Meeting Dat Phan, holiday stories, and a vibrating egg gift

what's up my friends this is melissa you are here on oral stimulation we are of course on skid row studios.com extreme talk 165 on xm i am joined by my amazing co-host alex how are you doing tonight i'm feeling very merry very merry okay very festive that's nice did you have a good christmas yeah actually spent a little time with the fam for a little bit and i actually um did a lot of like catching up at the house nice okay we'll get into that but first i have some super amazing exciting news super amazing oh my god yes okay guess who i met don't even guess i met that fan wait the guy that you the actual the comedian yes it wasn't an imposter no it was the actual one he was the right height and everything was he every have you met him before no first time meeting him first time ever in my whole entire life so did you go up to him and hump him like a dog no i thought about it i went totally stupid i knew it was gonna happen okay all right you have to tell me the story because it's not often that you get kind of starstruck were you starstruck totally i mean you meet a lot of celebrities and you know a lot of people already in general so it was so stupid though for you to kind of get excited about something i need to hear i knew it was gonna happen i told people i've told people for a long time you know club owners and whatever okay if i meet that fan i'll just die i'll just die i'll just die because i've had a crush on him since i first saw him on tv like a hundred years ago he is what attracted me to asian comics okay so this guy's like your godfather okay so tell me what happened because i have more questions to ask about him all right so i went out with my friend and we knew he was playing at the club next door um it's aces and myriad a very very cool club rocky is awesome Is it like an Asian crowd? Is it a mixed crowd? It's mixed. It's just a different kind of show every night. It's a really cool place. They just expanded. And was he headlining or did he perform? He was headlining. He was doing a whole weekend. So I originally was just going to go out with my friend and we were going to eat some greasy food because all the guys are out of town. So I had two or three or four too many drinks and kind of let it slip. Wait, you don't? I don't. You don't usually drink to begin with. I know. Did you give in to peer pressure? No, not really. The drinks were just really good. Okay. Since you don't normally drink, what does a girl like you drink that normally doesn't drink? Oh, I always drink girly fruity stuff. Well, what was the name of the drinks you were drinking? I don't even know. They didn't have a drink menu. Sex on the Beach. No, those are good. Blowjobs. No, just, I don't know. Anytime I go to a bar, I just say, give me your sweetest, fruitiest drink. So, I mean, you know there's alcohol in it? I mean, you drink like Shirley Temples? It was like vodka and peach or something. All right, so like Midori Sours and anything? Oh, yeah, those are good. No, I mean, I'm trying to figure out. Yeah. So that when we go out and I could kind of, you know, bamboozle you. Yeah, totally. See, I would go. I'm like, let's get the strongest drink for you. Oh, it doesn't take much. Really? Yeah. So, okay, it doesn't take much. So after five. I had like three or four, I think. I don't remember. But anyway, so. Okay, after the third one, I'm sure you're pretty ballsy at this point, right? A little confidence builder. I was pretty loud in the restaurant. Everything was awfully funny. I thought you're only loud in the bedroom. I mean, I wouldn't know. I heard. I'm just saying. Right, right. No, that is false. I'm actually loud. I'm pretty much everywhere. Okay. If I have an audience, I'll turn up the volume. Oh, the performer in you. I love it. Yes. So. Okay. Four drinks into it. Four drinks. You're being loud. I'm stupid. My friend says, hey, let's go over there and meet that fan. And I said, I don't know if I can handle that right now. And she's like, no, let's just go. Let's just go. And I was like, okay. So I stagger up from the table. Like literally. I'm not even. I don't even think I was wearing heels. No, maybe I was. I probably was. But I almost fall on my way out the door. And the whole way over the club is only a few doors down. But I'm giggling the whole time. Like stupid. We get in there. We see the club owner. And I get louder. He pulls me into the green room. The owner? Yeah. Because he doesn't want me to interrupt the show. Oh, my gosh. How embarrassing. No, no. It's cool. But then. It's cool to ruin a show. No, no. I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to say anything. But. But you were being loud. Yeah. So we get in the green room. Which isn't. Wait. Let me ask a question. Yeah. Isn't like. I mean, I've been in a couple. Like I'm in the improv. And I like laughing. Isn't like rule number one. What? Is not to be loud. Yeah. I mean, yes, you could laugh out loud. But I think they want to like not be on a cell phone and not be disrespectful. Because, you know, people are talking next to you. They miss the comedian's jokes or the punchlines. I mean, it was just the opener. Just the opener. He wasn't. He wasn't. That guy could be the next big thing. He didn't get my attention. So he sucked. That's what you're saying. I think I bought him a drink later that night, actually. Because you felt bad? No, because I was that drunk. Oh, wow. I know. I can't imagine you that way. It's. What's the world coming to? I know. No, but anyway. Sorry. So we're in the green room. We're in the green room. My friend is standing in front of me. He walks in. Someone says, oh, it's Dat Van. I lose it. Literally. I lose it. I lost it. I grabbed my friend and she's tiny. She's way shorter than me. I grab her, hide behind her and squeal. How tall is she? Because I mean, how tall are you actually? Okay. I'm five five, but with heels on a couple inches taller. Well, I can't. I'm going to describe what you're wearing later because you actually look really amazing tonight. Okay. But anyways, this girl is shorter than you. You hide behind a five foot nothing chick. I duck down and squeal. And. Does he look your way? Of course he does. I'm ducking down and squealing like I just saw a mouse. So you sound like a mouse or you sound more like a chipmunk? It was like this. If anybody wants to hear that again, 800-893-9562. So I duck down, I squeal and he walks past me. And I was just like, oh my God, you guys, I told you I was going to go stupid. I knew it was going to happen. So did you get it? I mean, I was like, I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. I'm going to go stupid. Well, yeah, but it wasn't in a good way. So then we went out to the bar. We had another drink, bought a random guy a beer and he was greedy too. You know what? This was not cool because even when I'm drinking, I know everything that's going on and I don't forget it the next day or anything. So. So you're coherent. You actually know. Yeah, of course. Some people black out. They have no idea what's going on. I'm standing here talking to this guy. He's telling me he's the opener and he's been doing comedy for a couple of years. Blah, blah. Is he Asian? No. That makes it even worse. He wasn't even cute. Not even a little bit cute. Okay. So this guy's like fell to begin with. Yeah. Okay. He just caught me on a really drunk night, I guess, which is extremely rare. So we, I'm, you know, buying him the drink and everything. I'm telling him I have this show. It's going to be on. And he's like, oh, well, you're a pretty big deal. So why don't you buy me a drink? And I was like, okay, yeah, whatever. I'll buy you a drink. So then the stupid bartender goes, oh, do you want the huge one? And he goes, yeah. And I was like, oh man. Cause I already felt like I was into it buying him a drink, but that's just, that's greedy. That's not cool. Well, I don't know. I mean, you kind of made yourself like you're a big deal. Yeah. No, no, no, no. I didn't make myself like I was a big deal. But I mean, I'm already a girl buying an ugly guy a drink. And then he just like takes off with it like that. I hated him. I don't like him. If I ever run into him again, it's going to get ugly. Uglier than him. Yeah. But you're like one to admit or one of the first to admit that you'd rather have a guy be an asshole. So he made an impression. He wasn't even Asian. Well, I know the whole, besides the whole Asian thing. Maybe if he was Asian, it might've worked for him. If he was an Asian guy, you would have like, okay, I'll buy him too. Yeah. If he was cute, I would have played it off. Remember what I was saying about a guy coming on too strong? Yeah. If he's ugly. Forget it. It's over. Don't even look at me. That's so cocky. Ew. But that's the kind of night it was. You kind of like that. You can back it up. So. Anyway, he's not even the point of the story. He's just the opener. So then this show ends and that fan's the only one left in the showroom. So you waited like a total groupie? No. For everyone? I waited like I couldn't stand up and walk out the door. Okay. So anyways, everybody leaves and it's just practically you and your friend there. Yeah. And does your friend like know him? Like personally? Yeah. She knows him. He's friends with her husband. They're all comics and whatever. And they have a good time. So he immediately recognizes her. Says, hey, how's it going? They kind of catch up. She introduces me. I'm halfway more normal. Did she say, hi, this is Melissa from... Oral Simulation. No. Skid Row Studios.com. No. But I did ask him if he had heard our show because I sent him a link a while ago when I mentioned that I kind of had a huge crush on him. But he said he hadn't heard it yet. He's busy. Whatever. Anyway, we just kind of talked. He was a super nice guy. Well, after him seeing you now, I'm sure you do want to go back and listen. Clearly. Right? Yeah. I'm sure. Okay. So then what happens? Did you get like, hi, I'm Melissa? Like what happened at this point? Yeah, I just said hi and we took pictures. And I mean, I really had to like try hard to contain myself. I mean, okay. So when you're like that, you're telling me you didn't act normal at all. What do you mean? As far as normal, what do you mean? I mean, you said you would have jumped up. You squealed when you first saw him. Right. You did a little eek. That was the alcohol squealing. And then at this point, I mean, did you even think that you're going to meet him and actually talk to him? You had to think of some kind of game plan, right? Yeah. I mean, I knew I was going to, but I mean, he's like, he's such a normal guy. He's so just like, you know, not, I don't, I can't even describe it. Like he wouldn't have taken my bullshit. Well, I think at that point. He would have walked away. So I had to like hold it together. Yeah. But even at that point, I'm sure he deals with plenty of groupies and you're actually with someone that he knows. Right. So I'm not sure. I'm trying to be a groupie. That's embarrassing. Do you know how many people I've met and like actors and comedians and whatever? And I'm just like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. Whatever. You're cool. Because half the time, I don't even know what they're working on anyway. I don't really follow that stuff. So if I actually consider you like a big celebrity. Well, that's actually cool because I mean, I didn't really know who he was till you mentioned him on the show. I mean, I didn't really know he's that big of a deal for you to kind of meet someone like that. That is a big deal. He's a huge deal. Yeah. So I'm saying, especially one guy that you probably wouldn't, I'm sure you would have taken him in the back and had your way with him if you had a choice, right? He's so funny. No? The Vietnamese accent. Did he? That's where it came from. I know. But when you were talking to him. Yeah. No. The thought couldn't even cross my mind about that. Oh, really? Yeah. Because usually you say that the first couple minutes you think about it. I know. That's what I'm saying. I wonder if I can make this guy scream. I don't even care. But I was still. I was awestruck. Okay. That I was just like, hold it together. And then after he left, I giggled uncontrollably for like 10 minutes. And my friend, she's so good. She's so cool for actually just sitting there and listening to me. Did you guys giggle about it on the way home? Of course. See, something like that. We have a term, which it's like a sales term called ABC, which means always be closing. So closing meaning like get the phone number. Find a way. Reach out to him. Find a way to contact him after. Me and my friends, like they go talk to a girl. If they don't close, we fucking give them shit. Like, so it's always be closing ABC. Have you heard that before? No, but that's good. I like that. So. Telemarketing. Yeah, right? See, Minnie knows. So something like that. You should have closed them. Closed them. Closed them. Well, closing meaning like grab the guy's phone number. Reach out. Like any kind of contact. I mean, I'm sure you could like email him or do something later. Right? Yeah. But I mean, what am I going to do with this phone number? Well, call him. Why would I want to call him? You can invite him on the show. This is like when you're like biggest, like ever, like probably you're probably wet just talking about him. Put it this way. If I needed to get in contact with him, I know how. Okay. Yeah. So hopefully he listens. I don't know. He's kind of a big deal. He's pretty busy. Well, we're busy too. Make time for him. I don't think that's always a good thing. I don't think that's always a good thing. It's like the bad thing. It's always a good thing, right? I suppose. Yeah. Hey, by the way, if somebody wants to get in contact with us. Yes. Gmail. Oralstim at gmail.com. Okay. Twitter, we have at Oralstim, which is awesome because Austin live tweets for us during the show. And then of course, facebook.com slash Oral Stimulation Radio. And that's where you can follow up with all my personal drama throughout the week. If you just can't get enough of me. Or if actually, if they want to. If they want to watch us online, they could go to skidrowstudios.com. They're streaming live, right? Yes. You can see our video right now. You can see my short, short skirt and my loose side heels. Okay. So also, just to remind you, if you need to know where you are right now, you're listening to Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with skidrowstudios.com. We are everywhere. You can get a hold of us through any way you want to. Give me the phone number again. 800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. That's 1-800-890-6255. Actually, that's actually a good time to call because we're going to be discussing later on the show. We got a lot of feedback about pet peeves. Yeah, we got a lot of feedback on that. We just barely touched on it. People went crazy. Tell me a little bit later. We're talking about a little some holiday stuff. So if anybody has any kind of stories they didn't want to share, good or bad about the holidays, or even pet peeves, I think we go on and on and on about pet peeves. I think we have a couple big topics we can narrow down. Sexual pet peeves in the bedroom and just relationship in general. Yeah, right? All the way around. So how was your Christmas? I'm sorry. I totally cut you off. I was all excited about Dap Fan. No, actually, I was actually excited to hear that because I don't know. I don't get to. Did you meet Sarah Silverman? No, I wouldn't go out of my way to meet her. I think as a comic, she's one that I would fuck, but I don't know if, like if I saw her, I'd probably give her like the, eh. That's it? Yeah, I don't, unless she like went out of her way to like say hi to me or something. What if she was wearing big hoop earrings? I've seen her in big hoop earrings. I think that's what attracted me to her. I don't know what it is about those hoop earrings. I think next year, I'm going to buy a whole bunch for Christmas and just distribute them to girls. Oh, fashion district. Oh, yeah. Nice. Good call. Actually, for me, I spent my holidays and stuff like that. It's kind of like a weird time for me because like, you know, I don't have a girlfriend. I'm not like dating or anything like that. So as far as that goes, the first question I get when I see family, like, when are you going to get married? That's it? So that's like. You're not even with anyone and your family is on you like that? Well, I mean, I get teased a lot. It's like, hey, you know, I look in my mailbox every day. I'm waiting for that wedding invitation. Oh, man. I just look and I'm like, yeah, it's coming. So, I mean, the holidays is kind of like bittersweet for me. Usually, like I'm in Vegas with my parents. But I was kind of like in the middle of the week. It was kind of awkward. So we didn't really go to Vegas. I mean, I'm usually away. So it's kind of tough. So that's usually kind of like a tougher time for me. I kind of, we do like a, I hang out with like a lot of friends and a few of my cousins. We do kind of like a family thing. Oh, that's cool. Your insons. Yeah, my insons. How about you? Did you do anything special? You know what? This was actually a really hard Christmas for me as well. Because it's the first time I've really ever been alone for Christmas. Like ever in my whole entire life. You know, because I went from being home and in college to being married. And then I was in a relationship. And so this Christmas, I was just like, oh, man, I didn't have my kids. I didn't have anything going on. None of my family was in town. So Christmas Eve, I just, I didn't even want to get out of bed, man. I was just like, forget the day. Wait, so since you've been kind of a relationship during the holidays, is it different? I mean, like you're alone this time, right? So. Yeah, I mean, I've usually, I don't really spend a lot of holidays with my family because they're so far away. So I usually spend it. With, you know, the person I'm in a relationship with family. And it's not any less awkward than being alone. Yeah. But at least if you're with somebody else's family, you don't have to focus on the fact that your family's not around as much. Well, let me ask you this. Like, how does the whole like gift giving usually go with you with like when you're in a relationship? Oh, man, I get. Like, is it? Do you find it harder? Buy something for somebody that you're in a relationship with? No, I guess depending how long you've been together. I usually set a budget around $100. Okay. For birthdays and Christmas. I've given some really cool gifts like a helicopter ride over the Vegas Strip. What? Yeah, that was cool, right? During Christmas? Yeah. Yeah, it was right after Christmas. We went during CES. Oh, how cool is that? It was so cool. Did you guys go at night when it's all lit up, right? Yeah. It was awesome. I've always wanted to do that or take a girl or a date to do that. Well, see if we were together. Yeah, but would you repeat that though? Like, say if you're with someone, would you do that with someone else? Yeah, you probably can't repeat the gift. But I mean, there's all kinds of neat things I've wanted to do. There was one year I wanted to give a guy like race car lessons. Cool. Yeah. But does it depend on the guy? What if a guy's like totally not into that? Would you still do that? Well, yeah, of course. You have to personalize it. But, you know, I've given out some expensive magic tricks and different things. It's like, hey, I can make your penis disappear in my mouth. Wait, okay. So what's like probably like the worst? Like, have you been on the recipient end and had like something totally terrible? Like for me, I would get like an ugly sweater or something that I would probably never wear. Something random like that. Yeah. And I'm like, okay, like the thought's nice. And I probably sound like a prude saying this, but it's like, I mean, okay, cool. The gesture is nice, but I probably won't wear it. Okay. Yeah. Something totally awkward that's just not you. And you're like, why? I've gotten a lot, a lot, a lot of baking stuff. Just because everyone knows you bake, right? Yeah. So, I mean, everyone's like, oh, here's a cookie sheet. Oh, I got a new bowl for you to mix stuff in. I mean, whatever. It's cool. Thanks for thinking of me. But clearly you don't, you know, I need a new vibrator or. Really? No. No, I have a whole box. I'm just kidding. But I mean, if somebody knows that side of me. Yeah. But I mean, I think you would have to be someone personal to do that, to know that side of you. Yeah. To get to that point. Not necessarily. All you have to do is turn on Extreme XM 165 or skidrowstudios.com and here we are. Okay. It's not that personal, is it? I guess. I mean. I mean, if people listen, actually, they get a good insight into like our lives, I guess, or like, you know, the way we think, especially like me on my end, like the jargon that I use with my friends. I think you probably haven't heard. I know. I love that. The stuff that we bullshit about. It's like a whole separate language. I don't even think Urban Dictionary has the shit I talk about. You are the Urban Dictionary. No, just part time. So what do you think? Is it better to be in a relationship or is it better to be single over the holidays? I think it's better to be single personally, but I think it has a tendency of when people want to be together because the thing of the idea of family, having somebody to cuddle with in the cold weather. I think the idea of like, you know, like I'm a hopeless romantic, like I want to get a gift for someone, you know, and make it count something special. You know what I mean? I think that's where like a lot of people, they want to be in a relationship around the holidays. I mean, even like for me, like I've been a couple like holiday or like, you know, like Christmas parties. I think that's where I like to be. That's like the tendency, like people just want to hook up just because. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like now it's a time. Just to feel warm. Yeah. It's like comfort food for your. Yeah. I think like you go to holiday parties, it's like people that people just hook up just to hook up just because, you know, I think alcohol gets involved. Sure. Your ambitions like at that point, it's like, dang, you know, I liked her, but I didn't know if I liked her. But it's hard to fuck with people at work for me. I just, I don't know. Why? You're there all day and night. Yeah. For me, yeah, actually. But I think that's maybe too much time. I'm not going to be with someone. You know what? Here, let me ask you this. Yeah. Because there is this website where you, people post pictures to share, you know, and there was one, this guy posted, he said, my girlfriend asked for an iPad for Christmas. This is what she's getting. And he took the iPad box. Nobody knows what happened in the iPad, but he cut out this metal plate with a square in it. And it said, will you marry me? And then he put the ring in the middle. Yeah. So I'm guessing yesterday when she opened up the box and she was all excited, oh, here's my iPad. And then she opened it and it was just a ring. Just a ring or, oh my God, it's a ring. Is that an upgrade or a downgrade? No. Well, I think that's, I think number one, the guy's an idiot. Right. For proposing around Christmas. I think that's just awkward. I mean, I don't, I think it has to be a special time. Like, it's like, oh, he proposed to me on Christmas. That's going to take away from. Yeah. Give it its own special day. Right. Yeah. I know. I agree. So, I mean, not necessarily when they would get married, but like, oh, when did he propose Christmas? It's like, oh, would you get a ring? I mean, okay, cool. Oh, it's like the birthday and Christmas. Yeah. It's like kind of like weird for me to do that. It's cheating. I think it takes away from it being special. Plus he probably got the ring discounted because it's on sale. Is it fucked up? Now you're just making assumptions. I don't know. Maybe he saved for it. I don't know. Maybe he bought the ring six months ago. Maybe. But I mean, I think it's sweet. I mean. I mean, like it's a nice gesture, but. Would you rather have the iPod or a soon to be ex spouse? I'd rather have the iPad. Well, you could work through it. Maybe, maybe not. You know, one way or the other. Yeah. I don't know. I think I'd rather have the iPad. If I asked for an iPad. I mean, if you're asked for something, you hopefully get what you want. And then you get the box for it. I'm sure he gave her the iPad as well. I don't know. It didn't sound. I didn't like it in the comment section. I think you did. I get way too wrapped up in these. I know. What the heck was it? Like on Instagram or something? I told you I was alone for Christmas. So you're being nosy and listening to everybody else's stuff? Yeah. Once again, you're listening to Oral Stimulation on Extreme XM 165 and also in collaboration with skidrowstudios.com. Yeah. I would rather have the iPad. Really? On Christmas Day. That's a new toy. But I mean, I think the ring lasts forever. Maybe that moment, I could see where he's going with it, but I wouldn't waste it on that like Christmas wise. My last forever ring got melted down. What? Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? Like so many? No, I mean, I had to sell it and it's gone now. So there's no meaning. Not that you cared, but I'm sure it was value. The values were something. Yeah. I don't know. Whatever. Anyway, I would rather be in a relationship. Yeah. Over the holidays. Even if it's awkward meeting people's families. Because I love meeting new people, talking to new people, trying to make a good impression. Actually, that brings up a good point. Like a lot of my friends are in relationships or, you know, one way or the other. And it totally reminds me like four Christmases. Right? Have you seen that movie? No. Well, you need to go like to the parents, you know, like, you know, my parents, your parents. So you go to like three, four different houses. Like, how do you actually celebrate? It's kind of tough around the holidays for that stuff. Like, you know, hypothetically, say you and I were an item, we were dating, whatever the case is. Totally hypothetically. So like, what do we do? Do we go to like, you know, when are we going to celebrate? Like, what if we both celebrate like Christmas Eve? Like, do you open your Christmas presents on the eve or do you open up Christmas Day, midnight? Like, how do you do it in your family? I open them whenever UPS delivers them. See, it's easy for me. No, but growing up, like, how'd you guys do it? Oh, yeah. It was Christmas Day. Christmas Day. Yeah. So you would have to wait like at midnight or would you like literally wake up and open them that? Oh, yeah. We'd wake up at like. 4.30 in the morning. No, no. Drive my parents crazy. Yeah. See, at that point, I mean, I like different tradition, traditions, like you have to kind of work that out, especially like meshing, meshing like different like cultures and stuff like that. You know, like we do one thing different, you know, versus you might not. I'll totally watch you eat your blood stew. I don't care. It's actually Rose Caldo is what it is on Christmas, which is like a rice porridge with chicken. That's usually the Filipino. Oh, yeah. You know what? What? I asked a guy if he wanted to hang out on New Year's. New Year's Eve? Yeah. And he said he couldn't because he had to make that chicken rice. What? Yeah. Well, maybe he's like the chef of the family. He needs to feed for the family. I mean, I don't know. I'm just saying I got upstaged by chicken. Well, chicken head. Well, I mean, even at that point, he could ask you to come over. Maybe you could help him cook. You could bake. No, I'm not spending any New Year's Eve at home. I'm going to go out. I'm looking for a gold glittery dress. I have a girlfriend that I'm going to take out. She's hot. So we're going to have fun. Yeah. You and your girlfriend. That's awesome. Yeah. It's going to be great. Where are you guys going? Have you decided? Are you staying local or what are you doing? Are you going anywhere? I don't know. I haven't decided yet. But you'll hear about it afterwards for sure. All right. Cool. It's going to be awesome. You know what? We're going to go to a break now. But I want to go to a break. I want to go to a break. But I want to hear about your New Year's plans when we come back. Because it's going to be huge. Actually, I have something even bigger and better than that. I got you something for Christmas. No, you did not. And I want you to open it after the break. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I'm excited now. When we come back. There it is. Listen to Skid Row Studios anytime, anywhere with the Skid Row iPhone app for your smartphone. Skid Row Studios. Real internet radio. Who's that news? Nora Ephron died this week. Who's that news? It's the first thing she's done in a while that wasn't funny. And Katie Holmes is finally finishing her five-year search for a good divorce lawyer. She and I can finally go out in public. It was like he studied for the part of you're a heterosexual in love and then went out and completely played it wrong. That's interesting because I was going to say that that marriage was less believable than Katie Holmes and Batman. But that's the weekly wrap-up. Every Sunday, 7 o'clock Eastern, 4 o'clock Pacific time at skidrowstudios.com. Hey, we are Awkward Conversations. Check us out. On skidrowstudios.com live every Saturday from noon to 1 Pacific Standard Time. And you can call in 1-800-893-9562. It's about to get awkward up in here. Like that time that your dad confronted you. Oh. I said, Daddy, I don't like that very much. He said, do it. They take a call, all right, let you go. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. Ooh-wee. we're back Melissa I'm kind of excited about this I'm actually probably more excited than you gosh this is like a total surprise I never get surprised on the show well it's good to be surprised wait do you like surprises to begin with? I love surprises okay this is perfect because I hope you will really really enjoy it I put a lot of thought into it and I think I kind of have an idea of who you are and what makes up who you are and stuff like that and if you don't like it it was someone else's idea right it was Austin okay so I'm going to give you this plastic bag okay and well I'm going to let you open it this is really awkward it's a little awkward okay I'll describe okay of course there's a black bag in there yeah but of course Skittles okay so there's three packages of Skittles yeah because Skittles you know what our listeners should actually watch this live on skittlestudios.com I wish they could or we can we'll stall a little bit so they can actually see this because this is actually pretty interesting okay these are all the original flavor of Skittles these are good yeah you know what sometimes you get a little I don't know they've got a lot of flavors out there and you can't always be sure you're going to get a good one and sometimes you just need the original right yeah okay it's a good thing so can you please go to the black bag yeah don't mind the other one because I had the other seven on the way but the black bag what is it I need you to open it you're welcome what are you talking about oh god Alex what what happened I figured if I just stalled on it you might forget about it no well tell them what it is okay this is a you're so dirty well you said you you totally set me up earlier but I had to wait till after god all right this is a vibrating egg with a 10 speed remote control oh my god oh my god oh my god and this is on the box make love from a distance so actually actually everyone in the sound booth is dying this is awesome the beauty of it is actually if not this show you are wearing actually a mini skirt which I didn't even get to describe what you're wearing besides your sexy heels it's velvet coated yes actually the thing about it there's this egg right and you stick it on your head and you stick it on your head and you stick it on your head it in your vagina. And I could actually, there's a remote where I could actually control the speed of it. It'd start off slow and get really crazy. So it's probably too soon to do it today. I mean, it'd be awesome. Are the batteries in here already? Yeah. Oh yeah. You already put batteries in? Yeah. We're going strong. Okay. We're going to open it up right now. Oh, there are batteries. So the cool thing is at least the key chain is kind of like hidden. It looks like a key chain. So you could actually, it's not like, Hey, you know, I could control the speed of it. Do you need help putting in the batteries? Maybe we get Austin or somebody to come help us out. I think I got it. So the cool thing about this is you stick it in and you can control the speeds. 10 speeds? 10. 10 is more than plenty. I always thought you were perfect. 10. Let's see if we get up. To 10 speed. I don't think I put the batteries in right now. Okay. Do you need help? I could walk over there and maybe get somebody to help out. Hang on. We'll send a technician to take care of the batteries. I think Melissa's trying to sabotage and not make it happen on purpose. Maybe while the tech is getting this high tech setup, we can talk about what exactly that you're going to do to Melissa here. Well, I want her actually. I'm just going to get inside of her. I want to control it. It's on. Is it on? Is it vibrating already? It's not really. Usestream.com and then you turn, you go to look for skidrowstudios.com. Usestream.com slash skidrowstudios. Oh yeah. It's pulsating. Yeah. Wow. That's, that's pretty intense. Is it? Yeah. We're not even at 10 yet. It's tickling my hand. Well, that's not what I want to tickle. How does that work out? Show it to the camera so people could see. This is, it's, it's kind of. Is it big? I mean, it's big for what it is. You couldn't like lose it. Yeah. That's for sure. Well, well, there's a string in case it gets, you know, sucked in. Sucked in. Oh yeah. There's not a lot of place for it to go. Well, there's a place where I want it to go. So does it get more intense? I don't know. Is it still vibrating right now? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't read the directions or anything, but is it getting harder, faster? Holy cow. That's pretty. That sounds like a drill. Wow. Yeah. Well, I was stuck between that and getting you a drill though. So I thought this was actually better because it's a little discreet. You know what I mean? How am I going to carry home a drill though? I don't know. You could do whatever you want with it, but if I get you a drill though, I mean, you might need somebody to help work it. This one, you know, you could kind of control the pleasure. Yeah. I really like the texture of this. All right. So would you dare to put it inside you right now? Not right now. Okay. And how about in 30 seconds? Run to the bathroom or something. I mean, I don't know. I'll play a song or I'll dance while you go. It's still going. Insert yourself. Here, you want me to shut it off? Is it off? Yeah, it's off now. At least this works actually. Yeah. How far away can you get with it? I don't know. Could I walk down the hall? I see. We'll try it. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. You're not down. I thought you were down. You kind of put me on this spot here. Well, you could always say no and puss you out. Whatever. Oh. That's all right. Everyone's all excited. Probably have the most listeners ever right now. And you're going to do this to us, us listeners. You know what? You know what? What? What? We're going to post a picture of it on Facebook. If we get 100 likes on the picture, I will try it on air. We're going to go to a break really quick and give Austin a little bit of a break. I'm going to give Austin a time to throw it up there. Get 100 likes. Yeah. 100 likes. There's a timeframe? No. So the minute we get 100 likes, you're going to put that in your vagina and I get to control. Yeah. On air. Will you do it for like a whole show? Oh, God. Yeah. So we could randomly talk next to you and be like giggling? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For a whole show. Yeah. Okay. 100 likes. Is that a deal? Yeah. That's a deal. 100 likes on the picture on Facebook. Okay. So I'm going to tease you and play with you. Yeah. I mean, I'm actually not touching you, but be a way where it could happen. I'm nervous. All right. Let's go to that break. We'll be right back. Okay. Oh, hello. This is Linda King and I'm reading from my new book, Loving and Hating Charles Bukowski. This book should have been out about 30 years ago, but it's finally out. So I'm going to read you one poem right now and it's called, it's in the book, It's a Love for a Mad Poet. Bukowski, what woman could love you as I do? I have passed the test of true love. I loved you with a 44 inch waist. 36 inches makes me love you more, but I didn't complain. You were drinking a dozen beers a night and often many more. I loved you. I loved you even after you lost your pants at my sister's wedding. I loved you. I loved you even after you lost your pants at my sister's party for all the doctors and nurses and you kissed that homosexual goodnight and you told my stepfather I was not only a good dancer, but good on springs. I loved you dead drunk reading poetry when each line came out like a slow motion movie. I hid under my wig so you wouldn't or I wouldn't be embarrassed. I loved you after I caught you with that woman. You looked so shocked and did jump out screaming I was the woman you loved. But after she ran down the street, you told me you used my kissing style on her and she got so hot. I slapped your face and walked out for that, but still I loved you after you sobered up and called 47 times. Bukowski, I even loved you after you told all those people I loved you. I loved you. I told all those people at that other party about our bloody eff up and made oral love to the candle flame. I told them we'd call the kid the bloody curse, but still I was embarrassed. And when my mother came to town, you came over dead drunk after a poetry reading saying let her see me at my worst and she thought she had already seen you at your worst. You wore that old coat. You probably hadn't put on since World War I and even I was shocked. When you thought my mother's sister and kids were gone, you stripped nude and they all came back and my mother saw your bare legs hanging out of the bed, preached to my sisters for two hours about the Ten Commandments. I threw you out that night but took you back in the morning. You told me after all that I didn't deserve you and I said good God, no woman deserves him, but still I loved you. I loved you after you called from Michigan accusing me of screwing a blind priest when the blind man and the priest were two different people. It has to be love, Bukowski. It just has to be. And I'm not even mentioning the time the police come, the time I broke your windows, the time you peed on my feet, the times you brought the head back. I just know no woman could love you like I do. And I ought to mention. I ought to mention that I have been crazy. You can find Linda King's new book, Loving and Hating Charles Bukowski at kisskillpress.com. That's kisskillpress.com. Okay guys, we're back. Alex. Melissa. We were going to talk about pet peeves and this. I'm sorry to throw a curve ball at you. This is one of my, I mean I love surprises, but I don't necessarily love being put on the spot. Please give us a hundred likes or something. So we got that picture up. Actually, I'm kind of nervous to say we did get quite a few likes. Well, hopefully Awesome posted it. We post it, we get the likes and then it's Pleasureville. I feel like we've connected. Oh gosh. I feel like I'm someone inside of you right now. Oh, Alex. I like that. I don't want like an oh Alex, I want like oh Alex. This is like the boys to men show where you and Mindy just totally sabotage my sanity. Oh, Alex. Oh, Alex. Oh, Alex. No. Not at all. I mean. Okay. Let's. We'll get the updates on the likes from. Yeah. From inside. And we'll go from there. Anyway. Thank you. You're welcome. Merry Christmas. By the way. Thanks for thinking of me. You're welcome. How can I not. Actually. The funny thing is. You mentioned that. You kind of. Wanted. Like a vibrator. I did. You caught me. But. I mean. I. shoebox? Are we talking about like a moving box? No, it's bigger than a shoebox. Okay. How many, how many, um, like toys do you say you have? Like eight or nine. That's not bad. Now you have 10. That has 10 speeds. 10's the magic number, huh? So, all right. Now listen, I did say maybe that's one of my pet peeves is being put on the spot. Oh, so you hate me. I'm losing points for trying to gain them. It's terrible. I don't hate you, but I mean, can, can pet peeves make people hate each other? Not exactly. Or is it just kind of a little like. I think for me, pet peeves is like, uh, if you like someone you could tolerate it. Right. But if it's something where you really don't like the person, you're starting to get to know someone, it'll shine you away from them. Does that make sense? Like if it's still early, it's like, you know, I like her, she's beautiful. She has a great personality, but she has fucked up teeth. And I'm like, well, I like her for everything else, but it might, you know, they can be fixed. Right. Yeah. Or I mean like, you know, if a girl's not wearing hoop earrings, she'd look that much better if she had a hoop earrings on. Okay. That makes sense. So, I mean, I think you could work with it unless it's something outrageous. Like, I don't know, like for me, if a girl like really like lacks confidence, I think, I don't think I could change that no matter how much like I ego stroke her and put her on a pedestal and like tell her every day how great she looks and everything will be okay. If she's constantly looking for that, I'm, that wears me down. Yeah. And I can't constantly give her that ego stroke. That's tough for me. And I hate it when a chick complains that when she complains about this or that, like, why isn't the food ready? Or my food's too cold or it's too hot or blah, blah, blah. At that point, I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? Can't you just appreciate like, you know, we're going to have a nice dinner. Or something like that. You know what I mean? No, I totally agree. I think, gosh, the likes on this picture. Oh yeah. We're going to blow up right now. Boom. You guys are making me nervous. All of our listeners. I know I can see a little sweat on your forehead. I know all of our listeners out there on Xtreme XM 165 and of course, skidrowstudios.com where we are also broadcasting on the live camera. Oh my gosh. People could see you squirm live. That would be awesome. If they want to call in to tell us how much they're enjoying this. 800-893-9562. I hope we get enough likes because I want you to tell everybody how much you're enjoying it or you will be enjoying it. You're making me nervous. Okay. Let's go on to pet peeves. Let's stay on task. Sorry. Okay. Actually, yeah. So we did get a lot of responses when we kind of just barely touched on the subject. But a lot of the sections. Yeah. The sexual ones came from women. Guys apparently don't know all that much about what they're doing in the bedroom. Okay. So we're talking about sexual pet peeves at this point, right? Yeah. Pet peeves. Things, irritating things guys do in the bedroom and maybe girls do it too. I don't know. You're going to have to give me your perspective. But the first response we got was that sometimes guys only do one type of movement or only one position. They're like drilling away like a jackhammer or they're doing it way too slow. Wait. I mean. So that's good. I mean. Would you want like circular motions. I mean. I don't know. That's up to you. Figure it out. Okay. So I could see how that could be. Like. It's more boring. I mean. If you just. I think mostly the complaint is. If a guy goes too fast. And he just doesn't listen. You know. Cuz. That's kind of one of my pet peeves. Not necessarily a guy. So. Maybe. Not. Not. foreplay-ish. I mean, not leading up to it, it's like straight, like pull off your clothes and like insert and like, I want to get mine up. Boom, I'm done. Thank you. Yeah. Like roll over and grab the blanket. Yeah. Or I can't stand when you try to tell a guy what you want in bed and he gets all hurt. Like, oh, you don't like what I'm doing. It's like, I know what I'm doing. Yeah. It's like, okay, nevermind. Well, let me ask you a question. How about like when you're like, since we're talking like sex and stuff like this, how about when like you guys are actually in like doing it and like I just like ask you like, hey, is it cool if I like spank you? I mean, would you rather just have him do it? I love when a guy spanks me. Yeah. I mean, but is it awkward to kill the moment? Hey, like babe, is it okay if I spank you? Yeah, that's kind of weird because you kind of want to, it's such a fine line. You want a guy to take control, but don't ever touch my neck. Don't ever. Like as far as choking, what about like, I want to kiss your neck. A couple weeks ago, this guy. This guy. We were, this guy, this Thai Hawaiian. We were, um, messing around and we were just kind of, I don't know, messing around and he grabbed, I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt and he grabbed the back of the hood and like pulled me back. I thought I was going to die. Did you kick him in the balls? I should have. I should have. I didn't. So you're like paranoid about anything around your neck area? I really don't like things touching my neck. But what if like a guy like, came on your neck, he jizzed on your neck. Yeah, that's right. Are you okay with that? Yeah, do whatever you want. Because you can't choke him. I get it. Yeah, you can come all over the place, but you're not going to kill me with that. Okay, but pulling hair, is that like a pet peeve? If you do it wrong. That's like a totally kill a moment, right? Yeah, if you're just pulling out individual strands. Okay. God. Maybe it's a souvenir for later. I'm watching the likes on this picture go up. Let's see. Okay, also in bed. Girls have a complaint that guys think fingering is just jamming it in. Just over and over and over again. There's no kind of sensual, no kind of like. Like a drill-do. A drill-do. Nice. I don't know. I don't like if a guy touches my clit. It's too sensitive. Just kind of work around the area. Well, it kind of sucks because a lot of guys are pretty rough to begin with. Yeah. And they might think like, oh, maybe if I hit it harder, it'll be more pleasurable. Yeah. Don't they say a girl should touch, a guy twice as hard as she thinks she should touch him and a guy should touch a girl like three times as soft or something. Yeah, but then if a guy's too gentle, there's like, this guy's a fag. I mean, how do you- No, I love that. How do you figure that out? You know what I mean? I don't know. I want a guy to be gentle with me. I mean, like super gentle and sweet? Yeah. Always. Always? Don't ever be rough. Ever. Don't ever call me stupid names. Like what's a stupid name? Oh. Like there's a name that this guy keeps calling me and he thinks it's hilarious. Can you tell me, give me an example or a hint? I don't want to be like- It's so noxious. I don't even- I don't want to be hinting. Next thing I know, like I call this girl this name or- No. This guy calls me- Are you? No. Do it. Make up a name. I don't care. I'll show you. I'm going to write it for you. Can I say it? At least you don't say it, but I'll say it. The writing doesn't work. He calls you doo-doo head. Okay. So, okay. At that point, it's like, yeah, doo-doo head, take that. I mean, is it in the act of having sex? He says it like, no, of course not. You can even say it. I have to say it. That's fucked up. It's so irritating to me. And I've told him that and he keeps doing it. But does he do it to be cute? I mean- Yes. It's not cute. Maybe he does it because he knows it irritates you. Yeah, I know he does now. Do you tell him like, that fucking bothers me, stop? Yeah. And what does he say? Oh, it's cute. He thinks it's like a joke. Okay, doo-doo head. But you know what? Along the same lines. Along the same lines of people saying stupid things. I was hooking up with a guy once and we were just going at it. Everything was totally normal. And then out of nowhere, he goes, he goes, oh, I want to put my babies inside you. What? Yeah. And I was like, I, oh. Wait, I want to put my babies inside you. Yeah. See, I've said stuff for like, I've been the he and like, dude, tell me you want me to have me, tell me you want to have my baby. Like, I've said that. But I never said like. Oh my God. I, I died a little bit on the inside because I was trying to like be the performer, be cool, not say anything, get them off, you know? And I didn't say anything. And then. How do you get them off? You have babies inside me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just didn't say anything. I just kept going. I just kept going with it. Oh, oh, oh. Just be quiet. Ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it. You are like the greatest actress in the world, I swear. And then a couple of days later. A couple of days later. And he said something and I said something like, oh yeah, like when you say weird things, like you want to put babies inside me while we're banging. And then he totally tried to play it off like a joke. He's like, oh, I was just fucking with you. He's like, oh yeah, I thought it was kind of weird that you didn't say anything back. Yeah. Did you say yeah because it was weird because you said that. I totally, I didn't know what to say. Well, maybe he felt like at one with you and he wanted you guys to share that special moment. Can someone call in and explain? Explain where a guy would come from with this and whether it was serious or not, because I really don't know. Our number again is 800-893-9562. I kind of have like some ideas. What do you have Mindy? Well, that's like the whole evolution thing where guys primal desires is to get their little spermies in as many vaginas as they possibly can. That's where I was going to go with it. So like, I think to dudes, like there's a like mental thing to like doing that. So you think he was serious? It probably was just making him feel good. Like he was that in the moment that he literally would say something like, and that wouldn't like freak him out. I don't know. Maybe he felt comfortable with you. He didn't. I mean, that's sweet if that's the case, but. Well, he brought it up after and he said, you didn't say anything. So I think he wanted you to be like, yeah, I want to have your baby or something. Because I mean, I agree with Mindy. That's where I would have totally gone. I think we were put on this planet or this world to do. And I think that's the one thing that's appropriate. Well, listen, if I'm going to have his babies, I need a ring and a date. And it's going to have to be soon because I'm not going to be some old maid carting around a baby. I bet you got to pay to play. I was going to say, in a way, you have Alex's egg in you. So it's like Alex has given you his egg. Actually, what are the likes at right now? Yeah, let's find out. I'm ready for this. 30, 50? Well, what's the count? We'll check the stats. Okay, check the stats. Keep us posted. Because I'm. I have a trigger happy finger. Oh, God. No, you are holding it over there. Oh, yeah. There's a remote and there's an egg. The egg is inside Melissa. Yeah, I have it. And I have the remote in my hand waiting to hear like 100. And I'm waiting to get some kind of reaction. Melissa's nervous. She's been sitting here playing with her fingers, chilling her thumbs. What does it feel like in there? Are you like consciously, consistently aware of it? Yeah, I'm pretty aware of it. Does it feel smooth? It's pretty big. Listen, Mindy. I've got a nice, cute, tight little pussy. And this is definitely. Cute, tight little pussy. This is definitely pushing it. Can I be the judge of that? Can I see that thing? Let me see what you're working with. Doo-doo head. Oh, don't. Don't even start with me. So obnoxious. I'm going to start. I got a finger that'll make you happy. And I don't have to be honest. What about like derogatory dirty talk, though? Do you ever get a girl just screaming crazy things? What if a girl calls you? Daddy, is that weird? Yeah, that's weird for me. You know what? I found that that's mainly like in a Latino kind of culture. Like papi or daddy. Like in the Philippines, they say daddy. That's what the Filipino accent that you love so much. No, and on that end, I don't know. Like I've never been big on that, like the whole thing. I mean, baby. I don't know if that's even weird. Like babe, baby. Yeah. I think that's okay. I think that's okay. I think that's sweeter than like daddy. I mean, has a guy. Like, I mean, every once in a while I'll be like, what's up, ma? I would say ma, but it's probably the East Coast in me. That's not so bad. Not necessarily. I don't know. What about if a guy, do you like doing this? Do you like putting your hand on the back of a girl's head? On the back of her head? Like when she's going down on you? I probably would grab like a fistful of hair and kind of guide it, keep it out of her way so she doesn't get caught up or she's not like sucking my dick. And then next thing you know, she has a mouthful of her own hair. Ew. Well, you know what I mean. I would hold it out of the way. I think it's cool to kind of watch because I'm more, I like really like the voyeur wise. Yeah. So I would move the hair out of the way and hold it back. But I wouldn't force it to make you choke and make your mascara stream down your own cheek. It's a pretty porn move. And I don't think a lot of girls like it. I don't think a lot of guys have the balls to do it, first of all. But I don't think girls like it either. I can't stand it. If you're going to start doing that, you might as well put your hands on my neck and walk yourself out the door. I think most guys, I think you're at that point where if I'm getting head, I'm going to enjoy it. I'm not going to do anything to interrupt it. Yeah, that's true. Does it make sense? Yeah, you don't want to try anything experimental. Oh yeah, this will make it better. Let me push it deeper in her mouth. I don't think that happens. Well, I mean, sure it does happen, but it's probably more for movies, like you said. Yeah. I mean, but a pet peeve for a guy is obviously when a girl uses her teeth or they have teeth. It doesn't happen accidentally. I mean, that's like a, that would force me to like push her head away from it. Because you got to think about that. That's like, you know, one little bite or a nibble, that's like, uh, what the fuck? The paranoia sinks in, right? As a guy, knowing that your teeth are right there in your mouth. Yeah, yeah. It's a very controlling position, I think, for a girl to have a guy's most sensitive business right there. But that's something you like though. You really enjoy it. I do, I love it. Knowing that you have it. Yeah. You have the power. Yes. To make a guy like climax. I do. With the strength of your mouth. You know what is very, um, what's the word? I can't think of it. What, a hundred likes on a picture? No, a position that's very vulnerable for me is if a guy is down in between my legs and he, um, starts like poking around, you know, like pulling. You know, like having his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like freezing his legs wide open and like inside. There's better ways to do it. We have a call here. Let's see what our caller is. Say, hi, caller. What's your name? Pedro. Hey, Pedro. How's it going tonight? My name is actually Pablo, but no one calls me Pedro. Okay. Thanks for calling in. Oh, no problem. I was listening to you guys talk about getting head and moving the girl's hair out of the way. Uh-huh. Isn't that creepy? If she bites you, all you gotta do is shove your dick in her throat. She'll let it go. Yeah, true. So do you pull the girl's hair? Yeah, why not? I like to squeeze her nipples, too. Why did you do that? What happened? Oh, my God. Thank you so much, caller, for calling. What happened? Alex! What? Oh, my God. What happened? What's going on here? Alex! Melissa. You gotta take that egg out or something. Alex turned that thing on. My heart's beating so fast right now. It was an accident. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know what was going on. He's totally slipped. Thank you. Okay. Thanks for calling in, caller. Pedro, Pablo. Okay, do you have anything else you want to say? My oral stimulation is not good enough for you. Are you enjoying this? The show tonight? I was, so I've seen the picture. I wish I didn't see it. Oh. I love an honest man. Yeah? All right. It's tough to find an honest guy nowadays. You know. On that note, thanks for calling in. All right. I totally slipped. Totally slipped? Yeah. Somebody told me we had 100 likes. Stop! Stop what? Stop! What happened? You can hear this guy. Oh my God. Can you hear that? No. I can hear you. Getting buzzy in the studio. Hey, how does it feel? Be honest. You're like... Okay. Imagine you want... If we got 100 likes, you want to do a whole show that way. Are you ready? You're not ready. You can't even... Do it. You can do it. You can't even handle like a whole two seconds of it. Well, because you're just like surprising me with it. Is it intense? It is. 15 seconds. All right. 10 seconds. We're going to have to end this on another show. Thank you so much for the great Christmas present. This is, of course, Oral Signals.