📄 Transcript [show]
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to the first Angry Dorks podcast.
I'm Ron Swallow, your awesome host and very attractive nerd.
We also have Rich Sladen, Ed Greer, and Klee is our guest.
Ed and Rich will be our constant companions.
Ed, say something.
I'm here, and I'm really liking this, and this is really going to improve my mood.
Awesome.
It really is.
Rich, say something.
I like how we're Angry Dorks.
We're Angry Dorks, but we sound like an NPR show.
We really do.
We're going to become a super-serious show.
I'm so angry.
I'm so angry about darkdom.
Let me tell you about my anger.
My anger is at such a high level.
I'm Lakshmi Singh.
So what I want to do first off is introduce all of us.
My name is Ron Swallow.
I'm basically a stand-up comedian and a nerd.
My nerddom leans more towards...
fantasy books, which I've read upwards of thousands.
You know, in a general...
I read lots of comic books and...
well, you know, just generally nerd shit.
I can't play video games though.
We can...
we'll talk about that later.
I'm not allowed to play video games.
I don't want to accomplish shit.
Ed Greer, what's your specialty?
My name is Ed Greer, and my specialty is noticing racial inequalities in all media.
I like that.
I am an African-American individual, and I really do love, love, love to be America's racial conscience when it comes to comic books and movies and things of this nature.
And I got started reading comic books when I was about 12.
My friend Mohammed, which I do believe it's telling.
A guy named Mohammed got me into reading comic books, so I think I've started from that.
Nice.
But yeah, I really dig comic books.
I think that's my biggest nerd cred thing.
I would like to point out that in this group, Ed is probably the most knowledgeable of the nerds.
I will go out on a limb and say that.
Rich Slayton might be pretty close to him though.
No, Ed's uncomfortably knowledgeable.
Yeah, he really is.
Ed knows things that you shouldn't know.
I've been clean from World of Warcraft for five years.
That's my answer.
Although it's getting tough.
I just found...
I was telling you about this last night.
Yeah.
The iStore thing had to put in this new app that's basically a ripoff of World of Warcraft, but for the mobile.
And so now I have a level 60 warrior again, like I'm back in.
They give me mobile heroin.
What's that called?
Let's get some people...
Order and Chaos.
If you feel like ruining things again.
Order and Chaos.
Accomplish nothing, but also, well, I mean, 60 level warrior.
That's an accomplishment.
Yeah.
That's too much of an accomplishment.
I have the largest number of fake accomplishments in this entire room.
I'll agree with that one.
Yeah, probably.
One of the things...
Oh, yeah, by the way, introduce yourself, Klee.
Oh, I'm Klee Wiggins.
I'm a comedian and I'm a lady nerd.
I know, I like our lady nerds.
We need more of...
We'll have more of those on the show for sure, actually.
Klee is a master of Star Wars and sci-fi.
Star Wars and sci-fi in general.
Sci-fi in general, Star Wars and Star Trek specifically.
Yeah.
The first thing I wanted to talk to you guys about is the definition of nerd, geek, and dork.
A couple of them Rich is going to love.
A couple of them we're all going to love.
So, I will say this, the most common thing is that they generally lack social skills.
That's the first thing they said about us.
But here's the definitions of nerd, dork, and then geek.
We got a foolish or contemptible person who lacks social skills or is boringly studious for nerd.
But another one for nerd is also, and this one seems a little closer, intelligent, single-minded expert in a particular technical discipline or profession.
Let's go back to the first one.
Let's pause for a second.
Because the first one said typically studious and we're all comedians.
Yeah.
Boringly studious as well.
Boringly studious?
Boringly studious.
I think we're all here because we're not studious.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's actually relatively accurate.
Yeah.
I mean, I didn't study in high school, but you know why I didn't study?
Didn't have to.
Same here.
That's right.
Why would I study?
I actually had almost, I don't know about you guys, but I almost got in trouble quite a few times because I told teachers, yeah, I'm not going to do homework.
Homework is for practice and practice is for people who need to practice.
That's the nerdiest rebellious thing.
That is, I'll tell you what.
Bitch, I already know the material.
I'll tell you what, if I get under an A in a test, I'll do homework.
Until then, not going to do homework.
So, somebody with no social skills, right?
It's a low- Or low- Lack of, who lacks social skills or is boringly studious.
Another one was, and this one's for a dork, a dull, slow-witted or socially inept person.
The other one for dork though is just the penis.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
It's a whale's gut.
If somebody's not going to judge this, this is going to judge this.
If somebody's not going to judge this, this is going to judge this.
If somebody's not going to judge this, this is going to judge this.
for penis in Eskimo.
Do you really?
The Eskimos actually have 28 words for penis.
Depending on what consistency and season it is.
Then the other one was, and this is for geek, an unfashionably or socially inept person.
That's it.
And then the other one was a person with an eccentric devotion to a particular interest for geek.
Whereas strangely, because I feel like what I understood about geek was the intelligent, single-minded expert and a particular technical discipline or profession seems more geek to me.
And nerd would actually go with, I think, a person with an eccentric devotion to a particular interest.
But let's hear your opinions on nerd.
Oh yeah, by the way, if anybody listening wants to call in on our fantastic radio show and give your opinion and then have us berate you for your opinion or agree with your opinion, one or the other, you can call in at 1-800- 893- 9562 Again, that's 1-800- 893-9562 If it sounded like Ron Swallow was reading that number very studiously, it's because he was.
Yeah, watch his eyes.
That's what nerds do.
I feel like some of those definitions are very old-timey.
Like, that's what a dork or a geek, especially I think the dork one and the geek one, that definition was written like 115 years ago and it no longer truly applies to the way it's used in the lexicon today.
So let's hear your opinions.
Who do you think nerds are?
I'm gonna go, see, I don't necessarily, I actually was fairly studious in school up until probably like 10th grade when I discovered the magic of alcohol.
Which I've never drank.
Yeah, which you've never drank, which should make me not trust you, Ron, but I do.
Well, you probably shouldn't trust me.
I don't trust myself.
I do all the shitty things that people do.
But even then I was studious.
I just started cutting schools that I could drink alcohol, but then I would show up at the beginning and end of school.
To get the assignments and turn in my homework and then leave again.
And I only showed up on You were basically a drunk nerd.
I was a drunk, I was a drunk nerd who decided that, yeah, that teen sex and alcohol was much more important than school.
But I did not want, but I wanted to go to college.
I wanted to get, for some reason, I wanted to get the hell out of San Francisco.
Everybody wants to leave their hometown for at least for a little bit at some point.
Even a place as awesome as SF.
But also you should mention.
That's why I'm not a fan of SF.
That's why I'm not a fan of SF.
You mentioned that you've, when did you start reading obsessively?
I know you read obsessively.
Oh, like around four.
I used to get in trouble.
I got detention once for reading in class.
That makes sense.
We don't want you to think.
That's a classic.
I can't not read a book.
It's really, it actually, I don't know if it's a diagnosable condition.
It physically harms her to not be disengaged from people around her.
That's hilarious.
You have literary Asperger's.
That's how you don't connect to people.
Dr. Rich.
Rich, what is your opinion on the nerd door geek thing?
I don't like all these derisive terms being put towards our people.
I think it's time for us to take back the night and reclaim these terms for ourselves.
Yeah.
I don't care.
You don't really care.
I like comic books.
I like things that explode and having powers.
I think magic is neat.
I think unicorns are way kick-ass and regular horses are stupid.
Yeah, I would agree with that.
Dragons are cute.
And what else?
Video games are fun.
And I love elves.
I want to bang an elf.
I can tell you that much.
Yeah, no, I know.
I would really like to bang an elf.
I'd make out with an elf.
If there were one of us who I think would bang an elf, if I could picture it, if I had to picture one of us banging an elf, I would picture you doing it.
You kind of look like an elf, Ron.
You do have elf-like qualities.
Except for the aging.
We can see your years.
But not that much.
He still looks younger than what he is.
And if I were to describe Ron to somebody, and he didn't know him, elfin would be an adjective that I would...
I'll take that.
I'm in the elfin beck.
Well, my opinion on all these words, yeah, I think they're super outdated and whatnot, but I also think that when you try to categorize people these days, it's too hard.
There's hot girls with big titties that like comic books.
There's big fat computer geeks who really like basketball because all they got to do is watch it on the internet.
They don't have to take their fat ass down to the stadium and watch it with those troglodytes.
You know what I mean?
They can just chill out eating Cheetos, being fatter and fatter by the second, watching basketball.
You know what I mean?
So it's not how it used to be.
And that's the other thing that I was thinking about because one of the things that people will do every once in a while is they'll be like, I'm a car nerd.
You're a car nerd?
Okay, so you fix fantastic vehicles or you know a lot about cars.
That generally doesn't, in my brain, that doesn't make you a nerd.
Well, I think it plays into that conception of the word as inordinately familiar with a certain process.
Exactly.
Or whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
You can be a computer nerd.
It's hard to be a sci-fi nerd if we're talking about nerd as being in a process because how would you be a sci-fi nerd?
Do you know how to write a sci-fi novel?
Probably fucking not.
Do you know how to assemble an X-Wing or something?
Probably fucking not.
So all you did was read a bunch of facts and retain them.
Does that make you a nerd?
Does that make you proficient at anything?
Not really.
No, but it makes you into stuff.
So that's where the, that's like do, is whatever you're into what actually makes you a nerd?
And that's where it like becomes to a point now where it's like we can let anybody be a nerd.
Like it, it, it kills that.
Well, I think you can be a nerd on a specific subject, but it depends on the subject.
Yeah.
Like I don't, you can't be, you can be a sports fan and I even, but I don't know if you can necessarily be a sports nerd.
You are dating an animalist.
But you can be a sci-fi nerd.
And you're saying there's no sports nerds.
You can be a, you can be a sports nerd.
If there's a bad thing, you can be a sports nerd.
If there's a basketball nerd in the building, raise your fucking hands.
I'm not saying that's not a thing.
I'm raising my hand.
But I wouldn't categorize that as a nerd.
I'm saying, yeah, is Ed obsessive about certain sports?
Very much so.
Well, that's the thing is if it becomes popular, does it stop being nerdy?
Because the idea behind it for me was that, that the things that I was into, I ended up being weird to people because I liked reading.
For instance, I mean, I've read, like I said, I've read thousands of fantasy novels and I would read fantasy novels in class after I'd finish, you know, of Mice and Men and then start reading The Sword of Shannara and it would be like, hey, first off, are you reading something else?
That's weird.
And secondly, like, are you, what are you Sword of Shannara?
What is, you know, like, and people thought I was weird because I was reading fantasy novels all the time.
And that to me was what made me, I mean, nerdy or dorky.
It was like, you don't quite fit into what the popular norm is.
But now it's coming to a point where, like...
The popular norm of New Mexico.
Yeah, well, you know.
Did you like turquoise jewelry?
No?
Throw them on the train tracks.
Well, for me, like, Star Wars has never not been popular.
Well, that's what I'm saying.
But for me it's because who I am as a person, as a black female, me loving Star Wars to the extent that I do, was the nerdy thing about it because I'm not supposed to love Star Wars.
I'm not supposed to be Darth Vader for Halloween for ten years running.
I'm not supposed to do that.
But I did.
That's what made it, that's what got me the nerd label.
Well, and this sort of brings us to one of the other topics I was going to talk about, is the fact that Comic-Con has gotten to the point.
One of the reasons that Stan Lee has made Kamikaze, if you guys weren't aware of Kamikaze, it's the September 15th, 16th.
By the way, comics and comics.
Ed Greer, I, Klee, Tom Frank, is a stereo's going to be there?
I do think a stereo's going to be there.
Maybe Joe Starr as well.
We're all going to be performing stand-up at that nerdy, nerdy, nerdy Kamikaze.
And Kamikaze was created because he felt, Stan Lee felt like Comic-Con has turned into this just all-pop convention where it's not about comic books anymore.
It's where Adrian Curry can go up and dress like a whore.
Exactly.
Who's Adrian Curry?
So that brings to...
America's Next Top...
I'll tell you about it later.
Right there makes you a nerd.
I don't really know who Adrian Curry is because I have a vagina.
I know that she is famous.
She was on America's Next Top Model.
She was the first winner.
And she married Peter Brady.
And what did she wear to Comic-Con, just out of curiosity?
Some superhero-y outfit.
Basically like a bra and panties and a cape.
Panties and a cape.
And here's...
And it brings me to part of the subject that we're going to talk about.
Although I think she actually is a legitimate nerd, but she's also mega hot.
Well, and that's fine.
And that's what we're going to talk about is fake nerds.
And she isn't necessarily a fake nerd.
And that's what it's turned into.
It feels like people are stealing what we've always liked and jumping on a bandwagon.
And whether that's a good or a bad thing.
How do you feel about something like that?
For me, I kind of feel like on one level, I feel like...
Because one of the things I read an article talking about the fact that there are girls who go and they dress up in like you know, a slutty costume.
But even a slutty costume isn't it.
They'll wear a Batman shirt and maybe in the regular world, sorry to judge prettiness, but maybe in the regular world they're around the five range.
But they feel like as soon as they put a Batman shirt on and go to Comic-Con that these nerds will think that they're an eight.
And sometimes I will admit to you that that's true.
What's wrong with chicks trying to use Comic-Con as J-date?
Nothing wrong about that.
Nothing wrong with it at all.
One article was saying that their attitude towards it was like, okay, well, so you think so little of nerd men that you think that that's all it takes.
Like you don't actually have to like any of the stuff we really like or be into the stuff I like.
But the one thing I will say is yeah, they're right.
They're super fucking right.
If I was 17 years old, 350 fucking pounds, man boobs just fucking hoisted on my little tiny t-shirt and some bitch came up and pretended to like Batman and gave me a blow job, that'd be just fine.
Yeah, exactly.
That'd be just fucking fine.
I do not need a real nerd girl who looks like a fucking hog beast to come over to me and be telling me a bunch of shit about, oh yeah, you like Dune too?
Hog, ugh.
I don't need that.
Who needs that?
Who wants that?
That sucks.
For the rest of us actual nerd girls who don't look like hog beasts, by the way.
Yeah, not all of them look like hog beasts.
Well, I spent a long time.
Why do you think I'm with this one?
Cause I was like, oh God, she doesn't look like a hog beast.
This is awesome.
I don't know what a hog beast looks like.
Felicia Day is a super nerd.
I mean, yes, that you don't look like one.
Cle is a cute girl and we are dating because she doesn't look like a hog beast.
And she knows how to put makeup on without a paint sprayer.
And she actually does know about this stuff, but I recognize I got inordinately, like, in the middle of the night.
I'm inordinately lucky.
There's so many people out there with these faux girls and just like, do not question.
Don't look that gift horse in the mouth is all I'm saying.
There's dudes out there with a fake nerd girl.
Don't question it.
I think Cle hit the nail on the head though.
The two people who get angry about the fake nerd, hot girl, whatever thing are A, regular nerd girls who are like, damn it, I had my place.
And I had my own place to be on the good scale.
And you're throwing off the curve.
Yes.
Right, stop doing, stop being good at math, fucking hot girls, whatever it is.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
If you were going to judge anything, who wouldn't touch a vagina anyway, because they either have too much anxiety about what diseases they could get, or B, they're the kind of guys who get angry if you're like, you know, I really liked it.
I think I really liked it when Batman, you know, when he was flying around New York City, like, no, it's Gotham, and you're wrong, and I hate you, and you're an evil person.
That's the other guy who gets pissed.
That's fair enough.
I'm trying for a hot New York girl who's legitimate.
Like, if you're Danica McKellar, more motherfucking power to you.
Well, and then the other point was, the other point was, well, maybe some of these girls are just starting to get into it, because they weren't in, and there's nothing, and we want people to be into comic books, because we want them to keep being made.
I guess, like, fake nerd guys way worse than fake nerd chicks.
Yeah, and fake nerd guys are, they're the worst, because they think dressing like shit is what being a nerd is, and actually, it has nothing of the spirit of an actual nerd.
Well, fake nerd guys are like, you remember in the end of Kill Bill, you remember in the end of Kill Bill, when Kill Bill's talking about Superman, and he says Superman is a dick face, because as his human persona, he's milquetoast, and he's a loser, and he falls down all the time.
That's how Superman sees us, as a bunch of stupid pussies who constantly need his help, because we're discombobulated and uncoordinated.
When those fake nerd guys come around the so-called real nerds, that is their attitude that they have towards us.
Exactly.
That's their attitude they have towards us.
Like, let me pretend to be these oafs, but I can always take off this Batman T-shirt and go get in a cool car, and get a bitch if I want to.
You know what I mean?
Off these fake glasses, too.
Right.
Fake glasses.
Jesus, fake glasses.
Please don't be mocking people who have a genetic defect.
Right.
Do not do that.
I've been wearing glasses since I was four years old.
Are you jumping around in front of people who have a wheelchair?
Are we doing that?
Well, dude, I watch basketball.
All the athletes wear fake glasses.
Yeah.
And it really bothers the fuck out of me.
Full disclosure, when I was in high school for at least a year and a half or two years, I used to wear blue-tinted glasses and yellow-tinted glasses.
Oh, those are cool.
Yeah.
Those are like for people who smoked weed and shit.
Yeah, well, that's like sunglasses sort of, right?
I mean, sort of, but they're mostly just douchey.
Yeah, I was about to say, those are for douches in disguise.
That was in my rave days.
Yeah.
And you went to high school, what, in the late 90s or whatever?
Early to the late 98 to 2002.
Yeah, that was very popular then.
And full disclosure for me, I hid most of my nerdum except for the reading and public part.
Yeah, I did, too.
Like, the high school I went to, I wore grunge clothing all the time.
Yeah, I dressed like I was in TLC.
Yeah.
That's a terrible decision.
TLC, you shouldn't have dressed like you were TLC.
And I told Eddie Murphy jokes.
Nice.
Don't go chasing tie fighters.
Like, all the time.
Cross colors, clothing.
Go back to the day, go by the place that you used to.
Yeah.
But not even, that was sexy TLC.
I'm talking about, like, hat to the back and...
Go get a womp rat.
It's a little bit of a...
It's two meters, yeah.
You guys are adorable.
I didn't even do that.
See, that's what sexy TLC that you were doing.
I didn't do sexy TLC.
I did first album TLC.
You want the TLC tip.
TLC.
When they all look like...
You do, like, left eye wraps?
Yeah.
Like, blouses and shit.
Nah, yeah, when they all look like...
When they look like...
When they look like lesbians?
Yeah.
Yeah, when they look like crisscross.
Yeah.
Yeah, I dressed like TLC when they were dressing like crisscross.
I don't know why that's hotter to me.
I don't know why TLC dressed like 12-year-old boys is hotter to me, but for some reason it is.
Well, you do no dick in all languages.
That's right.
All right, and then we were just...
Since we're moving into Star Wars, why don't we bring up this?
One of the people on our little event invite said that she would love if we talked about how George Takei has been talking about how Star Wars and Star Trek is better for kids than the Twilight series.
I wholeheartedly agree.
Yeah, okay, okay.
I mean, I see...
See, here's the thing.
I like to throw Harry Potter into that mix as well.
Star Trek I would totally agree with because, yeah, we could throw Harry Potter into that as well.
Star Trek I could totally agree with because Star Trek's really all about like, even though some shit went down because they had to have drama, mostly it was about like finding new people and going where no man has gone before.
And you had to go to school to get there.
Yeah, exactly.
And when you're talking about Star Wars, it's mostly like I want to have a sword and kick the shit out of people.
But everybody had to have a basic grasp of science to be in the Star Wars.
Star Trek or Star Wars universe.
Yeah.
Because everybody flew, had to pretty much fix their own ships a lot of times.
Yeah.
Especially if you're part of the Rebel Alliance.
You didn't have...
Whereas Twilight, everyone...
And do your favorite, one of my favorite things.
Just say what you're...
No, I just...
Well, thematically, here's the difference too, is that thematically Star Trek was about exploration and the advancement of all people of not just any race, but all people of any universal origin.
The advancement of people-dom.
Exactly.
Star Trek or Star Wars was about the fight between good and evil.
And the battle that's within yourself of good and evil.
And Twilight is...
About a bitch getting fucked by monsters.
Yeah.
Here's the second Twilight book.
Second Twilight book.
Oh, the vampire left and I feel really cold.
I'm trying to hold my chest together, but then this wolf makes me feel warm.
I don't hold my chest as much, but then he left and my chest is falling apart again.
Dang.
What do I do?
Yeah.
And by the way, I've read those.
I read the first two books so far.
Have you read them?
Yeah, I did.
You read all of them?
I do.
I rather intel on the enemy.
Yeah.
I read the first and the second book.
I'm having a really hard time because...
And it's funny because my girlfriend, who is awesome, did tell me, oh, you're going to love it.
So much stuff and so much action happens in the second book.
And I got to tell you, nothing fucking happens.
Nothing.
That is a book of nothing.
It literally...
It's just like a girl who's depressed because her boyfriend broke up with her.
Then another dude likes her and treats her nice.
And they're both super hot.
And they're both supernatural creatures capable of amazing things.
And then they go to a different country, which is nice because I've never been to another country.
It's a shitty diary.
That's all it is.
It is.
It's a fucking terrible diary.
It's a shitty third-person diary.
Well, no, I mean...
And I'm not going to do my bit about Twilight, but I will say this.
The thing that really bothered me up top about Twilight was when it...
When it very first came out, from what I heard from the chick community, they were acting like it was a feminist thing.
Yeah.
Because a chick wrote it, and when they brought it to the movies, a chick directed the first movie, Catherine Hardwick.
You have to use a second color.
And a chick just directed it, a chick produced it, all this stuff.
That is the least feminist thing I ever saw because all that chick does is wait around for a monster to fuck her, and she doesn't participate in any of her adventures.
And she doesn't get cool until the very end where she gets vamped out.
Yeah, and she has to get vamped out.
And also, okay, well, we got a call.
How do I click on it?
Do I click on it?
Let's do that.
Hello, caller.
Hi, caller.
Hello?
Hi.
How's it going?
Can you guys hear me?
Yeah, we can hear you.
What's up?
My name is Hector.
I'm calling from Eagle Rock.
Cool.
Yeah, what's up, man?
Hey, listen, you guys were talking about the Star Wars just a couple of minutes ago.
Yep, we did that.
Okay, now, I never seen Star Wars.
What?
What?
This is a troll.
He's lying.
I knew you were going to fuck with me.
Okay, well, let's hear it.
Let's hear what you want to say.
I've never seen any Star Wars ever.
Okay.
So, I have a question.
You know, I want to watch them because, you know, I got Netflix.
Yeah.
So, I wanted to see, like, should I start from the beginning, like, you know, the first one, or should I do, like, the Attack of the Clones?
Like, because that's the new first one.
No, no.
What order should I watch?
Do original trilogy first.
Original trilogy first.
Always.
Always original trilogy first.
Why don't we all answer at once?
Yeah.
That's a good idea.
Hector, here's what you do, is, you go and buy a VHS player like you're supposed to, and you go to Red Hot Video on Ventura Boulevard.
Yes.
And you get a $5 copy of the original Star Wars and watch it all grainy with none of the bullshit attached to it.
Yeah.
And you stay up all night and watch all three in one sitting while eating Pop Rocks.
Yeah.
Pop Rocks and maybe...
Yeah, that means A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi.
Watch those first.
Four, five, and six.
Yes, agreed.
You said you'd go to Ventura?
Because I think I got a cousin in Ventura.
Sweet.
No.
Clearly you have a cousin in Ventura.
Not the actual city of Ventura, but the street.
Ventura Boulevard.
Studios, like, Studio City, you know, Valley.
So you think I should watch, like, the first Star Wars that came out and went, like, 76?
Yes.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I think you know more about Star Wars than you're pretending, sir.
No, no, I mean, I know, like, when they came out, but I'm saying, which order should I watch?
So you say I watch the one that came out in, like, 76, the Star Wars, and then Empire Strikes Back, and then Return of the Jedi.
Empire Strikes Back, and then Return of the Jedi.
And then go back.
And then don't watch the other...
And then want to stab yourself in the eyes later on, go ahead and watch the new ones.
Yeah.
I mean, the new ones...
But only do that if you hate yourself.
And then watch the new ones.
Yeah, now, the new ones, I will defend them a tiny bit.
Mostly not, because they're so...
The new ones do have the badass lightsaber battles.
The lightsaber battles are badass, although inconsistent with the, obviously, old ones, because they weren't quite as badass, but, you know.
Like, when did everybody forget how to do these flips?
Now, Hector, here's a more important question.
How the hell have you gotten...
What are you?
I'm going to guess you're, like, between 26 and 32?
Yeah, I'm 28.
You're 28 years old?
How did you get to 28 years old and you've never seen any of these movies?
You know, it's only because I started getting older.
I had some cousins.
I was hanging out with my cousins, and they started, like, watching Star Trek and stuff.
So then I started...
But as a kid, you know, I was kicking it with the homies, man.
I didn't have time to be, you know, checking out Star Wars, but, you know...
I know how it is kicking it with the homies, dude.
Yeah, you know, I got a family now.
But let me ask you guys another question, so I'm going to check that out.
My question, I know a lot of people, they talk shit about Jar Jar Binks.
How come people talk shit about that fool?
He's irritating, and he's racist.
I'm going to clear the air here.
Let's let Ed take up that softball.
No, I'm just saying, Jar Jar...
First of all, Jar Jar Binks is...
It would be so doper if his name was Jar Jar Binks.
Jar Jar Binks was actually the last character from Fresh Pints.
No, I'm just kidding.
Now, Hector, a lot of people don't like Jar Jar Binks because they think that he's a racist.
He's a racial stereotype.
Which he is.
But I think it's one of these things where, I mean, I can find racism anywhere, but, I mean, he's undersea.
How many Negroes are kicking it undersea?
You know what I mean?
So I think George Lucas thought he had it made.
He was like, I'm going to make this racial caricature, but I'm going to make him underwater so no one will think he's black.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I'm not going to give him an afro.
I thought he was walking around with Luke Skywalker and stuff.
No, no, not Luke Skywalker.
His people come from underwater.
And he does.
And he kills Skywalker.
Yeah, and he does kick it with Anakin Skywalker.
He doesn't kick it with Luke Skywalker.
And they do blame the whole fall of the Republic on him, too.
Pretty much.
So he's escaped.
Okay, I'm also going to, so I'm going to check that out.
Hey, listen, and some other homies told me they were watching lots of horror movies.
They like Hellraiser and stuff.
So maybe you guys in the future, maybe you guys talk about Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street and stuff.
I'll find someone who is into that.
I'm not too into that, but we will find someone for sure.
Hector, just for you, we'll make sure it happens.
Definitely.
So, yeah, thank you.
I'm going to start watching these, you know, because now that I'm just staying home with my kids, I'm, you know, I want to turn them on to some of the old stuff that, you know.
Yeah, totally.
When I grew up, you know, from when I grew up, but I wasn't watching it, but I want them to be watching it because I don't want them to be out there on the streets, you know?
Yeah, exactly.
Please turn your children on to Star Wars and start them with A New Hope.
Yeah, and whatever you do, do not make them watch Scooby-Doo.
That is the worst piece of shit cartoon on the planet.
Scooby-Doo.
Don't do it.
Introduce them to Dragon Ball Z.
Hector, if there's one route away from the streets, it's through space.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Get them into the territory.
And nerd stuff.
Okay, I want to say what's up to my homeboy, J-Rod from Eagle Rock 13.
All right.
Thanks, man.
Thank you, Hector.
Eagle Rock 13.
Shout out.
That has to be, like, is that the hipster gang?
Eagle Rock 13 player?
Hey, dude, don't mess with Eagle Rock, dude, seriously.
Shut up.
Please don't kill us.
Is Eagle Rock 13 a real thing that I just stepped in it?
It might be.
I don't know.
Eagle Rock, dude.
Big up Eagle Rock 13.
We love you guys.
You better.
That was pretty cool.
We got a call.
No, that was really dope.
And you know what?
Sincere or not, and I think, you know, he's pretty sincere, trying to hook your kids up with the cool stuff.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I think that really is a thing that people have to concentrate on doing.
Yeah, well, and that's what we're saying.
I think that's actually what George Takei's trying to say.
Don't let your kids watch that kind of crap.
Watch a teenage girl impregnated by monsters.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
Well, but also, the one thing I will say against Twilight, again, I think it tells girls that your job is to kick it waiting for someone interesting to come along.
And once that interesting person comes along, do whatever it takes to make them stay around because if they leave you, you'll just be lost.
Yeah.
And that is a surefire way to make your daughter a dumb, sycophantic bitch who kicks it with some bad boy and gets used and abused by him forever.
That's the key to it.
They have kids rely on this piece of shit and then the piece of shit leaves and they have nothing.
Right.
Well, the one thing that, here's what attracted the vampire to her.
It wasn't her spinning personality or her accomplishments or her mind.
It was that she smelled good.
Yeah.
It was a thing she couldn't control.
Ladies, get your Chanel on.
Yeah.
No, it wasn't even that.
It was her natural scent.
It was a thing, it was a physical thing she couldn't control.
Yeah, she was edible, basically.
Yeah.
Right.
And that's what I'm saying, though.
It tells dudes, your path is to be magnificent.
And girls, it is your path to be fragrant, to be there, to be presented.
Which is why True Blood is actually slightly better than Twilight.
True Blood's a little bit better.
Because Sookie actually has her own thing going on.
Yeah, she's pretty badass.
My problem with any of these, though, is that vampires are bad guys.
Yeah, they're supposed to be bad.
They're historically bad.
Yeah, my theory is that there really are vampires and that they've written these books so that they can sneak their way into a public eye at some point and just turn us into cattle.
That's basically the premise of True Blood.
Which also is why I'm going to get guns.
I'm going to start...
No, I'm not.
Yeah, because guns don't work on vampires.
But you know what?
I think that's part of the myth.
I think vampires will say, no, don't try to fight us with guns.
And then when they show up, you shoot them in the face and they die like everybody else.
We try to stab them with a steak and it's like, oh, man, it's not working.
Yeah, what if garlic and steaks and holy water are actually the three things that make them stronger?
Right, right.
Throw me that garlic.
It's like...
By the way, if we don't come back from this podcast, it's because the vampires are listening.
Yeah, the vampires and Eagle Rock 13 have teamed up to help get us out.
Eagle Rock 13 has our back now.
Yeah.
Sweet.
To Eagle Rock 13 and us.
They come down here to the studio and they help us against the vampire horde.
That's a movie.
Guys, we need your help.
Hector, please chip in.
We need a writer.
And get your cousin from Pintoire to come down too.
We're all writers.
We should probably do it ourselves.
All right.
So, we're going to talk about David Cronenberg.
Oh, yeah.
We have to talk about that.
Rich, you take over for this.
So, well-known, independent, and not always independent film director, David Cronenberg, decided he'd take a swipe at The Dark Knight Rises, saying, Christopher Nolan's best movie is Memento, and I think an interesting movie.
I don't think his Batman movies are half as interesting, though they're 20 million times the expense.
Superhero movie, by definition, you know, it's comic book.
It's for kids.
It's adolescent in its core.
That has always been its appeal, and I think people who are saying, you know, Dark Knight Rises is, you know, supreme cinema art, I don't think they know what the fuck they're talking about.
I think it's still Batman running around in a stupid cape.
This coming from the guy who's currently working on a movie with Robert Pattinson.
Yeah, and who gave us as extends.
Thank you for that.
And let's also point out, this is a big argument that people have about comic books, is that they're childish.
And I just want to point out a couple of things.
You think a guy whose family was killed in front of him and then has decided to try to change the world using everything around him and becoming the best human he can possibly be in order to do that is not a good story?
That's a weak story.
on Dora the Explorer?
I'm pretty sure, yeah.
That was Diego.
You think, I mean, do you think X-Men is just about a bunch of dudes who have powers?
That is a, that was in the 60s, 70s, 70s, 60s, 70s when the X-Men came out, right?
Yeah, like the very late 60s.
That was the, the way for them to talk about race without coming out and talking about race.
I mean, that was clearly like, hey, we're all different and everybody's treating us like shit because we're different.
Well, I think, I think people don't, don't really get what comic books are able to do or that, they don't get that comic books can be serious.
But also, David Cronenberg did like, he did that movie with Viggo Mortensen having his dick swinging around.
History of Violence.
I actually liked that movie though.
History of Violence.
It was based on a mother, fucking graphic novel.
That's the funny thing about that.
That's hilarious.
I read that.
History of Violence is really good.
You know what I mean?
So he's a bit disingenuous by saying, by making that statement then.
Yeah, exactly.
He just doesn't like capes because apparently he thinks all capes are for children.
Who is he?
The designer from The Incredibles?
No capes.
No capes.
I'll wear a cape right now, motherfucker.
Well, I mean, but the thing that I don't, okay, here's the thing.
I think he has mistaken that, what's that shit?
Disbelief.
Disbelief.
What's that?
Suspension of disbelief.
Everybody has a little bit of suspension of disbelief and certain stories require a little bit more than certain other stories.
You know what I mean?
Like Spider-Man, you must, you know, suspend your disbelief about him being able to be bit and then that other people are going to get powers from the fight.
But once you suspend that, you're cool.
Yeah.
But in his movies, what?
There's people with tentacles coming out of their twats and they're getting in.
There's people in cars who crash each other's cars and then fuck each other on the hoods of these, broken cars.
And that's a lot of suspension of disbelief on my part.
I could believe in Spider-Man more than somebody who gets off and getting fucked on a car that's dented.
Or a video drone.
Good Lord.
I got to tell you something.
You fucked after a car accident?
That's actually what I do on Saturdays.
That's why I don't do comedies.
I'm going around trying to find people who have been brutally injured so that I can dick them in their wounds.
That's hot.
Yeah.
How do you feel about Cronenberg?
I like the beer.
It's pretty good.
It's a good beer.
I don't know.
I saw Eastern Promises, I think, and I saw History of Violence and I just, I'm like.
The Fly?
Most people have seen The Fly.
By the way, let me point out too that though History of Violence, the movie is pretty good.
What a great Jew.
The comic book, a thousand times better.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just go read the comic book.
Yeah, read the comic book.
My mom has that comic book.
All right, before people get, I know I just said Jew very derisively, but I'm a Jew before you guys start freaking out in the internets.
I'm at Eagle Rock 13 to the plate of anti-Semitism.
No, they don't.
You're getting a drive-by, motherfucker.
No, and I also think it's one of these things where, I mean, yes, I have read comic books from the 60s and the 70s and yes, they are for kids.
People say stuff out loud like, oh, I left my backpack on the bus.
I must go get it with my spider.
Who the hell talks like that?
Nobody talks like that.
Exactly.
Children speak that way.
I get that, but nowadays, it's definitely a lot more mature and the one thing I don't like is that, like I said, you can suspend your disbelief on some weird mind-trap movie or some Scanners-type shit or something that's sci-fi but not necessarily comic book-y.
It's just like, it's the same thing.
You know what I mean?
It's the same stuff.
I personally hate fantasy, but I understand how incongruous it is for me to hate fantasy after loving all the sci-fi that I love.
And so, I've been curious about that.
Why do you hate fantasy?
Because magic sucks a hundred tons of dick.
What magic?
You don't like Doctor Strange?
I hate all, yeah, Doctor Strange is one of the weaker comic book characters I ever came across.
What?
I hate Doctor Strange.
I hate Doctor Strange.
I hate him.
He sucks.
He sucks.
Dude, if you're so fucking magic, why don't you solve everything then?
You know what I mean?
Why don't you just, why don't you be really important in anything?
When he went to Secret Wars, I think the Secret Wars didn't even feature his bitch ass.
No.
Why?
Why not?
Because he would've magicked everything up.
But characters that are way too powerful or that have magic suck because they could literally really solve all the problems in the story.
Like Parallax.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they're just too powerful.
It depends on the confines of their magic.
Like, Rich's wife lent me a book recently, Night Circus, which was awesome, by the way.
I recommend everybody read it.
Night Circus by Aaron Morgenstern.
Good job, my wife.
Good job, Rich's wife.
And their magic was limited and they had some, the two sort of protagonists of the book were like in this sort of battle with each other that takes place over decades and they're each limited by their own magical abilities.
Like, it's almost the same as somebody who's good at English versus somebody who's good at science and they have to battle it out intellectually.
It's the same thing magically.
Well, and also a lot of, a lot of novels, fantasy novels, really what it's about is that character overcoming mental obstacles to reach their true potential.
Because a lot of times what happens is the bad guy's so powerful, it's inconceivable that they're actually going to beat the guy.
And though they have this power within them, they can't reach it because it's a lack of belief or et cetera, et cetera, which is what I love about it.
And also, I just think elves are hot.
I don't know if you remember that part.
Also, they feature magic or they're fantasy driven or more about the journey rather than the end result.
Like Lord of the Rings is very much about the journey and not about throwing the ring into Mordor is really incidental.
If any of you were curious precisely how much dick Ed thinks magic sucks, 100 tons is 200,000 pounds of dick.
Or for our British listeners, that's 14,285.7 stone of dick in the UK.
In case you guys wanted to know how much dick Ed thinks magic sucks.
I think magic sucks and, I don't like the stock.
So let me get this straight though.
What?
If you, you would be cool if you had the mutant power to shoot lightning out of your fingers.
But if you had elemental magic to shoot lightning out of your fingers, you'd be like, fuck that shit.
Well, if I had either one, there'd be a lot of shock the fuck up people.
So I think it will work either way.
But the thing I'm saying is, I really just enjoy the half-assed scientific exploration.
If anything, how much eye of newt or whatever the fuck it takes to do this thing, I'm just out.
I'm just done.
But I can listen to somebody's pseudo-philosophy.
Just like that thing you were saying about the belief thing.
In The Matrix, the first Matrix, which people are poo-pooing now for some reason, even though it was super awesome except for the dialogue.
You know what I mean?
Because the movie sucked and it was dragging the curve down.
But when Keanu Reeves, the Neo character, starts to believe that he could beat up Agent Smith, it is one of those swell-in-your-chest type moments.
It really is.
You know what I mean?
And I feel, I figured you guys who read science-fantasy books would get that somewhere in those pages.
But I'd like to just get it via some sort of science.
You know what I'm saying?
Just some sort of science.
That's actually fair.
With the belief.
That's a fair thing.
Especially because, you know, with science, even though, even if as fantastic as that science might be, it feels like you might actually be able to accomplish that one day.
Right.
With magic, it just feels like most of the time in magic stories, people are hella born into it.
Like, oh, it's just like that.
It's the same reason why Star Wars sucks now because they brought in that midichlorian thing.
Yeah.
You were born with, and that's the reason why I don't like Harry Potter.
Just as a concept.
I know if I read the books, they're very well written, but the whole point of Harry being this destined super magician, fuck that.
But he's not really a super magician.
I know, but he's a destined super magician.
No, he's got a lightning scar and people have to kill him because he's gonna become something.
It's like this already gonna become thing.
It's one of the only reasons why I almost didn't like The Matrix because it was like, you're the one.
When they started acting like he was, he wasn't the one.
I started rooting for him.
You know what I mean?
And then it's like, oh, he is the one.
Wow, he earned it somehow.
You know what I mean?
Well, with Harry Potter, the real story there for me, I don't know how Clee feels about this or Rich feels about this.
For me, the real story was the actual good versus evil story because my theory about it is that good always works out together.
They want what's best for other people.
They always give a chance to someone.
At the end of Harry Potter, I am going to assume that I'm not actually a good person.
Spoiler alert.
Spoiling anybody's since I sold a good 450 million books.
I assume most of you have read them.
And at the end of it, my favorite part about it is that Voldemort is so cocky and so arrogant and so greedy and Harry Potter actually gives him a chance.
Harry Potter actually says to him, like, I will have some sympathy, have some empathy right now.
You have a chance to have sympathy and have some empathy and I'll let you go, basically.
And tells him how he's going to beat him.
And Voldemort's so cocky and believes he's so powerful and is just so greedy and wants to kill him so bad that even though he has failed to kill him now three or four times, he still tries to kill him.
That's what is so cool about it because to me, that's one of the differences between good people and bad people.
Here's an important question for you.
If you took all the dicks that Ed says, magic sucks, and you put them into a box, what superheroes could lift that weight of dicks?
I actually have the information right here, so let's get your guesses.
Well, Superman definitely could.
Superman, let's see, where's Superman rated on this list?
Superman does not fall, oh, this is actually only a Marvel list.
I don't have a DC list.
Oh, Marvel list?
Then it's a Marvel list.
Well, DC doesn't really try that hard to keep track of their character strength levels or anything.
Hulk will definitely be able to do it.
Hulk will definitely be able to do it.
Hulk will definitely be able to do it.
Hulk is rated at 100 tons, so Hulk could do it.
Hulk could lift that much.
Thing could probably do it.
Who?
Thing.
Thing.
Let's see, is Thing listed on here?
Well, Thing could lift 80, which is perfect for lifting penises.
Yeah, Thing could lift 85 tons.
Yeah.
Oh, no, yeah, Thing's not rated, Thing cannot lift that many things.
Oh, okay.
How many tons is it again?
100 tons.
100 tons.
Well, Thor maybe.
Let's see.
Do we have Thor?
Thor's class 100.
And then we've got, are we talking?
Thor does make class 100.
Are we talking, you're correct.
Are we talking bad guys?
Dude?
Yeah.
Because then there'd be Thanos.
Thanos, definitely.
Yeah, Thanos is on that list.
The Abomination.
The Abomination could do it for sure.
Let's say, it's almost saying Hulk.
I could say She-Hulk.
She-Hulk wouldn't do.
Yeah, She-Hulk can only lift about 70 or 75 tons.
She can't lift 100?
Only 75 tons.
That's not very much.
It's only about that much.
Wonder Woman could lift probably 100 tons of dicks, and she'd drop them off with her island of bitches who are starving for it.
They're just starving for dicks.
Just a little Christmas present.
Don't worry.
Don't worry.
They're not attached to the men.
I know, yeah.
A little Christmas present from Diana.
They're not attached to the pieces of shit who ruin our world.
We got rid of those.
These are the world's best dildos.
Actual dicks.
That's awesome.
That's what you guys should know in case you were curious.
Dude, like I said, I'm not trying to be a jerk about it.
I just don't like magic.
Yeah.
I think, I think you've thought this through too much and it just stopped enjoying things.
Oh, he, I have a, I have a, I have a question.
I've listened to his discourse on magic more than once.
Dude.
It's about a 25 minute lecture.
Yeah.
Oh wait, I have a question.
How many fantasy books have you read?
I read the Legend of Huma, the Dungeon and Dragons one where like the Huma was there and there was this Minotaur dude that was really cool and I was like, wow, that's cool.
I'm done.
I think he won the, that was the Tracy, was that Tracy, was that Hickman and Weiss?
The Dragon Land series?
It was in the Dragon Land series.
The Dragon Land series, yes.
Yeah, that's why.
Dragon Land is like the shit of fantasy.
I mean, I still enjoy them.
I'm not going to lie to you.
Yeah.
But, but as far as it goes, you, you should read Simon R.
Green which is more modern style because it's more like urban fantasy is what they call it where it's like in a sort of mainstream time level and then the powers are really weird.
Simon R.
Green?
Yeah.
I'm going to put that in there.
I'm going to put that in my Kindle notes.
And Jim Butcher, Dresden Files.
Bam.
The Dresden Files, so that has like a sleuth ghosts, sleuth magic.
It's basically, it's Sherlock Holmes and magic.
It really is.
Oh man.
Does it do like magical coke off of like fairy snatches or something?
Like, is there going to be something in there that I would be interested in?
That would be awesome.
What would magical coke do?
I will write that book for you though.
I'm getting on that one.
All right.
Like I said, I just, I just don't like magic.
I just, the same reason why I don't like magic is because I don't like Silver Surfer or Superman or any of these characters that are like, they're just so powerful that- You still don't, you don't like Superman?
When they, when they run into stuff, it just, how are you going to defeat that?
If Superman, if you think about it, if Superman used all his powers the way that you or I could use them after we had them for about a year, every single fight he ever had would be over in two seconds.
Yeah.
He would punch the shit out of you a one million times with super punches.
He'd burn your eyes out before you even see him coming and then he'd punch you to hell with the superpowers and then he'd grab you by your back fat and throw you into the sun.
Every single villain he ever fought would be dead as fuck in negative two seconds.
Yeah, but here's the thing.
That's the difference.
That's what, Superman's about character.
That's about, that's what he's about.
Yeah, his character is, I'm a big country oaf that doesn't know how to use my fucking powers.
That's his character.
I think his, I think his powers are, are about, okay, we'll read something here in a second.
You can read it in a second, Lee.
I think that's what makes Superman fucking awesome is that he chooses to be good every single day and most people would not be good.
I mean, I definitely get that, but be good.
And he holds back.
Be good in a super cool way where you're running into like heavy shit.
Like Superman should be, Superman suffers from Hulk syndrome.
Honestly, Superman should be on a team book where they're fighting giant armadas of shit so that he can be personally destroying a whole armada of ships.
Like they use Hulk doing it.
while everybody else does some stuff.
Because like, if you think about a Hulk, if they give Hulk another goddamn movie, I'm calling it right now.
It will fail.
Mark Ruffalo is not so charming that he can make a dude who can punch the shit out of buildings become so interesting that he needs a whole movie.
Oh, Mark Ruffalo is so charming.
I disagree.
What situation can Hulk not Hulk out and solve instantly?
Well, they're going to have to use a character that can fight as well as him, but there isn't.
I mean, how about trying to rewire his stereo?
I bet he couldn't Hulk out and solve that problem.
Exactly.
Do you want to watch a movie about rewiring stereos?
Not chess.
I bet he couldn't Hulk out and solve that problem.
Yeah, it is pretty crazy when you think he just grabs a god and just beats the shit out of him, which he does frequently.
And then there's a couple of cartoons and I think one comic book where he actually picks up Thor's hammer.
I mean, dude, Batman is cool because if three guys saw him all at one time and he didn't throw a smoke bomb or anything and they all had AKs, they could kill that guy.
Yeah.
And he still goes out and does shit.
That's why he's so cool.
I agree.
I agree.
And that's why he gets movies.
And that's why Spider-Man is actually really cool.
Oh, what?
We have a nomination for line.
I mean, this is self-serving, but Jake Whitmore nominates Dickum and their wounds for line of the day.
Dickum and their wounds.
Jake, you and I are going to be good friends.
Oh, yeah.
We agree, Jake Whitmore.
I would agree with that.
All right, what do you got, Rick Lee?
One quick thing to read.
Brock Wilbur wrote in that he and Ed are on the same page and he recognizes that the Elder Scrolls and Fallout at this point are the exact same game, but I cannot talk about dragons while I can spend 15 hours digging through imaginary trash to look for empty Nuka-Cola bottles to complete a quest.
It's basically, it's basically like, I recognize that magic and sci-fi powers are essentially the same thing, but they're not, not quite, so I like that.
I disagree.
I think they're the same because I read both and think they're both awesome.
I think they're the same too and I like them both.
Hold on, this guy has played those games and he has time to post on Facebook?
How's that happening?
Dude, you're not leveling.
What are you doing?
Brock Wilbur is epic in his output of what he does because he's got his hands in many parts.
And also, I'm too antisocial because I'm not to ever get down with quest games where I get to kick it with a bunch of other losers and go on a quest with them.
No thanks.
He doesn't want to talk to people.
No thanks.
And it seems like he'd be like a really great dude to hang out with, but really, he just sits there very quietly and draws things.
That's totally true.
That's exactly what you do.
I mean, we can get you into a conversation, but we got to find something that's so interesting.
Or so aggravating.
Yeah, you either got to aggravate him or be the most interesting subject.
Dude, I'm the hardest person I'm the Hulk of conversation.
I only get interesting when I'm angry.
That is absolutely correct.
But here's the thing, he's always angry.
He's always angry.
Okay, before we get out of here, we got about three minutes left of our podcast.
I want you guys to plug anything you want to plug.
You got anything coming up?
How about some of those wounds with my dick?
Yeah.
My dick's not big enough to plug any wounds.
Sorry.
I'll be the first to plug.
I'll be at the improv and I'll be at the this Friday on the Freaky Geeks show with a bunch of other awesome comedians including Erica Ennis to be hosted by Eric Cash.
Nice.
So that's this Friday at the Improv Lab here in Hollywood at 10 o'clock, I think, or 1030.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to watch that.
So I'll see you guys there.
And then after that show is Eric is actually doing another show for his, something called Oedipal Clown or something like that.
It'll be awesome that he's doing to help raise some money.
All right.
Any shows, Rich, coming up?
On September 1st, in Sacramento, I'll be playing the Zimmerman Bar Mitzvah.
So if you're invited, get to that.
No, that shit is real.
That shit is mad real.
I've watched him get his set together for all these like 13-year-old and 85-year-old Jews and it's going to be hilarious.
Well, the best part is that the guy wants me to do 10 minutes on the Bar Mitzvah kid.
So I had to call the kid and talk to him.
This is the only time a 28-year-old man has ever called a 13-year-old stranger and talked for an hour and it's been okay.
That's awesome.
While you're talking to him, you're like...
No.
Basically, I don't keep up with my gigs.
You can go...
I'll tell you what, though.
You can go to supportdestruction.com.
Do it in about 10 hours.
supportdestruction.com and I will have my whole calendar illuminated with all the new stuff that I'm doing.
You'll check out the Destructicon.
Oh, yeah.
And follow me on Twitter at atcleathepimp on Twitter.
Nice.
I need more Twitter followers.
Yeah, I'm on...
I could use some followers, too.
Dorky Swallow.
Oh, yeah.
And I'm edgreerdestroyz on Twitter.
Oh, are we doing this?
I am at MMA comic because I'm also a mixed martial arts play-by-play broadcaster.
And a badass.
He also could fight you.
What do you mean are we doing this?
We're talking into microphones to people who aren't.
That's our job, man.
I don't know why.
For some reason, whenever we give out Twitter handles, that's where my sphincters cluster comes up.
I always forget that I even on Twitter.
Maybe next time we can talk about how annoying Twitter is but how great it is all at the same time.
I was at the library and I saw a lot...
There's a sign that said the library is on Twitter now.
Go to their tweets.
I'll be having a show at the Improv Lab.
I don't have the date yet but it's for comedy for dorks slash comics and comics and also me and Ed and Klee September 15th through 16th at Kamikaze.
So definitely check that out and every Monday we'll be having...
Go ahead, Ed.
Do you have something to say?
Okay.
Every Monday 6 to 7 p.m.
Angry Dorks.
We'll be having We may not have been as super angry as we are today or as normal but you'll hear some anger from us and it'll be awesome.
So 6 to 7 p.m.
Skid Row Studios dot com Angry Dorks.
If you ever want to hear us talk about dicks come down to the Liquid Zoo.
Everyone will be pumping on a Wednesday night.
Angry dicks.
Bam.
Every Sunday and Wednesday talking about dicks.
Thank you all.
You're all very attractive.
We love nerds and we'll stab those who don't like them.
Peace to Hector and Eagle Rock, yo.
Dude, Hector, you rock.
Give it up to all of you.
Give it up to all my brown coats all across the nation.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
Dream for life.
And.
I'm a soldier.
I'm a soldier.
I'm a soldier.
I'm a soldier.
Don't be unwise.
Just be nice.
Burn my side.
You won't believe your eyes.
Watch the X-нимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимнимним If you are are listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you were listening to skid row studios you're listening skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios you're listening to skid row studios we're listening to skid row studios i'm not doing it with you please do it with me?
Fuck that.
Can you please have sex with me?
At Skid Row Studios?
At Skid Row Studios.
Maybe.
Sad news.
Nora Ephron died this week.
It was the first thing she's done in a while that wasn't funny.
And Katie Holmes is finally finishing her five year search for a good divorce lawyer.
She and I can finally go out in public.
It was like he studied for the part of you're a heterosexual in love and then went out and completely played it wrong.
That's interesting because I was going to say that that marriage was less believable than Katie Holmes and Batman.
But that's the weekly wrap up.
Every Sunday, 7 o'clock Eastern 4 o'clock Pacific time at Skid Row Studios dot com.
Okay.
No more milk and cheese.
No more hamburger.
No more fertilizer.
No more fertilizer.
No more fertilizer.
No more barbecue.
No more leather shoes.
No more butter and biscuits.
No more Ben and Jerry's.
There's Cal.
There is Cal.
I see him every day.
I see him on the street with California.
I can't stand my life without a cow.
I can't stand my life without a cow.
No more Ben and Jerry's.
No more cottage cheese.
No more big brown eyes.
No more Zing.
No more chicken.
No more cow and chicken.
No more frozen yogurt.
No more bed brown eyes.
There is a cow.
I see him every day.
I see him on the street with California.
I can't stand my life without the cow.
Okay, Jen.
Brown, Swiss and German.
Leather and chains.
Okay, Jen.
Brown, Swiss and German.
Women, girls, whipped cream, guarantee, Caucasian, dark butter.
There is a cow.
I see him every day.
I see him on the street with California.
I can't stand my life without a cow.
It was delicious.
It was.
She is, man.
She's...
I've met her before.
She's fantastic.
Really money savvy chick.
Kind of chicky one on your side.
I understand him having a good girlfriend.
And she saved my life, man.
When I was out of work, she got me a...
