I don't know what that means I don't know what that means either Big ups to our friend Charlie Brown Looks like you're having a tough evening We love you Charlie Brown Otherwise known as Andrew Hey so we're back We took a week off Yeah we did Since we started doing this consistently on a weekly basis We have not taken a week off We even came in on Christmas Eve One year We're a pretty bunch of troopers Not just us but also the people that work here Because we can't do the show alone We need people to run like Mindy and whomever So that's kind of awesome But we were sick last week And I am still sick this week But We're going to see how this goes That's what we're going to do It could be awesome It could be It could be awful So you're sick I am sick My back is broken She's the youngest She's hobbling around I'm totally going to get her They have these walkers at the thrift store I don't know how much they are Why would you look at a walker at a thrift store If you have no need for a walker But I think she needs one Because she's broken In every possible way So there's that So when the guy took the x-rays Of my spine And he was telling me about the treatment He was going to use on me He's like yeah I use this on people who are in their 60s And I'm like Am I that like that I'm 29 With a spine of a 60 year old Apparently Could be like Watch out you could be like me And have little mini fractures in your spine And you're going to die that way Hey now Do you like that That'd be awesome Yeah So real life happened to us Totally did It impacts I don't know how you being sick Impacts your dominance But me Me with my back all messed up Has impacted my surface Significantly It really has It's really hard to move around And with my mistress makes me laugh She gets a sweet sadistic joy out of it Because When I make slate movements sometimes It kinda fucking hurts It does It does And I you know I can't help that I'm I can't fucking think of the word Because I'm all spaced out I'm a pathological humorist Okay I don't even do it on purpose It just happens I can't I don't even think I could stop it if I tried When I'm feeling the humorism in me And so we were having dinner At the World Fan It was pantry And because we both want to comfort food And when you think comfort food in downtown LA You think the pantry Yeah And I don't know We were talking about something And I just kept saying stuff that made me laugh And then she had questions about the Mayan sinkholes And so we googled that This is the shit we do people Seriously it's not very exciting This is our life Welcome Exciting But you can google the Mayan sinkhole too And that would be exciting We'd all be together googling I like I like So My mistress is very very smart And so I like to ask her questions But we also have like other Most of our friends are pretty smart Let's face it And they all come with The demographics prove out That people within BDSM Are actually smarter and more educated Than people without So there you have it So most of our friends are smart Because most of our friends are kinky It's true So I like to ask these questions I like I love how people light up When they get to give you this knowledge That they've you know cultivated over time So I asked my mistress Hey Next time we talk to so and so Can we please ask him about sinkholes And Mayans And then she was like Well we can just google it Right you don't have to wait Till the next time we see so and so Like somehow she got like so offended She got so offended And I was like no And then I used our friend's name as a verb Just as you would with google No I'm gonna so and so it Yeah And so she googled it for me Which was really sweet And then I read it And unfortunately there's a lot of like Latin names When you're dealing with people with And unfortunately there's a lot of like With like Mayan and their gods and stuff Butchered I butchered them But not only did I butcher them I made them humorous And so poor Nancy Is over there laughing She goes stop It was And I couldn't stop Because at that point The sadist in me is like No let's keep going This is awesome So there's that But that's not what we're talking about today No I promise we're gonna talk about something meaningful What? I don't think I can I'll do my best But my brain is a little It's a little Like custard Like the custard That I ate Ah It's a little like that Okay So the topic is What's the topic again? Wow We had a totally like Long conversation About what it meant And everything And really? I know what we Discovering your kinky self That's the topic Well it was just Well we discussed the topic Being discovering yourself But I suppose yes We were being specific Discovering yourself Discovering your kinky self Well we have a focus on the show I mean we could talk about discovering yourself But you know that's very broad And you know we are intellectual kink So let's focus it a little bit Let's have an angle Sorry What are you doing? Just got a little drool here You're taking advantage of the fact That the camera that is usually pointed at you It's pointed at me But it's the lens is closed I opened it Oh you See just Wow That is If you're just tuning in That was A little drool there A little drool Sometimes I drool That's quite a sound Yes I'm a sexy, sexy woman So sexy So Okay Yeah So Discovering yourself I mean and It's really funny Because I have this thing about how I think that kink Is kind of like a thing That's kind of a part of your DNA Kind of the same way that You know your sexuality is a part of your DNA It's just kind of how you're born And it can be cultivated or not But it's still kind of there You know you kind of always feel it pulling at you So if you were an S-type You feel yourself you know pulling towards the submissive desires If you're a D-type You feel yourself pulling towards the dominant desires And then if society is telling you That you need to be opposite of that Then you have to squelch it There's a lot That's just how I feel And I think that When you're discovering You know we've had this whole We did the kinky puberty a long time ago And this is a lot like it I love that episode Yeah this is a lot like you know kinky puberty Where you're really discovering yourself Because I think that we Even in kinky adolescence And kinky midlife And kinky old age I think that we are still discovering ourselves You know because with each experience With each relationship With each new toy With each whatever We're learning more and more about ourselves And we change and we grow And we ebb and we flow And I think that those are all opportunities If we're kind of paying attention Where we can be like Hey I learned something new about myself At the ripe old age of 29 Or 40 Or whatever ancient age You may or may not be And I think that that's kind of awesome Yes I think that you know When you're a newbie There's so many Different things that You could try or not try But I think one of the things that happens Is that you know You have to make a decision really quick And you have to make a decision really quick And you have to make a decision really quick You have to For a lot of people I'm not saying for all obviously But you know You have to make a decision about Well you know who am I Am I a top Am I a bottom You know Am I just a kingster Because everyone's always eager to know who you are Everyone's eager to know What box to put you in So that kind of puts you in the position Where you need to figure it out for yourself Or somebody else will figure it out for you And you don't like that And you don't like that But I think I think I think Please correct me if I'm wrong I think there's There's equal amounts of pressure For both sides of the coin But I think you know An added pressure that I think a top or a d-type would have Is the added responsibility You know you identify as a d-type Or as a top And there's almost this expectation That you know what you're doing There's an expectation That you know what you're doing In terms of like being safe And you know being someone Who knows how to do the technical stuff So to speak Allow me to take that To how it translates In a d-type brain like mine Where you know what you're doing Really means Well you're supposed to know it all You're supposed to have all the answers You're you know all of these things And that is An overwhelming amount of responsibility It's very difficult It's very frightening And so Sometimes there's And I say this to a lot of people Sometimes you fake it till you make it Or you're like you know Yeah I'm a d-type I know what I'm doing It doesn't necessarily mean That you're going to engage In dangerous activities Or you're going to engage in play In which you don't know safety protocols But you know you may be Like got the swagger Got the d-type swagger When inside you're like I got no fucking clue What I'm doing I'm a fucking idiot You know there's There's a very different Internal dialogue going on And that's because you're like Fuck this is the box that I'm in What the fuck I gotta live up to the box Whether you really are feeling Competent enough to do it or not And that's you know It's scary And the problem with that is In dealing with that This particular topic Of trying to discover yourself You then become a self-fulfilling prophecy Where you're You say you're a d-type So you act like a d-type You say And then it kind of Turns you into this d-type And the truth is Maybe that's not who you are Maybe you're not You know a dominant Or a master In a DSMS kind of scenario Maybe you're a sadist Or maybe you're a switch Or maybe you're really Just a kinkster You know what I'm saying And you remove that possibility Of discovering all of those Other areas Of who or what you may be Because you have labeled yourself And everybody else has labeled you And off you go And the funny thing about labels Is everybody gets really Really upset When somebody jumps out of their label It's like whoa whoa whoa You know I remember It was quite Quite a little hullabaloo Amongst some of my kinky friends When I said I bottomed To my switch boyfriend at the time People were like what? What? Are you a switch now? That was the first thing Are you a switch now? I'm gonna say no But I'm gonna say that I bottomed And I'm not gonna say I hated it Some of it I liked And I can definitively see Why people do it For the cathartic experience It was incredibly cathartic I could totally see That being a very therapeutic experience That people would want to seek out On a repeated basis Does that make me submissive? Yeah No Not so much I'm not good at taking orders I am fantastic at service But it's service that I want to give Which still It's still service on my terms You know it's still very dominant But it's funny how that That really And some people are like wow I don't know if I can look at you the same way Some people actually said that to me I was like oh Well no I remember when you told me That I was like Okie dokie What is happening Not okay Right? You were very It bothered you a lot Because what did that mean for your mistress? Well yeah but I mean already so many things About that entire situation were bothering me So I think it was colored I have a horrible taste in my own partners You know this Damn it I hope that I'm the exception Yes Yes No yes I don't know You're fine I don't know I don't know Go on No but it's Yeah people It's difficult for people To accept when somebody does something That's outside of their label For example you You've pegged boys I have And people were like wait what? Isn't that a very domy thing to do? And you say but I love it And it's like oh so you can You can get toppy And you're like Only then But even then You're really not topping I mean I've seen you do it It's not that toppy But it makes people uncomfortable Because then And I joke about this with people You joke about the coughing? No Yeah I joke about the coughing Hey be lucky I'm not having a coughing fit Because that is an attractive thing by the way So we have this thing We all go through life Where we quickly put labels on people Like oh Whether we're talking about In our normal life In our kinky life Oh they're a dom Oh they're a sub Oh they're a top Oh they're a bottom Oh they're a switch Oh they're the boss Oh they're the CEO Oh they're the janitor We put labels on people And with those labels Come our own presuppositions About what that label means And our own presuppositions Come from our own past experiences So for me a janitor means ABCD For me a CEO means ABCD For me a switch means this You know what I mean? I'm saying those are my labels That I'm putting upon them Which has absolutely nothing to do with them Other than this label that I've put them in So they're in these boxes Everybody's in these boxes And I'm going on my little life In my little You know I've got little blinders on I'm going through my life Woohoo I'm so self-absorbed And my life is good And everybody's in their boxes And life is happy And somebody jumps out of their box Somebody jumps out of their fucking box And like they're rogue They're rogue They can go in any fucking box And all of a sudden I have to stop focusing on myself And my own self-importance To be worried about What this person's gonna do What this person's gonna do That jumped out of their box Wow And it becomes very I'm not This is not a reality This is just one of those things Where I've seen people do this And people become very uncomfortable Yeah With people who don't adhere to a label And the problem with that Is that again It's a label that That I Or that they have put on somebody else Somebody else can define their label Completely differently Look That janitor could have a fucking PhD Which does not necessarily go with the label I have created for a janitor You know what I'm saying? Yes But his label for a janitor is I'm a janitor to pay the bills But at home I'm tinkering on this that or that project Because I have a degree in You know Biochemical engineering or something It's like oh Pipe bombs I don't know what you do You know But do you see Do you see how that's And that's a That's a self-centered issue And human beings naturally Are very self-centered We really just are I mean we have to be though And I'm not saying That that's a good or a bad thing It's just the nature of It's just the nature of being humans We can only think with our own brain We can only experience things Through our own eyes And through our own lives So we have to therefore be self-centered The idea is to try and be open When other people are trying to discover Who and what they are And if you are a person that isn't open It's going to be difficult To accept other people That want to experience other things Does that make sense? Because then you can't Empathize with their experience Because you haven't had that thinking That experience yourself And if you haven't had that thinking And that experience yourself It's very difficult To be open to it in another person Does that make sense? No yeah it does I don't know if I'm No a little bit But no it makes sense Awesome No I think that you know Again so our topic is you know Finding your kinky self Did I go off topic? A little bit Shit sorry That's okay But One of the things that I think about very often And I feel bad about thinking about this Is you know How do you really know You really really know That you are Whichever given role You are identifying as Like what kind of Hard evidence do you have For yourself Doesn't have to be for other people You know Am I an S type person? Am I an S type person? Am I an S type simply Because I wear a collar on my neck? What makes me that? How do I know How do I know That that's what I am? And It makes me think a lot about people Who have not played And I think about how Well How you So you bottomed And you knew immediately How it felt for you How that fit into Your identity You were able to decipher What you liked And what you didn't like And what you liked about it And how that fit in I think about people who Have never had that chance You know Say for instance People who do online DS Okay You know When you're playing Or even just having You know Interactions When on one face to face With the other side of the coin There is this Energy exchange That happens That almost reaffirms Your role You know I kiss your feet You pat my head It's like a lock and key There's a lock And there's a key And they both go together What? You're making me think of that show Lock Which means there must be a key Sorry people It's a supernatural reference It is But But you know what I'm saying Like you know There's that energy exchange That happens Which I want to say Yeah It validates Who I am Because I get You know You pat me on the head And I'm like I get that joy And you know I wonder if for someone who Would that be different For someone else Do all S types get That kind of You know Lock and key Kind of situation Where they engage in something They engage in some sort of activity What happens to them? Whatever it is Does not have to be this example It could be you know Being of service in some domestic way Or it could be playing Whatever But you know Is that an experience That validates who you are? You get what I'm trying to say? You feeling me? Validates That's the word that I'm getting hung up on I know That's why I was saying Maybe that's not the right word Yeah that's I'm trying to understand You mean Like Reaffirms to yourself Yes Like Clarifies it for you Gives you Okay Okay then that I can get Yeah I'm just making sure I didn't mean validate In the traditional sense That's why it's just clarification See again Words mean things Different things for different people That's why it's okay to clarify It's cool It's cool Clarity is good And not just the song No I think And everybody's different Did she just hurt your back? Mm-hmm From laughing? No I like literally Just moved like Less than an inch Like twisted Just a teensy bit Such an old lady That's not good Continue I don't know what I was gonna say I think that Yes To have Confirmation From an outside source A trusted outside source If there is a belief If you're on A path to belief If you're on a path To believing That you are one way Or another Or you have one proclivity Or another And somebody confirms it Feels good Because let's say You've spent your life Most kinksters that I know Have known from a young age That they were a little different From the quote unquote norm Mm-hmm You know I was gonna do a geek reference But I'm not going to Anyway And so when there's a confirmation You know I know for myself I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek I'm not gonna be a geek affirmation from, let's say, Ms. Diana, which I look up to amazingly. And I was like, wow, to me, it was like, oh, okay, I'm like, I'm on the right track. Like, even though it was, you know, years and years and years later, it's still one of those, oh, even at this phase of my dominance, I can still feel that, that external, like you use the word validation, I'm on the right track. It's a little bit different from your example, but we all have different reasons. I mean, I'm not gonna, I get that sense of, you know, affirmation when someone submits to me, because it's like, oh, but along with that comes all this other shit, like the responsibility and like, oh, I've got all these responsibilities, what am I gonna do? That kind of thing. So I'm dying. Don't die. I'm not dying. I mean, we all are technically, but I'm gonna get into that. Um, yeah, I mean, so, uh, the discussion, the recovering of yourself in kinkiness is, is a, is weird because, um, and I'm, it's probably a lot easier for a dominant male or submissive female. I've had a lot of conversations with other dominant females and submissive men because they're going against the flow of what is expected of them societally is it's expected for a female to be submissive. It is expected for a male to be dominant. Those are just expectations. That's what society has decided is the acceptable. so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so felt I was on the inside, but I was conforming because that's what I was supposed to do. And that's what life is. You kind of conform to a mold. That's what you do. And I think that people in the BDSM community, we have our conformities as well, but they're just very different conformities. There are still molds for a dominant male. There's still molds for a submissive female. There's still molds for a dominant female and molds for a submissive male. And switches are kind of like outliers because they're like, oh, you're a switch. We don't know. We don't really have a mold for you. We're going to put a funky mold on you. So they kind of don't get involved in this one little group, if that makes sense. So for example, if you are wearing a black leather corset and black boots and stockings, and you have the long black hair and the whip, you are a submissive male. You have conformed perfectly to what a female dominant should look like. That is what they should all look like, right? Because, well, isn't that what is promoted? But if you go out and actually meet people, it's really not what they look like. They're all over the place. Some of them are grandmas. They're all over the place. And you've felt it, I know, when you feel like you're not in the mold of what a submissive male is. A submissive female should or should not be. And you feel like you're getting these sideway glances from other S-types. And that, I think, to me, that really detracts from that sense of discovering yourself. If we feel as though there is some level of competition, then we can't be true to ourselves. And we shouldn't be a mold. Nobody should ever be a mold. Well, and not only that, but we also can't be true to the person that we're in a power exchange relationship with. Yeah, but it's, I mean, being true to yourself is the primary. And once you are, then you can be true to them, if that makes sense. Absolutely. But let's face it, you know, that doesn't always happen in that order. You know, sometimes you get really excited and you're like, I'm gonna get myself a shiny submissive. I'm gonna get myself someone to worship. I don't know how that works, but whatever. But you get carried away, you know, your frenzies. And you want all of the things, get all of the things. And you think you're so ready for it. And I think that, you know, BDSM is so much fun. It is so much fun. And it can be easy to overlook this pretty big thing of getting to know yourself. It can be easy to overlook that because you get excited by the shiny. And getting to know yourself. Getting to know yourself is kind of a pain in the ass. It's not fun. It really isn't. Not fun. You have to kind of face demons and inadequacies and insecurities. It's, yeah, it's a lot of, like, therapy, which is hard. Yeah, that's not fun. But the shiny is fun. The shiny is totally fun. And the stories. Oh my God, we did this weekend. Yeah, right? Right. I mean. That's totally fun. Right? I'd rather talk about, like, what we do on those weekends than, like, those other weekends where we have disagreements. And then, like, I'm like, nah, I'm staying on the couch and I'm not seeing anybody because. Right? Right. I mean. I think you're spending too much time around me. You're rubbing, I'm rubbing off on you. Because I just made sounds. Yes. To describe an emotion. Yes. Yeah. Today I told someone to shut their whore face. Oh. At work? I did. I did. How'd that go over? I, you're in HR. Just saying. That's interesting to come from the HR lady. She laughed. Okay. Awesome. Awesome. Yeah. Because immediately after I said it, I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I don't know where the fuck that came from. I know where it came from. Well, you do. Because you say it to me all the damn time. I say it all nice like. I'm very nice. You're nuts. Shh. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm very nice. I'm nice. Damn it. I didn't even do anything. I just, I can't get comfortable is the problem. I told you, you need to have one of those pillows. I offered you to bring you the cushion toilet ring that was used for potty training for my children. It's Dora the Explorer. That'd be so fun. You're like, no. I'm not even going to tell you what I'm imagining that would happen because what for? I'm not even going to tell you what I'm imagining that would happen because what for? I'm just going to be like, oh God. You need pillows. I'm in so much pain right now. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's not your fault. No, it's not. But still, just like generally, like the ether is sorry. Everybody's sorry. Got it. That kind of thing. Yeah. No, no, no. I'm with you on that. I'm with you. I had a thing that I was going to say. It was a thing? It was a thing that I was going to say. Was it about the shiny? No. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Um, I don't know. You don't know the thing. I don't know the thing either because I'm not in your head. Remember we were talking earlier about how we're very selfish people and we can only know, we can only think with our own minds. So that's a thing that's what we can't do. This is making for excellent radio. It's a totally awesome radio. It's fantastic radio. Oh, awesome. Yeah. So, yeah, there's that. There's that. There was something I was going to say that was about something kinky and- I should hope so. That seemed relevant at the time. And gone from the brain. My brain's like scrambled eggs. Dude, I feel like we should not have done this show today. No, I feel like we should do this show. This show's awesome. Don't hang up, people. Don't stop listening because it's going to get so good. This is when it's going to be awesome. We're going to drop some knowledge on you. I feel like I already dropped knowledge. I feel like I like shot my wad. I got nothing left. I'm like that one shooter guy. Makes me sad. So I guess like one of the things that I think about when I, so if I hear the topic, you know, finding my kinky self, you know, I operate in terms of like lists and like checklists. Like, okay, how do I do this thing? I'm such a fan of going to howto.com. You don't even know. Never even heard of it. Howto.com, oh my God. It's like the best thing ever in the universe. I love like everything. It's so great. I love it. It's my favorite thing on the internet. Next to Google. What? Anyway. It's my favorite search engine rather. Oh, my favorite thing is IMDb. But so I think, you know, okay, so how do I do this thing? How do I find my kinky self? And one of the first things that comes to mind is my mindset. Where's my head? Is my heart okay? Is my heart into this? How do I measure that? How do I measure how balls deep I am in submission? Another thing that I also think about is how, how does a certain activity make me feel? How do I feel afterwards? Do I feel guilty? Do I feel dirty? Do I feel excited? Do I want it again? You know, and all of these things mean, you know, taking an inventory. Am I happy? You know, I mean, we have, I mean, you and I have, because you people know, we have issues. We have shit we're working through, but you know, when you're in that stage of like discovering yourself, I think it's really important to be super aware of how happy does something make you? Is it, is it fulfilling? Does it feel like a chore? Are you dragging your feet? If you're an S type, are you like, oh, I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm happy. I'm like, oh my God, I don't even want to smell another dirty dish. Are you, I mean like, where, where's your head at? What? No, no, go on, go on, go on. Oh, no, cause you gave me this look. I, I, I want to see, I want to see where you're going. No, well, my, no, my, My D type brain heard something and I want to make sure that I'm understanding. My, my point, the point that I'm, that I'm making is, in all of these activities, in this, whatever this predetermined box is that you've decided to put yourself in. I'm using the example of BNS type. You're putting yourself in this box and you're measuring yourself up to what is expected of that. How is it making you feel? Are you feeling fulfilled in that role? Do you want more? Are you envisioning yourself doing something that is completely on the other side of that coin? Just taking an inventory. Okay. Okay. What went off in your D type, Bryn? Oh, the dirty dish. The dirty dish. Okay. Because I'm like, eh, you know, because you're not going to love every task as an S type that you're given. You're not going to love every task. That is true. And, you know, if your task is to do the dishes, your task is to do the dishes. And you may not love it. You may not love the task, but does that therefore reflect on your submission? Because you don't love it. It makes you a bad submissive. I don't think that's a true statement. No, but I mean, I'm not saying that you, you have to love it. You could fucking hate it. You can hate it so fucking much. But if at the end of the day, what you want, what your motivation is, is to please your D type, then you're not going to give a shit. Well, you'll give a little bit of a shit. You see, again, it's sending a very, a mixed message. I mean, people care. I mean, things, you know, you don't like cleaning the cat boxes. Who likes cleaning the fucking cat box? It's just not fun. But you do it. But I do it. Exactly. Because you know that it's one less thing that I have to do. And it makes me happy. And then I give you, you know, a smile and a thank you and kind of stuff like that. And I might touch you. And that's, there's happiness there. Exactly. I'm laughing at the, you might touch me. You know it. But, but yeah, so the point is. You're touching me. So nice. I can't touch you now because you're in pain. And I'm, I'm a little rough. I'm a, I'm a man handler kind of gal. That's not true. I am very rough. No. You tell me. I mean, you tell me I'm not nice. I'm mean. No. I'm like a giant. No. Hulk smash. Stop it. No. No. No. Yeah. But so the point is that I do it, you know? And at the end of the day, I'm doing it because I'm choosing to. How does that, how, how do you, how do you take an inventory? What's, what's your, I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's just a me thing. We operate in a checklist. I don't, I love, I love checklists. I really do. I don't think I love them as much as you do. But I mean, but I think you might have an unhealthy love for them. I think, you know, good thing that I don't have legal marriage between checklists and people. Stop it. Fabric society would break down. So for me, I think that, I think that we as human beings, we ebb and flow. We, we grow, we, we expand, we contract as is in nature, as is in all of us. And I think the same thing goes for my dominance. And there are some days when I'm feeling very dominant and there are some days when I'm just not. I'm gonna give you an example. I've been sick. I don't fucking give a shit. No. You're not. Like, may I play games? I don't give a shit. Play games. I don't fucking care. I'm too fucking tired. I want to stop coughing. I would like to not hurt from head to toe from the coughing. That would be awesome. It'd be nice. I like to sleep at night occasionally. So like for that, it has significantly ebbed. But then there are moments I may be sick. You may have a back pain. And you may be, you know, suffering through the pain to pick up dishes in the living room. And I may give you a look with every possible massive amount of dominance in that look because it is, and then followed with, put those fucking dishes down. Don't you dare pick that shit up when you're in pain. I have an expectation that you take care of yourself. And then, whew, that was it. I blew my wallet. I had no more dominance after that. I was like, whew, God, can I sit here and not be sick? Damn, that took everything in me. Whew. But she put the dishes down, people, so, and she listened to me because she was terrified. I had enough energy to do that. But the truth of the matter is from, you know, it's, it's being dominant comes naturally. But when you're sick, it's like, I want to be a sponge. I just want to sit and be like, leave me alone. Don't talk to me. Can I watch the TV? Like I can't even play video games because that requires too much work. Yeah. And, and those of you who play video games, it's not a lot of fucking work, but it's more than just watching TV. You know, I don't even fast forward through commercials when I'm sick. That, I mean, to give you an example, that's a big thing. So, you know, for me, in order for me to, to, to do that while I'm sick, it's like, I give myself a pass because it's like, but like in that example, when it needs to be done, when my submissive is damaging herself because she's in so much pain, it hurts for her to move. And she's continuing, to try and pick up dishes because she feels bad and guilty because she isn't doing service. But that's not what is best for her. I need to intercede. When I did that, even though I was sick, I'm like, all right, kudos to me. Good job. On the right discovery dominance path kind of thing. You know what I'm saying? And so for, it's not a checklist, but I look at those moments like, okay, that I'll look at that as a, as a snapshot. I almost said Snapchat, motherfucker, goddamn social media, as a snapshot for a moment to be like, okay, let's put that into my, my file so that when review comes, annual review time comes, I can, I can look at it and be like, cool, I did a good job. And merit increase for you. Right. Woo. I get a merit increase. She does three dishes. I'm kidding. She's off dish duty. Yeah. She's been removed from dish duty, not because of her back, but she just doesn't do them the way I like. And I'm kind of fucking picky. Because, okay. I did not grow up with a dishwasher. Craziness. Dishwasher. That is like, so that is as, I, I have only been around that since I've known you, which has been what? Three years now. So like, that's really strange to me. I'm used to doing them by hand and fucking doing them really well by hand. So it's just odd. I guess. I don't know. So anyway, you're off dish duty, but you also don't know how to put them away. I kids like, fuck, can she put the little forks in the fucking little fork section? I do. I put the, I put them where they go. I do. No. Also, you have like so many fucking dishes. They do not all fucking fit in your kitchen. When they're all clean. No, they don't. I don't understand why you have to have that many dishes. I don't fucking get it. Have you been in my house when all the dishes are dirty and there's no clean dishes? Yes. There's nothing to eat. I know. That's why, that's why dishes are clean so that you have clean dishes. Right. So then, you know, you don't just buy new dishes. To replace the ones that are fucking dirty. I don't understand. Why not? The fuck? Just a little bit. It's not a lot, but a little bit. Oh my God. You, no. Okay. No, no, no. It's a discervention right now. Okay. No, you have purchased like an, like at least two full like sets of dishes. No, that's not true. I'm not even kidding you. I reject that completely. That's a full on lie. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to wash your mouth out with soap for such a lie. It's not true. I've bought bowls and we lost a lot of bowls. A lot of bowls died. So we needed bowls. And I bought glass glasses because when we had people over for drinks, I realized, oh fuck, all I have are plastic glasses. I have adults drinking. I don't want them drinking out of plastic glass. So I got glass glasses. That's it. What's wrong with that? And then we seem to always lose spoons. Exactly. So then I got a bunch of spoons. You got total. I'm telling you. That's not sets of dishes. That's bowls, glasses, and spoons. Up until recently, I, I was doing the dishes. I noticed which dishes are new to the family. And I'm telling you. Some of them could have just come out of the kids' rooms. No, dude. I can tell. I reject you. I think you're wrong. I cannot, like, that's just like, I cannot wrap my fucking mind around that. I need all of them. No, you don't. Yes. How? They do different things. Oh my God. No. They do different things. Different bowls for different uses. Like, stay dirty so you can go buy more dishes. Right? I just. Right? If you did the dishes right, then it wouldn't be a problem. I don't know. You're just totally going to go apart. I'm done. It did. It did. I'm fine with the amount of dishes that I have, though I really am. Other than maybe, maybe having more. Because I like dishes. Which is why they get cleaned. Yes. Yes. We're really having an argument about this on the air. This is one of those things we fight about. On the couch. In between Bob's Burgers episodes. Because this is not something we have on the air. Clearly neither one of us are very clear headed. No, but also. This is how we talk. This is real life. This is real life. This is real. We'll argue about dishes. It's awesome. It's awesome. Now I have two dishes when I get home. Fantastical. Something vibrated. That's my, me. I vibrated. I vibrated too. Oh. Maybe we got the text from the same person. I'm thinking that's exactly what happened. That's cool. Um, um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so just like, here's the thing when, when you're discovering, when trying to figure out who, who and what you are, there are resources out there. I mean, submissive guide is great if you're an S type. Love it. And there's now a place called the dominant guide, which is by the same people, but obviously the dominant side. Um, and it's good, you know, for you to, to research and, and burp into the microphone and get some ideas, um, for kind of who and what appeals to you. Well, and I think, well, those, those two particular examples, I think one of the things that makes them so great is that they pose questions. They pose questions that, and I'm not saying you should ask yourself, but that by asking those questions to yourself, you, you, you start exploring a little bit more and it's a very daunting task to figure out, well, who am I? Where do I fall in all of this? It's very, it can be very intimidating. So it just gives you a place to start. Yeah. You know, I mean, I, so over the weekend, you know, one of our, one of our groups got together and there was a lot of people who, it was an open meeting and a lot of people came and, and some of them were new. Some of them, in fact, someone was like two months new and, you know, and one of the things that I always feel really great about seeing new people is that they're trying to get involved in their community. They're trying to get out and they're trying to meet people. And, and when you're around like-minded people, you, you, you tend to start weeding through the things that apply to you and the things that don't. My dad always used to say, hang around as much people as you want, take what you need and what's good for you and leave the rest. You surround yourself with people who are like-minded. I mean, it's a great opportunity to exchange ideas. So, just saying. Yeah, no, I mean, there's like, we were just giving online, resources, but what I tell everybody, especially if people reach out to me in the LA area fairly frequently. And the first thing I do is I say, you need to find a munch. Find a munch. I mean, and get a home munch. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's really important. That's, that's a good starting point. Find a home munch. Something that you go to consistently where you're going to see the same people, same type of people, whatever. And that, I don't have my glasses on. 920. Yeah, I see it now. I can squint. Why can you see when you squint? I don't understand it. Anyway, somebody will explain. I'll bet you our friend. No, our friend will know. I'm going to Google it later. Anyway, find a home munch and you can't, you can't just go once. You got, you got to go more than once and you have to actually reach out. And I understand sometimes it's really hard. It's really hard and scary to go by yourself. Even if you're a D type, it's really scary to go to a thing by yourself. I went to my first munch alone. And I was very nervous. I was. I remember my first munch. Yeah, I was, I was very nervous. But you know, it's just one of those things. You will find people and you are at least going to something, especially if you narrow down the munch to something that's very important to you. For me, I specifically wanted to go to a female dominant munch. That's what I wanted to go to because I was very concerned about, I've had some bad experiences with dealing with male dominance around me. I've had some bad experiences with dealing with male dominance around female dominance. And I'm like, like they would always be second-class citizens. I'm like, I don't want to deal with that this time. I don't want that. Yeah. So I went out of my way looking for that and I found one and it became my home munch for a while and I really enjoyed it. And that was really how I got to really get into the LA community. And so find a munch that means something to you. Sure, you can go to a munch that's just local to your area, which is fantastic. But if you have an area that's larger like Los Angeles, just drive a little bit. We all drive in LA. It's something that might have a deeper meaning to you. You know, like if you want to go to the Littles munch or you want to go to the Spanking munch or you want to go to the under 35 munch or whatever, you know, because it might be a little bit more comforting for you to find like-minded people so that you can have those people to try and engage and really discover yourself. So that's number one. Number two, go to other things, not even munches. Go to classes. You know, you don't go to go to dungeons, but you know, classes, parties, stuff like that. That's all great. The holiday season is coming up and there's a fuck ton of parties that are going to start happening all over the place. That's something to consider. But allow me to put a word of caution to this tale. There are wonderful people that will, oh, you're new? Come on, let's introduce you to people and stuff like that, which is great. That's no problem. But everybody, like Nancy said earlier, they'll ask, well, what are you? And you'll say, I don't know yet. And in very inevitably, more than one, if not many will be like, oh, you're a total submissive. I can tell. That's fine. You're a total dominant. I can tell. That's fine. Let them have that opinion. And if that's something that resonates to you, that's great. But don't close yourself off to whatever other options are out there as well. Allow yourself to be open to be like, well, I feel that that may be so, but I don't know enough. I don't know enough to make a defined decision. I'm just, that's all I'm saying is allow yourself for further discovery because you can be a dominant and still be something else. There's D types that are masochists. It's not an unheard of thing. There are S types that are CEOs that are alphas in normal life. It's not an unheard of thing as well. So somebody could, you meet somebody be like, oh, I'm not an alpha, but they're like, this is who I am in my everyday life. And that's the personality I put on here. But in reality, I feel like this, you know what I'm saying? So just allow yourself to accept other people's opinions and know that it's their opinion. And your opinion of yourself really is what matters the most. That's all I have to say about that. But it's important to get out there. Now, one of the things we were talking about it over dinner was, if all you can do is online, and I understand that sometimes all anybody can do, the greatest challenge with that is, it's still kind of that fantasy versus reality, because it's really all of these concepts that are unproven. And if you, any opportunity to get out there and really interact and mingle with other people will actually give you more insight into yourself, into this self-discovery, than, you know, reading all of the checklists and all of the articles on FetLife or any place else. It's just, it's going, you're not, you're going to miss out on something if you don't have those people that can be the mirrors to reflect, so you can see who and what you are. I, yes, I agree. Um, I don't think I, I never knew what it was like, like what service, what domestic service would be like until, you know, actually started doing it. Um, I can't remember like what my preconceived notion of it was, but it definitely, I know for sure it wasn't like anything close to what it is now. Can't you, I'm not allowed to do the dishes. I used to take pride in that. I used to take pride in how well I used to hand wash dishes. Um, I have a dish rack. You can hand wash dishes all you want. I have a dish rack. FYI. Yeah, but with the amount of dishes that you have and how they, Just saying. all somehow are dirty all at the same time. I don't really want to do that, please. Um, but you know, but there's so many things that it just can't compare to what I, my idea of them were. Um, so I don't know. I, I think that would be a challenge. So that's all I got. That's all you got. All I got. That's all you got. Yeah. I didn't used to like canes, like using them. Really? And I love them. Really? Um, because the only time I saw canes used, it was done very much in the judicious style where it was like a full attack with a cane. Like as hard as somebody can. And it was like brutal. And I'm like, and to me it just, it felt wrong. It didn't resonate with me. I was like, there's something about that that I just, it to me, my gut was like, I don't like that. Why don't I like that? Um, and then I learned different ways to cane. And I not only have I learned, but I, you know, I've honed my skill, my caning skills. And I have been able to introduce lots and lots and lots of people who are terrified of canes to a new way that they might enjoy it because their experience of canes was the same one that mine was when I, before I started was the judicious, very, you know, kind of you go to the Philippines and you get caned because you steal or you tag something and that kind of thing. Um, so yeah, it's one of those things where until I actually really tried it and got taught how to do it properly, um, I, I was hesitant to do it, you know? It's, it's the same thing. You gotta, gotta practice. Practice with yourself. Practice with yourself. And that's not masturbation, kids. Could be. Could be. But it's not. I'm tired. I can tell. I'm tired too. Tired and I'm in pain and I want to go to sleep and I don't want to go to work tomorrow. You're whining. You're squinting. You're whining. You know how I feel about that. I'm just, you know how I feel about that. I know. I know. Fucking hate whining. I'm totally feeling sorry for myself. Can't goddamn stand it. I'm feeling so sorry for myself. All right, but we're almost done. Yeah. If my squinting was correct. Yes, your squinting is correct. Woohoo! My squinting was correct. Yeah. This was an odd episode. It was. I mean, we're, you know, obviously not feeling so great. We're gonna have people in next time. Who are we gonna, we have to have different people in. I don't know. We need different people to come in. How do we recuperate from these ailments? It's gonna happen. It's gonna happen. But, in the meantime, you know, go back and watch some video of our previous episodes. Listen, she touched a penis, a couple episodes back. So, that was kind of awesome. She held a penis for a good long time. I didn't know it, because I couldn't tell, because she was hiding the penis. Yeah, and review us on the ad, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, share us on the Twitter and listen to some other shows there's something coming up this weekend that I don't think we're going to do but we might do but I don't know we'll see about that you'll know about it if we do it exactly we'll tweet about it you know that'll happen oh and hey we never said this I'm Insidious Muse I'm Service Sly and this is Intellectual Kink which can be at Kink Electual on the Twitter and you know we love you people we do love you we really do even if we don't know you we would not be here when we're not feeling good if we didn't love you that's true we genuinely do we care about you people and when you guys send us messages and stuff it really does mean something to us oh my god oh my god I didn't even tell you somebody messaged Miss D about her appearance on our show and this person was raving about the show she wanted me to tell you that she'd received that kind of message thank you and we'll be back next week with something more thought out than this totally alright thanks bye