Geek hosts discuss Mary Fuck Kill, awkward caller, and nerd fantasies

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Awkward Conversations, the most awkward podcast you will probably hear for the rest of your natural life. I don't know. There's a lot of awkward podcasts out there, though. So we have to really just play our trump card. We have to just beat them. You're a trump card. If it was a video podcast, then you would be the most awkward part of our podcast. Well, thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Anyways, anyways, please. Are you sure it wouldn't be me? Because I am pretty awkward. Let's have an awkward off. Awkward off. Well, let's start the awkward off with the beautiful, beautiful hostess standing next to me or sitting next to me. I'm not standing. You're not standing at all. Introduce yourself. I am Anastasia Washington, a.k.a. Psycho Fembot. Ooh, nice. I know. Does that make you a sex machine? A sex machine. A sexy machine. A sexy machine. You do look like a live doll. You look like a real doll, kind of. Thanks. Thank you. That was a sexual reference, if you didn't know. Standing next to her is... Also seated. Also seated. Not standing at all. What is the seating? He's playing all the issues. He can't, like, determine. The lovely and talented Rachel, a.k.a. Sassy Pants. Her pants are sassy. She's not wearing pants today, so they're very sassy. They're invisible sassy pants. No pants o'clock here, people. Ooh. Ooh. You know what that means. That's a sexual reference. Again. Again. And lying on the floor in front of us is... I just had way too much to drink last night. I'm so sorry, guys. I am Francisco Calderon, a.k.a. Cuddles the Sociopath. He's very cuddly. I am very cuddly. I try. I try my best. He's like a giant psycho teddy bear. Oh, that is the best way to describe me. Thank you. You're so welcome. I'm a teddy bear with ill intentions. Also a sexual reference. Move over its head. And I am Frank Bennington, also known as Bad Touch Bat Boy. Now you... That's not a sexual reference. It's totally a sexual reference. He earned that name. I just want to let you guys know. He is very frightening. Don't get trapped in a closet or an alleyway with this guy because... You will come out of the closet by the end of it? He'll pull you out of it. Okay. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. subject matter. They are. Yeah. Prepare yourself. Prepare your ears. Preparation. Prepare for secretions. There will be many. Oh, God. So many. Oh. That's a quote from earlier. I think before we get into the Hulk-ness, we should describe ourselves a little better, don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. Frank? Well, I am six foot two. I'm tall, dark, and heavy. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. The real you, Frank. The real you. I'm brown. I love Batman. I'm a really big nerd. And I don't know. What else can I use to describe myself? Frank is our token comic book nerd, I think. Frank is- On the DC side. DC side. Yes. DC. Of course, we have to say which side we fall. Yeah. Segregate. I am the Marvel girl. He is the DC bad touch bat boy. Not to say that the rest of us don't have interest in comic books, but hey. You guys just don't get boners like me and Frank. Yeah. You guys get crazy weird boners. Crazy lady wood for my- Oh my God. Oh my God. Though I totally get like crazy wood for most of the men in Marvel. Yes. So, I'm not DC. Thank you. Thank you. I'm not going to get in a battle here, but maybe I just weren't. No. Honestly, I would agree with you. I think Marvel men are generally more attractive in that kind of rough kind of way. Did you hear that? Oh my God. We're going to get some- She totally just dissed it. Bitch, you're going down. Dissed it. Gank. Let's take this out. Five. So, Frank is our token comic book nerd. Also film. Oh, film. Yes. He is a cinephile. Cinephile. Yeah, cinephile. It's a word. It's a word. It is a word. It's definitely a word. It is. Stacey. That's a sexual reference. I guess I would be like BBC nerddom and Marvel nerddom and film in general, classics. And today I'm always watching- And horror. Yeah. I think we should just get it out of the way. We're in Los Angeles. Yeah. So, we're all into film. We were all into film. Yeah. This town, I don't think you're allowed to not be in it. I think you are because I think a lot of people nowadays don't know the classics. And I was definitely raised on the classics. Yeah. I definitely worked jobs where I had to know my shit about classics. So, that kind of cinephile I wear on my sleeve and a badge of proudness. Yeah. She's knee deep in classics. Yeah, I'm knee deep in cinephile. Hot. Hot. Hot. Sexy. Yeah. And Rachel, our sassy pants. Is, I would guess I would say the resident pop culture nerd. Indeed. Which is its own nerddom now. I remember when it wasn't, when it was just, oh, pop culture nerd. They don't mix. But no, the amount of crap I watch on TV is ridiculous. She watches a lot of Disney and ABC Family. I do. I'm a little too old to watch the shows I watch sometimes. What do you watch on Disney? Everything. Everything. Oh my God, really? What do you watch on Disney? Okay, so I have a niece and the only, like I've had very little exposure to Disney and truth be told, most of it is terrifying. Most of it is terrifying. I like, there are certain stars on Disney that I'm like, I love. And so I watch their shows and I'm not the only one person down there, Frank, watches some Disney shows too. Indeed you are. Okay. He also watches. And I do watch ABC Family. I am a girl. So. I know sometimes you guys forget that. I watch Lifetime. No. I do. No, I really don't. I watch one show on Lifetime. I watch one show. I don't know. Like, is there some, there might be a show I watch on Lifetime. I watch a lot of Bravo because I'm also, as you know, a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Well, aren't we all? Yeah, pretty much. And so I watch a lot of Bravo. I don't sleep. So I watch a lot of stuff that I shouldn't watch. I enjoy a good Bravo, but it really has just- Porn. Porn included. YouTube. Oh God, yes. You porn. You porn, X tube, you know, all that jazz. Do you know how much, okay, we haven't even talked about this. And I'm already going, you porn has Marvel porn. Oh my God. Yes. Anyway. Continue. Let me introduce myself. I'm Francisco again. I am probably the resident video game geek. I also like dabble in comic books, but really video games and oh, oh, science. Science. And I would say anime. Oh yes anime. Like you guys can anime off. I can anime off. I can anime off. Oh, okay. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. So like anime. Well, animation in general, just because there really has been a major resurgence since the Japanime craze. Japanime. Oh, God, it was terrifying in its essence. I think it's still going on. I don't really associate with those kinds anymore. Oh, really? Because we were at Anime Gala. Yeah, we totally were. Are you talking about like when you say you don't associate with Japanimation like crazy like Pokemon? Because there's like Neko, which is like Japanimation, right? No, no, like I don't follow much of the new stuff that comes from Japan anymore. I used to follow quite a bit from it. And honestly, there's some absolutely brilliant stories that are told through animation. And oh, you get me started. This show will go on for three hours. So moving on. So what brings us all here today is Awkward Conversations, our podcast. So this is our geek podcast. We had an awkward conversation on the right here that I would like to get out of the way because it was weird. We were going. We were going to title our episode this, but I think it's not all right. Oh, God, yes. We were not going to. We're still doing that. Francisco had to go to the bathroom so badly. He turned to me in the car and he said, Rachel, if I don't get to go in a bathroom suit, I'm going to pee on you. I just, okay. I thought that I would acquiesce responsibility for my own urination. I just handed it over to her. She was responsible for it. If you can't step up to the plate, Rachel. Be a team player. Yeah. Take one for this. Take two for the team. That is not okay. Take a tinkle for the team. It is not all right. I think it got awkward when everyone else decided they would join. I am a team player. Okay. I just like to be included. It was like getting up on Rachel and pee on her. It was, I don't know. It was to show our love and appreciation for you. Golden shower. Golden. Golden is the color of love. If it was like a red shower or a green shower, that would be insulting. No, it was gold. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Wow. By the way, it wouldn't have been so awkward if she hadn't brought it up again. Right? Again. Again. Again. Right? But that's what this podcast is about. It's about our weird, awkward conversations that we have. Right. True. It should be brought up. Like when we were at. It was awkward for me. Yeah, that's true. Maybe not for you guys, but for me. Because I was the one being peed on. Like this morning when we were at Norm's and I said that Warrior is a secretion worthy film. Which I have yet to see, but now really. Really want to see. Because it makes you cry and makes you want to grab things. No, it makes both your penis and your face cry. I don't have a penis. So it doesn't make my penis cry. Two of the people on the podcast do not have male members. Why? So we cannot pee from them. Did you trade them in? We cannot cry from them. No. Why would you give that up? I'm currently auditioning male members. Trying to find a stand-in penis. A suitable companion. Oh. So, Frank, what is on the plate today? Today we will be talking about who we would marry, fuck, and kill in the nerddom kingdom. Oh. We will also be asking ourselves awkward questions, which will become a more regular thing as we have more people on the show. We'll be asking them things like, hey, how much pussy do you pound a day? Or, you know, things of that sort. Oh, God, so much. Not cats. I'm like marinated in pussy most of the time. You mean pussy. Pussycats, right? Yeah. Yeah. He means vagina. I mean vagina. He just came out of a stroke. Ew. We will also be introducing a movie that we will all be watching and then discussing. Possibly second, third, fourth episode. I think we're saying fourth. I think so. Okay, then. So, yes, that'll probably be our fourth episode coming up, which will be hosted by me. Hooray. Don't tune in this way. Yeah, honestly. I'm just kidding. Super boring. It's going to get really weird. Oh, God. Yeah. It will. It will. Yeah. So, what is our first topic of the day? Let's see. What do I want to see you guys do? That is not a sexual reference. You can make it one. Yeah, I am. I'll put back my clothes. Let's go with Mary Fuck Kill. Let's start off with... Wait. I think we should actually explain to them first. So, Mary Fuck Kill is, of course, the game that's become so popular where you're presented a number of options. Is it so popular? It is. I've played it a number of places. I guess it's not popular. Generally, when we're out drinking at parties, when it gets quiet and everyone starts playing those weird games that lead into sexual activity, Mary Fuck Kill is generally amongst them. Oh, okay. We're going to different parties. Oh. I mean, who has that stuff before? Isn't it just usually just the sexual stuff? No, no. I go to those parties too, but they're a little different. So, the essential rules of Mary Fuck Kill is that, well, the way we're playing it is we have a huge... Well, it's a lunch pail. It's not that huge. It's a lunch pail full of nerd characters, sci-fi, comic book, and we're going to pick three names from it each, and then we're going to say who we would marry, who we would fuck, and who we would kill. Ooh. Yeah. So, that's how it's going to go. Who wants to go first? I'll go first. Okay. Are you ready, Stacey? Yeah, I'm ready for it. Let me just... Okay. Reach in the bag. Give it to her. Okay. I'm reaching in the Scooby bag. Reach. And one. Okay. And two. And this one. Okay. There we go. All right. Let's see what you got. These are kind of perfect for me. I got Storm, Cyclops, and Daryl Book from Firefly. Ooh. Oh, God. That is a tough decision. It is kind of... Okay. Here's the thing. I really hate Cyclops with a passion. Like, I really fucking hate him. He's such a douchebag. And I probably would date him in real life. Yes. But... Yes. A guy who likes to take charge and gets angry once in a while. You know there's some... That's more Wolverine. Hot, hot sex with him. Well, I know. But, like, okay. Like, okay. So, I... Oh, God. Go on, please. So, in some aspects, I'd like to kill Cyclops. But I think, yeah. I think the fact that I hate him so much would make it a very good sexual tryst. So, I'm going to say... I'm going to say fuck. Fuck. Cyclops. Cyclops. Nice. Hot. I'm going to say... Oh, God. I don't want to kill Daryl. Wait. Who's Daryl? Who's Daryl? Is that the preacher guy? The preacher. That is the preacher. The preacher with the funky hair. And albeit older, but handsome. Wait. I'm going to retract. I'm going to retract. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to kill Storm because she's too much like me. What? No. Okay. I will revoke. Okay. I will revoke. I cannot swear. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Here. I got to make this decision. I got to rip it off like a band-aid. Okay. Here it goes. I'm going to kill Daryl. Oh. Okay. I know. Okay. You know, like, I don't want to do a spoiler, but let's just say. Yeah. I mean. You haven't seen the show Firefly already. Get with the program. Well, no. That happened in Serenity though. Yeah. Okay. Anyway. So we're not going to talk about that. But anyway, so we're going to kill him. Okay. Oh. Because he's very good at making sacrifices. And I'm going to fuck Storm because I'm not a lesbian. So I would just like one hot night with her. Electro stim. You know she's totally into it. So it would be so hot. So I'm going to fuck her. And I'm going to marry Cyclops because let's face it. I'm going to marry some overly pompous douchebag that knows everything. Who always wears sunglasses. And I think in real life. Hi, Cisco. I think in real life you would marry somebody like Scott Summers. I mean, who. In real life. Without the crazy Cyclopsiness. Scott Summers is not so bad a guy. Oh my God. Honestly, no. I think the Cyclopsiness is the redeeming factor for him. The Cyclopsiness and the tight, tight uniform. Well, yeah. I love Cyclops. But I do feel like by marrying him, I am. I'm sorry, Wolverine. I'm just kidding. It's not going to happen. I'm telling. I'm telling. Another love triangle. It's okay. Wolverine and I are running away to Canada. Oh, no, you're not. We're going to live in a log cabin, man. My dream is to be caught between Dark Wolverine and regular Wolverine. That sounds hot. A three-way gangbang. Speaking of three-way gangbangs. It's going to get kind of awkward for the father and the son. Let's go. Let's see what you pull out of that. Let's pull it out for you. My turn. Just whip it out. Let me just whip one out. You're having a little too much fun. There's one and two, three. Do I really sound like this? Yeah, you do. And it sounds horrible. I think you have a delightful voice, Stacey. Thank you. So do you. All right. For radio. Wait. Wait. All righty, kiddos. I have Green Arrow, Thanos, and Darth Maul. Happy. Okay. This is actually a tough decision. Darth Maul. Okay, Darth Maul. Don't kill Darth Maul. Okay, why not? Why not? He's Darth Maul. I just want to screw him a little bit. He's so silent, though. Can you fuck him to death? Is that one of those things? Can I give you his bottom half? I'll give you the bottom half. I'll keep the top half for like a post. All right. All right. Go ahead. Or a real doll. A real doll. Oh, God. That's so creepy. Torso on a stick. I'm not even joking. I've seen those. Those are in Japan. The half torso real doll. Oh, God. Japan, I applaud you for your weirdom. Oh, God. Japan. Japan, you love me. We've gone above and beyond. And this is when I go on Google. All right. So we have Green Arrow, Thanos, and Darth Maul. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I would kill Darth Maul. Yeah. I'm going to have to just chop him in half and toss him down a reactor core. I don't know. What did he fall down? Was it just a port? I think it was a shaft. It was a shaft. To be honest, those three movies, I just fell into another giant trash bin. So anyway. Okay. That's a whole other episode. You do not want to get me started. So between Green Arrow and Thanos. Now, I think I would fuck Thanos. Because you know that would be one rough interstellar fuck. Yeah. And then you'd be dead. And then you'd be dead. But do you know what? It would be worth it. It would be worth it to have one big fuck. That's it. You're good. I'm Thanos. But of course, I would marry Green Arrow. Because he's smart and he's a good shot. And he's like snarky. That's really important. Also hot. Hot as can be. It's really important. When I was younger, when I was 13, I made up a song to the Green Arrow. And. Let's hear it. It went a little something like, he's Green Arrow. He shoots sparrows with an arrow. He's Green Arrow. It wasn't very clever. Not very clever now. Nor then. It rhymes. It does rhyme. It made my dad and I giggle. The whole appealing thing with the Green Arrow in me is. Did you say impuing? Appealing. Not impuing. What's impuing? The beard paired with the kind of Robin Hood-esque uniform. Come on. There's so many possibilities. Are you excited? Are you excited for the beard? For the show? Yes. That's going to be. Oh, wait. You weren't asking me. Okay. Well, I'm looking at like the image of the main character for it. He looks hot. I don't want to watch it still. I'm so disappointed in television nowadays. What if he's topless like a lot? Is he? I don't know. Honestly, I've heard bad things so far. It looks stupid. I don't know. I'm excited to see it. I'm going to watch it a little bit. It's got the guy from Dresden Files. So I'm on board. So I'm watching it now. It looks to me like they are trying to capitalize too much. On the arrow craze. The bow and arrow craze right now. Because we have. It's a thing. Okay. It really is. We had the Hunger Games. We had the Olympics with the archery. That started like getting it crazed up again. We have Hawkeye from Avengers. We have. Which is the first time I found him. Oh, God. That was so hot. I'm not even joking. When he did the blind shots, as impossible as they were, I just like immediately. I had a hard on him. Which I'm kind of unexcited now. Because my phase one pack has been postponed. Until January. What the hell? That's that kind of shit. I'm so mad right now. Okay. Anyway. There's my answers. So. Awesome. Okay. Let's get to who? Rochelle. Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. Panic at the disco. Well. There's a disco ball. Frank is the moderator. So tell us what to do. Rachel, I want you to stick your hand in that box. Stick it in my box, Rachel. That's Scooby box. Ready? Nice and tight. You wouldn't like it anyways if I stuck it in your box. Oh, no, no. I was talking about the jigsaw box. We're now playing a game of life or death. Oh, no. Well, I didn't see those movies. So I do not get that reference. But it sounds horrible nonetheless. Okay. So Rachel has her options. Okay. One, two, three. I got them right here. Okay. So my options are Fred from Scooby-Doo. Ironically enough. Terminator T-100. Can you kill him? And Black Panther. Now, I think. Wow. Let me just say this right away. I don't think that you're forcing the decision because I don't think that you can kill the Terminator, Rachel. Well, here's the thing. I kind of know who Black Panther is, but I kind of don't. So he's going to die. Oh. He's going to die. Push to the side because of mediocrity. Yeah. Because I don't really know. Racist. Racist. Oh, my gosh. You found out my secret plot. Fred. This is a tricky one, people. Because. Because. Sometimes I like Fred, but sometimes he's a pretentious douche. So would you marry or fuck him? I don't know. Honestly. Well, let's. The Ascot little gay. I'm thinking about it this way. Okay. Okay. If I were in the fictitious character of Daphne and I had the choice to marry Fred and be with him for the rest of my life or just fuck him, then I think I would just probably not have to deal with that. I would just do that every day and just probably sleep with him. You just. Okay. You just sleep and then toss Fred away. Of course. You would break his gay little heart. Of course. He. You would chase him out of the closet. He's a little femme for my taste. He thinks he always knows who the bad guy is. It's not always the old man. It is always the old man. I love. I love that show. It is always the old man. It's the gay who's in charge and he's leading them in these wild goose chase and it's the lesbian that knows what's going on. Right. Right. Right. Because lesbians do all the hard work. You know what? I would say in the beginning, Terminator T-100, I'm not marriage material, but he proves himself. He proves himself when he tries to kill the other guy. He goes, that Terminator is awful. I'm not so bad. Boom. Come with me, Linda Hamilton. Come with me, people. So you would marry Terminator? I think so. He's indestructible. He could fix things for me. But it's such a cold relationship. And he's hard all the time. It's true. Oh my God. Pistons. Pistons. Pistons. He would just have rhythmic. He's a cyborg. He would, I mean, it would be awesome. I'm just, I don't know. It's just the way the cards were picked. I can, do you know what? I'm okay with this. I'll be it. I think that it would be a cold, loveless relationship, but that's okay. But I think he doesn't, well, okay. I have to be out of this conversation because I've never seen Terminator. Here's my thought. If I marry the Terminator. Guys, guys, we have a caller. What? A caller? Our first caller. Our first caller. Yeah. Yeah. Hello. Hello. You're on the air. Hey, I hope you guys don't mind. I'm listening to your show and, you know, I don't want to be gross or anything, but I get off on nerd porn. Well, obviously we do too. I was hoping you don't mind if, you know, I just kind of sit on the line and, you know, kind of pleasure myself right now. As awkward as that may be for everyone. But, you know, like keep. Keep talking about like all nerd topics. Wait, wait, wait. Subscribe to our podcast. What are you wearing? Actually. Yeah. You were talking about. I'm really fascinated about this. You were talking about Green Arrow earlier and now I got up. My fucking. Okay. It got so hard right now. I'm really fascinated about this. What excites you about like nerd porn or is it superhero stuff? Is it. Okay. Is it uniforms? It can be. It can be comic books. It could be, you know, superhero stuff. Okay. Okay. Can I ask you. It could be just regular TV shows that are good that are going on right now. For instance. Oh, I think about Walking Dead. Oh, no. That is hot. Coming out October 16th on AMC. Yes. Thanks for the plug. I feel like I'm going to just jizz all over the place. Did you know that was acceptable? Because honestly, Michonne in that series makes me want to jizz all over the place. Yeah. You know. It's like. Can I ask you another question? Except, you know, the kid, you know, the kid with the hat kind of makes my boner go away a little bit. Yeah. He's annoying. Yeah. He is annoying. He's a very annoying little kid, you know. But. What? The little kid? Yes. Oh. Okay. So. Oh, yeah. Are you gay? Go ahead and keep talking about. You were talking about Terminator just a second ago. Yeah. You know, I was getting really. I was getting a blue vein dropper, you know. You never said what you were wearing. I was really curious. Okay. Well, thank you for calling. Well, you know, I'm wearing jeans right now. It's because, you know, I'm jacking off. Also, you know, I'm on my way to work and right here on the 134 freeway. That is. That is. Wow. You're jacking off Walt. Driving? Very. And driving, yeah. Hot. I kind of hold the steering wheel with my knee. And I use my free hand to manipulate my cock. So, are you gay? Are you gay? No, no. That's, you know. You know, to each his own, you know. But I think it's kind of gross, you know. Oh, no, no. Yeah. I think it's disgusting, too. I, you know. It makes. When I think of a man, you know. You know. Getting a man, you know. A boat job. It makes my bones. No, let me ask you this. If it's Batman giving Superman. My boner goes away. I don't want any. I don't like things that makes my boner go away. Because I love to just masturbate all the time. But if it's Batman giving Superman, like, head. Is that acceptable? No, it's kind of gay. It's kind of gay? It's kind of gay. Let's talk about Superman, actually. It's going to be hooking up with Wonder Woman. Oh, no. Well, honestly. I do have to. I mean. It made my balls tingle a little bit. What about if Green Arrow's touching Superman? Okay. In fact, it's making me feel like Superman. It's making me jack off a little bit faster when thinking about Superman and Wonder Woman. Well, thank you for enjoying the show. Yeah, thank you for enjoying the show. Please subscribe to our podcast. I'm about to bust right now. I don't know if you guys got a topic. Make me bust. Yeah, we're going to totally go back to our program. Yeah, we have a couple of cool subjects. Be sure to subscribe. I think I want to bust on the Breaking Bad, the last episode of Breaking Bad. Well, don't say anything about it. No, don't spoil it. Because I'm not caught up. But we're going to talk about Terminator. Okay, so. All right. That is our fan base. That was awesome. That's our fan base. Interesting. So, this is what I was going to say about Terminator before that very strange phone call. We cannot be smirking at an awkward conversation. Okay. He's a robot. I can shut him down. So, therefore, I am free to also play the market. Oh. So, I can have my cake. Is he nuclear powered? And eat it too. You smart shrew. Okay, again. What I was saying before the awkward caller is that I've never seen Terminator. And there's a reason for that. I've seen the Salvation one. But every time a guy is like, you've never seen Terminator? You should come over and watch it with me. And they don't talk like that because they're dudes. You should come over and like watch Terminator. Like, oh my God, you've never seen Terminator. It never gets past the DVD like play screen. You're on the menu. Yeah, we're on the menu still. And then we don't watch it. So, like to me, Terminator just means you want to have sex with me. Okay. Okay. So, you haven't seen any of them? No. I haven't seen any of them. I haven't seen any of them. I haven't seen any of them. I haven't seen any of them. I haven't seen any of them. I've seen Salvation. Okay. Which is not apparently. Was that the last one? That was the last one. I never saw that one. How was it? It was good until the end. It was serviceable. It really, really was disappointing. That was with Christian Bale, no? No. That's the one he freaked out. Oh, yeah. Christian Bale. Oh, yeah. That's when he pissed his mother and his sister, right? Christian Bale was in it. And what was the other one? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Three. Oh, thank you. He's Mexican, so he's Spanish. I'm brown. And I got Ripley from Alien. Those panties. Oh, wait, wait. To help the awkward caller. Ripley in her panties running while sweaty. Also, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Jessica Biel running through the forest. Turn me a lesbian for a second. Okay, longer than a second. Go on. Padme Amidala. A little made up. Why are you getting a whole bunch of chicks? That's awkward. This one's the Buddha. The Buddha. This is a really hard, hard decision. Okay. I'm playing... Our number one fan... I'm so proud of our number one fan. That was interesting. Our number one fan, you know, he needs to bust. He does run. He does. Just helping us. All right. So, kill. See, I don't know. I can't really kill Ripley because she'd kill me. She's so epic. Let's be honest. She'd take you down. I think I'm going to go with kill the Buddha because honestly, like... Bad karma. Oh, my God. I don't need enlightenment. Come on. Warning. Please, no Buddhists get violent and come storming in. Please. This is not really going to happen. Or if you're hot, please do. Oh, God. A hot Buddhist monk. That's sexy. Yeah. I think I would fuck Ripley because then I can say like, yeah, whatever you fucked Paris, I fucked Ripley. It's true. That's a fucked rimp. You can't trump that. That's true. Even as a gay man. I fucked Ripley. Who'd you fuck? Nobody. That's right. I'm going to go kill myself. That's right. You're going to go cry while you're thinking about Ripley. Yes, hot. And I would marry Padme because honestly, that bitch don't know what's going on. Oh, my God. So that's the basis for marriage is that bitch does not know what's going on. Well, she's also extremely rich. She was a senator and she was the queen of an entire planet. She also fell in love with a 10-year-old. God, that was really creepy. Exactly. I have her money and I could go have my fun too. She also fell in love with a 10-year-old. Actually, no, seriously, I want to present that. That really kind of bothered me in those movies since we're back on this subject. That bothered me so much that she's such a massive pedophile and nobody says that. Not that much. She's a pedophile in the name of science fiction. There's only a six-year difference. Okay, there's a six-year difference. And they don't even get together. Is she supposed to age slower? Because she didn't look anything like she had aged at all throughout the movies. Of course not because it was done the same. I know, no. No, but they could have at least added makeup or something to fix the continuity. How old do you think she would have looked within that time period? You want to give her age lines? I want her to have age lines and crow's feet and left lines. How do you think women age? Very poorly. I want to ugly her up. You want to ugly up Natalie Portman so he could see her. I have a lot of issues with Natalie Portman. I do. Why? I don't. She kind of bothers me. Women don't age anymore, okay? I haven't aged. You don't let yourself. I will never age. I will go Elizabeth Bathory if I have to. I'm never getting a wrinkle. What bothers you about Natalie Portman? Is it the fact that she's, I don't know, a Harvard graduate? What bothers you about Daniel Craig? Yeah, let's put you on the spot, Rachel. Pretentious personality makes me want to punch I don't know. There's just something that rubs me wrong about the roles that she chooses. Pretentious personality, come on. Have you seen him in a bathing suit? Oh, God, yes. I've seen him in a lot of different forms of unclotheness and I still want to fucking punch him in the face. Isn't there an image out there? The only time I want to punch him is when he's James Bond. Isn't there an image out there of Daniel Craig in a bathtub, like bubbles covering him? I swear there is. There's one in my mind right now. Maybe he's thinking of like Harry Potter when he's trying to figure out the puzzle. I don't know. No. No, because I've already seen Harry Potter naked. I'm good. I don't need to see bubbles. I can see. All right. Well, we went through Mary Fuckill. That was a lot of fun. We also had a really perverted bit. You know, oddly. Not perverted. Oddly endearing. Honestly, I can, I can really, like, I can learn a lot from him because I have a superhero fetish too. We like you. In fact, you're rubbing your chest as we speak. Yeah. Oh, and now Rachel's in on the action. Okay, so I found the image of Daniel Craig in the bathtub. There are no bubbles. There are no bubbles. There are no bubbles. Okay. Okay. It is just, it is penis. So email me that. Thanks. I don't want to punch him in the face. It is, it is delightful. I know he's gorgeous and I know he's handsome and I get that and I understand that. But I just, oh, there's something about him that just want to punch him in the face. I'm sorry. Give me your vagina. You can't be a woman anymore. Give us your vagina. You have to trade it in. Ah, no. All right. Well, um, it is, what, September, September 12th? No. It's 8th. It's not. It's 12th. It's September 8th. I don't know what's going on. You don't know time things. I only know this movie's coming out on Friday. It must be this date. Oh God, what movies are coming out? Speaking of which, Resident Evil is coming out on Friday. That's true. I don't watch those movies, but I do like Mila Jovovich. Okay, Mila Jovovich in that hot, hot gear and the straps and the, like the guns everywhere. Come on. You would turn straight for her. I would nearly turn straight for her. I would let her touch me. I don't think that I would actually get off. You're not a real fan then. Yeah, you're not. I'm a fan of her, but I have difficulties getting off with women, so. It's Mila Jovovich. Come on. She will, she'll work on it. Anyway, back on the topic of Resident Evil. Yeah. What are some really bad movies that you guys like? Oh God. Okay, so are we going into the nerddom aspect of it or are we talking like the worst movie that we like? Hmm. Let's just free for all. I got a list. Just fling it around. Let's see what's next. Something that you probably all haven't seen, but it's a classic sci-fi. Everyone should, and I may add it to our list of movies to watch, but Barbarella. I love Barbarella. What do you have? But I feel like this is a cult classic. It's so bad. I feel like you can't even call it a bad movie anymore because it's a cult classic. Okay, I'll give you that. It is very bad though. It's just so good though. But it can't be fun. But it's not like Raquel Welsh's 10,000 Year BC because that's horrible. She's gorgeous, but that is a horrible movie. That was a masterpiece. Oh, he's got something. Sorry, I have another one. Lost in Space. I love. And he's talking about the movie. The movie. The Matt LeBlanc. The terrible Matt LeBlanc. The danger, Will Robinson. Danger with the creepy robot. Which is awesome. The show. But no. It is so entertaining and the ships are so, and oh God, the continuity. Literally within the first minute of the movie, they ruin it because they go, that society has advanced to a point where they no longer have war. And then they go, they have this terrorist group attacking them. It's terrorism. It's not war. It's not full out war. Okay. Gosh. I have two that have you beat. Okay, go on. One, everybody hates it, but when you talk about it, it's hilarious. It's Weekend at Bernie's. I don't know anybody that likes that movie legitimately. It is funny to talk about. It is horrible to watch. And I love Andrew McCarthy and I love John Silverman. I love him. The other one, Howard the Duck. Worked as a comic book, not so much as a movie. Because really, seeing a puppetry of a, seeing a puppet of a duck, fuck Leah Thompson, that's so attractive. That ruins your life. I don't think it ruins your life. That scarred me. I think it's like, it's like when I saw Cool World and you know, like saw Brad Pitt doing a, you know, animated character. I was okay with it. Oh, Cool World. Oh God, I love that one though. I love that movie. That was entertaining, but I think that's a different kind of feel than Howard the Duck because Howard the Duck feels kind of like my life is being violated. He's so creepy looking and it's so, so vivid and real. My childhood was very different. Is that your bad movie? Cool World? Is that yours? No, actually, I think that's not a bad movie. No, I like that movie. That's a fairly good movie. I guess the worst movie that I like and that I actually freak out over and I don't really want to admit it, but I'm gonna, I'm just gonna word vomit. Grease 2 freaks me. Oh God, no, I love it. I love, I love Grease 2 and I love Teen Witch. The obscure 80s musical about a girl who finds powers at the age of 16 and becomes a witch to become popular like you do. It was awesome. I loved it and I think the only time I've freaked out over celebrities it's been over Grease 2 and Teen Witch. There was a lot of really good scenes in Grease 2. Yeah. Like, oh God, I actually love the hula finale. Like, I love the, oh, it's so good. It's got some really campy songs like Do It For Our Country. Let's do it. A guy that did that much work to get you to get laid. Yes. You should just have sex with him. You deserve to get laid. He faked a war to get you in bed. Just have sex with him. Yeah, come on. Like seriously. That's whatever. So Frank, what about you? I'm very passionate about it. I mean, other than Resident Evil. Just, just, I'm gonna say it. Don't say anything for a good three minutes. Okay. Just say something. Because I know, I know everyone doesn't agree with me. I know everyone doesn't agree with me. Batman and Robin. No, I agree. Okay. Then never mind. I agree. I have issues with the tone of it and I have issues with the look of it, but it's, it's entertaining. Do you really have a problem with the look of it? Do you really have a problem with the look of it? The aesthetic of that movie is so bad. It's so bad. And I think the only thing that was worse than it. But you're saying the look. Are you really having a problem? Like they were hot. Okay. They were hot and the nipples were great, but, but, but, but it was so bad. Like the city looked bad to me. And on top of that, the only thing that made it worse was when they brought in Alicia Silverstone as Batgirl in the next movie. God, it was horrible. You didn't like Alicia's Batgirl? What's wrong with you? She needs to go back to Beverly Hills and go shopping. Veganism makes you powerful. I'm happy with her there. I just, I love that movie. As Cisco can attest, I know every single line in that movie. It was an excruciating week. I can recite them within a millisecond of when I was in the movie. I can recite them within a millisecond of when I was in the movie. I can recite them when they're said, including grunts and other noises. I really, I almost committed suicide because of it. It was that bad. It was terrible. Well, obviously I failed. Yeah, obviously. But I also accept them as mirroring the progression of the comic books where they start off really gritty with Batman killing and being all dark and then they get, as the comics code was introduced, they get a little bit, you know, what's the problem? Campier. Campier. I was going to say, I was going to say gay. Gay. 80s. But then they're rebooted like Batman year one. Was that the 90s? That was the 90s. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, Batman and Robin. Yeah, it was 90, 97. Oh, there we go. It all just blends together for me. I cannot believe that this decade has already flown by. Like seriously, it feels like 2000 was yesterday to me. It's horrible. Time just flies by. It flies by when you're having fun. I guess. Or not. All right, so I have a question. I want to ask all of you. Okay. Okay. I'm scared. And I will start with, hmm, Rachel. Okey dokey. Rachel. Yeah. And this is going to be my weekly awkward question. Oh, yes. Let's explain that to the audience. We have awkward questions for you all. Every week, we have standing questions that we as individuals have chosen to ask most of our guests and probably surprise some crazy people on the street with. And these questions are, in a sense, awkward. So, Frank, go on. So, I will be asking Rachel my question. Go ahead. Rachel. Yes. And don't think about it. Just answer it. All right. Spit it out. How long is it? Ooh. Oh. Ew. Well, since I don't have what you're talking about. Well, what is he talking about? I was talking about penis. No, wait. You're defining it as that. So, how long is it, Rachel? I don't know. I don't know. Um. Hmm. Uh. Six inches. No, no. It's a red bottom. Okay. Is it six? Wait. Sorry. No. Anyway. I accept. It's the first number that came into my head. Sorry. What about you, Stacey? How long is it? Well, because I'm black Irish, I'm going to think about it. If I was a guy, you know, I've got the black, so I would be kind of big. But then on the Irish, it's kind of even. I'm going to say, I'm going to say 10 inches. 10 inches? No. Well, look at my tits. Look at these. I would be really big. For those of you, because you can't see her, Stacey's got big old titties. Stacey has, okay. They're all you see when you see Stacey. Tendulous. Like pillow titties. No, they're small to me. They're scary. They can honestly be referred to as jugs. Oh, God. They could. They could. Oh, God. Oh, that's scary. What about you, Sisqo? Um. I would have to say 12,500. 12,750. 12,756.2 kilometers. That's how long. Um. Okay. That's a really big ruler. That's the diameter of the earth. How do you stand, Sisqo? Wraps around the earth? I didn't say it was my penis. Oh. You guys just assumed. Gutter brains over here. I guess I have to answer my own question. Yeah, you have to answer. I guess if I had to answer how long it is, I would say 12,756. The dreams of orphaned children. No. That is my answer. Accept it. I feel like we should ask Jeremy. Six inches. Jeremy's like, don't talk to me. Yeah, Jeremy, our producer, just like, does not want to talk. Well, let's move on to our next question, Miss Anastasia. I'm going to ask the next question. Okay. What's the nerdiest... I'm going to ask our moderator first. What's the nerdiest fantasy you've ever had or played out? Bad. Bad. Boy. Does it have to be a sexual fantasy? Does it have to be? No, it does not have to be. Just a nerd fantasy. Just a nerd fantasy. Hmm. Hmm. It has to be... All right. So it's a nerd or... I mean, you couldn't... I mean, you don't have to have played it out. Well, once... If you have played it out, that's even better. You get a cookie. I was working backstage for a theater show once and I wanted to give my friend a... Like, a cookie. Like, a thank you for, like, being really nice to me. A thank you? It's not a sexual thing. Oh, that's weird. So I, like, I basically wrote her a, like, really... Like, as close to perfect as I can get it, acceptance letter to Hogwarts. What is... Oh, that's horrible. Oh, my God. I know. This is true. Do you remember? Yeah, it's... I do. I love it. And I included the address. It was, like, the room one-oh-something something the second mirror to the, you know... Aw, how sweet. Okay, Rachel, same question. What is... What is the... What's the nerdiest fantasy you've had or played out? It does not have to be sexual. It does not have to be sexual. Well, mine will be. Okay, I'm gonna tell you. I... There are two people in my life that I would completely word vomit, as Stacy would like to say, and spaz out over if I ever got to make just because I have had new... new... huge nerd crushes on them since I was teeny tiny. Teeny tiny. She's still teeny tiny. I'm still teeny tiny. But since I was a little kid, if I ever got to meet Will Wheaton, I think I might forget my name. Ooh. I think he is super funny, super smart, and super cute, and I've loved him since Stand By Me. Even though Wesley Crusher was horrible, loved him as Wesley... Will Wheaton. Loved him as Wesley Crusher. Do you fantasize about him pinning you down? Well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Me? No. Do you fantasize about him deflowering you? No. No. No. Because that would just... No. Okay, well... I'm pretty sure we could get Will Wheaton on the show. Can we? That would be awesome because you can't have a whole clip without Will Wheaton. Okay. Awkward conversations with Will Wheaton. The other person I spazzed out over actually has a show on this network and it's Keith Coogan. That's why we could get Will Wheaton is because of Keith Coogan. Oh my God. Let's have both of them. We just had our nerdgasms on... Can I have both of them? I have both. Keith would definitely do your show. He's a really cool guy. Awesome. Oh my God. Perfect. Jeremy is the voice of God. Thank you very much, Jeremy. That was Jeremy, our lovely producer, sound guy, director, dude. He's awesome. And yeah, I would... I don't know. I would... I'd be like, I... Words not coming out of my mouth right now. That's awesome. Okay. Francisco, Sam, so as I said, mine will be sexual. No kidding. Really? So the greatest kind of sexual geeky thing that I've done is Pokemon trainer role play. Oh, I love you so much. I have the hat. I don't have the vest, but you can imagine. It was interesting. That's very interesting. I guess I have to answer my own question. I can't decide if I want to say the one I've played out or the one I want. The one I want... The one I want to have that I want is Dark Wolverine versus Wolverine fighting over me and I think that would be awesome. So if anybody would like to apply to that position, just, you know, just call me up. Email her at... Okay, so my question is... It's a little weird, but I love it. Anyways, it's a question I have with my mom all the time. How many bodies do you think you can fit in your trunk? Ooh. Okay. And these are... These can be whole bodies dismembered bodies. Just five. Oh, dismembered. Okay, if we're doing... No, I think that we need to leave it whole because dismembered is a little too... Because you could jellify. You could, like, grind it. Okay, okay. Whole bodies. Whole bodies, my trunk, five. Five? I can fit five of them kind of angular, just... Only trunk, not backseat? Only trunk. Okay, five. You cannot flap at your back. You can't flap at it. So five bodies. I'm gonna say four. I think that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna say four. And if I flap at it, I could do more. You could probably fit more. And what kind of vehicle do you drive? I Jeep Compass. And what do you drive? I drive a Hyundai Elantra. And truth be told, they have a massive trunk. They do have pretty big trunks. They got junk in the trunk. My trunk is pretty small if you don't love it. The mom should buy those, man. I... Your car, not the Mini Cooper. Yeah, your Buick, not the Buick. Oh, okay, my Buick. The Mini Cooper, one. Half of one. Well, I don't know. I get pretty creative. I'd say five. Five? Five? Or six. If I stack them. And Rachel? I don't have a vehicle right now, but if I did, if I did, I know what vehicle I would have. Seven bodies. Seven... What kind of... Because the Ford... Have you seen the trunk of the Ford Expedition? It is big and long. Those are huge. Big and long. So you're gonna get a huge car when you're so mini? That's so cute. And I'm like tall and like Barbarella here, like 50-foot woman kind of chick. And I'm gonna get a Mini Cooper. I seriously imagine being... And I'm the incredible shrinking woman. I imagine that you need stilts just to drive this thing. Oh, no, no. If you don't know, Rachel's short. She's shrimpkin. Shrimkin? Oh, that's delicious. Okay. This question is running out of time. All right. So my question is, if you could get away with it and nobody would know, would you try human meat? Yes. Frank. Wow. Someone's hungry. I am. Frank. Can I choose? Can I choose what body part? No, no. Just in general. Oh, my God. You've already eaten meat. Yeah. We already know that you've had a mouthful of meat. All right. Hmm. I think I would with a side of... Would you have it prepared or would you have it just like just pure, just no spice, nothing cooked maybe? That's it. I like it raw. a variety of ways. You tried a couple times? Yeah, because the first part, like I have this rule that I will try anything twice because the first time is just a shock factor. And the second time, you know, you're kind of, oh, oh, okay. See, I was like that too until I got robbed and eaten up. Well, trying to get robbed. Did you eat that person's meat? No, that's not trying everything robbing. What? Like I don't want to be tried to get robbed. I'm so confused. So weird. That's not a fantasy she has. Mommy! Nope. Nope. Nope. Rachel. If I could get away with it and nobody would know, like if I didn't get caught like Jeffrey Dahmer, is that what we're saying kind of deal? No, what if you're in a restaurant like what if you're in a restaurant like in a restaurant people are like, here, try this cheek. Delicious. You know what? I would. I would eat meat. We're foodies. So we would try it and we would try to think about recipes for the future. If I didn't know what it was and somebody just said it was cheek or tongue or whatever, I'd eat it. Sure, why not? Just to let you all know, we're all cannibals. I would try as well and nobody should ever step inside the studio. You can step inside. I don't want to prepare it. I can't wait until Wil Wheaton gets here so I can ask him this. Oh my God. Oh my God. What about Jeremy? Oh, Jeremy, would you try human meat? Say that again? If you could get away with it and no one would know, would you try human meat? Oh yeah, definitely. Awesome. See, we're not weird. With a little pepper, salt, yeah. No, I'll try anything as long as somebody out there eats it. Nice. So if there's a tribe out there that's cannibals, that's fair game. Hot. Good to know. See, foodies are diehard fans. Good to know. Okay. Okay, so we are also, who starts book clubs anymore? But we're going to start, we eventually want to start one, but right now we're going to start a movie club. Our nerdy club. Our nerdy movie club. And our first pick is Battle Royale. Battle Royale. Now, if you haven't seen this film, it's spectacular. It is just, it's straight from Japan. It's a crazy premise. A lot of people, it became big in the news recently because it's like the Hunger Games, but it, it's very different in story. If you haven't seen Battle Royale, people go out and rent Running Man and then go rent. And do the Running Man. And then go rent Hunger Games, then poke out your eyes and then go, why didn't I watch Battle Royale? Yeah, why didn't we watch Battle Royale? So what we're doing is everyone out there, all of our fans, and we're talking to you, awkward caller. Yeah, please. You better. You better watch this. Watch Battle Royale. On my hosting day, which will be our fourth show, we'll be discussing Battle Royale. We chose this one because it's an easily accessible one. It's on Netflix. It's out there. Like it's super easy. Go to Fry's. They have it. It is amazing. So please do. We'll come back on our fourth episode, discuss Battle Royale. Yeah. And you know, email comments, questions to us. You can find us on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr. We are on all the social networks. We get around, like us, follow us. Well, not follow us, follow us. Follow us. Twitter. No stalking, please. No, no. But if you do want to follow us, you can. It's basically like the show it is now. Like we're on all the time. Yeah, we do this all the time. We do. Okay. So Facebook is awkward, is Facebook slash awkward conversations podcast. Yes. And Twitter is awkward convo. Convo pod. Awkward convo pod. And Tumblr is awkward conversations podcast. But if you go on our Facebook, you can see all the links there. And we're always posting. Always putting new stuff up. We'll be discussing things per every episode. And sometimes we'll be posting articles that we may be talking about. Right. Yeah, definitely follow us. I'd like to say something. Also, the three people standing, sitting to my left, Cisco, Frank, and Stacy also have a wonderful production company called Dot Dot Dot of Doom Productions. Of Doom Productions. Follow them on Twitter and on Facebook and on Tumblr. Like our first short film that's on IMDb, Invasion of the Les Body Snatchers. And we're going to be doing a lot of Check us out. Check us out. Yeah. And we have some big projects coming up. So, we'll shizzle. So, I think that that is our episode coming up. Wow. We only have... Wait, we had one more question I thought we were going to ask. Which was what the penis size is of... That's right. We are going to close with our awkward question of the week. Awkward question of the week. So, Frank is ready to propose an awkward question. Allow us all to take a moment to pause for a moment. to ponder on the size of superhero penises. Okay. Hulk, Thor, Captain America. Now, that's not really a question. No, it's more of a... It's just a contemplation. It's just a contemplation. And for the straight guys out there, contemplate bra size of superhero. Heroines. Heroines. Heroines. Heroines. Heroines. So, with that, we're coming up to our final seconds of the show. We want to thank everyone out there for joining us. Thanks for joining us. Check us out at skidrowstudios.com. Tell your friends. Subscribe on iTunes. Facebook. All kinds of things. And if you don't, we're going to stalk you. We will. And that's that. Yep. Yay! Yay!! We'll be right back. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. You're listening to Skid Row Studios. Skid I'm not doing it with you. Please do it with me. Fuck that. Can you please have sex with me? At Skid Row Studios? At Skid Row Studios. Thank you. Thank you.