Mindy returns, weed whiskey, potty book, caller Whack Morris

All right, guys. Yay, I'm back. Mindy's back. She's back and she's better than ever. I'm so excited. You should be. I'm super duper ethereal that you're this excited. Oh, man. Mindy, you are a sight for motherfucking sore eyes. I will tell you that right now. Hot box time. Yeah. Skid Row Studios. Reunited and it feels so good. Who's listening in? They better give us a call. Do you want to tell everybody what the phone number is? Oh, man, I'm ready. Are you guys ready? Fucking do it. Get your phones out. Who's going to quick dial this? All right. 1-800-893-9562. And I got it memorized now, guys. Dude, basically, I mean, you know, I held it down last week. So if any of you listened last week, it was just me and our awesome Spangali Jeremy. And then at the end, we had a crazy little person that does a show right after ours. He came on for a little while. Tried to trip me up, but he didn't. But it was just me. And I kept saying how much I miss Mindy and I miss Cassie. Unfortunately, tonight, Cassie is still on her, you know, her, you know, block bleeding, street creeping, hood hopping mission. But we got Mindy back. So you guys. You got something. It's big. It's big business because she's back. And she also had a birthday. I did. Last week, about this time, I was quickly cleaning my apartment and folding laundry and unpacking and staring at pictures of my cute nephew, Liam. Oh, Liam. I know. I'm so sentimental. You should be. Dude, having a nephew is big. It's the best because you get to spoil them and then send them back to their parents. I know. I get to love him and play with him and teach him how to play drums. But I have never changed his diaper. And you never will. You won't ever have to. I've never changed my nephew's diaper. And I think he's going to be three in February or January. And you're almost to potty training time. So I think your time has passed. Exactly. Yeah. So like I. At the worst or best or I don't even know how you slice it. I actually don't like kids, but I like my nephew. There might be a time where I watch him and I have to like be like, OK, go into the bathroom and hold your baby dick and try to pee into the toilet. I don't even know how you. I don't. I don't even know what you do with kids when they're potty trained, but they're still. I like I couldn't tell you. I couldn't. Oh, man. I remember I had a musical potty chair and it would play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star whenever I peed in it. There was actually a book called Once Upon a Potty. I remember that book. Basically, like for whatever reason, a sibling of mine couldn't hang. Couldn't hang with the couldn't hang with the, you know, potty training in general. And we had to read her this book called Once Upon a Potty. Oh. And to be honest with you, listeners, if you're listening, I fucking dare you to Google this book. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. of the most bizarre books and it's now like it's actually like a like a what's the word it's a YouTube video like it's a video like they actually like made like a like a like a video of it like a KCET like public broadcast Sesame Street type thing about it but there's this book from the 80s or from the late the late 80s early 90s called Once Upon a Potty where it like goes into graphic detail but in a child's vocabulary about like you know he has a butthole and it makes poo poo and he has a wee wee and if you have a girl if you have a daughter you have to do like the female version so it's like you know she I don't even remember what they call a vagina but it's something like she has a huehueh and it goes pee pee and then there's one page where it's literally just I think I think actually we have somebody on the line that knows exactly about Once Upon a Potty from personal experience. Caller do we have an ex do we have an actual expert? Um hello? Have you have you have you read Once Upon a Potty or do you know somebody who has? Um I lived it. You lived it? For about 23 years. Nice echo. Yeah lady I think you need to quit smoking all that pot because your voice is really psychedelic. You sound like two people at once that's what makes me want to know more about this. So when you you remember being potty trained and also you remember your parents reading you Once Upon a Potty the book I'm talking about? Well both. First of all I'm in a bat cave that's why the echo. Totally. Understandable. Second of all part of that chapter of that book was an amazing part about a kitty cat. I think I remember the kitty cat. Really? Black kitty cat. And she didn't know what bowl to drink milk out of. Oh no. That's the same. So that's basically like a euphemism for like chicks not knowing how to pee before they get potty trained. Exactly. Do you remember the page the page that I remember is when the parent finally gets the child down on the pot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wait and wait and wait and wait. No, actually the page goes, you know, so and so sat on the potty, blah, blah, blah. And then the whole page is just, and sat and sat and sat and sat and sat and sat. And it says it like 50 times. Like some parent, you swear, some parent is gonna read this to their child every time that they have to pee or shit. And you swear they're gonna do that. Hang on guys, actually, you know what? To be honest with you, things are about to get real. Oh, oh, this was a movie. Wait, wait, caller, caller. We actually have some video clip. Hang on, audio. Yeah. Cokie, listen. A mouth to talk and eat with. Hands for playing. A penis for making wee-wee. Legs for walking and running. And a bottom. For sitting. Oh, the kids hump in the air there. And a little hole for making poo-poo. A little hole for making poo-poo. We got basically, if you guys can get on YouTube and Google Once Upon a Potty, your minds will be blown. And right now. And you would realize that baby Big N, this is who she is. She is the OG reader of this potty book. Legit. Hang on, I'm trying to actually find us the audio clip of the and sat and sat and sat and sat. Like once they sit. Please do. I'm jealous. Oh, she's sitting. Actually, to be honest with you guys, I think the problem is, is that Cassie and I do not have children of our own. Or me. Or Mindy. Well, Cassie definitely doesn't have any kids. She's not even here. I mean, if she was here. Good luck. Good luck. And to be honest with you, you sound really, really good from Cobo Hall or Wembley Stadium or wherever you are, caller. But you sound like you are like literally like headlining a tour of like the coolest, most amazing bands. You sound like you're like on a stage floor. Where are you exactly? You are busy. I'm busy. I'm at the Anaheim Stadium. You know, it's a good game with bowling balls and golf balls and pool tables. It's, you know, it's collective. Yeah. No, I totally understand. And to be honest with you, I hope that you'll call again. And maybe, maybe you'll have read that book by this time. I read it like five times. Well, you might have to potty train somebody someday soon. You never know. You never, never know. But I love you. And I love your tenacity. Good night. Good night. All right. Let's, let's see if we can find, do you think it's going to show? The in sat and sat and sat part? I think he was just, let's give it a play. He was just sitting there. Is the echo over? Well, I don't know. I'm not echoing. I was going to say congratulations. We're less than 15 minutes into the show and we've already gotten to the topic of poop. Dude. We are good. Mindy, there is something about you like, and me, like we're like, we're nothing if not fucking prompt with our doo-doo and butthole related talk. Horrible stuff. I guarantee you. Have you listened to any of our shows? Like, like, have you like listened back? Like to old shows? Yeah. Yeah. I totally have to. I'm in, I'm in love with this. I will totally listen to it. There is literally at least one point in every show, every show, even the first one when we still didn't know exactly what we were up to, where we talk about like just shitting or butt sex or like just crap in general. We somehow always, yeah. Oh, the rape by the dolphins thing. I've actually had people send me like, like friends of mine that are on Facebook that have listened to it have sent me back things like dolphins don't rape. And I'm like, I saw it recently on an animal show. It ends up being that you have to go on the internet and Google it because all you have to type in is dolphin rape. And there are a million different things. Like we weren't kidding around back then. You know, that was two episodes ago. Yeah. We know, we know who's trying to hurt you. So we're trying to find this one clip of once upon a potty. I actually don't care at this point, but I have a feeling that, wait, oh. He looked into his potty. He saw. Oh, you guys should be Googling once upon a potty. Oh, he already, he already sat. Oh, his wee wee and foo foo is in the potty. Dude, to be honest, that's why I don't want to have a kid. I don't want to have to teach a human being how to take a shit. That sounds like the most, like, that sounds like almost like an F you to mankind. Like I'm literally like, it's almost like I was such a bad person while I walked this planet childless that like the minute I have a kid, I'm going to have the kid that has like a spastic colon or I'm going to have the kid that has like a spastic colon or I'm going to have the kid that likes to like shit the bed for no reason. Yeah. Like I don't, I don't want to have to have bodily function conversations with anybody. Not my, not, not people that are older than me, not people my age, not people younger than me, definitely not people I gave birth to. Like I don't want any of that. You continuously have bodily function discussions with me. We're always talking about it. Yes, but you're special. You're my, you're, you're my hot box compadre. Oh, okay. Yeah, no. So Mindy, when it comes to you, I will talk about shitting my pants every time I see you. So Mindy, I don't know if you guys know, I think I, I think we've embroidered the subject, but maybe you're tuning in for the first time. Mindy just had her birthday on November 30th. And the reason why I was by myself last week is because she was in Sioux City where she's from, which is in Iowa. And I haven't even gotten a chance to ask you how fucking great your trip was. It was awesome. I should say thank you to everyone. I'm so grateful to everyone in Sioux City that made it awesome. I'm kind of blessed because I have awesome friends like my friend Matt, who learned the baselines, dangerously sleazy, and helped throw an awesome show, drug the PA there, made sure we got our weeds. So we weren't weedless. My friend Jenny helped set up the show. She made me epic chocolate cupcakes. And then like my sister and nephew were there. Yeah, dude, Mindy, you're loved. You're loved everywhere. Wait, wait, your nephew got to like, be at a show that you played? He didn't come to the show. But like the last day we went to the zoo, I got to take him to the zoo and I got to take him swimming. And that was precious. That is really cute. Play drums. Swimming like an indoor pool or like a lake? Yeah, a hotel. There's no way you're swimming outside in Iowa at this time of year, right? No. I didn't think so. But wait, but did he have the little floaties, like the water wheels? No, he's in swim lessons. He's the aquatot is what they call him. He's an aquatot? Isn't he only like three? He's one. He's one and he's an aquatot. Yeah. He like does the doggy paddle. My sister like, you know. Is it just one of those things where every person in your family is just better than everybody else? And you're all just stockpiling up in Iowa where no one's ever going to go. So we're never going to discover how cool everyone is. Well, everyone in Iowa is unique and heavy. Like you can't be- Like heavy lifting or heavy mentally? Like something, something's happened. It's a weird place, but- I'm going to go there with you one time. My family's pretty crazy. I bet they are. My family's crazy. Are you kidding? My boyfriend said that he likes my family because my brother is making him feel like he's really not that bad. He's really not that bad. I mean, he's not, but you know, he did drugs in high school. I mean, he's kind of a crazy person, but there's no reason why I would know him if he wasn't. Yeah. I'm talking like brothers gone to prison and- All right. Yeah. Getting down to the nitty gritty. You guys, Mindy's lived a fucking life. I have. She's going to- I have. I have. I have. There's so many stories and so many secrets. And I'm literally going to pry her for information from now on, and we're going to hear some crazy things. Well, I was going to actually bring up and play something. Speaking of Sioux City, first of all, when I played there, I got to see a bunch of my old friends, and I got to see my old friend Willie play drums. And he used to play guitar in this band that I joined for like three months before I moved here called The Oddjobs. And I played drums. I played drums for these two dudes because they lost their drummer and they were like an epic punk rock band, just straight up like, fuck you, we're going to play. So I jumped in on that. And right before I moved here, like three days before I moved to LA, we made a recording and I've never done anything with it. And so I'm going to play a song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That song was called Asshole. And I wrote that with Willie and Sebastian in the odd jobs. That was Mindy playing drugs, but I was playing drugs. She's a drugger and a drummer, but mostly she plays drugs and drums. Dude, to be honest, the first time that I ever saw you fucking hit the skins or whatever the cool kids are calling you anymore, you're a sick drummer. Thank you. I feel like it's one of those things where you're maybe one of the one people I know that could wear a sandwich board that just says I'm disgustingly amazing on drums. Check it out. Also, let me kick you in the nuts. People would be so interested. Like, oh, really? You're that good at drums? Yeah, I'm going to knock your socks off even though you're not wearing socks. Then you're going to blow them away. Then you get to kick them in the balls. Cool. I appreciate that. That's the business model I'm working with. I'm trying to get that to happen. Mindy drumming is like a kick to the nuts. You got to drum a lot this week. In the last six days, how long? You left on Wednesday, right? I left on a Wednesday. I came back on a Monday. I had a good six days of epic vacation. And birthday. It was seriously the best birthday ever. I'm 30. I don't care because I'm like... Who gives a fuck, man, at this point? Probably like 21 at heart. No, maybe 22. I don't even know what age you think you are, but you look like you're like maybe 22. Cool. I feel like that. I'm pretty healthy. I'm grateful for my healthiness. Hell yeah. It's all that weed I smoke and those vegetables I eat all the time. Basically, I feel like weed in general has like... It's not that it's like made me feel younger. It's that it's kept me young. Because there is some kind of weird juvenile devil may care freedom feeling that you have when you smoke, say, like waiting... Waiting for a bus or like going to the beach or like somewhere where like you definitely shouldn't be smoking like a blunt or a bowl or whatever, but you're doing it and it's just... It brings you back to like that young place, like that young feeling. So maybe that's why a lot of stoners, not all stoners, but a lot of stoners look kind of, you know, pretty good for their ages because we're young at heart. You're more susceptible to interesting shit when you're smoking. Yeah. I mean, I still can't get on like the dubstep fucking electronic. Like, I like... There's some old school electronic shit that I do like, but like Apex Twin and like... I do like... I have a soft spot for like LCD sound system and girl talk and like certain shit, but the whole movement of like dubstep and all that, like I'm like... Every time I hear it, I'm like, you know what? Unless I'm on ecstasy and I'm somewhere where I'm gonna like sweat the fuck out of my life and be like a complete... Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna be like a complete etard. I can't listen to this shit sober. And it's not that it's bad. I just can't fucking do it. And I can't believe that some people can. It makes me want to know like where their mind goes when they're not listening to dubstep. They're probably on a different mental wavelength. I guess so, but that seems crazy. That seems like a crazy explanation. Like, what... Does that mean that there's something wrong with me? No. Like, musical taste is personal. Like, I hate people that are trying to like name the best band or the best genre. That's true. My band is so good compared to yours. You know, like true, some people are better at their instruments and some people write, you know, better songs, but style's kind of just like... Like, it's a personal thing. That's true. As long as you love music, that's all that matters. It doesn't matter what music it is. Yeah, like... We're being all philosophical. Yeah. You guys, basically what we're trying to do is me and Mindy, like... I don't know. I don't think I've ever been mad. I don't think I've ever been mad at you or like had a disagreement. I've known you for a few years now. Yeah. But we actually, yeah, like, we don't live the kind of lifestyles where like we get pissed at our friends. Yeah, like maybe if we were roommates, like we'd be like... Maybe. Even then, to be honest with you, like, I have a feeling that like you're so weird and I'm so weird that like if we were roommates, it would be like, we'd be like overtly like way too polite in weird, like arbitrary ways and then like assholes in ways that we just, we don't comprehend as being assholes. Yeah, I totally know. Like, I do stupid stuff, like... Like I do dumb shit, yeah. Not do the dishes ever. Yeah. No, I literally, like, I don't do dishes to the point where now, like I have my dad and my sister, like they're spending the night tonight and tomorrow night. I literally, like, I'm gonna be like... I have like 30 dishes that are dirty, but they're all glasses. Maybe they'll do the dishes for you. They're not gonna... They're all cups. It's just a bunch of cups. That's the easiest thing to wash. I'm that lazy to where, like, I've just been letting dirty cups pile up. Yeah. Because I don't give a fuck. I'm like, I have plenty of cups. Nobody cares. But now it's to the point where I'm like, actually, like, even though you have guests, it doesn't mean that you get to like, like, fuck off everything. Yeah. Like, I've been using that, like, that in my head. Like, oh, yeah, you have dirty cups, but you have enough cups to where, like, you know, you have guests. I mean, don't worry about it. It's like, no, actually, you should clean all your goddamn cups. So, I'm a gross kid. I always have been. When I was younger and I wouldn't do my dishes, finally one day, I didn't want to do them, but I knew I had to, so I put them in the bathtub because then there was no way to avoid them because I couldn't bathe until they were done. That's cool to do, except I live alone, so I don't... I mean, I have a dog, but, like, me putting my dirty dishes in the bathtub is just gonna hinder me. Yeah. Well, I did it to hinder myself. I was like, I'll put them in there, and then I'll have to do it. Then you'll have to because if nobody else does, you're like, fuck, I actually need to take a shower. Yeah, that makes sense. Is there any more of this... We're drinking weed-infused whiskey. I guess we should let you guys know. We've been drinking, you know. We're partying. We decided that because, you know, it's a sweet little reunion of the Mindy and Mary duo that we should drink stupid things. And that's what we did. So, I'm currently staring at this flask, and what's in this flask? I don't even understand the chemics of it. It tastes like... It tastes like if you... The taste of weed... It tastes like if you soaked weed nugs, like big-ass nugs, in Jameson or Jim Beam, and then, like, after four days, tried to squeeze all the whiskey out of the weed. So, it's bud that was soaked, in Jim Beam for a year. Thank you, yes. In a large, the Costco-sized bottle, Jim Beam. And that's all that's left right there. Oh, we're having... We're finishing it? Yep. So, we're finishing... You're on the hotbox. We're finishing... You're on the hotbox. We're finishing... What was it, Jameson? Is that what you said? Jim Beam. Jim Beam. So, we're finishing this weedy-ass Jim Beam. The reason why this is awesome is because there's plenty in here for both me and you to have a shot. Do you want to go first? I'll play some music, and we can do it off the air. So, then if we gag... That way, if we puke, we're not going to puke on the mics, because we would never want to do that to you guys. So, sit tight, and we're going to drink this horrible shit. I'll let you know what I'm going to play. I'm going to play a song by this awesome band from Sioux City, Iowa, since I'm being all sentimental about the people I love. Swing by Seven, one of my favorite bands since I was, like, a teenager, seeing them play, musical inspirations, good friends. They're reuniting after, I don't even know how many years, like, maybe five, at least five, I'm going to guess. Reuniting in Sioux City the 29th of December, so everyone should go see them, and I'm going to play a song here now. Enjoy. All the people are asleep The population's in the midst of the curable run And that's okay with me Left of our ground Turned out to be a blessing And now that we're here, we ain't never going back No one looks up, shades of patience No one pointed at us on the street No one's waking for a night at midnight And no one's out riding me See a book, I'm gonna think again Do a thing and may I scream The whole world is on a lap of That's okay with me Left of our ground Turned out to be a blessing And now that we're here, we ain't never going back The whole world is green But it never seemed that quite alive to me In this moment Now The world is green But it never That's quite alive to me In this moment Now The world is free But it never seemed That quite alive to me In this moment Now The world is free But it never seemed That quite alive to me In this moment Now I'm free But it never seemed That quite alive to me In this moment Now Yeah. Hi, hi. I miss you guys. Ooh. We decided to get serious, and we both just ate. Can we divulge what we just drank? Yeah. Mindy and I just decided to take a little sippy sip each of weed-infused Jim Beam. Didn't we tell them about it before? Yeah, we told you about it before the song, but in case you're playing along and you're as stoned or stoned-edder, or whatever you want to call it, as us, then you might not remember that we said that we were going to take some sips. So we just did. It tasted like if you shoved a bunch of nugs of fucking weed in whiskey for like four years. Yeah, we tried. I made a couple of really weird faces trying to keep it down, but I did. I can hold my liquor. Like anybody that knows, I might not be able to hold it for long, but I can take a shot like a fucking sailor, like a fucking someone from the cavalry or whatever the hell. I'm amazing when it comes to hard liquor. I was stone-faced when I was younger. Yeah, I'm super stone-faced, but that stony, weedy-ass hard liquor taste threw me for a loop. Yeah. So now I just feel like a crazy person. Well, now we're all stoned. Now everybody is stoned. Hanging in the hot box. We are hanging in the hot box. And there's something really weird tonight, guys. Basically, what we're trying to do is broaden your horizons in any way we can. So we actually, we're going to play a song that I wrote, and sang, and one take. This is a one-take song. But I'm going to give you a little bit of, not a backstory, but just so you know exactly what's going on right now. So I wrote a song about felching when I was 19. That story writes itself, but I'm going to give you actually like the real depiction of what this is. I wrote this song about felching when I was 19. I basically, was in my dad, I lived at my dad's because I was 19. And I lived really close to my high school in Burbank. I lived close to Burroughs. And I was in the garage that my brother had turned into like a music studio. Like he put carpet on the walls. Like he would jam out there and try to like do anything he could out there. He soundproofed it. So I'm hanging out in the backyard and I just drunkenly recorded this. One take, one everything. I'm not kidding you. There's no, there's no editing in this song. It's literally just a one take song from Mary Orchard. One take fucking orchards right now. And it's about felching. And I hope you enjoy it because I was, it's just enjoy it. Just enjoy it. Little bird. I want to be felt, but there is something I have to know. If you're coming tonight, then baby, please don't try to be slow. Because if you're gonna fetch me, baby, tonight is right. If you're gonna fetch me tomorrow, there may be sorrow. I said, F R E R L C H. Just do it right. Do it right. Ha ha. This ain't a day. I read that this ain't your song. I don't care. I said, I read that this really ain't your. I had to kill the wreath of Franklin. Cause she was fucking with my DJ. This is my time to say, baby felt me the right way. Oh yeah. I've seen straws. I've seen come in my ass, but nobody does it the way. Oh, do you the culture of the day? I felt you're of the past and the filter of the future to your my little baby. Yeah. Baby, Elgin, baby, baby. So when you're gonna fetch me tomorrow, baby, don't hold back. Baby, don't hold back. So I say, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you're gonna fetch me to day, don't hold. You have it. There. You have it. That's basically. I mean, you know, America, we needed a song. This is why me and you are going to do the most epic rap fucking hip hop shit ever. Dude, Mindy, you and I are like, we're about to like, just start like, like, being like the best rappers in the game. Some fucking San Fernando Valley, K-Town mashup shit. Yeah. It's like fucking Northridge, fucking Clitoris. I don't know. I actually hate- Sucking on the Clitoris. I hate living in Northridge, but I love living in Northridge at the same time. Yeah. Because I work there and I like my job. But other than that, I hate it up there. It took me like a million years to get down here, dude. Like when I got to your pad, like why am I doing it? I'm like, we only but see each other once a week. I know. But at least, you know, I mean, I was timely, but basically I got on the wrong 134 and then I was like, oh yeah, fucking, it's 101 South. Like I, I don't know. Oh, I know. Crapped out. But I got it together. I pulled it together for the big day. You know. Well, I know there's got to be someone listening out there. Yeah, I doubt it. At least one person. If somebody's listening out there, you know what they're doing? They're being creepy and they're using, like they're manipulating the way that they hear our voices. They're probably like whacking it to our voices. You bunch of fucking creepy motherfuckers. There's so many circle jerks going on to us right now. Oh, straight up. Hotbox is fucking up to its nuts in the circle jerks. I know. Every week it's like giving, giving little boys a reason to whack it all across the nation. Yeah, because they're just like, you know. Ladies, I smoke weed. Ladies talking about weed. Yeah, because that is the dream. So quit whacking it and call 1-800-893-9562 and tell us about how you're whacking it. For once in your life, only use one hand to dial and the other hand, you know, that's your, it's a kid's game. Do whatever you want. Do it. Call us. We don't care. But we are very curious to hear what you have to say because if you're listening, then you're listening. And that freaks us out. So we want to be able to, you know, bother you. Be bullies. Yeah. Ask you about your hopes and dreams because I want to know. Okay, so since we're, since at this point you're, wait, did you, did you play any of your music or just your friends? Well, I was, I have one farm song queued up. I was going to try to play more, but I didn't have enough time with the tape machine to get the fat guy wiggle or, or Walden's butt discovered. You know what? If I had a nickel for every time I said that. You know what? We actually have a caller. So we're going to talk to the caller. And then after that, I'll play you a farm track. Hi, caller. Oh, hey, caller. Oh, hey there. What's up? Just wackery, man, you know? Yeah. Like actually taking part in wackery or are you just being a jokester? No, I'm actually, I just finished up. I have, I was waiting to call, but I needed a climax first. And it was, it was everything I dreamed of, to tell you the truth. Can we call you Wack Morris? I'm sorry? Can, I don't, because I don't really care what your actual name is. Can I just call you Wack Morris? Yeah, yeah. Or AC Stroker, whatever is good, man. I like Wack Morris better. I'm funnier. Yeah, that's pretty easy. But how are you doing then? So you're, so clearly you're doing great. Oh, I'm like, I'm relieved. I'm, I'm, I'm feeling good. 10 pounds lighter. So what part of the hock box actually causes the erection that starts the whacking it? You know, it could be, I think it's just, you know, the, the voices, you know, I just like fucking lay in my bed and fucking zone out and just kind of start thinking of Dio and then like putting your voices to Dio's mouth movement. And then. Oh yeah. It just fucking, you know, starts pulling up like a totem pole and then fucking boom. Wait, are you saying Vio or Bio? Like vagina odor or body odor? No, Dio, like Rodney Dio. You know, the epic vocalist? Wait, like Rodney James Bio? Isn't that what you said? Yeah. That doesn't, that freaks me out and worries me. Wow. I don't understand what's weird about it. So are you picturing our voices on Dio's body? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So like I'm, my face, or vagina or whatever the fuck is one armpit of Rodney James Dio and Mindy's is the other? And you're just like rocking. We just actually both run Dio in different outfits. Oh. Oh, yay. But there's just something about Dio's mouth, right? Yeah, it's his mouth and the fact that he's like a spinner. You know, he's very short. So. I don't think guys can be spinners unless, nevermind. You know what? You know what? Yes. I agree with everything you have to say because I actually, I don't know how much, how much I could dispute that. It's, you know, you should try it out sometime. You called Rodney James Dio a spinner though. Like. Yeah, well, I mean, he's very short. Yeah, but you painted the creepiest picture in the world. Is he a rainbow in the dark? Is he a rainbow in the dark? I thought that was a fucking show with a dad. Can I ask you, are you a rainbow in the dark? Not in the dark. I'm actually fully open. So you're, you shine your rainbow all over the world? I shine it all over the world, as many places as I possibly can. Is he a rainbow in the dark? Ah. Yeah. And I think it all started from my obsession with LeVar Burton. Uh, the Reese's rainbow, of course. Dude, you need to like, like up your obsessions. Well, you know, I mean. So going after the finer things in life, LeVar, LeVar Burton, really? That was like where you, where you went? LeVar Burton is, I mean, he's not only the phenomenal actor. He's a sexual man. He's a sexual man. He's African-American, which means he's well endowed. Yeah, that's important. So I like to imagine. That's so dickist. If you've been, if you've been a fucking fan of Star Trek, like I have, you would know that that fucking visor is fucking sweet as fuck. So when you, when you listen to the hotbox, you start getting aroused. It's our voices. It's on Dio's rocking body. So are you saying that you wish that our voices actually belong to males? As in you wish we had penises here in the hotbox? I think that's what he's saying. No. And we would have some thick ass dicks, dude. We would. Our weed dicks are so big. Cause our, yeah, our weed dicks are the, the stuff of legends. Cause we'll stuff that legendary. That's kind of how I imagine it. I don't imagine him. I just imagine a giant cola of fucking dank for a penis. No. Oh, so, so you imagine Dio's dragon, like it's, it's dragon on the ground. Oh yeah. But it's like a huge cola of fucking weed. Oh, okay. Weed dick. Yeah. Weed dick. The best. No, the way we described it is cooler. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be disagreeable, but I don't agree with anything you're saying. Yeah. Sorry, Carla. But everything you say is wrong. I'm so birtherian. I'm so birtherian. Okay........ So what's your sign? I need to know. Whose sign? Both of yours. I'm doing a palm reading right now on myself, but I need to know your sign. Can you guess mine? My name is Mindy. Guess Mindy's first. Mindy sounds like a Sagittarius, but I think she's more of a Scorpio, but I'm not 100% sure. Oh, I am a Sagittarius. Okay. Good job, dude. Cool. Well, you guys know it's December. Yeah, I do. I heard they kept telling me it was December. Oh, and you heard that it was my birthday within the last two weeks. So you're not psychic at all. Cheatering. You just know your fucking calendar. You just fucking know that it's fucking not December. Now it's December, so if her birthday was in November, she's definitely in November. Here's the hard one. I got Mary next to me. What do you think she is? Yeah, when's my birthday? I would guess that your birthday is somewhere. You sound like you have a summer birthday. Oh, he's Googling shit. You could tell. But you also sound like you're possibly, I would say, you know, I'm going to go with cancer. Nope. Oh. Nope. And for losing, you get cancer. You chose cancer, so you receive cancer. What? No, you're not really going to get cancer. Come on. I'm not, like, actually a witch. I just. No, no, no, no. I didn't mean that with your, like, your astrological. I was just saying that you probably have cancer. Nah. Mary, you sound like cancer today. I sound like cancer today. She is a fellow fire sign. And I'm trying to fucking. No, I'm okay. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. We're good. Trust me. I actually don't cry unless it's, like, going to be a really good dramatic one. And it never is. Did you ever see the movie Remains of the Day with Anthony Hopkins? Um, no. That's the picture right there. But I never saw it. I actually had, when I was in elementary school, I had a Remains of the Day lunchbox with a thermos and everything. It was fucking, it was dope. Cool. Well, dude, we got to play a little bit of music, so we're going to let you go. Do you think you can get it up for round two? Yeah. Yeah. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. Probably. You're going to listen to it. Or you're not. But you should enjoy it. I'm not the lyricist. I thought that was fucking... I thought that was the pixies. I didn't know that was you guys. No way, man. This is all us. Wow. We don't support other artists. Really? Yeah. Why would we? Unless you come on the show yourself, we're not going to help. Because fucking Ace of Base is fucking awesome. You guys should play more of that shit. Well, I saw the sign and it said, no. And it said, like, shove dildos in their eyes. All right. So have a good night. Here's what's going to go on. Shove dildos in your eyes. We're going to hang up on you. You're going to grab a box of tissue. You're going to grab some lotion. And you're going to see if you can finish this before our show. Ready? Go. Bam. All right. We're going to play some Farm for you. All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Dog out, ducking out. In the fucking dog out, ducking out. Talk about noise. So, Whack Morris, did you finish? Yeah, I'm kidding. If you're going to be a wiggity whack, whack ass Morris. Puppies licking PB off of the vajayjay. You know that's how it's going down. Some people are just sick fucks, man. Like, you know, you could just be a normal person, but instead you're trying to like, you know, be in love with animals too much. It's cool. I mean, that's a topic here on the hot box quite often. I'm coming to learn. Animals, they're out there and they need some loving. They need loving, but don't be weird, man. Don't be weird. I wish I could like go around just yelling at like deviants of any, like any, in any way, like anybody. That's just too crazy. I wish I could just like. I want to yell at the people that graffiti, but not the ones that make art. The ones that do like three like initials. Like really? You're going to waste the spray paint to do some stupid little like alphabet. Are you in preschool? At least draw me like a hippo or a smiley face. At least draw me a hippo. You should start just going up to them and being like, do it, make it, make that walrus. Walrus sitting on a rock. Yeah. It's not that much to ask. Evil snowman. For once. You just fucking do it for once. Yeah. So next week is going to be our apocalypse. Wow. Episode. Yeah. Next week is. The last top box episode ever, unless the world does not end. Yeah. Next week. I mean, I mean, come on, you guys. Like if you have a way to listen, you should listen because we're going to be. It's going to be. It's what? Like the 20, the 16th or the 22nd? Something. Something like that. 21st is Friday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's when they say it's all over. Yeah. Fuck that. Those crazy Mayans. I don't even give a shit. All I know is that whenever the world does end, I, it's going to be ending. So what the fuck are you going to do? Like how on earth are you going to make anything different when the world starts ending or when it, whatever it does? I'm sure I'll be high when it does. So I hope so. If I'm not, then I'm, the world. I have a feeling the world's not going to end because I can already foresee how amazing 2013 is going to be. Yeah. It's going to be for me. Yeah. And you. And me. We're going to release a CD, Mary. Yeah, we are. Yeah, we fucking are. Are you serious? The hot box is going to have 420 friends on Facebook. Where are you at, friends? Yeah, you guys. Make it to where we're fucking 420 likes. We're weed. We're weed, people. Come on. You know, and you know you love us. Like, like, you know, you want to do it. You know it. Listening to us just makes you want to. Help us. Help us get to 420, 420 likes by New Year's. Share it with your friends. That would be so nice. Yeah. You have a friend who doesn't know about the hot box? Ask him. Just tell him. You don't need to. Be like, it's these ladies and they're weird. Just like it. Just like it. That should just be our, like, our phrase from now on. It's just. Just like it. The hot box. Just like it. Just understand. Just like it. Why not? That's, that's the amount of energy we have on this matter. But yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. I've been watching a lot of outer space documentaries because I watch that all the time. I'd never learn anything from these space documentaries anymore because I've spent so much time reading and watching that it's like, oh, like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Learn something. Remember Total Recall? You guys remember the lady with three tits, right? Yep. So in this documentary, there's this Russian scientist who was talking about how he always wanted to go to Mars because in 1924, he was inspired by this play, which has this, you know, this Martian princess in it. And in the 1924 play, the Martian princess had three tits. What? So that is not a Total Recall original. It already had happened. There's some lore behind it. Wow. I did not know about this Martian lore. I don't know about you. You might feel totally different, but like, I'm glad that I just have just the two, you know, like the standard amount of tits. I wouldn't want three tits. Yeah, because they don't make bras for them. What are you going to do? Things are just going to be a bummer for you. Yeah, clothes aren't going to look right. And then everyone's going to want to touch them or ask if it's real. Or look at them. And you always have to constantly be like, no, it really is third tit. I'm not trying to like get sympathy. No. I'm not trying to get free steak at Sizzler or whatever the fuck you're like, whatever shenanigans they think you're pulling. Wouldn't that be cool though if you had a third tit and it just meant that everything was free? Yeah, that'd be cool. But do you really feel like always having to show your third tit just to get like free shit? Like, yeah. Do you think that you like love free shit? Yeah. Free shit enough to where you'd be like, yeah, just bum. Oh, yeah. I want to park here. I don't have money to pay. But I just like showing off my third tit. I really need some ice cream right now. Yeah. Do you think anyone would ever get plastic surgery to have that done? Like there's people putting donuts on their head right now, right? Yeah. So do you think where's the lady who has three tits? I want to find her. Find her. We need her as a guest on the show. Yeah, I don't know. But she sucks because she's dumb. She has to be dumb. If you're out there listening and you have three tits, give us a call at 1-800-893-9562. Hotbox. The Hotbox. And let's talk about having three tits. Because I have two and that's fucking trouble enough. So if you're trying to have three tits, I really need to know what you're doing and why you want to do it. It might be good if you like give birth to three tits. But I might kind of sound, I might kind of sound threatening. I'm actually not trying to. I'm not trying to sound that way. You better call. But I'm intimidated. I'm like Steven Seagal, but with way better tits. Oh, man. What's that? Where's that? Where's that? Oh, yeah. Sorry. We're actually, I keep forgetting the word on there. You can't really just be asking. Have you guys sensed that this weed alcohol has slowly kicked in? Do you guys hear it? Do you feel it within us? Yeah. We both like just basically like got stupid, like stupid, stupid, stupid. I feel stupid. I mean, I don't know. I don't know about you. But you're not stupid. You're awesome. Oh. Let's try to talk about weed something because we're here in the stoner show. All right. I promise in 2012, we're going to start getting awesome guests. We're going to make business cards. We're going to be legit here in the hot box and not just. I could, I could do like, I could do a poem really quick. Okay. Merry poem. All right. Healthy heart. Happy heart. Smoke that weed and do your part. That's that's that's all I got. I'm not. Yes, I'm really faded. That was the whole point of me. Cover your stump before you hump. Make it, make it, make it. God damn it. Make it, make it. Don't make it. Make it, make it. Don't make it. Trash humpers. Also, if you guys ever like hurting for some cinema, watch trash humpers. I think you'll really enjoy it, especially if you smoke weed. If you don't smoke weed, I would just not judge me. Because you might not like it. Or even if you do smoke weed, you might not like it. But I really like it. I smoke hella weed. You know, that's how it is. Yeah. So, um, I guess weed is officially legal in Colorado and Washington. Like it's a weed free for all. That makes me happy. We need to go on a hot box vacation. Dude, we'll drive the Stang and we'll fucking, we'll like, we'll do like pit stops and like film it. So that like they can see when it's like. The epic. The journey. Okay, the smoke weed, yeah. The journey of weediness. That'd be great. Let's do it. Chocolate. Yeah, so guys, basically keep listening because we have a lot of things to say and a lot of adventures to go on. Yeah. And, um. We got a couple minutes left. We got a couple minutes left. Oh, yeah. I was going to tell you all that tomorrow, for those of you that are listening live at the Underground Venice, our dear friend Allison Weber is playing. You can go catch some of her comedy. Oh, yeah. She's the one that she's really, really cool and nice, but I totally thought she was like a cop. I'm not paranoid. She's a wonderful. And she's totally not. She's actually like super dope. And it just ends up being that I'm like one of the most paranoid like schizos on the planet. But at least I'm being conscientious. What? What was that? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Was there a caller? Yeah. Was it? I don't know. It just sounds like. We didn't even know there was a caller. How are look at look at your screen. I know. I'm busy look at Mary. What? I'm checking you out. Yeah. Real mature Mindy. Blame me. Caller. I'm sorry that we didn't catch your call. Zach, right now, 800-893-9562. Oh, he's done. Oh, it was Whackin' Zach Morris. Whack Morris called? Yeah, he was just calling to let us know how it went. Oh, damn. Oh, dear. From the silence, it sounds like it went pretty good. Yeah, he's doing all right. I mean, he's kicking ass. Like, you know, we can't be in charge of everything. We just, we tried to lend a helping hand, but we weren't there. This is The Hot Box brought to you by weed whiskey. Yeah. Next week is our Apocalypse Wow special. Yes. Apocalypse Wow, and boy, are my arms tired of pointing at people that are going to hell. Yeah, let's do that for the next week. We're pointing out all the hell, the hell bound. We'll be right back.