Competitive BDSM and self-acceptance discussion

what what go do your thing i'm not here you're not wow you're so weird you're so fucking weird i went to close the door hi hey hey hey hey welcome to love bite um uh who are you i am insidious muse and who are you i'm service slut they did something this is weird all right cool i had to you know how sometimes the box is off and we need to anyway so hey here we are we are here we are here how are you i'm i'm good quit tumbling okay one more one just one more we kind of have a show to do here quit tumbling so i've only allowed 30 minutes of tumble tumbling tumbler um a day and then like you know sometimes like you know tight schedules whatever and like you know we were here and we were waiting and stuff and then i was like hey can i tumble and she was like yeah sure go ahead and it's like oh i'm not gonna get the full 30 minutes you aren't that's okay because you got like kind of a live tumblr show last night fuck yes i did fuck yes walking around like i was the dude with the biggest cock in the room why because because i got to give my mistress an orgasm yes you did yes i did sorry i'm trying to and when i can make an atheist say oh god i like i like saying oh god i'm a big i'm a big fan that's the only time i'm a big fan of god i don't know it's it's one of the things that i'm not i don't uh you know i i praise god and jesus a lot during during the sex those are my favorite things to do and it's i whatever you know one of my favorite parts was what because i'm almost sure it is what no i don't think you know um when i was down between your legs and i could feel your feet like on my thighs like you were bracing yourself that was my fucking favorite part everybody likes it when i kind of do that little kick and then i'm like oh my god i'm so tired of kicking my feet well that's that's cute too because that's adorable i love when you do the kick your feet it's like look at my feet yeah no but like you bracing yourself like yes teamwork let's let's do this together that's weird two people what did you think i was gonna say was my favorite part the kicking of the feet everybody says it's the king of the feet everything's it's so cute well you're just adorable yeah i am that's the first thing that comes to mind is how adorable i am anyway! so um for those that are actually listening live i mean it's it it is actually not sunday today no no we're it's a special we're in studio because uh well there's a marathon this weekend and sucks and shit's going on so we're like let's just tape the show so uh but we were we're also kind of thinking out what we're going to talk about today and we got a lot of i've got a lot of really great suggestions cbt um limits but we've done limits um just you know a lot of people have been asking about it and it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it it No, no, no. This is the concept that a submissive tries to out-submit another submissive. A dom tries to out-dom another dom. And this, keeping up with the Joneses in BDSM. That's what it is. So not toys. It's like skills. It's like aura. I am dom-ly-dom. I have floggers upon my belt. I am so subservient. Walk all over me, please. Yes. I do not raise my eyes, nor am I spoken to unless, you know, nor do I speak unless I'm spoken to. I don't know how you people. Anyway, so it's, you know, we see it. I think that that's a component of human nature. Yeah, and I think you see it really. I mean, I don't think that's something that's specific. It's not specific to kinky fuckers. I mean, you see that at work, in your family, you know. Yeah. How many of us have that one relative that feels like they need to remind us of all of their successes, all of their riches and shit? I know who you're talking about. I have one of those too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we were talking a little bit about this and about. Where does this come from? And let's talk about what it looks like. You know, there's. We often discuss Mistress Melissa and her awesomeness. Because we respect her and we love her and. We respect her and we love her and she's an amazing just human being. Yes. But, and outside of just her, but then she has this, she has these submissives that are, everybody looks at them and they're like. Fuck. They are perfect. Perfect. They, they are always respectful. They're always in position. They're, you know, they're always, they're the perfect submissive. They are. And by perfect, I think we mean consistent. Well, yeah. But I mean, well, let me, why don't you tell me what you define as a perfect. When you looked, I mean, let's, let's, let's go back like some of the first few times when, when she had a couple of those other ones. And all of us. We're like, fuck, I love it when she has him. God, he's perfect. Yes. You know. This almost kind of not even needing to vocalize something. Just this like, this invisible like connection where she barely even needs to open her mouth to ask for something and it's already there. The anticipatory service. The unwavering respect and elevation really of her over, over them. Yeah. I think that that's it. That's it. And do you, and I already know the answer. Do you, as a submissive compare yourself to other submissives? Oh, fuck yes. Fuck yes. Um, you know, there's, there's the, the one that is always there that I'm not a masochist like other submissives are. Um, I, I don't, I'm not, uh, live in. What does that mean? Um. You aren't. You're there all the time. Thanks. My bed was made. Um.! These little things where, um, it kind of makes your insecurities pop up. It's like seeing someone else and they have all of these traits that you so badly want to emulate. But some of those you just, you can't because it's not, it's not part of who you are. Um, you know, someone who is in service to mistress Melissa must obviously have a lot of traits. Um, you know, someone who is in service to mistress Melissa must obviously have great self-discipline. Yeah. You know, like, just like ironclad self-discipline to be able to meet her requirements. Sure. You know? Um, I do not have ironclad self-discipline. What? What? Say it in so. I don't. Um, and, but I think that kind of thing, you know, falls on a spectrum. Um, you know, but that's not to say that someone that has a certain level of self-discipline is not a good person. I think that, you know, even if someone that has high self-discipline is somehow better. I think that, you know, for so, if you have a dominant that has, you know, these, these requirements of protocol and, and, and service and you're a match. Your self-discipline makes you a match for that person. Absolutely. Absolutely. Some, some dominance styles do not work for some submissives. Some submissive styles do not work for dominance. And, and that's, that's. And that's, that's hard because especially if the two is people do gel. Mm-hmm. Um, but that, that's great, but sometimes it's just two styles just don't, that you can't, as a dominant, you can't manage a particular kind of personality. And as a submissive, you can't provide the service or whatever it is, is, which is the nature of your relationship that that dominant requires. And, you know, that's, that's. And, you know, there is a yin to every yang and some yins and some yangs just don't fit. Right. And I think that when things like that happen, that, that kind of situation where you just don't gel as a D and an S, um, I think it's really easy to say, well, oh man, you know, am I not as good of a submissive or slave as I thought I was? Am I not as good of a dominant as I thought I was? What does this mean about me? Instead of asking, you know, were we just not a good fit? Yeah. Yeah. No, I think that self-reflection, I generally, I would not say don't do. Um, but don't beat yourself up. Yeah. No. You know, and I know a lot of people that, that do that. And I know some people that don't. Don't give me that look. Don't give me, yeah, I beat myself up. I, I have, I have expectations of myself that I fail at constantly, but I do have expectations of myself. I do. I do not hold myself up to the standard of let's say mistress Melissa. I just don't. I, I can't, I can't. Maybe it's what it feels like. such good people. But her style of dominance, she's just, she's that next, she's that next level. She's, you know, I'm the home movie version and she's the fucking, you know, universal pictures movie version. Just saying. But, but I think what to me, this whole idea that boils down to, it boils down to perception. But more important than that, perception of roles, perception of titles. Now, to further complicate that, titles have different meanings to different people. Titles can have different meanings within the confines of a relationship. And if they're not on the same page, that's, that's going to be, and that's a different subject altogether. Roles also have very different definitions to different people. So let's say that one submissive or one dom is looking at another submissive or another dom, let's, you know, similar role type. And thinking, I will be honest, I am guilty, as guilty of this as anybody else. Looking and going, oh my God, I cannot believe that they did that. What? A douche. You know, oh my, and I roll my eyes and I think, whatever, not me, not my relationship. But, you know, it's that whole idea that I don't, I don't want to be judgmental externally, but fuck yeah, I'm judgmental internally. I wish that I weren't, but I'm human. You know, it's just one of those things. And, and it's one of those, those things where, you know, at, on some level, when I make that internal dialogue, I have decided, I have competed with them and I won. Yeah. I just won that discus match and you didn't even know it. How childish is that? No, not at all. No. No, no. It's totally childish. But I mean, but at the same time, you know what, whatever they did that I, according to my philosophy and my approach is, you know, either douchey or is abhorrent. Or is lazy or is over the top. Who am I to say within their relationship, within all of the, the people with whom they interact, that that isn't completely not, not only accepted and normal, but welcomed and desired. Yes. You know, I, I don't get to judge that. I don't get to decide their level of dominance, their level of submission, because I'm judging them based upon my own criteria. Right. And everybody's got their own criteria. So that's, I mean, it's really unfair of me. It's really unfair of other people. And mind you, in the moment, it's really hard to take that in. I will say that in the moment that happens and that little voice inside my head goes, come on, mistress, take it easy. And then I kind of go, okay, inside my head, I, I acquiesce to the voices in my head. This does not, I don't have a definition of insanity or voices in my head. Just be clear on that. Fuck. I mean, I often wonder about people who are on the fence or don't quite understand humiliation and they see us and we get, we, we get down and dirty. What? And, you know, you say things and I'm blush and, you know. And fuck. Yeah. We had dinner. We had dinner with Lucky Socks. Yeah, we did. And Lucky Socks has adopted you as like a little sister. Yeah. And he said, he's like, no, no disrespect to you, mistress, but there's some things you say. And I'm thinking, what? What? That's my fucking girl. What the fuck are you saying? And he says, cause you can't tell in the studio when I say something and you're quiet. If he hadn't been here, he says he wouldn't realize, oh, you're quiet cause you're blushing and you're hiding behind your mic. He wouldn't know that he's been there. Just so he knows it. Yeah. But he, before he'd be like, want to puff up his chest and be like, I'll take you down. How dare you say those things to her? That kind of thing. But because, you know, it, he, it's hard to get inside the head. It's hard to understand that that's, that's your, that's our kink. That is our kink. One of our kinks. Right. One of our most awesome kinks. And so easy to do. Um, you know, and then, and that's our thing. And I, you know, so, you know, yes, he's a perfect example. You know, we're something like that. That might not work for him in, in a DS relationship with him, you know, uh, but for us, it works. It works awesomely. And it doesn't make it so, it's not something where, you know, because that's our, our kink, our big, one of our big ones that were, you know, better or more edgy or whatever than anyone else. You know, that's simply where, where we're at. We weren't always there though. I mean, you know, we weren't, we, that happened gradually because we both really wanted it and yeah, and special places and stuff. Um, you know, but that's something that we worked, that we worked towards, you know? And, and, and so, you know, I see other couples and I, and God, I mean, I love the, I love the diversity, even for those that, you know, maybe we pass judgment on cause they're like, what, what are you doing? You're ridiculous. Um, but even, even those, you know, I mean, it's just, it is a variety of interpretation of BDSM. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. about me, which is the same, you know, and in that moment, I lost the discus throat with him. Yeah. Because what kind of a dominant would do that? What kind of a dominant would go out of their way to diminish their submissive in such a way like that? I mean, you know, there's levels. That's, that goes, that's beyond the pale, you know? So, and it's, it's, I suppose maybe it doesn't necessarily fall into the line of competitive BDSM, but in a way, we're constantly using ourselves as, as the benchmark for whatever, you know, whether somebody is better or worse. We are the ruler, ruler, not as in I reign with a scepter ruler as in 12 inches, if we're lucky. No, that sounds painful actually. But you know, we're, we're, we're the ruler by which we judge everything and everybody around us. So it is ostensibly every moment of our lives is a moment of our life. And so, you know, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, some kind of competition. Yes. You know, and, and that's, that's what I see a lot in this. And, and it goes further to where people are just, they're just rude. Yes. You know, there, there's just a rudeness about, and a haughtiness about some people where, oh, well, I'm this kind of submissive. Or, I'm a slave, you know, because words have power, they have meaning, you know, and, and I, I've seen it. I've seen the look in people's eyes, especially S types. When someone throws out the word, I'm a slave. And there's so many submissives that go, oh, like, like, like that light just kind of fades a little bit. Cause they're like, I, I can't, I can't compete with that. I can't be a slave. You know, and, but you don't have any, that's because all of a sudden, everything that you define as a slave is now applied to that person. Whether or not that is even remotely what their role is. Every concept of slavery within BDSM, consensual slavery, uh, is now applied to, to that. And, and therefore all of the things that you as not a slave are negative. Then applied. Right. So that's where the ruler goes. It's like a sliding ruler. Maybe some compasses we can come into the play. A little protractor. I love protractors. Do you really? I do. Why did I know that? I'm gonna use a protractor to draw shapes on your body. I would really love that. Protractor with a Sharpie. I can do a Kandinsky on your body. I can do circles. Yeah. That's what I have to say about that. You know what I also notice a lot, not just in D types, showmanship. You see that person that has perfected, you know, their Florentining or their, you know, fire cupping, whatever the fuck it is. And it's something that makes you want to stop whatever the fuck you're doing. Yeah. And look at them. Mm-hmm. And they're so, you know, they're proud. You know, they worked hard. They, they, they. They deserve their moment in the sun. Yeah. They put in their time to, you know, take a skill, hone it, make it their own. And you see so much of them, so much of their energy in that one thing. I love seeing Mistress Melissa flogging. Because it's fucking hypnotic. Like it if she gets hot and has to take off her shirt. I'm just keeping it real. But you know, she, you know, has this like look of concentration and her body's moving with the floggers. It it's just. It's fluid. Yes. And yet intense. Yes. It is art. And it it's purposeful. It it's, it's, you know, it's not just all, you know, this there, whatever. No. Every single strike has an intention. And that's just one example, but whenever people see you caning, that's my perception. You're biased. I am. But you know what I'm saying? And the same thing with S-types. Redemptions girl, black booting. Boot blacking. Boot blacking. Black booting. I know, I like putting the black first. You understood what I was trying to say. But anyways, she puts her all into something like that. And you know what? I think that we look at somebody and I think you got it right when it comes to intention. When someone has a combination of things, they have skill, they have passion, and they have intention. And then they pour all of that into whatever this thing about which they are passionate. People look at that with awe because don't you want to feel that passionate about anything? You see that. You see Julie boot blacking. You see... Black booting. I want some black booting. Wait, what? I'm no longer going to have BBC anymore. I'm going to have black booting. You see Mistress Melissa flogging. You see... There's other people where they're just... You see a foot fetishist giving a foot rub, not for themselves, for the mistress. Because that's the intention, the intent. And it becomes hypnotic in that moment of intention. And we look upon it and we're like, wow, we think, could I ever possess enough of those components to do that, to be that person? And sometimes we get jealous on some level. And then sometimes we get discouraged. And then sometimes we get inspired. It always sparks emotions. And depends... Depending on how we react to the emotions, it can turn bitter. It can turn very positive. It's one of those things, you can look at somebody and you can look at their skills and be like, my God. And your first reaction is, I could never. I am insufficient to be that person. Because it's not even, it no longer becomes about that skill. It becomes about that person about you because we as human beings are self-centered. It is the nature of humans. We are just self-centered creatures. Accept it, move on. So you look at somebody doing something, you realize I could never be that person. I could never, I don't know if I possess the selflessness to pour that much of my soul into something. And therefore therein starts the competition. And for some people it goes, I could totally do that. Not only could I do that, I could do it better. I know I could. You know how I could do it better? And they start creating this sprint in their mind, if it doesn't exist, about how they can do it better. You totally took that right off the tip of my tongue. She's so connected. Oh my God. She's so connected. Yeah. I'm pretty sure though. My mouth on your vagina totally strengthened that. It did. Because orgasms build love. I'm going to embroider that. That's right. But yeah, you know, you're right about that initial reaction. And so many things can branch out from that, you know? Oh, well, they did it really cool, but I don't like to do it that way. Or maybe I can ask that person to teach me. Yeah. And like you said, you know, we're modifying it. So that it fits you. Well, because again, back to the three components, skill, passion, and intent. If you don't have passion to Florentine's log like Melissa does, then you're never, you're right. You're never going to get to that level. You have to find whatever you have passion for. I, I have a passion. I have a passion for introducing people to new things. A passion for it. And when I do it, I have all of that. I have that intensity. I have that intent. I have that skill that's all there, but it's all mine. You know what? Not everybody's going to like the way I cane. Not everybody's going to like the way I paddle. Not everybody's going to like the way I bind somebody. And that's okay. Yeah. Well, you like it. You're mine. You're supposed to. But, and that's okay. But that's, that's what I did. I, I, I sought out people to teach me the skills. You're not born knowing the shit. So I sought out people to teach me the skills and I realized what works for me based on my style so that I can have that passion so that I can be there. Does that mean I don't compare myself to others? No, of course I do. How, how, how can you not? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How, how, how can you not? You know, you, you go to a dungeon where five, seven, ten people are playing in a large room at the same time. And, and how do you, sometimes you walk in and you look and you think, wow, there's so many people here. And they're doing so many things. I, I don't. That's intimidating. They're all going to look at me. And then they're going to tell me I'm doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. it wrong. You know, so you automatically are competing. Yeah. And it's not, it's not a competition. Other than with yourself, it's not a competition. So from this side of the table, you're in a large room. And S types bottoms outnumber the tops sometimes. And you're getting saran wrap to a St. Andrew's cross. And you're kind of looking around and you see different things happening. And in the back of your mind, you think to yourself, I really hope I can take what she's going to dish because everyone's going to look at me. You see how it's, it's, it's, it is two sides of the same coin. Yeah. Everyone's going to look, everyone will know if I scream out in pain because I can't take it. Everyone will see if I cry because not because of joy, but because I'm hurting. Everyone will see and they'll judge me. God forbid you color out. Oh my God. God forbid. Yeah. Yeah. It's nerve wracking. There's, I mean, you get used to, you know, being naked in a big ass room of people, but I don't know about other people. I, I, I, I still haven't gotten used to that part of it though. Just worrying a little, just a little, just a little bit. Not enough where it impacts me significantly, but, but still worrying that I don't know what's going to happen tonight. And I really hope I can take it. Yeah. Yeah. I, when you, because for you walking into, let's say a dungeon for play situation, you see the pain sluts and they're, they're the first ones. They're like, give me up here. Cause if they play first, that means they might get hurt. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A couple of times that night. And for a pain slut. Yes. Bring it. They want to do it all the time. No, my, my ass is done, but I got titties. I got a back and pull my hair and tie me up. I got feet. You know, they want it all. They want to go home battered. You know, that's, that's a, that's a bliss for a pain slut and you not being a pain slut, you know, for you, you always are comparing yourself. Yeah. To them. That's yeah. I mean, it's getting a little bit easier you know um putting putting what I bought them for into perspective there is a degree of of pain that I can take that maybe other people can't like the knives yeah people are like fuck that was hardcore and you're like really yeah I was genuinely surprised people are like I couldn't do that you're like really so surprised so surprised um but um so last weekend um we we went to a potluck for one of our femdom groups okay and one of the lovely ladies there set up this table with coffee and tea and fantastic setup it you know and it was it was a really good time and I was like I'm gonna go to a potluck and I'm gonna go to a it was beautiful you know it was the two the two coffee makers and and and just the the little bags of tea and the sugar I mean everything was just so nice it was so you know just well put together it wasn't something super you know over the top or anything it was just a nice presentation yep and I am all about presentation and and I saw that she was taking all of these things out of um a big plastic tub that she had with her and it was just all you know napkins and and all of these things and I thought damn I need to step it up that's service yeah yeah and I felt like kind of like wait why no but but but I'm a service let yeah yeah I mean I thought I that it was beautiful. I was really like in awe. Yeah, I complimented her. And it really made me think, it made me think, okay, I am all about presentation. What can I do to expand on that? You know, competition is not always bad. No, it isn't. As long as it's not done out of negativity. Right. I think that when it inspires you to grow, when the competition, it almost gets like the sense of like ambition out of you. I think that can be good. Yes. When it, yes. Some competition is not so good. If I were to say to you, which I would not, you know, why can't you do like that? Pointing out another submissive. That's not good. No. That's going to negatively impact you. And it's actually going to not benefit the service at all. No. The contrary. Will make me very resentful. Yes. I know you well enough to know that. I mean, that might work for some people, but not many. And so, again, it goes down to labels and roles and expectations and all those kinds of things. Being very cognizant to not force a parallel or a comparison upon other people. Oh, yeah. Is really important. And it's sometimes hard because sometimes we make these comments not necessarily out of malice, but out of love. And I think that's a really important thing. And I think that's a really important thing. And I think that's a really important thing. Not necessarily, sometimes it's just a flippant remark that is in our head and the filter just, it misses it. Right. And that makes it hard. Once that comes out of your mouth, Can't stop that. the person that you said it to, they can't get it out of their head. No. It's always there. Hey, hey, Mike, how are you? They'll always be thinking, I'm not as good as that person. I'm not as good as that person. You think of them higher than what you think of me. Yeah. Yes. And so automatically, you're losing that competition. You know, it's... So many people are already so hard on themselves. And it's not, it has nothing to do with gender. It has nothing to do with submissive or dominant. There is the nature of certain people to push themselves for good or bad. And some people respond very, very well to a certain kind of competition. And some people, they just sit down at the start line. Say, well, you've pitted me against a Kenyan runner. I'm not even gonna bother. Yeah. Whether that is a Kenyan runner or not has nothing to do with it. It is the perception, not just on you, that that's a Kenyan runner, but on somebody else. And as a submissive, I see it so often. The belief of your dominant about you impacts you. It impacts your belief about yourself. Yes. If I don't believe in you, you're not gonna believe in you. That is correct. You know, so often I believe in you more than you believe in you. Yeah, that's true. But it... And so if... If it starts to crumble and I'm not believing in you anymore, I mean, that's... That's a massive red flag. Yeah. You know, it's really important. It's really important not to put any of those kinds of competitiveness on anyone. And if you're in a multi-person house, like let's say there's multiple submissives or slaves or whatever, it is so important that all of the brothers and sisters be on the same page. Yes. And support the same cause. And that the sense of competitiveness between them, which I imagine is unavoidable, if you're the dominant, if you're the D type, that has to be managed. And you got to squash it. Yeah, because it's... It will fester and it will destroy your family. You know, you got to... Got to keep that shit in line. Mm-hmm. And some... And that requires a lot of observation because they're not going to come to you. No. In general. So that's, you know, putting your own shit on somebody else, that's not cool. No. We could talk about the shit we put on ourselves, which whatever. Well, especially if... Well, I don't want to say especially, but I think that if you're a D type, putting that shit on your S type, that's unfair. Yeah. That is really unfair because your S type lives to please you. Yeah. They live to make you happy. You know, they do anything within reason, but... Oh, really? They do anything, you know, and putting that extra weight on their shoulders, it's like, wait, no. Yeah. Now, having that thought in your head is okay. It's okay to have that thought in your head. Oh, yeah. And to be like, ugh, I go, you know, and this, you know, they use lavender downy on their laundry. And I like that so much better than the spring mountain downy. I might have a laundry thing, people. You know, but that you don't go to them and be like, why are you using the spring mountain? I told you I like the lavender. You know what? You just, you have a private conversation and you don't ever bring up somebody else. You just say, hey, I was wondering if we can, on your service, just make this one adjustment. And it's private and it's handled that way. And I mean, because there are certain kinds of, even you, Ms. Humiliation Whore. Yes. There are certain kinds of humiliation that I know are off limits. Really? Mm-hmm. If I were to publicly criticize your service, you would crumble. Yeah, that would suck. Right? Yeah. Because that is your core. I can't tear at your core. And it doesn't benefit you or me. What benefits you and me is to build the core up. And if there's things that I want different, talking to you about what I want different. That's it. That is how, that's how it works. But if I, if I arbitrarily decide that, you know what? Did you see how that girl did the table? My table never looks like that. That wouldn't work for you. But what might is, God, did you see that table? Oh, it was so beautiful. Oh God, it was just, I looked at it and I think, wow, look at that. Wow. Look at how proud her master must have been. And I don't really have to say much else. That's it. You see the gleam in my eye. You see the joy. And automatically you're applauding. How can I do that? How can I, I want that. I want them to say that about me. Yeah. Oh yeah. You know? It wouldn't, I mean, if I had said, yeah, it was the last time my table looked like that. You know? And everybody slips up. Everybody slips up. God knows I've sort of said shit that is probably not cool. What? I talked about things. But it's, it's, yeah. It's hard. It is hard. And it's hard. I can't even imagine. I've seen S types tear each other down. I'm sure there are D types that tear each other down. I'm sure there's D types that tear me down. But it is what it is. But, but I, there should be, there should be a sisterhood or a brotherhood, a siblinghood amongst S types and amongst D types where we should be building each other up. And I think that it boils down to fear. Fear? Fear. Fear.! Fear that you're not good enough. Fear that you can't compete. So don't compete. Just tear down the opposition. Then there's no competition. Yeah. Fear is the worst poison. Yeah. And it comes out. And it destroys And I believe that when we have these both positive and negative competitions, whether it's tearing somebody down or whether it's tearing ourselves down or whether it's building ourselves up, there's a fear component. And it's whether you are positively motivated by fear or negatively detracted by it. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. So that's what I see. I see people responding out of fear. Now, please let me say, I can be a bitch. Yeah. I can be a bitch. And my friends, they know that I can tear. I can fucking tear somebody down like in a nanosecond with generally some fairly brilliant and vulgar words, combination. There are people that have arrogance issues. And I really want to tear them down. I really want... I look at these people that they want to put on this fantastic presentation, this fantastic show, and they want it to be all about them. What they think is showmanship. And then you're like, what? Why did you take up the whole room? That could have been done in the corner and everybody else could have done whatever. Or why did you do that right here? Why did you discipline your submissive right here in the middle of everybody? And I see that. And to me, that boils down to a kind of arrogance, which to me also is a kind of fear. And those are the people where I have to work really hard to hold my tongue. I'm more inclined to... Because that's kind of a... I'm more inclined to be a bully. Yeah. And I'm more inclined to want to stand up to a bully than anything else. Yeah. You know? I can see that. And that's... That's a different thing. And it's still competitive. I've already deemed myself the savior, which automatically makes me better, right? I have just decided that I have competed with you and I'm better. Yeah. Which isn't... It's still not good. I mean, it still doesn't make me a good human being. But that's there too. And there's so many personalities that we deal with in this world that is for us, for me, for me, it's important to focus on what I can do, what I can't do, and what's right. Parich. Did you just say parich? Yeah. Some things I just... I can't. You know? It's their relationship. I can look at it and think, wow, that is really unhealthy. That is not my place. I don't get to jump in there and say, you're doing it wrong. Right. You know? And that's... That's hard. Because there's this... There's this concept that there is a right and a wrong way. And that's, again, it's a component of this competitive BDSM. It's a component of human nature. See, and I see it as there's a safe way and there's an unsafe way. That is an intensely different conversation than right and wrong. Because you're right. There's a safe and an unsafe way. Absolutely. But if you're doing it the safe way within that, who are you to say if it's right or wrong? That's true. You're right. Very good point. I think that all of these things, you know, but it also boils down to, aside from the fear, is also the way that you frame it for yourself. You know? Stupid eye. Oh my God, she's touching her eye. She has an eye thing. No, you know, I think that choosing to frame it in a way where it inspires you to be different from that person because it's not... They are the picture of something that you do not want to be. Or they're the picture of something that you do want to be. Or they inspire you to be your own person. You know? Last weekend's tea and coffee presentation inspired me to step it up in that department because I love myself some tea and I love service. And what? Tea service? Those two things go together. You know? And seeing it in that way versus that bitch. Totally showed me up. Yeah, because she was totally doing it to show you up. Right, totally. I know. You know, like you said, we're supposed to support each other. Yeah. I mean, you know, what kind of... If I'm someone who's, you know, in service to you and part of my service is being selfless, why should that be limited just to you? Why can't it be something that is just me, me just being... being human? You know? So, yeah, there's not so good competition out there. But I think that if you're able to see how you can use that to make yourself better for yourself, for your partner, for whatever reason, then I think that it serves a good purpose for you. You know, if you're using it to, you know, make yourself feel better about whatever, then that's kind of questionable. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and you're right about the reframing. That's a very wise thing to do in most things in life. Because once you reframe something, you can look at it without that fear component. You can look at it a little bit more rationally, which you and I have this conversation often where I don't make decisions when I'm emotionally compromised. I must remove the emotion from it to make the decision because otherwise I will make an emotion, which is without a doubt the wrong one. Because that's the way that goes. And I think that when we see something, whether it's good or bad or whatever, and something in us pipes up and wants to create this sense of competition, we need to reflect. You know, we need to reflect on ourselves. Yes. But I think also when someone puts the competition upon us, when we didn't ask for it, when someone else makes comments or statements, that's when it becomes we need to restrain ourselves and go back to, you know, home base. And walk away. If you can. And realize what's the main point. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. have you done that to your dominance liking if the answer is yes assuage all guilt it's done you've done what the person that you're supposed to be taken care of wants right if you haven't that's a different issue yeah you know and and even even if it's even if it's service to yourself you're taking care of yourself because maybe that's one of the things that your dominant tells you to do your number one priority right now is that's it if you aren't healthy and taking care of yourself you can't service me period and if you're taking care of yourself and if that means that that you you can't carry your bag if you're dominant because you have to take care of yourself and somebody goes oh my god i would never allow my dominant to carry their own bag you know what that's on them that's not on you right it's really important to keep your own priorities straight and that's hard to do hard because we hear other priorities and we hear things like i would never and you're like why what did i do wrong yeah you know even if there's no logic or rationale to it and so the reframing and then the really checking ourselves to make sure that we're in line with the priorities if we're not all right you need to look at that so i say about that so you got that so i got that over me which is my new phrase i like this yeah i kind of like coming in and taping the show you kind of like it yeah it's you kind of like it i love it i meant not on a normal day oh yeah because it's it's more intimate yes it's less chaotic it's nighttime we got the mood lighting yeah well we have the mood lighting on the show so we're gonna do that in a minute we're gonna do that in a minute we're gonna do that in a minute we're gonna do that in a minute i don't know but the sun is out outside oh my god i know it i can feel the sun and right now i feel that there is no sun i'm just saying my bio rhythms are speaking oh my god my bio rhythms oh dom's guys would love that if they knew we just did um wow any any final thoughts before we start pimping our shit just be yourself and be proud of yourself whatever you're doing whatever that whatever shape that takes just be proud and that is hard for a lot of people yeah you've been said and done i'm sure yeah what about you acceptance understanding who you are what you can do and what you can't do and what is right that's it simple and really hard that's it yep um i am insidious muse and i'm service slut uh like our facebook page and review us on itunes please if you like us i mean if you don't like us fine but you know preferably if you like us well and if you if there's something that you want us to talk about feel free to shoot us a message on our social media page and we'll see you next time and we're also on fett fett twitter all of those all of those we've got them all over the place yeah most of you have our numbers to text um yeah we we're always looking for ideas and thoughts we always like to expand our brains yeah and if it helps somebody else that's great yeah uh next week we have miss d coming on to talk about the psychology of dominance and submission and bdsm awesome so i'm really looking forward to that yeah she's fantastic um and download our old stuff because some of that's really good yeah actually i've been listening to a lot of our old stuff and it's like hey turns out turns out yeah so thank you have a fantastic evening good night you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you