Nicole Blaine and her virgin sacrifice comics

I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. I am Vic Cohen, and it's always a fair question right here from Skid Row Studios in beautiful, it is, I want to say, I'm going to go with the word beautiful. It's beautiful and stunning here tonight. the corner of 7th and Olive in downtown Los Angeles. If you haven't heard the show, the reason I call it It's a Fair Question is because on this show, there is no such thing as an unfair question. Everything is on the table. Nothing goes too far. Nothing is ever too personal. And tonight, I have a guest who I am very excited about. I'm always excited about our guests, but I'm excited for many reasons. I think she's kind of like a new friend. It's weird. Like certain people I like click with for me. I don't want to freak her out. But I'm new friends. There's certain people that just I like their energy and I like their creativity. And this is one of them. And she was very generous to include me in a recent show she did. And I had a great time performing stand-up. And I had a good fortune to see her perform as well. And also see the show. She's the producer. She's the creator. She's the host. She's everything. That's right. She is like... Oh, and she brought me a gift. It's always a good idea. No one's brought me a gift who's been on this show. No one ever? No one. You're the very first. It's my Jewish mother and me. I love... Really? You have a Jewish mother and you? Let's get that out. Let me... One second. Well, I am talking about a woman named Nicole Blaine. Nicole Blaine. Hello, Nicole. Welcome. Thanks, Vic. Yeah, this is so cool. I really appreciate you being so open to coming down here. I know it's a drive coming downtown. Oh, whatever. And it's late. Gets me out of the bedtime routine with the kids. Okay. You are a mother. Yeah. Two children. Two of them. That you know about. Yes. Right? Yes. Okay. That's the weird thing about being a woman. You know about all your women. Your babies. They came out of me. Right, exactly. Unless you're completely unaware of your surroundings. Right, yeah. And your body. That's for sure. But that's one difference. There's two differences between being a man and a woman for sure. I don't know where I'm going with that. I loved your show. The name is called Virgin Sacrifice. And the show is just what you would imagine. A virgin comes out. A man who's never had sex. Or a woman whose hymen is intact. Correct. That's important. And then we sacrifice them. Well, they do the idea of a sacrifice. They make love. It's more of a gang bang. Oh my God. That's true. I wouldn't say it's so gentle. That's actually true at the end. Yeah. And that was actually my favorite part. But I don't want to jump ahead. That's true. We should go in order. Yeah, we should what? Go in order. Yes, I agree. Yeah. But yeah, it was really incredible. I mean, you were so gentle. Thank you. Yeah. I take it slow. You did. I do. You let it last the full hour and a half. I do. And I thought that was fantastic. I time it. I'm a producer. So I'm very strict about the timing. You were. You were really right. And I was really right on it. And it never felt rushed. Right. Even though we knew, we all knew we had to be done at a certain time. There's a clock ticking. There was. Yeah, it was really good. It's actually a comedy show. It'd be so much cooler. This interview would be so much better. It would go a whole nother way. I would love that too. That's a different show. Yeah. But your show was awesome. And the idea behind it is virgin sacrifice, meaning that someone who's never performed standup comedy is going to come out and do it for the very first time in front of a live audience. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To a hundred people. And so the night I went, there were about maybe six other comics and myself and Nicole and Nicole has the, it was funny. I don't like going early, like first or even second because. It's the bullet spot. Nobody wants to go first. So I said to Nicole and I was like, I was contemplating because like, I'm a guest. She's never even, you know, she doesn't really know me. I mean, she knew me through a friend. So I was like, well, I should probably say, I want to say something, but I don't want to be one of those pain in the ass kind of. I don't want to be one of those pain in the ass kind of comics. But I do want to say something because maybe there's someone else who really wants to go early. And sometimes that it's awesome because some of them do, they have another thing that they need to get to. They're like, do you mind if I go first? I'm like, are you kidding? Yeah. Thank you. Everyone in this room loves that you wanted to go first. Yeah, exactly. So I don't know, you know, just getting to know Nicole that night, I didn't know like, you know, how she'd respond, but I figured I would ask cause it's always better. And I'm kind of a little, it's odd as a grown man, I'd be scared, but I'm comfortable. I have the same feeling. You know, when I'm in other people's shows, I don't want to, you know, piss them off or they're stressed out. They're doing what they're doing. There's enough going on. There is. You know, so I said to Nicole, I said, you know, if you don't mind, I'd really, if possible, could I not go first? If that, and then she said, I'm going first. I'm the host. I'm good. It's a good staple answer. And it's the truth. It is true. And you had to go first. That's right. I go, everyone, you know, that goes after me, I'm like, it just, you're all lucky because I'm taking the fucking bullet. Yeah, you were. And, and I must say, uh, the, the lineup she had the night I was there was incredible. I mean, not that I need to say that. Cause like I said, I was in the lineup, but we had, there was some awesome, uh, It was my best. I say this probably every time, but I, and I think it every time it was like my best night. It was great. And I think that about every future show. I'm like, oh my God, this lineup is amazing. Right. And, um, hopefully with this show that I'm doing with you here, um, in future things you do, you know, the word will get out even more and more. I hope so. So the show I did was your ninth. Is that correct? Eighth. Eighth. Okay. So you have a ninth one coming up next month and you have them every month. I have them every month. Okay. And right away, I want, if people do want to see this, I mean, the point of having Nicole here is not to necessarily promote her show. It's really cause I wanted to get to know Nicole and, um, and this is such a great place to do it. But if people do want to see the show, how do they get tickets? West side comedy theater. Um, if you just Google West side comedy theater, it's in Santa Monica. It's off the third street promenade. And you can just go to their calendar and you'll see virgin sacrifice. The poster is obvious. You'll know when you're seeing it, which one is the virgin sacrifice poster. Um, but it's always the first Thursday of the month. Except when I'm doing it. Except for when you were doing it. Which was last Sunday. Which was a Sunday. Our first Sunday. And except for this next one, which is March 5th, because I'm going to New York the next day. So I didn't want to like have a guest host and have the show exist without me. I agree. It was weird because my husband was like, just let it go. No, it's your show. It's my baby. It's my baby. I agree with you. It's weird. And especially early on. Especially early on. You need to learn my, this is called a Vic Cohen's. It's a fair question. It's true. I have to be here. You do have to be here. You know, it's your personality. You're booking it and you're putting your, your, uh, spin on it. The brand, the feeling in the room. Which is a weird businessy way to think about it, but it's more that I'm just obsessed with it and I love doing it. And I kind of just felt like sad that I was going to be far away. No, I think you were right. That's a great move. So yes. Next. Next. So this very first. The next, sorry. The next one that's coming up is March 5th, which is a Wednesday. But after that, it goes back to the first Thursdays. Okay, great. Now, one of the things I had a, a friend of mine who is a female, she was in the audience and we were talking about the show and the different comics and the whole night. And she really, she did really respond a lot to your set and she particularly loved, uh, you're talking about your vagina. Yeah. Now I loved that too. Who doesn't love talking about vaginas? I do. I love it. Yeah. I love the vagina. Absolutely. I love everything the vagina does. I'll be honest with you. I'm serious. But I, I agree with that except tonight, just tonight, I had to tell my daughter, no more vagina. That is too much vagina. Like there's certain points. What was the context of that? That did, that sounds really strange. I'm almost ready to report you to children's protective services of some. Don't think it hasn't been done before. Um. You reported yourself. Yeah. I'm concerned for me. It's on speed dial. It is. Oh, you're talking about, you're the one being abused. I, yeah. That's a great take. Well, and I do, I do a whole set on the fact that I'm in an abusive relationship with her. That's funny. Because that is what it feels like. You know, I, I'm, I have bite marks. I'm punched. I'm, you know, I'm told horrible. You should be on the S&M show. I'm, I'm in the wrong hour. We have a, yeah. Now, uh, you have two children? Two. A girl and a boy? Si. And how old? My daughter is about to turn six and my son is two and a half. You know, I love it how you're like a kid because only kids talk about what they're about to be. Oh, that's so true. She's grilled it into me. I just said, I'm just like, how old are your kids? Uh, I'm about to be, uh, at least you didn't hold up your fingers. Seriously. Well, cause they actually always want to be older. I know. It was really funny. And then you go, I was 30. I was 34. Exactly. We were at a store recently and I was buying a can of paint and it was, it was one of those like, I'm, I take forever to do things and so I need to see samples. But when you do them, they're going to be perfect. They're going to be fucking perfect. Yeah. Cause I really do it. And it was buying paint for my daughter's room. Okay. And so I had to bring her cause I felt like I want her to really love it. What is her name? Tegan. Tegan. Have you ever heard of the band Tegan and Sarah? I haven't. Oh God, they're so good. Sorry. What's the boy's name? Finley. What band is that? Right. My husband named both the children. Really? Yeah. I'm surprised a controlling producer woman like you gave up the reins on the names. I felt like I couldn't figure it out. I couldn't come up with anything like better. So I was like, you win. Do you hold that over him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you get to make all other decisions for the rest of their lives because they made the name. He got to pick the name. How long have you been married? 11. 11 years. And your husband is really a great guy. I mean, you know, from the time I got to spend with him, he's creative and. Well, he's, he is technically my producing partner. Okay. I do it mainly alone. And your reproducing partner. And my reproducing. He's in every shape and form. And yes, that's good. Quick. But yeah, I don't do anything without him. And so we've always been producing stuff together. So even though I'm the standup and he's not a standup, but he really helps with everything possible. Well, that's great. Anyways. It's important to have that. So we were at the paint store. Yes. He and you and Tegan. Tegan. Me. Teger. I'm trying. No, it's funny. My parents, when I, when I was pregnant with her, they were like, I'm sorry, what's the name? Is that a wood? I don't know. They couldn't say it. It's a tough one. It's a weird one. You know who can't say it? Your husband? Mexicans. All of them. All of them. There's not one. They can't get it. There's some combination of letters and they always look at me like, they can't. Was that planned? Yeah. I just don't want her to have any Mexicans friends. Is that what your husband was up to? Yeah. See when you let him, keep him in charge, let him give him the reins, what happens? So there's Tegan and what was the other? Finley. Finley. Finley. Okay. Okay. So we're at the paint store. You and Tegan. Me and Tegan. We're at the paint store. The daughter. The daughter. And it's taking forever. This is not even a good story. It better be. It's horrible. It makes something up. I know. Now I better do something. But of course, finally at the end of it, I apologize to the lady helping and I'm like, I'm really sorry that I took so long. Thank you so much. And she goes, oh, that's no problem. And she turns to my daughter and she was like, so this paint is for you? And she says, yeah. She goes, how old are you? She says, seven. And I was like, that's a really weird lie. Like, I don't even know why she'd do that. And I was like, why are you lying? And she was like, stop it. And I was like, stop what? And she was like, don't treat me like that. You're just my nanny. You gotta be kidding. No. And it was out of nowhere. She's how old for real? Five. She's five. She was turning you into the nanny? Yeah. Wow. What was that about? I don't know. That's why I'm saying I'm like literally in an abusive relationship. And the lady's looking at me like, I'm your mom. She's like, yeah, okay, lady. That's really funny. And now I'm wondering maybe you are the nanny. Like maybe you're the one who's delusional. No kidding. And the other thing about that is what comes off as a cute story cut to, you know, 10 or 15 years from now when you find out that little Tegan was schizophrenic. Yeah, right. You're like, oh, maybe that wasn't so funny. She really did think I was. I should have known. Listen, I know she came out of that vagina. You heard my vagina story. Yeah. Let's talk about your vagina. Sure. We can talk about that. The thing I remember, you were quite descriptive about how your kids blew your vagina out. Yeah, they did. Essentially through their exit. Yep. So what happened? I mean, isn't that what happens with all women or it does and no one talks about it? I don't, I think I had a pretty traumatic one. It's, you know, I've had a lot of friends who just have a bit of a, you know, a lot of fun. They just take the baby and walk it off. They do. Walk it off. They do. Walk it off. Come on. They pop right up, you know, maybe get a little stitch. No big deal. Those are the doctors. Those are the people with no health insurance. The doctor's like, walk it off. Walk it off. Walk it off. You have no choice. Right. But I was at Cedars, you know, you want to stay for that. Name dropping. Right. Isn't that funny if people were name dropping their hospitals? Cedars. I had the best OBGYN, Dr. Connie Chen. Connie Chung? Chen. Oh, okay. Jesus. Chen. I'm not great with names, clearly. Chen. C-H-E-I-N. Anyways, Tegan was stuck facing to the left. In your vagina? In my, during labor when she like came down into the canal. These are not the Venice canals? Correct. Not the Venice canals. I just want to be clear in case someone's not paying attention. Not as wide. Okay. These would be the Nicole canals. The Nicole canals. Okay. And she was stuck facing to the left and they need to be facing a certain direction in order to get out. And so she was crammed in there. So for like an hour or so. So they took two nurses. One pushed my stomach one way. One pushed the stomach the other way. And during each contraction, that still didn't get her to twerk. So then they had to take, so that was when they did two episiotomies. Oh, I thought you'd only do one. Right. Well, when it, when it's this bad, then you can cut up and you can cut down. And then they took a vacuum, which is like a giant suction cup, which is a lot bigger than 10 centimeters. And they put that in your vagina. And then, then I just ripped. And then they ripped in every direction. Oh, is there a lot of blood? I wasn't watching. But you, oh, there's a drape, right? Uh, no. Like you're not able to really see. No drape. I don't, I think my eyes were closed. Were you in pain or were you numbed up? I was numbed up and in pain. Was you, do you video of this? You want to know the video story? Yeah. I'm going to tell you the video. Cause I, for some odd reason. Can I see it? You could. I'm going to tell you why you could see it. I was obsessed with getting this on video. And my, and Dr. I would be. I would be too. I just wanted to know. Like I was like, I know I'm not going to be fully able to see that view. Yeah. And like I'd want to maybe later. Sure. So I tell my doctor I want to videotape it. And she says, I'm superstitious. You can't videotape it. Oh. She goes, handheld. You can set it up with like a video camera on the side and get a side view of it. But every single time I've ever had a dad or a partner who's videotaping it, it ends up going into emergency C-section. She says it's bad luck to videotape it. Well, you would have been better off with a C-section. No fucking kidding. So now with this baby, do you find that Tegan now at five has a hard time getting caught in tight places as a five-year-old? She's very claustrophobic. Just on the left side. Is she always looking to the left? Yeah. And you're like, come on. Yeah. So what ended up happening was they did this whole thing. He sets the camera up to the side, right? Your husband. My husband. Okay. Mickey. Gets the camera set up. We do this whole thing. It's, you know, she's stuck. They have to get the big suction cup. I ripped to pieces. What was the suction cup for, actually? For your pleasure? Probably not. Right. Exactly. It cups on the kid's head and literally sucks that because she's stuck, they used it to turn her head so that it could go in the right direction to get out. Wow. I mean, I was obliterated. She had to do 45 minutes of stitches afterwards. Of your vagina. Uh-huh. I just, by the way, anyone who's into drinking games, take a shot every time I say your vagina. Yeah. And so far, I think- They'll be plastered by you. Right now. Now you're up to about seven or eight. And the thing is, this doesn't sound like a funny story, and here's what's interesting. It's great on stage. It's much better on stage. And the ladies, the women, she's like, this girl that I'm friends with, she's like, oh my God, I've never heard anyone be so honest. Yeah. Honesty is important. It is. You know? I was just, I was kind of turned on. Anything with the word vagina turns me on. It really does, even if it's like a tragic thing. But it was a tragic thing. Yeah. I still got turned on. Thank you. That's- It did get pieced together really well. Did you have to go to a plastic surgeon? No. No? You would not believe how well that thing snaps back together. Really? Botox in the lips or- Right. The beach, Venice Beach. You know, people do that stuff. Oh, with their vagina? Yeah. I know doctors who do that. See, the thing for me is what I don't understand, I'm going to share a little something with you, Nicole, and everyone, all of you listening, and those of you not listening, I'm going to share this with you too. I like a vagina with lots of lippage. Really? Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get when people like get them trimmed or tucked. To me, it's like there's more to chew on, like chicken. I just feel like it's kind of like pizza. Like it's all pretty good, you know? No matter how bad. It's still pizza's pizza. Well, I always said my favorite part of a woman is the crust. So, like pizza. Yeah. I like that. You think the vagina is like a pizza? I'll eat any kind of pizza. Like even microwave pizza. That's true, actually. I would. I would. And yes. And the great thing about vaginas. You don't have to microwave it to eat it. No, it works out well. It's available everywhere. Yeah. Anytime. It's like ready serve. All right. So, getting back to your vagina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drink. So, you said that you, now you had a second child. Yes. So, that was the first child. That was the first child. Everything snapped together, as you said. What happened in the second child? Oh, so then, so in my standup routine, I do combine both. Into one big story? Into one big story. Yeah. Yeah. Because, so what happened with that was. I was obliterated. She put me back together. And it was a horrible recovery. But I recovered. With the second kid, he came out so. And, by the way, I had two huge babies. My first, Tegan, was nine pounds. And Finley was eight pounds. Those are pretty big people. That seems big. Those are big. Because you're small. Just to describe, Nicole, if you're not watching via video. She's about five, five. She weighs, and I know that's not sensitive to talk about a woman's weight. But she weighs about 110. I wish. I wish. Thanks. Yeah, sure. And, I mean, she's somewhat petite, but athletic. Thank you. Yes. Go on. So, nine pounds would be a big. It's a big baby. Yeah. Yeah. So, it ruins you. But the second time, the doctor. God, I hope she's not listening after I just said her name. She might be. We do get a lot of OBGYNs. Do you really? That's like your big following. Yeah. It really is. Is your market. Is OBGYNs. Pretty much. She, by accident, sewed my lips together. No way. No. She really did. And we're not talking about the lips in your mouth. Nope. And I talk a lot. She got the wrong lips. I think your husband said, sew her lips. Yeah. And she got confused. Wrong one, doc. Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? I mean what you think I mean. Like all the way? I mean like six stitches in a direction that she. How do you put a tampon in that? Or? Well, I just had a baby. So, there was definitely no tampon. I don't know. See, that's a guy question. See, here's also what you don't know before you have a baby. When you do have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Whether you have a baby. Or a regular vaginal delivery. You're going to bleed out for two to six weeks. Because all that stuff is just like slowly. I still find that a turn on. God, you really love vaginas. I love vagina. Seriously, I thought maybe that would push me over. But no, it's. I just love what it does. It creates life. I'm glad you feel that way. It's so amazing. Yeah, well. I wish I loved vaginas. I am a waist up lesbian. You like breasts. I love them. And I want to make out with girls. I missed my opportunity. That was the two shows ago here in the studio. Really? Well, that's good. That sounds like a fun thing for your husband now to fulfill. Yeah, well, he will. If you haven't. I haven't. And so now I feel like at this point, like I need to do an acting job that just like lets me get that. Right. Well, you know what? It's so funny you say that because earlier I was just working on a scene, two ladies making out about three minutes ago. Really? Actually. And you want to rehearse it. That's what you're saying. You being the woman. Got it. Got it. No, no, no. I respect. I would never, never do that. Although I do have a wig in the car. So. So, yeah, she sewed me up a little incorrectly. So how did you figure out it was wrong? Well, this is interesting because not that I want to compare myself to being like a POW. Right. This is a form of torture. If you are sewing body parts to other body parts that aren't. It's wrong. How did she do it by accident? How do you do that by accident? I mean, God, I had her up since like the middle. The night, you know, like she's got to be tired. She's been there for hours. How do you figure it out? How did. Oh, how did I discover something was wrong? Yeah. Okay. So I go home and you're in immense pain and you're given a, a glove, a rubber glove and they pack it full of ice and you just put it on your vagina. Okay. That's another drink. Yeah. And you put it on the vagina for days until the pain is supposed to go away. And it didn't go away. And it didn't go away. But like you, this is the other thing. People should always know in case you're about to have a baby. Don't look at it because even if it's all done correctly, like. Why does it give you dirty looks? It's winking at you. I did. I made the big mistake. I took a compact mirror after Tegan and I looked and it just looked like, like a bunch of rubber balloons sewn and puffy and like, like, like a clown makes a bad. Didn't work. It was a bad poodle. Right. A bad poodle. That was exactly what it looked like. And then that goes away. But so after Finn. Thank God. I. I felt like the pain wasn't subsiding and I started to slowly lose my mind. And it was. After how many days? On day eight. Okay. And I was like, I started to talk into, like, I literally was making no sense and I started crying all the time. You could have maybe died. No, I know. This is really serious. Like, funny that I did stand up on it. I was, I was, I was, I was, it was crazy. When you talk about it, does your vagina hurt right now? It does. Like, it starts to like have PTS in my pants. PTSD? Yes. PTSD is happening right now. So strangely, so I did, and this is, I was against this too. My husband outvoted me and made us as a team get my son circumcised, which I was against. Okay. That's another topic. But anyway. So you had him circumcised as a team? So, so he outvoted me. He said that my husband. Wait, hold on a second. Hold on a second. Yeah. Before you get to the circumcision. Yeah. If we're done. It sounds like we've moved on. No, this is about. I wanted to explain how I discovered it. Okay, so in the Jewish tradition, eight days later, the boy gets circumcised where it's usually ceremony in a house. There's someone called a mohel. He comes over. Which I didn't do any of this. Okay. Because I'm not that Jewish. Or you could do it in a hospital. Right. Or a urologist could do it. Correct. Or typically even the OBGYN does it. Okay. Nowadays. So the OBGYN did his circumcision in the hospital, which I was against. Another story. Anyways, something went wrong with it. And he started bleeding. And I freaked. So I was ignoring all of my pain. But I was freaked out about him. So I took him back to the OBGYN on day eight. And I walked in and I was like, hey, so while I'm here. Because she was like, yeah, he's fine. Look, let me just clean up the blood. He's good to go. And I was like, well, do you mind if I just show you real quick something that's going on down there? And she's like, yeah, okay. You'll be fine. You know, whatever. You know, because I always think that you're ridiculous. Mother's Sunday at the OBGYN. Isn't that sweet? So I hop up on. You're one of those people who like works in an exercise. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I was just wondering while I'm here. I'm kind of like that, actually. I know I have a cough, but there's this thing on my ball sack. Can you just take a look? Just real quick. Just be a minute. Yeah. So I hop up on the table and she looked at it. I bet you did hop. Oh, boy. But literally, I feel like it was one of those moments you want a doctor looks at it and goes, huh. Really? What's wrong? But in Chinese. In Chinese. Which is totally different. Yeah. And so then she just got out of scissors and she snipped, snipped, snipped about six extra stitches out. And it was instant relief. I mean. But how do you know it was like, did she say, I'm so sorry? But you have to be, she has to be careful because. She doesn't want to get sued. She doesn't want to get sued. So she kind of gave me an I'm sorry look. Like, I really feel like she was speaking in code and it was, do not sue me. Here's your vagina. We cool. And I was like, yeah. We, are your lips slanted? As I heard. From the stitches. That's horrible. I cannot. If that sounds like a racist joke, it wasn't. But no, but. It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't. It kind of felt like it was. But I was. I was just going for the joke. So. All right. Go on. It all recovered okay. After that moment. I love Asian people. I was fine. I love Asian. I was just. I was going to marry an Asian. Oh. I don't have one in mind. I just mean. Theoretically. I just wanted to have like a half Asian baby. Oh. Or like a half black baby. I just wanted not white babies. Yeah. I want to, you know, I'm, I'm getting older, but I want, I still want to have a baby. And not a white one. I want anyone. I want anyone. You know, I told my, I told my dad. I'll give you one of mine. Oh. Oh, I would love that. Whichever one you want. They're on eBay. E-baby. Yeah. I, it's funny. I, I, I've always, we'll talk about it later. I, but I, I said to my dad, I go, you know, I, I do this joke in my standup. I go like, I really wanted to have a baby. He's like, well, you're getting old. You better save your sperm. You know? And I said, don't worry, dad. I know exactly where my sperm is. And it's all over my apartment. It's on the walls. It's, it's, it's everywhere. Now, speaking of virgins, we, this is a very exciting show. Because you've arranged. Yeah. To bring in someone who will be deflowered. Mm-hmm. In the upcoming month. Mm-hmm. And someone who was deflowered. Mm-hmm. Two months ago. Mm-hmm. And we're going to bring them in just one moment. Okay. They're waiting outside in our beautiful lobby. I want to ask you this. This is called It's a Fair Question. Okay. When we talked, you said that, and speaking of virgins, you dated your high school sweetheart. Mm-hmm. I hate that term. But that's true. That's what it was. Mm-hmm. How, how young were you guys when you met? When I'm... I was in eighth grade. Okay. So I'm assuming you were a virgin unless, God forbid... Yeah, right. There were some things we shouldn't be talking about. No. No, yeah. I met him in eighth grade. Okay. But he was dating one of my best friends who was a year older than me. Okay. So he was at Santa Monica High School. He was a junior. Okay. And I was in eighth grade at the local middle school. So he's a few years older than you. Right. He's three years older than me. He's three years older than me. And she was dating him because she had started high school because she was a year older. And I remember, she was like, oh, come see me in this play. I'm in it and he's in it and he's my boyfriend. He's really cool. And I went to the play and it was Grease. He was Kaneki at Santa Monica High School. And I saw him up on stage and literally, it was the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. Wow. And I remember this. I remember where I was sitting in the theater and the play let out... Where were you sitting? I'm curious. Honestly, I was in the third row. I was in the third row. I was in the third row. I was on the left about three or four seats in. Wow. I completely remember it. You know what? You know, I just realized you'd be a great person to go shopping with because you'd always remember where the cars parked. Absolutely not. I have no sense of direction. But that was a big moment. It was just... Yeah. Seminal moment. It was interesting because I never would have thought... If someone had said to me, you know, years before, like, you're going to marry that guy, I'd have been like, there's no way. He would never go for me. And he wouldn't have. Oh, because you thought he was so hot. He was. And I wasn't. And I wasn't. Were you like a... Theater geek or something? Because usually guys... Women or young girls don't look at a guy doing a musical... And think that's hot. Right. Yeah. I also dated a cheerleader. A male cheerleader. Oh, okay. For a moment I was thinking, why didn't you kiss her? Right. Yeah. Right. No, no, no. So here's the thing. So he's gorgeous. And yes, I was a theater geek. Was Kenickie like the best friend? He was, yeah. He was the cool one. He wasn't, you know... Yeah. He was like... He wasn't John Travolta. Not John Travolta. Okay. The rough guy who just recently died. Oh. Okay. Everyone dies. It's sad. I hate that. So anyways, after the show, I remember my friend was like, oh yeah, so this is my like friend. She's younger or whatever. And I remember shaking his hand in front of Barnum Hall. And I remember feeling his hand. In Santa Monica at the high school. I remember where I was standing and I was like, he's phenomenal. Really? So the next year I went to school there, I was a freshman, he was a senior. And I was like, I have to do theater, which I had been doing for years anyways. But I was like, I just want to be near this guy. Wow. And then the spring musical that year was Wizard of Oz. Wizard of Oz. He was the scarecrow. Mm-hmm. And you know, not to brag, but you know, I got cast as the coroner. I pronounced the witch legally dead. It was like, it was like a big deal. I was on my knees the whole show. Hello. Hello. So I fell for him then, but I was really, really prepubescent. I didn't get my period until I was 16. So he did not go for me. So I did date his best friend for four years, the male cheerleader. Four years. Four years. So I went out with the male cheerleader and that's who I lost my virginity. Okay. Wow. You know what? I'm so relieved for you. That I had a person? Yeah, that it wasn't your, I feel maybe it's because it's just a guy thing, but I feel like it's really important to have experiences. And then in college, and then I didn't, okay, so then I went away to UC Davis and I did sleep with one guy my freshman year. You're a whore. I was totally a whore. And he's gay. So I feel like I really, I had really good experiences. Really? As if the cheerleader you screwed in high school wasn't. Wasn't gay enough. God damn, that was good. That was good. That's true. So I've only been with gay men and my husband. Right. Which makes me think I know what Mickey's doing about now. He's probably at a truck stop off the 605. Oh, damn it. So yeah. You think he's babysitting. He's babysitting. So, okay. So you've had three lovers. I've had three lovers. Okay. Now, and I assume Mickey being an older man, he's had some experiences. Yes. Okay. Not much, but okay. I was, I'm just, yeah, we'll let him talk for himself. Yeah, exactly. But I'm just so relieved for you. That I've had other bad experiences. Experiences. Experiences. They were bad, by the way. Well, even better then. Yeah. Right? I'm sorry. Well, when you're making love to gay men. That's what happens. It's not going to usually be good. When they say, Nicole, pretend you have a penis, that generally is bad. It did get weird. I'm going to be honest with you. The first guy that I dated. Yeah. He put a lot of peanut butter on his penis. Oh, my God. And his dog licked it off. Crunchy or smooth? Smooth. The dog likes smooth. Oh. This is a dog thing. This is how fucked up that guy was that I was with for four years. And he made that part of your lovemaking experience with him. I wasn't there, but what was weird is they told me about it, and I didn't break up with him. Oh. Like, that's concerning. Right. Did you have a peanut butter allergy? Is that why you went to the dog? Isn't that, I don't know. How old were you when you heard that? I was in high school. That's like, that's technically bestiality, right? I just think he was really like a sex addict. He had a penis pump. Oh, my God. Like, at that age? At that age. Well, he was three years older than me. Two. I don't care. That's still. Isn't that weird? There's something wrong with him. Oh, yeah. Well, it depends. What kind of dog was it? What was the breed? German Shepherd. Oh. I get that. Yeah. Actually, I draw the line. I've never, I've done some, you know. I mean, as a kid, I masturbated, and I stuck my penis in everything. But not in a dog's mouth with a can of peanut butter. Never. Okay. No, the closest, the weirdest thing I got was I masturbated in ketchup, eggs, and a raw chicken breast. Did you fit into a ketchup? No. Not in the actual. Jar. That just means it's such a small. No. How old were you? This was, I was 35. No. No, I was like in elementary school. I mean, I was, basically, I was an anxious kid, and the only way I could soothe myself without doing drugs, because I was afraid of dying, because I was so neurotic, would be to masturbate. Yeah. Because in my mind, I said this last show, it's becoming a theme, I know that no one ever was found dead with their dick in their hand. It's true. It's never happened. It's true. It's true. So, I looked really safe. So, I was so horny. And I was so scared to, like, approach women or girls. Yeah. And because when I was looking at all the porn in the magazines, to me, that would be like going to the Smithsonian and looking at the Constitution. I'm never going to touch it. Right. I can look at it. Right. And appreciate it. But I was always curious what the vagina felt like. And what it would, you know, so, first, I started, I was making love to Charmin rolls. Oh, I forgot the name of, like, a black woman. I was like, that's sexy. I tried to have sex with the cleaning lady. She quit that day. Okay. But I didn't do it in an obvious way. No? I did it in a way that was actually very clever and it was non-abusive or anything wrong. What I did was, I cleverly left the door about a half inch open in my bedroom. Uh-huh. And I waited. I made sure everyone was gone. I had all gone grocery shopping. It was just me. You're like a kid at this point. Yeah. I was, I was, I was high school. Okay. And my idea, this is how my thinking was. Okay, mom and dad are gone. Two brothers are out. I'm going to, she's going to go into my room. I leave the door a little open. Okay. I am lying on my bed face down, bare assed, teenager, imagining in my fantasy that she's going to open the door. And be. And she's going to be so. Want you. And she's going to be like, look at that teenage ass. I need it. I got to have it. Yeah. So, I mean, I'll never forget. I'm hearing her heavy breathing. Oh. Because she was a big woman. Yeah. Eastern European. It wasn't excitement. Heavy breathing. A lot of silver. No, it was her walking up the stairs carrying a vacuum and a bucket. Right. A big vacuum and a big bucket. And she did make it. She did make it right to my room. And I remember my heart pounding. You know, this could be it. This is so vulnerable. Yeah. Wow. And, what, that I'm sharing it? Or is that it happened? That you did this. Oh, yeah. And that you're sharing this. Yeah. And so she opened, you know, I'm like, and I'm fully aroused, I'm sure, but I'm lying on myself. There's nothing. Right. She only saw your tushy. Right. And to me, that wasn't like anything big. I mean, it was, I had a nice ass. I will say that. But anyways, I'm thinking I did. I kept pretty good shape. But anyways, so she opens the door and. And I'm facing away because I'm imagining, you know, she may walk in and I'm hoping something at this point. And I'm so aroused. Like, this could be. And then she shut the door. And then later that day, she was speaking in Polish to my parents, explaining that she quit. Do you think she told them? Well, I think it was either that that's why she quit or it's because she had asked me to clean my room. And I was so annoyed that the cleaning lady was asking. This is really obnoxious. I was obnoxious that day because I saw my brother. This is bullshit. She's the cleaning lady. And I got to clean. I'm cleaning my room when she's the cleaning person. Spoiled rotten child. Right. Horrible. And I really wasn't. But that was a bad moment. It was a bad moment. And I wasn't rude to her, but she probably heard that. And that is that is rude to her. And I wouldn't be like that now. But anyways, now I feel bad. No, don't feel bad. I'm sorry, Mariska. But you know what? I think that that's a normal mentality for any like. Young person to have. It was immature and whatever. But so it could have. That's my out. Yeah. To think that it wasn't my ass. Because I don't know. Like, I mean. I think she may have left your ass. Not that it's a bad ass. But it wasn't. I didn't say to her, let's make love. She never saw my penis. Right. I was facing away. Yeah. I wasn't. I had my ass partially covered even with the sheets. It wasn't. You know, I tried to be seductive in my pose. Maybe she picked up on that. You think? Maybe. I don't know. You might have sexually assaulted your. I. Did not assault her. I don't like that word. You feel like it was assault? No, no, no. I didn't touch her. No, no. I'm joking. No, but I think she probably quit because of it. I don't know. But anyways, I don't know how we got ended up there. That was high school. But anyways. No, but I really like that you shared that. Yeah. And then I made love to raw chicken breast thinking that that is what a vagina might feel like. And I wasn't off actually on that one. That's probably pretty. But that just seems really like full of germs and you could get like salmonella poisoning in your. Yeah. Maybe I might have been wearing a condom. Oh, that would be really smart. Yeah. That's a good Jewish boy. Yeah. You're such a good boy. I have a hunch. Yeah. And I think the ketchup in subliminal, like in my unconscious was it's like, like a period. Yeah. Maybe. And moist. Yeah. I don't know how my mom cooked. I mean, everything was under my bed. You know, I mean, I kept taking stuff, honey. I tried honey. I tried barbecue sauce, which burns, you know, and, uh, but the worst was the, uh, the toilet paper roll because it shaves. I was not experimental like that. Yeah. I was just so. I don't know. I was very anxious. I told you I love the vagina. It's never ended. I'm glad that. Yeah. There's a chronicling right there. Yeah. No, I think it's good. I think it's healthy. Thanks for helping me with that. Thanks for bringing that out of me. Now we, we must bring in your guests. Uh, they're your guests as well as mine. Hey guys. Come on in. Come on in. We've got Scott here. Scott is on deck about to become deflowered and we have a former, uh, we have Ted. Ted. Ted. Ted. Take a seat, sir. Put on those headsets. And please make sure you talk right into the, um, into the mic. No, right there. There should be a, that should work for you. Yeah. Okay. Great. Um, thank you guys for joining us. Thank you for having us. And thank you for bringing them. I know. I love my virgin. I love all the ones I've had. So, um, we've got, uh, we've got Scott here who's about to go next month. How prepared are you for your big debut? Uh, at the moment I'm probably at, uh, 30% prepared and that's for the writing process and then probably like 10% emotional. I'm emotionally prepared. How many, what do you do for a career? Uh, I work at a production company. So, um, like an account director slash producer kind of, uh, for, we do like digital projects and stuff like that. What kind of stuff do you work on? Uh, like DVD extra content is like a big, one of our big. You're very Hollywood, you know, like someone in somewhere else has no idea what extra means. DVD extra. I'm guessing. Let me guess if I'm right. This would be like blooper stuff or scenes that have been cut out of the film that are included as bonus material. Yeah, that's probably people do. You know what that means, but you didn't say film, but just that's what it is mostly, right? Feature stuff. Uh, yeah. So like a TV shows, we'll do the like little feature at some. Are you, are you editing that material? Uh, I'll hire editors to, to cut it for me. So you're, I mean, that sounds really cocky, but no. So you're, you're kind of like a coordinator. Yeah. Okay. And that, so you really are in show business. Yeah. But it's more of the production side. Yeah. The behind the scenes. Completely behind the scenes. Yeah. Okay. Great. Ted, how are you, sir? I'm well, sir. Well, you, uh, performed two months ago. I did. You were deflowered. I was. I noticed. I bled. You did? There was a lot of bleeding? Did anyone hold you after that? Uh, no one held me. It was very, I was very upset about that. Now, how many minutes do you, Nicole, do they do when they're? I tell them they have three to five. Okay. And that they really need to cap it at five because as you know, as a standup, I think that we all want to like, you have a tendency to go long. And when you write that sort of stuff, I feel like if anyone, you were to say now take the best stuff, you get down to five and it'll be the best. Yeah. And you know, to do great five minutes. It's not easy. Tell us, what was that like? Uh, again, we're talking now. Oh, it is Ted talking to us. Who's already been on stage and gone through the process. It was. Performed for, how many guests did you have too, by the way? Sorry. Beg your pardon? How many guests did you have? Guests. At your show? Oh. You had some people there, right? I had, I had some people. Um, I had, uh. We've sold out for months. Yeah. I had, I had a bunch of people from work. I, my only regret was not actually inviting my friends. Okay. Cause I didn't really know how it was going to go down. How did it go down? It was pretty fantastic. I mean, the, the, the 20 minutes before getting on stage was probably, uh, the hardest 20 minutes of my, since giving birth to my child six years ago. It was, it was. Was it anything like Nicole's experience? Did your vagina blow out? No, no, my, no, but my ass almost did. It was, uh. From eating so much food or? Just so, oh my God, what the fuck am I doing? How many kids do you have? I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have, 1 1 3 quarters. Okay. Why are you talking, looking at Nicole? Did she have them? Actually, you know what? That's a different show. I want to tell you, this lady. Yes. Hardly know her. Yes. We're at our kindergarten get to know you picnic. She walks up to me and we knew each other from, you know, here and there. She's like, I'm collecting stories, you know, for fathers, from fathers about their daughters and about their children. Could you just think of something funny? something funny. I want to get you on camera. Like, okay. So I go off to the corner of the picnic and I come back. I tell my little story and that's when she pops the question on camera. Right. There's just absolutely no way that you can say no. So that's how this whole crazy mess started. Popping the question meaning will you be a cast virgin? I don't even think I said will you be. I was like, so you're going to be my next virgin. Yeah. What did you see in Ted here that in your mind he'd both have been a great virgin? He's naturally like an incredibly quick funny guy and I feel like, and this is what I look for in all of my virgins, which is interesting because I think formulaically as a stand up what it takes to be a good one, I think number one is likability. These guys are likable. They are. You want to hang out with them and I do think that an audience has a perspective if they want to hang out with you for X amount of minutes and so I'm attracted to those type of people and so I knew I know that they'll be good. That's great. That's a great point. So now, what do you do for work normally? Bartender. Okay, where do you bartend? The Lobster in Santa Monica. Oh wow, the tip money must be amazing. Yes, it's the golden handcuffs. You know, you have the perfect stand up comedy job. It is. Yeah, I've worked with a bunch of them. There's no way I would do what you guys do for a living. How many minutes did you do? Four and something, one change. No, you did fine. I did five. Strong five. Felt like three seconds. How much did Nicole help you with your material? Very little. It was actually kind of frustrating. I think she really got off on it. Watching me just fucking sweat. Nicole, do you meet with the comics and help them develop their material? I offer anything. I was so, I'd lost my mind at that point. There was really nothing she could do. You know, you just like, you've never, if you've never written comedy before, you're sitting there trying to come up, oh, what's funny? What do you do for work? Just pour drinks. Oh right, sorry. Sorry, I just had a complete accident. No, it's alright. I was a musician back in the day. I'm going to go with this. I bang my wife. Really? Okay. She pays me. But she's not a virgin either. No, no, definitely. So here's part of the process. I'm sorry, can I just ask you one thing? That is your full-time job. That is my full-time job. I just want to clarify. You know. Okay. You know. Because a lot of people who do bartend have an arts type job and that affords them the flexibility. I used to be, I was once upon a time a musician. And I've been on stage before. But this is that's what makes this so singularly terrifying. I've been, you get on stage, with people who you've been working with for months, years at a time to do a show. Together. Together. You load equipment up. You argue, you yell, you scream. But this is, you literally get walked up onto the stage, pushed out by yourself, and then it's a free fall. I interrupted you and I apologize. What were you going to say? I was going to say the process that I do with all my virgins, after I find them, is then I say, okay, so we'll go out to a show together and we'll watch a show. A show? A stand-up show. Okay. So I take them out, which I just recently did with Scott the other day. Where'd you guys go? The Improv. Oh, okay. And we got to see Brian Callen, which was nice because he had been in my show and now I finally got to watch. He's a really funny guy. He's phenomenal. Brian Callen's amazing. I like his physical comedy. Yeah, that's why I think he's great. Anyways, so I say, I'll take you to a show and we'll talk shop. So then I give, you know, we just like, how do you form a joke? And they both have different questions. Like, Scott, you were asking me about transitions and like how to string, kind of like something together. So we kind of talk shop on that. And then I set them free and I say, now you can share with me your material and I can help you with like any forming of it or I never need to hear it. And Scott, I have a feeling he's running on his own. Whereas Ted came over to my house once a week for six weeks and we went over everything and rehearsed and in all honesty, I kept saying, it's good. You're good to go. Like my job, I can't, there's not really anything for me to edit in all honesty. It's there. They're experienced. They can say whatever they want. Like I feel like I'm more moral support. I don't know what you're... Is the idea that you encourage them to write about their own lives at least as a starting point or do you give them any kind of guideline as a suggestion? Scott's the only one that hasn't asked any questions about that. But that is exactly what I tell all the other ones who have asked is, yeah, tell a story about your life, be vulnerable, be personal and we'll all relate to it. Okay, Ted, tell me about your, tell me your opening joke. And get right on that mic. If you can get right on top of it. I don't, I don't really remember. I think you shitted me out. You were like, fuck Nicole. No, no, no, no. Actually, I got really touchy feely. I didn't tell a joke at the beginning because I just wanted to just settle down. And it was kind of, I didn't really intend on doing it, but it just kind of happened. I just thanked her at the beginning before I ripped into it. Not really emotional, but just like, hey, you know what? To ask somebody to do this, I felt honored. I hadn't felt the honor until I was on the stage and everyone was looking at me. And I was like, you know, this is freaking overwhelming. It's totally overwhelming. And I saw, I mean, I had to do the show. And by the way, my material was about my wife's vagina. To my daughter's kindergarten teacher and about 25 members of the class. They say, right where you know. They say, right where you know. I just like, I was overwhelmed with it. And so I didn't start with a joke. I just, I went into, hey, you know, thanks, Nicole. In a world full of people trying to push us all apart, it's really nice every once in a while to have somebody trying to bring us all together. And she really does. I mean, she really got that whole room full of eclectic personalities. You know, parents from school, from my work, from wherever the hell you find all these people. So now, just to be clear here, you had a child that was in the same kindergarten class. Yeah, we just met. And you saw something in Ted that felt right for your show. Yeah. And then in that moment, you kind of tested him by asking him a question and you're in your head, you're like, yes. Oh, I already knew. Oh, you already knew. Yeah. What was the point of the video? It was an excuse. Yeah, actually, I am. I have been shooting the shows. And so I'm putting together a sizzle to pitch. Okay, great. Okay. So that's what that was about. Um, okay, great. Now, do you remember any of your specific jokes, Ted? I told the story about how well, I just, I've always thought it's women dress for other women. I've always known that women just don't necessarily dress, just don't dress for men. But I did not know that that actually extended to the nether regions. Like my wife, you know, she's pregnant. She's not keeping up down there. And that's totally fine with me. I'm down with the natural look. I'm cool with that. We've had the bald pussies. We've had the bald pussies for so long. Let's bring back the big bush, right? But we're going in for our first ultrasound and my wife breaks out my beard trimmer and I'm in the other room and I hear my beard trimmer. I'm like, what the fuck? Why is my beard trimmer running? So I go around the corner and there's my wife squatting over a trash can. Oh, that's classy. Just going, you know. That's my girl. That's my lady. That's hysterical that you would do that for your doctor. You're more. You know, conscious of your vagina hair with your doctor than with me. And in the process of doing this, she nicked herself quite badly. I was just told the whole story. That's why you got to go to super cuts. Let the pros do that. Now, I noticed you're getting emotional. I felt, maybe I'm wrong, but I noticed your eyes were kind of tearing up about the experience is particularly about thanking Nicole and the honor. Tell me what that's about. Why? What's the emotion about? Uh, I comedy is a very strange thing to us people who don't do it. Like, and I've spent a lot of time around comedians as a bartender in Santa Monica, Hollywood. And you guys all seem to be very lonely people. And I never got it until I was standing there. And I it's overwhelming when you get it. When you that rush, that thing that you're looking for, that thing that you get. I felt it. People come to, like, listen and laugh. I've never been a performer in anything where people I wasn't a musician. So people are like, you suck. They come thinking you suck. The first thing they want, they want you to suck because most of those people are musicians also. Hoping that you're not better than them, which is exactly the opposite I felt in that show. People, you already have it set up for you because people are there to laugh. People want, I mean, obviously there's lots of dark, lonely open mics in this town where people are looking to the same old rip you apart stuff. But this show is not like that at all. It really is a celebration of comedy. And I want to say, I love that you got all that because that's been my goal with this. I was a psychology major in college and I was like, I just want to make people happy. And then it kind of changed into, with comedy, like, I just want to make them laugh. And when my husband came up with this idea of this show, because I saw a person perform for the first time and I watched that audience. They weren't even there for this guy. I was just there watching a regular show and he said, this is my first time I got dared to do this. And the whole audience rallied for him. And I thought, and he and I were like, that's the show. To give someone an opportunity to do something that they never were going to do. And that it's like something on a bucket list. My May virgin is 86 years old and he's dying of cancer. Oh. And he has one year to live. And his daughter called me and said, I want to give him the gift of getting up on stage and making people laugh. And I thought that'll be his last laugh. I want to go to that. Yeah, May 1st. Okay, well I'll buy a ticket. Is that available right now? Yeah. You can always buy. You can buy ahead? You can always buy ahead. May 1st is going to be Jim Cofeld and it's going to be his last laugh. And that's how I feel like I gave that gift to Ted. And it's not like me, like the audience does. And I help with promotions and I say, this is what you have to do. And I know I want to hear about like how Scott's feeling about his show. We're going to get to you in one second because I really, we will. I'm just, I'm still a little bit confused about the emotion. Is it about the fact that people are so loving in a room? Or is it literally just overwhelming the experience of being creative? It's a mixture of a bunch of things. I had been a creative person for a very long time. And then you put it aside and you get on with life and I really don't have time to do much writing anymore. And! All I did once she told me about that show was write. I wrote three, four different sets. You know, 30, 40 pages. And scrapped it all three days before the show because my wife was like, you gotta tell the pussy story. Just tell it. But like to have that, have to work on something again, to bring people, to see my friends there and co-workers, to actually follow through with something like that. You know, because we all say to creative people, we say, you know, I really want to get this done. But then life gets in the way of the things you want to get done. This is something I really wanted to get done. I agreed to another creative person that I would do it. I followed through with it. And I'm tough on you, man. And I'm micromanaging. How you doing? How's it going? How's it going? Let's tell me how many people you invited. And like I said, we're over at our house every week working on it. And it was just, it felt like such, just there were very few things in life you can look back on and say it was just so smooth and positive. And this was one of those moments for me. And it's really nice to see you move by like that. Sky, how are you feeling? Good. I'm now looking forward to the emotional rollercoaster that this will be. Yeah. What have you learned from this conversation? That I will probably cry at some point. I mean, I never expected such a sort of positive emotional outcome from it. I mean, definitely you know, comedy brings it out in its weird ways. Well, what's nice about Nicole's doing is it's a safe environment. And the truth is and you probably do know this, there are a lot of comedy venues where it is just as you did describe. Yeah, it is. It's kind of like a boxing ring. It's pretty judgy. Where other people don't want to support. And so what you got to experience was the very best of the best of creativity. It's a total setup. It's an artificial environment for the virgin because it's never going to be like that before or after. Well, I mean, the other part of this. But the love and the support, the love and the support in the room to come together for one person who's doing something they've never done. And most of them will never do either. Even though I've told bunches of people, you have to do this. You have to do this. And they see how awesome it was. They still can't get themselves to do it. How does that make you feel, Scott? Fantastic. I mean, you're going to have you really can't fail. That's exactly what I say. It's a fail-safe environment. You know where I think and you'll probably agree with me. Please tell me if you agree with this. The way I think any performer can fail, and particularly in this situation, is by being too hard on yourself afterwards or during the set. You're so right. One of my virgins did that and it made me want to cry. He's a really close friend of mine. And that is exactly what he went home and he went, I didn't nail it and I didn't say this. And I went, oh, Jason, you did. Like you're fucking with yourself and you're ruining the experience. Yeah, so that is amazing advice. Please enjoy the journey no matter what. Yeah, because you know, a lot of, a lot of, it doesn't, you know, comics, they will have a great set. But because they decided they didn't while it's happening. While it's happening. The audience starts to believe, question their own, they're like loving the set. And like I've seen it, you've probably seen this, where a comic will, I don't do this because I don't, I don't like this style because it just doesn't feel fun. Where you turn on the audience? Well, I'll never do that. I'll never turn on the audience. Yeah, that's horrible. Or if jokes aren't working, I can say it in a fun way. But if I go, Well, that didn't work. Well, that didn't work. Well, that didn't work. Boy, this is a tough night. That's what I mean. It's like you turn on them. You're like, well, you guys didn't think it's funny because I'm sucking and so that, yeah. And it gets awkward and everyone's really uncomfortable for you. Yet I never want to draw attention to me bombing. But yeah, right. And bombing is really just a term that is so subjective. I mean, to get out there. But let me ask you this, because we're really almost out of time. What's your first joke? And what's your closer? Well, I mean, I just feel like, you know, five straight minutes, five minutes of poop jokes will be fine. I feel like that's a good. And it's a trend. We got vagina. We got poop. What's the cancer guy gonna be talking about? Pee? Yes, it is. It's cancer of his peepee. Is it really? It is. Oh, there we go. It all comes together. So nice. So if people want to see you, Scott, that would be next month. We are recording this in February. So that's be March what? 5th. March 5th. At 8pm. Is it sold out yet? Because I know you sell out fast. It's up to his friends. Okay. So hopefully there are tickets available. There are tickets available. For anyone listening. Yeah. Okay, great. And anything else you'd like to share with us, Nicole, before we run? And where can people find you if they think they would be a good virgin for the show? Yeah, I need virgins. I want to change more lives and give everyone this opportunity. I am on Facebook. You can go to Virgin Sacrifice on Facebook. Virgin Sacrifice. Virgin Sacrifice. Okay. And I do have a Twitter feed now that I'm gonna start doing. And it's gonna be Virgin Sac Show. Virgin Sac, S-A-C. I like a ball sack. Oh, okay. Got it. Okay. Jesus Christ. Virgin Sac Show. Okay. And so we're gonna start tweeting because Scott's really hot girlfriend told me that I need to be tweeting. True that. But if someone wants to, thinks they would be a good virgin, they can find you on Facebook and just message you? Find me on Facebook. Nicole Blaine. Yeah. Or through the Virgin Sacrifice page. Okay. And it's Nicole, N-I-C-O-L-E-B, as in Bob, L-A-I-N-E, dot com. Right? Yeah. That is my website. And there's a way to contact you. Yeah, or NicoleBlaineComedy.com. No, at Gmail. NicoleBlaineComedy.com. Yeah. NicoleBlaineComedy at Gmail.com. Okay. That's why. Also, I wanna thank, before we go, Mindy, thank you for doing such a great job and staying late. I know you weren't expecting to be engineering tonight, but you did a great job. And I wanna thank both you guys. Thanks for having the courage to do Nicole's show and for coming out here and taking the time to drive all the way downtown. I know you came from far away. My pleasure. Yeah, thanks for having us, for sure. So great. I didn't wanna go far away. I know. So, Scott, thank you. Thank you. I looked at the wrong person. I figured it out. I got a bad vision problem. And Ted. And Ted, thank you very much. Absolutely. And thank you, Nicole. I hope we can have you back and we'll do some more talking about some other stuff. Absolutely. Because it's so much fun. Maybe it'll be Mickey and a girl for you to kiss. Please make that happen. And thank you for these cookies she got me. You're welcome. Oh. Yeah, these are great. I'm gonna open them up right now. They're pretty delicious. All right. Well, thank you again, everyone. Join us soon, anytime, or right on iTunes or at the skidrowstudios.com website. Again, it's been Vic, Vic Cohen here on Vic Cohen's It's a Fair Question. It is. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. It's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair question. It's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question. I'm Vic Cohen, and it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair, it's a fair question, question, question.