I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair question. Olive, right in the heart of things here. And the reason I call the show It's a Fair Question is because on this show, there is no question that is ever off limits. That's right. There's no question that is ever too personal. Any question is a fair question. And today is a very special, special kind of episode. We usually do the show at night, but I have such a huge guest. He couldn't do nights. Oh no. So Vic, you want to do the show with me? You're going to have to do it in the afternoon because this guy doesn't roll late night. No, because I'm a dad and I've got a baby. I don't do late night stuff anymore. So he is such a star. We made it happen. And he's sitting across from me right now. His name is Jamie Kaler. Hello, Jamie. Hi, Vic. How are you? I'm very well. That's a very smooth voice you have. Is that your radio voice? That's my radio voice today. It's very buttery. Well, it's such a big microphone. And when I have something, you know, that big like that, I like to bring it down. Oh, tell me more. Tone it in. I really appreciate you clearing out the studios today for me. Yeah. I mean, Skid Row Studios. Yeah. This place is usually hustling, bustling. You know, I'm anti-entourage. I don't even bring my own entourage. I won't let you have an entourage. It's literally you, me, and a producer. That's how I work. That's how I work. Closed set. So I'm very Harvey Keitel-like. Well, first of all, I want to let everyone know how you and I met. Clint's List, Casual Encounters. We can talk about that, right? What was great is I also bought a bed off you and we had Casual Encounter. And then I said, I love the bed. And you said, it's crazy. It's also for sale. And my wife loves the bed. I can't tell her where I got it, of course. Right. Well, that's cool. Well, now she knows. And that's probably important. She won't watch the show. Trust me. She still doesn't know. Now, I need to tell you a couple of things. First of all, and I want all of you listening to know how I'm in the business. Jamie, for real, Jamie's done a show on TBS called Deal With It. It's Howie Mandel's show, executive produced by him and Theo Vons, the host. And you've done the show a couple of times, right? I've guested once each season. Yeah. And honestly, it's a really fun show to do. And then we did kind of hit it off because you were one of the stars of the show who kind of go out and mess with people. And it was really fun. It's such a great time. And you're a great guy. I got to tell you, you know, certain people you meet- Oh, man. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. You're a great guy. And you just go, this is a good guy. Yeah, I put on a great facade. Seriously. Ask my wife. I should show you some of my wife's text messages from this morning. No, I'm not saying you're perfect. She doesn't appreciate me. No, well, that's okay. I mean, I'm not putting you up as like a god. I know you have your flaws. I'm a good guy to hang around with, I guess. I'm a good guy to have a couple of drinks with. Well, I'm sure you are. And I want to get this out of the way because I think it's important to kind of, I don't want there to be any tension. And if I don't say this right away, then there might be. Sure. So, you know, I don't have a lot of guy friends. I mean, I have some. Sure. But not a ton. And I don't have a wife like you or any wife for that matter. Yet one like yours. No. And so I have a bit of, I would say I developed kind of early a little bit of a man crush. Oh. On you. I'm so flattered. I know, it's crazy. I am so flattered. But not in a gay way. Not that that would be wrong. Well, I feel very similar. I have a man crush on you because I got to be honest with you. I have been asked by many friends and cohorts. They come do shows of this ilk. Yeah. And I, you know, I'm busy and I don't. I know you are. I also just, I don't want to do them. But with you, I was like, absolutely. I'll come down there in a heartbeat and come to the show because I knew it would be a fun, a fun convo. Well, it really means a lot to me and all of the people listening. You know, this guy is really great. And the fact we've got an hour with him is really special. Now, I gave, I got you a little gift. Shut up. Okay. Because like. Besides the money you gave me for parking. Right. Basketful of chips. Change. And I, and like I said, you can hold up the camera too. You know, it is, like I said, it's, I have a little bit of a man crush. And why, it is Valentine's Day coming up. Why not love? Why can't men love each other? I scratched it out and put like. But you like me. Well, I do. Does it have to grow into love? Do we only start at like and then it becomes love? If I put love, it would be a joke and wouldn't be real. Oh. But if I put like, that's believable. What if it's, um, to tell you that I, yeah, like is proud, love you. Although. That looks like my dog. We have a puppy. It's cute, isn't it? Yeah, it's a great puppy. Can you open it up? Let me open it up. I didn't really write a lot. All my heart. All the best. I didn't want to write too much because I was feeling vulnerable. But. Now, is it going to be weird when I reuse this to give it to my wife and I just cross out what you wrote and then write it? You know what, you should. Or actually, I might be able to just get away with just re-signing it. You could turn Vic into Jamie somehow if you're quick with the letter. That's really sweet. Thank you. And I, these, listen, these cards aren't cheap. No, they're not. Trust me. There's a lot of stuff going into this card. There was. There was a lot. There was a lot of thought. I just wanted to, you know, say a little special thank you. And it was Valentine's Day. It's much appreciated. And you are, I won't say you're my Valentine, but I'm not like attached right now. Why can't I be your Valentine? Okay. Well, if you're willing to be. I think it's a, it's a beautiful thing to be someone's Valentine. I agree. And I don't. I'm always amazed when somebody, you know, repels someone's affection. Isn't it nice to be liked? I think it is. Isn't it nice for someone to, you know, pay a compliment and say that they liked it? Well, thank you. Of course. People are like, well, no, I appreciate it. And I like you too. Well, thank you. And I, and I'm happy this has been, you've taken it well, because if it had, if you hadn't, it could have been an awkward, you know, time the rest of the show. Oh, yeah. I could have stormed. I almost stormed out when there was no coffee in the studios. That's really my, usually my rider, my rider, my one rider is coffee without powdered cream. I usually, that's like if I raise a stain. I kind of believe you almost. But you know, I believe you. You should believe me. It's very, I'll go, even when my friends are shooting like little no budget things and I go, you do a favor. And you shoot something in some guy's small budget film or something. I go, listen, all I care about is have coffee and some cream. That's all. That's all I care about. Well, what's really funny to me about that whole thing is that the reason you got the card, I had only a certain amount of cash on me. And it was, first I was going to get two bananas in water for you and water for me. Right. But I didn't have enough cash with the cover that you're parking too. So I forgot, I, I forwent, if that's even a word, the bananas in the water. For sale. And went with the card. So you would have had a cold water. But I like the card better. I think the card's better. I think you chose wisely. And honestly, I like the card. Okay. I'm going to put this in my rear, my, the rear window in my car. I'm just going to have it facing out. Sure, I'll have a water. That sounds great. And then let everybody know how much you cared about me. Well, I'm flattered. That's amazing. Well, good. I'm happy. That somebody took an effort to go do something like that. It's a beautiful thing, right? Thank you. I actually appreciate it. And I'll definitely take a banana as well. I'll take a banana and a water. You can bring it up and I'll reimburse you for the banana too. You want a banana on camera? It's not like I haven't eaten a bananas on camera before. Yeah, he wants a banana. I'm not going to fall for that banana in a tailpipe. We're talking to Jenny, our producer, who actually has bananas and water, coincidentally. Beautiful. So for those of you who aren't- By the way, let me interrupt you. This card reminds me, you put more effort than my mom ever did. Like my mom will give me cards for my birthday or whatever, and there'll be nothing in the card except for what Hallmark wrote into it. And then she just wrote love mother at the bottom. But I don't think she's deliberately not writing. I think she just really spends a lot. She just spends a lot of time and chooses the card that very specifically says exactly what she wants to say to me. Like you are a beautiful son. I wish you a happy birthday. Like she goes, that's exactly how I feel, and then just signs it. Well, it's funny because you're so creative, but you're so creative. You didn't get that change from her, it seems like. No. And you know what's funny? I guess I got it from my father, but I never met that guy. Like my dad was 43 when I was born. So by the time I really was kind of a young boy, I was, you know, he was 50. Right. And he was kind of a beaten guy. He was down because he worked a lot. And I'm the youngest of six. So at that point, he was like, look, just don't die. You know, he didn't care. But I hear later on from everyone else who were friends with him when he was young and my mother, they were like, he was a really funny guy. And he would get up and tell stories. And he played a little piano. And he was kind of a witty guy, very much how I am now. But you didn't know him that way? I never knew that guy. Did he pass away when you were- He has passed now, but he was with me for a long time. I never knew him as a young man. I only knew him as a 50-year-old man. But even as a 50-year-old, I know a lot- He wasn't. He wasn't. He lost his spunk? He lost his spunk. Oh, that's sad. It was a different era, you know? I don't know. I mean- He's the youngest. I was the youngest of six. So he had raised six kids. He just was beaten. He was exhausted. Yeah, he was- I think he was exhausted. That's too bad, though. You missed out. We never went- He never took me to a baseball game. We never went to the movies. He chained smoke, so he couldn't sit in a theater for two hours or anything. So we never- You know, we hung at the house. He was a great guy. Right. Did you at least- We'd play some sports in the backyard, but once he got home from work, he was just like, just leave me alone. Like, it was that generation. It was Cats in a Cradle. It's the song, basically. He grew up to be just like me. Right. If you don't know that song, if you're too young, that would be Harry Chapin, Cats in the Cradle. But what's the story about? It's the father never had time for the son, and when the son gets older, he has no time for dad. Yeah. He goes, hey, can you come see me? And he goes, oh, I wish I could, Dad. The kids are sick, and we can't get out. And then he goes, he grew up to be just like me. Listen, I want all of you to know the work, before we go any further, that this man that I'm talking to has been a part of. I'm going to go through some of your credits real quickly. We'll talk about them. King of Queens. Well, there's too many, so I'll cue you when I want to hear some. I just want to give a, I want to get an umbrella- You tell me when to talk. Of what you've done, because it's so impressive. King of Queens, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Will and Grace, played Gary five times. Now, the show's called It's a Fair Country. It's a fair country question. So, I'm going to ask you. You don't have to answer. I usually don't give people that little clue. Trust me, I will answer very specifically, and I'll blow people out of the water. I couldn't give a, can I swear? Yes, please. I couldn't give a shit. Okay, good. Now, Will and Grace, now, a lot of people, I know you at home are wondering, you're probably thinking that you do five episodes of Will and Grace, maybe not a star, but that's a lot of money. How much did you get paid for five episodes of Will and Grace? Well, you get scale. And it is a fair question. It's absolutely a fair question. I forget what scale was then. You know, scale, you would work all week, right? So, Monday, you'd go for the table read, and then Tuesday, you would block and start to block, rehearse, and then you'd rehearse all week, and then on Friday, you'd shoot it live in front of a studio audience. Okay. So, it's one week of work, and I didn't, wasn't above scale. I got scale, but scale's pretty good in Screen Actors Guild. It was, I want to say it was five or six thousand for the week, but then you'll get residual checks. So, since then, every now and then. And then I'll get a weird check. Sometimes the check will be for $12. Sometimes the check will be for $2,500. So, let's say. But you get a handful of checks over the years. So, over the years, I've made, I don't know, I couldn't even do the math. 50 grand? Well, just off of doing the five episodes, I would have made 30 grand. So, I would say more than 50 grand. Really? I would say you would make, yeah, maybe 50 to, maybe 50 or 60 grand. But then a part of that money, is that plus 10%? No, you take that out of that. Really? They don't do plus 10? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would take the 10%. Because a lot of times. Is that how it is? Maybe it was scaled plus 10. Usually agents. It might have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but you got to pay your agent and a manager's, manager's another 10%. Okay. You're not usually getting plus 20. No, it comes out, man. It comes out. Yeah. And you get taxed on your full income. You can write off what you paid your agent. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, right. I know that. People look at what people make. But I will tell you that the weeks I was shooting with them, that they were, first of all, it was like going to comedy camp. They were the sharpest team. The writing was ridiculous. Jim Burrows, who was the director of Cheers and creator of Cheers, directed them all. The cast was laser sharp. Each episode, I got to work with the boss of our law firm. So one week it was- Wait, say that again? The boss of? I worked in the law firm with Will. So our boss was a stunt cat. The first time I did it was Gene Wilder. Second episode was Jeff Goldblum. Third episode, fourth episode was Lily Tomlin. So it was just like- Right. I was in awe the entire week. And the cast was razor sharp. That is really interesting. I want a couple things. The first one is that Jamie said, for those of you who aren't kind of aware of what we're talking about, he used the word stunt casting. He doesn't mean stuntman. No. He means that the network will put in big time stars as a stunt to try and increase ratings often during a sweeps period, which is the period a show runs where they're trying to garner the largest audience so they can get the largest advertising dollars for future episodes. It's the way they set the advertising dollars is through the sweeps period. Although in this case, stunt casting might be the wrong term. Because you're not casting Ashley Simpson or Britney Spears would be stunt cast because they're not known. You know, when you cast Gene Wilder, there's nobody better for that part or any part. Right. Or Jeff Goldblum or Lily Tomlin. Sometimes- So it was like the funniest people on earth were on that show. Harry Connick Jr. was on it, Minnie Driver. And the ones, the episodes you were on. All the episodes I did was with unbelievable casts. And the main cast at that point was making, I think, half a million dollars a week. Okay. A couple of, one other thing I just want to backtrack. Earlier when we were talking about plus 10%, for those of you who don't know what that means, when an actor gets a job, let's say it's a thousand dollars. Usually you give the agent 10%. So then the actor would get $900. But what agents like to do is they'll negotiate and say, I want my actor to get his full rate of a thousand plus 10%, which is going to go to me, the agent. So it doesn't come out of the actor's a thousand bucks. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. They never go plus 20. They'll maybe go a thousand dollars plus 10, but Jamie would still have to pay that 10% to a manager, which would come out of just, just in case you're curious how that works. But, um. Everything comes out of that. Yeah. Right. Now, unless they go plus 10. Right. Okay. Um. You really harp on that plus 10 thing. Well, you know. I feel like it's a minor thing and you're really. It is. But you know what? I get. He's really obsessing about the extra 10%. You know what it is? I get really anal. Like if someone at home knows nothing about the business, like I want them to fully understand. I feel like everybody knows the business now. It used to be they didn't, but between like Project Greenlight and American Idol, I'm pretty sure like kids are cutting deals now at the age of like six and seven. They might be, right. Deadline Hollywood, all these, it's like you talk to some kid in Indiana and he's like, what were the overnight numbers for the Olympics last night? They're like, oh, I got a 6.4 rating. And you're like, you're 12 years old in Minnesota. Maybe you should worry about the craft as opposed to, but that's the age with Twitter. It's like how many Twitter followers you got? What's your Q rating? That's what kids are growing up with. Well, the other thing about that is there is some like weight to that. I mean, you know. There's huge weight to it. That's the problem. It's social media dictating who gets what as opposed to talent. We had people on Deal With It, you know, who are YouTube stars. And I'm not, that was great. And, you know, in that world, they're stars, but some people don't know them. Or, you know, the way networks on a lot of shows now will cast is they'll say, how many followers does this person have? They ask me at auditions, they go, how many Twitter followers you got? Yeah, I mean, that's the world now. It's pretty interesting. It is the world. But the problem is that you see from certain people who have multi-million followers on Twitters and their TV shows don't have ratings is that they still haven't figured out how to cross-pollinate it and make it really work. And so you're, it's just a knee-jerk reaction to cast, let's face it, TV make stars. Nobody knew anybody on Cheers or Seinfeld before those shows blew up. You know, they made a great show and then the viewers came. But nowadays, they stunt cast with a giant name who has a billion followers, a la Kim Kardashian or whatever. And that's what rules the world. You know, when I was a kid, it used to be you didn't talk about your business. You weren't like, oh, you didn't brag about all the stuff you've done. And those were the guys who did the most. It was usually the braggers who did the least. And nowadays, it's the people who just, blah, blah, blah, this is what I'm doing constantly, 24-7, are the people who get the most jobs as opposed to the, you know, the talented guy who's sitting in the corner quiet. It's the person with the best publicist now. Well, let me get back to your work over on Will & Grace. Okay. Were you scared working with all these? Oh, my God, yes. How'd you get the job? I auditioned. So you're just one guy in a room. Yeah, I auditioned one time. It was a big job for me because I hadn't recurred on any show yet. Friends was a one-off. Friends was a one-off. I had, you know, each one of these was a, a certain building block and a step that you get to. And so this was a big job. And I remember I had done a gig in San Diego with Chris Hardwick. Overnight, we had done stand-up down there. And we stayed the night. And then I got the call in the morning and they said, hey, there's a last-minute call for Will & Grace. And I was like, shoot, I gotta get up. So we ran and I drove back up really quickly and I tried to learn the lines the best I could and I was nervous and I went over to CBS Radford and I read for all the producers and I was really nervous. About Will & Grace. And Carrie Leiser, who was the one who worked on the show, who ended up being my biggest supporter, they hired me. I found out later it was supposed to be Josh Duhamel and he, at the last second, pulled out for some reason. And so I just luckily fell into that place. And then it was only supposed to be a one-off. But they liked the character, they liked me, and they kept bringing me back. And so that's happened on a few. Like King of Queens was the same. I would go on a show and, you know, you'd be funny and you'd do a good job. Same with Deal With It. With Howie Mandel, I felt like the first time we did it, it was great. And so when they go, you know, they just go bring him back. Because this business is about like, it's not about, you know, it's more about hanging on set with somebody for 12 hours. Is somebody cool to hang out with for 12 hours? Because there's a lot of funny people in this town, you know? There's a lot of really talented people. It's more about, oh my God, can I be on a set with this guy for 12 hours? And it's always kind of worked out. So they cast me back. Take us through, again, the audition, like real specifically, with the producers of Will & Grace. Now, how many pages of sides did you have? Do you remember? Yeah, it was like three different scenes. It was a lot. And did you have it memorized? I think I do pretty much memorize my scenes for the most part. I'll be pretty much off paper. Otherwise, I can either do one of two ways. I can be totally cold read it and I'll be pretty good. Where I have to look down and pick up every line. Or I'll be totally off paper and I'll know the scene by heart and I'll be pretty good. But if I'm in the middle where I kind of am second guessing myself, is this the line? It's a disaster. So I kind of, I think I had it pretty well memorized. And I remember I did it and it was really funny. And I felt like, oh, this is clicking. And I did it. And they looked at me and there was a huge pause and they stared at me. And they were like, all right, thanks for coming in. And I was like, ah, shit. Not usually. Because they usually have you do it a couple of times. And so I went, okay, thanks. And I got up and they watched me walk out and I walked out. And as I got to my car, one of the assistants came out to me and said, hey, can you come back in and do it again? And so, and I was like, well, yes. Which has happened to me many times as well. And sometimes I've booked in, sometimes I haven't. So they brought me back in and they go, could you do it again and do it a little bit like this? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did it like that. And they were like, and they smiled and they were like, all right, thanks for coming in. And I knew then I was like, I think I got that job. And I left and I was like, I got it. And it was like that. But every audition's like that, man. You just get used to them. And so finally you get to a point where once you've kind of worked enough, you know, I was a regular on My Boys for four years. And so after that, I kind of was like, all right, you know, I'll work in this business. And so I still go to auditions. I still get nervous sometimes. Sometimes I don't, but I never like take it too much to heart. Well, you sound like a really good auditioner because you've had a lot of parts and a lot of huge sitcoms. That is the skill in this town. People say, oh, I'm an actor. And I go, I'm not an actor. I'm a professional auditioner. And every now and then, one of those pays off. But as a living, on a daily basis, I audition for a living. Where did you, where did you learn your technique to audition? whatsoever. You know what? I did take one class that was a cold reading class with Brian Reese, which was amazing. And he was like, How do you spell that for those here in town? R-E-I-S-E. Brian Reese. Everybody has studied with him. Clooney, everybody's been in the class at one point. He has like classes all week long. And it's more, he goes, I'm not going to teach you how to act. You either act or you don't. And I'll teach you how to walk into a room and be yourself. It's funny, whenever I'm on a show, my friends will watch me and they'll be like, dude, you're just being yourself. And I go, you try being yourself when somebody yells action with lines you didn't write. And that's the skill. But the goal is to be yourself. Jamie, I think you are, you hit it right on the head. If you look at our biggest stars, who are they? They're themselves. Is Danny DeVito, Danny DeVito? Every time. Right? And that's why he works. Is Tom Cruise, Tom Cruise? Yes. I tell my friends that when you go to an audition, it's like, your mindset shouldn't be, oh, okay, I'm a cop. I'm a father. I'm a father of two. No, you're you. And you just happen to be a cop and a father of two. But be yourself. You have to be yourself because that's the only thing that's going to differentiate you from anybody. You're not, you can't place, you know, yeah, Meryl Streep is Meryl Streep. Everybody wants to be Meryl Streep, but she's one in a zillion. Robert De Niro. And even De Niro at times is like, that's still De Niro. Sure. Well, very few people are chameleons. Well, Philip Seymour Hoffman was, who we lost. Phenomenal. That really upset me too. Yeah, I was sad. I watched the 60 Minutes thing the other night and I was still upset. I missed that, but we did a show last week on it. But it shows you that regardless of how successful or how perfect your performances are, you can see what a troubled soul was under there, man. And I think a lot of actors have that sense of like, I have perfectionism where I go, I'll have a killer standup show and people come up to me and I have to go, man, you fucking destroyed. And in the back of my head, I'm like, all I can do is obsess over the two jokes that I stumbled through or I ate and it didn't come out right. And I go, I can fix that. I can, I can fix it because we have this perfectionism and he had that even though we see this perfect performance, he sees like this, oh, it was a disaster. So getting back to the audition though, regarding that, you took this class, it helped you kind of get kind of focused. It teaches you to audition because at the time I wasn't auditioning much, you know, I was just newer and I really started with a theater company. I was at Acme Comedy Theater and I did sketch for years. But you know, you start to put so much pressure on these auditions and you're like, I gotta go in, I gotta get the job. You have to throw it away and you can't, the problem was, you know, everything meant money. I was trying to live. I was trying to make money. I had a day job. What was your day job? I bartended. While you were doing Will and Grace? Yes, I did actually. I bartended all the way through the first season of My Boys. I gave all my shifts away but finally after like giving my shifts away for like nine months, the manager called me. Get right on top of that mic by the way. The manager called me and he was like, hey, do you still work here? And I was like, no, I don't. I knew we had season two. Were you scared to be saying no? Because that was a job. I was terrified. I shot a pilot early. Oh my God, it was such a good pilot. George Clooney wrote it with Matt Adler. The exec produced it. It was for HBO. I don't know Matt Adler. He was, he was, he was a writer with him and Frank Langella was in it. He played the acting teacher and it was like one of the first things I booked a pilot and I go to this table read and everyone goes, quit your day jobs. Here we go, people. You're going to be a star. They're all like, you're going to, I'm doing all these scenes with Frank Langella and I, uh, Clooney's hanging on set. He's great. It's so much fun. Pilot never get picked up and you're like, well, back to, I just had never quit the day job. Yeah, it's smart not to, right? Yeah, it was hard for me early on to even say, like I had friends who were like, I'm an actor. Really? You've never worked once professionally. I would be the opposite. I would be more like, well, I guess I'm a bartender. Even though at that point I was making, you know, money, tons of money at commercials and other stuff. Right. I guess I was an actor at that point, but I just. You haven't, what's interesting about you also is not only are you funny, but you're a good looking guy. Oh, you're so sweet. Right? This is past, this is part of the crush. But what's funny is in Hollywood, I'm not that good looking because you go into places and you're like, oh my God, that guy's beautiful. Yeah, I know. But you still, you know, you can play, you could play a funny leading man. I mean, especially these days. Please, somebody hire me. You look like a dad and any, you know, a good looking dad. I feel like I'm the brawny lumberjack. Like flannel shirts, good looking dad. I'm not going that far. I gotta bring you back. Back to reality. I think, I think that was not that good looking. He's like the husky, you know, he's been out in the sun. He chops wood. He's a hunk. He's a, oh, he is. Really? The brawny guy's a hunk? I think so. Jenny is the brawny guy a hunk? She can't, she doesn't, she can't talk. She's like, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't, yeah, I don't want to talk to you guys. Why isn't there a camera on her? She should be on camera. Yeah, she's cute. And she's, she's doing a great job too. Now, four seasons, 49 episodes, correct? Yes, that is true. Okay. So, I'm hearing that. I'm thinking like, do you need to work ever again? Yeah. You know, it's funny is when people do say that and yes, I do. Although I did, I did buy a house with it, but I now have a mortgage payment that I need to pay. Right. And it's in Victorville. It's in Victorville. And when I say house, I mean a trailer. But it's a double wide. It's a, it's a, one, one and a half wide. I would give it. Okay. Victorville is a nice area. I, you know what? I sell crystal meth on the side. My namesake. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's your ville. Yeah. So, you, so it was enough to buy a house. That's pretty good. I put a down payment on a house. Okay. And a couple of nice trips. Yeah, you get paid well. When you work, you get paid well. Do you get scared? Like even today, like it's just going to stop. I'm scared right now about this show. It's terrifying me. But like, you know, I mean, do you have that paranoia a lot of? All the time. Every actor says, I'm never going to work again. But you know, I have come to terms with it where I go, you know what? I'm going to work again. I don't care anymore. I stopped caring as much as I used to. I used to care so much. Well, here's the, here's, here's the trick. Unemployment at the top level in California is $420 a week. So my suggestion is build a lifestyle where your expenses are no more than $1,680. Write this down. Trust me. That's, I lived on that for years. When I was working on my boys, I was in a rent controlled studio, apartment at the beach. I owned my car, a little Prius I had, and I never spent a penny of it. I saved it all. But now I'm married with a baby. So your $1,600 a month is out the fucking window, lunatic. Talk to my wife for a second. Are you kidding me? What are you, what are you insane? That's a day. I mean, I got to get rid of them. And then I can, oh man, I'm the king of that. I'm like, what do we need? Why do you need another shirt? Your other shirts, there's nothing wrong with. What do you need? You have a pair of black shoes with heels. I know, but this toe's a little different shape and the heels a little, why do we need to spend money on all this shit? I, I, if I had a choice, I would rather not work and not spend money. Like I still, to my mindset, whenever somebody goes, here's the price of something I go, oh, that was one full bartending shift. I still put everything into that. Like I would make, you know, $150, $200 a shift. Where are you bartending? I used to work at O'Brien's in Santa Monica. Is that like off third street promenade? Like off, it's on main street. Yeah, I know it's on main street. Okay. Main street. I opened it. I worked there for 10 years. Wow. Now, and I drank there for 10 years. Well, as an Irishman, that must have been like your home. It was like, yeah, it was, I actually kind of was my home. I basically lived there. So let's talk a little bit about darkness in your life. Sure. You know, I find that every comic has times, there's a, there is often a darkness, a loneliness, and because of the nature of the business is so hard. And so would you have any vices, any pitfalls that you need to watch out for? Um, not heroin. Right. I mean, I'm, I luckily I never got into it because I probably, my family does have been an addictive gene and I drink. I probably drank excessively when I was younger, especially when I was bartending. I drank free. It's not like open bar. I would still be like, I got to get my money's worth. It's free. I don't care. I got to get my money's worth out of this. So now I pace it a little better. And they saved your job. Yeah. They probably thrilled you. I don't hold it. I probably don't hold alcohol as well as others. I don't think Irish, people do in general. Right. Us and American Indians, I think are the two that are just terrible drinkers. You get depressed. Sure. I mean, I'm talking like real depressed, not like a little glum. I can't gauge that. I mean, I feel depression, but here's, and I, and I always have to say to other people who are depressed, I go, my, the way I deal with it is I bask in it. Like I don't fight it when I have, of course I have horrible depressions and then I have horrible, uh, the opposite. Like I'm totally mood swings. And so when I get depressed, I, you know, I grab a pint of ice cream and I watched three movies and I disappear for two days. Do you have a therapist you go to? I don't. I have standup comedy for that. Really? That's enough. I usually get up and just tell horrible stories on stage. And I have told many, many, many horrible stories. My whole act is just the most embarrassed, but no, what's funny is people do laugh because everyone has had those stories, right? So it's real. It's, it's you. One night we did this standup show in the back of a Bryant's and nobody showed up. It was like five comics. And so we said, all right, everybody get up until the worst, most embarrassing stories of your life. So I get up and I told of the night. I was so, so drunk. I fell asleep with a pint of chocolate fudge brownie on my chest. And when I woke up, that was a giant Brown puddle. And, but I was, didn't know where I was. I was really hung over and I was like, Oh my God, I've shit my chest for one second. I thought I had shit my chest. And so I told that just to my friends and they were like, dude, you have got to do that as part of your standup. Yeah, that's funny. And so I got up one night and it was so embarrassing. And I told that story and everybody can rolled. You're like, Oh, I got something. They were laughing. They're laughing their asses off. And so funny now, because I tell that story now with no embarrassment whatsoever. And so it ended up, I've told so many horribly, horribly embarrassing stories on stage. And that's part of my act because people, we've all done the same thing. Well, don't you think vulnerability is what makes a great comic? I mean, I know we can't make, let me take that back. There are a lot of things to make a great comic, but don't you think that's one type of characteristic? They have to empathize with you, but they do. I've also told stories where people go up, dude, even I'm not that fucked up. Like I didn't do that. And they didn't laugh. And I had a, pull that from the act and realize that, okay, that was a little, I've had that too. Like mom stuff. Like my mom's doing things that were just like, like, no, we're not going. Yeah. We're not going. I think the key to being a really good standup is being likable on stage because the most likable people can say the most horrible, horrible things on stage. Prior, Richard Pryor told the most horrible stories about how terrible of a person he was and the things he had done. And you still were like, oh my God, you wanted to hold him and hug him. Right. Because he was such a likable, an empathetic character. Well, you know, it's a great point you make. And I think that it's often forgotten. Like I'll go, um, you know, try material out somewhere. I might go to an open mic. Sure. In, you know, because just to get out there and, you know, it's easy, just go booming out and it's just a good place to just keep the muscle going. But I think like particularly you see a lot of newer comics and they're very, you know, I think that it's easy to forget. Like you, it's the essence of you. It's like we talked about earlier. It's your point of view. Be you. Be you. Whatever that is. That's so hard. When I first started out comedy, I would have managers come and I would crush and they go, we still don't know who, you know, you need a point of view. Like you could take any joke. Uh, and when Jim Gaffigan says it, it's Jim Gaffiganized. Like he puts it through his Seinfeld. Anybody who, those, those big guys, when they tell any story, it comes out of like them. It's their point of view. And I think in standup, when you finally get to the point where you can just get up and tell it like the other night, I told you, I told a story about, I fought a parking ticket or a speeding ticket because the cop told me to, he, he pulls me over, gives me a ticket. And then at the end he goes, you know, you seem like a nice guy. I want you to ask for a trial and then I won't show up. And so I go, all right, whatever, man. And so I asked for a trial. He had a man crush on you. That guy showed up. He showed up. It's a long story, but, uh, so I got up and told this horrible story for like 10 minutes and it was, people came up to me after and they're like, that story was great. Because I was, I was just being myself on stage. Yeah. It crushed. Yeah. It crushed. And so now I'll, I'll kind of hone it into a piece of my act. You know, like the way I write, um, I'll like, it comes to a lot of times through conversation or experience versus, um, blocking out three or four hours a day. You know, I mean, how do you, what's your style? I'm more like you. And I wish I was more like them. Like Seinfeld got up and wrote jokes. Some people are pure writers and are amazing joke writers. I'm not, I speak, I speak in my own cadence. I have, I talk and stand up almost sometimes, but it's hard for me to sit and write. I will write a block and then it'll morph when I get on stage. I'll write a lot and then it comes out totally different. And then I'll try to rewrite it. And it finally kind of hones its way into the middle where it's kind of written. It's kind of my speech pattern. And then it'll become a block. And I'll say it exactly the same way all the time. You find, um, it sometimes is painful writing. It's unbelievably painful. The whole process is painful. The detail. The detail. And the whole thing's painful. Yeah. And then I'm so not off book. Like I almost wish I was the guy who just had a straight script and did it because it would make my pre-show ritual so less unnerving, but I still get nervous because my brain doesn't go, Oh, eight minutes. I'll do joke one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I'll just say them in order and I'll get off the stage. My brain's like, well, I'm going to open with this. And then it's always changing. And then if something kills, I'll kind of explore that a little more. It's a constant process. So when I did, headlined the road and did like, you know, an hour set, I would get off stage and I would be just physically drained to do like three shows a night would be killer. It would just destroy me. How do you keep track of, I mean, like, does it get to be wrote for you when you're doing an hour where you just kind of know? It does if you are doing it constantly, but you know, then I won't go on the road. I had a, we had a baby. I didn't go on the road for like nine months. I just got up again recently and did some stuff and I was a nervous wreck. But I bet you were better that night than maybe even some of your previous shows. Cause you were fresh and the nerves help sometimes. Well, that night the nerves did not help. But then I got up again a few nights later and I, there was a terrible audience. Everyone was eating shit. It was like only a handful of people and I stopped caring. And so I didn't try to do material and I got up and just talked. And I crushed. And then I dawned on me after that show. I was like, Hey idiot, this is what you do that every time. We know that nerves make us a much worse performer and yet we cannot control them at times. Isn't that crazy? Yeah. You know, like if I walk on totally relaxed, even if I don't remember my bits, pretty funny. I've seen you on the show work in the same way where it's so spontaneous. Yeah, right. And you're a funny guy. And so to remember that, to go on, before I go on stage, you just go, you know what? I'm a funny, I've been doing this for a long time. All I have to do is walk up there, start talking. And if I don't get nervous and get tense and just talk to people, I'll crush. You're so right. I mean, it's hard to remember that. It's impossible. It's impossible. Yeah. And I, one of the most, I have to remind myself of this moment because, because I need to remember, like it's, I have amnesia about certain things. We all do. You know, I don't know if it's like when you're creative, you, there's an also like this insecurities, no memory of success sometimes. I don't know. I mean, it comes and goes. So I'm in, I'm in the Barnes and Noble on third street promenade. And for those of you who don't know, it's on the corner of Wilshire and third, like who gives a shit, but. I know it very well. That's where I lived. It was two blocks North of there on, right on that street. On, on third. I was at second in Washington actually. Okay. So you were just a little bit North of there. For 11 years. Nice. Yeah. So. I miss those days. Yeah. That's a great area. So I'm in there and I ran into John Lovitz and I had met him years ago when he was a guest on Howie Mandel's talk show where I was a writer and I acted a lot on the show. And so as we were talking, I was asking him what he's up to. And he said he was getting ready to be doing a Woody Allen film, which sounded really amazing. You know what I mean? What a, what a cool thing. And I asked him if he were nervous about it, you know, cause I, I think I would be, I would be, he's like, nah, you know, he goes, this is what I do. He's been around for a long time. He's an unbelievable performer. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen a standup. You know what's funny? He's not, when you see him do standup, he, it's not like a polished hour where you would go like, you know, you see Bill Byrne. It's just a punch in the face of hilarity where he just, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. Lovitz is more like you're watching, um, it's that, like you're at a party in 1920s and like Al Jolson gets up and plays the piano and tells witty stories. And you're like, God damn, that guy's talented. But it's not a polished act of like, here we go. Instead, it's like you're watching this amazing talent just regale you with tales of old. And, oh, you know what? Let me play a quick song for you and improvise a song. And then, oh, you know what happened? Uh, Caroline, you remember this story. We were at the club. We were at the club today. And he just, and all of a sudden you're like, it's enthralling more than it is a guy who's like, joke one, joke two. It is no act more. I'm sure there's an act, but it's more just, you're just enjoying Lovitz. Um, what do you, well, he's also a great example of likability. Unbelievably likable. Even when he says the most horrible things on earth, you like that guy. And that's the key to being the bad guy in the movie. Well, the other thing, you want to be likable. Well, you are a hundred percent right. And, and the thing that's also really tough is there are some comics, I guess, not likable, not likable. And you know, it doesn't matter how great the craft is. Doesn't in my opinion, you know, uh, you know, it's hard to find an unlikable comic because people become unlikable like dice clay. I think when he first was on the rise up to that juggernaut stage, you really liked him, even though he said horrible things, you know, when he became unlikable, in my opinion, was when he gave up the ruse. Like when he went on Arsenio and said, it started apologizing. Yeah. Now I, now he's unlikable. Same thing. You know, like he got fired from SNL for that whole, he swore. They said, don't swear. And he swore in the opening act. And then he kind of got blackballed in town and then he kind of came out and he kowtowed instead of going, Hey, this is what I do. You knew what you were asking for when you hired me. And we got it. We get it's a bit. Yeah. We're not stupid. We don't think, I mean, I didn't think that's really how the guy walks. Right. You don't need to apologize to me and tell me it's a bit. He's a good actor too. Remember him in Pretty in Pink? He plays the door guy. He's a great actor. He's a great actor, man. And really funny. But it's about liking somebody. Do you like doing standup? Uh, I really do. I fight with it sometimes because I don't love the road. I don't, I never liked it that much. I hate the travel. I hate the time down, but boy, when you walk off stage and you crush this, some, that's just, it's a drug. It's a real drug. Um, some, some nights I love it. Some nights I don't. How do you handle when a show just doesn't go well? I mean, have you ever thought, I don't handle it well. Have you ever thought, you know what? I'm, this is not the right business for me. No, I've all, you know, what's funny. I think it's the only reason I've ever succeeded because I had friends who did that and they go, I'm not doing that shit again. I've always been in whatever I do. Like I'm playing golf now. And if I have a bad day, no, you're talking to me right now. Yeah. Uh, I want to, I want to get out back out there and do it again. So sometimes I would do, if I ate a set in town, I would be like, Oh, is there a late show I can jump on somewhere and get that taste out of my mouth. Like, I don't want to go to sleep on that show. I need to end on a good, so it's not about, it's not, if a show doesn't work well, it's not about Jamie. No, it is. It's well, Jamie fucked up is what Jamie did. Cause it's never the audience. It's not about Jamie, not being funny though. It was about Jamie, not being funny in that moment. And Jamie's not funny all the time. Jamie can be not funny. Right. Isn't it scary how you don't know, like, have you ever auditioned for late night, uh, people like casting or other shows where you're doing a set in? Sure. I did a set on late, late night with, uh, Ferguson. I did Ferguson before. Have you ever auditioned or it didn't work out? Like, you know, it was just a bad set in front of people who are going to be booking. Oh dude, I can't even tell you. I can't, I have so many stories of eating a pile of dung. And then what do you do? How do you handle that? I cry. I went home. I, I tested for a show to be Jenna Elfman's. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a husband in one show and I talked to a producer later and he told me, he was like, dude, it had nothing to do. I just ate it. I had to tear it. It was like my seventh audition with the same scene. Kept going back in front of all the people at ABC. I ate a pile of dung. If you asked any of them, they go, I don't remember that. But it did. What does that mean? Ate a pile of dung. I just, I was horrible. It didn't click. It wasn't funny. You get one in this business, you get one swing. You can't go, all right, Hey, listen, I'm going to give you a little bit of a kick in the top. You don't get that. Right. You get one swing. That's it. What about for, And they go, thanks for coming in. But what about for bookers for standup? You know, like, Oh yeah, I've done the late. Yeah. I remember showcasing from Montreal. I did Montreal as one of the new faces back in the day. And that was nerve wracking. And even in Montreal, my set was okay. It wasn't great. I got people now that's for those of you don't know, that's a big showcase for standup comics. It used to be, I don't know if it's still like this. I was the year after. Oh really? And then the earthquake blew it. They gave earthquake like half a million dollars or something, a deal on it for seven minutes set. And then the next earthquake, maybe it was chicken earthquake or chicken. One of those two. I don't know these guys in the, it was a long time ago. And then, so I went the year after and everybody was like, Hey, just so you all know, no more deals are being passed out. So just go up and have a good time. They said that? Yeah. Who was that? Who was saying that? Our host was Alonzo Bowden. He was a good cat. That's weird. They were like, it's over, man. Nobody's giving out deals anymore. That was like last comic standing. They're doing it again this year. I heard. You know, listen, anything, any comic can get in this world. I will never, you know, like people gave Dane Cook a ration of grief. I'm like, dude, to have that many million followers, you gotta be doing something right. I opened for Larry, the cable guy on the road, the nicest cat ever. One of the funniest guys. It's like, if it's not your sense of humor, stop bad-mouthing other people for making a living. Jeff Dunham uses the puppets. He makes $20 million a year. Who's the wrong one? You sitting here, bitching at an open market. Or the guy who's making money at it. You know what? The thing that I agree. No, I agree because, you know, like for example, they're just haters because they're jealous. Well, comics will love to beat up on pop comics. Carrot Top is one they just love to tear into. Hey, if people are laughing at him and he can make a great living, he's bringing happiness to people who like him. And who are you to judge? It's like, fuck it, man. If anybody can make anything at this business, I'm all for it. So for last comic standing, all the power to it. If it makes, I just worked with John Heffron who I hosted a show for history, I did a channel with him and he was the nicest guy. Ridiculously funny. He won season two, I think. Eliza's won it. If you can get anything out of these things, enjoy it, man. I never did last comic standing once. I just, I was doing acting at the time and I also didn't, I was terrified that I would have a terrible set and then that would be what, it just wasn't, I don't like people editing my stuff. Well, it's funny as I did one year, I auditioned knowing, with the intention of not getting on. Right. I did a crazy bit that I liked, but- Did it make TV? Yeah. I wasn't really taking it very seriously that year. Yeah. It's all for it, but I don't know. So now, you got this child. I have a child. How old? Six month old, Hannah Elizabeth. Now, Hannah Elizabeth, was that a planned pregnancy? Yes, very much so. Okay. And it was with your wife? I mean, my wife planned it. She told me where to be and what to do. Exactly where to be. Yeah, yeah. We got married and she said, all right, we're having some kids. Okay. What kind of work does she do? She works in the pharmaceutical industry. She's a dealer? Yeah. She's a drug dealer. It pays well. Well, we're in Victorville, man. What else do you want us to do? Very good point. How has having a baby changed your life? I mean, besides the sleeping, I mean like- It's changed it totally. I mean, you have somebody else who relies on you that can't fend for themselves. So yeah, it's definitely changed me. I'm a cry baby now. I like watching Home Depot commercial and I'll sob uncontrollably. This is what concerns me about having kids. I don't have any children. I don't have any children. I don't have any children. This is what concerns me about having kids. I don't have any children. Do you ever feel like, like my biggest fear, and this sounds really selfish, so I hate to even say this, but I've seen some parents where the kid takes the place of the husband, not in the sense of like the mother loves the child. You mean some marriages, you mean every marriage. Like the husband- Oh, that kid's number, that kid's way above me on the pecking order. See, I want a marriage where the wife knows I'm still number one, but we'll take care of the kid. No, I'm not even number three. I'm number four. I'm number five. I'm number six. I'm number seven. I'm number eight. I'm number nine. I'm still number one, but we'll take care of the kid. No, I'm not even number three. I think the dog's above me. Really? I think it was my wife, the baby, the dog, and then me. Isn't that painful? Kind of in a way, but you know, it's weird. Like I was single into my 40s and living alone in an apartment, and I'm much happier now. Really? Yeah. I had- I think I seem surprised. I had it. I just was out every night, boozing. There's no reason not, when you're single, it's like there's no reason not to go out. I go, I could do a standup set, and I'll, I'm very happy being a dad, and I love the, you know, my daughter's beautiful. When you look back at your career, do you feel your career cost you maybe being a father younger in life? Absolutely. And do you regret that? I don't know if I regret it, but I do, you know, having a baby at an older age, I feel like, I was like, ah, man, it would've been great to have one in the 30s, but I moved here when I was 30 to start acting. I was a Navy Lieutenant, and I got out of the Navy in San Diego, and said, oh, I'm gonna become an actor at the age of 30. So I moved into a bachelor apartment that didn't even have a kitchen. I mean, and I bartended. And so it was like, you know, I went out with a lot of great girls who I think were like, hey, we're gonna get married and have kids. And I was like, how am I supposed to do that? I can't, I'm gonna raise a kid as the bartender. Right. And so it just never happened for me. I was really kind of career oriented for that decade, basically. Do you think that in some ways, are you going to purposely kind of consciously be more of the father and more of the fun, spunky dad at your age that your father wasn't for you, knowing that your dad kind of fizzled out? Yes. Well, it's also my first child. So I mean, I'm not beaten up yet, but I am that guy anyway. I don't think I have to consciously do it. But do you think about that? Like, I'm going to make an effort to not be that, because I had an older dad, and I know what that can be like. Right. Or have you never thought about it that way? No, I totally have thought about it. You know, to go like, I'm going to be the father when she's 16. But I'm going to be the older dad. There's no two ways about it. But I think that I am young at heart. And so I hope to, yeah, we're going to go do stuff. I can't wait for her to get a couple years older. We can take her to Disneyland and do crazy fun stuff. I want to do that stuff. I saw you walk in here. You appear to have, the hip movement was wonderful. Fluid walking. It's not bad. Yoga, baby. It's all about yoga. I mean, very nice movement. I do a lot of yoga. Now, you did mention about being a lieutenant. I was a lieutenant. In the Navy. Oh, did you now? Oh, on the interweb? Yeah, not that it takes that much to find it. But according to the internet, What did people do before the internet? Not much. We made a lot of mistakes. We made a lot of mistakes. But they were good mistakes. Yeah. Now, you were stationed, according to Wikipedia or somewhere, Hong Kong, Perth. That's enough. I never stationed there. I was, my ship went there. My ship was stationed out of San Diego. Was this a Caribbean cruise? It was a Caribbean cruise. I had to do two shows a night. I wish. Shit. I was on, I was on, the U.S. is Henry B. Wilson. And then the U.S. is Callahan. And we, over five years. And we made a West back. I went with the ship. Five years? It was a late, it was the early 90s. And we, the Gulf War was just starting to break out. It hadn't, we hadn't really got into it yet. So we were escorting tankers. So I went over, we went to Hong Kong. I went to Perth, Pakistan, the Philippines, Thailand. Now, just to be clear, this is a warship that left San Diego. This was a warship, that left San Diego. Yeah, I was in charge of combat systems. I was, yes. So, We were in a whole battle group with an aircraft carrying many other ships. And we went over and showed the flag. Right now, there are battle groups all over the world that are the United States Navy. How, how were the shows on the ship? They were horrible. They were stunningly bad. Actually, I was kind of in charge. It was funny because I wasn't really acting. There was entertainment, right? I mean, of some sort. Well, there was a, I mean, these were the days, there was old school mail boats that came out once every three weeks. We get a letter. So you didn't, there was no, you could phone from port. But when you were at sea, I would have to tell my family and go, Hey, you're not going to hear from me for a month. I'm gone. See you later. Yeah. It's so crazy. Nowadays, these guys are on, we just talked to my wife's brothers in Afghanistan. We can reach them on Skype. We can look at him in the little tent talking to us from Afghanistan. Wow. Now, this is a very serious question. And, More serious than that? Yeah. Did I kill anybody? No. No, that's not the question. This is a very fair question. Where would you say out of Hong Kong, Perth and Bangkok are the best hookers? Philippines. Really? Oh yeah. But when were you in the Philippines? I was in the Philippines on that same tour. We went to the Philippines. Oh really? I did not. And I, I'm not saying this because I've been pretty open with my life. I never paid a hooker once overseas. You just ran out on them. Yeah. I just, I would run out. I would chew and screw. Oh, that's not a right thing. But my friends would, I would go into a bath house and have some, Hanky Panky. Yeah. Wait, now say that again. You, what was the disclaimer? You never had, you never paid for it. No, I never had, I never went out with a hooker. Okay. So you never had sexual relations with a hooker? I did not. As a sailor? No, not once. Why? I did meet a girl in Australia and I still wonder about her where she is. We were in port for a whole week and we were officers. So they had this crazy party where they took, they had almost auditions for girls to get into the party to come meet them. And they were like, I'm not a hooker. I'm not a sailor. I'm a sailor. I'm a sailor. So they took me to the party to get into the party to come meet Naval officers and a bunch of, a bunch of guys came back with wives and stuff. And so I go to the party and this is how, this is exactly who I am. I didn't meet one of the girls who came in like their formal gowns to party to the party. But I did end up meeting up with one of the waitresses, the caterer girls. This is in the Philippines? No, and this is in Australia, in Perth, Australia. I still wonder where she is. I don't know where she is. She was like 19 at the time. I was like 22. I was like 22. And I ended up going home with her and spent the week with her family in Australia. And it was amazing. I went to all these local places with her and I brought a couple of friends and I hung in Perth, Australia for like this entire week. And we had an amazing week. And then I left and I never saw her again. That's why there's Facebook. That's how people do that. I wouldn't know how to get a hold of her though. I don't even know. It's better you're not. It's better for your marriage. I don't remember her name. It's better to live in the fantasy. I mean, it was early nineties. Nobody remembered names back then. People didn't have names back then. Some of them did not. Yeah. Especially people in Australia. Or names you can understand. But I did not hook up some of the guys on the ship, five bucks, bath house, Sub-I land. You would go and there was like a glass window and on the other side were all these Filipino women in dresses with numbers. Yeah, I guess. And then you would pick the number and the guy would come over and take your order and then you would go in the back room and they would bathe you and do whatever. Wow. Do whatever they would do. Yeah. Well, that's a dance. They would dance. They would dance with flags. Flag dance that they would do. So why did you join the military? Was it because they paid for your school? They paid for college. I was on a ROTC scholarship out of high school so I could go wherever and I went to Boston. ROTC? I almost went to the Naval Academy, but I didn't want to go there. So you're a smart guy. What'd you get on your SAT? Ah, shit. Everyone has that. I don't really remember it. I took it twice though. 1600 is a perfect score. Yeah, not 16. I think I was like 12. Oh, yeah. Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att Att the time. What's the future for you? What do you see yourself? Where do you see yourself? I'm going to go downstairs, get in my car. I'm going to drive back up. I think I have an audition later. You've got a bright future. The future is so bright. I am, you know, I'm working on a show, America Facts vs. Fiction. On the military channel. On the military channel. And that's coming back for season two. You're on Deal With It. That's coming up. I love Deal With It. Season two is coming out. I may end up hosting a show on, there's a bunch of little stuff happening. There's a couple of commercials running, a couple of guest stars, some hosting stuff, some standup stuff. That's great. People can come find me on Twitter or Instagram and they can keep up with what I'm doing. Okay, great. And it's J-A-M-I-E-K-A-L-E-R. J-A-M-I-E-K-A-L-E-R. Do you have a team? Do you have like a publicist? I never hired a publicist, really. Well, I have a friend that I worked a little bit with when we did a summer tour after My Boys, Tess Finkel, who was amazing. And she helped us a little bit, but I've never, you know, publicists are not cheap. Yeah. And I was always like, I never. I didn't really want to be in the cover of People Magazine and red carpeting stuff. But you have a manager and an agent. I have a manager and an agent. The manager helps my standup career and puts everything together. And then the agent is specifically designed to get you auditions. I have a voiceover agent. I have a commercial agent. I have a hosting agent. These are all different people. Some of them overlap. And then a literary agent for your writing. And so whatever job you do, kind of that 10% goes to that agent. Mm-hmm. So they don't... They don't all cross over. That's a team. I guess I have a team. If you ask them, they'd be like, who's... Jamie who? Are these people you sought out or did they seek you? A little of each. I've been with my manager, Maggie Houlan, forever and ever, and she's amazing. So it's really cool because we are, through everything, we have been a team. Mm-hmm. So I would say Maggie's my team. You're loyal to her, it seems. Yeah. And she's loyal to me. We're friends more than anything. Uh-huh. Which is amazing in this town. I gotta tell you, it's very cool. Well, the challenge is some managers... Yeah. ...that I've heard are more concerned about their own percentage and their own deal than... Never been like that. You know what I'm talking about, right? You've heard that too? Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. And that's why we've remained friends. And great... I didn't even think... Whenever I go to a party with her, I don't go, hey, this is my manager. I go, hey, this is my buddy, Maggie. That's great. And she's my manager. Anything we haven't talked about that you'd like to share? Just how great you are. Wow. And that I literally never do these things except I came because of you, because I had so much fun. I had so much fun working with you on Deal With It. Thanks. That's really... And how funny you are. ...famous of you to come. Shockingly funny. But you know that. I didn't know everyone knows that. I was. I was kind of flattered you asked me to come. So, yeah, I was... Well, thank you. And I appreciate my Valentine's Day card. Yes. My wife's going to be a little jealous of me a little bit. That's the point. I want to put some heat in that bedroom. Well, then you need to get rid of the kid. Okay. You need to get rid of the kid and the breastfeeding and maybe the heat will come back. I think breastfeeding is hot. I don't know. I guess if the kid's all over it, no. I mean, you can't get near the thing. Yeah. It's the kid's all over it. Yeah. And it's too bad, too, because they're as big as they're ever going to get. They're huge. Take pictures. I should, really. Take some photos. I mean, they're huge. Yeah. The kid's like, give me those things. Yeah. Well, I don't know. I've never had that pleasure, unfortunately. You're generous, but probably... You come over. I'll tell my wife. You can share. We'll all share. Do you have a ranch? I have a ranch out in Victorville, which is... It's called a... Double wide. All right. Well, thanks again, Jamie. It's so fun. I could talk to you. Seriously, there's so much I still wanted to cover, but just having you here for the hour has been great. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. Yeah. And also, Jamie has a show on Sirius Radio. That's true. Sirius XM. I forget about that. Every Tuesday. Check that out. And thanks again. I look forward to keeping in touch and good luck with everything. I know you have a lot of great stuff coming up. And thank you all again for listening to Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. Always a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. Fair question. It's a fair. It's a fair. It's a fair. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen and it's a fair. It's a fair. It's a fair. It's a fair quest, quest, quest.