📄 Transcript [show]
Hi, this is Jello Biafra. What should you rather have? A pint of booze if you're a recovering alcoholic, or a pint of cacophony no matter what or who you are? Speak into the mic, bitch. Say that into the microphone. Keep on rockin' in the free world, and I mean rock, not pop punk. Not indie poo. Not middle-of-the-road, Miley Cyrus-y dreck. You're a freak with a microphone. Oh, my, my. Hey, ladies and shitheads. Welcome to another episode of A Pint of Cacophony. My name is Dan, Dan Pacinello with a P. Yeah, like Portugal. All right, this is episode four, five, five, five? One, two, five, seven, five. Something really bummed me out this week, like seriously bummed me out. It's Philip Seymour Hoffman. Man, he kind of hit the bucket on us. Which blows, because I love that guy in every movie he's ever been in, pretty much. So, I mean, our liners today are going to be in tribute to my man. And other than that, shit, let's just get into some tunes. We're going to have some fun today. We're going to talk about some shows coming up. We're going to play some new stuff from some new local bands, some old stuff from local bands, some stuff from people from wherever. Who cares? It's going to be great music. Then we're going to do a contest in here with tube socks. I'll explain that later with my interns. Let's see who's mouthy. Well, it's bigger. No. We'll see how it goes. Anyways, we're going to hit this off with a band that I love. And it was cool. I was talking to my intern Alex earlier, and he saw the playlist, and we're both super happy about this song. It's an oldie, but fucking shake your ass. What else are you doing on Monday? Laying in bed doing homework? Cheers, guys. Let's do this. This is the Sonics. But first, let's hear from the Hoffman. Oh, man. He made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong. Well, it was fun. Because they make you feel cool. And hey, I met you. You are not cool. I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't. Because we are uncool. While women will always be a problem for guys like us, most of the great men in the world are. Most of the great men in the world are. Most of the great men in the world are. Most of the great art in the world is about that very problem. Good-looking people, they got no spine. Their art never lasts. And they get the girls. But we're smarter. Yeah, I can really see that now. Yeah, because great art is about guilt and longing and, you know, love disguises sex and sex disguises love. Hey, let's face it. You got a big head start. You got a big head start. You got a big head start. I'm glad you were home. I'm always home. I'm uncool. Me too. You're doing great. It's the only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool. That's my advice to you. And I know you think these guys are your friends. If you want to be a true friend to them, be honest and unmerciful. Unmerciful. Out I play a guitar I even drive A brand new car Big man in town I've been shot down I thought you were having fun Now I see what you've done That's your last business card Cause I've been shot down guitar solo I thought you were having fun Now I see what you've done That's your last business card You better shut up and bring it down Cause I've been shot down Hey little girl I need you so If you want my love Just let me know Stop running around I've been shot down Now such a scream for love Paranoid, poison love 21st century skit, Simon John Brown, barbed wire Politicians, funeral fire Innocence, rape, truth, hip hop, warrior 21st century skit, Simon Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We'll be right back. We'll be right back. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Exactly how much money did you earn in your time as a crack cocaine dealer? There are, I said there are, so many amendments in the Constitution of the United States of America. I can only choose one. I can only choose one. I plead the fifth. I plead the fifth. Five, one, two, three, four, fifth. Anything you say, fifth. Go ahead, ask me a question, did you? Fifth. Do you believe And I live free, get up, oh And I'll trust love, get up, oh And I live free, get up, oh I might get up slow, but I'll get up To be like this or not like that Is still a bluff in others' chest I think my thoughts have become fast But not exactly to exact Change your mind, that's what you can do Change your mind, that holds a new Our opinion like a screw Might penetrate what we've been through And I live free, get up, oh And I'll trust love, get up, oh And I live free, get up, oh I might get up slow, but I'll get up To be like this or not like that Is still a bluff in others' chest I think my thoughts have become fast But not exactly to exact Change your mind, that holds a new Our opinion like a screw Might penetrate what we've been through And I live free, get up, oh And I live free, get up, oh I might get up slow, but I'll get up To be like this or not like that Is still a bluff in others' chest I think my thoughts have become fast And I live free, get up, oh I might get up slow but I get up Bitch! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! Oh man, okay, cool. Oh, Blue Moon! No? That's not Blue Moon. Come on! Put your pants down. Alex, now you're on. Whatever. This is Dan. You're listening to A Pinecone Cacophony. That was Hoop Screams. It was pretty fucking heavy, dude. I liked it. I liked it a lot. You did a great job. Thank you. And No Small Children. That was pretty cool. I actually dug that a lot. They're playing first on Thursday over at the Down and Out. That should be fun. And that was ended with For the Birds by Anesthetic Frank. So now, out in Belleville, this is pretty recent. I think it was Friday. A man named James Dowdy has admitted his hankering for women's hosiery has been his, has been doing his undoing, earning him three stints in prison and repeated scolding from judges over the years. So police say it's no surprise the 36-year-old man is knee-deep in trouble again because of his lust for leggings. St. Clair County prosecutors charged Dowdy on Friday with a felony attempted burglary for his uninvited visit in a parked car to break into and steal their socks. This dude's stealing socks everywhere. And he's up, he's freaking in prison five years for stealing socks. It's ridiculous. I don't know what this dude does with them. Maybe he sticks them in his mouth or something. We're going to find out what that's like. What's it like to put more than one sock in your mouth? And how long can you keep fucking talking? And that's why we have interns. Yeah. So whoever can't put the most amount of socks in their mouth has to chug a beer. So the loser chugs a beer? The loser chugs a beer. Okay. Right? All right. Let's get that thing in your mouth. Can I play that now? That's fine. Is that okay? That's fine. All right. Let's get some music going. Okay, who's first? So let's get, you go first. Me? Yeah, let's have you go first. Let's check out your technique though. Okay. What are you going to do? You can go long ways like a clown. Yeah. You're going to roll them up? I'm going hamburger style if that makes sense. Okay, so here goes number one. All right. Hold on. Oh, sorry. I don't mean to make you unroll it again, but I want to, how big is that? Is this standard issue? Standard issue feet. What is that? Okay. A 10. I'm a 10. That's a size 10? Yeah, size 10. Okay. Fila sock. So you're going to roll that up? You fold it in half first and then roll it up. I see what you're doing. No, I didn't fold it in half at all. Okay. That'd be a lot thicker. All right. Maybe that's what you want. Okay. All right, let's do it. Get it in there. All right, that's number one. You good? You can still speak? Yeah. You got it? You got it all right? I got it. All right. You got another sock there? Put the other one in your mouth. You got way more room in your mouth. That's cool. That's not too bad. You look like Capone right now. That could just be your stogie. Frank Sinatra? Is that what you said? I can't hear what you said. I can't hear what you're saying. What did you think of the Super Bowl? Did you watch it? Get the other one in there. All right. You're gagging? All right, go ahead. Do it. Let's get it. All right. He got that in there pretty quick. He looks like a dog with three balls in his mouth. That's it? No more than two? You got more? You got more room? No, that's two is it. There's another sock right there. Shan's got it. You want to try that out? You're good? All right. Now we know Alex can get two. That's not bad. Shan, you're up. All right. Now, are you using... You can take that out of your mouth. Cool, thanks. You did an excellent job. I applaud you. You run the board very well. You're a strappy young lad. Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, Shan. Now, these seem way... Why are these so much bigger than yours? She brought them in, man. Those are your feet? All right, hold on. Let's see. What is she doing? She's stretching it out. No? You're not stretching it out. She is rolling it. She's doing the same thing you did. But the long way. Oh, but the long way. So, what is it going to be? Thinner? I don't know. All right. That kind of got messed up at the end. Excuse me? I think that's it. That's it? You can't get another one in? Yeah, she can. All right. Well, we got two and then one. I win? Yeah, well, so far you win. So, you're at the bottom of the list, Shan. I guess now it's my turn. Oh, okay. I brought my own socks. And I spent a lot of time in my car. So, I was able to dig in my trunk. And I found socks in there. And I don't know where they're from. Maybe one was from last time I went jogging or something because these don't smell too hot. But I think I'm going to do what you did and do the roll-up thing. Yeah. But I'm going to try and go a long ways. This is going to make me puke. It almost made me puke, man. Really? You're going to gag? I might puss out then. I almost fucking peed my ass off right now. All right. Here we go. Okay, there it is. It's in. It is in. Do you still have room? No? No. Dude, I'm good. Oh, it's out. I seriously almost puked from that. Yeah. So, I win. You can't get the other one? Try it. Dude. No, there's no way. There's no way. My mouth's too small. I guess I'm gifted. I guess you are gifted. You know what? But I can never put my fist in, man. I can't. All right. Let's go back to some music. Oh, when God comes back. Following that bit. That's appropriate. This is a band called All Them Witches. Let's get into that. All Them Witches. 10,000 souls in your right hand Never lost ground with no cold-blooded man 10,000 souls in your right hand Juggernaut child and a fragile man Juggernaut child and a fragile man Juggernaut child and a fragile man Bug Bug Come here, primitive or dagger slave Ride on the wings of that demon's name Oh, yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh. And as for you, I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a jerk. Man, I've only been here a few minutes. What's going on? We've had just been fashioned, boy By reality I can't come on See, I've shoved you time and space It's the end of the human race Woo! Woo!! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Jesus, that was abrasive. That was a commercial for the documentary on the Cacophony Society, if you guys feel like checking that out. You can find everything for that crap on YouTube. But anyways, that was All Them Witches When God Comes Back. That shit was kind of heavy, wasn't it? Hell yeah. You guys dug that? Yeah. And then there was The Freaks, right after that, with big black chunks. They're pretty fucking sick, too. Anyways, Cheyenne's got a beard of chug. I'll get some on. You go first. Me first? Yeah, go for it. I'll do this. I'll intro this, because right now we got Dr. Richard Dingus here again. Dick Dingus. And then we also have his, what are you, his assistant, his pharmacist? His lawyer? His lawyer. He's the lawyer. He's the lawyer? Right. Dr. Gonzo. But anyways, this day and age, we deal with a lot of technology, especially when it comes to dating. And sometimes you don't call people anymore. You're just stuck on the text. And you got to, you know, learn how to respond to these women sometimes. Otherwise, you're going to get tossed to the curb, just like everybody else on OKCupid fucking texting them. So here we go. We have Cheyenne here. How's that beard going? Good. Good? All right. If you need to burp, go for it. It's not a big deal. There we go. So she's going to ask generic questions that she would potentially text a male subject. And they're going to take turns answering what they think the proper response is and why and your goals, basically. But masked in these stupid words. So let's shoot. All right. So you must have a lot of girls, huh? In a situation like this, you would want to approach the situation with a great comeback, which answers her question, plus gets her mind reeling. So you would just simply ask, who is this? Well, you could always go with like more playful sarcasm and go with, can't keep him away. Angeline, Jolie's calling me. Be right back. He sounds so professional. Yeah. That's such the lawyer, right? All right. So next question. So what do you do for fun? What do you do when you get that text? With this, you want to answer with a simple, blunt response, which quick escalates into a sexual conversation. That's what the goal is, right? She will either bite or not. If she does not quickly, then her interest level will raise. So you just say simply sex. That's not going to work. It's kind of, I like the way you said that though. There's no fucking way that's going to work. Because it's smoother than when you read it over text. Yeah, you have to like put a shitload of X's on it. Yeah, you drop sex, and then dot, dot, dot, dot. Yeah. Ridiculous. Lawyer guy, what would you say? All right. Well, what about this one? Another quick way to escalate, engage her, interest quickly. Is text or obviously a dependent on what time of day to text you? Have you come over and drink a bottle of wine with me? Yeah. That sounds like a good thing. That's immediately what I think of saying totally. That would work? You're saying that would work? No, like, I mean, subliminally that works. Subliminally. A bottle of wine does sound nice. No, it's just like, you automatically know like, okay, well, that's going to lead to what? Exactly. That's going to lead to a movie. What are you guys talking about? Yeah, dinner. Yeah, sure, wine. Wine bottle. Watch a movie. It depends on what kind of wine, though. All right, next question. So, when are you taking me to dinner? With this, you reset the frame, so she must please you and you not please her right after you cook. Now, would that work? Or are you going to be like, what a fucking dick? Yep. That would work? No, yeah, personally. It works. Trust me. Trust me. Because the whole point, is she wants you to like, I don't know. You got to show off. You got to show off your skills. But this is reverse psychology. This is like, make me a sandwich, but nice. Yes. All right. Or you could always go with a harsher reply, such as, Salvation Army has a free dinner at 7 p.m. every night. Let me know how that is. You're obviously telling you're not a meal ticket. You're sending, you're sending the, you know, you're setting the bar pretty high with that one. It can only go up from there. Right on. All right. So last question. I don't have sex on the first date. Just so you know. Wait, people actually text that. No, seriously? Yeah. No, I'm dead serious. I've never gotten anything like that. I've never gotten that text. So, hey, by the way, I don't fucking put out on the first date. Just, just heads up. No, I'm serious. We can go to dinner now. So if a chick approaches with you with that, you would do the blame shit. Nope. It's a blame shift. You softly let her know that you know what she's thinking, but in a playful way. So you would say it's clear what is on your mind though. Ah, yeah. But you don't like you're, you're still avoiding the whole topic. Exactly. You're just like, I know what you're thinking. Hey. That's smooth. This is the wine. Same thing as the wine answer. I finished the beer that I owed you. What? The beer we were chugging. I finished it. All right, cool. I wasn't really chugging it. I know. All right. Anyways, let's go back to music. The sex music's over. The party's done. Okay. We still got songs to play. Wait, there's one more question. Oh, fucking do it. Okay. So what do you want from me? Put the music back on. Oh, this is a good one. This is a good one. This one is one actually I've asked before. So what do you want from me? Again, you would approach this situation with a funny comment, which mocks her seriousness, which would simply be, just you're so baby, you're so. What the fuck? That's the one that intrigued me the most, I think. I don't know the response. It's just so. It'll work, right? It's just so. I like that one. What about you, Dr. Gonzo? What would you say to this? Sounds indicative. I think I'd go with the bald move and just be like, well, come over and we'll figure it out. Hey. That's not too bad. Some of these other responses are pretty like. What? What do you got? Straight, well, I got on your knees and mouth wide open. That doesn't work. No. That's just a doucher move right there. From my perspective, it would not work. Does that work? Yeah, see? If I got that response. You'd better get a text back. It depends. You'd actually answer. No, I would answer. No, no, no. I'm the type of person. I will answer no matter how vulgar the text is with like a just dumb ass remark or something. I don't know. I will always answer, but I can't guarantee you the results are going to be what you want. Right on. Let's do the music. This next band's called No Bunny. No Bunny's pretty badass. This song's called Little Bo Bitch. I hope you guys like it. You're listening to Dan on a Piney Cacophony. It's Kid Rosti. She's got a snake tattoo wrapped around her thigh And she's always smoking cigarettes, what a surprise And you can find her in the subway, you can find her in your dreams But be careful what you wish for cause that girl is mean Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Well she's not too young and she's not too older Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Out she's smokein' hot but she's also cur Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Bitch Little Bug She's got a tip top penthouse she's never heard Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Bitch Little Bug Get some money from sources unknown Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets With a rip that smacks and claws like a cat You're bound to fall into her trap Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets Little Puppets, Little Puppets She wears black in the summer, bites back in the winter Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets No, she don't like money, she's a Sunday sinner Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets Outcasts, patrats, hentai, jet black Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets Outcannels on a nightstand, incense and nagpacks Little Puppets, Little Puppets, Little Puppets Freedom of the body, freedom of the mind. A hoe on South Street, a hive for tricks. Little girls are picking up sticks. Freedom of 76. Wasted little wizard wants cheap tricks. Liberty bell cracked in half. A bacon steak, a perfect match. Freedom of 76. My girl Sasha, looking good on the street. Mannequin was filmed at Woolworths. Boys to men still keeping up the beat. Freedom of 76. Freedom of 76. They're not talking in the summer. Looking good on the street. Mannequin was filmed at Woolworths. Boys to men still keeping up the beat. Freedom of 76. Oh, baby, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, it's a heavy duty joint, man. guitar solo I'm giving something You couldn't possibly share with anyone Now you sleep well One eye open Feel my dance to shine Yet you fail to See the beauty In this work of mine I have given something You couldn't possibly share with anyone guitar solo I'm so inside you Going to curiosity I know what it means You're living too The wonder what it's like to be me I have given something guitar solo Now I have given something Now I have given something You couldn't possibly share with anyone Switched. Oh, man, this is Dan over at Pints of Cacophony. This is our time to say goodbye. That was Kim. Tiptoe through the window By the window That is where I'll be Come tiptoe Through the tulips With me Oh Tiptoe From the garden By the garden Of the willow tree And tiptoe Through the tulips With me We do If flower will stay We'll keep The showers away And if I kiss you In the garden In the moonlight Will you pardon me And tiptoe Through the tulips With me Oh Tiptoe Through the window By the window By the window With me Tiptoe Through the tulips With me Oh Tiptoe Through the tulips With me Oh Tiptoe Through the tulips With me We do If flower will stay We'll keep The showers away And if I kiss you In the garden Out of the door I got drunk and I ate chicken I ate chicken I found in my kitchen Not just a leg and not just a wing I'd like to let you know that I ate the whole damn thing Well, I was pretty drunk, I must have been half blind But when I found the chicken, I knew she was all mine I don't know where she come from or how long she been there But I ate her anyway cause I was drinking, I didn't care Yeah, I got drunk and I ate a chicken I ate a chicken I found in my kitchen Not just a leg and not just a wing I'd like to let you know that I ate the whole damn thing Whole damn thing Well, it turns out she'd been there for a while But it don't matter to me She was heading for the garbage And her number was for me Yeah, I got drunk and I ate a chicken I ate a chicken I found in my kitchen Not just a leg and not just a wing I'd like to let you know that I ate the whole damn thing Well, now I'm sitting in my kitchen And I'm wondering where's my chicken I don't know what to do here so long Cause the only friend I have is a pile of chicken bones And I got drunk and I ate a chicken Out of woman's woman I ate chicken and found him like a chute Not just a leg and not just a wing I'd like to let you know that I ate a whole damn thing I'd like to let you know that I ate a whole damn thing I'd like to let you know that I ate a whole damn thing That's the spirit, thank you Thank you for your honesty Now fuck off and die
