Holiday show with Mistress and Nancy, raunchy news stories, and listener questions

hello everybody welcome to a all-new episode of bad advice i'm your host drew marks we are here every saturday two to three at skid row studios in downtown la and i want to remind our new people you're also listening to extreme xm 165 in collaboration with skid row studios.com we're very happy to be part of serious as we are every week i am joined here by a panel of special guests and very funny people we have two people on the way up that's going to be mr vick cohen host of it's a fair question and marie del preti who is a very funny comedian and i have the pleasure of welcoming special new guests we have the co-hosts of the love bite here on skid row studios hi hi we have i'm not sure what to call you here today so you tell me um you can call me mistress that feels weird but yes no oh call me mistress you're gonna love vick he is going to love that so we have mistress and nancy just little nancy nancy i like it just pretend i'm not here because i'm just gonna hang out down here down there please don't misunderstand that no she's just sitting at my feet because we don't have a mic for her because whatever but i like we have a lot of people i like it it's cool all right you got some wine when i pick it it's our holiday show so we are drinking in studio today now if you want to call if you have a question also i am i'm not forgetting you we have big mike over here get him big mike what's that do we just go by big mike last name no i'm using the last name too i want to be googleable google googleable i like that trademark that word listen man mike mitchell big mike mitchell it was a pleasure to have you here thank you mistress thank you thank you big mike you didn't even have to follow it up with can i have another he might not and we're also expecting ron swallow host of angry dorks podcast here so he'll be here shortly now if you're unfamiliar with bad advice what we do is we take questions on any subject at all and since our panel is completely untrained and unqualified we will offer some ridiculously bad advice we also take news stories from around the world people that i feel need some advice but have been too lazy or too stupid to ask oh come on in and uh we'll go from there if you have a question or you want to join the conversation you can call us here at skid row studios 800-893-9562 and we'll put you on the air to join us vick glad you could make it buddy thank you very much all right i can't hear myself you're not on me oh now i can now you can what about you everything working oh i can't hear myself either oh well we have technical difficulties but we'll work through it yeah it's it's weird i know i i had trouble hearing myself too but listen we'll push through you can hear me i can't i can't hear you either even in my headphones fyi all right nick just so you know we're having trouble hearing each other in the headsets but we'll we'll make it work in the meantime i'm concerned i hear you now oh i hear you now i hear everybody what about you mike i'm good to go because the important thing is not that we hear mike but that he's googleable i don't know someone brought me some keys right now for ron swallow so i got kind of distracted that is something you should share with all women everywhere the keys to swallow the keys to swallow what if ron doesn't swallow i hear you buddy i know it's a jacked up name not expected okay as long as i sound normal because i can't i can barely hear me but okay oh no okay so this is our holiday show so i want everybody to know that i brought wine oh drink looped oh wow i like you do you drink um you know i'll have a little holiday one right have a little holiday i have i have to say that um i got greeted at the door by marie i did your day's already starting off well and she purposely does this what did i do she wears these low-cut tops just for me look it's what i own it's how i live it's so nice it's how she rolls it's called being a female in los angeles that's right you've got beautiful vick likes to think vick's like to think that it's always just for him well it is it is you're all covered up i well i am wearing my most comfy bra i'm not my most comfortable which means my breasts look unspectacular no that's impossible now vick insanely just so you know she's referred to his mistress so enjoy that nice to meet you she's gonna kick the out of you you peanut what makes you a mistress that is what she does i'm a female dominant yeah oh look at that oh is that the dominant she's my sub oh so you better not open your mouth yeah boy where are you starting marie marie is not a dominant but she likes to just smack people in the head with i still just you know i still i'm having problems with my headset i'll ignore it we have to persevere i would ask one question one question and we got to get started dominatrix are you um into cbt yes what's that mean in a fucking heartbeat are you offering we'll have to talk later what's cbt i don't understand first of all we are not going off on a tangent tangent i will tell marie what it is and then we will move on okay please tell me cock and ball torture oh which you do automatically just by being married that was a good thing torture my cock and balls seriously mike sunny come on man you must not like you that much don't you like a little teeth in your blowjob i do like that no no i do not no i actually do like that seriously i would rather go out with a senior citizen teething a blow job there is a nip and tuck then there is torture okay totally different words That's all right and valid. Nip and tug. Now you're bringing plastic surgery into it? I'm going to offer you something and then we'll go. I know you want to do the stories, but I'm offering you something. Oh, you mean our show? Yes. Here's what I'm offering because I am willing for you to do some CBT under the table while we're doing the show. You're talking about your show. What an offer. Oh, my God. This is going south. While we do this show. During Vic's show, you can do macrame to him under the table. I don't really care. Or yummy as balls if you have to. Just like a dude charging a chick to suck his dick. All I know is she cracked her knuckles after I said that. I did. Well, I was thinking under the table, what am I going to do? I can just do some light punches. You don't have to do a lot. Light punches. That's happy holidays, everyone. You know what? Our first story is going to be perfect for you two then. I like them. I like them a lot. Okay, here. Just in case the light cock and ball torture wasn't enough to get things started, here's something for you. Christine A. Myers ran over her boyfriend, burned off his scrotum in Chicago. Excellent. Wait, I mean like fully burned off like it melted? Well, I'll read you the story. That's some CBT. Yes. Wow. Okay. That man has no limits. This is the article. It says, bad things apparently happen when you lay in front of an angry person's car. Apparently, Christine A. Myers' boyfriend found that out the extremely painful way when she ran him over, causing severe burns to his chest and back, and then tearing the skin off his testicles. Oh. With her car? Yes. Apparently, she had picked up her boyfriend from a bar, and then the couple started arguing as they drove to their home in Illinois. When they got home, Myers' boyfriend got out of the car and for whatever reason, laid down in front of it. Well, that was his- He was kind of asking for it, I guess. Sounds like a guy you would date, huh? Yeah. It says, that's when Myers allegedly- I like to fight. I like to fight the man. Yeah. It says, that's when Myers allegedly purposely ran over the boyfriend, causing the aforementioned damage to the man's anatomy. Okay. I've got, this is what I have to say to that. Two sides to every story. Yep. And apparently, she ran over both of them. We don't know. Nancy, all right. She's down there, but she's- I don't want to judge people's sexual things, and maybe that was a thing, and it went too far and so he decided to charge her with some crimes. See, here's the thing. I will put on the robe and judge, right, for this one. No. No. Here's the part of the story that- You can't see past the missing scrotum. I really can't. Wait a minute. She's hot. I think that he wanted it. She is hot. I think he wanted it. Look how hot she is. Thank you. Thank you. Drew, did you see that? She's got crazy eyes, which means she's fucking spectacular in bed. I do. We always say, the crazier, the better in bed. That's why I always tell women they should sleep with homeless guys. Drew. Because who's crazier than a homeless person? You know that- No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. Let's clarify. The crazier the woman, the better in bed. The crazier the man, not so much. Oh, you see, I always figured Gary Busey, awesome in bed, but I understand why you might not want to fuck him. No, no, no, no. Drew, just so you know, this is what the dating world is like. Okay? He almost got run over? Welcome to today. Really? Yeah. Post 50 Shades. So my next OkCupid date, I should offer to pick up because if she has a car, she's going to run over my testicles. Is that what you're telling me? Well, you would have to be listed as a heterosexual on your OkCupid in order to get a date with a female. I'm just saying. I think I am. I have to tell you- I don't think I filled that out wrong. I have to tell you that if I ever got divorced from my husband and I dated again, I would fucking run over everybody. Every guy with my car. That's what I would do. I would totally run over them. If you ever get divorced, you're not going to have to date because we are so getting married. Why do you hate men so much, Marie? Shut up. She's going to run over you with her car. She knows them. If it was Marie, I think I would make an exception. To being run over? Yeah. I would let her do almost anything to me. So you'd kiss your scrotum goodbye? I would for her, sure. That's sweet. I think Marie is into emasculating men. I've said it before. I feel bad for your husband, what you do to him. The guy, you've got his balls in your purse. They are in my purse right now. Do you want to- You're safe from getting run over. Exactly. Here's a part of this story that bothers me more than anything else though. The judge set the client's bail at 6,000, meaning she would need $600 to leave jail. That's not right. Isn't it a female judge? They don't say. No, it says Tom. No, yeah, no. Adam Bourgeois. Adam Bourgeois Jr. was the judge. I one time had something like this happen, but it was inadvertent. I was dating a woman who was a abortion doctor. Ooh. You were? Yeah. Did she try and do that to you? It was a short lived relationship. No, no, that was proactive. Did she try and abort you? Wait, did she try and abort you? Is that what happened? That's exactly it. She didn't break up with him. She actually stabbed him with a hanger. Right? No, but the truth is that I met her on J-Date and she was seriously into giving abortions as a profession. That was not a hobby. Well, that's her profession. Right. I went out to visit her. I took a flight. I won't say where she lived. I'm guessing it wasn't Kansas. No, but here's the thing. She said to me, she said, I'm worried about you having ... I want to inspect your penis. I want to do it in my office. I do that all the time. So hold up, my boy. She didn't want you to suck your dick or get freaky dicky with it. She really examined that suck your dick. You did that to get laid. Well, here's the deal. No, here's the deal. You had a brother as a best friend, man. Put you up on the game. That's nasty. That's nasty, man. That's nasty, man. That's nasty, man. That's nasty, man. That's nasty, man. That's right on the limits. Wait, wait, wait. So you're saying a woman can't inspect a man's penis? I'm saying- Because, listen, you want that to go into her mouth? He took a flight- That shit better be clean. ... to go get that ass, and she made him go see a damn doctor, which is her. Nancy- No, here's what happened. I like to spend the first six months of any relationship with a girl blindfolded. Well, here ... No, I'll tell you what happened. Just so she thinks I'm taller than I am. What if you married that chick, man? No. She'd have you in her arms. No, no, no. She'd have you in her arms. No, no, no. She'd have you in her arms. No, no, no. She'd have you by the nutsack for life. No, here's the deal. Let me just tell you- Sounds good to me. Sounds well-ended. I'll be real quick here. Basically, what happened is we snuck into the abortion clinic after dark. What? What clinic? Why did you have to sneak in? I know. It's our clinic. Yeah. Because- Doesn't she have a key? No, because it was like- Surveillance. There's supposed to be women there. So I went in. She put me in the stirrups. Oh, my God. Are you serious? Oh, my God. I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? Oh, my God. Are you serious? I swear to God on my life. I believe him. I swear to God. I believe him. And you know, in these places, they have magnifying glasses over the examining table. And they put the exam... She looked at my dick in a magnifying glass. Just to make it look normal? Which felt horrible. And- Was she giving you a pap smear? What the hell was going on? Well, no. Then she put iodine on my entire private parts. And then she said, I see something. I don't know what it is. And then she put iodine, vinegar. I had an allergic reaction. My dick was on fire. I was screaming. I was screaming. Vick, if at the end of this story, you come with one of yours, we've all done it, I'm going to hit you. And then she comes at me with a swab to stick it in the hole at the end. What? That's not true. I swear to God on my life. I swear to God on my life. What did you man up and say, I'm done? At what point do you go, this relationship is not working out? The key question here is, when did she move on to your mangina? Are you right? No, she never got there. Thank you, Nancy. Wait a minute. Pause. She never got there. What is a mangina, Nancy? The asshole. Oh. She never got there. You fuck. The reason I let her do it, the reason I let her do it in my defense is that we had had a- It was new? No, I'd gone in and out once. She was touching your junk? I'd gone in and out of her once, like real quick. And I'm paranoid about pregnancy. So the only way she would take a double pill to make sure everything was okay is if she would examine me. So I went through this exam. Meantime, my dick is on fire. She put this, they have cream evidently in these ladies' offices if you're feeling discomfort. She's numbing out my dick with this vagina foam. Oh my God. And then she carries me. I'm screaming. I'm like, no more, no more. Oh, she carries him. She carries him like a puppy. Because he's the size of a pill. I mean, like literally. She carried me to the lab and sat me in a sink and gave me a sitz bath because I was having such pain. Okay, you understand. Look at big Mike. He's like, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. That's pain. Come on. I know. I was tethered. This is one of these people that's going to get arrested for not having any sort of medical license. Why do you think they broke into the abortion club? I know. Oh, yeah. No, no. It's mine. Why are you using a jack? I am dubious that she even worked there and that she was a doctor. She is. I checked that out ahead of time. But the thing is, I was tethered. She had me tethered to these poles. Like, I had my... She's taking my pulse. She had all this shit. I couldn't even move. I was stuck in... How many ladies in the room have ever had electromagnets and zappers attached to your genitals? No, I didn't have zappers. I didn't have zappers. I am in here. You did. I have to say something in defense of her. You know, it could have been that she just thought that you were like a monkey and she was doing, like, you know, tests, lab tests. Big Mike, he's very hairy. No, the truth is, I could have sued this woman for so much money. She took all the skins. South Central is like eight miles from here, maybe five. There's some brothers in the hood from South Central. That would put you up on so much game, you'd be on J. Dave's banging everybody. You would never get your cock burnt ever. You're in the hood and you're broken. All you guys is a cock and a smile. You learn how to talk to women, man. You're doing some extra superhero shit. Can you please black him up? I'm just saying. Can you please? Oh my God, did you say black him up? Yes. Black his ass up. Take a damn high bottle and drink out the rest of it. No, not till the end. What did I do that wasn't black? You did some shit that was totally white. You were so white. Ergo, you got your balls burnt. Ergo. Ergo. Ergo. I heard one stroke. The brothers know how to stick the cock in. Hold on, hold on one second. Thank you. Then we're going to move on, guys. Let me just say something. We're not doing the whole show on this story. Oh God. I want to tell you something real quick. Oh my. Here's the deal. I did get laid. That's why I got examined. No, you said you got one stroke. You said you got one in, which doesn't count. Then I put a condom on. It's like a bad golf stroke. Then I put a condom in. Then I put a condom on. But the point is, and she was nuts. Her place had like, she was like a hoarder. She had shit all over the floor. Why would you let her touch your penis if she was filthy? I can answer that and then we're going to move on. She was touching the penis. It was a woman. Oh, gotcha. She was hot. It had a pulse. If you saw her, Big Mike, if you saw her, you'd let her burn anything. Okay. Next. I didn't know this was going to happen. That's it. We are moving on, Vic. We'll come back to this another week. Ergo, we're moving on. Yes. I want to remind everyone that you're listening to that advice. You're listening to Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios. I want to give you our phone number again. It's 800-893-9562. If you are listening on Sirius, you're not hearing us live. If you want to hear us live, you got to do every Saturday, 2 to 3, West Coast time at Skid Row Studios. That's www.skidrowstudios.com. Okay. Our next story. Here's a much nicer one. Damon Torres. Damon Torres dressed up as Super Mario Brother. He's a Super Mario Brother impersonator. This is in Times Square. He was recently alleged for allegedly grossing. He was recently alleged for groping a woman. I saw this. That's what people do in Times Square. I've gotten felt up on the train. Yeah. Absolutely. By Super Mario. It says... Not Super Mario. Don't go to Times Square. Police say a man dressed as Super Mario Brother has been arrested for groping a woman in Times Square. Wait. Isn't that just, you know, like a plumber from Brooklyn? That's pretty much every plumber. Yes. That's everyone. Or everyone from Lodi, New Jersey, which is here where I grew up. I'm from Brooklyn. I have a lot of plumbers in my family. Nobody does that. Not to you. Not to you. You're in your family. You're from Kentucky. I don't know. My cousin got a little fresh. I'll tell you right now. I one time got groped. Well, you with that perfect posture. Did you really? Is this going to be another 40-minute story? No, sorry. I'll be really quick. I'll be really quick. I one time was groped. I went into, it was a bar. No, I was married at the time. You have 40 seconds. I went with my wife. We wanted to check out this place called Peanuts. You probably remember this. It was a long time ago. And some guy squeezed my dick in the bar. How old were you? Eight? No. Was it Santa? And I said, we need to go. That was a priest. Yeah, a long time ago. Yeah, man. I stopped doing that. They're a little aggressive up there, huh? You're just there for a drink and some dude's trying to kiss you. Yeah, right. I had a guy squeeze my dick. I've seen nothing wrong with this. Maybe he thought it was a peanut. I like that. That's very good. It's a Porky's reference. See, as far as this story. Eight peens around me. Yeah. Very traumatizing. I told her, I said, we got to go. It's not because I have a problem with getting my dick squeezed. It's just I want to know the guy. I think with this guy, he was probably just, you know, you got to let things go. Sometimes it's just, yeah. So if he said, eh. What's the matter? I just want to grab a little bit. That was a very bad Mario brother. You got to put a little bit more of this. I want to squeeze your ass. What's so bad with that? Let me tell you something. Big Mike will agree with me on this. What? All these people are dangerous. You got, look at all these guys who dress up. Right, Big Mike? Absolutely. Like, look at Elmo. That guy's been fucking kids for like how long now? We didn't know. Oh, yeah. The Elmo pervert. Yeah, he went south. Oh, no. Oh. Oh. No, no. What? He's a black guy. What would happen with him in the. Oh, he would get jacked up. Oh, no. Elmo got jacked up. What? Is he a black guy? Chinese guy. Big Mike, you're a spokesperson for all black people. I'll tell you, there's no gay people in the hood. There's no molesters in the hood. Really? Really. Of course they are. They don't let it be known because they're going to get fucked up. I think we can use that language right now. Yeah. Yeah. Have you listened to the first 20 minutes of the show, Mike? Gay people in South Central, supposedly. They're just. They're just dudes that grow old alone. Alone. They just what? Grow old alone. Right. Right. You don't know why. Why the dude don't have a girlfriend. Really? They don't talk about it. But what would happen to the guy Elmo in South Central? The guy who was having kids. I can tell you, somebody would steal his puppet. Ah, somebody drive by, shot me. Oh, no. Ow. Well, guys like that don't get arrested. They just get shot, as they should be. Take them out and shoot them. There's no guy with plus one ball who's done. Done. Well, here's a disgusting story. Swift justice. Swift justice. As opposed to what we've been talking about? Yes. All right. Also. Yeah. We have two in a row. We have this. Okay. Then I'll do the disturbing story. We need to open that other bottle of wine. Okay. Yes, we do. We have empty glasses all around. It's holiday. Why do we have to Ron Swallow? He's usually. He's swallowing some of that. I want to thank you, Mike, because I'm going to be honest. And this may come across as a little racist, but it's not. We were concerned that you would be late because you might have been on black guy time. First of all. I had a vouch for it. I had a vouch for it. Since I'm the only brother in the whole building. I'm going to be careful. And she texted me last night saying, please don't be late. I'm like, no, this bitch didn't. I've known her for three years. She's done. I've produced a hundred shows. It wasn't me. You have to understand. I'm always on time. We still make fun of Roldy. He was booked on the show. He's still on his way. No, Mike. I'm a token black, though, because I'm always late. I'm always late. Have you seen Marie's ass? She's totally happy. I want to say something real quick. First of all, Big Mike. We didn't say anything. He did. I would never say that about black people or anyone. No, no. Vic only hates gay people. He would. He doesn't hate gay people. I date a lot of black men. They're always late. Well, you know, it takes time to get this right. If just because they let you come first doesn't make them late. So you think. See, that was, I threw you a bone there. That was a good one. Who loves you? Oh, yeah. All right, listen. Our next story. It was a big bone. No, I want to thank you. You were here on time. I appreciate that. Okay. This one is a disgusting story. He has special needs or something. I mean, it's a miracle. He's a gay man. That's what people do. He got a special Olympics gold medal. I have had bad experiences in the past. You act like he's special. You're a good boy, big boy. You're a good boy. You showed up on time. What do you call a boy, motherfucker? See? I told you, Vic. You're racist. No, I'm not. That was not what I meant. He will make you a part of his fingernail. Come here. Give me your. I'm so comfortable. Nancy, you guys need some more wine? I didn't even think about it. Come on. We have more wine? Exactly. All right. Well, I don't know I'm black until someone tells me. This is why you shouldn't ride trains. Thank you for that wine. Few people would ask to be punched, kicked, or shoved, but one woman said that would have been preferable to what her attacker did to her aboard a CTA blue line train last week. A 20-year-old college student told Oak Park police a man struck her in the face with a sock filled with his own feces as she rode the train. He had a sock full of his poop and he hit me, said the woman. That's disgusting. It was everywhere on my face, my hair, my clothes. Oh, yeah. Crap. Here's what I have to say about that. Oh, no. Tube socks are meant only to ejaculate in, not to be putting feces in. Maybe he didn't realize that he pooped in his pants. Maybe he was just, I don't know. Really, Marie? Really? You're going to defend the poop sock slinger? I'm going to defend the brothers because I bet that was a white man that did that shit, not brother. Right. Me too. Because that's just nasty. Oh, I got to find this guy's name because I think you're wrong. Wait, what did he do? He hit someone with it or he just. Yeah, he hit this woman. In the face. He socked her with it? He socked her in the puss. What the crap? You know, that's probably the point. Here's the thing. He's a fecal teliac. Big Mike, I hate to disappoint you. When I saw this story, they showed a picture. It was a brother. God dang it, man. I'm sorry, man. So we could file this one under what's wrong with black people if you want. Strike one, Big Mike. It's like being on a bus or a train and you're like on a bus with one other brother and he's just a bitch fucking up. Dude. Dude. I got a great. All you go down with him, right? I feel the same way. Big Mike got a great show. Sorry to interrupt. Big Mike, I've got a great show for you. It'd be called What's Wrong with Black People. Yeah. And you just talk about what the fuck was wrong. I wanted to do that as a segment on Gus's show when we do like the weekly wrap up. You know, and he was like, you can't do. I'm sure I can. You don't do it every week. It's like one week. It's what's wrong with black people. And it's what's wrong with Jews. What's wrong with women. Is it the wheel of racism? We did a section here on what's wrong with women. There's nothing wrong with women. Remember, you got pissed off. I always get pissed off. I've got one word. Marie. I mean, I love you, Marie, personally. But, you know. Yeah, women are nuts. It's cuckoo. You think I'm cuckoo? I love how you think it's cuckoo because we're just more complicated and have a greater thought process. Really complicated. That's what you're going to come with? Drew, what's the story? Fucking nuts does not equate with complicated. What's your story? All right. Let's do this. This next one. I'm ready. Okay. We'll move on from the poop guy. Or wait, we're moving from feces. This one is just disturbing. I mean, more disturbing than the poop one. Mother says son raped her and then she decided it was consensual sex. Oh, man. So I agree. I have sex. I have sex. Now, Mike, you should be happy because here's the thing. He's white. He's white. This guy, definitely white because black people will do that weird shit like, you know, prison stuff, gassing and all that. You're too scared of your mamas. How old are the people involved here? Okay. It says, just in case you worried or just in case you wanted some reassurance that your family isn't that messed up, here's a story for you. A man was arrested for raping his mother. Yes, raping his mother. But mom decided to forgive him and then claim that the sex was consensual. So the charges were changed. Dude. Just having sex with your mother. How old? Which is also a crime. Well, she probably just is doing that to defend him. How old? I don't hear you. Hey, welcome. Ron Swallow finally made it. Yay, Ron. Yay. Before we get started, before we move on with this story, I just want to remind everyone that you're listening to Extreme, excuse me, Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios. If you need to call us here at Skid Row, the number is 800-893-9562 if you have a question or if you just want to join the conversation on one of our stories. Right now, we're talking about the son that raped his mother. And then she decided just, you know, because she didn't want him to get in trouble. Yeah. Which I think is the worst part of the story. It's like, I understand a mother wants to protect her son, but at some point, no. How old are these people? He looks late 20s. Well, but he's able to be prosecuted. He's over the age of 18. No, no. He's way over the age. Okay. Here's what I'm looking. I say again. He's cute too. Here's what I say. Don't judge. Don't judge. Reed likes a rapist. She said her son was high at the time on crystal meth pain pills. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's a racist. He's an alcoholic. He's an alcoholic. That's a... How did this guy even get it up? I know. Who is this guy? He's a freaking Superman. Go to the bathroom and whack off. Maybe that's the... I'm going to tap that ass. Right? But maybe that's the miracle. I don't know what he's doing. Here's the question that's really the most important. What does the mom look like? He's 25 years old. Ron, I brought this for you because the rest of us agree. There's no picture of the mom, but he's 25 years old. I just read it. Okay, well, here's the deal. I'm going to share a personal story about this. What? Dude, you got more stories than a Negro in jail, man. Right? Story number four. I think he can get in. I think he should get into the black clothes. Only one or two, Ron. Only one or two. And they're innocent. No, I've got one thing. That's what I thought. No, go ahead. It's quick. It's quick. My mom, this freaks me out, and I have had to talk about it in therapy. This is already too long. I know. And I know where this is going. My mom said that maybe in a past life we were once married. Okay, gross. That freaked me out. Chunks in my mouth. It should. And Vic, never, ever bring that up again. You're going to be banned from the station. It's hard to say something that will offend bad advice. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. You have no problem with what my mom said, right? Well, no, I mean, hey, everybody has their own thing. And then some people have difficulty explaining why they have such a bond with their children. And maybe that's the way that she can comfort, that she can somehow justify this. This confusion that she has in the way that she loves you. That she can look at you and see that to her, her perception is that you're like the perfect man for her, even though that you're her son. Maybe that's how she's justifying it to herself. Now, I don't condone incest. I don't condone any of that. Way to step out. You massively fucked up. But I can understand how within someone's mind that that would be justifiable. I'm not saying my mom was into me like that. I'm just saying. I'm sure she was. I'm telling you right now she was. I mean, it sounds weird. I'm a mom, and I have a three-and-a-half-year-old. And I don't look at him. I could never look at him. I could never look at him that way. He is a part of me. She looks at me that way. It's like my limb. I couldn't imagine being like, oh, wow. She's had a past life because she believes people take on different roles every life. Oh, what else does she do? So you are not the only freaking lunatic in your family is what I'm gathering here. I love you. Look, here's the thing, Vic. I think it's fine if I have sex with your mom. I just think it's not okay if you do it. My mom's married, and she wouldn't fuck you for anything. You don't know that. Oh, you're so sweet. Look at him. He gets all mad. Right? I don't think we can just assume that to be true. No, I think you have to assume everybody wants to have sex with a cock of legend. That just has to be a true statement. Yeah, he was in porn, man. He was in porn. Your mom would like me, Vic. No, my mom is happily married. She'd like you, but she's married to my dad. They've been married 49 years. You know what? I feel like. Then she's ready for a change. I'm kidding. And I feel like Drew had a past life experience with her as well. I had a past life experience, definitely. Yeah, this is all funny, but. You guys brought this shit up. Vic, you know I love you. You're not the one who's fucking my mom. You fucking my mom, Drew. It's not me. It's not a group thing. It's not me. It's me in the past. Past. By the way, I was a chick. Oh, that's so cool. I didn't know your mom was a lesbian. That doesn't bother me. That would be kind of cool. So you'd be okay with a woman fucking your mom? Who wouldn't? Why do we say making love? It's fucking mom. I agree. I agree. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like that. I don't like fucking. I think it sounds really. My mom only. My mom. I'm guessing. I'm guessing my mom only makes love. I just said something interesting. You're a grown ass woman and you say you don't like fucking. I don't like the word fucking. It sounds so. I love it. I don't. I freaking love it. Sometimes it's like, listen. I know, but I mean, I don't know. He is right. We're talking about his mama. No, I'm talking about his mama. That's just nasty. I'm getting late. Yeah. I'm talking to a new subject. I like jamming my love sausage. I feel like that better. Descriptive fucking. Jamming the love sausage. Okay, time out, guys. I want to point something out. Last week, we were all here and we said, you know, it feels like the show is a little filthy. Yeah, we were just. I'll do it. No, we've outdone ourselves. And yet this week, I feel like we are outdoing it. You brought this. I don't have a problem with it. This is big Michael Ross Halloween. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nasty ass motherfucker right there. He's just bringing the dirty mama. Sorry. Oh, then you're going to love this next story because this one is out of control. This show is about being honest. Yeah, you're right. No, it's not. I'm lying. All the time. All the time. All right. Here's the headline. This is, okay. My mom is a great mom. I'm sure she is. We're tired of your mom. When men. This girl's. Okay, guys. Focus up. Focus. Before we go on, again, one more time, I want to remind to our new listeners, you are listening to Bad Advice on Xtreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios.com. Yeah, yeah. I want to welcome all our newest listeners. And here's a story for you. This woman's name is Mindy Mountain or Mandy Mountain. Excuse me. Because when Mandy Mountain. She's just. The latest fella recoiled in horror while giving her oral pleasure, she wondered what on earth could possibly be wrong. Only when the ashen face bloke emerged from between her thunderous thighs. Thunderous? Clutching the flattened remains of a kitten. What? Yes. Did she realize this was no ordinary bedroom mishap? There was a dead kitten in her. This woman weighed in excess of 450 pounds. Where was the pussy? In her pussy. Under. Under. Under. Under. It was in fact. She sat on it. It was pussy on pussy crime. She sat on it. That's my favorite. What the fuck? Do they have a picture of this nasty? They do and I'm going to show you. Let me finish this story. Dude. Apparently. Somebody went and looked then? The kitten's grisly fate only came to light when the bow discovered the pancake flat cat in the folds of her flab. Mandy apparently revealed poor little buttons must have suffocated when I rolled over. I never even noticed. And it wasn't even. Her kitten. It was. She was looking after it for a neighbor. How could she not notice buttons like trying to gasp for air and scratch at her skin? It says her boyfriend was going down on her when he shrieked and left back sobbing. Could I just tell you if you took one look at her like I can't believe that that's what made him shriek because it's pretty. Yeah. He must have been there. I like big girls. No, this is not. Wait, wait, hold on. Let me finish. It says. Sorry. He must have been in there dead for some time, at least three or four hours. We gave him a proper burial and broke the news to my neighbors, but I feel terrible about it and she can't apologize enough. Well, here's the good news. You know, it wasn't her vagina that smelt, you know, like, you know, you got to do you got to put a dead cat down there. Someone said you smell like dead cat. You just throw a dead cat in the corner this way. It takes. I'm going to go out on a limb and say her vagina smells too. Can I see that? Can I see that picture? You cannot clean this. She's like this woman. This woman makes a living modeling on the Internet for guys into very large women. It says this was a wake up call for that. She needs to lose weight at all costs. Yeah, it says she eats the equivalent. She eats the equivalent of 36 Big Mac hamburgers or 12 giant pepperoni pizzas every single day. That's so bad for her. Can I see her a second? How does she get on a toilet? She does it. That's the biggest concern. Special. I think the biggest concern is that, you know, she's just killing animals in the neighborhood. And PETA is going to be at your house. The worst part of this is that the baby, the owner of that cat probably cried. Yes. No buttons turned into pancake. Well, I'm going to tell you this. Looking at the photo of Miss Mountain, she's got a very pretty face. Yeah, I mean, she's beautiful. But the problem is that she's going to die if she keeps that shit up. Let me tell you, I would never let a person that big wash my cat because she eats it in case. I mean, it could have been like a Big Mac to her. She wouldn't know. For one, they're real stupid. Why did they just say the cat ran away? You got to put your business out there so you can eat it. That's a good point. That's a very good point. I don't know what happened. Wait, is that really? Is that the black guy perspective? Don't take responsibility. That's right, Negro. Don't you tell me, bro, that you would knock some big hat for her and then she sat on the cat and all that. I got news for you. The guy going down there, don't be surprised if that wasn't a brother. See, this is why black and Italians- You know it was. Only a black man would take your leftovers like that. You know what I mean? This is why black and Italians have a lot in common because we don't say nothing. We don't know nothing. We just, you know what I mean? Keep your mouth shut. Two things. I got two things. Okay, one is it's really sad she weighs 2,000 pounds and is a B cup. That's sad. She is not a B cup. No way. No, the fat itself is going to take over. Yeah, that's sad. And the second thing is being the representative of all the black people, I'm going to say that's sad. Yeah. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. That's sad. that chick. I mean, there's some new things you can just do. Yeah, there's a lot of nooks and crannies here. And I actually, like, you know... Can you actually open those legs? I mean, if you physically look at it, I don't think you could actually spread them. You gotta do the lifting hump. You heard about the lifting hump? He's warned me before you say that when I'm taking a drink. It's funny, it's like this one person on top, and then the stomach part, like, it's all like... It looks like the pig's feet my grandfather would do. I would fuck the mic before her. And I don't blame you. Oh my god, I don't know how I feel. Take it as a compliment. Okay, guys, it's time to move on to questions. Okay, it's time to move on to questions. If you have one of our holiday questions for us, 800-893-9562. Remember, you're also listening to Bad Advice on Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios. Also, make sure you follow us on Twitter. The hashtag is Drew's Bad Advice. You can also like us on Facebook. It is time for some questions. Yes. Now, here, because it is our holiday, and we are having wine, we got a bunch of holiday questions sent in to our Twitter feed and also online. So let's get to some of those. Excellent. This one, our first one comes from Dutch. Dutch wrote in and said, Every Christmas, my brother makes me look bad by getting everyone better gifts than me. He makes a lot more money than I do. What can I do to not look so bad and maybe even things up? Put your name on the card. Steal his credit card. Yeah, dude. I was gonna say, steal his money. Yeah, take the money I was going someplace different. Make it bigger, because then just pull it out. Oh, I like that. Put a dick in a box. Is that what you're saying? I didn't want to give that to the niece, but I'm just saying. Dick in a box. Dick in a box. Bam. What kind of family Christmases do you have that that would even be an option? Oh, I have such vanilla, beautiful family Christmases. They're so lovely. I'm Jewish. I don't. You could take an impression if you have a really nice penis of your penis and then just give that to everyone. Yes, give it. And actually turn your penis into a dildo. They have kids. They have kids. See, she knows. I would have a good dick, but it ain't all that steel. What do they know about an average dick? I mean, that's just how I carry it for you. Okay, hold on. You know what I'm saying, Rod? You're just gonna be arrogant and say, hey, look at this motherfucker. No, I would. My advice is. I'd do it just to make my brother cry. No. Yeah, Drew's no. My advice is every time he gives you a gift, just talk shit about the gift. Like, I. No, okay. Extreme TV. This is a piece of shit. I thought I was gonna get a 70 inch. Exactly. And I, oh God, that was a re-gift. Somebody gave it to him at the office. The technology is still going out. My God. And then he'll stop giving you gifts and you'll feel better. What's the guy's name? Dutch. Dutch. Listen, first of all, change your name. That's a stupid name. Agreed. Secondly, what I suggest is make something out of popsicle sticks. People love homemade gifts. Oh yeah. And you will, the fact that you put the effort, you're gonna look like so much more sensitive than your brother with all the money. No. Draw a unicorn. I got something out of popsicle sticks and the other person got like a big screen TV. I'd be like, what is this piece of shit? Yeah, exactly. Okay, before we move on to the next question, I'll give you one little quick final piece of advice, Dutch. If your brother's got kids, do what made my life hell, okay? You get your brother's kid, and hopefully he has no like musical skill whatsoever, like his first drum set. Oh, that's wrecked. And just tell him he's gotta practice like eight hours a day. That's a great idea. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's really good advice. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. That's a great idea. And that will torch, that will torch it. It's good bad advice. It is good bad advice. No, that's just good good advice if you're trying to fuck someone over. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, that's because I'm not a good person. I say you bang the bro's wife. You just hit that shit. Oh, that's a good idea. I just like that advice. You drop that shit on the table and it gets nippy. Big Mike is like every story, did you hit that shit or what? I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. I banged it. a Pepsi challenge. Put a pussy and a dick next to each other and do both and see which one you like better. Or do the masturbation challenge and masturbate once to the thought of fucking a man and once to the thought of fucking a woman and see which orgasm is better. Mistress, notice how you say the thought. I don't know about you, Ron, but I can't jack off the thought no more. What? Unless I'm in county jail. I need a video. I need a neighbor walking by and I'm looking through the window and I'm like, yes. See, here's the thing. The reason why sometimes women are better than men in a little bit of ways is that our thoughts are so awesome that most times they could never come true. I actually, that's actually how I have to do thought. I mean, it used to be like I could just think of a chick and make it happen. Now I've got to like have four girls I would never be able to bang blowing me at the same time to jerk off. That sort of rules out the jerking off part, doesn't it? No, it wouldn't work. I just have to imagine that. Or them taking, I mean, and girls that I would never, not only girls that I would never sleep with, not just because they're hotter than me, but because I don't even like them. Oh, hate jack off. Yeah, I've done that before. Hater baiting. I almost have to do that. Yeah, hate baiting. Hater baiting. That does work. Mom, I'm sorry. You had to hear that. Isn't that weird? My mom listens to the show. Oh yeah, I can sure talk to a Wonder Woman. You brought up such a wonderful little boy. You know, she was a guest on the show. And you may have also heard that he's the cock of legend. Hey, she should take credit for that, actually. Yeah, that's good genetics. Actually, your father. My father's not with us anymore, but he would have been proud. Well, but he was the original cock of legend. Your cock of legend mini. You know, I never asked mom that, and I never will. Well, now she knows. Maybe she'll write it in the Christmas card if she heard. Just let him know. Hey, was dad swinging? See, I didn't get lucky. My dad had a huge dick that I accidentally saw. That wasn't fun. But he gave that to my brother. He gave me the IQ. Oh, it skipped a generation. I'm not going to ask how you know what your brother is. Oh, you want to know why? Because they're brothers. Well, they're brothers. They see each other naked. Those two girls did not fuck me, but they did fuck my brother. And they were like, your brother's dick is huge. Cunts. I actually did not give you that. I told you about it. Oh, no, mistress. You came back with, yeah, but my oral sex is better. Something like that. Because I have to work for this shit. Fuck yeah. Well, okay, we've helped out Mercedes. We have another Christmas question. This is so not Christmas. Jesus is pissed. I'm pissed off right now. I missed everything. Yes, the fictional character of Jesus is pissed off. I actually, I got a Facebook message. Jesus is a fan of bad advice. Is he? Yes. Does he like us? Awesome. Hand-baiting is the way to celebrate the baby Jesus. Nice. Okay, listen. Leslie and Silmar. Leslie and Silmar wrote in and said, last year I got really drunk at my company Christmas party and I hooked up with someone that works in my building. I never told my husband. Now we're supposed to go to this year's party together and I'm scared the other guy may say something. What should I do? He's not gonna say anything. Just shut the fuck up. Or don't go to the party. What she should do is bang the other dude. So he keeps shutting the fuck up. Wait, what's the question? Well, she had sex. Did you miss it, Vic? Yeah, my head sets were working. Tell me again. Okay, I'll tell you again. This woman got very drunk at her Christmas party last year, hooked up with somebody that works for the company and never told her husband. Now they're going to the Christmas party with her husband this year and she's scared he's gonna say something. I don't know. I suggest a threesome. I like it. But what does the husband get though if he's not into like it? What's her name? What kind of threesomes have you been in? Have you been in threesomes with mistresses before where you suck cock? Because that's not the kind of mistress, the thing I'm talking about. No, what kind of mistresses? Well, two dudes. Yeah, what do you do? Yeah, that's true. That's good for the girl. There's a lot to do. So sucking cock while getting fucked? No, no, no, no. It's good for the girl. They're asking what's the guy getting out of it. They get to use a girl in multiple ways. That's his wife. He already uses her. But isn't it his wife? You can't do DP with your wife without another cop. I'm very, I'm very, double penetration. Seriously, we have to explain that? Shish kabob. It's a shish kabob. I will admit to you that when my balls touch another man's balls, I'm just not into it. I'm not into it. It's very weird. And I'm not homophobic, not worried about that stuff. We're back to this. But how do your balls hit each other? If like, I mean, how do you be on your balls? Do you remember the click clack toy? You know the click clack toy? I love the click clack toy. That's how it happens. I'm a girl, I'm a top guy on top. Hold on a second. Have you never seen double penetration? No. I have, I have, I have. Guys, guys, we're talking over each other. I want to say something right now. I ordered a man on the home of my balls. I have a lot. Hold on, I got it. Quickly, please, quickly. Let me just say something. We have an expert on double penetration. He's sitting across from me. Drew has been involved in double penetrations for many times as balls have touched other men. Really? Yeah, what's it like, Drew? Cock of legend. You don't even think about it. Yeah, block it out. Let me ask you this. One of the times I did it was with a brother. Oh. I think we might've met on set. I'll tell you the comic's name off the air. It's a very funny story. I think that's how we know each other. It's like the ebony and ivory of cock of legends. I want to ask you this. I think touching balls is whatever, but has another man's sperm ever touched you? No. Bullshit. Oh, you know what? As an older dude now. First of all, we're not getting into this conversation because it has nothing to do with what we're- I think it's important. It's not. I did all my dirty shit when I was like 17. So like, I don't even know if I, so you were 17. You're supposed to get dirtier and dirtier as you get older. Yeah, I don't know. I just- No, I had a filthy youth. I can't keep that up anymore. Yeah, I know you can't. Yeah, me and my cousins just sit up and jack off with each other and shit. That's so, that is very- That is not normal. Women don't do that. They don't like, hey, let's have a girls night and masturbate together. That's not- Yeah, women don't do circle jerks. Oh, yeah, when I think about it now. Did you ever suck your cousin's genitalia? What? Okay. Now you're a freakazoid. Yeah, exactly. You are gonna get, seriously? Big Mike's been drinking. I'm gonna turn into that nigga Big Mike soon. That's what I'm saying. Right? Exactly. I didn't even understand. It's gonna be like, I understand why he shot the white dude. Mike, don't go near him. I didn't get what you just said. I didn't get what you just said. He said he's gonna bitch slap your ass up. Yeah. Let's translate for the Jewish kid. He's gonna bitch fuck your shit up. If you're gonna tell me you were double jerking off with your cousin, I'm gonna ask if he sucked his penis. You asked twice now. I'm gonna ask you twice. I don't know what to think. I'm the guy that asked you, would you like some cocaine? No, I don't do that. You sure you don't want no cocaine? The third time I look, motherfucker, I don't do coke, bitch. So that will be the response you get on the new guy. All right, we're moving on. All right. I think it's a fair question. We have another Christmas question. Ooh, Christmas. This one is from- He said it was a fair question. It's a fair question. So I'm gonna go there. Did you fuck your mama? Since mama thinks y'all was reincarnated, see? That is so- See, it is saved. It's a fair question. Fair question. Fair question. Fair question. No, I fucked yours. Oh. You're gonna get your ass kicked. Do you see how big he is? He's a big bear. I have to help you after the show. Why is Mike so big bear? Have you noticed? Did you notice Mike is drinking? He's making a fist. Dude, are you? Reflex, I'm sorry. His fist is bigger than your whole body. I know, is that a bad thing to say? And he's drinking. Is that a bad thing? Really, I fucked your mama? Is it a bad thing to say? Dude. Am I gonna be in trouble? See, you could have left it at even. Like, yeah, you're making this up. I'm tired of asking about you and mom. You talked about my mom. You brought my mom into it. This is not your mama so fat. This is not your mama so fat. This is not your mama so fat. It's not. Right? We are moving on. You know what? Nothing but love in the room. Oh my God, they shook. No, no, Vic, just so you know, when a black man puts his fist out to you, he means it for a fist bump. He's not trying to punch you. You're so white, Vic. I'm not invisible. Vic is like, he's coming right at me. It's growing. The Negro fist is getting bigger. I was getting scared. No, all right, listen, guys, moving on. All right, moving on. I want to remind all our listeners, you are listening to Bad Advice on Xtreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios. We are having a great show today. You have a couple minutes left. If you want to call in at 800-893-9562. Our next question is from Allison. I love this. She is from Bergenfield, New Jersey, which is the town right next door to where I grew up. So I have hometown listeners. Nice. Allison wrote in and said, my husband and I have role played before and I really enjoy it. Nice. But he has recently asked me to dress as an elf and he wants to be Santa. It just feels weird and creepy to me because I think an elf is like a child and Santa is a married man. Now, before we even do this question, I got to say, I was really hoping for our Christmas show, Vic, that you were going to come dressed as an elf. You'd be the best elf ever. Oh, and I'd love to beat the shit out of you too if you were to. Can we have a black Santa? Truth is, I have an agent who would send me out on elf auditions. People in the elves waiting in the room would be so pissed because I'm a little tall. I would love, I would fucking love if you came in as an elf. First off, let's be clear about this, okay? Elves are not young, all right? As an expert on elves, I haven't read thousands of fans. Because they don't die. They're like, they live on. Are we talking Santa's elves? Are we talking like- Santa's elves are still elves. One of the ring's elves. And they're still young. Well, I've read all of that. Right, exactly. And I think this, but this guy is clearly talking about Santa's elves. So here's what I'm saying from the mistress perspective. This is a gateway to age play, which I have no problem with. I love age play. He wants to do daddy little girl play, which is fantastic if that's something they like. But if it's something that makes her uncomfortable, then perhaps it's the wrong gateway to go in towards. But I don't think she thinks too damn much. We're supposed to give bad advice. Maybe she just looks at it as a tights. Maybe women think too much, honey. Yes, y'all do. I don't think it's all complicated. That definitely crept into good advice. And I agree with you. I'm sorry, I apologize. That's right. It happens to everybody. We all get serious every now and again. I think that perhaps the alternative would be to try some pet play. Is what I'm saying. Pet play? Yeah. Oh my God. Like have her dress as a reindeer? Yes. Yes. Naturally. Oh my God, no. I like that. I got a good idea. She should be the Joe Pesci elf and just fucking blow his head off and just be like, oh, what are you? You looking at me? And just like fucking crap him in the head. Oh, I also left out a part of her question. I feel bad. I'm sorry about that, Alison. It said, it feels weird and creepy to me. I just think an elf is like a child, not to mention Santa is a married man. First of all, I'm gonna tell you something. I know. Alison, you think too much. You're a bore in bed. You need to expand yourself. I am a very big role player. I think it's wonderful to expand the mind. It allows you to do things you would never do in real life. It's fantasy. It's using the mind. And you know what? You sound like, I said, a big bore and I think you need to play along. Well, she's willing though. She says she does other role play and she likes it. Maybe she's method and she doesn't look like an elf. You know what I mean? And so she can't get into it. I mean, you kind of fit the bill. What if she's like a really tall woman? What? What is this lady's name again? Alison. Alison. Look, this is Ron Swallow. I'm gonna tell you one thing. Vic, it's a dick. He's about the size of Drew's dick actually. Let me reiterate though. That is just in- This isn't about me. This is just in this specific situation. Normally Vic's a very nice man. This situation, you just do whatever your dude wants to do. Have a nice time. And then you make him dress up something that makes him uncomfortable afterwards. Yes. Either that or we go with Nancy's suggestion. We're dressed like a reindeer. I'm just saying, you know, I mean, have him feed you some treats with his hand. And you know, you just kind of nuzzle his hand. Ah, that's nice. Like she's like totally getting it. She's thought this one through. Oh, trust. I think about this all the time. I don't think I can ever be a submissive because that would not do it for me. You're not a submissive. No. I'm with you on that. But I like feeding him treats. You like having one, right? Yeah, yeah. We break each other's hips because we thought we were so avid. Take that. Take that. I want to tell- It's true. We would be like, fuck you. I want to tell our dominatrix that your submissive has wonderful cleavage. She has fantastic tits. She's adorable. I'm going to decorate them next week. Oh, as what? As an elf or what? No, no, no, no, no. We're having a competition at a Femme Dominant Dungeon and I'm going to use royal icing with a candy and I'm going to make a corset on her. That's beautiful actually. The beautiful thing is she has no say in the matter. No, she doesn't. I should also add this. I had a really fun time. If you want to know more about this, I want to listen to a very funny episode on the Love Bite here on Skid Row Studios. I was a guest on the Love Bite. And I got to say, you know, I listened to it. Would you agree? Very funny episode. Very funny episode. It was a lot of fun. It is titled Talk of Legends. Oh my God. Yeah, you should listen to it. Is it about you? Is it featuring you? It is featuring Drew. Oh. Did you have to highlight it? May I just say that this whole time, all I've been thinking is that I really dislike the penis, but I'm really curious to know what Big Mike's penis looks like. Well, may. Additionally. Really? What did you say? I would love to see it go into her. It's funny you say that. Oh snap. Oh my God. No, it's funny you say that because when I saw Big Mike, I thought the same thing. Just like, this is just a guess, but I'm going to go ahead and say, go look at a tree. I know you have a tree. I'm like, crazy. There's two things being cool about being black. One, people assume you got a big dick. Another, they assume you can fight. What if you can't do either one? No, I have to handle my shit both ways. No, no, I throw down ball ways. This guy's a bitch. I'd kick his ass. But he does have pussy on him. You know how they call them, they're just tiny. Mike, you want to have a contest? We're drinking. Oh man. I just have to go through this baby and tell my whole rep, okay? I have one quick question and then we can move on. I just am curious, have you two, you dominatrix, you submissive, have you tasted her vagina? Yes. Wow. What does it taste like? Uh, chicken. Popcorn. What do you think? The correct answer is rainbow. I will tell you one thing it does not taste like, dead kitten. Yeah. I have also groomed her. I've shaved her and I've groomed her like a dog. It was awesome. Wow. Wow, wow, wow, yippee, yo, yippee, yay. She looks so proud of that. She is, she loves it. It's very humiliating to be treated in such a objectified way. No, dude. She does look like she's getting turned on by this conversation. She does. She's live right now. She's live right now. We are going to go off on another tangent if I don't reel you maniacs back in. So again, our number 800-893-9562. I want to remind you one more time that if you are one of our new serious listeners, you are enjoying our show because you're listening on Xtreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios here in downtown LA. I want to remind you we are here every Saturday, two to three. Make sure you like us on Facebook. The hashtag for Twitter is Twitter is Drew's Bad Advice. And we have time for like maybe two more questions. We do have some more holiday ones. This one is from Larry in Matawan, New Jersey. Oh, Larry again. Larry wrote in and said, Christmas is coming and I really don't want to go to my family's for Christmas. Between paying for the flight, having to get everyone, oh, did we have, we had a call. A call. Holy crap. We lost our booth guy. Oh, but the booth guy's not there. Listen, caller, if you're listening, call back in like just one minute. Or just hang on. Right? I think it dropped a call. If you call back, we'll get you right through. All right. So it says, Christmas is coming. I really don't want to go to my family's for Christmas. Between paying for the flight and having to get everyone presents and dealing with my family, I really don't want to. Any suggestions on how to get out of it? Go to jail. That's perfectly concise. I can't come up with any. You know what I mean? I mean, that's just perfect. It's perfect. Say your game. Or another is, one other option is to kill yourself. Oh. That's, well. Kill your family. Kill your family? Oh my God. Hey. You kill your family. You're going right back to Big Mike's advice. Go to jail. Go to jail. Not if you do it right. You go to lock up. Lock up. All right. Well, this one, we have, wow. Okay. We have these three questions. They're all interesting. They're not really holiday questions, but I like them. These were sent in through our Twitter feed. Hey, Nick, it said dropped call. So I don't know if we got a call. They may call back. If you're listening, please do call back. Nick is, our super sound guy is back in the booth. Call back. Please. There you go. All right. This one. Yo, don't we got John Roddy in this big studio, man? Call the fool up. Yeah. Right? Okay. Here we go. This one comes from a guy named Richard. Richard says, my girlfriend loves to go to sleep with her head on my chest. I find it cute and I really kind of like it. The problem is that she drools when she sleeps. By morning, my chest is a mess. Is there anything I can do? Oh, get in one of those mouth guards or something. No, no. Really? Like a boxer? Yeah. You wear a terry cloth pajamas. Yeah. Is this a couple? Yeah. Wear a bib. Yeah, a bib. Put a bib on her. Or him. What's a chucks pad? Slap her in the face. Incontinence pad. Oh. Oh, we do have a call. Do we have a call? Here it is. All right, hold on. Let's put our call through. Oh, wow. Everybody shut up. Hello. Caller, are you there? Hi. Hello. Who do we have? This is Du. Is Marie there? Oh, hey, Du. Hey, is it Du Kerpaline? How's it going, Marie? Yes, good. Except there's been a bunch of animals today. I like how we get a call, but it's only for one specific person. You think you can call her after the show? Really, Du, I'm the host, but hey, thanks. Next time you want to call my house and ask for a distant cousin, what do you want to do? Drew, me, Du. Hey, Du, what? Drew and Du. Hey, Du, it's Ron Swallow. Hey, Ron, how's it going, buddy? All right, now, okay, listen, I'm going to have to take control here. Du, what's up, man? You know you're calling bad advice, right? Do you have a fucking question or what? I am, I do. All right, let's have it, Du. What's up, buddy? Because we only got two minutes. Yo, I only got two minutes? Yes. Didn't I get two minutes for each of the people I know? No. Dude, our show ends in two minutes. Spit it out. Oh. Dude, he's stoned. I just called to see if it was the right number. Du. Yes, holy cow. Du, listen, I am really happy that for Christmas you got your medical marijuana card. I can say this, Marie and Ron, you have a friend who's an idiot. No. No, Du, hold on. Du, do you have a question you want to join us with? I actually am an idiot. So the girl in San Diego, right? Yes. She's a little bit of a romantic, you know? Yeah. She texted back like three days later. Okay. Saying, so busy, had to leave at 6.30 a.m. Uh-huh. She's an idiot. So then I waited like four hours and I just texted back, nice. So you texted her because you wanted a hookup, right? Yes. Okay, I'm going to answer this question for Big Mike. So you want to tap that ass, right? You want to bitch fuck that shit up, right? I wouldn't put it in that language, but okay. Okay. Oh, you're trying to make love and have some babies. You would like to make love and have some babies. I think it's somewhere in between, guys. All right, here's the thing, Du. She's not into you. Yeah, if a woman, first of all, if a woman wants to text instead of actually talk to you, it's a waste of time. No, it's not. No, that's not true. That's a complete lie. That's not true. That's not 2012. Drew, it's not your fault that you're old and technologically fucked up. No, I'm not excited that they fucked up, but. Du, Du. They don't talk on the phone anymore. All right, hold on. We got to make this quick because we got to wrap it up. Du, here's the deal. This is Vic calling. I'm going to tell you right now, if this is the way you normally communicate, the way this call is going, you have very serious communication issues. That's the problem. I don't know what you texted her, but it's pretty simple. You can text her something simple that's like sexy and something like, hey, want to make out? Yeah, just go, listen. I want to just text her and go, I want to tap that ass. No. And then get back to us. All right, listen, guys, we got to wrap it up. I want to thank you. Thank you, Vic, everybody, for being here. You've been listening to Bad Advice. If you're listening to us on Sirius, you're on Xtreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios. We will see you next week. Yay. Ciao. Bye. Bye. Bye.