so wow you just wanted to you wanted to be the first one no alright what's up no it's just that what sticks with me because we're here and the show that was on right now before we came in when I walked in well now you're gonna give away that we're not live why would you do that they were when I walked in they were talking about punching assholes and I was laughing to myself because I thought oh that's so cute that's so cute that's so cute they're punching assholes they're punching assholes I've punched a cunt yeah that's true that's true and made it squirt too yeah yeah it's pretty awesome yeah hi we should do that again we should can we please we should have her on wait who which one the squirter oh yeah I don't know what to call her I don't want to give her name away yeah I don't want to give her name away yeah let's not call her that because I think that makes yeah oh okay I know some people feel really self-conscious about that ah I don't know not in our world I just want to be polite dude it's like if you're a squirter man that's like a fucking badge you get to wear the S on your goddamn chest for squirter everybody loves a squirter yeah I know I liked that that was like a ha ha success well it's like you can't deny the effectiveness of your fist when they squirt that's what I have to say about that yeah but uh this is actually our valentine's day episode are you gonna be my faux valentine I will be your faux valentine okay I actually have a present for you not with me here well because I'll give them to you on valentine's day okay that's what I was hoping because it's it's too early for that but this is valentine's weekend yes where you know everybody will do their lovey thing that they do whatever that is or not you know I mean I guess when you're poly it makes it a little bit more complicated a lot of you have to separate time and stuff yeah yeah it's a true statement so um we actually got a request to talk about uh specifically the request if I'm wording it correctly was how to tough it out when things get rough in a DS relationship um which is great I think that's a that's a slice a component but I think what you know it's about effective relationships this is going to be very relationshipy show now mind you relationships in our world are complicated yeah yeah they are you know in some ways they're they're more clearly defined and so therefore it is simplified however the human being and the human psyche is not that simple so sometimes you're fighting a human being even though they don't have the desire something Nancy sometimes you're fighting a human being even though they've asked for something Nancy sometimes that happens doesn't it Nancy yes just checking yes yes yes it does so so I think that that specific question was brought up because at the group and we haven't had a group show yet and everybody can see it let's talk about the group we're not going to have our group show for a while because we have guests for the next two weeks yeah so figure that out there was a there was a a support group a dominant support group that I wanted to put together because there are certain issues that happen that come up when you're a dominant that you don't know who to go to and unless you have a mentor who's also a dominant or a similar situation you you know there's there's submissive support groups hey there's all the subbies getting together and chit chatting with their shit about what the fuck's going on oh us D types don't need it oh because we we got it going on we know everything no no we don't and so in this in this support group there was a fellow female dominant who was having an issue with her submissive and the answer from all of the other mind you she and I were the only female dominance in this group it was all male dominance really that was it no there might have been another yeah I'm sure there was but three out of 12 or 13 and that was the ratio women to men in that particular group and I imagine you could probably count on one finger the male submissives in your submissive group yeah so see what I'm saying that's for female and and the male dominance were continually telling her the female dominant that was having an issue well maybe she's just not the right submissive maybe you maybe the relationship just isn't right and literally like kept saying like hammering to the point saying maybe it's just time for you to hang it up with her and it's like whoa you don't how would you feel if somebody gave you that advice for your live-in submissive you know I mean you just don't fucking do that time so much energy money you know emotion everything yeah so it was it was a bit irritating and the truth of the matter is we don't nobody hangs up a relationship like that I mean fuck in this world in general we're very slow to get to the collaring point you know there's a there's a process before you choose to select a submissive that you collar or or as a submissive that a a dominant that you petition to be collared that's why there's a you know that that pre-screening period there's a lot of that a lot of people call it being under consideration well there's a lot of people play partners being under consideration in training you know and then there's and even you can even be collared and not necessarily be owned I mean it has a lot of subtle differences for different people so I'm just saying it doesn't mean that you just throw the baby out with bath water because something's going wrong and I think well I mean so there's that but I think that a lot further than that there's people who maybe they're not in a relationship but they're having difficulty just you know finding a partner or maintaining a relationship and then they feel well shit maybe maybe kink isn't for me maybe I can't find my place in kink and it's time to it's time to just give up yeah I mean I definitely thought about that we've known people like that you know where they say you know what I'm going vanilla yeah I'm going vanilla yeah I'm done and you know and I think and I bring it up because I think those two situations they have a lot of similarities it's a lot of frustration it's a lot of feeling like there are no you can't find answers anywhere you can't find support and I guess it goes hand in hand with frustration is just getting burnt out um I laughed a little bit when you talked about um you know how dominance needs support too and there's all these groups for submissives and blah blah blah blah blah you didn't say blah blah blah blah blah but you know what I mean um but even though yeah those do exist not all submissives have access to that and um whether it be because it you know it's not local to them or they just they're too shy to go it you know there's there's this sometimes there can be this like I don't want to call it fear but just you know kind of like well I don't want to go to a group with people that I don't know and start talking about my business and what if it's you know it'll look you know I'm speaking poorly about my dominant and you know I don't want to do that in public and you know and there's a lot of those pressures as well so I mean I just don't want you to you know it's not it's not so oh hey there's all this support for submissives yeah it's out there but there's a lot of struggle internally whether or not you want to go reach out for that especially especially especially if let's say you want to talk to fellow submissives but they happen to be friends with your dominant and then you're like oh fuck do I talk do I speak freely with this person but they're friends with my dominant and I mean I'm just like you know it can get a little panic inducing you're giving me a look but I'm just having memories stop it okay please let's not but you know I mean there's a lot of those anxieties so I just I just don't want it to sound like you know we always have all this awesome support it can be quite a a situation so to speak yeah that's that's totally awesome and also it's really awesome when you have all this shit and you don't want to talk badly about your submissive but you have nobody to talk to about it see what I'm saying yeah I mean what you just said was oh my god I just got four four people asked me to the prom and I don't know what to do to somebody who doesn't have anybody asking them to the prom so let's just put it in a little bit of perspective that's awesome and I get that that's hard and I and I fully encourage those out there to seek out and grasp the resources that are available to them you know but that's that's a side point I'm sorry I'm just saying I don't have a date to the prom I I will be your date no it's okay because everyone wants to make out with you which is fine oh my god shut up so cool it doesn't bother me or anything that's not even true you know that's not fucking true whatever what was that nothing something about Twitter it's all cool oh god you're getting a double crock pot it doesn't matter that doesn't matter it doesn't matter I can buy my own fucking double crock pot it's a soft point anyway no I mean I think that part of what complicates the the DS role you're right DS relationships when things aren't going smoothly number one it's a relationship it takes work every single day to somehow believe that it can go on autopilot look we wrote this contract look we have these rituals and that bam that takes care of everything is as foolish as assuming your spouse or long term relationship knows how you feel when you don't tell her you know it's the same concept there's no difference it yes there's a lot of negotiation there's a lot of forethought that goes into a DS relationship a lot more specificity into the roles than in a regular vanilla relationship however it requires just as much daily work if not more because sometimes if we go back to my theory that there is a sliding scale of of relative dominance and! submissiveness a human being at any given point within their day within their time can be feeling a little bit more dominant or a little bit more submissive which might combat the role that they are pre-assigned to within a DS relationship so that being said that can cause brattiness that can cause you know miscommunication that can cause from both sides that can cause misheard things misunderstood things that can cause misconstrued a lot of things can happen within those moments that are outside of these very rigidly defined roles because we as human beings are not specifically rigidly defined we are we are flexible we are fluid we are constantly changing and we ebb and flow from moment to moment depending upon how we feel and what's going on around us to think that that doesn't apply within the construct of a DS relationship I think is very foolish so so! so these things start really small, but it doesn't take a long time for it to evolve. And then all of a sudden you're like, what the fuck happened? Where'd our relationship go? You know, and I think it requires a lot of really honest communication from both sides. I had a really interesting Twitter conversation with somebody, male submissive, you know, and he was saying, you know, whatever, you know, you're perfect. And I was like, ha ha ha, you know, no, nobody's perfect. Don't ever let anybody tell you that they're perfect. We're all human, you know, and there are struggles and challenges and strife for everybody, regardless of their role. And he's like, well, you're like, no, Dominic, I've never known. It's like, look, seriously, let's stop that. Everybody's a human being. You know, that perfect submissive that you see, they struggle. You just see their public face. That perfect Dominic that you see, they struggle. You just see their public face. Nobody can, nobody understands the depth of what's going on within a human being, much less a relationship. Just from the surface. There's a lot going on. Even friends that know us don't know everything goes on between you and I. No. Because that's between you and I. So, I mean, it's one of those things where that open communication needs to come from both sides. And I see, you know, there's a lot of journaling and stuff from submissives and stuff. And although it would be inappropriate for me to share with you all of my deep, dark, whatever, whatever, whatever, but that you be exposed to some of the things that are going on within my being. And I think that's what's going on. I think that's what's going on. That's kind of where my head, I think, is important, which is why I do a public blog. So, you know, you can read it and be like, wow, I didn't know that was going on. That's kind of where my head is. You know, it's not something that I'm hiding from you. It's not something that I'm hiding from anybody. But that, I think that a lot of dominants have a fear of sharing their vulnerabilities. Sometimes I do. Yeah, I see that there is this, you know, will I be respected less? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I'm not a domly dom. Yeah. And I guess from my perspective, and I don't know if other S-types share this as well, but, you know, I look at you and I think, well, there's strength in vulnerability because I'm vulnerable with you all the time. And that's when I feel my strongest. When I am open and willing and I will do anything, that's when I feel my strongest. When I'm with you, when you ask me to do something, and I know that my answer is always going to be yes, that's when I feel my strongest. So I see you being vulnerable and I see the strength, you know, but I can also understand how other dominants might not see that. You know, they may take it as, you know, something, you know, the integrity of their words is lessened or their actions. But I guess it may depend, it just depends on the kind of relationship that you have with your S-type. Yeah. I mean, everything is dependent upon the kind of relationship and upon the people that are within it. I think the point is that in order to have an effective human relationship, regardless of how you are branding it, it requires emotional intimacy and a certain amount of vulnerability in order to have it grow with you as a person. Otherwise, you can be growing silently without sharing whatever's going on within you and you will grow away from your relationship. If you're not communicating with your partner about what's going on, you two can't share the same path. And I think that that's what's really, really important. I think that when a submissive can't communicate with their dominant for fear of being reproached, for fear of being disciplined, then that creates an issue. When a dominant doesn't want to share with their submissive for fear of being weak or appearing as though they're not dominant enough within the confines of the relationship, I think that that weakens whatever their relationship could or should be. But that fear, I mean, I guess I then wonder, is that fear rooted in truth? Like, is there some truth to it that their submissive or slave will absolutely, without a doubt, see them as less? Or is it an insecurity? You're the one that can answer that question. You're the S-type. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. But I'm saying that on the dominance side, you know, whether it be that fear of sharing because they think that, you know, their submissive or slave will no longer take them seriously, will somehow see it as a weakness that they can exploit. You know, I just, you know, it can be one of two things. You know, is that actually true? Will your submissive do that? Or is that your own insecurity, the dominance insecurity speaking up? I have no doubt that it's the insecurity. I mean, I think that that's, fear is what limits us from communicating all the time. Not us, you and I individually, but as human beings, fear is really one of our number one diminishers in life. We don't do things out of fear. And whether it is a, whether it's an actual fear or an assumed fear, it's fear nonetheless. And it seems as real as anything could be. You know, fear that you believe that the boogeyman exists doesn't make it not exist. You know, you still have that fear. It's just as real as if it really did exist. Same kind of concept. I mean, it's a very, very powerful emotion. And so, yeah, it would probably be from that. And it would be very difficult. That's a very difficult question to broach with your partner about wanting to share this without, because as soon as you touch upon that, just the topic, you have expressed a vulnerability. And if you have that fear, you know, that's a, that's a downward spiral at that point or a slippery slope. It's going someplace. It's very difficult to stop it once you've started on that. And I can see how as a dominant, you're like, let's just keep the damn up and we don't even have to deal with it. Just keep the damn up and it's never even an issue. Right. I don't know. For me, I think that that limits, limits the relationship. I don't mind being challenged. I mean, you know, not being challenged, but you know, being challenged by my own vulnerabilities, my own insecurities, my own issues. And God fucking knows, that I have them. You know, I don't mind. I am aware of the baggage that I walk into this relationship with. And it's a lot of a lot. And it's not even like, you know, Gucci or you say, it's not even like nice baggage. It's like shitty baggage. There's like my dad's trunk from Vietnam and there's like a lot of baggage. My grandma's teakwood chest, all of that. But the point is that when we're in this relationship, it's that I have them. I have to be aware that I have this baggage. And so many people have romance intermingled with their DS. I don't understand how you can't be emotionally intimate with someone that you love. Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, even if it's, even if it's not romance, even if it's let's say, you know, because you and I don't have a romantic relationship, but we love each other. I love you. And I think that we are emotionally very intimate. That's what I think. Yes. And so it's one of those things, even other people that if the word love is used and that is an emotion that is expressed, that to me requires honesty on both sides, even sometimes if it's going to hurt the other person. You know? Yeah. No, no, I get that. I get really sad when I hear friends, like one side saying something, I was like, oh my God, that's so sad that that's my friend that is going on with this. It makes me sad because it's like, why aren't you two talking? Why isn't that communication happening between the two of you? Is there, is, and usually it's fear. You know? Yeah. You're really quiet. No, no, no, no. It's just, because you're, you're like, you're giving a lot of, you're just, you're, I'm being blown by like all the things that you're saying because you're saying a lot of things. I'm sorry. I'm not being quiet because I'm being, it's just saying you're talking to yours. You know, you have a lot to say. I love, I love human beings. I love the brains. I know you do. Two, human interaction is one of my favorite. It is. It is. It is. I think that, because what we've, what we've been saying up until now is a lot about communication. But I think one of the things that also helps, we can't ignore the fact that, or lessen it rather, that contracts and protocol do help a lot. You know, if you listen to last week's show, then you will know how those things could have prevented a lot of other things. But I think that, you know, once you have that down, once you have the communication down and you have the trust and you have the willingness to be vulnerable, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think that, you know, relying on your contract and relying on your protocols as like your home base, this is where I live. This is home. I can always come back to this when things are getting out of control or, you know, there's misunderstandings or discussions, as I like to call them, instead of disagreements. Does that make you feel better? It does. It makes me feel less confrontational. Okay. But, you know, it's, it's just that nice thing that you can go back. And I don't know if that's the same thing for dominance, but I know like for an S-type, like it's just a nice, this is familiar. This is consistent. Yeah. Home base. Yeah. Yeah. Like you said. That's, and that's, you're right. But those things don't work if you're not being consistent about them. Right. There are great tools that are awesome, like an awesome starting point, but it can't just be a starting point. It has to be something that is also, you can consistently revisited. You know, we talked about how our contract needs revising. Yes, it does. A lot of shit has changed. Yeah. You know, and we haven't looked at it and however long it's been. Over a year. Yeah. That's our slip up. Yeah. So do as we say, that is not. No, no, no, no. Let's just learn from us. Yes. People learn from us. You know, and I mean, I, I know that once I have that, that'll make me feel, you know, a lot more secure. I mean, not that I don't feel secure now. I do, but you know, it's just one of those things that I can go back and it's just like a safety blanket. So I don't want to minimize that. A lot of people, protocol is really important and I know it's important to me. Yeah. I think you're, you're very accurate in saying that it is, it's a safety blanket and it is right about having being home base. It's also, so for, lack of a better term, when shit hits the fan, it's a good place to go for a holding pattern. Just go back to home base and let's figure out what's going on. You know, and also I think that the touching that base on a frequent basis, which I'm going to put in the contract by the way, I think is wise. Going back and reviewing it two people together. And I'm not talking about every six months. I'm like, I think it should be a little bit more frequent than that. Just because. I mean, fuck, life goes so fast. There is no slowing down in life these days. It's just, you know, how many people do we know that meet and fall in love in a heartbeat and then they're super happy and then they're getting married, which is wonderful. But that is a testament to the pace of life these days. Yeah. It's just that fast. And we share things at such a rapid pace with social media and with, you know, texting and with emails. You don't even have to think before you hit send. You don't have to have that fear of looking somebody in the eye to have that moment to share those really raw, emotionally intimate experiences that life goes super fast. So, in order to ensure that both parties are on the same page, having that check-in on whatever predetermined basis I think is important. You know, I mean, I'm a huge fan of journaling. I receive journals from, you know, you. You used to get, I used to get daily journals. Wait, I'm sorry. I don't think I ever got daily journals from you. But I get weekly for the most part. Journals from you. From you. But for me, that's a way that I can assess something. I had a, I had a submissive one time. Sweet, sweet person. I love her to death. But her journals were, she could have copy and pasted them. They were exactly the same day after day after day. And I was like, look, there's shit going on in your life. I know there's shit going on in your life because you're texting me throughout the day about what's going on. What, why aren't, why isn't this reflected in your journal? Where the journal is supposed to be the in-depth, your day and how it's going and how this is impacting you as a human being, that kind of stuff. And I think it was just really difficult for her to get to that emotional honesty with herself. So, you know, journaling is an easy way for a person to be very honest with somebody because you're just writing on a blog. It's not just a blank page. And then whether you're giving a book because you're handwriting it or you're pressing send makes it really easy. Well, easy, easy. Yes. Easy to be honest and open with a person, but you're easy to be open and honest with your dominant is, can be really hard. You know, sometimes, sometimes we want to say what you want to hear. I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear. I don't. Don't piss me off. Okay. Wait, please. In an effort to be pleasing. That's how I would find that happening. In an effort to be pleasing, saying what you think your dominant wants to hear. You know, you hope that your dominant thinks that you have it together, that you are a fully independent person. And not, not to be malicious, not because you want to, you know, pull one over them, but just because you want to have something to show. But that's not the, that's not the purpose of a journal. It's not. No, it's, it's not. I mean, but I'm saying that that I, if there's one person that you should be able to show, everything to, it should be your dominant. And if you don't trust them with that, then they shouldn't be your dominant. You know, I mean, people trust a D type with their bodies. Dangerously so. Why would you not? If you're, if you're going to be collared to them, extend that to your heart and soul. You know, you, that, that, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust, that trust has to be there. And I get it. I really get it that, that kind of raw openness is terrifying. It really is. Which is why, as we said earlier on, it's a slow process before you get there. Before you make sure that this is somebody you trust, that you would, you will give your heart wounds and all and a sliced piece of lemon and hand them both to them and say, I trust you. I trust you not to put that lemon on all those wounds. That's, that's what it is. I don't know if I could do that. You're so pretty. It's because I got a big brain. I mean, you're so funny. What? I mean, I was hearing everything you were saying. A little diverting of the point. No, I was totally hearing everything you were saying and I absolutely agree, but I was just, all I could think was, you're so pretty. I have no makeup on. I'm sorry. I love it when you don't have makeup on. Really? Yeah. Cool. You look beautiful either way. You're so nice. Shut up. Thank you. Um, I mean, I guess what we're trying to say is there are ways, you know, it does, you don't have to give up just because there are these challenges. Yeah. You know, um, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying give up. But, tough it out. Yeah, absolutely tough it out. It's worth it. I think it's worth it. I mean, we have had a lot of different issues. Nah. I mean, but like, of like, so diverse. So diverse. Kind of issues. It's true. Like, they're just so diverse. It's never the same thing. Um, but, I can't imagine my life without you. But I guess this is my question then. What, what do you do? What happens, rather, when you've, have had all those challenges and you really have tried everything. Both of you. Not just one person because, yes, we did offer all of these suggestions, but it takes both people to be on the same page. Absolutely. Um, it can't be just one person doing these things. Um, but if, if both people have put forth an effort and, um, God, against all odds, you know, you wanted to make it work and it simply isn't going to work, then, you know, at what point do you say, we are not the right person for each other? Because, because, there's, there's no, there's no timeline. I mean, there's no formula for that. No, there isn't. But I'm, I'm saying that, you know, there, at, at some point, you have to be honest with yourself and if you, if you are absolutely, absolutely done beating yourself up and just dragging yourself through the dirt for a relationship that, you know, whether, regardless of, you know, if you both want to be in it or only one of you wants to be, but it's just not working. It's not making you, it's not making you happy. I mean, you know, we're not trying to sugarcoat this shit. We're not trying to say that you should stick it out and, and you should just be in the relationship forever and ever and ever and ever. Stay for the kids. It is a very, it's a very real possibility. And I think that that, it's a, it's a very personal decision and everybody's done is different from somebody else's done. And the truth of the matter is, it doesn't happen like a cliff. Doesn't all of a sudden, everything's plateau and then bam, there's a cliff and you're done. It chips away little by little by little by little by little, which almost makes the acceptance of that decision just a little bit easier. I don't think that, I don't think it's easy. I said just a little bit easier. I didn't say easy. No, I know. I guess I didn't, I didn't mean to sound like, hey, if you're having trouble, just get out of your relationship. That's not what I was trying to say at all. I'm pretty sure I started the show saying that's not what we were talking about. I know. I just want to reiterate. Okay. I just, I think that while it is very important to exhaust all of your resources to, to make a relationship work because you want it to work, you both want to be in it. What I'm trying to point out though is that don't compromise all of yourself. No. If it's going to make you unhappy. No. If the relationship itself is going to make you unhappy. Yeah, but the formula for a good relationship is person one plus person two plus same page everybody working in the same direction. That's the formula for a good relationship. Everybody's working and everybody's on the same page. Now how that happens is as diverse as the people can be. But if you're really unhappy, if whatever this is going on is making you unhappy, not necessarily you, even though I'm pointing, the universal you, as we say in French, one, then you're not on the same page because you're on a different page because the different page is what makes you happy. But this page makes you unhappy. So then that's not the formula for the good relationship. The key is I think one of the biggest challenges in any human interrelationship is being honest with yourself about what makes you happy because so often other people tell us what makes us happy. And it's not even your partner. It can be friends, family. They tell us what makes us happy. And a lot of times we're just like, oh yeah, that makes me happy. And then you would think, no, no, that doesn't make me happy. You know, this other thing that you all don't like makes me happy. You know, and that's one of the challenges is that honesty with ourselves. You said it a lot better than me. Sorry. No, it wasn't. No, it was just, I was having a hard time trying to say that. That's what, that's what that was. That's what you're trying to say? Okay. I didn't know that. That's just what I was trying to say. The honesty with oneself. But yeah, that's, and that's it. And that's, if whatever, and also the world is not black and white. It just isn't. So if your relationship is not making you happy, so you have personal, one person, two and same page and either person, two and same page aren't the same or you know, whatever it is. If you don't have the formula, you need to talk to the person and be like, okay, this is what our relationship is. I want, I want it to work, but I don't, something else needs to happen. It needs to change because there can be subtle changes. And I, I feel for US types because I don't even know how you walk up to your D types. I know how you would do it to me. I know how you should do it to me, but I don't know how most S types walk up to their D types and say, I'm not happy. How do I do that? Well, you do it in your journals mostly. Okay. Or I just know before you know. Yeah, I was waiting to hear that. Sorry. I wanted to make sure that, that my perception of the way that you see it was correct. I just generally know before you do. I'm sorry. I'll stop paying attention. How's that? No. And then you can tell me yourself. No, because then I'll never figure it out. That's true. And that's about being honest with yourself. That's, that's one of the things. You have to be honest with yourself and that's a challenge for you. That's one of your challenges. Wait, me? Because if you were honest to yourself, you would know it at the same moment that I knew it. At the same time, at the same moment that I saw it because it happens before I see it. Because your behavior is how I know it. And your behavior is sparked by something that's going on in your head. That make sense? Mm-hmm. So you, and that's, that's, that's one of the things that I want your journals to be more about. Trying to be fiercely honest with yourself. Almost as if it's not a journal to me. As if it's a journal for you. Because I think that that's going to help you and us immeasurably. A little sidebar there. Yeah. You got a little intense. Just a second. Well, but, but again, I mean, this is our Valentine's episode. I mean, what's better than to say, hey, this is how the relationship works. Stop making faces at the people outside. I'm not making faces. It's just that I can see her desktop wallpaper and it's this girl and she's all like, ooh, look at my butt. That's my, that's my laptop. My laptop. Some, some fine redhead babe in a swimsuit. What can I say? I'm a young man. I have to have things like that on my laptop. Yeah. Wow. So that completely detracted from that really major point we were just having. Just go with it. Just go with it. Yeah. I feel like I need to join. I need to join the next show so that I can go with it. Anyway, the point outside of just being honest with oneself. Yeah. Is how, how do you, I mean, I think it's really important to be able to figure out if you can figure out some sort of a communication go to with your partner, DRS, if you're the dominant, you set up the rituals and the protocols, et cetera. There needs to be some way for you to let yourself, your submissive communicate with you when they're upset about something in a non-confrontational way where you will not as a dominant, take it as some sort of an attack or an affront upon your dominance or your relationship. I think that that's really important. And as a part of that, when you're going through that whole pre-screening phase and you're getting to know each other, I mean. Getting to know you. You're ridiculous. Why? But during that time, you get to know what each other's communication styles are. Yes. It's fantastic if they jive. What the fuck? What meaning? They're the same. You know, if one person wants to talk on the phone all the time and the other one is like a texter, that's an issue. Yeah. I didn't used to be such a texting person until you. Just so you know. I just, I hate being on the phone. I can tell because you never fucking answer my calls. Anyways. You never call me. Because you never answer. Well, you can't blame me if you never call me. You're ridiculous. I would answer by the way if you called. Oh my God, no, because I call you all the fucking time and you never pick up. No, you don't. You never call. I'm going to call you from now on. Fine, start calling. All right. But you know, when you're getting to know each other, then you're getting to know each other's communication styles and it makes it, I would assume that it makes it easier for a dominant to take note of that, make those observations and then be able to tailor, you know, whatever protocol it is that's going to be to make it easier for their submissive to go to them. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, or, and just call me wacky, ask. Go to your submissive. Hey, Nancy, if there was something that you needed to talk to me about that you were afraid to talk to me about, what's the best way you would like to do that? Yeah, but see that would be a problem because if I wasn't being honest with myself, if that's my issue, me not being honest with myself, I wouldn't be able to answer that very well. I really wouldn't. I would be like, I'm not going to answer that. I'm not going to answer that. I'm not going to answer that. I'm not going to answer that. Okay. Well, what if I, what I'm asking you now. Okay. Given any of the means of communication, what is your preferred way to bring up an issue with me? Face to face. Really? This surprises me greatly. Like a lot. Little miss passive aggressive approach avoidance. I'm not as passive aggressive anymore. Yeah. No, you're not. You're not as passive aggressive anymore. You're a lot better. I mean, but it helps that we have like this, like really casual friend like relationship. You know what I mean? Yes. There are times when Nancy will go. So as a friend, she'll give me some constructive feedback as a friend. But when that happens, it's not about us. No, it's not. But it's always funny. It's never about us. And I preface it with that because I don't want to come off, come off sounding like a jackass. You know, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to wreck myself before I check myself. Is what that is. It's just funny. Because if I said something like, you know, whatever, like, I don't know, whatever the fuck it was that I, that I wanted to go to you for our relationship. And I came to you like that, that shit would not fly. I know that, you know, so I have to preface it with that. So that way, you know that it's not about us. It's funny though. Just saying. Yeah. But I mean, I think that, that having that ability to, to have that, that moment of, of honesty or when, whenever you're doing this, this check-in, if it's to check your contract or just check in with your partner, I think being able to have that moment of being able to say anything, you can say anything in this moment because, you know, it's in the confines of the privacy of a home. It's not in public. This is not a moment of protocol. I think that having that freedom will help any DS relationship to, to be able to, to do that. Now, some DS relationships, that that's something that they would rather just keep very kind of, D and S-y. Yeah. And that if that's what works for them, that's what works for them. And if every person is very comfortable in their role and, and, and their check-ins are done during play or sex or whatever, then fine. That's whatever works. As long as, like I said, you know, person A plus person two, you know, B plus same page. Hey, that's cool. That all works. But when any of those, those variables are off, it's going to create a challenge. Be careful what you're surfing because remember last time you put on the puppy bowl and it started playing. So just be careful. Don't be looking at porn and shit. Nah, looking at porn. Nah, look at porn. It's okay. Fucking instigator. It's all right for you. It's okay for your show. Thank you. Thank you. It's perfect. No, no, actually I was just looking at the, the picture from the group with my thumbs up. I wanted to read the comments underneath this. I'm sorry. Is our show bothering you? Is it somehow interrupting your web surfing time? Is there, you know, would you rather be doing that? And I'll just be here talking by myself. No, stop it. Stop, stop, stop, stop that train that you're on. Stop it. Stop asking because clearly whatever we're talking about wasn't engaging enough that requires a lot of communication. I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, I'm just saying, you know, you participate more. Well, no. I would participate more, but you have a lot to say. You're very, very about this. Then I'll stop. Oh my God. No, don't do that either. Oh my God. Are you serious? You have a degree in psychology. Come on, talk. Are you fucking serious? I want you to use your degree. Let's discuss this. You should know more than me. Wow, I'm sorry. Sorry. All right, really, we're gonna try to focus now. Focus. For fuck's sake, focus. I'm focused. No, you're not. You're not focused. Hey, my phone's going off. Maybe I'll go do that. Oh, wow. Look at that. I wonder what's going on with my phone. Is that, I don't, I can't recognize it when you're being passive aggressive. Is that, I can't, I don't know. That was actually just being sarcastic. Oh, I didn't know that. I didn't know. I'm drinking my $64 an ounce tea. It's pretty fantastic. You know what I like about us? I'm so, that's, that's, that's not a good thing to say, huh? Why is that not a good thing to say, what I like about us? That's a good thing to say. It's a Valentine's episode. Let's say what we like about us. Well, but no, but see, I think part of what helps our relationship is that we're really lighthearted about a lot of things. Yeah, until we get super intense. Yes. And it's like, it's a really quick switch. But anyway, go on. What do you like about us? Well, no, it's just that, you know, when we do, you know, things come up and I mean, I don't know if this is something that's going to change actually now that I think about it. But I mean, you know, in the past, things have come up and initially it's very lighthearted. It's not like, you know, you crack the whip immediately. You know, it's very, it's very soft. And we both laugh. We laugh a lot. Yes, we do. We laugh at each other a lot. Yes, we do. And that relieves so much tension that there probably would be a whole lot of. But I like those, I like those aspects of our relationship because it just, it keeps us grounded. You know, I think it can be really easy for people to get really heady about their DS relationships and just kind of, you know, kind of think about it way too much. I can't imagine that we'll lose that lighthearted, jovial component because that's who we are. That's our personalities. But just so you understand me. Oh, okay. I may be incredibly fast at being able to think and process things faster than most. But there are some things that I need to quietly and privately contemplate before I come to whatever realization, decision, et cetera. And that's just me. That's, I've always been like that. That's why I like to sit and be alone. I really value my alone time because that's when I do my, my heavy fucking thinking. And I do a lot of heavy fucking thinking. Whether it be about relationships or about life or about my own baggage, as we discussed earlier, or writing or whatever it is. So, so that, so that, you know, my first reaction for everything is always light, always funny. Unless I've already like at the groove, that connection had already been made. And I was like, I got it. I figured it out. And that way it wasn't light from the beginning. So to answer that question, but the reality will still be, I don't know, I don't know. I was just so lighthearted. Don't hide behind the mic. Well, you just, you kind of scared me right there a little. Why? Because it's like, wait, wait, so that, that's not, it's not over. This is not over. This whole thing that has been happening, this whole groove thing and the punishment, I feel like this is not over. No, the punishment is over, but it's not over. We have to revise the contract. I know, but, And I can't, I mean, that's going to take a great, deal of thought. I know. I'm just saying that hearing you say all of that and, but not mention those other things really scared me for a second. A lot. Actually, they didn't scare me a little bit. They scared me a lot. No, there's no more. You still have your things to do. Your knees are probably still sore. So no, we're good. Don't do that. Don't laugh and smile like that because it makes me think like you're hiding something. Stop hiding things from me. I am hiding nothing. Like, like something is going to happen and like it'll happen and I won't even expect it. And then all these things. Because I do that all the time. I don't know. Have I? No. Right. So let's, let's think about this logically. See, I'm just saying. You're just saying totally irrational bullshit. I'm not saying, whatever. Anyway. Just whatever me. I want to throw things. I'm going to bring pinto beans in and start throwing them. You're going to throw beans at the beaner? The lesbianer. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do, baby. We've been through a lot. We have. You know what? That's a relationship. And I think, you know what? And it's funny because somebody, one of our friends tweeted something about how she wasn't good at being in relationships. And I thought about it and I'm like, well, wait, but I don't think anybody is actually good at it. I'm horrible. Okay. Well, then this goes to you too. I don't think anyone's actually, you're never like actually good or bad at being in a relationship. You will only be as good or bad as you want to be. That is equal to the effort that you put into it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't think so? You don't think so? Because you're only part of the equation. You're only part of the equation. You can't single-handedly make a relationship work. Okay. I get that. But the question is the person, you yourself being good at being in a relationship, carrying your own weight, whatever responsibility, you're part of the equation. Yes. You can only be as good as you want to be for that part of the equation that is you. As you can be. As you can be. Because people can have wants that they are unable to fulfill. Yes. But I'm saying that the effort that you put into that part of the equation is a huge component. Absolutely. It is a huge component. But the kind of people who say that they're bad at relationships are the kind of people that have had really shitty fucking relationships. Generally, that has to do with what me and my family calls a broken picker, meaning you select the wrong partners. And therefore, you're bad at relationships because you're selecting the wrong partners. And so, you're not good at relationships. You're selecting the wrong partners continually. And therefore, you're basically having the same relationships over and over again. So, to say that your relationship is only as good as you make it, when you're talking to somebody like me who comes from an abused past, that hits me in a very tender spot because I did everything I could and it wasn't enough for that relationship. So, that's why I have my relationship issues. See what I'm saying? Oh, well, see, now I feel like an asshole. Well, because that's not what... The boot fit. You're a dick. That's totally not how I meant it. All right. Well, we're out of time. But happy Valentine's Day, everybody. You know, grab somebody that you love and tell them that you love them, even if it's not a romantic love. And then grab them by the neck and then pull them closely and then growl in their ear. Yeah. Or have sex. By the way, Valentine's Day is the best night to go out if you're single because you know everybody else is single too. Sons of bitches. Just saying. And next week, we have a transgender person on. That'll be fun. It'll be awesome. So, we're the Love Bite. Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.