Panel discusses drug smuggling, animal sex, and listener questions

Hello, everybody. Welcome to an all-new episode of Bad Advice. I am your host, Drew Marks. You're listening to us at skidrowstudios.com. You are also hearing us on Extreme Talk XM 165. I want to let you know if you are hearing us on Extreme XM, you are not hearing us live, so you can't call in with your questions or comments. But if you're on Skid Row, you can certainly do that. You can reach us at 800-893-9562. As I said, I am your host, Drew Marks. If you want to be a part of the show, please do call. You can also like us on Facebook and subscribe to the podcast free at the iTunes store. As I am every week here on Bad Advice, I am joined by a panel of very funny people. We have Ken August. Happy to be here. He is the host of the week. The wrap-up, which follows the show immediately at Skid Row Studios. We have Vic Cohen, host of It's a Fair Question. And the decade wrap-up. That's nice. That's coming out. It's a new show. It's a new one. Nice. I wonder what that's patterned after. All right. We have two new guests this week. I'm very happy to welcome two first-timers to Bad Advice. We have Uyalio Magana. No, not that one. Uyalio Magana. I knew I was going to fuck that up. We have 40 minutes of outtakes. If you practice it. Yes. No. Okay. Uyalio Magana. Yeah. I'm pretty close. That's close. And the worst part is that's his stage name. It's my real name. I like it. My parents would have named me that, except they would have spent their entire lives not being able to call me. Maybe that's why they did it, so they won't call me when they talk to me. No, but welcome to the show, Bo. We're looking forward to it. We have Gary O'Neill here. Yes, sir. Did I get that one right? Yes, sir. No, you actually, my name is Gary. I suck with accents. But my black friends call me Gurry. So, let's get it. Gurry. Gurry. Gurry. And we are waiting on Marie Delpreti, as we often are. We're moving on. We're moving on. They're supposed to be. Okay. I want to thank our sponsor for our show, which is, we welcome the sponsor, adamandeve.com. I want to let you all know, you can get all sorts of really cool, fun stuff for your lives at adamandeve.com. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you, at checkout, use the code word SKIDROW, you will, in addition to your order, get free three XXX DVDs, a special mystery gift, as well as free shipping. And with Adam and Eve, you know, I want to let you know, with this bad advice, we actually have been working on our new line of sex toys for bad advice. And what we've come up with is a line of vibrators, which are for use by women, but it's a men's line. So, the latest one, if you get it, make sure you request it at Adam and Eve. It's a vibrator with men in mind. Because when the woman turns it on, a little recording of your voice goes, if you were not so fat, I'd be inside you right now. Oh, yay. Yay. All right. If you're unfamiliar with bad advice, what we do here is we take questions on any subject at all. And since we are untrained and unqualified, we will give you bad advice. We also take news stories from around the world. These are real stories. People I feel need advice, but we're too stupid or lazy to ask. And we're here to help, which is where we're going to get started. Can I notice that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And usually she's late, but now she's officially later than the black guy. Is that? I know. No, we have a very punctual black guy. Very punctual. I hate late. I'm so offended. Gary Wayne O'Neill Jr. Black guy. You're offended. Yeah. You know you're not black, right? This is Vic Cohen and I'm offended. I am. I don't like that stereotype about black people. Have you met any of the black people that have shown up on this show? We've had three black guys and one of them was on time. Gary. Raldi should be here any minute for his appearance three months ago. Gary, you should be offended. No. Why am I doing this? He knows black people are late. Exactly. It's very stereotypical, but it's true as shit. Were you born late? Were you born late? No, no, no, no. Actually, I was born late all the time. No, he just said that's why he's punctual. He started out that way. Maybe he's not black. Well, like I said, with my name alone, Gary Wayne O'Neill Jr., I get called in for job interviews and then when I get there, they're like, oh. You're not a redneck. I'm the only person in the lobby and they're still looking. Is Gary O'Neill here? They treat you like someone on a dating website. You're like, this wasn't your picture. This picture's old. Why is it that since you speak for all black people, Gary. No, I don't speak for all. I only speak for the punctual. You and another guy, that's it? One other. That's it. No, anybody who hangs with me, we call it pre-professional. You know what I mean? Because before we actually make it to the professional level, you have to practice all of these things. Just so you know, I'm really offended because you are on bad advice. Skip. Edrasteudios.com. You've kind of made it. That's it. It's me. There's no free anymore. But no, the funny thing is, I mean, people- Maybe I should be late from now on. No, we talk about stereotypes on the show and stuff, but you know there's something to it because in our first conversation, I told him, he goes, listen, I just want you to know I'm going to be punctual. I was like, right out of the box. That was the first thing I said. Oh man, I appreciate that. Then I will no longer be offended. You shouldn't. Because you know I'm going to talk about the Jews. All right, now. Disgusting. Happy jab, sir. He's already shaking his head. I knew that just to upset him. Yeah. When I talked to you, the first thing I told you was like, I'm not selling oranges. That's it? Don't ask me for oranges. I'm not selling any oranges. You could have brought me some free ones. Nah. Why would I do that? All right. Wow. No money. I didn't even have money for parking. Good point. Just put all your business out there. Yeah, that's what I do. All right. Well, we're going to get started. Our first story, this is about a mother's love. It says New York State Police say that 54-year-old Kimberly Margeson passed two oxycodone pills to her 30-year-old son in jail by French kissing him during a jailhouse visit. That's as much detail as I'm giving you on this story. Wow. That's probably why I needed Xanax. You stressed out kissing your mom like that. Seriously? I don't care what I need. I mean, I don't know what your moms look like. I love it. I love my mom, but I am not French kissing her under any circumstance. Would you be happier to find out this guy was making out with his mom for no reason whatsoever? Would that make you happier? Do we? That's early. An early call. Okay. Maybe it's Marie. All right. Go ahead. Go ahead, caller. Hey, is this me on the air? Who are you looking for? Yeah. Yeah. This is Dan from New Jersey. Oh, this is Dan from New Jersey. I know Dan from New Jersey. What up, buddy? How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? How you doing? Are we still on the topic? Is this the woman that slipped the drugs to her son through her mouth? Yes. That's pretty wild. The oxycodone is too new for me. I remember the quaalude days, though. I'm sure you do as well over there in the studio. Dan, you and I got serious. Yeah, we had a time with some quaaludes. You guys used to pass drugs between yourself and your mom. We used to pass drugs between our friends' girlfriends. And Dan is referring to a time when we were all on quaaludes, and my best friend walked in and found me, his girlfriend, and our other friend's girlfriend in bed together. Dan, where was I at? Is there any advice to this question? Yeah, Dan, what do you think about this woman that passed the drugs? I mean... Well, I know that oxys are kind of expensive. I was just wondering if she had to felch them to get them back from him. Oh. Oh. Yikes. Do you know what felching is? No, that's in New Jersey. It's something with the vagina. No. No. No. It's definitely not. No. I can't believe I know this, and this is horrible, but you would stick a, like, after you have anal sex, you would then stick a straw and suck the semen out of you. I don't know. It was a verb. It's a verb? I'm just happy now I have a name for it. Marie, you walked in just in time. I, you know, I've been feeling a little sick, and this is making me even sicker. Okay, we got Dan on the phone, but our first story is about a woman that in jail passed drugs to her 30-year-old son by French kissing him. And obviously we got from there to felching. Well, that's natural. Of course. She could have put him in her vagina. That would have been worse. There's an R in the word vagina? Yeah, I know. What do you got? Number one question that came to my mind is, was his mom hot? See, here's the thing. Was she hot? There is a picture, and I will pass this over. It is so not hot. Like, if you look this picture up online, this woman, no, it is not good. Okay, there's no chance I'm going to get your name correct, and I'm going to say it. I'm going to call you Big A. Big A, how hot does your mom have to be for you to make that one? First of all, my name starts with an E. Oh. With Big A, I still spelled it wrong. That's nice. You couldn't even get an initial right. You know what my question is? Yes. How was the plan? What was the conversation for the actual plan to set this up? You know what I mean? Like, listen, I'm going to come see you. I can't sneak him in my ass, so I'm going to put him in my mouth, and just act like you're happy to see me. Yeah, I think it's, here's the thing. It's kind of disgusting that French kissed your mother, so here's my advice. And, Dan, you tell me if you agree. You arrange a conjugal visit, and at least, you know, then you can go down on her. That's a little better. First of all, I would have to disagree. Yeah, but the only way you can have a conjugal visit in that manner is if the judge found you guilty as a motherfucker. Yay! Yay! We like it, Dan. How did the kid get that? How did the kid get the drugs in his mouth? No, the mom, the kid was in jail. Are you paying attention? No. The kid was in jail. The mom came to visit. She had the oxycodone in her mouth, and she French kissed her son to pass them. Oh, very clever. I don't think it's a big deal. I really don't even think I know why we're talking about this. Well, maybe he's in pain. Because that's our show, Vic. Prison is painful. Prison's painful. First of all, the woman, I looked at the photo, and I would say that she's hot, and I just agree with you that she's not. And if she colored her hair, she could be like almost a model. What? A model ugly woman, yes. Yes. A model ugly. I've been with ugly old women. Man, did I look at the picture. I would have just, if I was the son, I would have just had to get caught. I would have been like, you got to spit this shit out. There's no way I'm kissing you. Right, exactly. You've been with ugly women? Mostly, yes. Mostly. The ugliest woman I've got with had a big mole on her back and lower white hair. Oh, yeah. Back hair. And a penis. She also had a penis. She was literally. Are you sure you weren't with the son that is currently in jail? No. All right. I was sick. I was sick. Well, listen, we are, okay, go ahead. But she must be like a chipmunk or something. How many pills is she storing in those cheeks? I don't understand. She is a little puffy. She's a little puffy. That's what happens with her. Is anyone here, you've taken Oxycontin? Yes. I have not. Yes. You have? Yes. Where'd you get it? Are you confusing yourself with Rush Limbaugh? I made out with a guy in a softball field and then it turns out there was Oxycontin in my mouth when I was done. No, I had it. I had sold the surgery, so I had it for that. Okay. Okay. Well, listen, we're going to move on. But Dan, if you want to hang, if you have something you want to add to this one, this is another person who had some legal trouble. All right. Okay. I'll hang with that. Okay. All right. It says a Guatemalan woman was arrested at Panama's international airport as she tried to enter the country with more than $31,000 in cash stashed inside her stomach. The 44-year-old whose identity was withheld was arrested when police conducted an X-ray of the woman who they said was acting in a suspicious way. They said at least 39 different bundles that had been in her stomach were recovered by police and that was estimated at over $31,000. She was then detained and held while she is expected to expel the remaining bundles at the hospital. They said authorities were then deterred. What was that? It was all in nickels too, wasn't it? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh my God. So the suspicious behavior was that weird chinking sound. You know the chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink Asian cash. Yeah, now here's the worst part. They're waiting for her to expel the rest so they can get a final count of the money. They gave her prune juice. Worst accounting job ever. Yeah, exactly. All I can think of is, Finster baby, don't touch the dirty money. Yeah, it was a little hard to hear, but he was saying, Finster baby, don't touch the dirty money from Bugs Bunny. Oh, gosh. But, yes. Well, I'd rather have a woman expel money from her stomach than a baby. You see, that's what I was going to say. I actually agree with that. I think this is exactly the kind of woman I want. One with cash inside. Like, most guys complain the woman doesn't pay enough. This chick is, like, filled with money. She's a piggy bank. Yeah, she's like a cash piñata. If you saw her picture, she is a piggy. Was she a heavy-sized woman? It doesn't show a picture of her. Do you think a small woman can have $31,000 in her stomach? It depends on who's nothing. If you put it in my backpack back here, it's a butt. That's true. Marie's like a millionaire. But it depends on how rich the guy is. That's why women have vaginas. You know what? They're not... To hold their money? They're not purses, Vic, okay? See, but think about it. If this chick was going to have, like, a domestic violence call, you could just claim it's like, I thought it was a piñata. Oh, my God. Where'd she get the money from? Okay. It didn't... It didn't... It didn't... It didn't... It didn't say. Oh. Does that mean you got to hit her with a stick? Yeah, that's great. I would hit her with my stick, all right. It's like immaculate conception, but the cool kind. But why is it illegal for her to have money in her stomach? Like, if that's what she wants to have her purse, then whatever. But that's $31,000. So, like, is it to say that... Well, when you come in from a country, don't they make you declare if you have, like, you can only carry a certain amount of money? Yeah. Really? Yeah, you'll only have 10 grand in cash when you enter the United States. That's stupid. And you got to swallow the other $21,000. $21,000. Maybe she misunderstood. They said you can't have more than 10 cash on hand. So that's not right. They didn't say in your bowels. That's right. That's right. In your purse. But Marie... That's a shitty story, Vic. I know. It's like she's shitting out a bundle of cash over there. Since Marie doesn't feel so bad about it, the next time I leave out of the country and come back, why don't you just meet me at the, you know... You want me to be a mule? I'll be a mule. Do you really need a woman to store a buck 78? I did see it there, Isley. No take. I did see a picture of her. Yeah, she weighs like 600 pounds. Talk about a cash cow. All right, well, listen. I'm sorry. Dan, I'm going to let you go, bud, because we got the show to do here. But I want to thank you for calling in, man. You got it. I just want to say, maybe she's just like a human ATM machine where you swipe your card between her ass cheeks and the money shoots out her vagina or something. That would be good if we actually did it with the nickels. Poor credit card. I love listening to the show, and I'm going to have to... All right, cool, man. Thank you. Thanks for calling in. He wanted to make her a slot machine? Is that what he wanted to do? Basically. Yes. I like that idea. All right. Boy, the background noise is so crushing. These people with smuggling, though, there's all kinds of smuggling stories in the news. Like, did you guys see this one? This was on Facebook. Someone, like one of our listeners, shared it with me. And it says, a prisoner at Walcottah Jail in Colombo, Sri Lanka got into trouble this week when he attempted to slide a smuggled cell phone in his rectum. Ugh. It says, the 58-year-old convict had concealed the phone along with a hands-free headset in his body cavity. The items were discovered when prison guards heard a suspicious ringing. Can you hear me now? So much butt dialing. Now, a hands-free headset. That's a lot of ass he's got. That is a lot of... He's got a lot of room in that ass. Like, seriously, Marie, we talk about your butt, but I could see, maybe a small cell phone. He had a brown tooth. Maybe an old one. A flip phone. I could see a flip phone. You could see a flip phone? A flip phone. All right, as long as you don't see, like, a 1980s phone. Did you just really... Did you guys hear what Vic said? No. I'm gonna kill him in about two minutes. No, he said she had a brown tooth. Don't pick on me. Again, what's the preparation for all of these stories that I'm hearing today? What's the preparation for all this? Like, okay, how do you just... H is the preparation. How do you prepare yourself? That brings us to our sponsor, adamandeve.com. So there was a thing in her ass, in her piece, that's it? No, a guy. He had a cell phone in his butt. A cell phone and a headpiece. A headgear. So, like, that thing, the headphones that you're wearing, those were in his ass. Why does he need headgear, like, headphones for jail? Like, you could just... Like, why are you fancy? That's true. Because you don't want to get caught. You don't want to get caught. I mean, I'm saying, like, I know. What is it, like, a Bluetooth or something? Yeah, listen, I will go with the stereotype. I will stereotype that black guys are late. I will not go with they're all in jail. Because we've got one here as well. Right. I've had a lot of family members in jail. Have you? Yeah, I have. I'm glad that you're so happy about this. I feel like they're not anymore, but they've all taken a trip. That's great, the cute little white chicks, like, oh, yeah, thugs, all of them. I got nothing but thugs in my family. That's just Cousin Louie. Well, Italian sort of white, a little off-white. Off-whites have a lot of... I was going to say, well, Gary's not in jail, but I did see he had an ankle bracelet. Aren't you born with that? Aren't you born with a little ankle bracelet? I would rather be born with an ankle bracelet than a bag of fucking oranges. And a blower, and a blower, right? And a snow blower. Can I ask, where is, because it is interesting, where is your, like, where are you from? What are you? Mexican. Oh, okay. I was born in... I thought you were going to say something, like, creative. No, it's born in Mexico. Newer. All right. Mexican. Wait, I'm just curious. Gary, you acted like you really are wearing a bracelet, are you? No, uh-uh. Okay. I'm just one of those type of people that when people snap, I love to snap back. That's fine. But, you know, what I have learned is several of Marie's family have those very ankle bracelets. They've all had bracelets. They give them as gifts. Seriously. They all use the same one. Seriously. When you see my brother, it's just like, oh, come on down. No, I can't pass this area. I can't go past this area, the bushes. That's it. When you go to town... Pass them down from family, from dad to son, they all use the same one. Yeah, you're a man now, so here you go. I was wondering if everyone in Marie's family, you know, is everyone in Marie's family keeps their phone in their ass now? That's nice. And they kiss their mom to pass the pills. Clearly, if there's any advice for this, though, look, you know, it's a win-win. Just put your phone on vibrate. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, but even... Well, that would be beneficial, actually. You'd be prison gay? Yeah, but at least you'd gay yourself. You'd gay yourself. It would be different. So the other prisoners frown on you if you have it on vibrate. All right, well, listen, I want to remind all our listeners that you are hearing us on Extreme Talk XM, channel 165. We air every Saturday, 10 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. If you are hearing us on XM, but you would like to call in and be part of the show, you have to listen on skidrowstudios.com and our phone number here, 800-893-9562. And please do make sure that you like us on Facebook and subscribe free at the iTunes store. Vic, you wanted to say something? Yeah, I was just curious. In this last story, it brought back a memory. You were talking about... Yes, you've got lots of stuff. Of course, it did. Something up the ass, and I was just curious here with our panel, who here has ever stuck something odd up their ass? And there's the quiet time. Very fucking awkward. What's the oddest thing you've stuck up your ass? Look, Vic, nobody's like you, okay? No one's... Wait, wait, wait. Yoyo is raising his hand. Everyone's a liar here. Well, it's nothing weird, but... It's an orange. I did get a colonoscopy, a colonoscopy on Valentine's Day. Really? On Valentine's Day. Did you get a card or flowers, anything? If a guy in the alley does it, it's not a colonoscopy. If there's two hands on your shoulder. First of all... No, I had a colonoscopy, but that doesn't count. Marie, you've had something in your butt, I'm sure. I've had a colonoscopy, too. No, that's not what we're talking about. I said, what was it that you put up? You didn't give yourself a colostomy? Oh, enema. That's not odd. Okay. Then I think what we are learning here, Vic, is you have a colonoscopy. You have a colonoscopy. You have a colonoscopy. If you were wrong, we have not all done this. Exactly. No one shoved Tonka trucks up their ass like you, okay? Listen, I've dated a woman and she shoved a tongue in my ass, but... Oh, I've had that. I dated that same woman. I didn't like it. I did not like it. Really? I felt violated. You know what I mean? I was helpless. Can I tell you something? Can I have her number? Right now, sir, you should have been married. That's my advice. Was that a proposal when she did that up your butt? I'll answer my own question. The oddest thing I ever put in my ass was a carrot. Okay. I'm really nervous about what this is going to be. Sometimes I wonder why I have you on the show. I mean, just for the gross factor. What do you mean you stuck a carrot in your ass? Seriously? I was a young kid and I... Like, I was a young teen. I was really horny. 38 is not a young teen. I was really horny and I wanted... I was curious. It was a baby carrot. Oh, my God. It was one of those little tiny ones that come with a bag? I didn't like it. I did it once. I was curious. So you were a pedophile. I was my own self. Yeah, right. You have changed the way I view baby carrots. I thought you were trying to trap a rabbit. No, but it wasn't. It was a whole minute. Like, what's up, doc? Oh, my God. I'm going to throw those carrots home. At home, I'm throwing them out. I literally tossed a salad. Weren't you afraid that the baby carrot was going to get sucked into your butt? I was a little, but I held on tight. He figured he already had his keys and some other things in there. Here's what I don't understand. How does Vic manage to make being a vegetarian sound disgusting? And unhealthy. And the other thing is that everyone's so dishonest about in this room is that we all experiment. Not like that. No, not like that. Yeah, but I mean, why would we lie to you if we shove something up our butt? Because that's how people get embarrassed or whatever. I'm not alone on this. Do you know some of the confessions I have made on this show? And my mother listens. Maybe you blocked it out. No, no, no. What about a shampoo bottle? What? A shampoo bottle. What about it? Is that another item you've shoved up your butt? Slowly but surely, I'm starting to feel like I'm going to die. I'm starting to feel like I'm going to die. I'm starting to hear this getting ready to graduate to asking you if you ever had a dick in you. Right? He says no. No, because I know the answer to that. That's too real. I got no problem with the answer to that. No. Why does Vic have a convenience store in his ass? He mentioned shampoo. That's right. He's got a phone. He's got a tech support operator. Apparently 7-Eleven isn't the only thing open all night. He's got the whole world. He's got the whole world in his ass. You guys can make fun of me, but I... We do. We do. We do. I come here to be vulnerable, and you guys sit here and just... You come here to be crazy. No, I just happen to be honest. I use this microphone as tooth serum. This is therapy for Vic. So he just eats serum all over. All right. Well, our next story... We already made love last night. Our next story is about a woman named Tawana Bourne, and I am not assuming her ethnicity, but I will look at you because her name is Tawana Bourne. I'm not assuming her ethnicity, but I will look at you because her name is Tawana Bourne. I'm not assuming her ethnicity, but I will look at you because her name is Tawana Bourne. Is that black? My name isn't Tawana Bourne. Is that a black name, Tawana? Ey, fuck, man. Seriously, the Mexican guy's going, not me. Come on. If you said Antonella, I said that's an Italian name. Or... I would know. No, Antonella's not. No, he's not. He's not. He's not. He's not. Tawana's not universal. You ain't gonna get a whole lot of Tawana Bournsteins. That's right. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. And he's not. universal you ain't gonna get a whole lot of tawana bornsteins that's right i mean okay this is tawana born story and in newton connecticut which makes her 50 less black in in uh in newington connecticut police arrested a woman at a chucky cheesy uh on monday after she allegedly pulled a loaded gun during an argument with another parent yes she's probably this is tawana born age 30 apparently brandished a 380 semi-automatic handgun and chambered around during a verbal altercation at the restaurant apparently a witness who claims to have been the woman on the other end of the gun told the police that the argument began after born's son pushed her two-year-old daughter off of a ride now later in the story is apparently born described herself as quote a very good person that's very involved in the community and she claims this was after she had rediscovered god conquered a crack cocaine addiction and pursued her dream of working with children but she couldn't handle the ball pit right this has happened to me like i wanted i wanted to pull out a pistol on another mother at the park it happened a couple months yeah and she doesn't need to have kids i have a three-year-old yeah my kid was waiting to go down the slide and this other mother's kid was just sitting there taking a pill at the end and so my french kissing him basically she looked like she was on oxy and then my kid decided to i said wait wait wait and he just took he went down the slide and he tapped her a little bit and the mother was just like oh your kid was doing i don't know what the she was talking about and i was just like of course not she sounded like that she really sounded like that she was foreign she was foreign brown's teacher did you have a kid at the park no it wasn't mexican it was it was a different foreign and i said could can we not argue in front of the kids you stupid kid it was like oh i said if we want to like point fingers your kid like there's a process to this you go up the slide you come down this line and it ended with because she wouldn't stop i was like look you give your kid to your husband and i'll give mine to mine and we'll meet outside this park i really said that awesome and then some woman was looking on and i went up to her i was like can you believe this woman over here and she was like i was like oh my god you're together and then marie's like on herself i'm going uncle vinnie i'm gonna need that ankle bracelet i could have taken her i could have taken her marie leaves the park her knuckles are all bloody i was like a chihuahua salivating your kid must be pretty well behaved though because he's probably scared shitless of you no he's not scared he walks around like a mafia kid are you kidding me he is pretty fierce though his middle name is big which is actual name there's no middle name okay now the the first story that was definitely a black person that was a black woman arguing with the white you have a caller all right why because she had a gun go on hold on caller and then she justified everything and they see i'm trying to get myself together and all of that right well at least she conquered her cocaine addiction i don't know that i want her working with kids like if you've got a semi-automatic maybe you know kid care isn't your calling and the weird part is this was in that town newton right oh no newington i thought that's what you said no newington different connecticut yeah what's with connecticut i don't know i think it happens everywhere i think you get so frustrated because you're so tired of these stupid people and you just i mean i don't have any weapons i have a bat i have a bat this is from a woman who threatened someone in a parking lot no this is why i don't carry a gun because i would shoot people but go ahead call her you're on the air hello how are you i'm doing well who do we have my name is mike hey mike thanks for calling bad advice you got a question for us nice fake name i have a question about valentine's day all right let's have it uh if you've never told the person that you with that you love them yet is it bad to do it on valentine's day or is that putting pressure on the person that you're telling oh my god okay what's his name no mike you know we we can make this one quick if yes first of all i don't think you should ever tell the person you love them ever ever no never it it that as soon as you say if you're in a relationship as soon as you say i love you what i want you to do is start hearing that little ticking sound because that's the timer towards the end of your relationship and the time that you have any balls left you got to devalue it i say it to everybody for everything me too really yeah the guy the guy at the liquor store gives me some beer i'm like i love you so much man everybody mike gives you beer mike mike mike hello yeah this is vic you came for advice is that what you came for be nice is that what you want nice i'm going to give you something how long have you been with this lady uh almost a year okay and have you guys made love yeah a year he has speed it up it's a fair question okay okay here's the deal mike the bad advice is her sister the good advice is you need to tell her you love her on valentine's day you can never go wrong there's no pressure on her at all she doesn't have to say anything don't say to her do you love me hey hey when you go on a different show for good advice you can give that advice brother yeah yeah yeah hey mike oh go ahead yeah do you want to practice on me and tell me you love me because i really need to hear it because her husband's smart enough to not do it all right go ahead tell me you freaking love me you all right because we got a lot of questions to get to so go ahead but tell her you love her but after you have sex with her right after yeah yeah go on all right say i love you to to that girl oh to marie all right i'm gonna let you tell marie your lover and then we're gonna move on because we got a lot of questions to get to punk go ahead mike you got 10 seconds to tell marie you love her marie i just wanted to tell you ever since we worked together on set i've always loved you and i didn't know how to say it i always knew i love you too mike all right well this is a stranger we gotta go but thanks for calling man i will talk to you soon it was marco bye we know marco were we just pranked yes he's a punk you know i've got all right last story i want to get to this one fast and then we're going to get on to questions ron i want to thank all our listeners on sirius xm uh it is well xm 165 extreme talk you're hearing us it's not live you're listening to us saturday 10 p.m eastern standard time you're hearing us live right here on skid row studios.com this story i freaking love this one says andrew mendoza of donovan texas was waiting for his girlfriend to call one night and he told himself that if he didn't hear from her he would go next door and quote mess with the neighbor's horse well she didn't call the documented the document then details the encounter in graphic detail before he stated quote i was trying to make the horse have a baby i was thinking would have some kind of horseman baby oh my god he said i ain't gonna lie i blew a nut in that horse yet he's surprised that this chick didn't show up right crazy his chick was the horse oh my god i love that he blew a nut in her yeah that could have been marco i i ain't gonna lie i ain't gonna lie i blew a nut in that horse but there's two parts to that story that i love there's the i blew a nut in that horse but he was trying to make a horseman baby well first of all the scientists when your story is minotaur i blew a nut in a horse we're pretty sure you didn't lie right vick have you ever blown a nut in a horse no i think vick now we've talked about this is making love to a stuffed animal giraffe vick has been in a horse costume and just waited i'm wondering if vick was a little horse man baby yeah maybe you are though it's a selfish act because the horse couldn't feel anything you don't know that unlikely no horse vagina is like a small condo How do you know it was vagina? Maybe it was ass. I heard the horse did say nay. I believe that. That's funny. Nay. Nay. Exactly. That's funny. Is that a term that you guys use? Bust a nut? Is that what like... No, I say women say that and I hate when women talk like that. Women talk about... Are you serious? Busting a nut. Yeah, at least Mexican chola kind of girls. Really? Really? They sound classy. I love chola. Do they say like bust a nut in me or something? I want to get head. Like a guy going down on a chick is getting head. Are you serious? Yeah. So Mexican chicks are like dudes? The ghetto ones or the chola ones. Never mind the penis. I got to get me one of them. I don't know. They go that white, Drew. We've talked about this before but I don't kind of understand why it's against the law to make love to an animal. I mean, I've never done it. Really? Yeah, I really don't understand. Have you noticed that in this broadcast there's a lot of moments of silence after victims? I'm like, this is what we do? I know. I know. I know. It's not something I'd want to participate in but, you know, animals don't have a lot to do. You know what? That's a good point. I mean, they're just standing around. Okay, look. That's what chew toys and all of that shit's for. Animals can't pay rent. They got to earn their keep somehow, right? Oh, wow. Never remind me to never let y'all fucking house sit and watch my dog. That's exactly what I say week after week on this show. No, I'm not into it but I could understand why it could happen. I don't want you anywhere near my house if you can understand it. I've seen your dog. I've seen your dog. It's not my dog. She's beautiful. Yeah, but I can see the beauty in an animal but I would never make love to that animal. He's more into male dogs anyway. Okay, then you would just groach fuck it. I have to say I have to say that some animals some animals are actually asking for it though because my cat What? Yes, my cat rapes me a little bit. Like she With her eyes? No, with her hands. She's all over me and she's like biting and licking me and eating me. That's not your cat. That's Vic. Yeah. That's Vic's sandy little tongue. That's a little scrappy sound. I used to have a female cat that rubbed her butt on me sometimes. Right. Well, that's the thing about animals. They taunt you. Yeah, exactly. It's how they dress. No, they flirt with you. They try and get a rise out of you and then if a guy or a woman makes a move suddenly it's against the law. They're jailbait. There was one time I accidentally spilled some mayonnaise on my cat. on my lap and my dog came and licked it out. See? Accidentally. And it was so strategically accidentally placed. That was the weird thing. And she struck with a knife. On the tip of your penis. I don't believe in I want to be clear on something. I'm here. Vic Cohen. Don't believe that people should have sex with animals and I think that it should be an animal that wants to have sex if it were to happen. Okay. Okay, Mitt. We're going to need flip-flopping. What the hell are you talking about? He's making it sound like the animals have consent forms. Yeah, I was going to say Vic, exactly. When you show me where the dog wrote a one-page letter explaining it was ready then we're fine with that. But until that happens shut up. I walked in on Vic and he was 69ing with a goat. The whole thing ended you called the goat a tease and you took off and I remember thinking if a dog's humping your leg all the time that's a come on. Okay, listen guys we got questions to get to. If you want to join us for one of these questions you can call us. 800-893-9562 but remember you can also submit them online at the Bad Advice Facebook page. Also on Twitter at Drew's Bad Advice. Our first question was from Gilda in Sun Valley. Oh yeah. Gilda wrote and said my husband and I have been married for 10 years. He was raised a Mormon but he has not been a practicing Mormon for as long as I've known him. He just recently decided to go back to it. He even started wearing the garments. Now when we have sex we have to have a sheet between us. What do I do? Is that true? I thought that was a Jewish thing. I didn't know it was a Mormon thing too. I didn't even know it was a Jewish thing. I think it's an ugly wife. It's an ugly wife thing. Is that what you usually excuse you guys? I think this is Mitt Romney's wife. I usually put a pillowcase over her head. That's because you kidnapped her. Yes. Exactly. I don't know that the Mormons use chloroform. Was the pillowcase for her or for you? I don't know. I mean yeah that's the thing. I would say if there's a sheet between that's like the Mormon version of a one bagger. You know the coyote date. You know what those things are right? No. Coyote date is where you sleep with a woman in the morning you look over and she's asleep on your arm but you just want to get out of there you don't want to disturb her so you chew your own arm off. Oh wow. Oh wow. That's extreme but I like that. I usually just put them out that night after I'm finished. Maybe the sheet is just he feels is a better religious practice or nicer religious practice than praying please don't let me throw up on my ugly wife. So Gilda's unhappy with this? Is that the point? I don't even I missed the point of the question. Why don't you take a restroom break? Sign up for Dolly Ashley Madison and go find a partner. No. Final advice here Gilda. Listen. If you're unhappy let him fuck one of his other wives. Or their polygamist? I'm assuming all Mormons are. Yes. You're going to get in trouble for that one. That's not true. Okay. Here we go. This one our next one is from Rita in Belmont. Rita wrote in and said my husband is constantly trying to pluck his nose hairs whenever we're in the car. People stare. He says it's the perfect place for it since the mirror is right there. Why does he have to be so disgusting? Because men are disgusting. Easy. Easy. You guys are gross. You leave your shit everywhere. No. No. We're not nasty. The only non-gross guy is Drew because I know he's like OCD like neat freak. I was about to say I totally do this in the car. Oh no. Yeah. And for that very reason here's the thing I can go through my entire day and never notice like nose hairs but when I'm in the car and the mirror's right there it's like I see that sucker. But would you do that with a woman there? I'd do it too. No. I wouldn't do it with a woman. But if that's your lady so what? What the hell? I'm not going to pick ass hairs out. Women y'all shave their ass on the subway. My advice to her is to love her man and pluck out his nose hairs for him. That's nice. While he's driving? Yeah. Both hands on the wheel she plucks his nose. It's safer. I guess you should get a pot of wax and just like rip it out. I think that's what I would do. First of all how hairy is this guy's nose? I know. It's a forest up there. It's an Armenian nostrils. It is an Armenian. He's not Armenian but his nostrils are. Oh my God buddy. You know some of our listeners are very proper and nice and then some some of them like when they write the questions but and then some of them we get the other side like this one. My wife snores and it makes my dick go soft as a new noodle. I'm thinking of dumping the fat whore. Lots. Oh my God. That's awesome. Felipe in Cuba. Oh wow. If your nickname for your wife is fat whore your relationship's probably on the way out Felipe. I think that's just it's a bailout. His dick goes hard without the snoring. That's a bailout Felipe. Come on dude. Yeah. I think it's a cute name. You used to stop trying to fuck his wife when she's sleeping. Well that's the only time he could be attracted to her. That's the best pussy to take. If you're fucking sleeping you're a rapist Felipe. No. No. I don't think so. I think Necrophilias. No. It's like she's not talking. It's so much easier to get aroused when she's not talking. You guys talk so freaking much I don't want to hear it. But you know what though one thing I've learned because I do that with my girl when she's sleeping Rape her? No. It's not rape if you're married. Exactly. But I'm not married. No I didn't. Okay. Vic you should not have said that. Yeah. That was true. I don't want that. That was Drew Marks who said that. Drew Marks. Drew will be accused of the next 35 rapes in LA. God. No it's times where when I'm turned on she may be asleep and you know she has her back to me and I'm excited and I'll you know beat my little head on her or whatever it is. Okay he's using gestures with his hand right now. Because Blacks on radio. Blacks on radio. I can tell you this Marie if we were sleeping in the same bed and we were like tuning and you had that thing backed up against me you'd be asleep and I'd be tapping on you constantly. She could be in another room and have that thing backed up against you. I'd rather hear a woman fart than burp. I mean burp than snore. I just don't like it and I feel for everything going on here. No I actually do agree with it's such a turn off. I've broken up with women. If a woman snores I'm a very light sleeper. I wake up if someone looks at me. So if a woman snored yes Philippa you should totally break up with her and not just because she's a fat whore. I mean that's one of the reasons. Have her lose some weight maybe she'll stop snoring. I don't understand you guys. Why does it go to your genitalia about snoring? I don't understand how that's a sexual thing. It's not feminine. It's not dainty. Also it's masculine when a man does it. No I don't do it. I don't do it. I'm not going to fuck a man when he snores either. I bet you're a snorer. Are you a snorer? It is masculine for a man to snore. It is not. It's gross. It's horrible. I'm not saying it's great but it's masculine. Don't you get your snore on me because you're gross. It's like a man having a six pack. Do you snore? No but since I'm Mexican I sleep all the time. Then you're not a real Mexican. Even while working. I snore while I'm mowing grass so that way you can't tell. Do you do my house because it looks like shit? I'm on your lawn. I'm also impressed we have a listener in Cuba. That's the man. We have listeners all over the place. We don't know the translation though in Cuban fat whore might be a compliment. That's true. Yeah. She might be delicious. If I called you a fat whore in Spanish you'd be happy with that? No I'd cut your balls off. Wow. How do you say fat whore in Spanish? Puta gorda. Oh that sounds hot. Don't do that. See? She's going to cut your balls off. Right now. Did you hear that weird little squishing sound? That sounds like some shit you serve up with fucking tomatoes and pico de gallo. I would tip a chip in that. Alright. Well I'm glad we were able to help Felipe. Here's our next one. This one. When I say we have listeners all over this is Don in Fort Lauderdale. Don says last night my 10 year old son walked in on me giving oral sex to his father. He must have stood there and watched for at least two minutes. How do I explain to him what happened and what he saw without destroying him for life? Too late. She needs to tell her son that that's why they're still married. That's a good point. Or tell him that he had an owie and she was just making it better. Blowing on his boo boo. You know? Daddy deflated like the raft. Mommy's blowing him back up. Wait a minute. You guys. How is no one addressing the fact that this kid watched for two minutes? That means that the mom that means she was really getting it in and dad was he had his eyes closed. This is mother of the year. This is totally mother of the year. This woman was giving head and even when the kid is standing she goes I'm going to finish this. Either that either that or the father was like had his hands in her hair and was like don't even think about it. Oh so she saw him? Yeah. The kid the boy watched for two is that ever how many minutes has your son watched you? Oh stop it. That's a fair question. None. None. Really? You don't know? He's a really heavy sleeper. Oh wow. Andrew's like and I don't do that to the husband. That ship has sailed. No. I walked in on my parents having sex when I was six. Really? Never do that. Really? Was he on top of her? I don't you know what it was like a blurry she's still blind in one eye. I just remember seeing them like both naked at the same time. What's going on with that? What are you doing with the arms? Is your dad one of those inflatable things outside a car sale? What is that thing? I don't know. I'm trying to get a visual. I'm going back in time. I need a crazy parent sex guy. I think I was maybe four or five. How do you know they were having sex? Because they were like there was lots of noises. I didn't know until later in my life what it was because I thought she was like being hurt. Did they address it with you? No. They were like get out. Or we'll hit you with this bat. He's a Brooklyn parent. Gary what do you got? I've actually heard my parents having sex. And it's funny I guess it's different because in black families you know black men when we have sex we have to we have to illustrate and we have to make noise and we have to talk to that thing. Really? That thing? What's that thing? The wife. Oh okay. I'm glad we're an object. The captive. The vagina. It's attached to a blood vessel. What did your dad say? What did your dad say? He was just like you like it? And I heard him smacking her ass and I was like this is my mom. Unfortunately mom never spoke up. Happy dinner. Yeah that was pretty cool. Awesome. Did he give you sexual issues? He passed me a beer. Did he give you sexual issues? Do I? Yeah. Do you have issues with women? He'll only have sex with his mom. Do they all look like your mother? No. I don't have sexual issues except I like sex all the time. That's the only issue. Gary be honest. This is important. Did you pleasure yourself while you were listening? No. Oh my God. Be honest. No I didn't. No. No. It's not a fair question. No. Because it was sickening. When Vic asked that question a baby carrot popped out of his head. I thought that was a salad. I didn't know what that was. What do you have a salad shooter up there? What's happening? Seriously. If he had even considered pleasuring himself to something like that you know that person is ending up in jail. No. You never know. Yeah you do. You end up in school yards and stuff. Did you look at your mom differently? I looked at her very differently. How old were you? I was like mom. You whore. I was in my early teens. Oh he was a teenager. That's totally different. Did you high five your dad after? No. Because I was like I was sitting there like Yo give me some. Give me some. What? Did you respect them more afterwards? No. I just was like you know that's your parents and they're like having sex. It's weird. Not even having decency enough to even gag her or some shit like that. Vic this is why we don't have more black people on the show because I am always fearful that one of them is going to kill you. It's quite possible. I want to be successful. I want to be successful. I want to be successful. I can't kill him. I want to be successful. That's all that's stopping. Chill a little Jewish guy. On to our next question. This is from Ethan in San Carlos. Ethan wrote in and said my wife wants me to let her younger brother come and live with us. He's getting out of jail and he's a registered sex offender. She says it's not as bad as it sounds. He just had sex with a 16 year old when he was 18. He spent the last six years in jail. What should I do? Did he go to jail for the sex offender? Yes. You should say if he still has that girl's number because she's 22 now. That's hard. She is ready now. It's a fucking math joke, baby. That's really harsh. I don't let him stay. I don't let him stay there. I mean, listen, I have gotten in trouble and had to do time. Did you really? Really? I actually did. But the thing of it is, I mean, well, maybe I should say I will because people gave me a chance to redeem myself but I wasn't out fucking little girls and stuff like that. I wasn't out fucking little boys either. You just robbed some girls. You didn't do any of that shit, right? That's all. That's what he did. He did the robbery. I stuck my finger in a little Italian girl's beard. Stay far away. Why is that a crime? Arms length. Arms length. She kept saying no. That's not fair on her part. I wouldn't let him use your computer. If that kid comes in, don't let him. I won't. Anything borderline illegal, I won't look up on my computer until I go to your house. Logging under your name. Does this person have kids? Is that why they're worried? It doesn't say. Oh, well, what's the big deal? Here's the thing. I don't think the fact that he had sex with a 16-year-old when he was 18 is the problem. The problem is he just spent six years in jail. He may not have been fucked up before. First of all, this story, whoever wrote this does not have all the information. You don't go six years when you're 18 for having sex with a 16-year-old. Maybe it was a 16-year-old. No. You don't get six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. Six years. No. But you know what? If he did, he may have had priors. He may have had other shit and he was just like, you know what? Yeah, if he had priors, that's different. Maybe the 16-year-old was a judge's daughter. Right. There's that. Or maybe it was his girlfriend. That's also possible. Okay. Well, the final piece of advice, Ethan, here's what I want you to do. Let the brother come over, but I want you to wear pigtails. Oh, my God. And if that guy looks at you funky, get him out. You wouldn't look at the guy with the pigtails? He's not funky. I'm giving him an easy out. Actually, you made a good point. I would hire, like you said, a decoy. Yeah, put like a blob doll in the corner or something. No, I would hire... You should always do that. I would hire a woman who looks like she's 12 and just see what he does. And do the two catch a predator. Like, hi, guys, I just made some lemonade. Come inside. I'm doing laundry. No, but to be realistic, I think at 18, I mean, he really didn't know what he was doing. And something may have happened where they were like, all right, well, we got to go to court and then they found out, you know, we don't know. Like, he may have, as a child, walked in and hurt his parents or just hurt his parents having sex. Maybe hurt his dad slapping his mom. See, no, I will let you kill him for that. And I will take the blame. I'm going to shove carrots up his ass. But not baby ones. Okay, well, listen, we got to move on. Shove all the whole foods up his ass. I don't care. We're going to move on. I just want to remind you one more time, you are listening to us either at skidrowstudios.com or on Extreme Talk XM 165. If you're hearing us on Extreme Talk, but you want to be part of the show, you can listen to us on Skid Row and call in the number 800-893-9562. Please do make sure you subscribe at iTunes and like us on Facebook. Our next question is from Bianca. Bianca said, my husband puts ketchup on everything. It makes me crazy. I work hard to make him something special then he just pours ketchup all over it. Why can't he just enjoy the taste of the food? Bianca, you whiny bitch. Yeah, you are such a bitch, Bianca. I hate you. Apparently, he is not banging her correctly. Now, you can, if she's concerned that her food is, that her cooking is not good, when he goes down on her, does he pour ketchup in there? Fine question. I think she has ketchup one week of the month. Oh. Oh. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. That didn't even sound good in Spanish. Yeah, you should have, here's the thing, if he actually said that in Spanish, it would have sounded better. Anything that sounds like that in Spanish sounds like something the guy. Bianca. Bianca, real quick, you're a bitch. This guy, this guy. Why is she a bitch? She's a bitch. You know what? Why? Because, you know what, that's so nitpicky. Ketchup is garbage. It doesn't matter. Women are never satisfied. One at a time, guys. Bianca, you're never going to be happy. This guy, I hate you as much as I'm sure he hates you. At this point, he's probably doing it just to piss you off and you are such a see you next Tuesday. You're such a, no, you're such a worm. You're a worm. You've never made a lovely meal for somebody and what if they just took out like a big barrel of like. I hate it. It means anything. I love A1. I put A1 on a lot of stuff and it's a compliment. You're wrong. A1's my favorite sauce. You're wrong and I'm going to tell you, I'm guessing with all the things you do, A1 is not your favorite sauce. I will say this. I will say this. It does burn. It does burn. All right, let me tell you something, okay, and I don't know about the rest of you. I am a good cook. I like to cook. You're Italian. You cook? Yes, I'm a very good cook. To a person who is a good cook, there is nothing worse. Now, the only thing you should put ketchup on are hamburgers, french fries, and eggs. That's it. Thank you. If I made a delicious sauce and some jerk off put ketchup on my sauce, I would slurp. You want to stab him in the face. I'm sorry. I'll say it real quick. If you go to an expensive, if I take a girl to an expensive restaurant and we order some really good food and that bitch reaches over and starts pouring ketchup on it, I'm going to strangle her. Light trash. Both of you two people, Drew, Marie, you're both over-controlling and obnoxious. It has nothing to do with you. All I want is to put it on their fucking face. It's their fucking food. Thank you. It's their choice. Thank you. You guys are too controlling and it makes me pissed. At what point are you going to micromanage everyone's life? Turn off Vicks Mike. He doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Here's my food. I think we need to call his therapist right now. I know, right? He's got veins popping out of his head. That's crazy. I mean, if you fix it and I'm eating it, why feed it to me? You are not fixing it with ketchup. You understand? I will never eat it at your house. Promise? Yeah, that's the reason. Go ahead. Girl, people can put whatever they want on their food, right? You can't tell a grown person what to do. I put tapatio on everything. That's because you're Mexican. It's assumed. No, it's because you guys... Tapatio. I mean, listen. First of all, I'm not even convinced you guys are good cooks. I ate at your house once, Drew. All you made was a shitty steak. Anyone can fuck a steak. Anyone can... Oh, snap. Anyone can put a steak. I am going to stab you in your beady little eye. Let me tell you. Let me tell you something. You get the front and I'll shove shit up his ass. You... You're the best. Let me talk to you. Drew, Drew, seriously. Yes. You make me a decent meal, then I'll tell you, I'll give you credit. Anyone can put a slab of meat on a grill. Okay? Put a potato in the oven. To prove Vic wrong, I do not believe it is worth it to invite him over for dinner. And I have cooked for Gus on numerous occasions. Gus? When he's... He is a good cook, but if he tells me I can't use ketchup, I will put three times more ketchup on his fucking meal. I'm going to make a promise on the air that next week I'm going to bring you something to eat, you little worm. And you're going to fucking eat it and love it and you're going to eat those words that I'm not a good cook. And I'm making you a promise I'm bringing a bottle of ketchup. And I'll cut you. Yeah, except it'll have already been shoved halfway up his ass. Exactly. Did you notice how Marie with the head roll turned into a freaking Ricky Lake cat? I was all chicken neck peck peck. She got very, very black right real quick. I'm full of shit. Marie, are you full of shit or are you going to really bring something? I'm really fucking bringing you something. Okay, good. Just don't put any ham in it, please. Oh my God, are you going to give me your diet list? I don't like eating a lot. I don't like pork. I'll eat pepperoni. Do you want dressing on the side? What else do you want? I would remove the baby carrots as well. No, I'll do that. Hold on. Gary? I'm sorry. He's the type of person I can't go to a drive-thru and order food because he's the one that's like no pickles, no onions, no tomatoes. Exactly. You can't take them anywhere. This has more about you guys than it does about anyone because you guys are over sensitive and over controlling and the fact you want to dictate how people eat your food is absurd. He's actually right on this one and he's almost never right although I will, I did discover on a show that to, to just be an asshole to Marie means she's going to cook you dinner. So that's nice. Wait a minute. I mean this in the nicest way but seriously, all you people that think it's okay to just take fine food and throw ketchup on it are uncultured motherfuckers. You make this so accurate. I'll say it again, Drew. I've eaten your food. There was nothing fine about it. Wow. Why is it uncultured? Because when you fix food and you eat it. He could not be more wrong. I've never seen anybody get this worked up and still be, this unintimidating. I know. I know. I know. Shut up, Lou. Drew. Drew. It's like a little bee that's going. Drew, if you're such a great cook, follow in your friend here, Marie's steps and do me something. I would but here's the thing. I don't like you enough. All right. We are going to move on to the next question because we only have two minutes left. This one is a little odd. Okay. It says, hi, bad advice. The other ones are so normal. Hi, bad advice. I just discovered my boyfriend of two years has a collection of over 300 soiled panties. One from every woman he's ever bedded. Should I dump him? He's 62 and I'm 68. Thanks, Fran in Idaho. P.S. We live in a retirement community and we love listening to the show while we play bridge. Oh. Well, the deal is is that like if they were younger, they would just, he would just have regular panties but because he dates older women, they're all going to be soiled. That's a good point. Yeah, he has the bins. Are they the big granny panties though? In a fucking retirement community, who doesn't have soiled panties? That's nice. That's your right of passage. Think of the history of the panties. He might have Rosa Parks panties, maybe. It's true. He could have like historic panties. Right. Panties through the ages. Everyone needs a hobby. Historic panties with shit in them are still shitty panties. I don't think that's the way. Why do you assume by soil that they have crap in them? What do you think? He has soil in them? What do you think? It could be vaginal stains. Yeah, just excitement. Like a little, like a little, a little, that's it. Just a little pfft. It would remind me to not be at your house on laundry day, by the way. Why does it sound like he's justifying for the smells and the sounds? Wait, I feel like this is like a back to the future thing happening right now because this is Vic. Like, you know, it's somehow like he wrote to us from the future. No, you know how I know that it's not? Not? He says he has 300 pairs. Are you kidding me? He did put ketchup on it. I've got 300 pairs of soiled panties. They're mine. Yeah, but if you... Oh, wow. I bet, I bet. They all taste like chicken. And carrots. Yes, you truly can buy anything on the internet. First of all, any guy who's still alive in the retirement home, especially if he drives, is a prize. Keep them and move on. All right, listen, we do have to wrap it up. I want to thank all my guests. We have Ken August following this show immediately after we're going to be on the weekly wrap-up. So make sure you just stay tuned if you're listening to us live. Vic Cohen, it's a fair question. It is Tuesday nights. Wednesday nights. Wednesday. We moved it. We changed time slots. Wednesday nights, 10 p.m. Yes. Okay, make sure you listen. It's a very funny show. Vic Cohen. I'm going to get this right. Uyalio Magana. Close enough. Uyalio Magana. We got some gigs coming up tonight in the Gage nightclub and Viva Zapata and I'm going to be at the Long Beach Laugh Factory February 17th. Nice. Okay, make sure you go. Gary O'Neill. I am at the Ha Ha Cafe on Monday night and Tuesday I am headlining at the La Jolla Comedy Store. Outstanding. Marito Preti. What do you got going on? I watch Parental Discretion on Nick Mom. I have some new episodes coming up and also on Valentine's Day of Flappers at 9.30 p.m. people. Yeah. Sweet. I want to thank everyone for listening. This has been Bad Advice. We're at skidrowstudios.com. Please do make sure you like our Facebook page. Also, if you want to follow us on Twitter, it's Drew's Bad Advice. If you're hearing us on Extreme XM, it's Extreme Talk XM channel 16. We have replays throughout the week but you can hear us every 10 p.m. Saturday nights Eastern Standard Time. Again, I'm your host, Drew Marks. I want to thank everybody for being here. I know we may be stopping a couple seconds early but we had a lot of fun this week. I want to thank you all. Have a great week. Be good to each other. See ya. Bye. Bitch!!