Welcome to the weekly wrap-up with Ken August, where we get you caught up in the week's biggest stories the least depressing way possible. Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter at Weekly Wrap. You can listen to us live every Saturday, 6 o'clock Eastern Time at skidrowstudios.com, Real Radio on the Internet, or catch our rebroadcast Sundays, 10 p.m. Eastern on Xtreme XM, channel 165. And get all the new episodes free by subscribing to the weekly wrap-up at the iTunes Store. I am your host, Ken August. I am joined today, as I usually am, by the host of Bad Advice, Mr. Drew Marks. How are you, buddy? I'm fantastic. It's another great show. Another great show. Thank you. Trying to shake that one off. How are you doing? Rich Sladen is back. Woo! Or Diaz, 209, Stockton in the house. Holy shit, I don't know what any of that means. UFC, baby. Oh, nice. Tonight on Pay-Per-View. That is nice. Actually, I am looking forward to that. You guys usually walk me through the info. I don't know, but I look forward to that. It is amazing how much more entertaining that is in boxing nowadays. It really is to me. Significant. I mean, it's not even close. Boxing is, and Drew, I know you're also a boxing fan. I like both. But until boxing gets people big names back, I mean, they had two names that they tried to get to fight for a while, and I'm not even saying that ever would have lived up to the hype, but without those two names, and that's all kind of, since Pacquiao's lost at least twice in a row now, nobody gives a shit. It's too slow. I mean, you can have full rounds. I watched the last fight I watched with you. It was 90% of every round was grabbing and being separated. That's just too much of that. That shit doesn't happen in UFC. You're two guys. Well, there's some grabbing in mixed martial arts. There is, there is, but there's a lot of it, but that's part of the technique. As soon as that happens, they don't pull you off that often because the guy's going for an arm bar, or he's going for a choke hold, or he's going for something. The funny thing is, though, at the, I believe at the weigh-in, didn't they have to be separated? There was a little tiff between Nick and GSP, a little, I like it, I like it. All right, we're going to get to sports a little bit later. We should actually talk about that as well. If you're like me and you enjoy a good book, but you never, you know you're never going to actually sit down and read, then do what I do and let somebody else read it to you. Get a free audio book download at audibletrial.com slash skidrowstudios. There's over 100,000 titles to choose from for your iPhone, Android, Kindle, or any other device you can download a book on. It is great for traveling. There is no better way to sit in a car on a long trip and not talk to the person next to you. Especially if you're married. Other than listening to the weekly wrap-up here at Skid Row Studios. That is a great idea. Radio on the internet. Finally, take all the work out of reading. Download any free audio book today by going to audibletrial.com slash skidrowstudios. All right, coming up later in the show, a co-sponsor of the Defense of Marriage Act and a longtime opponent of gay marriage, Ohio Senator Rob Portman has changed his views on the subject after his son brought home his new girlfriend. And Philip. I don't think that was actually his name, but he did bring one home. Looking ahead, Paul Ryan released his new budget proposal for 2013. Tell me if this sounds familiar. Step one, repeal Obamacare. I heard his budget still had 2012 written on it, on the cover, but he crossed it out with a sharpie. Wrote 2013. New Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel visited Afghanistan this week, only to be welcomed by a suicide bombing. You see, this is why Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea to vacation. A lot, a lot safer. Plus, a cop in New York was found guilty of planning to eat women and not in the good way. And in sports, it's been a wild off season in the NFL with lots of big name free agents switching teams. The Jets so far have kept Tim Tebow. I'm assuming that's because they'll need somebody to pray for them next year. But first, it only took two days for the Cardinals in Rome to convince some poor sap to take the job. They knew they would need a brave new face to lead the church through the challenges of modern times. So they chose a spry 76-year-old, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, to be the next Pope. Cardinal Bergoglio became the first Pope to choose the name Francis. I'm assuming that was to avoid being associated with any of his predecessors. Here is Pope Francis I introducing himself to the world. The name's Francis Sawyer. Everybody calls me psycho. Any of you guys call me Francis, and I'll kill you. A strong first impression is very, very, very important. No, this is from CNN. Pope Francis is a first in many ways. The first Jesuit Pope, the first Pope from the New World, and the first one to take the name Francis. As Jorge Mario Bergoglio, he lived in a simple apartment, in the Bishop's Palace. He took the bus instead of a chauffeured limo, and he cooked his own meals. In short, his life was modeled on simplicity. As Argentina's top church official, he opposed Argentina becoming the first Latin American country to legalize gay marriage. He opposed euthanasia and giving away free birth control. He came second in the conclave when Pope Benedict XVI was selected in 2005. Many thought his age of 76 would rule him out this time. He is now the leader of more than 1 billion Christians. He has the power to change the lives of more than 1 billion Catholics around the world. That is, uh, you know, I was watching the whole, the whole Pope thing going on with the chimney and the smoke, and all I kept thinking is we are a primitive species. We have people staring at these ceremonies as if God had, there's a God having anything to do with it. I was hoping this new Pope would be less religious than the last Pope. Turns out that's not the case. Well, I think it's funny. They wanted to do something to move the church forward. And the first words out of this guy's mouth, it's like, we need to get back to our church. We need to get back to our church. We need to get back to our original tenets, you know, and like... Well, there's coming full circle. That's what forward means. Eventually you go back to the beginning. Yes, if you were in a circle, going forward will get you back to the beginning. You never place snakes in ladders. Eventually you just go back to the front. It's a bunch of one-way streets. Just keep going left. I mean, well, that's the question is, is that they talk about, well, can this guy, you know, modernize the church? How can you modernize anything that relies on people to believe 2000 year old stories? Like, I mean, there's things that we've learned that aren't true. You know, I mean, now if you want to just take the morals out of things, like certain moral teachings that not necessarily religious people always follow, but if you want to take that, that's fine. But that you can teach in a moose lodge. You don't need to pretend God's keeping a close eye on it. A moose lodge? A moose lodge. What happens in a moose lodge? They teach moose how to be creative. Yeah, you bring to a moose. I mean, I don't understand. Like you got a 76 year old guy who is, he's the first Jesuit, which in theory, I mean, to me means nothing. But in theory, he's supposed to be committed to a more simple life. That's, you know, his cross wasn't a whole bunch of shiny, you know, diamonds. It was a wooden cross. When he was made a cardinal, he had his sister make his own robes. Yeah, he cooked his own meals. I don't know how much credit I'm giving a guy for not taking a limo to the Vatican. Like how much credit am I supposed to give him? The age thing though, just to address that, I personally don't think age is all that relevant. Because you could have a progressive thinker, that was older. You could. You've always had, now I'm not saying he is that, but I'm just saying to just base it on age. It's like, look, Paul Ryan is an idiot and he's young. Okay. Yes, it just increases your chances. When we talk about religion, we talk about a lot of the stories that we don't believe. And there's a reason why the next generation believes it even less than the previous. I agree with you. There are people that are older. It doesn't cancel them out just because of their age. What do you want? The Ed Norton Pope? I was hoping for Morgan Freeman. That's a good one. That'd be, oh, Morgan Freeman's good at most things. That's what I'm saying. Morgan Freeman. He would be a fantastic Pope. He would Pope his ass off. He would be great. He would be absolutely great. And I would listen to him. How cool would that voice be in Latin? Are you kidding me? That'd be great. But I mean, how do you modernize something like that? How do you modernize when you can't, this guy is- Their version of modernizing is not the same as- Bring it to the year 400? Is that modernizing? They are on Twitter. That is true. Right. That's what I'm saying. Their idea of modernizing is like Christian Rock, you know what I'm saying? It's like- Well, here's the thing is they don't want to modernize. That's the real thing is the Vatican would like this to still be 1497 and they would still like, I mean, this guy's also descended from the Borgias, isn't he? This is old, old school stuff. They would love it if we could go back to swinging incense and speaking in Latin. They don't want it modernized. They're just reacting because they feel like they're modernized. They're just like, they're just reacting because they feel like they have to before we all- Well, they have to because they're losing people. They do have to. They're losing, exactly. Aren't there like a billion Catholics or something? 1.2 billion. Yeah, they're doing poorly. They're really struggling. All right, but wait. Losing is not- Being Catholic and adhering or being members of the church are two very different things. True. It's like I'm Jewish, but- Jewish? Yes, exactly. That's how it is, yes. But I'm not participating in any way, shape or form. So you could say you have these Catholics. It's good though. We don't want you there. No, you don't. No. This Pope believes in, he's against gay marriage, spoke out heavily against it. He feels gay adoption by gay couples is a form of discrimination against children. He's against contraception. He's against, and he's for celibacy for the clergy. Well, here's the thing is- But he is anti-rape, so that's nice. If you don't agree with those things, you aren't part of the Catholic church. He's just doing the things, this isn't about him. This is the Catholic church. The Catholic church is these things, and if you aren't these things, you aren't them. And I don't argue with that, but that's my question is, is they keep asking, oh, can this guy modernize it? Can he deal with the problems? And you're like, how? How can you deal with the problems when you have to go back to 1400 where you can say, stop asking questions. No, this is bad. This is good. Stop asking me too many questions. Yes, but it's because the problems that they're choosing to address are not those issues. Well, that is- They're out of the conversation. It's a non-negotiable thing, at least for now. There is a modernization. This one so far doesn't have any strong child banging credentials. Right. No. No connections to it. But he has switched to supporting the Argentinian junta. So we're moving from touching children to murdering political dissidents. Yes. There is modernization. There is questions as to how- It's progress. How implicit he was in certain things. I don't know. That he did bring some interconnectedness to some of his motifs and some interconnectedness and some interconnectedness to some of his motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some motifs and some interconnectedness to some million settlement with four men who said they were abused by former priest Michael Baker, who has been accused of molesting at least 23 boys over a 30-year period. The settlement is the first since the release of thousands of internal church documents that showed Cardinal Mahoney and his top aides protected these priests from law enforcement. Mahoney, by the way, was in Rome helping choose the next boat because I'm sure that's what God would have wanted. I mean, here's my question. By the way, here's what blows my mind about that. That guy that I was just talking about, Mahoney protected Baker, a priest, Michael Baker. So he protects him once the guy even admits, hey, I've been molesting kids. I've been doing bad things. All right, well, we don't want to bring attention to this. So we're going to send you out of state for a while, then we'll bring you back. Eventually, that guy was defrocked. And the reason he was defrocked was because he was performing baptisms without clearance. So the guy molests kids and you protect him, but an illegal baptism and you're out. I didn't know there was such a thing as an illegal baptism. I didn't know you needed clearance to do that. Apparently, you got to be good with the God union. I don't know. You just throw a dude underwater and go, hey, oh, and then you're baptized. Without apparently. No, they have, this is true. They have a sparklets account and he went with the competition. I think it was a baptism without clearance because this guy specifically put his finger in his ass for the baptism, which seems unnecessary. Michael Baker, and he's now in jail. But that's, I mean, that to me is a sign of, here's the thing is we've talked about, people covering up for molesting priests. My problem is that if it was one guy, then you go, all right, well what are you covering up for? But because you know, it's one bad guy and you can say there's one bad guy, but there are so many cases of people higher up, covering up to the point where how could you not assume that you can't ever come clean because it has been systematic through the whole fucking thing. How much was the payout again for these four guys? For these four guys, it was 10 million. Here's the good news over all. Oh, the good news for, for this also blows my mind. The current, the lawyer for the church says he thinks that most of the victims have already come forward because there were, there was already a $660 million settlement for 500 victims in 2007. So this is on top of the $660 million that they already paid. And what's his name says, and the church lawyer says, if we were going to pick a single molester out of the allegations, Michael Baker is number one. Like the fact that that's even a sentence is ridiculous. He's the top. Yes, we were going to have to pick one molester, but that's, that is my, yeah. That's a new Oscar category. Best molester. Yeah, that's a, I mean, how in the world, and the, one of the people who just, who's getting part of that $10 million settlement is asking a new priest to punish church leaders, including the fracking Cardinal Mahoney. Now, how do you deal with that? If you're your new spry 76 year old church leader. They're going to try and just make it go away. Make it go away. Even the term defrocking sounds oddly sexual. It does. We're going to defrock this priest. It's going to be. They defrock the kid. Such good defrocking. Put this frock on. Okay, now I'm going to defrock you. I mean, yes, it does sound like that. Do you think, I mean, do you think this Pope can deal? I mean, you know, the last Pope, Pope Benedict the Creepy basically left going, oh, there's a lot of bad shit. I don't feel like dealing with. And he knew there was bad shit because he was in charge of all the molestation cases that all went through his office. If you think a president doesn't have any real power, how much? How much? How much? How much? How much? How much real power do you think the Pope has to affect legitimate change? No, no, no. No, no. I disagree. They could. To affect legitimate change? Really? There's so much internal politics. That's a structure. It's not like he's just the dude now. But let me ask you. No, but one of the most fundamental changes I think a person could make, and certainly I believe this is within his power, is any priest that is accused of molestation is to be turned over. That information is immediately to be turned over to the authorities. Okay, so here's the question. That's a policy change. But why, if that policy change is so doable, what has prevented that policy change from occurring so far? Which ties me back to the question. Your PR department. Well, that's what ties me back to the question that I asked earlier was, if they thought it was one or two bad people, why would they be protecting them for the sake of their organization? As opposed to, oh shit, I can't come clean with this because way too many people have had, you know, I mean, they'd like to assume, once you get up to the Pope level, you're like, oh, well, this guy, this guy's good. No, no, he's not. The last guy was a horrible person. And I would be shocked if you can somehow convince me that John Paul didn't know what was going on either. You can't get through that without knowing that all this shit is going on. Because if it was just one or two people, they would have thrown those guys the fuck out. Instead, they went, oh, if this gets out, it's going to bring him back to a way bigger problem we've been covering up. I don't know what's more upsetting to me right now that it's 2013 and we're still talking about this Catholic molestation situation, or that it's 2013 and there's still the Catholic Church. That would go with choice two, because you can get rid of the first one if choice two took care of itself. I mean, yeah, that blows my mind. But do you think this guy does anything? How does he deal with, does he deal with that in any way other than just saying, oh, it's bad and we're against it? You can't, I don't think you can come clean. No, I, well, I don't think coming clean is going to happen, no. Because I think it started off when you said, let's say they believed there was just two. They're going to be like, all right, look, this is bad. Let's not let this out to the public. Because this is really going to make us look bad. And then it's like, wow, okay, it's much worse. Now we really can't make this. That's what I'm saying. Your belief system is still the same. It's like, look, we can't make ourselves look bad. Okay, now it's out. We clearly look bad. So let's do what we can to clean this up. But you're always going to have like one side going, let's not look that bad. Right. But now let's clean this up. Can you do that if you know that systematically people at the church at the top, forget a bishop here, a cardinal there. If you know at the top shit has been going on, and I'm not saying it has, but shit has been going on for 300 years, let's say, or 500 years, there's been a chain of people that have been doing horrible shit to little kids. You can't. How do you go, all right, well, as an organization, we've been horrible up till now. You can't do that. No. You should, but you can't. Yeah, but I'm saying you don't. And they won't. I agree with that. Compare it to LA. Okay. Like the LA, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Police Department, or even the New York one, like when you had the time of Serpico and all this other stuff. It's like there was widespread corruption. You can admit, it's like, okay, there was corruption. You're not admitting how much or how widespread or how awful it was, you know, police brutality, anything else. You're like, what we are doing is trying to institute a new policy where this is not, you know, zero tolerance. We're going to fix it without admitting how bad it was. But the fact that you say, and I agree with you, and I don't think they will, I don't think they will or can open up, you know, to how bad it has been. No. But the fact that they have to have a new policy of zero tolerance blows my mind. But again, you, I, you're right. And it shouldn't ever be that way. Are you kidding me? They didn't have one before. That's what I'm saying. You know, we tried out this, let a little bit of molesting happen. But you know, now we really have to throw the hammer down. But that's why you can't have the discussion because there is no reasonable sounding discussion to be had. However, you have to at some point go, all right, this is, as messed up as this is, we need a new starting point. This guy has said that he is, they, they say that this, this new Pope has claimed he has had, he has no, no room at all in his world for people who have allowed this stuff to happen, which should make for interesting conversations with the last Pope who did nothing but allow this shit to happen and protect them. Yeah. If he publicly punches Benedict in the face. Lighten up, Francis. Sorry, I couldn't wait to play. Go ahead, I'm sorry. No, if he publicly will punch Benedict in the face, I will, I will take back everything I've said about the Catholic church ever. That, that would just make up for even the kid touching. Punch him in the face on camera. I'm in. That would, that would be nice. I would not hold your breath. No, I mean, this guy, his whole speech where he's like, if you're not walking with, you know, the cross, you're not, if it's not guiding every one of your decisions and principles. So, I'm not saying, I don't know this guy. I don't know that he doesn't believe it. He might, and he might act that way. And that, by, by no means is going to mean that no police, no priest or anywhere is going to do something bad because. No, you can't stop, you can't stop bad people. It's protecting them is the problem as an organization. That's what I'm saying. I think that from the top down, you could have a reorganization where he's like, no, at first word, we are getting these people out. Right. But the problem for them is that too many people who have been through shit want what they've been through out. They don't want to be like, I understand you're moving forward, but hey, how about you acknowledge the fact that you let me get raped for the last, which is why you get these settlements, these 500 people in one settlement. That's what I'm saying. They've been doing that, you know. They have no choice. These documents that just came out, they were forced to release those documents. So, I mean, it's not like they're coming clean. They're forced to come. Of course. They're forced to come clean. You only apologize because you got caught. Stop saying come clean. It's so filthy. All right. It is hard to make any changes. It's worse if you come filthy. It's hard to make it. Too many changes to anything when you've been claiming that you're speaking for God. So, let's turn to another group that's clinging to the past. Republicans. Listen to this from Newsy. Paul Ryan's new budget plan looks a lot like Paul Ryan's old budget plan. The House budget chairman unveiled the Republicans' 2014 budget plan Tuesday. Ryan's plan preserves the existing Medicare system until 2024. That's when seniors would be given the option to pick a different insurance plan as part of a new Medicare exchange program. Ryan calls the money given to seniors to choose that plan a premium support payment. But critics call it a voucher, saying its reliance on the private market doesn't adequately assure seniors' ability to get the benefits they need the way the government can. The proposal keeps in place the $716 billion in Medicare cuts made by the president's health care reform. Cuts Ryan derided on the campaign trail last year. While the president's plan takes those cuts from payments to hospitals and insurers, Ryan would cut back on benefits offered to seniors. Legislative realities will likely make Paul's plan dead on arrival. For example, his budget accounts for the repeal of Obama's health care reform. And as Fox News' Chris Wallace noted Sunday, that's a, pretty tall order. Are you saying that as part of your budget you would repeal, you assume the repeal of Obamacare? Yes. Well, that's not gonna happen. Okay, so if you happen to DVR any of the presidential election coverage from last year, you can just fast forward through that shit because it's mostly the same thing. It's amazing. It's like, how do you go with like, okay, we've just had gone through the Supreme Court. Even Boehner said, it's the law of the land. We're not gonna go back and revisit this fight and go, all right, we would like to do this again and start over. I mean, are you really negotiating when you just keep offering the same freaking thing over and over and over again, the same thing? And I understand, similar to what we were just talking about with the Catholic Church, I understand you can't say, well, I've lost, so let me completely change all my principles. However, you can't keep saying, well, here's my offer. Okay, well, here's our offer. Great. Here's my same offer. You're not going, that's why you're never going to get any agreement. I would like to compromise and in order to do that, you are going to have to do exactly what I say. Now, I'm pretty sure if they would have won the election, they would have said, okay, let us do things the way we just, you know, what we've been pushing as we won. When the other side wins the election, they go, no, we're going to get no negotiation. And I'm not saying one side does it. Both sides, I'm sure, do that. But still, how do you pretend after the year, two year fight to get Obamacare passed in the first place, then a legal fight, somehow it still wins in the Supreme Court and that's step one in your budget is to repeal Obamacare, which they've already tried to do 40 times even though last year, even though they've, you know, it has no chance of passing. They don't care. They don't care about any of this stuff. None of it actually matters to them. It's all statement. The fight matters more than the action. Yeah. Continuing that fight because the narrative of Obamacare is the most evil thing in the world. They're going to come in there to kill your grandparents and they're going to take away all your drugs. That whole thing exists. That fight and that narrative is so much more important than anything else to them because that's all they have at this point is the narrative. Except as it's passed and elements and elements and elements and elements of it come into play. It's been this way all along that when people, even if they don't like the name of it, as the things in it come in to be. Yeah. When they remove the name and just ask the actual measures, it gets high, it gets a high approval rating when it's put under the label of Obamacare. So as certain things start to get put into play for them to repeal it, they would have to pull out some of those measures like, okay, you now can no longer be on your parents' insurance up until this age. Right. Or pre-existing conditions. You know, I mean, yes. Well, it's bad for people. Here's what it's bad for. It's bad for people who want to make money in exploitative fashion and it's bad for people who want to win on Republican tickets. It's bad for those two groups of people. Should we be surprised that they're still trying to fight Obamacare? I mean, they've been fighting Roe versus Wade for 40 years. They're still trying to do that. So, I mean, does this just keep going until they figure out a way to... Well, I also, I mean, it's amazing when you think the money, they want to take the financial benefit of the money and keep that and yet still get rid of it. Yeah. The $716 billion that he claimed he was taking that he completely freaked out about on the campaign trail. Yeah. He's going to keep that. He's keeping the money for it. This fight will end when we stop pretending like it makes sense for us all to be one country. How many different countries should we be? At least three, probably four. There should be the West Coast country, whatever you want to call it, Washington, Oregon, California, maybe throw in some other westerly states if they want to. There should be the Southeast country starting somewhere between New Mexico and Texas over there below the Mason-Dixon line. Then you have all the Northeast, I don't know how to do Northeastern, but the guys who punch each other in the face for no reason. And then you can give like the Midwest and that's four completely different countries or just Mason-Dixon line. Sometimes I wish the South had won the war, not because of slavery, just because then we wouldn't all be one country of people who shouldn't be one country. Well, that's right. Yeah. Well, that should conclude our section of things that'll never happen. But I do, I do like that. Although I would have, along those lines, I would have been very happy when you had Texas after the election going, we would like to secede. We should have gone, okay. Yeah. Okay. Good luck with your military that you don't have anymore. Good luck with anything that you don't have anymore. But they got guns. They do have that. I mean, basically the big difference is still the exact same thing. The Democrats are saying, you know, we want to balance the budget by, you know, cutting spending and adding some taxes. And Republicans are going, we already gave you taxes. You're not getting any more taxes. This is my favorite quote from John Boehner. How was the, how was the meeting? It was productive. Republicans want to balance the budget. The president doesn't. Republicans want to solve our long-term debt problem. The president doesn't. We want to unlock energy resources to put Americans back to work. The president doesn't, doesn't, but it was productive. That's nice. Okay. So you got that going for you. Good luck America. That other side, not so much. We want to unlock energy resources only if and only if they're tied into, our political donors. We do not want to unlock energy, energy resources or develop clean energy because that's not tied in to the money that we have nor to our narrative of we should be using oil as opposed to. Oil and coal, we can still make money off of because those people were in our back pockets or we're in their back pockets. Sometimes when Democrats don't have, I'm sorry, when sometimes when Republicans don't have Democrats to argue with, they have to do it themselves. The Republicans do. So CPAC, the conservative political action conference taking place this week. Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, both got to speak. Governor, Christie and McDonald did not get to speak because they took federal money to expand Medicaid or raise taxes, which is nice. I do think a lot of this with the healthcare thing has come about when they killed the public option. Yeah. This would not even have been part of the narrative if the public option had just put in place and worked. And if the public option was explained to people well, it's harder to argue with. Yes. So they just call it socialism. Exactly. Yeah, which is annoying. And again, it's an option because then if people had their insurance and they want to do that, that's fine. They can do it. For the other ones, here's your public option. Yeah, that's why you have to come with crazy shit like no, no death panels. And then people are like, oh, I don't know what you're talking about, but that sounds scary. The CPAC didn't also, they also didn't invite GOP proud or the log cabin Republicans, the two gay Republican groups. CPAC said, therefore, conservatism and small government, but they do want to know what you're doing with your butthole apparently. So that's nice. But who doesn't want to know what you're doing with your butthole? Let's be real. But now one of the, this is very interesting. This week, one of the original sponsors of the Defense of Marriage Act, Ohio Republican Senator Rob Portman just changed his view on gay marriage when his 21-year-old son came out of the closet. Apparently, Portman finds it harder to discriminate against people when those people are in his own family. Harder to say, you shouldn't be allowed to get married. You know who he turned to for advice? Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney. And Dick Cheney said, follow your heart, which is interesting for a man who doesn't even have one. Well, I believe if Cheney had a heart, it's plugged into the outlet in the kitchen. Yeah, that is, that is ridiculous. Yeah, it is. It's got to be harder to say you shouldn't get married, son. Yeah. That's, that's got to be tougher to do. But it's, do we really have to wait until, because like, here's Portman talking about it on CNN. My son came to Jane, my wife and I, told us that he was gay and that it was not a choice and that, you know, he, that's just part of who he is and he'd been that way ever since he could remember. And that launched an interest, an interesting process. Okay, so his son said it's not a choice and he said, okay, I believe you. Oh. I didn't believe anybody else. That's shocking. I thought all the other gay people were making it up, but you, I believe. Yeah. I would happily, I don't know what it would do to our economy for changing how much people procreate, whatever the heck. I would happily put a drug in the water that would make one of every family's kid gay just so we could get past, just one generation. Yep. Just one generation so that we can get past this whole thing and everyone can be like, oh, empathy's a thing. Yes. Well, that's a thing. Yeah. It's going to be harder to hate those people. Yeah, when they're in your family. Portman was going to talk about all this on Fox, but they didn't let him in the studio because he has a gay in the family. So he has that going for him. That's such a consistent theme. I was showing you that article earlier about the New York politician, Steve Katz, who was an anti-marijuana activist as a politician. This week, busted for speeding while he had a joint and a bag of marijuana in his car. Yeah. It's just so consistent. Like, it's so, so... Hypocritical. There you go. Yeah, ridiculously, yeah. I mean, how often do you see the anti-gay person turns out, oh, he's blowing a guy in a bathroom stall? Oh, that's nice. Why was he so anti-gay for the last 30 years? Oh, because he gets money from the church. Gotcha. Look, I will, I'll say this right now. This is on record. I will have gay sex with every Republican politician in order to get them to be okay with gayness. I'll do that for this country. That is gross. My wife might not say that. Not gay sex, just gay sex with you. It was gross. That is... Well, yeah, no, I mean... But I might be good at it. I've never tried it, but I think I might be fantastic. That is nice. All right, let's get to something that Republicans can all agree on. They like their guns, but the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday approved a measure to reinstate a ban on assault weapons, getting it one step closer to still not passing in the Senate. There are four, basically, four measures that are going to be going to the Senate floor. The assault weapons ban, more enhanced background checks, ban on high-risk drugs, high-capacity magazines, and stiffer penalties for store purchases. Nobody expects the assault weapon ban to pass at all, even though it just passed. Ten to eight, it passed through the Judiciary Committee, and that was straight along party lines. The eight Republicans who voted voted against it. I mean, that just... All this shit just blows my mind. You got Boehner saying, well, we're going to look. In the meantime, we're having hearings, and we're going to continue looking at our violent society and causes of it that we can... that we can do to reduce the incidence of violence in our society. How about you take away the ability for people to kill a lot of people at once? How's that for an idea to limit the violence? Because if you're crazy, but you got to fucking beat me up by hand, you're only taking one guy out at the most, more than likely. How about we do like Japan does and require every single elementary and junior high school student to take martial arts classes so that they learn the humility of getting their butt kicked in gym? And so we're not fat when we get to the age of 13? Yeah, so they're not fat so that you have an outlet for your aggression, and also, once you've been thrown on your head and choked out, you learn some humility. So, yeah. There it is. There it is. Spoken like a man who has been thrown on his head and choked out. Yep. I look at... I did that to my nephews when they were young. Until they got big enough to not take it anymore? No, they don't... They just remember. They're like, don't mess with Uncle Drew. I look at citizens with guns the same way I look at North Korea trying to get nukes. There's too much crazy to give that much power to kill that easily. And I, you know, I see the same thing with... I see the same thing with that little guy over there, and I see the same thing with public over here. I don't... There's more Adam Lanzes than there are opportunities for me to fight off my government. That's... It's not even close. It's not even close. I know... What about opportunities to fight off the guy who's coming into your house during the two weeks where there's no FEMA support during a natural disaster? So you mean my 10 bullets? My 10-bullet magazine? I'm gonna miss the first 10, but I'll get them on the next 20 bullets? Yeah, maybe. Okay, well then, I deserve to die. If I can't hit them with my first 10 bullets, I'm probably not going to be able... Have you ever fired a firearm under duress? Under duress? No. No. I would be horrible. It's so much more difficult. Like, going to a shooting range and being like, pop, pop, pop, oh, look, I know how to shoot. I'm fantastic. So when we actually got numbers that would say how many times somebody has saved themselves with a gun compared to how many times people have been killed with a gun when they shouldn't have been, do you think those numbers are anywhere close? Do you think they're anywhere close? I don't think it's a... We've had this conversation on this show a number of times. I don't think it's a gun issue. I think it's a culture issue because guns are prevalent in other cultures without the same ratio. Not anywhere close. Not anywhere close to the prevalence that we have here. Nowhere close. Okay. Israel. Not even close. Numbers, not even close. But not the number of guns, but the ratio of gun ownership to citizens? Right. I would... The average citizen doesn't own the same number of guns that we have here. Right, but you also are talking about one of the few countries that makes everybody join the military. Yeah, but makes them join the military is irrelevant to discussion. Why aren't they crazy and shooting everyone up themselves? Well... That's not... The fact that they join the military or not, that's still the whole sample of their population. Well, because here's the thing is when you're joining the military, if you seem fucking crazy, they're not going to arm you. Here, we're not allowed to find that shit out. That's... So, but that's what I'm saying. That's the issue. The issue isn't the firearm. The issue is that we have weird cultural shit. You're not going to get rid of the crazy people here. It'd be nice to find other ways to try to label them in advance, but there are a lot of crazy people. Giving them access to kill a lot of people easily is a way to limit the amount of people that die as opposed to, well, let's just find them first. Yes, not the same amount. There's... You're really going to say that there isn't the same proportion of crazy people in Israel as there are crazy people here in America? No, there's no way I can give you that number. There's no way I can give you the percentage. I don't know the percentage of Israel's guns. I can tell you if you look at the amount of guns we have in this country and the amount of guns other countries have and the ridiculous amount of gun deaths... And the gun deaths per capita. Yes, I mean, the argument of, well, removing guns would limit gun deaths shouldn't even be an argument. That should be the most basic, simple logic to follow. Now, I personally would like to get rid of almost all of them. I know that's not going to happen, but to say, well, you know, Adam Lanza, new information came out on that. He had 30 all... He shot 152 bullets in less than five minutes, and the last shot was from his handgun. Shot himself. He had 30 round magazines. If he would have had 10 round magazines, he would have had to reload 14 times in order to do that. But instead, he can just cruise right through. Shot his way into the building, and when somebody heard a noise and started coming down the hallway, he shot him from there. I find it... I mean, I don't even think it should even be fucking close. I don't even know how it's an argument to limit at least... Yeah, I think with the gun argument, you could... And I'm not saying this is true for you, but people in their haste to have an argument or to try and have some ideas on their side of the argument ignore what I see, I agree with Gus, are just basic truths. In other words, it's fine. If you want to believe that guns should be left alone, that's fine. I don't even have a problem that you believe that. But don't make the argument as like, no, less guns would not equate to less gun violence. Oh, no, I don't disagree with that whatsoever. I disagree on principle with the idea that we have a right to say that there should be less guns, quote unquote, or certain types of guns. I am totally fine, as I've said before on this show many times, with the background checks, better regulation, better tracking of weapons, all the different things that make that mix up. All of that would make for less guns. Yeah. That's a big factor that we're kind of overlooking. But it wouldn't limit the ability of a citizen to procure a firearm if they decide that they want one. It would limit some of them. It would make it harder. The fact of a crazy person can find another way to get a gun doesn't overlook the fact that if you make it easier for him, it's now easier for him to get a gun. True. So, I mean, all of the things that you're, saying you're good with, those would all technically limit the amount of guns, which is what we're saying. But I just don't think one is even linked to the other. In other words, both things can be totally true. And they're not tied together. In other words, you can have background checks, you can do all that, and all that can only have a positive effect. It's in no way going to increase the amount of gun violence. Now, making assault weapons unavailable or, or 30 round clips, completely separate argument. You may or may not believe it, but I don't think you can argue with, if there are less of them, it is more likely there's going to be less gun violence associated with it. It's harder to do a larger mass killing. Shit can still happen. And that, and that's kind of been the anti-argument. And then we got to move on. The anti-argument to, to people, you know, who are trying to get rid of guns is always, hey, I can think of a way around the law you're coming with. Just because you can think of a way around it doesn't mean it's not going to limit bad shit from happening. All right, we got to move on because we got, we got on that. I love having Rich here for those topics because it's nice to have someone giving the other side. There's another hearing going on in Washington this week. This one about people who do have guns but are still getting assaulted. This is from CBS News. Lawmakers on Capitol Hill heard from victims of sexual assault in the military, including Bridget McCoy. The year that I was raped, that same year, I was raped again by another soldier in, in my unit. Service members file about 3,000 sexual misconducts complaints every year. But the Defense Department says most attacks go unreported and the actual number is close to 19,000. Lawmakers say women in the military are more likely to be victims of sexual assault than be killed in combat. And most cases are never prosecuted. Advocates say a recent case at a U.S. Air Force base in Italy reveals another problem. Pilot James Wilkerson was convicted of sexual assault, sentenced to prison and sentenced and discharged from the military. But his superior, Lieutenant General Craig Franklin, decided to overturn the conviction. Congress is now considering legislation that would strip commanders of that power. A reminder, you are listening to the weekly wrap-up with Ken August on Xtreme XM 165. Get every episode by subscribing free at the iTunes Store or catch us live every Saturday, 6 o'clock Eastern Time at Skid Row Studios, Real Radio on the Internet. All right, so with the, the crazy numbers of people getting, of women getting sexually, assaulted in the, in the military. Have we not, if we've learned one thing from the church, it's you cannot rely on groups to police themselves. So basically, a lot of this came into play recently because somebody, there was a, a recent case where an Air Force Lieutenant General was sentenced to a year in prison for basically when a woman was sleeping, sneaking in there and, and doing bad things. She woke up to him molesting or raping her. I, I didn't get the exact details. And, basically, his superior went, nah, forget it. I'm going to overturn that, that trial. And, now, here's what blows my mind is between the numbers, they say 240 proceeded to trial out of 2,400, a little over 2,400, but they think it's more like 19,000 cases that just don't get reported because women say it's, it's not, I watch people report it and they don't believe them and it ends up hurting them. So, the officers said, we don't want you. So, this whole case is, we would like, they want people to take, they want the lawmakers to take the review out of the officer's hands so they can't just go, nice trial, forget the, the guilty verdict, which seems to make sense. The officers raised concern saying, well, you know what, that would threaten the leadership role of the commanding officers and could slow responses to the reports that they do receive. Their own actions threaten their leadership role. That's what I'm saying. I mean, you have 19,000 cases and are only reporting 2,400 because they already don't trust you, but you're saying, well, don't take that out of our hands because at least those, at least that 10% that do get reported, we don't want to, we don't want to slow down that process. This is going to be the most controversial thing I've said on this show and I've said a few things. The real solution to this one is that men and women maybe shouldn't be mixed in the military. I was going to ask that question. Here's, here's why I have a problem with that and I understand that specifically if you're saying rape when you're, or things along those lines when they're captured. But, and because I was going to ask that question, I'm glad you brought it up. That's a different issue. Right. My problem is, is there was a time when you couldn't have blacks and whites in the same military unit. Should we never have integrated them because there were too many racists? Whites weren't raping blacks. No, but they were beating the shit out of them or vice versa. Should, should we just, should you never say you guys have to adjust as opposed to play down to the lowest common denominator all the time? It's a lowest common denominator and again, this is, they sound a bit controversial like Rich just said. When you are talking about men and women and a basic human urge, something as basic as a sexual urge and I understand that rape is not sex, it's violence, but there is a sexual component to it and it has existed since the beginning. You know, it's like cavemen, hit a woman, drag them by the hair. You know what I mean? It exists in the Middle East still in some places. It's sad that you're never going to get rid of it. Right. It's sad that you will eliminate rape. Shit happens here. But to say it can't be limited or gotten rid of, we still, there'll be bad people everywhere, but you look at our society which has its share of problems but has come a long way from say certain Middle East societies where a woman still has to stay covered and she's not allowed to leave without a man. So things can change and I'm just saying if that was the case we would still have a white and black military if we just went, well, you know what? These people can't deal with change. It can change but the only thing is you have to expose it to the full light and full prosecution and no cover up. Now, if you really believe you can change the whole structure, okay. That'd be nice. I think this is way trickier than that and I'm not saying that women shouldn't serve in the military or anything. I'm just saying it's a thought that the type of mental conditioning, first of all, the type of person who is typically going to go into the military tends to have certain traits, I'm not saying rapey traits, but certain traits. Very over the top manly animalistic. It's not even just the way they go in that way. They are trained to be that way. That's the important part. The type of mental conditioning that is required is required to have an effective military. Well, then how are you sending these people overseas to a place in that you're not just say bombing anymore that nowadays type war and expect them to not be raping people overseas? But they still are. But they are. That's the problem. Right. Well, then tough to go, well, all right, well, let's just keep it out of our military. You can't do that. But it's public knowledge. You know, this isn't a secret. To train a soldier to kill, you have to take away the conscience aspect of it. I understand. I understand that, but I'm saying you can't remove, and I don't argue with that, but I'm saying you can't say, all right, well, let's just not try to deal with it because we'll deal with it by just making sure it doesn't happen to our own people. Let it happen when our soldiers go overseas. You know what? And this is really shitty, but to be honest, if we can cut the number of rapes that are done by servicemen in half by saying at least they won't be raping the American women, that's a shitty way to think about it. That is a shitty way to think about it. I'll take that. I'll take cutting the number of rapes in half. Now, there's a cultural element we have to shift, we have to fix that's way below that, but as a first stopgap measure to stop rapes, cut them in half by not having that part. Shifting the rapes to other people I don't necessarily know is a great plan. But it's not shifting. We're a happy family show. We've got to move on. In foreign affairs, Chuck Hagel made his first trip to Afghanistan since becoming defense secretary, and if you thought Republicans were crazy in Congress, well, I'd like to introduce you to President Harmad Karzai. This is from Newsy. The often tense relationship between the U.S. and Afghanistan grew even more strained on Sunday during Chuck Hagel's first visit to the country as Pentagon chief. Hagel canceled a high-profile press event with Afghan President Harmad Karzai. This on the heels of Karzai's charge that the U.S. and the Taliban are in cahoots. U.S. officials are citing security concerns as the reason behind the cancellation. Just a day before, a pair of suicide bombings rocked the country, killing at least 19 people. The Taliban claimed responsibility, adding the attacks were meant as a message to Hagel. The following day, Karzai alleged in a televised speech that the U.S. is keeping him out of supposed negotiations with Taliban leaders. It's all part of an effort, he says, for the U.S. to keep its troops in Afghanistan past the planned withdrawal date. You think Chuck Hagel has a little buyer's remorse for taking his job? Yes, the Afghan president just accused the U.S. of conspiring with a group that wants to kill us to stay in a place that they're trying to get us out of. That's some crazy shit right there. That's a whole good brand of crazy. That's like, Karzai's starting to sound like an adult-sized Kim Jong-un, is he not? That's nuts. You know what's crazy is that news reporters ought to say in cahoots on the air. Ha ha ha. In cahoots. Drew through cohort out there. Let's ban the phrases in cahoots and come clean from now on. Ha ha ha. The Pentagon did announce today, by the way, or I'm sorry, this week, that it is increasing its number of missile interceptors on the Pacific coast from 30 to 44 to counter a growing threat from North Korea. The interceptors only have a 50% success rate, however, so hopefully North Korea only has one missile and we fire all 44 interceptors at it. Um, does this worry anybody? And this is despite Rodman going over there, by the way. This is, I mean, Either way, either way, guess what I do? Here's the report. Guess what? Here's the report. Guess what? Guess what? Don't hate me. Don't hate me. Guess what? Don't hate me. Guess what? Don't hate me. How did he not smooth things over with that kind of silver tongue? Are you kidding me? Guess what? Guess what? Don't hate me. Guess what is like, is supposed to be like, here's something you don't know. Guess what? Don't hate me is a great t-shirt, by the way. That is a great, he's heading, uh, Rodman said he's heading back, uh, apparently, apparently he, in August, he's going to vacation. Apparently, uh, Kim offered him a visit. I guess, uh, North Korea is like Poconos for, uh, dictators. Here's how you know that our American military policy is all just a bunch of money garbage is the countries we've invaded. None of them have, none of the countries themselves have ever been like, you know what? We're going to beat the crap out of America. North Korea says, the leader of North Korea says, we are going to shoot a nuclear weapon at you. And we just go, you know what? We're going to build some more missile fences over here. Yeah. So that you can't, no, go there and carpet bomb the capital of whatever the military bases are of North Korea. Well, their thing is, especially if North Korea would pretty much just nuke South Korea. I'm not that worried about them nuking the West Coast. No, it'd be tough. Can you imagine, you know, Rodman and Kim Jong-un hanging out at like the Pyongyang Hooters? Like, I mean, where are they going? Tiny tits at the Pyongyang Hooters, by the way. Very tiny. But here's the thing. I mean, could you imagine what the retaliation would be? If they sent a missile this way? If they sent a missile to the United States. There is no more North Korea. There is no more North Korea if that happens. Especially if there's a Republican in office. But again, well, no, even Obama's not shy about bombing some shit. No, but I'm saying nukes. But my thing is, you can't nuke North Korea without seriously screwing up. Ruining everything around it. Like, it's not like South Korea's going, whew, I'm glad I'm on the other side of that road. Well, that's why when you say North Korea would nuke South Korea, do they think the bomb would just stay there? Like, I mean, do they think that's it? They are crazy enough to do something like that. He is. He may be. Yes. He may be. But I'm saying, do you think we couldn't, or would, I don't know that we would nuke North Korea. No, we shouldn't nuke anybody. What we should do is fly bombers over every military base in North Korea and completely cripple their entire military infrastructure. Yes. That is what I'm saying. It would be a ground and air attack unlike anything that we have witnessed. That is true. All right, let's switch from international crazy to, to out of this world crazy. Turns out, real life cannibals are not as likable as Hannibal Lecter. Listen to this from Newsy and CNN. The so-called cannibal cop could spend the rest of his life in jail after a jury found Gilberto Valle guilty on two counts. Guilty of conspiracy to commit kidnapping of women. Also guilty of wrongfully accessing a federal database. Gatto had tried to portray Valle's plans to kill women and his pictures of a naked woman roasting on a spit and another woman with her throat saying, as sexual fantasies. But the jury didn't buy it. The New York Post reports the jury found that Gilberto Valle's detailed and specific plans to abduct women for the purpose of committing grotesque crimes were very real and that he was guilty as charged. 28-year-old Valle has been in solitary confinement since his arrest last year. Back in October, his wife alerted authorities of his gruesome plans after she found them on the computer. His wife was also the first to testify against him. Ouch. Before we get to how disgusting this guy is, we only have a minute on this guy, but is there any hesitation for convicting a guy on a crime he has not committed yet? Yeah. Here's the one thing about, because that's what the defense is saying. His defense is saying everybody should worry about what they say online now. Your thoughts, you can now be prosecuted for your thoughts. Here's the one thing that makes that kind of not true, though, is that in order for him to be convicted, the jurors were required to find that he took at least one or more concrete steps to carry out the conspiracy. So he went to the illegal database. He mentioned people he was going to do. He did research on how to knock somebody out. He did research on certain tools that he wanted. So here's the other problem is unless you're in a movie, do you really want to go, well, no, he has to cook someone alive before we can actually get him. That's a fucking monster. This guy's a monster. Okay. Has he committed any other crimes technically in the ongoing? There's this illegal database. Yes, the illegal database. He is a cop, and what he was doing was- So he was hit with the maximum penalty for that. Exactly. That's what I agree. Yes. You want a guy who's trying to, who's planning on killing a person I mean, here's the thing. Let me read a couple of things that he has specified. Quote, I want her to experience being cooked alive. She'll be trussed up like a turkey. She'll be terrified, screaming, and crying. I want to use her severed head as a centerpiece for a sit-down meal. I'm dying to eat some girl meat. I might have said that before. But, I mean, these are things he said, and one of the people he wanted to do it to was, and he mentioned specific people. He said, here's a woman I got from the database. She's already been a victim, and she lives alone, so I have easy access. He wants to get it to his wife. So, I mean, how close do you have to get before you actually do it? Where did he write these things? Online. The fact that there's a website to do this with people, to talk about people, freaks me out even more. Here's the thing. I agree with Rich that anything that he did that was illegal, like the accessing of the database. He took steps to do a crime. He took steps. Here's what... But it's not... Those actions in and of themselves are not illegal. Look, the guy's a scumbag. I have no problem with that, but you can't... We have a system where until you actually do something... Let me read... Well, conspiring. Let me read... A U.S. attorney said, the internet is a forum for the free exchange of ideas, but it does not confer immunity for plotting crimes and taking steps to carry out those crimes. So, taking steps to carry out is different than carrying out the crime. But are there currently laws against taking steps to carry out a crime? If there are, sure, hit him with it. Yes. That is what... That is what he... That is what he's getting... That is what he's getting nailed for. That along with the database. All right, I spent three hours last night trying to come up with a good segue from cannibal cop to NFL free agency, by the way. I got nothing. Came up with nothing. The best I could come up with was, speaking of cannibals, NFL teams are gobbling up free agents pretty quickly. Okay, here we go. Speaking of things that are delicious... This is from NFL Network. Have you ever had a hot dog at a game? I have your segue for you. Cannibal cop, well, there's a cannibal who lives in Liberia named General Butt Naked who looks a lot like UFC light heavyweight champion John Jones, whose brother Chan Jones plays for the Baltimore Ravens. Boom shakalaka. That is a fine Kevin Bacon game. I'm not sure of transition. Speaking of delicious, what's more delicious than a hot dog at a football game? No. What? Nailed it. Okay, here we go. Listen to this from NFL Network. Former Ram Steven Jackson is headed south to Atlanta and joins a Falcons team that fell short in the NFC championship game. Wes Welker has agreed to a two-year deal with the Denver Broncos. They just wrapped it up after six years with Tom Brady as his quarterback. Wes Welker has agreed to a two-year deal Welker's quarterback is now Peyton Manning. Reggie Bush has a new home. He is a new member of the Detroit Lions. He has a four-year contract to team up with Matthew Stafford and the Detroit offense. All right, big names that have left this just in jet still suck, by the way. Steven Jackson went from the Rams to the Falcons. He's replacing Michael Turner. That's great. You know what that means. What's that? That's another year the Falcons will not make it past the early rounds of the playoffs. Okay, they were one game away from making it to the Super Bowl last year. Good luck with that. Yeah, although they did replace an aging running back with a running back who's maybe two years younger. Mike Wallace, speedy receiver from the Steelers, went to the Dolphins. That is good. Now if they can just get someone to throw it to him, that would be nice. Wes Welker went from Tom Brady and the Patriots over to the Broncos and Peyton Manning. That's big. Denver is a team that could certainly do it. Yeah, that is big. They were already one of the favorites and now they get a great weapon for Manning. I think the biggest one, by the way, is going to be Reggie Bush. I think he's going to have the biggest effect just because it's already a crazy passing offense and he's great at catching the ball and taking off. Reggie Bush went from the Dolphins to the Lions. I think that he's going to be dangerous. And then Darrell Revis may go somewhere. Anquan Bolden traded to San Fran and Percy Harvin traded to Seattle. The West is going to be absolutely nuts. That's going to be insane. The West is going to be absolutely nuts. All right, we're running low on time. Let's get the headlines. Extra, extra, read all about it. Extra, extra, extra, extra, read all about it. Nice. The judge in the Colorado movie theater shooting case entered a not guilty plea on behalf of James Holmes on Tuesday after his defense team said he was not ready to enter a plea. The judge said Holmes can change his plea to not guilty by reason of insanity, but if he does, he could be subjected to a truth serum to see if he is genuinely insane. I do not think this judge knows how a truth serum works. Forget the serum. Why don't you just ask him if he's insane three times? Doesn't he have to tell you after that? I just love how, you know, our definition of insanity. You killed a bunch of people. You killed a bunch of people. You killed a bunch of people in a movie theater claiming you were Batman. It's like, you're fucking crazy. You're guilty. Insanity doesn't make you not guilty of murdering a bunch of people. Well, yeah, no, that is definitely true. It's definitely true. That term, we should change that plea to insanity, which goes, oh, you're insane? Sweet. We're going to lock you up in a padded room forever then. Yes, and you shouldn't care because you wouldn't know what's going on. Yeah. The case of a fatal gang rape which set off an uproar across India took a surprising turn on Monday when the body of a suspect in the attack was found hanging in his jail cell. Officials called the death a suicide, but the suspect's family insisted he had been killed. Either way, I hope someone rammed an iron bar up his ass before he died. That case was horrible. I have no sympathy for that guy at all. Apparently, he was raped in prison according to his father. And the guy who is killed, that suspect, he was driving the bus when the girl was raped. His brother was also involved in the rape. There were like six of them. There was five of them, I believe, four or five of them, and two of them were brothers. It's a good family. More trouble for India. Their Supreme Court has ordered the Italian ambassador not to leave the country after Rome refused to return two Marines charged with the murder of two fishermen last year. The court had allowed the Marines to go home to vote in last month's elections. In a related story, India's Supreme Court is stupid. They let two guys charged with murder and you let them go to go vote. You let them leave the country to go vote. Is there anybody in your jail at all? I don't understand how these people do this. Good. You can leave. You'll be fine. They had a couple of days. They had a couple of days. Have you heard of the absentee ballot? Yeah. It's really a simple solution. Hey, I know I was convicted of murder, but I think I left my coffee maker on. I will meet you guys at jail tomorrow. Several of them also got out when the new Wizard of Oz movie came out. In a case that Jesse Jackson Jr. points to to make himself look better, former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was found guilty of 24 charges including racketeering, extortion, attempted extortion, bribery, mail fraud, wire fraud, false tax returns. If you're going to go to jail, you should have a name like Kwame. Sort of a potpourri of crime. That's nice. He and his partner got most... New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg vowed to appeal a judge's ruling that struck down his ban on military-style soft drinks. I think I'm getting... I might be getting his battles confused, but one day before his ban on large, sugary soft drinks, which sounds gross when you word it like that, was supposed to take effect, a judge struck it down calling it arbitrary and capricious and then chugged a 64-ounce cup of Mountain Dew. I think the judge is right, but there's no reason to have those drinks. Yeah, no, I mean, it's... Like that cup size. It's just get rid of that cup size, but that judge is totally right. Yeah, no, it's too... I mean, there's too many loopholes. There's too many loopholes. It was Judge Milton Tingling who made that, by the way. I like a guy who's a verb. That's one of the greatest laws anyone's ever passed that totally shouldn't be a law. Yeah, well, he also passed... I don't have a problem with passing laws that restrict, you know... He banned trans fats. Yeah, he banned trans fats. He banned smoking in restaurants and parks. And two of those laws have also been... already have been challenged and he fought them, so anybody's got the money to fight it. It's our... It's time for our first ever segment of Deductive Reasoning 101. Drew, were you on a cruise recently? I was. And did your ship either get stuck or have passengers duty floating in all the way? It did not. Then I am safe to assume that you were not on a Carnival cruise line. I was not. We all remember the Carnival Triumph disaster last month and then I was going to mention Carnival Dream losing power and some toilets on Wednesday, but on Thursday another Carnival ship, Carnival Legend, started having technical difficulties. They may need to change the names of their ship from like Triumph and Dream to more vague names like Carnival Escape and Carnival It Could Be Worse. They're kind of like those little traveling carnivals. You ever see those where you just... There's no feeling of confidence that that ride is going to make it. Just one dude pushing the metal bar in the back? These cruise companies are all technically owned in the Bahamas in Panama. They're not American companies. They have no oversight. But all of this is coming from... Did the warranty just run out on Carnival's boats? Like it's all Carnival for some reason. They run those boats 365. Every day those boats sit in harbor, that's money down the drain. They run those boats into the ground. They pay their entire staff the wages that are appropriate for international waters, which means diddly squat. There's no oversight. You're basically walking into a game of roulette. Well, I gotta say, yeah, it depends on the cruise. Like I was on Caribbean Cruise Lines. Please hire me to be a comedian on your cruise. I was on Caribbean Cruise Lines and that boat, one of the new ones, the Allure of the Seas, that thing was freaking amazing. Yeah, that's the biggest boat around though. Lauren Silberman last week tried to become the Jackie Robinson of football if Jackie was spelled J-A-C-K-I with a little heart over the I. Silberman attempted to become the first woman in NFL history when she tried out as a kicker at a pro football combine. She did not kick herself any closer to equality though. She had two kicks that went less than 20 yards before she aggravated a leg injury. Her only chance now is if the Jets sign her as a quarterback. All right, we got half a minute. Drew, what do you got coming up? Bad advice every Saturday right here at Skid Row Studios. We, I want to remind you, you're listening to the weekly wrap-up with Ken August on Xtreme XM, channel 165. Get every episode free at the iTunes store or catch us Saturday 6 o'clock Eastern at Skid Row Studios. Rich, what do you got going, buddy? Follow Rich Slayton at MMAComic hashtag murderhouse. Holy crap, that sounds awesome. Thank you very much, everybody. We will catch you next week. Bye-bye. We'll be right back.