Slave vs submissive with Julie (Redemptions Girl)

I'll never get you know tired of that intro I don't know why but it's it's it's catchy hello welcome to the love bite hi I'm insidious muse and I'm service slut and we have a guest an awesome guest me too she is the buddha of s-types oh oh oh yeah really oh yeah you are like she laid down no no no you know what tree and sought nirvana she's fucking dalai lama dalai lama best types okay you might be over deepak chopra of s-types which one are we going for I'm gonna stick with dalai lama I think you're overstating no no no no no no no no no accept it except just accept it and and and her name is redemptions girl hi yeah or reds girl for sure or julie julie's good cool you know just whatever we all have so many names nowadays yeah don't we do never just one name I I always well not always but I just go by julie it's that's just my twitter name I'm just julie just julie just it makes it makes it simple yeah well and and one of the things that we have our fine friend julie on for is to discuss the differences between a slave and a submissive and somebody tweeted and said and can you add in their bottom and I said absolutely because there's distinctive difference and I know there are many men that don't seem to understand that just because a woman is bottoming to you does not mean that she is submitting to you and they don't seem to understand that difference and the reason we have fantastic julie on is because she identifies herself as a slave and she hasn't always identified herself as a slave so she's gone through this own you know this whole thing personal growth and evolution to decide who and what she is and what I love is that she's so passionate that's it she's very passionate about this topic so uh let's start with kind of the basic okay why do you identify as a slave um for me it's it it made sense to me when I when I was starting out in the life of a slave I was a slave and I was a slave for a long time and I was a slave for a long time and I was a slave for a long time and I was a slave for a long time and I was a local scene I was a bottom which um meant that I would play with people and I would bottom for the scene that for the duration of that scene I was the person getting the hitting but with with no power exchange no there was no power so there was no psychological there's no submission no not just for that just for the scene if during the scene I was you know I would do what I was told to do you know stand up sit down whatever um but that was just the scene I was the person getting the hitting but I was the person getting the hitting but I was the person getting the hitting for the scene and when it was over it was you know fist bump hug good game and we're done right and then you go on and have another scene and bottom for somebody else um and that was fun for me I had a really good time with that and then I decided that I wanted to be in a relationship in a power exchange relationship and I met somebody who you know kind of explained to me that back in the old leather days um there were only bottoms and slates and I was like okay I'm gonna do this but I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean to sound mean but I mean I don't mean but I mean I don't mean but I mean I don't mean but I mean I don't mean but I mean I don't go all in. You know, do I want to commit to a power exchange relationship with somebody? And, you know, I decided I wanted to go all in. Either I'm all in or I'm all out. And when I find something in my life that really does call to me that way, that tends to be how I do it. I either go all in or all out. And so it made more sense to me to look for that journey, to look for that. And so I did identify as a submissive for a while while I was searching for what it meant to be a slave. And to be in a power exchange relationship and to create that dynamic, the idea of total obedience made sense to me. It made sense at a level that I was deeper than I was expecting it to be. So when I was in a power exchange relationship, I was like, oh, I'm going to go all in. I'm going to go all in. And when it was called upon me, you know, would you be my slave or would you want to be my slave? It made very much sense for me to say yes. And since then, I've learned a lot more about what it means to be a slave. I think I agreed to it knowing the basics of what it meant. But as I've grown more in it, I've learned how much it really does fit me and how much the relationship that I have. Um, suits my life. So then to to I'm a big fan of specificity. What what is you how do you define slave then for you? Slaves are committed to obedience. The slave gives up the right to say no to the master that they serve within the confines of what's been done. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. The slave will enjoy the power. I just totally forgot the question. What is a slave? The definition of a slave. Oh, okay. See, I get on this. That's cool. So basically the definition of a slave is a person in a power exchange relationship who commits to obedience. They commit to total obedience in a power exchange relationship. It's that simple? It's really that simple. And so conversely, what's the definition of a submissive? A submissive, the way that I understand it, the way that I think is best is a submissive chooses which orders to obey. Now, I know that sounds really, on the surface, it sounds really bad. Yeah. It does. And when I read that, I was like. Every submissive author is like, no, I don't. Right. But if you do the research on it, that's definitely. What the comparisons say, the comparisons say that a submissive will choose what orders they want to take. And if a submissive were to say no to an order, that usually is a call to the dominant that there needs to be more negotiation. Slaves don't get to negotiate. A slave will say yes in the beginning. And that's it. Whereas a submissive can continue to negotiate along the journey. Okay. So I don't have just a hard Webster's definition of it. Yeah. Those are the ways that I. Define them for me. That you can still negotiate. I don't. I don't. Me personally, I don't get. I don't get that power of negotiation. You know, right at the moment. Do you miss that at all? Sometimes. I find that the things that the nose that I miss are the things in my life that I miss. I miss. I miss. I miss. I miss. I miss. I miss. I miss. I struggle with the most in general, like control of. Like, like control of how I spend my money. Like if I want to go out and buy a new pair of shoes or if I want to go out and, you know, buy something, I have to check and make sure that it's okay that I buy something. And of course, my thought is, well, you know, I want to buy something. But I've always had problems with money. I've always had problems with spending too much money or not, you know, having enough money to pay my bills. And stuff like that. So the things that I miss having my own control over are the things that I always kind of fucked up in the past. So it's probably a good thing. Hmm. You know. Hmm. And what, what, what do you get out of it? Um, it's funny. I'm pausing not because I can't think of something. I'm pausing because there's, there's so much that I get out of it. And that's fine. I would rather it be a well thought out answer. I love my life. I love, um, I love my dominant. I love my, my family. Uh, I love being in, I love being in service. You know, um, I not only do I, uh, do I provide service to my sir, but I also do for the community. You know, I like to get out there and, you know, I do my boot blacking for, uh, fundraising events and things like that. And I really enjoy that. I really enjoy being of service. I enjoy. I enjoy talking to people and, you know, a lot of people will ask me, you know, questions about this and that and the other. Um, and I, I enjoy being of service in that way. That I think is always been somewhat of a, uh, calling of some sort for me is to, is to be of service. Um, not just like a people pleaser, but just, you know, um. Yes. Yes. But you could do that as a submissive and yet your life is a slave and you're very, very happy about it. So, so then again, back to, you know, what, what do you get out of it? What do you get out of being a slave versus being a submissive? Um, really it's, it's, you know, it's not to say that there isn't anything to be gotten from being a slave. Um, what I get is, is for me, it's the completion of what I, you know, for me, it's, it's, it's where my journey brought me. Okay. So I have. I have this, I have a deep connection with my master and it's the dynamic that works for us. So I don't think that I, myself, I don't think that I get more out of it than a submissive does. So for you, it's, it's again, the same kind of concept, that emotional reciprocity, that, that sense that, that you are finding that yin to your yang to complete what your, you need to do to fulfill your existence. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, for me, um, growth and, and, and such in, in my slavery is, is a need for me. So for me going all in and, and really giving it everything, um, based on, you know, what I know is to be everything that was, that was part of, of kind of this unstoppable journey that I've been on. And, and how, I mean, like in concrete terms, I mean, how do you, how have you grown? Is it, is it skillful? Is it just a, you know, a, a mentality and emotional awareness? You know what? Well, I've grown in a lot of different ways. Um, in a lot of different ways in my life, in my personal life. You know, I, I was living before with a lot of, a lot of, of, uh, emotional, um, baggage that I have been able to get rid of. Um, just by learning to be stronger. Just by learning to. Um. learning to trust in myself, learning to have confidence in my abilities as a person. And I've been able to get rid of a lot of those things. And I'm going to, for two seconds, interrupt you. Now, you said learning to be stronger and trust in yourself. That, to many, would seem, you know, incongruent with the concept of being a slave. Well, I don't, I see your point. I do. Right. I don't, philosophically, I don't agree, but I know of people who have brought that point up. Well, and I think if you are a dominant or a master who wants a slave that is completely reliant on you for everything, including all of your self-esteem, all of your confidence, right, all of those things, then, then there are masters out there and there are slaves out there for that. I am not that kind of slave. And my master is not that kind of master. I'm not that kind of girl. No, I am that kind of girl. But I know that you are that kind of girl. Now, my, my master wants a slave who is, you know, who has her shit together, who is somewhat self-reliant. My thoughts are, until I know who I am, I don't really have anything to give to anybody else. Right. So I've seen situations where there have been people who have gone into DS relationships, MS relationships, who really are very still very much at a loss for who they are as people. And they're trying to find it within that. And that can be very dangerous because I did that. I think that if you, even if you look at any relationship, vanilla relationships, that's one of the ways that we do find ourselves. And you're right. It can, in this world, when we deal with some very edgy things, emotionally, psychologically, and physically, it can be very dangerous. Yeah, it can be very dangerous to not know who you are and then find yourself owned by somebody else. And then, you know, not all relationships last forever. And then, then what happens? You know, and that is something. Who are you? Right. That is something that happened to me in the very beginning when I first started in this lifestyle. I sort of stumbled into. And then when I was let go, I was like, okay, so what am I supposed to do now? And I kind of vowed to myself at that point that I was never going to let that happen to me again. So I made a decision to search, to search for what it meant to be a submissive and what I needed to do to sort of get my head together so that I could offer something to somebody else, so that I have something to offer to somebody else. And the journey never ends, right? No, I don't think so. Well, it's kind of like life. Yeah. Human beings don't. Yeah. No, it's, it's always changing. Everything, you know, even the journey that we're on now, you know, that I'm on now with my sir, things are, things are evolving. Things are changing. You know, going, I'm just in this last, just actually since the beginning of the year, I've made a lot of changes for myself. I'm, you know, starting to teach classes. Now, and I'm sort of getting out there. And that's not something that I would have ever considered doing before because I was, you know, kind of afraid to speak in public. I'm really great one on one, you know, but when I'm in front of a group of people, I, you know, I clam up and all of a sudden I doubt myself and what am I doing here and I don't belong here. And so I've been pushing myself to do that. And I don't think that I would have had the confidence to do that before. What do you say to? That attitude that that that slavehood is somehow more elevated than being submissive. It depends. You know, I mean, there are people there are lots of people who I would never be a slave. Well, OK, then don't. It's pretty simple. It's pretty simple. You know, but a lot of times because that that is the thing. There are people that would never allow a dominant to tell them or would never allow anyone to tell them this is how you can spend your money. Or this is how you can. This this is who you can spend time with. This is who you can be friends with. And that is that's perfectly fine. I mean, if that's if those are your boundaries, then rock on. You know, I don't I've decided I've made the choice to give up those boundaries. So, you know, I would I would basically say to them, well, OK, that's fine. Do you know what it is to be a slave? And that doesn't necessarily mean that all slaves. Have the life I have the life I have. It doesn't mean that all masters are a certain way. The very first MS relationship I was with, I was in. I had a lot of leeway. I mean, a lot of leeway because the arrangement that we had was that he wanted me to experience things. He wanted me to experience everything in this lifestyle that I could possibly experience. So I was allowed to have play. I was allowed to have sex with my slave partners and sex partners and romantic partners, which is how I have the relationship that I have now. So it really depends. It depends on the kind of master that you kind of master that you're looking for. And I think that they're all out there. I think that there is a wide range of dominance out there, just as there's a wide range of S types out there. Yeah. You know, I don't think that I am any better than anybody else because I identify as a slave. I think that. I'm, you know, sometimes slaves have a little more fun. I mean, did I say that? Yeah. Submissives. Submissives have more fun. I was like, they, okay with that. To me, that requires some explanation. No, sorry. Submissives have more fun, I think. Wait, why do you think, why do you think submissives have more fun? Because they're blonde? I'm going to just. Right. No, well, because there is that, I think that there's more negotiation there. There's, there's definitely more room for, there's more wiggle room. I think when you're a submissive. There was more wiggle room when I was a submissive. And I don't have that same wiggle room anymore. And yet you, it sounds to me like you would say that your fast track of growth has happened more as a slave than when you were a submissive or a bottom. Yes. So then how can that, I mean, more fun in the fact that they have more power as a submissive. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because as soon as you enter into negotiation, obviously that, that moment is a power. Right. At that moment of how, how is this going to work? And that's awesome. However, for you as a human being, your personal growth has happened more when you gave up that. Right. You know, left to my own devices, I'm really kind of a fucking hot mess. I really am one of those people that thrives better under micromanagement. And I know that about me. You know, I had. I had to explain that to my boss or my, my work dominant as I like to call her. I had to, but I had to explain that to her because too much leeway. And, you know, if you allow me to slack off, I'm gonna. Idle hands. Yeah. And so I've, I had to explain that to her. I do better if you kick me in the ass. And the majority of, I would like to say the majority of the success that I've had in my personal life in the last couple of years is a direct reflect on the micromanagement. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. Things. that's probably not going to work for most people. But that's what works for me. Were you afraid when you accepted that reality that you needed that kind of intense micromanagement? You know, I was sort of in the middle of it when it happened. So I was like, huh, well, I guess this is what works for me. You know, I'm, you know, I'm 41. I don't have a whole lot of disillusions about my life anymore. Wisdom. Wisdom. So, you know, at some point you have to realize what, what works for you and not fight it because it seems wrong. And that's that I think when it, when I realized it, it was actually almost a relief for me. It was almost like, okay, so this is how you work better, Julie. So just go with it because this is what's going to get you to the next stage in your life. And what is the next stage in your life? Um, you know, I'm not sure. Um, it's, it's interesting. Like I said, I'm, I'm, I'm teaching classes now. I'm just started teaching classes. I have, uh, three more this year and then, uh, oh, four because, well, I have, uh, submitted a class to DomCon, but I haven't gotten an email back saying yes or no yet. Um, so, so feel free to pimp your classes. So teaching is, is becoming something that's important for me. And sir, and I actually are just, I'm starting to talk about me starting to top again, which is something that I haven't done in a, well, I haven't really done in a long time. When I first got into the local scene, I was, I was switching. And so that's sort of something that he feels that I have earned and that I'm ready for. And what are you looking to find in that experience? Um, you know, some, some growth, some connection on a different level. Um, when I was topping, it was, it was definitely, it was definitely fun. It was definitely a, um, a different kind of energy that you have than, than bottoming. One of the reasons why I, this, what I made the decision to go submissive versus, uh, dominant at the time is it wasn't the same energy that I was searching for at the time. It wasn't the same connection I was searching for at the time. And I kind of feel, it feels like kind of a natural progression for me to start topping, um, and, and playing from the other side that way. Um, I, I really do love the exchange of energy in a, in the BDSM scene. And I think there's, there was a definite, um, there was a definite pull towards that when I was doing it as well. I very much enjoyed having those connections and, and it's, it was fun. It was fun to have that exchange with people. And, you know, I'm not any kind of, I'm not a, I'm not a kind of, uh, I'm not any kind of sadist and nor am I any kind of masochist. But I, I, it's, it's definitely something that I'm, I'm excited about. You know, we're, we're discussing it a lot. It's not like I'm going to, you know, show up at the dungeon with a flogger next weekend and start swinging it around and see who I hit. Yes. But if you wear it on your belt, then everybody knows you are a dominant. I was thinking that, or maybe, you know, just swinging it over my shoulder. Yeah. Oh, well there's the whip, you know, right around your neck. So it's, like I said, it's something that we're discussing. Okay. So as a slave that has no ability to say no, no wiggle room, how does that work when you're topping somebody? That is one of those things that we are still discussing. That's what I figured. Um, I'm not, you know, I'm not sure, you know, we, the conversations, this is something like really do. And we've had conversations about it, but I still haven't, I haven't been able to work it out in my head what that's going to look like. You know, um, he is, this is something that he is gifting to me. Yeah. Well, and cause topping is a very organic experience and, and, and although you can be given, you know, this is, this is the portfolio that you are allowed to use at any given moment in the middle of a scene that none of that could work. Right. You might need to grab something else and that's the essence of topping. And that's one of the things that I, that will be a challenge to create. Yes. It's, it's going to be one of those things. Um, you know, I was talking about, I was talking to one of, um, one of the girls in our house, you know, about playing with them. And I was saying, you know, well, at this point, if I was playing with you, he could come in and take my scene from me if he's just not even interested in watching it anymore. Right. You know, so that's got to be something that he and I really work out because I don't want to get into a situation with somebody that, um, I'm playing with. Um, and so, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I'm playing with or, or somebody that I'm playing with on a regular basis and then have that come to a full halt simply because he says so, you know? So like I said, it's, it's going to be one of those things that, um, he's willing, you know, to discuss with me. So as a slave with no wiggle room and no saying a whole lot of shit, how do you deal with frustrations and don't just say that you just take it. Like, I want, what is your thought process from the moment that it happens and there's disappointment to the moment that you feel like you can let it go? Oh, I cry a lot. I cry out of just sheer frustration a lot. And a lot of times I will just, you know, I mean, I don't want to just say I just take it, but there is a certain amount of just taking it that you have to do. You have to just go, okay, sir, I understand, sir. Yes, sir. And then I kind of walk away and, you know. That would drive me fucking crazy. What would? Just having to. That, those answers. Yeah. Those answers. I would fucking smack you. Well. I'm telling you. But what else can be said? I get that. I get that. But that's one of my things is like, I got to go. I got to go. And sometimes, you know, it's just a matter of, you know, it's almost kind of funny because I'll throw out if it pleases you, sir. And I know he's ready to smack me when I do it. He's thinking it right now. I can just see him at home with his arm up. But sometimes those are the only answers that you can give. Right. Because, you know, at the basis, my job is to, you know, show up on time and do what I'm told. And so if I have to do something or if I'm asking for permission to do something and he says no or something like that happens, I have to go with that because that's the decision that I made. Okay. Now, with that, he will come back later and explain to me. This is why. If he doesn't explain it at that moment, he will explain to me then. This is why. And sometimes I still don't agree with his why, but at least he's given it to me. So at least I have that. And I'll just, you know, kind of grin and bear it and move on. If it's something that's so incredibly important to me, if it's something that is, you know, really, really important to me, then I might push it to the point where he'll tell me, you know, you're pushing it. And I understand, sir. However, and a lot of times it comes down to, you know, okay, this conversation is over, Julie. We're done. And then, you know, that's when the tears of frustration start and stuff like that. But, you know, then eventually I have to just put myself back in check and go, you know, this is the life he chose. And, there are few things that really ever get to that point, that ever get to the no negotiation, that this is it and we're not discussing it anymore. Do you find a certain zen in not having choices like that? Sometimes. Sometimes it's nice because it relieves a lot of stress. It relieves a lot of decision power for me. You know, I'm busy. I work and I have kids and we have all this stuff going on. And so sometimes it's very nice to go, well, if he decides this is what we're going to do, then this is what we're going to do. And then that's it. And my hands are off and it's done. One of the things I've learned just in my own personal life is, you know, how little power we have to control so many things. So it's nice. Sometimes to just roll with that. Go powerless. Okay, I'm out. Well, yeah, then you're not fighting. Fighting against a machine that you can't fight. I mean, I get that. I want to know a day in the life of a slave because obviously you don't spend all day in shackles and shit. No princess Leia outfit, although that would be hot. Yeah. You know, it's really not as exciting as you would think. It's really not. You know, I get up at 5 a.m. or my son wakes me up at 5 a.m. with a cup of coffee. And I go to work. What? Yeah, he does. God damn it. Nobody wakes me up with a cup of coffee. Well, he knows that I won't get up otherwise. Oh. So I've got to get them to school because he'll get detention. So I get up in the morning and I, you know, wrestle all the kids and I usually will leave him some sort of a note if there's anything he needs to know about the day and I go off to work and I will talk to the girls on my phone. I will let them know if they're on my way to work. Let them know if there's anything going on for the evening. You know, if they need anything from me or I need anything from them. You know, we discuss that usually in the morning. I let him know during the course of my day where I'm going. You know, if I'm going to lunch, I let him know I'm going to lunch. I let him know when I'm back from lunch. I let him know when I'm going to be out of my office. Let him know when I'm going to be in a meeting. And I let him know when I'm leaving for the day. So he always knows where I am. Always. And if for whatever reason he doesn't, he has me on Google Latitude so he can just GPS that shit. Wow. And then usually I come home. We usually talk at some point during the drive home, whether it's just via text message or talking on the phone. You certainly don't text and drive though, do you? No, no. You know, my new phone has this really... My new phone has that really great thing where I can voice it. That's what that is. Really. Really, sir. I do not text and drive, sir. And... I'm helping you out there. Thank you, miss. And so, you know, I come home and we talk. He and I talk for a little bit and we discuss, you know, whatever needs to be talked about. And I make dinner and I work two jobs so then I usually will go back to work, you know, at my computer or I will, you know, start getting housework done or whatever. And, you know, we continue to, you know, sort of talk through the course of the evening and, you know, then I go to bed at 11 o'clock sharp every night. Until he wakes you up at 2 o'clock in the morning? Until he wakes me up at 2 o'clock in the morning. Talk to you about a YouTube video. I'm so busted. You said nothing was off limits. I know, I know. You know, and that's the typical day. Social media, blogging, what about those? I just sort of fit those in when I'm supposed to be working. As far as his control over them though. You know, if I say something, in the beginning, when I first met him, I was still a sex blogger. And so there was a lot of blowjob anal sex talk. And we kind of had to put a little bit of a cut on that. Not entirely, but we did have to put a little bit of a cut on that because he's not as comfortable being as out in the open as I am. You know, he's not as comfortable about where he puts his dick as I am. About having dicks put in? Right. Right. That's exactly what I was trying to say. And so he's not quite as comfortable with it. And so I have to respect, I have to respect his wishes in that way. So I'm, as long as I don't get, as long as I don't delve too personally into our lives, as long as I don't talk too much about what's going on in our personal lives. And you reflect well upon him. Right. That is, as a D type, that is important. Right. Right. I can't get online and be like, dominance being an asshole. Like that's just not, that's not going to work out. No, no. And he does watch. He does monitor everything I do. He does, you know, every once in a while, he'll hop on my Twitter page and he'll say, what was this about? And it was like two weeks ago. I'm like, I have no clue. Look at the conversation. Right. See what that says. Right. And so, he watches what I put on Twitter, what I put on FetLife, what I put on Facebook, things like that. So, you know, he has control of that. And as long as I'm not going too far overboard, as long as I'm not putting out information about our personal lives, or as long as I'm not being inappropriate, you know, talking about topics that are going to bring negative attention to me, then he's pretty open about what I do. So, I've been, I mean, you know, I do everything online. You know. Don't we all? Right. You know, and he doesn't. That's the thing. He is not very much on. But he's younger. Well, he doesn't do it on social media online, you know. So, he's not as, he doesn't quite understand why anybody cares that I'm sitting in traffic. Well, that's the start of a conversation. That's what that is. Right. Right. So, he doesn't quite, understand that. And, but I've been doing it like this for so long. And I, and I love it. That's definitely part of me. And I have had, it's been, it's been hard to kind of cut that back. You know, it's been hard to, to stop talking about, you know, my sex life in such explicit detail. Graphic, beautiful detail. Yeah. So, those are fun. But he's, you know, well, the problem is now, is that I used to be more anonymous. Oh, right. Yes, I remember. I was more anonymous before. And now, I am, I am out. And people know me. And I go out into the local community. And people see me. And what was happening is, is that I would go out. And people would say to me, oh, I really enjoyed your blog post. Looked like you had a good night last night. And I was like, oh, right. So, it was different. It was very different when people would start to, to connect. You know, the blog that I wrote for a long time was very popular. And I would be mingling with people. But they didn't know that I was that girl. Right. And now they know that I'm that girl. So, you know, I, I sort of stepped out of the anonymity. And it's not as much fun out there. People say things. Go figure. Well, and it's weird. Because when you're hiding behind the keys, it's so much easier. Mm-hmm. You know, but when somebody is like in your face, and they know, you know, that you had dick last night, you're kind of like, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that doesn't embarrass me. Have we met? You know? That doesn't embarrass me at all. Well, it doesn't, it doesn't embarrass me if it's a friend or somebody that I know. But there's a lot of creepy people out there. Yes, there are. And fuck you very much. That's just it. I don't know. I'm like, yeah, I got it. And you read about it. So, look how everybody won. Oh, wait, I won more. Right. Well, and, and really for me, it's not even so much me worried. It's me worried that someone's going to say that to him. And then that won't go over very well. Yeah. So, he's a little more private of a person than I am. Well, and so you kind of scale things back out of respect. Yes. To ensure that, that he is comfortable. Well, and, and that was the thing is that when I was having. Did you, did you hashtag romance with your hands? Yes, I did hashtag romance. Why, why did you hashtag romance? Because it's romantic. Like, if that was a tweet, I would respond back, hashtag romance. Yeah. This is, when, when we do this, we're doing a hand motion people. This means hashtag. Oh, okay. And so, because we, we, not only do you hashtag in, in Twitter, but you hashtag in Facebook and text and emails. And we hashtag in verbal. Right. That's what we do. I love that. No, but the, the, the thing is too, is that then the people that I was engaging with, you know, people that I was, I was having sex with or, or whatever, you know, they're no longer anonymous either. That's a bigger deal. See, so it's not just, sir and I, but our friends and, you know, the people, the other people in our house, and maybe they're not so comfortable. Now that brings me to another question. For a while, it was just you, right? You know, when we first, when we first met and we first got together, the, the poly, the poly card, it was always out there. We always knew. I always knew that he was a poly dominant. Um, however, I think it was just the two of us for probably about three or four months. Um, but it was always just, that was only because we were new and starting to get to know each other and, and working out the dynamics of our relationship. Um, it was never a matter of, he said, you know, okay, well, we're just going to be monogamous for a while. Like there was never, that was never the, that was never the deal. It was, it was always gonna, there was always, there was always a, a plan or hope or whatever, that there would be other people. Um, it just, we just spent those first few months, just the two of us, um, you know, kind of getting it down, getting down the, the dynamic that we were going to have. And before, you know, we branched into our poly house. And, and what is it like to have to share him? Cause I think about sharing her with another S type. And I mean, I obviously that's not my, it's not my choice. Um, but it, you know, there's, there is a degree of, you know, a little bit of possessiveness. Well, she, her alpha comes out at that point. No, it, it's, it's challenging. It's challenging because it challenges all of my own insecurities. It, that's, and that's what it is. They're my insecurities. And, um, I get insecure because I feel sometimes like, uh, I'm not enough. You know, um, because he, he thinks that this one is sexier or he thinks that this one is prettier. Right. Yeah. You know? And so you always, I always worry about those things. Um, but it's, you know, I've, I've, I'm learning. I haven't learned. I'm learning that there is a lot, you know, I know that I am capable of loving more than one person. Um, and, you know, we always, we always have that idea that, you know, I'm the only higher thinking person in the room. Like I can do it, but you can't, you know? And so because I know that I can do it, I know that he can do it, you know? And there's a lot of, um, there's a lot of communication that goes on, a lot of communication, like so much communication. You're like, okay, can we stop talking now? Like, I get it. You love me. You love her. We're good. Okay. So it's, it's challenging, but, um, you know, if you, if you have good communication amongst all parties and you all kind of understand that this is what you're getting into, then I think that that negates a lot. You know, a lot of times what happens is, um, a dominant will, will decide to take on another girl. And maybe there has never been a conversation about that between the dominant and the first girl. And then it's like, um, hi, excuse, me, what the fuck? Like we didn't talk about this. Um, and, and then that causes a lot of, a lot of, um, of problems. One of the ways that I also learned to look at it was I don't have the right to be jealous because he doesn't belong to me. You know, um, we have a relationship, we have a life that we share together, but he doesn't belong to me. And, um, sometimes just that thought process helps my head a lot. You know, um, I struggle, um, you know, with attention because you can absolutely never pay enough attention to me. Ever. Ditto. Ever. So, and, and he's told me this before. Fucking ass types. He's like, even if I paid so much attention to you that, you know, it was almost too much for you, you would still just turn around and go, okay, well, what next? You know, is there more? Leave me alone. For five minutes. And then, oh my God, you left me alone. I need more, more, more, more, more, more. And I agree. I am, I am totally. You can hide behind that mic all you want. She actually is hiding behind the mic. This is what she does. No, I am. I am the attention whore. Not just a attention whore. I am the attention whore. And so a lot of times my struggle is not that he's paying attention to somebody else. It's that he's not paying attention to me. I get butthurt when he's on the computer for too long or when he's watching TV, for too long, or when he's just not home, you know, which is ridiculous in a lot of ways. But I, I own that totally. It's not unique to you. No, I can imagine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You don't have to apologize. I'm simply stating, and this is probably will be a truism for many people out there. It is not unique. Yeah. And you know what? It's not unique to submissives. And it's not specifically about desiring a submissive. It's about getting your attention because obviously as a D type, we fucking get your attention, but it's about sometimes anybody you're in a relationship or friendship or whatever. And it's not so much that you're pissed off that Joe is hanging out with, you know, Bob, but it's like, but Joe isn't hanging out with me. And that's it. And again, it's the same thing, but it's a, it's that can even be in a very vanilla context. Yeah. And, and like I said, um, so I, I have, you know, abandonment issues. So of course, I'm, Hey, me too. Right. So I'm always worried that the next girl or one of the girls, he's gonna split and, and want to go be with them because he's going to leave me, you know? And, um, logically speaking that I don't, I don't see that happening simply because, you know, and he always says this, why would I leave one for another? I can have you all. Yeah. Abandonment issues are not logical. No, no. Um, they feel very logical. Yeah. Well, I, they feel very real too, but I mean, you, you know, something that happened, you know, when you were three or 10 or whatever, that, that sparked this abandonment issue that happened then. Right. Well, it doesn't mean that everybody's going to leave all the time. Well, you want to talk about crazy abandonment issues. I, I get anxious when I lose the people that I'm with in like the mall or like a store. I get so happy. Like, like if I'm with, with, if I'm shopping, you know, if he and I are shopping and you know, he wanders off this way and I wander off this way and I can't find him, I get like, this panic, like he's going to like get in the car and drive away or something, you know? And I've not, I've never been left in a store, but that's like, I, yeah. It's like, where is, where is, where are my people? If we ever go shopping, we can hold hands. Okay. I'd love that. Awesome. I'm going to go someplace alone then. My goal in life is to find some alone time. Mothers can relate. Well, no, I, I, believe me, I'm, you know, I, I like alone time, but you know, not like completely alone. Oh, no, no. Like completely alone. I don't, I would just fall asleep. I mean, that's it. That's the only thing I would do with alone time is I would nap. I would then masturbate and fall asleep, but you can't do that. I don't have permission for that. All right. I don't know. All I'm thinking about right now is you sitting there playing Skyrim and me cuddle raping you, or cuddle, cuddle raping your arm rather. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. I do that. He'll, he'll be on the computer and I'll, I'll go sit next to him and, and like nudge up to his leg and nudge up like harder, harder and harder, you know, like a really obnoxious cat. And he's just like, he'll just like pet me on the head. I'm like, okay, go. Don't you have something to do? I'm using two hands when I'm playing a video game. So, you know, she might get my foot or maybe my elbow rubbing on her, you know, or God forbid, it's like a big battle and I'm using a full elbow gear and it's like, then maybe she gets hit in the head or something. Yeah. Well, you know, that happens. This is true. It's all true. You know, I call you the Dalai Lama for very specific reasons. Okay. That I really, I wish you would give yourself more credit for that. Your, your self-awareness and your own growth helps other people. You know, that, that, that's something very powerful for, for those of us who, who go to you for, for, you know, whether it's to vent, to, you know, ask for advice, whatever it is. And the reason, the reason that that happens is because, I mean, and I know that I can speak for multiple other people that, you know, you look, we look at you and it's like, Hey, she's, you know, she's got her shit together. She's got her shit together. She's dealt with some fucked up shit and look, she's good. And it's like, and she's happy. And, and it's, you know, you're like the symbol of this ideal, you know, kind of scary. Don't be. Thank you. And I appreciate that. I'm learning. No, I'm learning how to take a compliment. I am. I'm learning that taking a compliment is allowing myself to see that other people see me different than I see myself. Well, that absolutely. But, you know, when you're just looking at yourself for a long time, it's never pretty. You know, no, I mean, believe me, I am. There is no one. There is no one that can talk more shit about me than me. You know, my ex-husband. And, and so a lot of times I'll, I'll say things like that. You know, we, we make a lot of jokes in the house, you know, and we, we talk about ourselves in the third person. And I always say, you know, that Julie, God, what a bitch. I mean, I swear she thinks so much of herself and blah, blah, blah. But, you know, when I, when I talk to you guys, when I spend time and talk to you, talking to you, it helps me, you know, it helps me reaffirm some of the things that I know, you know, and it's, it's funny because I, I try to allow everything that comes to me as a lesson and, and all the people that, that I engage with as teachers, you know? And so sometimes when, you know, sometimes when I talk to somebody about a situation, it will help me in a way that, that maybe I didn't realize that I needed the help. You know, just this morning, actually, I was talking to one of the girls this morning and we were having a conversation about something and I explained it in a way that I don't even know that I had thought about it that way before, but it made so much sense to me that I was like, oh yeah, that really, yeah, that really, that really does work. And so it's. Helping other people, you know, for me, I mean, and I'm hearing, you say this on a sub level. It reminds you of things that sometimes we forget, especially when somebody is going through something that you have gone through and you learned that lesson. That lesson was learned. Good check. But the thing about lessons is that they can always be relearned. Right. And you can fuck up and have to relearn it again painfully, or you can have these nice reminders when you're helping somebody else. Right. And you're like, I have got to remember that. Well, and a lot of the things that have, that have happened, a lot of some of the things that have happened in my past have been very, very painful. And so when I see other people going through them and I know how painful it was for me, um, I can't, sometimes I just can't help myself, but to reach out and be like, hey, you know, this is what I went through and, and, you know, I'm sorry if I'm, you know, jumping in and, you know, you don't have to give a shit about what I say, but I'm just, you know, this is, this was my experience and I'm letting you know that, you know, it doesn't always, it's not always going to be this way. It's not always going to feel this bad. It's, you know, there is a way through it. And I was lucky because along my path, there were people that helped me. And so I feel that I have to repay that by helping other people. Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly. So, you know, and, and I do, I appreciate that, that people, um, I, I appreciate that people see me in a good light. I, I don't ever want to be seen in a bad light. It's very important. It's very important to me that everybody likes me. Okay. I can't stand it when people don't like me. I'm like, why, why, why don't you like me? I'm a lovely fucking person. With some people, that's a badge of honor. I'm like, I'm so glad they don't like me. Yeah, no, I, I, I do. I absolutely care when people don't like me because I wouldn't, I would never intentionally try to, you know, I would never be, um, malicious to anybody intentionally. And it doesn't mean that I'm not a bitch because I can't, I can be, I can be, um, but I don't know. I guess I try to do it in a way that's nicer. I'm a nice bitch. Not me. I think you're a lovely person. So, you know, we're, we're getting to the point where we're gonna have to start wrapping up. So what, what advice would you give to people out there that are looking at these terms and, and, and trying to self identify? What, what words of wisdom can you impart? You know, I think it's important to know yourself first. Know yourself first. Um, because then you, you know, what isn't, isn't okay for you, or at least you have an idea of what may or may not be okay for you. If there are things, if the mere idea of not being able to say no makes you just absolutely like cringe and, and want to start punching things. Yeah. Maybe not the best route. Um, um, you know, recipe for disaster. Right. And that's okay. You know, you need to know yourself. I know about, I know enough about myself to know that that's something that I can, something that I can live with, something that's okay for me. Um, I think knowing, um, you know, working on the needs and wants list, I, you know, that I, I am a huge, huge proponent of that, of, of having a needs and wants lift, wants list and knowing what it is that you need and what you want out of your life. And, and being able to apply that to a DS relationship. And then, you know, knowing what you have to offer, you know, you could, you could be like, okay, I want to, you know, I want to get out there and, you know, meet somebody and have a dominant. Um, but if you have all of these loose ends in your life that aren't taken care of, then you may not really have, you may not really have enough to offer somebody of yourself. And I think that, that is, um, a huge, I think that's a huge barrier to success for a lot of people because they get into these relationships and they just have no clue who they are and what they're about and what they stand for as a person. And they only become about, you know, kneeling and yes or no, sir. And those things are great, but they're only going to take you so far. They're only going to take you so far in your life. Yeah. You know, and I think that the best thing to do is, is to know yourself. So, self work is a huge, it's a huge thing. It's a, it's a big responsibility and it's a responsibility that I believe falls on each individual person. And I think that any dominant, you know, any dominant worth his leather or flogger or whatever, um, would encourage that as of a submissive would encourage them to know themselves and to know, you know, who they are and what it is they're looking for rather than just getting caught up in the excitement of it all and being, like, oh yeah, this is so great. This is so hot. This is, you know, oh, my subspace. And then, you know, and then they end up in a situation that maybe they're not equipped to handle. Speaking of people that get caught up in the excitement of it all, uh, this has to be super fast. Um, what, what about people that look at an ideal? Like I want to be a slave. I love that, but they themselves are not capable of it. Just accept it, move on or. No, you know, I think that you can make some changes to, to fit, you know, to, to make it work for you and you can look, find people, look around for a dominant, look around and, and try to meet somebody who meets your match. Because I think that, like I said, I think that they're out there. I think there's a wide range of dominance out there that are willing to, to work with whoever. It can't have been an hour. I mean, I, I reject that completely. That's insane, but it has. Sorry. No, it's fantastic. I can't keep my fucking mouth shut. I told you this. Uh, we've had Julianne who's Redemptions girl on, uh, on Twitter and everywhere else. Um, no, you're truly, you truly are on FetLife. Uh, and I'm Insidious Muse. Minimum service slut. And, uh, you know, like our Facebook page, uh, review us on iTunes, please. Uh, you know, and then tell your friends because we think we're kind of cool. You are. We would like it if other people would think this, this is where I care what people think. If they would like us, that would be nice. I would like that. Love me. Yes. And, uh, we'll have something next week, which will be fantastic. Yes. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.