Mistress's Day, Valentine's Day, and catfishing calls

Thanks for watching! What's up my friends? This is Melissa. You are listening to Oral Stimulation here on XM165 and Skid Row Studios.com. I am of course joined tonight by my sugarlicious co-host Alex. How's it going tonight? Sugarlicious. Sugarlicious. I am doing fabulous. Are you? Yes. I was going to go fabulous, but you looked sugarlicious tonight. Every intro you give me just turns me on more and more. I can't wait until next week. It's going to be good. You're looking nice tonight. Thank you. Do you want to tell the listeners what I'm wearing? Besides nothing? Yeah, besides nothing. A pair of earrings? I love these earrings. I just bought them like an hour ago. Did you really? I did. And you wore them for me? Yeah, just for you. Oh my gosh. I can't wait until we get married in March. I know. I'm so looking forward to it. This is going to be great. Did we decide on colors? Was it red? We can go red. I guess. I was just trying to get an idea. I mean, it's St. Patrick's Day, so green, I guess, would kind of be the way to go, but... We could come up with some nice green colors. Let's do it. Okay. I'm excited. If we do red and green, it's like Christmas. Yeah, we can't do that. We can't go there. Yeah, we'll figure out something else. What are we going to do? I don't know. Okay, we'll come up with something. Something crazy. Maybe there's green. You know what? I have a friend who's like a wedding coordinator. She's got some really good ideas. We can go to her. Okay. Okay, perfect. So... Today's a very big holiday. Today is? And it's not Valentine's Day. What is it? It is Mistress's Day. What the heck? Have you ever heard of that before? No, but I'm about to find out. Please tell me. Oh, yeah, you are. Okay, so basically, if you're taking your wife out on Valentine's Day, you got to keep the mistress happy, right? Well, I'm a one-woman type of guy. Yeah, sure. Everyone is. What? That's what I mean. Well, the only other woman I love is probably be besides my wife or future wife would be my mom. Oh, I knew you were going to say that. You're so cheesy. It's not cheesy. You can't stop love, Melissa. And I love my mom. Okay. Okay, we all love your mom. Of course. She's awesome. She just doesn't love everybody. She's a statue collector. How can you not love that? Actually, my dad is. Oh, really? Those are his? Yeah. My dad's a big... Can you just describe to our audience real quick? Okay. What exactly I'm talking about when I say a plethora of statues? I don't know. I think they call it the house of statues. If you heard of like Frederick Remington or if you've heard of like bronze like statues and stuff like that, my dad's a big collector of statues. They could be like naked women to, I don't know, dragons to like warriors, fighters, like horses on cowboys. Don't you have some lions in there somewhere? We got everything. I mean, yeah. Okay. So basically you live in a castle full of statues. We're surrounded by a moat too. That's not an exaggeration. No, I'm not denying it. Yeah. So there's a house of statues. I thought you were kidding. And the first time I walked in, I was like... No, you're not the first or the last. And it's marble floors. No, tile. Is it? Is it marble walls? I thought I saw marble in there somewhere. We were playing marbles. Oh, that's what it was. Right, right. Okay. So anyway, back to the subject at hand. Yes, it is Mistress's Day, which means... Would you be a mistress? Or have you been? Ooh. Ooh. If I say no, someone's going to call and call me out. If they were to call, what number would they call? They would actually call 800-893-9562. And I do have to apologize for my voice today. It's a little off. That's what happens when we do a little monkey play before the show. Uh-huh. You really... And I make you scream my name. You wore it down, Alex. I didn't wear it down. I thought you were more of a moaner and not a screamer. No, you had me screaming earlier. It's all right. We'll talk about that later. But anyway, so yes, Mistress's Day. And it's really developed into its whole own industry, kind of. They say restaurants are just as busy today. Right. Today. Flower deliveries are just as high. And actually, the gifts are better because if a guy knows he's taking out his wife on the 14th, he wants to keep that mistress pacified. So he does that with diamonds and jewels and all kinds of pretty things. But then his wife tomorrow is going to wake up to a blender. That's terrible. Well, actually, that makes sense, though. If I was going to buy my wife a blender, something that's no purpose, she would make me something. Maybe smoothie, you know, when I get home from the gym or something. So you're buying your wife gifts to make you a smoothie for when you get home from the gym. I don't know. It makes sense. I think if I were to have a mistress, I think at that point, you'd want to get her something extravagant, maybe something she's never had before. Okay. So you agree with this? Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. I'm not opposed to it. So you're going to keep a mistress after we get married? I don't know. Do you have one already? No, I don't. I wish. I mean, I wish I could tell more about the story. But I don't have anything to back it up. I'm still single. I mean, how can you have a mistress if you're single? I mean, it's kind of tough. What if you're dating multiple people? As far as getting gifts? No, as far as, I guess, yeah. Yeah. What if you're just dating multiple people and none of it is too serious? But, you know. At that point, I think probably the one I'm more connected with sexually. Sexually. It has to be sexually? Yeah. Because, I mean, what else would it be? I mean. I mean, with one girl, maybe I could be emotionally connected. Another one, I mean, at the end of the day, it's whoever, you know, puts out the best. Is it the one you're banging? That's the one you're going to take out on Valentine's Day? Well, not necessarily. I mean, I could be banging like a lazy whore. It might not be as good. And I could be banging one girl that I like. Are you trying to call me out right now? No, I'm just hypothetically. I mean, I don't know any other lazy whores in this room. Well, okay. Am I calling myself out now? What's going on here? You're such an honest person. What am I going to do with you? I am. Like, honestly, I was talking to someone about this the other day. And I have no problem lying by omission. Uh-huh. But if someone asks me a question straight out, I can't lie to your face. I figure if someone's going to ask you a question straight out. Uh-huh. If I was like, Alex, are you taking your mistress out after this show? I would say no. You're totally lying. I know you are. Yeah, I'm lying. How could you tell? I could see it in your eyes. Yeah. So, I mean, what do you think? Mistress's Day. You're cool with it? Yeah, I think it, to be honest with you, I think it's something that probably happens more often than most. I mean, it sucks it has to be that way. And I actually, on the flip end of it, I know plenty of women that are okay. They don't mind being the bitch on the side. What's the benefit of that? Maybe the gifts. Like you said, maybe it's a better thing. Maybe they get the attention that... You know, somebody else won't give them. And you don't have to deal with their laundry. Yeah, maybe you could only deal with them part-time. It's not like a full-time gig where you actually have to deal with maybe if you're dealing with somebody that has kids, not to deal with the kids all the time, or if you're dealing with somebody that... I don't know. Who wants to deal with like baby mama or baby daddy dramas? I mean, at that point, it's temporary. You can go to the movies or meet up at a Momo or whatever the case may be. Maybe I want to be a mistress. That's what I asked you, if you would or not. Well, now you're making it sound really good. We have a caller on the phone. So let's see what they have to say. Hi, caller. What's your name? Hi, this is John. Who's this? Hey, John. How's it going? You know who this is. This is Melissa and Alex on Oral Stimulation. What are you up to? Not much. I'm just getting ready for this party I'm having tonight. What are you guys up to? Oh, yeah. Where's the party at? Down in... Actually, in Santa Monica. You guys want to come? Heck yeah, we do. Are you going to plug the location? Where's it at? Is this like a public party? I don't want to give it out. I don't want to give it out over the air. But you guys are welcome to come if you want. This is like an invite thing, huh? All right. Make sure you either Facebook Melissa or email her. Yeah, seriously. We can make a quick cameo. Is it like a singles party or... Pretty much, yeah. It's going to be really fun, though. So I figured I'd call in and see if you guys wanted to join us. Heck yeah, we do. So why are you having a party on a Wednesday night? Is it a listening party? You guys are here just... You guys are all getting together to listen to us? Shameless plug, Melissa. Pretty much, yeah. I mean, that's what we do every Wednesday night. Can you guys all bring it up on your own laptops, though? That would be great. We've all got the app, so it's really easy. Oh, the app, guys. Look at that. We're savvy. Perfect. All right. Thanks for the support. So, hey, you're single? That's right. And if you were married, would you consider a mistress? Oh, of course. Yeah, why not? Of course. Wouldn't I? Are you going to take on both at once, a wife and a mistress? Well, a mistress is really just somebody you keep around, right? And see her when you can. Is that right? Is that how I'm understanding it? Basically, yeah. You give her the good gifts. She gives you the good sex. Right. And the wife is, what, for show? The wife's at home to take care of the kids and cook and clean and shit. Why don't you just get a maid? She might be the maid. You might marry the maid. Oh, gosh. He's got a point. That might happen. But, no. Seriously, I don't think I would. I think it's, you know, if you're going to do, what's the point of getting married if you're going to have a mistress, right? You are absolutely right. You bring up a really good point. But, I don't know. There's so many, society is just. I know. But, see, Melissa, you make it seem like it's bad. Like, there are good guys out there, John. It seems like he's a great guy. I'm a good guy. None of us have even really thought of or been in that situation. That's true. I mean, but we're willing to accept it if that was the case because I think it happens more often than not. I'm willing to accept it. You're the one who initiates it. No, but I'm just saying, like, society-wise, I mean, I think it happens more often or, like, it does happen. I mean, but there are good guys. I mean, don't make it seem like if we got married that we're just going to go and have a mistress like that. I just feel like if I get married, I'm going to go have a mister. That's what I'm worried about. It's funny that you mention that because I've actually been on the other side of that where I was seeing someone that was married. And it's kind of an interesting, you know, kind of reversal there. So I kind of understand that side of it, too, where somebody who is married is kind of, you know, playing both sides. It's always messy, you know? Okay, so did it mess with your heart? I mean, did you know from the beginning that she was married? Yeah, did you know what you were getting into? Well, yes, I did. And then you got attached, didn't you? You always want what you can't have. I don't know. It always seems like that. Yeah, it is true. You always want what you can't have. But I think it got a little out of hand. And, you know, it's over now, but it was a very interesting experience. Actually, can I ask you, like, a question as far as that goes? Did you, like, always want more? Like, was your time limited and you wanted more out of it? Maybe you didn't get that. I mean, like, because it just seems like that would be the case. I don't know if that's always the case. I think that was part of it. I mean, I'll be honest. If she wasn't married and, you know, then it wouldn't matter. Like, let's say she just didn't live with me and she had to go home. Like, I wouldn't care. But the fact, the knowing of, the knowing that she would leave and go be with someone else, that part of it was very troubling. So that led to, you know, that not working out for very long. Was her marriage still, like, active, I guess you could say? Was she still sleeping with him? Very good question. No, from what I understand, no. And for the most part, this guy was not really in town a whole lot either. He was mostly gone. Oh, so she was a neglected housewife. Pretty much. Oh. And how did it break up? Is she still with the husband? Oh, I have no idea. I haven't spoken to her in a little while. But last that I heard, they were divorced. So, don't know the reasoning, but yeah. Oh, I can't imagine. Since Valentine's Day is, like, literally tomorrow. Or in a few hours. What did you guys get each other for Valentine's Day? Were you guys together around that time? I mean... Yeah, we were actually at that time. And it was just really strange because the only thing that went through my head is, what did you tell this bastard so that he wouldn't ask you where you were going tonight? Like, it was just really funny. Wait, on Valentine's Day or on Mistress' Day? No, V-Day. You took her out on Valentine's Day? We were together. Oh, wow. What'd you do? Yeah, that's what I want to know. Where did you get her? Or did she get you something? We got each other some things, yeah. Well, come on. Give us the details. I actually don't... No, I do remember. Yeah, you do. Was it something, like, extravagant? Was it something simple? No, it was just very simple stuff. Like, we knew each other pretty well. And it was just like, oh, you know, I know you like this. And, you know, I got you something. Come on, what is this? What's that? You're making it sound juicier and juicier. What was it? It's not. No, it's really... I would rather not say. It's probably just something sentimental. I mean, I'm sure it was something great. Yeah, I just wouldn't... I would rather not say on the air. But, yeah, it was something... It wasn't anything, like, huge or anything like that. It was just... Will you message me and tell me in private? Yeah, I'd tell you what it was, sure. Okay. All right, that's kind of cool. So, I mean, they didn't even celebrate Mistress' Day. I mean, they went... They went straight for it. Yeah, they went straight for Valentine's Day. Wow. Which I... Yeah. Which, I mean, he had to pull... She has some pull to, like, ditch her man on her husband, I should say. Maybe he was out of town. Yeah, maybe. But clearly... I'm pretty sure he was around, but I don't know. I don't understand. I think maybe there might have been a fight or something like that. I don't know. Yeah, all of a sudden, hey, I'm going to take out the trash, come back in five hours. What do you do? She probably started the fight so that she could leave in anger. Right. I mean, okay, as the guy on the side, I mean, does that kind of make you feel a little bit better knowing that, I mean, you could pull a guy's wife and obviously... They don't have that kind of connection? I mean, that's got to give you, like, a little ego stroke a little bit, right? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I think so. I mean, you tell your friends about it and they're like, oh, wow, you know, that's awesome. You know, you're like the man. Wait, you told your friends that you were hooking up with a married woman and they thought it was awesome? Yeah, dude, he pulled the chick from a man. I mean, that's kind of cool. How is it not cool? I think from a guy's perspective, it's just kind of like you're that character. You're that guy. You're that guy in the movie that's doing all those things they want to do. So they kind of, like, live through you, even though they know it's not the best and they're always like, you know, be careful, you know, this could happen. But in reality, they're still kind of, like, looking at, like, how did you do that? Yeah. How did you do it? Did he smooth? I need to... We should go meet this guy tonight. I want to take notes from him. Okay. All right. You know what, John? Send us that party information and maybe we'll stop by. Santa Monica, right? For sure. Yes, it is. How late are you guys going to be there? Um, what time is it now? Oh, it's 930. Um, I'm actually not sure when it's over, but I can send you guys the info. Perfect. We will connect with you after the show. All right? Thanks for calling in and sharing your story. We appreciate it. Sounds good. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Good stuff, guys. Yeah, right? So, again, you're listening to us on XM165. Now, he was talking about... He didn't want to tell us what the gifts were. No. At all? I mean, I'm sure it was something great. Yeah. You know where I like to get my gifts from? Where? Okay. I feel so dirty telling you guys this, but when I'm in a relationship, I love to get really personal things. One of my favorite places to shop for it is actually this website online, adamandeve.com. No way. Have you ever gone there? Yes. It's awesome. They do all kinds of cute stuff and they have promos. Actually, if you... If you use promo code Skid Row... What do you get? A good deal. You get a discount? You do. You get a discount. All right. I might get that. That's where I get all my presents from. Actually, that's good. Whether you have a Valentine or not, right? Something you could get, something like a toy or whatever. Yeah, you could get something for yourself. You could get yourself a sleeve, Alex. I know. I didn't... You told me that last week and I didn't even look into it yet. I'm really pushing for it. You know what? I'm probably going to end up bringing you one, to be honest. You should. I'll use it. On air? Yeah. Yeah. What is it? Let's use it on air. Let's do it. Don't encourage her. Oh, I heard something sexy on air. A sleeve? Yeah. Have you ever heard of those? Is that like a fake vagina? Kind of, but it's this thin... It's like a sturdier condom, I guess you could say. And it's textured and you just slide it over your cock and just go for it. Up and down. Yeah. Lots of lube. Up and down. Up and down. I'm excited. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. Stronger. That's what you're going to be saying when I bring one in for you. I have a condom story for you guys. Oh, do tell. All right. I used a condom this weekend, which I haven't done in a long time. Wait, why? Because I'm on antibiotics and they fuck with birth control. That's true. And I'm all about keeping my uterus free from babies. Okay. But anyway, we used the condom and we did our stuff. And my boyfriend got out of bed before me. And then when I got up and got out of bed, he's like, wait, turn around. And I did. He's like, when did you get that? I'm like, what? And he was across the room and the condom wrapper was stuck to my ass. And he thought I had gotten a butt tattoo without like him knowing. That's really sexy, Mindy. Oh, yeah. That didn't kill the moment though. It kept going, right? Well, the moment was kind of over already. Thus, we were getting out of bed. Wait, do you have any other tattoos? I just have one. What is it? It's a Sagittarius symbol on my tummy. Nice. Remember the Sag? I got it. It was my 18-year-old tattoo. Perfect. You know what? I think guys with tattoos are kind of sexy. I fail. I have no tattoos on my body. See, I wouldn't get one myself necessarily because I'm too indecisive. I would hate it as soon as I got it. I would want to change it. But if a guy... If a guy has one? Like what would... What jumps out at you? Like a guy with a dragon tattoo? A guy with like a... Oh, God. If he had like a full sleeve of like koi fish and dragons. With like the whole I love mom type thing or I mean... What is with you and your mom tonight? I don't know. I'm just thinking of tattoos. Like what tattoo jumps out at you? I just told you. No, you said a sleeve. A sleeve of what? A sleeve of dragons and koi fish. So that whole thing. Japanese themed sleeve. Colored in. Yeah. Oh, hey. The guests on the Hotbox. Last night just got a huge koi fish sleeve. I want to see it. Do you have pictures? Oh, man. I don't. Mindy. Good story. But it looks so cool. Sounds like it. You two are the guests on next week's Hotbox. Yes, we are. What are we going to do? Because Alex, in addition to being a sexual virgin. Yes. You are. What? We're going to sacrifice a virgin Hotbox style. Yay. I'm super excited for you. There's nothing. This is on Tuesday, right? This Tuesday, the Hotbox. From what time to what time? 9 p.m. till 10 p.m. 9 to 10, guys. Tuesdays. Skid Row Studios. Alex is our special virgin and we're going to pop his weed chair. Oh, man. There's nothing hotter than high sex. Really? No. I'm telling you. I've had a lot of sex in my day. He's like, what have I been missing? Let me write this down. There's nothing better. Can I take notes on this? There's nothing better than high sex. It's just, I can't even describe. It's so good. I can't even. I heard when you're high and you get a blowjob, it's really well. I mean, it's a good feeling. But sex is that much better, huh? Being high helps you like zone out and focus on like one cool thing. So you're, it's easy to just focus on like the pleasure. Oh, that helps. I have ADD, so that'll totally help me. And then your brain's not going to be worrying about like what you forgot to do at work the other day. That's perfect. Yeah. You'll be fully in the blowjob moment. All right. I'm going to be focused on Melissa that night. It's going to be good. We're going to have some high moments. So when you do it with other women, do you think of Melissa? He does. I think about Melissa more than she does. He actually calls me right after. Oh. And we discuss. Just to tell you. I'm like. The highlights. I'll be, I call her up and be like, girl, can you believe this bitch? He calls me on his way to work in the morning. Just so we can have a little pep talk. Yeah, get caught up. Yeah. Like instead of coffee, you have a little Melissa talk. Yeah. Peps your day. She's the cream to my coffee. Oh, you're the cream to my coffee. I'll be the coffee to your cream. Shouldn't it be the other way around, guys? We're not sure. We're still trying to figure it out. Alex brings the cream. You supply the sugar. Uh-huh. There you go. We need a black man for the coffee. Oh, I don't get to be the coffee. You can be the coffee, Mindy. Okay. Come be the coffee. You've got that strong, bold personality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's party time. We're about to party. If not, it'll be next Tuesday. I have a question for you. Yes. When it comes to Valentine's Day, do you think, because there's been this raging debate going on in my text messages as to whether it's, guys seem to take two different approaches on it. Wow. One guy will go all out crazy, do all kinds of romantic, beautiful things. And the next guy is like, what? I love you every day. Can you tell which side I'm on? Which side are you on? I love Valentine's Day. I think it's traditional. You know, I think it's a great way to show your love. I mean, of course you show your love every day. Yeah. I mean, I don't think you really need that one day. But the tradition is to really just go out that day. It's like a birthday. You can love everyone and appreciate someone every day of the year. But on their birthday, you really celebrate them. And on Valentine's Day, you really celebrate your love for each other. I have one of my friends, total douchebag. He got married on Valentine's Day. That is a douche thing to do. I was giving him shit for it. I go, how the fuck do you get married on Valentine's Day? He's all two for one, baby. I go, that's fucking stupid. Who does that? I guess it just happened that Valentine's happened to fall on that Saturday. I go, yeah, that'd be my excuse too. But who does that? I would never. So he gets like two gifts. I mean, that's like a two in one gift, like an anniversary and like a Valentine's Day gift. That's bad. I would never want to get engaged on Valentine's Day. I mean, you want your own separate day. I want a reason to celebrate every day of the year. Like a legitimate reason. Like every day of the year? What do you mean? Yeah. Like the more celebration. The more celebration days, the better. So if you can have your engagement special day, you can have your wedding anniversary special day. If you can have Valentine's Day, its own special day. What? No, I'm laughing. You're dying over there. What? Yeah, because a guy just threw out a blast and texted me. He's like, fuck you, dick. Sorry. Thanks for listening. I didn't say your name, fucker. But I could tell you where you work, but I won't do that either. No, he's a really good guy. We appreciate all our listeners. So all my friends on Facebook, if you see who's celebrating an anniversary today, you'll know who he is. Geez. You're really going for it. Nah, he's a good guy. Would you get engaged on Valentine's Day? No. I would. I'm like you. I agree with you. You just keep it that special day. Okay. So, I mean, would you, do you get all crazy over the top for your girl on Valentine's Day? No, I think it's bullshit. I think it's just like a marketing scheme. I think it's like a Hallmark holiday. I think that's bullshit. That it's a Hallmark holiday? Well, no, it is now, but I mean, there's still tradition behind it. Christmas is way over commercialized, but you still get people presents that are special, right? Well, same one. Okay. Do you buy Christmas presents for every kid in your classroom? You have kids, right? Yeah. I mean, do you get, maybe for the teacher, but you don't go around getting for every kid in the classroom. Your kids probably have to go get Valentine's gifts. That's money out of your pocket. Are you fucking kidding me? I know I spent that money earlier today. But you get my point, right? Well, yeah, if it's commercialized. But it's a great way to teach giving and friendship and caring for those around you and just taking an extra moment to say that you care. Yeah, but I mean, I could tell if I'm in love with someone, they know every day. I mean, just by being with them and like appreciating their company. Okay, but do you really think that some girl is going to be totally cool with her best friend going on a cruise and getting roses and diamonds and all kinds of amazing things? And then you're like, well, I loved you last Friday, too. No, it's fucking bullshit. Because that's another thing like with the girls. Like it just for like, I'm sure your friends like, oh, my boy got me this or my boyfriend or my man got me this, blah, blah. They're all trying out to each other. That's all fucking bullshit. It's like, okay, you go to your friends. Oh, my man got me a card and some roses and some chocolate. The next girl's like, oh, my man got me a bracelet. The next girl's like, oh, my man got me a necklace. I mean. At that point, it's like keeping up with the Joneses. Yeah, but I don't know. It's kind of cool just to see the way different guys express their love. Honestly, I don't put a whole lot of stock into Valentine's Day or material things. But if a guy just kind of blew me off on Valentine's Day and said like, I love you every day, I would be a little bit hurt. Well, if he's blowing you off on Valentine's Day, that means you're not doing your job right. You know what? You know what? Listen to me. Okay. One of the things for me in keeping a girl around, they've got to do one of two things. Either ride good dick or suck good dick. If you could get both, I mean, she's a keeper. Well. Well. You have a choice. You're going to be an expert in one or the other. Well, yeah, I'm really good at blowjobs. I just don't like to be on top. No, but I'm saying you need to be one or the other. Yeah. But if you could be both, I mean, that's like a bonus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. then you'll get me a better Valentine's present? Absolutely. Wait, okay, how about this? What do you guys expect on Valentine's Day? Because usually it is all about the girls and what the girls want and what you're going to do for your lady. Do you guys want something in return? Do they feel- That's like an insurance policy. Like a material thing. No. Or do you guys, are they, okay, like today. Okay, today. Today on Mistress's Day, this guy shows up at my door with the most beautiful box of chocolates, all like painted and just, oh my God. Painted chocolates? I couldn't wait for him to leave so that I could just tear into this thing. So you're like chocolate wasted right now? A little bit. It was, oh my God, it was so good. But do you guys want a box of chocolate or do you just want- No, give me like a fucking card and then fuck me already, seriously. So guys want cards. They want to be recognized. They want to be recognized materially. Well, I mean, not necessarily. I mean, I'd rather have it on my birthday or Christmas, you know, or like an anniversary. I think there's more thought and stuff that goes into that. I mean, something like that where it's, if you just give me a card, I mean, at that end, I just want to fuck. Yeah? Yeah. Like, does it have to be a special kind of fucking or just any regular- No, see, I think this is where I think it is. For guys, I think what it is, it's more of an insurance policy. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, you're fucking me really good. Like, I'm going to get you something good to keep that gift going. If you're sucking and fucking giving head or fucking at that point, I'm done. Here's your carnations. Better luck next year. Wait, if she's not giving you good head at the time, you're going to give her carnations? Yeah. As opposed to me wanting some roses? Alex, carnations are like the cantaloupe of flowers. Well, that's my point. I mean, if you're not- Oh my God. If you're not sucking up your end of the- So you're agreeing with me then, basically, that Valentine's Day is a good gauge of how your relationship is doing. Yeah, I would agree with that. Because if you're not doing any good, then you wouldn't be kept around. Or at that point, I would just go through motions. Here's a card. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you. Bye. Really? I mean, as opposed to like, you know, if it's something where like, damn, I can't wait to fuck her later. You know, I'll go, we'll go to like a nice place to eat. I'll take an extra step. Interesting. Yeah. Like I said, it's like an insurance policy because you want to keep that going because at the end of the night, you know what you're going to get. You know, if it's just like a quick blowjob in the car. All right, I'm done with you. At that point, okay, let's go to McDonald's. Here's your fucking candy and card. I'll see you next week. Okay, well, no one's asked me out for Valentine's Day. What? Shame on them. So does that mean I suck at sucking? No, I don't think the right- Wait, I don't believe that because I'm sure there's a ton of guys that would ask you and I'm sure you've turned them down. So you can't say that, oh, that's bullshit. I'm sure there's a ton of guys that would be after you. Would be? Where are they? I don't know. I'm sure they're going to call and ask you to be there. Oh, hell no. If anyone has heard about the book, They Ruined My Life, you know you need to call at least on Monday for a Saturday date. This should have been lined up a month ago. Somebody call and ask Melissa to be here and Valentine on air. 1-800-893-9566. That's 1-800-893-9562. You know what? What? We're going to go to break and we're going to wait for those calls to just be coming in. I can't wait. They're going to blow up the phone line. This is, of course, Oral Stimulation on XM165 and Skid Row Studios.com. Studios anytime, anywhere with the Skid Row iPhone app for your smartphone. Skid Row Studios. Real internet. Radio. Skid Row Studios. It's the happiest place to be. Skid Row Studios. Fuck you, FCC. Man, it's smoky in here. It's like a fucking hot box. I can barely see my own face. I can barely see your face. That's because, uh... We are in the hot box, actually. And we're going to be in the hot box every Tuesday from 9 p.m. Pacific time to 10 p.m. Pacific time at www.skidrowstudios.com. Yeah. Please come get high with us. We'll be right back. Every Tuesday night, 10 p.m. Can I count on you? Are you going to be there? Yeah? Is this voice turning you on? Is this sexy to you? Do you like it? Is it too dirty? It's a fair question. It's a fair question. Was that creepy? So we are back. This is Melissa and Alex on Oral Stimulation XM165. I love saying that. And skidrowstudios.com. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. We are back. Valentine's Day and all the drama that goes with it. Now, we've had some people like me who love it. But then there's those people who claim it's extortion, it's commercialism, all kinds of crazy things. Yeah, it's overhyped completely. Well, do you think that the sentiment is out of control or do you think that it's just... What do you think? I mean... No, I think it's fucking... I mean... I mean... I mean... I mean... I mean... you're like totally against it tonight. Yeah. Well, because I really think at that point, I mean, you're going to spend like a few more bucks than you normally would to go out to dinner. Like I could go get a dozen roses for like 20 bucks, but now it's probably like 30 or 40. That could go towards dinner. Well. That could go towards a new dress for you. Ooh. I mean, you get my point. It's like- Now we're talking. But you don't, no one said you have to get roses. See, okay, I agree. I don't really love all the cliche stuff, but- So you're telling me you're accepting like those freaking chocolate, those- No, no, no, no, no. These were not just like freaking box of chocolate. These were like art chocolates. Yeah, it seems pretty extra. So it's not like Godiva. It seems more extravagant. Oh no, it's way more than Godiva. These things were, wow. I mean, like, you know how I feel about chocolate. I'm quite the connoisseur. Yes. I mean, were they dark chocolate? Did they have nuts? Were they chews? They were gorgeous. I posted a picture on my Facebook and I said, I've never seen prettier chocolate. They're painted with flowers. Okay, since you're describing it in such detail. Yes. At this point, what did you get the guy? Was this something like unexpected? It's something that you wanted? No, it was totally unexpected. And at that point, would you, how do you return the favor? How do you, where do you go from here? I don't know. Do you just say thank you and smile? Well, I said a lot of thank yous and I texted a lot of thank yous after, but- I was kind of hoping to come in here tonight and get your opinion on it. Maybe get Austin's opinion over there because it's like, okay, so I've seen this guy once now and then he just unexpectedly stopped by. And what do I do? I think you give him a chance. A chance for what? I didn't turn him down for anything. No, you didn't say no, but I mean, maybe for dinner, you could start with there. Have you gotten up to dinner with him yet? Yeah, I went out to dinner with him before. And would you do it again? Yeah. So obviously he thinks about you, right? Who doesn't think about me? Um, well, obviously you're complaining about not having a Valentine's day. I know. I don't, I like, honestly, I don't really understand this. Well, actually on the flip end of it, you know what I mean? What's on, if you're not in a relationship or if you're not celebrating something during Valentine's day, what are you doing? I don't know. I don't know. It's a sad day, right? Well, it depends on how you look at it. It doesn't have to be a sad day, but a lot of people, a lot of people get all dramatic and emo and do the whole Facebook thing. I'm so alone. I hate my life. Whatever. Then it pretty much identifies all the people that are single. So it becomes like single awareness day, right? Okay. That's your favorite term there, isn't it? Sad. Ugh. That's like the standard American diet. It all ties in together. No, it all ties in together because if you're sad and lonely, what are you going to do? Go eat a bag of French fries. That's what I would do. Sometimes, you know, eating is a good way to fulfill your needs. What needs? I don't know. To make yourself feel better. Whether you're chocolate or other things. Do you eat to make yourself feel better? Yeah, all the time. Look at me. I'm fucking fat. I thought you were just rich. No, that is a sign of wealthiness. It is? See? Okay. But there's those people who take advantage of single awareness day as well. And you know, I mean, there's a lot of events going on for single people. I've, gosh, I mean, I'm still single now, but I mean, I had friends that would do the little speed dating things. They would have single awareness day parties, won't go out to dinner as a group. I mean, at that point, I think people are still vulnerable. At that point, you take advantage of their vulnerability. Is that what guys are out to do tomorrow? Are they out to creep around? Are they out to creep on the single girls? I think you got to understand Valentine's day brings the V and D together. That's the vagina and the dick. So at that point, either if you're single or not, if you're in a relationship, you're fucking. Period? You're fucking? Okay. If you are single, call in and tell us what you're doing tomorrow. Or if you're in a relationship and you're doing something amazing, call in and make us all jealous. 800-893-9562. What are you going to be doing? Tomorrow, I'm going to be working because I love to work. I know you do. And then after that, I'm working on a couple other things. A couple other things or a couple other girls? Like that ass. Oh, because you know where I'll be. Where is that? At home with my bag of French fries. Oh, wee-wee. Speaking of French, my little big heads. Yeah. You must be some French kisses. Yes. We could practice tomorrow for Valentine's Day. Practice before Valentine's Day or on Valentine's Day? On Valentine's Day, sorry. Oh, so that next year when we're in amazing relationships. No, we're going to be practicing for when we get married. Oh, yeah. So in a month when we get married, it'll be, you may kiss the bride. Oh my God. Are you going to dip me? Absolutely. Please. Oh, that's so romantic. And you know what happens when you dip, I dip, we dip? You put your hand up on my hip. Stupid. You don't know that song? I'm not old enough for that. So you're saying I'm old. Well, you called me fat. Yeah. P-H-A-T, there's a difference. Uh-huh. Yeah. Pretty hot and tempting. Right, totally. Oh, yeah. Exactly where you were going with it. Would you go to a singles event tomorrow? Yeah. Are you inviting me? No. Then we'd be going as a date. Then we might as well just go out to some fancy restaurant and spend 40% more. Why can't we just be each other's wingman? Yeah. I'm actually good at doing that. Really? Yeah. I'll find- But do I want some, I feel like all the guys out tomorrow are just predators. I think they're like that every night. Tomorrow doesn't mean any different. That's true. Do you think the girls change? Yeah. I think they're, this is the cool thing about Valentine's Day. You have two ends of the spectrum. The one that's like the hopeless romantic that like, oh my gosh, I wish there was a guy. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. I want to be in love. You could totally like sweep her off her feet and say like some random line and then she'll be all in love with you and you could take her home and fuck her. Or something that's totally against it, think it's stupid, like she's sad, she's all down. You know what? I got the perfect thing to make you feel better. Let's go home and fuck. So either way, you could take advantage of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so Romeo over there. Over where? Right here, right in front of my face. That's what you're going to do? You're going to go out and try to take advantage of some vulnerable girl? Yeah. I'm telling you, take me. With such a straight face, really? Take me with you. You could throw me on a hook. I'll be your bait. You could reown all these guys. Where are we going to go? Everything's more expensive tomorrow. Well, I don't know. We'll find a singles club or singles party. You have like 2,000 friends on Facebook. We just got invited to a party in Santa Monica tonight. Yeah, but that's tonight. I know, but I'm just saying. I'm sure there'll be an event. We should go to like a comedy show. Hell no, we should not go to a comedy show. What is wrong with you? I don't know. I've sworn off comedy shows. I don't do comedy anymore. Comedians or you don't do comedy? I don't know. I can't. I don't know. I don't have an answer for you on that. Okay. I don't have an answer. I'm sorry. All right. We'll find someone else to go magical. Is there anything we can do besides? No, stop. Like Disneyland or something. Go to California Adventure. I don't know. What is wrong with you? Nothing. You're so mean. Mean? Are you going to get anything for your ladies at work tomorrow? No. I'm not that type. What if they get you something? Are you going to feel bad? No, I'll give them a hug and kiss on the cheek and tell them thank you. What if they don't want your kisses? What if they don't want to be in a line? Did I kiss you? Kiss on the cheek. Who am I kidding? Of course they do. I don't want to kiss them. That's only for you. Oh, thanks. Have you ever kissed someone and it was like totally awkward? Like, I just feel like sometimes if you have different kissing styles from someone. Actually, that's a great question. It can be really bad. Say if the initial one's bad. Do you get like a do-over? Have you given a guy a do-over? No. I'm pretty forgiving. Really? Yeah. That won't like turn you off? Like, oh my gosh, this guy's like slobbering all over my fucking lips. Yeah. You know what? I kind of feel like the older you get, the more people you kiss, the more kind of like. I think everyone kind of has their own style. And then when you get into a relationship or when you're kissing someone a lot, you start to kind of adapt to one style or another. But then what's weird is that you take that into your next relationship. And then it's like they might become. Completely different. At that point, you have to kind of readapt, right? You're like, oh, this reminds me of the guy I kissed like three years ago. I mean, what do you do? Yeah. I mean, does that happen? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, when you find a person and you kiss them the first time and it's just like, oh, you're thinking about it the whole next day. Then they left a lasting impression, right? Yeah. And it's good. Let me ask you something when it comes to kissing. Like the whole biting the lower lip thing. Is that turn you on? Is that like a like a just more of like a. Does that make sense? Is that something that's like cool or. It depends. Of course, you're listening to us talking about lower lip kissing on oral stimulation on XM 165 and Skid Row Studios. But yes, I totally like that. But my I had an ex that used to do that and it hurt. He would like chomp down. He bit you? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Was he like Mike Tyson's cousin? Why would you do that? Well, I mean, maybe we were having really rough sex. That could have been it. But OK, so it hurts sometimes. Well, would you rather get bit or slapped? I don't want to get bit or slapped. Spanked. We have a caller. Let's see what they say. Hi, caller. What's your name? Hello. Jessica. Jessica. How's it going tonight? OK. Hi. Would you rather get bit or slapped during rough sex? Wait, what? Would you rather get bitten or slapped during rough sex? Bitten. Bitten. OK. All right. Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day tomorrow? I actually did. I might call down like it's basically like the whole catfish thing. We were like I met him on Facebook and we were supposed to go out like. Um. I can't even think of it. I think we were supposed to go out for the first time tomorrow night. And he's not even fucking who he said he was. So I'm just going to get drunk instead. OK. Wait. So you met him beforehand? No, we met on Facebook. OK. And like he seemed really normal. Sure. But yeah. And then how did it change? What happened? When did it all go down? Like I talked about meeting him and we talked about meeting for several months. Like for well, not several months. Like a couple of months. We talked on the phone. There's always been a reason why he couldn't meet me and stuff. Uh huh. And like it just like turned out like yesterday that he finally told me he wasn't who he said he was. Are you serious? Who was he? He won't tell me. What? Yeah. So he just came clean and was like, so things are different. Yeah. Well, like he sent me a picture of himself. And. Like it was not who I thought I was talking to. Wait, how long were you guys talking for? A little over two months. Two months. Did you ask for a picture or did he just send it and. It was just. Well, it's when we finally started. Like I was like, I want like when I was talking about like meeting him and stuff like he had pictures on his Facebook, but that's not who he was. Like it was a completely fake Facebook. Do you guys live close to each other? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. had talked on the phone and... There's no... I mean, did you guys, like, Skype or, like, FaceTime or any kind of a, I don't know, tango? I tried to get in the Skype and he wouldn't. He wouldn't. There was always, like, excuses for everything. But they were logical excuses. Like what? I don't... I can't think of, like, in particular excuses. Okay, so how would you guys be in contact anyways? Was it, like, did you guys text? Did you guys talk on the phone? We texted. We talked on the phone. Like, we talked on Facebook. I fucking talked to his brother and his dad. And, yeah. What would he introduce you as? Like, hey, this is my girlfriend. Well, he wouldn't say girlfriend. Like, it never went that far. Do you feel so... I mean, I can just imagine you would feel so, like, mistrustful of people now. I can't even tell how to... Oh, my God. Don't do that. Do we need to do a suicide assessment really quick? No. No. You're okay, right? I mean, I need to make sure. I mean, I think that's just me kind of watching over you. I want to make sure you're all right. No, I'm totally good. Okay. I'm good. Oh, you're going to drink yourself to sleep. I don't... Have you ever met anyone online before? Um, not in, like... I had, like... I don't... I mean, no. Really, not like that. No. Did you guys have any mutual friends on Facebook? A few. Really? I didn't know that they didn't know him. Like, I just figured. It's not like I talked to anybody about it. Sure. You know, like, I wanted to meet him first, you know? Yeah. Before I, like, told everybody, like, that I'd been talking to him and stuff. No, which is a completely normal thing to do. You want... Yeah. That does bring up a good point, though. I mean, if you're going to meet a stranger... If you're going to meet a stranger off Facebook, just as a side note, you should probably tell someone where you're going. And that's... You always tell me where you're going. That's how I know. I do. I mean, we're always holding hands when we go. Skipping. But... So, you thought you had something going. Now you don't, obviously. Where does that leave you? A single Valentine's Day. Look at it as a good thing. Maybe you have a chance to go out to your favorite bar and meet some... Some predatory guy who's looking for the vulnerable girls. Maybe you'll run into Alex out there. Jessica, let me tell you something. Never lose sight of what you're worth. I mean, obviously, it's not working out with that guy. There's plenty of other guys out there, and I'm sure you'll be fine. You know, it's not going to be the end of the world. I mean, still, I think you'll be fine without it. You're better off. I mean, you don't have time to play games anyways. I mean, I'm sure you could find a real man, and they'll take care of you the way you deserve to be treated. True. Thank you. Aren't you glad that you found out before you actually... Actually met him, though? That would have been pretty, like, awkward. Yeah. What would you do? What? It's like, what would you do? I probably would have stayed. I would have tried to make it work. I would have given him a chance. You know? No, but Jessica, she seems smarter than that. I mean, she knew she wanted to meet him. Smarter than that. No, I mean... I don't know if, like, a relationship could be built from it. But, I mean, maybe a friendship. But not a relationship. Not after somebody's lied to you about it. That's true. That's a really good point, yeah. Yeah, it kills it right away. I mean, I think, like, a relationship, you build a foundation of trust. And the minute it can take forever to build, in, like, one second, it's gone. But wait a minute. Because going back to Austin's book and talking about how you make stuff up and make yourself look better, how are you supposed to build a relationship on that? No, Austin's book is describing ways to fuck girls, not relationship-wise. It's like, hey, I meet you at the bar or I meet you at the grocery store. I met you at the bank, blah, blah, blah. I want to fuck you with a next... Next couple days. Within the week. It's not talking long-term like your book. I mean, that's two different types of books here. Jessica, were you guys talking long-term or were you talking just meet up and hook up? Well, I don't know. We've gotten to know each other pretty well. So, like, I don't know. Like, I felt like it would maybe go somewhere once we met. But, I mean, like, I wasn't going to, like, bank my future on... on somebody I hadn't met yet. Sure. That's a smart way to be. I think Alex is totally right here. You're way better than this situation. I know. I'm agreeing with you for once. You're way better than this situation. You sound like a strong, smart girl. And I think you will find someone. I think you'll find some happiness when it's least expected. When you're in the grocery store. Don't go looking for it, Jessica. He's going to find you. Hopefully not on Facebook, though. No. On Facebook. When you least expect it, he'll pop up. And it'll be your knight in shining armor. Yeah, there is hope. Quit looking at me, Alex. No. Not in knight in shining armor. Oh, they're out there. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What are you looking for? Seriously. What? What are you looking for? Maybe we can... Maybe we have another caller or another listener who is looking for the same thing you are. I'm good. Seriously. I think she could hook up herself. Wait, are you on our Facebook? I'm not. Okay, be sure to add us on Facebook. It's facebook.com slash oralstimulationradio. Okay. Or you can find us on Twitter at Oral Stim, but I am always on Facebook. And we can talk about this more. Yeah, Melissa will give you pointers. You can chat with her. Heck yeah. Thank you for listening, Jessica. Thank you so much for calling in. We appreciate it. No problem. Have a good night. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Actually, you know what? The funny thing, I found a fun fact today when I was reading stuff about Valentine's Day. Oh, do tell. Did you know that the founder of Match.com, his girlfriend left him for somebody else that she found on Match.com? Are you serious? Can you believe that? Ew. How fucked up is that? The founder of Match.com, his girlfriend, ends up finding someone else on Match.com. I mean, you would think you'd block the bitch from the fucking website. Who the fuck does that, right? That's true. That's like- Yeah, that's a little fun fact for the day that I found. Wow. That's crazy. That's like, I don't know, dating a musician and then going to all these shows and then finding that you're in love with the guy in the opening act. Huh. I'm just throwing it out there. I don't know. Have you ever met anybody on Facebook? Kind of like what Jessica said? Yeah. I have. You know what? Actually, I use Facebook as a networking tool. I think it kind of throws off my friends though because I'll just add everyone and talk to anyone and everyone and they're like, how do you know that person? How do you know that person? It's like, oh, we have a conversation. Yeah, it's kind of crazy though because like, you know, like in her sense, like you feel like everybody's your friend, right? And then are they really your friends? Like the whole catfish thing, like we kind of mentioned a few weeks back. It's kind of crazy. Like you have a connection with these people, but then you don't. Yeah. You know what I mean? You don't. There's like a little sense of reality and there's a sense of fantasy. Yeah, that's totally true because when you close the lid of your laptop and walk out the door, you forget about those people really. Yeah. You know? But then you can come home that night after like going out for the day or whatever the case is going out that night and then your friend's like, oh, what'd you do today? How was your day? Blah, blah, blah. And next thing you know, it's like- Yeah, they totally know what you're up to. Yeah, exactly, right? Which is kind of crazy because I mean, they probably know more stuff about you than maybe like your friends or even like at that point, maybe your family. You might keep in touch with them more than others, right? Yeah, true. Which is kind of cool because there's somebody outside the situation. They're not directly involved with you. Going back to the whole match.com thing. I mean, since it is Mistress's Day, we do have to touch on the fact that there are websites that are specifically for finding your mistress. What? You know that. No, which ones? I'm not going to call out the specific websites, the specific website until they're paying us advertising dollars. But there are services out there that will help you find, I mean, it hooks up married people. That's scandalous. You wouldn't go for it? No. I've never cheated on anybody I've been with. So at that point, I can't do that. What was your longest relationship? Six years. See, you didn't have time to cheat. Time to cheat? You're someone for six years. No, I mean, there was no reason to yet. Wait. You get in like a decade deep and then... And then you would cheat? I think it's different at that point. I mean, I think if you're in a relationship that long, you come to crossroads, you know, one way, either go down the same road together, you grow apart. True. I think that helps the side. Very true. I don't know. I'm not big for meeting people online. Like you said, I will totally talk to people on Facebook all day long. If we have something in common, we can go to an audition together or something, but I'm not going online specifically. I'm not going to find love. Yeah. I mean, but you know what? I've, I know a lot of people that met through websites and they got married. I know people that were like, well, not to plug websites, like eHarmony, they were actually on the commercial they met and they were actually on a eHarmony commercial. Really? Yeah. I mean, I know people that have done it and it's successful. So wait, just getting a little Hollywood here. Yeah. They actually use real couples. They don't cast for those commercials. No, I know a couple that, you know, they were on it and they used them, for that reason, they used them on the actual commercial. Wow. Yeah. It's crazy. Are they still together? Yeah. They're still together. How long has it been? Oh, geez. This is probably like eight, 10 years now. I wonder if signups go up for websites. I'm sure they do. Around Valentine's day. Oh, I don't know. That's a great question. Or if people just head over to Craigslist, casual encounters. I don't know. I'm not a big Craigslist guy, so I don't know. You can find everything on there. Yeah. That's, I guess, I just haven't really used that resources. Usually everything's given to me. I'm sorry. Oh, Mr. Statue House. House of Statues. All right. So you don't have any big plans for Valentine's Day at all? I have no plans for Valentine's Day. I have no Valentine. Somebody may surprise you, maybe make you some dinner. Who's going to surprise me with 24 hours to go? I don't know. Maybe some guy had it planned and you just didn't know and they wanted to surprise you. Oh, you think it's going to be like this? I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, you never know. I know who I'd like to spend it with. Okay. Besides you, Alex. I didn't say it was me. Besides you. It's been a lot of fun today. Absolutely. It's always fun on Wednesday nights, 9 to 10. I can't wait for tomorrow. It's going to be good, but actually coming up next, we have Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. It's a Fair Question. He's got a beautiful guest. I can see her out there. I want to see her. I want to talk to her before the show. She's really pretty. So that sounds like it'll be a good show. Of course, you've been listening to Oral Stimulation on XM165 and skidrowstudios.com. You can find us on Twitter at Oral Stim. Email us, oralstim at gmail.com. And of course, there's always Facebook, which is my favorite way to connect with you guys. That's facebook.com slash Oral Stimulation Radio. Anything you want to add, Alex? No, shout out to Des. Shout out to John. Shout out to Jessica. Shout out to everyone in our amazing studio and the people over at XM who are helping us out. Thank you, guys.