📄 Transcript [show]
Thank you.
Oh, is it Tuesday?
It's time for the hot box.
Are we gonna get high?
So high.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
This is Mindy.
And Mary's here, too.
That's me.
Where's our third stoner?
We're looking for Cassie high and low.
We're looking at the door.
She should be here in five, four.
No, I don't know.
Well, as stoners, you know, sometimes time slips away.
We're busy staring at a wall.
We're busy admiring the grass.
We're busy trying on different socks.
Really enjoying chocolate milk.
Yeah.
I actually am usually late for things as a result of smoking some booze.
I'm Mary Jane.
Yeah.
Ironically, when I work, I always am on time if I'm high because I want to make a good impression so they don't know that I'm high.
So you overcompensate and you're like 45 minutes early for everything.
Yeah, like, I'm here.
At least.
I showed up.
That's all you needed, right?
Yeah.
You're in the hot box now.
And it's our third episode.
Once again, this is Mary.
And Mindy.
And Cassie.
And Cassie's here, too.
And she's just been doing helium, like, nonstop.
So it's going to be a while until she's able to regain her normal voice.
But we're just going to let her shake it off in the corner.
She'll work at it.
Don't worry, Cassie.
Daddy's got you.
Daddy's got you.
So we have a special guest in the studio.
And we actually have two special guests.
Yes, we do.
We have Jimbo.
Awesome Jimbo.
He is going to be speaking to us about basically what it's like to be a fitness guru, fitness buff, and still a stoner.
Awesome person at heart.
We're going to talk about some stoner sizing and some tips to do this sort of thing.
How to control your munchies.
And who's the second guest?
Oh, the second guest is Chum Chum.
Chum Chum's in the house.
We have a beautiful, adorable little pig.
Little piggy.
He is certainly down for his shit.
He's excited to, uh...
Oink for everybody.
He's going to oink it up.
And he gave me some good snout loving on my ankles earlier.
And it pretty much sorted me out for the rest of the night.
He gave me the old jelly legs.
So we're in love, Chum Chum and I.
Yeah, hopefully we'll get him to squeal.
Oh, I think we can.
Yeah, he's a squealer and an oinkster.
Hey, your listeners can check out your Facebook page for a picture of Chum Chum.
Oh, yeah, you can.
He's out there on the Facebook.
Um...
He's happy and excited and smiling and ready for you all to check him out.
I think basically if you have a pet, it becomes like your kid in a way.
But I love that...
I've known Jimbo, our guest, that's going to be on in a minute.
I've known him for a really long time.
And this is the first pet that I've ever seen him with.
And it's like...
They're like father and son.
It's awesome.
So yeah, it's cool to have him on the show.
How was your weekend?
How was the beginning of your week?
It was...
My weekend was uneventful.
My boyfriend got a job, which is cool.
I know, but then it's like, oh, I suddenly have this whole weekend alone with nothing to do.
Oh, I think you found stuff to do.
I did.
Let me tell you about the porn story.
All right, that's exactly what I want to hear.
That's what we want to hear.
Well, no, basically it was Sunday and I was really bored.
So I was typing YouTube, but you porn came up.
So I watched a little bit of porn.
Happens to the best of us.
And then later that night, Manny was chilling.
I was on the internet while I was taking a shower and I came out and he was like, Mindy, I didn't know you were way into lesbian porn.
And I turned red.
I giggled.
And it turned out he actually hacked my Facebook because I left my Facebook on.
So he wrote, Mindy loves lesbian porn.
Ha ha ha.
Hacked or something like that.
At what time?
Did he do it like way late at night when you're asleep?
No, when I was in the shower.
Oh.
But I thought he had discovered that I was watching porn earlier.
That day.
And so that's why I was all embarrassed.
Like what?
Oh, so he was doing it for a totally different reason.
He was just doing it to be Manny.
Yeah, he did not know I was watching porn.
He just had an opportunity to hack my Facebook and decided talking about lesbian porn was the way to go.
Well, basically the cat's out of the bag.
Yeah.
You're like, what?
No.
Wasn't it all lesbian?
You know what?
Whatever kind of porn it is, I've just found out about clown porn, which I'm surprised that I didn't know existed because everything, all porn exists.
But.
Chicks with like clown paint getting pies in the face.
Oh.
I'm like, I still haven't like been able to like look it up, but I know it's out there now.
I've heard about it now twice.
Two separate occasions.
Oh man, there's porn.
Circus porn.
Food on head.
And I know one of my listeners knows what I'm talking about.
People that get off on seeing ladies getting like mashed potatoes dumped on their heads and ice cream.
Yeah.
I'm glad that that exists too.
I'm it all because basically if you type it in, you're going to, even if you type something in that is not necessarily porn related or obscene in any way, it's going to still, you're going to sound like you can type in or like Google big ass sandwich and it'll be literally a big ass with sandwich meat in the middle.
Yes.
And that's what I want is cake fart.
No, it's women sitting on birthday cakes and farting while they're sitting on a birthday cake.
That's a thing.
Oh man.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Cake fart.
Like half asleep.
Like I have a great idea.
And then you wake up and be like cake farts.
I ain't, this isn't anything that I know about.
Well, if there's any listeners out there that want to tell us about their creaky porn fetishes, our number is 1-800-893-9562.
Just want to make sure you all have that because we'd love to hear from you.
We certainly would.
Uh oh.
Something's going on on the outside.
I think we got our Cassie.
There's an event.
something epic I don't know what kind of song to sing Cassie's here she's returned from the Serengeti she looks beautiful beautiful thank you guys thank you Cassie I'll tell you about exercise let's hear it start us off right yeah well I'm really high I couldn't find a parking spot I found one though so hey guys I'm glad you found one I was about to ask if you found one my mom is listening tonight too and she texted me and she was like you're late and she thinks that's pretty great she was there before you were I couldn't find a parking spot either and I brought Jimbo and Chum Chum and we circled around a couple of times because not only like I kept having to make a series of lefts and doing that stoned right like I literally was like oh another one okay I'll find parking this time it's like Groundhog Day it really it's like Groundhog Day and also it's been a while since I've like driven like had a car like that I can use often so like for me even I'm just like I don't even know I'm so used to being a pedestrian how'd you get your car?
what's up with that?
oh it's actually I'm using my boyfriend's truck he's all right he's a he's a he's a cool ass individual and will let me do that from time to time it's a truck too that's exciting it's a Toyota it says I heart vagina in the back of it that's what it is sorry we're not talking we're watching we were talking about cake farting and listeners if you're if you're listening at home and you and you feel like can we get some sound effects here?
I feel like a lot of things to look at there's a cake farting oh there we go it's like the winking oh how did the lady do that fart?
did you guys hear that out there?
I think you did I oh oh my god she is gonna have a hot time in the city what do they feed her?
no no bueno basically her Duncan Hines audition went terribly she was trying to go to this commercial and they said be you know be the moist maker and then she decided to do that I wonder I wonder who actually enjoys this I bet I'm really enjoying it it's Jay it's Jay it's Jay he's a pastry chef he's so happy about it and Jeremy Jeremy's just glad that now more than one person knows it's just so ridiculous that it's hilarious I can't believe it's I mean it's like a full site dedicated it's not just one woman who's like I've decided to take up cake farting a bunch of people out there are really into cake farting if you're looking for a job was Jeremy the one that brought this to the table today?
I did I did yeah I did I appreciate that no problem well that made all of our lives better goodness gracious it's chocolate cake too you guys can't see that because this is the radio but and it is it is definitely one dookie ass booty so I mean yeah do you think that is she a porn star?
would we consider that porn?
do you think she's a fitness stoner?
I wait are you saying that is porn considered stoner fitness?
I don't know I don't know if cake farting is considered porn or just like I think it's considered stripping oh I don't I think it's literally exactly what you know like if you're like I'm going to culinary school or I'm a pastry chef they might be talking about that about cake farting there's quite a bit of butthole though which which teeters on the porn star yeah that chooses to be problematic if you're like no I'm just the shot really featured the butthole did you guys did you guys see or hear about that movie with Matthew McConaughey Magic Mike?
yes did you guys see it?
the male stripper movie?
no I think we should I convinced a few like friends but not super close friends I convinced a couple of girls that Matt that Matthew McConaughey shows his b-hole like spread eagles and like completely shows full asshole that would get me in the car and they were all like really?
so Matthew McConaughey does this on camera and I'm like oh yeah that's why Steven Soderbergh directed it I mean they're not just gonna you know have anybody film Matthew McConaughey bent over and one of them like hit me up maybe like a week ago two weeks ago actually at this point probably like three weeks ago and told me I watched that whole fucking movie with my friends and we didn't see any Matthew McConaughey and I was like you well I guess if you I mean you didn't have to believe me but I don't know it was just funny it seems believable I believe you now even though I know it's not true I want to believe it so bad if anybody ever brings it up just say it just be like I heard that he shows his asshole it'd be a fun urban legend I hope someday I get to see Matthew McConaughey's butthole you know what I think if you play your cards right you could you just have to hang out in different locations this is Hollywood just follow him down to Nashville or wherever he has a farm oh that's right doesn't he live in a trailer or something I think he probably is one of those guys that lives on like a 30 acre like compound in like Kentucky I know Val Kilmer does I read an article about it do you guys have a joint a joint do we it'd be a lot cooler if you did alright this isn't as cool as it could be it is cool because there's gonna be a little piggy in here I saw that when I came in oh my gosh choom choom yeah so Jimbo is gonna be our guest and choom choom is his sweet ass homie G we'll bring him in shortly we have some music lined up to play for you but after seeing cake farting Jeremy had to exit to the restroom so we're waiting for our sound man to return probably about to die of laughter that's what I like I literally in here was like I can't even I can't even deal with this I've been walking into that having no my sister told me one time about fart porn which is like farting like and you can like see the wind the butt winds like blow in their hair but I'm not sure what else it entails that's all I that's all I retained because I was like I guess I don't know people keep doing crazy things on camera but I think people were always doing those things we just have more access to it now yeah on the internet how do people I mean without the internet let's take the internet out of the equation done let's say you have a farting fetish it must be really difficult to connect with other people you're probably crop dusting yourself all the time yeah like you probably give yourself Dutch ovens like how do you even put it out there that you're a fart lover like how would you meet another one I mean you might have to hopefully you're not a complete like mutant but hopefully you can start up a relationship with someone or like something where you're like you just start lingering when they're about to go to the bathroom yeah just like see if you can like startle them enough to where they like you know it scares them so badly that they like do like a little boop that's when you know you've found your true love yeah oh dude did you enjoy that yeah you're like cause I can do it again all night can I've never farted before in my entire life you don't look like you have I wish Jeremy was here cause I wonder I would love to know if you've ever met anyone that can fart on command cause burping on command seems to be kind of like totally normal yeah I feel like anyone could but I feel like more males that I've known are able to do that like fart on command I think I have a friend that could fart on cue really yeah we should get him in here I'm thinking of someone he has to fly out here but he has to fly out specially I'm pretty sure if we were like hey fart he could do it one time I saw a YouTube video it was like the idea was that this guy was like an incredible farter and he could fart on command but the way that they could prove that it was really happening on TV cause you know you could just insert a sound effect and no one would ever know but the way that they proved it was happening was they would put baby powder on his butt he was wearing spandex and they would put a bunch of baby powder on his butt and so each time he farted you would hear it and you'd also see a little like puff of powder so you knew it was a legit fart that is awesome not just a sound effect even then I'm sure there were still some haters that were like no that's CGI no it could have been CGI but I choose to believe I'd prefer to believe that it's not CGI they need to leave keep something sacred how different do you think society would be if when humans farted the gas was accompanied by some color like purple like a little cloud of purple escaped from your butt every time you farted they'd have to be a lot more socially acceptable I think that they just would be because everybody would have always been able to see them since the dawn of time so you just grow up with like yeah you're like it's gonna be yellow today I farted check it out yeah see this pink cloud behind me that's not just my fabulousness that's my fart oh epic times it is epic times man Jeremy's sure taking his time we love to bring out our guests but I can tell you guys a little bit about Mammoth I just got back oh Mammoth I went to Mammoth with the boys with my boyfriend and our friend Carlos and we went basically Mammoth when it's not snowing on the ground the whole hill and mountain is like for mountain bike trails and that's it and so like that's what they did the whole time and I kind of just did my own thing like I went on hikes I went by the lake I smoked I definitely ate a lot and drank a lot like I feel like I ate more this weekend than I have in like a really long time because it was just like everything was delicious and it was gorgeous and clear up there and quiet and everything I would love to have lake time yeah I wished I had it I mean I mean like I wished I had it more but it was really nice to like be able to go up there and just like have headphones and just chill like it was like I didn't have to entertain or socialize like it was really nice what kind of snacks were you munching on?
when I was up there um the homie brought those bomb Costco muffins like the big fat muffins that come like in a plastic wrap thing holy hell yeah and because they're Costco they're kind of a delicacy because unless you know someone with a Costco card or have one those you don't know you don't know about those muffins but I I really like them they're like fat chocolate chip chocolate muffins I feel you on that oh man my grandma has a Costco card so does mine that's exactly how I know about these muffins word basically Costco card is like the like the Amex of having munchies like it's like having an American Express card but just for a place that will like you could literally buy like a 30 pack of Starbursts there and that's it as long as you have that Costco card and have someone that has one also the I'm a huge fan of the hot dog $1.50 hot dog and a soda don't you even get chips?
you might yeah and actually I don't think you have to have a card to do the food stuff yeah I'm pretty sure with like the little cafeteria section or whatever that they have like where you get smoothies and hot dogs I think you can just walk up there I feel like I've done it before or maybe I was just too devil may care to fucking I just was like I'm supposed to be here you can do do what you want Costco card schmosco card I've never had a Costco card I don't think I've ever been in a Costco oh my god we have to get in there somehow and they have the samples on the weekends it's like grown up toys r us yeah get high go to Costco yeah we gotta we gotta break in the door somehow yeah I remember one of my favorite samples and they usually had it is they would have chips on a little napkin and then like a mini thing of soda and they would usually have like like they'd have cool ranch and then regular Doritos and then like you know Pepsi and Mountain Dew and you got to have little shots of soda you wild woman I know god I love Costco so should we bring in our Jim Jimmy Jim Jim and Chum Chum oh well we're gonna play you a little bit of music to calm your soul take a little break so we can get our guests in here and then it's time to get physically fit because that's what we're gonna be talking about alright so you no longer want me you wanna shove this horn in my ass want to slug these tassels right off me you can't do my 3460 you can't do my 3460 you can't do my ain't ain't ain't ain't I'm singing about you Distill and I'll show you some class A place that the night break can grind to It's good to start slow and go fast It's a homeopathic elixir Who said you can't make me I already have a girl Darling, please don't hate me After all what is due For what is doing in my million world I'm gonna fuck your father I'm gonna last the mountain And then I will beat up an oxen And wipe my ass with the sun I'll do it all for a six-time Not quite enough time to get a full join in there, but we tried.
We do our damnedest.
Well, we're back.
We're back.
And we have Jimbo in the house.
What up?
Yeah, Jimbo's here.
And also, Jimbo has brought with him a choom-choom.
Choo-choo.
He's upset.
He didn't want to be picked up.
Choo-choo is a little shy.
Choo-choo keeps to his own counsel.
He wants his own show or he's not gonna say anything at all.
Total prima donna.
No, it was cute just even hanging out with him and we were waiting to come up here.
He wanders the pavement or wherever he is and then kind of like, he just sniffs and it's literally like he's on his own little pathway.
I feel like he could just go, he's been like that for a really long time and just be like, no, I'm like 50 yards away from you now.
Just give me some time.
So welcome Jimbo.
How long have you had choom-choom?
Oh, this is going to be about our fourth month, I think.
Yeah.
How old is choom-choom?
He's almost six months.
So you got him when he was a little baby piglet?
Yeah, he was about the size of a football.
The pictures are adorable.
How, so is this, is he at his, full capacity right now, max capacity?
I'm guessing he's like a third of his size because a miniature pig will be about 50 pounds, whereas a real pig would be about 20, I mean, 20, 200.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
So he's got a little ways to go.
Yeah.
He'd be like a fat bulldog probably.
So do you take choom-choom on your runs with you?
We go to like the park or whatever and I could like do my stretching or whatever and then he gets a real run of it.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So we just like root around, eat some grass, look for worms and then he likes to play tag where he'll like chase me down the park and then I'll chase him and we go back and forth.
Aw.
But he can't keep up with me if I do a run.
Oh, okay.
Oh, so you, like if you're gonna go like on a full blown run, you leave him, you leave him in the, in his little yard?
Yeah, he has a pen in my backyard.
Because he's a lazy pig.
He's like, no, you run, you run.
He's a stoner pig.
Yeah, he's like, running is for humans that hate themselves.
I don't like to run that much either, so I can totally relate to choom choom.
I like, I like running.
I just, I, I'd prefer to be doing something else physical like swimming or riding a bike.
Oh, I love swimming.
If I had a pool, I'd do that all day, every day.
I'm addicted to running now.
Yeah, I was gonna say.
I am too.
You've been kind of like gnarly running like, like.
For no reason at all.
For no reason at all, just in the last few months.
I just started doing it.
Where do you like to run around where you live?
Oh, I like to think like, the better neighborhoods earlier in the morning and like try to keep with the shade, you know, and keep on the side of the hill so the sun won't burn me.
Yeah.
Because sometimes I'm like running for two hours straight.
That's like, I don't know, close to 20 miles.
Oh, sweet.
That's some distance.
Yeah, I got like really messed up at this party.
I drank like a 12 pack, smoked an eighth, and took a sugar cube.
And woke up the next morning just inspired, you know, and just ran 18 miles like, all right around like from Studio City to Balboa Park and back.
So you, I'm sorry, that was the, those were the lords of the underworld just now.
I mean me.
I'm just like, furious.
Yeah, no, I feel like with running, if I drink the night before, I'm useless the next morning as far as like trying to get up to do a routine.
Like, do you feel like that?
Or do you just kind of make yourself do it?
Just like smoke a bowl and run?
Or do you run and then smoke a bowl?
Exactly.
I got that.
I got to zone out and really turn that doubt off inside of my mind.
If I just went running, at some time I'd give up.
My mind would just chatter, chatter, chatter.
And if I really smoke, I just kind of turn off that chatter.
I run for like 10 miles.
Forget that I'm running.
It's like watching a movie.
That's how I am.
My legs are moving.
I've done that on like bike rides home where like I'm coming back from like a party or, it doesn't, I don't even have to be stoned necessarily.
Like I'll just kind of forget that I'm, like how did I even get home?
I just kind of like took a path and it's just, muscle memory I think.
But yeah.
Yeah.
I find that when I get stoned before I go running, at first I'm not as motivated to get my butt out the door.
But once I do and start running, I go longer and farther and you're right.
I'm not like thinking about other things.
I'm just like breathing and feeling my breath and knowing that I'm going really far.
Totally.
And playing a little Congo line in your head.
Oh yeah.
I don't really listen to music all the time or I like run to like drum beats kind of in my head if I don't have music.
Do you ever accidentally run too far in one direction, not like in a loop and then all of a sudden you're like 10 miles away from your house and you have to get back?
See, that's the goal.
That's like I got to push harder.
Like if I know I'm going to turn around and I think, well, I've only done five miles and if I turn around, that's only 10.
So I try to push myself to 10.
So when I turn around, it'd be close to 20, you know?
Yeah.
And I really just not give up.
I like how your brain's already telling you like, but if I turn around now, it's only going to be a 10 mile run.
Like 10 miles, holy shit.
Oh my God.
We all have something to learn.
That's awesome.
I'm going to give it a try.
I need like nine sports bras though to go running.
Yeah.
Running shouldn't be your sport with that.
It really isn't.
And it never has been.
And I like, I've got endurance.
I'll give you other gifts.
Yeah.
I've got endurance for days, but I'm not, I used to be the kid that like if we had to run around the school or like run around the track, I'd find like, I'd have to misstep.
I'd like magically go to the bathroom.
Like I have to use the bathroom or like I'd find some way to get out of running because I was like, nope, not happening.
Like not even because I don't like exercise.
Just yeah.
I only run when I'm late.
When you're being chased by the police.
When I'm being chased by the police.
Yeah.
Which is like on the freaking daily.
And that's pretty much it.
And that's why you're in such good shape.
I guess so.
Because I'm late all the time, obviously.
And you're like the white rabbit.
You need like a huge pocket watch that just says, can I run?
Cassie, be here now.
Yeah.
Be here now.
Be here now.
Someday.
Someday they'll invent the robotic white rabbit that I can have.
I don't want to be the rabbit.
I want to have the rabbit.
That's forward thinking of you.
That's very advanced.
Thank you.
It's deep.
So, do you guys do, do you do yoga and get stoned?
I haven't taken a yoga yoga class for quite a while.
I used to do like Bikram or Bakram, however you pronounce it.
That really, really hot.
Like dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois dois but even just being in there like you sweat which is great but then you're just afterwards you're like fuck a lot of celebs do the Bikram they also do a lot of Gwen Stefani yeah they also all do colonics and enemas I think too but also yoga I mean I buy it they do tons of yoga the Bikram the Bikram specifically is pretty big with the celebs the rock stars they like to sweat their shit out yeah they keep it real good for them I know I wish I could do it but I'm I'm very wimpy so the yoga is enough for me at this point the heat adding it in is too much but I respect people who can do these things I mean I look up to you I want to try the hot yoga because I want to push myself well you actually do yoga though don't you like regularly I do yoga too I do regular yeah I do it regularly usually in the morning for like 10-15 minutes I do like you know wake up stretches and then I'll do it throughout the day but I do enjoy being stoned when I do yoga because again it rests my mind I can focus on feeling my body and not having the anxiety of like did I forget to do something at work am I broke how am I gonna do this how do I why don't I have a car God yeah but then when you're smoking you're like hello dolly like I'm totally happy where are my drumsticks yeah I'm the same way when I wake up I have to automatically not automatically say wake and bake but before I do my run I have to stretch and stretching you really if you smoke before you stretch you really feel everything's really tight on one side looser on the other side you can really concentrate and pull into the muscle yeah you're more in tune with like feeling your body concentrate on the breath a lot more and yeah yeah I think hearing my breathing and worrying about breathing and not thinking about anxiety or anything else that is what keeps me going when I run long distances and yeah when I'm not high I just don't push myself as much or cause I can't I'm too worried I can't get in the moment and just let it flow I've been doing the insanity DVDs have you heard about those?
no what's that about?
it's a workout DVD I've heard of them it's fucking crazy I mean it's called it's insane it's insane it's insanity I wonder if people would do cause those are like it's like a 90 day thing and every or 60 and every day is like like 25-30 minutes of just like crazy like really quick jumps and kicks and like moving around and stuff just to like get your body all spark pluggy and shit is it the same same DVD every day?
well it's a series of DVDs and he'll I forget what the big word is but basically you work a lot and then you take a short break and then you work a lot you know and he'll have you do cardio one day and then stretching another day and then you get a day off and I just completed my first week and then tomorrow I'm gonna start I got the Brazilian butt lift DVDs you heard about those?
you do not need to lift your butt I got no ass no you're trying to you're trying to reverse engineer a butt well I got everything else pretty tuned and everything else looks good but for a wife I'm a white guy with no ass that's understandable girls like it for some reason I guess I don't know I guess yeah I think it's also because a lot of dudes wear baggy pants like I mean now guys wear skinny jeans but I don't really know any guys that wear skinny jeans and usually the way that guys wear skinny jeans you still couldn't see what their ass looked like I guess I've never really naturally I'm a butt fan you're a fan of the butt?
I like dude butts dude butts I want a butt I want an ass like Chris Ponies oh yeah he is he does have a butt you're really right about that that's an ass I've noticed before I'm not gonna lie I look up to that butt that's a man ass that you can be proud of oh yeah good epic we were talking about farts earlier so I'm glad we also got to talk about more butt stuff I've noticed it's a trend our number two episode was all about what?
butt stuff wasn't it about pooping?
yeah there was the doo doo and it was and it was number two and it was number two let's see if we can get through an episode without far references have you seen the butt bubbler?
oh my gosh is this smoking weed through your butt?
yes exactly smoking weed through your butt smoking weed man he's over there you've seen the butt bubbler?
yeah they got butt bubblers and beaver bongs beaver bongs?
yeah it's it's basically a bottomless bubbler or a bottomless bong yeah do you have to do you have to queef into this?
I don't know I haven't hit one yet how very gentlemanly have you been?
how very gentlemanly have you been?
to not smoke and tell I've never heard of those I'm surprised I haven't that seems like one of those things were like especially because we used to work at the head shop like yeah I feel like we would've seen that I still laughed the first time I saw the Wizinator the little the little fake pee bag when we worked at Dimension it straps to you?
people would call and ask about it and it was like wait what do you need?
and they're like it's like a bag of fake pee and I always wanted to be like go get a bag of real pee why are you like I didn't even know that they sold it I thought it was like a prank call is this to like pass drug tests or something?
but it had the heating pads so that it would keep your urine warm it was like a $150 contraption that I just don't know was it pierced?
I mean pierced was it like a phallus like dick?
no it was like it looked like a jock strap with like a pouch and then like a little like catheter-y type hose but like I just want to know what kind of situation you're in where you can afford to pay for that obviously you're not doing just the one test and then where are you going to where it's like totally like normal that you would have this crazy like codpiece strap on ziplock bag I have a pretty graphic story about fake or it's real pee transporting real pee as your own and using it it's not my story it's not a long story either but this is the best thing I've ever heard two of my friends who shall remain nameless who will still probably get mad at me about this one of them had a job interview and needed to get drug tested and smoked a a lot of weed the other one doesn't smoke weed and has clean urine so being the good friend that she is she urinates into a condom quite a bit of of pee ties it off and meets up with friend two downtown gives it to her friend two proceeds to insert the condom filled with pee into her vagina and carry it on the bus to where the drug test is happening where she proceeds to poke it with a pin that she had on her lapel and fake pee into the receptacle and she got the job oh that's epic I hope she still has the job she had her boyfriend help her put it in I hope this was a really good job yeah this better or better not have been like you know assistant manager at Toys R Us or something it wasn't even a managerial position it wasn't a very good job it was like at a thrift boutique like a crappy you know what I'm not I'm not trans I'm not being a urine mule for a thrift boutique you'd have to be like oh the Pentagon yeah sure I'll figure out a way to get around this I thought it was a beautiful display of friendship yeah that's true I mean yeah if you if you can't pee in a bag for your friends who can you who can you pee for Choom Choom is in love with the dumpster or the trash can that's in here we were also warned I think he wants us to turn on the disco lights he's like party pig can we turn on disco lights is that a real possibility I think so I see it might be I don't see any disco lights I see a disco ball we do have a disco ball if you guys were wondering what it's like in our little hot box it wouldn't be complete if there wasn't a disco ball dangling from the ceiling you know they on our website there's a video feed so people could be watching us if you're listening just look for that video feed you know oh my gosh it's really happening do you see me in the white room with black curtains if you guys are out there and you want to call in and discuss how you stay fit as a stoner or if you want to talk to us about anything you want to talk about the disco lights or anything involving farting our number is 1-800-893-9562 1-800-893-9562 I feel like we're under the sea now Jimbo we have a question for you now that the disco lights are on shoot well when Jimbo first came in here with choom choom and the music was playing we were warned that sometimes choom choom gets a little frisky with the ladies or maybe boys too he likes to hump so is this do you deal with this on the daily yeah yeah he's pretty much horny as a pig you know some things they say about pigs are true some aren't you know you can't sweat like a pig because pigs don't sweat but you can be horny as a pig because he's horny as hell I've never heard anybody say horny as a pig but I feel like if someone was like saying that directly to me I'd be like wow that's really horny I don't know like really horny like as soon as you put it out there that it's horny like a pig I like that though that's funny does he have a hump toy like something at home that he can get off on uh no just everything works for him but it happens on a regular basis uh he could just be eating grass and it'll be like really good grass and just a little load will come out you know so he ejaculates pig sperm yesterday all the time I hear oh yeah he has a huge like dick too by the way it's like just the size of his torso no way it comes out of a little he's taking this dump yesterday and he's all squitched up and he has his back in an arch and his turds start coming out the back but then his dick starts coming out the front and it looks like this weird rainbow the most terrifying rainbow in the world I'm gonna cry I love it so much aww where is he well he's enjoying the disco magic at this point he's munching some carpet there he is there he is somewhere getting a sniff I pulled my backpack on the chair because I was if I were a pig I would want to hump my my backpack personally yeah so it must be a pretty special backpack it was leather it was pretty pretty sexual I'd say for a pig not for me as a human girl I think that you just hump your backpack is what I think it is I don't want to talk about it this wasn't supposed to happen on air yeah you're right we'll save it for we'll save it for the Halloween or no pre-Halloween we'll talk about your backpack love okay I need a little time to sit with it maybe write like a little like one act play if you need to I've been working I have a first draft I have a first draft good already fucking better that's all I'm saying oh man well one thing I found to mention for our listeners to talk about fitness and being a stoner evidently part of this whole NBA trade agreement that caused those big strikes last year once they finally made the deal part of it was that the NBA players don't have to be tested for drugs other than steroids so a number of NBA players are probably out there getting stoned right now and we would love it if one of them came on our show I feel like the NBA would be disbanded if you weren't allowed to smoke weed like they'd all be like okay that's it's cool I'm done you know what none of us are gonna do it anymore like yeah two thirds of the NBA would be gone all the white dudes would be left and so actually the white dudes would be like we're walking too we're not it'd just be like it'd be like a handful of guys like I think Paul Gasol's a stoner no he totally is everyone would leave he misses the ball he's like staring off into space like probably thinking about a bumblebee and like someone throws a ball at him like what?
where did it come from?
basketball is the headiest sport there is that's true it's definitely yeah I don't know if you could if you could get stoned and be in like major or minor like real contact football like that might be buzzkill it might be too gnarly yeah every time you're like I'm so faded it's gonna be a nice practice and then somebody like pile drives into your shoulder or something knocks you over you wouldn't be stoned anymore you just have like night terrors I think if you tried to smoke in because so what if the ballers start taking bath salts?
yeah please no oh my god that'd be so tight it would be it would turn extreme yeah it would be it would be like it would be no rules biting basketball it would be basketball with biting and scratching and possible and nudity face chewing yeah yeah nudity that would be awesome NBA take note do you really want to see a naked a bunch of naked guys playing basketball?
that's a lot of flopping yeah a lot or is there like the Harlem Globetrotters and they're trying to like do a bunch of tricks and stuff yeah I don't know if I could handle that they actually bump penises that would happen so much yeah like chest bumps that's why they don't they have slow-mo replays of the wieners touching bouncing off each other oh gosh I want can we write a letter to the NBA please we need to get someone from the NBA here this is such a good idea I don't know naked it could be for charity I mean if you say it's for if it's for charity like for the children if they had an NBA all-stars game naked do you know how much they could probably charge a ticket?
so much money only millionaires would get to see that yeah it would just be like some sultans and some congressmen and choom choom could be the mascot and he could do his little poop boner rainbow for everybody yeah I hear him there's a pig somewhere I hear him yeah he got my toe earlier it was funny Jimbo and I were walking to get here and this chick was on her phone like on the sidewalk and she had flip flops on flip flops on like me and like she kind of went oh that's not very nice but I don't think I don't think choom choom bit her because Jimbo was kind of like yeah you alright?
yeah okay and we kept walking like I think she was more freaked out maybe she thought that it was a dog or something choom choom's hardcore he's just humping girls and like like licking their toes and just doing what he wants he does what he wants he's on the radio yeah he is a star he took his first elevator ride today how did he did he react to it?
or was he just chilling?
oh he's cool yeah we go on bike rides he goes on my skateboard fits in a backpack he sits on your skateboard?
well he goes in the backpack I took him camping for like four nights or three nights yeah we go to Fryman Canyon we go hiking up there oh that's awesome he's pretty hardcore he moves it around he's so chill too like I when I got here all late and I was in the elevator and and he's like there's a pig in the studio I was like oh my god it's gonna be madness in there and I open the door and he's just like totally chilling wagging his little tail what did you picture?
like Pumbaa from Lion King?
you know I've honestly I recently watched The Wizard of Oz you know the beginning?
uh yes and she's like oh and she falls into the pig thing it's all crazy and everyone's freaking out that's in my head I was like oh it's pigs also Silence of the Lambs or Hannibal whatever one oh it's Hannibal with the pigs that are like dead bodies but this pig would never eat a dead body just me this pig is nothing but class tits on toast no I um my friend uh Allie up in Santa Cruz she was in 4-H all through middle school and high school and she's actually the livestock coordinator for the Santa Cruz County Fair but she said when she was a little girl pigs scared the crap out of her because she was really little like she was maybe like 5 feet until she was like 15 or 16 so she was like I didn't want to go near them when I was 8 years old and I can't imagine like you were around I mean cause you grew up kind of yeah for the most part I was in the sticks I was in the city yeah like I've never been around animals other than cats and dogs so like I could imagine being 8 years old and just being like I'm afraid of pigs and horses and anything that's bigger than me do you have a yard where Chum Chum roams yeah yeah we uh got a backyard I actually have like a detached kind of shed that I converted nice he's got his own luxury apartment too yeah so he has his own he invites girls over he invites girls over and humps them oh jeez he's horrible I just picture him surrounded by like a bunch of piglets with pig tails like like piglet beddies pig chicks pig chicks man little miss piggy yeah I feel like he bangs human chicks too you feel like he does I get the sense that he's a smooth operator yeah yeah how do you do with the ladies does he has he like made a difference cause you have a pet now like to oh yeah totally he gets way more chicks than I do yeah cause well cause they can like put all their attention to the pig that way they don't seem like complete like spazzy skanks like if you talk to the animal that's with the dude you can be like what's your name oh my god I love you and you don't have to like seem like that with the dude even if you know so it gives a lot more chicks a chance to get to know you the girls that I would want to talk to talk to me because of the pig you know yeah but then it's not about me it's all about the pig and they know his name they don't recognize me at one point you're like enough about him baby I don't know who's the real pig here barely I'm horny as a pig over here I don't want to talk choom choom anymore it's all about Jimbo so ladies you can say your phone number on the air if you want nah I'd rather not he's not gonna do that you don't want but I do tattoo at Madison Tattoo in North Hollywood Madison Tattoo oh yeah tell us about that little plug there I didn't even know that and I haven't gotten a tattoo since I've lived in LA and I'm thirsty for a tattoo I have a few from him alright and most of our friends do!
he's how long have you been doing it now?
it's only been a year and a couple months but people that have been doing it for years say I'm pretty much on a different skill level than a year and a few months well but you like went like so intensively into it too like it's not just like it wasn't like a hobby either really nah I've been trying for this for years you've been doing it for a long time yeah yeah it's cool and the place is really cool in North Hollywood it's like it's big enough to where you're not like you know sitting like right next to every single person that's getting a tattoo waiting for it waiting for a tattoo and it has like a good vibe and everybody that works there is really cool it's not like one of those places where you go in and like everybody ignores you or like I don't know like I've been to some douchey places where like they're just not friendly and they're not interested in what you're saying and you're like well I have cash money but I don't even want to give it to you bless you thank you bless you I've been like that I've been sniffling and sneezing for like three years does Choom Choom come to work with you?
you know he came today when it gets like really hot and stuff like that and I've been working like you don't want to leave him at home yeah I like to have like my days off I haven't had for a few while so like his schedule is messed up just like my schedule is messed up so I'll bring him to work just to give him some attention you know does he have any tattoos?
no he's gonna get his first tattoo though pretty soon that's awesome I've seen I know that pigs can get tattoos and have tattoos yeah we talked it over he's gonna get knocked out when he gets neutered he actually has his contorted testicle inside of his stomach he needs to get taken out before a tumor develops aww aww yeah so when he's knocked out I'm gonna sneak in there throw a little something something on his leg that's awesome what are you gonna give him do you know?
Jimbo and a heart?
no just like a Rockefeller diamond you know like those jewelry diamonds tight tight I've got some diamond tats maybe him and I can start some kind of a gang together do you have any too?
the diamond doubles yeah do you have a diamond tattoo?
you don't I'm like asking I have to think about it too do you know well Jimbo I heard you were gonna tell us a little short story yeah yeah I got some poems and got like just enough time to do one yeah this one goes out to all the little kids it's actually a kid book I'm trying to make into a pop-up book about a snail so just do it do it hit it so there once was a snail as the story goes he got lost in the winter when it began to snow found himself in winter because he chose to roam but no matter where we go he always shells his home so slip slide get back up trudge through another keep in mind that every snail has a mother and she began to worry when he didn't call but he's been running from day one she says he's never learned to crawl so the snail kept on doing whatever a snail does he would eat to stay alive all he needed was some love kept on looking all these failed attempts each time he made a lover he had only found a friend like boo hoo cry me a river he was never a loser just always third to the winner he knew better it wasn't a rat's race he was gonna see the world and all the snail's pace like wait Pete's sakes his kit kat needs a break but he kept on keeping on can't be in the same place he wasn't hiding that ain't the case it's a thrill of adventure and experiencing the change then one day he crept into a garden saw a bunch of greens and set out to rob him an old lady screeched right when she saw him so he went into his shell cause he didn't want no problems got kicked off a curb to a sea of concrete tried to cross got caught in a street sweep spent a few hours in the lump of the truck and praise the light rays when it opened up at the dumps you see a snail's gotta hold tight with his tongue never to be outspoken but he lost grip and slipped when the ground started folding that last fall had his shell broken you ask a snail about its glitter he'll tell you it's golden and that completes the story the story of the snail perfect timing too yeah well thanks for listening everybody out there in a hot box land and welcome again to Jimbo and Chum Chum you can visit Jimbo Chum Chum is so mad right now he's got Chum Chumery business to attend to after this well we will see you guys next Tuesday next Tuesday let's go get stoned let's do it now bye bye!
