Pistol Grip Pump But it can't be fucking with mine I was raised in the hood called what the def Where the brothers in the hood we shiverless So I rest a fence on my ligaments Pistol Grip Pump Yeah, I ducked down the alley with a roly-poly fat-faced girl Hi, John's LA, back after a hiatus Couple weeks off, trying to get my shit together My new assignment as a fourth grade P.E. teacher And I think I broke my big toe fucking jump roping This is friggin' standard of age Jump roping, and I'm friggin' limping around now Jump roping was always one of my thing That and the parachute Busting out the parachute with fourth grade P.E. I'm stealing money from the state of California It's great Bunch of fourth graders playing with the parachute That ain't working I see kids once a week I have 15 classes I see kids once a week I can deal with anybody for an hour and a half Especially a fourth grader Just yell at them Stick them in the corner and watch them cry Although my first week back at school I friggin' shit my pants And my fucking shorts, no lie Had some shake before for breakfast Trying to go a little left cheek sneak And friggin' shit my pants Can't get away with that shit in high school No, somebody was part of that A fourth grader, they didn't notice Got to run home during lunch and change my drawers My first friggin' first 30 seconds of the show I'm talking about shitting my pants Ugh, it's better to talk about it now Than talking about Deflategate Watching that travesty unfold And the pictures of Tom Brady Looking like Schmeagle from fucking Lord of the Rings And that oddest rendition And that courtroom draw Of Tom Brady looking like fucking Schmeagle Ugh, we'll die And it's unfortunate Even though this judge, Judge Berman Seems to be pro-Brady He's like, where's the evidence? Bottom line, I don't think he can do anything I think it's going to be upheld Because he's a pro-Brady I think it's going to be upheld Because he's a pro-Brady Players Association That's what they bargained for They let, they let They gave it up Somewhere along the line They gave it up That Goodell's going to be The be-all, end-all Judge, jury, and executioner On this thing For some reason They let that slip through the crack Cracks because they didn't foresee something So egregious as this About four games Four games suspension Loss of a first round You know, you know the friggin' Specifics Of course, I got to watch On Saturday Afternoon TV Network TV Because I gave up my cable Which I regret sometimes But sometimes you get some good Saturday afternoon TV The old greatest sports legends videos The old VHS videos From the early 80s Had a thing on Juan Marichal Where he attacked an opposing player With a baseball bat Hit the opposing catcher With a baseball bat He was suspended nine games Which is like two starts If that And he was fined $1,400 Is that right? Economy gone that screwy That you can equate $1,400 For hitting someone with a fucking bat On the baseball field And a guy may have been generally aware That they may have taken a little bit of air Out of a football He's going to be suspended four games And be smirched His character, his reputation The reputation of the franchise Which wasn't that great anyway I have actually on very good authority A friend of mine who works for the Dallas Cowboys Who shall remain nameless Uh I didn't get the book Ah shit I didn't get to set up the thing Shall remain nameless My friend who works for the Dallas Cowboys Said that Jerry Jones Jr. Was all fired up about it And saying the Patriots have got away with stuff forever And that now They've been always playing games They've always been walking that line And now you see Peyton Manning was Peyton I think they're bugging I think they're spying In a locker room How did you let They go out in the hallway Come on man I mean they get fucking Bugging the locker room There's no way they're bugging the locker room If that ever came up They might even strip the franchise There's no way they're gonna be doing that People talk too much You can't keep secrets like that This isn't 1965 anymore You can't keep secrets You know people go Come and go from the franchises It's such a You know Free flowing thing Where everybody comes in and out Somebody would have caught wind That they were bugging the locker room And how do coaches keep that shit under wraps I don't know Oh we heard Maybe possibly at halftime That they May come out and try to Hammer us with inside zone No Can't keep that type of stuff I mean Shit Nixon couldn't freaking keep it quiet And he's the most powerful man in the Free world I guess That's what they say about the president anyway That's why he's standing in line My point is There's no way If they've created that Aura around them That they're doing all these things That no one else can get away with You got Jim Irsay driving around With freaking 33 people $10,000 in cash And a bunch of Oxycontin pills And he gets what? A couple game suspension? That good matters anyways He can go home and watch The fucking game on TV He's an owner for crying out loud An owner who got a team handed to him He can take arguably The greatest quarterback of all time And banish him for four games Because he may have known That there might have been Air taken out of the balls Enough of this It's been eight months Of course Cadell and the NFL Laugh all the way to the bank And he's like What's the type of shit That freaking keeps him going? Like the great Eric Great Like Eric Bischoff said Former WCW executive Controversy creates cash And the NFL understands that You got Any rational thinking person Understands this is a freaking joke Joe Thomas from the Browns Not that he's the Standard of a rational person Came out and did it And said This is like a carnival, Barker Roger Cadell is almost like Vince McMahon Is the comparison Which is something To do with the fact that He's not going to play SummerSlam tonight And my phone just blew up And just ruined it for me Because I was going to go home And watch SummerSlam At the end of Take a Beat Brock Lesnar Not that that matters Of course it does though Because I'm going to go home And watch it for $9.99 Best deal going Not as good as the deals going The stadium deals going Mercedes-Benz Hitler's car for fuck's sake Hitler's car Is going to be Is going to be sponsoring A second stadium And it's not going to be A second stadium In Atlanta. I thought the Georgia, my age is catching up to me. It felt like the Georgia Dome was just built a couple years ago. I would have guessed the Georgia Dome was built like 10 years ago. It's probably closer to 20 now. All of a sudden, it's not serviceable. So now Mercedes-Benz is going to build another stadium. They already own the rights to the New Orleans Saints Stadium. Of course, we all know New Orleans Saints are one of my least favorite franchises. And Tom Benson. Tom Benson's wife, third wife. Is now a Georgia Frontier 2.0. His third wife is now going to be in charge of everything. His family, Tom Benson's family is trying to get him to be deemed incompetent. So they could get the team back. He's going to leave it all to his third wife. 87 years old. I mean, how much longer has that fool got going? There's no way. Blood is thicker than water. You know, fuck the marriage thing. That's a third marriage. I can see if a guy's married to a woman for like 35, 40 years. Then she's entitled to. The franchise. But if he's married, it's a third wife. He's been married for like five years to her. All of a sudden, now she's in line for everything. Because a guy who, you know, horny 87-year-old guy with a woman a third of his age. Is all of a sudden going to turn around and sign off the franchise. Of course, the lawsuit says something along the lines of that she's been plying him with candy, wine, and other non-nutritious foods. And his mind is not right. Not to mention the fact that he's an old geezer. His mind is not right. If you have kids, they should go to the children. Unless they were just complete, you know, assholes and been fucking everything up. But what do I know about anything? You know, even though that your parents, like, I don't even know what the stat is. I don't even want to go with it. But the biggest predictor of your economic status is your parents. Or what am I sitting here? Blowing the pulpit for billionaires' kids. They're all billionaires' kids. Billionaires and millionaires. And I make, what, $45,000 a year playing parachute with fourth graders and breaking my toe doing jump rope? I earn more than that. I need more than that. LeBron James gets $140,000 for every fucking tweet he makes. He gets sponsored. Every tweet LeBron James makes, he gets $140,000 for it. What do I know about anything? What do I know about participation? Participation trophies. Same things James Harrison knows. Although I think that's gone a little bit over the way. But, you know, I've always been one who's for the old pussification of society. James Harrison's right. He makes his kids give back any participation trophy. And you see it, especially when you deal with the little kids. Oh, what do I get? I tried my best. People are smart. People figure out where the incentives come from. And they've been, oh, I tried my best. I should get a trophy. Ah, shit don't work that way. A lot of people try their best, but they don't have the potential. They don't make it. Not everybody is, you know, not everybody's bound for stardom, superstardom. There's no average then. If everybody's great, there's no great. James Harrison's right. James Harrison's still kicking in the league. Chris Borland's not kicking in the league. Segway! Of course, ESPN has been pushing the Chris Borland story down the throat. You got to respect the guy. Even though it's amazing. How some of these guys, as soon as they leave the NFL, they become like shriveled. Chris Borland looks like, you know, he's 24 years old. He looks like he's 45 years old. But as we all know the story, he quit after one year after a tremendous career at Wisconsin and a great rookie season with the San Francisco 49ers. He retired. Decided to end it, you know, because of head injuries, which is a fair thing. And I like these points that he's making. It's something I've been espousing. I've been espousing on this program since day one. There's no way you're going to take the head out of football. We had a scrimmage this past week and the referees want to sit down with the boys and let them know. The referees give them a good 15-minute dissertation about how we're trying to take the head out of football. It's impossible. They take away those big hits over the middle and secondary. Those Steve Atwater type launching hits. Those are fine. That's a start. Take those away. But the hits that happen. Every single play up front that people don't watch because they're watching the ball. And, you know, most people, including myself, usually in football games, you watch the ball, even though I'm an O-line, D-line coach. But you smash. You have to throw your head in there. Otherwise, you won't get the proper angles. You won't be able to make the blocks. If you're passive with your head, you're going to get beat. Because the other guy's not passive with his head. You're screwed. You're never going to be able to fix that. And Chris Boylan says the same thing. He's right. You can talk about it all you want. It sounds nice. It's making the game safer. In some ways, they are. But you're never going to be able to take that out. Otherwise, you won't have a good football player. It's all about willing to sacrifice your body. I'm not saying it's right, but it's just facts. It's the way the games are. And we like to candy coat it with these superhero type aesthetics. You know, and showing all these guys in their uniforms and playing Katy Perry music. And, you know. It's amazing how much the NFL. And it seems like it's more and more every year. How much it just captures the spirit, like the consciousness of the country every year. At this time, you can feel it. Shit, you go into any restaurant on a Sunday now, from now on. And every freaking waitress is wearing their favorite team shirt. And of course, this is still in California. So you got a ton of Cowboy fans. For some reason, you have Saint fans. You have teams from all over the place. Raiders, 49ers pop up a lot. For some reason, Broncos. People love the Broncos out here. You know, you go into a Chili's in Pooksbury, Massachusetts. And, you know, just which is your favorite Patriot. A lot of Gronkowski shirts, a lot of Brady shirts, no doubt. Edelman has creeped his head. Now I'm hoping Reggie Wayne has creeped his head. Supposedly the Patriots brought in Reggie Wayne today to take a physical. I don't know what that means. I'm assuming they're going to sign him. I don't know why someone wouldn't. I don't know why someone wouldn't sign Reggie Wayne. I don't know why someone wouldn't sign Randy Moss. You just claim he's going to. He wants to come back. He's got plenty of football left in him. Randy Moss never took really big hits, relatively speaking. Of course, he took big hits. He's playing in the NFL. But he's got to be still fresh. Line Randy Moss up and Reggie Wayne to one side and let Brady throw. Put Edelman underneath. But I don't know. I haven't watched that many preseason games. I don't have the NFL network. If you don't have the NFL network, you're half a fan. On top of that, I don't even have ESPN at this point, which is economically stupid on my part because any game I want to watch, I don't know if ESPN. I go out to somewhere to watch it and end up dropping 50 bucks on it at the bar anyway. So what does it matter? It would be smarter of me to just put the 50 bucks down and get some kind of basic cable package. When are they going to go pay-per-view games? Give me. Like, 10 bucks a game. How about that? Games you want to watch, 10 bucks a game. The NBA is going to that. You know, it's like a 699 thing where you can buy one game. That's what I want to do. Bring back Monday Night Football on ABC. I digress. What do I know about anything? Other than that, the greatest sports legend TV show is awesome. I'm watching when you see Reggie Jackson walking around, giving interviews in his Flamingo pink Don Johnson shirt and his big aviator glasses. I'm talking to Steve Cowden in his Flamingo pink T-shirt with big aviator glasses. No kids, no women to be found in any of those. That's when men were men and we wore pink shirts. We were proud of it. In nut hugger shorts and big glasses. Pussification society. Back when we used to wear pink shirts and listen to music about the devil. That's a stolen joke. It's a Bill Burr joke, I guess. But it's true. Back when music was music and we used to sit around, you know, listen to songs about the devil and drink whiskey and pass out. Those were the days. Now you got to watch the Little League World Series. Now kids from opposing teams hit home runs and kids high five them around the bases and Rick Sutcliffe and the rest of the ESPN crew. I haven't seen Musburger peek his ugly head out yet. I think that's great. That little... Fuck. No, it's not great. Little League are giving another Little League a high five after he hits a crushing two-run home run to take the lead. That's not sportsmanship. Play to win. You know, Major League Baseball in another 10 years, that's what's going to be happening. Be patting guys in the ass after they hit home runs. That should only happen if, you know, he breaks some kind of record from most home runs. I digress. What am I talking about? Little League? Baseball for? I guess it's the time of year. Late August. Usually that meant back to school. Well, nowadays we go back to school in the beginning of August and I feel like I've been back at school for months already. I'm just rambling. Maybe it's the eight beers I've already had. Like Steve Sarkisian. The fuck is going on with that guy? There's no way. Unless USC wins the Pac-10 and is in the college football playoff this year, there's no way Steve Sarkisian survives. There's a season. Dude, I've drank with the best of them. And I cannot, I would never get up in front of, you know, 5,000 or 1,000 boosters or whatever it is in such a high profile position as the head coach of USC football. Get up there and start talking about opponents, how they fucking suck and dropping F-bombs like that in front of your boss. There's no standard anymore. You got to be a little bit smarter than that. Shit, I get nothing wrong with going up there, maybe a little tipsy and throwing a little innuendo, there's no way you can get up there and start cussing out other teams. I guess Pat Hayden was not happy about it, nor should he. I kind of like it from a, you know, that's the type of person I am, chuckling standpoint, but my Lord, what is a guy like that thinking? And it's not the first time he's called out people and he's made little guy players. Sarkisian is not the hire for USC, even though USC is going to be pretty good this year, evidently. Of course, Cody Kessler's a real player and SC's back. SC's a powerhouse. This area is loaded with football players. Of course, my team's not loaded with football players right now. We had our first scrimmage this past weekend and we did all right, even though we scrimmaged against the Sisters of the Poor. You know, we ended up, I guess it was about a tie. It was kind of a little league scrimmage type thing. It was a tie. Everybody ended up all right, but first game next week against Ontario, not Canada, not Ontario, here in California, big high school, but we'll see. I think we're going to out X and O them, but who wants to really hear about that? First AP college poll came out. Ohio State is the first unanimous AP number one, which I guess stands to reason they didn't lose a ton and they bring back a team that just won it with three stellar quarterbacks. I haven't really read much about what Braxton Miller's doing with receiver. Of course, I'm sure he's good. Like Terrell Pryor, doing, well with Cleveland. TCU number two, they'll find a way to blow it. Bama, always going to be a factor. Baylor, Michigan State. Hey, Michigan's got ballers. I didn't realize Michigan was such a great state until recently. They were ranked number one. It's a stupid article I read. Michigan's the number one state in the country, which I really don't get. I need a little bit more sunshine and some ocean, but I suppose a great lake is similar to an ocean, but Michigan State's bringing people in. I think it's going to be a little bit different when Jimmy Harbaugh gets, gets things rolling. Auburn, of course, Oregon, USC, Georgia, Florida State. What about Baylor? I don't know what Baylor's bringing back. Of course, I know they're not bringing back Sam. Fucking guy transferred out of Washington or Boise State rather. Chris Peterson supposedly called, this is one of these quasi controversies, called out, up riles and told him, hey, this guy's got a lot of problems, a lot of violent history. And up riles, like any good Christian, decided he was going to give him a second chance because the guy's 6'5 and 280 and runs like the wind. So he gave him a second chance. And then they were shocked that he ended up getting convicted of a sexual assault, which is amazing at 180 days in jail. Fucking kidding me. I would welcome 180 days in jail. How much reading, I would get done. How many pushups I would get in, pull-ups, 180 days, it's like a vacation. Like a, like a rehab assignment and 10 years probation for raping someone. I got a buddy who went, spent four years in jail for trying to light a guy's car on fire. Four years of fucking lighting a try and didn't even succeed. Trying to light a guy's car on fire gets four years. You rape a woman and you get 180 days in prison. It's like Oscar Pistorius. He's getting out of jail. He's shot and killed. Murdered his fucking wife or girlfriend or whatever she was. I suppose he's getting out of jail in the next couple of weeks. Oh, what do I know? Just try to live clean. Just clean living, kid. Clean living. Trying to quit smoking tobacco is not working. Article now saying 75% of players in the NFL. I think that's a little bit high. But 75% of players in the NFL. 75% of players in the NFL are using smokeless tobacco. And that's supposedly a problem. I don't really see that being a problem. It's the culture. It's the way people think. It's a good old boy thing. I got peer pressured into it when I was like 20. I mean, the rest of these guys get... It's part of that culture almost as much as baseball. Not as bad as baseball. Those fuckers play with dips in their mouth. And I don't get how you can play with a dip in your mouth and swallow all that shit. Your intestines must be frigging look like a checkerboard. There's no way you can swallow that shit. There's no way you can swallow that shit. There's no way you can swallow that shit. There's no way that you can do that and not have some kind of ramifications. But you think about it. All the guys that chew tobacco in Major League Baseball. There's only a handful of guys that ever come out and say they really have cancer from it. Curt Schilling. Tony Gwynn. Rest in peace. You know? And those guys do it 24-7. I don't know. I don't know where I'm going with that. The fact that it's rampant in the NFL as well. Gronkowski's rampant in the NFL. And I don't get it, man. I'm getting old. I'm getting old. I watched that Madden 16 commercial slash mini film. I didn't think it was funny at all. Rex Ryan. Colin Kaepernick. I didn't get it. He's doing an impression of Al Pacino from Scent of a Woman. It's supposed to be funny. And I like Family Guy as much as the next guy. But this whole non-sequitur humor thing's a funny thing. It's funny just because they're weird. I don't get it. I like more of a punchline. But then Madden 16. Of course, I haven't played Madden since like Madden 95's in the Sega Genesis system. So I'm out of touch. Fucking 21 years ago, for Christ's sake. Dave Franco and McLovin from what, Superbad doing this commercial? And it wasn't funny at all. It made no sense. Of course, you had big fat Rex and they're getting shot and killed by a football. Which I thought was actually kind of funny. Doesn't Rex, Rex looks better in a Buffalo Bills jersey. Not that I'm judging Rex Ryan's looks. Although I kind of am. He looks better in a Buffalo Bills jersey and he looks in a Jets jersey. Bill's going to be all right. No, who else is going to be all right? Johnny Football. Holla. He looked all right. Not great. But finally, and I have a good authority. That the coaching staff from the Cleveland Browns will listen to Hot Jads LA every Sunday. So finally, they're taking my advice and putting Johnny Manziel on the center. And I watched a little bit of that game while I was gambling, losing, playing blackjack, Saboba Casino, Casino, Casino, Casino, Tomato, Tomato. Watching the Manziel game. Bootleg. Fuck is tough to tackle. Okay, what anyone says? Oh, he's not fast enough. He never gets it. He can get away from people. Big plays happen when quarterbacks get out of the pocket. Russell Wilson is a prime example of that. Manziel play action, boot. Those are the things he can do well and he can still strike the ball down the field. I would not be shocked if Johnny Football is a startup by week two. Josh McNown is not the answer. Are you kidding me? The guy was out of football for like three years. He's not the answer. And so you got to see Manziel do well. Like to see Teddy Bridgewater doing well. He's younger quarterback. He's younger quarterback. You know, you get this new generation, if you will, of quarterbacks. Matt Barkley is playing well for the Eagles. Somebody should make a trade for Matt Barkley. I don't know why the bills don't go all in on a guy like Matt Barkley. He could probably get Barkley for like a fourth round draft choice, which the Patriots just pissed away in this. Then pissed away, got a snatch from him because of the stupid air thing. A fourth round and a first round pick. You throw Philadelphia a fifth round pick for Matt Barkley. You got a solid quarterback. Better than EJ Manuel. Matt Barkley's one of those guys that said it before time and time again in this program. He got screwed over. If he comes out after his junior year, he's a top three pick and starting for some team somewhere. He comes out, gets hurt his senior year and have a real great season. Various reasons. And all of a sudden he's banished to being a third string quarterback. Although Brady, Brady, Tom's home. Tom's always on my mind. Timmy Tebow. I don't know if he's going to make the team. I don't think he's going to make team, but you see what he brings. A great two point conversion quarterback. A little great, but he's no goat. It's the most fucking overused term now. The social media world. The goat. I'm the goat. I'm the LeBron of the NFL. Adrian Peterson again. Although I think Adrian Peterson's going to have an enormous year. Oh, you fantasy football players who live in fantasy land. That's a tip. Of course, everybody knows. Anybody who watches NFL football knows that Adrian Peterson's going to have a big year and that him sitting out a year is probably going to end up being beneficial for his career. Rested. Now he's got Teddy Bridgewater with a year of experience under his belt. Going back to Minnesota and probably playing well. Praising God. Nice little refreshing to see a guy like Aaron Foster come out and claim he's an atheist. I don't know if I'm bold. I'm bold enough to claim I'm an atheist. Although a lot of the evidence would suggest otherwise. But Aaron Foster coming out and saying he's an atheist. Shit. 75% of the NFL players use smokeless tobacco. I would say 99.9% of the players in the NFL are religious. It's almost like a cult. Well, almost like. Good for a guy like that to come out and actually say something like that. It's nice to see people actually get out and make a stand on something. And not just, just bow down to company product. Like JPP. I can't believe I just said that. Jason Paul Pierre. I don't like giving those nicknames. I don't know what's a pretty easy one to give. God has a greater plan for me. No man can judge me except God. I'm pretty sure somebody could judge you, JPP, if you had some kind of felony or some kind of criminal offense. I think you can be judged in the court of law and spend jail time. Of course, he put accept God, A-C-C-E-P-T, and then retweeted, oh, I meant accept. I did lose a finger, which is pretty funny in my book. I'll give him some credit for that. Now the people coming out and saying that the Giants are going to be unstoppable in the passing game. The Odell Beckham train has left the station. Amazing how many people have all of a sudden because Odell Beckham has made some great catches, a couple of great catches and a couple of meaningless games. Now he's being deified as the greatest receiver in football. Everyone wants to be Odell Beckham because he has a couple of flashy plays. Too much bling. Speaking of bling, not really bling, not really much of a segue, Chris Cotta getting busted. Not busted, but called out for saying in an NFL sanctions symposium over a year ago, it's probably that Chris Boylan article, saying that he couldn't believe that, there was a guy up there, he didn't give a name, but you know, this day and age, it's simple to find out who it was. It was Chris Cotta giving a speech and he's like, fellas, I know when you go out and do your thing, you're going to have to have a fall guy. And of course, fellow golden jacket or yellow jacket or Warren Sapp sitting there. Yup. Yup. Chris Cotta is like, don't worry. We'll just tell him we'll get him out of jail. Of course, Warren Sapp has to chime in. Yup. We'll get you out. We'll get you out. A terrible thing to say. NFL sanction symposium. The thing is, it was on the NFL's website for well over a year. And now all of a sudden, it's a big thing. And now Chris Cotta is sorry for what he said. And ESPN comes out and they're holier than thou, sanctimonious. We do not condone anything that what Chris Cotta said. No, he didn't condone it, but you knew he said it because it was broadcast. Everyone saw it. But now that someone calls you out on it, now you're morally outraged, which is where we are in society right now. You know, people can get away with things, but once it gets thrown in the Twittersphere and the public persona, now you gotta distance yourself instead of maybe squashing that when it happens. You know, now that's reported, you know, like the kids say, you know, if it's not on Instagram, it didn't happen. That's the way it is now. And Chris Cotta is, he's gonna get away with it. He'll be back on Sunday and he'll have some, you know, bullshit excuse. He'll probably tear up week one, talking, he's like, that was a foolish mistake I made. Come on, dude, you meant it. Why would you come out and say that at the symposium if you didn't mean that? And it's probably, you know what? He's probably right. Not so much getting a fall guy, but getting a guy who'll drive you around. If there is any trouble, a guy can kind of cool things down. Yeah, and maybe sometimes, you know, wear it for him. You know, take one for the day, take one for the day, take one for the team, if you will. Do your job. Because that's, oh man, that expression is the most trite expression. Go in. Every coach in the world uses it now. It's been used for a long time, but now the Patriots and they got that do your job video, which I have to watch, but I don't get the NFL network, so I probably won't watch it. Every coach just runs around. I got some guys coaching me now. Couldn't coach their way out of a wet paper. It doesn't really make sense, but yeah, you know, a guy can't coach worth a lick and just runs around yelling, do your job, do your job. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Very profound. Do your job. Well done. Yes. Yes. Do your job. You know, Donald Trump, do your job. I don't know what the fuck that came from. Although Donald Trump claiming he's best buds with Brady, which I don't care, you know, although Brady is a staunch Republican, like Jared Fogle, you know, I'm a little bit more of a centrist, but these staunch Republicans always have some kind of skeleton come out of the closets. You know, Democrats are no, you know, saints as well, but shit, it seems like all those Republicans who have answers for everybody else are always the ones that something comes out of the closet. And Jared Fogle, talk about eating fresh. Woo. A dance of the living dead. I don't even know. Oh, it's, well, it's politically incorrect. You can't, but 17 year old girls paying for sex. Come on, kid. You know, let's talk about guy who fucking landed on third base and thought he, thought he hit a triple. You know, he fucking some fat boy lost a bunch of weight because he decided to eat six inch Subway sandwiches and the shit caught on and Subway heard about and turned him into millions. The guy's worth $15 million because he come up with a little diet and he blows it. He lives in a freaking, you know, mansion. Of course, that last commercial he had, now that I have kids, I really have to, okay, now that you have kids, now you're a saint. Now that I have kids, I can go out and spend money on 17 year old prostitutes. I hate that. It's the same Christian mentality like Art Bryles. Oh, I'm a Christian. So I'm more, more American than higher ground. People with children play that same card. Oh, I have children. So now I know what it's like to be a real man. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. I'm a Christian. The fuck am I sitting here talking about Jared Fogle in the middle of a football season? Not in the middle, the middle of the beginning of a football season. And the football writers of America came out with a 75th anniversary team. Which, yeah, if you look through it, you can agree with them. Of course, people are already crying foul about everything because people, you know, people are already disputing who's on the list because people like to cry foul about everything. But, it's a solid list. You can't really dispute few much although tommy frazier as the 13 quarterback might be the biggest reach but people bitching about tebow come on take the pro football aside a two-time national championship winner and a heisman trophy winner all right you cannot take that away how many guys have ever done something like that how many guys have won two two national championships and heisman trophy i know there's a few and i think i've talked about it before but he deserves to be on there roger starbuck i guess people of a certain age men of a certain age have a hot on for roger starbuck i never really watched him play i guess it's kind of analogous to uh you know people of a certain age have a hot on for joe montana like i have a semi for tom brady same thing same vein i guess first team running back archie griffin you know two-time heisman trophy winner what the hell back-to-back heisman trophy winner herschel walker i know dan patrick was hemming and hawing i don't know what he's doing but he's got a lot of guys in the team running hard and saying that oj should be on that list but you can't really overlook what oj did not that that should really matter for these lists but come on let's play fair here people let's have fun archie griffin herschel walker second team tony dorsett barry sanders bo jackson third team and then he got thrown one in for the gray heads stoke walker although there is a dope walker at one he did he was the man larry fitzgerald jerry rice first team second team fred berlin the cough randy moss calvin johnson i thought that was a little bit of a stretch third team first team tight end keith jackson second team dicka instead of going through this whole thing nebraska was the most with six ohio state had five pittsburgh pittsburgh of all teams had five players on the old all college football team was it you know tony to a set mike dick uh the other guy's name that escapes me dean lyman uh no leroy salmon no he wasn't on the hugh green hugh green was on the bill fralick was on the old lineman you know pittsburgh of all teams it goes to show you though the rabidness of college football in the pennsylvania area pittsburgh five bam oklahoma texas three florida state georgia michigan usc three stands to reason those aforementioned names though curious absence of notre dame you think notre dame would be on them but i digress hold on let me grab another beer before i start talking about jim mcmahon or the fuck i'm gonna talk about jim mcmahon had a pipe in about deflate gate another 80s icon down the bill cosby hulk hogan now jim mcmahon add to the shit list next thing you know who's you know he man's gonna be you know found to be a pedophile i think i might use that joke last time but it stands to reason jim mcmahon called bill belichick a liar because he said he was gonna be on the team and then cut him wow you know that's really one of those things that uh that much of a liar you know didn't that happen all the time as soon as people get cut all the time in the nfl yeah i don't know why i even brought it up snoop dog cordell whom i coached again against in high school here when he went to diamond bar he actually started a massive brawl they ended up at the end of the game recanted it on a podcast a few years ago he but he started a fight and ended up calling the game short but he ended up quitting football ucla wanted to side on to pursue his film production company i don't blame him the hell unless he thinks he's a good guy i don't blame him i don't blame him i don't blame him i don't blame him he's gonna go to the nfl which you know as you look at it is not whole it's cracked up to be wants to start his own film production company he's already got two feet in the door what the hell good for him cool ucla is getting bringing down their quote losing their quarter of star rappers kids well p diddy's kids still there even though he got in that brawl with sal lossy another retread a guy who got thrown out of the nfl but ends up you know gets picked off third base ends up going back to second base getting a job at ucla the nepotism and the good old boy network i mean guys you look at these nfl coaches 20 years experience mike malaki 21 years in nfl jeff fisher 20 something years in the nfl and some some fresh ideas and let's bring some guys in you know your chip kelly's of the world even though i had my beefs with chip is well documented but even you know i'm not gonna say i'm not gonna say but you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know you know and started screaming at the reporter, you guessed it, do your job. He started screaming at the reporter, do your job. I get that's this magical fucking elixir that can, you know, if you tell me, oh, yeah, you're right, I should do my job because you keep yelling at me with spit in your mouth. You know, you should do your job. Donald Trump, do your job. Donald Trump almost bought the Patriots in 88. Probably would have moved him out of New England, moved him to New Jersey or something. He had a third team in New Jersey. Why do I keep bringing up Donald Trump? I don't give a fuck about Donald Trump. How's he milking his way into this podcast? Nobody wants to hear this. We want to hear about beer and wine sales at Ohio State. It's about fucking time one of the major, major college teams decides they're going to start selling beer. And wine at college football games. Talk about snoozing on revenue. The fuck? So what? A couple more DUIs happen in the course of a game. Not like people aren't fucking hamming anyway. People aren't smuggling in flasks of Pepman schnapps and shit to high school games across the country. Ohio State is going to dabble. We're going to see how it goes. Are you kidding me? Talk about chance for revenue. That money should be turned around and given right back to players. Every. Every cent that's made in profit. Or maybe not every cent. Cunt some kind of deal. 50-50. Every dollar that they made. 50 cents goes to some kind of trust fund that key players can get after they're out of college. Huh? Huh? I have to talk to my people. Talk to Miles Brand and I don't think Miles Brand's actually the head of the NCAA anymore. What do I know? I don't even have ESPN. Fucking. What do I know? I know Minnesota. West Virginia are doing it to rave reviews. Yes. Everybody's drinking socialites in Minnesota and West Virginia. They can handle it there. They can handle it in Ohio State. I would assume. It's tough to assume anything these days. Shit, they're going to do alcohol sales in Taco Bell, which is heavenly. Which is one of the best things I've heard in forever. Shit, I'd get down in a couple beers. One of those double XL chicken stuffed burritos. Forget it. I don't know. Why it takes so long for them to... Of course, I'm sure this is liabilities insurance and stuff. I'm sitting here talking about fucking liability insurance. When you got guys like RG3 being concussed again. I think that was a bullshit argument, though. I don't think he was concussed. They said he was back playing today. Practicing the other day. I think it was an easy excuse to get him out so he didn't have to deal with the reporters. Even though they're throwing him under the bus. A guy that can't even frigging... He goes back to Paz and he's being swamped. Teams are built up front. Everybody knows that. You see how the Cowboys do this. Everybody knows that teams are built up front. You don't got any linemen. If you can't block things, you can't run anything. As RG3 finds out, although that... I would like to see him get released out of that purgatory of Washington. Go play somewhere else. He could. Michigan State. Excuse me, Michigan State. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Mississippi. Coach Hugh Freeze and Mississippi State Coach Dan Mullen. Mullen from New Hampshire. Not that that matters. And Mississippi... Hugh Freeze. Not the name of the Arnold Schwarzenegger character and Batman and Robin. Wasn't it Hugh Freeze or Victor Freeze or something like that? Or Hugh Mungus? I don't know. Mr. Freeze. Anyhow, he came out and signed a petition to ban the Confederate flag from Mississippi. I don't know why all of a sudden it takes... shooting in a church, which terrible, obviously, nothing funny about that, to, oh, wow, yeah, we got this Confederate flag problem. No, it's fucking, people know, seen that. And I hate that bullshit argument that, oh, the Confederate flag is part of the heritage. Yeah, the heritage where they tried to leave America and tried to propagate slavery, which is against the ideals of the United States of America. You know, it's part of their heritage. Well, the heritage sucks. Let's get rid of it. They signed a petition. They're getting a lot of heat from it. Even though Mississippi and Mississippi State at one point last year were one and two in the country. They're the fucking rebels. This is Ole Miss rebels. By very nature, they're talking about, you know, you should talk about, people get all bent out of shape about the Redskins and Seminoles and all that, but fucking rebels, it almost is bad. Hey, people died in that war. But, you know, we just kind of, oh, that's our culture. S. Lee Thie. F.E.T. I don't know. This is the year. Finally, it seems the SEC is being kind of pushed back a little. You look at the top 10. They only got what? Auburn and Bama. Georgia floating in there. Three of the top 10. Feels like for the last five years, it's been eight of the top 10 in our SEC. Maybe not eight, but, you know, four or five. And Bama's always going to be good because of Nick Saban in Alabama. It's time to push out those teams. Back to some real teams, like Michigan State and Ohio State, where they care about good northern values, which is exploit workers and pay women 20 cents an hour to work in factories. I don't know why I just got into the Gilded Age era of production when it has to do with anything that has to do with college football these days. Terrell Suggs being penalized for hitting, you know, Sam Bradford and Reid Option, and everybody's calling him a thug. Terrell Suggs is no thugs. But, yeah, I don't know how they can throw. It's amazing how Chip Kelly's going to throw Sam Bradford out there and try to run Reid Option with a guy who's had two ACL surgeries and just kind of run him into the ground. I mean, I don't think they're going to run him into the ground. It's one of those things where I think they're going to use it to keep defenses honest. But, shit. Why would you even take a chance at something like that? I have no idea. What the hell was I even reading about this? It was just Molly Shattuck. I can't even read my own fucking handwriting. NFL ESPN. Going to put in pylon cameras. Go back and listen, you know, I think it was episode five of season one. I don't know why they don't have cameras and everything. I don't know why they don't have GoPro cameras on these guys. Helmets. Stick them on there. They got these high-tech listening devices that they plant in. Why can't they put cameras? They're going to put cameras everywhere. I don't know why they can't put, you know, cameras on a guy, a player sitting on the sideline. I mean, cameras are so easy to cheap to make nowadays. I don't know why they don't put them everywhere. Now, they're experimenting with trying to throw those on them. I don't know. What am I experimenting with? I'm not experimenting with anything. We can kickball basketball. I'm not experimenting. Although I'm taking more of a role offensively in calling plays and design plays. You guessed it. Unbalanced quarterback run game. Extremely difficult to stop. With a quarterback run game, you even the numbers back up for the offense. It's 11 on 11 football, not 11 on 10 anymore. If a quarterback can't run and unbalanced, it makes defenses adjust for the gap. So you can also get square the advantage back up to one-on-one. And exploit advantages of gaps by going unbalanced, which you never see in the NFL. You see one unbalanced formation. You see the Patriots run an unbalanced formation last year in the playoffs. First, the Ravens. And everybody's extolling Belichick as a genius, even though it's a high school fucking formation. Oh, genius formation. Wow. You take a guy over from one line, put an extra guy on the other side of the ball. Yes, yes. Genius. But it forces teams to, A, account for the quarterback running, and B, doing math and trying to add up gaps that otherwise aren't there in traditional football. I just don't get why nobody does it. You see it once in the playoffs, and you see a double pass, an unbalanced formation, and everybody considers Belichick to be a genius. I do a lot of unbalanced formations and double passes, and I'm just some fucking scrub fucking football coach. What the hell do I know about anything? I blame the president for all that. I don't know. It just seems to be something everybody says nowadays. And guys go in both ways. You know, he's finally seen Percy Hovind go trying to play. I don't know if he's the guy that you want to do it with. USC's having, what's the guy's name, play all, you know, both ways. I don't know why. That shit is so effective. When is the one time you ever seen a player play both ways and get burnt out? You can run eight offensive plays and, you know, change the dynamic of the game. Shit, every game comes down to about four or five plays anyway. I don't know why I make a big deal. You know, four or five big plays, four or five swing plays, get your best athletes on the field and let them go. In unbalanced formations with quarterback running, not that fucking hard. Pretty simple thing. Do your job. Do your job, AP. The GOAT. The LeBron James of the NFL. All right. I got a freaking, I'm sweating my balls off. No guests this week. So just wanted to come out. Missing SummerSlam. An hour later than I usually do it. You know, dogs and cats sleeping together. Mass hysteria. Still plowing through. I guess follow me on us on Twitter. I don't even fucking tweet anymore. It's really creeped me out. Especially in light of all. Those deflate gate shit. I just feel my blood pressure rising all the time. My heart rate rising. Although that does seem to be the key. That's something I'm working on. Keeping your heart rate down. I was forced to watch my Saturday afternoon TV. Watching arm wrestling competition. The World American, World Arm League. Arm Wrestling League. What's his name? John Brzenk. Legendary arm wrestler. They had a hot monitor on all the guys for some reason. And his heart rate. His wrestling heart rate was like 130. And then his competition heart rate was like 145. And they had the other guys wrestling. Heart rates were like 140. And then they competed. Heart rate was like 230. And this guy is the GOAT. The LeBron James of arm wrestling. But it's all about being able to control your breathing and your heart rate. I have a hard time with it. Obviously, I'm always fucking exasperated and a mouth breathing in this microphone. But the guy. People that can. Maintain poise. Throughout situations. Seem to be the ones that. Come out on top. Seem to be the ones that. Do well in the long run. People can just be calm. And in the moment. In the moment be calm. Those are the ones that seem. You know. Ice water in their veins so to speak. But what do I know? I don't have ice water in my veins. I freaking. Have sparkling water in my veins. And freaking. Bud light in my veins. And. Smokeless tobacco. Running through my veins. I don't know. That's about it. Sorry to bore you with everything. I'll be back. Not next week. I got another bullshit thing to do. But I'll be back the first weekend. Before the season starts. Before the Patriots. Play. With the Steelers. And Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers. And. You know. Who knows what's going to happen with that. Supposedly. By August. 31st. Brady's going to find out. Whether he's going to. Miss the four games. Part of me. Wants him to miss games. I want to see what Jimmy G can do. Watch a little bit of Jimmy Garoppolo. I think he's a player. But shit. Brady. You know. His emails. And the way everything going. He wants to play seven or more. Eight more years. You can't wait around. Till Jimmy Garoppolo is what? 32. To finally get his first start. It's not like a Steve Young situation. NFL is a lot different now. Back when they were. You know. Indentured servants. And they were stuck on teams. And they couldn't get out of their contracts. You know. You got to. For the sake of Garoppolo's career. I'd like to see him up. But I would like to see. Garoppolo play the first or second game. See what they got. You know. Shit. I'd rest fucking Brady till week 10. Then let him play. See where they're at. As long as they're keeping. Their head above water. And some kind of playoff contention. I know the real world doesn't work that way. But. You know. Rest him. You know what he can do. Why is he even playing in these preseason. Meals. Meaningless preseason games. See. Jordy Nelson just went down. In a meaningless preseason game. Which is. A huge momentum swing. I know. Momentum's not the. Right word. But. Tips to scales. If you will. For. Aaron Rodgers. And the Green Bay Packers. His team that. You know. Obviously has aspirations. In the body trophy. I was just sitting at the bottom. A friend of mine. Is in a league of. A fantasy football league. With. A bunch of. Guys I used to work with. Eddie Lane. And. Casey was the number one pick. I thought that was a bit of a stretch. I know some people. Really. Hell bent on. Pitch. Picking. Running backs. Number one overall. But. Geez. I think it's. A bit of a stretch. I would just go quarterback. I'm not a fantasy player. I have enough. You know. Hot enough time with reality. But. I would take a quarterback. Guy who you know is. You know. Gonna. Give you points. Andrew Locke. I think Roethlisberger's gonna have a big year. And Drew Brees. And all that. But. I'm not a fantasy player. What do I know about fantasy football? Although I know it's. The league is making a ton of money off of. Was it. Draft Kings. Which is gambling on individual players. And now individual players are saying. Hey. If you're gonna gamble on me. I'd like to do a little bit of cut of profit. And everyone's like. No. No. No. No. You get enough money anyway. Might as well let these freaking internet geeks. Who came up with this. Fantasy football on a daily basis. They make billions of dollars. Betting on your head. But if. You know. When some guys. Happen to say. Oh. Hey. I think I'm. You know. I deserve a cut of this action. Oh. No. No. No. They're anti-American. They're a union employee. You know. You get millions of dollars anyway. Let these fucking. Computer fucking. Jockeys. Make all the money off these. In the NFL. Completely. You know. Gambling's illegal everywhere. But. You know. Fan duel. And Draft Kings. Oh. There's nothing wrong with that. Even though. People are losing. Big time money off that. I don't get. Why. This. You know. Why states just can't make. Sports gambling. Legal across the board. But they can bet on guys. Individually. I don't get it. I don't get any type of shit. I was going to cut this program off. In 20 minutes. And here we are. 55 minutes. 54 minutes. And 24 seconds. Into it. And finally. I'm going to freaking. Get out of here. I will be back. In two weeks. In two weeks. At seven o'clock. Back to the normal time. Ready to go. Freaking football season. We'll have a good time. We'll have a first game. Under the. Under the lights. Ready to go. And Tom Brady will be. The decision will be made. By that. Time. I am out. Later. up.