Hello, this is Julianne Good, and you're listening to Psych One-on-One. We're here to make psychology understandable, interesting, and giving you some tips on making your life a little bit easier. So tonight, we're going to be talking about psychological issues with American youth. My guest tonight is Elizabeth Reeves, and I would like to thank her for being on, and a little bit of history about Elizabeth Reeves. She was a domestic violence victim advocate for the Santa Ana Police Department as a volunteer. She was a detention officer for the Santa Ana Police Department for six years. She has an outreach and engagement in mental health, a sexual assault victim advocate for the community services program stationed at the district attorney's office, completing, and she's now completing her practicum hours at the South Coast Children's Society. She's doing therapy with children, and she will be working with victims of crime as an intern at Casa de la Familia. And she's also been volunteering for crime survivors. A quarter blue and the Kiwanis of Santa Ana. Thank you, Elizabeth, for being here. Welcome. My pleasure. Thank you. So my first question for you is, with the work that you've done with counseling children and in the law enforcement arena, what are your views on the increasing youth violence in our country? Well, it's not looking good. As a matter of fact, I have had... I've had personal experience through doing my practicum, working with children, and also my husband is a gang detective for Santa Ana PD, and he works with youth as well. I've had lengthy experience and exposure to children who are having symptoms of depression, severe violence, aggression, not only at the school, but at home. Um, in the... In the neighborhood, playing with other kids, and it just seems to be getting worse and worse with all of the new video games, all of the TV with, you know, intense violence. The exposure with these kids is just too much. It's very overwhelming for them. So what age would you say that they're starting to be exposed to all of this violence through the media? Oh, it starts, you know, at toddler age. Um, you know, when the parents are busy making breakfast or making dinner, they turn the TV on. And I just, um, did a little bit of research and it says that the average number of hours that kids are watching TV is about four hours a day. So... And I doubt that it's being monitored. And if it is, it's monitored very... Very in small amounts. So it's almost being used as a babysitter of sorts, would you say? In some ways, yes. And it's funny, even when I go out to dinner, I'll look over at another table and there's the kids on the little video games that they, the handheld video games. So the exposure continues. So even when they're not at home, they have it in the palm of their hand. They're constantly being exposed to it in one form or another. Correct. So with your work with children, what is the youngest person that you're working with right now? Six years old. And is he or she starting to display any of these aggressive tendencies or problems from the exposure? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. to go see a therapist. So that's kind of where it starts. A lot of kids are being suspended because they've taken it to that level where they're physically being violent on the playground. I know of an incident where a fourth grade girl brought a razor to school because she was going to get in a fight with another girl. And this is fourth grade. And it's a girl in fourth grade. Yeah, that's kind of shocking. And it's not unusual to hear that kids at that age are also bringing different weapons in their backpacks because they have a fear that they need to protect themselves. So where do you think that fear stems from in all these little minds? Again, it's exposure to the violence that they're witnessing. Seeing firsthand and you can even bring in domestic violence. There's a couple of children that I'm seeing that the parents had domestic violence in the home and they witnessed it. So it's a learned behavior just like anything else. If you learn to tie your shoelaces, you learn it once and you keep doing it. If you learn that violence is the answer, then that's what they're going to do. I wanted to mention going back to the video games, I was looking up God of War, which is rated M for mature. And the description says blood and gore, intense violence, nudity, strong language, strong sexual content. One of my kids has this video game and plays it five to six hours a day. How old? He's 12. Okay. Wow. So how long has he been doing that and thinking that that's just entertainment? Probably a couple years. And again, the thing is that the parents are buying the video games. So there's got to be education to the parents who are buying these video games and understand that there are ratings, just like for the movies, when it's rated R, PG-13, they have to be rated R. They have similar ratings on video games, M for mature being one of them. The problem with the video games, again, is it seems very harmless. Oh, they're playing on their video game. But again, they're witnessing intense violence, nudity, strong language. So it's not uncommon, again, to have third and fourth graders already using the F word. They're saying fuck every other word. Yeah, I definitely see kids like that at the domestic violence shelter that I work at. I actually was working with one child who was three or four years old and using profanity all over the place. And he thought it was funny because he had learned it from his older brothers and sisters. And so trying to go in and doing that corrective work for the short amount of time that the family was staying there was a real challenge. But it had to be. It had to be limited. And, you know, the parent wasn't she wasn't doing anything because she was working on her own trauma issues. So, you know, it's just such a complex situation to sit there and have to work with the kids and then turn around and have to reparent the parents, basically. Right. Right. I mean, it's it's a 24 hour job to monitor what your children are doing. But what ends up happening is they become. Immune or they're numb to the horror of violence. It doesn't shock them anymore. They lose the shock value. And also it desensitizes violence. So it's like a common thing, just like in the gangs of Santa Ana. When you live in an environment where there's shootings almost on a daily basis, you get used to it. So you hear gunshots and, oh, there's another gun. You know, it's like it you become immune. It doesn't shock you anymore. And that's where the negative effects are happening to these kids. They are confronted with a violent situation and they just jump right into it. One of my children that I was doing therapy with, we were playing Uno, you know, the game card. And he took one of the cards and he just started slamming it down on the table. And he said, I'm going to throw it. Die, people. Die, people. So even in a simple game of cards, he was taking out his aggressions. And that's pretty scary because if this continues in 10 years from now, we're going to be looking at even more different shootings that are happening. If you think the media is bad now, wait for 10 years. We're going to see an increase. We're going to see an increase in the violence that we're seeing today. Yeah. If we keep going on the pathway that we're going on, I agree. And what's the situation going to be? I mean, here we are in the state of California and they just they just changed the laws for a lot of these criminals. And they're, you know, reducing their sentences and they're they're letting them out in the street. And I'm seeing more and more in the news. OK, this person just got released not too long ago. They went back and did revenge killings or whatever. Whatever on who they were involved with before. I mean, I'm I'm seeing an increase in that. That's what scares me is that a lot of these people who are being let out early are just they're on the streets. And what are we supposed to do? Right. Right. And that's that's another whole hour that we can discuss that. I mean, that's another huge problem because, again, there's no accountability for the crimes that are being committed. And that's one of the things. I feel is really important with psychoeducation with the parents is you have to teach your children that there's consequences for your actions. And a lot of these parents are not disciplining their kids when they get expelled from school or they're, you know, they have to stay after school. There's no consequences. And so the child is learning that I can do what I want and there's no consequences. And that's. A huge, huge message that they're sending to their kids. Yeah. And then who. Go ahead. Because once they're 18 and they do commit a serious crime, the consequences are going to jail and it's no longer. OK, you're suspended from school. Now we're talking real hard time. Now we're talking. It's going to be on their record for the rest of their life. Yeah. And that's that's going to impact them for the rest of their adult life. Period. Because it's going to be hard to get a decent job. It's going to be hard to get decent housing. And right. The impact of something like that, unless it is taken care of in the home initially. And who knows what's happening with the parents. I mean, there's there's some households where they're actually encouraging that kind of misbehavior and violence. And, you know, if somebody is going to kick your ass, you should turn around, kick theirs back. You know, because that's the. Like you were saying before, Elizabeth, that's what they're that's what they're showing their kids at home. And who knows, you know, if they're, you know, abusing their children also. It's a really bad, bad cycle that's going on. Right. The other very popular video game is Call of Duty Black Ops, which, again, it's, you know, a character that is a military guy. And he's. He's out there just shooting everybody. So, again, when a when a child is faced with, let's say he's being bullied. What is he going to do? He's been playing video games. He sees, OK, they shot somebody in the video game and they're dead. That person is never going to bother him again. He starts thinking, what can I do to permanently get rid of this person who is constantly bullying me at school? Oh, my dad has a gun. Maybe I should get that. Maybe that's what I need to do to protect myself when I go to school. And that's when their irrational thoughts come in and they try to figure out, what am I going to do? And then you can look at the flip side of that. The bullying gets so bad that they commit suicide. Again, it desensitizes the act of murder, the act of killing. Yes, it does. And we're seeing bullying on the uprise, of course, because of, you know, Facebook and every every all the other social media is out there. And so do you think that school bullying is really a testimony to what is going on at home most of the time and they're bringing to school with them? Well, you know, I've heard a few theories. A few theories. I've heard a few theories on this. And the person who's doing the bullying has very low self-esteem. So something's going on at home that is making him act this way towards other kids. He's seeking that attention. He's making others feel bad because he feel he or she feels bad about themselves. Right. So that makes sense. Oh, totally. I definitely agree with you because I mean that a lot of the kids that I see in therapy. I mean, I've seen a lot of kids that I've seen in therapy come in with bullying issues. But then, you know, you start unraveling the onion of their story or their parents come in and they really, you know, tell you what's going on stuff. And it's just a lot of these kids are coming from divorced homes. They're feeling, you know, their self-esteem is bruised up because of what they've gone through at home with just the divorce process and feeling insecure. So, you know. And therefore, they go out to the schools and they're not feeling as worthy as what you would want them to feel. And they almost leave themselves open to be victimized. Do you agree? I absolutely agree. So with the kids that you work with, what kind of techniques do you use to help them build up their self-esteem and work with these issues of violence? Well, you know. A lot of the things are very common sense, you know. And that's praising them for the good things that they do, rewarding them, token economy. You have to work with the parents on this because you only have an hour with that child or 50 minutes once a week. And that's not sufficient enough time to get through to these kids. For me, it's a collaborative effort. It's a collaborative effort between the therapist and the parents to be on the same page, to understand. It's funny because when I talked to the parents and told them that they needed to take these video games away from the child, they actually asked me, oh, am I allowed to do that? Really? Yes. Oh. And I was just shocked. And, you know, I'm thinking to myself, who's in control? Who's in control here? Yeah. Obviously, it's the child. And I like that. So the parents need to take control back to be the authority figures in the household, to make rules, to discipline their child. And I'm not saying to whip them and beat them, obviously, but to set guidelines and rules that everybody has to agree upon. Right. And, you know, in the case of this child, I didn't say take all the video games and destroy them and throw them in the trash. No. You can go to GameStop and you can turn them in and get appropriate video games for your child. Mario Brothers or something more educational. And, again, you need to monitor the amount of time that they spend on the video games. Why is the child spending five to six hours on video games when they should be doing homework? Almost across the board, every child that comes in to see me have low grades. Why? Because their time is so consumed with TV or video games or outside playing that they're not focusing on their homework, on studying, on reading. Mm-hmm. So there's another negative side. And I think that's a great effect to all this as well, is our education. Kids who can't graduate high school because they're illiterate. Yeah, or they just get passed through and, you're right, they can't do basic reading or math or, you know, it makes it really difficult when you're going out into the job market. And I've read this before. And that a lot of people who are just passed through. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they can't even fill out a job application properly. Yeah. Or the handwriting looks like it was done by a fifth grader or something. You know, it's just, you know, I see the statistics on it and I'm like, what's happening to the American education system? It's just, you know, and with the funds being cut all over the place by the governments, it's just, what's going to happen up the road? You have to have at least a good... A good basic education to be getting through to the next level and keeping on learning. And otherwise, you just stay in a neutral zone and you can't grow and you can't expand and really, you know, tap into any kind of dreams that anybody has for living a decent life. Right. So I would like to reach out to the listeners right now. If you would like to... Join Elizabeth Rivas and myself. Our number is 800-893-9562. Again, that's 800-893-9562. And if for any reason you can't listen to this complete broadcast or you would like to listen to it again, you can always download us from iTunes on Psych1on1. That's P-S-Y-C-H, the number one, O-N, and another number one. And there are... There are about 11 archived shows right now on various topics. So check us out whenever you'd like to on there. Elizabeth, I would like to ask you, now that you are becoming a therapist and you are in your practicum hours for your marriage and family therapy licensing, the experience you had as a detention officer, how has that... What served you now that you're doing therapy work? Well, you know, that's interesting. I have my AA in criminal justice, and that was my passion. That's what I wanted to do with my life and my career. And to have that exposure, working in the jail system, working with inmates, seeing how they're treated, hearing about the stories of people who made bad decisions, that really opened my eyes to that side of psychology. Where now, when I work with victims and I see their side, it's like the puzzle just got placed together. All the pieces fit in because now I see the entire picture. not only just the one-sided from the criminal side, but also from the victim side. So it makes me a well-rounded person. And as a therapist, I can look at both sides and help the victim understand the criminal justice side of it, which was a huge eye-opener when I worked as a sexual assault victim advocate. At the district attorney's office. Because to go to a jury trial and to sit and watch a victim testify about what happened to them was just a huge eye-opener to me because a lot of the laws that are in place are old and need to be updated. The sentencing laws are outdated as well. I had a case. I had a case where a grandfather sexually abused the granddaughter for two years, and he got four years in prison. Oh. And that was devastating because that poor girl will have symptoms and will have to live with this for the rest of her life, and he only got four years. So to me, it doesn't make a lot of sense. He was found guilty. He was found guilty, and so it just doesn't add up. So it really opened my eyes to the entire criminal justice system. And there have to be some changes because, you know, it's just wrong. But, you know, at the beginning of the show, you were mentioning about how the sentencings are being shortened and criminals are being released before time. And, yes, that's another. That's another huge problem is the overcrowding in the jail system, overcrowding in the prisons, and I don't know if you know this, but the prisoners actually sued the state of California, and they won. And that's why they're releasing thousands and thousands of prisoners because of it being overcrowded. So what were they—do you know what they were suing on the basis of? Say that again? Do you know what they were suing on the basis of? Of overcrowding, that they didn't—that it wasn't humane. And the living quarters were not humane. So— So, again, what—as a community, as a state, as a county, what are the options? What do we do? It all falls down to money. Mm-hmm. It—that's the bottom line. If there's no money to build more prisons, to build more jails, this is what ends up happening. So then on your end and my end, we're trying to do preventative work when we're working with these kids and seeing these aggressive issues coming out in these little ones and trying to make a little bit of a dent. So hopefully that doesn't end up being the end result when they get a little bit older, correct? Hopefully. Hopefully. But you know what? There's a certain percentage of kids that we can turn around, but there is a small percentage that will eventually go into that path of turning into criminals and ending up going to jail. And that's unfortunately the statistics. There are making huge improvements by starting new programs such as the GRIT program, which is— Right. Gang Reduction Intervention Partnership with the police departments and the district attorney's office, and they're targeting elementary school kids because by the time you get them in junior high, they've already been jumped into a gang. They've already been committing crimes. So at the elementary school age, that's where they're starting to have exposure with law enforcement, learning that— That police officers are not bad and that they're friends. And they can go to police officers if they see something or know something is wrong. Mm-hmm. So do you know what communities are doing that program in? In Orange County, there are—I can't specifically tell you exactly which ones, but there are—the majority of police departments are involved in that program. Mm-hmm. Okay. Is there any information on the Internet regarding that program that the general public can tap into? They would go to the Orange County District Attorney's office to get additional information. So do the schools pick this GRIT program up then? The way it works is the district attorney looks at the worst schools in a certain area, and they target— They target certain elementary school kids that fall with the highest at-risk youth. And some of the statistics—I met with one of the principals at an elementary school, and she told me that she had already suspended over 40 kids since January. Forty? Yeah. That's shocking. An elementary school. Exactly. Exactly. So they—I mean, if, you know, you were to go into an elementary school— and you ask, you know, what's the statistics on this or that, they're able to come up with that information very easily. And that's how the DA's office targets the schools that are most at risk. Obviously, the schools that are in gang-infested neighborhoods are going to be very at risk because they're surrounded by that. Yeah, and that's normal for them. You know, to have that level of intensity and violence around them. So that is difficult to break a young person out of that mold because, you know, I mean, what's your experience with working with somebody who is coming from a gang-infested neighborhood? Well, again, one of the reasons—and there's many reasons— but one of the reasons— why kids get attracted to joining the gang is because the gang gives them attention. So they're lacking attention in the home. The parents are working two or three jobs to make ends meet. There's no one around to watch them. They're outside. They're exposed to the gang members that are hanging out and having fun. And they're attracted to that. They want to be a part of that. Everybody wants to belong. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And cared for. And the gang members are able to do that. Yeah, they become their quasi-family then. Exactly. So when these kids that are the latchkey kids that nobody's home, they go out there and they venture into, you know, these gangs and they get recruited. So how do we stop that? Well, one of the things that we do is by getting them involved in programs such as this, getting them involved in after-school sports, getting them involved with programs like the Boys and Girls Club. So there's so many different things that parents can do to maybe not completely stop the exposure, but deter some of it. Right. Give them options. Right. Yeah. That's the biggest thing is like this is... Yeah. Teaching them this is not the only way to exist. And you're right, Elizabeth, about teaching the consequences. What are the possible results of making bad decisions and possibly taking somebody's life? And it's just, it leads to a life of long-term misery. Right. In therapy, we do a lot of role-playing. We do a lot of what-ifs. We do a lot of thinking about where would you be 10 years from now? Starting to put those things in their head about thinking about the future and where they want to be and who they want to be and what do they want to do for a living and instill some type of hope that they can have a good future. That there's choices that we make. And some choices can lead down the wrong path. Some choices can lead down a very positive path. And having them explore that with you is very empowering to them. Right. You're a beacon of hope. Yes. Now, as for working with kids who have depression problems. Yes. What are the trends as to that occurring? Well, some of the symptoms from video playing has also, there has been research on that. And one of the symptoms of excessive video playing and exposure to violence is depression. So in some kids, they do act out. They are very aggressive. But in other kids, they... They start to cut off the ties with other friends. They don't have any friends. They'll just go home. They'll sit in their rooms. And they don't have contact with other kids or family members. So depression is on the rise among kids. And again, it can be video games. It could be domestic violence that's happening in the home. It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... It could be... Zest for life is decreasing. When they used to have a lot of friends, now they don't have any. Those are all signs for parents to say something's not right. Need to step in. Something's going on. Right. Yeah. Yeah, need to find the words to sit your child down and say, hey, what's going on? And not the basic yes and no questions because a lot of times they'll just shut down with having to answer that. As we all know, with any kind of contact with kids, you have to ask open-ended questions. Like, you know, even something beyond what's going on with your day or whatever because they're going to just like nothing. And, you know, they're going to give you one word answers or walk away and just finding the right words. To ask the children and ask to exactly what is going on or calling up the schools and asking the teachers or the principals or if they're working with a counselor, you know, what's going on? You know, to just have some kind of rapport about what your child's actually going through during the day because they live so much of their lives at school. They need to tap into that kind of information when they can. Yeah. Yeah, I think one of the things that we're really lacking and we're really missing out is the dinner times at home. We are in a society of go, go, go, go, go, go, constantly rushing. It's a fast-paced, fast-moving generation. But to actually take the time to make dinner or... Bring in food from a restaurant to the home and sit down at the dinner table with your family with no radio, with no TV and just start talking. I think we're... We need to bring that back into our homes. And it makes a significant difference in your relationship with your kids. And you find out a lot of things that you wouldn't have if you... Yeah. Yeah. If you hadn't had that setting, that time for you to just talk with your child about school, about their day, about what's going on on the weekend. And it's something very simple and it's something very basic. And, you know, I hear a lot of parents, oh, I don't have time. Yeah, but you have time to watch three hours of TV. But you have time to do this and other things that are irrelevant that are not going to make sense. Yeah. And you have to make a difference in your child's life. So I think we need to look at our priorities as parents. And what we want from our kids for their future. Right. And you can't turn around and blame the schools for children misbehaving and not turning out the perfect little people that we want them to be. Because you have to put in the work as a parent or a guardian or whatever. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I agree with you. Absolutely. I agree with you, Elizabeth. I mean, just sitting down and doing dinner, it's, you know, for some people, it's just like such an old fashioned concept. Like what? We're not supposed to have anything on. We're not supposed to have a TV on or whatever. We're actually supposed to sit and talk to each other. What? And what are we going to talk about? I mean, to some people, it's such a foreign thing. It's, you know, people are losing connections with the people that matter the most in your life or should matter. the most is your family. It's amazing. And I'm not saying to do this every single night. Right. I know that, you know, it's impossible, but to make a commitment to do it three or four times a week and make that effort, you'll see the changes happen. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's worth it. It is worth it because kids need their parents. They need somebody to look up to and set healthy boundaries. And if the parents have, you know, questionable boundaries or whatever, then the parents should go and get some help too because it's out there. There's so many ways for people to reach out and get the assistance that they need so that they're not dealing with daily anger and depression and hopelessness. Right. That a lot of people are going through right now. There's ways to work through that. Absolutely. That is a very important subject that you bring up and that there are low-cost counseling centers out there, nonprofit agencies that are out there that are willing to work with you. If you don't have insurance, if you don't have a lot of money, but just taking that step to go to parenting classes. Or to talk to a therapist about your own problems because it's going to reflect on your children and there's no way around that. You're right. And it's really important because, you know, especially if any of the listeners are parents out there and they may have had a rough childhood, don't pass that on to your children too. That's my advice because it's, you know, there's children, there's children, there's children, children, children, children, children, children, children, children, children, children, children, children, ways to work through it if you know if bad things were done to you go and do the repair work it's worth it it's you know it's it's a little bit of pain going through that process but it's it's worth it at the end you're not passing that on to your children and then possibly your grandchildren if they have children also I mean because it can be multi-generational and it can be repaired yes and that's one of the things that I have found in my experience as well a lot of adult women who were sexually abused as children never got help never got therapy yet statistics show that they have a higher rate of being victimized again and their children so there's a higher percentage that their own children will be victimized you know and so I think it's a really important thing to do and I think it's important to do and I think it's a really important thing to do and I think and that's a huge trend that we see when they come forward and say that my daughter was sexually abused you find out that the mom was abused too so we need to stop that cycle we need to get the help to the victims as soon as possible as soon as you start seeing symptoms as soon as you start seeing changes in your child you need to get them that help right and then go get help for yourself for yourself also and sometimes it it's interesting I mean the women that we ended up working with over at the quarter blew the families that that did end up being kind of the trend there and it was it was really sad to see but once they said it once they started doing the work I mean they were really brave families and just it was wonderful to see them starting to heal up from long term problems that they brought with them and I think that's a really important thing that we've all got to do if we're going to work on this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this our fingers that there's going to be some good changes coming through and hopefully more preventative programs out there that when people sit there and say, okay, things aren't going right, I need to go get help. And it's going to be more of a norm to go and seek that help out if you cannot get that within your immediate structure, within your family or friends, because they don't know what to do with the problem either. And then they can go out and get help. And it's not stigmatized as much. This is what we're working towards with programs like this. And talking about these issues more is because we want to get the word out there. Yes. And that's one of the things that at my agency, where I work at Casa de la Familia, we work with victims of crime and you have to meet a certain criteria to get free counseling. But because of what you're talking about, like stigma of mental health or people who don't report things, being victimized, we just started doing a low cost therapy and anybody can qualify for it. The first session is $30 and then it's $25 every time after that. So if there's anybody out there that needs counseling, and it could be you're having marital issues or you could have a teenage child that's being rebellious and they're getting in trouble at school all the time and you don't know what to do, call our agency. And we'd be happy to help you. Can you give that number to our listeners? Yes. The number is 714-667-5220. And it's Casa de la Familia. It's through Nogales Psychological and it's low cost therapy. If you don't have insurance, it doesn't matter. So we'll work with you and we'll help you. And Nogales is in Santa Ana, correct? Yes. Our office is in Santa Ana. You can Google Casa de la Familia.org and you can visit our website as well. Okay. And is that the only location is in Santa Ana? We also have an office in Los Angeles on Wilshire. So if you go to our website, both location addresses will be on there. Okay. And that's definitely a cost that I would imagine most families could handle. And if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, if you go on, these kinds of services. It's, that's awesome. Thank you. It's very rewarding. And again, there's a lot of stigma. There's a lot of misunderstanding about therapy. People think that once you go to therapy, you have to stay in there, you know, forever and day. And it could be very, very, very short term. You can go for four sessions just to talk to someone. You'd be surprised just having someone to listen to you, to help you with different suggestions, to give you resources. It could be very empowering. So don't think that once you go to therapy, you're going to be stuck going, you know, for months and months and months and months. It really depends on your situation. And every person that walks into our office, they are an individual and they have a different situation. And so I think it's really important to have very unique situations and that's how we treat everybody. You're not pulled into a category, oh, they're going to have to be here for seven months. Everybody is a unique individual case. So we look at the circumstances and we go from there. Right. And it's confidential. Absolutely. So if you need any kind of help, assistance, counseling, you can go in. And if you just want to go in and get help, you can go in and get help. And if you just want to go in and just want it to be between you and the therapist, that's where it'll stay. And it doesn't need to be taken out of the office at any point, unless you choose to do that, it is completely under your power as to who you're going to tell or whether it's going to be your own secret, you and the therapist, that's it. That's fine too. So there's just so many different ways of getting counseling now. And you're right, Elizabeth, it doesn't need to be long-term. Sometimes I've, you know, I've been in this industry for a long time, but I've been in this just worked with people once or twice and I can see the light bulbs going off. Like, you know, you're, you're getting them to think differently about their problems and their situation and helping them to come up with their own solution. That's huge. We're not there to sit there and judge and criticize like we're going to be in a authoritarian role. We're there to help. Absolutely. That's a good point that you bring up. In the cases of these children, a lot of the problems that they are having stem from the lack of discipline from the parents. And a lot of the times when I call the parents in, I have to tell them very straightforward. You can't bring your child to me and I'm going to fix them, quote unquote. Mm-hmm. You have to make changes too. You have to work with me to help your child. In the situation of the child with the video games, they're going to have to take away the video games, replace them with suitable, appropriate ones, start disciplining the child and working with me with the child. But if nothing at home changes, what's the point of them bringing them to me? Right. And you're right. We're not miracle workers. Exactly. Exactly. So it's like a waste of my time, your time, the child's time. If things aren't changing at home, if there continues to be domestic violence, violent video games, no discipline, none of that changes at home, then the child's not going to change. Right. And there needs to be at least one small change made. That can make a huge difference. And I think a lot of people don't understand when they've got their plates full of problems. It's like, where do I start? Well, you got to start somewhere. Make a small change. And sometimes that can be a domino effect. It can just affect so many other things going down the road, but just making a commitment to it. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Yes, that's all we can ask of anybody is just one day at a time, take what you've got right in the here and now and see how you can make it better. It's all we can do, any of us. You know, just take a small dose of control, starting with self-control, you know, and see how much better your life can be and then those that are around you, how you affect everybody else. Absolutely. I don't think we realize how much power we have around the people that are around us. You know, if we're in a bad mood, it starts affecting everybody else, even in small amounts. It's amazing to see that happen or in a positive, if we're happy and we're having a great day and somebody else is not having such a good day, we can go and, you know, maybe support them or cheer them. And, you know, we all affect each other, period. Yeah. So as we're wrapping up the last few minutes, do you have any other tips or pointers for the adults that are listening to us about if they're seeing any kind of these aggressive tendencies coming out in kids that they're dealing with, what can they do? Well, I mean, first and foremost, we've kind of talked about it already, is to get involved in your child's life. I mean, another thing that they can do is pay attention to the programs that their children are watching, the video games that they're playing and sit down and watch the TV programs that they're watching. Sit down and play a video game that they're playing. If you're not familiar with it, that's what I had to do. I've never heard of God of War or... the Black Ops Call of Duty. I had no idea what type of video games they were until I started researching, until I started going on YouTube and actually looking at the video games. But being involved with them and then setting limits on the amount of time they spend watching TV or playing the video game, that is really important, too. It's not unlimited time until... until midnight, you're letting them stay on the video games or TV. You have to set limits. You have to set boundaries. The other thing, too, is especially with younger children, if they accidentally watch a TV show with a lot of violence, sit down and talk to them about it. Explain that that's not real, that it's a TV show, that it's made up. But also, you know, when you heard on the media, about the shooting at the school, a lot of kids saw that on the TV, on the news, and they started to ask questions, too. You need to sit down and talk to them about reality of what is happening in our communities. So refuse to let the children see shows that you know are violent. Change the channel. Turn the TV off. You are the parent. You make the rules. Not your children. That is, there's a lot of lacking of roles within the family. So, you know, again, spending more time outside, going to the beach, going to the park, being active with your kids. Those are the most important things that I can suggest to the parents. And those are great suggestions and they're very doable and a lot of them are free. That's great. That's the wonderful thing. You don't have to pay a dime to go outside and play baseball with your kid every once in a while. You know, there's a lot of options out there. It doesn't need to be, you know, turning on the TV or turning on the video game and stuff. And that's the only thing that you're locked into that kind of reality, which isn't reality. It's just distorted fantasy worlds most of the time. So, you know, I agree with you. That's so important. And one more time, can you give the information for Casa de Familia? Yes. Casa de la Familia is a nonprofit agency. We work with victims of crime. If you have a police report, you may qualify for free counseling. But if not, we do have low-cost therapy and you can reach us at 714-667-5220. Thank you. And go to our website at casadelafamilia.org and we'd love to help you. And we can also refer you to a lot of amazing other nonprofit agencies that are doing amazing work. Thank you so much, Elizabeth. That was wonderful. I'm glad you have all this experience coming in and doing this type of work. It is so important. And you're an incredible therapist. And I'm really honored that I got to work with you. And I hope I get to do some more work with you up the road. Oh, yes, absolutely. You can't get rid of me, Julianne. Compadres for life. Absolutely. So I would like to thank our listeners for tuning in with Elizabeth Rivas. And thank you so much. We love to have you tune in. And again, you can download us from iTunes at Psych One-on-One. This is Julianne. This has been Psych One-on-One. Take care of yourselves and take care of each other. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.