Hello, everybody. Welcome to a new episode of Bad Advice. You are listening to Skid Row Studios here in lovely downtown Los Angeles. We are here every Saturday from 2 to 3. Make sure you like Bad Advice on Facebook and you can also be involved by following us on Twitter. Our hashtag there is DrewsBadAdvice. If you want to call and be part of the show, the number here, 800-893-9562. You can also subscribe to Bad Advice free at the iTunes store. I am your host, Drew Marks. As I say, we are here every week. I want to welcome you to the show. If you're new to Bad Advice, we're here to help. Well, not so much help, but we're here to talk to you. So if you have questions on any subject at all, we're here to give you some bad advice. As I am every week, I'm joined by a panel of very funny people across from me. Good friend, Mr. Ken August. Happy to be here. Nice, nice to have you. One thing about Ken, which is always disturbing right before a show starts, is he told me he's afraid he may puke. Yeah, he's feeling a little sick. Somebody was drinking. Somebody was. Somebody was. Somebody. And that makes me throw up. The weird thing is it was somebody else, but Gus is a very sensitive individual, so he's going to throw up for that person. You don't get that voice, not drinking. I just never seen him with a bottle of water. It's usually something else at the beginning of the show. It could still be something else. It's true. But listen to Ken August every Sunday from four to five here at Skid Row on the weekly wrap-up. Sitting next to him, another very, very funny man, Mr. Vic Cohen, who has a new show here. Vic, that is called? It's called Vic Cohen. I'm trying to remember it. It's a fair question. Thank you. That is the name of your show. Yeah, thank you. You should listen to it. It's fun. Are you on it? We've done two shows. It's been great. It's one hour of Vic harassing people. Well, funny is that right- I subscribed to it. Did you subscribe? Thank you, man. You know, right before it is the hot box. So you walk in here and it is like so much pot smoke. Oh, it smells like pot. That's fantastic. Can I be a guest on your show? Gus will show up early. All right. Also, we have Mr. Ron Swallow, who is the host of Angry Dorks Podcast. Every Monday, 6 to 7 p.m. Nice. Very funny man. Over here, Maria Delpretti. It's Marie. Really? After all these years? Did I just call you Maria? You did. I am out of my mind. Here's the thing. Gus was drinking. If you were three minutes later, you would have called you raw. She's wearing a leopard. She's wearing an animal, an actual animal. She's got an animal print. I know. I found it on the road. It's kind of sexy. Is there a matching thong? What would you like to know? I would. That's why I asked. Answer, please. I do have one. I do have a pair of thongs like this. Vic's thong matches that. Thongs? Not anymore. You mean like flip-flops? Thongs? What are they called? Thong. That's what I call mine. Solid thongs? Solid thongs. As much as I would love to get into Maria's wardrobe, we got a lot to cover today. My last guest is Sal Rodriguez. Thank you, Drew. A resident Hispanic. I love that. Thank you, Drew. I'm representing all Latinos. The entire community represented through me. And also the co-host of Registered Ear Offenders here on Skid Row Studios. Registered Ear Offenders is on Fridays, 1 p.m. Pacific Standard Time right here on skidrowstudios.com. All right. Again, our phone number here. If you have questions on any subject at all or you just want to comment on some of the news stories we're going to cover, the number here, 800-893-9562. All right. Our first story. These are stories people that I feel need some advice but we're just too stupid or lazy to ask comes to us out of New York. Apparently, Raquel Gonzalez allegedly assaulted her boyfriend, Ezra Davis, for orgasming too quickly. As the story goes, it says the cops came not a moment too soon. Unlike the other person in the story. It says Raquel Gonzalez, age 24, has been arrested for allegedly assaulting her boyfriend, 30-year-old Ezra Davis. She did this when he had an orgasm and she did not. Actually, this is not New York. Forgive me. This is Florida. It says the Florida couple were having sex Monday afternoon and Davis told deputies that after he climaxed, Gonzalez got angry and started scratching and hitting him. Gonzalez, who the report states was uncooperative and belligerent during her arrest, was charged with felony domestic battery. Do you guys know how much my hospital bills and insurance programs cost me? The premiums would be if every woman assaulted me after I orgasmed too quickly. And every guy. And every man, woman, and child. This is what happens when you don't do what you're supposed to do. He could have gotten a Lorena Bobbitt on his ass. He's lucky he survived. If he had a Lorena Bobbitt on his ass, he would have to worry about it. I think this is the problem since we started things like giving women the right to vote. They expect way too much. They expect too much. We have a theme in this week's show. No, no. The theme for this show is going to be like what is wrong with women because I have like a bunch of stories. First of all, this woman is going to be the theme. Raquel, listen up, Raquel. I'm going to tell you something. This is Vic Cohen, people. This is Vic Cohen and I'm going to tell you something, Raquel. I'm giving you some advice. Buy a vibrator. That's what every woman has. That's why they exist because sometimes a man will climax too soon and also consider it a compliment. Yeah, why should he be penalized because he's better at it than she is? No, he doesn't have any self-control. No, let me... No, no, no. This is another... This is just another example of women wanting to take too long to get shit done. Yes. Guys do not... Guys do not come to... Let's be simple here. You sleep with Ron Swallow, you orgasm first, then I get mine. That's right. Wow. And I can test that. It's true. This guy deserves to be scratched. No, no, no. Guys do not... Get your shit together. Ron, guys do not orgasm too quickly. Women orgasm too slowly. No, that's the problem. Here's the deal. You four play first, man. Take care of business. I agree. I agree with that from four plays necessary, but here's the thing. Women... And I love women. I respect them. Sure, whatever. We'll say that on the show. I mean, clearly this lady's crazy, but... But the problem is women, like, some will complain. Like, we talked about this on the show last week. Someone will complain, like, he just goes on forever, you know, gets sore. Like, women have that, like, perfect time where it's like, okay, that was not too long, but it was long enough. 20 minutes, they say. Listen, this is the old thing. Ladies first, always, with everything. Absolutely. Ladies first. We'll open the door for you, but come as soon as you go through it. This woman needs to find herself a happy medium between apparently Sal, who apparently sucks, and Ron Swallow, who apparently lies. No, no. I want to tell you something. I think Vic is the happy medium. I want to say, I'm in Ron's camp. Medium sized. And I have excellent control over my penis. And I could honestly go, I could go days. I really can. Oh, I'm not even talking about making them come with your dick. That's, like, uncommon. I'm not Superman. Ron does it with a squirrel. I have total control over my penis and when I can ejaculate. Can it make me coffee? I can even do it without touching myself. You can ejaculate without touching yourself? Good thing he's sitting next to Gus over there. You slapping it on my leg doesn't mean you're not touching yourself, you guys. Vic is a wizard. Vic is also the size of a rabbit. Why would you say that? First of all, I've never had a complaint about myself. First of all, Marie, be careful what you say because, seriously, we talked about his chest hair and he went that out. I have some boundaries. I do. It's a good thing. It's a good thing as well. Boundaries are a good thing. All right. If the penis doesn't work, he can supplement it with something else. Well, I think the final piece of advice for this story is going to be, ladies, listen, we're all about communication, so just submit a thing that what amount of time works for you and then we'll be able to go, all right, I can do that or I can't. Do we have pictures of these two because I think they're both disgusting slobs. Can I say this? I think this guy should get Viagra. Since I represent all Latinos everywhere, let's keep in mind this woman's last name is Gonzalez. She's a Latina. Lorena Bobbitt was her married name. She was a Latino. Men do not sleep with Latinas. Yeah, they're crazy. And they get pregnant easy, I hear. That's true. Exactly. Do it with a Jewish woman, then the most she'll do is complain. They should come up with a spreadsheet that the amount of violence that she commits upon him depends on how much, like, you know, like it's like five minutes, then she, you know, shanks him ten minutes. Nice. She only punches him, you know, like. Last word, Vic, then we're moving on. Thank you. Real quick. Being the resident Hispanic, Sal, and the, the fact that you have no control over your ejaculation, and you've probably been with a lot of Hispanic women who are very fertile. Yes. How many women have you gotten pregnant? Two. Two. And, and, and, and unfortunately, because of Roe versus Wade, I don't have any kids. Oh, I was going to say that that would have led to the next question, Sal. How many women have you pushed down a flight of stairs? All right, next story. This one, now this is, this is why I say the theme of the show, Marie, is, you know, what's wrong with women because we just have a lot of these stories. Not you. You're perfect. We love you. Thanks. All right, this one. Because she's unavailable, that's why. She's married. Here's, here's the headline. Jillian Martone, Boca Raton woman, and it could just as well be what's wrong with Florida, but she apparently attacked a man after he refused to be her boyfriend. In what could charitably be described as a very bad first date, Jillian Martone, 35, is accused of attacking Efren Molina early Wednesday night at Molina's Boca Raton, Florida home after he allegedly refused to say he was her boyfriend. She punched Molina and threatened him with a knife after he disagreed with a comment she made about her being his girlfriend. This is the first date. This sounds like the Jersey Shore. Did he come already? Was that the problem? I mean, if you come before you say that it's your girlfriend, I think, I think you're going to get your ass stabbed. This is, this is what's wrong with Latinas. That's what this segment is. I think this is what's wrong with these people, this dating, because we don't know what happened before. We don't know how many dates she's been on. I don't know how many dates she's been on to bring her to this point because my girlfriend the other day, she went on a date. How many dates do you have to go on to be crazy? To be on your first date? My girlfriend's not crazy, but she went on a date with this Italian guy, right? He's, you know, from Italy. No, he was from France. I'm Italian, but I'm not from Italy. You know, whatever. So anyway, so she goes on a date with him. He's very nice. You know, he said he just broke up with his wife, whatever, they're divorced. And so then he walks to her car and he says, can I talk to you for a minute? And so he sits in the car with her and he's like, you're so pretty, can I kiss you? She's like, all right. He kisses her and literally she feels this hand on the back of her head and he slowly starts pushing her head towards his crotch and then she looks down and his penis is out. Oh, that's a big move. And she says to him, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is, this is not, this is not going to happen. And he goes, no, no, no, give it a minute. It'll happen. Well, because he's Italian. And flashlights in the car. Because they thought that she was being attacked because she kind of was being attacked. He wanted to give her his linguine. How long was this guy trying to slide her head down there that the cops show up and have flashlights? It was like so quick. I mean, they must have been like kind of like. Not a black neighborhood apparently. And what's her second date like? It must have been Burbank. It must have been her second date. No, but I think the question here is. Yeah, what is the question? The question is, you know, the way women think. It's like, why do you even bring that up? It's the first date. Should the word girlfriend even be entering into this? What I'm saying is that maybe she has just been on. She's just been through the ringer. We don't know. There's no case for this. If I can point out Marie's perspective here, perhaps despite the fact that the whole question is, here's one crazy bitch. Marie's saying, perhaps it's every other guy's fault. Is that what you're bringing? That's pretty much what I'm saying. Maybe this Italian guy went out with her before. Sometimes. This is going to lead to an all new segment. What the fuck's wrong with Marie? Sometimes it's true. Every once in a while, she's my language. She's my freak out because it's like they've been on 15 insane dates in a row and they're like, oh, fuck. Enough already. But if you, okay, but if you've been on 15 or 20 or 100 insane dates and you've got in your head, okay, people are crazy. Aren't you going to want to be a little more cautious than go, okay, I just met this person. Let's call him the boyfriend. No, it's absolutely wrong. The woman's a moron. And I think these two, again, you've picked a story with two disgusting, disgusting people. I would love to see this woman have a foreclosure. All my stories have disgusting people, Vic. You've been away for two weeks. Have you forgotten what we do here? He doesn't even remember his own show. What are you talking about? I'd love to see photos of these two because they both suffer from low self-esteem. That's nice. Wait, what did the guy do? What did the guy do wrong other than get stabbed? You can tell when a woman is crazy. Not be better at martial arts. I had a first date with a girl last night. And it was great. Okay, we had a great time. It went fantastic. How long until you tried to push your head down into your crotch? No, that's second date. I'm not a pig. Freaking Italian woman. He's a gentleman. And a scholar. Just remember how you got a spot on this show, all right? You weren't pushing his head. It went right down there. He was like, oh, I love coming here. It was already coming to the studio anyway. If I was on that date and that one-eyed monster was looking at me, that thing would get punched. Hey, I'll punch your fucking dick. I'll punch your eye out down there. I will sit on the other side of the table for Marie. Good tip. Yeah, no, the reason we had a good date is not once did she mention you'd be a great boyfriend. She was just like, you're fantastic. I'm like, that was the end of the sentence. That was great. She was seven years old, Drew. She doesn't know a lot of words. She didn't say she was seven. I believe she said, I'm this many. No, no, no, no. Ken, Ken, Drew is dating age-appropriate women now. Does that mean over 18 now? Yes. You know what's weird is that four of us are single. Ron's in a relationship and I mean, there's a predominance of that. Just kidding. Huh? Nothing. Don't terminate yourself. Singledom. You're at this table. Dumb, D-U-M-B? No, but it's interesting to me. I mean, I don't know what that means, but thanks for talking We're going to move on to the next story. Again, Marie, these are just the stories I found. If I had found more stories about guys this week, we'd be doing it, but check this one out. I just find it fascinating that we've never settled down. I don't know what that, you know, I know why I've never done it. I hate to listen. Is Vicky hitting on Drew right now? Is that what's going on? You can, you can move in, Vic. All right, listen. The next story, Contessa Adams, who is an ex-stripper turned ministry leader, claims that sex with demons causes homosexuality. Apparently, this former stripper turned ministry leader claims she once considered becoming a lesbian and has offered up a rather unusual explanation for homosexuality. In an article, this Contessa Adams claims she was once possessed by sexual demons. Adams claims repeated attacks by a succubus, which is defined in the article as a female sexual demon that traditionally assaults men made her contemplate becoming a lesbian. What's a gay succubus? As long as it sucks, I'm happy. She says, anybody that's been attacked by them will tell you. They're worried they could not find that pleasure with mortal people. You know what? I once had sex with a succubus and they came so quickly I fucking kicked their ass. I know. Well, we're going to get to this in a second. Let me finish. She says, Adams remarks actually seem in line with a man named Gordon Klingenschmitt, a former Navy chaplain who claims he is, repeatedly, had to perform over 50 gay and lesbian exorcisms. People are recruited, people are deceived, and people make a choice, he says. And he says that he has about a 50% success rate in curing gayness via these exorcisms. Success rate. He says, these people have a free will and moral choice. The marketing of homosexuality has an agenda and that is to repopulate their population by recruiting the children of heterosexuals. Oh, Jesus. Demon sex. Seriously, the wrong people get stabbed. Gay sex is some of the best sex ever, by the way. How many times have I had to say, it's like, oh my God, that woman gives demon head. I'm so gonna call her. Yeah. No, you don't call her. I'm confused by the story. Have you guys ever had a gay sex? Because you are the little demon succubus, Vic. Has anybody had gay sex here? This is a new song by Iron Maiden. It's called Six, Six, Six, the number of the gays. I think I had a sexubus or a succubus in my dream the other night. Wait, have you ever had gay sex? I haven't had complete gay sex. Have you had incomplete gay sex? I've had incomplete gay sex. She didn't have an orgasm. Did you touch a vagina? What exactly is gay sex? What exactly is What is gay sex? What is incomplete gay sex? I'm going to draw you a picture, Vic. Hey, Marie, what is incomplete gay sex? Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Were you missing the hole? Incomplete gay sex is like lots of kissing and groping, but not sealing the deal. You're like a 62 on it, that's what the grade was. Not licking vagina. I couldn't do that. Did you see her vagina? I've seen lots of vaginas. No, no, no. Did you come face to face with her vagina? No. Her vagina has a face. No, we've never made contact. I looked at eye to eye and it scared me. We don't go eye to eye. We don't make contact. It has lips. These people are terrible people. My advice is that we make sure they never have kids so that they cannot repopulate the earth with people who are retarded. I understand. There's no doubting this. You can say that for almost all people, Ron. I just think actually. That's true. When you make that leap from ex-stripper to ministry leader. Yeah. And then act like you're smart. Yeah, good job. Here's the thing. You are just continuing in a long line of potentially very bad choices. Is she making a living? No, that's what I told my girlfriend. I told my girlfriend, listen, I came so quickly because I have sex with gay demons. When she applied for the minister job, I would have loved to have seen her previous references. That would have been awesome. She was like, she had to do a five minute dance. Why do all these people find God and become extremists and then have to go after gay people? I don't understand. I know. Here's the thing. She was perfectly happy having sex with women until Jesus screwed it up for everybody. You guys know that my grandma was a lesbian until she found Jesus, right? Is that true? That's 100% true. Was she a stripper? So your grandmother had a three way with another woman and Jesus? Technically, she wasn't really a lesbian. She was still having sex with my grandpa, so she was basically just a slut. No, she's a bisexual, right? Yeah, yeah. My grandma was a bisexual slut who was cheating on my grandpa. What era was this? This is in the 50s at least. Maybe 60s. I don't know. She was ahead of her time. How did I find out? It was in a goddamn newspaper. That's fantastic. Somebody came up to me and was like, hey, was your mom a lesbian? And I was like, I don't know. I haven't seen her since I was four. You want to punch me in the face? And then the guy was like, no, somebody named Ron Swallow. I know you're like Ron Swallow Jr. is the third, right? I was like, oh yeah. I was like married to someone named Barbara. I was like, holy shit, it's my grandma. That's awesome. I just thought she was good at basketball. Is there footage of this? Does she have sex? You can look her up. Fast forward, pulled out by the newspaper that she was cheating on me. No, no, she was an article on her teaching gay people how not to be gay because she goes around the country. Oh, how not to say it. Oh yeah, it's completely insane. It's one of those conundrums because when you have a family, you're like, you want to go hang out with your family, but then like, oh, you stand for everything I'm against. Be honest, Ron. Don't you almost want to suck a penis just to prove her wrong? Before we move on to the next story, Vic, I just got to tell you, I will pay for the costume if next Halloween you will dress up as a succubus. What was that? I will pay for the costume if next Halloween you will dress up as a succubus. It's the same thing but with a hat. This would be great. I don't know what a succubus is. Is it like a devil? You won't need a costume at all. I'm just kidding. You're it. Succubus is female and incubus is the male. That's correct. It's one of those things that like suction on your walls and your shower. I've lost what you're saying, but it looks hot. What are you doing with the hands? No, that's a suction cup. Take off your jacket, God damn it. I don't know what that is. I don't know what's happening. You look like Kraven the Hunter for the nerds out there. Now he's getting worse. All right, remember, if you guys want to call in to Bad Advice, if you're listening live, the number here, 800-893-9562. Our next story comes to us from Russia. Hold on, I've got to see if this works more. Take off your shirt. Yeah, that's disturbing me. I'm going to take my bra off first. Wow. All right, back to the show. Damn animals. She looks good today. Every day. You know what I love about what you're doing here? I love how you can see some of the like chest, bone. That's what she's doing? That's just God. That's a verb? It's just called being bone. Chest bone is verbing out on you? What is happening? I'm like a nutrition. It's like chest bone. Vic actually meant cleavage. Oh, this bone right here. No, I'm talking about up here. I can see like, you know, like the clavicle, like almost the clavicle. Look at you with the big words. Right there, that turns me on. Big smart. All right, turning me on. Focus, kids. Focus. All right. Shiny ball, shiny ball. Moving on to Russia. In Moscow, Russian authorities say a woman with five children kept her husband's body in their apartment for almost three years after his death. Excuse me. She left him. It's a hoarder. Prosecutors in the central Yaroslavian region said the unidentified woman described as a devout Pentecostal Christian with a psychiatric record was so distraught when her husband died of natural causes that she believed he was bound to resurrect. An investigation was opened after the body was found in a dumpster in a plastic bag. Prosecutors said that the woman kept the cadaver in bed in a room in her apartment and asked her children to talk to it and feed it. Oh, they're fucking... The office says two children decided to dispose of the body when the family moved to another apartment. This brings no meaning to the term cold war. Which plastic garbage bin is for the body disposal? I like that the kids are like... The mom asked them to talk to it and feed it. It's like, what do you... It's like, man, is he a picky eater. You know? I don't think this is actually like a news story. I think this is the script for Weekend at Drago's. Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this corpse. I have to say that I love my husband, but, you know, when he goes, I'm, you know... You're gonna put him in the dumpster right away. There's a 10% chance you get... I'm gonna, you know, move on. You're gonna move on 10 minutes before he goes. Rick is already plotting his demise. Why do you threaten him all the time? I would never interfere with your marriage more than I do here on this show. I would say that, for me, I look at this as a compliment to the guy. Like, I don't want to be buried. I don't even... I hate the thought of death. I want to be burnt. I would rather... No, I'd love this idea. I hope there's a woman... I hope there's a woman who loves me so much that she wants to just keep me around forever. Here's the problem, Vic. The kind of woman that loves you so much that will keep you around forever is the kind that will stab you if you come too quickly. It's true. It's that passion. Also, her kids are totally fucked from now on. Oh, yeah. Feeding their dead dad? Well, that's not a memory you're gonna forget. Can we assume they didn't successfully feed the dead dad? Can we make that leap? If you try to feed the dad, it'll be like Cookie Monster where the food just falls out of the sides. Oh, man. That's so creepy. What do you get a dead dad for Father's Day? What do you talk to him about? It's like, man, he is not... I'm just... You know, this is like... He's not giving back in this conversation. I think maybe they treated him like he was in a coma or something. Like, if you talk to him... That's not nearly as... I'm imagining more of like a puppet show. Like, one of the kids is like behind him moving his head while the other one talks to him. That's why his weekend is so good. How much does he jam your hand in his ass to see if he's got to talk? He's like, I must break you. I wonder if she still had sex with him. We got time for like two more quick stories and we got a lot of questions. She stuck his bone in her. This one is disturbing. This one is just ridiculous. Oh, this one is. Oh, this one is. Okay, good jump. Erotic zoos prompt Germany to reinstate bestiality laws. The Daily Telegraph reports that bestiality laws have been off the books in Germany since 1969. But the new agriculture minister, Ilse Aigner, has agreed to support a law that would make it illegal for people to use animals for their own sexual activities or sexual acts of third parties. Does this count as succubus? Does that count? I don't think so. But it does mean you can't have sex with Marie's jacket. I think they have a succubus. Anymore. The proposed law would also ban the pimping of animals to others. It says... I would like cats. Apparently, the reason this law was needed was due to a recent rise of erotic zoos where people can visit to abuse animals ranging from llamas to goats. The proposed legislation is, quote, ruffled the feathers of zoophilia advocates such as Michael Kjok, who told the German newspaper that mere mortals have no place in law. Now, the group Veterans Against Zoophilia told the magazine that thousands of Germans exchange information online about sex with animals and that some farms rent out animals for sexual exploitation. Really? The new law would ban these so-called animal brothels and also make it illegal to train animals for sex with humans. You know what? You know what? Germany's People magazine just announced sexiest goat alive. Here's my biggest problem with this is that when I... And I don't do it often, but when I do go to one of these sex zoos, I'm not looking... I'm looking for a range bigger than a llama to a goat. That's not that big of a range. Yeah, where's the grizzly bear or a mountain lion? That's what I'm saying. Where's the danger? Well, I guess if you don't want your dick chopped off... That's like rough sex with animals. I'm just curious who here has had... Don't you mean gruff? Who here has had an experience with an animal? I once let my... Really? Is this where you're going to come with everyone's... Who hasn't? Right? I have a question. Every woman, does that count? That's no animal. No, I'm serious. I mean, be honest. My cat likes to lick my face. You know, my neck. I like how the paws... Does what? What? My face and my neck. Now, every woman... Licking your neck. Licking your neck is erotic. Every woman, every woman has had a dog lick peanut butter off her vagina. I don't have a dog. Everyone? Everyone. I know you let my dog do that. Yeah, I'm pretty sure... Seriously, my mom called the show last week, Vic, and if you would run that question by her... When you were a little girl, be honest. We have a dog. We had a fish. If I had that goldfish... Why in the world do fishes eat peanut butter? Why are you putting peanut butter in your vagina for a fish? That doesn't even make sense. Just so we're clear. My point is, is that why do we assume that these animals think it's abusive? Maybe these animals like it. You know what? I've seen those videos from... Maybe they like some deep dicking from humans. No, no. I've seen the videos from Norway and all that of the St. Bernards having sex with the women and the dogs fucking love it. No, let me tell you something. This is what I put out on Twitter. I really miss the days when the weirdest things that Germans did was like be Nazis. Well, they've moved on. Ever since... Of all the nations... Not this show doesn't beat that. Every nation has their things like the Italians are very forward with their sex and love. Germans are freaking nuts. Yeah, they're insane. I'll say it right now. There are two kinds of people in this world. There are Germans and people that are not Nazis, okay? And these people do all the crazies like the Heiser... What are those? What are those videos? Scheisse videos. The Scheisse videos. Yeah. What are those? Scheisse videos? You don't know what Scheisse? Do you know what Scheisse means? Scheisse means shit, right? Yeah. Okay. Two girls in a cup? That's a German thing. You really want me to tell you I can't wait for the sequel by the way. When a dude or a girl... Really usually it's a girl shits in a dude's mouth. Ew. And it's like a sexual thing and he'll like be jerking it or something at the same time when they do it. Yeah. Does he eat it or spit it out? He kind of... A little bit of both. If you're a German listener call us now at 800-893-9562 and tell us the weirdest thing you've done. I think this is why St. Bernard's by the way always have that barrel with the whiskey so they can get someone shit-faced before they have sex. I think it's out of shame of the Holocaust that they're trying to... They're just so... Feel so bad they're willing to do anything. Why must the animal suffer? Why? Why? Okay. I don't know. I have a lot of poop in my house for my kid I could save for... Well, my husband's German but he's never made an attempt to have any of that poop in his head. He's never had any I do have one question. Do you... Do these... Do they pimp slap goats? I don't know. I don't know. Because you said there were pimps. You can't pimp them out anymore. I know. When they say they slap a bitch that means a female dog. You see at the front of the zoo there's a big bear with a hat with a fedora. I'm a father sticking out of it. I am really sexually... I am fucked up. I will admit that. You are not surprising anyone here right now, Vic. Especially like I have fantasies and sexual stories and all that shit that I don't even want to talk about. About animals? But I've never had it about an animal. I am so grateful for these people. No, about dead people. Exactly. Wait, Vic is telling us... If it were legal I would fuck a dead person. Really? If it were legal this is a monumental moment here on the show. We have found something Vic has not done. Unless we go back to that peanut butter and dog licking thing. No, never. I don't... If it were legal I'd like that. He doesn't like peanut butter. I just don't like poodles. I just like dogs and cats too much to do that. We had poodles. No, I... Everyone who knows me knows I like animals more than people. And Parker is a beautiful dog. Parker is a beautiful dog. She's a beautiful dog. I spoon with Parker. Yes. But that's as far as it's going. Yes, but when she's upside down that goes from spooning to 69. You understand, right? When you wake up in the morning you can't control that thing. Maybe that spoon went into like a little fork. Spooning is how Sal got two girls pregnant. That is... That is... When Mexicans spoon it's pregnant right away. All right. Well... Yeah, you guys. I... I'm just laying in bed. You know what? We're going to save this story for next week because it's... She is wrong. The problem is that the penis of a dog is so disgusting. Well, I saw Drew Lane in bed. I saw that quote spooning and I actually... I thought Parker was putting lipstick on him. Turns out not so much. I can't stand that dog penis. Is this thing on? Sorry. I know. It looks like it's on fire and it's really slimy. It's angry. Yeah, it's so disgusting. Do you know why it's angry? Because people are trying to touch it. To be honest, would you blow one for $10 million? Oh, my God. No. I would. I would. For $10 million? How about this? You can take the million. You can take the million out. You do it for $10. For $10 million, I will hire you for a million to do it for me. I would let that dog fuck me up the ass for $10 million. All right. It's a family show. A family show. Welcome to What Vic Would Do For Money. What would he do for money? $10 million. What would he do for money? $10 million, I would let my dog do that. I can get the surgery that needs to fix my butt. I don't have a problem with that. I'd let a fucking dog... Well, I assume if a dog fucks it, it's not going to do well afterwards. Well, no, they're not that big. I would let the biggest dog that's ever lived fuck my ass for $10 million. I would let you do Ron. Marmaduke. I would let you do Ron. Seriously, we used to do these conversations like in junior high. Is that what this is going to come down to? We're moving on to questions. Isn't that Clifford the Red Dog, though? Big what? Clifford the Red Dog. I would let him fuck me up for $10 million. What would he do? Vic would do Cujo, all right? Moving on. We have questions. This is the question segment in the show. Again, you can submit your questions online to our Facebook page. You can do it through Twitter at Drew's Bad Advice or call in 800-893-957. 562. Right now, our first question. This is disturbing. This is disturbing. This is disturbing. It may be more disturbing than Vic having sex with an animal, but Benny in Fresno wrote, I've been dating this girl for four months and I just found out that her parents were first cousins. Should I be concerned? Oh my, that is disgusting. They live in Fresno? That's the disturbing part of the story. Have you ever been to Fresno? I have. That's horrible. But they're first cousins and that's disgusting? Everyone is first cousins in Fresno. But you know, you can have a Down syndrome, baby, if you get too close. You can have a bunch of problems with kids. The other thing is, this is actually, and this is something weird that happened to me the other day. I was looking at this random girl in the mall, super hot. Man, that girl's fucking hot. And then I realized, looks exactly like my first cousin. So does that mean you couldn't fuck her if she looks like your cousin? No, no. But that's also creepy because I apparently think my cousin's hot. Wow. I hope she's not listening. I don't think it's a big deal. That's normal. My cousin, Anthony, used to chase me when we were little and want to see me naked. What? When, like a week ago? No, no. When we were like seven. He would pull down his pants and say, show me yours. Really? And he always tried to kiss me even until we were like Is this when you almost had sex with a cousin but didn't finish the deal? Let me tell you something. It is normal to want to have sex with your cousin. It's just that no means no. I mean, let's be honest. Everyone here has probably had a cute cousin that they want to make love to. It's not a big deal. I did. I did. Kirk did. Kirk did. Kirk's like, yeah, I'm in. It's not make love to. It's hate fuck. Look, let's face it. The only reason why people think you can't fuck your cousin is because the book of Leviticus says so. No, I don't think that's it. It is. It is. It's from the Bible. It's the AMA that I'm following. It's from the Bible. That's what it's from. It's also genetics. It's also genetics. You're not supposed to do it. It creates bad babies. You guys are talking about procreation. I'm talking about fucking. Let's say no sex. No intercourse. Vic, have you ever had Oh, yeah. I'm not a first cousin below me. Have you ever had the problem of deciding between a dog and your cousin? No, I didn't say I have. I said I would if I had one that I, you know. That's what cousin Anthony was hoping, but it didn't. As long as they're consenting. All right, but back to Benny. Before we move on, Benny, here's my advice. I've been to Fresno. There's only like three or four good looking women in Fresno. If your cousin is one of them, go for it. Yeah, make it happen, dude. Yeah. All right. Next question. This one says, this one comes from Dina in Amarillo. Dina says, I just found out my friend is cheating on her boyfriend. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve that. Should I tell him? Yes, and then start dating him. Is it their cousin? Perhaps there's a way that she can suddenly say, you're a whore and you're cheating on your boyfriend and I was going to sleep with him and I thought you'd be fine with that because you're apparently a whore. I think he's kind of on to something. I don't think you should tell him because then you'll be the bad guy. I think you should find out where this deed is being done and let's say, hey, you want to go meet me at Motel 6? I'm having a baby shower and just... That's a fancy baby shower. Or there's a party or whatever. Yeah, good idea. He busts in and finds them. Stay out of it. Stay out of it. Just stay out of it. Let them fuck. Well, if they're having sex in a Motel 6, you might want to just let them go. If it's your cousin, it's not cheating. Or the Chicano Lodge. All right. Well, there you go, Dina. Yeah, we covered that. Okay, we helped out. This one comes from Marina and I think Marina might have been knowing somebody on the panel. It says, my boyfriend has a medical marijuana card and he used it and uses this stuff at least three times a day. Is he addicted? Okay, I'll take this one. I don't know. What's this person's name? I'll pull a Vicky. What's this person's name? Marina. Marina, don't judge me, you bitch. There is a good chance that this guy is smoking three times a day because you keep nagging him or he has a problem. Yeah, it could be that. Wait, he has a card but is he smoking three times a day or going to the dispensary? No, I think he's just smoking three times a day. He's a bad shopper. He's going to the dispensary three times a day. He forgets. He forgets that he forgot a lollipop. Three times a day? What? Whatever. Dude, just get a larger card and buy more. Really? Yeah, she's high all the time. Marina, this is Vic. First of all, I love your name. It's beautiful. Judgmental bitch. I love your name because it reminds me of you sound wet like a Marina and I like that. Really? She sounds moist as she's asking you a question about her boyfriend getting high. Get to your goddamn point. And I would say that you're dealing with a guy who's like a drug addict. Just fucking dump him. Vic, shut the fuck up. If you're having a problem. We are an even split amongst pot smokers and not pot smokers on the panel. What a little succubus douche sitting over here to my right. What is going on? I love the way he said drug addict. He said drug addict. It was like he doesn't speak English, drug addict. Yeah, he's passing judgment. He's passing judgment. He's fucked a dog. He's cussing. He'll do a dead person. And he wants to do a dead person. Don't forget that. I love drug addicts. Some of my best. I am cutting you off. I am cutting you off. No more sex for you, succubus. You're a succubus. Three times a day. You don't think that's a prop? No, my advice, three times a day? I have trouble getting Gus into the car before he gets high three hours. Well, it's because he doesn't let us smoke in the car. There's no smoking section in there. But you're not going to a place three times a day to buy pot. No, he's just a stupid shopper if that's the case. Buy more, go home. It sounds like the guy's got a real addiction. The last bit of advice here is, Marina, seriously, just grow some at home. Then you won't have to go to the store. You were a wiser. Guys, you were a wise man. Okay, next one. Marina's life is so much better right now. I just like his name. You hate me. Owen. A little bit. Owen in Duluth wrote in to the site. Owen says, I've been dating a girl for a few months and we've been having sex for almost two months now. Nice. The thing is, she never takes her shirt off even during sex. What? She has great tits and she has no problem with me touching her but she won't tell me why she won't take it off. What could be the reason? C-section. No, you know what? She's probably not like Maria and has nice clavicles. That's probably why. She's a guy. She's a guy? I did learn clavicle porn. Maybe she takes her pants off. How's that make any sense? Maybe they hang low and she doesn't want to take them off. She'd have to keep her pants on then too. I would think she'd tuck them in. If she has the bra on and if she takes it off then maybe they're by her ankles or something. Maybe she needs the bra on because they sag. National Geographic titties is what you're saying? Yeah, you don't know. They have flies around them? Is that what you're saying? Flies around the nipples? Maybe they look like scrolls and they're just rolled up in there. Okay, look. I once dated a girl and she confessed to me before we ever had sex. She confessed to me and she was crying. She had... Yeah, she confessed. We can put the gun away, Sal. No, hang on. She had inverted nipples. I know a girl that does that. Her nipples went in and she was so ashamed about it. Yeah, and when she got very excited she was scared they were going to punch her heart. Now what? If you dropped like a penny in there does it start circling around? That was funny. It's like her nipples were like black holes and they just absorb everything. That is nice. What's the big deal there? I could give a fuck less about that. That's great. Whatever. Are they still... Titties? They look like you could put your finger in there and just kind of like boop. They look like, yeah, her nipples were innies instead of alleys. They're little crinkled pennies. That's nice. Like, oh, what? A friend of mine has like three nipples on one. Are you kidding me, man? I'd put... What's her name? I'd put peanut butter M&M's right in there and then suck them out. Is she on Facebook, Marie? She is on Facebook. What's her name? I tell her. I tell her. Three nipple Mary is what they call her. Friend me over at Trinip. More nipples. There is something out there. Are you kidding me? This is great. But one's like so tiny. She showed me like... There's one that's like regular size and one that's like, you know, probably the size of a dime. I want your friends. Yeah, she's the strangest group of friends ever. And then one's the size like literally of a pimple or something. It's just really weird. She could handle a succubus, succubus, succubus. She could. In my head, it was much better looking than that. I'm with Vic. Does she take off her shirt? Does she want to cover the trinips? Well, she's married so I guess like he likes it. This is bullshit, married. Stop talking about girls who are married. Great sorority, the trinips, by the way, for the record. So I don't know. The question is what should he do? Well, no, he wants to know like what could possibly be the reason. She's got ugly breasts. She's got ugly boobies. Or maybe she has ugly breasts or maybe she's a monkey. Or maybe... Oh, that's a good point. Maybe she's a robot. You think she's hairy? Actually, that's a great point. Maybe she's hairy. Kirk is saying maybe she's got like a very hairy body. Yeah, but if he can feel that, you'd be maybe... He says she lets him touch her. Now, the thing is, okay, I, you know, you mentioned the girl that... What happened with your story? Inverted nipples? Inverted nipples. I knew a girl who... Like, she was very uncomfortable if you made eye contact during sex. With her nipples? No, at all. So she was totally like into having sex, but only doggy style because she's like, don't look at me. You know she thinks you were disgustingly ugly. That could have been it. That was just about her. What she meant was she didn't want to look at you. It's hard to imagine you're good looking if I can see you. She would only have sex if I can see you. I feel a little hurt right now. I do. I feel hurt. This could be it. I had an ex-boyfriend that like literally like I couldn't touch his belly button or look at it or put my finger in it at all. I love you so much right now. the more he told me I couldn't, the more I wanted to. Of course. I tried and it would give him anxiety and like sometimes I would look at it. I'm like, you cannot suck my dick. That's what I do. You're upsetting me. You made a good point though about something about hair because I dated a girl who had hairy nipples and I walked in on her when she was... Braiding. No women have this problem. She's braiding her tits. She was plucking her nipple hairs and it really just... You must have totally gotten turned on right now. Were you getting nippy long stocking? No. Did you really just come with nippy long stocking? I didn't. I've been in 13 years for that joke. Finally, the reason. You know, Vic, I think that's the worst pun I've ever liked. Vic, when that woman gets old, she's going to need to pay for her nipples. Unless she's orthodox Jewish nipples. It turned me off but I still made love to her. With his mouth. With his mouth on her nipples. I saw a girl with a shitload of chest hair one time and she was wearing... In the center? She didn't give a fuck. Her name was Rocky. Like... Wait, run. How did the hair sound? It was like... And then there was another sound. All right. Did he ever talk about if he's seen her vagina? Well, he didn't mention it. He's having sex. He's putting his dick in her. No, he says it. It's only her shirt. The pants come off. I don't know. She could be covering something up or maybe she's just doing it to mess with you. Or maybe she's just doing it She's a robot. She just has severe anxiety like my ex who just... I couldn't even look at the belly button. Intimacy issues. That's all. And now you just fucking party on with your husband's belly button now. I stick shit in there. I'm just like... I put all this content in my purse. All right. This next one is a great one. This... Janice sent us this question. It says, Dear Bad Advice, love the show. I've always had a pirate fetish. I got my boyfriend to wear an eye patch during sex and it was great. The problem is he got so into it that now he likes to wear it a lot of the time even when we go out. I feel like I created a monster slash pirate. What do I do now? I think that's hot. You know what? The worst part is he tried a finger banger with a Captain Hook. Oh. With a Captain Hook? What kind of hook is that? With a Captain Hook fucking hook. You know what you should do? You should chop off his arm and put one of those things on and see how he likes it then. What if he doesn't like it? That could be the end of a relationship. Well, you see, I'm really being a pirate. I know you have no arm but do arg a lot. That'll balance it out nicely. It's a good deal. Nippy Longstocking's dad was a pirate. I think she plays the game back. She starts wearing an eye patch, maybe gets a fake peg leg. And then they both bump into each other because neither one has the same perception. First of all, then no one in that relationship can drive. Oh, yeah, good point. Janice, I want to congratulate you. You have a lovely, spicy sex life. Hell yeah, that's awesome. And I think it's great and I think you should buy him a parrot and a pair of shoes. Encourage him. Dab her, parrot. And explore. There's some other It doesn't necessarily make you wonder. It's like, you're scared to tell him the next thing you like. Also, get him a pirate ship. A pirate ship would be cool. And then you guys can make sweet, sweet love on top of the mermaid that is the mast. You know what? Get him to do real things like a parrot does, like steal shit. You know what? This woman's hot. She refers to anal sex as walking the plank. I understand. Oh, stop. Wow. My first bad advice applause break. Nice. Would you like it? With all Hispanics, though, that's not just for you. That was only for Latinos. That was wordplay so I can forgive that. I know that Hispanics like corn, but please. Marie, do you ever role play with your hubby? Uh-huh. Do you really? Yeah. What do you play? I like to play different characters. Like, I really love this white trash chick I got, Bobby Sue. Stop masturbating, Vic. Go ahead. Continue your play story. You know how Vic said he could get off without touching himself? It's like, this studio needs a splash guard for the record. Go ahead. I can make myself Jack Nolte without touching myself. Go on. Okay, move on. What? Move on. I don't think any of us can. Do you go as far as like he picks you up at a bar? Like that kind of role playing? We've done that once in a bar where we acted like we didn't know each other and then, you know. That's fun. If I could be married to you, I would consider marriage. Do you have a cheerleading outfit? I do have a Catholic girl uniform. Oh, you should completely wear that. Vic is like, damn! I'll wear it next week for you guys. My girlfriend's got a storage unit for costumes. Oh, yeah. I know. We've talked about that. That's fantastic. Yeah, that's the best part about it. I've seen Ron's girlfriend on Facebook. She does have every fucking costume and every time I see her in a costume, I hate to say it, I imagine Ron's probably fucked her in that costume. Yeah, I have. Oh, wow. And Ron's worn it too. You think of interesting things. Do you have to wash the costumes? Yeah, most of the time. Why don't you wash a costume? I used to role play. If he's doing it while she's in it? You mean wash it while he's what? Like afterwards. Are you? She's sweating. Am I not speaking English? How are they having sex Apparently, when you do that stupid white trash girl, it sticks. I used to like to pair it. It's not the guy's fault. We don't wash our clothes. What the fuck? For a week after she does the role playing with her husband, her husband's like, Marie, snap back. I'm very method. So then my advice for that guy is it's apparently not his fault. You start playing the role and look, it sticks for a week. It stays. It's not just you. It's everybody. I gotta say, I love role playing so much that one time, I don't know if I showed this here, but a girlfriend told me, she said, can we just do it once where I'm me? No, I don't like you. You know what, I just figured it out. Since this guy gets so into different role plays, she should make a role play where he's a millionaire. Yeah. Nice. Make it six. All right. Nice. Well done, Ron. Okay, next one. This one, Sal, you may want to take this one because it's one of your peeps. Oh, boy. I'm assuming it's one of your peeps because it's either Jesus or Jesus. And I don't think Jesus sent in a question. I'm not right because check out the question. It's about Down syndrome. Jesus wrote, my girlfriend likes to have sex during her period. I think it's disgusting. Is it weird for me to have a problem with it if she doesn't? Yes. Done. Let's move on. Well, you know what? No, no. You know what, you guys? Okay, this is, they are obviously Latino. Where do you guys think sangria came from? Oh, man. I'll still have some, but no. Look, you don't have to go. Is it a woman? Is it a woman? I mean, are you okay during that or no? I mean, for me, I mean, it's like, it's a bloodbath. It's a massacre. It's a massacre. When I lived with a girlfriend, we had a solution. I just got her another place to live for that week. And you put down like plastic like a serial killer, like Dexter. No, I like, I love it. I've shared this. I'll say it again. I love everything that comes out of the vagina, blood, wet, anything. Fucking cottage cheese. The guy before me. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. That was very good. You're playing the role of a tampon. I don't mind it. I like it. You know, I don't mind if it's like a crime scene, like a murder scene. You know, there can be blood everywhere. Jerry Orbach comes walking in and goes, I think we can figure this out. My friend has a good joke and my friend Andy Sell has a good joke about like, that's the only time that I can feel like I'm like pulling a string. I'm like pulling a sword out of a dead victim. Oh my God. He's like, it's the only time I feel like a powerful warrior. The only way I'm doing that if it really was written by Jesus and he turns blood to wine. Yeah. Because then I'm like, fine. Hey, I'm not going to go down on a girl during that time, but I will gladly have sex with a girl if she wants to have. Anytime she wants to have sex, I'm going to have sex with her. It's very simple. Does David Caruso come in and take his glasses off and goes, look like this person's been gashed. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Vic will only have sex. Vic will only go down on a woman if there's yellow tape around the pussy. All right. Moving on. Next question. Oh, by the way, there's a way to go down on a woman where you don't get your face all messy. I know. I know where the clit is. I'm not going to do it. After on Swallow to do it? No. You just focus on the clitoris. You know, you don't have to go deep. I've seen you go down on a banana. It was all over the top of your head. I know. It took him three weeks to wash that off, by the way. All right. Next question. This one comes, this one's from Paul. It doesn't say where Paul's from. It says, my girlfriend is kind of stupid. She's good looking and very sweet, but it's embarrassing when she talks to people. What can I do? You can divorce Victoria Jackson if you want. You can do that. Thank you, guys. I have a lot of experience with this. Oh. What did you say? I'm just kidding. I don't have any experience. Ron says he has experience. I'm a buyer muzzle. Just shut her up. Is that what your husband does? No, I'm not a muzzle. Really? So you want to role play? I didn't. You want to role play? But Marie's like, let's role play. You're an overly aggressive dog at the ASPCA. Roll with everything she does. Here's the role play. Any time she says something kind of stupid, just roll with it. That's better than going, oh my God, you were so stupid. If she says there's 56 weeks in a year, you go, yeah, baby, there's 56 weeks for me to love you. See, I'm not that tolerant. I can't do that. This reminds me of an episode of the Jersey Whore recently. The situation's girlfriend, he made her a single. The situation? I love when you use Do you ever say that again? I will smack you. This is... I'm air quoting on a word that doesn't exist. That's nice. Anyway, his girlfriend, he made her his girlfriend and then all of a sudden, like, she was just like, you know, his, well, you know, his... Squeeze. Yeah, his, what do you call it? Shakey bangs? His tomato. Vagina? No, you know when you do, like, you... Booty call. Yeah, your booty call. There you go. And then he made his girlfriend and then she started, once she got the confidence, she started saying really stupid things and he made it on his... She needed confidence to say stupid things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute, you mean... She didn't talk before. He didn't even know anything about her. She was in a situation, somebody was stupider than him? Yeah, there was other people Is stupider a word? I'm surprised to hear Ron say stupider. Yes, it is. There's people that are more stupid. Yes. I don't know, what's this guy's name? He doesn't. Paul. Paul, you're, you know, just, if you look, dump the bitch. Yeah. Vic, you're angry? That's what you're going... Angry. Wow, that's an edited version. Vic is harsh today. Why did you get angry at that one? Okay, because he's like, you know, if you're going to be, if you want to be, you know what she is. You make your compromise. You either move on or you go, I'm with a very, very nice, unintelligent person. I mean, Vic, you were saying before, there's a lot of single people on the thing, so maybe the choices were not, you know, he didn't have that much to choose from. Maybe he's not disgusting. No. I want you guys to know... And smells like a sausage. I want you guys to know I've dated and slept with a lot of highly intelligent women. And nobody believes that. Here's the problem with intelligent women, they talk a lot. And for some people, that's an issue. No. I'm looking right at Marie. Let's be clear. Marie's really smart. All through history, women have talked a lot. It doesn't matter if they're smart or not. They talk a lot. It's just what you hear that changes. The Bible according to Mark Twain? No. He writes a thing, and then, you know, and he was in the 1800s when he was writing, right? Okay, he writes a thing on Adam and Eve, right? And it's their diaries. Adam's diary is like, I ate food, I hung out, I picked some lettuce. And that's like, his diary is like five sentences. And Eve's every single entry is like 45 pages. And the point of that is, even in the 1800s, they did make a joke about women talking incessantly. Like your husband, Marie, all women do that. It's normal. Your husband, I'm guessing, and I apologize, this is going to sound brutal. He's listening. He must tune you out a lot. No, because I'm funny. At least I say things that are amusing. You're very verbal. He does tune me out. You know what I do? I get aggressive. See? I love it. No shit. Stab a sumbitch. My ex-wife was a genius. You know how I get her to pay attention? It's called a shank. We made it 57 minutes before Marie actually physically threatened a relative. The good thing about Marie is she understands that she's intolerable. But you want to know what you missed? Hey, when did I become intolerable? You want to know what you missed? Ever since you won't let them fuck you. Smart women talk a lot. It's that smart women are mean as shit. And if they're smarter than you, then they're going to seem meaner. If they're more mean to you, then you can say to them. Can this guy just say to the woman, can he just, every time she says something, can you just go, oh, I used to think that. Can you do something like that? You're not trying to get it perfect. What's that game Slugbug? You know, if you see a certain kind of car, you punch him. Just go, every time she says something stupid, punch her. She'll get over it. Punch her in the snot locker? That was the Chris Brown technique. They tried that. All right, next question. Okay. This one says, my girlfriend recently shaved off her eyebrows then penciled in new ones. It looks really weird, but she thinks it looks great. Am I the only one that thinks that's nuts? It's nuts. It's not Hispanic. Okay, this is for the Latino. Is that really a Latina thing? Yes. Yes, it is. They shave off their eyebrows and then they draw them on again. Sometimes they draw them upward, which gives them a constant state of surprise. Yeah, that's why. It's like clown makeup. What did I do? Stop looking at me like that. Can you do that? It comes back to haunt you, though, because girls, that shit don't grow back after a while. You're going to have these little, like, you know, what are they called? Stray hairs. Also, let's be clear. The only person who's going to date you is also going to shank you. I once dated a girl. She shaved her eyebrows so much they didn't grow back. I had to get her two little merkins to put on. See, I think what you should do is, like, while she's sleeping, very carefully shave her crotch and then draw in eyebrows down there. So that way, it, like, makes a little face. Or just draw a triangle down there. I don't know. I have nothing to say. You don't care. As long as you can sleep with it, you don't care. No, Vic wouldn't sleep with someone who has fake eyebrows drawn on her. Yes, he would. That's true. That's what you draw. I would. Actually. Yeah, you would. Well, we got time for one more quick question that I wanted. Before we get into this last question, for any of our listeners and all the panel, we get to celebrate a little bit. We have good news. Starting next week, we are going to be aired weekly on Sirius Radio. Yeah! Channel 165 to 169. How are you starting, Sirius? 165 to 169. 165 to 169, baby. That's right. We're going to be live. Now, we're going to be live here at Skid Row Studios. So they're going to be playing rebroadcast. So you won't be able to call in during that show. So you're still going to have to do that here at Skid Row. But again, make sure you subscribe at the iTunes store. You can do stuff here. It's free, by the way. We have a minute, so we're just going to do this question really, really quickly. Just for clarification, what do you mean four channels? 160? 160. They're going to be airing it at different times of day on all the different channels. On all the different, okay. Yeah. Thanks. So, you know, it's going to be new to us. Actually, we're not going to have time for another question, so we're just going to go around. Fucking Vic! Sal Rodriguez is here, host of Registered Ear Offenders here on Skid Row. We've got Marie Delpretti, who on Nick at Night. Yeah, Nick Moms, Night Out, and follow me on Twitter at Marie Delpretti. Nice. Ron Swallow. Yeah, I've got Angry Dorks on Monday from 6 to 7, and I have a show at Flappers January 6 with Eddie Pepitone headlining. Nice. Go on. Vic Cohen. I am, please tune in on Tuesday nights for It's a Fair Question, a new show here on Skid Row, and Sunday, December 9th, I will be at the Comedy Store on the main stage. Excellent. And then we have Kenneth August, host of the weekly wrap-up. 4 o'clock on Sundays. I'm just going to start drinking and stay here until tomorrow. All right. Listen, I will be a guest on Love Bites tomorrow, so you can hear me talk about my history in porn and all sorts of bizarre things. You will be fisting. We will see you next week. Thanks for listening. Good night. Bye. You're so going to play with your ass tomorrow. I know. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. I know. .