Pet play, dating stories, and bodily functions

Get the knives out. Dish is about to be served. Outrageous. Are you kidding? I've been inside only one woman after I was born. The Statue of Liberty. Provocative. If it's a pain in the ass, honey, you're not doing it right. Pop culture. Meanwhile, she's on the cover of Us Weekly. Dating. Boyfriends are like jobs. Except he probably stopped sucking after a year. Wicked. What do I look for in a guy? My dick. Smart. Sexy. Contemporary. I mean, I can't. Porn again. The podcast. All right, so here we are. Peter, my trusty co-host. Thank you for having me, Josh. Yes, so you've had... I want to talk about your recent dating experiences. All right. So, am I right that you... You sort of got an idea from one of my sex columns? That's correct. We were talking about something that I wasn't too familiar with. I guess it's like pet play. Pet play. Yes, very good. I'm glad that you know the technical term. You introduced me to that. But if you want to maybe explain what that is. Well, they also have... Well, there are subcategories. You know, it's kind of like there's not just Christian. You can be Methodist, Catholic. So, yeah, there's puppy play. There's horse play. So, you're going on a date with this woman. This is the first time you're going on a date with her. Is that right? That's right. Okay. So, at what point do you know in that date? Because I don't know how it works with straight men. I know with me, it's like gay people are the only people who can have sex first and then decide whether they want to keep dating. So, at what point do you know that this is headed towards the bedroom? Because it's a first. It's a first date. I mean, does this happen too often on a first date? Not often. Not recently. I mean, not in the last couple of years. Maybe when I was a little bit younger. Okay. But in the last couple of years, it's been a little bit more... Your game's not on. Traditionally. Well, I think it's also been... I haven't pushed it or for whatever reason, you know, trying to be respectful. But we were at a bar. We were having a drink. We were having a nice time getting along. And we went outside to just make out a little bit because I didn't want our first kiss to be in a bar. And... Is that part of the respect thing that you were just talking about? Yeah. And just, I don't know. I mean, no one wants to see like PDA, just sloppy kissing in a bar, I guess. That's true. I don't ever want to see it. But so we went outside. We were just making out for a little while. And it just got a little hot and heavy pretty quickly. So at this point, you know that this is moving into the bedroom at some point? Well, she kind of... She was like, I think... All right, I think it ends here. And for whatever reason, I was being kind of aggressive that night and just, you know, teasing her a little bit, kissing her neck. And just she decides. She decides. She was like, all right, let's go back to my place. Okay. So two seconds before she says this is going to end here. And then two seconds later, she says, let's go back. It might have been a little bit more than two seconds, but... Okay. So tell me like how great... We were making out on the street and cars were driving by and honking at us because... But there had to be something so smooth about... The way, whatever it is that you were doing. Like what kind of kiss or nibbling on the neck makes somebody change her mind in that split second? I mean, a gay guy would have had his pants down already. I get that. But for a straight girl, aren't they a little harder to... Yeah. Yeah, usually. And, you know, I can't tell you. You'd have to ask her. I think... Well, I'd like to ask her next time we're bringing her. Well, she told me I was a good kisser. So maybe that had something to do with it. Got it. Okay. So now you get back to her apartment. Right. And like how quickly after... I mean, is there a drink there or is it just clothes come off the minute you walk in? No drink. Just basically... Yeah. Just making out. Kind of going at it a little bit. Okay. So then at what point... Because I had seen you shortly before that. So at what point do you think to yourself, hmm, this whole pet play thing could be interesting to me. I'm going to whip that one out. Right. So I just... Learned of that like the day before from you. And I just thought it was a funny concept. I didn't even really think... You know, I wasn't sure how possible it was. Right. And so we had made a joke earlier, something about a cat. Me and this girl, we had something about a cat. And at the point where... Because that's always like that's such a far out joke. Like the pussy and the girl joke, right? And it's like, I mean, didn't even have any kind of like sexual content. It was literally like... It was just about a cat and something about her being a cat. And then, you know, she wanted to have sex. And I didn't have any condoms. And she thought she might have a condom. So she was like, all right, I'm going to go. You know, we were in her bed. She's like, I'm going to go look for it. And then it just hit me in my head. I don't know. I don't know why. But I said, all right, well, you should crawl to find it. Crawl on the floor like a cat. I love that. And she did immediately. She had no, you know... She already had it. She had no clothes on. No hesitation. Yeah. So like you can see the whole talk. Exactly. Okay. Yeah. So no hesitation. She just went right with it. And she's, you know, she's a fun personality. She's an outgoing. She's an actress. So she's like a little bit, you know... Wait, an actress? Yeah. She's got... In L.A.? Right. Hard to find. Willing to take her clothes off and crawl? Where on earth? And so... And she just did it. She just jumped right in. And she got on the floor. And she went a few feet. And she kind of looks back at me and stared at me seductively. And she even started licking her paws. Like licking her hands like they're her paws. And like cleaning her head like cats do. She was totally into it. Okay. So for people who don't understand... And by the way, this is where we would insert an expert or somebody who knows about this. For people who aren't familiar with it, pep play, you know, people live their life... It's part of like the BDSM category of sex. Of sex. And a lot of people live their lives that way without a sexual component. So there are people who live in a master, quote, pup relationship. Where one person becomes the animal who is cared for and nurtured by the other. What I don't understand is, is that at the point that it does become sexual, is it... Then all of a sudden you cross that line and it's two humans. One who's just submissive and one who happens to be more dominant. Or do you actually... Think that you're fucking your puppy. Right. I mean, I can't comment for everybody. But for me, it was never into that territory of like, all right, she's a cat. You weren't like, wow, she's a hot tabby. I'm going to stick it in. Right. It was more just... It was a fun... It was kind of exciting of me telling her what to do. And she just being so with it and like wanting to please me. So it really is about the submissiveness. But yeah. I mean, I think it was. And it wasn't like, it's not, you know, it wasn't like, oh, I can... She'll do whatever I want in like a derogatory way. But it was more just like... It was more like a mutual, we were having fun. Like there was, you know, there was, we were laughing and smiling. But it was also, it was also pretty sexy and pretty hot. So... I mean, she's on the ground on all fours naked and looking back at me and, you know. Yeah. If you turn that into a guy instead of a girl, I'd be all into it. So does she... So the date ends well, clearly, and you're responsible because you have no protection. I always like to be careful and not call it unprotected. I like to call it condomless sex, to be politically correct, which I'm glad you did not venture into that territory. So she then wants a second date. Is that right? Or who... That's right. So it turned out she didn't have a condom. So we did not have sex. I mean, what's that about? Like, is it just supposed to be the man's responsibility? I mean, with gay guys, we always have one with... I mean, I practically get up and put it on in my underwear, just in case. You never know who you're going to run into when you're walking during the day. Exactly. I mean, I can see both ways. It's nice if a woman has one. But at the same time, I do... I can understand where it would be my responsibility. Well, I don't understand that. Why would it be the man's in a straight relationship? She's the one having to... I don't know. I think maybe I'm just disproving my point. I was going to say she's the one that has to, like, carry the baby. So maybe she'd... You want to... But it's also not just about birth control. Right. I mean, there are other pluses to using a condom. But I feel like it's just as much both... I mean, I don't know. Like, with gay men, like I said, you know, you'll usually find both parties, you know, have them at the ready. Is that true that in a straight relationship, it's really the responsibility tends to be on the man? I think it tends to be, but I don't think it's like the... I think there's lots of women who... Who will... Well, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about that. Meryl Streep's talking at the Oscars about getting everyone paid the same. Then they should have condoms with them, too. Yeah, I agree with that. You want the same paycheck? Have a Trojans. Okay, so she wants to have a second date. And she texts you, if I'm correct, she texts you yesterday. And she's with just one word, which is meow. That's correct. So clearly... We had already had a second date. Oh, after the cat? Yeah, I went back like two days later. Oh, I didn't know. I don't know if I knew about that. Was there cat play again? With a pocket full of condoms. And same thing. Pocket full of rubbers. Pocket full of rubbers. And basically, yeah, we acted out again. So like, does she meow during sex? No, she hasn't meowed. But she did. Will you ask her to? Because I want to know if there's any turn out to that. I'm sure she would. Okay. I want her to screech like if a coyote was coming. Like, tell her to pretend like you're a coyote, that you're in the hills of Hollywood. And she's a naked cat and you are a naked coyote. I'm sure she'd be into it. Can you even imagine? She's fun. She's definitely a fun lady, fun person to... I don't know if lady is the word I'd apply to her. She is fun. In all of her respects, she's a fun gal. So, okay, so... So we had the second date. Right. And the second date was just as explosive, but more explosive as it were. Exactly. And it was, yeah, it was great. It was a lot of fun. And then, so then she went to town for a couple of days. And yeah, the night before we hung out for our third date, she just texted me. I hadn't heard from her in a couple of days. And she just texted me, meow. Okay, so did she, is it your responsibility to be in touch with her in between? Like during those three or four days that you haven't spoken, is she sitting there? You're wondering like, why haven't I heard from this guy? No, we had talked and then I knew that her sister was coming to town and she was going to go to San Diego for the weekend. So we just, we made plans to hang out on Monday. Because phones don't work there. We made plans to hang out on Monday. This was like Thursday, maybe we... I don't know. I feel like if I had just literally crawled across the carpet and meowed naked for a guy, I would probably want to text within four days. Call me nuts. Right. I mean, we made plans. We made plans to hang out. And then she said, I'm going out of town for a few days and I'll be back. And then... Listen, who am I to say if it didn't phase her? And then it was a couple of days, you know? Yeah. And then she reached out. But that's kind of like the, you know, you're talking about women can earn equal pay and they can... Well, yes, but traditionally... You know, she can reach out to me as well. That's true. But women don't like to seem needy. Although I guess men don't want to seem that needy either. But still, I think there's that little ounce of chivalry that... That maybe they're waiting for. No, you're right. I mean, she could totally, you know, get back on two legs and then you're done. Okay. So you... I keep saying, okay, so... I need to make sure I cut that out. So you... Now I'm going to be conscious of it. You go on... So last night you're supposed to have a date. Right. And she texts you and she says... I mean, you can put it in a, you know, put a little bow around it so it's not as... We're making... Yeah, we were going to make plans to get together. And we basically do. And then after we make plans, she tells me that she's on her period. Okay. And... Aunt Flo is here. You know, that's literally what she said. I thought you'd make fun of that. But she said Aunt Flo is in town. Up the Crimson Peak without a pad. Leaving soon is what she said. And she said, you know, if that changes how you're feeling. Okay, but that's like... You know what that's like to me? That's like when people ask you... They make plans with you for that night. So they know that you're free. And then they say, you know, I was thinking maybe we'll go do blah, blah, blah. And it's something you completely don't want to do. But it's hard to get out of it because they already know you're not... But you can't say, oh, you know what? I'm busy. My plan's changed. So at this point, if you say to her, yeah, that kind of does change whether or not I want to spend time with you, then it's like, okay, I'm just in it to nail you. Right, it makes me look like an asshole. But she kind of set me up for that. Right, she left it. And what does that say about her self-esteem or her view of the relationship if she thinks that that's possibly all you're interested in? I mean, it's a fair question. Like you were saying, maybe she did want to just... You know, if she wants me to reach out and text her, if it's been a couple days, maybe she wants to just hang out. But do you think that she... Do you think that she may be one of these... I mean, there are women who do think like men when it comes to sex. I mean, there are women who are predatory and are more of the hunters when it comes to that, just like, you know, men get a bad rap for that. But there are women who operate the same way. So do you think it's possible that she's interested in only sex? I don't think she's interested in only sex. I think she enjoys sex and has a healthy sexual appetite, maybe like a... Traditionally more of a male would. What would have happened... So I'm curious... I mean, obviously you couldn't have said no. You had to have said, yes, of course I still want to see you. And my answer would be, well, is your mouth bleeding? Right. And I mean, because of our interactions and the way that we... You know, we had a lot of fun and we turned each other on a lot. Yeah, I went in there thinking I probably would get satisfied. Right. Either way. Well, that's like the one guy who said to me that his daughter... One way or another. My doctor told him he couldn't have sex for three weeks and I said, what did your dentist say? Right. So what... So did that... Is that what happened? So I said, you know, I was honest. I said that... I mean, honest, but I tried to be a little charming about it. And, you know, this is all over text. She said, does that... You know, if that changes your feelings. I said, well, it definitely alters some of the fun activities I had planned, but it's up to you how you're feeling. It's a very smart way to spin it. Right. Yeah. So I said, but it's up... It's up to you and how you're feeling. Like I said, if you still want to... You know, I said, I'd still be down to chill out if you want to get together and hang out. And she said... And I meant it. And yeah. Now... And... Yes. So we made plans. And before I'm coming over, she texted me, bring condoms. Oh, so she's like a red winger. Is that what it's called? Well, it's when you sort of go down on somebody and you wind up with red wings. But I don't know anything about that. I've never even seen a vagina up close. So I don't know. That's what I hear. They're pretty. Okay. Listen, here's what I know. They're like tucked in. They're out of sight. They're fine with me. I mean, to be perfectly honest, like you look at men naked, like I'm probably the one gay guy who doesn't think that the male anatomy is that good looking. Like I don't want some big hairy thing hanging out. It's like... It's like over the place. And at least with a woman, it's like tucked in. It's neat. Neat, tight, out of sight. It can be. Well, I mean, again, I know there are some that are, you know, but I'm sure some are prettier than others, like anything. So she says bring condoms, but yet she'd already sort of warned you that she, you know, there was some lava there. So what happens? What happened between that time? Well, so I went over and, you know, basically just started making out pretty quickly and catching up, saying hello. And... It's funny how the saying hello came after the making out, but okay. Right. So, and she basically asked me how I feel about... If there's blood in the situation. Yeah, about sleeping with her. And I kind of didn't really say anything. I just... And, you know, I've... I've... It's definitely something I've done before. Right. And it's really not that bad. Well, what's really... I was going to say, other than that there's a little blood, like what is... I mean, isn't it... Isn't that the point where a woman wouldn't get pregnant during that time anyway, right? So aren't you... Right. It's just the mess and some people might get a little grossed out by the blood, turned off by the blood. And it's also, you know, it's probably different also when it's still relatively new in this relationship where we're getting to know each other. It's moved pretty fast, but, you know, this is the third time we're hanging out. Whereas, you know, if it's your girlfriend that you've been with for months or a year and like, you know, that might just, you know, you guys are more comfortable and... I love that, getting to know each other. Meanwhile, two days before she's crawling on her hands and knees, meowing and licking her feet. Well, you can get to know a person a lot of how they, you know... That's right. How they react when you ask them to crawl like a cat. So she... So you wind up... So... Was it okay? It was fine. And she was... She said she was pretty light and she was. I mean, I didn't... It was a lighter day. It was. She was basically done. Always plus, lighter day. And, you know, honestly, it wasn't even anything noticeable or... Great. Yeah. Okay, so now what happens with this girl? What happens with Kitty? So she's... I mean, beyond just the cat stuff, she's just really just fun. And interesting. And a little bit of a kook. Right. I say that with love. Like, I don't say that in a bad way. But she's just... She's just... She's a character. She's pretty kooky. I mean, this... So from last night, this is the greatest thing that happened was that at one point, we're having sex and she counted down to her orgasm. Wait, let's roll that tape back. As in, like, literally the New Year's Eve ball? Like, the New Year's Eve ball. Yeah. She just knows her body, her timing that well that she's just looking at me in the eyes and she goes, four, three, two, one. And then she just had a nice orgasm. Well, how long does she last before the orgasm? Varies, but a good... It's not like... You know, some girls are a lot harder to get off and some not as much. It's not like one of those ones you have to, like, work forever. Right. Which is good. Which is nice. Yeah. And it also, if she's so aware of it and she can sort of, like, let you know when it's happening, you can be like, oh, hold on, I need to just run and get something out of the car, let her and get there and sort of come back like she's on a timer. Yeah. I just... It was just... To me, I had never seen that and it was, like, equal parts. I'm, like, still thinking about it the next day. Like, it's like one of those, like, good, confusing movies where, like, you're still thinking about, like, was that... Did I like that movie? Was it not good? Do I need to, like, watch it again? And, like, I have questions and there's, like, some loose ends I need to... You know, we're kind of ask more questions than it answers. Right. Like, it was... So, like, what do you want to know? Like, what... If she was here right now, what would you be asking her? What I mean by that was in the moment was, like, it was, like, it was kind of hot and kind of sexy but I also, like, tried to stifle a laugh because it was a little... You know, I just never seen that and it was funny. But I think that's nice. I think that can be a good thing when, you know, a couple, whoever, is in bed and they can... You know, when it's not just... You know, when it can be, like, fun and you guys can be laughing. I think that some of the healthiest sex is when people... When there's a sense of humor about it and people have... I mean, it's not... Listen, sex is messy. You know, it's not, like, a pretty contained thing. It's messy. It's... It smells. It's... I mean, there's so many... I mean, every sense is engaged during it. It's... So, I think if people can have a sense of humor about it and sort of have a levity about it, it's... It's so much... It's so much more intimate and so much more fun. I mean, people worry so much about every little detail of it and what somebody's going to think and what's... I mean, there's all kinds of things. I mean, if you see some of the letters I get... I mean, I got a letter recently for my column in the UK from a gay couple who have been together... They've been together only six months. And one partner, who is the bottom, so obviously the receptive partner, for those of you who are not aware of the lingo, and he gets concerned because every time they're having sex, he farts. Now, we can laugh about it because it is kind of funny. Like during the sex or like during like the orgasm or just... Like when the guy pulls out. Oh, okay. Well, yeah. Okay, so here's the bottom line. I mean, it's sort of like a queef, I guess, the gay equivalent of the queef, which that word just... I mean, honestly, and every time I hear somebody say Queen Latifah, all I can think of is queef. I don't know. Do you? I don't know. Am I the only one out there? Is there a different term for... No. It's just a fart. Fart? Yeah, because I mean, it's coming... I mean, you know. So he was saying, and you know, it's easy to laugh at, but he was saying, you know, that his partner gets so turned off by it that he sort of like loses his boner and turns over and that's it. And like it could be a week or two before they even touch each other again. That's fun. So what he was writing to me was, what can I do to not have that problem so that my lover wants to touch me? And I'm like, you can get a new lover is what you can do. Because first of all, the primary function of that part of your body is the, you know, getting rid of waste in whatever way, whether it's air or you're taking a shit, whatever it is. I mean, that's what its primary function is. Plus you're sitting there shoving something up there, the body's expanding during those moments. So it's trapping air. I mean, it's so... Yeah. Yeah. It's so natural that that could happen. And here this poor guy feels totally sensitive about doing something that could happen to anyone. And he's concerned about, you know, fixing it so that his partner's happy. And, you know, my feeling is again, goodbye to the partner and you've got to find somebody who understands that it's sort of the nature of the beast. It's not... I agree. I agree a hundred percent. But I mean, I think there could be like a middle step of just the communicating, communication, you know, talk to your partner. Well, sex is 90% about communication. Right. But I mean, if that problem can't be solved and this person doesn't want to, you know, change their ways, then yeah, then find a new lover. Right. Well, and also good luck to him because if that's what you're doing, chances are you're not going to find somebody who doesn't. But what would you do? Okay. Let's say, okay, have you ever experienced the queef situation? Of course. And is that a total turnoff or you're just like, whatever, like, is it like, or is that like in the straight world, is that like a slam dunk? Like you want to high five someone? I think, I mean, I think anybody that's mature and just hasn't understood what's going on knows that that's just something that might happen. I mean, that's how I feel. Like I don't understand why people are so tight. What about if a girl? Definitely, maybe when you're younger, kind of maybe inexperienced, but the more like kind of deal with it, it's like if you're going to be a good lover and just a good person, you understand that. Yeah. Well, I mean, the human body is the human body. It's designed to function. You know, it's not, nothing's going to be perfect. Now, what if a girl were to fart during sex? And I don't mean of the Queen Latifah variety. I mean, you know, I think the same thing. That's like whatever it is, what it is. It happens. And hopefully you guys can either have a laugh about it or not make the person feel bad about it. I mean, this is, it's supposed to be a beautiful thing. It can't be a beautiful thing. It's, you know, giving each other pleasure. You're so lofty about it. I love it. but I, but I truly believe that. And, you know, hopefully you don't want to be making another person feel bad about themselves. I mean, unless some people might be into that. I'm not, but maybe someone wants to be treated like shit. Oh, there's a totally, you know, there's a whole genre of porn, fart porn. So then either that guy should go find someone in that world, but someone that enjoys being with you and, you know, that stuff happens. And, and I think that's, okay, wait, two things I want to say. One is, um, I think that if two, now I've totally, my train of thought has totally derailed. Um, if two people, okay, so you're with this woman and like, they say that the point at which you're really comfortable with someone is when two people will, are willing to fart in front of each other. Now, I think that's kind of true, but one of the things like my first, I've had only one partner. And he was very sensitive about anything like that. And anything that was related to the bathroom. In fact, like he would not, if he was urinating, he would not let me, I had to wait to go into our bathroom, which was part of in, in our bedroom. I took way to go in our bathroom until he was finished. And I used to say like, what do you care if you're just peeing? Like what, like, what do you care if I'm seeing that? He's like, I don't know. It just makes me uncomfortable. I'm like, so I can see something white come out of it, but not something yellow come out of it. Like I don't, I could never wrap, wrap my head around what it was. And so I always felt like there was this piece between us that wasn't like, we were never like really not to say that that's the answer to all of it, but I feel like there was this comfort level missing. And all of those things, if you add them up are sort of indicative of that. So I think it's nice when you can just like be yourself and, you know, not have to worry about somebody, whether they're going to still like you or care about you because of a bodily function or a whatever. Right. Right. I mean, but that's just, that's all just a personal preference. I mean, if, if, if you are with someone and they don't want you to watch them go to the bathroom, then you know what, then ultimately I guess. Well, I'm not saying I wanted to watch. I mean, you make it sound as though it's a hobby. I, you know, I, I didn't need to sit there like when he was like, I'm just saying if I wanted to walk in and wash my hands and he, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I had to wait. Right. But that's just, there you go. Yeah. I mean that problem solved. If going back to your original question about like, I definitely think, you know, like you said, it's just, it's our, it's the body. It's, it's the, it's the functions. Like everyone goes to the bathroom, everyone poops, everyone. Right. So I don't think there should be, I think people should be comfortable to like acknowledge that. But when there's, there's some people that are so comfortable that they might, you know, be just, I think you still want to try to keep their romance alive. Like if you can say, oh, I have to use the bathroom, but that doesn't mean you have to just be like constantly farting in front of the other person. Right. Right. I'm saying, I agree. Every day doesn't have to be a Dutch oven is what you're saying. No, I get it. I just think that, you know, it's just sort of like this, there's sort of a familiarity that comes with it. Like that you sort of let your inhibitions go in a way. And that's when you're really, you know, and I think the sooner that we, we all realize that everybody's human and everybody, you know, but it's a huge thing. Like even in the gay community, because obviously the nature of gay sex, you know, sometimes no pun intended shit happens. And it's, I mean, obviously that's a turn. I mean, nobody's going to say, I mean, yes, there are people who will tell you that turns them on, but for the most part, that is not a turn on to people. But again, the nature of the act is such that there's always that risk. It's, and so I think to your point, people just need to be mature about it and just kind of have a sense of respect for their partners. And, you know, I think with all, with, you know, with most of these topics, it's just about, yeah, just respect. And I think a lot of them, a lot of these topics, you know, it's when you're, when you're younger, by the way, I'm just flying through stupid topics. I mean, all half of this stuff is each one of these things is a show within themselves. I mean, I would cover all of this in depth, but I'm just like, flying through stupid shit. Um, where was I? I was just going to say, yeah, I think a lot of it is, is just kind of growing up and, you know, for certain things when you're younger, a lot of these things are bothersome, but then the more you kind of get used to it and acclimated to things and just the more comfortable you are with. Well, I think there's a maturity. Yeah. But I, I mean, it's funny because I've been with so many, I think maybe women, I think women are a little bit more sensitive about, you know, like farting or, or shitting in front of guys or whatever. Cause they're supposed to be lady. Right. But those are like guy things to do. Exactly. But it's, but it's funny because, because I've been with both women that are comfortable and that's, I think that's great and refreshing, you know, if they can just be honest about it and I don't, I don't judge them for it. And it's also, I've been with like maybe on a date and like out, out to eat at a restaurant and a girl will go to the bathroom and she'll come back like 10 minutes later. And just making room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She'll come back to the bathroom. Well, they want a dessert. So many people will say so many, so many women will say like, oh, there was a line, there was a long line at the bathroom, like right off the bat, they'll just come back, come out and say, okay, but I don't, but here's the thing. I will not do anything in a public restroom other than urinate. And even that for me is a big deal. You can imagine the stomach problems I have because God forbid I need to, like I will drive my ass back to the 818 just to use my own toilet. There's a lot of traffic in LA. That could, I know it will, it's a problem. It could get dangerous. It is a problem. But there are people like, I remember when I used to work at the studios, there are people who are so ceremonial about how they use the bathroom in public. They literally walk in there with a copy of variety of the Hollywood reporter. So my feeling is if you're going to have to do that in public, do you have to be so ritualistic about it? Just go in, drop and move. Like, what are you bringing a magazine in? People have their rituals. They want to, in public? They want to see, what networks are, what shows got canceled. I guess, I guess you look at what's on CBS, you probably shit right away. It's like the brand muffins of the Hollywood reporters, like the brand muffin of Hollywood. Exactly. Well, why do you, where does that come from that you're neat, that you can't, you can't. I was like a germ phobe first of all. And also, I don't know. I just always, that was just like such a sensitive thing for me. And like, I have a Jewish stomach. So I totally, you know, depending on what I eat, like my stomach's like never that good. So literally I would go, like I could go like, maybe you're gluten free and you don't even know it. Gluten free. Please. That's a load of shit. Except for people who are celiacs. Cause then I, what happens is I make comments, like I make comments about the gluten nonsense, which is basically a myth other than people who are celiacs. I mean, people say, oh, I'm gluten free. I'm like, fuck you mention that. Now all of a sudden everyone's gluten free. There are bakeries popping up everywhere. Then they say, oh, try this. It tastes just like things that aren't gluten free. And I'm like, no, that donut does not taste like a crispy cream. Like it literally tastes like a fucking piece of bark. Okay. And then like one of my friends, she'll make all of these things. Like she posts them on Instagram and she's like, look at this cookie. It's a banana, da da da da da, but it has no banana. She's like, it's a banana chocolate chip cookie, but it has no banana. No banana, no chocolate, no flour, no whatever. I'm like, what the fuck is it? And so basically she posts all these things and I'm like, I hope your plumbing's good. Or, you know, you know, she's like literally making nature's broom in her kitchen. It's like the worst, most disgusting looking shit. Anyway, I digress. So, I don't know. I just have this thing about public restrooms. I mean, and certainly I cannot touch it. Like, first of all, I mean, I don't know if you've ever used a public toilet. God, I mean, who still has, to me, the handle on a public restroom is the equivalent of the rotary dial. Who still has that? Like, if you don't have a Toto automatic, I don't know what year you're in. Okay. So, I literally will use my feet, you know, obviously I'll pee and then I'm not going to touch that. So I take my foot and I kick the handle to flush the toilet. So now you know that there's like urine on it, whatever's on the bottom of the toilet. I'm like, okay, I'm going to use my feet. I'm going to use my feet. I'm going to use my feet. I'm going to use my feet. And then I'll take the handle to flush the toilet. So now you know that there's like urine on it. Whatever's on the bottom of my feet is on it. Like who would even want to, whatever. And then I use pieces of toilet paper, paper towel, obviously to touch every entry point or anything that could be germ ridden. And then what really annoys me is when you walk to the door of such places and they do not have a garbage can. So they're literally expecting me to wash my hands and then touch the handle. No, no. I will touch the handle. I'll take the paper towel and I will throw it on the floor. And maybe when they pick it up enough times, they'll realize maybe we should have a garbage can at the exit. See, but that's a, you have a ritual too. Some people have rituals to shit with their magazines. But you have a ritual to. Well, that's not a ritual. That's just cleanliness. I mean a ritual. Like to me, it's just, if you're going to shit in public, like don't you just go about your business and move on? Like do you sit there and read? Like are, do you get engrossed in a novel until you're like ready? It's not like have a cup of coffee and sit on the table. And then you're like, I'm going to go to the bathroom and I'm going to go to the toilet at home. That's my feeling. And then when I worked at one of the companies, it's funny, I just put this in my new book. There is this fictionalized version. Of course there was this, you know, people don't want you to know that they, you know, like you said, people are a little embarrassed about certain things. So this one woman, she would, she worked on the 10th floor, but she would come down to the seventh floor to use the bathroom because she didn't want anybody on the 10th floor. To ever like see her shoes underneath. So we used to call her the 10th floor shitter. And literally I would come back into my office and I'd be like, Oh, the 10th floor shitter has been here. And obviously it got around like who she was. But you know, even that like she didn't want anybody to know. Right. Anyway, Jeremy, I see the time stopped. Are we just, no, I'm, I'm just letting you go. Really? It's up to you when you want to stop. Oh, I'm good. I just, I'm just getting smacked just to get a feel. How long have we been on? You've been on for 36 minutes, almost 37 minutes. Flew by. Yeah. And imagine when we're like, if once I stopped saying, okay, so. All right, then I'm going to play the outro and kind of end it. Yeah, great. Okay. Bye everyone. Good first show. Mm-hmm . Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.