Cookie entrepreneur Cole Young, confessions, and old-timey radio play

Saturday nights 8 to 9 I have got so much So much to worry about I am stepping up And never coming down I have got so much So much to worry about DJ, kill that music. We got so much to talk about today. DJ Nick in the house. Big round of applause for Nick. Oh, that's right. I'm not on the stand-up stage today. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to yet another edition of Registered Air Offenders on the Skid Row Studios Network. As always, I'm your host, Chris Z. And as always, at my right, at my right-hand man, Sal Rodriguez. Well, you can't say at your right because actually, apparently, we're on video live. So anybody watching will see that you are a liar and I'm sitting across from you. This is very weird. We're now doing Government in the Sunshine. We have literally a camera trained on us at all times. And if you're listening live, feel free to take a look. And you can almost make out what Sal and I look like. For some reason, the camera looks like a goddamn gas station security camera. It's set 20 feet away, high in the sky. It looks like we're in an interrogation room. And like, I think that Jeremy just put it there to keep an eye on us, actually. Yeah, right. He's just at home watching, shaking his head, going, what the hell? Make sure we're not fisting. Apparently, we had an incident of fisting in the studio. Come on. Come on. An incident. I like how you call it an incident as though it were unwelcomed. Well, if you saw the perpetrators. That's terrible. We have a sex talk show on the network, and apparently these girls are pretty hands-on. Hey, guys, if you're listening at home and you want to give us a call, please do so. The number is 800-893-9562. 800-893-9562. And again, you can hang out with us for the remainder of the hour, 1 to 2 p.m. West Coast time. Or you can, for some reason, you have to go to maybe your boss catches you listening to the show. You can always download us from skidrowstudios.com in about a day or two when we post the show. Sal, what's new? What's going on? Well, I'm actually kind of bummed out. On the way over here, I ran over a bird. There was a pigeon in the freeway in the center lane with a broken wing, and I tried to swerve to avoid it, and I ran over a Los Angeles pigeon. So hold on. Well, first of all, I would say you might want to wipe your tire down with alcohol. But now, so you're not responsible for the murder of the pigeon. You might even say you put it out of its misery. Well, it was already there with some sort of wing flapping. The van ahead of me avoided it. I tried to avoid it. I thought it was a piece of tire, a chunk of tire, but it was a bird. They were flapping its single wing, and I took it out, man. I took out a bird, which is interesting because ironically, they're having a re-release of Albert Hitchcock's The Birds coming up soon. So this was probably part of the promo. Yeah, okay. So it wasn't even a real pigeon. It was a little mechanical. Maybe was it possible that he was raising his wing going, please stop. Stop, sir. I'm just promoting a movie. I got to tell you, it's been a weird morning. You ever have just a weird morning, you're running late, and it seems like you're on a hidden camera show, and everybody involved has conspired to slow you down. That happened to me this morning. Chris, we are comedians. Every morning is weird. For one thing, it's one o'clock right now. This is our, what, 7 a.m.? Yeah, right. This is our morning show. I have to wake up for this show. Yeah, I go to the post office real quick this morning, and I get an interrogation from the guy who runs it, because apparently months ago, a guy I barely knew moved into town. I go, yeah, you know, go use this little postal store. I've been there for a long time. It's American Post and Parcel. Remember, they sponsored our rant a couple weeks ago. Yeah, they've been a sponsor, yes. Yeah, and he's going, hey, you know, where's Don? He couldn't remember the guy's last name. I go, who the hell is Don? Why are you asking me this, you know? Then, you know, there's no park. I go to coffee. I just want a goddamn coffee. No parking at the coffee bean. And long, line a mile long. Here's the best part. I'm trying to get into the parking garage, and this guy, not cops, but two civilians are parked. You know when the cars kind of go parallel, but facing different directions so they can talk, the drivers can talk? Yes, yes. They've got the entrance. You probably know. It's Lancashire and Whitsett. Yes. In North Hollywood. Yes. They've got the entrance to the parking garage blocked so they can do this mock cop kind of exchange, you know? Were they white men or an ethnic minority? The guy kind of looked like an Armenian. Armenian? Yeah, which is basically, the type means that if you honk at them, they'll give you the finger. Like, you're the asshole for not appreciating them blocking you. You cannot wait? Just wait, buddy. Just wait. But all that aside, what's most... That was my Armenian. It was very, yeah, stereotypical, very broad across the board. Could have been Israeli, too. Right, right. It's one of those things that could be anything. Well, let me say this, Sal. There's a couple things going on. First, we should tease the show, I suppose. Actually, we have a pretty fantastic show. I'm confident in saying that because not only do we have a bunch of the usual staples like confessions and Sal's weekly rant, but we have something brand new. We have a segment called Sketchy Characters. And I don't want to give too much away now, but it's an interesting story how we stumble upon... Sal and I are going to bring kind of this old-fashioned, old-timey storytelling to the mainstream. I stumbled upon some records literally in my attic. And I live in an apartment building that's about at least four decades old. And finally, after living there for three years, mustered up the guts to climb, came up into the attic, and I found basically a treasure trove of kind of old-timey, old-fashioned radio plays. You found stuff in your attic? Yeah. It wasn't the treasure I was hoping for because lately there's been a rash, if you read the news, of people finding treasures. Oh, I thought you were going to say a rat of people dying from rat droppings. No, no. I read stories about people finding, I think recently about a lady who bought two works of art for like 50 cents a piece. She bought them because she wanted to use the canvas. And it just so happened a friend of hers recognized the signature. And now, you know, she's making buku bucks and reselling these things, you know. Oh, I thought you were going to talk about you make your own restoration of the paintings. That lady, that's a funny story. I don't know if you heard that, but that's some lady volunteered to do a restoration on a priceless work of art. And nobody thought to vet her credentials. I mean, this lady, like, must have bought one Bob Ross home painting kit. She bought it at Michael's in Burbank, I believe. I mean, think about what somebody has to do to a painting for it to look worse after the restoration. And it did. Well, she basically repainted the image is what she did. No, have you seen it? It looks like a cartoon face. I mean, she doesn't appear to have any training. No. It's just, it literally looked better before. So is that what we did with this stuff? What these old records that you found in your attic? Are we going to go through a similar process? We're going to actually attempt to improve on them. Well, they're in mint condition. I want to tell you that. So obviously we don't have time to play them all, but maybe, you know, every week or two, we can play one of these on the air. It just so happens that my roommate has an old fashioned record player and I actually got to listen to a lot of these. I mean, I stayed up till 3 a.m. last night. But do they have a record player here? I mean, this is a high tech studio. Do we have a record player? Yes, we do. Nick is nodding and telling me that we, in fact, do have a record player. So yeah, hang out for that, guys. I think you're going to enjoy it. We don't have a turntable. Okay, Nick. We don't have a turntable. Yes, and. Yeah, from now on. Let's take some improv training. Where is his improv technique? One more thing I think is funny. Now, Sal and I, for the most part, steer clear. of news, current events, because, you know, pretty much there's several shows on the network that have that covered. But there is something kind of funny, I think. Did you hear this story about Simon Cowell is apparently an action movie star, but in real life. He saved nine people from drowning with his yacht. Yeah, but because they weren't yelling for help. They were actually singing for help. That's right. There was 10 people. He left one because they were just not, they were just past the point of saving. Only eight of them. One got to go to Vegas. The other one, the other person did not. Now, somewhere off the coast of California, these people were, you know, they sent out a distress signal. He commanded his captain to go find him, pulled him out of the water. And they say that these people may very well not be alive today if it were not for Simon Cowell. I think that happened yesterday. But I just think that's such a funny, surreal thing. Because, you know, if people that are dying, especially if they're freezing, sometimes your brain starts to fire off. I don't know what exactly what it is, but it causes you to hallucinate. So in the throes of death, you don't know what's real, what's not. In fact, people who freeze to death are known to take their clothes off because the body freaks out and thinks it's burning. They feel like they're burning. So they often find people naked. I'm doing that right now as a matter of fact. I'm doing the opposite. So I'm goddamn hot in the studio. But I just think that's a surreal thing. Did you ever hear the story about Harrison Ford? No. Same type of thing. It sounds like the plots of one of his movies. Apparently he has a condo somewhere where it snows a lot, probably Aspen, something like that. And some people were lost in the snow. Well, the authorities called off the search. And this guy who apparently is like Han Solo for real or something, he goes, no, no, no, we're not calling off the search. Gets in his own helicopter, goes out, finds the people and saves their lives. And I just think that's such a funny, I mean, imagine that you think your moments from death, you've given up all hope. A helicopter comes out of the clear white sky. And not only that, but it's Indiana Jones. Do you just go like, okay, clearly I've died. And this is my brain. Just, you know, ejaculating kind of wacky hallucinations or, you know, who knows, endorphins, hormones, who knows what's causing this, but clearly it's not real. I'm just going to sit here and laugh this daydream off. I would say, where's Short Round? That's right. Short Round was my favorite. Did you know this, Sal? I'm not that much of a Star Wars geek, but in Indiana Jones part two, that's part two, right? I believe so, yes. Short Round. The cantina he's in is called, I think, the Obi-Wan Cantina. Oh, really? It's an homage. Right. Right as he's running out with Short Round after they've, you know, he's used the table to block, you know, what, bullets or something like that? Yeah. You'll actually see briefly that that's the name of the tavern. I like how you expect me to recall movies I saw 20 years ago. I do remember Short Round only because I have collected his action figure. Well, if there's anyone that I thought, well, here's the funny thing about Sal. He won't remember a reasonably recent, you know, reference, but he will, you know, you know that movie with Buster Keaton? No, I don't know that movie with Buster Keaton. Remember that movie with Lon Chaney? No. Lon Chaney, not Lon Chaney Jr. Sal will reference famous scenes from non-speaking films, you know. All right. Listen, we got to get moving, guys. We got so much show ahead of us. Let's go in. Let's play those things that you found in your attic. Yeah, I think we got time for one today. Nick, you got the outdoorsman queued up for us? All right. Enjoy whatever this is. Yeah, yeah. Thanks so much. Enjoy, guys. And now, Sketchy Characters presents the outdoorsman. The Outdoorsman Are you Garrett? Yep. You Teddy? Yeah. Where's your rod? In my pants. You got one of them new fold-em-up pocket-sized models? I guess you could say that. Oh, Nelly! You got me a big one. Who's your daddy? Come on, boy. Don't fight it. Just relax and let it happen. Yeehaw! Ain't he a beauty? Yeah, he sure is. Catch and release. You know, I took you for the hit it and quit it type. Yeah, you got me pegged right. I've never been much of a catcher. Right. You said so in your profile. So, um, are we alone out here? Pretty much. Fish and game warden. Come on. Come around for time-tap. Is he a friend of ours? Friend? Yeah. He's a fan. Brings his own chair. But he don't get his hands dirty. He just like to watch. I know a senator like that. Yeah, them do-nothing politicians is all cut from the same cloth. Kissing babies, swearing on the Bible, but you catch them after a few drinks. They're the first ones to bend over backwards for the first teabagger to tell them what to do. Well, this here park closes at sunset, so if you're gonna pull your rod out, now be the time. Huh. Yeah. Uh, right. Well, no time like the present. Getting your hip waders on? No, I'm taking my pants off. Well, I reckon no trousers is better than walking around in wet trousers because you forgot your hip waders. Wait a second. I'm starting to think that... Y'all digging it down? Feels like you got me a bear on the end of my pole. He sure puts up a fight. Give me a hand here before my line snaps. Okay, okay. What am I supposed to do? Grab the tip of my rod. Right here? Use both hands, boy. Now pull it towards your face. Now slowly work your way from the shaft to the base. Wait, it's too big. It's too big, it's pulling me in. Goddammit, boy, you let that beauty get away. I don't care about that stupid fish. Or the stupid stream or those stupid hip waders. I didn't come here to goddamn fish. I didn't want to. It wasn't rusted spiked did you come here for? I came for gay sex. Gay sex? Well, why didn't you just say so? In that case, grab the tip of my rod. Now use both hands, boy, come on. Now pull it towards your face. Okay. Now slowly work your way from the shaft to the base. Just like that. Just like that. Uh-huh. And I think that was brought to you by Chick-fil-A. You know what I find interesting, Sal? That production is several decades old. And yet here I was thinking that dueling banjos came from a! Deliverance in the 70s, but apparently not. No, no, dueling banjos is an old song. It's been around for years. Okay. All right. And apparently back in the 40s or the 30s, whenever that was recorded, they also had profiles somewhere. Yeah, I wonder what he meant by profiles. I think he meant a physical profile, like your physical, like from the side. Oh, from the side view, the periphery. Okay. Yeah, that's what that must mean. But the sound quality is amazing, isn't it? The car was like a Model T, I think. Okay. It was like a modern Model T, because the first Model Ts had the . Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the one with the horn, that one was like, eh, eh, after they changed the horns. I think that was 1932. And I am surprised, because there seems to be a kind of a tawdry undertone to that piece. I didn't understand it at all. I don't even know what was going on. I don't know. It seemed like they were making some kind of, I don't know, allegory or references to gay sex. Am I crazy here? Am I wrong? Am I reading into this too much? Well, no, he did say gay sex, but I just heard two guys fishing. That's all I heard. Well, anyway, it's a great piece, and I got literally about 100 of these records, so we'll try to... You know, play one for the audience every week or two. Listen, guys, we're starting to run behind here, so let's jump into our next segment. Sal and I are pretty fond of this next segment, and apparently from the emails we've gotten, listeners are too. Well, we had a guy call in last night and participate in the segment. Yeah, and that's fantastic, and you guys are welcome to do that. If you have something you want to confess, please do, 800-893-9562. Sal, why don't you start us off with confessions? Well, you know, when it comes to confessions, we merge two segments. One was confessions, one was amends. So basically, once you give your confession... You know, when you give your confession, then you have the opportunity to then make amends on the air to the person involved in your confession or in the scenario. I would have to recall when I was about 12 years old, and I was playing with the other kids in the neighborhood, and there was a girl there. I forgot her name. Let's say her name is Susan, because I forgot her name. I liked her. I had a crush on her. I had a crush on Susan, and my friends began to tease me because Susan had a birthmark on her neck. And she was affectionate. She was affectionately called Dudu Neck. So when my friends found out that I had a crush on Susan, they ran up and down the street saying, Sal likes Dudu Neck. Sal likes Dudu Neck. And the thing of it was, I liked Dudu Neck, and Dudu Neck liked me, but because of the criticism and name calling in the neighborhood, I did not pursue any romantic involvement, or, you know, a little smirk. It was just one of those smoochies, you know, 11 or 12-year-old smooches with Dudu Neck. So that is my confession. My confession is that I turned my back on a woman who liked me and who I liked because of her birthmark, the Dudu. So essentially, I would like to make an on-air amends to Dudu Neck, wherever you are in this great world of ours. Wherever you are, Dudu Neck, formerly of Panorama City, I would like to confess what I did was wrong and make an amends and apologize to you. So Dudu Neck, my apologies. Wow. Can I just suggest that maybe if you ever run into her or anything, you avoid at all costs calling her Dudu Neck. But if I don't remember her name, I'll have to say, hey, Dudu Neck from Panorama City. Now, usually when we make amends to the best of our abilities, we try and name the person. So if they're listening, we'll reconnect to them. Do you think if Dudu Neck is listening, she's going to be like, I'm Dudu Neck. If you're Dudu Neck, call in right now at 1-800-893-9562 if Dudu Neck is listening. What if we get a bunch of Dudu Necks? Like when those crazies call the cops and admit to crimes they didn't actually commit. Exactly. I'm Dudu Neck. What if we offered a prize for Dudu Neck? Then we'll get a bunch of callers. Yeah, that's right. But is there some way to know, Sal, sort of like when you lose something valuable and the person who finds it demands that you identify it? I would have to have inspect her birthmark up close and compare that to recollections from my 12-year-old year. Do you? Do you remember specifically where the Dudu stain, I guess, was? Well, it was on her neck somewhere, maybe possibly on the side of her neck. It was possibly what Gorbachev had, possibly the port wine stain, but maybe a darker version. It was a darker version of a port wine stain, whatever that would be called. But it wasn't a raised birthmark. It was just a flat, almost reminiscent of a continent. It was a continent on her neck. Now, was it really? Was it that bad or was it just kids being kids? It was bad enough for her to be called Dudu Neck. So it was noticeably dark. Yeah. I mean, it was there. It was on her neck. You could see it. The only way is if maybe she had a turtleneck on. If she had a turtleneck, then she could have avoided that. We've got so much show, but let me just throw this in real quick. Show us what you got. Sal, you might have been there. I think I talked about this briefly on Weekly Wrap-Up a few weeks ago. I attended a wedding in Miami Beach a couple of years ago, my best friend's wedding. And when I got there and I was trying to find my way to the banquet hall or whatever, there was this very attractive girl, probably Cuban, Puerto Rican, behind the counter. Very attractive girl, maybe all of 22, 24 years old. The thing that got me though, she had on her cheek, I'd say about two to three inches in length, a birthmark. But here's the thing. For whatever reason, the birthmark had hair growth and disproportionate hair growth. I'm not going to say it was equal to the top of her head. But it was like, I mean, it was damn near Chewbacca. And the hairs were long. They were clearly unkempt. She was clear. At some point, she had clearly resigned herself to not attending to it. You know, like, this is who I am, God damn it. And, you know, I'm not a superficial person. But when you have something that comes to define you, you have to do something about it. So she was like doo-doo face. Yeah, but I mean, not just the mark, but the hair. There was a length of hair. I don't have hair on my body. I don't have hair on my body anywhere as long as what she had on her cheek. And how big, in how big a circumference? We're talking about a quarter size? What are we talking about? I'd say about an inch in width and two to three inches long. And it would have been, she could live with it. Again, she was an attractive girl in every other way. Nice skin, young, pretty. But I mean, how just somebody could go, you know what? Fuck it. It's not that big a deal. Yeah, it's that big a deal. I mean, it's your face for Christ's sake. Especially at her age, because we're used to seeing older folks. Older women will see post-menopausal women with the hairs coming out of, you know, of their chin and old men with the hair coming out of the ears. But when you're young, you're supposed to be a little more vain, I believe. Yeah, yeah. But you're also, I mean, it's one thing to look at somebody and say like, oh, that poor guy, he lost his legs in the war. And, you know, it's incumbent upon you as a civilized member of society to, you know, to not point it out or, you know, to exercise decorum. But for somebody to just go, hey, I'm going to make my problem your problem. Yeah. By not attending to it. Fuck it, I'm not going to brush my teeth anymore. You don't like my bad breath? That's your problem. No. No, sir. But what is your confession? So you were going to get together with her, but you didn't because of her? No, no, no. That wasn't even a confession. It was just. That wasn't a confession? No, I'm sorry. We're on confessions. What are you doing? I'm sorry, man. It was just you led me in perfect. You set me up for the slam dunk. Come on, buddy. It is your fault. You shouldn't have set me up so well if you didn't want me to. So wait, did you do anything with her? Did you get together with her? No. Did you not listen to what I just said? She was a quarter Chewbacca. No, I will make a brief confession. No. No. When I was about 13 years old, I attended a dance. I went to Bear Middle School in Plantation, Florida. And I do remember at the time, I was interested in girls. I had an older brother, so I kind of developed that interest probably more quickly than others because I had somebody to kind of, you know, a Sherpa, if you will. And I do remember at the dance, there's me and some, you know, some girls I was friendly with. And one of them came to me and said, hey, you know what? Rania likes you. And, you know, maybe she'd like to dance with you or maybe you guys could even go out or something. And this girl, Rania, if you couldn't guess from her name, was black. And I remember at the time, this had never crossed my mind. The subject simply never crossed my mind. And I just said to myself, I go, that can't happen. And I think I even said, obviously, this is, you know, 20 some odd years ago. I can't remember the exact dialogue, but I think I even verbalized that. Like, I don't, that can't happen. I mean, she's black and I'm, you know, and I was not raised racist. My parents are Latinos and I had no animosity towards her. She was, you know, one of the girls that I considered my group of friends. Or whatever. But for some reason, it didn't seem doable. Can we just reiterate that this took place in Plantation, Florida? Oh, yeah. The irony is too rich. I didn't feel it was worth mentioning because if you didn't pick up on it, well, then you're thick. So, but yeah, I remember that. And I remember, you know, just like you said, I mean, here's somebody who potentially could have been a, you know, a good friend. Maybe I could still be talking to her today. You know, who knows? Maybe we could have even gone on to get married, you know, but just because I was, you know, a small minded child, you know. I think that's very telling of racism as a whole. Is that it's something that, an instinct that I had, you know, as a confused, stupid young man. And some people are adults and still, you know, still hold on to that philosophy. But were you attracted to her and then said, well, I can't make it, I can't do it? Or were you not attracted to her? She wasn't profoundly attractive, but she wasn't any more, any more or less attractive than any of the other girls that were my group of friends, you know. But anyway, Rania, if you're out there listening, I do apologize. I'm a different man these days. In fact, I make it a point to go out of my race when I date. His own race will not have him. Yeah. So no, I can verify on air that Chris will date all across the board, all different ages, races, sizes, birthmarks, whatever. He's willing to go for it. I, I'm particularly, particularly fond of ages. I want to stress the age part. I actually don't like women my age. You don't like women your age, but I know you've gotten together with women your age. Yeah. Yeah. But it's, it's a matter of, you know, beggars can't be choosers. All right. Listen, Sal, we've got so much. Goddamn. Show. Let's, I'm excited to bring our guest out. Who is our guest today? This is really cool, man. Our guest tonight is, this guy is a cookie impresario working out of Southern California. This guy has a literally a, what, a quarter century worth of history in the cookie business. He makes this incredible product that is a gluten-free, vegan friendly. You'll find them in Whole Foods restaurants. Anyway, let, he'll do a better job telling you about him than I will. Let's bring Cole Young into the studio. How are you doing over there, Cole? How are you feeling? Thank you guys. Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Sal. Thank you, Sal. Sal is a sweetheart. Look at this. He even brought a couple of tubs of cookies for us, Sal. I want to tell you the truth. Before we had Cole on the show, I did my own undercover investigation. I went down to Handy Mart in Burbank, California, and I purchased a couple of smart cookies to eat after I smoke pot. So it's not like you're eating junk food. No, no, no. They're healthy. So in other words, if you're going to get the munchies, you go for a couple of smart cookies. I ate, I mean, I did, you know, I have to share a couple with my girlfriend, you know, because I'm a nice guy. But otherwise, I basically tore through the whole thing myself. Cole, how did you come up with the name A Couple Smart Cookies? Well, Smart Cookies was taken by an investment company, and I liked the name Smart Cookies, so we tweaked it a little bit. And so we created A Couple Smart Cookies, which is actually my partner and I on the label there. Now, I mentioned briefly that you have a history in the healthy cookie business. I know you may not be at liberty. I know you may not go into certain details, but you used to have another employee, used to work for another person who had kind of a similar idea. Can you talk about that at all? Yes, I can. Quarter century seems a little bit long. Cole has a long beard. Sorry, Cole. I just looked at you and I go, this guy's going to be a quarter century. Quarter century sounds like I'm the first person to ever make cookies. He invented cookies. Cole's first batch was made in a kiln. Did I say, what is a kiln? I have no idea. A brick oven. I should have said. Oh, I thought you meant a kilt with the Scottish guys wear. I don't think either of us know what we're talking about. I don't know. Cole, take it. All right. Yeah, no, I've been making cookies my whole life. You're right. I started out with my grandmother. For two centuries. Almost two centuries. Listen, I'm not just the elder statesman of the open mic comedy scene. I'm also the elder statesman of cookie companies. I started making out cookies with my grandmother when I was a young boy. And then as it turned out, I got a job with a friend of mine. And she was making cookies. And we built her company up. And they're vegan gluten-free cookies. These cookies here. I mean, they're made without butter and eggs and animal products. And these are baked with rice flour. So they're for gluten-free people. That's the peanut butter hearts chocolate chip flavor. How do you make? I mean, I'm so ignorant. How do you make a cookie without butter? Well, you need some type of binder to kind of keep everything to hold together. And we use date paste. Date paste is our big binder. It's not really a sweetener. Oh, my God. I love dates. But it works. And it's also a sweetener. And so that's one of the keys to our cookies. Chris hasn't had a date for a while, but he loves it. I've eaten plenty of dates. In fact, when I don't have a date, I sit there and I eat dates. It's kind of ironic. It couldn't be those shorts. I love that the only guy dressed worse than me is bagging all my clothes. No, Cole looks nice. He's just very casual. That's all. You know, this actually happened on the way here. Cole was drinking a cup of coffee and a guy walked by and dropped a dime in it. No, Cole mentioned briefly that it is open mic comedy. It actually runs a great little show. This is how Sal and I met him a couple months ago. The Young and Young Show. That's right. It's happening tonight up in Tujunga. Oh, nice. Okay. Comfort and Joy Cafe. Music starts at 7 and the comedy starts at 8.30 sharp. It's a free show. It's family friendly. And yeah, we got to know Cole and his very, very interesting history. Trying to change that free part, by the way. It's not going to be free forever. Good. Good for you, man. Yeah, Sal. Let me try some of those cookies because you know what? The kind I had before were the dates. What are the other flavors that you have, Cole? I have peanut butter, chocolate chip, and then a fudge squared and pumpkin dates cherry, which has a hint of ginger in it. Okay. I had the pumpkin dates cherry. So let me try some of this flavor over here now. This is peanut butter and chocolate chip. I'm reading anything that says vegan and non-gluten. Now, do you sell anything that's non-vegan friendly as in vegans will stay away from me when I... We're getting ready to. We're about to launch three new flavors. There will be crispy ones. It'll be gluten-free, but they'll have butter and eggs in them and a little bit different packaging. I'm really excited about our new ones, too. Do you sell any Proposition 215 baked goods? If I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me if I could bake pot cookies, I wouldn't have to bake cookies, period. I'd have so many nickels. I think that shows you how lazy potheads are. They're like, man, the trouble of getting high and having to search for junk food and go to my pantry. Can you just combine it all so I don't even have to... Move. These are delicious. Now, I do believe veganism is un-American. I do, too. But these are delicious. Yeah, so... I enjoy them after a roast beef sandwich. Actually, I'm not a vegan myself, nor am I gluten-free. I just know how to make these cookies. Now, Cole, am I at liberty to talk about this, but we had some drama, you and I, on the way here. Yeah, that's right. Who knew that the cookie business, the drama in the cookie business, the rivalry, that the backstabbing could rival that of Dallas? Yeah, well, there's... There was an episode in The Sopranos about the murders that take place in the cookie business. Really? No. This is true. If anything happens to my former employer, I will be a person of interest. You will be. So what's going on? What is the dirty history? Well, we are being kept out of Whole Food Markets in this region, Southern California, which is a big account for us. It's 42 stores in Southern California, Hawaii, Arizona, Nevada, Las Vegas. And we're being kept out from... 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Not only did this woman fire Cole, but she has done everything in her power to literally, I mean, just to drive him to the street. She's trying to make him wind up outside our studios on Skid Row in downtown LA. Let me ask this question. Cole, let me ask you, is this one of these situations, like, do you remember the guy who worked for Mattel then invented Bratz, and then Mattel tried to sue the guy for inventing the Bratz doll? Is this one of those deals where she's trying to say that you invented the cookie while you were working for her or something like that? Somewhat, somewhat similar to that, yeah. She's, you know, I don't know actually what she's saying, except that she's put the word in that she doesn't want my cookies selling in this market. And so- But let's be clear, Cole, she has no legal documentation saying that you stole her resume. She has no legal right to slander you or your company, right? She's just, I mean, this is just backstage. This is just dirty dealing. Yeah, it is a little dirty dealing. I mean, that's just, you know, part of living in a capitalist economy is you're gonna have competitors that offer a better product. That's what Cole is doing. And this woman seems to think she has the right to, like, I mean, what kind of mafia strong arm tactics is this that you tell, you know, hey, you can't carry his cookies in your store. Fuck this lady. Can I say her name? You can't say her name. I don't want to say her name. But I'll say her name. I think it's a good movie of the week premise. And she can come after me. That's Laura's wholesome cookies. Stay away from this. The woman is a witch. That didn't come from Cole, by the way. Cole did not say that. Cole refuses. You know what? Cole is a very good man. I've always liked Cole. He's a very, good man, soft-spoken. That woman's a bitch. But Cole, you know what? It's good that you don't work for her anymore. I'm glad. It actually is good. You know, sometimes you need a fresh start, fresh perspective. And I think there's gonna be good things in the future for a couple of smart cookies. But all kidding aside, I've always been a big fan of kind of mom and pop operations. We're mom and pop. And that's what Cole is. So please, people, go out there. Don't fucking support Unilever. Don't support these companies that don't want you to know. Is Unilever a cookie? I've never heard of that. Isn't that, isn't that a cookie? Isn't that the Spanish TV station? I thought that was soap. It's a company that, that's a kind of a blanket corporation, if you will. And they own a million different products that people use from day to day. I mean, everything from tea to, you know, things you wouldn't even associate with one another. But it's smart. They basically just, you know, buy the company and then sit back and reap the rewards, collect the profits. But yeah, that aside, you know, a lot of these big name companies don't want, are lobbying against the public having to be informed about, about GMOs and stuff like that. They don't want you to know what's in your own food. They want you to buy their food, but they don't, they can't even do the courtesy of giving you the ingredients. Fuck those people. Let's make that kind of a new thing, a new movement that people want to know. As consumers, we want to exercise our right. Look, if we're going to give you our money, you got to give us something in return. You know, and anyway, the point is fight the power, buy Cole's cookies. They're fantastic. And he sells them cheaper than Laura's Wholesome Cookies. About a dollar cheaper, right? One dollar less. That's a big deal. If you're, if you eat as many cookies as. What I'm concerned about though, Cole, is obviously Chris and I wish you tremendous success and growth. But what happens, you know, like famous Amos, you know, you, you grow a company, you're the CEO of the company and then the investors can boot you out. How do you avoid stuff like that? Well, we keep it in house is what we're doing. We're, we're trying to do everything out of our own pocket. So my partner and I, and I should mention his name is Parker Weienthal. He also is a former Laura's Wholesome Junk Food employee. Is he Jewish? Yeah, he is. He has, he handles all of, all of banking, finances, and all the, all the important stuff. I, I support, I'm like, what's a, what's the opposite of anti-Semitic when you love Jews? Like there's, there's no word for that. Is pro, pro-Semitic? I am pro-Semitic. I, I believe in being in bed with Jews and gays. Oh. I'm big time being, in bed? I believe in being in bed with gays. You maybe should have used on board rather than. I want them to, you know, back, me up. Right. They got my back is what I'm saying. That's a good group to get in with. It is. So, so Cole is down with the Jews and then. I'm down with everybody. And, and let me tell you something. I know that the gays are also involved with staying slim and these are, are healthy cookies. These are, are not fattening. No. They taste, you know what? They, they have that taste where they're good, they're delicious, but they don't taste like I'm eating plastic, like an Oreo, like you eat an Oreo and, and it's so dissatisfying to eat, to eat an Oreo. And yet these are actually satisfying. I actually feel like I'm eating a mini meal. Well, it's like when some, some, some patchouli oil stinking vegan tells you that this carob tastes just like chocolate, man. No, it goddamn doesn't. There's a reason chocolate's popular and carob isn't. Most people haven't even heard of carob. But when, when I taste these cookies, like they legitimately taste good and it almost, you instinctually as a red blooded American male, kind of, you take umbrage to that fact, you know, like what the fuck is, these cookies taste just as delicious as, as shit that makes me fat and unhealthy. What the hell is going on? No, they're really good cookies and I hope you guys will check them out. By the way, Cole's not our sponsor. Even though we do have a sponsor for Sal's weekly rant, he hasn't, we, we asked him to come on the show. So just so you know, you know, what do they call it? Full disclosure. I don't want anybody thinking, you know, we got paid to plug his products or whatever. If, if we got paid to plug his products, it's only in literal cookies today. He is feeding us cookies to have us mention his name, but no, he's a guest today and we happen to be mentioning that. And by the way, that was your reference to stinking patchouli, patchouli smelling vegans. Those are a big swath of our customer base. He just slandered your entire base. All you patchouli people out there, keep buying our cookies. We love you. Where are your cookies available? Where can, can they get them online? You can get them online at smartplanetkitchen.com, www.smartplanetkitchen.com. And there's a, also a store locator on there. You can go on there and find stores. We're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, we're in, stores all the way from San Diego, San Francisco, Sacramento, Lake Tahoe, Las Vegas, Columbia, Missouri. We're starting to branch out across the country now. Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Good God. That's a, and it's, Cole, I don't mean to put you on the spot here, but you've put your heart and soul into this cookie. Like, this is not a side project. I mean, Cole recently lost his home. I did. Following the, following his, you know, his, his undeserved dismissal from his last employer. This is a good pity party for Cole. I like this. No, he's a good goddamn guy and he got wronged and we're going to make up for it. We're going to, we're going to undo that wrong. That's what I'm trying to do here. But he, you know, he, he never wavered. You know what I mean? He's still, the first thing he did is try, you know, like, well, I'm going to build this operation with the ground floor, even while he was suffering and experiencing personal loss. That's true. Later on, we'll read about it in Inc. Magazine and then the reader can know that they heard it here first. Right. And basically, I'm doing this so that when he does one day own his own home again, you know, I have first dibs on the guest house. Cole, how do you balance cookies and comedy? How do, how do they go together or how do they conflict one another? You know what? I, I just sort of stumbled into the cookie thing accidentally as I did the comedy, actually. And so, I'm not sure how they work together, but food and laughter are both things that I enjoy a lot. And so, they don't, they don't counteract each other. And I do talk about the cookies in my act. And when I'm out selling the cookies, in the store, I use my sense of humor to help sell the cookies too. So, it does work both ways. Well, the interesting thing is you didn't have to use any humor with me. The taste alone, all, all Cole did was, I heard about the cookies. I think Chris has mentioned the cookies. And then I stopped by the Handy Mart. That's a great market. Yeah, it is. It's really fun to have that barbecue out there on the Saturdays. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's really great. So, I stopped by and the, the taste of the cookies and the price of the cookies alone was what sold me. It wasn't just because I like Cole and he's a very nice man. I've known you for several years now through the comedy scene. But it wasn't that. It was the cookies themselves. I thought, these are really great and they, they, they taste so, they, they taste so, they're like dense with nutrition. Are they actually not just not bad for you but they're actually good for you? That's what it tastes like. Yeah, they actually are pretty decent for you beyond the, the allergy issues that people eat vegan and gluten-free cookies for. They have organic peanut butter which is our number one ingredient. We're like the only peanut butter cookie that has organic peanut butter as their number one ingredient because it's expensive. Nobody wants to put that much in there. Jimmy Carter would be proud. Jimmy Carter would be proud. Cole, I know you just got back from doing a couple shows and doing a couple stand-up shows in Reno, Nevada. Do you have anything else coming up that you might want to plug? I'm going to be at the Ice House this Sunday night. It's what used to be the Annex Stage 2 hosting a show, Dave McNary's show on Sunday at 7.30 if you want to come out. It's the Ice House in Pasadena, California. And the Young & Young show tonight up at the Comfort & Joy Cafe in, in Tujunga, California. That's kind of a fun show. My brother starts out and plays his flamenco-style guitar from 7 to 8.30 and then we have comedy from 8.30 sharp on. It's a fun show. The owner of that Comfort & Joy is gorgeous. Yeah, she's cute. Is she single? Yes. Have you ever had any inappropriate contact with her? I've tried. I like how Sal immediately assumes it's inappropriate. Why wouldn't it be inappropriate? Is he married? Did you try to molest her? Yes, I did. And I will tonight again. I think Sal and I are in such a sexual drought that whenever we imagine sex there always has to be some mitigating factor like the girl fell asleep or something. Well, this is a sad commentary that we're in a sexual drought. Chris does not have a girlfriend so that could stand to reason. I have a girlfriend and I'm in a sexual drought. We've been together, I think we're approaching a nine-year anniversary here. And on our anniversary to commemorate our relationship we will not have sex on our anniversary. That's funny. All the comedians always point out to me how cute Erin is their name. Erin, the owner of the Comfort and Joy Cafe is. And I always think to myself what the hell you think I'm doing here? You think I'm just here for the comedy? Oh, but the food is great too. She made us some what did she make us? Some gyros. Yeah, they were delicious. They got sweet potato fries. I mean, it's a tiny little place you wouldn't think that they'd have such an extensive menu of offerings or whatever. She does a good job up there. Chris and I actually just stared at her as she made our food and she kept turning around like, can I get you anything? We're like, no, no. Just keep making the gyros. You didn't hear what we said, did you? Yeah, she's great. Well, Colt, thank you so much for joining us and thank you for bringing your cookies by and it's a pleasure having you. We got to move on to Sal's Weekly Rant though. And this is a special segment here. We do it every week. It seems to be very popular with the listeners. I know Sal enjoys it. I enjoy it. Yeah, who knew? This week, Sal's Weekly Rant is brought to you by Dennis F. Rose & Associates. Dennis F. Rose & Associates is a comprehensive full-service accounting firm committed to helping their clients improve their lives. and long-term financial success. Their customized programs are designed to grow, protect, and conserve their clients' wealth by delivering an unprecedented level of personalized service and expertise. That's Dennis F. Rose & Associates. You can find them at DennisFRoseCPA.com or give them a call at 818-718-6888. That's nice. That's the second time I think we've been sponsored by Dennis F. Rose & Associates. We sound so official now. Yeah, I know. I think their reputation's too good and they're actually trying to kind of come down to the common man level. Well, like, yeah, we're tired of servicing affluent clients. We want to slum it with some of you guys. If you got $200 to invest, $300... We got $50. We can do something with that. All right, Sal, take it away with your Weekly Rant. All right, this is my Weekly Rant today. Let me start out back in 1996 when I used to sell internet advertising. I was the national sales manager for a friend's website. And I would sell internet advertising banner ads, 200 by 400 pixel banner ads to people. 1996, I would call up people to have them advertise on our website. I would have people hang up on me. I would have people tell me that I was crazy. I don't want to advertise online. Who the hell wants to advertise online? It would be so difficult to get somebody to hear me. So that was in 1996. Fast forward to 2012. Now we have invasive ads that explode in your face as you read an article requiring a click to close and thus interrupting your reading. We have exploding ads with video. You're reading a news article and suddenly you're watching a movie trailer on the same page, a giant screen within the screen. Now we have user tracking, installing cookies in your computer, then displaying matching ads. For example, you search for Italy vacation, then afterward, random pages you visit display travel website ads based on your search history. Like recently, I was searching a number of car makers and guess what ads are on my pages now? Nissan, Toyota, Kia, Hyundai. So you start noticing those sort of things. Also, one minute commercials on one minute videos. You want to watch a one minute cute cat video, you got to watch a one minute commercial first. I mean, this would be like watching a 30 minute sitcom on TV, but having to watch a 30 minute commercial first and you can't TV the internet. And I haven't even talked about spam. Supposedly, George W. Bush signed into law the Can Spam Act of 2003, which was supposed to reduce the number of spam emails, but it changed absolutely nothing except perhaps reducing some porn emails. Meanwhile, sexy local singles still want to meet me. Surely with today's technology, advertisers must have a way of putting themselves into public view while still allowing me to enjoy my web experience. Internet advertising is out of control. There must be some other way. Please, Chris and Cole, what do you guys think? Wow, man, that tech talk was so far over my head. See, they have control of your brain too now. This is not a joke, people. Sal and I don't do a lot of shtick. We want our listeners to feel like they actually personally know us. And, you know, we want them to trust us. We want when we say something for them to believe it. While Sal is doing this diatribe about the intricacies of the internet and internet advertising, I'm texting on my flip phone. What's a flip phone? This thing right here that looks like a Star Trek phaser, but from the first Star Trek series, like that's what a flip phone is. Sulu, Sulu. I've had kids see me use my flip phone and think it's new technology because they've never seen. What's that new thing? You know what? Honestly, I like flip phones. I really do. I wish that my iPhone were a flip phone. I think that that would be actually fun. I used to enjoy that. Just that action of flipping, I think, is actually fun. It does have a, for some reason, it makes you feel important. I don't know why. You know, like, God damn, flip. You know what I mean? This phone call, so flip Chris hair, you know. Cole, does a couple of smart cookies do any internet advertising? Well, yeah, we do some Facebook stuff. We have a Facebook page, a couple of smart cookies. Well, that's a soft sell. You know, I can like the page. Yeah. Okay, so you can go to a couple of smart cookies on Facebook, Facebook page and like it. Okay, well, let's see. That's the kind of internet advertising I like. It's not invasive. I decide as a user. I decide to go there. So see, Cole, again, another example of Cole being a good man. I think it's only a matter of time, though, before I'm going to be watching a cute cat video and then all of a sudden, boom, big couple of smart cookies and it's going to have, like, a celebrity eating it, like, you know, Jennifer Aniston will be eating the cookie. I'm like, damn, where's my cute cat video? Yeah, Cole won't be returning our calls by then. We had you on our show, Cole, remember? No. So who? Yeah, no, I make it a point, man. When I'm watching something and they try and cram that advertisement down my neck, you know, they're like, you know, we'd like you to watch this on Hulu. Hulu does that a lot. You know, I have them play the whole advertising up front. I take a leak. I pour myself a drink. I come back right as the video starting, no advertisement. You have it timed down to the second where, like, you know how long your pee can last to make it so that the video starts right on time. I do, and it's almost a matter of principle for me because I just refuse to be bullied by advertisers, by people. I just refuse to be bullied by a big business, by, you know, by them cramming their advertisements down my throat. So I go, okay, you want to play hardball? I'll play hardball. Well, what a lot of people don't realize, and I learned this from a lot of internet entrepreneurs who I met in Vegas one time, is that the average user on the internet thinks that they're the captain of their own ship and navigating their own ship, but really they're more like a pinball in a pinball machine being swatted around by the internet marketers. They're not as, you know, it's not just your own decision where you go. You're kind of guided. You're kind of guided here and there as to where to go. So they're basically Americans. Yes, exactly. You know, that's one thing that fascinates me about growing up, being reared in America is that how willing people are to accept certain ideas that have been forced upon them since childhood. Hey, you live in the best country in the world. Okay. I remember an ex-girlfriend when I was about 25, she was about 21. She said to me one time, you know, I said something about America and she said, well, you know, it's still the best country in the world. And I said, well, have you ever been to another country? No, she hadn't. And in fact, just that morning, I had read an article about, you know, the quality of life in Norway. And I said, you know, it just so happens that this morning I read an article about certain European countries and their standard of living and, you know, universal healthcare, things like that. Like, I don't know where people got this wacky notion that we live in such a fantastic country. We don't have the lowest suicide rate in the world. We have a disproportionate astronomical handgun violence statistics. Yeah. I mean, where do you get off? It's almost as fascinating to me as the U.S. being the world's police on nuclear weapons. Yeah. The only country to ever actively use not one but two nuclear weapons in war goes out and dictates every other country and what they can do with their nuclear weapons. It's pretty, it makes you scratch your head. That's all I'm saying. Chris's Weekly Rant is brought to you by Dennis F. Rose and Associates. Can you, can you, hey guys, give me a call here. Tell me if you, if you guessed at some point that I had five shots of espresso before I started the show. It's actually interesting that I have a segment called Sal's Weekly Rant. I have one. Chris is actually really more of the innate ranter. It's true. I, I, I go with the flow, man. I act on impulse. Sal makes sense. He moves the conversation along. I just get emotional. Anyway, guys, we got about 10 minutes left in the show. The number again is 800-893-9562. It's just enough time for you to call and contribute if you care to. Sal and I want to try something new. It's a segment we call Greatest Disappointment. Yeah, and we definitely want Cole to chime in on this because I would imagine, you know, since you've been around for a few, uh, quarter centuries, you may have some input on this as well. Yes. Well, explain the segment to me because this is a new segment for us. Well, it's sort of like a, almost like, um, if you imagine you plan something, you know, and you have so much emotionally invested in, in a certain event that's coming up and in your mind you've imagined it a hundred times and every time it's the greatest thing that ever happened to you. Uh, and then it actually happens and what actually happens could not be more disappointing and, and could not have, take place more differently than what you had initially imagined. Sure. Um, give us, give us what you're, well, give us what you got. Sure. Okay. Here's the deal. Uh, many years ago I turned 18 years old. It was three of us and we're a real tight-knit group of friends, me, myself, uh, sorry, myself, uh, my, my best friend Jason and our other best friend Josh. Okay. And we decided, Hey man, when we turn 18 we get to do crazy stuff, man. We're going to have such a good time, you know? So Jay turns 18 in March. I turn 18 in April, but then we got to wait about four months for Josh to turn 18. So when we do, like the day he turns 18, we decide we're going to go to like one of these peep shows on Broward Boulevard. And by the way, Broward Boulevard is like, um, it's a synonym for vice. But, you know, imagine if, if you, you have, uh, inclinations, you're an, you're a gambling addict, but you can't afford to gamble. You go to Broward Boulevard, you pitch pennies. You know what I mean? You, uh, you, you lust for women, but you have no money for hookers. So you go to Broward Boulevard, you know, for $17, you know, you can hang out for a strip club at two hours. But, um, we go to this place that we'd passed for years and just, you know, triple X, triple X peep show. We walk in there together. And again, just right from the beginning, it didn't feel right. The place was dank. It felt, it just felt gross. well, we got a caller. Shit. All right. I'm going to burn through this story. Finish the story. Then we'll get to the caller. So we go in there. Uh, first of all, it's, it's like the peep show is like, there's no women involved. I think we, we expect there to be a stage with, you know, naked girls dancing. Uh, maybe so many naked girls that every time one moves, you bump the other one with her butt. No girls. Uh, there's booths. You can only go in one at a time, right? But for some reason, there's two guys just hanging out, just standing in front of these booths, just like waiting for somebody to come along. My friend Jay goes into a booth. He turns around. There's a big black guy in the booth with him. And, uh, Jay goes, can I help you? And the big black guy goes, you don't want me in here? And, and Jay's like, no. What would, you know, but we didn't know that, that this was their turf. This is what they do. And, uh, we were the odd men out. So we turn on these movies. It was the, the most vile pornography I'd ever seen. There was about five channels, all poor quality. That's saying a lot because you're seeing a hefty amount of porn. And, uh, I mean, one of them was literally this woman just, just beating, beating on this man's genitals. Uh, I mean, just imagine if you took all your frustration out on a beanie baby, you know, like that, that's like just, just twisting it, you could do. Most of it was gay porn. And by the way, the walls, the walls look like the floor at the Tomcat theater. Uh, you know, well, Tomcat theater was where Fred Willard was busted recently, wasn't it? Uh, no, no. The Tomcat theater is closed. It was a gay porn theater in, uh, in Santa Monica, in West Hollywood, in Boyistown. It was the premier gay porn theater. I mean, you walk by it and they had, you know, marquees, they had posters for the films. wait, that was the former pussycat theater that they turned into the Tomcat theater. Good God. Yeah, you go back a long, a long time. Remember, I've only lived out here I'm going back a couple of decades. But not only that, so we already felt just very ashamed of ourselves. Uh, you know, I mean, you're just sitting there going, if my parents only knew, you know, so we did, how do we get into this thing? Right? You have to buy tokens. You can't even go in and use money. You have to buy tokens from the cashier. Like Chuck E. Cheese. Yeah. And this, I mean, you have to make eye contact with this guy. You know, it was just, we walked out of there and I kid you not, what did the guy masturbate? Did your friend, after he kicked out the big black guy, did he masturbate in the booth? No, but that was the idea. Again, the walls just looked, I mean, it looked like somebody had had a raw egg fight in there. You know, and we got out of there and the only thing I can liken it to is if you watch Lord of the Rings, the first one, remember after they got out of that cave and Gandalf had died and there was orcs everywhere and the guys come out and one of them just falls to his knees and starts crying. Like it was that bad. That's how bad our first experience was. And they actually made that into a porn movie, Lord of the Cock Ring. Boom. So you're saying that was the biggest, such a big disappointment that you built it up so much. You and your buddies are turning 18 and how disappointing the whole experience was. It could not have been worse and it could not have been more differently than what I imagined. Let's get to our caller, see what they want to talk about. Nick, how do I patch this caller through? Chris, let's see, when did you do this, son? I can't believe it. Oh no, it's my father. I can't believe this. You're my son. You didn't know guys, but my father's an African American from the 1970s. Your father is the big black guy from the porn theater? He's a black stereotype from black exploitation films. That's actually my brother. How you doing, Al? How are you? That was the best story ever. Yeah, the one time he chooses to tune in and listen, he happens to catch my lowest point. Al, do you got a story to share with us? Because we got about three minutes left in the show and we got to get to Cole and Sal. Yes, do you have a confession? No. Hmm. Confession? You know what? Actually, I have a pretty funny story that takes us back to that era well before I was a dad. I see your brother meanders the same way you do, Chris. Yeah, exactly. Now you know where I get the long-winded from. Al, step it up to a three-fourths tempo. We got three and a half minutes. Okay. Yeah, well, it's going back to the pussycat. I think I was at the pussycat strip club here in 17th Street Causeway in Lauderdale. Actually, I'm not in Lauderdale, but in Florida, in Fort Lauderdale and where a friend of mine ended up meeting his girlfriend like our first experience with having a stripper take care of you. And so he gets there and we were just, you know, we just looked like some metal band like Extreme or something, you know. And we get there and we're like, like they fought to us. And anyway, it led to my first experience of seeing like two women. I was 18, but he was like 21. But at this club, you could be 18. So soon after, we started to just like, it was like a band of friends that would just hang out at her apartment once she would go, you know, strip, but she was also in porn. So she would have this little, one time I was able to witness her having this like half seance thing go down with another friend of hers because my friend. Okay, Al, are you telling a stripper porn story with children in the room? No, no, no, no. Then what's generating the sound of children? All right, Al, do me a favor, just cut to the punchline. We got two minutes and we still got two stories to go. This is the man responsible for our intro music. Yeah. Thanks, man. No, you know what? Why don't I go? I'm going to go. I'm going to put together like several more stories because it's just like. Yes, please do. That'll be for our three hour show. We'll edit them down for you. Al, thanks so much for calling. We'll get back. We'll have it call in next Friday and we'll finish up on this. Sal, take it away. It was just my first experience in watching that, that kind of coolness go down. You know, two ladies at once. Hey, Al, thanks for calling, brother. Thanks, Al. Hey, so we're going to have your brother on as a guest next time he's in town. Hey, Cole, tell us where we can find your cookies. Right now, you can find them and see on the west side, Santa Monica Co-op, which is on 16th and Broadway. We're in all the mothers markets and kitchens, which is in Orange County, Rainbow Acres, most every little natural food health store you can swing a dead cat at. Fresco Market in Highland Park, which is a nice market. I'll be there Sunday out handing out samples at the Fresco Community Market, Highland Park. And pay attention to Cole Young Comedian as well, also on Facebook. Thank you. Chris and I will be guests, or I will be a guest tomorrow on Bad Advice, the show by Drew Marks, tomorrow at 2 p.m. Pacific time. And Chris, where will you be doing some comedy soon? Where will I be doing some comedy? Crap, wait. Are you doing Sidewinders in Santa Rosa too? I got a couple weeks before that comes up, but yeah, I will definitely plug it on the show. Hey guys, we got about 20 seconds here. I just want to say this out, another great disappointment. I used to go to Deja Vu. Hang on, Hannah, real quick, next week we got filmmaker Paul Osborne coming in next week. Go ahead. Okay, perfect. I used to have a favorite stripper, Deja Vu, in North Miami Beach. She dressed like a cowboy, but she was from Peru and I loved her until the one day she was spreading her legs in front of me and some tissue tumbled out of her vagina. That was a big turn off. That kind of ended my infatuation with her. Good night, guys. Good night. Good night. I have got so much, so much to worry about. I am so much, so much to worry about. I am stepping up and never calming down. I have got so much, so much to worry about. I am stepping up and never calming down. I'm feeling so high, hypnotized all night looking at you. Cause you're so fine, you're so beautiful. I'm feeling so high, hypnotized all night looking for you. I need a doe. I don't mind all night nothing to do. I need a doe. I don't mind all night nothing to do.