Necrophilia, Rick James, and personal stories with Dark Mark

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Go to Skid Row Studios and see me there if they can't get it up on my website. That's what I was listening to today. And I was very impressed. First off, anybody who starts off with necrophilia is somebody after my own heart. So I dug it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've been into necrophilia ever since I was a kid because my father, I don't know if you remember, like heard the first show, but I was talking about how my father used to be a mortician. Right. Yeah, and I remember when I was a little older, I asked him one day, I was like, Dad, you know what? Somebody was talking somewhere. I heard about necrophilia. And I'm like, that's something about like people having sex with dead people. I go, have you ever witnessed that in, you know, your field of, you know, being a mortician? She was like, yeah, actually, there was a man who worked in a morgue who used to have sex with the dead women that would come in there. Wow. And I was like, what are you saying? This is like something like somebody actually did that shit. And it was a black man of all people. Normally, when crazy shit is going on, you know. Well, I don't know. That makes the question. Was the corpse a fat white woman or who was the corpse? I don't know. I think it was some everybody. Probably if they were hot, too, you know. I would hope so. Yeah. Because, you know, if you're going to have sex with a dead, make sure it's a hot corpse. Yeah. And it's a lot easier for a man to do it than a woman. I remember you were saying the differential there because it's hard to get an erect penis when they're dead. Yeah. There's one woman. They actually, she inserted like a stent or something inside the penis. Oh. Yes. But he's dead, so he can't feel it. Oh. Oh, ouch. To make the penis hard. And then she, you know, she would fuck him. Nice. But I would think it would be a lot harder for a woman. Yeah. That's a lot of work you got to do. You got to get a stent. You got to have medical training. It's a whole thing. But then for a man, too, why would a man want to fuck a dead, cold pussy? I mean, it's not getting wet and it's not warm. Well, you know, there is KY. Yeah, true. But I, you know, I like pasty white women. I like that complexion. Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But I like them to be living. So that's just me. I do like a pulse. I prefer a pulse. I guess that would help. Yeah. It's one of those things. But yeah. Yes. But I've been here at Skid Row Studios. Actually, my show is going to have their one-year anniversary this week. But I've been here. Cool. For, since August. Mm-hmm. We started at Universal Studios at the Goldcast Network. Okay. Never heard of it, but okay. Well, you remember, the last time you saw me, I think, was when I did the show at the John Lovitz Club. Right. Right. Right. They had a booth on the second floor where they were doing podcasts at the John Lovitz Club. Okay. And that's where I initially did the Dark Mark show, April 1st, 2003. Mm-hmm. 2013. My mask's also off. Right. April 1st, 2013. My guests were Brie Walker. Mm-hmm. Cross-dressing comedian Susan McIntosh and goth magician Michael Vile. I don't know if you've ever seen Michael Vile, but he's great. So that was going great. And then, and my co-host was Hell's Bell at the time. And she's crazy. She's wild. Uh-huh. Big boobs, tattoos, just like I like them. Mm-hmm. So then, about five weeks into it, they're like, oh, my God. Like, the guy from GoCast, I just, I heard this from another host, that GoCast was going under. Okay. So no more shows. And then, then they let us do another show, and then they took all the equipment out of the, out of the studio. Mm-hmm. So Emery Emery, who does a show, does two shows, the Arden Atheist Podcast. Uh-huh. And Skeptically Yours, which are big hit shows that are in the top 200 on iTunes. Uh-huh. Said, you can do the show at my house until you find another studio. I thought that'd be like a couple weeks. It turned out to be two and a half months. Yeah, I remember. It was a long time. I would see pictures and stuff. I'm like, is he? Is he doing this out of his house like me? Cool. I wish my house was that nice. But I, I, I so, I'm so grateful for both he and his, his girlfriend and co-host, Heather Henderson. That's another white man, black woman. Right. Beautiful couple. And that's, that's, that seems to work out. Yeah, it does work out. She's beautiful. Works out very well. And he's, you know, and he's, he's very pale complected. So it's, it's, I guess it's kind of like necrophilia there. So then, so then I, I, I was shopping for studios. I looked at every studio. I don't know how I passed over Skid Row. Once I walked in here, I'm like, this is home. And Jeremy saw my show, got the show. He said, Das Bunker on radio. I love it. And we've been here ever since. That's awesome. Yeah. You were saying that you like pasty white women. I like pasty white men. So. I know, I know. And the ironic thing is, as you know, African-American women love me. I can't lose. Really? And why is that? Tell me. I remember you. I don't know why. But you find me attractive. Well, I think you favor my husband. In a, in a rhetorical way, Patrick. Well, you look like my husband. So, yes, my husband is very attractive. So, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm attracted to a lot of different men, though, not just white men. Right. So, I mean, it could be something about, you know, your eyes, you know, body, whatever. Personality is something. Well, beauty is beauty. Yeah. But, you know, I'm, I'm assuming my eyes and personality. Maybe because you're a thick white man, black women like that. I think that's what it is. Baby got back. Right, right, right. Because white women, especially goth women. White women. They love that real skinny, skinny guy thing. And not, and African-American women seem not to. They like a little thicker guy. I used to be into the skinny, skinny, like real thin guys. But, yeah, after my husband, I was like, yeah, once you go thick, you can't go back. Exactly. Exactly. Because you get a lot of cushion in the pushing. Exactly. But it'd be amazing. It's just weird. It's like, it's African-American women, gay men, and really old women. And that's it. That's funny because gay men like him, too. Yeah. They do. He's the bear. He like, we're bears. We're the bears. We go out on Halloween. Right. And we get into these clubs, especially when I'm dressed as Rick James. Like, we get in clubs for free. That's great. Yeah. What's he dressed as? Linda Blair? He should be. He won't dress up. He won't wear makeup or none of that shit. No, he'll just go. Because if he were Rick James and he was Linda Blair, that would be badass. Or Tina Marie, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that'd be badass. But no, he ain't going out like that. He's way too butch to be putting on lipstick. Well, that's what would be funny about it. No. But if you do Linda Blair, you could do the whole exorcist Linda Blair. Yeah. So it's not like he's cross-dressing. He's doing a horror-themed thing. So you know about the Rick James-Linda Blair thing, too, right? Everybody knows that. Who doesn't know that? I didn't know about that until one of my clients when I used to do hair told me about that. I was like, really? That was big, yeah. And then, yeah, when I got the picture on my Facebook, I was like, oh, shit. So I posted it and everybody was liking it. But yeah, I didn't even know about that. I think it killed both their careers, to be honest with you. I'm not really sure how. Because she didn't really. She was hot at the time. And then she sort of stopped, was off the radar for a while. And his music career sort of tumbled from there. So I don't know. I mean, he was still putting out great albums, but people weren't stopping. But that's when he started putting out songs like Golden Showers. And it's like, we can go with Super Freak, but not Golden Showers, dude. But he was a musical genius. He was awesome. But he sounds like a real, real just crazy person. One of these people that you're just like. I mean, locking bitches in a dungeon for like 30 days or something. And like with nothing to eat and fucking like. Like dominating them and beating the shit out of them. Yeah, I would think so. And have them doing nothing but crack cocaine. Right, you know. That's a crazy motherfucker. Well, but yeah. But you don't do that on the first date. You got to know somebody for a while. No, he does. Before you do that. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I got a first date idea. Nobody's ever done it before. And nobody will again. This is a Rick James original bitch. But I'll bet you anything that Rick James made Linda Blair's head turn around for real. Yeah. Yeah, so she's. He turned her around. But yeah, I could see. Yeah, think about that Halloween. Patrick, tell you. Think about that for Halloween. I mean, you're Rick James. He's dressed like Linda Blair. But the ex is just Linda Blair. So he's not trying to be a pretty woman. He's just trying. It's a horror themed thing. Or, yeah. He has this thing about makeup and he sweats a lot. Yeah, me too. You know. Yeah, well, you know, he doesn't like sweating. He hates putting on makeup or anything. Dude, if he can go out naked, he would. Right, well, please don't. Patrick, please. Although you know something I don't. But that's why I didn't put the white makeup on today. So I just kind of figured I'd be casual with the guy liner and lipstick. And that's what you're saying. Because you're like. You look just like him with makeup on. Yeah. And I've been trying to put makeup on him for years. I put makeup on him a few times. Like when we're really drunk and I just make him sit there. And I just like have to tie his ass down and like bind him to the fucking chair. And I put like red lipstick and some blush on him. He'll be sitting there. Like looking all pissed off at me. I'm like, you should do this when we go to Bar Sinister. This will tell you how great a lover Daly is. Because you know you're giving him some good stuff. If he's sitting down there letting you put makeup on him. Well, you know. What can I say? That's a powerful vagina. It's like, okay. You're going to give me some later, right? Okay. I'll sit down and you can put makeup on. Do you give him haircuts too? Yeah. I cut his hair. And you should. Because I mean, we don't know anything about it. Saves money. Whatever. Yeah. And his hair look good today. So you know what you're doing. Thank you. Yeah. You know, I'm 18 years into business. Yes. I do buy his clothes sometimes now. That's right. You wear a hairdresser. I didn't even make the correlation. But. And you. Because. Yeah. He's. He's a stylish guy. But I can tell it's your influence. Yeah. I'm making him go more hard rocker. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. How did he get in the control booth all of a sudden? We're talking about him. But. Yeah. So. But. It's. Yeah. It's one of those things. So. Yeah. But yeah. Linda Blair. Rick James. We were talking about that. And then. Have you ever heard the song Cold Blooded by Rick James? Oh. I think I have. Cold Blooded. That one. That was inspired. That was written for her. For Linda Blair. Right. Right. Right. Right. No. I got. I got the great hits on my iPod. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to think. Because I don't. I've heard all. I love Rick James. I actually. You know. It's not goth to say. But Rick James was a musical genius. Yeah. If you. And all you young kids out there listening to this. If you have not heard Rick James. And you just think he's a joke on the Chappelle Show. Yeah. You gotta listen to that music. Exactly. I mean the fact that he made Eddie Murphy. Sound good. That'll tell you. Because he's never sounded good since singing. I know. Except maybe in like Shrek or something. But. Party all the time. You can say what you want. That is a good track. You know you're gangster when you're in a recording studio. Smoking crack. While somebody is singing. While you're producing somebody. You know you're a gangster. Not just somebody. You're a G. The biggest star in the world. Because Eddie Murphy was the biggest star in the world then. At that time. Yeah. And he was smoking crack going. And it sounds good. Yeah. But I mean he produced the Temptations. I actually had Cornelius Grant on my show. Who was the original guitar player for the Temptations. He actually was the musical director for the Temptations. And we didn't get anything. Anyway. Rick James talked. But he was talking about Marvin Gaye. He was talking about Mary Wells. And I mean these people. But he was talking about the band. That he put in for the Temptations. Not just the studio band. Which was amazing. But he on tour. Had the band. They only did. They had a three piece band. They had guitar, bass and drums. Or maybe guitar, keyboard and drum. And they had to recreate that Temptations sound live. And they did. So these people that worked for Motown. And that's where Rick James started. They know what they're doing. Yep. And that's. We have a guy coming on our show. On Thursday. That's kind of like that. His name is G Tom Mack. And you know him. Because he did the song. Cry Little Sister. From the Lost Boys soundtrack. Oh. Okay. Oh. I love that song. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And he's more than that song though. But he's been in. He's. He started out in a soul band in Harlem. And he's. He's a white guy. Very. Very white guy. And he. Then he became a bass player. For Jackson Brown. He worked for Carly Simon. He produced Kiss. He produced. Roger Daltrey. He's been doing songs for the soundtracks. For Jerry Brunkheim and movies. For 20 years. Wow. And he's really known for. That. That song has never got out of the golf clubs. Cry Little Sister. Everybody loves that song. I love that song. Yeah. So. So that's. That's going to be good. And so. But. It's. I don't know. We're. I. This is kind of like my show. The conversation is going where it goes. But. But Rick James is a genius. A musical genius. Should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And. Absolutely. I think so. Yeah. No. I didn't say. I didn't do my face like that. Because I was trying to think. Is he? No. No. He's not. I don't think he ever will be. But he should. I mean. He started out in the band with Neil Young in the 60s. This guy. He knows what he's. He knows what he's doing. Right. Well. Not anymore. But he did. He did. Yeah. So. Enough of Rick James. Whatever. So. We're going to go to break. And then we come back. Got some more. Fabulous. Things to talk about. Right after this. Yeah. Death track on the path of the wise Hell's gate on the ramp of the wise You left me with glass in your mouth Chasing every spark of war From the house I just built The path of our life People of my sense Stealing your blood and canoe Realm is only a sauce Fish, chicken, spider and glue A holy island Wraiths of the two-star spree From the eastward land Within the thousand rings The extinction of frontier Steal of the dust and of deep Wraiths of ancient father Founder of the unseen! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! You're back here on Delia's Dark Side. So if you want to give me or Dark Mark a call on the show right now, you can do that. The number is 1-800-893-9562. So we were talking about Rick James after the break. I want to go ahead and give this plug before I forget, before we get into another conversation or something. But my friend, Rob Elfazi, he's the lead singer from Dead Man's Party. They're doing their benefit concert today at the Gaslamp. In Long Beach. And they're doing a benefit concert for his recording studio, Stage One. It's in Orange County. So all you local bands out there, if you're looking for a studio to play, rehearse your bands or whatever, it's in Orange County. And it's called Stage One. You can look it up on Facebook or you can go and Google it. And my friend's name is Rob Elfazi. Just tell them that Delia's Dark Side sent you today. They're doing their benefit concert. They're doing their benefit concert at the Gaslamp in Long Beach right now. They're probably on stage right now as we're talking. So have a good show, everybody. Dead Man's Party. And let's get back. It's funny you should mention that because when I was listening to your show, your theme song is an Oingo Bongo song. Yeah. And it had been a while since I heard that song. I got to start digging through my old Oingo Bongo CDs and find that one because it's a great song. I was like, wow, this is a great song. And I was like, I've heard this before, but I don't know what it is. Mm-hmm. And Danny Elfazi. When the voice came out, I'm like, oh, okay. I remember now. Yeah. Yeah, I kind of had to gear away from that because I heard that, you know, we can't use a lot of, you know, mainstream people because, you know. I'm sorry I mentioned it, but. Yeah. No, I mean, we can. You know, you can mention it, but yeah, I couldn't. Okay. I was going to actually use that, but now. You're going to get a new theme song. Huh? You're going to get a new theme song. I am? Are you? No, that is, no, that's my theme. That's always been my theme song. This She Wants Revenge intro. Oh. The one that's playing, that plays right now. Oh, okay. Yeah, just the instrumental, yeah. But since Danny Elfman's voice was, you know, on there. Oh, so you switched it from, okay, I didn't hear the new one, okay. I was going to have that one as my new one. Right. But, you know, I found out that we couldn't use it only because I think his voice. Right. You know, if it just was, if it was just instrumental. Right. Then it would be, it would be okay. Yeah. Well, one thing I also found out, which I didn't know from the show, that we have in common. What? Is we've both done, we've both done call-ins for Man Count Show. Did you? I did. Oh. Oh my God. And I didn't get paid for a year. Shut, oh my God, the same thing with me. Yeah. Shut the fuck up. Seriously. He owes me like $200. Oh, you do? Harry Barbarian. Oh, I remember Harry Barbarian. He's the one that hooked it up. What's going on? I haven't seen Harry Barbarian in years. Oh my God, it was so funny too because I did like four different call-ins, like did different characters for him. Right, right, right. And I was supposed to get paid like $50 for each show, never got paid. Right. And then like about a year later, he friended me on Facebook and the first thing when I was like, oh shit, I fucking like messaged him, like on IMDb, not IMDb, but you know, I put like a message on this thing and I go, I want my fucking money, Harry Barbarian. He like immediately deleted my ass and like blocked me. No, he actually, they actually eventually paid me, but it took a year. He paid you? No, yeah, because I ran into, because I did it. I called in as, first I called in as a guy who couldn't stop masturbating at work, you know, typecasting. Typecasting. And then I called in as a guy who took his cat and fed it to his dog. And that one got a lot of call-ins. I was on for like an hour for that one, right? Mm-hmm. So then I was like, okay, so, and I didn't see Harry Barbarian. Well, I saw him a couple times after that because he was doing comedy. Uh-huh. And so he, I'm like, so when am I getting paid? He's like, oh, they're working on it. Then when am I getting paid? We're working on it. Then I didn't see him for like six months. Then I saw him in a comedy thing. I'm like, dude, when am I going to get paid? And he's like, oh, I'm going to get paid. Oh, you never got paid? So then he actually, he's like, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get your money in like a week. So a month later, I get an envelope from, you know, whatever network that Mancow was working on at the time with a check and a bunch of Mancow bumper stickers to put on my car. Like, dude, if you paid me right away, maybe I'd put it on my car, but I don't think so. So I don't know. I don't know Mancow personally. I don't know if that's him or just, you know, if that's the people. If that's Harry Barbarian or anybody he works with. But the funny thing is I never met him personally. I don't know what he, I actually saw his picture finally when he, he friended me. He sort of has that great, that wonderful look that Patrick and I have. He's got the goats and the facial hair and the spiky hair. He's Mancow, yeah. But now he's like conservative. He's like Rush Limbaugh. He's doing like since like 9-11, he's done like a whole transition. He's instead of imitating Howard Stern, now he imitates Bill O'Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. So he's not doing the same shtick, I don't think. So is he still on the radio? Well, he was never on the radio really in the West Coast. Like every time they put, they would add him in Vegas or LA, he would bomb. So he never, but I think in Chicago he's still on. Oh, okay. And he guest stars on like Fox News and all that stuff. That's where I've seen him lately. Hmm, yeah. Next he'll be having a show at Skid Row Studios. He probably will then. I will come, I will whoop his ass. Yeah, he better pay you then. Yeah. So. Yeah, so we were talking and I was telling you some of the topics that I had for my show. And one of them was, why do people say that they're done with drama when they're the main fucking people that start the drama? Right. They're the ones that like start the drama and then like, you know, they're in it, you know what I mean? They're like instigating it and then all of a sudden like they don't want to have anything to do with the drama. Well, you just hit it right on the head. The ones that are saying, I'm sick of the drama, I'm sick of the games, are the ones that cause the drama and cause the games. Yeah, because we have a friend and I'm so sick of this. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a fucking motherfucker. He's like, I don't know. I think he's like manic depressive or something. Every time we go out, it's like he's like one of these people that always cries because he can't get no pussy. One of the reasons. Well, I can relate to that. But I mean, at least you get pussy though. But I don't cry. You don't cry. I don't cry about it. You don't sit in a corner and like and huddle and like, you know, like a ball and, you know, cry that you're not getting no pussy. Actually, honestly, there have been. You have? No, there have been times where, not lately, but there have been times where it's been, where it's been kind of that, that bad where, where I have actually gone out and just struck out a few times and just been kind of sad and just kind of sit in the corner and I don't cry, but I'm just feeling sorry for myself, which is the worst thing to do. You just, you know, you just, but I know I'm conscious of that. I'm doing it. And I know that it's not the right thing to do. I remember one time you went off on me at a bar sinister because that shit. Yeah. I remember that, but you apologized for it. I remember one time. It was, it was a bad, I had a bad night. We were going somewhere and I was asking you to come with us and you were like, I don't know. You're like, I gotta find me some pussy. And I was like, Oh man, just come outside with us. He's like, are you going to give me some pussy? I was like, no. I was like, go, go with your bad self. I was having a really bad night and I do apologize again to you. I don't even remember that, but I remember one time, you know, well it was, you know, it was weird about that. So I think there's been a couple of times where you and your husband have invited me out. Yeah. And I've always been like, Hmm, what's that about? You think it was like a, a menage on three? Is it? No. Okay. Well, you know what? Did you listen to my show last week? The one last week when I was talking about I want to be a swinger? That was the, that was the openings. Like, is it wrong to want to be a swinger? I will be honest with you. I think one time I sort of got that vibe that that's what you wanted. I may, I may not. I may have been getting the wrong vibe, but that's the vibe I was getting. But that's the thing. You get weird vibes from people. You don't know. Yeah. No, it's okay. Yeah. It's funny. Because like, okay, we can have a menage a trois as long as it's with a girl, but he won't do anything. Just that's what this lesbian story is about. He won't do anything. He just likes to watch. Right. Like with this girl that I had, the lesbian that I was, you know, with, it was Memorial Day weekend. I was having a party and she was a friend of mine and coworker. And that's a party. Yeah. But it would happen like after, you know, everybody went home. It was like about eight o'clock the next morning. Like our party was going. Yeah. That's a bad, that was a badass party. Right. And, um, you know, she came on to me. So he came and instigated the whole lesbian experience. Like he put my head in her head together and we were all fucked up. He like. Oh, is she? Bastard. Like WWF, a Ken Buck sort of thing. He was like, no, kiss. And so we're like kissing and whatever. So with respect to the question, I'm going to, I'm going to, uh, does he do that when he wants oral? Take your head and. Um, no, sometimes I just do it. Like. No, no. But has he ever done that? Has he ever like take your head and pushed it down? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's, that's the movie he was doing was pushing your heads together. Yeah. Yeah. He pushed our heads together and you know, um, one thing led to another and, um, you know, she went down on me and she's like, oh my God, you have such a pretty pussy. That turns me on when bitches tell me that. I'm like, hold on. Let me get on the table here. What constitutes a pretty pussy? But okay. Thank you. What do you think constitutes a? I don't know. Constitutes. I mean, I don't know. I don't really like, I used to take mirrors and shit like down there when I was, when I was little. Yeah. But I don't know. I kind of grew out of that shit. All the lettuces in the taco. Uh, yeah. All the lettuces. Of course. Yes. I've seen some interesting things. Yeah. Yeah. No, actually, no, I'll be honest with you cause I've seen very few vaginas and, uh. You've seen very few? I have seen very few. I, you know me. I, I've seen, I haven't seen as many as you think I've seen, but, uh, um, and I'm not a big porno watcher. So I just, uh. They're all different. Yeah, they are. They're all different. And, uh, they're all, uh, they're all interesting. But the thing about, now I knew this as a guy cause a woman wouldn't be like this. Uh, there's women that have drama that wouldn't have the drama. I don't get laid drama. There's women that have different drama. Like, uh, you know, uh, you know, this guy cheat on me. This guy's doing this. That's a different drama. But you don't hear women with the, I don't get laid drama cause they can just go out and get laid. Right. But the difference between men and women now, when a man is hitting on you, a man's interested in you. It's very clear. Right. It's very, when women are interested in men, they send out like smoke signals or very hard things to read. Morse code. You don't know. And I've, I've misread the signals quite a bit. Like I say, the, the signal that you thought you wanted me to hang out with your, you and your husband. I thought it was like. No, we like, no, we just liked you. We thought you were a cool guy to hang out with or whatever. And I, and in retrospect, I didn't get any pussy. I should have come, come with you. Maybe Patrick could have took my head and some girls' heads and mashed it together. We've done a headbutt. But, um, you know. It's, but I, I always say I was misreading that because I thought it was like a cuckolded situation. Like, like Patrick will be watching me, uh, with you and then. Oh no, ain't none of that shit. He won't let a dick get like 500 feet within the reach of me. Well, now I know, now I know. So I, I, I just met you guys then. I didn't know the story, but I, I, I just had a recent situation where I had a, I, there was a girl that, um, I never thought I had any chance with. Just out of my league. Right. Right. But then we got in close. Mm-hmm. And. And not only was she sending weird signals to me. Mm-hmm. But I had my friends tell me, she's into you. I, female friends. She's totally into you. So she told them? Well, I'd heard that she told them, but. Or not told them out overtly, but. Mm-hmm. Had said, oh, you know, done, done things and they interpreted it that way. Okay. And then I, I put the move and it could be nothing further from the truth. Really? She even told me she loved me. She told you she loved you? Right. She was very, very drunk. Okay. And I. I, I, but here's. And I think. I'm confused. Wait. I'm confused too. I think I actually. You put the moves on her and she was. Well, here's. No. Here's the. When she told me she loved me, I didn't put the moves on her. And she was so. Okay. Uh, I. How's the language here? Huh? Can I, can I use profanity? Yes. Yeah. She was shit face drunk. This is the show. This is the. Yeah. If any show, this is the show. Right. Right. Well, you've never done Ginger Lynn's show. I got a hand job, hand job on that show. And. What? Yeah. So anyway, that's a whole different story. Oh, Mark. From Nina Hartley. Okay. I don't know. I don't see. I don't know. She's a porn star. She's a porn star. Okay. So. And. And when Ginger Lynn was on my show. I should have watched it because I'm interested in knowing how big you are. I should have watched that one. So wait a second. Are you hanging or what? Are you really interested in how big I am? No, don't take it out. That's okay. Because I don't know. You don't know? I don't know. I don't know. No, I'm not going to get a ruler in it and measure. That's okay. But you've heard. You've heard. It's true in my act. The first. The first African-American woman. My African-American girlfriend, LaShonda. Who we were making out. And she asked me that question. White women don't have any. Black women are curious. White women don't know. Don't care. Latin women don't care. Don't care about what? Jenny in the studio. Jenny in the booth does not care how big my dick is. White women don't care about how big my dick is. Black women seem to wonder how big my dick is. Well, because you're saying, you know, like you've seen very few pussies and, you know, whatever. So, I mean, you're. I've heard. Obviously, you like sex. So, I want to know, are you hanging? Like, I just want to know. I'll tell you. I'll be honest with you. You're half Italian. So, I mean. I'm quarter Italian. Quarter. Okay. Yeah. So, you know, your husband's got the sausage. Yeah. But I'm. I'm. I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Like I said, I had my ex-girlfriend, LaShonda, is like, how big's my dick? And I don't know. I didn't. I never measure it. I never have measured it. So, I just whipped it out. She looked it up and down and said, that's the most perfectly shaped penis I've ever seen in my life. Okay. Followed by, it looks like it's never been used. So, but what I've been told. What I've been told is that length, average, but girthy. Okay. Okay. And Nina hardly said my testicles were big and said that it was good. And she's been with porn stars. So, it's not exceptionally long. I will be honest. It's kind of like me. I'm just. It's thick. Okay. Yeah. Just what my husband is too. And sometimes I make fun of him. Oh, boy. I really want to. I really need to know that. Yeah. Well, you know, you want to look. No. No, seriously. Like, I make fun of him sometimes. And I like say that his balls are perky. Because, you know, like some of his balls just like hang there, you know, girl. They be like dragging the floor and shit. But no, his are like, his are like, if he had breasts, like they would be perfectly. Oh, really? Yeah. Perfectly perky breasts. So, no shrunken apple heads. No. No hanging ass balls. So, he's got good ball cleavage. Yeah. He's got. Nice balls. Nice. Funny you should mention that. Because how involved are you with the balls? Pretty much. Yeah. Really? Because it's funny because I am. I'm going to be mentioning this on the next show. I'll be on sex and deputy. So, I might as well. I actually did get some action last night. So, that's why I'm in such a great mood. And she was very, very attentive to the balls. More than I'm used to. Okay. A lot of teabagging. Really? And I liked it. Yeah. I'm not used. I've only had two women. I've been with her and this other woman. I mean, you know, everybody else seems to like, you know, they'll lick the balls. You know, a little bit of that. And just kind of slide by the balls and get right to it. She was all over the balls. And this other one that I went out with loved the balls. So, it's very strange. So, you're into balls? Yeah. I'm into balls. I know women that like, I wish there were never, there weren't any balls. I just want the shaft. That's all I want. Yeah. No, you got to include the balls too. Because on the rabbit. The rabbits and the dildos and the vibrators. You rarely see balls. Speaking of vibrators. You got yours? Yeah. Because this fucking vibrator, it's like, it's a really weird shape in vibrator. It's the same vibrator. Okay, now we're into Skid Row Studios show. Okay, that's very ball shaped. Now it won't come on. See, this fucking bitch is haunted. It has its own mind. Okay. It's time for a new vibrator. Patrick, when's your birthday? My birthday? Yeah. See there. There it is. Okay. I was sleeping Friday morning. Right. I wasn't supposed to wake up until 730 to get ready to go to the gym. All right. All right. 715. I hear in my top drawer, nothing sitting on top of it. It's in the drawer closed with fate laying face up. Okay. It just goes off by itself. It's like, I told Patrick, he's like, it wants you. Like what the fuck? And it scared the fuck out of me. Cause I won't, you know, you're like. It wants Patrick or it wants you? It wants me. Okay. It's like. So I'm like disheveled and I'm like, my heart's beating fast. I'm like, what the fuck? What the fuck? I thought it was like my alarm clock on my iPad. And I'm like, where the fuck is that coming from? I'm opening the thing. It's this son of a bitch going off. My haunted vibrator. For people listening on audio, this is not a penis shaped vibrator. It looks like more like a back massager. Yeah. It's a circle. It's a flat thing with a circle on it. Yeah. Actually, it's something you probably could and have used on Patrick. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't used it on him. No, no, no. And don't misunderstand. It's not something you would stick up somebody's ass. It's something you could probably use on his body and on his penis and get him aroused. No, I've never used it. Actually. Well, I probably. See, now I'm giving you ideas. Yeah, now you are. But how do you use that on your vagina? That's what I want to know. It's pretty big, actually. We're getting to that. I was working on my routines because I'm about to, you know, start teaching dance again next week. So I was working on my routines and I was like so tired. Tired. And I was so happy that I finally finished everything. So I was laying down. I was like, fuck, I'm so horny right now. The endorphins. Yeah. So I go and I get this out of the drawer and I'm like sitting there on the couch and I'm like, I got it on my fucking vagina. It's like bigger than it covers my whole damn vagina. And it was like starting to get hot. So I didn't like it. I don't really like it because it just like it's so big. Like. So is that the only. It was vibrating my whole. Fucking vagina. Like. So I had to go and get my little. This show is great. So I had to go and get my plug in. I need some new fucking vibrators. If somebody can please give me some new. Well, unfortunately, Ginger Lynn's stash over there is locked. But because there's plenty in there. Really? But if anybody listening to Delia's Dark Side wants to donate a vibrator, not a used one, a new one. Please not a used one. Yes. Please. If I want some. I don't care if you even. I don't care if you even. I don't care if you even. If anybody who is looking at Delia's beautiful picture on Facebook or on her website, call up 1-800-893-9562. Yes. Actually, you should do a pledge drive on your show to get Delia to vibrate. Do you have penis shaped vibrators? Like rabbit? I have. Actually, a friend of mine, he was like kissing my ass because I fucking hated him. He got me the Oh My Bot when it first came out. Have you heard of those? No. They're vibrators. They're not really like penis shaped. They're not really like penis shaped, but you know, they're like the long ones. Right. And it actually vibrates to music. So you hook it into your iPad and it like vibrates to the, I used it a couple of times and actually worked pretty good. So what are the best songs to vibrate to? Like, I would imagine Nine Inch Nails Closer. Or you could probably use my favorite, the best album to have sex to. What? Massive Attack Mezzanine. I love Massive Attack. You ever made love to Massive Attack's Mezzanine? I never heard of it. I never heard of it, but I'll... You've never heard of the album Mezzanine? I'll download it. Mezzanine. No, I haven't. I will give you a copy. Please. Dude, yeah. You've never... There's someone with Teardrop on it, Angel. I know a few of their... Angel, You Are My Angel. You Are My... I love that one. I love that one. So that's how it starts. It's like... But the songs go fast, slow, fast, slow. There's female singers, there's male singers. And it just builds to this climax. The next to last song just builds to this climax where the guy and the girl are singing together. It's the girl from the Cocktail Twins are singing together on this real intense track and then the last track sort of smooths it out. Oh. But it's basically a record made to have sex to. Okay. And the beats just go... I mean, the first song is... The angel... And then it just goes fast, slow, fast, slow, fast, slow, fast, slow. It's perfect. What is your favorite album to have sex to? I don't know. I don't really have a favorite album to have sex to. I just like have sex. I guess back in the day it would be Prince. Prince is good. Yeah. Prince is good. So did you use Prince with the vibrator? No. Actually, I had like some like Daft Punk, like that bass... That's good. Yeah. Around the world, around the world. The world, yeah. And then you go around the world. Yeah. And then like house music and stuff like that. I like that kind of music. Right. But most of the time I didn't use it with it because I didn't like the beats. I like just like a steady beat. So I would just use it, you know, without the music. I imagine Slayer and Megan, that's probably not good. Because, yeah, I wouldn't be able to concentrate. I'd be like too uptight, angry and shit. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Like ministry or something. Yeah. Yeah, so... Joshua. In fact... So were you ever like girl crazy in high school or junior high school? I was completely girl crazy in junior high school and high school. Actually, junior high school was my peak. Okay. Oddly enough because I was... I'm sure this just shocks everybody that's listening to your show, my show. I was a complete nerd in elementary school. Just all about scholastics to the point where I was a real ass. Like I would correct adults' English, things like that. Just horrible. And I would make a point not to be... Not to be social. Not to be social to anybody. I had a couple friends, but they were nerds too. And then when I got... We moved around a lot. So I got into a school at a small town, Loveland, Colorado. And that was the peak of my popularity. It was weird. And then we moved to Denver. And like girls took notice. I went through puberty and... Yeah, and I was girl crazy. And so I actually was... I was scoring very well. I didn't have sex, but I got girls' attention. And it was really weird. And if I knew what to do with it, I could have... I'd probably have a grown son by now. But I didn't know what to do with it. Right. Then when I went to high school, I was in California. And our house burned down. So we didn't have like... We had to go to a thrift store for our clothes. So I get made fun of all the time. So I got knocked back down the social rung. But I've always been girl crazy. I've never not been girl crazy. The reason why I asked is because I was talking to my girlfriends. We were at Friday's the other day. Okay. Actually. On Friday. And they were asking me... They were asking me like if I got good grades or whatever. We're talking about school. Because she was telling me about like her son and how she gets like all the text messages and, you know, his grades or whatever. And, you know, from school. And I'm like, I'm so fucking glad that that shit did not come... Was not out when I was in school. Because I was too fucking boy crazy. And I got really bad grades because of it. Like, I was so boy crazy that my underwear just stayed soggy all day long. Because that's all I did in class was just fantasize. And I didn't understand why my panties were getting so wet. Like, I didn't know what that shit was either. I don't know if I was like cracking eggs in my pussy or something. I don't know. But it was really soggy. And so, yeah, it really took over my mind, like being boy crazy. So I was telling them that like one time I was having a birthday party and I made sure that I met the mailman before he put... Because I knew that report was going to be... Report card was coming that day. And I didn't want anything to fuck up my father going to get my shit for my party. Right. So I met the mailman and I got the report card. This report card spelled deaf. D-E-F. No, D-D-D-F-F-F-F. Oh, nice. It had four F's and two D's. And I was like, yay. I don't applaud you for that. And it's not because I was stupid. I wasn't stupid. I was just like too fucking boy crazy. Wow. So I remember we were going shopping for my birthday. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. I was so like shaking or whatever because I hit the report card under my bed. And my cousin was with me and she knew. And she was singing this song from Patti LaBelle. If only you knew. My father would turn around and be like, what? I'm like, shut up, Myesha. So yeah, I was just so boy crazy. And I didn't understand. Like I would get on the bus with soggy panties and just like continue. Like I think I was squirting at that time. Wow. Yeah. Nobody even knew what squirting was at that time. No. No. No. I even, no, I was still a virgin too. So, but I would just fantasize about this guy and, oh my God, if he like came up behind me and like threw me in the bathroom or something and like, oh yeah, we were kissing. Cause that's all I would think about really was kissing and stuff. Yeah, me too. I remember that. How are you going to get soggy jaws by thinking about kissing? But I don't know, but I was a horny ass motherfucker, dude. Cause you can't do it now. Huh? You can't do it now. No. It's fine. Cause I've tried to masturbate to things that I masturbated to when I was like 13. And, you know, I've, I've obviously, uh, you know, mind over matter, I'm able to, able to accomplish it, but it's not the same stuff that I was so excited about then. You're like, I can't believe I was that excited about it, but it was a different time. I was at a different place in my life. I had actually not seen a vagina, like, you know, sports illustrator swimsuit. So you look at them now and you're like, man, I don't know. I look fierce and it's pretty hot, but that's not that great. But what are you going to do? I was a little lesbian up until probably like, I don't know, like 13 years old because that's all I knew. Right. You know, I was. So. So do you squirt now? I don't know. You have to ask Pat that. That's a yes. Anyway, so. But I know I was, I was, I was a girl. Yeah. So they text the report cards now? No, I don't squirt, but I have multiples. Okay. So, so, so, so they, they, so they text the grades now? Yeah. They text the grades to the parents and like, if you, um, yeah, the report cards, all that shit. So the girl, the kids are in trouble now. Yeah. I'm like, dude, my father would have been standing there with that belt. Yeah. No, my father, my father, my father too. But my grades, my grades were good. The thing is I had grades. I, I had great, cause they had two grades. They had the academic grade and they had the, uh, the, uh, citizenship grade. How well you behaved in class. Right. I got multiple times a, especially in history, history in 11th grade. I think this is unprecedented. I got an A, the highest grade in the class and a U, unsatisfactory, the lowest citizenship grade anybody could get. And, uh, cause I would call the guy, I would call my teachers by their first name. I was a real ass cause I was born in class. Like I knew, I knew what I, I, you know, I was, I, I, um, I was smarter than the other, the other kids. So I, and history, I was always read up on it. Right. So I knew what he was talking about. So I, and as a, and then the guy would just sort of like, so I was born in class. I'm like, Hey Walt, how you doing? Shut up. And so me and him would just start getting, getting into it. And I would just, yeah, it was, it was, it was horrible. But then, but then, you know, he would try to test me. It was like, I'll bet you don't know this. Like, I don't know. Yeah. And so I get the answer. He's like, ah, yeah. And it'd be like, you know, he'd ask, he'd ask people questions. I raised my hand. He would try to avoid getting me cause he knew I knew the answer. I would show him up cause I was such a, such a bad influence. You were the opposite of what I was. Cause I was like the one that would hide in the back. Didn't want to be seen by anybody. But I was like a fucking pervert and a stalker too. Well, wait a second. So this doesn't make sense. So you're boy crazy, but you wanted to lay low? No, I was like boy crazy, but I didn't want to be like in front of the class. I don't want the teacher to pick me cause I was shy. But I mean, so it was, it's funny cause I remember high school. I remember that like. But I was a shy, I was like, you know, those quiet types. Did you wear short skirts and kind of hike them up and stuff? Yeah. I didn't have to cause I would buy them short. Like anyway. Yeah. So I would dress, you know, cute or whatever. But. A little flash of panties. Yeah. But then like, yeah, I didn't have like wet spots on like. It's hot. I didn't know going out to do these dark sides was going to be quite like this. This is. This is interesting. It was funny because I was watching the news the other day and there was this little kid, little third grader got, he was like, got suspended or something for sexually harassing or sexually assaulting another third grader. You saw that? Yeah. And I was wondering, I was like, what was he doing? Like, did he get caught finger banging her or something like that? Because dude, I used to get finger banged all the time in class. Really? Yes. Now here's the story. Let's hear this. I remember when I was going to Shenandoah. I was in the, I was in the first grade and I like this guy named Julio, this little Mexican guy. And we were sitting in back of the class sitting on the floor. I don't see how Mrs. McDonald did not catch this shit. But we were, I remember we were getting ready to go up and do like a Christmas, a Christmas show. But we were sitting like in back and we're sitting on the floor and I had on a little skirt and he had his hands like in my panties. Like. And Julio down by the schoolyard. Yeah. So Julio was finger banging you in third, what year was this? First grade. First grade class. Yeah. You know, you don't really know what you're doing, but whatever it was, it felt good. So you got aroused in first grade? Well, I don't think I came or anything, but I know it felt good. It felt good. Yeah. But it was like, you know, fingers going around there. You don't know where they're going. Right, right, right. I don't even know if he went in the hole or whatever, but he was. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. Right, right, right. He was playing in there. And then we went into the auditorium and we're like sitting, we're sitting on the benches and stuff, getting ready. And we're sitting next to, together, like real close like this, all hunched over each other. And he's just got his hands up in there just playing around. By the way, Julio, lest you, lest you think we're going to press charges, the statute of limitations has expired on your finger banging Delia, so. Okay. That's, yeah, that was first grade. So you, I don't think, I don't think you have anything. I don't think you have anything to worry about. But it was another first grader, so it wasn't like it was like the fucking teacher and shit, you know? So Mrs. McDonald, what was she doing? She, she was. Were you guys in the back of the class or? We were in the back of the class. Oh, that's a lot. Yeah, we were like kind of like in the middle, but towards the back. Yeah. And then when we were sitting at the bench when he was doing it, we were like really close and she's like, you guys look so cute all nestled up together. Yeah. I was encouraging the finger banging. Look under the table, Mrs. McDonald. She was encouraging the finger banging. Yeah. And we were just sitting there like. Hee, hee, hee, hee. Now, you were finger painting and finger banging in first grade. I was a little finger bang hoe. Wow. Wow. And then, and look, look where you are now. Yeah. Like I got a fucking crazy ass sex show. You got a crazy ass sex show. You're putting makeup on your husband. Yeah. All sorts of things going on. I got fucking haunted vibrators and shit right here. Haunted vibrators. No, no, no. You were talking about that last week on your show. Yeah, a couple weeks ago. So this happened two weeks in a row? Yeah. Yeah. The first time it went off, it was like three in the morning. So that shit was really scary because, you know, that's like the witching hour and shit. That went off and then there was a game in our bathroom that went off too, like around the same time. But yeah. So it did it like it was, it was Friday. Yeah. Just a word to people because this happened last night. If you're, if you're having sex, I was, I was, I was, I was pleasuring the person I was with yesterday and the phone went off. Uh huh. That's the worst. So you just turn your phones off when you're having sex. Oh, well, um, yeah, we're gonna stop. Um, we're gonna, how much time, how much time do we have? Three minutes, two minutes and 48 seconds. So do they want to come in now? Am I running over or what? Okay. You got two minutes, Delia. See, there's a clock right there. That's how you know how much time you have. All right. All right. So, um, I thought I was going over. I thought I was going over or something. So I didn't want to get in trouble. When you get to two of us in studio, we can talk, talk, talk, talk, talk all day. I definitely want to come back and I definitely want you to have you on my show. Oh, absolutely. If you ever have a Thursday free, any, uh, anytime we're, we're figuring it out. But yeah, I definitely want to have you on my show. Cool. Yeah. So, um, yeah, getting back to the, yeah. Have you ever finger banged any girls when you were young? First graders, no. Have I finger banged girls? Yes. Yeah. Yes. I'm, I'm good with my fingers. I get a compliments. It's weird because we were talking about vaginas are different. Mm-hmm. Some women prefer the fingers. Some people, some women prefer, prefer the oral. Uh-huh. And you know, and a lot, you know, if you can combine the two, then, then, but some women don't like when you combine the two. Right. Every vagina is different. Right. Do you prefer the oral or the fingers? Same fingers, I would think. I prefer the oral. I like oral. Right. I didn't know about that. I didn't even get my pussy eaten for the first time until I was 13. So. Oh. He's like down. Good for you to start late. Yeah. Some women think it's not, it's not enough pressure. Mm-hmm. So they like the fingers. And then some women, the fingers is too much and they like the oral. Right. So you got to figure it out. I like oral more so. Yeah. Oh, very nice. Oral. Well now, oral and obviously penetration. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good, good, good for, good for Patrick. Yeah. So, um, yeah. Talking about oral and, and finger banging and all this shit. Yeah. Let's go get finger bang people on the dark side. That's right. Get finger bang people. And also I do want to, before we run out of time, April 3rd, Thursday, 8 to 9, it's a Dark Mark Show anniversary special. Cool. Cool. I'm going to have G Tom Mack, Sin Fisted and, uh, and a magician on the show. Josie Cat will be my co-host right here on skidrowstudios.com and follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, all goth comedian, Tumblr, Dark Mark Show. And I have my one man show starting June 13th at the Complex Theater. You and Patrick, I definitely want to have you come out one of those nights. Yeah. Um, send me an invite. I will. Yeah, we'll come out. I will. No finger banging in the crowd, please. So thank you for joining me. Joining me here on Delia's Dark Side. And, uh, it was good to have you. And, um, I want to give a shout out to my, um, newfound fans around the world. My newfound fans in India. Thank you for liking me, um, um, on Skid Row Studios. And on that note, we are going to be out of here. Peace out. Delia's gone. One more round. Delia's gone. Peace out.