Hall & Oates bite, Miley doll theft, dating sites

Hello, everybody. It is Saturday, 2 o'clock. It is Skid Row Studios. That means it's time for another episode of Bad Advice. I am your host, Drew Marks. I am joined, as I am every lovely Saturday, by a host and panel of very funny people. Sitting across from me, Mr. Ken August. He's the host of the weekly wrap-up here on Skid Row Studios every Sunday, 4 to 5. Hey, happy to be here. That's right. That's your time to say hello. I didn't know that was my cue. You were standing there like, what, my turn? I'm used to getting cut off this early. That's nice. You give me a silent thank you. That works great in radio. All right, next to him, we have Ron Swallow, who does, it is the Angry Dorks podcast. Yeah, every Monday, 6 to 7. Hi, I'm very attracted. I'm very attractive. I can vouch for him. Yeah, it's true. Over here, you know this man from all kinds of things. He is, you've seen him on How We Do It, Mobbed. He's now a writer, we can say, for the new show, right? Yeah, sure. And that is, I'll let you tell him. Take It All. Take It All with Howie Mandel. That's airing on what night? It's after The Voice coming up Monday and Tuesday. Nice. Mr. Vic Cohen is here. You can also check him out on viccohen.com. Very, very funny man. Also does a show here. This is a great thing. We're coming with bad advice. Everyone who comes on bad advice ends up with their own show. Right, we took some bad advice and got our own show. That's right. So Vic Cohen, you are now doing It's a Fair Question. I am. Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. Pacific time. And please call. We've been getting lots of calls. And be patient when you call when you're on hold. That's right. Now, to my left, always a pleasure having this lady here. She is hilarious, Miss Marie Dupreti. Hi. I think I have an idea for a new show, too. So, I'm the only one. So do I. So do I. So do I. So do I. I don't have my own radio show. Is it the one we talked about? That one and I have another idea, maybe. So now you want two shows. No, I just want one. But I'm trying to debate which one to pick. But if you have two ideas, they can choose from one of those ideas. It's true. It's all being one. They can also see you on Nick. Nick Mom's Night Out, which is Nick Mom, which is Nick Jr. after 10 p.m. And also Parental Discretion. Excellent. Hey, Drew. Yes. Marie is such a tease. First of all, she came in with her bed head. You know, she just rolled out of bed, which is really sexy. And then. And then I came up in the elevator with her and she had a trench coat on. It was like all you could see was her cleavage. I was thinking maybe she had nothing on. She could be wearing anything. And you would think that that was specifically there to turn you on. Exactly. And she smells good, too. She smells like lavender. Although I will say I don't know what Marie's show ideas are. But whatever it is, it needs more nudity. From me? Yeah. Sure. Why not? I don't like wearing clothes. It's a Bible study class. But you should do that with more nudity. Yes. Listen, if you're new to Bad Advice, what we do here is we take. Questions on any subject at all. And since we are completely untrained and unqualified, we will help you out with some horribly bad advice. We'll also take some weird news stories from around the world. People I feel need some advice. But we're too stupid or lazy to ask. But we're here for you. Which is where we're going to get started. Today, our first story. This is a great one. This is out of Ohio. Apparently, Hall bit Oates on the face. And they were involved in a drunken face biting scuffle. That is a great concert. Is that? Is this not awesome? Hall and Oates? The group? Hall bit Oates in the face. Police in Ohio say that two men, Scott Hall and Roger Oates, were involved in a bloody altercation that culminated in Oates biting Hall in the face just above his left eye. Scott and Roger? The police report noted that a chunk of skin had almost been completely bitten off. According to police documents, Hall was watching football in his garage when Oates showed up with a friend. Angry that Hall would not testify on his behalf in court. A reporter. He was abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. He abusing him. Scott Hall and Roger Oates. Well, I guess it could be brothers of the original two, except that wouldn't really work because it's their first name. This story would be a lot better if it was actually. I like this part. Deputies wrote that Oates was later arrested at his home after a struggle in which police twice used a taser gun on him. Oates is charged with felonious assault, resisting arrest, and obstructing official business. Which one of those is face eating? That story bites. Fuck you. I'll kill you. Maybe he was hungry. Maybe he was just hungry and needed a snack. It's a tough economy. You see how fat that guy is too? They got a picture of him. He's a fat, fat man. I don't know what either one of these people look like, but I want to assume Oates has a big mustache. Maybe he was on acid and he thought that dude's face was a donut. Yeah. Sadly, that's a new thing. He looks a little like that guy Michael Chiklis. Oh, he does look like Chiklis. Like a fat Chiklis. Like a fat Chiklis. Yeah, like an even fatter Chiklis. Seriously, there was a time when a fat Chiklis was just Michael Chiklis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand why this is a story. People bite each other all the time. No, no. In your house. In your house, they bite each other. But how often are their names Hall and Oates? Exactly. That's the story. Is that it? Yes. It's like, well, here's the thing. You know, what with Siskel and Ebert? Yeah. They couldn't do it. One, because one of them is dead, and two, because the other one no longer has a face. Really? Too soon for that one? By the way, listen, I want to tell everyone, this is our second one. You know, you are hearing us on Skid Row Studios, but also, if you're listening to Extreme X, XM 165, you're catching us in collaboration with Skid Row Studios.com. So we are, in fact, on Sirius Radio, and I want to say hello to all our listeners there. Hey, Drew? Yes. Real quick question. Is that why there's green lights, like there are green lights spinning around the room because it's also on Sirius? No, it's a disco ball. It's a disco ball. We have a light show in the studio. We do. It's Lasarium. What are you talking about? I don't see anything. I'm just going to start humming Pink Floyd music any minute. Now, if you want to call the show, if you have a question or you want to comment on any of our stories, the number here, at Skid Row is 800-893-9562. I need some information. Now, if you're hearing us, obviously, on XM 165, Terrible person. You're going to have to listen. You're going to have to call in Saturdays 2 to 3, which is where we are every week. All right, this is going to bring us into our next story. This one, this is in North Carolina. I feel a little bad for Mr. Benjamin Green because he allegedly went into a store and stole the Miley Cyrus-themed blow-up sex doll. It says, 22-year-old North Carolina man, Benjamin Green, is facing shoplifting charges after he allegedly stole an inflatable sex doll that looks like pop singer Miley Cyrus. Officials in Spartanburg, South Carolina, arrested Benjamin Green after an employee at Spencer's Gifts reported seeing him take a blow-up Miley Cyrus doll from the shelf, remove it from the box, and hide it in his coat. Green reportedly passed all the registers before he was stopped by the employee who then asked for the doll back. Now, what is the difference between a Miley Cyrus, I can't even say it, Miley Cyrus sex doll and Miley Cyrus? The doll is smarter. Oh, okay, fair enough. This has got bigger teeth. Oh, look at my gums. I swallow. Personally, I would get the Lindsay Lohan, and the reason behind that is I like fantasies that might come true. I don't know. I think she might be a haul. The Lindsay Lohan? No, no. The Lindsay Lohan doll still has an outside chance of getting arrested. Yeah, yeah. If you have a little bit of cocaine, you can fuck Lindsay Lohan. I didn't know they made a Miley Cyrus. Sex doll. Come on, please. Where do you, where do you, is there a Spencer store in our town? Yes, there is. Here's the thing. Well, it says when the employee stopped him, we'll get to your question in a second, but when the employee stopped him and asked for the doll back, it says at that point, the package allegedly fell out from Green's coat, presumably deflating any chance for latex love. Now, they show the box for, not the box, but the box, not the box of the doll. The box of the doll comes in. Oh, okay. This is fantastic. Okay, good. And it says, they call this doll the Finally Miley because I guess they were waiting for her to turn 18. I guess they'd been in the works. Sure they were. And the little tag on it says, Daddy's little stoner is ready for you to bone her. Daddy's little stoner. I'm so glad that she- But she got caught smoking pot? Yeah, she did. How much is that? Salvia. She got caught smoking. Salvia, not pot. Is that how she talks? Yes. Jeez, man. I'm so glad I missed her. She was kind of hot when she was young and like just Hannah Montana. Don't say that. She was all right. No, never. Never. She was, okay, not hot. She was 80% teeth always. But yeah, she was good. Not hot, adorable. Did you see her? Like I saw her, it was on Two and a Half Men. Did you see that? She cut off all of her hair. I mean, bull dyke. She cut off all of her hair. Thank God this toy, this sex toy has her with the long hair version because if she looked like the frigging Tinkerbell that she does now. Well, that's what I mean. I would have been stealing this doll. They do have, that's the Justin Bieber sex doll. I would like to give Benjamin some advice. Yes. Benjamin Green, I want to tell you first of all that I admire your creativity. I have been there before. I have bought a sex doll on my, I will be honest. Have you really? Yes, I have. Was it one of the famous ones or just like, were you getting like the budget generic sex doll? It was actually a Joan Rivers doll. It looked like it. That was very corny. Discounted. I like that, but Benjamin, you never stopped smiling. Benjamin, you did the right thing. And yeah, it was made out of plastic. The Joan Rivers. But Benjamin, I congratulate you. And don't be embarrassed. You're probably embarrassed. This has made the national wires and now has become the subject of bad advice. Well, he should be embarrassed. He stole the damn thing. If you just bought it. You know what the retail price, here's the thing. That's what I was going to ask. How much does it cost? The retail price for the Miley Cyrus doll is $19.99. Oh man. It got released into the budget rack. That's not true. If you're so, if you're so, if you're so poor that, look, dude, there's free internet porn. Seriously. You know your redneck when you buy a Miley's, you steal a Miley's. Exactly. You know your redneck. You know, here's the great thing. After they arrested him for this, he had to post a thousand dollar bond. Not worth it. Have you ever had a three-way with your, with your sex doll, with your Joan Rivers and your Nipsey Russell sex doll? Have you ever had the three-way? No, but the truth is, I would, I am sure that everyone here other than the lady, the lady, oh my God. Who's that? Who's the fucking lady? Who's that today? That's the crazy thing he's about to say that we all do. I can't wait to see it. I know, every show, Vic is always like, we've all done it. I'm sure, 100% sure that everyone in this studio and the two guys in the control room booth have made love to a blow-up doll at some point. I have not. I have not. Most people don't have access to a blow-up doll. I do know. I would tell you. I have had a blow-up doll before, so you assumed the wrong person. You were the only one that did it. I married the blow-up doll. It was the Justin Bieber doll. Nick has made love to a engineer. Jeremy, have either one of you two ever had sex with a blow-up doll? Hell nah. I have. Jeremy may have today. We got one. Jeremy. I was on a business trip in Virginia. Is that what they call it? And there's nothing to do in Virginia. Other than a blow-up doll? Besides a blow-up doll. So when you need to kill time, it's get me a blow-up doll. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Was it a Miley? A Cyrus blow-up doll. Was yours one of those themed ones or was it just your run of the mill? It was your traditional blow, you know, that really cheesy plastic. The only thing I would do with the blow-up doll, I would inflate it and use it as a raft at the beach so you could just put it out there and float on it so it looks like you're fucking it. Or as a carpool. Even though it's a blow-up, that's a good use, but even though it's a blow-up doll, I still think it talks too much. Of course, most of what he's saying is pssst. The worst part I'll tell you about making love to a blow-up doll is afterwards because when you're done, you realize you're just with a blow-up doll and you really feel like a loser. Really? You didn't think it before? I can see Vic going, call me. Never called. I just met you. Here's my number. So call me maybe. I will fight you. Vic is like the only man alive with a blow-up doll. You can sing that. You can sing that song. Well, if you cross your arms like that, you can sing that. Also, clean up is a mess. Vic's just angry because the doll actually said no. You know what I did with the blow-up doll? I punched it. Like, I just wanted it so I could punch something. You got the Joe Pesci blow-up doll. That's nice. I got a hundred pound punching bag. Isn't that why you have a husband? I know, but I can't always punch him. He gets mad. So I got the blow-up doll. Yo, I need a blow-up doll that's bat-proof. It was like one of those penguin things when you were little, the clown. You just keep punching it and it just comes back. You know what I mean? Here's the thing. I'll tell you this, Vic, and this is honest because I saw this on HBO. I would never do the blow-up doll because those things look cheesy, but you ever see, these things are like $5,000. You ever see the living doll? Oh, yeah. The what? The little tie hookers? No, it's called the living doll. These things look and feel real. I actually did a bad B-horror movie where a love doll comes to life. Oh, well, that sounds kind of cool. That's Mannequin. That's the movie Mannequin. It turns off and kills motherfuckers. Oh, nice. It's kind of what Gus was saying that you really don't want the doll to talk. You don't want it to come to life. The bad, also, horrible feeling is after you're done, you look at their feet and they don't look at all real. Oh, my God. As you're sucking on them. that round mouth never changes. That wasn't real? I find it hard to believe. First off, you said make love to this thing. Do you give it some tongue? Do you give it some making out? I find it hard to believe that Vic is that picky with the feet. Vic, you'd fuck a foosball player if you could. No, he is. I don't think the feet are going to throw you off. He is picky because he made sure it was BPA free. Because he cares about that. Yeah, you don't want to do those Chinese love dolls. Harmful, toxic, plastic. A little bit of no definition and then they say it's all real, but it's not. I mean, even the hair is fake. You know, I mean, they make it seem. Not on those love dolls. That's what I'm saying. This guys are like, they have a husband, a wife, and they're like getting like five or six of these dolls having dinner with them. Yeah, it's crazy. These things look real and they're, look, I'll say it, they're hot. Yeah. These things look unbelievably hot. And they have like warmers. If you get the fancy one, they have like warmers and vibrators. You can like do them anyway and it, mine wasn't like that. That's a lot of money for something I can get taken care of. Mine was $8 from the 99. That's a lot of money for a perfect woman. That's what I'm saying. It's a lot of money though for something I can take care of in a four minute segment. I know, that's what I'm thinking. Like, why would I spend that much money with something that's going to take me a minute and a half? And anything that has somebody else's hair. Anything that has somebody else's hair. No, you don't use it just once. I mean, out and they bring them back, like maintenancing them, like making sure that their hair is tightened and light up. Somebody cleans the cum out of the sex dolls. Yeah, they get maintenance and then they come back. I do need work. It's like the people that come and clean your pool. One of the guys was like crying when he was painting her nails because he loved her so much. But this is not a Benjamin Green hat. I'm going to buy you one of these. The hell is a Benjamin Green hat? Do you want one of these? I will spend $5,000 to buy you one of these. We should do a charity for Vic. If you would, I would greatly appreciate it. Really? I may do that for you. Let's start a charity on the radio. Can you send your dollars to the Vic Cohen? This is a good idea. I'll tell you what. Okay, here's what we are going to do. Send your used dolls to Vic. No, here's what we'll do because I'm pretty sure Vic will do this. What? If we raise enough money to buy a real life sex doll, Vic will have to have sex with it on the show. and tell us, oh, on the show. Will we have to watch? Do I have to be there for that? So I can throw up? You know what you're doing? You put a thank you note in your ass. Ass crack for a guest. That's true. Well, hold on. I want a review. That thank you note has been in his ass. That thank you note has been in his ass for like weeks. So I just have to be there anyway. But didn't he like get a pap smear on his show? Like what? If it's not on camera and it's just for you four. It won't be on camera. In fact, I don't know when that is, but I'm busy that week. Yeah, me too. No, thank you. I would gladly make love to that. I will be glad to hear your review of it. We'll put it behind a curtain so he can talk to us while he's doing it. We won't. We'll see. All right. Is that fair? Yeah. Oh, you're so pretty. Exactly. So we can talk and ask questions while it's going on, because I really want to be with someone Jewish. All right. Yes. It will be Jewish. To all our bad advice fans, here's what we're going to do. You have to do it through a sheet though. Not that Jewish. Too Jewish. All right, guys, this is what we're going to do before we move on to the next story. You can follow Bad Advice on the Bad Advice Facebook page. I need everybody or Twitter at Drew's Bad Advice. I want you to send me Twitters or go to the Facebook page for Bad Advice and let us know what, you know, your donation would be willing to be. And I'm going to start setting this up. No way. I got to pull out. I will put up the first thousand dollars. Okay. I will, I will put up the first thousand dollars. I'll give it 20. This could be the first time we ever hear a sex dog get up and go, eh, I've had better. Or they'll scream rape. They'll scream rape. If we can reach the 5,000, we will, we will have a Bad Advice. It's, it's tweets, by the way, it's tweets, not send me your Twitters. I'm a technological retard. He's like these crazy kids and their gadgets. No, I'm going to have to pull out of this. I hate you. Hey, Vic, for the record, for the record, it's a doll, so you don't have to roofie it, but you can if you need to. If that's what you're used to. But the doll, the doll's going to scream, put me back in the box. I've screamed that before, actually. I've screamed that before. I've screamed that numerous times. You guys can make fun of that all you want, but I'm a great lover and I can, and I'll bring women. I'll have you get, I'll give you numbers. We have, no, no, we want, first of all, we want photos and we know because we have full episodes of you telling us what a great lover you are. It's simply because we know that that way I'm comfortable saying this. I just want, I'm an amazing lover. I am too. I believe her. I believe her. I'll do 10,000 and make love to her. I can believe both of you, but I only want her to prove it to me. Yeah, it's true. I can hold my own. Is that fair enough? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that fair enough? I have to hold my own. I've had repeat performances pretty much every time, so I think that's like a good, until they free themselves. It's either I'm nice enough that they want to keep having sex with me or they're chained to a wall. Gus always gets repeat performances because he uses that Groupon two for one. Nice work, nice work. Hookers at Costco are the best. I want to remind everyone you are listening to Bad Advice. You're listening to us on Xtreme XM 165 and Collaboration. with Skid Row Studios.com. We are here on Skid Row every Saturday two to three. I'm going to move on to the next story now. We have Willie Singletary. Willie Singletary is a Philadelphia traffic judge Love his work, I love his work. who was removed from the bench over a lewd photo. A Philadelphia traffic court judge was removed from office by an ethics panel for allegedly showing a female court clerk cell phone photos of his genitals. His lawyer, John Summers, called it a one-time accidental mistake and said that Singletary resigned from the bench in February. Apparently, Summers... He was a judge? Well, according to Summers, the lawyer, Singletary and the woman were simply showing each other content on their cell phones when, for what was just a matter of seconds, she saw the photos in question. However, the woman said that Singletary then asked a woman, Hey, do you like it? Apparently, this is amazing. This judge was a former pastor who founded a West Philadelphia church. Of course he was. This man, he won office despite having a suspended driver's license that was suspended because he had $11,000 in traffic-related fines. Nice. He was also previously reprimanded for a video that was posted online that showed him suggesting to his campaign donors at a biker rally. This was done at Malcolm X Park that they would find quote-unquote a hookup in his court. You know, Drew, I read this story and what they didn't include was the part when the judge showed the picture of his penis, he said, here comes the judge. I love watching how bad Ron gets every time Vic does one of these. This guy was a pastor. Makes me think that maybe that's not his penis that's pictured in that thing. Is it some random child? Yeah, that's what I'm assuming. Well, I mean, this kind of happened to me. Like, not that... Jesus. Wait, wait, let me explain. Everything happens to you. Well, this happened because like one of my friends... I wonder, when did Hall and Rhodes bite your face? That's going to happen later today. No, no face bites. But I was... Going through the phone? No, I wasn't going through the phone. My friend was showing me a picture and he was going through the phone and then all of a sudden... I've done that on accident before too. All of a sudden... I had to grab my phone from someone for that very reason. But I wasn't... Wait, I wasn't going through... I wasn't sliding and swiping. He was doing it and then all of a sudden a picture of his asshole... Asshole? That's interesting. He was pulling the cheeks away. That is no way to refer to yourself. So he must be gay. He was gay and he was pulling the cheeks away and like literally it was in my face and then he... And then he was just like... And then he just kept going. I'm like, we can't not talk about that we just saw that. You did? I mean, you sure? There was no doubt. It wasn't like a wrinkled penny or something? There was no doubt that that black hole... That black hole was looking at me. It wasn't one of those clown mouths that shoot the water? Sound. What? A couple people have seen my girlfriend's boobs on accident like that. Was Vic smiling next to it with thumbs up? It wasn't smiling. He calls it... He calls it his starfish. So the starfish was smiling. I think that is so disgusting. What? What? Just calling it a starfish? Just the idea. I mean, I've thought about taking pictures of my private parts on my phone all the time but I don't. I use discretion. You're a pussy. Here's the thing is you already made it clear that there's like four things in this world you wouldn't fuck. So the fact that that grosses you out, I think you're drunk. This guy will eat ass all day long but he won't take a picture of his butthole without even knowing who the ass is attached to. Random ass. And tell the ass how good you are at eating the ass. I didn't say I would do anything. I wouldn't make oral love to a rectum. I never said that. It's implied. I think you did. It's hard to believe. I think you said it was almost like an In-N-Out burger. I never said that. It's implied. Everything you say, I take that as you implying you would eat ass. You wouldn't do that? For enough money. Four bucks is not that much money. I'll do that shit for free. Yeah. Really? I like her. Hell yeah. Some guy for four bucks. Wait, four bucks? Who said a guy? We're talking about Indian girls. Indian girls. This is a guy. This is a guy. This is a guy. This is a guy. I'm not familiar with the gay lifestyle, but is this what, do people look at a rectum like they look at a vagina? Okay, well let me ask you this. Yeah, maybe. Let me clear it up for you. Do you like pictures of vaginas? Yes, I love them. Yes, is that where your dick goes? That's where it goes. That's why a gay man likes the butt. When he can't find his dick, that's where his dick goes. It's missing. No, apparently his dick can go anywhere though. Let me explain. Let me just I want clarification. Okay. You have the gay friend. Yes. So gay men look at a rectum. Just you. Only you. Just me. I'm okay with that. I have a lot of gay friends. I don't have gay friends. I have gay friends. I just need clarification because this fascinates me. So gay men in general will look at a male's rectum as a straight man looks at a vagina? Absolutely. Huh, 100%. Your penis goes in there. Why wouldn't you look at it like that? Except you have to say, rectum damn near killed him. But it's a guy's asshole. Right. Yeah. That's where, that's where he gets his pleasure. In the butt. So they get turned on by the look of the actual rectum? Yes. The hole? It's like a hole like a girl has one. So the hole, they look different? Yes. I think some of them. Mine's super tight. Yeah. Seriously. We've lost our minds here. We've got a new time machine. I'm 12 now. I didn't even know that. Hold on. I didn't know that ass. What happened to Vic? All of a sudden Vic's like, what's an asshole? I don't know. I mean, I'm not already on this subject. I didn't know they looked different. They look different. I'm sure they do. I guess that's a good point. You haven't looked at a bunch of different assholes. I mean, one can be deformed. Oh, and some people bleach theirs. So they look prettier. Mine wears a top hat. I'm not curious to look at mine. Mine wears a cardigan. That's interesting. Vic says cornrows going down it. Those aren't cornrows. Those aren't cornrows. That's long back hair. No, that was actually corn. I have my tattoo to look like BB King. No, that was corn. That was actual corn. That was just corn. I would like to, um, now I'm curious because now I'm going to have to, I'm going to have to have a man who is gay look in my behind in a photo of what, or, you know, another subject for you. A gay man could come on and look at your butt and see if it's doable. I know a really funny guy named Ty Rivera. He'd probably be willing to. Yeah, maybe. Okay. Cause I'm curious. I want to look good for everyone. We can get Jeremy to do it. Oh my gosh. Jeremy's seen me. Jeremy, will you do that? Will you look at Mick's butt hole and tell him if he's attractive? He says yes. Okay, good. Jeremy was there when I had the first I had the card in my ass and the guy pulled it out. He took pictures. All right, listen, but this is bad advice so we're moving on. Again, our number here, 800-893-9562. You are listening to Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with skidrowstudios.com. Call us if you have a question or if you want to jump in to any of this discussion which has completely gone off the rails today. that was fun. Before we get to some questions, we have a couple very quick little things I want to cover. Two more quick stories. This one, my old stomping ground where I used to live, San Mateo, California. Apparently, a sex romp at a public park helped prosecutors convict a California woman of faking an ankle injury in order to collect workman's comp. Her name was Madupe Aduni Martin. Whoa. I know, there's a name. Madupe Aduni Martin. That's the third one of those I know. 29. I'm going to guess Martin's a married name. Yeah, right? How do you come to that one? She was sentenced to nine months in jail on Thursday after pleading no contest to felony workers compensation fraud. Martin was caught on videotape throwing her crutches into a car and running in high heels to meet her boyfriend at a public park where she took part in a sex act that doctors concluded couldn't possibly have been done with an injured ankle. It does not say what that act was. So wait, it wasn't the throwing of the crutches and the running into the park on high heels. That should have That's what I'm wondering. What sex act is requiring more than the throwing of the crutches and the running in heels? Was there video of it? It was like stretching her ankle out. It says they caught it on video. Yeah, I'm going to assume a blowjob. What? Where she gave a figure four and legless standing like squatting. Why do you need an ankle and true? She was probably on a trampoline and he was there too with her and they were just trying to do it. I'm going to go to Marie because this is one of those stories where I am just assuming Marie, I figure you have done this. I have a trampoline. I haven't tried that. And you're a tramp. I'm not a tramp. It's actually really hard to do it on a trampoline. I know you think. Mick, I don't think Ron caught that one. That's okay. May I talk to Madupa, Madupa Bune Martin? Yes. What is it? She's not listening. She's in prison. It's Madupa Bune. It's a lot of turn up your turn up your prison radio. Yeah, I know. Your internet prison radio. Madupa, Madupa Bune Martin. Listen, stick. Use your one call to get here. I don't like you. I don't like you. I don't like you. Shocker alert. It's not because of your name. I almost want us to go to hate. I can't stand people who try and bilk the system like you did. And, you know, I'm happy. This is an advice. I would just, I'd watch what you do with your ankles in prison. That's all. You didn't really think that one out, did you? No. I thought I had something I don't have much. You know what? Be careful. Be careful in prison. All right. This next thing, before we get to our questions, I don't think anybody likes it. Do we? Do we? I don't mind her. Really? No. I think she was just stupid putting heels on and throwing her crutches in there and doing like a marathon. How about be a better criminal? How about that? Yeah. Just do better if you're going to do that. Don't be an idiot when you're going to try to bilk the system. Be good at it. Be good at it. At least do like a neck injury because you could have kept the collar on and still like had your sex act. Have like a boot on one foot and then a high heel on the other one. My guess is that the guy, a lot of guys are into injured women. You know, they like like a cast. You mean they're harder to get away? Ones that can't run. It's nice. It's good. I played a stripper on the King of Queens and I had a broken foot on the show. Oh, that's hilarious. Were you like a day stripper? Yeah, I was a bad stripper and they liked it. There are guys who, there are, you know, fetish sites where they're met women just in like body cams. That actually is going to lead us to this next story. When you talk about these sites, this is, it's a hot list. I'm not going to go over all of them, but 20 of the most bizarre ways to find love. You know, they have all these dating sites. These are some of the crazier ones that are real and exist. And the reason I brought this article in is some of them apply to my friends right here on the show. Oh, sweet. Okay. Our first one is called womenbehindbars.com. Now, when I say this applies to, you know, many of us here, I would say 80% of these are going to apply to Vic. And Sal's not here, so. Sal's not here. Is there like a bar like where you drink? No, womenbehindbars.com. Oh, okay. Service matches incarcerated women with people looking for love. People looking for love with people who can't get away. No, I'm scared of, I'm scared of people in prison. Are you? Okay, that's not for you? Looking for love. How about the, look at a photo of. I think it's funny that you're scared of them. I just, I mean, like maybe I don't want to date somebody from prison, but scared of them? That's interesting. I'd be scared to like make love to a woman behind bars. Well, if you're so good, there's like a reasonable chance she's not going to shank you. Hey, Vic, you can get a free membership to look at a picture of my spreadoutanus.com. She's also not going to complain. I mean. You think they're real aggressive in prison about that? Actually, that's not true. She may complain. She may be like, I get one of these every six months. My conjugal, this is where I do my conjugal with your ass and then she cuts it. I got to cut it. She cuts it. She's like, mother, she's like, look, you don't give me an orgasm, I'm going to shank you. Why is it everyone's doing an impression and it's all an angry black woman? I don't know. It seems fun. Hey man, you're going to do, give me an orgasm. I could do a Puerto Rican, like, oh my God, you call that a penis? Why trash? Like, look, you don't lick my pussy right. I'm going to shake you with my toothbrush. I'm going to say, I'm going to correct the record. I'm not scared of people in prison. I'm scared of making love to a woman and creating a relationship. Now that he's giving us out there. He's giving us out to that. All right. Okay, I understand that. You mean feelings? I understand. Well, our next one, this one is clearly for our friend Ron here. Ooh, cosplay. Trekpassions.com. Perfect for Star Trek fans looking for someone to beam them up. I am looking for someone to beam me up. All right. We got that one. I want a holodeck thing. And then this one, I think we all know who this one's for. 420dating.com. Oh, that's nice. The number's slang for I smoke weed, so only stoners should check out this one. That is fantastic. Yeah, there you go. Gus is getting some. Fantastic. Can we get a bunch of people to send in money for that? the name of the site. You guys meet up at the dispensary. It's so cool. It's nice. It costs a fortune in food. I know, right? That's nice. This sounds fantastic. Can you get people to give them money for that? It's the one place where everybody has the same match because everything they're interested in is like Oreos and watching TV and not leaving the house. I forget I keep meeting the same chick. No one on that site goes, oh, I enjoy walks on the beach. They're all just like, oh my God, my doctor says I have to do it. I'm deficient in onion dip or something like that. I was actually on that site for a while, but I lost my membership because I was too tired and bored to keep sending messages. I'm going to talk? Yeah. Jesus. You got to imagine those are not the most attractive. I like cartoons. I keep meeting the same person over and over and forgetting though. That was helpful. I'd imagine they're not the most attractive. She's like, have we met before? I don't know. That's great. Keep doing the same one. Okay, check that out. Then you got LonelyNoLonger.com. This is a dating network for adults with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses. Oh, no, that's perfect. Oh, that's crazy. Crazy in the head, crazy in bed. Yeah. How long have you been a member of that? If you put two of them together, that could just be I mean, two bipolar. Yeah. What's that one called again? Do they connect? I knew Vic would like that one. It's called LonelyNoLonger.com. Okay. That should be called get two different types of blowjobs in the same night from the same person. Yeah. Now, you know, I'm just guessing. I'm saying maybe this next one's for me. Maybe not. Okay. Okay. DarwinDating.com. Only the gorgeous get hooked up on this site. They ban anyone wearing nerdy glasses or sporting sweat patches. Hmm. That's a little cocky of you, Andrew. I'm just kidding. What the hell's a sweat patch? What is a sweat patch? Oh. I still don't know. I still don't know what a sweat patch is. A sweat patch, you raise your arm and there's a little patch thing. Who does that? People have that. Somebody. Yeah, but you said it like people wear it. Like, oh, wait, hold on. Give me my shirt and my sweat patches. This next one's Mr. Ron Swallow here. Okay. Geek to geek. Oh, I'm already on that. He finds the perfect nerd for you. Are you really? Yeah, yeah. I was on that before I started dating my lady. Don't you have a girlfriend? That's so cute. That was before I started dating my lady. You're still on it? Yeah, yeah. Geek to geek. Well, I checked it out just because I thought it was interesting because it has a giant list of like, well, it's not as good. I'm actually going to make a better one because what I actually want to make is one that has the same, it's like match.com. You answer questions that are nerdy questions and then you get your geek match. Oh, that's so cute. So that way, when you get together, it can be like, oh, well, we already know that we like Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons. What does this site do? The one that you're a member of? Well, this one's sort of like that but it's not as cool. It's more like, hey, we're both geeks. Let's talk. We're going to talk about this more on Ron's show. Yeah. Next one. This one's, I guess it's good but it's called positivesingles.com. They make that sound very good, right? Yeah, positivesingles.com. They boast 60,000 dating success stories among their members, all of which have an STD. Oh, not just an STD but I thought it would just be AIDS. I thought it'd be HIV. You don't want to have an STD. I don't want to have an STD. Yeah, you know me. I don't know. All right. They rewrote their teen song. That sounds like a good way to make mutant strains of STD problems. What's that again? What's that again? Oh, my God, man. Every weird one applies to him. Privatesingles.com. This one. No, I have no, by the way, just for the record, I have no venereal diseases. I believe this. And Vic, you may want to keep your sex doll and wrap it around your dick as a condom when you go to this site. Oh, yeah. Our next one, Amish Online Datebook. AmishDating.com. This site promises to help lonely Amish men and women find love if they can get to a computer. How do they get online? It doesn't make any sense. They're not supposed to use computers. I know. If they can get to a computer. They leave their Amish world sometimes for a year. Yeah. And then they have to, maybe that's why. This next one, this is the last one. This one's kind of creepy. Ostodate.com. This site defines ostomy as a surgically created opening in the body for the discharge of body waste. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? that could be happening here. One, somebody who has the weirdest fetish ever. Or two, two people who are like, well, this is all uncomfortable and I can't get a regular girlfriend, so if you have one and I have one, actually... We don't have to have a discussion. I think that might be what's going on. Mark the date because you just found something I can't jerk off to. But Vic looks all thrilled. I'm just imagining it must be a mess. You gotta go slow. You can't get into that, oh, do me faster because then there's like all over the place. Unless it's filled up. I guess the term fuck the shit changes it. All right, guys, we gotta get to questions. There was nothing there for me, though. There was no... You're married. No, but there is a site for married people. Have you heard about this? Yes, it's at Sheck. Dolly Madison. Yeah, and they all like cheat on each other. Ashley Madison. No, but they all cheat on you. Well, then we're moving on. Okay, we gotta get to questions. I wanna remind you, if you're listening to XM, you're listening to Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with skidrowstudios.com. Our hashtag at Twitter is Drew's Bad Advice. Make sure you find us on Facebook. You are finding us right here on Skid Row Studios. And it's time for questions. People have sent them into the website. Sometimes they call in, but we got a lot of them today. Our first one is Helen in San Francisco. Helen said, I just found out my boyfriend gets paid to have gay webcam sex. He insists he's not gay and that it's just a job. Should I believe him? Helen? It's a rim job. That's the job. Helen, this is Vic. You live in San Francisco. Your boyfriend's doing gay webcams. He's gay. But how is he gay? He can't be gay if he's with Helen. Is there another person there? Not if Helen has a penis. Which is also possible. But is he just by himself doing this? Yeah, I'm a little confused too. I'd have to have some backup questions. Is it webcam where he's actually banging a dude or is he just jerking off? I know a little bit about webcam stuff. Basically, Oh my God, the authority. Do you know I would have never guessed? Huh. No, fucking. Pick a sex. He's fucked it on cam. No, no, no. The way it works, is there's someone alone in a room and it's basically like having phone sex. Not gay sex. But it's cyber sex. Not gay. No, he's not gay. But that's what goes on. He just knows his audience. He's targeting the right audience. He's going to pay his ass. Yeah, if he looks like he's drinking, he's jerking off. See, I would do that. I would like. You do it now. What are you talking about? No, I meant for pay. Oh, fair enough. Fair enough. You are so gay. Should I do that? It's a nice thing. It's not a bad thing. But if you would sit in a room and have and touch yourself with a man looking at you, that's gay. And it's fine. You think so? But just call it what it is. I don't think so. If that's true, when I came in his face, you're going to tell me that was gay? Yes. No, I'm pretty sure. Did you make eye contact? No. No, that's not gay. I don't believe that statement because Drew is very tidy. He would never let you do that to his face. Drew really makes me angry. I thought of you the whole time. You piss me off. I'm making you angry now? You piss me off and you make me angry because you're not being honest. You've done porn where penises have touched your leg. Okay? He's going to the mall when penises touch his leg. I'm going to make you gay. What are you saying? Look at his up. Hold on. You've done porn where testicles, a man's testicles touched your testicles. You cannot tell me that that's not gay? The movie's starring Drew Marks and eight testicles. That's not gay. That's gay. You're not understanding what gay is, man. Yeah. That's not gay. You're a psycho and I know you're not like a homophobe, but you totally are ignorant. No, no. No, listen. Ron. Straight men do not rub testicles together. I know what gay is. Hold on. No, no. Wait. Hold on. Let me say it. At camp, no one's rubbing anything together trying to make fire. I'm not ignorant. I know exactly what being gay is. I'm not ignorant. is loving another man and being attracted to another man. I don't like it. Let me say that. If they bump while having sex with a woman in the middle, that's different than like, hey, you meet at the mall and you run and bump balls together. That's different. Wait. Does that happen to you at the mall? Drew and I, we bump balls. Stop, yes. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. I want to dress with Ron. Ron, I am- And then we're moving on. I'm perfectly aware of being gay and I understand that it's an attraction to sell a package. You didn't even know that like buttholes. You didn't even know what an asshole looks like. Hold on a second. What did you think they did? Just traded flowers? It is a fact that gay men generally do things together with their organs together and that is an act of showing love but just like straight guys will have sex with a woman and they don't love them, if he's rubbing his penis, Drew, here, with other guys, that's not exactly how to have sex with a woman. Instant dental contact is different than, you know, hey, do you mind if I rest my dick on your forehead? They're not dofting, dude. Yeah. I don't even know what that means. Is that a dofting? I don't know what dofting is. A guy isn't circumcised and then they like put the- Oh, that's so weird. Now I think you're gay. All right. I know stuff. I've been attention. We're spending too much time. And I love gay men, by the way. Helen, you know, just to get back to your bad advice and then we're going to move on to the next one. He's not gay and he's not gay if you're watching on the webcam and he happens to, like, his balls touch another pair of balls, it doesn't make him gay. All right. No, and thanks for starting a frigging fight, Helen, in the studio. By the way, though, doesn't Helen should make him buy her boots with his gay cam money? Okay. Yeah, it's fine. She should get something out of it. Okay, next one. I love gay men, by the way. That's- Obviously. Nice. All right. Our next one comes from Becky. Becky Run said, my husband of two years just revealed to me that he still has a security blanket. Now, he's hidden that fact from me up till now. He says it keeps him calm. He even takes it to work with him. Am I wrong for thinking he should be able to give it up? Well, it depends. Is her husband nine? Because if he is, then it's fine. Or he could have a mental disorder. Like, honestly, that he needs to have that blanket to keep his anxiety down. The fact that he got married means he has a mental disorder. Hey! Oh, yeah, no. That's my husband, right? No, not so much. Don't make me get all gangsta on your ass, Gus. I'm sure he's perfectly normal. I missed the question. You missed the question? I was still thinking about the gay conversation. I didn't want to pick on you. I know you're a nice person, Gus. Becky, her husband has a security blanket. He's kept it a secret from her, but she thinks he's old enough and he should be able to give it up. And he, like, carries it with him everywhere and takes it to work. Okay, so what's the question? The question is, are you paying any attention? Whatever you bring this to a hall for, you're my man. Give Vic a gay magazine so he can focus on something. Vic has his pacifier in his purse. I was in my head because I am so gay friendly and I felt bad what Ron said. Everybody assumes you're an everything phobe right now. No, I'm not. Ron, you know I'm not a homophobe. Of course I know that. Name the type of person you hate them. I know for a fact he doesn't like Japanese people. I want to see if anything came across that way that was not my purpose. I don't want this to be misunderstood. It's not that you, and let me be clear, I don't think you dislike them by any stretch of the imagination. I don't think you know what they are. You just are unaware of how they work. I don't know if this is true either, but I've been telling people that you kill three gay people before every show. Don't say that. That's not true. That's not true? No. It's far less. Take that back. Two per show. Take that back. All right, Becky. Take it back. Oh my God. Two per show. We have to move on. Please take it back. The little chihuahua's mad. Stop it. Leave him alone. He doesn't kill as many gay people as I pretended. I would never kill anyone. No, he wouldn't. I'll take it back for a good reason. Gus. I'll take it back for Gus. I'm not good at taking back. I love gay people. Of course you do. You're adorable. Leave Vic alone. That's it. Moving on. Becky, I'm sorry we couldn't really help you too much with your security blanket issue, but we'll move on to the next one. She felt like we helped. Joseph in San Diego wrote and says, I'm 35. I've tried to follow my dreams and it just didn't work out. Now I'm broke and I need money badly. Someone asked me to be a drug mule. I've never done drugs of any kind myself, but I'm thinking of doing it. Should I? No, because that thing, that capsule can get a rupture in your butt and then you could die. See, Vic, when you jam things like this in your ass, is it just for fun or are you actually smuggling stuff? I just put thank you cards. You guys know cocaine? He's the first drug dealer that gets Vic and goes, what do you mean a thank you card only? First of all, you should, this person, what's her name? His name? His name is Joseph. Joseph, watch that show on National Geographic about arrest abroad. I mean, you know, you know, absolutely not. Yeah, the other thing is if you're in San Diego, I'm assuming you're going to get drugs in Mexico and they don't even have good drugs. So my advice is, yes, you should do it, but go somewhere worthwhile like Colombia. I'm not afraid to lock up abroad on occasion. I say no. I say, have you ever seen Breaking Bad? Like, learn from that shit. Like, don't do it. Okay. You're taking your lessons from Breaking Bad? Yes, I live by it. Good decision. I also think you're a moron, Joseph, for even contemplating it. All right. Well, except for that it's awesome. I will say this. If he already had drugs in his ass, you might as well do it. Well, that or, okay, final piece of advice. If you are going to do it, if you're going to do it, you should do it in a very nice country because that way, if and when you get arrested, at least you get to stay someplace tropical. Good thinking. All right. Yeah. Now. But an ass is not a purse. Okay, go ahead. This one, Ricky wrote in and says, I want to break up with this girl I've been seeing, but every time I try, she starts crying and I give in. How can I do it and make it stick? Wait, what is she doing? It's called texting. Yeah. High five. Ricky wants to break up with this girl, but every time he tries to do it, she cries. You got to do it. Oh, this happened to the situation in Jersey Whore. I hate you so much. I loved you up until now. Everything you've done up until now just got wiped clean. He had to break up. He made it official and then he had to break up with her because she was talking like a whore and he's like, oh, you're not a girl I could bring home to mama. So he broke up with her, but it took forever. You should hit yourself with that bat you threatened us with. And then she keeps stalking him in the club. So the situation broke up with anybody? I know. I was surprised they even made it official with anyone. Focus. Okay, sorry, sorry. Shiny ball, shiny ball. The question is, how does he get away from her? Yeah. Well, just text her. Well, I assume he's living with her. So take all your shit and move out and then text her. Be like, sorry, I'm a coward, but we're done. When did you start calling Vic shiny balls? First of all, was my question. What was the shiny ball for you? I thought it was the shiny ball thing. You were just screaming. No, I told her to focus and she's looking for something shiny. That makes more sense. Although I will call you shiny ball from now on. All right, so text? That's fine. I think you gotta do it three times. Just text him a third time. Yeah, or like on the Sex and the City, they did it on a post-it note. Ooh, or fuck her sister. Just kill her. Fuck her sister. Kill her's nice. Fuck her sister's you can do. She's gay. Maybe we can get Vic to do it. Yeah. I'm kidding, Vic. Or you can fuck her brother. No, Vic won't kill her unless she's gay. Vic going out of his way to prove how anti-gay he is. Fuck the brother. I would say. I mean how not anti-gay you are. Fuck the brother. I would tell her that I just had sex with a tranny and I didn't use a condom. Oh, that's good. That's a good one. Do that one. She goes with the truth. Start cheating and get caught. Here's the problem. What's his name? He's Joseph. Ricky. Ricky, women cry. That's what they do. If you want to be with a woman, get used to it. Learn to enjoy it. Yeah, we do cry. We cry. All right. So you're not a manipulation. This next one is evil. I'm sorry, but Bethany. Okay. Bethany wrote in. It's my ex-wife's name. I'm currently serving on jury duty. The guy on trial had a one night stand with me several years ago. Oh. He pretty much just used me and never called. Uh-oh. He even looked right at me and didn't recognize me. Oh, shit. Now I just don't feel like I can be impartial. I so want to vote him guilty. But she got passed. Should I tell them at the court or just get even? Oh, get even. Good question. Good question. Depends. If it's like murder, this is a serious... If it's something small like jaywalking, just get even. If it's something major like life in prison, you got to get even. Seriously, if she's thinking about it, I don't think she's going to make that kind of distinction. No, probably not. She's pretty pissed. I think she's in a good position right now, actually. I'm really impressed with you, Bethany, wherever you are. I think she should go on Facebook and be like, look, dude. What? That's it? Look, dude. A lot of people are going to like a post that just says, look, dude. Let me like that message. If you get out of this, you got to give me whatever money you hid selling being a drug mule. What do you think, Vic? Do you think... Bethany, here's one of my problems. Bethany, this is what happens when you date bad boys. Okay, you ladies love bad boys. Now you got one in prison and you're in jail or where is it? Court. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why do you... Just automatically jump to the woman's defense? You ever... Maybe she sucked in bed. And you just didn't remember her? There's nothing memorable about it. That's why he never called me. Well, maybe he shook a picture. That's what he knows. I remember every single girl I've had sex with. That's because one is easy to remember. Yeah, but you're saying you didn't want to... No, this is the 20s. This is why Ron kills the women after he fucks her. I feel like Vic and Marie, but this happened to me. Yeah, I take pictures of them after. You don't remember the good, the bad, and the ugly? I mean, come on. I was bartending at a restaurant in Palo Alto. And this girl that... And I'll tell you this story very quickly because it's a horrible story, but it's only going to take a second. I went out with this girl, slept with her once. Never called her again because I wasn't interested and the sex wasn't good. The condom broke. Dick. She got pregnant. I was never told. I found out years later. I could never understand why this woman hated me as much as she always seemed to. She would come to where I would be doing stand-up, come in, give me a disgusted look, and slam the door and walk out. I'm like, all right. Wait, does she have the baby? No. No. You could have a teenager. I found out later why she hated me. It was at my friend's wedding and my friend, who was her friend, was just drunk and laughing. I was like, what's so funny? She's like, you never knew why Lori hated you. I'm like, no. She goes, let me tell you. You know when you slept together and didn't call her? I'm like, yeah. She goes, yeah, she got pregnant. I'm like, oh my God. So that's why she hated me. She goes, no, there's more. I'm like, really? Yeah. She apparently went and got an abortion and they gave her these muscle relaxer pills. And when she was recovering at home that night, her favorite cat got into her purse, ate the pills, and she had to go back to an animal hospital and pay $800 to have her cat's stomach pumped. Oh, this is all your fucking fault. And get an abortion. Yeah. All in one day. It's all your fault, you scumbag. And then to make matters worse, I was now bartending at this restaurant. She came in with three friends and apparently I went right up to the table and offered to buy her two friends a drink because I was flirting with one of them and I was like, I didn't recognize her. Oh, shit. You are a piece of crap. Yeah, I am. You are a piece of shit. You are the murderer of babies. This is what I get out of this. What's, why are you wearing condoms that are busting? You know? Maybe he's got a situation in his pants. Maybe his dick is, his dick is too big and Magnum's not even big enough. I didn't know they made Magnums. No, are you buying really cheap condoms? He didn't have a condom. He put a little tinfoil on the tip. I mean, was it at the 99 cent store you got this thing? Like, what the hell was it? Was it made in China? They don't work nearly as well as they say in commercials. They refer to them as pre-owned. Refurbished. Don't get your condoms as fries. Did you know? Did you know it broke? No. No. Hmm. No, I didn't. Didn't you see that it was kind of light in the, you know, You don't pull it out and notice there's a hole at the end? You don't all of a sudden get feeling on your dick and get confused? It doesn't happen to you? Even worse, he thought there was another broken one already in there. Do you see? He's like, oh, I broke the one that was already in there. Sorry, that guy. No, no, do you think when you ejaculated, it was... There's usually shredded plastic hanging from my gun. Looked like a fan just ripped it apart. Do you think that your ejaculation was so intense that it blew the lid off the end? I don't call them the fire hose for nothing. All right. I'm glad we helped. I don't know what we did for that person. The thing about it is he's really modest, but he does have a very large male member and you do wear magnums, don't you? Male member. You do wear magnums, don't you? Yeah. You do. Say it loud. Be proud. No. Say, what do you wear? Leave me alone, Vic. We're the sweat sock. That's weird because I wear 22s. Can you not see him when he's behind you? What do you mean? What does he wear? Wait a minute. Is there sizes on the condoms? No, I'm making a joke because a magnum is a big gun and the 22 is a small gun. He doesn't talk about it and that angers me. Why? Because that's what people want to hear about. It's not important to this. How about I tell you that my husband wears magnums? Does that make you happy? Bam, nice job. Now I know I can't fuck you. That makes him happy. It makes your husband happy that you said it. Yeah, exactly. I don't know if I'm buying it. You like Marie's husband. No, but you do have a very large member, don't you? That's the rumor. What? Let's get to the next question. Next question. This one comes from Joel in Grand Rapids. Joel said, I'm in college and I've been sleeping with my biology teacher. I just found out she's giving me a C as my final grade. Fuck yeah. I am royally ticked off. I did get a C on my final, but she told me that I'm the best lover she ever had. That has to be worth something. Should I report her to the university for sleeping with me? First threaten her and then get that better grade. That's what I say. Apparently, she's only slept with Ds or below because if he's the best. Actually, I've got some advice. Stop being a fucking idiot. C? You got a C? You're an idiot. Yeah, maybe less fooling around and more studying. Why don't you study a little bit, you dumb fucker? How did Einstein do, by the way? Einstein did all right with that. Yeah, he did all right with that. First of all, I think, uh, this is Joan. Joel. Joel? It's not a lesbian. Oh my God, I love that. I read the other one. Joel, I want to congratulate you for making love to a professor and I think that's what's been very good. You know, that's the great, that's it. There's nothing else after that. I say you won. You won, Joel. Keep banging your professor and maybe you'll get smarter. Yeah, when you're having sex with your professor, it immediately becomes a pass-fail class. If you pass, it's good, you're fine. I mean, I just think, Joel, that you're in a great position just like Bethany, who was. Missionary. Take it. Doggy. Yeah, make it happen. Get your grade. All right. Okay, this next one is Where are they going? Ball State? Go on. This person wrote in and says, I just found out my new girlfriend is a virgin. I don't know whether to be turned on or repulsed. What? She's 65. Oh. He wants to know, do I deflower her or ditch her? Oh, don't worry. This is from Dick and Sue Falls. It's not like deflowering her really at this point because there's no blood left in there. Oh my God. There's no flower. There's sand. There's not a flower. Yeah, the flower's gone. If anything, it's one of those, you know, like, they keep the dried dead roses or the dead ones that you blow away. No, how do you deflower a pine cone? That's what I'm saying. Or a fossil. They're not flowers. They're just mulch. Yeah, not a lot of flowers. He's got a fossilized uterus. I don't think there's any. Not a lot of flowers. My advice is get dusted on and be sure to use lube because then it's going to be dry as a motherfucker. Here's my question. Do you plan on doing a lot of pounding when you're 65 years old? What? How much pounding is he doing with the woman who hasn't been laid all of her 65 years? Maybe she used to be a nun. And I only got like four or five minutes of me now, so. Here's the thing. It may be dry, but it's going to be pretty tight. Good point. I would do that because a woman is a woman and it doesn't matter the age. Women have needs. And even if you're 65, you know, if you go over to go online, you'd see there are lots of older women who enjoy sex very much and I would go for it. I'm not so sure. I agree. Have you noticed his voice changes when he's defending women? He's got a defensive women voice. He does. I appreciate it. It's a shame he can't get that same voice for gay people, but fair enough. Oh, no. He didn't say it. I don't know. If it's dry, though, like he could get, you know, rug burn on his. Yeah, chasing. Why are we assuming it's still tight? She's 65 years old. I don't go inside a woman's breast, but at 65, they're still hanging down to the floor. Why are we assuming she's still tight? As women get older, I don't think their labia stretches. Oh, and just because she's, by the way, just because she's a virgin doesn't mean she didn't jam a dildo in there a few times. That's a good point. Her labia minora are probably touching the floor. Either that or her anus has an all-night entry sign. Oh, my God. We are filthy animals. That's been the dirtiest show we've ever done. I mean, it's... I think women are beautiful at any age. I apologize for losing control of this show early. Really? I think women are beautiful at any age. Yeah, we know. So we say go for it. I say go for it. I want to remind everyone one more time, you are listening to Extreme. Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios.com. We've got time for one more question before we have to wrap it up. So let's go with a good one. Let's see. All right. Oh, God, I'm hesitant to do this one. Do it. Do it. Really? All right, we've done a filthy show. Do we end it on that note? I mean, we might as well because we've been disgusting this whole show. Darren just sent something in. Darren texted and said, I like having my ass played with during sex. Nice. The girl I'm seeing never seems to go there. How do I get her to play with my ass? Oh, put a snack. Put like a snack in there. Like her favorite snack. Oh, that's a good thing. No. This is something you could do. Really? Like a cheese ball? Yeah, like what's her favorite? She likes, you know, buffalo mozzarella with a little pot like a big Italian. A little sun-dried tomato up in there. How long are you keeping it in your ass? You're just placing it there when shit starts? Are you like doing that at the beginning of the day? No, this is what you're doing in your ass. This should be Vic's question. This could be dangerous. You bury a crab. You bury a crab. You bury a crab in it and you make it unlimited. Oh, you see how you are. And she'll be in there every night. He give it and then he take it away from us women. You just acted like you weren't sexist and then said the most sexist shit I've ever heard. I know. I love women. I mean, but watch you make her make you food. You take her shoes off because she's pregnant. You know what I would do? I'd put diamond earrings back there. You know what I would do? But do you tell her? Because you're going to have to tell her in advance in which case you're making it sort of like a treasure hunt. Well, what kind of playing is it? Does she want like are you playing Monopoly with her ass? I'm going to tell you this is very simple. If she's an adult, this is all you do. Go, hey, would you play with my ass when we fuck around? And you know what she'll say? Yeah, sure. All right. And here's the other thing. If she balks and I want to use that word today, get her gloves, you know, like garden gloves or anything. Oh, yeah, yeah. Garden gloves because that'll feel good. That's nice. Or vinyl. Oh, vinyl's a good idea. We've got 50 seconds so I want to thank everybody for being here. We've got Ken August, host of the weekly wrap-up every Sunday, four to five. We've got Ron Swallow, Angry Dorks podcast, which is every, what is it? Monday, six to seven. Vic Cohen on Tuesdays at nine. It's a fair question. V-I-C-C-O-H-E-N, Facebook, find me. Marie Delpretti. At Marie Delpretti on Twitter, follow me. I am Drew Marks. I am the host of Bad Advice. We will see you every Saturday here at Skid Row Studios. Make sure you like us on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter at Drew's Bad Advice. And remember, you've been listening to Extreme XM 165 in collaboration with Skid Row Studios.com. We will see you next week.