📄 Transcript [show]
Good afternoon, everyone.
Welcome to Registered Era Fenders, hosted by Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z.
It is just myself in the studio all alone because Chris Z was held up by traffic on the 5 Freeway.
Would you believe traffic in Los Angeles?
I can't believe it either.
You know, one thing I noticed here about downtown Los Angeles is a lot of bad toupees.
You know, there's a lot of jewelry stores in downtown Los Angeles.
There's a ridiculous amount of jewelry stores.
Of course, our guest is excited about that.
But I got to tell you, there really should be more toupee stores.
Because every time I come to downtown LA, our studio is on 7th and Olive in downtown Los Angeles.
And let me tell you something.
Every time I come here, I see bad toupees.
I don't know what the deal is.
And I don't let these guys off the hook because I once wore a toupee.
And I'm only saying that because our guest is engaged, so there's no chance for us.
I once wore a toupee and it looked real.
Nobody knew.
But you see some of these guys with their terrible toupees.
Let me tell you something.
Just do what I did.
Just, guys, just shave your head.
Just get it done already.
Just shave the damn head already.
Yes, I am buying time because I'm waiting for Chris Z.
To come into the studio.
Thank you for joining us.
You are listening to Registered Ear Offenders, hosted by Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z on skidrowstudios.com in collaboration with Extreme Talk XM 165.
So you are either listening to us live or you're welcome to call in at 1-800-893-9562.
Once again, 1-800-893-9562 to call in live if you're listening live.
Or if you're listening to us on Extreme Talk XM 165 at 2 o'clock Pacific, 5 p.m.
Eastern, you cannot call in live.
But you can imagine you're calling in live and imagine you're talking to us.
And that might sound fun.
We got a great show for you today.
Not only are Chris and I going to be sharing our inhuman resources, that's crazy tales coming from work.
So be sure if you have some crazy work tales to go ahead and give us a call.
We're also going to be playing sketchy characters because, you know, a few weeks ago, we replayed, we rebroadcast my favorite sketchy characters, which was the outdoorsman.
Today, we will be rebroadcasting Manhunter.
Manhunter?
Mantervention.
What the hell is Manhunter?
Wasn't that a show?
I don't know.
I think that was a show.
Jeremy Hansen joining us today.
How are you, Jeremy?
How's it going?
Doing great.
What is Manhunter?
Wasn't that a show called Manhunter?
Sounds familiar.
You know what?
I think it was like a show based on The Fugitive or something like that.
Sounds kind of familiar.
Sure.
Okay.
We got sketchy characters Mantervention playing today.
And then we have Chris's Corner, of course, and Sal's Me Time, formerly known as Sal's Weekly Rant.
And we have our beautiful guest today, who is not only lovely, but she's also talented.
We're going to be playing some of her music today, and she's going to be talking to us about her newest venture, which is life coaching.
So maybe she can help Chris and I in our lives and subsequently our careers, because we need it.
Her name is Alisa Reyes.
The name may sound familiar to you.
She used to be on a show on Nickelodeon called All That, which has a big cult following.
I mean, what I do is, you know, I cyberstalk our guests before they come on the show, and I'm looking at all these people with their comments, and people really loved that show.
They really, really loved it.
And if you keep looking for Alisa Reyes and then look up Kamikaze, oh my gosh, she's not a little girl anymore.
So she, Alisa Reyes, will be joining us.
And then our final segment for the day that hopefully Alisa will be joining us, The Trouble with Porn.
That is where Chris and I talk about pet peeves surrounding porn.
Like, for example, one of the things I mentioned on a previous episode of The Trouble with Porn is the cameras are getting too close.
They're just getting too close.
The vagina is starting to get too close.
They look like an ocean anemone.
I mean, it's just, they need to back it up.
Back it up.
On another episode, I also mentioned this POV.
The POV is where generally the guy will hold the camera, film the woman.
Well, I'm watching this one POV episode.
The guy's filming the woman.
Then he hands her the camera, and she films him.
All of a sudden, I'm a woman with a vagina, and the guy's performing cunnilingus on me.
So that did not work out.
So that was a previous episode of The Trouble with Porn, and that was my trouble with porn.
I think Chris's deal was he mentioned jump cuts in porn.
He didn't like all the jump cuts.
But the reason I chastise Chris for that is because your average porn doesn't have so many jump cuts.
What that is is him trying to get away with watching free porn on Xtube and UJizz.
So essentially, he's watching little free clips.
And then some guy at home edited the clips, uploads it onto a porn hub or whatever.
Chris watches it, and he thinks that that's what— So he's not even watching regular porn.
He's watching the free, edited, 30-second porn.
So I don't know what that deal is.
You know what?
We should call Chris Long.
Live on the air.
That's what we ought to do.
Eh, no.
Screw him.
All right.
We're going to— What time do we got?
54.
Now is the time we're going to get into Inhuman Resources.
So let's go ahead and pump that intro music for Inhuman Resources.
All right.
Inhuman Resources.
Inhuman Resources.
This is where Chris and I and you, if you feel free to call in at 1-800-893-9562, this is where you have the opportunity as our listeners to tell us some of your stories at work.
Crazy situations that happen at work.
Crazy incidences.
Sexual incidences.
I will tell you mine.
Once upon a time, I used to work for— Thank you for joining us, Chris Z.
Oh, Sal.
Good to be here, buddy.
I believe this is only the second time we've— Well, did you start the show on time?
No.
We held for a few minutes, and then we decided to go ahead and get it going.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
This is only the second time in our illustrious history that we've started the show a couple minutes behind.
I do apologize.
I think it says a second time only.
There was an accident on the 5.
It looked like—my guess is that somebody stomped the brakes, and the person behind them was on the phone or was texting.
Chris, Chris, Chris, I'm sorry.
I can't let you off the hook today because you see our lovely guest, Elisa Reyes, and myself both passed the same accident, and we're here on time.
That's what makes it particularly painful is that—oh, well, whatever.
Go back to the human resources thing.
Inhuman resources.
Once upon a time, I used to work for the corporate gym chains.
I worked for many corporate gyms.
I worked for many corporate gym chains.
And this—I've always believed in supplementing my income.
No matter what I did, no matter what full-time job I had, I always had a side gig going on, whether it be selling subscriptions to something or whether it be buying a product and then reselling it.
I used to—even as a full-time trainer, I used to sell protein powder.
So I always did something to supplement my income.
Well, even when I was working full-time as a salesperson at this corporate gym chain, I had to do something to supplement my income.
So I started selling weed.
So what I would do is—this is back in the pager days.
People would give me a page, give me a text on a page.
That's how old I am.
They would give me a page.
I would then grab, you know, whatever they wanted.
I prided myself on selling joints.
I didn't just sell bags of weed.
I was—I wanted to provide—what's the word I'm looking for?
Convenience to my clientele.
So I would sell joints.
So I would say, how much?
How many do you want?
They said, oh, I want 10 joints.
I would wrap up the joints, walk across the parking lot to the 99-cent store, meet my customer.
And I used the word customer.
And I would sell them weed in the 99-cent store across the parking lot from the gym chain.
I would then come back with a piece of gum or a soda.
So my boss was none the wiser.
But that's what I would do.
So for a while, working at the gym chain, selling weed at the 99-cent store across the parking lot, at least one, two customers a day as a means of supplementing my income.
Hey, you got to diversify.
You got to diversify, people.
You got to diversify.
Chris, what is your—yes, yes, yes.
Did you deduct the miles from your taxes?
Yes, walking across the parking lot, yes.
On this day, I walked two laps.
On this, then you multiply it.
At the end of the year, you've walked like 16 miles.
Have I—what was my inhuman resource?
Inhuman resources.
I want to tell you something about the time I got wronged at work.
Now, this is a contentious subject.
I told the story before to a couple different people.
And I've gotten differing opinions, differing responses.
All right, I'll give you my opinion.
I used to work at this pool hall slash nightclub.
Like one half of it was a pool hall, one half of it was a nightclub.
It was a happening joint in South Florida.
And this guy wanders up to me one night.
I was the host.
I was the first guy you see.
I was, you know, reception, so to speak.
And he wanders up and he goes, hey, man, he's looking at our little menu.
And he goes, what do you think about the pizza here?
And I go, listen, man, I want to be honest with you.
You could get a better pizza down the street.
It's a little too expensive.
It's not that great.
Nothing comes on top of it.
And it's really the worst thing we offer.
Not good.
Yeah, so he goes about his business.
I go about mine.
I don't know.
A few hours later, my boss wanders up to me and he goes, hey, Chris, how you doing?
I'm good, boss.
How about you?
And he goes, Chris, what do you think about the pizza?
And believe it or not, I didn't immediately make the connection because enough time had passed.
And I said, I don't know.
I guess it's, you know, good enough.
You know, I try to couch it in very, you know, very tender terms.
The plausible deniability, as you said.
Yeah, yeah.
So I didn't say it was great, but I didn't say it was terrible either.
I just, you know, it was adequate.
It's not horrible.
Right.
And so he goes, you don't think it's too expensive?
You don't think you can get a better pizza down the road?
And I just froze.
And I hear a cricket.
Yeah.
And it turned out that the guy who'd wandered up was a friend of my boss's from like college.
They'd known each other for years.
A secret shopper.
Yeah.
Well, no, I don't think it was intentional.
I really don't believe it was a setup.
I just.
I think that, you know, it was a coincidence, an unfortunate coincidence.
And, you know, I'm of the mindset that I tried to do this guy a favor.
You tried to help him.
Yeah.
And that if he was displeased by the circumstances, he could have said, hey, man, you might want to, you know, maybe think a little harder about what you say because it just so happens I'm your boss's good friend.
But to go and rat me out to my boss for trying to do him a solid, a complete stranger, a solid to me makes him a fucking low life.
And I've had people disagree with me and go, oh, you know, hey, he's, you know, he's looking after the business or he was looking after your boss.
And I'm like, I tried to do him a solid and he could have cost me my job.
And that was it was a family owned operation.
So it didn't cost me my job.
But I have no doubt that if I worked at some kind of corporate thing, it would have at the very least got me a write up or something.
You know, if you worked at corporate, not only would have gotten you fired, they would have had security escort you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Out of the building with a box and all my possessions in the box.
You know what?
I, I don't not like when people go around somebody.
Complain or snitch.
I believe in confronting people face to face.
Maybe I'm old fashioned that way.
Like my neighbor.
One time they were filming this short film in my apartment and the neighbor had a little incident with one of the PAs.
And instead of coming to me and talking shit to my face, she called the manager and I got chastised by the apartment manager.
What kind of neighbor is this?
You're going to call the manager.
You know who I am.
You know where I live.
Come and knock on my door.
Come and knock on my door.
And it's not like a contentious individual.
I mean, it's.
Well, I can be contentious.
You know that.
Oh, absolutely.
But if you approach me.
Amongst other things.
Okay.
Yeah.
Fine.
If you approach me courteously as a neighbor.
Hey, listen, I have a concern as your neighbor.
You know, I would.
I'll talk to you.
Sure.
I'm not unreasonable.
And I guarantee you that 60 to 70 percent of the time that in this case it was Sal.
But anyone would have said, hey, you know, I apologize.
It didn't occur to me that you could hear it through the wall.
My apologies.
We'll keep it down.
We'll wrap it up as quick as we can.
You know what I mean?
So why not at least start there?
Yeah.
Now, if she comes to your door and you act like a douche, then she could say, hey, well, fuck this guy.
I tried to be diplomatic about it.
He was a jerk off.
So I'm going to call the building manager now.
Speaking of that, you know what?
And I tell you, this is goes back to a couple of rants a couple of weeks ago is these apartment complexes.
The neighbors, you make noise.
They bang on the wall.
You know what?
Knock on my door like a civilized person and say, could you please keep the door down?
Our neighbor upstairs one time banged on his floor, thus causing my lamp to fall into the kitchen and shatter all over the floor.
What the hell?
And I then went outside and I yelled.
Oh, man, that pissed me off.
I said, you get down here right now.
I said, he wouldn't come down as you get down.
I said, don't don't pound on the floor.
Knock on my door like a human being.
Anyway, he ended up moving.
The manager was on his side.
The manager said, we don't get involved in domestic disputes.
He didn't even want to be a part of it.
I was I was I was going to call the police.
And that is another episode of South Me Time.
That's so so obnoxious.
I've never even heard of it.
Obviously, I've heard of using the broom to bang the ceiling.
Yes.
But I've never.
You know, subterranean complaints, you know.
No, I don't agree with that.
And maybe that's because I come from the suburbs, so to speak.
We all had houses.
None of my friends grew up in apartment buildings.
So I then 20 years ago went into the apartment world.
And it's a whole different culture.
I mean, don't bang.
You don't bang on the floor.
You don't bang on the wall.
What is that?
What is that?
Our guest does that.
I think she's from from from a apartment living in New York or something.
Well, yeah.
And that's, you know, we've got a mix of cultures and age.
And everything else.
So, you know, you might be 22 years old and your neighbor's 88 years old.
So everything you do sounds loud to them.
Or you might be Puerto Rican and your neighbor's not or they're Puerto Rican.
And so if you're Puerto Rican, you're probably partying all day constantly.
And you've got that, you know, all kinds of loud Latin music.
Can you please turn down the salsa music, please?
And then you're in high heels and you're dancing on the floor.
I can see how that would be.
If my neighbor were in high heels dancing salsa, you would.
I would be knocking on her door, but not to complain.
Oh, my gosh.
I'm trying to stay focused on you, Chris.
Right over your right shoulder is our lovely guest.
And I'm going absolutely nuts.
She's wearing the highest heels.
She was voted four out of five feet for celebrity feet.
Four out of five stars for celebrity feet.
I can't even focus here.
So before you bring her on, I don't know if it's too early for this, but tell the listeners how you co-opted her as a guest for today's show.
Well, I like that term.
I wouldn't mind co-opting her.
I would.
You and I, before our show, when we used to live in the same neighborhood, would carpool over here, and we were in the Coffee Bean, which was our pre-show ritual, and I recognized her.
I said, aren't you Elisa Reyes?
And she says, why, yes, I am.
And then she tried to, you know, make out with me, but I had to push her away.
She was probably a little leery at first, but then she said, oh, registered ear offenders at skidrowstudios.com.
Yes, exactly.
XM165, Real Talk.
That REO?
Yeah.
And then you were real modest about it.
I begged you to come on.
Well, when I told her REO, she started to yawn.
She thought I meant REO Speedwagon.
And I was like, no, no, REO, registered ear offenders.
The bigger REO.
And that's when she goes.
Not the small time has-been band.
Those guys.
Those guys.
How are we doing on time, Sal?
Because something happened to me I want to talk about.
Well, it's too late, man.
You were late.
We're getting into, this is, now this is for you, man.
This is for you.
This is Chris's favorite Sketchy Characters episode, played in your honor, because last, a few weeks ago, we played The Outdoorsman in my honor, my favorite episode.
This is Sketchy Characters, your favorite episode.
Let's run it, Jeremy.
And now, Sketchy Characters presents Mantervention.
Honey, I'm home.
I stopped at the store.
Hello, Brian.
Christ.
You scared the heck out of me.
What are you guys doing here?
We're here to stop you from destroying yourself.
Destroying myself?
What is this, an intervention?
No, Brian.
It's a mantervention.
Brian, since your wedding, you quit drinking, bought a minivan, and missed a UFC title fight to go antiquing.
We don't even know you.
We don't know you anymore.
Remember when those teamsters caught us cheating at the card table?
You threw the first punch.
Now, you dress like that.
What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?
You're wearing Kirkland, Brian.
Costco is where you buy Secret Santa gifts for coworkers you hate.
Not where a man buys his clothes.
Remember back in college when your coach sprung that drug screen on you?
You were partying a lot, and my piss saved your scholarship.
Now, I can't call past nine?
Brian, your dream was to play for the Dodgers.
What happened?
Life happened.
I have a wife and kid.
Good.
Admitting you have a problem is the first step.
My wife and child are not problems.
They're not?
Then what's in the bag?
Nothing.
What's in the bag, Brian?
Come on, Brian.
Stop it.
Get him.
You're being ridiculous.
Come on.
Stop it.
Go.
Hold his arms, Adam.
Look at this.
Coasters, Yankee candles, and an Us Weekly.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
We're too late.
Maybe not.
Brian, do you recognize this?
That's my game ball.
We found it in the garage.
The garage?
Go ahead.
Touch it.
Oh, God.
It feels like the wrapping paper on a child's biggest birthday gift.
It smells like...
like...
Hope.
Hope, Brian.
It smells like hope.
No!
Megan is my wife, and like it or not, I love her.
Now, I want you two the hell out of my house before I call the cops.
It's no use, Rick.
We've lost him.
No, Rick, wait.
Where is my wife?
She's with Gail and Jenna.
They want their friend back, too.
If Megan's with them, where's our son?
I said, where's our son?
He's perfectly safe.
There's a fire station nearby.
I'm sure he's in there.
I'm sure he's in there.
I'm sure he's in there.
I'm sure he's in there.
I'm sure he's in there.
I'm sure he's in there.
There's a fire station not far from here.
And that was Mantervention as part of Sketchy Character Series.
That, of course, written by Mr. Chris Zee, starring Mr. Chris Zee, starring Sal Rodriguez.
This production sound by Sal Rodriguez and also starring the talented voice actor Max Cook, K-O-C-H.
Yeah, amongst other things.
I was going to make sure we gave him his proper props.
Yeah, he was a guest on our show and he was in our second, actually that was our third Sketchy Characters ever.
Yeah, yeah, he's a good guy, man.
A great resume.
I follow him on Facebook and he's, I don't know if it's just the character he plays, but he's the most depressing, disturbed, neurotic individual ever.
I mean, he's a good guy.
He's like a dark, very, like a black Woody Allen.
You know how Woody Allen was all in good fun, his neuroses.
And he's a married guy, isn't he?
Yeah, apparently so.
And he claims that his wife is this gorgeous, like way too gorgeous for him, although I've never seen her.
I mean, if you know your wife loves you, why be depressed?
I mean, I don't know my girlfriend loves me.
But he also appears to have a great house and two adorable pugs that love him.
So one wonders what the hell he has to be so bothered about.
That's funny.
Why don't you, why do you doubt your girlfriend's love style?
Because I don't.
That's very nice of you, Chris.
But you know what?
We'll talk about this on another show.
All right.
It is time for, you ready?
Oh, am I going to read?
Okay, sure thing.
Don't you have our format today, Chris?
So, Hollywood is full of up and coming actors.
No, wait, what are you doing?
Oh, what are we?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, man.
I'm a little discombobulated.
It's so hot.
Would you like me to go first and then you can go second?
Please, go ahead and do that thing that you do.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, man.
What is that thing that you do that's recently been renamed?
Okay.
We're going to, Jeremy, we're going to do Sal's Me Time first and then Chris' Corner second.
Since Chris was completely thrown off.
Look no further.
A few months ago I shot my biggest commercial to date.
Biggest in exposure, biggest in pay, and biggest in opportunity.
I say opportunity because upon hire I became eligible for SAG, the Screen Actors Guild.
Over the last nine years I've been in over 45 commercials.
infomercials and print advertisements i've been in over 20 educational and training videos as well as also called industrials i've had supporting roles in three independent feature films and i've just completed post-production adr known as voice dubbing on an independent sci-fi film in which i had a lead role three years into my career and i used the term loosely i noticed a pattern the more i said the less money i made and the less i said the more money i made this radio show proves my point because here i say a lot i've never gotten a role based on my looks i don't have looks i have a look allow me to explain having looks means you look good having a look means the way you look says something or projects something as my agent has said countless times sal you have a great look what is this look you ask why it's the look of average friendly latino dad husband this look has been my bread and butter you when i merely use my look and say little or nothing at all i've been paid quite well when i've used lots of dialogue and relied more on my character or my personality or even my acting skills i've been paid next to nothing and sometimes downright nothing my three highest paying commercial roles were silent roles to me one notch above being an extra though i was credited as being a principal or a lead in one spot i portrayed a goofy sidekick who merely sits and stares in awkward silence as my buddy goes nuts over the sanity of the show and i'm not saying that i'm not a good 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 180 $4,000.
In the recent commercial for the University of Arizona, I'm shown building a bookshelf with a pair of kids again in silence.
I worked four or five hours.
Private message me on Facebook and I'll tell you how much money I was paid.
For me, less is more.
On an educational video in which I portrayed a firefighter and read 32 pages of script working 12 hours in the cold, I was paid $500.
On an infomercial in which I portrayed a satisfied homeowner reciting two paragraphs of script with an accent, I was paid $250.
On an indie film in which I flew out of state, stayed three weeks, portrayed a character that was in 80% of the movie and memorized over 30 pages of dialogue, for that I was paid nothing.
For me, more is less.
I'm keeping my mouth shut.
If looks could kill, it's my look that kills.
Sal's me time.
Thank you.
Sal, you've gone Hollywood.
Why is that?
Our listeners.
Our listeners outside of LA aren't going to relate to that.
They're right now and say, listen to this guy.
Listen to this pompous ass here.
I'm not.
Is that self-indulgent?
Listen, for the listeners out there, any job is few and far between.
I'm struggling on a daily basis.
That was the actor's equivalent of white people problems.
Hey, we're going to get into our next segment that we did in reverse today.
So we're now doing Chris's Corner.
Hit it, J-Dub.
J-Dub.
I love my mother.
I love my mother.
But I'm no longer taking her calls.
Every conversation is a word for word, the same negativity she put forth the last time we spoke.
When are you going to get a full-time job?
Mom, we've been over this a thousand times.
You know what I want to do with my life.
I've been doing it for the last nine years.
Next question, how's your financial situation?
Same as it's been since the day I moved out, Mom.
Dire.
Well, you can always come home, save some money, blah, blah, blah.
My mother can't seem to understand the reluctance of a self-respecting adult male to move back in with his parents.
There are names for grown men who live at home.
Trekkies, potheads, and retarded.
My mother, being Latina, is very family-oriented.
Naturally, she resents her children for having abandoned her, and rightfully so.
My brother lives an hour away.
Before moving to LA at age 28, I lived three hours away.
Long ago, when I had the time and inclination to do so, I would explain that kids are supposed to grow up and move on.
That's why nature compels them to find a mate and start a family of their own.
That's why each successive generation outlives its predecessor.
As people grow older, the realization that life is finite sinks in.
Some vow to make the most of every remaining moment, while others become consumed with their impending mortality.
Given her age, her health, how long her parents have lived, and the average lifespan of a female in the first world country, I'd say that my mom resigned herself to death about a quarter century too soon.
Her affliction is hereditary.
My grandmother should have made the Guinness Book of Records for the longest dying breath ever.
Two decades.
For the last 20 years of her life, she's been living in a home with her parents.
For the last 20 years of her life, her letters were post-stated carbon copies of the same form letter.
Dear Christopher, my health is failing.
Mountains are moved more easily than my bowels.
Love, Grandma.
My ambitions are lofty, but my opportunities few and far between.
So I've set my sights on the West Coast.
Initially, when I mentioned my plans, my mother attempted to psychologically sabotage me with sensationalist news scuttlebutt about the rampant earthquakes, crime, and cost of living in SoCal.
When I reply that my fear of wondering what could have been is greater than my fear of what might be, I'm afraid that I'm not the only one who's afraid of the worst.
She employed a more sinister strategy for keeping me at arm's length, citing my countless past failures as harbingers of things to come.
Non-success being as certain as tomorrow's sunrise, I should just get busy dying the American dream, get a real job that I really hate, and become another baby breeder just biding my time till I get to heaven.
I believe that every generation should strive to be better than the last, intellectually, morally, etc. Our objective as human beings should be to evolve.
What is the meaning of life?
No one really knows.
And until we figure it out, I challenge anyone to give me a better proxy than that.
My father left his home and his family at 19 because he knew that he could lead a more productive and fulfilling life here than on his father's banana farm in the Amazon.
And he has.
College graduate, veteran of two wars.
Through his work, he brought some of the third world's most remote regions into the 21st century.
I intend to leave a legacy as admirable to others as my father's is to me, with or without my mother's blessings.
That's Chris's Corner.
Thanks for stopping by.
You know, Chris, you talk about breeding and spawning and all, but I'd be hard pressed to believe that if a young, beautiful woman asked you to impregnate her that you would not.
I would have no problem mimicking, going through the motions.
But actually, the conception part is the part I would avoid.
I do apologize to the listeners.
I wrote that a couple years back and I was having trouble with the tenses.
Chris, if you wrote something a couple years back, you might not want to tell people that.
Yeah, but I made some verbal blunders.
And I'd have to explain that because.
I made verbal blunders and I wrote this last night.
That doesn't matter.
I even rehearsed it last night and I still made verbal blunders.
It's funny.
I did update it and I changed that.
You know, I kind of modernized it, but it's still like, I guess, you know, memory serves me well because I read the essay many years ago and it kind of came back naturally to me.
And the old words kept wanting to supplant the new, you know, the new modifications and new amendments.
You know, did you rehearse that last night?
A couple of times.
You did?
As I rewrote it.
And then I.
Really?
Yeah, I do rehearse.
You know, I like to deliver with some intensity, so I always rehearse whatever I do.
You know that, Sal.
I never do anything off the cuff.
That's not my style.
I feel the audience is entitled to my A-game, not whatever I feel like bringing at the moment.
Chris, speaking of A-game and speaking of young, beautiful women, can you please introduce our guest on Registered Ear Offenders today?
I would like nothing better, Sal.
Sal, Hollywood is okay.
Elisa Reyes, everybody.
Wow.
I feel so loved.
Hola, hola.
Now, typically, typically what we do, Elisa, is we bring the guests in after reading all their big credits and whatnot.
That's okay.
I could break down my own bio.
Yeah, the cue came on kind of early.
I felt, I don't know what happened there.
I think I'm just making you nervous.
You are.
That is quite possible.
It's very true.
I mean, I was trying to listen to Chris's corner while you're over there adjusting your tube top.
And Chris, I didn't hear anything you said.
Yeah, Sal's got the view of the window.
We have a panoramic window in the studio.
You are missing out.
I'm missing out.
And unfortunately, I have my back to it.
Ugh.
So, real quick here before we get into anything.
You were the controversial, you played the role of the controversial Tina on Boston Public.
Trina.
Trina, sorry.
Yeah.
Why was she controversial?
She was a young teenage prostitute.
I play characters of death.
You know, starting off on a show called All That Nickelodeon, which a lot of people are, you know, aware of.
After Nickelodeon, I went on to doing a show called One World.
It was a Peter Engel show.
Same producer.
Saved by the Bell and City Guys and all that stuff.
And after I kind of did my whole teenage thing, becoming a young adult woman, I decided I wanted to get into a little bit more edgier roles.
And I started doing more film and more guest stars on TV shows.
And so, yes, I ended up playing a character that was a young teenage prostitute where my teacher was trying to help me, you know, figure out why my father was pimping me.
And I had a child.
So I was a reoccurring on that.
I've been a lesbian, ex-crystal meth addict on NYPD Blue.
I mean, I definitely would say that I, you know, played a lot of crazy deep roles.
And that's one thing being a Latina actress.
I feel that, you know, you get stuck into these pigeonholed roles where they're very stereotypical.
So I have no problem playing the roles that I've played.
But at the same time, I love when I finally get to play something that is like, hey, she's the girl next door because I'm Irish, Italian, Dominican from New York.
And I consider myself very Latin American.
I mean, you know, I can speak Spanish a little bit and I can, you know, get my Latin culture out.
But I love period pieces.
I love playing roles that definitely have a good storyline.
And believe it or not, there are a lot of girls that are out there right now that probably are teenagers, young teen moms as we watch MTV and all this stuff.
And, you know, they probably have maybe even dealt with human trafficking, which is a big thing.
I mean, there's there's a lot of crazy stuff.
There's crazy storylines going out there.
So when I got a chance to play on Boston Public, I thought it was a good storyline and a good story to be able to express to people that maybe are dealing with that.
So I play a little bit of everything.
I do voiceover.
I do radio.
I had a radio show on Sirius 198.
I had my own show called The Elisa Reyes Show and have a new few projects coming up this year.
So Elisa, is there any video of you playing a teenage prostitute?
Chris would like to see that.
Go to YouTube.
It's on YouTube.
Oh, yeah.
Just Google or YouTube Elisa, A-L-I-S-A, Reyes, R-E-Y-E-S.
Keep her busy, Sour Life.
Elisa, you were born on February 3rd, which makes you an Aquarius.
Oh, that's that's correct.
Which is an air sign.
Now tell us, are you a typical Aquarian?
Yeah, I am.
You know, and I'm really into astrology.
I think it's funny because I feel that even if you are the same sign as someone, whether it's male or woman, there's definitely like a big difference.
Everyone is very different.
It's based off of like your natal chart.
I'm really into like stuff like that.
Natal chart, numerology, what time you were born, the moon, like my cancer is my rising sign.
Yeah, I'm very creative.
I'm very extroverted.
I'm a chatter, as you can see.
That's why I love doing radio, just like you guys do.
And you guys have been very entertaining thus far, I have to say.
I appreciate it.
I appreciate it.
Let me ask you, I'm sure we're not as entertaining as this guy I'm going to bring up, which I hate to bring up.
Okay.
I loathe that ring on your finger.
But tell me, the man that you are involved with, that you are engaged to, have you done your charts to make sure that you guys are astrologically compatible?
We are both Aquarius.
It's doomed.
No!
We actually are opposites that attract in a good way.
He's from a town of like a thousand, and I'm from Manhattan, New York City.
He's from South Dakota.
And he's a white man.
He is white.
Why do the white men always get the hot Latin women?
Jeremy Hansen.
He's very like Matthew McConaughey.
And then kind of like his wife, who's exotic like myself.
Yeah, you know, I've been with him for four and a half years, and he popped the question on the last day of the Mayan calendar.
And I thought that was kind of funny.
He proposed to me at the top of a mountain, made me freaking climb a mountain in Malibu, in Timberlands.
He didn't even let me wear makeup that day.
And he was taking all these photos.
And I was like, I'm not looking good.
I need my lashes.
I need my hair done.
And we get up to the top of the mountain.
He gets down on his knee, and he proposes to me.
And literally, he said if I would have said no, he would have pushed me off the mountain.
He said for insurance purposes.
Well, let me ask you this question, Alisa.
Yes.
Sorry, guys.
I don't mean to be off the market, but I love you all.
No, no.
I want to know how much more I should hate this guy.
How tall?
How tall?
How tall is he?
At least 6'1".
But you know what?
Size is not really always what matters.
Tell that to all the women on Match.com.
Let me tell you something.
When I used to be on Match.com many, many moons ago.
Why do you go on that shit?
This was many years ago at the dawn of Match.com.
I thought, let me try it out.
You know how many women made it a point to not only say they wanted a tall man, but to actually list height requirements?
I could see shoe requirements.
I don't know about height.
If you were my fiance or girlfriend, I would love to take you shopping for the higher heel shoe, the better.
Oh, and then you know I love shoes.
I'm rocking Jessica Simpson today.
I have a sick shoe collection.
Shoes and purses and accessories, I think, are every girl's dream.
And lip gloss, of course.
And you were actually voted.
They actually had a competition voting celebrity feet.
Yes.
And you got four out of five stars.
Yes, I did.
Four and a half, actually.
Okay.
It's funny.
Every now and then, I think we all do it.
We Google ourselves because there's always updated things on like a weekly basis.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'm always curious to see what new sites are, you know, adding me onto their site.
Must be nice.
I came across this site that had like celebrity feet and I was on there and I got four and a half out of five stars.
And it's just like, whatever floats your boat, dude.
I mean, I do have a lot of fans that want photos of my feet if that's their fetish.
So be it.
You'll send a fan photos of your feet?
No, I've never done that.
Okay.
I've never done that.
So if you want to see photos of my feet, just go to one of my photos that's a full body shot and go zoom in on my foot.
You try to zoom in.
As I'm zooming, it gets blurrier.
This isn't working.
It's not enough.
It's not enough.
That's fine.
You see it like sort of like head shots, but you know, it's like the foot sitting on a mink coat or something.
Yeah.
How do you make your foot smile too?
I can make a wink.
Very professional.
Yeah.
Ooh.
I'm like 10 minutes after a manicure, you know, just perfect.
Alisa, we are going from the top, from the bottom to the top.
We're going now from your feet to your beautiful mouth and your singing.
We have a clip now.
The clip that we were provided, I honestly, it was great, but I don't think it showcased you enough.
Okay.
So therefore, I did come across this clip, Simple and True.
Oh yes.
Which I think is really beautiful and I think showcases you more.
So we're playing that right now.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
Simple and True.
It's simple and true Simple and true Listen, I surrender my resistance I'll do more than just giving I'll give you everything Out there I knew I'd find you somewhere And it's so real that I don't care I want you well, well But you can't wake up until It's simple and true It's not what you've done It's what you do I've been around the world Seen enough To learn To learn To learn To learn To learn To learn To learn It's not what you've done, it's what you do I've been around the world, I've seen enough To know there's nothing more Anyway you're gonna do You're the truth Nothing I know compares to you Every little thing you do Is a living proof you're loved It's the perfect night It's not a perfect life You just can't deny the reason why you're this wise I want to be your star Anywhere you go I want you Anywhere you go I want you It's simple and true It's not what you've done, it's what you do I've been around the world, I've seen enough To know there's nothing more So anyway you're gonna do You're the truth Nothing I know compares to you Every little thing you do Is a living proof you're loved It's simple and true It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done It's nothing you've done XM165.
Sal, I think we can both agree that Carly Rae Jepsen has officially been dethroned.
I totally agree.
You know, as I'm looking at that, as I'm listening to that, I'm watching the slideshow here on YouTube, I felt like Alisa and I just broke up.
Aw.
I started to cry.
You can still call me, baby.
It was so good at once.
You know, what's really cool about that song is a lot of people don't know I was in a girls group called 3G's and we were signed with Hollywood Records and Benny Medina and Handprint Management, which Benny Medina was Jennifer Lopez's manager, managed us and I got asked to be solo once I joined the girls group.
And that's one of the songs that I recorded.
So I'm currently, you know, working on a new album and, you know, working on a new project and I have a song that if you want to purchase it, it's on a site called CD Baby.
That's C-D, the letters, baby.com and search Alisa Reyes or follow me at alisareyes.com where I have all of my links for Facebook, at Alisa Reyes on Twitter, where you can purchase my song for only 99 cents.
That's nothing.
That's nothing.
Alisa, be honest with us.
Did you get asked to go solo because you excelled or because the two others were holding you back?
Well, you know what it is?
I got brought in in the aspect of them knowing that I also was an atrix and I think they came to the point where they were like, you know, Alisa has a fan base.
This is when I was just finishing, you know, all that in one world and finally getting on.
I don't know if a lot of people know, but I also play the voice of La Cienega Boulevardes on the Disney show, The Proud Family.
So, you know, I had that fan base and they were like, why don't we just make you a solo artist?
And believe it or not, I always wanted to be a solo artist anyway.
Being an actress, I'm also a producer.
I'm also a writer.
I'm coming out with a kid's book later this year in honor of my mom that passed away a couple of years ago.
So I'm kind of a jack of all trades.
So when I finally got asked to do solo project, I said yes, because that's what I wanted to do anyway.
I love the girls.
It was a great concept.
But when you're solo, you finally get to have your own creative input.
So as Beyonce, as a soloist, do you ever get back together with Destiny's Child?
Would I ever get back with the girls?
I would if we could.
We had a song on the Princess Diaries soundtrack.
So yeah, if the girls ever want to get back, Amy Christie, holler at me and we can maybe do another track together.
That's quite a credit.
I don't know if many people know this, Sal, but Princess Diaries is the movie that launched Chris Pine's career.
Chris Pine of Star Trek?
Yeah.
I know Anne Hathaway was in it.
Oh yeah, her.
Oh yeah, just that girl who's in Les Miserables.
We have a this just in, Sal.
Yes.
We have a troubling update.
What is it?
I did a comb YouTube several pages for a clip of our lovely guest tonight, today, playing a prostitute.
Unfortunately, I was not able to find that.
However, I found a disturbing amount of mentions of Orphan Black.
Orphan Black?
Yes.
Is that you or is that another Lisa Reyes?
I have no idea what that is.
That must be another Lisa Reyes.
It looks like a very low budget horror film shot and presumably aired on the BBC.
It's not her, Chris.
No.
Okay.
I don't know.
I did a horror film called Sisters with my co-stars from All That with Katrina Johnson and Angelique Bates.
But no.
Orphan Black?
No.
No está a mí.
Sorry.
Let me ask you, Elisa, you were on a Nickelodeon show.
I mean, aside from Disney, that's about as innocent as you can get, so to speak.
Yes.
So how did you decide or how are you deciding how to project yourself and your looks unlike my look?
Mm-hmm.
Now that you're a beautiful grown woman, I mean, how did you, you know, did you decide, oh, I shouldn't do that, I can't do that?
I mean, because there are some beautiful bikini shots of you.
Oh, thank you.
Of course.
You know, my whole thing is this.
I loved working for Sirius 198 when I did Playboy because I was very big on saying, I work for Playboy but my clothes are fully on.
I feel in life, you know, especially me being of diversity because a lot of fans ask me, and that's kind of why I want to get into what I'm going to talk about is they always ask me advice on how did I get into the business, how do you choose the roles that you choose, you're such a great role model, which I love all my fans on Twitter and Facebook.
Without you guys, things would not be possible with the support system.
And you have the ethnic diversity or ethnic ambiguity of a female newscaster.
Oh, thank you.
I would love to do newscasting.
I think I would do very well in journalism.
And you're going to talk about how people ask for your advice.
You decided to start life coaching.
I did.
I started doing life coaching because I had a lot of fans literally come up to me and ask me, how did you get in the business?
God, you know, you're so many different ethnicities, you know, how'd you do it?
Or, you know, I have all these companies that, you know, want money.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
Anybody that asks you for money up front, it's a scam.
I mean, realistically, I right now decided that motivational coaching, whether it's career identity or branding, is something that I wanted to share with my fans on a more personal level.
So on my website, there's a link to this great company that I'm working with called LivePerson.com.
All you have to do is search my name, Elisa Reyes, and whether it's via email or a live chat session, I can basically, you know, be your coach for an hour, two or three, whatever your heart desires.
And, you know, I can help you and guide you and motivate you and be that motivating cheerleader that you need.
A lot of people just need a little bit of a push.
Elisa, you are so sexy.
If I were to call you for an hour on the phone, Sure.
I don't think I would be thinking motivation.
Well, I can motivate you in all different ways.
Wow.
So how do people call you?
Wait, they go to LivePerson.com?
So you go to my site, ElisaReyes.com, and you can click on my link that I have for LivePerson.com or go straight to LivePerson.com and search Elisa Reyes.
And I'm under three categories for either motivational coaching for professionals that are 18 to 40 or that if you want branding or identity help, you know, within your career.
And obviously, my sales me time today shows that I could probably use your services.
Well, not a problem.
We can range that.
So this is kind of cool, Elisa.
It looks like you really made an effort to be accessible to your fans because one of the clips that I just stumbled across is it looks like you sat down and did kind of a Skype interview.
Yes, in my home.
You do reach out to your fans, yes.
It's important.
You have to.
You know, without Twitter and without Facebook and there's this also great website that I'm on called Whosay.com.
And it's Whosay.com.
And it's a great way for fans just to be able to get all the accessibility off of one site.
And that's, it's kind of a new site that's only been on for maybe like two years now, but now it's available as an app on Android and iPhone.
So like I said, if you go to alisarays.com, all that stuff is accessible.
But yeah, I do a lot of stuff whether it's like anti-bullying or I'm doing a panel next week with a really great company called Team True Beauty where we go and motivate girls about finding inner beauty.
I'm all about really just trying to be positive.
It doesn't matter how old you are, what color of skin you are.
It's just really finding that true essence with inside you and just projecting that.
And that's why I really wanted to do this.
I like how you call it life coaching.
Yeah, well, you know, let me ask you this though.
To play devil's advocate here, you are a beautiful woman.
You go talk to a chubby teen about how to find inner beauty.
She might be like, oh, that's easy for you to say, bitch.
Fuck you, huh?
Yeah.
You know what?
At the end of the day, believe it or not, it really honestly, it doesn't matter if you want to be on camera, off camera, if you don't want to be in the business.
And a lot of my motivational coaching isn't even necessarily about being in the business.
It's just trying to find that inner self-esteem and confidence.
And I really am big on this anti-bullying thing because I remember growing up in school, I used to go to the old famed school in New York.
I went to school with Britney Spears.
I'm gonna live forever.
I mean, we had kids of all different, I mean, right now, have you seen that show Girls on HBO?
I mean, it doesn't matter what you look like.
Yes.
You know what I mean?
I feel like the new normal is not normal anymore.
No pun intended.
So it really doesn't matter about your weight or the color of your skin or what you physically look like.
Because there's so many successful people.
Sometimes, believe it or not, I think if you are what everybody thinks you should be, that does hinder you a little bit.
I've noticed a trend that you look at the last, I don't know what, four decades, all the pop singers are attractive.
Is that a coincidence?
Well, I mean, I think sex sells and, you know, having beauty helps.
It doesn't hurt.
But at the end of the day, when you're listening to the radio, you're not visually able to see them.
You want to listen to their voice and what their message is.
So, that's why I love the show The Voice.
I'm a big fan of The Voice.
I love Shakira and Usher on The Voice.
And that was also another thing that I loved working on all that on Nickelodeon is because everyone that's famous now, I've already met.
So, I met Usher.
I met Craig Mack.
I mean, I'm bringing it back.
Anybody that was hot in the 90s, I have met.
And it's great to see them doing so well.
Usher, give me a call.
Let's do a track together.
And now you're meeting Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z of Registered Ear Offenders.
Exactly.
Did you ever think that you would ascend to this level?
I love you guys.
You guys are awesome.
Now, Elisa, when you first auditioned, how did that come about, the opportunity to audition for all that?
And did you have any idea that it was going to go for three seasons or that it was going to be appreciated, followed?
Well, the sketch comedy, I started acting when I was eight years old based out of Manhattan, New York City, born and raised, that's right, from New York.
East Coast?
That's right.
But I've been out here for like literally over 15 years.
But no, I had this audition for a sketch comedy show and everyone on the cast, you know, they were known for doing comedy stand-up.
And I remember my agent telling my mom and I, you have to write a monologue, you have to write a stand-up comedy routine.
And I was literally 13 years old and I did not even know where to start.
My mom and I created this really funny little quirky thing.
I went in there, I literally auditioned seven times for this freaking show.
Seven times.
And Dan Schneider and Brian Robbins, who were on the show head of the class, were the producers and creator of the show.
And by the sixth or seventh time, I would go in and I'd see the receptionist.
I'd be like, what up, Stacy, how you doing?
Finally, once they figured out who the whole cast was going to be, because I was one of the last people casted along with Kenan Thompson, who's currently on SNL right now.
You know, but no, it was great.
I mean, literally, I wish I could go back.
We shot the show in Orlando, Florida.
And right now, there's like a big petition to get Universal Studios opened again because, you know, Universal Studios is great out here, but there's nothing like going to Florida.
I love Florida.
I love me some Miami.
I love me some Orlando.
I love me some Key West.
Do you love guys from Florida?
Do I love guys from Florida?
Because Chris Z here is from Florida.
Well, I've had some good experiences born and raised 22 years, 28 years.
What am I saying?
Wow.
Lisa, let me ask you this.
Related to all that, what was your most famous character?
And can you give us a little piece of it today?
Sure.
I played Kiki the Island Girls and basically it was myself and Lori Beth Denberg.
And Lori Beth, if you haven't seen her recently, did a really great cameo on Workaholics.
I love that show.
Have you guys watched?
Yeah.
Love it.
Did you see her in the hot tub?
Yes.
I wish I would have popped out with her and done what I'm about to do.
I wish you would have too.
I know.
And so basically I would sing a song at the end and I'd go, we're stranded, so stranded on this little desert island.
There's not much around but a tree and some coconuts but it's okay because Fran's here and I'm here and you're here and we're going to live here forever and ever and ever and ever and then after like 18 Cokes later I would like pass out.
So I played kind of like Marianne from Gilligan's Island and it's funny because when I used to you know, flick around on, on YouTube and watch myself I was like, I was kind of sexy before it's seen.
They had me in some like little short shorts.
So you were in sexy short shorts at 14?
Is there a clip of this on YouTube?
I would like to provide it for Chris Z.
There's tons of clips of the Kiki the Island Girl on YouTube.
Kiki.
And if you go to ElisaRays.com I have a really great fan video that someone posted that is all of these different, go to where it says Elisa Rays.
It looks like a little TV screen.
You're on my website I see.
Yeah, right there.
Elisa, do you and your fiance plan to have children?
Definitely.
Not for, you know, a little, maybe like three or four or five more years.
I feel like I'm still young and I have a lot going on in my life.
I have some new projects going on.
I did a project called Grow Up Already with Wesley Jonathan who was on That's What I Like About You and Katrina Johnson and Karen Ashley who is an original Power Ranger and Annalisa Vanderpool who was on That's So Raven and that's a show that I produced that I'm also starring in and I'm working on a new project with Katrina Johnson that's a TV project.
I can't give too much but I think everyone that's in all that fan will be very pleased to see Katrina and I doing a new project together.
It's going to be hot.
It's like we're sugar and spice.
I have to let you know if you and your fiance plan to have children if for any reason he can't, you know, because, you know, sometimes the guy is shooting blanks.
What do you want to be a surrogate for me?
I'm saying I would for a small fee like 20 bucks I would be a surrogate for 20 bucks in case your husband well, you know, I want to keep it reasonable.
Okay, cool.
If your husband in the future cannot deliver sometimes, you know, you need a pinch hitter.
I will keep that in mind.
Keep it in mind.
Not a problem.
Elisa, just FYI, we have a human resources department.
Okay.
A little H&R.
A few doors down so you're welcome to file a complaint if you'd like on your way out.
I will definitely put in a grievance report.
We're going to get into our last segment here, Jeremy.
And then right after we close the show, we're going to have you plug everything so all of your fans will know how to reach you.
Let's get into our last segment which is the trouble with porn.
The trouble with porn.
Pet peeves about porn.
You know when you watch porn, something bothers you.
Something pisses you off.
Something downright makes you angry.
Chris, have you noticed the growing trend of the up-close cameras?
Many, many women with hemorrhoids.
Ugh.
There is a lot of women I saw a porn the other day.
A woman was actually trying to cover it.
How was she covering it?
She was trying to cover it with her hand.
Oh.
As they were doing the scene, she was trying to cover it with her hand repeatedly.
Why are there women with hemorrhoids, or men for that matter, with hemorrhoids in porn?
I have to be honest, Sal.
I don't think I know what a hemorrhoid looks like.
So I could have very well seen one and maybe mistaken it for a prolapsed colon.
If you see anything other than the regular looking anus, it is most likely a hemorrhoid.
That is my opinion.
That is my pet peeve on the trouble with porn.
Chris?
What are you watching?
What on earth are you watching?
I'm clicking away. $1.99.
I'm clicking away on whatever 30-second clip I can get my clicker on.
Like the chicks using fucking heroin and at the same time?
I mean, I've seen some stuff from Germany.
I've never seen anything quite that troubling.
One thing I don't like in particular is, particularly when they use black guys, because black guys tend to be very well endowed, and they don't really, they never go balls deep.
What does that mean?
By the way, I really wish you'd given our guest an opportunity to excuse herself before we commence the next segment, so I do apologize, at least.
That's okay.
It is on the manifest.
So, yeah, and you'll get these big guys like Blackzilla, and because their penis is so large, they can't utilize it, and you see, like, they can barely move.
They move very slowly.
They never go more than halfway in.
And that pisses you off.
It looks like the couple's been married for a couple years.
Like, it's just really dull, and it's not at all exciting to watch.
What makes me sad not to interrupt is that you're just fixated on the guy aspect.
Shouldn't you be a little fixated on the girl?
Chris Z, ladies and gentlemen.
Again, if the guy underperforms, the girl underperforms.
So the two go hand in hand.
You are committed.
Hey, listen, we have a caller.
Let's patch him through.
A caller?
We have a caller.
You are listening to Registered Ear Offenders today with Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z.
Elisa Reyes in the studio.
Who is on the line?
They just dropped.
It's because of Blackzilla.
It's because of Blackzilla.
No, Elisa, you have a pet peeve.
You have something that troubles you with porn.
You know what?
Listen, I'm not really a big porn watcher, but every now and then you flick the channel and you're like, oh, I feel that it's unnecessary for a man to wear socks.
I don't think tube socks work if you're going to be in the porn industry.
I mean, hey, listen, I got four out of five for my feet, so you got to show your feet.
That's where the money is.
So that's my pet peeve, even though I'm not a big porn watcher.
It's very funny that you said that because I've seen socks, but I've also seen socks and sneakers, which has just baffled me like a completely naked man.
Maybe they were just really anxious wanting to get into the zone really fast.
Well, our friend of the show, Nesta Rodriguez, has talked about in his stand-up routine, he talks about the guys in porn wearing watches.
Oh.
Why are they wearing watches?
Do you have an appointment?
Because it's not a time.
I don't know.
It's not a time.
Elisa Reyes, tell all of our listeners after that, after that, tell all of our listeners where they can see more of you and learn more about you.
All right.
So go to A-L-I-S-A-R-E-Y-E-S dot com.
Follow me on Twitter at Elisa Reyes.
Please like my Facebook page.
Unfortunately, I hit capacity on my own personal page, which I think is crazy.
They only allowed 5,000 and they allowed me 5,300, so I had to create a fan page.
So listen, one thing about me is I always, always converse with all my fans.
I like to be in touch with you and if you join my fan club, just by emailing me at Elisa Reyes forever, so it's basically Elisa Reyes, the number four ever, at gmail.com or you can also email me at Elisa Reyes fan mail at gmail.com.
Say, join fan page and I will be sending out quarterly emails, maybe some autographs.
I'm going to be opening up an online store and hit me up on liveperson.com and search Elisa Reyes if you would like some life motivational advice.
And in case you missed any part of that, Elisa's personal Facebook page is at capacity.
Yes.
So in the meantime, we'll go to Registered Ear Offenders Facebook page and like that.
So like that, like her by proxy is what I'm saying in the meantime.
Yes.
When you say you'll be sending pictures to fans, any of these of your feet at all?
You know what?
Maybe I'll have to just do a little something special just for people.
You have to do it.
Four out of five stars for celebrity feet.
Four and a half.
Four and a half.
Four and a half.
You know, since most scales go to 10, Sal, I think that means she has a nine out of 10 feet.
Yes.
I don't know who does a five point scale.
She does not have Morton's toe.
I have 10 toes.
No, he made me very, he elaborated what Morton, what is it called?
Morton's toe is when the second toe is longer than the big toe.
A lot of people have it.
She does not have it.
Her toes are in line.
The big toe is the big toe.
Thanks be to Jesus.
Thank you, God.
Thank you.
Does it mean anything bad?
Is it some harbinger of poor health or something to have a long nail?
It could create knee problems in the future.
Well, there you go.
Well, I don't think it's flattering if the girl's toes are going over their stilettos.
That's not cute.
If they have the long nails going over, that might be a little sexy.
A lot of black women have the long nails on their toes.
Oh, they get acrylic on their toenails.
I might be okay with that.
Okay, girl.
You know, I'm nowhere near as focused on feet as Sal is, but I do remember once my good friend's wife was walking around in sandals and I can safely say that her toes were about 50% longer than they should have been.
And it was all I could do.
So that means she had the wrong size shoe.
Because if you have the wrong size shoe, your feet will go over your shoe.
I hope that's what it means.
Because to me, it looked like her toes were 50% longer than they should have been for a woman her size.
And I could, it was all I could do to not just fixate on them.
Everybody, you have been listening to Registered Ear Offenders hosted by Sal Rodriguez and Chris Z on skidrowstudios.com in conjunction with Extreme Talk XM165.
Our beautiful and talented guest for today, Miss Alisa Reyes.
I love you guys.
Thank you so much.
I hope to come visit again.
All right, Chris, you have any parting words?
Yeah, follow me on Twitter, chrisz34.
At Sal Los Angeles, thank you, Jeremy Hansen.
Thank you, Skid Row Studios.
Thank you, Mr. Wes Hambright.
And if you happen to be in Afghanistan, look for us in June.
Thank you.
Registered Ear Offenders doing stand-up comedy.
All right, guys, let's go have a drink.
See you next week.
Peace.
Peace.
