Panel with John, Norman, and Candice on snowstorms, movies, pickup lines, and fears

These are other kids. This is just an accident. Just a couple of wild punks out in Raisin' the Hill. I don't want to talk, I'm already gone. And I can't even listen. Called all my friends, yeah, they're on their way. And I don't need permission. No way! I'm the teacher, and you're the student. Pay attention and I'll show you how we do it. Yeah, get off your ass and dance. Forget about romance. And you can come. Here for the party. Come along. Play my favorite song. The one that turns me on. And you can come. Here for the party. This is Chris Abalo's Podcast Experiment, and I am Chris Abalo. Welcome to the show on this Monday, February 16th, 2015. You wanted it, you got it. They're back. Due to popular demand of our show just a couple of weeks ago, they've all come back. Ladies and gentlemen, returning to the show for the second of many more appearances. Welcome back, John Karunas. I just want to thank everybody for having me. This is like a monumental moment in my life, so thank you. This is great. It's great. Good to be here. Norman Trotter. Thanks. And Candice Feltz. Hey, bitches. My mom is listening to this. I'm just kidding. She's not. Hey, John's mom. Hi, John's mom. It's going to be a very non-vulgar hour, I promise. I think. Feel free to switch stations or websites. Anyway, yeah, you know what? There was such a great response. There was such a great response from the four of us doing a show together last month that we thought we should kind of make it a regular thing. Be nice to do maybe once a month, but depends, you know, as long as everyone's available. But there was such a great response. It was, you know what? They got to come back. And we had a blast doing it, too. So it was almost immediately like, we need to make this happen. Did we? We had a good time. Yes, you did. I know I did. I wasn't sure. With your man-face stuff. Yeah. Oh, tip of the iceberg. We have many more. Don't open Pandora's box. We'll get to that. Yeah, won't we? But first. First little segment from a friend of mine. If you followed me back in the days of The Only Podcast That Matters, then you may well know Andrew Rizzatello. And Andrew and his wife, Veronica, also a regular guest on The Only Podcast That Matters, are expecting their first child in May. Nice. Babies. Babies. Gross. And as a result, Andrew has started to document some of the issues he's dealing with during his wife's pregnancy. I was going to say their pregnancy, but that's obviously his wife's pregnancy. We don't do anything. We just show up for eight seconds. We just barely shoot videos. Yeah. That's about it. Shit, this sound. So anyway, this is going to be the debut of what will be many installments of Andrew's audio series to be featured exclusively on Chris Abba's podcast experiment, What I Didn't Expect When We Were Expecting. Hello, everyone. My name is Andrew. And this is What I Didn't Expect When We Were Expecting. Let me preface this by saying three things. First, I have allergies, which causes me to snore. We all snore. You'll catch anyone in the middle of the night snoring with their mouth wide open. Secondly, my wife has a condition called TMJ. It's something that makes her have to use a mouthpiece when she's sleeping so she doesn't wake up with migraine-like headaches because she is grinding her teeth in the middle of the night. Thirdly, I own a pug. Pugs are simply the living embodiment of snoring. They are the onomatopoeia of snoring. What I didn't expect when we were expecting was that this snoring would get much worse. If you could see the way... If you could see the words that are coming out of my mouth, the word much would be underlined, bold, italic, and any other adjective that would make the word much stand out further. Picture this. I'm in the bed, sleeping next to my wife and my pug. And the cacophony of sounds that are coming out of the two of them... Hey, Cheyenne. ...resemble a tree chopping competition with professional lumberjacks and chainsaws with V8 engines on them. I have now resorted... ...to sleeping on our couch. Not because I've pissed my wife off by telling her that she snores, but only because this is the only place I can find sanity and a full night's sleep. Well, there you have it. Well, there are many things to look out for. Snoring and other forms of nocturnal aggression. I'm out. Already? Yep. Okay. Just based on that. Yeah. You know what? We're here to help. That's part of the reason for having these little segments on the show. On occasion, you might learn something. So that's worth tuning in. That's worth a subscription and five stars on iTunes, by the way. Yeah, sure. Yeah. In other news, this episode will be the debut of full video episodes. What? That's right. I told you, Norman. You can watch the entire episode online, which is great. Which people have asked because I've put up a few video clips, particularly. The majority of them are from the first... The first episode we did together. The first live broadcast. And people said, oh, can we watch the full show? And I said, I don't think so. I don't think anybody's going to want to watch. But people have asked about it. So again... We're beautiful. Everyone wants to watch. Well, yeah. It's all part of that performance thing. Thanks for saying it. Man. Well, somebody should. I said we. Okay. Okay. I'm back. I'm back in. Good. Breathe. Wait, are you talking about just the three of you or everybody in the room? Because... I mean, obviously, you're beautiful. Look at that camera. It's staring. There should be a vote. Thank you. Okay. Who's the most beautiful one here? Hello. Is that even a question? That's not a vote. Let's just move on. Who would you vote, Norman? Myself. Okay. I would vote yourself, too. There's a revelation. Okay. Never mind. I was wrong. I know Norman, too. Actually, yeah. I don't know if you could argue with that confidence. Right there. It was... Sold me. I'm in. All right. So let me start off our little conversation. Oh, yeah. So links to the YouTube channel, et cetera. Go to chrisabal.com. You can find all that stuff. And follow on social media. Follow the show at K-Pod, Twitter, and Instagram, and you'll get all the essential links aside from the home at chrisabal.com. So make sure you do that. And subscribe on iTunes. Once again, iTunes and Stitcher Radio if you have Stitcher on your mobile device. Now, once again, as was spoken about a few weeks ago on the show, the East Coast is getting hit with another pummeling of snow. And I know. And people are just... And people are just... And people are just like, okay, I'm tired. I'm over winter. And I've been over winter, which is one of the reasons I moved back to Los Angeles. But people panic. They kind of go over the top. Now, granted, last time it didn't hit the region of New Jersey where I'm from. I think they got maybe eight inches of snow. But the places that got hit in the Northeast, like 18 feet of snow. So it was pretty serious. So people were actually stuck inside their homes. But the big thing is, and it was actually trending as a hashtag, was hashtag milk and bread, because that's what everybody rushes out to buy every time it's a snowstorm. Gandis, you're from... I'm from Chicago, so you would know. Why? These two are West Coast brats. We don't buy milk and bread. Milk and bread? We bought beer and chips. Well, yeah. Because you're an adult. Because who needs milk? That sounds like my drive home from work every day. Milk and bread. That's what I'm wondering. Because if you got... Let's say there was a freak snowfall, which, frankly, I would love for Los Angeles to have a freak snowfall. People would die. Just to see the reactions, yes. The 405 would be... More of a parking lot than it already is. I don't know. It would be worse than the 94 earthquake. Yeah? Why? I was in the middle of that. It would be worse. It would be worse. So if you guys knew you were going to be stuck at home for a couple of days, what would you... What would you... Really, what would you hoard? Because I realize that the typical ones out here would probably be cigarettes and zero calorie Red Bull. Easily booze. Easily. Yeah? Oh, no question. That's a thing, too, is people do drinking where they go out. I'm pretty sure that if I saw snow falling, I'm not even... I'm not even wavering or hesitant on the fact that my first thought would be like, I got to go get liquor because I'm going to be sitting on my couch playing cribbage for long periods of time. As you do. Don't give me that face, Norman. I mean, I don't think it's fair that I answer this question. I have been stuck at home. Okay. So what was your go-to? What did you hoard? Well, we always would have an idea. So we would just order groceries because when you live in Chicago and it snows, you're a bitch. Yeah. That's the... So you ordered... So I would order... Groceries? Groceries? Groceries. You're a piece of shit. That was gold. No, it's disgusting. I've mastered the soundboard. Stop that. Don't encourage him. No, that was... No. That was quite... Oh, God. It was awful. You're welcome. We got booze. So we'd order a lot of wine, cereal. You're classy about it. This one over here. Beer and Quidditch. I never said beer. Norman, I can't wait for your answer. You said Quidditch. Quidditch? Yeah, what? There's a blizzard outside. Someone get me my broom and a snitch. Yeah. Oh, I don't even know if that's Quidditch. Intense Quidditch. I don't even know the fundamental rules of Quidditch. It's out. Your trunk doesn't matter. Just get on that broom and run around. You don't run on brooms. Yeah. He's not magic. He's a muggle. He can't fly for real. How do you know? I don't need to be playing Quidditch to get drunk and ride a broom around. That's just a Wednesday. It's beer and Quidditch. Okay. Okay. Jesus. Holy shit. Just snacks. Just groceries. You would go for food. Literally just snacks. I don't need milk and bread. It's not that serious. You're not going to be trapped indoors that long. Milk is bad. Milk is bad. That's my logic. Because there's... If you get whole milk, then you can drink milk in substitute of a meal. So if God forbid everything in the world collapses in 2015 because it snows a few feet, you have milk and then you have bread, which is like, it expands so you can eat a few pieces and you're okay. And your milk has a lot of heavy fat. And you can clog the drain. You can plug the holes in the pipes with the bread. It's a short-term solution. Ancient plumbing technique. That's a Californian speaking about snow right there. Ancient Chinese. And Calgon. Yep. Norman, over to you. What would you hoard? Knowing you were going to be stuck at home? Would it just be sleep? Oh my God, men in champagne. Can we have that happen? It's snowing, guys. Yeah, you can make that happen. It's snowing. Someone ordered the Chippendales. Yeah. Fifty Shades of Grey. What? Yeah, we can do that. Is it real? I think you should just order a bunch of male strippers right before the store and be like, oh no, you're stuck here. Chris, I'm not going to pay for it. They're going to just show up. How is that different from any other? I'm imagining the total opposite of like this typical scenario. You see, you know, it's like always the primary like, heard there was a fire. I'm imagining the blizzard strippers. They'd be like, heard there was a blizzard. And then they strip. I'd be like, I'm cold, officer. Yeah. Looks like we're going to have to heat this one up a little bit. I'll have to eat champagne. What are we going to do? Yeah. Cameras are rolling, John. You can fully. Oh, Lord. Let's do this. Let's get weird. This is an adult show. Yeah. I mean. It's, you know, we can only go so far, but shirts off, I think is fair. Me too. But they stripped to Christmas carols. All for one reason. I'm all for it. That's kind of crossing the line though. With Christmas carols. That can make things weird. Maybe it's cold outside. They're wearing a G-string and they're saying. Maybe it's cold outside. What if like a Jesus song comes on? Do they still keep going? Away in a manger. I was going for the easy ones. Let it snow. Let it snow. It's like that, but. But we went straight to the delivery of baby Jesus. Don't worry, this end of the table will take care of stuff. No. No. No. No. No. No. We took a sharp right turn at blasphemy. Yeah. Well, that happens. I don't know. I think sex during this song, let it snow, would be weird. Like, is the tempo's really up? But let it snow. Don't go there. If you ever listen to the words, it's the weirdest song ever. Well, maybe it's cold outside. Let it snow or maybe it's cold outside. Maybe it's cold outside's a rape song. Maybe it's cold outside's such a rape song. That's what I was thinking. Stay here. I'm going to rape you. Stay here by the fire. Oh, okay. Great. Thanks. If you got pneumonia and died. Yeah. Best line in this song. It's like rape and necrophilia. Yeah. Way to go, babe. I mean, it's like, yeah, it's Christmas. A plus. Merry Christmas. Everyone, have some nogs. This is like the Christmas special of this show. Yeah. You just recorded and replayed this number. You people stranded on the East Coast who were tuning into this show on Tuesday, enjoy because we kind of feel your pain even though we have two California brats here. It was super hard when- That's what she said. Thank you. I was wondering why you popped. Somebody did. Ew. It was super hard for me when I was at the beach the other day. So I understand how hard it is outside. Why? Because it got all the way down to 68 degrees at the beach? It was so brisk and the sand was hot. It's fine. There were whales. I understand your difficulties. Thank you. That's a struggle. So I'm just telling the East Coast like, I get it. Did you drive to get there? There were people. I had to drive. I know there was traffic. Other people at the beach. It's the worst. It's terrible. Look, I'm the one at the table that can actually say shit like that because I've lived through that shit show. I went to Washington for a while. You did. That's true. That's true. You were a baby. Chicago is 13. You guys don't know anything until you've spent four grueling summers in sunny San Diego. Yeah, John's a total California brat. There's only serious snow in the movies. The temperatures dropped to a low, low 84. The girls had to wear two bikini tops. John's putting on SPF 15. This is what it's come to. Oh my God, you guys. I am sorry, East Coasters. Stay warm. Really, you've had to live through, because Chicago has some serious winters. I'm talking like your bones hurt. It doesn't matter how many layers of clothes you have on. I used to have to wait for the bus at 5.30 in the morning to make it to work on time. Right on the lake. And it was like. What's the coldest it ever got? The first winter that I moved back, I helped a friend move on New Year's Day and with the wind chill, it was negative 45. Fuck you. Wow, let your friend do that to you. I don't know why she moved on that day, but I walked outside and my boogers froze. Like immediately crystallized in my nose before the boogers even got outside. And I was like, fuck this shit. And then I was carrying a dresser and I almost dropped it because I was like, I'm not sure if I'm holding it. Why do you have to move a dresser on minus 45? Because she had to move. She's like, I need to move today. And I'm like, okay. Man. We better get that dresser taken care of. We had to move dressers and beds. If it's that cold, you didn't have any movers. Yeah. No way. Because the movers in Chicago were like, fuck you. Even the movers weren't doing anything that day. They're on strike that day. Suddenly all of them are like. But you're my friend. Yeah. You're supposed to help me. Sick and shit. So that's the coldest that I ever experienced. That's nuts. But Snowmageddon was really cold because the blizzard of February, was that right before I moved out here? 2011, I think. That'll do it. Was bad. Yeah. Bad. We had like eight foot snow drifts the day after because of the wind was so bad. So we went and. People were like snowmobiling down Lake Shore Drive. It was awesome. Did you make snow tunnels? I've always wanted to do that. No, I got stuck in the snow because I stepped and I thought it was the ground and it was a bench and I was covered to my waist and I couldn't get out because I'm short. I don't think I followed that. You say there was a bench under the snow and you couldn't get out because you were trapped? Yeah. So like, okay, where we were walking. Let's take another lap around this. It was like a bench. And. The snow was so big that I stepped with what I thought was snow. Okay. And what my foot hit ended up being the bench because I knew it was, it was there, but I could only hit my toe and it was up to my hip and I got stuck because it wasn't the ground. There you have it. So I just laid on the top of the snow with my one leg. I was like. You're never crossing the California state line again, are you, Joan? It was beautiful. Only to go to Vegas. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Yeah. Anyway. That sounds miserable. I don't know. No, it's so fun. I love it. I think when we have the Cape Roach. Show that we should do, the four of us should do a tour. Yes. For in the winter to bring laughs, bring comedy to the, to the frigid. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think we should do that. So John and Norman can experience a proper winter. Are you in? I can tell you're in. I'm 100% in. I feel like I would step off the plane and just like cryogenically freeze, like in mid motion, like. God, it's 54. Oh, you're the T-1000. It doesn't know, it doesn't comprehend that. I've read about it in books, but it just, I don't know. I saw Christmas Vacation. I don't get it. I've seen some pretty crazy weather, but like negative 45. I went to an ice bar one time. Does that count? No. Okay, then I'm out. Alcohol kept you warm. That's cheating. This is so miserable. Yeah. No. If you just took, yeah, if you took out a fifth of whiskey, that's corking the bat. That's not dealing with winter. That's true. I don't think so. No. Or is it? Winter has the upper hand. That's why everybody in Chicago is drunk, so that's fine. I'm like, it's cold. For six months out of the year, everyone's like, how are you? I'm so good. I'm so good. It's like the weather's not even a thing. I didn't even feel this winter. We don't even worry about it. Depricing. Do prices for liquor go up in the winter then? No, prices for liquor are just stupid high there anyway. They don't go up any time. Because they know it's coming. Everyone's miserable all the time. Because they live in the Midwest and they're like, fuck this. Six months of snowing, then it's like two and a half months of raining, and then you get like two months and everyone's celebrating and drunk because it's nice outside. So basically, it's 12 months of drunk. That sounds like a really happy place. It is. People are actually enjoying it. If it wasn't for the goddamn weather, John would be there. If it wasn't for the six months of winter. I'm surprised your crime rate's that high. Who the hell's going outside? We've got a whole lot of exciting stuff. We're going somewhere. Jeez. People are getting killed so that they can crawl inside the bodies like in Star Wars to keep calm. So it melts just bodies everywhere? Yes. That's horrifying. I thought Norman smelled bad from the outside. How dare you? No, if I cross the line. Chris. All right. I never smell bad. Well, things just got taken to another level. Yeah. Well, time to pass the ball. Time to pass the ball for the homies. John, what do you got? All right. Here's my question. Here's my question for you. And this is a series. Simple question, but I truly believe that there's a potential for loaded answers here. And it goes like this. Are we still on alcohol? No, no, no. Loaded answers? No, we're taking a hard left. Is it serious? No, no, no. Well, I mean, you can go in any direction with it. This is my question for the table. What happened to movies? I hate you. These are my two examples. These are my two examples. I remember a time when movies were as simple and enjoyable as like Mr. Mom. Remember when the plot? The plot and the execution were just simple? Like movies like Mr. Mom and just all, if you think about like your favorite movies from the 80s, like The Sandlot. That's a simple plot. They don't make movies. That was on TV today. That's 90s. You know what I mean. It's time. It's a breakfast club. It's 30 years. Watch your kids in detention. The simple plot movie does not exist anymore. It's like if it's not based on a book, if it's not a prequel or a sequel, if it's not a reboot of something, if it's simple, it's like, that's no good. The movie. A movie. A movie. A movie like Blank Check doesn't exist anymore. That's true. We're talking about mainstream. We still have some indie films that follow that same guideline though. Okay. But he's talking about mainstream. But those were mainstream movies. Those were mainstream movies for us. Breakfast Club, Mr. Mom, Sixteen Candles. Those were mainstream. Dude, Blank Check was huge when I was a kid. It was. Was it? I mean, that was like 90s. What was it? Blank Check. What is it? Blank Check and the kid gets a Blank Check. The kid gets the Blank Check? Yeah, it was like 93, I think. Oh no, I was thinking Paycheck too. I was thinking Paycheck too. I was like, that movie's not really simple. That's 11 years old. I mean, okay. Why are you talking about that? I'm listening. I remember when I was 16 and movies were so much more simple. I remember movies like Interstellar. Okay, but is it what happened to movies or is it just the fact that you got older? No, because those don't even exist, I think, for kids anymore. I'd agree. Well, the PG movies kind of almost gone by the wayside. Yeah. And that's like Mr. Mom was a PG movie. It's either animation, it's either like an animation movie, an animated movie, or you jump straight to like something. Some gritty story with some indie films sprinkled in between, but they're not celebrated like mainstream movies like they were for us when we were younger. And I don't think that's because I'm getting older. I think that's because the quality and the focus of the film industry and the focus, I think it's changed completely. I'd agree with that. They don't even bother with those kinds of movies anymore. The biggest tension in Mr. Mom was like, the wife's boss is coming over. What am I going to do? Right, right. And you think about that now. I got to shave. That doesn't exist. And if you were to take that plot to a production company now or a film studio. You're like, okay. So dad works. Mom doesn't. Dad gets fired. Mom goes to work. Okay. Nah, too high concept. That's pretty much as far as I've gotten right now. Too high concept. It was a long line. It just doesn't exist anymore. I think you're right. So what happened? What happened? I don't know if there's an easy transition. Well, like movies like The Sandlot, I mean, kids don't have pickup games of ball anymore. That's true. That's true. Everybody's got their head up. The computer's ass. Everyone's looking at a screen. The Sandlot now? The Sandlot now is like kids getting together in a room and like playing on their laptops together. That's the Sandlot. The new video game that they're all. The Cyber Sandlot. Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, I think that that changed it entirely because. You just put it out there. The Sandlot. The Sandlot. You heard it here first. It's funny too. You know what? We're writing it. So nobody. That's fine. I realize we're going out alive, but nobody can take that. Wait, is the dog going to be like a pedophile this time? Well, yeah. I mean, it's 2015, of course. Why? The dog. Speaking of dogs. Heelys. Turner and Hooch. Let's talk about that. I like Turner and Hooch. I love that movie. I just think, and I think that might be part of it. But see, but a movie like Turner and Hooch, unless it was an animated movie, they would never make the live action version of that movie anymore. They would do it. They would do it as like a Pixar movie. Because we've gotten too busy. Like people don't appreciate simplistic things anymore. No. Unless it flies or makes a noise or you have to plug it in. Nobody wants to play with it. Well, it's funny how, like even last year, I was, I was working with a dude who. He was, I think, 24 and he'd never seen Breakfast Club. And there's another dude who I worked with who was my age. That's a travesty. I'd say he was 32, 33. And he said, well, he's not going to relate to the, even though he's 10 years younger than us, he said, he's not going to relate to the Breakfast Club in the same way because those archetypes kind of don't exist the way they did when we were younger. He said, he's not going to relate to it the way we did because we grew up in that era. I don't think so. I don't think so. Because it's not like the nerd, the popular. I don't think so. I don't think so. Everyone's just kind of the same now. I don't notice those kind of social groups existing in high school. It's just derivation. It's the same person. Flip flop after a while. I don't know. Because at one point in time, nerds are popular and then jocks are popular and then hipsters now are popular. It's. So there's a person. It's shifting. Everybody gets their moment in the sun. Time goes on. Yeah. It's like a giant cliched shift. It's very equal opportunity nowadays. Hey, our turn. So shouldn't we remake the Breakfast Club every 10 years then? No. No. For like to match the generation. No. Don't put that in there. Don't put that out into the universe. It's too late. It's going to happen now. That random voice has just piped up everybody. It's Anthony who works here at the studio. All right. Who just wandered in. How you doing? I'm doing good. Good. You got something to say? No. All right. Nice. You just get to watch. You just get a front row seat. Front row seat. There it is. You can parrot what I say. There we go. It's a winning combination. I like it. I think so. Me too. I like the Breakfast Club though. Who doesn't? See, and you're, how old are you? 22. 22. And it. Oh God. It. Your high school experience, right? Because you just went to high school. Yes, I did. I just talked to a dude who's 29 and he's never seen the Breakfast Club. That's stupid. See, that's, I don't get it. Or 16 Candles. And I've seen both of those movies. And you love them, right? Fuck yes. Good answer. I get that you're in there, but that's just stupid. What? You got to see that movie, man. Wait a minute. Hang on. In Mission Control. Was it on 16 Candles? No. Our engineer, Cheyenne. Breakfast Club I said was stupid. No, I've seen it. All right, good. Trust me. Okay. We just did a skit from it, from the show before. We did the part where, do you remember the part where he's peeing? And he goes, where he goes. John can relate. He's not peeing tonight. We've seen a parking lot in downtown LA. And he's not even homeless. Yep. Go on. That part, see that part where he goes, I need to pee. He goes, well, you got to go. You got to go. And he's all like, you drop one drop and it's done. He goes, no, no. If you keep talking, it's going to creep up. I love that part. But it's all that John used. It's just simple. But I think so. Let's stick with John Hughes. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Cutting school for a day. That's it. And it's such a straightforward concept. Do kids even cut school anymore? Is that a thing? Oh, yeah. No, but the problem is. Did all of that make me old just now to say that? Except there are more gates around schools. If you look around. Oh, that's true. You got to get your metal detectors and set shit off. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. They actually invented the day called Senior Ditch Day. The reason why is because of that. Oh, we had that when I was. That takes the fun out of it. Because if it's planned. Right, it's planned. You're not rebelling. See you guys tomorrow. And then nobody shows up. And they're like, Mo, you guys. On a Friday. And you're like, fuck off. It's a Friday. I don't even know when the last time I was ever like a parent playing with their kid. Like playing hooky. Anybody ever do that when you were a kid? Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Playing hooky? Oh, yeah. Definitely. And it was like a special thing. My mom would be like, do you want to play hooky? What? It was like, no way. For real? Are you serious right now? Because if you say that word. Don't mess with me, mom. Don't do it, mom. Don't do it. She'd be like, I'm serious. I'd be like. Don't toy with my emotions. I'm getting up early. And we're going to do everything. Can we eat some pancakes? They don't play hooky anymore. No one does hooky. That's because most parents are like, go to school maybe. My mom had to go to work. And she's like, I really don't want to go to work today, mijo. I'm tired. I'm sick. I really don't want. Okay. I'm like, okay, we'll make a deal. While you're calling your boss, I will act like I'm sick. And you can tell your boss that you got to take me to the hospital. And she goes, okay. She goes, and what do you get in return? I go, I don't go to school. And she goes, deal. That's done. Let's go. She was on a pay phone. She was on a pay phone. She goes, hey, I'm sorry, boss. I can't go in. I'm like, and I said on the phone. There's traffic outside. Mom, I'm sorry. Yeah. There's no traffic on the outside. And you just hear. And he goes, what's going on? And she goes, I'm sorry. I can't come into work, boss. I have to go. And I'm like, mom, I'm going to throw up right now. I'm going to throw up. And she goes, no, mijo. Go over there. And I'm like, bleh, bleh, bleh. And usually I'm just making those sounds the whole time. I'm just like, bleh, bleh, bleh. And then he's all like, wait, is that a dying cow or something? Yeah. Like, holy shit. Get that kid to the hospital. Why'd you even call? Why didn't you take him to the hospital right away? Isn't anybody going to help that poor child? So the long and short of that is that I just think people are obsessed with other things. The times have just changed. Now, can you imagine that if, well, after that little thing from Chris's friend, I don't know that you guys are going to do that. You're going to have children. But if you do possibly have them like sitting down with your kid and showing them the breakfast club in 30 years, they're going to be like, what in the hell is this shit? I don't understand. This is what I went through. Did you ever see, it was an article on the internet or like on Facebook or something. There's some family, and I forget where they are, but there's a family that only has in their house technology from the 80s. Yes, I saw that. And they're like, we are raising our children nowadays. Like, we're talking modern children. They are raising their kids on 80s technology. That's crazy. It's like nothing past a certain date in the 80s. But wouldn't you like the 18s find out what was out there and get pissed? Oh, they know about it. They just, you can't have it in the house. It's like the house you're going to be raised around this home based on this. It's basically like a Hitler regime. Yeah. Circa 1980. But it's, think, it's got to be tough when you see eight-year-olds with iPhones. How can you, how can you justify to a child why you don't think they should have it? Because a kid doesn't need a smartphone at that age. First of all, no iPhone. I had a $20 iPhone. A walkman. Yeah, no 8. And that was, that was on the high end. No person needs a phone until you are driving places. Agreed. True. And that's it. Because I got a phone and my mom was like, I swear to God, if I catch you speaking on this thing and driving a vehicle, I will take your car, I will take your phone, I will take your life. And that was it. And then she'd fucking call me. And then she'd call me when she'd know I'd be driving. I will take your life. Got it. That's my mom though. She'd call me and I'd be like, hello, are you driving the car right now? You called me. She'd be like, I'm testing you. Now, like I got a cousin that was, got an iPhone. It was like, she was like five, I think. What the hell do you need? Who are you calling? Exactly. Who are you phoning? What's worse is that if you're five, they have a better phone than you do. And you're like, I have a job. And they're probably better at using it than you are too. What makes me laugh is, have you guys seen those commercials where they actually show, they show the kid streaming live and they show the kid having a little tablet and he goes, oh, he goes, oh, I've been streaming live for like the past seven years. You're just like, dude, you're a kid. You're barely like 12 years old. Oh, that little dude that's talking about the Amazon Kindle. Oh, yeah. My niece, my three, almost three-year-old niece can do things with iPhones that I don't, I'm like, what? Yeah. What did you just? How did you do that? And she's like, I just hacked into the mainframe. I'm like, oh, you just, okay. I'm sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What? Now we have to show everybody the movie Hackers. Yeah, right. Oh my God. Yeah, because that's a modern movie. I love that movie. Hackers is great. It's making a comeback. Is it? It is. Yeah. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. In my house. Hackers circa 98 was, now you look at it, it's quaint. Come on, that's when Angelina was at her hottest, whatever. Was she? It was when Matthew Lillard was the king of Hollywood. What did you say? Her head was so weird. Till Scooby-Doo. Well, her hair was a little weird, but I mean, she was, that's before she was. Well, she was supposed to look that way. That's when Hackers, that's when they didn't look like Thor, like they do in 2015. How do these shows make models super hot? I'm like, that's not real. I know. Everyone on Glee, what's that about? I wouldn't know. I don't watch. Why do you look like that? I'm with you. You're in high school. What is Glee? No. You're earning your money tonight, I think. Thanks. No. The thing is with Glee, is it that slushy thing? Nope. Nope. I know what you're talking about. There's a thing with Glee where everyone like, through slushy people's faces. They slushy the nerds. Yeah. What? What do you mean they slushy the nerds? They literally take a slushy and throw it on them. In their face? In their face. In their face, all down the front of them, in the hallway in front of people. Is that a thing in high school now? I don't know. Is it? Over on Resident Kid. When I went to high school, they actually did the thing which is called the penny, which is when you're a freshman, they throw pennies and quarters, nickels, dimes, any kind of cents they throw at you. That's kind of funny. Except for coins. I don't know what that means. The funny is the fact that I got- Shut up, John. Oh my God. See, what I thought was funny is the fact that they actually threw like, they never threw pennies at you. They threw quarters, dimes, nickels. I was like, they threw it at me. I was like, thanks. That's right there, dude. I'm going to go buy some chips after school. Thank you. Can you buy chips? Thank you for investing in me. Yeah. Yeah. See, my generation was the last generation where- All right. Let me slow you down for just a second because you are not that much younger than me. So before you start talking about generations, let's slow your roll. Go ahead. I'm the last generation where 99 cents meant 99 cents. Not $1.15, not $1.05, not $1.02. 99 cents. Unless you go to the store and then you have to pay tax. No. Even then. When you go to a liquor store nowadays, it's $1.15. $1.15. $1.05 the most. Yeah, when I went to a liquor store in high school, it was fine. What are you buying at a liquor store that's $1.15? Gum? Condoms? Don't use those. No, condoms cost $3.50. You can't, Norman. What decade do you think we're in? Who buys $1.15 condoms? Don't buy those condoms. I don't know. If there's one thing you invest your money in, you don't go to the dollar store. And I have no babies. I don't know about that. You also don't sleep with women, but that's fine. That's true. Wait a minute. Is this exclusive? I'm sorry. Guys. Surprise. Sorry, audience. Yeah. Damn it. All the women listening just turned it off. Yeah, that's true. Now it's not listening anymore. Damn it. That's stupid. This is the guy who said he was the most beautiful one in the room. I was so excited. It went from 50 viewers to like 10 viewers. Yeah, we just lost 48 just now. I'm looking at the graph. The most beautiful man in the room is only for men. I'm sorry. Norman writes, I should hijack them, but I wouldn't do it without your permission. Norman writes these incredible diatribes on Facebook, which are so funny. Have you received a birthday wish from him? Have you received a birthday wish from him yet? My birthday wish? Or wait, the wish for his birthday? No, like when you have a birthday. On your birthday. And he writes you. No. I didn't get one. You've known me for two birthdays, you fucker. Why haven't I gotten a birthday wish? Because you fucked her. I forget. Let me finish my thought, and then I'll let you defend yourself. He writes this. I haven't posted anything in a while. I can do a Norman impression, but then I'm just really confused. Everybody's listening and not watching. But it's an incredible thing about... It was basically... It's basically when you see a really hot guy, and then he walks past, you see he has no ass whatsoever. It's upsetting. Yeah. Do you feel like he's like having perfect... Don't ever let me walk by you, because you'll be disappointed. It's like a wall. It's incredibly... A wall of sadness. And you're like, oh. It's just a surfboard. I have to know that you're just like straight guys, which is like, you know, if you see a hot ass girl, and you see no ass, you're just like... See a tabletop? Yeah, it's bad. I agree with that. Tabletop. But on... Sure. Tabletop ass? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not dissing. Okay. I thought that was new for you. Anyway, at the bottom of this whole thing, I just left a comment on it like, wait, you're gay? And like nine people liked it. Because... Wait, let's just clear something up. Norm is... Yeah. Wait a second. I get past her straight, right? I get through eight paragraphs. Norman, give me your straight. Here, hit on me. Let's pretend we're at a bar, and you're going to have me. Oh, this will be brilliant. No, my God. Just come on. We're all going to shut up. I don't even know. Go ahead. Shh. Hey. Do you know karate? Because your body's kicking. No, no, no. No, it's because she would kick you. She would kick you. That's true. Okay, Norman, let's hear it. Pick up Candice at a bar. Let's hear it. Action. Hey, girl. Drink. My dick. But he says that, and he covers my dick. She would hear the last part, though. Come again? I'm going to do it to myself. No, no. Just once. Come here. That's where you draw the line? John, try to pick up Candice. Go. Action. It would be like this. Now. How's that working for you? You know, I have yet to try it. I can't help but notice you showed up all over the night. Can I share with you the worst? So I wrote a pickup line one time, right? Oh, God. One time. I wrote a pickup line one time. I think it's the worst pickup line ever. Okay. Or the best pickup line ever. Let's hear it. Let's do it. You go up to a girl at a bar. Hey, look at Candice. Look at Candice. Candice is going to go like this. You go up to a girl, and you say something like this. So here's the deal. You're going to give me your number. Deal. And that's it. And then you leave with one less ball. But you set it up like there's a second part of the deal. Deal. There's no second part of the deal. Hey, when you decide to try that out, let me know what bar you're going to, because I'd like to see that in real life. I think we need to make this like a candid camera series. Should we try to cut to a segment like man on the street? I think so. How to pick up chicks with John K. Here's the deal. You're going to give me your number. Deal. Norman is not entertained. Can we just call this segment how to spend the night with your hand? Deal. Deal. That sounds about right. That sounds about right. Yep. That's beautiful. I'm going to say no to both of you. Thank you. That's great. I'd agree with that. I respect your decision. It's okay. But you're both lovely people. You're a strong female. Who likes strong. I get that. Independent female don't need no man. Literally. Literally in this case, no. I have to say, Candice and Norman arrived at the studio together, and John and I started walking in, and the two of them just sitting in the car. Catching up, which is fine, because you guys don't see each other's regularities. Because we're friends. That's what they call it these days. And yeah, we're walking away, and I said, I guess they're not going to follow us in. I guess they'll just come in later. And John says, I want to know what it came in, a lesbian talking about the car alone. So forget it. Let's go. Our dreams, John. Yeah. We have feelings too. Well, we were wondering if this was a dream. It's not all unicorns pissing rainbows. Since you're gay, I would like to see you hit on him and see how would you do it if he was in a bar. He wouldn't hit on him in a bar. It's not his type. You know why? You know why he wouldn't? Tabletop. Tabletop butt right there. That's a nightmare. That actually might be a completely true story. You turn around and show the camera your lack of ass. Your white ass. Here, look at your butt. Let me see your butt. I can't get a good angle. We want to get YouTube viewers. I want to see your butt. Show me your butt. See that? Do you want me to pull it down? Oh, yeah. He literally has no... He has shovel butt. That's so sad. I know. John has a lot of handkerchiefs in his back pocket too, and it's not working. I have no butt. Thanks, Dad. How do you say... See, thanks to my mom, I have a butt. Ask Shai. Go ahead. Ask Shai. I have a really big butt for a guy. And the only reason why is because of my mom's side of the family. Dude. Everybody. Turn around. Dude, hook it up. You can't... Yeah, we got to know. Now, don't... That's not bad. No, you're sticking it out. That doesn't count. That's not bad. You guys see him straight. All right. I'm seeing it at an angle, but there's curvature. Pull your... No, no. That's not that kind of show. Norman likes it. It's decent. That's it. Decent. It's decent. On a scale of 10? I've seen hotter. But you still wouldn't know how to work it. Haven't we all? Oh. Whoa. Okay. That'll work. Norman, how would you pick up Anthony? Again. It wouldn't work. I would pick him up and throw him. Like, don't come back here again. That's a cute lead, Anthony. Thanks for sitting in. We appreciate it. Good night. Good day, sir. I feel like that if Norman were to approach anybody in a bar setting, I have a feeling nobody would say no. I feel like if... If Norman... If Norman goes and approaches you, I feel like the person would just sit there like... Yes. Okay. Norman is charismatic as fuck. I feel like a monster. That is extraordinary. Like, I'm going to lure you outside and, like, kill you or something. No. I'm saying you're magnetic, Norman. I'm saying that you have a tractor beam. A tractor beam. What? What are you talking about? Norman, I'm straight as an arrow. I can't get enough of you. So, I get... You're turning them. You're turning one of them. I'm trying to give it a compliment. I'm trying to give it a compliment. Yeah. If you were in the lesbian world, you'd be getting a toaster for Chris. Now, are there any cool lesbian pickup lines? Because I don't think we hear those often enough. No, you want to hear the best lesbian joke, though, that's actually the most true? Yes. Yes, I do. What do lesbians bring on a second date? I don't know. What do lesbians bring on a second date? A U-Haul. Oh, because they're moving into the... Because they love each other so much. And it's true. That's adorable. Because I did that with my fiance. On your second date? We moved in together? Hey, what's your middle name? Can we get the dresser now? And we've been living together for six years. Or you snowed in in Chicago and you couldn't help it. We weren't actually. Well, kind of. Actually, we were snowed in. Quite a bit. And then you moved in together and you made... We went out once. It was true love. And then we moved in together. You made a fire at each other's hearts? Oh. Don't make fun of my romance. I'm not making fun of it. At all. Norman, good pickup lines. Have you had any good pickup lines? Any good pickup lines? Well, I mean, like, what's the best one that was said to you? Because I think John and I, as straight guys, we don't get hit on a lot. I've got a couple funny ones. Do you? Wait. Lines that have been used on you. Yeah. No, I had a girl... I think there's a serious... I don't think it really counts as a pickup line. And this happened literally like a couple months ago. I was at a concert. Mm-hmm. And I was with a buddy, Garrett. And this woman just tapped me on the shoulder. And I turned around and she was handing me a drink. And I was like, I'm driving, sorry. But I guess that was her. And then she tried to strike up a conversation. But I guess that was her attempt. That's all you're going to get from girls. Girls aren't going to lay down on the pickup line. I know, but it was literally a tap on the shoulder and then handed me a glass once. I was like, okay, well, I guess that's your pickup line. That's a move. She was probably already shitty. Thanks, Candace. No, I don't mean it like that. Yeah, no one can actually be in here. I mean, for a girl to be like... Like, you gotta... Girls don't do that very often. So for a girl to do that, they have to get a certain level of drunk to get the guts to go off to somebody. I was just saying that you're not adorable, John. Who doesn't? Norman, have you been on the receiving end of any good pickup lines? No, it's all how big's your dick, how big's your dick, how big is your dick. Is that all the question? All the time, I'm like, go away. You know, we have an incredible amount of diversity. Not even intentionally. Go away. If we were to focus group this show, we actually have a very diverse group. Except for John and I as white males. Yeah, straight white males. We have a gay black man and a white lesbian. So it's actually a very... We actually have a very eclectic group here. Yes. Which isn't intentional. We have an example group. I wonder what rating the HRC would give us. What's the HRC? Human Rights Campaign. Oh, yeah? They give gay ratings. Gatings? Gatings, if you will. To like politicians and like organizations and shit. They give like percentage. The show's saying we have gay, right? Yes. Right now, yeah. You're welcome. Probably, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You are welcome. You sit on a scale from one to glitter, right? And then they tell you where... That's insensitive. You sit on that. That's insensitive. We just lost points. Thanks a lot, John. You ruined everything. We just lost like 5%. We just were like 60% to about 40. Just with that right there. I'm replacing you with a Latin woman, John. A straight Latin woman. A sassy Latin woman. Yes. Get Sofia Vergara in John's chair. Really mix it up. Tell that John's lost those points. That'd be lovely. Let's get Sofia Vergara. What? Oh, I'd agree with that. We'll take May. Great. I'll just sit there. In a heartbeat. Oh, you're not invited. You're fired. Okay. I have a weird question. You can show yourself out, John. What's the question? Yes. What is your biggest tangible fear? Not like I'm afraid of failing or anything like that. Like physical... No. Shit, that's real. What if your failure has materialized? I'm just kidding. Well, then that counts. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Fine. Like your biggest tangible thing that you're afraid of. Yeah, John. It went straight to me. Tell me what that is. I don't care who answers it first. Biggest tangible fear? Yeah. Bees. Hands down. I hope bees kill you. You mean like bitches? Or bees like insects? No. Like bees. Oh, okay. It's because I got allergic to them when I was a kid. So anytime I saw them flying around, it used to scare the crap out of me. Even today, I'm okay with bees. It's not one of those like, but every time a bee is around, I'm like, God damn it. It turns up. So my girl is like... They're worse than I am. I feel like they want to fist fight me every time. It's like... Wait a second. Are you still allergic if you get stung? I don't think so. I think I've grown out of it, but it's just like so deep-seated in my head. That's another segment. Let's find one. Let's see if John is allergic to bees. We don't have the budget to create a controlled environment for insects. All you need is an EpiPen. We're pitching ideas. Right? How about... Okay, bees. I think it's bees. What's your tangible fear? Being buried alive. That's fair. Not about it. When I die... How many enemies do you have? How many enemies do you have in my body? God. I mean, but like... Does that count? Because what's the thing that you're afraid of that you might encounter? I don't mind. It's not a tangible fear. I mean, I guess like... Be like in a box somewhere and be like closed off and locked and dying there. Okay, so is it closed spaces or just someone putting you in a box and buried? I mean, who isn't afraid of being buried alive, honestly? I don't know if that's good. I don't know if anyone sitting at this table would be like, meh. Mine's easy. I don't know. Mine has happened to me, which is choking because it's frightening. Okay. Because it happened to me a couple of years ago. Was it during sex? And you just immediately go into panic mode. It starts going down and you're like, I'm dying. Yeah. Well, you... Because you know. No, I was. I ended up in the emergency room because of it, which was an ulcer that was on my esophagus as a whole. Was it a hooker? There's a whole podcast episode about it. No, it wasn't a hooker. Are you sure? It was spaghetti. A ball of choked on a hooker. Spaghetti. The biggest hooker of them all. If I had a nickel... For every fucking hooker that I choked on, let me tell you, I have my own goddamn radio studio. No, that... And it's hard... And that's... It's happened to me. That counts. That absolutely counts. But it's something that can happen in a moment and it's fucking frightening. Because it's not... Because you don't think about breathing. It's subconscious. So when you lose it, it's horrifying. When it's just... When you just can't do that thing that you just... Your eyes just instantaneously just like... Yeah, it's... I'm going down. Yeah. And you panic, so you get tense anyway, so it exacerbates things. And yeah, I have to say that's my biggest one. And because it's already happened to me, which I think the things we fear most are the ones that happen to us. Unlike being buried alive, but... I mean, I... Look, I respect that. That is a fear. This only happened to me four times. I get it. It's a fear. I get that. We dug him up to be... It's your turn. Yeah. I think I have a tie between birds. You're afraid of ties? I'm afraid of... Yes, it's a guy thing. I hate wearing ties. I hate bow ties. Birds. I'm terrified of birds. What? Okay, bees. Why don't you calm down? Yeah, but I mean like... Bees sting people and they hurt. When I was 10 years old... Listen, when I was 10 years old, I went to sit on a tree branch. Guys, I lived in Georgia and they have these giant oaks that have these branches that sit on the ground. So I went to sit on a tree branch and a crow, I'm talking a fucking crow, landed on my head and poked a hole in my scalp. And my grandma that hates me laughed at me while I ran away crying. Fuck birds. They're the spawn of the devil. This sounds like a child's horror story. It is. It's like the next Stephen King movie. I'm so curious. It's a simple premise. It's the worst movie that John's been looking for. Alfred Hitchcock. Oh my God. That's the worst movie I've ever seen. Nailed it. Scary. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you say a crow poked a hole in your head? He pecked a hole in my scalp. I had a little hole and it was bleeding. When I was 10. I was 10, man. Come on. That bird was half my size. Was that one like jab or were you sitting there with it? No, I'm talking about... I'm talking about... Like a woodpecker. I was... You know, and the bird is like... Like kept going and then fucking finally... Like a woodpecker. Like my mom came over and was like... Knocked a thermos off the table. And then the bird away. My mom came over and was like... And then I was just crying and I had blood coming from... Did you have food on your head? No, I sat on a tree branch and apparently the crow was like, no, bitch. So I said, fuck. Actually, I was 10, so I didn't say that. I cried and said... What's the second one? Clowns. Why? Why are people afraid of clowns? That's one I never understood. You're a grown person putting a face full of makeup on and dancing around in clothes too big for you. We live and work in Hollywood. Mm-mm. That's every day. No. But aren't clowns even shunned in Hollywood? Isn't that a... It, it, it, no. See, that's what I... And clowns started as such an innocent, enjoyable thing for children and it turned into the most menacing thing. It's so scary. For women. Almost every woman I know is terrified of clowns or freaks out with clowns. So creepy. See, I think for me, I know more guys that are afraid of clowns than girls. Really? Yes. What's their rationale for that? No idea. I don't have a rationale for that one. I just... My mom had to make me leave a party at Pizza Hut when I was four because there was a clown and I was like, no! Immediately, I was like, we're leaving. You were a troublesome child. I was an annoying kid, but it's fine. I would have been my clown. I was cute. Did you say, where, where were you when you... Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. Oh, okay. That one I've gotten a grasp on. Like, I can... Why was a clown at Pizza Hut? It was a birthday party. I've gotten a grasp on that one. Sounds like a pretty cool-ass birthday party. That one, I'm not so bad about. I can be around clowns now, but birds, I'm still, I'm still trying to grasp on that one. You're still reluctant? I had to go through an estuary. That's why you moved to where there are palm trees. I was through a zoo. Really? One time, and I had a panic attack. I was at the San Antonio Zoo, and to get from one side of the zoo to the next, you have to walk through this open-air estuary. My friend was like, let's go. And I was like, mm-mm. I'm done. My zoo experience is over. And he was like, you're being stupid. Let's go. You can airdrop me outside the exit. So, there were children enjoying the birds, and I ran through like a fucking asshole. I was like, get out of the way! How old were you when this happened? Oh, 22. That's funny. I have no children. I'm shaming this shit, you guys. Whatever. It's real fear. That's awesome. I respect that. I'm fine with it. And you, Chris? I said choking. He said choking. Do you have something that is... Oh, I didn't really believe it, though. Yeah, do you have something that's real? No, I'm being serious. Do you have a real one? A buried alive is real, but like something that is like... It's a real tabletop ass. Damn it. Yeah, I'm tired. I'm scared of all white men are going to have flat asses. I'm scared of the shit out of me. What? What? What is that? What is it? HRC? Is that the... HRC. HRC. There goes that rating. Again, we lost more percentage points. I can hear it dropping. Is it never being able to marry Lee Pace? Oh. That's such a sad future. That is. Really sad. Is he gay or is he straight? I'm asking because I don't know. It's not well known. Is it declared? But he's gay. He likes the boys. I think somebody outed him on Lord of the Rings. Like on accident, but... On accident purpose, yeah. It doesn't matter. No, I don't know. I never even... He's not ever discussed it, but he did a fantastic movie where he played... Ah, Soldier's Girl. Soldier's Girl. Soldier's Girl. Soldier's Girl. Soldier's Girl. So good. Guardians of the Galaxy. That's where I first heard of him. I didn't even realize he was in Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit or whichever ones. I didn't... Well, I'm not looking at dudes' asses. I'm not judging where I spend my entertainment dollar. You're just avoiding the fear question. Yeah. Answer the question. The only thing I think of is when I was a kid, I was afraid of alligators. Okay, that's fine. Totally. I had a really bad experience with an alligator when I was a kid. I was like deathly afraid. It's got to be because of the human to alligator race. Okay, that's fair. It's got to be because of the human to alligator ratio in Washington and California, right? Is that what it's based on? Because that's just as rational as being buried alive. You know what? They're there, okay? Shut up. At least it's a thing. At least it's a thing. It's not real. I'm afraid an alligator's going to come in my room in the middle of the night and touch It would be weird if you like... ...me inappropriately. Compared to birds and bees, alligators... Wait, okay, fine. When the Cape Road... I'm not making fun of you, so ease up on the birds, man. When the Cape Road show happens, we're going to a zoo that has alligators, birds, and bees. Yep. And I'm going to sit back and sip a cocktail. I'm going to laugh Nicholas Cage, dude. The bees! Yes! Freaking out. She's going to be reenacting something from the birds. I'm going to be shit-faced. I mean, shit. And can I have a hooker choking Chris Abalo? Yes. Chris is fucking spaghetti eater. Not again. Can we put Norman in a casket in a lake full of alligators? Yeah. Do you want me to have a heart attack and just die? No, I'll save you. Can we bury you in an alligator suit, too? Or is that... Leave him alone? I don't know. I wouldn't come back to life and hunt you down. Yeah. He's going to do that anyways. He's going to do that anyways. This would be an amazing reality show. This would be like a Fear Factor version where you don't eat nasty bugs. It's just a snuff film. No. I can get behind that. It wouldn't even have to be a competition. It would just be like, let's see where the conversation goes and what kind of dumb shit we can do. I think so. A plus. Listen, if people are watching it, I have to say, for the video debut of the show, like a proper show, this has actually been... This has actually been very visual. It was a visual day. It wasn't intentional. We didn't talk about what we were going to discuss on the show beforehand. It's just been quite visual, I have to say. Just hookers and pickup lines. There it is. And asses. And asses. Flat Caucasian asses. Lack of asses. I'll give you the greatest line. You people. Oh, God. Here it goes. Are you ready for this? You can use this. Oh, thanks. I'm going to use it so much. You know, you look a lot like my first wife, and I've never been married. Bam. I've heard that. I've heard that one. It sounds like you murdered somebody. Well, three times. Yeah, you're like Stanley Tucci. You look like my next ex-girlfriend. The lovely bones. I'll write it. I just heard someone talk about the movie. I'm picking up children when I do it. Yeah. And the show goes dark in the last two minutes. That's it. Congratulations. This was enlightening. In reference point to Norman's being buried alive, though, apparently in Russia they do this thing where it's supposed to be really healing. They bury a grave, and then they put you in this big plastic sheet and put a hose in your mouth and then bury you alive. Wait, it's like an extreme spa? Yes. No. And you're breathing out of a hose. Are they making psychopaths over there? No, no. What does that mean? Well, it's Russia, of course. Camp goes to Russia. Norman in Russia. This is happening. It's cold. Is that a spa for them? I don't know. It's on the show that I've been watching on YouTube. That's hilarious. Chris Abalo's Serbian experiment. Yes. This is going to happen. No, I'm not going to Russia. Don't you dare. Russia hates the gays. Average that to me. Oh, yeah, they do, don't they? Yeah, I'm not trying to do that. Oh, well, you two would be easy pickings. I'm gay and black. I can't go anywhere. That's even in 2015. Norman, and you have to answer. Ah. I know. It sucks. I hate being here. Why do you guys keep telling me you need to be on the show? I'm not an actor. You have to pick between John and I who has a better ass. I don't look at your asses. That's a fucking lie. Show me your ass, Chris Abalo. This is getting serious. And I want to make sure everyone knows that Chris Abalo's sister's in the other room. It's his. Let's see. Dude, I'm going to vote for you. Sorry, John, but Chris wins. I understand completely. I understand. Congratulations. My butt's not my best asset. What is? My best asset. Your puns. Oh, my God. I was hoping you would say that. Oh, God. No one say anything. No one say anything. I just wanted to get it down. That's the moneymaker. We walked right into that one. Sweet. We absolutely walked into that one. That's the moneymaker. Not your ass, you bring. Well. You've heard it here. A gay black man has said, I have the best ass in the room. So, ladies, you can follow me on Twitter at Chris Abalo. Out of two people. Out of two people. Shut the fuck up. Let me have my moment. Also, I'm here. Well, you have the best ass in the room, of course. Well, obviously. Not really. Because you have the hourglass figure. You have a better ass than I do. My ass is banging. Okay. Your no ass is much better than mine. It's amazing. So, out of John and I, do you have a vote or no? Two unanimous. I'd say yours. Yeah. John, I'm sorry. I'm not. It's fine. He's got a little booty. It's fine. It's like a ghost list back there. It's cute. It's too small. Okay. Wow. On that note, now that I'm on a high. Take that one to the bank. That's right. Take that one to the bank. We're going to do this again next month. I really would like to do this. As long as we can make it work, we would like to do this once a month with the four of us. Because it's a blast. And we have a lot of fun doing it. And if you all like it, tell us. Give the video a thumbs up on YouTube. Please do. Share it on social media. Spread it around. If you enjoy this and you want more of it, then we'll make it happen. Because I enjoy doing it. These guys enjoy being here. And we're happy to give you what you want on this show. And you can follow Candice on Twitter and Instagram at LesShark26. That's L-E, Shark 26, because no one's afraid of sharks. Norman doesn't want to be bothered. Leave me alone. John, would you like to plug your social media? Instagram. Hey, it's John K. Yeah. Just pictures of my phone. Wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You should check out on Funny or Die. John and I just did a super great film called The Man's Worst Fear. That's right. Everyone watch it by Tuan Dang. It's hilarious. Man's worst fear. But a guy whose dick falls off. Just watch it. Truth. Yeah. That's the real worst fear. That's the one we didn't cover. Check it. There it is. And we didn't even cover it. Next time. Next time. And like Chris Abala's podcast experiment on Facebook. And follow the show at Cape Pod on Twitter and Instagram. And give the show five stars on iTunes. Please do. And once again, spread the video around and share with your friends. And we will be giving you more every week. And these three will be back as often as possible, everybody. So thank you very much for tuning in. We appreciate your laughs, guys. Thanks for being here again. Thank you. It was hilarious as always. So that's it. And until next week for Candice, Norman, and John. What? This is Chris Abalo. And this was yet another experiment. La-di-da-da. Here for the party. La-di-da-da. La-di-da-da. La-di-da-da. Here for the party. Here for the party. It was a stone's groove, my man. You are the most righteous. Yeah, right. Just get the fuck out, man. Let's go. Shit. Come on. And be quiet out there. My neighbors are asleep. They weren't.