Deep dive into emotional drop and coping strategies

Good evening. Hello. Welcome to Intellectual Kink. I like our music. I'm Insidious Muse. And I'm Service Slut. And we are in the Skid Row Studios studio. So I don't really know how else to say that. Skid Row Studio. I don't know. Whatever. Well, we just call it Skid Row. That's why they call it Skid Row Studios. Studios. Whatever. You're confusing me. I don't think so. But anyways, you can actually also see us live through live stream. If you go to live stream and you search Skid Row Studios. And tonight you will get to look and gaze upon our lovely Nancy's face. And probably her breasts. At least her cleavage. Because the woman doesn't know how to cover them up. Even when at work. What? It's not that bad. You know I'm right. It's not that bad. It is not bad. It's not that bad. As you play with your tits. See, so if you were listening or you were watching on live stream. You would see her playing with her breasts. And that is reason alone enough to go over there and check us out. What did you do? You stuck my toe. Oh, Jesus. Anyway. So, wait. There was something else we wanted to talk about. Why do I think there was something else we wanted to talk about? I don't know. Whatever. Did something significant happen last week? Something happened over the weekend that we wanted to share? You mean did we fist anybody? Did we spank anybody? It's hard to keep track about our social engagements. Let me look at our calendar to see if we even had anything on the schedule. That will tell us everything. No, no. There was a wedding. What? How could you forget that? What? What? Because you were there. Kind of whirlwind-y. Whirlwind-y. Where I officiated the wedding for our fantastic friend Gypsy and her now husband, Phobie. Mr. and Mrs. Phobie McGuire. Mr. and Mrs. McGuire. It's adorable. Yeah. So, that was the weekend. It was pretty fantastic. So, that's it. And there was no fisting there. No, there was no fisting. There was no fisting. I missed it. I wasn't there. It was the saddest thing in the world for me. But you had an engagement that you had previously committed to. This is true. And as a woman true to your word. I am. You went to that previously committed to engagement, which I think is quite telling of your personality. And I got hit on by men. You get hit on by men actually fairly frequently. It's really, it's not desirable. Well, you don't exactly. I mean, it's not like lesbians wear a tag, you know, where they're like, hey, unless they're like real butches. Real butches. It's not like they wear a tag. Hey, I'm a lesbian. You know. I sat next to the most beautiful lesbian couple at the wedding. Gorgeous. One of them was a model. She was beautiful. And the other one was beautiful too. And even though she was dressed all kind of, you know, like a dyke. You can't hide the fact that she was fucking, you know, like very feminine features and all that kind of stuff. But it's cool. You can wear your belt and stuff like that. You still look hot. You're still a hot mama mama. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of hotness going on next to me. Did I just say offensive things again? Apparently I've been really offensive today. I don't know. No. You're not offensive. Apparently I am. You couldn't be offensive even if you tried. I'll tell you that right now. Really? Really. I doubt that. All right. So we got a topic. It turns out we do. It turns out we do. We do this every night. You know, every time we do this show we say, oh, I got a topic. And our topic is drop. Yeah. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. to note that we're not specifying sub drop because a lot of people you hear the term sub drop but drop is not exclusive to subs nor is it exclusive to kink drop is something that happens to all human beings all over the world in a variety of situations it is the emotional counterbalance to some sort of euphoric high some sort of thing that brings you to a higher level it can be you know let's say you go on a romantic weekend with somebody and it's like wow it's super amazing and then you gotta go back to regular life there is that emotional drop for lack of a better term and it's very normal however it sucks you don't say drop is a blowtastic yeah so why don't you what do you go through when you go through drop you know let's start with you know what causes drop and then what does it feel like for you um you know it's strange because I don't have to have like super intense like scene in order to get drop because sometimes I just get drop just from spending an extended period of time with you um mistress drop dude dude right dude which is why I said it's not specifically sub drop you know it's it can be for there can be a variety of reasons that result in drop it's from some sort of emotional high um yeah it's just um I think maybe the closest thing that I can compare it to is a depressive episode um you know you experience something so awesome so great something that makes you smile so hard that your face fucking hurts and then all of a sudden it's gone it's over it's just done and there's there's an emptiness oh and it's bad it's so bad because well and and you start thinking about um how can I replicate the awesomeness that was how can you replicate it? replicate it with the person or on your own? just just in general okay with or without the person um and well you can't you know unless you go back in time which you can't um and and so it just it sucks and um different people go through different things but so for me um I I treat it just the way that I would uh when I'm having a depressive episode um you know I I'm like I'm gonna go up and back up and I'm gonna go to bed um I get some fun dip um I I watch I I binge watch stuff I watch Enchanted because I really like Enchanted yeah but that's not really the best way to deal with it it's not but I'm telling you what happens you asked how how I okay so I mean you you say it's a depressive episode and and and that can have different meanings for a lot of different people you know maybe a depressive episode for somebody maybe curling up with fun dip and watching Enchanted is depressing for somebody maybe you know you know you need to be a little bit more specific what emotions are you going through what are you feeling because some people may not understand what we mean when we say drop which is why we need to be as specific and detailed as possible in order to really lay it out there I mean like a loss you are suffering a loss okay um it it's just um you're full of yourself you're forlorn yes and that's why I treat it like a depressive episode for myself that's what I do for me I it is different for everybody everybody experiences it in a different way but I can't really attest to that because I only know how I experience it right and that's why I'm just trying to get the specifics it feels like a loss you're forlorn because again my kind of drop is going to be very different yeah from your and I have experienced different kinds of drops from different things none of my my drops aren't always the same mm-hmm do you find that you have are all of your drops the same no I remember one time in my teens I was so excited because um I was like super involved in church and hold on wait hold on super involved in church and we had we put on this like production of what the fuck was it like uh Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat I'm sure it wasn't uh Jesus Christ Superstar or Godspell and I was so excited I had so much fun it was just so much fun and um it was this whole like weekend thing to put it on and um and then it was done it was over and I felt so like ah damn it was a good weekend I had so much fun I'm trying so hard to ignore the ridiculousness that is happening across from me right now wow anyways what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? what? it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it And that was kind of like a drop for me, though at the time I don't think I really thought of it that way. But, you know. Okay, and for that drop, is it very similar or is it a completely unique and different kind of drop? Is it similar to other kinds of drops? Yeah, well, it's similar to the sub drop that I get after an amazing scene. You know, I told you earlier today about that really awesome scene that happened a while ago with some like crazy objectification. It was amazing. And I still think about it. I saw, oh my God, I want like an instant replay of that shit. And that was really hard because I had fun. It was great. I felt super connected and just I fucking felt zen. I really, really did. And... And of course, then I had my delayed drop because that's just how it happens for me. What do you mean? I mean, how far delayed? Because I don't necessarily think that... I think that they're all a little bit delayed. So it just depends. Sometimes it's a couple of days. Yeah, I don't think that's uncommon. I think a couple of days is pretty normal. Yeah, so I mean, it can be a couple of days. And what sucks is if it happens at work, I'm kind of stuck. I don't really go anywhere. Can't get your fun dip and you're enchanted. No. No, I can't. I can't do any of that. I can't get anything that usually makes me happy. I can't be with you. That makes me happy. And then if I'm at home, then I mean, I do... I'm not saying that the way that I deal with it is the best, but it's what I got, you know? And it does the job at that moment in time, at least until I can get something else. But it just feels like, damn, that sucks. It's done. What do I need to do to get it to happen again? That's all you're thinking about? That's part of what... That's not all I'm thinking about. How do I get it to happen again? But it's part of... I mean, like, it's like in the back of my mind. Like, how do... I mean, how can I have that again? You know, I want that again. What do I do? But I don't come out... That doesn't even enter my mind when I'm going through drop. Doesn't even enter my mind. But see, it enters my mind because I want the joy that was associated with it. You know? It's still... That kind of yearning for that feeling again doesn't enter when I'm going through drop. It just doesn't. Why do you... Why? Why? I don't know. It just is one of those things where, you know, for whatever different kinds of drop, and we could talk about top drop. So top space is very different from subspace. Subspace is... more of a... kind of this dreamy, stoned, you know, vibe. Whereas top space is more like you just did like 10 lines of Coke or drank like 12 pots of coffee and you're going a mile, you know, a minute and your brain is like fucking hyper-focused. Yeah, but then what happens when you drop? No, no, no. I'm just explaining the differences so that... Okay. So top drop when I drop from that, um, um, generally, I'm so... Here's my... Here's my challenges. I'm so accustomed to top drop because I can get top space from a really intense intellectual conversation. I really can. I can get top space from a lot of different things. It's because it's all what's happening in my mind. And I'm fortunate like that, that I can, you know, achieve it without necessarily engaging in some sort of a BDSM activity. So I'm very accustomed to dealing with when I drop from top space. Uh, and so for me, it's just like, oh, wow, okay. Here I am. And it's like, blah. And life isn't awesome anymore. And I'm not thinking everything at once. And... Okay. Well, guess I'll go back to work or whatever it is. You know, guess I'll start doing something. Mm-hmm. Um, and that's just the way that I deal with it because that's just my, my mechanisms. And the chemistry in my brain and how I break things down. I, I just, I just, you know, I kind of like, buck up little camper and do it. Now. Yeah. That's for me from top space for me. But that's because I go in and out of top space like all the time. Mm-hmm. It's just one of the things that I do. Um, but when I'm dealing with any other kind of drop, um, con drop, for example, after like a really awesome convention, grew drop, uh, you know, when you went to Catalyst Con, you had drop, you had drop, you know, any of those things. If you go to like an amazing, I mean, I'm sure there's burner drop for people that go to Burning Man, um, which is a dream of mine, but. I'm sure it happens to athletes too. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's all of these kinds of drop. They're all different. So for me, um, when I used to, uh, date the guy from far away and I would only see him occasionally, I would get really big emotional drop from the weekends because I'd be like, oh, he's not here. I'm not going to see him forever. Ever. It's awful. Well, and you know, it's interesting that you bring that up because that also, something similar happens during sub drop, which I think is, it's like, oh my God, it's such an easy trap to fall into. Is this like negative self-talk? Yes. Holy shit. Okay. Way negative self-talk. Like more than usual. One of our dear, dear friends, um, had a fantastic scene last weekend and he texted me about it and was like, oh my God, it was great, fantastic scene. I was like, awesome. I'm so happy for you. That's great. Good job. Blah, blah, blah. He's like, you so needed it. Cool. Groovy high five. All that shit. And then he texts me on Monday and he goes, you know, I don't think I get drop right away because I'm just getting it today. He's like, and when I get drop, like I think I'm the worst person in the world. Like I was an arrogant asshole all weekend and it's the only reason people talk to me and I, I'm a horrible human being and I was like, uh, stop. Stop. So number one, it takes a couple days for drop to happen. It just does. It takes a couple days for your body to be like, ah, you know, your body floats on it for a while. Whatever has put you high, your body floats on it for a while. So it takes a couple days. It's not unusual. It's also that, that concept of the negative self talk. It's as if that moment of drop, we become at our weakest, the highest that we get, we get super high when we're on whatever, our, our top is, whatever it's subspace, top space, love space, you know, whatever space we're in, it's high, right? And then when we drop down to drop, whatever the drop is, it takes us to where our emotional vulnerabilities are. And all of a sudden, all those things that we may be not talk to ourselves about, you know, those things we learned how to, that positive self talk, it goes away and it's like, you suck. You're fucking blah, blah, blah, blah. And all that shit comes to mind. And you're like, ah, I'm horrible. Which is a completely downward spiral. It's, it's this, this, you know, the cycle that is really hard to break. If you get caught in it. It's a self inflicted mind fuck. Oh yeah. I broke the mic. Why? Don't break the mic. I was just trying to get comfortable. I am. I think you're trying to hide from the camera. Well, no. See, look, not hiding. We have eye contact right here. See? Yeah. I mean, and I think that being good to yourself during drop is really important. Because no one's going to, I mean, it's no one's responsibility to pick you up. You know, it has to be your responsibility first. As much as we would love to get cuddles and other things, that's not always going to happen. Coming up with a plan, preferably when you're not in drop, could be helpful. Just so that way you have that as kind of like a, you know, just there whenever you do drop. Like have a drop kit? Yeah. Hell yeah. I told you about my little box of stuff that my kids funded. Why don't you tell them? Yeah. So I have two. I have two boxes. One of them stays in my room. The other one stays in my car. And each one has a little notebook, a writing utensil, some Fun Dip, because I love me some Fun Dip, and other candies. The one in my room has a favorite movie, or if I was able to afford it at some time, a brand new movie that's still like in the packaging and everything. I love open. I love opening new stuff. Just anything that's like, you know, simple. It's just a simple joy. And it's just there. And then when I find myself in need, then I open it and it's like, voila, all of this magic comes popping out of it. And I'm a very visual person. So for me, like even the box is like decorative and everything. The notebook that's in there is really cute. I love me some stationery. Like all of these things are very, it's very important for me that they look appealing or else. I don't want to be like, oh, I'm going to buy this. I'm going to buy this. I'm going to buy this. I don't want anything to do with it. What the fuck do I want it for? So like a, I mean, I like the idea of a drop kit. That's kind of cool. But of course, it'd be different for everybody. It is. And I think that, you know, I mean, those particular things, they work for me. And I didn't always know that. But I mean, it's just. Yeah, but those originally were for your depressive episodes. They were. One of the things that I think makes drop a little bit different from a depressive episode. Or. Or maybe they're similar. I think that it's really important to reach out to people. We've talked about this before. Yes. About in the self-care episode. I think that it's really important to have a network of people with whom you can confide all the time. Not just in moments of need. But when you're having those moments of drop, it's really important to reach out. You know, if you're an S type to reach out to a fellow S type because they understand what it's like. Yep. If you're a D type to a fellow D type because they understand what it's like. Because it's, it's, they're just different sides of the equation. And then, you know, oftentimes they provide whatever it is that is, we can't foresee what we need sometimes. And they can say, you know, hey, let's blah, blah, blah, whatever it is. Let's hang out or, you know, let's whatever it is. Maybe you should do X, Y, Z. Because it can be different. Everybody has a different thing. And some people maybe when they're experiencing these moments of drop. Help sustain it by going for a run. Because then they get the euphoric high from the adrenaline rush. Yes. From the endorphins. So it just depends on what works for people. Maybe somebody, you know, has an emergency bar of chocolate. Maybe. You know what I'm saying? It just depends. My caution would be to not curl up on the bed. As I do. With a teddy bear. Or whatever. And do whatever. Because that can tend to keep you stuck in that cycle. Where the self-loathing thoughts can come in. Where all of those things can tend to just marinate. It's like a crock pot. Whereas doing something of action helps counter the drop in a more productive way. So. I get that. I hear you and I understand you. But I think that. And I'm not speaking from the standpoint of depression. Because those things that you just said. Absolutely. They're very important. But I think that when you are experiencing drop. From whatever. An awesome weekend. A con. A scene. Mistress in me time. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You know. You should it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it but you know part of that curling up with the teddy bear and all of that is kind of is part of that is also sitting with how you're feeling you know why why is this you know why after a weekend with you does it impact me this much that we're not together what happened this weekend that was so awesome was there anything that you know I wanted to talk to you about you know I understand letting the emotions pass through you because you cannot stay in bed forever it's just not you just can't but I think that you know if that's what it takes to allow yourself to really explore why the drop and why it's so bad or why maybe it's not as bad it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it Okay. If what you're doing, a couple things. You can get trapped in why. Especially if you're getting into why is this happening? And especially if it's why is this bad thing happening? And drop is bad. Nobody likes it. Nobody's like, hey, can you beat me so I get that euphoric high and then I get drop? The beating's like, whatever, I want drop. Nobody does that. That's just not rational. The problem is that getting trapped in the world of why, where it's why, why, why, why, why, that's not going to benefit you if you are, let's say, taking an inventory of your weekend, of the things that you enjoyed, or of the scene of what happened, as opposed to getting trapped in why. If you're putting something very pragmatic together that, will help give you data points for why, then I encourage that. But it is too easy and too slippery of a slope to get caught and trapped in that, woe is me. Does that make sense? As long as it is a productive curl up with your teddy bear or journal, then I say yay. But if it is a pity party, I say nay. Nobody, no, well, pity parties. I've seen your pity parties. Yes, I get that. I understand that. Yes, you have. I've seen them too. I've been there for them. You've seen more of your pity parties than I have. I just, I mean, it's just important to me that if, if you're going to go through something as shitty as sub drop, that, that you, you get something out of it. And I understand, I agree with you with it. It should be, it should be productive. If you're going to lay there in bed, what is it, what's going to happen as a result of that? You know, are you just going to still feel shitty for a longer time? Or are you going to come out of it feeling like, you know what? Yeah, it was an awesome time. It was a great weekend. Maybe I just needed a rest. I don't know. I'm just, I'm just spitballing here. You're giving me a look. I'm just, I'm very, I'm very wary of that advice. I'm not saying, because sometimes you're right. Sometimes you just, sometimes you do just really need to curl up. I get that. I get that. But for some people, if that's the go-to and that's the default, not through some sort of rigorous self-evaluation, I'm concerned that it can be counterproductive. Let me be more honest. Please. Please do. For me, if I sit there and I'm just binge watching something because of drop or because of some sort of depressive episode or whatever it is, or just a shitty day, there's a limit. If I do it for an entire day and I get nothing done for the day, I have made it worse. If I do it for, I don't know, three Drop Dead Diva episodes. All right. I'm feeling okay. Those were some damn good episodes. But now I'm cutting myself off. Cutting me off because I got shit to do. I got to be productive. Because for me personally, and I've seen this with you as well, having something tangible to show for what I've done does so much more for my mental state. And that has also been proven, let's say in disabled or injured workers, getting them back to work in any form, even in moderate, in accommodated forms, it increases their self-esteem significantly and it increases their ability to recover, physically recover from their injury or illness because they are doing something productive, something that is feeding their wellbeing. So if we're looking at it from a mental standpoint, it's a very important aspect. If you're looking at it from that point, from a very physical, medical viewpoint, then doing something is going to benefit you more than doing nothing. Does that make sense? Yes. I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm very pragmatic. No, I know. It's okay. You do. I do know. I do. I remember when I had Groodrop. The first group. Oh, damn. That shit sucked. Fucking that. That was sucking. I did not expect it. I had never had drop like that. Yeah. Because I'm used to top drop. It's just different. Uh-huh. But that was, I had never experienced anything like that. Number one, a groove is something, for those of you who don't know what a groove is, it's gray dancers, rope-tastic, unconference extravagance. No, but you have to say it. Extravaganza. Extravaganza. Extravaganza. And it's, for lack of a better term, it's a kinky think tank. And it's happened here in LA twice. And it goes all over the world. And when we went to it for the very first time, I didn't experience it the second time, but the first time, it was so amazing, the sense of energy and connection. And it was just so much wow. It was just so amazing. It was just so much wow. Yeah. That when the drop happened, I was like, it was a long drop. It was, I'm not used to drops lasting. Like, even when I had like boyfriend drop, that was a couple days. And I'm like, oh, I'm done for this fucking self-sorry shit. I'm moving on. I'm doing, fucking taking care of myself and shit like that. But with this, it was like, I don't know what to do with myself. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't, I didn't even know how to. I didn't know how to deal with this, with how I was feeling that emptiness. I felt as if all of these people had been connected to me. And now somehow they were torn out of me. I like, I was, I was unattached from the matrix and I didn't know what to do. I still had the plugs and I didn't know what to do. You're such a fucking nerd. What? Because I talked about the matrix. It's awesome, the matrix. It's okay. I made a Skyrim reference today to my child. And she's like, I don't know what to do. And I was like, are you fucking serious? And then, and then when I made the reference, she goes, yeah, actually, it's a really good reference. Ba-boom. Anyway. So for me, it was like, I, I, I, all I could, kept doing was like, I felt paralyzed. That's the only way I can look at it. I felt emotionally paralyzed. Yeah. I felt something similar with, with CatalystCon. And I, and I left feeling like, yeah, fucking sexually educate all the people. Yeah. And all this shit. I mean, bam, you know, you've, you've left feeling so empowered and like, you wanted to make so much change. And, um, of course, you know, you're up here. And then as with, as with Gru, you just kind of like, you fucking cascade down. And you're just like, what? Uh-huh. What? Yeah. Well, cool. All the people. And all the things. Uh-huh. And all of the, it was like, oh God, you just felt so crushed. And, um, you know, and you said, you know, we went to the second Gru and you didn't feel quite, quite feel the same thing. I'm nervous because the plan is to go to CatalystCon again this year. And I want to have the same thing. I want to have that same high, you know, and. Well, because it'll be my first one, maybe it'll be different. Maybe. Yeah, that's true. Also, I'd really like to see if we can present. I think it's too late. The deadline has already passed. I told you this before. Oh my goodness. But we didn't get on it. Okay, whatever. Let's have that conversation later. I'm not. Um, but you know, it's just the common thing that I see in these things in the con drop and the top drop and the sub drop is that, you know, you have this amazing experience and you want to hold on to that high and it just slips through your fucking fingers. Yeah. I mean, you can't sustain that. It's just not, it's not, it's not humanly possible to sustain. Well, yeah. Your body can't. Your body simply cannot have those chemical reactions for, you know, your entire life. It ebbs and flows. As it should. Otherwise we wouldn't be whole people. Right. And as studies have recently borne out, those of us that are BDSM practitioners are more whole than those who are not. But that's another topic for another day. Okay. Um, yeah. And, and so for me, for my like first serious. I mean, I literally didn't know what to do. I was, like I said, it was paralyzed. It was, what does this mean? What does this look like? Um, and I started focusing on what, what about that experience changed me for the better? Mm. Mm-hmm. You know, and, and making, cataloging it for lack of a better term, although not with a spreadsheet like someone like you would do. Um. But cataloging it emotionally and figuring it out. Wow. You know, what, how did, uh, how did this work? What did, uh, how have I changed? Um, or do I foresee a change? You know, those kinds of things. And I found that that was immeasurably beneficial. I was really able to, um, see the string of the continued positivity from that experience. Right. And that helped me feel continually connected to it, which was good, which was wonderful. Um, and that's what helped me get through that particular drop. Uh, after that, you know, for lack of a better term, that moment of, of denial, because if you look at the five phases of loss, denial's the first, which I think is where the paralyzed, you know, that, that sense of being paralyzed is, that's definitely a denial for me. Right. Um. I didn't get really into it. I didn't get really angry. And, you know, cause that's the second phase of loss. Um, I, I probably bargained cause then we begged Julie to bring Gru back again. I did get, I did get depressed, which is the next phase and then acceptance obviously, which is when I, I cataloged it. Um, but for me it was, it was trying to turn it into a more positive experience, trying to make it so that, um, that moment of drop wasn't for, wasn't in vain. Right. I'm not going to begrudge. I'm not going to begrudge that ecstatic high, uh, because I had to have that counterbalancing low. Uh, and I think that that putting it in perspective like that makes it a lot easier to deal with or to know that it's going to happen, makes it a lot easier to deal with. It makes it so, okay, this is what this is. You get acknowledge it, recognize it for what it is, uh, and then put things into, into place so that you can make whatever proactive steps. Okay. So that you can recover from it, not necessarily faster, but, uh, in a, in a more beneficial way because it's not about speed. It's about how are you going to benefit? And some things are going to require a lot more processing than others. You know, for example, the scene that you specifically addressed on the drive over, it was to give people an idea of what the scene is. If I tell you the scene, it's not, it's not going to seem like it's that big of a deal. I, um. I put a hood on her and I saran wrapped her to a post of a bed in a, in a public dungeon and left her there while I, in the same room was beating somebody else. And people kept coming up to her and trying to look through the eye slits of the hood to see if she was still awake or see if, you know, if she would respond. But she was definitely, it was as if she was one of those, um, what are those things that are on the front of ships that are usually like mermaids, the women's front heads? It's got a name. It's got a specific name. I don't know what the name is. I'm sorry, people. I'm not nautical. But it was as if she was just a statue. She was, it was complete objectification, which is one of Nancy's really like top things. And like she said, she experienced those moments of Zen because she did get to channel that she was nothing more than an object that people were looking at. And the fact that I, the longer that I kept her there and played with this other person, the more that that solidified that sense of feeling. So. For her, the drop from that was probably harder than it was for any of the other scenes that we've done, would you say? Yeah. Because it had that Zen-ish high. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And so dealing with that, I would imagine was probably a more arduous task than dealing with any other kind of drop. Would you say that that is true? Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so how did you, I mean, for you, how did you process that? Yeah. Did you process the emotions of that? Were they very different emotions or were they just more intense? I think they were just more intense. I remember feeling like, I remember feeling really sad because I thought, fuck, there is no way that I'm going to experience that again. There's no way. it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it in like whatever kind of experience that I could have during a scene. That really sucked. And I mean, it sucked. It sucked, you know, thinking about that. But, you know, it was such an amazing scene. And it made me happy. Obviously, because I'm wet right now thinking about it. It made me feel good. I felt great. But I felt like, you know, damn, this scene was so awesome. Does this mean that it's the most awesome it's ever going to be? Is this the most awesome my scenes are ever going to be? Like, was this the max? And that was probably, that made it more intense. Thinking that that could have been my peak. Because, I mean, we've had awesome scenes since. But nothing is quite measured up to that. That's my laziest scene ever. That's really disappointing. That would like scene took fucking nothing. And that's it. That's your top. Or there's this scene where I, you know, I fucking hickeyed chocolate off of your body. And fucked you with a glass dildo. Doesn't measure. And I worked really hard on that scene. The scenes where I, I, I saran wrap you to, to, to St. Andrew's crosses. And cut the saran wrap off you and do a knife play. That's a, there's, I'm sweating. Dripping with the sweat. When I do those scenes. And that's nothing. It's very depressing. No, no, stop it. I'm just going to start saran wrapping you to furniture from now on. Stop, stop, stop, stop. I'm just trying to be finished and walk away. Stop. I'm going to go outside and smoke pack cigarettes now. Do whatever you want with her. Here's a paintball gun. Shoot it at her. Stop. No. I appreciate all the scenes we have. And I appreciate all the creativity. That goes into them. You know that I'm a, like, I'm, pain is not my thing. I know. But you know that a lot of the things, like my favorite toy for you to use is your brain. You know, that is my favorite. I can have that all the time. Anytime. All the time. Every time. All the time. Please. You know, so. I feel like I need to do more lazy scenes. Why, why, why, why, why do all this thought and this thinking of the awesome and the, and we, and he, and no. And I'll be like, ah, just, you know, duct tape her to a lamp. That's what we're going to do. Really? That's what we're going to do. Really? I give up. What the fuck was that? I give up. I'm defeated. Oh, please don't. I'm going to start drinking now. Water? Don't you tell them what I'm drinking. I think it's water. Dork. It's actually, it is water. We learned a long time ago that we can't drink and do the show. No, we really, really can't. It just doesn't work out for us. No, it, it, it, no. It is not quality radio for you. Hey, it's fantastic for us. It'd be like if we got high and came on the show. It'd be fucking fantastic for us. But we'd listen back and be like, what the fuck was that? What were we thinking? This is not the hot box. No, no. Let's, let's not do that. Let's do that at home maybe, but not here. Let's totally do that at home. Are we doing that? Yeah. Yeah. Let's do that. When are we doing that? Tonight. Okay. Okay. All right. Happening. Happening. And done. What do you, like, for you, when, when, when you drop, um, I don't, it's, you know, strange because you don't really talk to me about drop from like us, you know? Nope. Nopeity. Nope. I don't. I don't. No, you don't. Would you like to tell our listeners why? Um, it damages the DS relationship. Uh, when I, as the top confide in her, in my, um, momentary emotional weaknesses that are not enduring, that are not about my vulnerability. They are momentary. They are passing. Uh, it puts stress on Nancy where she, her existence is to ensure my happiness. And for those moments, I am not happy. And so she feels stressed or pressured in some way to fix it. But that is not beneficial to our relationship. If I share that with her, when I know that it will pass, it will pass. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. It will pass. I know that it will pass. Conversely, uh, it is expected that Nancy shares with me when she is experiencing drop or these other things. Now, I am not expected to solve that. In fact, whenever she comes with me, I almost universally say, contact somebody else. I tell her to contact a fellow S-type. Hi, Julie. She's usually Julie. Contact a fellow S-type, you know, in her life. it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it Okay. Now let's pretend for a second that I'm not yours. What do you need from people around you when you're going through a drop? Assuming, you know, that you want people because let's face it, you hate people. I really do hate people. You really, really do. You really do. I just do. I mean, people, the people that I want to be around, I hope that those of you that are my actual friends that I actually spend time with, I hope you appreciate that I have honed a very interesting skill in that if I don't like you, I won't talk to you. I will literally walk away and I do it all the time. I'm very polite about it, but I do it all the time. If I seek you out to speak with you, it's because I like you and I genuinely want to talk to you. I want to hang out with you. And that's actually a fairly small circle. Yep. You know, I'm more inclined to reach out to those people very selectively. So to that point, I may reach out to one or two people if I'm feeling really droppy for a variety of reasons. And it depends on the person. Um, one of my greatest challenges is that I'm everybody's therapist, which is fine. It's one of my skills. I don't have a problem with that. But when I'm dropping, I don't want to be anybody's therapist. So when I reach out to somebody and the first thing they do is, oh, they've got this issue. Okay. Wrong person. Apparently I need to reach out to somebody else. Um, and I think that probably what would be wiser for me is if I were to set up, you know, a preexisting community, communication string. A safe call. You know, where it's like, look, hey, I'm in, I'm in drop right now. I just need to vent. Can I have a minute? Uh, and I think that would probably be the best course of action so that they know I don't need to hear your shit right now. Let's hear your shit later. Because I guarantee you within five minutes of me going through whatever I'm going through, I'll want to hear your shit. Because that's actually really comforting for me. When I deal with somebody else's shit, it's really comforting for me. It doesn't make any sense, I guess, but it's, it makes me feel a lot better. No, I understand. Um, so yeah, that's, I might do that. I might, um, clean my kitchen. Um, one time, I, uh, I scrubbed all the grout with bleach when I was experiencing a drop moment. It was not, it was a non-kink related, drop moment. Um, I have been known to just, I, uh, reorganized all of my lower cabinets once. Just in a fit of, uh, for me, I have, I have to do something tangible. That's how I deal with my drop. Uh, it, it puts action to my emotion. And during which, it's almost always a mindless act. During which, I am able to let my wheels turn to figure out what's going on and why I'm feeling this way and, and how I cannot feel this way or, or prevent it from happening again. My big thing is prevent it from happening again, which you can't really prevent drop. No. So, uh, that's kind of where my brain goes. And at, at some point, I allow the experience, I try to have that, that then approach where I allow the experience to, to come into me. I feel it. I let it pass through me. And then I feel peace. And that ultimately happens. But while it's in me and feeling, and I feel icky, I just feel icky. That's when I have to do something. If that makes sense. Mm-hmm. So there's that. Got that going for me. Yeah. So I found this really cool list. Oh, list. I know you feel that list. I love this so much. Um, it's on, uh, submissiveguide.com, which is an awesome resource for everything submissive. Let me just tell you. And the counterpoint to that is domguide.com, which is fantastic as well. Dude. And, um, they have this lovely list, um, for a drop kit, um, which I, I don't think is specific to submissives. You know, anyone can have one of these. Um, and it has the following things. A warm blanket, a first aid kit, a first aid manual, bath salts, a bubble bath, scented candles, incense, a favorite book, a prepaid calling card, just in case whoever you are with is long distance. But I think nowadays everybody has nationwide, whatever. Anyways, um, a hard candy, uh, favorite beverages, lotion, a journal, relaxing music, a letter from your partner, stuffed animals, coloring books and crayons, a gift card to a favorite restaurant, vitamin E, a favorite movie. I think it's a great list. I think, you know, I'll, you gave me a look when, when they said first aid kit, but I mean, you never know, shit, maybe it was a really too hard scene and you got some shit on your body that needs some tendon too, maybe. That's, maybe that's why. I, I mean that, hey, that list, hey, for some people be awesome. For you, it would not be. It seems completely superfluous, but that's because I'm a different person. Everybody's different. Yeah. My, my list personally. Yeah. If I were to have, you know, a, a, a drop kit, it would contain the list of those projects around the house that I have wanted to get to, but I haven't gotten to. And, and some of the tools for said things. So let's say one of them is the shelves I want to put up on my bedroom. It would have, you know, a drill. Let's say it's going through all of the wine glasses, you know, and cleaning them or whatever. Then it would have, you know, get box from garage so you can donate, you know, that kind of, whatever it is, it would be something like that because those, those are the things, you know, that help me when I'm dealing with my drop, but that's because I'm a different person. I, I, I wallow in that self pity for a while, but it bothers me a lot. Yeah. A lot. So I try to stop that very quickly. So that's just it. I really liked that list. I feel like I'm going to have to revamp my boxes with, maybe not all that stuff, but you know, add some stuff to it. You know, I used to, I got the last brand new movie that I had in there that I was going to open is Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on Blu-ray. Love that movie. Right? And so imagine you're feeling all crappy. You open up this box and it's right there, brand new, still in the plastic wrapping. You're going to open it up. That's awesome. I mean, you know, I don't get the same glee that you do, obviously. I mean, I don't get the same glee that you do, obviously. But that's great. I am excited that you are excited about that. I tend to go to like my go-to favorites. I would be like, I want to laugh. I'm going to watch Team America. Or I want to cry and I'm going to go to Moulin Rouge. Moulin Rouge. I want to watch that again. Yeah. You know, I mean, everybody has their, you know, whatever it is that you like or don't like. Sometimes it's Shaun of the Dead. You know, it's funny because I'm, I'm, I'm a big fan of Shaun of the Dead. I'm a big fan of Shaun of the Dead. I'm a big fan of Shaun of the Dead. I'm a big fan of Shaun of the Dead. Yeah. You know, I mean, everybody has their, you know, whatever it is that you like or don't like. Sometimes it's Shaun of the Dead. You know, it's funny because I'm, I'm, I'm just thinking about this entire episode and the, what seems to keep coming up, which I think is something that has been prevalent in most of our episodes is knowing yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, you have to know yourself in order to be able to take care of yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Oh, fuck. I was so trying to avoid that, but okay. But that's, I mean, It's true. It is true. You know, but you're right. It is, it, that, that sense of self-awareness, which is, which is really a challenge, but we don't have the luxury of not having self-awareness when we're engaging in the kind of things that we do in BDSM. That's a luxury that we had to check at the door when we decided to engage in some of these really dangerous activities. We have to know ourselves. Sometimes, sometimes we learn it through the process of engaging in BDSM because it's not an option any longer, especially if you're in a DS relationship. You don't have, you don't have that Liberty any longer because you're now dealing with another person. So being aware of these things and not simply just, you know, saying, well, you know, this is not the answer, you know, you have to deal with it and have to know that this is going to happen again. And it's about those moments of self-awareness. So, you know, I, I am a huge proponent. I'm just huge encourager of journaling for one's self personally, whether it is a mandate from a dominant or not. I think that all parties should journal in some point. A lot of people use their blog essentially as a journal, which I encourage. That's fine. If you want to make it public, that's great. If you want to make it private, then don't. But it's definitely something that will benefit you emotionally if you journal. Some people just write dream journals. I don't give a shit, but whatever it is, it's something that's really, it's about what's going on in your head. And especially if you journal at like after a scene or when you're experiencing a drop or any of those, you know, you're having challenges within a relationship. I think it's important. That's all I got to say about that. Oh, yeah. That's it. Oh my gosh. Next week we may have a guest. Yes. it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should it should Download us. 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