Busy Bone story, salon nightmares, and phone sex operator tales

Hello Hello ladies and gentlemen and boys and girls or should I say my fellow necromancers. How are you? It's your girl again and it is that witching hour again and you have just tuned in to Delia's Dark Side on Skid Row Studios, real radio on the internet. And it's just me, I'm rolling solo today. I don't have any guests or anything so today's going to be a pretty relaxed show. I do have some funny stories to tell. I'm going to go off the cusp a little bit later on. But as always, of course, I'm going to be talking about crazy ass sex stories. But before we do that, I just want to kind of reflect on last week's show because it was a pretty good show. I want to thank my guest again. I want to thank Dr. Lamore Blockman, the sexy sexologist for stopping in. And also I would like to thank Mr. Richard Elfman one more time. And I'm actually right now, I was kind of like going crazy because I couldn't find where he's going to be playing this Friday. But as you know, he talked about last week that he's going to be holding a screening and it's going to be at the Frida Cinema in Santa Ana. And the guests, the Oingo Boingo Tribute Band, Dead Man's Party, who are really good friends of mine and everybody else's, they're going to be there as well. And it's going to be April 18th, this coming Friday. And it's going to be really cool. So, yeah, he's going to be showing a screening of Forbidden Zone 2 and Dead Man's Party is going to be doing a concert. It's going to be a blast. So if you can make it, it's at the Frida Cinema. It's on 305 East 4th Street, Santa Ana, California. And yeah, so if you can make it down, try to make it to that. It's going to be amazing. And so, yeah, last week we were talking about, you know, like crazy, you know, fetishes. And I was talking about how when I was young, I used to like fucking my doll and stuff like that. Well, actually, I was doing a little research and I happened to come across like this article about crazy objects and things that people love to have sex with. Now, I know that I talked to you guys last week and I revealed a couple of personal things about myself. One being, that I used to be a phone sex operator. I loved it. And yeah, I used to have, you know, guys calling me all the time, telling me all kinds of crazy shit. But I forgot to mention my one favorite customer. His name was Bill. And speaking of crazy objects now, I know most of us, we remember the movie American Pie when the guy was fucking a pie. But have you ever heard of somebody putting their dick in a sandwich? Well, my caller Bill called me one day and he told me, he's like, yeah, you know, I was making this really good sandwich. It was on, it was on English muffin and it had peanut butter and he put honey in it and some bananas. And he was like, it was just dripping so wet and so sticky and everything. You know what? My fucking dick got hard. So I just put my dick in the middle of the sandwich. I started fucking the sandwich. And I wanted to laugh my ass off when he told me this, but you know, I have to be like, oh baby, yeah, that's so hot. So, and he's like, yeah, he was fucking the sandwich and he was like, it was nice. I was like, so tell me about it. Was it wet? Like, was it sticky like a pussy? And he was like, yeah, it was really sticky and it was tight. And you know, my dick was just going back and forth and I came in the sandwich and then I ate it. So the motherfucker ate. He ate his own cum in the sandwich. And I was just like, I was kind of grossed out, but I was like, oh baby, so what did your cum taste like? Was it sweet? And he was like, oh yeah, the mixture of the honey and the peanut butter and you know, all that and the bananas. And then with my cum in there, it was just so fucking juicy and succulent. I'm like, oh baby, I wish I could have a taste of that sandwich. Lying my ass off. Cause I know I'd probably throw the fuck up if anybody fed me a sandwich with a whole bunch of fucking cum and all that shit in it. So yeah, that was a crazy, one of the crazy objects that I've ever heard is somebody fucking a sandwich. I mean, I don't know. Why don't you go to Subway or something and get like a fucking meatball sandwich or something and stick your dick in that and see how you like that. Nice and warm and hot and bubbly and bumpy and shit. So yeah, so we have that. And then I wanted to tell a story also about, you know, a friend of mine. Now we all know that, you know, I'm crazy, whatever. And I didn't know anything when I was young. It was like about, I don't know, it was probably like in my early twenties or something. And I met this guy and he really liked me and he was cool and everything. You know, he had, he was like a black belt in karate or something like that. So he had a really, really nice body. And, um, a good looking face. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the movie, The Last Dragon with Vanity and Tymac, you know, that fine motherfucker that like did all the karate and shit and Vanity was all singing, ah, ah, ah, whatever. But he kind of looked like that. But, you know, it's like, it's one thing to have a good body and be fine as fuck, but then he still had the mentality of like a five-year-old. So I just couldn't really get with that. It was like, damn, you look good or whatever. And, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, you're, your body slamming your faces and everything. But why do you fucking act like a goddamn five-year-old? So I, you know, I just really couldn't, I couldn't vibe with that. But I remember I used to tease this motherfucker and I know, um, um, um, when I'm on here, I talk a lot, I talk down about women who dig tease men because I don't believe in it anymore. But I was thinking about like these crazy ass stories, you know, and I remember back in the day I used to dig tease the fuck out of this guy. And, um, before, before I, um, you know, started doing phone sex, this is how I knew that I would be a good phone sex operator because I would have phone sex with this guy like every night and just like, I used to tease the fuck out of him. So he told me one time that he had an object that he liked to put his dick into and, you know, he'll put like some, some lube or something in there. And I'm like, so what was it? I come to find out you ever go to those, um, sex shops and you see like those, those pussies, I call them pocket. That's a pocket pussy. It's a pocket pussy, right? But it's too big to go in your pocket though. That's true. Yeah. But he, um, he told me that he had one of those things. And so I would sit on the phone and I would, you know, tell him that, you know, tell him what my pussy looked like. Oh yeah, it's shaved and it's. It's pink. And he would like, he'd be like, oh yeah, oh yeah. So he was like, I could hear him jacking off. I would not tell him, go get your pocket pussy. And I can hear him like, like breathing super hard, fucking the hell out of this pocket pussy. Like, and I'm telling him like, yeah, you know, he's like, am I ever going to be able to, to fuck you and, and have sex with you? I'm like, oh yeah, baby, do you like to eat pussy? Like I'm getting his hopes up so high. Let making him think that one day he'll be able to fuck you. And I'm like, I'm going to be able to eat my pussy. One day you'll be able to fuck me. It is, there was no way. Cause you got the mentality of a fucking five-year-old motherfucker. I mean, I at least have the mentality of a 13-year-old or something, but this motherfucker act like he was five years old and he was like 22 years old. So I'm telling him, all right. Um, so what are you doing with the pocket pussy? He's like, well, I got it on my bed right now. And, and I said, are you opening the lips up? He's like, yeah. I was like, pretend like those are my lips, baby. Open those fucking lips up. He's like, but wait, I got to put my lube in it first. So I guess he had, you have to put some lube or something in this shit. And, um, and then it, it warms up. I had a pocket pussy. You had a fucking, you look like a motherfucker that would have a pocket pussy. Yeah, I look like a pocket pussy guy, huh? So what did you do with your pocket pussy, Chester? It was mostly a joke, but I did try to fuck it once. And, uh, it was weird. The pocket pussy I had was a, uh, a bargain pocket pussy. Cause. It had hair, it had like hair glued to it, but it looked like the bristles from like a broom or something. It was, it was a poor pocket pussy. So it was like a, like a knockoff pocket pussy. Yeah, it was a, it was a second rate pocket pussy, but, uh, that thing hurt, you know, it wasn't good. No, it wasn't good. I thought it was supposed to feel like a real pussy. No, it did not at all. Oh shit. So you were like, oh fuck this. Yeah, this is a terrible pocket pussy. And then I shoved it in my friend, the grill of my friend's car. So yeah, my friend came out and he had a pussy on the, on the, on the front of his car. Yeah. Wow. See, I thought those things were supposed to feel, well, apparently my friend must've got the expensive kind of pocket pussy because he was like, he was fucking the shit out of this thing while I was talking to him. He had the high, high end pocket pussy. I guess so. I mean, he didn't look like he had much money, but I guess he spent whatever all his little allowance or whatever. Saved up for that one. Yeah, he saved up for that pocket pussy. I have seen some of those though with the hair and everything. And yeah. So, and what about those other ones? Like you stick your dick in and it's like. The fleshlight? Yeah. You know. You don't even have to say it. I know what you're talking about. I know. I've never tried a fleshlight, but yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Those don't look good to me. They don't either. They don't look good to me either. I think your hand, if you're going to masturbate, your hand's pretty hard to beat. Really? Yeah, I think so. No pun intended. Yeah. But I used to, my friend Bill used to call me when I used to do phone sex. He would tell me about all these different toys. And shit that he had. And he actually had a dildo that he would, he would take showers with it and he would, it had like the little suction on the back. So he would stick it on the wall and then back into it. Wow. On all fours. Wow. He loved fucking himself in the ass. Wow. Yeah. Was he gay? No, but he, not that I know of. He just liked ass play? He just liked to like fuck himself in the ass a lot. Wow. Yeah. And when I would pretend like I was masturbating or whatever, you know, he asked me what I was doing. Like, oh yeah, I got two fingers in my pussy right now. And it's really why he was like, do you ever play with your ass? And I thought about it. I was like, oh no, not really. Not when I'm masturbating. I don't stick no fingers in the ass. But of course to him, of course I lied. But yeah, you're going to tell him whatever he wants. Yeah, exactly. But no, I don't, I'm not going to stick any fingers in my ass when I'm masturbating. No, I mean, cause just like you said, just like your hands are hard to beat when you're beating your, you know, pussy is, pussy hoe is hard to beat when you're having, when you're masturbating, you know, it's like, why am I going to put anything in my ass? That's for exit only, but we'll get to that later. Speaking of ass play, actually, moving on. So yeah, I have another story and actually I was going to save this story or probably not tell it. I just won't give any names out. But speaking of ass play. All right. So there I am. I'm working in a salon and actually I have a salon nightmares that I'm going to be sharing with you guys a little later on. But I was working in a salon and this salon, particular salon, it had like a lot of like, you know, famous rappers going in and out because the lady who owned it, she would, you know, braid a lot of their hair. So I was there, you know, I was really young, you know, whatever. And I was working. So I did part time receptionist and part time, you know, I was a hairdresser. So one time the guy, one of these guys from this really popular band called Bone Thugs in Harmony. Are you familiar with them? Okay. I don't know if I should. I don't know how many people are listening to this fucking show. I don't know if I want to put them on blast or whatever. Do it. Do it. Okay. So I. They were very. Very popular at the time. And with that song Crossroads. And I fell in love with one of them. Of course, the one being Busy Bone. He was the one who used to come to the salon and get his hair braided. And every time when he would come in, we would kind of stare at each other and he would really stare at me like up and down, like the whole time he was getting his hair braided. He just sit there and like stare at me like and I would wear like short mini skirts and stuff. And, you know, I didn't know if he liked me or not or whatever, because I figured. Oh, you know, he's a rapper. He's, you know, gangster rapper, whatever. And very famous. I'm sure he gets a lot of fucking pussy. So, um, um, come to find out later on. A good friend of mine that I used to go to the gym and I would hang out with his name was Frenchie. Come to find out his brother was Busy Bone's bodyguard. So I'm telling, you know, my friend, I'm like, yeah, so Busy Bone comes to the salon. He's like, yeah, my brother's his bodyguard. I was like, shut the fuck up. He's like, no, seriously. So I'm like, oh, my God, if you're not lying, hook me up with that right now. Like, hook me up. He's like, all right, I could do that. I could do that. Whatever. He's like, but I have to tell you one thing, though. And I'm like, what? He's like, Busy Bone is really into like anal sex and shit. And at that time, at that time, my ass was a virgin. I wasn't trying. I wasn't even thinking about, you know, having anal sex or whatever. Anal sex is very new. To me at that time. And I'm like, what? Ain't no way I'm letting him fuck me in my ass. I don't know about that. I just don't know. Well, apparently, my friend Frenchie lied to this motherfucker when he told him that I was interested in hanging out with him. He lied. Chester went there. So. I love it. I love it. So Frenchie lied to him and told him that, you know, he's like, yeah, she gonna she gonna do this. She gonna suck your dick. She gonna do this. She gonna do that. She gonna let you have anal sex with her. So dude was like, oh, yeah, cool. He didn't know that it was me, the girl from the salon. So fast forward. It was a Saturday. And the group Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, they had a show going on in L.A. somewhere. And after the show, Busy and I were going to meet up. So finally, I'm, you know, sitting at my friend's house. We're waiting. We're chilling, drinking or whatever. And it's about one o'clock in the morning. Finally, Busy comes back in a limo with his friends, with an animal who's Frenchie's brother, the bodyguard. And they come. And as soon as he sees me, he's like, oh, my God, it's you, girl. Why didn't you tell me you were like peeping me and all this stuff? I'm like, I don't know. Whatever. You know, whatever. So we get into his limo. And away we go. To his. To his hotel. This is where things get interesting. We're at his. So this motherfucker smokes weed. I swear to God, like big ass blunts like this size. I'm not playing. Non-stop. Non-stop. Like he does not eat. He just drinks. He was drinking just night train and weed. Like, yeah. Night train. That's night train. Back in the day. Wow. Yeah. All he drank was night train. He smoked weed. He did not eat anything. We went to his room. He ordered some food. He barely like took two bites. Like some little like slider sandwiches. I don't know. I don't remember quite. But, you know, I took a little puff of his weed or whatever because I didn't want to look like a square. And I had a little bit of his weed. And so we're talking. He's like, oh, so I didn't know that. You know, he he talked like he was just high. Like, yeah. You know, I didn't know that you were interested in me, girl. Yeah. Yeah. Super faded. Yeah. He was like, you really can't understand anything that he's saying because he was just like it was like very he talks very little. Like, yeah. Yes. You know, like that. You know, you can't understand what the fuck he's saying. So anyway, we start messing around like later as it got later and we're drinking night train and shit. We start we start messing around and we get to fucking. Oh, God. OK. Now this is so we get to fucking. Let me just say that the penis wasn't what I expected. He didn't match the stereotype. No, he didn't. Well, he's makes he's half Italian and half black. But but still, you know, I would think like most gangster rappers, rappers would have like big ass like, you know, you know, because I was talking about my dick. Yeah. Put it in your bitch last night. Yeah. But yeah. But you. OK. I always compare the penis to. OK. You remember, you know, the price is right. You know that the microphone that Barker microphone was like skinny with just a little head. Yeah. That was what it looked like. Oh, wow. That's what it was. And it wasn't that long either. So, yeah, like I could barely feel it. And come on. Like, I didn't fuck like I don't have like a huge fucking vagina gaping vagina. I ain't a hole in nothing. Come on. My shit is pretty tight. I couldn't really feel it. So like we change positions and like he's like, all right. He's like, we change positions. He's like getting doggy style. So I'm like, all right, cool. You know, doggy style. Yeah. So he gets up, but naked dick sticking straight up in the air. He goes to the bathroom. I'm like, OK, well, maybe you got to take a shit or something. I don't know why. He just jumped in the middle. Right in the middle. So he's like he's in a bathroom and he get like the he gets the. Hotel lotion and pour and pours it in his hands and coming back and doing like this. Like, yeah. And I'm like, oh, I see what this is leading. Mm hmm. So I'm like, and so I sit down real quick. I'm like, what do you think you're about to do? He's like, well, you know, when she told me that, yeah, you know, I was going to put you in your house and I was like, hell to the motherfucking no, you are not. And especially I don't like I don't. I've never had anal sex before, but I know that you are not supposed to be using any fucking type of lotion or nothing like that to put in my fucking ass. Yeah. He was like, so he was like, oh, baby, I thought that, you know, I was going to fuck not there. And I was like, my ass is a fucking virgin. And no, you are not fucking me in my ass, especially not with no lotion, dude. Come on. Hey, I guess it must have broke his little spirit because he was just like, oh, man. And then he kind of like he seems like he got. Normal after that, like I made him go normal because he just like we were sitting there, we were actually, you know, having a good conversation like all night long, like I don't know, something must have happened. He chilled his high maybe. Yeah, he came down. He came to earth. Yeah. He was like, so we're sitting there and talking or whatever. And he's like, yeah, you know, he's like, I'm glad that you not like a lot of them be, you know what I'm saying? But French, you fucking told me, man, you was going to let me have. You know, let me fuck you in your ass. I even told Frenchie that you were he was that you were not fucking me in my ass. He asked me that a long time ago. I already made it clear that that wasn't going on. So he's like, oh, man, he's like, yeah, so, you know, I want you to, you know, be my girl, whatever, because you somebody I can respect and whatever. So we wake up the next morning the whole day. I'm hanging out with him. He did not eat. He took me to get something to eat. He did not eat. He ate his fucking blunt and drank. I'm like, what? And drank his fucking night train and whatever, like Crown Royal, whatever the fuck he was drinking in the fucking limo. And I was like, dude, the night train cracks me up. Yeah, that's funny. It's nice. I know he had that motherfucking night train, though. But yeah, so we kind of talked to whatever off and on. He was always, you know, on tour and shit. But I remember one time I decided that, you know, his birthday was coming up. So I decided for his birthday, you know, I'm the type of I'm a funny motherfucker and I like to get like gag gifts and like funny as cards and shit like that. So I went to this specific store and I got him a card and the card had like a old lady that was in doggy style position with like saggy titties and shit. And then I forgot what I said in the card, but it was like, oh, yeah, I said, remember this busy like that? So I guess he got I think he got offended, though. Oh, really? Yeah. Because. I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you This customer is calling your listing in, Women Fetish, Femme Doms, to your member name, Ava. To accept this call, press 1. To decline, press 3. Please introduce yourself. Hi, guys. How you doing? You are fucking fantastic. Okay, I am sitting on the couch. I just grabbed the glass I was drinking out of, and I got my little dick inside it. And I'm waiting for it to come. Since I took so much coke, I don't know if it's going to come right away, but I'm just going to leave it there. Fuck, you're so hot. I really want to serve you so bad. I just want to be yours as long as you let me. That's some tired typing. Fucking hot. That's the hottest woman I've ever fucking met in my life. Oh, no, I'm not hot right now. I'm not hot. I'm just holding my dick in the cup, and I'm paying. I'm going to start paying. Hold on. I'm going to stand over here, just so I can read what you're writing. Okay. You were thinking of Amy. No, I wasn't. I was not. I was hoping she would get lost. All I was thinking was, I plan on talking to you as long as you let me, and I hope that she doesn't get, I hope she gets busy, so she doesn't have to fucking realize I'm doing something bad. You know? Because I'm going to talk to you as long as you let me. I fucking can't. I adore you. I want to worship you so fucking bad. I've never, just so you know, I know I talk too much. I'll take a break after the sentence. I have never. All right, ladies and gentlemen, and I'm back on skidrowstudios.com, so I hope you guys enjoyed that story about Busy Bone. And I'm motherfucking smiling. You can kind of come back with his fucking voice. This shit had kicked ass. I hope he doesn't hear that. I know. Wow. Or one of his buddies or whatever. Whatever, so what? You did it, and what you going to do? I pack a gat too, motherfucker. Anyway, so I come across this funny commercial. I got a new commercial out. You want to hear it, Jeremy? Yeah. I put out a new fragrance, and it's called Still Vagina. Oh, nice. Would you like to hear it? Yeah, let me hear that. All right. Wait. It's coming. It's coming. Okay. Wait. I got to go back. Okay. Shh. Not a word. My man is sleeping right now because we just had sex. Do you want to know why? Because of my new fragrance, Still Vagina. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Nice. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. So, yeah, that's my fingers. Go out and get it. Actually, you can get it on Delia's Jewels because you can go to my Facebook and look up. Go to my Delia's Dark Side radio show and go to Delia's Jewels and you can pick that up. It's called Steel Vagina and it's the smell of a deep, dark puss. Nice. So, I don't know if I ever told you guys. I think I might have mentioned that. I used to be a hairdresser almost 20 years in the business and I decided to get the fuck out because I'm going to share some stories with you. And the reason why I decided to get the fuck out, the business was never really meant for me. I don't think it was never my passion or anything like that. And I feel like I wasted almost 20 years of my fucking life in the business. But I have a few little stories. Actually, one, we're going to start off with number nine. When I first got out of beauty school, you know, it's every person's dream that's in the hair industry that, you know, you're going to get big. You want to work behind the scenes. It's like some you want to do like Prince's hair or something. You know, you want to work for like the big the big names and shit like that in the business. Well, I had those aspirations, too. So right after I got out of beauty school. I decided. I decided to go work for one of the biggest names in the one of the biggest salons in hair business at that time in Beverly Hills. I decided to go work for Jose E. Bear. And I went to go work for Jose E. Bear as a assistant, of course, because when you just get out of school, you can't just step on the floor and just think you're going to be doing hair. No, that's not how it works. After you get out of school, they want you to at least spend like two years being an assistant. So I worked for Jose E. Bear and he is just as fucking bitch made and flamboyant as his ass is portrayed to be on TV and shit. And every time I see that motherfucker now on TV, I feel like I want to go through the TV and like punch him in his fucking face. Like every time I'm like, motherfucker, because he's such a fucking asshole. So I was working for him for about, I don't know, about three weeks or something like that. Never met the fucker, you know, washed hair. Did the shit, you know how they, you know, they treat their, you know, assistants like basically like fucking, you know, slaves. Basically, you cannot sit down when you're standing. You have to like stand at attention erect with your hands behind your back like you're in a fucking army and shit and wait for, you know, wait to be called to shampoo a client or something like that. Well, one time Jose E. Bear came in. I guess he was off. He was off from doing. He was on tour or something like that. And he had like some client or something. So I was available. So I was so happy. Like, oh, yeah, it's Jose E. Bear. I finally get to meet him. So he's like, you come here and you sweep this now. Like talking to me like I'm just like this fucking big and shit. So I'm like, OK, whatever. And I had on like this little mini skirt and I had on like some shoes, some some tennis shoes, you know, that actually they, you know, obviously they tie up or whatever. So I'm sweeping the shit or whatever. And I'm like, oh, this motherfucker is like. He's a fucking punk, man. I can't stand him already. So, you know, I sweep his fucking little his little room or whatever. And I go on about my business. So, oh, my God. Lo and behold, I look down. My goddamn shoe was untied. Oh, my God. What do I do? You're not supposed to sit down or else you would get fucking fired. But guess what? I'm wearing a little bitty skirt. I don't have on any shorts underneath. I'm wearing like some some thong panties because I was a little hobo. But. I mean, I was like in my 20s and shit and, you know, everything was rocking. Of course, I'm wearing like some thong panties underneath a mini skirt and I'm not going to bend over because I want nobody looking at my ass. So I am. I decide, OK, nobody's looking. I'm going to sit down and tie my shoe. Bad move. Jose Eber, Jose Eber is like what he likes to be called. He comes out and he's like, what are you doing? You are not supposed to be sitting down in my salon. And I'm like, fuck. I'm like, I just bend out. Just, you know, I couldn't bend down because I'm wearing, you know, a mini skirt. I, you know, I had to tie my shoe. No, you're not supposed to sit down in my salon. Don't I? You better not ever catch you sitting down in my salon again. I fuck do them. I just tied my shoe. What the fuck? So anyway, the next day I was off and I was working at Bally's at the time. And so I get a phone call. I check my messages from home and I get a phone call. These little bitches couldn't even fire me in person. They had to wait till my day off and call me at home and leave a message and fucking fired me because I sat down. I have never been able to get over that ever since. That scarred me for life. So like I said, every time when I go, whenever I see Jose Eber, I fucking want to kick the fucking screen out. Like, I swear to God, I'm going to punch him in the fucking face. So fuck you, Jose Eber. That's number nine. Number eight. A Fantastic Sam's story. So I was working at this place called Fantastic Sam's. I'm sure you guys all, you know, the chain everybody is pretty familiar with. I decided, you know, I was I stopped doing hair for a little while because I decided for about about four years of my life I would be a stripper instead. I get tired of doing hair. Plus, this was like after the busy bone shit. And after. And after. Yeah. After, you know, working at Exotic Hair and Nails, after the Jose Eber, whatever, I decided, OK, this shit ain't working for me. I want to make more money. So I want to be a stripper. So that's what I did for a little while. I came back and decided, OK, move to another location. I decided to work for Fantastic Sam. Ran into another bitch just like Jose Eber, another flamboyant gay owner. Actually, there was two of them. The one owner actually worked in the salon and the other owner was like really old. His lover was real old and he couldn't work anymore. So he would sit home. And so he had all these like really like fucked up cameras all around his salon. Like no matter where you went, he was watching you from home. Like, you know, and he would send like these really rude fucking messages on the computer. Like, tell Jason. Jillian, stop talking so fucking much. Shit like that. Like, tell Jillian to go take a break. Or why did you charge that lady only nine dollars for her haircut when it should have been 16? Just like fucked up shit. Or, you know, he would like curse at you. Like, fucking shut the fuck up, bitch. Like, telling you shit like that. So I got tired of that shit. I'm like, you know what? Why is he, you know, why is he always sending like these rude ass fucking, you know, these, you know, notes? And shit on the thing. So I decided that, you know what? I don't want to work here anymore because it's kind of fucked up. And I don't like the whole rude fucking notes passing shit like that through the fucking computer and cursing people out, calling people bitches and shit. Like, that wasn't my thing is like, you know, why don't you be here? Call me a bitch to my face so I can fucking knock you out. So anyway, I decided that, you know, I wasn't going to go to my shift the next day. I was just going to sit home. And get drunk and not fucking go the next day. So I slept in. I get this phone call from Leonard, the owner. He's like, are you coming in for your shift? Supposed to be there at nine. It's already 10 o'clock. Are you coming in for your shift? Well, obviously, I'm not. It's fucking 10 o'clock. I was supposed to be there at nine. You know what? I want to fucking slap you. I'm like, what? What? So my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, grabbed the phone. He was like, what? What the fuck are you talking about? You're going to fucking slap my girl, motherfucker. I'll come up there and fucking slap your ass and all this shit. And it's like, it was like going back and forth. We're like cursing each other out. Like, fuck you. So basically, that was the end of that. But then I decided I was going to file a lawsuit because he lied about some shit or whatever. And so, yeah, that's number eight. I got something in my eye. I got to get out real quick. So can we go to break? I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I would tell you I I still let you know when you see me man I'm rollin' with them big shotguns And we deep when we creep, never sleepin' And we droppin' them whammies on fools who wanna get dumb enough Now that you know like that, these niggas come around They don't know how to act, in fact I'm at the track in the back with a couple of my cats in the hood Smokin' weed and else in the wood, great dog in the truck And we rollin' that bag of slag napkin on over your thubs So me and the rest of these thubs can marinate, marinate We straight, get hot, so hot That's how my mental, that's how my mental stay It's like parlay, parlay, like every day Don't think I don't pay play in Haitian But you better be pinning yourself up Get to what the M11, 357, automatic weapons for my ship The niggas wanna take my health, my wealth, check yourself Tryna get there but they couldn't win Kid took it to the hip with a 50 hand, now we in a whip I love that Chester's playing Bump X in Harmony That's fuckin' awesome So yeah, sorry about that folks I had a little something, like a little eyelash or something in my eye So I had to get that out really quick Cause I couldn't read my notes here But anyway, so yeah, little fucked up things like that And it's like, most of my whole career It was like basically dealing with fucked up owners and shit like that You know, it's just like people think just because like you got You own something or whatever, you can just disrespect people And like, you know, talk to people like shit Especially in the hair industry, I don't know what the fuck But I was always like getting into some fucked up shit So that was number eight, the Fantastic Sams Number seven, um I was working at, yeah I worked at a lot of fucking places I managed like Three different Supercut stores I was all over the fuckin' circuit Because it was like, damn, you know I was trying to find my home somewhere My forever home, just like a fuckin' dog or cat And I could never find it Because of fucked up owners So I would run away and go somewhere else Just like a fuckin' dog or a fuckin' cat would So um, number seven Um, I knocked out a rude client I didn't knock him out I didn't knock him out But I basically knocked him out his fuckin' chair Because he was being really fuckin' rude Um, this was at Great Clips And like, I don't know, it's like Always the, um, you know These chain places Like these corporate places Where the clients know they can really Um, do fucked up shit And say fucked up shit to you And it's like always the customer's right Jeremy, do you go to these places to get your hair cut? Um, which kind of places are you talking about? Like Supercuts or Great Clips Or Sportsnet You know what, my girlfriend right now Has me going to like fancy places Oh good, good for her I used to go to Supercuts and that kind of stuff But now she's got me going to these uppity places Oh good for her, that's good Yeah, it's uh, Umberto's And Beverly Hills, you know that? I've heard of them Yeah, so that's where I'm going now I'm not used to that, I'm used to the Supercuts Yeah, well that's good She's got you going to nice places like that Yeah, cause people don't act stupid In expensive places like that Like they do at Supercuts or you know Some of these other places like that Other fucked up places So yeah, um, there was this guy He was like a big ass, like, I don't know Like, um, I wouldn't say Filipino Or something like that, but he was just like Being rude from jump the minute he got in my chair So I'm like, yeah, you know How do you want your hair cut and all this stuff And he's like, well don't you know? Can't you see? No bitch, cause your hair already grew out So how the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm not a fucking mind reader, I'm a little psychic I'm psycho, but I don't know how to Fucking read your fucking hair And know what the fuck you want So he's just being rude So I'm like, okay, just breathe deeply Breathe, breathe So I'm like, alright So he's like a number four on the sides And blah blah blah this And you know, basically everybody's getting that You know, shaved on the side and spiky haircut shit So I'm like, I'm just being cool, whatever So when we get to his sideburns He's like, he wants like The barbershop type sideburns Where the sideburns go like Into a point Well, we're not trained Sir, to cut your fucking Sideburns into a goddamn Point, okay? We're just trained to do them straight And square, or shave those Motherfuckers off And he's like, well, I want them at a point Just like they are now, and blah blah blah Like, I can't tell how they are now Because, just like I said, stupid ass They have grown out And we don't do that So he goes, well Just try it anyway So I go, okay, I just attempted So I'm doing his sideburns And he's like I want it a little bit more closer Don't you know how to fucking cut hair? Dude I took that motherfucking chair And I shook the shit out of it And I shook his fat ass out that chair On the floor I was like, who the fuck Are you talking to, motherfucker? And at Great Clips We have these sales That are like, you know, right They, um Separate each, um, booth So like, that sale fucking fell off And I shook that motherfucker out the chair And he was like, oh my god So then, the owner comes Well, she's not the owner, actually She was the manager She comes walking up And she's like She's like a tall, goofy bitch And she's like walking all slow and shit She's like walking like, what's going on? And she's like eating her banana all slow Like, okay, Monique What did you do? I'm like, this motherfucker's talking shit to me Goddamn Talking about I don't know how to fucking cut hair He's being rude So I shook his ass off the goddamn chair She was like, alright I'm like, you know what? I gotta fucking go I gotta get some air Like, you can take care of this or whatever And so she's being all nice I really hated this shit, too I hate it They know Like, the managers know When, you know, the person is wrong, right? And then they go and try to woosah The motherfucker back over their chair They try I know that's what you're supposed to do You're supposed to, like, diffuse the situation But I hated it Because she was just like, eat her banana And just like, okay Woo, woo, woo And I'm just like, man I just wanted to go back over there And just, like, kick this fool in his face Like, I was waiting for him outside I swear And he, like, went the other way Because I was pissed I was sitting on a bench outside Waiting for this motherfucker Because I'm like, yeah, I'm not at work now You know, say that shit to me now Like, I was ready to whoop some ass So, yeah, that's my little Great clip story And he came back in, like, maybe about a month later And I knew exactly who he was He walked in Sat the hell down Sat really nicely Yeah, they actually kept my ass there after that Because Greg, the owner He was pretty much on my side And he knew that, you know, sometimes Clients could get really fucking stupid with people And if any of you are, you know Clients of these places Stop treating these fucking hairstylists like shit Because one of them is going to straight whoop your ass one day I swear to God they are Alright, so don't be disrespectful to your hairdresser Or else you'll be coming out with, like, some fucked up Like, you know, gouges in your head or something So, yeah, that's my little great clip story Moving right along Okay, so, great clips There's another spot that I worked at For very briefly, it's called Sport Clips This is a new chain Just started, like, a few years ago I think around, like, 2009 or 10 It was just brought to L.A. And Valencia, that's where we were And, yeah, so This place, they have this treatment called the MVP Because it's all, like, sports related And basically it's supposed to be like Sports related It's supposed to be a man's salon But then women tried to protest Like, my whole thing was When I was in the business I really love doing men's haircuts Like, I love working, like, the barber shops Places like that Just fucking with men Because women get stupid Worse than men Like, that was the only time where I got Where somebody actually got stupid That was a man But mostly, like, the women get stupid The men are just, like, you know, laid back If they don't like the hair If they don't like the haircut You know, unless they got, like, some Some feminine genes in them Or some shit like that, you know They've been drinking too much soy milk and shit So they're like, you know They got too much estrogen and shit Maybe they're growing some titties or something They don't really start a lot of shit with you But, you know, women do But this one particular night And I remember this night So clear and crisp I was tired as fuck Because I think I had did, like, a double Like, I worked, like, a night shift Then had to come in and work another night So I was, like, really fucking tired So it was, like, towards the end of the shift And this woman comes in And she's got this kind of, like, mentally disabled son You can tell, like, he's probably, like, 45 or something But, you know, he's mentally disabled So, you know, he's probably, like Acting kind of like a two-year-old He had on, like, powder blue Shorts or something like that And guess whose turn it was To go up and have to cut this guy's hair Yours truly So I get the ticket And, you know, I'm cool, whatever And, you know, they get a shampoo And go sit him down in my chair All right So the whole time I'm cutting his hair You know, he's asking me, like, these questions and stuff You know, like, you know, kind of like Kind of like a three-year-old, you know Like, how are you? What's your name? You know, it's just, you know How people are mentally disabled, whatever So, you know, I'm having a conversation with this dude So finally I'm done with this guy's hair And he kind of smelled funny And I'm like, God, okay It's, like, kind of like that That kind of smell that you get Where it's, like, kind of like Muck mouth makes you want to, like, kind of throw up That kind of stanky-ass smell You know what I'm talking about? That's pretty bad Yeah, and it's, like, the whole time I have to cut this guy's hair They don't know And I'm like, Mom, you know, like You know your son is, like, probably He's 45 and he's mentally disabled Like, can't you, like, put him in a fucking shower Or something and bathe his ass before you go And get his hair cut and shit Like, I'm looking in his ears And he's growing, like, fucking, like, mushrooms And potatoes and shit in his ear Because they don't clean it out And it's, like, all kinds of fungus and shit Growing in there But that's not even the worst part, Chester The worst part is When he got up Out of my chair He shit his pants What? What? He shit his pants, Chester He actually shit himself He shit himself, Chester What made him shit himself? He was mentally disabled I don't know Damn I don't Maybe the haircut felt too good How'd you deal with that? Oh, God, okay So I didn't know that he shit Like, I was smelling stuff But I didn't know that he shit But I didn't smell shit He, um, she had to slide him out of the chair And so when he was sliding out of the chair I see, like, this, like, this track A brown track And even in a black chair I could see it It was, like, a wet, like, brown track Like, when she was pulling him out of the chair And I'm like, oh, my God And it dripped A little bit dripped on the floor Oh, man So Can you see why? That's right That's right That's why I got out of this motherfucking job Yeah, wow And so I look And he's wearing powder blue pants Light pants I look on the back of his pants And there's, like, this whole, like, fucking, like, um Pile Like, just, like, a puddle on the back of his pants Like, stained Like, an ass Big ass Like He just sat in, like, some fucking milky shit Damn Yeah, like, somebody just threw his ass And just sat him down right in some fucking milky shit I'm speechless I don't even know what to say I don't know what to say to that Man, I was speechless, too And I was, like, I was horrified I was, like, oh, my God I was, like, I think he just, like, used the bathroom on himself And so Good thing Good thing the owner was there I'm, like, I went into the office I'm, like, Wayne Oh, my God My fucking client He just fucking shit himself He was, like He was, like, what? It's, like, yes, he shit himself It's all over the chair There's some on the floor And I'm not cleaning it up I'm just I'm fucking not cleaning it up So, two of the owners were there So, they come in and they're like, oh, my God They come out and they're, like, you know Looking and one of the owners is giving me this face, like Mmm, ew And I'm, like, yeah, ew But I'm not cleaning that shit up Yeah So, the owner actually gets some Gets some Windex And the guy, I think he's still shitting himself Because, like, the stain was getting, like, bigger and whiter And whiter is, like, spreading, you know And it was, like, kind of dripping on the floor So, they had to clean my chair with Windex And clean the floor And clean the floor And I was just, like, man, can I go home? I was, like, I gotta fucking go home I can't stay here I can't deal with that shit Yeah, you gotta get out of there The fuck I'm sorry I put my shit up And I was, like, I'm out of here I just, I couldn't, like, okay I can deal with the fucking, like, rude-ass clients But shitting your pants? No Yeah So, yeah, there was that Okay So, now we get into Another Bullshit Thing, okay So, I was working at this one place Called The Barbershop Alright I really loved working This is one place I really liked working at the time Because I was making really, really good money And it's, like, I was only, like I said I was only working, you know, doing men's haircuts Which I loved And, um, so You know This, I was working for an owner, basically She Um Had MS An MS MS for an MF I mean, I would never wish this disease on anybody Ever But this, I can say that this fucking bitch Deserved This fucking disease Because she was just, like, the worst fucking person In the world And, um, she was just evil And mean to, like, everybody Who, you know Everybody Who was, like, whoever walked in her fucking salon Just to, like, get a haircut And she'd be like But I kind of liked it, though Because she was kind of a breath of fresh air at the time Because, like, um She would tell people, you know They would ask her, you know For, like, um, you know A specific haircut or something like that And she'd get all sassy and be like You know what? If you don't like it You can take your ass down to Supercuts Or whatever And have them fucking fix it Or some shit like that And sometimes I liked that Because it was like Yeah, you know Like, some people would try to come in And pull that shit So we had the kind of clients That were respectful And, you know But then sometimes She would just, like, be rude To people for no apparent reason But anyway I'll never forget the time That I was, um Wrongfully accused Of threatening a kid I was wrongfully accused Of threatening a kid Saying that I was gonna chop his fucking head off What the fuck? This bitch lied on my ass Okay So here it is I didn't come in Because I call her and tell her You know, I'm not coming in Because I just got a phone call No, not a phone call Actually, um I found out on Facebook My brother contacted me on Facebook No, actually, no It was a phone call That's right Our phone was on So, yeah Um, I got a phone call My brother called me And told me that my mother Had a stroke So, and they're in, um, Chicago So I'm like Oh, fuck, you know And it was kind of fuck with me Because my mother and I We were estranged We, you know I don't have really a relationship with her My dad raised me since I was four Or whatever You know, we were trying to rebuild Our relationship And then, you know, like A week later Find out she had a stroke You know, so I call, you know The place I'm calling, you know Let, um, Margaret know That I'm not coming in Because, you know, I'm like We're all mentally fucked up right now Like, I just can't, you know Concentrate Because my mom had a stroke So, she's like Alright, take, you know A couple days off or whatever So I'm like, fine Thinking everything is okay Um, like the day that I was supposed to come back I Get a phone call From them And they're telling me, you know Just to, you know Hang out, whatever It's gonna be dead Then, the next day I get this weird phone call And Supposedly Somebody's Um, this kid's mom This is what the shit that they told me This kid's mom Came in And said that I Threatened To cut her kid's ear off What the fuck? First of all And so, I'm like Okay, this is some fucking bullshit right now Because first of all I would never ever threaten a kid like that And if I had of threatened somebody like that I would I tell my husband every fucking thing I would have told him like This kid was getting on my fucking nerves And I said God damn it, if you don't sit still I'm gonna fucking cut your fucking ear off So, supposedly, you know This lady supposedly came in And she's like Yeah, you know She threatened to cut my, um My child's ear off So, I'm like Well, who was a kid? You know, whatever And they're like Um, I don't know It was like some lady or whatever I'm like, you guys are full of shit If you guys don't want me to fucking come back Don't fucking make shit up about me You know, that's not true I mean, I felt like I was Michael Jackson or some shit at the time Like, I felt like somebody was wrongfully accusing me Of like It was like weird I just felt like Ooh, like weird Like Michael Jackson Like, I know I didn't fucking do it But these, like Everybody's fucking believing it You know, it's like Fucking Who's fucking believing it? It's weird It's stupid So, anyway Yeah, I supposedly, um You know, threatened this kid That I was gonna, um Chop his fucking head off With fucking How am I gonna chop somebody's head off First of all With clippers Especially those little baby, you know Clippers Anyway I just ended up quitting Because I was like That's some fucked up shit right there You know Why would I fucking do that? I would never threaten a kid You know Sometimes I like them Sometimes I don't But I would never fucking threaten A fucking kid So, I got the fuck up out of there So, moving on Next story is, um About a girl That I was working with We were pretty tight at first And then I went back to work over there Um, it's called Cuts in Color And she was like Being a real fucking bitch When I came back there And I don't know why But I kept confronting her And telling her like Why are you being such a fucking bitch? You know, like What's up? If you have a problem with me You know, tell me Like, I was straight up to her You know, be straight up She's like I don't have a problem with you And why are you being so defensive? I'm like I'm not being defensive, bitch You are Like, you know If you got a problem Let's straighten it out right now Like, you know, tell me She was like one of the managers Or whatever So, I'm like Alright, you know Tell me, you know What's up? Let's fix it She would never tell me anything But she would try to be Like real stupid in front of clients And like Try to belittle me in front of clients So, I got real pissed off I'm like, alright So, talking to her Is not gonna work So, I got to go to work So, I got to go to work I got to do something else So, I'm like thinking I'm like This bitch is really pissing me off I fucking hate her And I was about to quit anyway So, I'm not proud of myself But I fucking hated this bitch so much So, I decided to put hair bleach In her fucking lemonade You don't mess around, man No Damn No, cause she was like She was being such a bitch And she tried to belittle me In front of a client It was something about Doing eyebrows or some shit like that She was like Why are you using that to do that? Like trying to clown me And I'm like, really? Why are you trying to put me on blast? Like, if you see me doing something wrong Pull me to the side Don't try to clown me And we've already had this conversation And you don't wanna, you know You don't wanna be You don't wanna be cool So, guess what? You gotta get some fucking like I didn't put like Just a little tiny drop in there I put like a whole fucking like One of the little You know, those little scooper bags Like a full ass like Probably about three ounces of that shit Wow It was bubbling I told one of my other friends about that He was like Man, he was like That's fucked up, Monique He's like, you know Like, you know Just pull her to the side And just tell her how you feel I was like, I tried to But she wouldn't listen He's like, don't kill anybody I was like, but I don't know So what happened? She, um She drank the shit I don't know I left Nothing happened? That was it? Um She didn't even notice? No, cause actually It was in like her mix Oh, okay It was in the mix So it was like A little bit of mix And then I put like A whole bunch of that shit in there Yeah Just like dumped it in there So I'm sure like When she opened it She was like Popped in her face I'm pretty sure she drank it But I ended up leaving But I was like Wondering like Man, I wish I could be here To see when that bitch Fucking drinks that lemonade That's funny But, so yeah These are my stories Of my Salon nightmares And why I decided to Get the fuck Out I have a couple more To share with you guys Let's see Got a couple minutes here Um Oh yeah The ball-headed bitch Who tried to sue me This is like the last straw This happened Last year Um I was working at a salon Um Beauty saloon Probably one of my favorite Um Places You know I got along With the owner Finally There's a place That I get along With the owner And I get along With the co-workers And stuff Um So I had an ad Running in the paper And this lady You know She answered it She wanted You know To get braids Like you know I have braids Whatever So I'm like Yeah, okay Whatever So come in We'll do the braids And I explained to her That you know The process That I'm gonna do Okay With these Kind of braids Um At the end Like about two inches Away from her hair I told her That I was Gonna put just a little Bit of nail glue Just to kind of seal it So that it won't Um Unravel And like her braids Would be like out Within like the next Couple days It'll last longer And I did the same Thing to myself So I'm like Are you cool And comfortable With this She's like Yeah So um You know I'm braiding her hair I did like Half one side Um And then she gets up And goes to the bathroom And she's like She gets all like Like I don't know Does she like smoke Some crack or something I don't know She gets like Well Um She goes to the bathroom And she comes back She's like I don't know I'm not feeling This glue in my hair Cause it feel like cement Like she's getting All loud and shit I'm like Well fuck I told you that You know It's not cement And it's gonna loosen up Eventually But you know I told you I explained to you If you don't want me To use it I'll fucking stop Using it right now She's like Yeah It just feels like Cement And I was like Alright fine So I stopped doing it I was like Well when your hair When your braids Start to unravel Don't get upset with me Because I already warned you She's like Alright Whatever So Start braiding her hair And I'm just trying to Diffuse the situation And be as nice And cool And calm And collected As I could be So I'm braiding her hair And finally Finish with it And was like Fine bitch Get the fuck out So she goes to the bathroom And comes back And she looks like She's like Kinda upset But she's not saying A fucking word She didn't say A fucking word to me After You know The first time So we're done I go ring her up Whatever And I asked her Like I get her a card Or whatever And we have to ask When you get the card Cause you can't like Put the tip on a thing Like do you wanna add Something else She's like No And I'm like Okay well Fuck fine Whatever So She goes She calls back later She's got a whole discrepancy Like talking about Her hair fucking feels Like cement And all this shit She's one of these bitches Like you know These people Who like goes And like You know Files scams Like just tries scams With people Cause she told me She had been like In other salons And she pulled Some of the same shit So she was gonna Try to pull that shit With me Basically Cause we're Getting cut for time here So Basically She tried to sue me And the shit didn't go through They found me not guilty And nothing was fucking wrong With her hair So I hope you guys Enjoy Delia's Dark Side today And my Crazy Salon nightmares And My Busy bone story I hope I don't get My ass kicked And I'll see you guys Next week On the dark side Um Thanks for listening Peace out Delia's gone One more round Delia's gone