Finding inner bliss with Dr. Gregory Kanias

Hello, this is Julianne Good and this is Psych One-on-One. Welcome. We are here to make psychology more understandable with tips for you, your family and friends for making your lives easier. And isn't that what we want, especially around the new year, right? We're just about there. So how was your year? My year was pretty challenging and it was interesting. I'm still learning the lessons, I think. I'm doing a lot of writing and a lot of reflecting. Reflecting, which I think we all should be doing at the end of the year. So this evening, my special guest is Dr. Gregory Kanias and we are going to be talking about finding your inner bliss, creating the life that you want. Doesn't that sound like a great idea? So welcome, Dr. Kanias. How are you doing this evening? Good. Okay. Move to the next one. Yeah, sorry about that. We got a little technical glitch here, but we are getting it together. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dr. Kanias? Yes. Hold on for just a second, everybody. Okay, we need you to go back to the other one, sorry. We'll try this all over again. You know, sometimes this happens. I mean, this is the perfect example of what this year has been like. It's a live show. It's a live show, yes. There's no editing and bleeping out of things, but that's okay. We're just talking about how spontaneous we can be. That's right. So we are going to talk about being blissful at the end of the year. I'd like to tell you a little bit about Dr. Kineas. He is a psychologist and professor and has a double major. He has a major in psychology and American history from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MA and PhD from the California School of Professional Psychology. Doc, as he is affectionately known, is currently an assistant professor at the clinical psychology at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology and the Los Angeles campus. He's a frequent presenter at national conferences on issues such as relationships, family violence, origin issues, foster care, domestic trafficking of children, psychological treatment, and ethnic minority populations and LGBT issues. He is currently working on a book on infidelity and that should be out this spring, correct? That's correct. Wonderful. And we're going to have him back on when that book is out and then you get to talk about that. Excellent. I'd love to come back. Great. Thank you. Okay. My first question for you is, often, at the end of the year, people consider making changes in their habits, lifestyle. Why at the end of one year and the beginning of the new year, is it a good time to initiate change? Well, the end of the year, Julianne, is really associated with closing out of things for a lot of people. It's the end of like the tax year, many companies in the fiscal year. And so there's a lot of closure around that time. And then the new year is about like starting over, renewal, things like that. And so it's a perfect time to really think about making changes in one's life, to really think about, you know, finding one's bliss, creating, you know, the life that you want, becoming really happy. Yes. And it's always, you know, probably wrapped around a lot of new year's resolutions, correct? Yes, I would say so. So, it's a really good time to really start to think about the things that one wants, things that are really important, things that are really important to you. And I think that the new year really is about that. It is. And, you know, I think it's a good time to just sit and be with, what have I gone through this year? What have I accomplished? What things could improve? What things can I let go of? Yes, I would agree. I think for a lot of people, this year has been really challenging. So it's a good time again to really start to think about, you know, where they're going to go from here. And what recommendation would you give right up front for, for getting comfortable with that? It doesn't even need to be wrapped up within a resolution box, right? I mean, just, just, you know, taking a baby step to moving forward. What would you recommend? Absolutely. So for some people, they want to make significant changes. And so we'll talk about that too. But some folks will want to make smaller changes. Maybe, you know, quit smoking or exercise more, things like that. And so this is again, a good time to do that, to create really small steps. Research shows that it takes about six weeks to really change a habit. And that's not going to be the case for everybody. Some people take less time. Some people take more time. But I think that's a good time to do that. And I think that's a good time to do that. And I think that's a good time to do that. And I would just pick little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little little you need about six weeks to make that kind of change. If you're looking to make bigger life changes, then it takes much more commitment than that. And I think that that's a key word is commitment. I would agree. So any kind of change takes quite a bit of commitment. One of the clinical areas and research areas for me is working with children and adolescents. And one of the reasons why I love to work with children and adolescents is because you see change almost immediately. With adults, it takes a little bit longer because they're much more set in their ways. So oftentimes people want like quick changes, quick solutions. That's not necessarily how it works, as you know. So it really means being committed to making the changes and sustaining the changes over time. So what happens when you say, okay, normally, losing weight at the beginning of the year is always a popular, you know, let's go do it. I need to go lose those holiday pounds, right? And then maybe some little bit more on top of that. So, but a person looks at, and then they start making excuses. And then they, you know, and then they go back into their old habitual ways because that's what they're comfortable with. So what would you say to somebody of looking at that first process and looking at making excuses for not changing? Well, I think, again, I think it's the longer process and what most people are usually thinking that it is. And you have to be really committed to making the necessary changes. So with like weight loss or wanting to exercise more, for example, which are probably, a lot of people's new year's resolutions, you really have to commit to making changes. And a lot of times weight loss, not just about eating better or exercising more, there may be underlying issues there that are keeping people from making those changes. And so that's one of the things I want to talk about tonight too. Really for a lot of people making sustained changes, creating the life that they want, they're prevented from doing that because of family origin issues or much deeper issues than just the practical things like I'll eat less or I'll exercise more. And so those are things I think people also need to look at when they're trying to make change. So in other words, maybe looking at the emotional underpinnings of what's keeping the weight on, why, you know, what's the purpose of it all? I think because anytime you hold on to any behavior, there's a purpose behind it. Correct, correct. So in some of the clinical work that I've done with clients who are struggling with this issue that we're talking about, there's oftentimes underlying issues that create the weight. For example, I've had clients who've been sexually molested. And so the weight is, it's a way of protecting themselves. So if they don't really look at those underlying issues, the weight loss, the exercising more, the eating better, just surface issues, and it may result in some change that's temporary, change that may, you know, result in weight loss. But if they don't deal with the underlying issues, oftentimes they'll gain that weight back in six months to a year. So it really is about looking at issues at a deeper level if you're wanting to make significant changes in your life. Mm-hmm. Peeling back those layers of the onion. Absolutely. Getting to the emotional core. Absolutely. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Which is, it's a difficult process, but it is a worthy process. Yes. Because you just, that's where real change is made. I would agree. I agree. If you are able to look at the underlying issues, family of origin issues, trauma, abuse, things like that, these are areas that I have done some research on, significant work and research. That's when people begin to make the changes. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a beautiful process. Sometimes lengthy. Sometimes lengthy. Yes. Right. But good. It is very good. Yes, I highly recommend it. I would agree. In several shows. Yes. And I've done the work myself, so, you know, I like to walk my talk. That's important. Absolutely. That's important. Yes. If any of the listeners would like to join us in this conversation, our number is 800-893-9562. And again, that's 800-893-9562. Call in, ask questions, give us your opinion. Where is your bliss? Where is your happiness? That's what we'd like to know. Mm-hmm. Because this is what we're trying to get to the core of this evening. How do we get there? So how would you define bliss? Being happy. Being happy, being grateful for the things that you have. Recognizing what you have and being appreciative of that. I think it's different for everyone. I mean, that's how I define it, but someone else, you might define it differently. Someone else might define it in another way. So it's whatever really is important to that person. For some people, it's material things. For other people, it's more intrinsic or internal stuff. But it's really whatever that person, however that person defines it, I would say. What most people define is I think being happy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I would like to add too, I think that's even the next step up on happiness. I mean, where you feel like you are, you're peaceful. Mm-hmm. You're not having a bunch of tapes running in your head about how you can improve or how you can change or how something can be different. You're in the moment. Yes. You are completely one with the universe. Yes. Yes. Being very open to experiences, being very open to learning, all of that I think is important. Mm-hmm. Most definitely. So what makes you blissful, Dr. Kanias? I actually think I'm at a place now where I am really happy with certain things. My career is going pretty well, I have to say. It's great to be here with you tonight, talking to you. I'm doing a lot of research that I enjoy. I have the opportunity to mentor students. Yeah. So I think that's part of it. Also cultivating relationships, my familial relationships, relationships with my family is really important, friendships, things like that. So those are things that I think are really helping me to be at a place where I'm really blissful. And I think I've told you too that I travel a lot and I love that. So that's helping me be in a space that is really good right now. Yeah. That's wonderful. So what's one of your favorite, favorite places to travel to? I love New York. Ah. Yeah. Like most people, right? Yeah. So I love New York. London and Paris are also two favorites. And I would say the Dominican Republic. I've been to Punta Cana a couple of times and love that too. Interesting. I'll have to talk to you about that off air. Okay. Sounds good. I love to travel too. So I could travel all the time. That's one of my places of bliss. Yes. I love being in an airplane. There's a lot of people that hate it. I love it because I meet the most interesting people on airplanes. Yes. Yeah. And travel opens you up to so many different things. I mean, you get to see how people live and you get to see, I've gotten to see things that I've read about as a kid, as an adolescent. And it really has given me a different perspective. So that is one of the things I think that really helps to make my life much more blissful. Yeah. And it's finding that thing that makes you tick the loudest. Absolutely. And just, you feel like you're on fire. It's every cell is just alive. Absolutely. And for each person is different. Yes, it is. Yeah. I would agree with that. Yeah. So I love traveling. I love singing. And yeah, actually, I had a very interesting experience yesterday. Just... Quick thing here. I met Paul Williams, the composer. He wrote Evergreen by Barbra Streisand and The Carpenters, We've Only Just Begun. I mean, yeah, these are really... I love those songs. Yeah, those are great love songs. I got to see him talk yesterday. But there was one part at the beginning of the service that we all got to sing and we were... We were singing just a Christmas tune and I was singing loud and he turned around and he looked at me. I'm going, all right, Paul Williams, recognize that I've got a decent singing voice. You got to have those moments of just being like completely blissful, egotistical in the moment and that was it. Yes, absolutely. I just had to throw that in. It's the end of the year. We could do anything. Yes. But that makes you happy. It does. That was something that created the bliss for you. So, that's good. Yeah, it's beautiful. And I think what I like to recommend too, especially seeing people in therapy, make a list of the things that make you happy, even if it's just something small, eating a bowl of ice cream at three o'clock in the morning, something like that, something that is just yours. You can indulge in it. It's healthy. Just be one with it. Just go with it and don't have any guilt. Don't have any shame. Just have your moment. Have your moment. Absolutely. Yeah. Always got to have your moment. Well, not always, but as much as you can. Yeah, I agree. So, what are some of the keys to finding one's bliss? I think really recognizing the bliss. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's important to have a person that you can have everything that you want. Really knowing though what you want. I think oftentimes when I see people in therapy, they really didn't know what they wanted. They would sometimes do things and those things were not actually the things that they really wanted at their core. So, for example, I've had clients and I've even had students who've done the same thing. They'll get into a certain career. Yeah. And when they're done with school or they've been in the career for some time, they don't want to do it anymore. But they thought that that was really what they wanted. So, I think the first thing is really knowing what you want. And so, writing down a list like you suggested is a good start. Writing down things that you really want, things that you think are important. So, if that's family or money or things for some people that's important. Whatever it is that you want, really being clear about that. I think that's one of the first things. One of the other things is really to change your thinking. For most people, and you probably know this from your work with clients too, a lot of people come in and they're very negative about things that are going on in their life. And they stay in that place. And so, a lot of times when you want to make sustained change, it involves really changing. Really changing your thinking. Changing your thinking about yourself, about your situation. Really making some cognitive shifts. I do a lot of work. I would say my orientation as a therapist is integrative. So I use psychodynamic, family systems, and cognitive behavioral theory. But cognitive behavioral theory is really believed that a lot of people get themselves into trouble because of their cognitions or the way that they think. And so, it's really changing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. focused on that I think is really important so where one door closes another one opens yes that philosophy yes and being open to that and being grateful for that yes um you know actually Paul Williams was talking about that yesterday morning and he had said something really interesting and interesting I thought it was pretty profound actually it's like he said when the universe gives him a lot of no's he's thankful for it because he knows okay that's not for me there's something else waiting around the corner you know because sometimes we do get into that place of why is this happening to me you know I think that's probably a pretty well asked question in humanity why me and that's fine to ask that question I've asked myself that question sometimes too I've mentioned to you before we started that this has been a challenging year yeah so I've asked myself that question but I think what happens for people that are able to be happy is that they're able to move from that place that they don't stay there and so asking that question is fine it's just that you cannot stay there so being open changing your attitude is really important William James who's a psychologist said the greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude of mind and so I think if you make that shift make that cognitive shift you'll see a lot of life changes and so I think that again is like one of the really important things to creating happiness to finding one's bliss so what what tip would you give to start changing your thinking if you're a really negative person and you can't seem to get out of that cycle it just feels like you're a hamster on a wheel and you just keep running and and nothing seems to be moving out of the way nothing seems to be changing okay I'm a big fan again of writing things down so if you have negative thoughts write those negative thoughts down on one side of the paper on another side of the paper write down how you want to change that so if you're thinking negatively about your financial situation what can you do to change that situation what can you do? What kind of cognitive shift can you make that, that you're able to think more positively about that? Um, cause if you focus on the negative all the time, that's actually where you're going to get more of. Um, I think, you know, some of your listeners may believe in the law of attraction. And so the law of attraction, which is very much tied into, I think cognitive theory is that if you're thinking about the negative stuff, that's what you're going to attract. That's what you're going to draw. So if you shift your cognitions, shift the way that you think, then you're going to draw more positive stuff. So again, if it's a financial situation and you're thinking about the negative and lack, and I don't have money and this and that, but if you're able to shift that to, you know, money comes frequently and easily, then that's probably what's going to come. Not probably, that is what's going to come. So that's been my experience. And that's been the experience of many people that I know when they've made that shift. So that's kind of an easy thing. Um, if it's deeper than that, then again, I would, I would say that person probably needs to, um, seek therapy to look at some of the underlying issues around their cognitions and why they're not able to move forward. Yeah. It seems to be something that's really deep within a person. Maybe that was started from childhood, you know, maybe family, origin issues, as you had stated before. Um, and just getting in and looking at them go, oh, I mean, sometimes you need to find out where the root was of that thought. And you're thinking, does that really fit my life now? Probably not. Your life has changed dramatically in between childhood and adulthood. You've had a lot of experiences. You've had a lot of, a lot of time to get things right. You've had a lot of time to get things right. You've had a lot of time to get things right. And, um, have a few little mistakes here and there. I like to call them hiccups sometimes, you know, because sometimes they just are sometimes just the little mistakes can be, you know, they kind of bump you off the road for a little bit, but they needed to bump you off the road and wake you up a little bit. Yes. Yeah. And I think around to use it, go back to the example about money. A lot of people get really negative messages about money from their family of origin. Yes. Like, which to be rich is bad. Um, to have money is bad. I know. Um, one of the messages I heard growing up was that, um, if you're religious, which people don't get into the kingdom of heaven. And so most people are going to think, well, well, I'm not going to probably pursue that because if you're Christian, who doesn't want to go to heaven? So, yeah. So, um, sometimes it's really negative messages that you learned as a child and money issues come up quite a bit in therapy. And I'm sure, again, I'm sure you, you've had this come up with clients. Um, when you're negotiating fees is usually when it comes out. Um, and it's usually tied to self-worth and the messages that people received in childhood. So, um, again, sometimes it's an easy fix, like writing down stuff on the paper and changing and shifting your cognitions. Sometimes it's a little bit more deeper than that. And so it might be that the person needs to seek, um, the help of a therapist. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then just, you know, sit down and be honest with yourself. Sometimes that can be really difficult too, because especially if you've been on one road for a long time and then you have possibly a trauma situation pop up and you have to change the way you think and the way you behave, it makes you do that. You have no option. That's just one of those scenarios in life that, and unfortunately makes, you have to change. So, yeah. So just sitting down and, and, and writing it out, talking to a close friend or family member, you know, somebody that's supportive and nonjudgmental. And again, if you don't have that, then, you know, go to a therapist, go to a counselor and get a second opinion and, and see what's going on. And, you know, sometimes just unloading what you have, and just listening to yourself, talking out loud to a person that is compassionate and understanding can start making that shift. Yes. I would agree. Yeah. And you can find that in, in relationships with friends, sometimes for people, it, if there's a lot of stigma in certain communities around therapy, it might be that they go to their priest or their pastor, um, and seek counsel there, which is great. Um, I think that any of those things can be really helpful. Um, I do say though, that if it's really deeper issues, that that usually is probably going to be, um, helped by seeing a therapist. And I'm not trying to be biased. I am a therapist, but, um, but I also know, um, you know, I know people who do pastoral counseling. I know people who do, um, other types of counseling. I know people who do, um, you know, I know people who do, um, other types of counseling and they do get to some of the issues, but they oftentimes don't get to some of the deeper issues. And so, so I say that, um, in some cases it might be that people have to seek the services of therapists. Right. Uh, or then, you know, some professional people also, you know, and the religious sector kind of can shy away to some, for some of those deeper issues. It depends. I would agree. Right. So that's not their necessarily a training. Right. Exactly. They may not be equipped to deal with some, um, issues like trauma. We were talking about that earlier. Right. Um, but most therapists are able to do that. So. Right. Exactly. Okay. We're going to take a quick commercial break and we will be right back. Are you searching for answers and insight to life issues? Is the behavior of family or friends questionable or concerning? Find tips and possible solutions from the convenience of your own PC, cell phone, or tablet at therapycable.com. Therapy Cable has the most comprehensive library of contemporary therapy videos online. Help may be as easy as a few clicks away. Therapy Cable offers comprehensive therapy videos ranging from addiction to self-care and contact information for qualified providers. Find the answers to your life challenges at therapycable.com. And welcome back to Psych One-on-One with Julie Ann Good and Dr. Gregory Caneas. We are talking about finding your inner peace. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr. Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Dr Mm-hmm. I would agree. Yeah. And so, again, I think this is a great time to change because there's been a shift for a lot of people. And I think unemployment is down. Gas prices are down, which is a good thing. It's beautiful. Yes. Love it. So this is, again, I think a really perfect time for people to start making changes. Mm-hmm. Now, what would you recommend for somebody who has been unemployed for a while and has kind of given up on looking for work? Mm-hmm. That's a good question. Part of my clinical background and administrative background has been to work with clients who've had these issues. And so what we try to do is really connect them to a lot of resources in the community where they can get help around finding jobs, creating a resume or updating their resume. Those kinds of things, when people are really active, when they take an active role, that can pull people out of being depressed about job loss or being unemployed for some significant time. One of the other things is, and this is, again, related to creating the life that you want, is to surround yourself with supportive people, people that are nurturing, people that want to see you. Mm-hmm. If you're surrounded by people who are negative, again, that's kind of what you're going to be in the middle of, and that does not necessarily help the situation. So being around people that really want to see you do well, are invested in you doing really well, and knowing who those people are and knowing the difference between people that are really invested in your happiness and people who are not. I think there's a quote, I think it's an anonymous quote, but be careful who you let in your boat, because some people are helping you row, and others are drilling holes in the bottom of the boat. So you want the people that help you row, basically. Exactly. Not the ones that are drilling holes in the bottom of your boat. Exactly. So being around people that are really supportive, I think, is key in helping people who've had a really long... period of unemployment. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and also, too, there's like community service centers. I know that there used to be a great one in Long Beach, but they closed down because of funding. But sometimes I think people can tap into wherever city that they're living in and call them up and say, hey, do you have any resource centers for, you know, helping me get maybe interview skills back online? Yes. And, you know, updating your resume, like you said. Absolutely. Just starting to get that whole process going again, at least going and practicing while you are looking for work, I think is a really good motivator and a good way to pull yourself out of the blues and start moving forward, because I see it happening, and I see people are getting more enthusiastic about moving forward. Moving forward, finally. I think we've all kind of gone through our bottoming out phase. We're ready to start crawling up and seeing the sunshine again. Yes, I would agree. Yeah, and so community resources are great. I think the Urban League, which is in central LA, is a great resource. They do lots of workshops on how to develop a resume, how to update your resume, how to write cover letters, how to dress for a job. They do lots of workshops on how to develop a resume, how to write cover letters, how to dress for a job. They do lots of workshops on how to develop a resume, how to dress for a job. So organizations like that. I think there's an LA County helpline, and I believe it's 211. We might have to check that and get that back to your listeners. But there's a line that people can call that can give them resources, not just around employment, but other services that are offered in LA County. So that's a good resource as well. Yeah, 211 actually might be for the state of California in general. Okay. Yeah, because when I was working at a domestic violence shelter, we... We would get calls through the 211 line. Okay. Yeah, great resources. Yes. I think that's just anything that you can possibly think of. In doing internet searches also, Indeed.com is a great search engine to look for jobs. So just, you know, some tips out there because obviously, you know, creating your bliss has a lot to do with finding that security. Finding that, you know, at least... Yeah. ...a good enough job to start with. If it's not a great job right away, that's okay. That is okay because you're, you know, just think of it as a stepping stone. But you're working yourself up and out. There is a greater plan for everybody. Yeah, I would agree. And so if you're dealing with that issue, you want to deal with that first before you look at creating other issues, other successes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When we think about Maslow and the hierarchy of needs, at the top is self-actualization, which is what we're talking about tonight and getting people to that place where they are at the highest point. But if you're dealing with like practical issues like you need to eat, for example, or you need your rent to be paid, those things are at the bottom of the hierarchy and are the most important. And those need to be satisfied before people are able to look at deeper issues. And so definitely want to deal with those issues. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. what folks are dealing with right now. Yeah. And to give yourself moments of having really good bliss and on the way, just, you know, when you're doing all those steps, sit back and take the breather. And like you said before, attitude of gratitude. I am where I'm supposed to be right now. And there's a reason for me to be at this place right now. And sometimes we don't understand it at that very moment. Sometimes we need to go a little further down the path. And then we have one of those aha moments. Yes. That's why I went through that. Now it makes sense. Yes. Now it makes sense. See, I was having that kind of a morning this morning. I'm going to write down, this is what I've been through in four segments. And I broke it down. And I started getting a little bit clearer. Ah, this is the reason why this has happened. Okay, now I can let it go. Now I don't have to be attached to the frustration and the anger. I can let it go. It was supposed to happen this way somehow. I agree. So in every challenge, there's a lesson. Yes. And so it's finding that lesson. It doesn't always feel good at the time. If you're going through something, that's very challenging. That's very challenging. That's very challenging. But there is a lesson in that challenge. There is. Yes. The moral to the story is. Absolutely. And we are writing our own books every day, aren't we? Yes. Absolutely. Yes. So one of the other things that I think is helpful in terms of creating your own bliss and can be really helpful for people that might be facing challenges is giving back. And there's lots of research to support that. And I think that there are a lot of ways that there are positive effects when people give that there are positive effects from that. Not just for the receiver. So if you're giving to children who are struggling or you're feeding the homeless, obviously it has a benefit for those folks, but it also has a benefit for the giver. And so most people who are very happy also make sure that that's a part of their life plan. And there are also studies around that. So there are a lot of studies that are done around depression when people are depressed, if they give something back, if they focus less on themselves, then they're less depressed. So for the listeners that we were talking about earlier, who might be dealing with a challenge, I think sometimes looking outside of oneself can be really helpful. Mm-hmm. True. I think part of the challenge of depression is that the sufferer is suffering and the person is so focused. It's almost like an implosion. Mm-hmm. They're shut down, they're in protective mode, and it's too much of the rumination. So yes, to get out of that, even momentarily give to somebody else and see them light up. It's like, wow, I can't believe that you did that. Or just even a smile or a thank you, or just that moment of, oh, I'm so happy. Mm-hmm. That moment of connection, because that's the whole, one of the keys I believe is for a depressed person to reconnect. We have to have other people. Absolutely. That's a protective factor. Yeah. And I know this as psychologist, that people who are connected to other people fare better than those who don't. Mm-hmm. Or who are not connected to people. So if you are depressed and you are alone, then you're going to be more at risk. Mm-hmm. You're going to be more at risk for becoming more depressed or becoming, and forbid, suicidal. But if you're connected to other people, people in the community, whether that's your church or family or friends, then that's a protective factor. So you want to connect with other people. And again, giving back to people can not only connect you to people, but there's some power, there's some positivity in doing something for someone else. And again, it takes you outside of yourself. And oftentimes it will put things in perspective. I visited the Dominican Republic this summer. And one of the things that we did was take school supplies to children. And for many of the kids, Dominican Republic is a fairly financially challenged country, I would say. Mm-hmm. There's a lot of poverty. We visited a school where tuition was only $30 a month, but there were many kids who were not able to attend that school. And so we took school supplies. And it was great because we got to interact with the kids. It was something that they loved, but it also put things into perspective. So oftentimes here in the United States, we itch and moan about what we don't have, but to be in a country where people are so poor actually puts things into perspective and you don't really see your life as being so bad. So I think that works here too. So I think it really helps people to get out of themselves, not just help folks, but help yourself because you're not focused so much on that negative experience or that depression. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and then you can have that moment of, wow, look, I made somebody else happy. Exactly. Just for a moment. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's beautiful. It is. Yeah. It is. Yeah. I think that, and that's one of the things I talk about in a lot of the shows too is not isolating because I went to a conference a couple of weekends ago and one of the presenters was saying that that is one of the things that's happening in the United States is that people are isolating more. Yes. And we started to see the consequences of it. I mean, you go out in public and people are shut down or they're looking at their cell phones or their, they're not talking with each other or, you know, and I'm not saying that this is happening all the time because I've really- It happens a lot. It does. Yeah, it does. And I think it's happening more. And I like to just go out and watch people and see what's happening, but yeah. Yeah, we are more disconnected, I think. I grew up, I think, in a community where people looked out for their neighbors. If you were, you know, doing stuff that you were not supposed to be doing as a kid, a neighbor could actually pop you one. Yeah, which we don't recommend anymore. No, I know. I don't recommend that. But what I'm saying is that there was much more community focus and that people were looking out for you. Right. You got in trouble if you're doing something you weren't supposed to be doing and then they would tell your parents and you got in trouble again. So I'm not advocating that, you know, public feedings or anything like that. But what I'm saying is that there was more of a community focus and that people were much more invested in their community. I think people are much more isolated now. And again, I think that is a risk factor that puts people at risk for developing mental health issues. I agree. So we want people to be more connected. Yeah, go talk to your neighbor. Mm-hmm. Most definitely. Absolutely. We are gonna take a short music break. We will be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. And welcome back to Psych 101 with Julianne Goode and Dr. Gregory Kanias. And we are back talking about bliss. So Dr. Kanias, can you tell the listeners about some tips about finding their own inner bliss? Okay. So there's a few other things that I found in terms of the research and my clinical work. And so. In terms of creating one's bliss, things like accepting love, giving love, being very open to that. Oftentimes people get in struggle because of family origin issues or trauma or things like that. And so being really open to that can help you to create the life that you want. Forgiving yourself and forgiving others and making amends when you've done things that are wrong, oftentimes will help. As well as cultivating one's spiritual life whether that's belief in certain deity or belief in the universe, whatever it is for that person. But being very spiritual, being very connected to that oftentimes helps people to be very centered and helps them to be more focused on creating the life that they want. And then the last thing I would say is creating balance. You probably like myself work quite a bit and you know or juggling many things. I think most people are like that. So really creating some balance, knowing when to stop working and to take some time. For me, it's to travel. For someone else, it might be staycation, working around the house or in their garden. But really maintaining that balance is really helpful. And the last thing I think is something connected to what we talked about earlier, and that's moving out of your own way. So stop sabotaging yourself. Stop doing things that undermine your goals. And so again, if it's talking to a pastor or a priest or a friend about the things that are holding you back, really looking at those things can be really helpful in terms of creating sustained change. Yeah, I agree. That's really important. And I think people don't even realize how much they sabotage themselves. You know, and they, it's just old recordings that need to be changed or erased. Absolutely. Yes. And a lot of times it's unconscious. People don't necessarily set out to sabotage themselves, but they will do things that undermine the goals that they've created. So being really aware of that, I think is very important. Again, in terms of like practical steps, like where can I go from here? You know, we've talked about things that people can do. The more practical, practical things again, go back to writing things down, clarifying what you want, really looking at goals. So those are the things you want, but then also looking at objectives. Sometimes people get stuck at the goal creation. They'll say, I want a nice house, but then they don't create the objectives. Okay, what do you need to do to get that house? Save money, et cetera. So goals and objectives. And then one of the other things like I find helpful and a lot of the clients that I've worked, I find helpful is creating a vision board, cutting out pictures, really inspirational sayings, and then putting those on a board, whether it's a house or a relationship or you want to go back to school and get an MBA or a doctorate or whatever. Putting that again on paper helps to focus your attention. And so creating a vision board, I think is really helpful as well. That's great. I love those tips. Thank you. And if the listeners would like to contact you, how can they do so? I have a Twitter account. And so that's Dr. G.J. Canias. That's spelled D-R-G-J-C-A-N-I-L-L-A-S. That's in Sam. Or they can find me on Instagram at DRC9. So DRC9. Okay, wonderful. And? Is there anything else that you would like to wrap up with? Some words of wisdom on bliss? Again, I think it's changing your attitude. Those are probably the most, that's probably one of the most important things to take away from our conversation tonight. Committing to working on self and committing to working on your goals and giving back. I think I want to underscore that. I think really giving back to people or causes, can be really helpful. Not again, just for the person who's on the receiving end, but also for the giver. Mm-hmm. It's beautiful. And I wish you a wonderful holiday. Thank you. I wish you a happy holiday as well. And a wonderful, blissful new year. Yes, 2015 is going to rock. Absolutely. For all of us, right? It's about time. Yes. Can't wait. So thank you, Dr. Gregory Canias. And we are going to have you back again after your book comes out. Excellent. And we're looking forward to that. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you so much, listeners, for tuning in to Psych One-on-One. I want to thank you so much for hanging in there with all my changes, with changing scheduling and everything else. In 2015, I'm going to change the format a little bit. I think I'm going to be on like twice a month, probably. I'm going to be on like twice a month, probably on Monday evenings. But again, it's going to be archived onto skidrowstudios.com and also at iTunes Store under podcasts. So please continue to follow. And I would love to hear from you if you would like to write me, J-G-O-O-D-E-8 at verizon.net or my Facebook account, Julie Good, or Psych One-on-One, P-S-Y-C-O-D-E-8. I would love to hear from you. I'd love to help you any way that I can. My office number is 562-234-4650. Please contact me. And I wish you the best of holidays. Be peaceful. Be with people that you love. And just give and be, okay? Just wish for the best. Plan for your future. In 2015, plan for your bliss. Plan for your happiness. You deserve it. And I want to thank all of the people at Skid Row Studios for helping me tonight. It's been Andy Jackson on the board. Love you. And Jenny Guzman and Jeremy Hansen and everybody who has helped out this year with keeping this show on board. Thank you so much. I am very grateful. I'm so grateful that you have been here and supporting me and loving me. It is really important. And go be with people that you love this year, okay? Be with people. Get yourself out. Get some happiness in, okay? Feel some of that holiday joy. It's great. I love you people. Thank you so much. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Bye now. Thanks to Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status Status