Halloween costumes, Gonzo porn, and haunted houses

I'm going to go get some food. It is Halloween and I am so excited that you're here with me, Melissa, on Oral Stimulation. Of course, I'm joined by the gorgeous Alex, who's dressed... You're going to have to describe it. I don't even know what this is. What is that, Alex? I'm dressed up today as Psy. Yeah, but say what the name of the song is. In Gunman style. Say it again? Gunman style. I'm probably saying it incorrectly. For as much as I like Asian guys, I cannot seem to get that... That title out of my mouth. I don't know what it is. Have you seen the video? Kind of. Crazy viral, like 100, 400, maybe 500 million views. Where they do like the wrist thing? Yeah, they're like riding a horse and they're jumping up and down. Yeah. The only part I know is when he goes, Hey, sexy lady. That's all you need. That's like I have one phrase for when I eventually make it to the Philippines. And what's that? I'm not going to say it on air. I'm not going to get a bunch of calls. You don't know how to speak Tagalog. You know what? But as far as I'm concerned, I'm pretty sure the Philippines is like the Mecca for hot guys. I don't know. I think it is. I have this image in my head that it's like the land of milk and honey. I'm sure there's actually some part just like any country because there's some areas where it's like kind of like the Hollywood, Beverly Hills part. I've been back a few times. And my biggest thing when I went back home the last time was trying to find a girl with straight teeth. I mean, That's... That's... That's one of my pet peeves. And I kept looking. They'd be pretty and they'd smile and be like, uh, uncheck. They're like British over there? Maybe not as bad as that. Okay. All right. So you're dressed up like this Korean guy. Yes. What was your motivation for that? I think it's probably just because he's pretty hot. He's a hot commodity right now. I think if I dressed up as a... Somebody told me that earlier today. The funny thing is they go like, you could dress up that... Like that normally. And nobody would really... A lot of people might not know that, but I throw on like the sunglasses and I start doing the dance and people know right away. Oh, he's Psy. Yeah. You just like had this ensemble in your closet. Yeah, actually I kind of did. Because we had a plan going here. Yes. And for those people that are listening or maybe that are watching, Melissa's dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood. Except I got bit by the wolf. Yes. The wolf bit her. And I was supposed to be the big bad wolf. Which didn't kind of come into fruition. I got into some car trouble last night. Couldn't make it to the start again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't even say that enough. I'm sorry. No need to say sorry. So horrible. But you are actually looking not just like any Little Red Riding Hood, a sexy Little Red Riding Hood. Well, thank you. I do my best. It comes naturally. I don't think you need to try too hard. I think it's the makeup. The makeup. What do you think? I was looking at your body, not your face. Oh. What's wrong with my face? No, I mean, you're showing some cleavage and your titties just popping out. I can't help but look. I'm looking now too. Yeah, you gotta put those things away. I gotta do a radio show with you. What the heck? Sorry. If anybody wants to join us here, call in at 800-893-9562 or check us out on Skid Row Studios. Where you already are, but click on that live video link and you can see what we're doing in here. Somebody call in and have her stand up and model so you guys can see what she's actually wearing. Yeah, I'm not gonna do it unless somebody calls in. Yeah, I wouldn't. Hey, I wanna see the side dance for the viewers. I wanna do it. Yeah. Can you play the song? Can you pull it up? Let me work on that. You guys keep going. When I get that ready, I'll let you know. All right, you got it. So we also wanna let you guys know that if you want an up-close look at our fancy costumes, you can join us for a party after the show. It will be at the Liquid Zoo. I don't know the address. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know the address. But Ron Swallow will be there along with a slew of other cool people. What city is it in? Van Nuys. Van Nuys. Yeah. I hope there's parking. There should be. I hate parking my car. What actually is going on there tonight besides Ron? Well, usually they do an open mic or karaoke. But tonight it's Halloween karaoke. They're having a costume contest with all kinds of fantastic prizes. And we're gonna be there. All right. And Ron. Ron's hosting it. Ron's gonna be there. Sounds like it's good fun. I think his beautiful girlfriend is gonna be there too. And yeah, it's gonna be a good time. So it's a total costume party, right? So we won't like stick out. Maybe. It's Halloween. Who cares? We can do whatever we want. Absolutely right. Speaking of doing whatever we want. I might wear this tomorrow. What? No, no. I think that's actually like, a lot of guys dress up as girls and vice versa during like Halloween. You know, guys could dress up as girls. And do you think you find that weird? That guys actually do that? You know what? It's not even just Halloween right now. There's that whole mustache thing going on. Yeah. I think that's so nasty. The mustache? Well, it's actually they do it for like, they call it like November beard where people grow up their whole beard. No, no, not even guys. Like girls putting on that like ironic hipster mustache. Oh. That is so nasty. Or they get it tattooed on their finger. I'm sorry. That's gross. I think that's, is that like the end thing right now? Yeah. Because I remember you talking about how somebody wanted you to make that cake. They were going to make that cake for you, right? Yeah, maybe. If I'm lucky. Give a caller. All right. Let's see. Who is our caller? Hello? Hello? Hey, who's this? This is comedian Stan Shelby. Hey, how's it going comedian Stan Shelby? Doing all right. How about you? Very good. You're out there on the East Coast, huh? Yeah, we're doing the East Coast thing out here. Nice. How's your Halloween been so far? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you. How has your Halloween been so far? Oh, it's been pretty cool. It's been pretty cool. You know, everybody's out there dressing like fools and shit. So I had to, you know, do what I had to do to explain this. All right. Now, Alex just mentioned. What part of the East Coast are you in? I live in Charleston right now. I just didn't know you were affected by the weather, the storm out there. No, normally we'll get it down this way. But, you know, this year, I guess Mother Nature was saying that we need a break. So, you know, she sent it up north. But, you know, I'm praying for those people. That's just serious, man. Yeah. Definitely. Definitely. But now Alex had mentioned before that for Halloween, people do tend to dress up as the opposite gender. And you are with us. Tonight, because I saw some very special pictures on Facebook. What did you do? Well, I put a dress on. No, you didn't just put a dress on. I want to hear the whole story. I want to know how this even came about, because I feel like I came in towards the end. Stan, tell me you lost a bet. No, it wasn't a bet. It was more of a, you know, being a comedian, you know, you try to do different things to promote shows, promote the spirit of Halloween. And, you know, me being a man's man, I thought I would do something crazy. So I was like, a dress would do it. First, it was going to be my MC Hammer pants. And I said, nah, I'm going to go a little bit further out than that. Wait, you just did this all on your own? Well, the process came up on my own, but I had to get, like, coached into it by someone else. Sure. Were you coached by, like, another female or male that dresses as? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Girlfriend, actually. OK. Was it her dress? I'm going to knock out at the last minute. What, you a psychic? Good job, Melissa. Well, it looked like a summery dress. I don't know where you'd get one of those in the winter. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. So, you know, it was time to go do a show that I host in Charleston. Joe passes over Mike. And so I was like, nah, I'm not going to wear the dress. And she was like, don't be a little beat, you know? Put on the dress. I like her. Don't be a little bee on the dress. She's calling me a bee, but wants me to put on a girl's dress. I finally, you know, lifted my sack up and said, okay, I'll do it. And, you know, as you can tell by the responses, it's just been crazy. So she's a blank. She must be very proud. Now, was there a discussion over what dress you were going to wear? Did you try on a few different things? See what worked best with your skin tone? I wanted something that would flow so I could feel the wind. Did you go full on and, like, throw on some heels as well? Were you wearing some high heels as well? No, I wore a size 13 shoe, and she wore, like, a 7 1⁄2. So it would have been just too awkward. So, you know, I had to be a little managed. And I actually wore some Timberland boots. Now, how about a thong? Because you don't want those panty lines. Yeah, that's a definite no-no. No, man. That's pretty good, though, Melissa. I'm proud of you for that. You trying to, like, set me up for next time or something? I'm just saying, if you're going to go, you might as well go all out, right? Well, I should have just went commando then. So what did you do? No, I had some boxer briefs on. I mean, you know, the whole dress thing was weird, especially driving, you know? And, you know. I didn't know this before, but now, you know, driving, everything, like, rides up. So, you know, that was weird. And then, you know, once I got to the venue, you know, going up steps, and then people that are below me looking up, you know, that was kind of weird. Because I felt like that girl in white chick, you know, that little boy was like, Oh, look at that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I sort of felt like that, but it was pretty cool. The weather was real cold, so I had to put on a shirt underneath. But other than that, it was a lot of fun. I mean, of course I wouldn't do it any other time. Of course not. For the spirit of Halloween and trying to promote shows and stuff like that, I did get a feel of what you girls go through, and y'all can keep that, man. You know what? If you really want a good time, try driving in a jean skirt. It's a little tight. Yeah, on a really hot day. You haven't lived, so you've experienced that. That's next on my thank you list. Two for next year. Yeah, with the atonement going, right? Yeah, of course. You got to get the full experience. Oh, my gosh. Is this like a dare? Melissa's daring me. All the way from here. From the West Coast. Just don't let my girlfriend know this, or she's going to probably put me up on it. Be like, hey, you promised. You do it. But it was definitely different. Like I said, you've seen the response. The response has been overwhelming. I think the highest compliment I get is nice legs. Nice legs. That's good. You want that. Did you shave them? No, I didn't. No? I didn't. No. No. I don't know. No. I feel like you didn't fully commit to this. Did you throw on any makeup or lipstick or a wig or anything? I didn't get to see the picture. I wanted to go all natural with my hair. I didn't want no weave and no extensions and nothing like that. So you said I didn't fully commit. Well, I mean, just a little, maybe just a little mascara and gloss. Just to compliment the whole look. Not all women wear that, though. You kept it natural. I'm okay with that. Yeah, I was just trying to support the women. I was trying to do it natural. Yeah, there you go. All right. Well, I do applaud your efforts. Actually, where can people look you up other than Facebook? Do you have a Twitter, a Facebook, a website? I'm in the process of getting all that stuff. Facebook right now is my primary mode of communication. But the Twitter's coming, the YouTube's coming, all that stuff's coming. And you said you host the comedy show on what nights? Yeah, I host the open mic every Tuesday night. Joe Posse's in Charleston, South Carolina at 9 o'clock. All right. So our East Coast listeners, if you're ever in South Carolina, please hit him up. Check him out. See what he's wearing to his shows. Thank you so much for calling in and for listening. No problem. You guys have a good one. Take care. Thank you so much. Talk to you soon. Okay. Okay. So there we go. That's some firsthand experience. Yeah. Actually, how funny is that? We talk about guys dressing up as girls, and there we go. I like that. I think I've done that once when I was probably like eight years old. Like my mom dressed me up as a girl. I think she, because I'm an only child. And she probably wanted a girl. Next thing you know, I had like a wig and makeup on and some clothes. I was like, what the heck is going on? You had the wig and the makeup and everything? Yeah, lipstick and the whole thing. Was she going to put you in a pageant? No, I didn't. I wasn't like walking or anything like that. It was just one of those things. There was like a family party going on. And I just sat. I was like, I'm going to sit on the corner. And everybody's like, who is that? You had to stand on the corner. No, not stand on the corner. I was sitting in the corner. I want to meet your mom. You should. She's a great lady. I'll come with baked goods just to be safe. No, you don't need to worry about baked goods. Someday. Someday I'll meet her. I hope she's nice to me. That's all I'm going to say. She's actually a tough cookie. You can break through her. You can break through anything. You got to get through me first. I don't know. Those Filipino moms, man, make me nervous. But we'll figure it out. That's totally off topic. I know. I should have brought up the whole, I should have had them ask about your boobs so you could flash them for everybody. Do we even have anyone watching? I think we do. I've already got some responses. Well, they haven't called in. Somebody will call in. All right. So a guy wearing a dress, that's pretty sexy. But there's also some people who are wearing a dress. There's some pretty unsexy costumes out there this year. The one that is grossing me out currently is all the Sesame Street, the sexy Sesame Street costumes. Like, is there like a sexy cookie monster? Yes. Sexy cookie monsters, sexy Big Bird, sexy Oscar the Grouch. It's just like, there's so many other things you can demoralize. Can you just leave Sesame Street alone? Like, we don't need, we don't need sexy Teletubbies or sexy Barney. Well, I think for me that when I, I would always do like the sexy princesses, like Snow White, Ariel, Cinderella. That's fine, because they're kind of inherently feminine. Yeah, I mean, I never really seen like a guy dressed up as a Gonzo. You know what I mean? Or maybe... Anytime somebody says that, all I think of is like Gonzo style porn. And it makes me wonder why they named him that. Wait, Gonzo? Gonzo style porn? Uh-huh. This is new to me. Please tell me. I think it's just like a crazy kind of... Like Oznog? I don't know what that is. Well, Gonzo backwards, obviously. Obviously. No, but I mean, what do you mean like Gonzo porn? Like Gonzo, the puppet? No, no, no. It's like, I think it's like a crazy raw type of different... I'm not an expert. I'm just saying. No, I gotta look it up. Yeah, look it up. Gonzo porn is when the person taking the video is actually involved in the porn itself. It comes from Gonzo journalism, which was created by Hunter Thompson. There you go. Are you reading Wikipedia? Are you just saying that off your head? No, I just know that shit. Wait, then what's POV? Point of view, but it's the same kind of thing. Okay. Yeah. All right. But Gonzo is actually the name of the guy, right? Or is that just a term they use for it? No, it's just terminology they use for being a part of whatever you're creating. Dude, I want to get Gonzo tonight. Don't look at me like that. You're wearing a sexy outfit. I will look at my notes for the show. You keep your eyes on that paper. Okay. If anybody wants to join in this Gonzo escapade with my lovely co-host over here, call in, meet us at the party, make it happen. We'll hook you up. I'll bring the camera. 1-800-893-9000. 1-800-893-9562. That's 1-800-893-9562. You know what other random costume I saw was the Kia hamster DJ. Really? Sexy. Yeah. It's like a short jacket and some teeny tiny shorts and those like go-go dancer furry legs. Did they have like the dookie chain and everything? I don't know. Like the gold chain? Yeah, maybe. Maybe. So we have another caller here. Caller, hello. What's your name? Hey, it's me, Damien. How's it going? Hey, what's up? I was hearing about your Gonzo. Yeah, you're the expert, huh? Yeah, buddy. You know what? Well, we know Gonzo ass because I've shot a couple pornos. He's actually, how can I say? There's no acting. It's all real. It's just sprayed out. It's just sprayed out. Straight to the fucking. Wait, you've shot it? So does that mean you were in it? No, no, no. I wasn't in it. I just filmed it. When we say we're going to shoot a Gonzo, that means there's not going to be no acting. Okay. It's going to go straight to the, you know. Straight to the fucking. Just like hardcore, raw. And there's no faking at all? Okay. But yeah, straight to the fucking. That's what we know Gonzo by. Interesting. There you go. D.O.V. is the guy. What? The camera himself is doing the fucking. That's D.O.V. Point of view, you know. There you go. But Gonzo is straight to no acting. Just get it on. Did you dress up for Halloween since it's Halloween? No, no, no, no. I'm here in my house today. Are you passing out candy? No, no candy. I turned off all the lights. Are you editing those pictures? Well, you know what? I actually called so I could see Melissa model the costume. My thing is like frozen. Oh, it's freezing up. Yeah, it's freezing up. It's been stuck right there. So I can't even hear you guys. I have to listen to it by little. Oh, yeah. I can't even watch you guys. All right. Well, towards the end of the show, I'm going to do the side dance and we're going to show Melissa's tits. What? Well, it's freezing up right now. We'll work on it. And then towards the end of the show, we're going to. I think that'll be our towards the end of the show. That'll be like. That'll be our big finale. Okay. All right. Well, thanks for calling in with that, Damien. I guess we owe you. That way everybody will watch. Thank you so much. You have a good night. Bye bye. Thanks for calling in. Okay. So obviously. Yeah, I'm new to this whole gonzo thing, but now I know. You're ready for it, huh? Yeah. I think I'm ready. All right. I won't look at you though. Thank you. Appreciate it. Eyes on the paper. Okay. So everyone seems to like this costume out here outside the cocoon. But have you ever seen a girl dress up in something so nasty? There's just no way. It just ruins Halloween for you. I think if she dressed up as a dude, that kind of throws me off. The mustache thing. Yeah. I mean, I think Halloween's the time of the year where you see like a girl that dresses up as a guy. Or a girl that dresses. I mean, a guy that dresses up as a girl kissing like a Disney character like you mentioned. Or like a Sesame Street character. You know, that's where it throws me off. It's like Batman's kissing Wolverine. It's like weird. You see, you know, like a sexy bat, like a bat girl kissing like Wolverine. It just, that throws me off. You think everybody's true colors come out on Halloween? As far as what? As far as what? Like, do you think people express their secret? Do you think people express their secret fantasies and desires through their costume? Well, I think, well, you tell me, you're a girl. And I think like a lot of girls, they dress up either like slutty or a little bit more provocative on Halloween as an excuse. But, you know, any other day, they maybe somewhat be judged on it one way or the other. Or, you know, like a lot of girls when they go to raves, they're practically like in pasties in their underwear. I mean, I've heard, I haven't gone, but I've heard. Yeah, sure, you haven't gone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But no, I don't know if like a lot of women are judged that way or like, you know, how they're viewed at. But Halloween, it seems like all of a sudden there's like the slutty nurse or like the, you know, we were talking about like Sesame Street characters that just doesn't seem right. It's like turn on the skank, huh? Yeah. I mean, like for you, would you, I mean, would you one way, like any other day, would you dress this way? You said you might even wear this tomorrow and you'd be okay with it. You know what? I think I'm a little different because I do kind of like to dress a little bit costumey. You've seen my, my thigh high socks and my knee high socks and I, I really don't care what other people think. I get a little theatrical with my wardrobe sometimes. I think that's the sexiest thing on a woman is confidence. A confident woman is a very big turn on. Is it confident or is it just crazy? No, confidence. I think that's the sexiest thing a woman could wear is confidence. I think like if a girl's, maybe she's like pretty or she's maybe not as attractive or maybe a little heavyset. But if she walks into a room and she walks like she owns it, I think men or women, they'll look and they admire her for the confidence. That's true. That's true. Okay. So ladies, if you want a costume that is going to capture the guy's attention tonight, just wear your confidence. There you go. The worst costume I've seen, and I think it might've been from a TV show or something, but it was a guy dressed as a box of straws. What? Mm-hmm. Like pixie straws? Like pop straws. So then was he passing them out? No. He was just a guy standing in a box that said party straws. And there was a straw coming out the top. I don't know. I think it was from a TV show or something. But you know what? The worst costume ever, ever, ever, ever in the history of ever bad costumes is a guy dressed as like a bloody tampon or a bloody pad. That is so nasty. I would not hook up with that guy any other day of the year either. That was actually my number one thing on my list today. Good thing I didn't dress up as that. I didn't have enough banana ketchup to throw on my tampon. It's so gross. I mean, why? Ugh. It just makes me so squeamish to even... That is kind of... That's nasty. I would rather see the adult baby than the bloody tampon guy walking around. You mean like a guy walking around with a diaper? Mm-hmm. That's attractive to you? No. It's just slightly less horrible than the bloody... Well, I've heard you mention in the past shows that like, you know, when you see people, you kind of imagine like maybe like what they would be like in bed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. on Halloween, like tonight, what would you be most attracted to since we kind of heard like the nasty ones or like the ugly costumes? You know, for me, it's always a guy who's well-dressed. So... Like well-dressed could be like, are we talking like straight out of like a photo shoot, like GQ magazine? No, no. Like a guy in a suit and a tie or a nerdy Korean bow tie. Anything like that. I just love a guy who's dressed up. I think it's so hot. If a guy can... Oh, and if he coordinates, oh, it's on. That gets you, huh? It really does. Like grilled cheese, man. That's good stuff. Here we go, Food Network part two. But what do you think? If we go to this party tonight and you see a girl who's looking all good, are you going to take her home and have some costume sex? You know what? I've never actually done that. I haven't. I'm more of like about... wanting to take off the clothes and then go at it. I've never really done or had sex in a costume. I think, well, especially with what you're wearing, it's kind of like easy access. I could totally like just bend you over and insert here. I think that's actually... It makes more sense during like Halloween time. I think as we're younger, we kind of want to be maybe like, you know, Batman or like Superman, like always some kind of superhero or I don't know, like Fireman. Or like... A police officer. But now, I mean, like you get like a nice adult man that's like grown up. This guy's like a firefighter, like any woman's probably dream, right? Just in the suspenders and some Fireman pants. Oh, man. You know what? When I lived down in Aliso Viejo, something caught on fire in my neighborhood, right around Halloween, actually. Someone left their pumpkins lit and there was the hottest Asian firefighter. When you're Asian, guys, you're like, oh, this guy's so good looking. And I used to see him around town and like no one knew him. I went ahead and need information on him. But yeah, hot Asian Aliso Viejo firefighter. I'm still thinking about that guy. What was it though? I mean, because he was a firefighter, like they say women like a man in uniform. I mean, so if a guy was in a sailor suit, is that attractive? As opposed to... Like a party city sailor suit or like a marine? Yeah, like... Well, you tell me. Yeah, a guy in uniform is good looking. Because you know what? They're usually... It's not even necessarily the uniform. It's that they're cleaned up. They're very well groomed. They're very aware of themselves. And I think that's what's attractive. That makes sense. Yeah. I've had a lot of costume sex though. Really? Mm-hmm. With you... What were you in and what was the other person in that? Oh, man. I was with this guy once who took a tropical... A tropical vacation. And he came back and he wanted to continue the fantasy. So he brought me this full outfit, coconut bra and all. And he was like, man, as soon as we were out of the airport, he was like, put this on. It made me wonder what he did on vacation, honestly. I was like... Or maybe he was thinking about... He was on vacation and he wanted to do those things to you. So he made it become a reality. I mean, that's a sweet way of looking at it. But... I gotta give him the benefit of the doubt. Guys, we just had... I'm just a bad rep. Those coconuts were sticky. Maybe they were fresh. That's all I'm saying. But yeah, he used to dress me up in Hello Kitty stuff and all kinds of things. Hello Kitty? Hello Kitty. So this guy, I mean, his probably thing was to fuck Hello Kitty. Probably. And you were... His kitty cat? I don't know. Did you have a bow on and everything? Pigtails, everything. Because Hello Kitty, he's known for their bows, right? Yeah. They're so cute. I like Hello Kitty. I wasn't opposed to that. I just... I see it as a cartoon. I couldn't really think of fucking Hello Kitty. Would you fuck someone in a Halloween costume if they had a creepy mask on? No. Like, so this girl's like butt naked but has like a crazy mask? Yeah, like a Ronald Reagan mask. No, I couldn't do it. You know what? I need something nice to look at. Yeah. And when I'm on top, I need to be able to admire that view. If not, it's like doggy style. You would do a doggy style with the mask? Yeah, maybe I would. Okay. But I mean, I actually need like a nice face. I mean, I want to be able to like, when I'm on top looking down at her to admire that view. But like a Ronald Reagan mask? That's because... That's just weird. It's because when I was a kid, we had this creepy, Ronald Reagan mask like floating around the house. And every once in a while, we would jump out and try to scare each other. You know what? I have a Ronald Reagan mask. I was Ronald Reagan when I was like in eighth grade. Really? And you kept the mask? It's somewhere in the house. For creepy bondage purposes later? No, but if I find that I'm bringing over to your house, you know what we're doing. I'm not... It's understood. I'm not going to say anything. Oh, you're just going to walk in the door. I'm going to walk in the door. Creepy Ronald Reagan. I'm going to throw you the mask and we're going to gonzo this. Oh, I'm going to put it on. Yeah, we're going to totally gonzo this. Okay. Using your new vocabulary word there. I like that. That's nice. Even the theme of this tonight. You know what I'd kind of like to see is maybe... We talked about it a little bit before. I really wanted to talk about it more. But like happy ending haunted houses. Okay. Wouldn't that be awesome? How would this work? No, you go through the haunted house and it gets all mazy and dark and creepy. And then one of the actors grabs you, takes you and just has their way with you. I think people would pay for this. This could be huge. So instead of like you walking through a maze and getting the shit scared out of you, you would... You get the shit scared out of you. Then you get the cum scared out of you. So how would this work out? You're walking through like... I'm trying to picture it. Okay. We walk into like an empty maze. We walk into like an empty maze. We walk into like an empty mansion. Okay. And would we separate or would we go in as a tour? Like how would that work out? Yeah. It's like a... Well, you know, they're really upping the technology in these things where they have people evenly spaced out now. Yeah. They use computer chips or, you know, different things, whatever. It's crazy the technology behind this. But yeah. So you send people in kind of one at a time and they just start getting lost and getting touched and getting turned on by all these creepy people touching them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then it just kind of happens. I'm thinking in a dark corner somewhere. And then you're all disoriented and you have to get out and people are still touching you. But how about if it's with somebody that you're not attracted to? Who cares? It's Halloween. So at that point, I mean, if it's not a... I mean, the guy could be dressed up as a fireman. It's not like a rape thing. You have to go in knowing you want it. You have to... It's like one of those like dirty adult movie theaters. Like it's just going to happen whether you want it to or not. Okay. I got you. Make this happen. So where was this at again? Well, I don't know. Can we still make it after the show? I want to get my naughty on. In a haunted house. Yeah. Actually, I'm more of a pussy when it comes to haunted mansions or stories like that. Are you the guy grabbing his girl screaming? No, I'm not grabbing the girl screaming. I'm probably like the one quiet holding my breath and looking away and basing on people's reactions and then opening my eyes afterwards. I don't like haunted houses. Haunted houses. You know what? Actually, I was in a corn maze once for a really, really long time. This had to have been in Nebraska, right? No, this was in Temecula. Temecula? And it was like hours and hours and it was hot and there was corn everywhere and I panicked and I just kind of started like busting out the sides of the walls to get through. So, I mean, are you allowed to at that point? No. No, they had this stuff all... Tied up. Yeah, so you can't go through. Yeah. I didn't care. And you just got lost completely? Yes. It's a huge maze. Who'd you go with? My ex-husband. Oh, really? And he just left you? No, he was there too. And he's like, okay, I'll break through the corn. Mm-hmm. And then it turned out we finally broke through the side and we were like really close to the entrance still. We could still be lost in there right now. But, okay. So, you're walking... It's just like a corn maze. It's not like it's... There's people... It's haunted as well? No. It was just like a regular corn maze to walk through. I wouldn't go in if it was haunted too. Well, I mean, people... It wasn't around Halloween time where people jumping out at you. It's not like that at all. It was during the day. Regular corn maze. But the corn's really high. I mean, it's not one of those hay bale mazes. Yeah, I think that at that point, it's like your psyche kind of plays with you, right? Like your head, it gets in your head. I felt like I was walking through the desert. And there was no water. And there was no way out. And I was going to be lost forever. Yeah, that usually happens. It's like fight or flight. Like, you know, you find one way. You stay and fight it out. You fly out of there. You get out of there. He chose flight that time. Yeah. But it would have been a lot more interesting if there was, you know, a happy ending around the corner. Well, you probably would have been motivated to finish. Hence the word. Yeah. So, okay, let's get back to these haunted houses. There's one called The Nest in Chandler, Arizona, which takes it a step further. And they actually troll your Facebook to personalize the details of your trip through the serial killer themed house. So, you go in and they're whispering your name and they're yelling stuff at you like they know you. Yeah. And you get through this creepy, creepy maze. And there's pictures of your friends and family on the walls coming at you. And it's all like, but they're all zombied and bloody. Oh, that's crazy. That's way too personal. I mean, that'll fuck with my head. I mean, I'm sorry. Like, knowing that, I mean, and people actually pay to have this happen to them? Yes. Like $60 for 20 minutes. Of somewhat torture. Of serious torture. Do you think some people get off on that? Yeah. Like they get off knowing that they're going to get like, um, like tortured like that? That's what I'm saying. 60 bucks sounds like a deal. We capitalize on this. Would you mind torturing people? I mean, would you be okay? I mean, some people get off on torturing and some people get off on being tortured, right? I don't, I don't know. You don't know if you would torture? Yeah. Because there was another one. They took people and they would like put a mask over their face and tie their hands down to the table. And then there would be headphones on them with this like blaring, screaming metal music. And then there's a zombie in front of them pounding on their hands, like all around their hands with mallets. And your hands are tied to the table. Yeah. See, I mean, you'd have to have a good heart to get through. Yeah. A bunch of waivers that you need to sign off to make sure. Well, yeah, no, there's actually a huge waiver. It involves like explicit adult content, weird smells, graphic death scenes, all this stuff. These things are being created by horror directors now in the off season, I guess. It sounds like actually like if you're into that, it seems actually pretty interesting to get carried away. I mean, like if I had like some kind of sick twisted fantasy or. Yeah. Some kind of thing like that, I would totally get off on it. You know, there's a service that will actually personalize a horror experience just for you. They'll ask you beforehand what scares you the most. And then you pay and you don't know when it's going to happen. You don't go anywhere. Like they, this journalist did it and he was walking to his car one day and all of a sudden this guy came up, threw a bag over his head, threw him in the trunk of the car. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And drove him around somewhere and he heard shovels and he was being buried alive. And it's like totally crazy. I mean, they go. Is there like a safe word at some point? There's got to be, right? Yeah, there is. That's great. I got some weird things that go on in the world. I know. And the thing is, people are really into, you know, there used to be that like standard, oh, you can't touch me, zombie kind of rule, you know. So you'd go through. And you'd get your thrill, but like you knew you were going to come out safe. In New York, there's a place called Blackout Haunted House where to begin the maze, they start by dragging you in backwards, whispering your name. See, this is as messy as my head. Yeah. And then it just goes downhill from there. But there actually is a safe word. I think they said it was safety. And about 20% of the people don't finish. It was funny because in the article I was reading. They interviewed a guy who said he called out the safe word because he wouldn't dance with a naked stripper in the maze. I mean, like people are naked and bloody and it's just all out craziness. But his girlfriend was like, yeah, I'd go back in. You just have to have an open mind. Would you have an open mind in doing something like that? I don't know. I mean, I guess it would depend who I was with. I don't care about the nudity. Yeah. You know, that doesn't bother me. I just don't want to see like those. There's one, I guess, where the main attraction is this spinning tunnel meat grinder. And you see people getting ground up and their guts coming out the other side and everything. And it's just like. Yeah, your imagination, especially like a lot of stuff like that. They find creative ways to make you think that that stuff happens. Yeah. And it's, I mean, it really messes. I mean, I don't even know afterwards. I probably wouldn't. I mean, therapy. Just after one haunted house? Yeah. Oh, the one where they drag you in backwards? They lick you and bite you through the mask too. That's actually kind of cool. I'm okay with that. That's a dedicated actor. Well, it's different if they're like biting my neck. It's like a vampire if they're like nibbling. What if they're biting your junk? No. No. That's not a good thought or feeling in any way. I'm just wondering, what if they just slip and get too into it or something? Yeah, slip. Oh, look what I found. No, that's not. I'd be probably kicking and punching at that point. So do you go through haunted houses or no? You just stay away? You know what? I'm kind of, I'm pretty, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to that stuff. I could admit that. That doesn't mean I haven't been. I mean, I've been to mazes like just locally. I've been to Knott's Berry Farm is probably the, or Scary Farm is the last one. I've been to the one at Queen Mary, which I heard they changed it up a little bit this year. I heard they blacken it out and they give you flashlights to walk through. Oh, what? Yeah. And I had friends that have been to Knott's and they were telling me there's this new one called Trap where you pay extra and you go in like a group of like maybe maximum six and you start out in one room and you have to collectively as a group find a way out of that room to get to the next room, to get to the next room. Obviously. To go onto the, it's like a maze. But there's like obviously characters running through inside, scaring you, you'd be trapped. You have to find your, like the, there's one room where they were telling me they have to like push the wall to actually get out. I mean, they have come up with creative ways to make you. There was one in Omaha like that when I was a kid. Yeah, that's pretty crazy. It was in some old grocery store. It was just huge. It went on forever. Did you have any, actually like stories? Stories? Like ghost stories? Anything that like kind of growing up that you kind of encountered? Yeah, actually I have a family ghost story. Do you really? So to make it even creepier than mazes and scripted bits. Yeah, there's actually a chapel on my mom's side. It's called the Workman Chapel. It's down in creepy Missouri. Missouri? It's out in the middle of nowhere, but it's this chapel. Yeah. It's all dilapidated and there's a small driveway off to the left side of the front of the chapel is a cemetery with gravestones that date back to Civil War times. And they say in the spring and fall, in the dusk hours, every once in a while you can see a soldier on a horse in Civil War armor riding up to the cemetery. And they say in the spring and fall, every once in a while you can see a soldier on a horse in Civil War armor riding up to the cemetery. No way, that's freaky. It's so freaky. Have you actually seen it? No. But you've heard it's like something within your family that you've heard? Yes, I don't even get out of the car. My mom used to make me go down there all the time. I would not get out of the car. Well, how would you know about it? Would you hear your family talking about it? It's famous. It's on the internet. Oh, geez. And that's like... See, you're already famous. You didn't even know. There's ghost in my blood. Yeah. But wait, now I heard you have a pretty good story too. Actually, when I was a kid, actually, my parents, they had car problems stuck on the 405 freeway. There's this part between like Bolsa Chica and Sill Beach. There's like a dead area and they had car problems and they pulled over. My dad already phoned for help. And out of nowhere, there's this... And he was like in a white tuxedo, a cotton tail and everything. He walks up to the car and he goes, do you guys need help? And my dad's like, no, we don't need help. We're okay. We have help coming. Then my dad gets back in the car and my mom goes, where'd that guy come from? Where'd he go? They look back and the guy disappeared. He just out of nowhere. That's so creepy. And there was no trace of him. No. They didn't know anything that happened. It was pretty crazy. I don't know. Do you believe that stuff happens? Yes and no. I think, I mean, nothing's ever actually happened to me. So on that end, I can't really... I mean, until something like that happens, then I'd believe it. Really? So you're open to it? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't really throw myself in a position to have the shit scared out of me. But if it were just to happen, then yeah, maybe I'd believe it. Oh God, I hate going to bed alone. I hate it so bad. I hate it so bad. Because I always think creepy stuff's going to happen. There was one night, I don't know if I was awake or asleep, but I don't even know. I guess I was kind of awake and I saw in the corner of my bedroom, there was like these bright flashes and this really loud music that just kind of went past. And I felt like I was like stuck down, like I couldn't move. And I would just, I tried to go back to sleep or wake up or whatever was going on. But it was such a weird experience. I'm sure you weren't having sex at that point. Yes, I was alone. Thanks. I have heard ghosts try to have sex with people though. Really? I wouldn't care for that. So like, would you ever, would you ever maybe be having like a nightmare or like a dream and like somebody be touching you, but you think it was a ghost kind of maybe having sex with you? Ew, I hope not. I really don't need my place to be haunted right now. Oh, but could you think something like that? Yeah. Yeah. I think that would happen. Yeah, maybe. Like, you know, you might be asleep. If I was a ghost. You would go and molest people? Maybe. And try to have your way with them? Yeah. Like that Asian firefighter. So, okay. So if you were a ghost, hypothetically, and you found this guy where he lived, like what would you do as a ghost to kind of surprise him? Like he's asleep. Oh, ghosts do all kinds of things. I've heard. Yeah. But what would the first thing you go for? Would you go for his junk? No. No. I would breathe on people's necks creepy like. Really? Yeah. But what if you're trying to have sex with a kid? No, no kids. Well, not with a kid, but with a guy. Sorry. With a guy. I don't even think you can do that as a ghost. I don't know. Listen, when I become a ghost, the first place I'll stop is your house and we'll figure it out. No, fuck that. Well, actually, if you were a ghost, how many times a week do you think you would have sex? All the time. No, not you. A ghost. Oh. Well, actually, speaking of that, what would be like the normal time? I mean, how many times a day would you have sex? As a ghost or just as a person? No, just in natural, going back to like our show. If I could? Yeah. If I had a guy that was up to it? Yeah. Maybe like two or three times a day. Two or three times a day? Yeah. What about you? Actually, you know what? That's actually pretty good. Two or three times a day. Actually, I think I would have sex. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's funny. I think as you get older, like a couple times a week seems okay, but I think actually guys would prefer two to three times a day. A couple times a week? How old? Well, I think it's time. I think with schedules and kids and family time, I think you'd count it. No, forget that. Just make it happen. You would find a way? Yeah. You can get it done quick. Yeah. I'm sure that could happen, but I don't know how fulfilling that would be. It would be good. Trust me. It would be? It would be good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's the best thing you can do. Yeah. So two to three times. I'm just trying to think of times, how many times that would happen and when. Like early in the morning after you get off work, before you go to bed. Would you kind of just surprise them? Do you actually initiate that? I mean you're not with anybody now, but like in the past, would you initiate that with your partners? Of course. You'd be more of you? Do you think the guys would, I mean, would you tell the guy straight up like I like the fuck a lot, so you better be ready? No. Well, I don't know. How do you initiate that? You have to have some modesty. You have to be creative about it. You don't just come like, dude, I want your dick now. No. Because then guys get tired. They find all kinds of excuses. Like, no, not right now. After the game. After I finish my sandwich. Whatever. After I finish my sandwich. Take your sandwich with you. Can you at least let him finish the sandwich? No. You're like, I want you now. What would you rather have, a sandwich or pussy? Pussy. Okay. Yeah. I could eat the sandwich after. Right? Right. Put the sandwich down for five minutes. Well, it depends. If it was a warm sandwich, maybe I'd finish. I don't know. What kind of sandwich garners better than pussy? Pastrami? No. Oh, man. I think when you said pastrami, I think of like a bad looking pussy. I'm sorry. Ew. That's roast beef. Is that what it's called? Sorry. I got the two mixed up. Oh, are you ready? Do it. Do it. Let's go. Okay. That was unbelievable. Unbelievable. I didn't even know you had that in you. I didn't either. The music. I get vulnerable when I hear the music. Wow. Remind me not to drive near you on the freeway. I'm not like dancing fully in my car. I do. Do you really? Yeah. Listening to dubstep. You are not a dubstep person. I turn into like bumper cars. No, I totally would. I'm not scared. I have a big car. I'll take you out. I see you like singing karaoke out loud. Uh-uh. I'll sing karaoke in my head, but not out loud. Really? Yeah. No, you don't want to hear me sing. At all? Ever. We're going to sing karaoke tonight, aren't we? But you know what? If there's a guy there and he sings the song, it might be on. I don't care what costume he's wearing. Well, no, I'm not going to say that because if he's wearing a tampon, no. So can we see your dress or your tits? Okay. Whoa. You can see my dress here. You're going to have to describe it. I'll describe it. All right. All right. Do we have some sexy music for her to undress to? Little Red Riding Hood is wearing a red cape with a black and white. You do a lot of fashion shows. No, I'm trying to figure it out. Yeah, there you go. Let's try it. See, you're hiding your boobs now. Earlier, they were popping out. There you go. So all those watching at home, you can see Melissa. She looks amazing. Who's coming down to the party tonight? Who's going to sing to me? I think there are people waiting, actually, to sing to you over there. Really? Yeah. You think it's already on? I think the minute you walk in, they're going to hand a guy a mic and you're going to sing I'll Make Love To. And you better be ready to perform. Ron Swallow is going to throw the party of the year tonight at Liquid Zoo in Van Nuys. Yes. We will be there shortly. There's a lot of traffic, actually, in Hollywood right now. I think a lot of people, a lot of parties going on. We'll go around. Do you have the address to Liquid Zoo? No one does? All right, look it up. If you want to go that bad, you're going to have to put in a little work. You're going to have to find us. But we're at Liquid Zoo in Van Nuys. There's going to be karaoke. There's going to be a costume contest. And of course, there's going to be us. There's going to be me looking for my Filipino Prince Charming. Actually, I have the address. You ready? Okay. Lay it on me. Liquid Zoo is located at 7214 Sepulveda Boulevard in Van Nuys. Is there parking? I don't know. Will you park the car for me? Yeah. The phone number is 818-997-3818. Tell them you are with the Ron Swallow event. Yeah. Say you're with the Ron Swallow party. There you go. Gosh, hearing that music, I kind of want to go to a strip club. Why? I don't know. You have everything you need right here in Little Red Riding Hood. No, I think that music got me going. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. I think you're right. No, I think that music got me going. I just envision a girl dancing, shaking that ass, and little dollar bills flying on top of her. Little dollar bills. I should be a stripper. I need some money. That's so cliche though. Yeah, what are you going to say? Yeah, I'm trying to help go through school, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I'd have to make something up. I already graduated with honors. You're pretty creative. I'll make something up. Maybe you'll see me at amateur night. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. I'm sure you'll be creative. Maybe you'll see me at amateur night. I think they have those. You want me to find a place for you to go dance at? Yeah, let's do it. I know some people that know some people. You know everyone. Not everyone. Yeah, you do. Not entirely. Pretty much. I think the one person I probably would like to meet, hmm, if I could meet one person, probably David Copperfield. Who would be the most ultimate contact for you? Ultimate contact? Mm-hmm. That I would probably want to meet? Damn, that's actually a good question. Actually, I know a lot of people. I'm trying to think of somebody that's not in my circle that I would like to meet. You already know everybody. Actually, I don't know. That's a really good question. I probably would want to meet somebody that passed away. Maybe like Martin Luther King. They can't get you into the club? I'm not trying to get out of the club. I think something like that. So I could kind of like... People like in history. That kind of like... People have gone through places to kind of see what they went through to kind of... What they go through to get to where they went. Okay. Yeah, nobody like David. What they go through to get to where they went. Yeah, I mean, it's a life of struggle. You know what I mean? And things aren't always easy. There's always bumps in the roads. And how you overcome those things, I think that's how... Good judge of character. And a lot of those people have good character. Well, we're going to be doing a different kind of bump in tonight. In grinding? No. At the party. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Maybe later. Gonzo style. Well, who would you have sex with? If you could pick a celebrity? A celebrity? Oh, we're out of time. We will bring that to you next week. Thanks for listening, guys. Have a good night. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.