Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. All right, guys. Welcome. That's so funny. I know, right? Welcome to Skid Row Studios. This is Battle of the Sexes. I'm your main host today, Nikki Bernal, with my co-host. Hey, how's it going? Dave Swan. Give it up for Dave Swan. Yeah, he likes laughter. Just trolling the internet. I know. That's what he does. Yeah. Well, we are here today with two special guests for round one, Battle of the Bra and Battle of the Sexes. Give it up for Daria Baranato. Yes, thank you very much. Yes, Daria. And her challenger today, the tough, the very manly. Very manly. The very muscular, Mr. Johnny Lo Cuosto. Oh. She may fight professionally, but I did that, so. He can flex like a mofo, right? You know, we're following a legendary porn star. We got our work cut out for us, guys. Yeah. Oh, right. You got to stay in shape at least a little, right, Johnny? A little bit. I mean, she's still active, so. That's so funny. She knows how to work it in a different way. How do you know that, Johnny? Because she talks about it. She shows it. 24-7. She shows it. All right. Fair enough. Moving on. Well, there's a reason that we called together. This battle of the brawn. Me and Dave dealt with some stuff this week. We dealt with some unnecessary battles this week. We're going to start with Dave. Why don't you talk about yours for them? This asshole came behind the bar on Saturday. What? Dave bartends, if you don't know, at a bar in Los Feliz called Public House. And that's the story. Without. He's like. Oh, with Daria. Daria bartends with you. I work with Daria. And he's like, he comes behind the bar. And I'm like, where have you ever been that it's acceptable to come behind the bar? It's just officers. I'm like. And your point for coming behind. Behind the bar when it's busy. And there's three people deep at each part of the bar. It's just awful service. I just wanted to cut his mustache off is what it really comes down to. What if he said to you, do you guys like want a bar back? You want a job? Are you looking for a job? I'll work for free. So that was an unnecessary confrontation. He's just like, I've been to a bar before. And why are you behind it right now? Yeah, that's. That's like a major no, no. Right. What would you do? Knowing that you can destroy a human. I know. It's such a bartending. But first, I'm going to tell you the answer you want to hear. I would take his fucking ass. No, no, no. I'm not saying. But my point is. But, you know, he wouldn't know that. But, you know, is it almost like that Van Damme thing where you have to look at him and be like, I can destroy you. It would be. It would be like a little subtle glare. It would be like. They do the Clint Eastwood. I must break you. You should just learn that. And that's it. That's hilarious. What if they don't get the reference? Is it still funny? Yeah, of course. Always. Because inside. You know. OK. Here's what you do. You say, I must break you and then have a little piece of plastic bottle and squeeze your fist. And it makes that sound like you just cracked every knuckle in your hand. I don't know. And it's by time it's on. Right. It's like there is no cracking on that. What if I just crack them? Just knuckles. Oh, that's Italian, everybody. That's not intimidating enough. If a female just walks up to you and goes, yeah, I can't even crack them that loud. Who has the more Guido last name between me and Daria? That's the question. That one. Seriously. That one right there. Yeah. Baranato. Baranato's worse than Laquasto. Are you serious? Laquasto? I don't know. The Q brings a little bit of silence to it. That's because no one can spell it Ellis Island. It's not my fault. My name got changed twice at Ellis Island. It became a G became a Q. Pennsylvania. He's from Pennsylvania. I'm from Jersey. No. Do we know this about each other? Business is about to pick up. I know. Why do you think we set up this battle the way that we did? There's so many relative factors. What a relationship. Yeah. Well, and we're going to get to that. I had a battle with a Russian old lady. Okay. This week at a grocery store. On Orange is the New Black? Was it red? No. I wish. So I'm in the grocery store line and I'm helping put my bags in the grocery because I'm a good little Mexican. I help when I see a job. I want to do it. Do it well. Half Mexican. You know? So basically what ended up happening is when I tried to go back and pay this Russian lady, I put her cart in front of my wallet and all my money. So I asked her to move it and she looked right at me and just turned her back on me. So I pushed her cart a little. And she shoves me with it and she goes, don't push my cart. You hurt me. And the manager's like, dude, she didn't push her cart. And she looks at me. She goes, you're just jealous. Look at your forehead and all your forehead wrinkles. And I was like, what? How old is she? Like 70. Well, she's been there. Not 70. She's probably in her 60s. But the point was like, I looked at her and I was like, girl, I'm not going to start a scene here. I'll be waiting for you out in the parking lot. And then I realized I just said that to an old lady. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad person. Bad, bad, bad, bad person. You should have spoke to her in Spanish. I don't know how to speak Spanish. You don't know any Spanish? No. You should have been like, I'm going to go outside, abuelita. You just add an accent to it and it's perfect. Just add an accent. That's grandma in Spanish. Abuelita. I don't know. I'll meet you in the parking lot, all right? Russian accents are pretty intimidating. True, true. But it was about to go down like Donkey Kong. Down. But anyway, that's why we wanted to bring this battle together. We wanted to bring in two people that know about the world of fighting. Very much so. Johnny Loquasto. She does. He does. Johnny Loquasto knows how to talk about fighting. He's a host for WWE's Monday Night Raw. Well, no, I'm not on Monday Night Raw. No, for After Buzz. After Buzz. And then I have a show on the Nerdist Network called The Wrestling Compadre. Yes. And Daria is also a professional MMA fighter. Amateur. Amateur. I still think that's pro. Come on. Everyone's like, oh my God, you're a professional fighter. I say, yeah, you know, I will be. I get shit down, all right. It's kind of like a porn star because if somebody's in porn, they're automatically. They're automatically. They're automatically. They're automatically like, I'm a porn star. Right. I'm like, what makes you a star finally in porn? It's true. So see, you can coin the phrase pro. Come on. It's true. I'm a pro fighter. What do you do? She's like, I do grappling tournaments. I'm like, yeah, that counts. That counts, yeah. You could kick my ass right in here right now. It counts. You're pro. And you also host an After Buzz show as well for UFC team, right? Mm-hmm. And is it called UFC team? It's called UFC After Buzz TV. Okay. It's a UFC show. And what day of the week is that one? Sunday nights at 6 p.m. Sunday nights at 6 p.m. And yours is obviously Monday. Immediately after Monday Night Raw. That's awesome. Like it goes off the air and we're starting within like 10, 15 minutes. Oh, nice. It's nuts. That's so cool. It's awesome. So you guys obviously like working for After Buzz and it's been a good experience for both of you? Oh, yeah. That's so cool. It's a great network to work for. It's all about having fun. Yeah. It's a really laid back show. It's cool. That's really, really neat. Well, we wanted to go ahead and get the listeners a little bit more info about each of you. I'm going to start with Daria. You're from New Jersey. You're a Jersey girl. Yes. Yeah. You're not as tan as I thought. I thought you'd be. All right. Exit 7. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are we talking North Jersey? South Jersey. Exit 7. Oh, near Philly? Yeah. Right outside of Philly. Amazing. Walt Whitman Bridge. I went to college in Philly. Where? You sure? Lehigh? No. My brother did. Oh, okay. I'm from that area, but I went to college at University of the Sciences. So we're right over the bridge. Right next to it. There you go. I'm going to pretend that I know anything you guys are talking about about the East Coast. I've never even traveled that way before. You know the Walt Whitman. The Walt Whitman? No. I've got it. A failed geography. You don't know Dan the Shore? Come on. No. New Bethlehem is the only thing I know. I just turned around. You mean the Jesus Bethlehem. That's the one. I'm hanging on to things. We were off the map before Jersey Shore. Oh, really? And then we were put on the map. New Jersey as a state. And now it's in a negative connotation. Are they really as crazy as everybody pretends? Okay, first of all, I'd like to say that everybody on the Jersey Shore, 90% of them are from New York. Right. Oh, really? Or North Jersey. Very far from the shore. So they're just giving Jersey a bad name. Such a bad name. Well, here's the thing. Jersey Shore was really 10 years late because when I was in college, we were making fun of Jersey Guidos. Really? Oh, they were wearing the Bucca Shell necklaces and the tank top. I mean, they've been there. It's just that someone at MTV was smart enough to put a bunch of morons on TV who, you know. And that's the North Jersey Shores. I go to the South Jersey Shores. Like Ocean City. They're the nice ones. They're the nice ones. Gorgeous ones. Yeah. Old Jersey. What's the difference between a shitty one and a gorgeous one? Well, the shitty ones are the ones you see on TV like Seaside Heights. That's like where you go if you want to have a great night of like maybe some like gross grimy club sec. Possibly with clothes on. Syringe stepping on one. You know when it really went downhill is when MTV had their Beach House. Then it went straight to hell. Oh, that's right. Yeah. It's like 90s. Yeah. Uh-huh. I completely forgot that they even had that show at the Beach House. Went straight to shit after that. Jesus. Have you ever seen any of them out there when you go home? I ironically worked on a show on their house's lot. You're kidding. It was MTV's company was doing a show, Tattoo Nightmares on Spike TV. Oh, that's right. You were on Tattoo Nightmares, weren't you? So they used that Beach House as our like lodging. Like that's where we stayed. That's where we ate. For the Tattoo Nightmares? Yeah. That's crazy. So I was like on there and I saw them all. Yeah. Nothing to speak of. So... Why were you on Tattoo Nightmares? Yeah. Let's get into that. Where was the tattoo? What tattoo? What was the tattoo? Yeah. No, no, no, no. It wasn't me that was getting a tattoo covered up or anything like that. I was doing the reenactments. Oh. Yeah. Really? So I had to reenact this girl. I was Destiny. Oh, shut up. Yeah. So what did they have you doing? They just had me... It was so melodramatic. Talk about dramatic acting. That is... That is not a... It's definitely a porn star name. Yeah. Is that what you were going at? No, we went Stripper. Yeah. Stripper. That's because they like strippers. You know, Daria, Destiny. It could be like my alter ego. What was your first street you lived on when you were a kid? Stowe Drive. So, oh, Destiny Stowe Drive would be like your porn star name? Is that what they say? Is that how they do that? First dog or first pet and then the street you grew up on. What was your middle name in the street you grew up on? I'm Daria Pepper Stowe. Then your middle name is actually Daria? Oh, no. Which middle name? Ray. Ray Pepper Stowe would be like... No, Ray, not Ry. Ray? Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. R-A-E. Oh, she said that with such a Jersey accent. I was like, it's Ry. My parents really liked bread. What would yours be, Quasto? My porn name? Middle name. Middle name and the first street you lived on. Here's the funny thing. I would just be Oak Lane. I don't have a middle name. Really? What about your first pet? Oh, no. No. What was your first pet? What was your first pet? Fluffy Oak Lane? Close. My name would be... What is it? Fuzzy Oak Lane. I bet you've got friends who smell better than you. That's even worse than fluffy. Which for an Italian porn star, that might actually work. Oh, my God. Oh, true. Yeah. But fuzzy implies like peach fuzz. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Italians are like, you know, too fuzzy. Coarse, masculine. Guys, I already knew porn was not my future for many, many reasons. What's yours, Dave? We going with animal or middle name? Middle name. Dave Timberedge. Oh, your middle name is Dave. What's your pet's name? What's your pet's name then? Sasha. Sasha. I need your Russian accent. Yep. That's you. That's hilarious. You better put on a button-ass shirt. Oh, that's really funny. Take it off, Sasha. Oh, my God. Mine's Rhonda Winton. Rhonda Winton. Rhonda Winton. That sounds like... Collectively, we have the worst porn star names. We have the worst porn star names ever. Yeah. I think we should leave it to the guys before us. If you guys want to call in and tell us your porn star names, a reminder, you can view us at Skid Row Studios, www.skidrowstudios.com. Right. Phone number here is 1-800-893-9562. You can call in and have a little chat with Daria or Mr. Loquasto. Talk about whether you like their... Fluffy. Talk about whether you like their... Fuzzy. Fuzzy. Not fluffy. Fuzzy. That's the same thing. Such an idiot. So, you've also been doing, since you're an MMA athlete, sorry, athlete, amateur MMA fighter, you've been doing martial arts since you were 16. Yes. So, how did you get into martial arts at 16? Okay. Okay. So, I was young for my age. I was 16. I was a senior in high school. Okay. And I, like, just needed something to do. I did sports my whole life. Lacrosse, basketball, soccer, track, you name it. Right. Oh, yeah. Lacrosse, basketball, soccer, my whole life. So, I stopped those because I wanted to party in high school. And then that went south. That's where the Jersey girl comes into play. I did. It was just so much fun. Yeah. It was like my dad's house every night, every weekend. It was great. Good times. Your dad was the cool parent? Yeah. He was like, it's okay. You want to go to the basement? Go ahead. I won't tell mom. It's so what it was. Yeah. You were 13 when I left? Yeah. As long as you ain't driving, you can drink here. It's cool. That's what it was. Minus the accent a little bit. You want to play your records? Go ahead. Records? How old do you think I am? I don't know. Oh, my gosh. So, I started training. Okay. Well, no. I was debating between playing a musical instrument or becoming a fighter. Which was what? The guitar. Oh, okay. I thought she was going to say, like, clarinet or flute. No, no, no. And I was like, mom, I need something to do. Should I learn how to play an instrument or should I become a mixed martial artist? Right. She's like, you should really learn how to play an instrument. That'd be great for you. And I was like, okay, I'm going to become a mixed martial artist. You're a better woman than I am. You asked your mom's opinion on your life goals. That's so cool. And she went with the exact opposite, though. Right. You have a cool mom. She's an awesome mom. That's awesome. So, I started training judo and boxing first. Wow. I had a sensei that kind of took me under his wing. You had a sensei? Yeah, I had a sensei. That's so cool. It's not. When you think sensei, you think like some little Asian man. Friday kid. Friday kid. Yeah. He was a black man from Germany. With a German accent mixed with an African accent. Shut up. Because he had been like bi-coastal in that term of the country. Right. Wow. But, yeah, so he kind of took me under his wing. I would train privately with him, you know, three, four days a week after school. And I started doing grappling tournaments. Oh, man. I did it all day. We did it all day. We did it all day. That's so funny. I did a couple tournaments. Got gold in my first two. And it spiraled from there. I moved a day after my high school graduation. I got in my car and drove it to Florida. Wow. To train with American top teams, which is. Now, that's pretty epic. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty epic. I stopped in. Well, I didn't stop in. I flew to Dallas, Texas first. Okay. Is the truth. I watched Strike Force Bites. It was supposed to be Gina Carano's. Last fight. And she backed out. Wow. So I ended up watching the fights anyway. Long story short, I get to Florida a couple days later. And I walk into the gym for the first time. And I'm like, hey, I want to fight. And they're like, okay, you can start with the starter program. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. Like, I want to train to fight professionally. Yeah. And they're like, okay, you can jump in. Steve Bruno's class. Long story short, I walk into the gym and I see the guy who was the main card of the fight in Dallas in the gym. Holy crap. And I'm like, I just watched him fight in Strike Force. And now he trains at my gym. It was so crazy. Yeah. But yeah, so he ended up being one of my teammates. Oh, nice. And I ended up training there for like a year and a half. Best training I've ever had. You're like, I just watched you beat the shit out of someone. I'm getting sparring with you? This is crazy. It was really cool. You know she can beat the hell out of us, right? I knew that before the story. Now it's been guaranteed. You'd be like one of those chicks that goes into the CrossFit gym that's never done before and they're like, oh, you have to do the intro class. No, man. No, no. I'm going to do clings right now. Let's just do this. I got my knee high socks on. I'm ready. We got this shit. I know nothing about CrossFit. So I don't know what clings are. So how many years have you been training then? Because you started at 17? 16. 16. I'm 20. So four years. Oh my gosh. You're only 20? You're a baby. Oh my gosh. You just made me feel so old right now. Jesus. She wins. You do win. I'm 32. Geez. I know. What? Yeah, I'm 32 years old. Oh, thank you. I'll take it too. Yep. I will definitely take the compliment. Oh, yeah. You do not look it at all. That's how I feel. I feel old. I feel old. You don't look it. You don't act it. Hey, it's all about how you feel, right? You're beating up Russian women. I know, right? Yeah. I'm like, I'm gonna meet me in the parking lot of a grocery cart bar. She probably has a knife in her babushka, though. I know. That's my grandma. She had magic chi-chi. She'd always pull money out of them. I hate you, Vince Beckett. My grandma would always pull money out of her bra, and I thought that's where like many came from. Is that where that came from? Yeah. Because kids these days do that. Yeah. Like now I see it at the bar. Like, you know, the $7. Those just stick it in their bra. And she'll be like, here you go. Yeah. My grandmother used to keep everything in her bra. You know who? I don't want to say. I can say her first. Yeah. May. You know May? I don't know who May is. It's at the end of the bar. She works. I don't want to say too much. Oh. You know who I'm talking about. Who are we talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. She pulls it out of her boob. She hasn't been in in a while. I saw her last night, two nights ago. I wasn't. Bar patrons, if you've seen May, she's missing. They miss their regular bar person. Please find her. Yeah, she pulled it out of her boob. She may have money in her bra. Well, she started working somewhere else. That's why. Oh, true. Because she used to work like right down the street. Uh-oh. You know what I'm saying? Like that kind of right down the street. Yeah, then I know who you're talking about. I didn't know her name either, though. Yeah. She just started working somewhere else. Just left you guys hanging. Mm-hmm. Well, so from mixed martial arts and everything from your training, you went also on to doing stunts because you're also an actress. You're also a model. I mean, obviously, look at her. She's gorgeous. But how did you get into stunt work from that? So I moved back to New York City after training for a year and a half or so. Well traveled for 20. Jesus. I know. I'm like, I can't stay still for too long or I get like this feeling like I'm missing out on something on the other part of the country. It was like first I, you know, I grew up in Jersey and I was like, oh, my God, I have to go to Florida. I want to go to Miami. Like I just had this passion with Miami. So I did that. And then I was like, oh, my God, I'm missing out what's going on in New York. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm missing out what's going on in L.A. You're just bouncing back and forth. You got like a year left. Not even a year, like six months left. Six months left here. And then I'll be somewhere else. Yeah. But you trained at a pretty ridiculous stunt school in Manhattan, didn't you? Well, yeah. So I moved back to Manhattan and I trained at HB Studios with their head stage combat instructor. I just just basic stage combat just to get that down. And then I really just used my martial arts experience from there. Most of the stunts I do are fight choreography. Yeah. I was going to say, did you just walk in and they go, oh, just douse yourself in oil. We're going to light you on fire. No, that would be fun. I've never done anything. Yeah. Yeah. My goal is to pursue the more extreme stunts, obviously. Right. So that's the path I believe I'm on. Hey, Daria, climb into this cannon real quick. Right? I want to drive like that thing, that car that they had jump off and like one of the James Bonds. Oh, like off a skid and off a bridge. That would be so, so cool. That's always been something I'd be interested in, but I've never met somebody that actually does it. That is the coolest thing to me. Well, thank you. It's fun. It's like, it's like my two worlds meet. Yeah. It's like my hosting and my acting. It's like my hosting meets my athleticism and my martial arts. It's perfect. Perfect world. Yeah. So remember how I told you eventually I wanted to be Michelle Rodriguez's stunt double. I know. I think I just met her. No, you look a lot like Michelle Rodriguez. You could totally be her stunt double. That's a running joke. I've been stopped at like LA live before at like. Really? Yeah. I've had girls follow me around. Shut up. Yeah. I had two girls. This was a true story I talk about in comedy that I had two girls corner me in a cereal aisle at Target. And when I turned around, I was like, can I help you? And they're like, oh, we thought you were Michelle Rodriguez. That's what they would do if it was Michelle Rodriguez. They would corner her. Yeah. Well, they were like following me, I think trying to take a picture. And I turned around. I was like, can I help you guys? And they're like, oh, I'm really, really sorry. We thought you were Michelle Rodriguez. So it's a joke. I'm like, well, great. Now I know I dress like an unstable lesbian. That's awesome. Is she officially a lesbian? Yeah. I think bi. It doesn't have to be official. I think she's bi. No, it doesn't. It's very obvious. You know when she's talking like this. Well, she did get Vin Diesel. That's all that matters, right? I love Vin Diesel. So hot. Yeah. He should be an MMA person. Yeah. Well, he was running with the best of them in the last Fast and Furious. Gina Carano was in that one. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I totally forgot about that. And now Ronda Rousey's in Expendables. Right. She's going to be? Oh. Yeah, they already filmed it. I still got to see the second one. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Is she really that much? She's that much better than everyone else, right? Ronda Rousey is that much more confident, intelligent, intimidating. Does somebody have a crush? No, no, no. I respect Ronda Rousey. I actually used to have like a grudge against her. Like I thought I didn't like her persona, but then I really started to follow her and get to know her and I respect her a lot now. No, my female MMA fighter crush is totally Gina Carano. She's the original. Oh, really? Yeah. She came before Rousey. But Rousey is just, these girls get so intimidated when they get in the cage with her because of what she does, clearly. And they freeze and they don't react fast enough to how fast Rousey is. Have you ever seen Rousey get hit? She doesn't like to get hit. She doesn't like to get hit at all. Her own basic persona just changes. Anyone really does? She's just like, ugh. She's like, no. But a lot of fighters, you know, can take a good hit. Rousey really can't. She does not like to get hit. Yeah. So when she goes against a good boxer, a good Muay Thai, maybe Gina Carano on the comeback match, they're talking about it. It's like in the talks, it's about to happen. Dana White says she's signing the final papers this week. Like a Pacquiao Floyd Mayweather fight or just like an actual gunfight? How old are both of them? I believe Carano's slightly older than Rousey. Rousey, I think, is late 20s. Carano's early 30s. That's crazy. Yeah. So you're right in line with where you need to be to build up your career in MMA. You're starting young. That's good. 20 years old? Jesus. Yeah. You're going to be well on your way in a couple years. We're going to be watching you on a UFC fight. I sure as hell hope so. And you better give me some insider trading. I kind of wanted her to choke me out just for the story. Hell yeah. But yeah, I got choked by her once. We'll have it on tape for you, LaCosta. You can post that on YouTube. I'm fully clothed. You don't have to. Not my usual story. Yeah, exactly. You're like, sexy crowd. Like, ow, choke him out. That's awesome. So you're also an After Buzz host. Johnny is too. We're going to get to Johnny in just a second. So how did you- Her story's way better than mine is. No, it's not. We have a lot of good stories about Johnny. I've heard the stories about Johnny. You know what I'm saying? So you ended up with After Buzz because you met the main guy for After Buzz at your bar, right? Yeah, one of the guys that was doing the show that I'm on now. I met his best friend at my bar. He was one of my regulars. He overheard me talking about MMA. And he's like, oh, you're a fighter? And I was like, yeah. He's like, my friend's looking for a host for a UFC show. That's crazy. And I was like, oh, my God. I also do hosting and acting in that field. He's like, oh, we'll try it out and see what happens. This guy, he described the producer of the show at the time, Raven. He described him to be- That's an inside joke, Raven. Very tough to get by. Right. And very hard for him to like you. And I'm like, okay. So I'm like, ready for this super intimidating guy. Meet him. Long story short. Long story short. It ended up- It ended up- It ended up working. I ended up being a host on the show and been doing it ever since. Probably about five, six months. That's awesome. And what else do you have in the works right now? What are you working on? My main goal right now, my main focus is fighting. Oh, awesome. Okay. So the acting, the hosting comes secondary to the fighting. Yeah, absolutely. It's so awesome that I get to do acting, hosting relevant to fighting. Right. Talk about fighting and act in a way that a fighter would. Play some semi-fatal roles that I've had in the past. But overall, fighting is my dream, my passion. That's so awesome. Yep. So there's no 125 women's division in the UFC right now, which is awesome for me because that's my weight class. That's perfect. Wait, how heavy do they go? Right now? Well, it's not about that. It's only two women's divisions in the UFC right now. It's 115 being established right now on the ultimate fighter season that's going on currently. Okay. And then there's 135, which is Ronda Rousey's division. That's so awesome. Yeah. So 125 will probably be the next one to come into the UFC. So you're training just in preparation for this new weight class to come up because you'll qualify. Yeah. I want to get like some amateur fights under my belt in the near future and then slide in. I have a question. Are you still going to fight the way you used to with the makeup and the pink clothes? That's so funny. I told you the story. You used to fight with a ton of makeup like Chyna and WWE. When I would go to my old gym, mind you, I was 17 years old when I was training there. And I guess I just had a lot less confidence than I do now. So you felt like you needed it. And I would go every day to the gym with a full face of makeup on. Every day. Like to the point where it would be on the guy's geese and like all over. That's hilarious. And they would be like, do you have makeup on? I'm like, yeah, just a little mascara, you know. And now I go to the gym like just rolled out of bed, like probably like eye boogers in the corner of my eye, like just disgusting. And like the guys were like. You're 20. You don't even need makeup. Shit, girl. I know, right? You're a baby face. You're 20. Yeah. You don't need max studio fix or anything like that. But yeah, so I think it comes with age and confidence, you know. Yeah. Learning that. And be one with yourself. To love your body and love your face and know this is how I look, accept it. Yeah. But I did my last competition. I cornrowed my hair and I had pink. Oh, yeah. It was awesome. If you guys haven't seen, just, I don't know, go on my Facebook or something. Google pictures of Daria. I'm sure you can find these cornrowed pictures of her hair. And there's pink ribbon in the cornrow. Shut up. It was so cool. The picture's kind of fun. I thought it was awesome. Well, we're going to keep an eye out for Daria on UFC. Absolutely. And we're going to keep an eye out for those cornrows, too. Yeah. I'll bet on the cornrows. Well, one more time for Daria. Yeah. The UFC MMA queen up and comer for the 125 weight class. I like that. In the corner, Daria Maranata. I'm so excited. That'd be awesome. Yeah. And next up, we have... Now we got to transition to me? Jesus. The guy who's never thrown a punch in his life. Oh, please. You can throw down those cupcakes, Cuasto. Yeah, I could. Oh, yeah. What is this I hear about the cornrows? I was a fat kid. You know. Let's see these thumbs. Cuasto used to be a really chunky kid. He's lost a lot of weight, but I've never known you as somebody that was overweight. Right. You've just given me stories about how much you could eat. I mean, we went to a comic's birthday party one time, and me and him were just throwing down like mini cupcakes. Oh, that's awesome. Like nobody's business. I'm like, this dude's tiny. How is he eating as much as me? I'm not tiny. Tiny? Look at you. Not tiny. I mean like slim. She destroys food. I do destroy food. You destroy food. If it was an MMA weight class for eating food, then... Shut the fuck up. Did you show the back? Just show the picture of me when I was 11 and shiny. I wish I could share this with people that are watching. So this is from Disney World when I was 11. You can show it on the camera if you want. Oh, yeah. You know how they do those... Do you want me to show it, Cuasto? Yeah. You know how they do those old timey photos? Yeah. Well, I went with a friend's family, and when I was home a couple weeks ago back in PA, I found this, and I took a snapshot of it. We got... Shut up. Okay. This is a... This is a... This is a picture of Johnny Loquasto when he was a big boy. Wow. Back when I was a bootlegger. You're a gangster fatty, though. In the 20s. Oh, yeah. I would have been pretty feared. Look at that. Look at that. You got Capone's face. Oh, you want me to play kickball. Okay. Cuasto literally had to find a tie that was so big that it would look proportionate. I actually stole it. That is a really big tie. I stole it from Roger Rabbit. But you're in really, really good shape now. Like, when did you change your lifestyle, and when did that... Did that become a thing for you? Very soon, hopefully. No. Oh, jeez. What was it? I kind of started to lose weight a little bit in high school, playing sports, and then got to college, realized I wanted to be a physical therapist, and I was like, well, nobody wants a fat physical therapist, so I got to, like... Right. And so, like, sophomore year, I lost, like, 30, 40 pounds in three months to the point where, like... Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I cut down to, like, 1,200 calories a day, which, at a college cafeteria, is not that hard. For a man, that's hard. Give it up for Johnny Loquasto. That's an epic diet. That's so hard. That's so hard to do. 1,200 calories is hard for a female. It's not easy. But, like, my college was very small, so it wasn't a big campus, so I got to, like, you know, divvy out my diet really well. The school nurse thought I was anorexic or something, because I'd weigh myself every week, but... So I cut down to, like, 170, then I started getting serious about working out, and then, you know, now I do try to stay, eat pretty healthy and do different kinds of workouts and whatnot. But you had to in college, though, because you grew up with a love of basketball. Yup. And you actually played Division II college basketball. I was the last guy off the bench, so I don't really... I didn't really play. But you had to train with them. I had 10 career points, so... Better than zero. That is awesome, though. D2. Yeah. Yeah, but, I mean, I was on there because I was a 3.4 GPA. No one else had that on the team. So I was the GPA boost. You're the brains of the team. You're the reason I did. I think you're undermining yourself a little. I think so, too. No, trust me. I'm not even trying to be self-deprecating. It's the honest-to-God truth. I had 10 career points. There were other guys that got cut instead of me because I had a higher GPA. And I fully admit that. And I'm cool with it. It was fun. Yeah, right. You were like the silent sniper on the bench. Oh, no. I could shoot, but when I shot, it didn't matter. You know? They're like, all right, we're winning by enough, Johnny. Yeah. No, I'm just saying. Don't say that. He's not Rudy. No, I pretty much was. There was one game where I had a career high of four. We were winning 80 to 40, I shit you not. And so I got to play the last seven. Seven and a half minutes. I was the most. I actually sweated that game. So 40% of your points were scored in one game. Yep. And then the other points were from, I hit two three-pointers. It's funny. I have some of the highest percentages in my school's history, but they're not enough to count. Yeah. At least twice a year, I will send a tweet to my school's athletic program and say, hey, what am I going to get in the record books, guys? Because I'm two for two from the line, so I'm 100,000%. That's true. Yeah. And I'm two for three from three-point range. So I'm a career 67%. 67% three-point shooter. Holy crap. Yeah. You should go see those statistics and tweet at all the damn time. I tweet at all the damn time. Yeah, but that's him just self-deprecating. He's a comic. For those of you guys that don't know, John LaQuasto is also an amazingly hilarious comic. Thugged in. Sure. Oh, yeah. He has the most epic comedy CD ever. So stupid. Whatever. You can comedy rap. Come on. Can you give us a little taste? No. But there's... No. I mean, it's online. I mean, I'm not going to... I'm not going to rap any lyrics from it. No, it's fun. It's actually old now, but it's got songs and sketches and stand-up all mixed. I always want to do like a concept album. Like, I didn't want to just do the easy way out where like, oh, I'm just going to record a set and divvy out tracks and put out a CD. Like, I grew up loving the Adam Sandler CDs. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's incredible. Right. And so I always wanted to do like a hip-hop version of a Sandler CD under the guise of that it's clearly me. Like, so when I thought of the term thugged in, I'm like, that's perfect because so many dudes like me grew up with hip-hop. Yeah. But we're not thugged out, but in the inside we're thugged out. So we're thugged in. Thugged in. And so that's where it came from. Oh, I love it. That's so awesome. Yeah, it was fun. I want to do another one at some point, but yeah, it's cool. I got some really good tracks and went in the studio and we did some funny sketches. And the cool thing is just like a rapper, I got a whole bunch of my buddies on the CD too. Yeah. A kid is posse. Yeah. So like every sketch would have like one guy and then like songs would have like, my buddy Yasser was on one song as like my hype man. Yeah. My late dear friend Angelo Bowers did the chorus of one song. And like the opening track was my buddy Gerard who was playing the runner of a shitty bringer show. Right. And like, it's a very tongue in cheek CD. Like not everyone that, if you don't go get like, if you're not in the comedy world, you might not understand everything. But like I show up to this show and this guy doesn't want to put me up because I didn't bring enough people. And so I just give him a bunch of fake credits. And so that's like, I sound like I was on small wonder and shit. Shut up. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. So he, he agrees to bring me to the stage and then that leads into the whole CD. So it's, it's fun. That's incredible. I want a copy. I'll give you one. Oh, and the cover of this CD is epic. He's wearing a grill, like a diamond grill. And a bandana. And he's just like. I look constipated. Was this like special effects or did you actually have a grill? No, I actually put a grill in my mouth that didn't fit. So I had to do that or else it would have fell out. Like dentures. Oh, that's crazy. Fuck on this. I wear mouth guards. You wear grills. Oh, that would be a funny sketch. Call me George Foreman because I've given everybody grills. Oh my God. There, there was our taste. We got a little bit of wrapping. Oh, there's the picture. That's Johnny. Oh, shut up. Oh my God. Yeah. That's pretty awesome. That is amazing. The baby blue bandana. I know. Who picks this? Who picks baby blue gang colors? I was trying to find a picture of your cornrows. With the pink ribbon, but I couldn't find it. Oh, I can send it to you. Oh my God. Give it, give it up for Jenny. Quick question. What is the pin? Oh, you know what? That's a little, um, it's a little like reference to my hometown. It's actually, people think it's Nebraska, but it's actually my, my high school's little emblem for North Hampton. Oh, that's cool. And so I, I photoshopped that in there just for, because, uh, people back home have always been very supportive and I'm proud of where I'm from. And so I said, you know what? I'm just going to put that on there. So everyone back home, it's like, oh, it's, we're on the CD. Yeah. You do shows back home, like. Every Christmas. Yep. Love going back. So. Now, Dave wanted to ask you a question since like, I guess you guys have like this inside joke thing. Not really. It's just, I know you like Kodoba a lot. They got a right down, they have one right down the street. Yeah. Downtown LA scares me though. Not really. It's fine. It's like, it's not worth it. She's here right now. That's a good point. What's that supposed to mean? I think Dave's hungry and he's already planning stuff for after the show. He's like, yo bro, let's go down to Kodoba. I love Kodoba. I'm a big fan. Chipotle's a little better though. I think so too. Oh no. Yes it is. Oh, it's about to be a battle. I used to think it was. Come on, right here. I had a burrito bowl today. They're both great. Oh, did you? Oh, okay. Kodoba's better. Kodoba's better. In what? I want to hear. Is it the cheese sauce? Is it the salsa? What don't you like about Chipotle? The food's better. They have a Mr. Coke machine. No, it's not. They have Mr. Coke, which is that machine that has a thousand different options. Wait, maybe one location. So does El Pollo Loco. I have not been since I've been in, I've been once out here. Uh-huh. I sent you the corn ruffles. Oh, did you? Okay, I'll send it to Jenny. I'm going to go there for dinner afterwards. There you go. You going to make some rice? No, screw that. Chipotle gives you like a scoop full of guacamole when you want it on your bowl. Chipotle's the shit. Chipotle has less options and charges more. That's exactly why I like it. Do you know what's better? Freebirds. Freebirds. What the hell is Freebirds? That's a Southwest, like Texas thing. They have one in Washington though. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm still defending Chipotle here. I know, me too. You don't have to. The fact, Qdoba, Qdoba, Qdoba has so many options that it becomes creepy. Like, what are you putting in? Right. Whereas Chipotle, rice, beans, chicken. They got barbacoa. They have a queso sauce that's creepy. The queso sauce is delicious. I know, I've had it. Chipotle's new vegan option is disturbing. That carmenitas, it just looks gross. Right. Whatever it is. If you're going to eat meat, if you want meat taste, eat meat. If you're vegan, don't go to Chipotle. See, this is how you can tell we're on Johnny Loquasto's segment. We're talking about food right now. I love food. I just transitioned. Food is delicious. I had prosciutto and buffalo and mozzarella earlier today. You did? Oh my God, I had that yesterday. I make my own. Listen, we eat the same. You make your own? Yeah, beef steak salad with big old tomatoes. Jesus. I had it today, right? It was a sandwich. Prosciutto, mozzarella, basil, pesto, whatever. Disgusting. You Westerners do not know how to make good Italian food. Wow. No, that's a fact. Yeah. Or pizza. I'm not Italian at all. It's like the West Coasters. And pizza sucks too. Tex-Mex does too. You guys don't know Mexican food at all. No. Oh. We don't. Even on the East Coast or out here? Out here. We're saying you guys. We're not you guys. We're from the East Coast. You guys are here in LA right now. I'm saying you guys don't know good Mexican food because you haven't been in like my hometown or had meat cooking. Oh, right. Where are you from? New Mexico. Oh, okay. So New Mexico and Texas without a doubt. She's like, okay, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. That's cool. That's cool. I'm like, I don't know. I'm from the Midwest. We just like food in general. Yeah, y'all just got Olive Gardens and chips. Hey, you know what? It's delicious, all right? The worst is when I see people post like fettuccine Alfredo from Olive Garden and like, nice Italian dinner out. I'm like, oh. What? What? Yeah. You're like, I can maybe stand Maggiano's but don't tell me Olive Garden. Right? Season 52 Maggiano's. I will jack up a red lobster. I will go off on that. I will jack up a Maggiano's family style. Give me a big red lobster. Me and red lobster have beef. Maybe that's why they're going under. And it's not lobster meat. All right. Well, welcome to Battle of the Food Choices here on Skid Row Studios. I would love to talk about food. I like pierogies. Oh, yes. Can we all agree on pierogies? I'm part pierogies, so of course. Yeah. Church pierogies, they're the best. Potato and cheddar. Miss T's are helpful. Mrs. T's are shitty. You guys need to call in and give us your opinions on food. The blue freezer box? Yeah. Yeah, I mean like church pierogies made at a church. They're so much bigger and like these old Polish women just crush them. Homemade. Homemade. You can't beat. Back home we have church hoagies and they creep me out. See, I say hoagie out here and no one knows what I'm talking about. What do they call it? They call it like a sub or a sandwich. It's the same thing. Grinder. Yeah, no one says hoagie. You never heard of grinder. All right, all right, all right. Not that kind of grinder. Hold on. Not the G-R-I-N-D-R. Throw an E in there. That's an app that's not on our phone actually. Well, before we go any further with like the food and we crash into a food coma, I want to talk about your movie though too. Oh, right. I forgot about that. Oh, I forgot about my movie. It's like really? It's been almost two years. I just didn't know it was ever going to get finished. Okay, so it's still being worked on. It's almost done. I'm so excited. It turns out it's a lot longer than I expected so I don't know how it's going to get into festivals because the way it is, the longer a short film is, the less your chances are. The cover is hilarious. Right. Thank you. So tell the listeners about the movie. Tell them the title, what it's about. I'll do it really quick. It's called The Thumb Wrestler. I grew up idolizing Naked Gun, Airplane, that whole genre. I've always wanted to make a film that really paid homage to that and so it's called The Thumb Wrestler. Obviously, parodies off The Wrestler. It parodies a couple other movies in there too but it does it kind of subtly. It's a style parody. It actually tells a story. Okay. It's completely ridiculous and I love subtle humor like in The Big Lebowski. Oh, of course. It's the kind of movie where you got to watch it more to really get all of it and there's a lot of really random subtly humor and subtle things in The Thumb Wrestler that even the way my editor put it together, I didn't even catch it the first time. So I'm really excited. I hope it does well. I'm proud of it. It's been almost two years of work and yeah, we'll see what happens. So that also kind of parlays your love of WWE and wrestling. It totally parallels. You can go to thethumbwrestler.com. You can watch the trailer. The website's up and actually last night I got to interview the Iron Sheik which was amazing. Oh, that's so cool. You were saying that on Thursday. That's awesome. Incredible guy. I know everyone knows him from Twitter for being funny and being outlandish. When it comes down to it, the guy has a heart of gold. He loves America. You know, he escaped Iran because he had a fear of being killed. He was an Olympic coach. Without the Iron Sheik, there'd be no Hulkamania. I mean, it was just, you know, and just being able to sit down with him for 45 minutes and talk to him and at the end he gave me a big bear hug. Aw, that is so sweet. That is so epic. I couldn't believe it. And I'm going to see him tomorrow night. He's having this big roast at the comedy store. Yeah, so what you were talking about. You're part of that, aren't you? Yeah, I'm going to be in that. And so this was kind of like a prequel. They came in and they were shooting a show and so they recorded us in studio and my podcast went up today. And it was just an experience I'll never forget because he was just so gracious and so amazing and at the end he just said, he's like, you're a professional. You know the wrestling. He's like, you respect. And then he gave me a hug. That is so cool. It was unbelievable. He was just, I couldn't have expected it to be any better and very grateful for it. And so that'll be tomorrow night, the big roast. He'll be there. What, what time can people come check that out at? What time is it at? It's at the Comedy Store. Yeah, Comedy Store on Sunset, 9 p.m. It's supposed to start and it's in the main room and last year it sold out. So it's Royal Rumble style. There's going to be a lot of random roasting going on. That's so cool. Yeah. Well, congratulations. That's awesome. Thank you. I'm hoping the film's going to be, I think people are really going to enjoy it. That's the, you can't really do, you can't make anything expecting success. You have to make what you want to make and that's what we're doing. That's really true words of wisdom. Honestly, it is. That's probably the most insightful thing I've heard in a while, especially as a writer. You're putting yourself out there. You're putting up something that's inside you that it takes a lot of guts to do that. Well, I think we're in a society that everything is so microwaved. It's like, everything, it's like, I want it now. I wanted this. The industry has gotten lazy. All I want, oh, what's your social media status? And then when it comes down to it, if you're going to make something that you're really passionate about, you just got to make what you want, what your vision is, and then you got to believe that the rest will take care of itself. Absolutely. That's awesome. Smartest, smartest man alive is a thumb wrestler. But you also host your own show like Daria does for After Buzz for WWE Monday Night Raw. Sure, yeah. Yeah. How is that treating you? Love it. We have a great crew. We have a lot of fun every week, laugh my ass off, and we respect, you know, I have such a deep respect for the business because I'm also a physical therapist. Right. And I've worked on so many wrestlers over the years doing play-by-play, and so it's like I just have a whole different perspective than a lot of viewers do, and so I try to give that respect. Like wrestling has become so, wrestling fans on the internet have become so bitter and jaded that I refuse to do that. I always see the positive aspect of it on my podcast and on After Buzz. Right. We give the positive because a lot of internet people that are watching across, they've never set foot inside a ring. Oh, it's fake. It's fake. They don't know, well, they know it's fake, but my point is they love wrestling. They think they do, but all they want to do is shit on it and complain, not realizing how difficult it is to get in the ring and perform Right. or to, you know, you have to do everything. It's the greatest form of live entertainment, I think, you know. Oh, I agree. It's so true. It's like when you see a fight fan sitting there like, oh, what an idiot. Why didn't he kick that? It's like, do you know what goes into this preparation of this fight? The timing, the coordination, everything. Do you know how many things are going through this fighter's head, how well trained he is? It dumbfiles me. Yeah. It's like fans are livid at CM Punk because he left. It's like the dude was burned out. Right. Give him a freaking break. Right. He made his money. He transcended the business. He became the biggest star there is. No one wanted to give him a shot. And he did what he wanted to do. Right. And he walked out on top. Absolutely. How could you hate him for it? I'm happy for him. He's happy. Yeah. It's like BJ Penn just retired. Yeah. And people are, you know, saying numerous things. And it's like, he made UFC what it is today. Right. He was one of the guys that really created a fan base for the UFC. Why does he have to stick around forever? Why does he have to hurt himself or go out on a bandwagon? Yeah, thank you. Like any athlete, they can retire. Right. Don't forget that these people have lives. They look at athletes or wrestlers or fighters like they're not human beings. They wake up just like we do. They're just as insecure as we are. They want to live a long, fruitful life just as much as we do. They don't want to walk away punch drunk just like... Right, right. With five billion surgeries. There you go. Seriously. And that's what happens when they stay around too long. Well, I grew up watching WWE, but my dad really used to like the Bushwhack Brothers. Yeah. Bushwhackers. Bushwhackers, yeah. Bushwhack Brothers. Bushwhack Brothers. But I... It's been... When people would say it was fake, it was really strange to me because I was like, you know what? If it's fake, then it takes a lot more athleticism and skill not to hurt somebody by accident. Absolutely. Yeah. I'm telling you. To throw someone over your shoulder and accidentally not break their arm if it is coordinated, that takes more muscle and concentration and skill to put on a show. I've said that so many times as a mixed martial artist. As an actual fighter, I'm like, I could never do WWE because... You'd hurt somebody. You're trained to hurt. I am... You know, it's so much easier to just leave it and just let go of your mind and your body and not give a... And throw a punch without holding it. Whereas WWE guys have to have so much coordination, balance, skill, intelligence during all these fights. It's crazy. Yeah. Kudos. There are still moments where I'm calling a match and even I'm like, oh my God, what just... And then I'll go to the back and I'll say, dude, that spiked DDT looked... Are you okay? He's like, yeah, man, I'm fine. I'm like, God, that look... I mean, and this is not even the WWE level. This is, you know, local indies, still a lot of talent, but they're not on a national, you know, so much. And I'm still, I'm calling these matches and I'm still getting fooled at the artwork of it. Right. And it dumbfounds me and that's why I have such a deep respect for it because people don't realize what it takes to do it. It's a dance. Literally. And there's no money in it. Yeah. There's a play. It's a scene, yeah. Yeah. It's all promotional. You have to build a fan base and to do that, you have to be entertaining. And there's only really one company that's going to pay you well. Right. And that's not easy. Well, they've already bought out all the other companies at this point. Except for a few, but yeah. Oh, really? That's crazy. So, yeah. So, you actually do ringside, like... Mm-hmm. Play-by-play. That's so cool. That's neat. I love it. I didn't... I got a chance to do it. I did interviews for three years and then we had a couple people fall out and they were like, well, we want you to do play-by-play. And I was like, well, I've never really done much. That's so awesome. That is really cool to fall into. It was neat. So, I just started just, you know, studied up and I've hosted live TV before, so I'm kind of used to having to be on the spot. Yeah. Right. And you're a comedian. You guys are great on TV. Yeah. Johnny, this year, was actually on a TV show, Nouveau Stand-Up and Deliver. You were? Sure. No, yes, you were. You were on Nouveau Stand-Up and Deliver. They edited my set weird, but whatever. Did they really? I have your set. I watch it. I've seen it because I have Rob's. It was weird. They took out my opener and then they took out part of a bit that got an applause break. Really? And then they... It was really weird. We didn't want him to look that good on TV. Yeah. It was weird. It was nice to do. It was cool. It makes you feel better. I watched it live. You were there. And I thought it was amazing. Oh, stop it. Yeah, you were great. It was a small crowd. They were cool though. No, I'm not even sucking up. I could have said, Rob did way better than you. No, Loquasto did a great job. You were awesome. Rob did great too. Yeah, there were some comics that I didn't think did as well, but they edited it in a way that made it seem like they did really great. But I thought your set was amazing. Thanks. We really did get to big time jack of all trades guests today. I mean, you do comedy, announcing, hosting, you know, you... Polar opposites, but... No, not at all. I think you guys are both pursuing things. You're both very talented. And because we have come to that point in the show when we need to battle it out, battle time. Wait, he produced a movie called The Thumb Wrestler. And we're thumb wrestlers. No, we're going to make this fair. I'm awful. I'm awful. Trust me. Well, we're going to make this fair because we're going to do hot hands too. Because that requires quickness. Oh, yeah. Let's get a trained fighter to play a quick game. This is going to be fair. You got the thumbs, so it's a feeling game. How do you know I'm a fast fighter? I could be a really slow fighter. I didn't say I had a good thumb. I'm an actor. I thought you were a host and good on your feet. Well, sure, but my thumb sucks. Oh, my God. He's like, I had a prosthetic thumb, okay? I actually did. To be honest with you, I did. Well, before we get into that, in the tradition of WWE and sometimes UFC, before matches start, there's always like a smack talk. A win? Oh. Yeah. A win? No. There's always like a smack talk where they... Par starts like this. Yeah. Well, in WWE, they usually give them the microphones too and they like kind of talk smack. They do promos. Yeah, like Muhammad Ali, you know, talking smack before he goes into the ring. So we're going to do our best smack talk challenge right now. Ladies first. Yeah, ladies first. She's going to be like, boo, Johnny. All right. So we're going to act like we're starting the match and we're going to do a smack talk. As if we're fighting each other? Yeah, like if you're in that person's face and you're like about to go in the ring, you still got your robe on, you know, and they turn the mic. Mean jeans and mic. All right. All right. Mean jeans in between us, perhaps? Yes. So, okay. So in the left front of the ring, we got Daria Baranato standing at an incredibly skinny, pretty 125 pounds, hailing in from Public House Los Feliz in Los Angeles, the Jersey girl with the epically non-there tan. What do you have to say for your fighter, Daria? I just have to say that when we get in that cage, that ring, that mat, whatever it is we're fighting on, I'm going to rear naked choke you so hard that you're going to feel bad with so much clothing on. Oh, my God. Oh, Cuasto, you got your... It's a low cue. You going to be able to take that? You got your... Can I volunteer for that right now? So much clothing on. Did I mention that? All right. The SMM champion ready to go. And standing in the opposite corner, standing at an incredibly hilarious table, five foot ten. Six foot. Six foot. The cupcake downer. The thumb wrestler. The hilarious Mr. Johnny LaQuasta. What do you got to say, John? I don't have to say much to Daria Baranato. It's two Italians, two Sicilians going at it. The battle of the sexes. What's better, men versus women, good versus evil? You know which one is evil. You know which one is stupid. It's always the men that is the joke. It's always the men that is the folly. Well, not tonight because I'm going to step up for every man on earth. I'm going to fight this Italian and then I'm going to go grab a hoagie as I go down the shore because Cuosto is ready to go. Wow. I like how your face just got so red while you were doing it. It's an Italian thing. You don't know. You don't understand. But he had the vein. The vein went like worse than the tongue. It's an Italian thing. You've ever heard an Italian father yell? No, I don't have one. You should hear mine. Oh, my God. Okay. My dad has a natural high, like a loud volume in his voice. Yeah, they all do. Now we got to vote. So, Dave, who's your winner in the SmackDown Challenge? I was so elaborate. So fancy. No, that was the first part. We're doing different rounds. That's the first part of it. Who would have guessed? You're going with Cuosto? I'm going with Cuosto. Dave's going with Cuosto. Hey, for the hilarity and the sexual factor alone, I'm going with Daria. Okay. I'm going with Daria. Jenny. I think hers was better. This is why. This is called Battle of the Sexes. Yes. Jenny is the deciding vote. Jenny, producer Jenny. Come on. You guys put me in a tough spot, but I'm looking at the Twitter feeds and I think it's looking like Daria. Of course it is. Oh. I vote for her too. Whatever. You know what I mean. It's strictly because I said the word naked. That alone gets Twitter followers. I've tried it. I do it, guys. I buy my followers with the word naked. She did it kind of like a phone sex operator too. She's like, here's the thing. This is what I'm going to do to you. It's the Van Damme look. She has very good fellas with it. People have been seeing my accent. I'm like, you only know that accent because you see it on The Sopranos. That is not what I sound like. You kind of do. I'm just kidding. I'm just joking. I'm doing it over exaggerated, obviously, because I do voiceovers. Oh, true. Yeah. But yeah, you kind of just went at him like this. Like, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to choke you from behind naked. Just kidding. All right. So we're moving on to challenge number two because we've got to wrap this up. We're going to do one round of thumb wrestling. We're not going to do the hot hands. LaQuasto, you've got to tell us the rules. Thumb or symbols? Okay. It's really simple. You lock thumbs. You do one, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. And then you wrestle until you can pin a thumb down for three. My hands are so sweaty. It's okay. We've got to do this. All right. That's cheating in this game. What is, sweating? Sweating is cheating. Throw a little bit of powder on that. Here we go. Get it going. Do you see the size difference here? They say size doesn't matter. Here it does. Well, it's a challenge, though. So here we go. Ready? Dumb wrestling, it does. Count it out. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Five, six, seven, eight. Try to keep your thumb straight, bitch. Hey, you've got to redo that. Do it again. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Five, six, seven, eight. Try to keep your thumb straight. Got it. Is this how you fight? Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! This is a thumb war, not a thumb and index finger. That's called a snake attack. She just went heel on me. Have you ever seen a snake attack? Have you ever seen a snake jump out of a pile of leaves? Did you just tag team in on that? I did. Okay, we're going to do best out of three just to give Johnny a shot because this is an equal opportunity wrestling show. Rules weren't declared. Yes, we have. Now, do you got to keep your wrist to the table? Sure. Oh, is that the rule? Go. One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war. Five, six, seven, eight. Johnny Lacosta's going down. Didn't rhyme at all. And Dara is off to a good start. She's weaving. She's bobbing. Oh! Quanta's coming in strong. Quanta's coming in strong. I don't appreciate this. I'm really not that fast. I swear to God, you just, that was quick. It's like the guys in practice. Oh my God, those are really good. Yeah! Yeah! I would have tried so much harder than I already did, which isn't possible. We have declared a winner for the day. You got to take that off and put it on, Dara. This is so beautiful. Oh no, Quasto. It was almost going to be the slammers. Oh man, I think, I think Quasto is a little sad right now. You could have got a bonus play for free at this point. Quasto's a little sad right now. I'll share it with him. Aw. Well see, what we're going to have to do is, next year, we're going to bring you guys back on for another battle and you got a challenge for the belt. Shit. They didn't have spinner belts this time. I think that's fair. Do I get to keep this until I come back? You get to keep it. You get to keep it until you come back. Now show the viewers your belt, Dara. You got to put it on. That thing's awesome. I think you need to put it on. It even feels like, wow, this is awesome. We're legit. We don't screw around. We're legit here at Battle of the Sexes, guys. Yeah, look at that. What's bad is, that is the third belt of those I've bought in my 20s. Yes. Good for you. He has Mexican fighter masks too. My luchador mask. Oh, luchador mask. She shows Mexican fighter masks. Mexican fighter masks. Yeah, put that on, I was about to wear that for today. Yeah, that's damn sexy. There you go. Yeah. Isn't it cool? It looks good. I'm glad she won because I would not want to have to model that. It looks good on her. Can I just, do I get an acceptance speech? you got 30 seconds to do it. I just want to say, I'm going to bring this back to my gym back home. And I'm going to, I'm going to show this to my teammates and they're going to inspire to get this one day. Thank you guys. They're going to have to, they're going to have to come to me first. Oh my God. Well, thank you guys both for being here. One more time for Daria, our box champion round one. And one more time for the infamous Johnny Loquasto. No, I'm just kidding. Johnny gets claps too. On behalf of Skid Row Studios, want to say bye Dave Swan? Bye everyone. Bye Dave Swan. Okay. We're coming on round two next week. Battle of the Viners. Thank you Skid Row Studios. We're out. Sweet. Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can't. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Anything you can be, I can be greater. Sooner or later, I'm greater than you. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.