Hobbit movie review, porn parodies, MFK game

It's a great little hobbit whom we all admire. Yeah. That's my lady jam, you know. The na, the na. I have a lot of weird lady jams. I think the best part about this music video is the go-go girls and their dance when they have their hands up in their face. It's just ridiculous. Love it. See, for me, it's always been like the random clothes flying up from under the hill. Like, what are you doing, Leonard Nimoy? Nobody wants to know. You are a pervert, Leonard Nimoy. Go home, you're drunk, Leonard. Children are watching, Leonard. That Leonard Moulton. You're in the hot seat, so you have to face the shit. Hi, people. My name is Frank. He knows how to talk. Bad touch, bad boy. And I'm here with people. He's here with the usual gang. I introduce these hoes. I'm Anastasia Washington, a.k.a. Psycho Femba. What, what? What, what? She's a girl. Oh. I am a girl. I am Mr. Francisco Calderon, a.k.a. Cuddles the Sociopath. He's a girl. Cuddles the Sociopath. I'm Sassy Pants, Rachel Frumkin. Ooh. Wow. Yeah. That was a compelling argument. I love it. You are so fascinating. Do I do introductions? We can hear you. It's just my earphones, I guess. Here, introduce yourself and give us your nickname. Oh, and our guest. Oh, good. Spontaneous nicknames. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. Spontaneous. My name is Adam Rosenthal, and I am Ju-pock. Oh, love it. Oh, I get it. It's a joke. That's a good one. It's a Ju-pocalypse up in here. It's not a joke. Ju-pocalypse. Oh, that's wonderful. Not that I can hear. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. We have technical difficulties. We're having technical difficulties. We're turning off. I accidentally lit fire to the table. It happens. Vestical difficulties? It happens. There have been worse things done to this table, honestly. I take my hands off. So many flutes. That's why there's some good and clean disinfectant wipes right on the table. Keep it nice and clean. Well, that got awkward. What's awkward? Earphones and sleeping. Today is our Lord of the Rings episode. Yay. Hooray. Which is relevant because of all the Hobbit happenings. It is a Hobbit-ing week. It's a Hobbit-ing week. The Lord of the Rings movies and the Hobbit, it's the time of the year. It's that time of year when Denny's has a Hobbit menu. I can't believe it. Did they get away with that? It's delicious. That's how. How? No. But they gave me stupid cards. The cards I got, I was like, no. No good cards. They have trading cards? Yes. When you eat at the Hobbit menu, you get trading cards. I'm not okay with it. It's so awkward. Tolkien is spinning in his grave. We might as well just wrap copper wire in him so we can generate electricity. You don't think he would enjoy the commercialism? No. No. Oh my gosh. Christopher Tolkien is just... You know, rolling over in his soon-to-be grave. To be fair, they have gigantic Shire sausages. I'm okay with that. They do. I'm okay with the existence of Shire sausages. And poppy seed from Shire sausages. They also serve food. We went there. It transports you to... Penis jokes in the beginning of the show. It's not a show without a penis joke. It's not a show without penis jokes. That's true. And we all do love penis. And if you like our penis jokes, call us at 800-899-5562 and tell us maybe some of your penis jokes. If you don't like our penis jokes, don't fucking call. Don't call anyways and tell us how you hate it. People are gonna call. We don't have fans. We do too. Oh, they don't exist. You don't have fans. My boobs have fans. Nobody has fans. No one listens to this show. I actually have a personal entourage that cheers me on wherever I go and they sing the Rocky theme song acapella. Well, they're not here today, are they? Crazy, crazy. I love that. How did you train them? Did you give them Scooby snacks? I went to... Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. Scooby. She's referring to drugs. I would never. Seriously, you guys. I'm so innocent. Wait. What connection is there between Scooby Doo and drugs? I'm confused. Wow. Wow. Thank you. That's... I dosed you all with acid this morning. Oh. Oh, yay. Oh, I get it. My first trip is a surprise trip. It's piped. It's piped through the earphones. Yeah. It's in your earphones. Exactly. Yeah. It's in your ear canals. That's why she can't hear. Because the acid is in her ears. Because the acid's in my ears. I was wondering why you had three heads. Anyways. Yes. Sorry, there was sign language going on. Sign language. Sign language is wonderful on a podcast, by the way. It's the best thing ever. So none of you guys have seen The Hobbit this week, right? No. But I've seen the cartoon. I've seen The Hobbit. I've seen the 1977 Bass and Rankin. Adam, you've seen The Hobbit, right? I have. I have, as a matter of fact. Awesome. Awesome. I just accidentally headbutted the mic. No, it's fine. That's okay. I saw it this week as well. I have a lot to say about it. I have a lot to say about it. No spoilers. You can spoil it. How am I spoiling something for you? I'm just saying. I'm saying because, I don't know, people out there in the interweb get really pissy when you spoil shit for them. Guess what, bitch? Spoilers. If you haven't read the book. If you haven't seen the cartoon. Fuck you all. Fuck off. What kind of nerds are you if you don't know what's going to fucking happen in The Hobbit? Does Bilbo survive? Did you not see the first? No. Did you not see The Lord of the Rings? It was a dream the whole time. I think the best edition was when they had Smeagol and Bilbo making out in the cave. I do too. That was the best one. That was only in the high frame rate one. It was like between the regular frames. There was moments where they were faces. It was a Smeagol-Bilbo snuff film in between. Yes. But Gollum survives. Yeah. So, I thought it was good. I thought it was good. I was upset by a couple of things. Pull it out. I was upset because he has obviously fluffed it up. He has obviously taken every walking shot they have ever taken with them. Every long pause and put it in this movie so that he can extend it out to three. It is so obvious. So fucking obvious. He is enraged, people. You shouldn't see this. He's enraged. He is going. He is going. He is going. He is going. He is going. He is engorged and enraged at the same time. Engorgement. Engragement? Engragement? It is engagement. Hulk mad. It gets bad. It's go smash. The other thing that I have an issue with in it is that there are moments where there are cameos of obvious like other characters from Lord of the Rings or even there are moments where they reference things in it. And when they do this, they do the Mary Tyler Moore-esque kind of tongue-in-cheek. Wink at you. Hey guys, we're being silly. Fuck you. No. You are so bad. Actually the first 30 minutes is a lot of like wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Oh, hey, did you expect to see me here? No surprise. No, I'm joking. Bilbo is sitting. He's writing. Elijah Woods. It's old Bilbo. It's old Bilbo. He's writing Elijah Woods? What? What? I love this movie. He's sitting and writing. Elijah Wood is in the background just kind of getting things to the pantry and then they took a picture of him and he's like, oh, I'm going to write this. I'm going to write this. I'm going to write this. I'm going to write this. He's sitting and writing. Elijah Wood is in the background just kind of getting things to the pantry and then they talk and then Elijah Wood goes off to meet Gandalf. That was his cameo. That was his cameo. Are you angry? There was also, wait, I forgot the moment where Frodo actually hangs up the sign that says no admittance except on party business. And it's just like, oh, yeah, cool. You're telling the back story of the Fellowship of the Rings opening shots. Let me just say, there's been lots of subjects on the show and I've never Never. Never. Never. Ever seen Sisqo so mad about something in my entire, he's like, he's going to smash the table. He's so mad. It is bad. That is how bad that is. There's a lot of fluff. I usually thought that you liked a lot of fluff. Not in this case. It is just, it's so poorly done. It's not nerdy fluff. It's not nerdy fluff. It's just, there are so many, like there's five minute scenes of them just walking on hills. Isn't that like what the extended cut of Lord of the Rings is? I'm walking. That's what this is. It's the extended cut of Lord of the Rings. So with that said, I enjoyed like major parts of it. I enjoyed the overall character development. I thought they did a good job kind of presenting each of the dwarves, albeit nine of them kind of mesh in together with each other. I thought the backstory on some of the dwarves. They do this thing in it where they'll be telling the hobbit story. They'll pause at an important moment and they'll tell you the history of that moment. So they'll be like, oh, this is the son of the Dwarven King and this is why his life is horrible. So it's cool. You thought that unnecessary or unnecessary? No, it's nice. I like that they do that because they actually reference an enormous amount of the Cimmerillion in it. They have a lot of the over story in it, which is cool. I just wish that they removed a lot of the, like example, they had Radagast the Brown in the movie. Radagast the Brown. Son of a bitch. Is mentioned in the books. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But they had him in the movie. He's in the movie. He is a character who talks and interacts with everyone. And apparently he's going to be like, play an even like more important role in the second and third movies. Which by the way- So are you in gorge and rage now? Yes and no. It's nice. It's cool that they have this character that they referenced to. He's being used a little too much and he's a little too comical in my sense. One of the, I mean, overall, I enjoyed the story. I thought it was good and I'm excited to see the rest of it. But come on. Come on. Come on. Do you really need to fluff it this much? Apparently you do for a trilogy. Adam, are you as enraged? I don't think anyone has ever been as enraged, but I'm moderately annoyed. You're annoyed. Okay. The thing is like, for me, The Hobbit is much more of like a light, fluffy tale. So like I expected a decent amount of like fluff and I like, Radagast, like there was a character who was bound to be ludicrously goofy. And Radagast, birds in his hair, Radagast is going to- He does, he fits it well. Like it fits that role because like The Hobbit was a kid's book and this is more of a kid's movie. Like the Goblin King is kind of very silly and very fat, but very silly. So it's a very, very long trilogy of- Yeah. It's basically you're getting Hunger Games fantasy, but also like much lighter than Hunger Games. Yeah. So not The Hunger Games. Not The Hunger Games at all. At all. It's about to get really dark up in Hunger Games. It's not Hunger Games. Just to sum up. It's the appropriate level in a fantasy setting. It's good. It's not offensive. It's not bad. It's beautiful. It's fun. Yeah. I agree with him. That's good. But also like the first 30 minutes could be cut. Yeah. Seriously? And then the middle, you know, hour could be cut. But then it wouldn't be a classic Peter Jackson three hour movie. But how long is it actually? Two hours and 45 minutes. 45 minutes. Yeah. Two 45. Two 45. And honestly, they could shave probably 45, maybe an hour off of that. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Just by cutting establishing shots. Yeah. That's bad. Easy. Easy. It's very, very pretty though. And one of the cool things in it, like they have Gandalf interact way more than I thought he did. Like way more than I remember he does in any of the stories. Yeah. He's like a main character as in like he's with them 80% of the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does a lot of his magic, which is kind of cool to see him being badass. I feel that they did that just so that they could fluff it up as well though. Yeah. Fluff. Lots and lots of fluff. I'm hearing the word fluff a lot. It's there. There's so much. There's created characters like the, I, they referenced to the necromancer and then they start like, it looks like they're starting to build up a major arc with it now, which they referenced it in the books like Adam had mentioned, but I don't remember it even being referenced. Like it was a minor deal. Like they were like, Oh, look out. There's a necromancer afoot. I think we know who it is. Zoran. What? So yeah, it's just. Spoiler. Speaking of fluff, what about Lord of the Rings? Uh, porn? That was one of the topics that was. Wait, wait, wait, before, before we go onto the, I just want to ask, uh, I heard. No, you can't whip it out. No, then the segue won't be. Damn it. I got a story about the first one. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. So the first Lord of the Rings came out and it was a Christmas break, senior year of high school. Was this when you first got laid? That makes me feel old. No, check it out. Wait, when did that movie come out? Wait, is it the same? Maybe that was my senior year. That was my senior year. No, I'm not that old. No, no, no. I don't know which one it was. It was one of them. I graduated in 2004. So whichever came out around 2003 or 2004. Return of the King. Yeah, I think that's either Return or... Is that the first or second or third? That's the third one. Oh, okay, okay. Okay. So see, I don't even know. Okay, so the third one. The third one. Okay, so it was Christmas break, senior year. So I went to this park with my friends and we took a bunch of mushrooms. Oh God, that's already a good story. And then so it was a nice trip-tastic day. Did you hallucinate Nazgul in your brain? Yeah, pretty much. And... They took us to the movies at the very end of the trip. And we went inside and Lord of the Rings was playing. And we sat down to watch the movie. Oh my God. And like, we all fell asleep. And suddenly we wake up and the movie's over. So that's my memory of seeing that movie. I didn't see any of it. I hate you. I think I can talk about it. I was present, but I didn't see it. I was present on mushrooms, but I was not present. Did you have like the best dreams ever? I don't remember. I don't... That's all I remember. That's all I remember. I imagine that while they were dreaming, they all had a shared dream, Inception-esque, where they were all in Middle Earth. They were climbing the Mount Doom. Oh God, what is the mountain? I think so. Casa Doom? Casa Doom, yeah. No, wait. We were all just chilling like Frodo, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it was great. You had a question, Frank? Yeah, I was going to ask. I've been seeing some people mention that... That... That... The director replaced a lot of the actual... Like in Lord of the Rings, there was people in costumes, there was makeup done. And I heard that most of the creatures this time are CG. Yeah. Yeah. That is disappointing to me. There's like... Well, the thing is with a lot of the bigger battle scenes in Lord of the Rings, like especially in Two Towers when you have the Siege of Helm's Deep, they did this really cool thing with a lot of the CGI. Like just, you know, orcs and Uruk-hai, where they created this program that allowed each of them to individually act independently. So it wasn't like, this group over here is going to do this set movement. No, they were like straight up, you know, CGI robo fighting. Whereas in this one, they like, I don't know, it feels less cool. Hmm. That's sad face. Yeah, a lot of the characters, the enemies are CGI in it. The CGI looks good. The other problem is with the frame rate increase, you could kind of see a little bit more of the fakeness of them. Albeit, yeah. Frank's face is very unhappy right now. Did you watch it in the 48? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was... You did not watch it in the 48. No, it didn't bother me actually. It didn't. I actually kind of liked it. Reason being, it felt much more realistic. It felt like you were actually there diving into the story. Some of the panoramic shots were just... You made me cry. Why are you crying? It's like you were on top of a... Wow. He's crying. He's a big fat baby. Why are you crying? He's tearing up. I'm a stupid baby. You're such a homo. I really want to punch you right now. No, it's just sad. You did turn into a slap me so I'll take it as you defend me now. I will defend your honor. I like physical, like special effects and makeup work a lot. Welcome to the future. Well, suck it. I'm just kidding. We're gonna get to your point, baby. Oh! It's a consolation. The one-handed orc is like no CGI, like a little bit of prosthetics and a little bit of makeup. It's a consolation. It's a consolation. It's a consolation. It's a little bit of makeup, but that dude's straight up seven foot, one inch tall. He looks... That turns you on, doesn't it? He was cool. Oh, man. Suck a CG penis. We're gonna get to a point where we're just gonna have actors who are naked and then they're just gonna have holographic costumes on. No, we're gonna get to a point where we just have actors who are naked and that's porn. That's porn. There you go. Caligula is becoming... Oh, there's a segway. Oh! Segway. Oh! Before the... Oh, yeah. Before the... Oh, yeah. I've never seen a Lord of the Rings porn out, so I don't know. But Frank, you said you had? No. But I've not seen it. I've not seen it. Do they exist? There's more of the rings. Certain, yes. There is? I'm certain there is. I'm not gonna Google. Because there's like a porn parody of like every... There's a porn parody of The Simpsons. The thing is... So there's a porn parody of everything. Yeah, there is. I'm kind of wondering if there is because Hobbit porn sounds a little weird. You wouldn't do a little Hobbit play? You've done Pokemon play. You wouldn't do Hobbit play? This is gonna be the worst thing ever. This is gonna be the worst thing ever. This is gonna be the worst thing ever, but Hobbit porn would just be midget porn with hair on your feet. No, Hobbit porn would be midget porn with hair on your feet and food play. You know the word. Shire sausage. Yeah. And it would be a lot of outdoor voyeuristic shit. Back to Shire sausage. Oh my God. Also wait, Hobbit porn would just be, you know, dwarf porn with less hair. Okay, so I totally imagine that there's a Hobbit holiday where they all go out into the fields and just have crazy orgy sex now. Maybe. Because the Hobbits are fucked up. Maybe. Or they film the films like in New Zealand. And then like go and visit the like little Shire. And they have a pub. They have like a Hobbit. They do have, I don't know what they do during Hobbit day, but they do have like a Hobbit. Oh, you know. Plus they have like a pub where you get to drink and eat and be married. There you go. Let's go there. Let's go chill there. Okay. I'm fine. That sounds really nice, man. Let's go take shrooms there. Let's go. Let's combine the worlds of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. That would be pretty badass. That would be a trip, huh? Oh my God. Let's do New Zealand into fantasy land. OTP, Dumbledore, and Gandalf. We will. Let's do it. What? There's going to be a fantasy land in my pants when I go visit the Kiwis. Let's go. I have a question for Rachel. Let's go. Can that be a field trip for the show? What? What do you want to ask me? So what, your thoughts on Lord of the Rings porn? Just really quickly. I said, wouldn't it just be midget women? No. It would still be magical. I'm not, I'm not. You would be, there would be penetration of orifices that don't exist. The one cock ring. Yes. I have not witnessed. I have not. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. to an acting middle school. And there we did a play one year and it was The Hobbit and I was Bilbo Baggins. Of course you were. Okay. I did have a boyfriend in high school who he said was affectionate, but I used to hate it, used to call me his little hobbit. Well, you are a hobbit. I'm hobbit size. I'm not a hobbit. I don't have big hairy feet. Hobbits are dope. I'm a hobbit. It's because she's small. I am. I know I am. I might be pocket size, but I don't have hairy feet. So my position in this play was miraculous. Because the best hobbit ever, who were like 12, but the children at the school could not pay. You're not a toddler, you're being a Bilbo. The children were not to the level to appreciate it. Their pedantic minds. Oh my God, you were 12, get over it. You're stupid. At which point they decided to call me Dildo Baggins. For the rest of the year. Because I'm not done vomiting. They weren't, they were very creative, I think. I do have to say that there exists, there exists but one VHS copy of this play. I'm going to find it. And we'll watch it when we're ready to shoot. I'm pretty sure there's more than one VHS copy. Next time I'm at your house. Next time. It is hidden in a vault. I have a little six inches long. Oh no. One wrist, I have to go. That's interesting that you were in that situation. The Gollum situation, like the Gollum, Bilbo Baggins scene was actually really intense. Not even like you're joking, that was a really good scene. And we did a really good job with it. You did, Bilbo Baggins. Were your secret tension of love affair? Well, she was a lesbian. Sexual tension. She was a tall lesbian who played Gollum. Yes, there was lots of sexual tension. Sexual. Sexual tension. Lots of it. That's awesome. And that's my Hobbit story. Yay. Hobbit. Hobbit. Hobbit. Hobbit. What about you, Adam? Would you watch Lord of the Rings and the Two Tatas? If that makes sense. Lord of the Rings and the Two Tatas and the cock ring. I would either watch that or writing shadow facts. The one cock ring. The one cock ring. Shadow bags. I'm okay with that. One of the two. I'm okay with that. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Oh, good gracious me. You didn't ask me if I would watch it. Starling Arahorn. Gang Dolph. Would you be in Lord of the Rings and the Two Tatas? Oh, no. No. This Psycho Fanbot does not do porno. I didn't know a girl named Paula. Would you watch it? I would watch it. I mean, I watch a lot. I mean, I don't watch a lot of ... Just kidding. I'm a girl. I don't watch porn. Girls don't watch porn. I've never seen one in my life. What is a porn? You're not a girl. What is a porno? Wait. Google it right now. I'm sure there's a Lord of the Rings porn parody out there. Oh, no. I'm certain. I don't even need to. Because there's like a porn parody for everything. There's a Scooby Doo porn parody. What? There's a Scooby Doo porn parody. What? The worst I've ever seen was the Exorcist one. Oh. Lord of the G-String. That's disgusting. What? Oh, that's right. I have to admit. I have to admit. The Lord of the Cock Rings. I have seen Lord of the G-String. Sorry. There's all these other ones. Bang Man, The Dark Knight, 28 Gays Later, The Porn Identity. 28 Gays Later? The Blown Ranger. I'm okay with these. I want to do this job. I want to do that. What if you said you wanted to do this job? I want to do that. I want to do that. Did you say there's one that they didn't even change the name. It's just legit called The Lone Ranger? The Blown Ranger. The Lone Ranger. Because I'm serious. The Lone Ranger sounds like a porn name. It sounds like a porn movie. The Femaleship of the String. Ew. Interesting. I like that. Okay. Having to admit this now, I have seen Lord of the G-Strings and it is the most god awful thing I've ever watched. What? You'll do the same thing. Oh. Wait, wait, wait. You guys watch a lot of porn, man. Did you just see what she did? No. What? I've never seen one. She said that she has seen it. But she wasn't going to tell us. She wasn't going to tell us. She's seen what? It's a Skinemax movie. The Bilbo Baggins porn. It's Lord of the G-Strings. It's like, instead of like men, it's women and they go looking for the one G-string that can save them all. And it's porn, so it's bad acting and bad, like it's obviously like burning. It's a fucking G-string. It's obviously like Runyon Canyon that they're traveling through. It's solid gold. It's our own. It's our own. It's our own. What about it? It's cool, I promise. There's nothing sexy about it. It's just the, it's like, it's like the one with Sasquatch. It's like the worst thing ever. What? What? I'm sorry. Wait, what? You've never seen Sasquatch? Sasquatch porn? Please. What? What? What? What? What is going on? I'm still, I'm still stuck on the, on these porn parodies. Quantum Deep. Sex Wars. That one's not that bad. No. Sex Wars. That one's not that bad. No. Sex Busters. Why can't it be Star Horse? That photo is awesome. Star Horse would be good. On the topic of like creepy porn, have you guys seen the pterodactyl porn? Oh no. No. What? There's a dinosaur pterodactyl porn where a woman is like getting banged by two guys in prosthetic pterodactyl wings and they flap their wings as they're doing it. It's the weirdest. How did somebody get a hold of my home movies? Y'all are horny crazy, horny Christmas individuals. I watch porn all the time. Edward Penis Hands. I've seen it. I've seen it. It's terrible. Oh my God. True Blood, they don't even need to make a parody. Oh, that was fantastic. Oh, Buffy the Vampire Lair. I'm into that one. I can see that one. That's okay. Can you see that one? I gotta, I gotta get off the porn parodies. Oh, do you? Do you have to get off? I have to get off on porn parodies. Is this your drug of choice? Porn parodies? I don't know. The porn parodies, listening to just the names alone is pretty hilarious. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. We're not off of it yet. Apparently not. That's what she said. I just see the last one in Cinerama Dome. I did say it. I'm a Goyles, so. What? I saw the last Lord of the Rings in Cinerama Dome. Oh, really? I have a better story. Did you go to some guy while? No, not that movie. No. She did some guy while the trilogy was playing. The extended director's guy. No, I got to see the trilogy and be the personal assistant for all of our special guests at The Egyptian. So, I got to sit next to Peter Jackson during all three films. Cool. Just club it in. Why don't you just quietly leave the room? No. Hey, let's get Peter Jackson in the studio. Let's do. Can you arrange that? I wish. That'd be badass. Did Sean Astin try to date your sister? Sean Astin did try to date my sister. He went to ballet college, so we have a... He was hanging out with which Corey? Corey Feldman. And he told my sister that he was going to that he liked camel toe and my sister told him to leave. I would too. Who is that guy again? But your sister does have camel toe. My sister does not have camel toe. It's not in our family. What was he in again? Sean Astin. Oh my God. Lord of the Rings? Yeah. He was also in some 80s. Goonies? Yeah, okay. He was Frodo's homie though, right? Yeah. He was also in Rudy. Yeah, Rudy. There we go. Pop culture. There we go. There we go. So, he was Frodo's less important homie. He was. I thought one of the cutest things... J.R.R. Tolkien always thought that Sam was the hero of Lord of the Rings. Actually, yeah. Well, he kind of... Well, okay. I've always thought that I've never... It is the gayest love story in the world. It's two men who hold each other up against all odds and fight against raves and... It's just a romance, okay? Sam is his gardener who tames his wood. Do we get second breakfast? Do we get second breakfast, Mitch? I thought one of the cutest things was when the cast all got matching tattoos. That is... Murder tattoos. Murder... They got the teardrop. They got the word nine in Elvish. Don't take this from me. They are now... They are now initiated into that game for life. Wowzers. Oh, wowzers. You've tainted things. You've tainted things. They all have the murder teardrop. How dare you? How dare you? And the three little ducks. It was romantic. It was nice. And it was meant to commemorate their time together. I thought it was very cute. Commemorate. We're horrible people. It was such a precious thing. We are great people. I never claimed to be good. Well, most of us. Most of us here are good people. Ew, no. Not at all. I didn't say you. I didn't say you. That's a given. She never said you were good. That's a given. Penis. Penis. Penis. This is the worst show ever. Let's just bash our show on air. Yay. Monkey, this is Agent Honeydew. Help us. We do need help. Daddy, stop. If he... If he bashes our show one more time, we get to eats it. What? Yes. We get to eats it. Gets to eats it. Eats it whole. Eats it whole. Oh, I get it. It's a reference. Oh. She just... She just pinched my nipple. I have... Be glad it wasn't something I knew. What is going on with our show today? I'm exhausted. It is deteriorating. No, it's great. I'm sorry. We need to change the name of this episode to the episode where we tried to talk about Lord of the Rings. Right? Okay. What were we talking about? Where's the ring? Adam was saying Lee Pace or Orlando Bloom. Which one? Lee Pace. Lee Pace. Good Lord. I just watched Orlando Bloom chew the scenery up yesterday in Three Musketeers and I was like, goodbye, Orlando Bloom. Actually, I really liked him in that role. It was very campy and like old. Three Musketeers, you mean? Yeah. I don't find him attractive. No, I don't find him attractive. I don't find him attractive. I think he was good for that role. I mean, it was very scenery chewing, but... Gross. Gross. You know when you date a guy that looks like somebody and then every time you see that person that you don't really find them not attractive anymore? Yes. That's Orlando Bloom to me. He's just so scrawny and ugly now. Yeah, that's right. You ruined Orlando Bloom out there for me. You know who you are. I even like Lee Pace in Marmaduke. Come on. He actually has a cameo in Hobbit. I didn't even see Marmaduke. He's in the beginning of The Hobbit. Who? Lee Pace. Oh, yeah. He's fantastic. He rides an Irish elephant. I thought that was the coolest thing ever, actually. That looked really badass. I could be that Irish elk. I'm sorry. The Irish elk? Lee Pace does, is majestic because of his eyebrows and also he's Thranduil the racist party elf. So basically, the dwarves are being chased out of their homes by the smog and they're all crying and they're sad and he's riding up with his army and he stands on the ridge. He looks over them and kind of goes, hmm. And then he goes, you know what? He brings his entire army to snub. Not today. To snub them. It was awesome. What a bitch. He sounds very attractive. But he was riding a really big elk and it looked really cool. It's fine. Thorin put him in the burn book. It's all good. Yes. Awesome. What was the reference? Thranduil is too gay to function. Lee Pace is very hot. I loved him in Pushing Daisies. I did too. I would love to push his daisies. No. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a TV show. That show made me so sad that it got cancelled. I know. It was the perfect example of whimsical. It was. It was. It had a good cast. I mean, a great cast actually. It was a really good, a really good concept and I think, I think that was the thing that maybe lost viewership on that show is that's what I first said. People after two seasons were like, we get it. You can't touch her. She'll die. They were doing more. Figure it out. There was so many guys. I watched it. I watched it. They were figuring it out. Backstory with her aunt. Yeah. It was amazing. The thing I loved about it the most is the aesthetic that it had. It was shot so well. It's the Brian Fuller curse. Fairytale. It really is. It's the Brian Fuller curse. He did Heroes. He didn't create it, but he was one of the main writers during season one. He left. Season two sucked and it went downhill. It was a horrible season. I've never seen that. Is that what happened to House as well? Because he left and then all of a sudden House started becoming ridiculous. He goes on a show. He makes it really good and then he leaves. He leaves to create a show. That show gets canceled and then the other show gets canceled. No, he leaves the show to do like... Well, I can't say... He did X-Men, right? No, that's Bryan Singer. Oh, Bryan Singer. He also did Dead Like Me. Which was a good show. Which was a good show. I saw like one episode of that. I didn't see... That was the first two seasons. And Dead Like Me was the same as like Pushing Daisies. He's really good at whimsical, but he leaves the show and it goes down the drain. The first two seasons of that show are absolutely amazing and then it goes downhill. Because he left. Yeah. But I watched it to the end. I've watched all the specials of Dead Like Me. I mean, it's a great... It's a great idea. I think, you know what, if they could, and I don't... I mean, Pushing Daisies has been off the air that long, that they should or they should have thought about making that like a movie. They did. And just continuing the film. I mean, it wasn't like a feature. I mean, it was like, I think, a directed DVD movie. Yeah, but like... Well, Dead Like Me, they did. For sure. Oh, yeah, Dead Like Me. Sorry. Dead Like Me, they did. But Pushing Daisies, if they had done just like a... Like they did with Firefly and was like, okay, so here's the rest of the story. We've wrapped it up for you all. Would have made like a perfect movie. Sorry. It would have been cute. I would have watched it. It would have been great. Firefly. She's gone to her death. Don't worry about it. I mean, there's so many movies, so many shows that it happens to nowadays. Honestly, I feel right now a lot of television shows, if they're good, they get canceled. If they're bad, they're going to last forever and we're all going to hate them. Well, here's my... Well, I like community, so... Six seasons and a movie. Six seasons and a movie. But here's my thing is that like now what's starting to get me is I understand how networks work. Like, you know, if you get a certain amount of viewership, like a certain amount of share of viewership, then you cancel it. But like cable, if you get like 1 million viewers, that's a high rating and they're canceling shows. I'm like, how low does the rating have to be where their top rated show, which is Burn Notice, gets like 3 million viewers? How low does the viewership have to be to get canceled off a cable? Right? Right? Like, there has to be like, what, 500 people watching it? So, I don't know. It bums me out. I watch these shows for like three episodes and then... Well, certain posters... Booms are done. Certain posters I see and I'm like, oh, you're already canceled. I'm not going to invest in you. Actually, yeah, that's... Like, I can just see from the poster. I'm like, done. I'm not going to watch you because you're canceled. Yeah, I think you're walking dead. I'm just kidding. No, what was it that I watched? Get your fucking ass out of here. Made in Jersey, we saw the poster. She goes, oh, that's going to be canceled in like two episodes. Two episodes, two weeks later, done. Done. Emily O.M.D. I was like, canceled, canceled. By the way, that looks horrible. Emily Owens? Yeah. I just looked like such canceled shit. The poster alone was like, hi, canceled. Exactly, that's what I said. The basic story is because I've seen like maybe two or three episodes of it and it's basic stories that she works at a hospital with her crush and her editor and she has little like... Watch Mindy instead. Watch Mindy instead. She has, what's it called? Like inner thoughts to herself. Hate it. Narrowing the line. She's so quirky. Oh, look at me, I'm quirky, but I'm not Indian and I'm not funny. The only way that would work is if it was Zooey Deschanel. But I'm saying the show they thought... I'm so quirky. The show they thought that was going to get canceled... Zooey Deschanel, New Girl is the best show on TV. Like they thought New Girl was going to get canceled right away and it's like, wow, it's a two extra seasons. The thing was for New Girl is they found their footing so quickly. Like they realized right off the bat that Schmidt and Nick Miller and... Well, that's what they found out. They found out that it wasn't the Zooey Deschanel show, that it was this ensemble show. And once they made it about the ensemble, about them all together, then it just, boom, done. Them and Happy Ending. I mean... Oh, Happy Ending. How do we get... Are we supposed to be talking about We're the Rings? That other show... It's our show. We can talk about whatever we want. 666 Park Ave. Yeah. That looked like it was going to get canceled too. That was a new title for your show. I'm so... Also, that show... My mom and I have a three show rule. One show and my mom was like, take this off the TVR. This is the most boring, ludicrous shit we've ever watched. Yeah, it was trying too hard to be an American horror story, but American horror story actually is awesome. So... Yeah. They're trying too hard to be a cable show on network. What a sad state in the television world right now. Let's go back to the Middle Earth. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Would you watch a Lord of the Rings like Middle Earth based show if it was on HBO or something? Yes. They were actually talking about doing The Cimmerillion. No? No. The Cimmerillion? They were talking about doing The Cimmerillion. They were discussing doing The Cimmerillion. The Cimmerillion. And it was going to cover all of the prehistory of Middle Earth and it was going to be like a mini series. I think it was going to be six episodes. There... Okay. I'd watch it. I know. There's a lot. You just missed it. No, I know. That upset me as well because honestly, The Cimmerillion, for one, it reads like a textbook and two, it's a literal history. It is a literal history. Of about 6,000, 8,000 years. So? Six episodes would not fill it. They could do it. No, they can do like a whole game of third-party. If they take three movies to do The Hobbit, they're going to take like 15, 20 seasons to do so well. Some of the history in Middle Earth is so fucking complicated it's not even funny. There are gods upon gods and spirits that fuck each other over and then don't fuck each other over. They have whole classes about them at Oxford. And where is Numenor? No one knows. Well, maybe they need to make like a huge series about it. Maybe I should just fly to England, go to Oxford, take the Tolkien class, learn Alphys. Doesn't UCLA have Tolkien? And just be done with it. UChicago has Tolkien. That's where I learned it. I thought, yeah, I think. I don't think UCLA has. I thought UCLA had a Tolkien class. That's recent. How nifty. I thought so. How nifty. Convenient. Brother. Convenient. You know the textbook for that is just a simerillion? Well, yeah. They'll sweat it me. For the class at UChicago, you have to like, like you need to be able to identify all locations on a map and you need to have read all of the books before it. That's horrific. That's just too much. There's a lot of locations. Welcome to UChicago. We will destroy you. That sounds horrible. That sounds like the least fun class I've ever had. Or fun. No, not fun. Great. Not fun? Okay. Fun, fun, fun. Super fun. Fun. There you go. Education can be fun. No, no. I'm definitely all for it. She's power. She just gets to avoid. Haven't you seen those Education Connection commercials? She's having so much fun. I mean, really. She was a waitress. Now she's getting an online education. That song is catchy. I always thought that song is so catchy. I hate that song. Education Connection. I would just be stoned and hear that song and it's so catchy. That's what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to catch stoners. That's good songwriting. Went to Education Connection. It's so catchy. It's all about disincapation in that song. This is why I don't watch television anymore. Propaganda is everywhere. They are trying to get the stoners. I know. You are that demographic. You are that demographic. There is. They're after you, man. They're after you. I know they are. They're watching you, man. That's why I wear the foil helmet. That's why I wear a foil helmet at home. Shall we do our awkward questions to our guests? I'm going to start. Yes, let's do them. Who goes first? Hey, Adam. Would you like a mustache ride? He's contemplating. He's contemplating. Everybody has to contemplate. It is a ponderous question. That's a real pinky. See, I can't help and I don't know I can't help but think of like an actual roller coaster in the shape of a mustache. Can we do that? That's awesome. That would be awesome. In that case, yes. In any other case, only if it's a handlebar. Okay. Handlebar. Game over. Fluffy. Go ahead. Repeat your consent. Oh, sure. If you could go back in time and tell yourself something like super monumental that would then change your future all up back to the future, would you do it? And what would you tell yourself? Don't come on this show. Come all over this show. Okay. Oh, that's better. That's better. I would. Nah, I probably wouldn't go back in time because like, I don't know if I changed any one thing about the past, I wouldn't be who I am now and I'm rather content with that. That's deep. Wow. I hate you. After school special. I thought you were so secure. He loves himself. Did you know that we're on PBS right now? This is NPR. Well, since you love yourself so much, would you have sex with yourself if you watch a few anymore? Good segue. I'm not my type. No. You were excellent with the segue. No, I'm into like jacked blonde dudes. Oh. Oh. Daniel Craig. That scene in Skyfall. Well, that happened. See, Daniel Craig as James Bond makes me upset in my pants. Adam had some alone time during that movie. Daniel Craig. Daniel Craig makes me upset. I went to see it at a 1 a.m. show. Skyfall was actually particularly amazing and I have a lot of good comments about it. A lot of good comments about it. I would watch a mashup of Skyfall and Lord of the Rings. I would totally do that. Okay. So like Alexander Skarsgård. Don't call him James Bond. He's not James Bond. He is. No. No. No. He doesn't like him as James Bond. I don't like him as a person. I just want him to call him something else. No. You guys are horrible. He was amazing in these ones. He is great in Skyfall. I hate him as James Bond. Nope. I'm ready for another one. I'm going to make her go watch Skyfall after this. Yes. I'm just going to do it. I'm into Interesting Delba. See? See? It needs to happen. I think he's actually like a serious contender for that, isn't he? He is. He's a serious contender for the next James Bond. I will start calling James Bond when he's... I want him after Daniel Craig and then I want Tom Hardy after him. Tom Hardy's going to look a little weathered after that. Tom Hardy's too... I don't know. Action. He could be a bad guy. But he's like not... But he's... He's a jacked... He's a jacked blonde dude. He... No, I think he should be a bad guy. I wouldn't want to watch him be James Bond. Oh, that would be cool too. I'd rather him be a bad guy than be James Bond. I would watch that. Chris Nolan said if he ever directed a Bond movie, he'd have Tom Hardy. I would have Tom Hardy if I ever directed, you know, My Bedroom. Speaking of which, my question. Ew. How do you feel about the phrase... Go on. Pound my boy pussy. Every time. I'm going to hurl one of these days. I think it is a delightful question. I imagined a question mark at the end. Pound my boy pussy? I worked in an PGYN clinic for a little bit. I'm trying to figure out the anatomy of it more than I'm actually focusing on the question. I mean, I get what you're... It's exactly what it sounds like, Adam. They're trying to figure this out. There's just... Somebody... You're having sex with somebody and he goes, pound my boy pussy. He goes, Adam, pound my boy pussy. Do you go, yes, I'm going to pound your boy pussy or do you jump off and leave? Neither. I would jump off and die laughing. I could not take... Take somebody seriously saying that? He would be dead with a hard on. Now Daniel Craig is asking you to pound his boy pussy. Still, no. Alexander Scott. It's not... I would pound Alexander Skarsgård's boy pussy. If Alexander Skarsgård came up to you and was like, Anastasia, pound my boy pussy. I would. Yeah. I would. I would. I'd be like, you're really handsome and super cute naked. I would have a little bit of a gag reflex at first from that term. I'd be like, no. Not as a statement, but as a question. Pound my boy pussy. Okay. Instead of your pussy, what if you change it to Mangina? No. No. No. No. Oh, God. No. No. Pound my manhole. No. No. Every enough. Every. Every. Oh, my God. Piss Stacy. Don't. Don't. Stacy. You're gonna ruin this. The hammer is my penis. The hammer is also his boy pussy. Don't ruin that statement for me. That's my girl jam. Okay. Seriously. Adam is our people. He is fully. I mean, we love him. He's so us. He's bored. What is going on today? Well, if we're going that far, I'm just gonna do it now. I'm gonna kiss on your face. No. And then I'm gonna bop your mouth. Yeah. And then I'm gonna shit on these walls, Ray. Oh. Oh, my God. Nobody got time for that shit. And we're there. God damn. This is residual high from Love Bite. We are on Oh, that show. a fetish-oriented radio show on Sunday. And go check it out, guys. Plug, plug, plug. I love it. So, we're talking about my co-host that day. I'm sorry? Plug my boy pussy? Plug my boy pussy. I thought I knew everything about my co-host. And then I was like, the stuff with Cisco, I knew. But then I learned a little bit more about Frank that I was like, hmm, now everything makes sense. I guess, I guess I'm just an open book. Everybody knows about my I've known you for 10 years, Stacy. That's true. That's true. Yeah. There's pretty much a lot of stuff about you. I know. That's true. That's true. I know literally nothing informed me of everything. I will. Or you can just listen to Love Bite and you can hear everything about my sexual life. Where can I find it? On the iTunes. On the iTunes. You know, youngins, go and get it on the iTunes. Can you link it to me on the Facebook? I can link it to you on the Facebook. Yes. We're going to a fetish club with him on the 28th. That should be interesting. I don't know where I'm going to wear it. Those mistresses are going to disappoint you all. I know exactly what I'm going to wear. I'm going to wear this vinyl dress I have. All right. I don't have a vinyl dress. I'm just kidding, but I do. And I will be wearing it. But they're going to abuse you because we all offered you up. So they're going to set you on fire and I'm okay with that and nobody's allowed to touch me. Black people. Unless I want. Black people. The blacks. The blacks. The blacks. I'm going to be uncultured for the rest of this. The blacks. I don't really identify with the blacks. I know their plight. You basically are one of the blacks. I am an honorary black person. I am an honorary black person. He's black by injection. Now. We're both black by injection. Excellent segue, boy. Would we like to play Mary Park Hill? We're also black Jewish by injection. What is wrong with today? I know. Seriously. I'm Dutch by injection. I think I made my coffee a little too strong. Oh my God. You're so randy today. This is my everyday. Everyday. Everyday. Everyday. All day. This is how he balls, okay? Everyday. Hey guys. Rachel had a good point. I had a segue two minutes ago. What? Mary, it is time to marry, to fuck, and to kill. She's so enthusiastic. I'll try to change it up. I see the same house. They gave me a shout out in that song, you know. We should let our guests go first. Choose your thingamajigger. And okay. Announce what you've chosen. Announce your Mahoos-its. And then so should I list them first? Yes please. And then say what you want to. Just. I got in front of me. Izzy O'Doar. Could you not do it? Can you continue to do it? Can you get your drama-y-less voice from now on? Oh my god. No way. Beth, shut up. I'm talking. You are not talking to me that way. I will rip out the fingers. Can we keep him? Can we keep him? You guys are with the pink blood. Thank you, Daphne. Yeah, just lovely speech for a second. There we go. Far, far, far. Your vowels like paper. We broke them. The last ten minutes of the show we're all going to talk like, okay. Composed. And now we talk with great gravity about the very fucking killing. Isildur, Kili, and Fili. Who'd you get again? Who? Isildur, Kili, and Fili. Clearly I would fuck Isildur because like, fall of man who doesn't want to type that shit. Also, like, he has really good voice. He's got a really good facial scruff. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, I got a lot of respect for him. Actually, well, I would fuck Isildur but before he got killed by the arrows. Scruff burn. Well, no. Wait, there's more orifices afterwards. It's true. You're not into multiple penetration? But they're too small orifices. Oh, okay. Well, you can always make them bigger. I'm not going to use that to burrow into something. Okay. I'm just trying to give you options here. I appreciate the ingenuity. Okay. But, no. There's no line to cross. No. You're not into burrowing? That is not one of my fetishes. Okay. Well. Damn it. Nice to know. We're going to find one. One day you'll find your burrowing prince. You get burrowed into them. I quenched a little. Dry like sandpaper. Like you wear something hard and sandpapery. Sandpapery. Oh, yeah. Delightful. It's going to be like the Sahara down there. Oh, yeah. It's going to be like the Sahara down there. Oh, yeah. It's going to be like the Sahara down there. Oh, yeah. It's going to be like the Sahara down there. Oh, yeah. It's going to be like the Sahara down there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So, between Feely and Keely, I'm kind of torn. Like, I want to say kill Keely because that just sounds cool. Like, kill Keely. Kill Keely. It's a movie. It should be. I think I would actually have to say marry Keely just because, like, he's such a good hunter. He can provide for me. He can go out and do his, like, manly rugged hunting and bring me back a wildebeest or a warg or something. Do they have wildebeests in Middle Earth? I'm sure they do. Sure. Why not? They have everything. Maybe. They have wild beasts. Oliphant. They have orcs. Why not? I wonder what Oliphant tastes like. Anyway, back to the point. Timothy, I think he tastes good. I'll tell you tomorrow. Damn right he is. And probably I would kill Feely. Not because I have anything against him. Just... That's racist. Your face is racist. Your face is racist. You're a fascist. He's racist. My face is racist. I'm actually a coconut. Like it. Guys, that's racems. And an European swallow will carry your face hither and thither. You just made it so cute, Frank. That's racems. Actually, I was the one that accidentally said racems. And now he's making it a thing. It's a thing. It's like saying racems. It's so adorable. I imagine some little girl coming up to you like, that's racems. Just imagine me with my old headshot going, you're racems. Oh, I love to be gay. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. I love baseball. Beautiful. Beautiful. I would have sex with Elrond because I don't want to marry that. I think he's a bit too controlling. I think he would be all over my life. All over. Also, he would be like kind of a crappy dad for your children because he was a crappy dad. We will have no children. Leave Tyler right away. Which would leave me marrying Ori. And I think I would be happy with the dwarf. We would have a merry life. He can provide for you. A very gay life. He's a working man. He's a craftsman. That's cute. He does artisanship. I love him already. Our relationship will be perfect. It's going to be ridiculously stupid. Nicholas. Ten months into the marriage. Who did you choose? Nick Chose. I got some homies. Some straight up homies to accompany me on the end of the world. All right. All right. So I got... That's why we're so weird. The world ended last night. We're all the dream of a giant ladybug. Yes. No, we're all some kid singing this song. All right. So who the hell is Bomber? Bomber. That sounds like... It's one of the dwarves. Like Bong, Ganja. So marry him. He's the fat one. He's the really fat dwarf in The Hobbit. Who's always like running and everybody else is like 10 miles ahead. He's just like, no way guys, come back. But he's also the one that like rolls down and destroys everything. He's like that kid in Hook. Yes. All right. So... So I'm going to marry this fool and we're going to smoke Ganja because his name is Bonga. I think you would have a good time with him. Yeah, I think that's a good choice. Weird. All right. Who's Nori? That's also another one of the dwarves. Brother of Nori. He's one of the nine dwarves that kind of blends together. He's the one with the cool hat. There we go. All right. I'm going to fuck that fool because he has a cool hat. That's all I really got to say. Fuck that hat. Fuck that hat. I'm going to fuck your hat. Tap that shit like a maple. Tap that hat. Are you going to force the hat in his ass? Yeah. Because that would be really creepy. It's time to make Nick uncomfortable. I'm going to make him sit on the hat. Hat sitting. Hat sitting. Hat sitting. And then I got Boromir. I'm going to kill that fool and I'm going to take his sword. No. Sean Bean, you always die. He always dies because he dies so well and he makes you feel things in your pants and in your back. Wait, who is he again? Is he Viggo Mortensen? No, it's Sean Bean. He's the guy who's also in Game of Thrones. He's the one that gets killed in the first one. All right. Well, fuck that fool. No. Hard. Hard. I would fuck that fool hard. He's a monster. Yeah. I'd do it. Yeah. Yeah. I have a thing for Sean Bean. Go. Pringles. Frankies. I got Rose so we know who I'm killing. And I also got Gandalf the Grey and the Witch King. Oh, wow. This is a hard decision because I think both of them are awesome. So I would marry either one. But I don't know about the fuck in this case because I would fuck the Witch King. Kinky sex. Yeah. But if I marry the Witch King, he's going to kill me. He could protect me. And he could be like my manly protector. If you try to... The plus side of like just straight up fucking the Witch King is you know you're not going to like catch anything from him because he's not really there. I also promise in the case of Gandalf, you're going to have to be the bottom because if you try to top him, he'll say that you shall not pass. I get it. That was a reference to a line in the movie. Although, speak for a good nature. Merry Witch King. You know what? I think I'm going to... God damn it. Because I mean, if I fuck the Witch King, I could technically literally be inside him. Yeah. But... God damn it. This is so hard. There's never been a harder choice in the history of the world. Marry the Witch King. I'm going to marry the Witch King, damn it. Yeah! Oh, wait, no, wait. What is marry the Witch King? Oh, okay. And I'm going to fuck Gandalf the Great. His last name is Brandybuck. Also a reference. Are you done yet? I'm going to let Gandalf the Great give me the most magical night in the world. And I will marry the Witch King. Aww. He chose never early or late. He comes precisely when he means to. Frank likes dark meat. We like you. I got a hard decision. Just kidding. Sexual. Sexual. I got marry. I got marry. I got marry. I got marry. I got Thorin. And I got Arwen. Just remember, if you do anything with marry, you'll probably have to give him second breakfast. Which is okay because I like to feed. If you do anything with marry, it's probably going to be a threesome with Pippin. That's not a bad thing. But that's not so horrible Okay, so I'm going to fuck marry. I guess I'll kill Thorin because he's like kind of a grump. He's so angsty. He's so like angel. I don't know, whatever. And then I'll kill Thorin. I'll marry Arwen. So there you go. Whatever. Actually, can I? No, you know. You can change it. I was like, well, I was like thinking like marry might be a good, like an entertaining husband. But then again, you'd have to have Pippin along with the ride. and has a cocaine addiction. That's true. Okay, I'm going to stay with my own. There we go. Go, go. Go Speed Racer. Easiest choice ever. Samwise, I got Samwise Gamgee, Gollum, and Legolas. I'm going to marry Sam, kill Gollum, fuck Legolas. No, fuck Gollum. Just to see what it's like. No, I'm not fucking that sexual. I'm going to be kind of like a three-way. All I have to say is this. He'd be calling it my precious, saying it's only his. He has a really strong grip. He's really good at stroking things. No. He has a really strong grip, so while you're having sex, he can choke you. It's my precious, not his. Fuck him. I'm killing that bitch. He just wants to wear your ring, and by ring, I mean vagina. Fuck him, Legolas. Because why would he? Wouldn't you? Who doesn't want somebody to call their precious? My precious. Who doesn't want to recall my precious? Okay, here's my thinking. If I marry Sam, my guy, he's going to be on this journey forever with his friend, Frodo, so I'll have the house in my house. You are the most, your life, you're going to end up with cats. No, they're going to be little dogs. I like to be together and apart at the same time. I'm a very complicated woman. So now we got to do our pluggies. We have a contest, bitches. Go on our Facebook. Send us your most adventurous story, and you could be sent two free tickets to the Indiana Jones exhibit at the Discovery Science Center. Pretty awesome. It's like the most awesome exhibit ever. It is. So send your adventurous stories into our Facebook. You have to like us. Ha ha. And send us in a little tale, and we'll pick the best one and send it to people. Also, thank you to our sponsors. RubbleRousersIndustries.com. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And Discovery Science Center. And Discovery Science Center. Love you, guys. Follow us on all the tweeters and the Facebookies. The Facebookies. The Fatchable. And Tumblers and stuff like that. Pinterest. The Twatters. The Twatters. The Tumbler. The Pinterest. Do you guys have a Zanga? No. Should we? Son of a bitch. Yes, clearly. Okay. We'll be working on Zanga today. Live Journal. We'd like to say have a happy holiday to all our awkward Honean friends. Literotica. Literotica. I hope that they have a horrible holiday. I hope you guys have a good one. I'm glad you all survived the end of the earth. The Apocalypse. And thank you to our guest, Adam Rosenthal. Thank you, guest. Hopefully he'll be on again and we didn't scare him too much. And thanks to Nicholas for being the most awesome as Shown Engineer ever. Hey, you got it. Let's go MFK some people. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get to it. We don't support violence. Yeah. Let's go MFK some people. Let's go do some hood rat shit. Yeah, bitches. Bye, guys. Bye, guys.! Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Beautiful.