looks like after she's just had sex. If those of you enjoying... I'm being presumptuous to say enjoying. But if you're listening to the broadcast or you don't have video, you can look it up and just Google Chelsea Handler. And I don't know. Yeah, I think it's really sexy. I would... It's a sexy pose too. Because it's kind of provocative. She's got the one hand down below kind of... She's covering herself. Yeah, she's touching herself. Yeah. And we like that, right? Oh, yeah. Very much. Oh. You know what? We were talking about seniors. I know this is a bit of a transition, but this was crazy. Tell me if you notice this. I was watching television and there was a commercial for denture, like polygrip kind of thing. Well, I don't think it was polygrip. It's something like that. And the woman was 40. And I'm like, you know, what is going on? And someone pointed out to me. I never thought of this. But because of meth... Oh, yeah. And so many people losing their teeth, that there are 40-year-old people that have dentures, have lost every tooth to meth. Can you believe that? Oh, that's crazy. So the denture business is going up. Oh, yeah. She was a MILF on meth or formerly on meth. With dentures. With dentures. How many denture owners, like store owners, do you think are like on the street corner selling meth, trying to amp up their business? Oh, you think that it's a strategy? Yeah. Have you ever made love to a woman with no teeth? Not yet. It's a fair question. Not yet. That's a goal. Let's go to our next question. You know, I don't know if you know this, but maybe those of you watching and listening don't know, but Hulk Hogan is a very, very close friend of the shows. He wrote Dear Vic. Hulk Hogan here. As you know, Vic, I've been awarded $140 million for my lawsuit against Gawker.com for his lawsuit. And he said that he got that for the website playing video, a video online of him being secretly taped having sex. So he wants to know if any of us have ever videotaped ourselves naked, not secretly, or if we've been secretly taped. He says it's a fair question. Have you guys ever videotaped yourself making love? I have not. No. Not even by alone? That's a fair question. You've never... I had socks on, so I don't know if that... I wasn't fully naked. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Where was the... Sock was on what? Oh. Well, I did have a third sock. It was kind of the... Just one sock. I was the fifth member of the Chili Peppers. I was the extra. Have you... Have you... So neither of you have ever videotaped yourself, making love? I've videotaped other people making love. Is that true? No. You've never? No. Really? Wow. I can't believe... I mean, like, I've videotaped myself making love. Perfect. To myself. You did? Yeah. For real? Yeah, for real. If you put like a... If someone secretly wanted to videotape me, they would probably just see me like playing with my cat. Is that what you call it? No, but... Mine would be like a Vine video. That's how quick I'd be done. And that's your wife's nickname for your thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Vine. Yeah. So you've never been videotaped. That's really interesting. You also want to know if there's anything we could see online. Obviously not. Yeah. I think he was the... You couldn't see him, but he was actually behind Chelsea. I think that's a new video coming out. Oh, that's good. Because there is the... The picture's kind of cut off. Yeah. Be careful what you say, though. You should say allegedly. Allegedly. Because he does sue. Oh, yeah. And we don't want to, you know, $140 million. If you look at the picture, Jeremy, has that been up yet? I love it. I love how he goes to court. That's him in court. And he still wears the bandana, which makes me wonder, does he wear that while lovemaking? Like, everywhere he goes, he's got... That's the court bandana. It's ridiculous. Isn't it? Is that the bandana for each occasion? It seems like it. This is my court bandana. Yeah. I wonder if he gets aggressive with women where... You know how he used to rip his shirt off? Oh, yeah. Like, if she's like, I like a rough, rip my shirt off. And he's like, I can't. It's too rough. I can't. Mine's pre-rip. Yeah, that's right. Well, he... I don't know. It is an interesting idea of what kind of... I don't really... I never thought about it, what kind of lovemaker he is. He claimed in an audio... Well, like on a radio show that his vine, his member was 10 inches. Says Python. Yeah, right. And then he denied that in the courtroom, saying that that was him just being like a character. It wasn't... I believe that was his defense. I think Vince McMahon wrote that. Yeah, everything. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly, please. Yeah, he's got some money too. You could just use that for any excuse now. You could do anything and just be like, oh, I was in character. Right. Yeah. It's a good... It's clever, isn't it? Yeah. I just can't believe... Have you... You guys have... You've never been videotaped? Not that I know of. You've never... How about like a woman wants to see what you look like? Have you ever sent a... I have a hard enough time getting a woman in bed, period, that I don't even want to ask. Really? Really? Have you ever sent a naked... A picture of your private parts? Yes. Okay. How about my private parts? Yes. I took it and then sent it to myself. No, did you... So you have sent like sexting kind of thing? Yeah. So there's... Is your face in the shot? No. Yeah. Is my face in the shot? I keep saying that, you know, like turning it about me. Yeah. And how about you, Tim? I did the Skype. So it was... I had to do it quick because I don't know if she's going to do a screenshot. Yeah. I don't want to save her. Well, you can't do it that quick. Well, yeah. So you showed your face? Oh, yeah. You know how risky that is? I live on the edge. That's risky. How well did you know her? I never met her. It was all online. And then it was... That was it. You're going to end up on that show, Catfish. You so could have been a guy. Well, I mean, I saw her too. She showed her Chelsea Handler too. Oh, yeah. Was she hot? Well, I have a girlfriend now, so she was ugly. Really? Really? You think your girlfriend's listening? Uh, she might. Have you ever sent a naked picture of yourself to her or vice versa? Um, I think I've maybe... Instead of Skype, now it's the Facebook Messenger. Similar. You know, the video. Oh, yeah. Okay. But, uh... You've been performing on cruise ships, correct? Yeah. So it's lonely out at sea. Oh, yeah. I get turned on by even when the shower curtain kind of hugs you. You know, when you... Because it's a small thing. I hug back. It's so sad. That is sad. Do you like being in the... Do you find the shower... I mean, this is really... This is Hulk asking. Like, I think the sex in the shower is... Unless I'm with someone. I mean, sex alone in the shower has never been my thing. Oh, yeah. No. I have my pillow orgy. All right. That sounds weird. Yeah, that sure does. But I get a lot of pillows and I relax in bed. I have no imagination. So I need... And you can't bring electronics into the shower, so... Unless I get one of those waterproof cases. You have no imagination. No. Really? When it comes to that. Oh, okay. I have to have... If you need help, you can always ask me. I mean, it sounds creepy, but I mean, like, spice things up. Let's not talk about what we do on a Sunday night. Okay, so here we go on... We've got another question here. This one's from Donald Trump. Very popular. Very well-known, obviously, politician. Could be our president one day. You never know. Another guy who sues. Yes, that's right. But never settles. Allegedly. Allegedly. Donald J. Trump here. He writes us. Dear Vic, great show. Good to see you making podcasting great again. Which I thought was really... That was nice. Yeah. That's very sweet. I should get a hat that says that. It says, this is a two-part question. He really, you know, he's very into the writing. Part one, a super PAC posted a naked pic of my wife, Melania, that appeared in Utah for the Republican primary, and they wrote on it, Meet Melania Trump, your next first lady. Trump writes, let's be honest, Vic. They were slut-shaming my gorgeous wife. And again, let's be honest. She is gorgeous. Lion Ted claims he had nothing to do... What do you and your guests think? Let's look at that photo. We put that up there. There it is. It says, meet Melania Trump, your next first lady. And under it says, or you can... What does that say? Support Ted Cruz on Tuesday. Now, that is a really hot woman, right? Yeah. Why put a sexy picture and go, no, no, you don't want this? It's like, it's kind of... Well, the other thing is... I agree. I agree. And also, evangelicals or really religious people, that doesn't mean they don't have a sex drive. Yeah. I mean, look at that Josh Dugar guy. Oh, yeah. I mean, he's been addicted to porn. He was hiring hookers, and he was like the most religious guy ever. That was his whole point. Oh, yeah. That whole family. Especially when they see that, because they don't see it often, because they stay away from it, then the tides could turn. Yeah, totally. So is the point of this for you to vote for Trump because that'll be the first lady, or is the point to vote for Trump? Right, exactly. Exactly. No, like this is... If it's like supporting Trump and being like, this is your first lady, I don't get it. Because, yeah, she's attractive, but it's not like you're ever going to be able to have sex with her. Well, it's called slut shaming. Maybe allegedly it's possible Trump put this out there to go, oh, yeah, by the way, this is my wife. This is, you know... Well, there is a super PAC copyright on it. So, I mean, it did come from definitely a super PAC. Although Ted claims that he had nothing to do with it, but how does Ted... Ted Cruz have nothing to do with it? At least he should have denounced it right away when it came out. I don't think he did immediately. But, yeah, like I think a first lady... Like we had Barbara Bush and, you know, I mean, she looked like she was 90 years old. She couldn't, you know, she couldn't afford any hair dye. I mean, you know, they owned a baseball team, the Bushes. Yeah. Like, who do you want, Barbara Bush or do you want this? I'll take this. But why? Why? She's going to be completely surrounded by security all the time. It's not like I'm... I'm not treating her like she's untenable. I'm not treating her like she's under. I mean, the point is you want a pretty first lady. You're going to see her everywhere in the news. She's going to be representing the country. She's going to be going all around the world. Who do you want? The first lady is a very important person. We all know Trump wants to fuck his daughter anyways. Oh. Allegedly. Please, make love. Please. No, he said that... He said if... What did he say? Something like if I didn't have... If I wasn't married. If I wasn't married to my wife. This is the kind of woman I'd want to... Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. Something like that. That's a lot of therapy. You know, it's interesting. His wife, you can't see the nether region. She actually has a huge comb over down there. That's funny. And if you look just beyond it, you see Hulk Hogan's mustache. Allegedly. I wish Donald Trump would take a picture, like Chelsea Handler took a picture. Then I'd vote for her. Oh, of his... But what happened was in Utah, Ted Cruz won by a landslide. Yeah. And it could have been because... Partially because of that picture. Because people who are moral, I suppose. I don't know. What's that like? Right. I don't know. So would have... They found that a turnoff evidently, I guess. But so Trump is in a huge feud with Ted Cruz right now. Because Donald Trump says that he fights back. So he feels that his wife was slighted here. Kind of, as we say, slut shamed. So he got a tweet that was very... Let's say, not very tasteful. And Trump retweeted it. And now we've got a huge war going on over the wives. Jeremy, Jeremy, our producer, can you... And runs the studio here. Let's see that. There it is. I love this. It says, no need... Okay, no need to spill the beans. The images are worth... Is that what I say? A thousand words? Yeah. Okay. So we've got Trump's wife on the right and... Or left, depending on how you're looking at it, where you are. And then we've got on the other side, Heidi, Ted Cruz's wife. Now, is there any of the three of us, who here thinks Heidi is the hottest? I mean, of course they put the bad Heidi photo. Looks like she just... Chewing on an onion or something. Yeah, she looks... To me, she looks like she's farting or, you know, like pushing something out her ass. I don't know. Or constipated. Or constipated. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. one? I agree with. I bet she has a pimple on her ass, allegedly. What? You think what, Jeremy? I agree that they picked like the most perfect photoshopped airbrushed picture of Trump's wife. And then, you know, they picked that like probably the one picture where it looks like she just got sprayed by a skunk of Ted Cruz's wife. Right. Well, the thing that makes me sick is that Heidi Cruz has actually had Ted inside her. Because I just, you know, he's just, I don't know, I'm not a big fan. And if you are, I totally respect your opinions. I'm not someone who goes nuts on, you know, everyone has their candidate. But just the idea of that. And, you know, today, allegedly, I just want to keep saying allegedly, the National Enquirer is reporting that Ted Cruz has had something like five affairs. Ouch. Yeah. So if that's true. Well, if she looks like that. Hey. So you think that's an excuse if your wife looks like Heidi? I don't think Heidi's that unattractive. I really don't. I think she's got, you know, I mean, she looks like a soccer mom almost, which is nice. I mean, I wouldn't care if you brought Barbara Bush back if she, you know, if the new husband, you know, not the old husband, you know, like if, if the new husband was qualified and did a good job, I don't care. You want Barbara back. Yeah, I want Barbara back. I'm one of the rare, rare. I want my Barbara back, Barbara back. Did she look like the Quaker Oats guy kind of? Like, you know, I was not into her as a, she, you know, she actually is getting younger looking. I think she's a hundred now or something like that. But all right, well, let's move on here. Oh, there's a part two to this. Yeah. I retweeted a tweet comparing Melania to Ted's wife, Heidi. And honestly, who do you like to see as first lady? And we, we've already kind of discussed that. Everyone here would say they'd prefer Melania. I don't care. Yeah, I know. You don't care. One way or the other. I'm not going to vote on somebody because of how attractive their wife is. It has no, no bearing to you. No bearing. Yeah. There's actually a term, I don't know if you guys know, there's a term for people who pick their president, who they're going to vote for too early, too quickly. It's called electoral dysfunction. No. I like that joke. That's a good joke. I read that on Wikipedia, so it must be true. Yep. That is not real. That is a joke, right? Because that's really good. Okay. Um, Jeremy, producer Jeremy, did you say something? I thought I heard you talking. I did not. Oh, okay, good. I'm hearing things. What do, what do you think about Heidi and, uh, and, uh, Mrs. Trump, Melania? You know, uh, I don't know. Melania is pretty hot. So, uh, yeah, why not have a really hot first? I mean, we're going to go down in flames anyway with Trump as president, so fuck it. Have, uh, have a really hot first lady. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, like, uh. Did you think that we've ever in your lifetime had a hot lady as first lady? Not as hot as that. No. I mean, I, I like the fact that she's comfortable being naked. Mary Todd was pretty hot. Who? Mary Todd. Oh, right. I'd never seen, did we have photos back then? Yeah. There's photos of Abe Lincoln. Why wouldn't there be photos of Mary Todd? Yeah. You really thought she was hot? Well. You think that's the hottest we've had? Probably. What about George Washington's wife? I've never seen a picture of her. Yeah. He had wooden teeth. I always said it'd be really cool. Like I'm teaching you guys. Like you never knew. Like as if I, she had wooden teeth. Oh. Yeah. It's the meth head. Yeah. Right. He was in that denture commercial. There, uh, I forgot what I was going to say. That was funny with the meth head. Then I got lost. Uh oh. Um, yeah. Yeah. I think it'd be cool to have a hot first lady. I think we have one now. Yeah. Michelle's attractive and in shape. So she's kind of playing off that, hey, get in shape, which we need in this country. And too many people are getting out of shape and not that I don't think she can really influence too much, but it helps. Yeah. I think she's, uh, I think she's really hot. Um, and, uh, I'm not going to say anything else. Sometimes you do need to censor yourself, but a lot of people feel that Trump's being in, in, he's picking a fight. He's kind of doing that. Uh, my wife can beat up your wife type of attitude. You know, like my dad could beat up your dad, like a little kid. You think? You know, that kind of attitude. But don't you think? Don't you think that really it started with the, the Ted Cruz pack? But I think it, like, like I said before, I think, look, his wife was a model. And if there's slut shaming or he, there's the other side that is helping him going, wow, look how attractive his wife is. So you think it backed fire? Oh yeah. That's why I said maybe even Trump, you know, allegedly sent it out there. Well. Anyway, here's a naked photo of my wife that somebody put out there. Well, the thing I'm curious about is. Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? Is it real? I mean, I think Trump's getting a little older, you know, and I'm wondering if he can actually perform. You know, and I don't know if there's any way we can find out. Because it'd be such a waste of a first lady. We could just, we could ask. Just go to a Trump rally and ask him. Oh yeah. He seems to be willing to answer any questions. Jeremy? Any thoughts? Well, didn't, didn't Trump say it at one of those rallies because people were making fun of his hands and, you know, he kind of make, made the joke. You know, the hand. The hand. The hand. The hand. The hand. The hand. The hand compared to the, his, his dick and, and, uh, he said there's no problem down there. Believe me or something like that. That doesn't, that could mean it's no problem hanging. Yeah. It doesn't mean that it can. Yeah. I don't know if he can sexually perform, but, uh. He smushes it in. Yeah. Now that's a sex video I really want to see. Okay. Let's go to our next. He's out of condoms. He just takes his hairpiece off and wraps it around. Oh. Well, we, that's his real hair. I mean, we've seen people pull it. Is there any possibility that is his real hair? Yeah. Yeah. If you lift it up, it actually has a tattoo that says Trump under there. That's how. And a little gremlin that hides underneath. Well, speaking of our first lady, as we were a moment ago, we actually got a letter from President Obama. And here we go. Dear Vic and guests. At the time, he didn't know your names. I apologize because he's much more personable generally. He says, President Obama here. It's amazing how they always introduce themselves in these letters right up front like that. You know, writing you from Argentina, which I thought was amazing that he found the time. He said, right after Brussels and the attack by ISIL, I was ripped in the media for attending a baseball game in Cuba with General Raul Castro doing the wave. And then he said he was ripped. Well, in a minute we'll see the picture. But then he goes, and then for being in Argentina doing the tango. Should I have come home from my trip early? It's a fair question. He wants to know. And, well, he's a good guy. Well, let's look at the, there's the picture of him doing the wave. The wave in Cuba is a little different term. That's from the boats being overturned. Yeah, being pushed to shore as you're being shot by the army, Cuban army. Yeah, that's why they have the net. It's not to protect, that's to protect them from the political prisoners coming after them. They're going to come right off the field. I always thought like that is the worst security I've ever seen for a president. You know, there's some big holes in there. Yeah. They're really behind. It is really like the 50s there. They always say like when you go to Cuba, it's just like the old days. They assume that that's the cube that they're doing the wave. They could be playing Simon Says. I mean, we don't really know. I don't, are there other hands up? Because I don't see any. It could be like an electronic simulation of a roller coaster. Oh, they could be at six, five flags. Because nothing's quite in a communist space and it's not quite the same. It's not as good. Let's see another picture of them at the ballpark. Oh, yeah. The whole family. And, you know, like, I don't know. The whole thing is weird, isn't it? That they were there at that game when, you know, they didn't come back. Do you think they should have come back to the United States or gone to Europe to try and help kind of just as a sign of camaraderie and, you know, unity as far as work as a world going to fight this kind of terrorism? Or do you think this was, he should have stayed in Cuba and watched the game? Well, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I heard it was a good game. He did bet on the game, first of all. Yeah. He had some money riding. Too early. But, I mean, he probably sent Joe Biden to take care. Look, look. Joe, you got nothing going on. You take care of this. I don't know if he did. I think John Kerry might be. Let's see that other picture of them at the game. Oh, yeah. There's another one. Now, he's like, wait. I don't know what he's saying. Pull my finger. And Castro's laughing. Really? That's a classic Obama move. Oh, yeah. He does the pull my finger, the fake down duty. He does those old bits. All over the White House. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I love his shades, too. He's wearing, like, Ray-Bans. I was thinking, if you're president, is there a pair of sunglasses that are good enough? You know, like, you get special ones made just because you're the president? Everything's special? Well, let's see the tango. I love this. Then he went to Argentina. There he is doing the tango. Now, if you notice in the first picture there, for those of you who don't have video, a version of the show, he's kind of like... Looking away as he's holding this beautiful woman in his arms. Now, let's see the next picture. Now, he's looking a little bit closer. He's trying to sneak a peek of her. And let's look at the third. Boom. He's working his way down to the breasts. And why would you go to Brussels when you've got this going on, right? Whatever you said. Let's go to the next picture. I just expected the next picture to have Michelle in the background with her arms folded. Well, no. I was picturing... Hulk Hogan. From behind, as you would say. Yeah, it's always Hulk Hogan in every shot. She's with Raul Castro. Right. And they're doing... It's like, oh, this sucks. It's a Hulk Hogan sandwich. Yeah, yeah. Right. That would be funny that she got stuck with Raul. Do you think it was a good idea for these guys, for us to be in Cuba right now? Or any time? I think so. I mean, I think it'd open up, you know, potential... Cuban cigar sales? Oh, yeah. That and help Cuba. Help America a little bit down there. And help the people. So I don't see it being the worst thing. And the fact that it's a huge thing for Obama. So for him to just leave right away, you know, I think he acknowledged the Brussels that I'm sure he has. Like you said, John Kerry and Biden and other people kind of going back and forth. So you think it's okay that he stayed? Yeah, I don't think it's... Here's my feeling also. You know, those Arthur Murray dance classes take a lot of time and they cost a lot of money. That's true. You know, you're in Argentina. You got to take advantage. I mean, you can't just suddenly leave. No way. You know, they're actually doing a new show. I don't know if you heard about it. It's called... I've got to really prepare. It's a smooth delivery. It's always about delivery. Dancing with the lame duck presidents. I don't know if you still know that. Yes. It's just one candidate. It's just him. And you do the duck dance. It's on C-SPAN. And that's part of the episode. That's it. It's a one episode, one season. You're done. Yeah. See, I think what's going on is this is like, you know, we're talking about the wave. This is his wave goodbye. Like, you're getting that goodbye trip. You know when you've got, they call it senioritis when you're in high school? Yeah. He's got presidentitis. So he's off in Cuba. And, you know, I wonder if the bombing was purposely done to kind of F up his trip. Maybe. You think so? Yeah. No. You think it was Michelle? Michelle saw him dancing with that girl. Saw pictures of him dancing with that girl. And she's like... No, I don't. Got to bomb Brussels. I don't think that. But I do think that, I think that it was, I don't think it was a smart move to stay. I think that it would have been a good, you can't lose coming back. Now, the Republicans will always find something wrong, something to criticize. But, you know, the world has looked at the United States as a leader. And even though the bombings weren't here, I think it would have been a nice gesture. But, you know, everything is so political. When the Republicans get all worked up. You wonder how much of it's legitimate and how much of it's just for play. You know, for votes or whatever. Yeah. Same thing like we were talking about with Melania and Heidi. Trump, you know, Ted Cruz was irate. Saying when you start talking about women, our wives, that's too far. And this, it looked so fake. Like to me, like this fake indignation. It felt like he was, Cruz was using it for his own political gain. Now, and especially if it's true that he's had five affairs. That just doesn't bode well. I don't care what he says. I'm still voting for Ted Cruz. Mainly just because I like his brother Tom and Rain Man. He was fantastic. Yeah. Is there anyone, like, if you don't mind me asking, and well, it is called It's a Fair Question. So if you do, I'm sorry, you're on the wrong show. Who would you vote for today? I mean, maybe Bernie Sanders. Just because, eh, I don't know. I mean, I... I think he's the most realistic guy, but I don't think he has the political... You think he's the most realistic guy? Well, like he has, I mean, that I know of. I'm not a big political guy. But, I mean, like Hillary, I think lies a lot and kind of plays the political game. Where Bernie, I think, is the outside. Even Trump is like that too. He just kind of the outsider. But at the same time, Trump is a little crazy. And Bernie's crazy in his own way too. Crazy. He's crazy. Like your crazy uncle. Yeah. Which I can appreciate. Yeah, and I've met your uncle, and he is crazy. What do you think, Jeremy? I'm with Bernie all the way. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely not Trump. I mean, he's trying... See, this is the reason you like Bernie. Why? Because you like a handout. You want to live on the doll of the world, and you don't want to have to work for it. I don't even know anything about that. Well, that's... Who says I like handouts? That's what Bernie wants to do. He wants to do a lot of giving away of a lot of things. Well, that's fine. You think everyone should get free college? Yes. You do? Who's going to pay for that? Everybody. Donald Trump. That's the answer. I like it. No, I think that for me, Bernie's a little unrealistic, actually. That's what I... I think he's... I think he's idealistic. I love his ideas. Yeah. I think it'd be great if everyone got free college. Even if he's unrealistic, he at least won't do more harm, which is pretty much what every other candidate will do. So it's really harm reduction is how you're going to vote. It's the lesser of all the evils, if anything. Okay. Yeah. And even though I asked the question, I still don't know. Definitely not Trump. You know? He's trying to get rid of the immigrants, Juan by Juan. Well, you forgot the Muslims. You have one for that. You need one for that. Yeah. I don't know. I also think that Bernie would be the least successful as a candidate just because he's too far left. Yeah. You know, unfortunately, when you call yourself a socialist... That's a turnoff to most people. Scares people. Yeah. And... Like, I think realistic of if the whole country was together, he could make things happen. You know, he could take some of the defense money and put it into, you know, into the country, you know, and towards healthcare and things like that. But realistically, you've seen through Obama that both sides aren't going to work together. So whoever the next president is going to have issues anyway. How I feel is even if he has... Or even if they seem unrealistic to some people, including you, Vic, it seems... Yes. Well, you think it's realistic for everyone to get a free college. Well, he at least has good ideas. I haven't heard any good ideas from anybody else. You never heard about a wall? He can... A lot of the Mexican, you know, the criminals, what do they do? They dig under anyway. Well, the walls can be very deep. You know what I like? That's true. What I actually like about Bernie is how consistent he's been. Because if you watch old videos... Of him at other, you know, rallies when he was senator and stuff, he's been talking about the same stuff. He has the same ideas and he's been wanting to do the same thing. You know, he doesn't, like, change his beliefs just based on what other people are thinking or try and get votes. He's been talking about the same thing this whole time, where everybody else is always, like, just so inconsistent. Right. I see the honesty in Bernie and the sense of moral kind of... I don't know what the right word is, but there's a morality... There's a morality to him that's really attractive and integrity. You know, and I feel like it's kind of like dating. You know, like, I want to build my own candidate. And I wish there were a way to do that. Yeah. You know, and if I were to build my own candidate, this is what I would have. And then you guys could tell me what you would build. Okay. Okay? One, he'd be married to Melania. That's so not true. But it wouldn't be bad if she had a... I don't care what the wife is like, as long as she's a loving person and supportive. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And has a great personality and a pimple on her ass. But as long as she's a nice person, you know, and that's all I care about. And it makes our president happy. Isn't that sweet? And is his best friend. That's your top concern. No, no. But since we've been talking about first ladies. But if I were to build someone, he would, if it were a man or a woman, it could be either one. It would be, we would have much better gun control. We would have a woman's right to choose. We would have... We would have more women in the country. We would have more women in the country. We would have more women in the country. and this is really controversial, what I'm about to say, but I would provide some type of education, free education, probably because either a state school or a junior college to people of African American descent who can prove that they came from slavery because I believe that a lot of what goes on in this country with poverty is disgusting, and particularly when it comes to the African American community, and while I might be totally off in this, and maybe I'm totally wrong, but I really feel like it was, I mean, everyone can agree it was disgusting. These people were brought over in cuffs from a place that they didn't, they never wanted to be here. It's not like Europeans who came here because they wanted to find a better life. These are people who were brought against their will and were not encouraged to learn and not encouraged to be part of the American dream. It was discouraged. They were discouraged from learning how to read, and those that in school, but talk about it, that wasn't a long time ago, and I think it's wrong, and I think that it would be appropriate for there to be some type of reparation, but not cash-wise, in a way that's self-improving that could help them, you know, even the playing field for them if they want to take advantage of that. There's no perfect answer, but that would be part of it too, and that's a little Bernie-esque, I know, and it would be very controversial, and I think I'll stop with that. I think those would be like my highlights, I would say, and I do think we would be a little, I think we should be, we should be better with our veterans. You know, I think these people have lost, you know, I mean, it's disgusting for what we do, and oh, and the other thing is, I would be the mental health, I would want, it'd be perfect if we had the mental health president, where kids could, we would teach mental health, and what's health, what is mental health? See, like the drug problem in this country, in my opinion, it's not because people are just addicted to drugs. That's the, that's the result. It's what's going on in their heads. It's the, the feeling of loneliness, discomfort, anxiety, depression. Those are the things that need to be treated. By the time someone becomes an addict, and they're in recovery, we're so further down. So I would love to see mental health, and you know, we have suicide rates that are through the roof now. You know, white males in their middle age, one of the number one, if not number one causes of death is suicide. But so anyways, that's, that's a long answer, I apologize, but that's, that's what I would build if I had Legos and could put together a president. How about you guys? Chelsea Handler's body. Ted Cruz's wife's face. And Hulk Hogan's mustache. And that's it. And Donald Trump's toupee. It's like a Mr. Potato Head. Not all bad. I want, I would like, I would like free education. I'm with Bernie. For everyone. Yeah. Who's paying for it? The corporations that are, again, tax breaks. And you know who's paying for that? You, when you go and buy something. No. Yeah. They just keep passing it along and then they, they, they fire people because they. That's already happening. Well, okay. Sorry, go on. I know we have just a disagreement on this. Also, do you think it's right? Well, here's what I feel like because the schools are barely teaching anything and they're overcharging and then it's a way that the education system and the corporations are coming together to start, uh, children, uh, teenagers, young adults, uh, start their lives off in debt immediately so that they have this massive amount of debt so that they're constantly struggling right off the bat because they don't want them, they want, they want, You think it's a strategy? Yeah, yeah, it's a strategy. They want everybody to be scared and, and worried about, you know, being able to afford a thing and live an okay life where they're just making ends meet because they have this large amount of debt so that they don't question what's going on with, uh, the way that, this country is run between the corporations. So it's a distraction when they're in debt and that's an interesting philosophy. I never thought of that. Um, I would also like some kind of, uh, universal healthcare that works. Oh, I forgot to mention that. I would keep healthcare, yeah. Yeah, but one that works because, uh, I feel like the most basic human necessity is our health. Right. And we should live, I mean, look at all the other countries that figure it out. Switzerland, pretty much every country in Europe, Canada, uh, the list goes on and, we're the only country that hasn't seemed to figure out one that works and you could talk to those countries and just see how much happier those people are because their most basic human need of their health is taken care of by the government whereas they don't have to worry about if they need some kind of major operation or some kind of expensive medication. Well, I mean, I, and I give Obama a lot of credit because he got it started. He got it started. And that's a big deal. It wasn't perfect, it's not perfect, but it's the beginning. Yeah. How about, is that about it? Um, I mean, it would go. I know, we could go on. Tim, what are the highlights? Well, I agree because, uh, I think healthcare, like I said, I think defense, I think everyone relies on America, you know, most places around the world to, to be the go-to kind of, the main kind of defense, you know, oh, go, go attack them, go attack, you know, go handle this situation. I mean, you get, you know, France and other allies helping out Canada, but I think, uh, I personally think we should cut down a little bit on the, on that budget. On defense. On defense and bring that into the country where, and make, uh, healthcare not a, not a profit system, you know, cause it's just horrible. So. Well, I thought, and I could be totally mistaken that like Blue Shield is a nonprofit organization. I thought that some of these companies. But so many, cause they have to get it from someone else who's making a profit off someone else who's producing hospital gowns for $2, selling them for $20. Right, it's crazy. And they, it's just the whole system is profiting off this profit, off this profit. So I think if we could take care of the, the healthcare, which will give, uh, the jobs, you know, the job creators, uh, wouldn't cost them as much. They could maybe raise the, uh, income a little bit, uh, salaries. So people have more jobs, more income. They don't have to worry so much about the health, which can also help them, the mental health of people because now they can afford to seek help, um, and then I think that can kind of fix, or help fix the country itself and then, uh, um, kind of, you know, as far as defense overseas, I think we need other countries to kind of chime in too or, didn't Obama say he wanted them to pay a little bit or, or I don't know who was it? I'm not sure. I think, I thought it was Trump, actually. Oh, maybe Trump, um, but, but I could be mistaken. I mean, I thought in the past, but maybe, I mean, Trump, Trump's good, good for that. Like he'll, he don't hold back. He doesn't filter. So he, he'll state the obvious that most people think. You're from the East Coast, right? Yes. New York? Yep. New York City? Uh, I lived there for 15 years. In the city? Uh, yes. Okay. So like, did you know a lot of guys like Trump? Actually, my ex-wife's parents were, their landlord was Trump's father and Trump, when he was young, used to come with them and, uh, you know, he was, he was a little crazy. Did you, but as far as Trump's personality, that New York personality, is he like someone, is he really like, like, is he just a New Yorker over the top or do you really know a lot of guys like this guy? I've, I think he's that over the top guy who's, it's a game to him. He loves the publicity. He loves, yeah. But he doesn't remind you of any of the New Yorkers you knew. I mean, he's so over the top. I mean, like in Manhattan, you get those rich guys that try to one-up their friends and he was typical one of the, like to me, he was kind of like that guy. He was, uh, spending more. He was getting his name out, you know, let me pay because, you know, I'm the guy with the, let me, you know, make people kind of worship him a little bit. Right. You know, that kind of attitude, but. So now, I wanted to transition here. Just, yeah. I would agree with him about lowering the fence by bringing some of that money and one of the ways we can do that is by not sticking our nose in other countries' business. The only reason we get attached so often is because we're always going over and like stealing stuff from other countries. We have been involved in a lot of foreign activity. Yeah. Like way too much and it's, and it's constant and then people always get angry and blame, um, terrorists but also just immigrants for attacking our country when we're the ones who went over there and provoked them. We're always provoking other, you know, we always are sticking our nose where it doesn't belong. So someone call you and I'm not trying to be derogative here but, uh, an apologist that, that in other words what happened in Brussels or what happened in Paris was really that they own, those countries own that by the way they've treated their immigrants. That it was due to their, their behavior. Is that what you're saying? How so? Wait. Say it again. That these bombings, the ones in Brussels and in Paris, that those countries, just as you said, we've been involved or we've treated immigrants poorly. I think is kind of the feeling you were putting out. The feeling I'm putting out is how often. That these countries deserved that or it was, it was something that was not surprising would happen. I can't speak for those countries because I'm not sure what their governments are doing. Like the Boston bombing. Let's say here, you think we were, that was our fault? I, I think that whatever, I don't think it's right and I don't think it was, I don't think that's, um, what they should have done, uh, to combat it but I think that it, it was a result of us going over there and, you know, messing up over there. Okay. I, yeah, I, I don't know. I just think it was such a poor way of behaving. I don't think that, you know, there, I think there are insane people. It wasn't the best, it wouldn't be a good retaliation. I'm not supporting it. Right. I'd also say that we need to bring back the middle class because the middle class has been completely abolished to the point where, you know, we have that, uh, I was big on the Occupy Wall Street thing where we have the, uh, I was in, you know, I got involved in Occupy, uh, yeah, Culver City. Oh, you were? And I just Occupy Palms. Because we really do have, that was a joke. Those are like the, you know, little tiny parts of LA, but you're newer in LA, so you didn't. That's true. It's just rich and poor now. Not to say it was a great joke anyways. Everybody's either like poor and debt or like barely making ends meet and then you got these people who are just so rich and just keep getting richer. Right, but here's the deal. I predict, because you're a really talented and funny guy, you're going to be very rich and then we'll be you and then we're going to be doing this show for years and you're going to come back and I'm going to be listening to you. If that were to happen, then I would be giving my money to people who need it. Okay, good. Not hogging it. Good. Let me talk, I want to take a transition here and you guys are both working hard in the business and just give a little sense of what you've been up to and how people can find you. Why don't we start with you, Tim? Let's see. I've been on the road a lot. I moved to Los Angeles about a year and a half, two years ago from New York City. Grew up in, New York, Long Island, New York. What kind of last name is that? Omayoun is, my father's Iranian. They're Persian out here. My mother's a hostage. And, no, she's Norwegian. Is your dad Jewish? No. There's a lot of, you know, Persian Jews in LA. He's Bahá'í. I don't know if that's right. Oh, yeah. I'm from Chicago and there's a huge Bahá'í temple in Wilmette. What are you laughing at? I was still laughing at that hostage. Yeah, that was a good joke. And, he actually, because, he's in his 80s, back then they wouldn't consider Bahá'ís as a religion. So, he actually did go to Hebrew school and I think our ancestors were Jewish because Bahá'í is more of a newer. Is that an angle for the entertainment business you're working right now? I should. Yeah. That's clever. Yes. My dad was a high rabbi. Oh, yeah. I actually had my wedding when I was married before I tapped out that we had a gay rabbi which was interesting. A gay bi. Yeah, a gay bi. And, the funny thing is he kissed my wife on the lips as, you know, just a welcoming gesture but that was kind of hard to explain to my family. Hey, by the way, he's gay, you know. Yeah. And they're like, what? I think that makes it worse. Yeah, it was a little weird but, you know, like, see why I like being in the Jewish religion? Oh, yeah, they're very comforting. But was she Jewish then? Yeah. Oh, so you married a Jew and did she consider you Jewish because of this story? Well, she was like, yeah. Yeah, you're telling people? She's like that, they'll celebrate, her family celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, like they do it all. Wait, this was your wife? Yeah. It's over? My ex-wife, yeah. How long did that last? We were together 11 years, married three and a half. And how long were you miserable? Four, 12, 15. It'd be like even more than that. Yeah, oh yeah. And so, where can people find you performing? And do you have stuff online? Oh, yeah, I have an old website. Actually, in a divorce, my wife took my computer so I haven't updated my website. Is that true? Yeah. And how many years ago was that? Two years ago. So you're a bit of a procrastinator. Oh yeah, very lazy. Two years. I had timhomeyoon.com, nobody knew how to spell it, somebody stole it, tried to blackmail me out of it. His ex-wife? Probably, yeah. That's someone, my ex-wife. Yeah, so timwho, W-H-O dot com, timwho. That'll go to my Facebook, MySpace, not bragging. And, and then, from there, you can kind of. When you say you're on the road, you're all across, across the country? Yeah, I go back and forth. So I was just last week, I was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean and then next week, I fly out to Oklahoma for some shows then I go to New York City for two weeks. And you have a girlfriend? Yes. Okay, so if any ladies are interested, you're taken. Yes, there was a little hesitation but yes. That's nice. And how about you? I know you're kind of new to LA and kind of new to stand up a bit. Well, not exactly, it's interesting. Maybe new to LA. Yeah, definitely new to LA. Well, it's similar to Tim because he said, what, about a year and a half? Yeah. A year and a half and it's been about a year and a half for me as well. In LA. Uh-huh. And I also moved from the East Coast, Pennsylvania and, but I was doing comedy over there before I moved here. So I'm new to the LA stand up scene and, but I would perform on the East Coast a lot and, much like Tim, people often mistake me for being Jewish. Yeah, because, really, they do? No. I mistook you, the first time I saw you, we were on Periscope. I actually met him through Periscope. Oh, nice. Yeah, and, I thought he was Amish because, you know, he had the, the beard was even more full and looked like an, he looked like an Amish guy. I don't, I don't grow it out as much anymore because of that. Everybody thinks that. Yeah, and he had a black hat and a carriage. I mean, you know, it's like he could have at least lost the carriage. And then you had the new Z set. And I was churning butter while I'm on Periscope. But you've been doing a lot of performing lately with Andy Dick. You kind of struck up a friendship with him and where are you doing that? West Side? Yeah, I perform on my own, of course, all over the place here in LA now. Right. Doing shows at Flappers and Burbank and other places. But, Andy does a, a bi-weekly show. He's bi. He is. Yeah, I've heard that. And he, he's very public about that. He's very public about that. I loved it. I remember him, I don't know if it was on Howard's show, but he said, sometimes you just feel like some steak. Yeah. Don't come to the show because everybody gets a free blowjob on the way out. Yeah, he does a bi-weekly show at the West Side Comedy Theater in Santa Monica. And, so yeah, so. What does that tattoo say on your right arm up there? I see some letters. Oh, it says, happiness is only real when shared. Oh, that's nice. Which is from my favorite book. Which is? Into the Wild. You know, you really. It's also an inspiring message that I try. It's like a mantra in my head. Well, you are very sharing. You know, you've been very helpful to me in a lot of my work when I've needed a hand. So, I want to thank you for that. Absolutely. Tim, you've been completely unhelpful. I know. I'm good at that. I'm good at not being helpful. No, just being here today has been helpful. Now, if people want to find you, where do they do that, Jeremy? Yeah, my Twitter handle is at JeremyLongMD. Okay. You can also find me on Facebook. I have a like page, but you can also just send me a friend request. And he has a dislike page. I don't know how he found one, but it's fully loaded. It's just a big middle finger. Yeah. That's the thing. I drove him here and someone was driving like on her tail and he flips the guy off. I'm like, we're in downtown LA. I'm like, please, I do not want to be shot dead. Also, I do have a website as well which features all my work, not just comedy because I also do some writing as well. And it's my production company, WinstonSimmonsProductions.com. Okay. Okay. Winston Simmons. Winston Simmons. Should I be familiar with that name? No. Okay. You want to know? In 10 seconds. In 10 seconds. I came up, the co-founder of the production company, we just decided that if we were old people, our names would be Winston and Simmons. Okay. That's funny. Okay. I get it. That makes sense. We're almost out of time. In the spirit of It's a Fair Question, we each are going to ask each other one question. We have to swear on the Bible. I brought, because I am Jewish, I did not swear on the Bible. I did find a Torah, but not the scroll. I know you're Jewish because you forced me to go, where is that place we went to when we went to San Diego? Oh, Jewish Deli. It was good. Let's all put our hand on the Torah. Is this a real Torah or is there like a secret where you can keep a gun in the middle of those fake ones? No, no, no, no, no. Okay, just repeat after me. I swear on this Holy Torah. I swear on this Holy Torah. I will answer the question truthfully. I will answer the question truthfully. Because it's a fair question. Because it's a fair question. Because it's a fair question. Because it's a fair question. And every question. And every question. Is a fair question. Is a fair question. And if I lie. And if I lie. I am putting myself. I am putting myself. My family. My family. And anyone I will love in the future or present. Anyone I love. In the what? Live today or in the future. Live today or in the future. They'll be dead. Very good. Wait, you didn't say it. They'll be dead. Okay, great. That's upbeat. Okay, real quick because we only have like about three minutes here. We have about three minutes here. Why don't we start with you, Tim? Question for each of us. Does it have to be related to anything? It could be anything. Okay, maybe a weird sexual habit that you have that you haven't discussed before. Okay, I'll be quick to answer that. Because we have no time and I did swear into my one thing. I mean, there are many. But one is I've actually if I don't do this anymore. I don't like looking at porn. But when I did, I remember at one point I remember I caught myself actually talking to the porn. To the woman. I was actually talking to the girl. The woman and the computer? Yeah, like the photo. I mean, there was no one moving. It was like, oh yeah, that's good. Like dirty talk. Yeah, I was dirty talking to the photo and also to the video. Yeah. But when you were with a woman. I dirty talk. And so you got turned on if she dirty talked back. I love it. Yeah. I don't even know if that's kinky, but yeah. Do you have a question for this gentleman, Jeremy? Could it be the same question? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Just do the same. Just do the same. Oh. I'm. We have to answer honestly. Yeah, you put your hand on the bottom. Oh, I'm a virgin. So I don't. That's not true. Is that true? That's true. Is that by choice? No, it's just. Now when you say virgin, do you mean that like, like you've never had anyone banging on the ass or do you mean like, like when you say virgin. I would specify anal virgin. So you've never made love. Correct. And you're in your 20s, right? I'm in my 20s. Are you preserving yourself or it just hasn't been the right person? No, just most of my relationships have been very limited. God, I'm surprised because you're a really good guy and you're sweet. Do you want to get laid tonight? I mean, I'm not for me. I wouldn't. I'm not against it at all. I just, I usually take things slow, first of all, and I'm just very good with the flow guy. So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. Right. You know, I was, I was a late bloomer. I was about 23. I used to joke in my act so you know it's a joke, but I would say I was a virgin until 23. Then I started meeting women online. I became a sex addict. So I went from a virgin to becoming a sex addict. Then I got married, went back to being a virgin. I completely relate to that. 23? I'm 24. I just turned 24. Okay. I was about your age when I lost my virginity. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I turned 24. Came close a bunch, but like actually putting it in. I've done stuff. Have you touched a vagina? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you licked a vagina? Yeah. Okay. So you just haven't stuck it in. I just haven't stuck it in. And again, yeah, it isn't by choice. It's just by, it hasn't happened yet. See, and some people would say that's not really a virgin if you're Bill Clinton. Yeah. No, he would say that's a virgin. Yeah. Okay, cool. It's also not something I disclose too often, but I swear on the top. Well, it's not a big deal. You know, there's going to be Well, look, this whole table is late bloomers. Yeah, I mean, I had a girlfriend in college from the love of my life and she just, every time I try and put in, she'd cry. Oh, wow. I swear to God, but I loved her so much I didn't break up. Yeah. You know, and I just stayed with her and that ate up a lot of years. She was a nice person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, so, you know, it's still a good relationship. I've had decently length relationships where we just didn't do anything. Yeah, she needed help, by the way. She had a psychological problem. I don't want to, it wasn't like she was crying because I was attacking her or something. I want to be very clear. I've already dialed the police under the table. No, she had some emotional stuff. Okay, those, great question. Real quick, go for it. Oh, gosh. Ask a question. You go first. Okay, well, I need to think of something. Okay, Tim, have you ever pleasured yourself by looking just at yourself in a mirror? I did it kind of comedically. I wouldn't say I got turned on by myself. I'm actually the opposite. I go, oh. Have you ever paid for phone sex? No. I used to do cyber, I was a cyber pimp. Oh, okay. You were really smooth on that? Oh, yeah. That's how I first started meeting women and then I got addicted. Okay, did you ever climax where it hit your computer screen or the keys? It's a fair question. I'm a drooper, just droops. Really? Yeah. Okay. I used to, when I was younger, I actually go a little bit. Okay, are you a shower or a grower? I don't even know what that. It means if you're a shower, it means like you look really big, a grower looks small and then suddenly becomes really big immediately. Like a shower looks. I would say a grower. Okay. How about you? Are you a shower or a grower? I guess I think I'm a grower. Okay. And have you ever made love to yourself looking at yourself in a mirror? No. No, you should try that. Yeah? Yeah, you're a handsome man. If I wear a Donald Trump mask. Okay, your turn to ask. And I've done, I've done all of that. I've mastered, yeah, I've pleasured myself in front of a mirror. I'm doing that right now. There's a mirror on the ground. I think I actually walked in on you once. Yes, that's right. And I was not walking in. That was on purpose. We got to wrap it up. Real glass. You have a question for us? Anything. Have you ever stolen anything? I accidentally stole a York peppermint patty. That's it? Yeah. I've never been a stealer. No. Oh, actually. I'm trying to break away from the sexual question. I did steal a hustler. Oh. When I was working somewhere that sold them. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it was terrible. I feel bad about that. I stole a pack of baseball. Well, I didn't steal them. I opened them, kind of taking the good ones out, you know, and like, I was like six. And then resealed them. And then took the good one out and put it in my pocket. Nice. And then the guy caught me and I'm like, no, I got this from. Did you talk your way out of it? Oh, yeah. But, you know, I was like six and the guy's like. We're good guys, right? We don't steal. All right. Well, that's all our time. I want to thank you guys from downtown LA. I know it's not easy. Find these guys. You can find them online. Try and find them at the clubs. They're really funny and great guys. Again, I'm Vic Cohen. Thank you so much for watching and please subscribe on iTunes. View Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. We'll hopefully see you real soon. All right, thanks. Thank you. I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair question. It's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, It's a fair quest, quest, quest.